SitcomD&D - S4 E8: Cool Hand Lil Crazy Ass

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

The gang remembers that Seb is related to Lil Crazy Ass so they set their sights on him to break the curse for Seb. Unfortunately, Lil Crazy Ass is in a labor prison so the gang will have to break him out of Royal Prison 343 before their spirits get broken. Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben BriggsTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Ben Briggs & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. The best example I have in terms of where my high standards came from is we have this book that is an alphabet type of book where it says A is for blank, B is for blank, C is for blank. And it's the end. That really gets me. It has X is for kisses. No.

No. Which I f***ing hate. That just made me. It has X is for kisses. No. No. Which I f***ing hate. That just made me mad. I know. And then Z is for sleeping. No. No, it's not. They're going to say xylophone.

Just spelled wrong. They still wanted it in the book. Wait, then is O's hugs? Good point, Elizabeth. Be consistent. O's better be hugs. All the other letters are words that start with those letters, as all alphabet books should be.

I'm curious. All right, we're not a podcast anymore. We're a group of people who are going to go kill that. Let's go! Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio. Getting very casual. Very casual. Smoking a cigar.

Gotta crack a window. We got a lot going on today, y'all. It's a busy season. Y'all's lives are at stake. You've been cursed. And you found out there's only one way to break this curse, and that is to have a willing family member who loves you spill their blood on the family tree subclass B on the last day of the season at sunset. So far, really only one person has made an actual attempt, and that's Beef, and it hasn't turned out that great. So maybe some really only one person has made an actual attempt and that's beef and it hasn't turned out that great.

So maybe some other people need to make a plan. So without further ado, quiet on set, sound speeding, and we're rolling. Dice! My voice cracked.

I'm so sorry. I liked it. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Beef at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away.

We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end So cheers to all our family and our friends Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and

Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. It's a fairly typical day at Bottoms Up since the grand reopening. There's a decent morning crowd, some folks shuffling from their rooms, some folks coming in for a nice cup of joe and some eggs. But someone does move through the front door and you recognize who they are before you even look up because, well, you recognize the sound of their singing voice. Mail is here, the mail is here. Here we know the mail is here. I'll get the mail, the mail is here.

Here's the mail, the mail's for Chalice. Oh, okay. Thank you. Thank you. So you only get the one song? I said he's gone. Whoa! You left so fast. Did you say the letter is for me?

He's gone, Chalice. He's gone. Oh, sorry. But I'm's gone, Chalice. He's gone. Oh, sorry. But I'm reading it. Chalice grabs the letter and sort of gets up in a barstool, puts her feet up on another barstool and luxuriates in the letter. She doesn't get mail that often.

She's pretty excited. And as soon as you open it, your stomach drops because you can immediately tell. Because I fall off the barstool. Yeah. Aw. Yeah. And so you look at the letter and immediately

you realize it is a letter from the crown. Dearest daughter, it is at my bequest that you host an event at Bottoms Up post haste. An event that will solidify our good reputation with the people

of Bottoms Up. Please respond as soon as possible. Your dearest father. Does anybody have a pen? Yeah, I have a pen. Yeah, I think I got a pen somewhere in here. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Dallas takes Pete's pen. It's pixelated. Yeah, they're different now since, you know. That's fine. Yeah. Chalice writes no on the letter. Chalice, what's the letter? It's from my stupid dumb dad who put a curse on us,

trying to kill us or trap me into a miserable life. And he asked us to host an event. And I'm just going to say a resounding no. And Chalice walks over and puts it in their outgoing mail slot. Outgoing mail, outgoing mail. It's time for the outgoing mail. He's back. He's gone.

Oh, he's gone. Did he take it already? He took it. He took it. I don't know. You're playing it pretty fast and loose, Chalice. I feel like maybe a plan b is in order if this doesn't work out like i don't want to die jennifer why are you pixelated where have you been

jennifer you do make a good point you guys am i gonna have to go back to the crown if we can't figure out how to get in contact with our families and they don't love us no we got this we we have so long we have so long and maybe i'm just saying this confidently because i have so many family members but i we got this i mean beef was just that was a little mess up we got it from here on out only success we're getting our sea legs beef sitting on a stool and his uh feet are swinging and kicking back and forth yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. That was a mess. But who cares, right? Nothing matters. That's the angle? Who cares? Nothing matters? Well, you're not gonna die. You're not cursed.

Yeah, you won't die. I feel like I might got residual curse just because I've been hanging out. It's not contagious. Oh my god. We already checked. Can we see a montage of Jennifer trying to get the gang sneezes to try to catch the curse? Give me that. Actually, I'm fine.

S***. It could work. That's why she's pixelated. Okay, well, then, for your guy's sake, like, Beef, you have no idea who your actual family is still. True, true. Chip, you're not well-liked by your family. That's not true.

I won a trophy last time. Your family's literally willing to kill you. And Seb, I kind of forget what your whole thing is. Well, no, yeah, let's go through it.

Yeah, wait, what is Seb's thing? They all turn and look at him. Sort of, it feels like for the first time. Yes, I have me. I have siblings.

I have aunts. I have uncles. How many siblings? You know. You know? No,. How many siblings? You know. You know? No, we don't know. You know. Well, there's the sister who's a war criminal. Currently a fugitive. How's she doing, by the way? Really good. Really good.

Chip. Sorry. Let's see. I have the boring brother, but we don't have to talk about them. You know, other siblings. A boring brother? You're talking about Little Crazy Ass? No, but Little Crazy Ass is a great idea. Oh, well, thank you. I forgot you were related to him.

Yeah, is that your cousin's uncle's man? It's his half-brother. Half-brother. But Little Crazy Ass is in prison. Wait, he's what? Wait, what? He's in prison. Is that canon? When did he get arrested? Months ago he's what? He's in prison. Is that canon?

When did he get arrested? Months ago. For what? I don't know. I didn't get a chance to get the story from him because he's in prison. You need to keep up with your family, dude. Seb, you didn't know this? No.

Why does Jennifer know? That's a good question. Because I'm a good friend. To who? To who? Sorry, that sounded ruder than I mean Can we visit the prison? Can I inquire about that?

Oh yeah Where is the prison? Well, I actually have a lot of friends in the joint So I have visited a few times It's like 30 miles outside of Vice Canyon It's like kind of remote in the middle of nowhere It's one of those labor prisons Interesting

30 miles is kind of far. How are we going to get there? But remember, your life's at stake, Seb. Yeah, but a long car ride's a long car ride, you know? My feet get so cramped. And like, Seb, now that we're even thinking about it, if you didn't even know he's in prison, I mean, like, do you guys even love each other?

Does he love you? Would he spill his blood willingly for you to save your life? Great question. That is a really good question. You know, I think that can only be determined after a conversation. That's a no. That's probably a no, but I can convince him. I can convince him.

That's a no. No. Chalice grabs Seb's face and squishes his cheeks. Who could love him, huh? Who could? I don't know what I said. What did I say? All right.

We cut to the gang all in a carriage together. Essentially, there's a public carriage that takes either future inmates back and forth from Vice Canyon or people visiting. Like how one half is prisoners and the other half is us. Yeah, one half is separated and it, you know, from Vice Canyon, or people visiting. Like how one half is prisoners and the other half is us. Yeah, one half is separated and it's people like in shackles and stuff, and the other

is just like very casual people awkwardly staring at them. And that's us. And that's you guys. Chip's got a box of Raisinets and he's going to town. So what'd you do? Yeah, he probably did something freaking nuts as he's eating.

Pretty nuts, dude. Pretty nuts, beef shoving cheese balls in his mouth. What I did pales in comparison to what you two are doing

to those munchables right now. Oh, yeah? Disgusting. You want some? Can they have some? No! Uh, sorry,

no can do. Sorry. Shamu. The guy up there. More for us, I guess, right, Chippy? Yeah. And the carriage halts to a stop, so you kind of lurch forward,

and all your cheese balls and Raisinets go all over the place. No, my balls! My Raisinets! So dumb. And right as the carriage passed in, you notice that a gate was open with this large wire fence that goes all the way around with barbed wire at the top.

It's probably like a 20 foot tall fence that goes all the way around this prison camp. And there's just very simple, basically camp cabin lodgings. There's like about 10 of them, what you can see right now. And then a kind of central hub building. Again, it's all very simple wooden structures, nothing fancy at all. So it's kind of like the road prison from Cool Hand Luke. Cool Hand Luke.

Uh-huh. It's also kind of got some Great Escape vibes. Yes. And there might be a third movie that kind of feels similar to it as well. Let's see if you guys pick up on it. Minions. It's Minions!

So is there like a welcome desk that we can approach and try and get in? Yeah, welcome desk at the prison. You're very quickly funneled into a front office area and there is someone there behind a desk. Hi! Hello! Oh, hi! Do you guys have a gift shop?

I want to get like a card or a stuffed animal for little creatures. Yes, I also need rais guys have a gift shop? I want to get like a card or a stuffed animal. Yes, I also need raisinets for the way back. Yes. I dropped them. Snacks and a card. There's a long silence, almost like he didn't even hear you. They're all smiling and not blinking at him.

And he slowly just looks his head up at you, and he looks like he's never been less interested in any living thing in his life. And he goes, Name and who you here to see? I am Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. That is Little Beef, no last name. Sign in please. And he pushes forward a piece of parchment

and there's a quill there. One gold piece is a visitor's fee. Per person. Per person. Per person? Per person. How about a jar of cheese balls? Empty jar of cheese balls. Well, use your imagination and it's full.

We each hand him a gold piece, but Beef's is covered in cheese ball dust. It's pixelated. It's pixelated. Chalice is going to write a fake name because I think that people in this building probably don't love the glasses. I bet they're part of the reason why a place like this exists.

What's the fake name? I almost used glass again as a last name. Beef, what should I make my fake name? Beef puts his orange finger in his belly button, looks up to the sky. Uh, how about Beef-uh? Beef-uh. Charles writes Beef-uh in cursive. Let the record show this will be the second episode where two characters' names are Beef.

Uh, Beef-uh. It won't be the last. Uh, and he looks like he's doing some busy work off to the side there and like stamping something or slamming something. names are Beef. Beef. It won't be the last. And he looks like he's doing some busy work off to the side there and like stamping something or slamming something. Now you're here to say Little Crazy Ass. Is that his real name? What's his real name?

What's his last name? Is his name Little Crazy Ass Von Hughrey? I don't know. You don't know? I know how this looks. I know how this looks. That know how this looks. That's bad. But he's going to save my life. The inmate you're looking for is probably,

and he like shuffles some papers, Larry Crazy Ass Von Hugrant. His name is Larry? Larry. Arden? Yeah. It looks like his legal name is Larry Crazy Ass Von Hugrant. I don't know if that's him.

Yeah, check your records again. Yeah, can you look for a little? Do you have any other crazy asses? We must not have pronounced it. It's a little crazy ass Von Hughren. Little I-L apostrophe. That's the closest name we got. You guys want to go in or not?

Seb, let's just take it. Let's just take it. Maybe it's a different relative. Oh, I mean, it's the same last name. Same last name. Hey, blood is blood, and I just want a bucket of it, okay? He's joking, she says to the guys. And you hear a shakoon, and it's

like a big metal stamp sound, and you each get handed a little bracelet. Fun. And on it, your gold piece has actually been like those penny flatteners that are at the zoo. You know it. There's a gorilla on it. And on it, your gold piece has actually been like, you know, like those penny flatteners that are at the zoo? You know it. It's like,

there's a gorilla on it. They don't want the gold? They use that and they gold flatten it into, it's got your name on it and like a visitor pass. Oh, cool.

And so it's on like a little bracelet. I can't wait to collect every single one of these at each prison we go to for the rest of my life. All right. Now put these on and head in.

And he opens a back door that lets you into like an inner ward, I guess you could say, of the prison facility. And there's a lot of, you know, patrolmen who are dressed in more like leather armor because it's really like, again, it is scorching hot out in this area and it's the middle of the day. So they're not wearing metal. Yeah, leather is nice and cool. It's more like a tank top

type situation, a Spartacus type style. Cool. Yeah, sexy. You know, Minion style. Yes. Actually, it would kind of make sense

if they were wearing Minion overalls at this prison facility. So you know what? Why not? And one big goggle. Just a big goggle. Yay!

They're Minion guards. Yay! We did it! So one of these minions, they walk you to like the mess hall, essentially. And there's a bunch of lunch tables almost set up like a school cafeteria. And you see little crazy ass, the only person really in this mess hall, on one

side of these lunch tables, like on one side of the bench. and you all take a seat just opposite of him. What's up, chicken nuggets? Oh, man, we've missed you little crazy ass, oh, and Beef tries to get up to touch him. You don't gotta try, baby! Touch away!

Oh, yeah, he's real, he's real! Hey! Don't touch him. Oh, sure, sure, hands off, hands off, I get it. Sure, sure. Hands off. Hands off. I get it. Hey. Hey. Larry. Larry.

Larry. We just learned your name is Larry. That's very cool. Yeah, that's silly, man. Yeah, that's just a little goof I played on him. My name's Lil, not Larry. See? I'm not so bad, right?

That's classic Lil Crazy Ass. Yeah. Phew. What are you freaking freaks in for, huh? Oh, such classic little crazy ass. Yeah. Phew. What are you freaking freaks in for, huh? Oh, yuck. A little crazy ass for context. He's wearing like the minion overalls and a big goggle. And he's got his frosted tips.

Remember, he's like a like halfling size. Wait, he's dressed like a guard? That's the prison uniform as well. We got to sort this out. Sean. like a halfling size. Wait, he's dressed like a guard? That's the prison uniform as well. We gotta sort this out. Sean, I usually let you do whatever you want in this world. The guards are dressed like minions and the inmates are dressed like guards. Okay, we figured

it out. So Lil Crazy Ass is like wearing a modern guard uniform and that means that he's an inmate. Remember, he's like two and a half, three feet tall. Yeah. I don't.

And he's got his frosted tips, spiked hair, and an upside down and backwards visor. Oh, wow. He's got little corgi appendages, too, like very short and like a jelly bean body. Oh, but a really cute butt. Yeah, I love it. Y'all didn't forget about my little cute butt, did ya?

Ew. Wiggle, wiggle. Wiggle, wiggle. Wiggle, wiggle. But seriously, what are you f***ing freaks in for? We're here to see you, bud. It's me, your brother. Yeah, we're just visiting, man. We just thought maybe we'd come down here, see how you're doing.

Just a little check-in. Yeah, a little check-in. No agenda. All right, well, let's get this party started. Let's make some butt wine. Let's make some butt wine. Let's make some butt wine. Oh, yes. My favorite.

Let's make some butt wine. Let's make some butt wine. Can we have a party right here? We weren't allowed to touch you. I don't think we're going to be allowed to have a party. Oh, my God. You're such a f***ing narc. Jesus.

No. No, I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm actually dating Chalice now. So that tells you how cool I am. Wow. We've been seeing eachalice now, so that tells you how cool I am. Whoa. We've been seeing each other. Congratulations, you two.

Thanks, little crazy ass. Actually, you're really nice. Oh, my God. I hope you're blinking away so there can be another couple of you two so that I can fall in love with once they're other. Ew. Oh, yuck. Jesus.

Ew. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. You started out so nice with that. Chalice gets up to go. She sort of wipes off her pants. Go, Chalice.

Chalice. Chalice. Chalice. For Seb. Seb has to live. Seb. Seb has to live. His upcoming death.

So, like, you guys are just here to catch up? Okay. We got to be honest. I think it's time to be honest. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. A little crazy ass think it's time to be honest, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Little crazy ass,

Seb's gonna die, okay? We all got cursed, and if you don't give us your blood on a certain day, at a certain time, at a certain tree, your brother's gonna be dead forever.

You're gonna have no more brother. Give me your blood. Not now. Okay, sorry. Hold on. That was honest, and I respect that. Yes!

Good call, babe. You just need a little bit of DNA from LCA? Yeah, if you love him. That was a cool way to say that. yeah, it was! Kapow! You just did a flip. That was awesome.

Yeah, it was really cool.! You just did a flip. That was awesome. Yeah, it was really cool. But also, you said DNA. You have kind of a disgusting streak about you. I need you to say that it's blood that we need. It's blood that you need. Okay. It would have been hair.

It would have been pee. It would have been something else, okay? Seb, Seb, Seb, Seb. We got to ask a question. What's your sentence? How long are you in for? Yeah, I can't really get you to the tree if you're in here. How long you in for, brother?

I'm doing about 20. Minutes? 20 minutes, yeah. 20 years, about 20 years, though, 20 years. Whoa. What did you do? What did you do, ass? What did you do? What did you do, ass? What did you do?

Mr. Ass does not remember because Mr. Ass was unavailable. I almost blacked out, y'all. You know what, though, guys? I feel like my dad has just made this whole place a mess. They're throwing people in here for no reason. Oh. He might not have done anything. Yeah, I probably didn't do anything.

Don't read my file. 20 years. Okay, what if we... What do we do? What do we do? Get a great lawyer. I could call Alberta. Hey, lawyers don't work here, man.

Nobody gets out, okay? And sentences... Guys, listen, come here. Sentences keep getting extended and extended. The only way you're going to get me out of here is if you spring me out of here. Okay? Okay, so no more but one. We have to get you out of here? Is it easy?

I don't think so. Is it hard? Is it hard? I don't know. Maybe as an outsider, it's easy. I have limited resources in here. We're outsiders. Has anybody ever escaped before that you know of? Is there a hole that you could crawl your way through that's already there? That'd be so nice. One guy did escape.

Oh, wow. Okay, how'd he do it? What happened? He got killed, and they took him out. Okay, that's sort of misleading intentionally. A little crazy-ass. We have reservations in Vice Canyon at 5 p.m. for dinner and a show. Do you think we'll make it?

Do you want my blood or not? Of course we want your blood. We need your blood. If we spring you, you have to do this to save Seb, okay? We can't spring you and then you back out. That's not fair to Seb. That's not fair. I promise.

Show us your fingers and your toes. Don't cross them. There they are. No crossies. I promise. Okay. Fine, we'll do it. Yeah, fine.

Get you out of here. No crosses. We're good to go. All right. And I think that's my time. And little crazy ass stands up on the table, back flips off. Whoa. And then he's escorted by a different guard out.

I know this sounds insane, guys, but didn't little crazy ass give you some huge Jennifer vibes? Oh, yeah, big time. I picked up on that. Yeah. And you guys go to exit out the door and the door handle doesn't budge. Hmm. Huh. Hey, excuse me. Door.

Door no work. There's a mistake. Yeah, the door's not working. We have a 5 o'clock reservation. Well, it looks like you guys are going to miss that reservation. You're probably going to be here a little longer than you thought. No, we are not missing Swan River for anything. It's going to be hard to make a five o'clock reservation when you're here.

For six months to two years. For conspiring to free an inmate. What? Um... Allegedly. Yeah, allegedly. Half the time, you weren't even attempting to keep your voices down. I don't know what you're talking about, sir. We were just making butt wine with

our friend. Also, we gotta go to, like, court and stuff. Yeah, and I'm a former princess, actually. I don't know if you know me. I'm former Princess Chalice. Some people know me as Beefa. I've never heard of you. Ooh, ouch. Babe, did you hear what he said to me?

Yeah. Sorry, I'm used to it, so I don't have that much sympathy for you. Now, are you guys going to come willingly, or are you going to put up a fight? Put up a fight! Yeah, fight sounds fun. Food fight! Okay. How many people are around?

In the corners of the room, and now some have gotten word, there's about six of them who are going to be involved in this. I don't know, guys. Should we just follow him? I'm scared. We did a battle cry,

and now we're sort of... I literally almost died from puppets. You know what? Since you guys are debating it, give me a perception check or an arcana check. Ooh, I got a 17. 19. All right.

The hair stands up on the back of your neck. You get that feeling of like, are we about to do this? Is this about to be a thing? And you're starting to ready spells in the different ways that you do it, whether you're going into your spell pouch and grabbing some materials.

We don't all have spells that we all only use. We have other things that we might use. Most of us have spells. Yeah, my hands are in my pouches. And you're suddenly aware that you don't have the ability to cast spells right now. No, that's... No. No, that's not how

this game works. And with a 19, you can tell that there's something blocking it, and you think, okay, it's probably something to do with this bracelet that got put on me. Oh, shit. Okay. That is creating some sort of, you know in some prisons that they use anti-magic

fields. It's an 8th level abjuration. Whoa. A 10-foot radius and invisible sphere of anti-magic surrounds you all. Within the sphere, spells can't be cast, summoned, creatures disappear, and even magic items become mundane. Until the spell ends, the sphere

moves with you, centered on you. Oh, God. We'll lead, we'll lead. What do we do? I'm gonna attack. I only have spells. Like I said, I want to take my axe. I want to try. I got this. I think it's reasonable to say that going into this prison, you wouldn't have any weapons.

They wouldn't allow any axes or anything. Well, unfortunately for you, I have weapon bond. First of all, I can't be disarmed unless I'm incapacitated. So technically, I would have had to give it up. They'd probably go in the head, you're out. No, Sean. As a bonus action, I can summon my weapon to my hand as long as it's on the same plane of existence.

If it's a summon, so anything that has to do with magic typically won't work here. Okay, that's fair. It is a magical bond. Okay, I stand there like Thor trying to get his axe for like two minutes. While he's doing that, Beef's yelling, invisible, pickle, invisible, pickle.

Just any of his spells and nothing's happening. Seb is trying to turn into an orangutan and just keeps on going, ah. Ah. The four of them look crazy. And the guards are kind of having a good chuckle. This is their favorite part when this happens. I don't like this. And because there was almost a scuffle that went off,

I don't know if there was some sort of silent alarm that was triggered, but there's about 10 folks in the room with y'all now. Yeah. And hands get placed upon you. I don't know if y'all are going to struggle or not. I'm pretty sad my weapon didn't come to my hand, so I just Charlie Brown it. Very sad. Yeah. I sort of sad my weapon didn't come to my hand so I just Charlie Brown it and I'm very sad.

Yeah. I sort of collapsed like a ragdoll. Charlie! She's still totally awake. She just is too tired to walk. Hey guys, brace yourself because this is so mean

but they knock you all out unconscious regardless. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time.

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So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. The next waking moment that you experience, The next waking moment that you experience, you are forced to your feet in the middle of a dusty yard, still midday, boiling hot, your eyes strained against the sun. As your head throbs and you kind of try to gain your bearings and you hear a voice ring out above all. And you look over and standing on like a wooden porch,

dressed like a rural, fantastical Dungeons and Dragons-esque Captain Crunch. Okay. And that's the captain. A magical rural Captain Crunch. Yep, exactly. You get it. Yeah, yeah. I can picture it perfectly. Welcome. Y'all are now federal prisoners of a Royal Labor Camp 323. Once you are brought past those gates, you belong to me, Captain Crunch. If you make it past those gates, you are no longer in my jurisdiction and you are free. Free to die in the desert, that is. Now, let's get to know each other, shall we? Roll call.

Beefa. You, what are you in for? Says withholding royal funds and tax evasion. Well, I couldn't. My crops died during the reaping and I couldn't afford to pay my taxes. It wasn't really evading. I just didn't have any money to pay them. Sad.

Yeah, I've heard that one before. And you'll refer to me as Captain. And he gets like, Kit. All right, what about you beefa here it says conspiracy to free an inmate allegedly hmm says it happened here on prison grounds hmm i wouldn't know anything about that lawyer excuse me you're a lawyer no lawyer i refuse to answer questions lawyer are you trying to summon one? Chip has his hands up as if he's trying to summon his lawyer.

Lawyer. As you can imagine, lots of people who come here claim that they are innocent. So, if someone wants to come here and clear your names with some documentation about what upstanding individuals you are, I'd be glad to remedy my mistake in arresting you. But y'all don't really seem like the type that has many friends. So I'd just get comfortable if I were you. And don't try to escape. Because if you do, we're going to give you a set of leg chains to keep you slowed down just a little bit.

And you'll learn the rules. Now it's all up to you. Now I can be a good guy or I can be one real mean son of a bitch. Any emotions to the guy that let you in and checked you in? Alright, house. Move them along. It's kind of exciting. We get to be anyone. Nobody knows us

in here. It's like a fresh start. Oh, you're saying the other prisoners don't know us. Or guards? The outfits are confusing here. Yeah, really confusing. And you guys move into the bunkhouse. And this is basically where your living quarters are going to be. It's a very simple wooden

cabin. Again, like no furniture besides the bunks themselves. There's like six sets of bunks. That's pretty much the only furniture in there. There's some simple wax candles and no windows. And then some locks and chains on the door. It doesn't really feel dirty because there's no mess.

Like it's tidy, but it definitely doesn't feel clean because there's, you know, just so much dust and no one's really taking care of it. Allow me to clear up the uniforms thing. Change now. And Haas, this big mountain of a man who looks a little bit piggish, points to a pile of dusty uniforms that, again, look like guard uniforms. Them clothes got laundry numbers on them. You remember your number and always wear the ones that has your number. Anyone forgets their number spends their night with the doctor.

These here spoons you keep with you. Anyone loses their spoons spends a night with the doctor. These here spoons you keep with you. Anyone loses their spoons spends a night with the doctor. There's no playing grab ass or fighting in the building. You got a grudge

against another man, you fight him Saturday afternoon. Anyone playing grab ass or fighting in the building spends a night

with the doctor. First bell is five minutes of eight o'clock when you will get in your bunk. Last bell is at eight o'clock.

Anyone not in their bunk at eight o'clock spends a night at the doctor. Somebody bring this down. Please slow down, sir. I am missing most of this. There's no smoking in the prone position in bed. To smoke, you must have both legs over the side of your butt. Anyone called smoking in the prone position spends a night at the doctor's.

You'll get two sheets every Saturday. You put the clean sheet on the top By the side of your butt? Did anyone say that? You put the clean sheet on the top, the top sheet on the bottom, and the bottom sheet you turn into the laundry boy. Anyone turns in the wrong sheet spends a night at the doctor's. Who's the doctor? Anyone who's sitting in the bunks with dirty pants on.

Anyone with the dirty pants on sitting on a bunk spends a night at the doctor's. Does the night with the doctor, is that bad? It sounds like maybe we want that. Anyone don't bring back their empty pop bottle spends a night at the doctor's. Anyone allowed talking spends a night at the doctor's. You got questions, you come to me. I'm Haas. I'm the floor walker.

And I'm responsible for ordering here. Are you going to be a problem? Maybe. We might. We honestly might. We're kind of a rowdy bunch. I tell you what. Y'all want to be a problem, I'm going to give you one more chance Do you want to be a problem or not?

Lawyer Alright, you You're going to spend your first night at the doctor's Lucky you Chip, you can't leave Chip gets grabbed and escorted out No, Chip, no He's can't leave. Chip gets grabbed and escorted out. No, Chip! No! Chip is, he's big!

He's the biggest guy! And as Chip heads out, a bunch of the other people whose bunk this is come in, and they look like they've been working outside, and their uniforms are extra dirty, and they're, like, covered in sweat and dirt and stuff. And little Crazy S is kind of leading the pack. Oh!

You guys are here. Okay. What's the plan, huh? Chalice lunges at him. She's pissed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The plan is, man, there is no plan.

We're stuck in here just like you because we were caught conspiring with your ass, crazy ass, little ass. Usually I start every day with eating a bunch of keys just in case a scenario like this comes up

But we didn't have time this morning Oh man, you didn't have a balanced breakfast No, I had an orange That makes all this way harder, okay Like I said, no better way to help me escape than being right next to me So let's get this party started Booty pop They took Chip

They took Chip to the doctor Who's the doctor, crazy ass? Who's the doctor? Yeah, is it sex? Are they doing sex in there? For the first time ever, you see little crazy ass look affected by something.

No. No. He's scared of the doctor. They did it on his first day. Yeah, man. What do you mean? And he just kind of goes and sits on his bunk

at the side of the bunk. Because it's a treat to be savored? It's not a treat. You guys should probably just focus on which work you're going to do tomorrow. Whoa, you got really serious and you didn't say anything funny. I think I'm going to call it early and go to bed. No, be gross.

Tell us what's going on. I have to go help him if he's uncomfortable or cold or unsafe. What's going on? And little crazy ass just rolls over and pulls like the covers up to his shoulder. I know you can hear me. Yeah, you can hear us. We know you can. You're not asleep.

We can tell. Just fill out your work card for tomorrow. You'll be in trouble if you don't. And you guys see a piece of parchment next to all your bunks. And it has a checkbox next to three different options. It says plate creation. Another one says digging. And the third one just says science. The big three. The big three. Yeah. There's other folks who have come in who are inmates as well,

who aren't paying you guys too much attention, but everyone seems to kind of be getting ready for bed. And we're going to check back in with Chip. Chip, you are being escorted towards what looks almost just like a single outhouse. It's a very small building that looks like, especially for you, it'd be really cramped for you to be in there. And you probably realize why this is so awful is because it looks hot as shit. Like a hot torture box. All right, well, enjoy your doctor's visit. And Haas opens the door and shoves you in.

And again, it is a tight squeeze for a single person, but it's even tighter because there's already another person in here. Doctor? Wait, I know who you are. No. No. Have I used my veto this season? I don't know, Aaron.

Maybe. Has Mr. Pibb been in an accident? And just so you guys know, the stakes of staying the night at the doctor's office is pretty serious because the mental damage that it does spending the night with Mr. Pibb, having him talk at you all night,

gives you a minus one to all of your modifiers. Oh, God. I can't believe we're going to get to spend the whole evening together. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to go to the person who has a bunk close to mine and ask them what the best job to pick is. Okay. Psst.

Psst. Psst. Yeah, what's up? What did you put on your card? Oh, well, I always do plate creation. What kind of plate? Oh, they're, you know, metal license plate underpants. Huh, what? Oh, great.

Okay, because, yes, that's good world building. I like that. That's funny. Oh. What's the deal with digging? Oh, digging? Dig, digging is not really for me. I would say it's, um, it is what it is. I mean, you have a shovel and you're digging holes with very specific dimensions out in the desert. Okay. Holes. It's holes. A third reference is

holes. And good sir, what is science? Oh, science. Science is a weird one. Basically, you're just eating as many hard-boiled eggs as you can. I want that one. I want that one. No, I know beef. It's tempting, but think about it. Digging holes. Dig a hole.

Dig a hole. Oh, it's almost 8 o'clock. I don't want to spend the night at the doctor's. Can I put digging on Chip's card, too? Sure. I put digging on all of our cards. No. I will make you hard-boiled eggs at home

beef. I get it. Oh damn. What was that? That's one of the guys before bed. He always does that. What a sicko. And we cut to some morning light not getting into your bunk because there are no windows but you can see

a crack of sunlight under the door and you hear heavy footsteps and the unlocking of the door and the door gets pulled open by has and there's three other guards behind them in their minion garb all right another day another no dollar. Let's get going. Uniform inspection, line up. He said line up, he said line up, he said line up. Chalice runs to line up. Beef comes from underneath the bunk beds. Boys, tell him how I operate.

Haas operates in Haas says rules. That's right, so you do things when Haas says. Okay. I get it. So let's practice. Haas says clap your hands. Clap, clap. You said clap.

That's not it. Damn it. Ha says make a fart noise. Whistle. Seb. No, fuck me. I will not. And no one will.

And no one wants to. You're weird looking. Oh, my God. That was mean. And no one will. And no one wants to. You're weird looking. Oh, my God. That was mean. Who could love this face? Who could love this face? Who could love this guy? Why do you say it like that?

Who could love someone like this face? This guy, look at his legs and his arms. He's so sweet. Make him use no words. That just put a lot of you real close to getting in the doctor's office. But we got work to do. Let's see. And he picks up everyone's files.

All right, you three, you're going to plate creation. We got one on science. And we've got several going to digging. All right. Guards, form lines here, here, and here. There we go. In order. And you're with me.

And you guys start moving out. And that's the last time. Shut up. I saw. Shut up. My. Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. And now I'm honestly scared to look. Shut up. Please don't. Please don't. And you hear the door like start to unlock and like change. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Oh, my God. God. All right. It's just one night you spend in there. Some people spend days. Come on. Off to digging.

Someone signed you up for digging. Some people spend days. Come on, off to digging. Someone signed you up for digging. Chip gets taken out. Until next time, buddy! And we're gonna pick up with Chip getting escorted to the digging site, which is still within the prison grounds. And there's just a bunch of five feet wide by five foot deep holes that y'all

are digging around in that area. And so the other three already have shovels in their hands, and Chip, you get a shovel thrusted to your chest. Stop digging. Oh, hey. Hi, guys. Chip. Oh my god, are you okay? Oh my god. I'm out.

I'm out. I survived. I survived. What was it? What was the doctor's office? He looks down. He just starts digging. Oh, Jip. Jip. Honey, are you okay?

Give him some time. He's going to need to recover for a second. So what's the plan? What's the plan? Yeah, what's the plan? Okay, well, first off, can everyone check the blueprints of prisons that I have tattooed on my body? Yeah. Do any of those match this one?

I love you, Seb. Looking at your back, looking at the back of your thighs. Looking at your legs. Looking at your feet. You have like a million bug bites right now, but nothing that looks like this. You try sleeping next to beef for one night.

Oh my God, here it is. This is this one. This is this prison. What? Royal Prison 343 And that's where we are Oh, Doom Weaver Dragon's Dread You got that big back tattoo on top of this

Oh god But half of it's still here This is the back half of camp Oh my god, Sep, lay down Why? Well, you know when generals use a stick to like make... Like a war room map?

Yeah, it's a war room. There's just a bunch of little rocks on his back that you're pushing around. Sean, can we like inspect the map to see if there's anything? Can we tell if there's like a tunnel underneath where we're digging or anything like that? Gotcha, yeah, yeah. Actually, Seb, why don't you give me a history check

to see how accurate this map that you had tattooed is? Ooh, dirty 20. Wow. Okay. With a dirty 20, you see exactly how far apart each tower is where there's someone who's standing guard and looking at the fence

to make sure that no one's getting through. So you'll know the exact dimensions of that. You also see exactly how spaced apart each of the cabin lodgings are and your bunks are. And then you also see that small house that serves as like a front office. That's the one that looks a little bit interesting you upon further review. What you can tell is that if you went into the basement of that house, there is like an underground bunker for like panic situations. And then if you go back 20 steps, like continuing on and take up a ladder, that would get you out into like the desert floor, still inside the prison camp, but it is like a panic room situation.

So can we find a way to dig to where that secret tunnel panic room thing is? You see where a trap door is? There is like a door there. Oh, let's go dig there. Can we be inconspicuous and find the spot? Well, give me a stealth check. You guys are not that close to it, so someone is going to straight up have to sneak off.

Oop. Well, let's try one at a time, because if we try and we fail... Then we all go to the doctor. True. I got a 12 plus four. So Chalice did roll. You did try to sneak, and you rolled a four.

He heard that, guys. What are we doing trying to sneak off over there? Where are you going off to, Missy? To dig a hole. Yeah. Okay. Dig a hole. Right.

That's going to be a night at the doctor's. No! Are you going to argue with me? Because it could be more. No, no, Right. That's going to be a night at the doctor's. No. Are you going to argue with me? Because it could be more. No, no, no. That's fine. One night. And we're actually going to fast forward one day.

Do you guys pick all the same job? Yeah. Well, no. Now that Chalice isn't here, I think we're all going to eggs. Come on. Yeah. I mean. We got to dig out.

Don't go to eggs, guys. Just to try it. It's all going to eggs. Just to try it. It's all good. Just to try it. So you guys come into the mess hall, and there's just one guard at the front who has some kind of crazy Albert Einstein hair and a big mustache and a clipboard.

Cool. And then there's just big buckets of hard-boiled eggs at each table. Beef! Holy s***, man. This is easy. Let me put on my hanky, and he puts a little bib on my egg-eating bib, and let's go to town.

Stinky heaven right now. Dude, we should just do this till we die. A one, a two, a three, a four. Chalice comes stumbling in, because they signed her up for that, and her eyes are completely glazed. Chalice. She sits down, and she just starts throwing an egg against the wall.

They're bouncing off the wall. Into Beef's mouth. Baby. Everyone only eat your own eggs please. Everyone's got a bucket. Such a weird rule. So we're in the mess hall and like right off the mess hall is that entry room right? We went from the entry room to

the mess hall. Are there any other guards around or like what's the- Give me a perception check. Okay. Ooh, nat 20. Wow. Yeah. Okay. You see that there are four guards there

and they each are standing in a corner of the room, but you also spot, Chip, that there is one guard who's like trying to keep very still, but up on the ceiling behind like a rafter. Yeah. Damn. Okay. That was bad. You got an eye in the sky. Yeah and I'm staring

at that guy. Hey beef look up there. A three a four. Can I also look and see if they have any keys to our wrist things? So they don't look like they have any keys on them. Okay. On the person.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. God, we got to do digging tomorrow. This one seems pretty useless. Chalice, even though she's out of it, looks up at them like, you guys, we want an egg this bad? Chalice, you barely eat your eggs. And Beef starts hounding on the eggs. Hounding hard.

Seb is eating his, but somehow is going faster, but doing it completely with a fork and knife. We only have one spoon. This is great for science. I'm getting so much data. And you guys wrap up your egg day,

and we're going to cut to you the next day. So which did you choose? Digging. I think we were back to digging. There was hesitation from the group. Well, you can split up too. Oh. I'm doing digging.

I'm going to do plate creation then. I'm going to do plate creation too. I'm digging. Looks like the egg boys are on the same page. Yeah. Let's go, Seb. All right, so the two egg boys go into a different back area. And this has very much like workshop vibes, almost kind of like sweatshop vibes.

People are working really hard with metals. There are like anvils being struck and hit and things being moved from hot presses to in front of you and then chiseling. And you are creating metal license plate underpants. And so you get shown to a station and you have some tools laid out in front of you.

And someone looks at you kind of like wiping sweat from their brow. Why didn't I f***ing pick eggs again? That's why I'm saying. This is kind of crazy. This guy gets it. We get to make vanity plates and stuff like that. Yeah, wait, eye on the prize, Seb, eye on the prize. Beef

turns to the guy that was hemming and hawing about the eggs and makes a connection with him. You like eggs, huh? Well, I like anything more than I like working in the license plate area. It's been a long time since I've done this and I thought maybe I'd like eggs, huh? Well, I like anything more than I like working in the license plate area. It's been a long time since I've done this, and I thought maybe I'd like it, but it sucks still. Yeah, ain't that right.

Listen, man, we're trying to get out of here. We're breaking out of here. We're breaking out of here. You're either with us or you're against us. Keep your voice down. Jesus, keep your voice down. Hey, look at the pants I made. Give me a luck check, beef.

T-R-D-N-G-G-T. What does that stand for, Seth? Turd nugget. God, I'm glad we picked plate creation. 15. You got lucky. They didn't overhear you. Well, that's beef, baby.

All right. Okay, so. Keep your voice down. Hey, lots of people have tried to escape, okay? You're not the first person to try. Okay. Keep your voice down. I hate lots of people who have tried to escape, okay? You're not the first person to try. Okay.

Brag, I guess. I want to do something here. Yeah, we all do. We want to get out. I'm gonna intimidate.

Is there a guard there? Yeah, this is actually the one that Haas works at. Okay, well my intimidation's pretty high, so I'm gonna call Haas over. Okay, let's go. Yo, Haas. Hi. You're not gonna be trouble, are you? No trouble, no can

do. My friend over here's already made fart nugget poop nugget pants. Turd nugget. Turd nugget pants. And i just made another one at the doctor's yeah that's two nights at the doctor what take him and they grab saban uh hoss my boy um you better uh let me out of this place there you go there you go or else what or else uh i actually got a lot of connections in the desert. A lot of connections.

You, come here. Ever heard of Heisenberger? No. Berger? Okay. Everyone's heard of Heisenberger. Yeah. Well, maybe you won't be waking up tomorrow.

Whoa. Okay. Yeah, if you don't unlock my bracelet Alright give me a intimidation check here He's got he's pretty badass so it's gonna be a really high DC

I swear I got a nat 20 Oh my god Plus 8 Plus 8 That's beef baby That's beef baby That's beef That's beef

I wish I would've said this out loud There was no way I was gonna let you pass that check if it was anything besides a natural. Genuinely. Wow. So he goes, he flashes back to a moment where a friend of his got like whacked, essentially by someone who worked for Eisenberger. At least that's how the story went.

And like the silhouette of Eisenberger and his hat like around corners and stuff. And he like, when he looks at beef, like the voice, your eyes, everything, he's like, oh my God, it actually is him. You are not a folk hero. You're like a folk anti-hero. And he is like very scared. What are you doing?

What are you doing here? Hey, before you piss your pants and go screaming home to your lady, I'll spare your life just this once if you want to do my bracelet toots. Oh, my God. I can't. I, uh, listen, I'm going, I'll, uh, Jesus, hey, just, uh, I do have a girl at home. She's a, that's it.

I have a dog. Hey, man, I don't have a lot of time to hear you stammer. Walk this bracelet and let me disguise self out of here don't worry man i won't let you get caught but if you let me get caught you're screaming home to your lady with pissy pants i'll uh i'll leave the key i'll leave it under the license plate marked s x y d c k sexy sexy marked S-X-Y-D-C-K. Sexy dick. Sexy dick.

Sexy dick. All right. I love it. All right. Just be casual about it. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. I'm not there.

I'm just at the end of the shift. All right. Oh, okay. All right. And he goes over. You can keep an eye on him or not, but he's going to slide the key to the bracelet underneath that plate that's in a stack in the corner.

This is crazy. I'm filled with eggs. This is crazy. Cut to Chip and Chalice dying in the heat, digging holes. It's a montage of Beef unlocking himself, Chalice and Chip crying, digging, and Seb being tortured. Ah! Ah! Ah! Beef unlocking himself, Chalice and Chip crying, digging, and Seb being tortured. That's so hot. Chalice, we should do nicknames.

I'll be Beefa. I'll be Caveman. Yeah. No, listen, I give the nickname. I'm Stanley Yellow Nuts, and I give the nickname. Okay. You, you're Mole. Yeah.

What's my nickname? And I spin in a circle. Hips you're mole. Yeah. What's my nickname? And I spin in a circle. Hips. Hips. Yeah. My name's Chip already. Cool. Don't complain, babe.

It's so close. I feel like I would try, Chip would try and sneak off. Okay. Give me a stealth check. Okay. 16 minus the one, so 15. Okay. with a 15 um you do successfully sneak off oh okay so i i go to where we think the trap door was based on seb's map and i guess i start digging my hole there okay and i kind of like as i'm doing it i'm like shaking my hips back and forth and be like, oh, I get it now. You hit that door, that trap door, like almost immediately.

Whoa. And you go to pull it open and notice that there's a padlock on it that keeps it locked. Hmm. Like a classic three-numbered type of padlock? No, like a classic, like a key goes in the bottom. Oh, okay. Calus is wearing her hair up, so she might have a bobby pin in her hair. Can I try to pick a lock with my bobby pin?

Well, you're not over there right now. Yeah, you didn't sneak away. I wave. I do a wave. Mole! Mole! Chalice is not answering. She's already forgotten that that's her name.

Mole! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Sneak. Sneak. Let's see. Oh, dirty 20. 17 plus see. Oh, dirty 20. 17 plus 3.

Oh, no, but minus 1. 19. Look it. There's a padlock to the office. Okay, let me try to pick it. Let me try to pick it. Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah.

All right, what should I use? Do slide a hand. Yeah. Okay, 13 plus 3 minus 1. Okay. So 15. It opens. You unlocked it. Hips, I did Okay. So 15. It opens. You unlocked it.

Hips, I did it. I had a girl mold. Can we open it? Yeah, we open the trap door. Okay. It's like pitch black in there, like when you look down. But when the sun beats down, you can see like one spot of dirt and a ladder to like probably 15 feet down. So we go down the ladder into the room.

Uh-huh. And that's basically an empty room. There's just a door there separating it from the other side of this basement. Halt! Show me your hands. Sorry, sir. Don't take us to the doctor. We're so sorry. Dead's hips. I'm mole. We don't want

to go to the doctor, sir. Please, sir. Now turn that tush around and start wiggling those little hams. It's me! Yes, sir. It's me! Lawyer! Chalice runs and hugs Beef at his legs. She's on her knees.

Beef! This is exactly what happened. After his shift, Beef went over to the sexy dick license plate. Oh, yeah. Pulled out the key, unlocked his bracelet, gave a nice little egg burp, and then turned into a prison guard. He went to the holes and didn't find anybody, but he did find a man named something yellow nut, and he thought that was funny.

And then he remembered everything about the bottom ground, the underground, that's what it's called. Yeah. And he followed that and found his friend. Okay. And so now you guys are in the basement of the office, and Beef doesn't have a bracelet and has a key. Is Seb, like, invisible here or something? Seb!

Seb! I was going to ask you guys the same thing. No, Seb went to the doctor. Oh, no. Oh, no. Do we know where Little Crazy Ass is, too? Because we've got to get them both out. Oh, that's why we're here.

Oh. Right? Yeah. I know. I literally just remembered. Oh, man. Unlock mine. I can do this to myself, and I can go here. Oh, I know. I literally just remembered. Oh, man. Unlock mine. I could do disguise self, and I could go get Seb, or I could go get a little crazy ass.

Okay, perfect, perfect. Okay, I'm locking both of your bracelets. All right, should we divide and conquer? I'll stay here. Beef, you go invisible, get little crazy ass. Chip, you disguise self and go get Seb. Cool. This is fun. Wow. Should we put our hands in the middle and say something?

Sure. What do you want to say? Sexy dick? No. Wait, why sexy dick? Yeah, why sexy dick? Oh, I guess it just came to me. Shall we?

Sorry. I'm feeling crazy. Okay, I can say sexy dick. That's fun Alright ready One two three Sexy dick Let me touch myself

And I'm invisible Yeah I touch myself And I'm a guard Who's not that attractive Okay Beef goes to the doctor's office And he goes up to the guard on duty And he punches him straight in the balls

Perfect Sean is that okay Is that okay and he punches him straight in the balls. Perfect. Sean, is that okay? Is that okay? Like, he can't see me. Well, as soon as you strike someone, he can see you. So you just attacked and he just punched him in the balls

and you became visible right in front of him. What? And he doubles over in pain. Oh! He starts screaming. Thief. Thief is quick. He gets the starts screaming. Beef is quick. He gets the key from the guy.

Okay. He opens the door. Seb! And Beef's here too the whole game. Hi there. Oh. I'm also Pibb.

Oh no. There's a couple of Pibbs in here. Seb, you've been there for 30 minutes. Would love to stay in chat, sweetheart, but I've got a date to break in out of

this place. Chip totally normal walking walks over to a little crazy ass. Hey, you! It's a night in the doctors for you. Oh my god, Chip. What? Really? Yeah. Alright, let's do this. Let's

go. Let's go. Oh no! Night at the doctors! Yeah. All right. Let's do this. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, no. Night of the doctors. Yeah. So sad. Yeah. It's the doctors. Come on. Little Crazy Ass has insane insight checks. Oh, good to know. Fun. Yeah, really good to know. I take Little Crazy Ass to the underground panic room thing. Okay.

Well, here's the deal. I can be invisible again and make you invisible. Because I have three slots. Okay. And then, Pib, you can come, but I'm not turning you invisible. Which Pib are you talking about? Oh, God. I decided I didn't want to be invisible the day I graduated high school.

And that's the tip of our education, because we're not a doctor. Who is this guy? Who are you? I'm having a blast. Me too. Oh no, God. We go to the basement reluctantly with freaking other bib. So you guys are down there. Chalice, you're still down there, right? Did you do any like recon

in the meantime? No. Nothing. I did nothing. Okay, now that y'all are in the basement, you go on the other side of the door and you go up the y'all are in the basement, you go on the other side of the door and you go up the stairs and you're on the front side of the office. Okay. Is there anybody around?

So when you open the door at the office, Haas is there. But his back is to you. Okay. Is anybody else around? No. Can I cast sleep on his leg? You're just going to put his leg to sleep?

I'm putting him to sleep, but I think I have to touch. Oh, okay, okay, okay. That's all fine. I think it automatically works as long as he doesn put his leg to sleep? I'm putting him to sleep, but I think I have to touch him. I think it automatically works as long as he doesn't have a crazy HP, I'm pretty sure. Oh, actually, I don't even have to touch him, but I still choose to. His head passes out straight on the desk, and he starts snoring.

I roll him on his side so he doesn't snore. A trick out there for all you snorers. And so two of you are invisible, and then Chip and Chalice, your bracelets are off, and so you can do spells, and you are moving out of the front office. Right as you do so, a carriage pulls up, and visitors actually pour out, as well as some inmates there too.

Yeah, so we walk outside as confidently as possible. Maybe nobody will notice that this is weird. And we just try and get onto the wagon. And a guard that's passing with some of the inmates that he's taking in. What? What the hell? Wait, what the hell's going on? Oh, I guess we're doing a little tradesies, okay? Those guys going

in, these guys coming out. Right? Was it a transfer? Yeah, it's a transfer. Yeah, I got him. These guys were too mean, right? Bad guys. Be mean. Be mean. Mean.

I don't have time for this shit. And he keeps walking out with the group. Yeah, so why'd you talk to me? Should I go fight him? And so you get up on the bus, and the driver looks at you guys. Got a problem? Where are you going to? We're going to Bottoms Up.

And then I summon my axe and I bonk him with it. I told you guys! I told you! Where's the lawyer? Is your axe named lawyer? Perfect. Another jar of cheese balls I left underneath the bench here. They're crushed up! A little crazy ass grabs the reins. And the carriage bus takes off. And y' A little crazy ass grabs the reins. And the carriage

bus takes off. And y'all are scooting through the desert. You have escaped labor prison 343. Woo! Says Mr. Pibb. No. So once you guys get far enough away, the carriage actually ends up

parked right out front of Bottoms Up. Wow, Seb! My brother! You actually did it! Hey, little dude! Chalice does a high kick and hits Seb in the head. Oh! I'm back! I've been in a hell of a purgatory for so long.

Well, Crazy Ass, thank you so much for doing this and for loving our Seb and for giving us your blood. We're so relieved. Yeah, thank you for... Here's the date. Here's the address, so just meet us giving us your blood. We're so relieved. Yeah, thank you for, and here's the date. Here's the address. So just meet us there in the season. Save Seb's life. Easy peasy. Alright! Well, I will put it on the

calendar. Slap it on the cal. And then, can you guys give me a perception check? I don't believe you. Oh my gosh. 24. 10. Oh, 23, I guess. Chalice, you're the first to notice that through sneaking around and trying to get out, little crazy ass cut himself while escaping. And on that cut where blood should be pouring out, no blood is pouring out.

Oh my God, does he not have blood? Oh, wait a second. And he looks at the cut on his arm. Oh yeah, a second. And he looks at the cut on his arm. Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm born from a wand falling into a puddle of ale, vomit, and extra strength for loco. I don't have blood.

Sorry, brother. Chalice high kicks him in the head. Are you kidding? What the f***? We got torture for nothing? Larry, how could you? Larry. The mail is here.

The mail is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mail is here. The mail is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the mail is here, the mail is here. Okay, okay, okay. What? I got places to be, too. Well, then stop singing. I take the letter and I read it. And it reads in the same parchment as from the crown. In case you ripped the first one up, are you sure

you'd rather have your friends die than host a charity event? Yeah, that's what I thought. We'll be sending someone along to help facilitate the event. Thank you, Princess Chalice. Yours truly, your father. You guys, we have a 50% failure rate at this point. Everything we've tried isn't going to work.

I think we've got to keep the ball up on this whole me becoming royal again thing. Yeah. And Chalice says yes, but does a little painting of her rolling her eyes and then puts the letter in the outgoing mailbox. Yeah. Sounds like a party, chicken nuggets. Let's get jiggy with it.

He sounds way too much like me. Yeah, let's get him out of here. Yeah, let's get him out of here. Sorry, this is a crush that dates back, I don't know, 15, 20 years, something like this. Wait a second. This is crush related? You don't get to know anything about my Dianamo sister, okay? She's a warlord.

Dianamo? Dianamo. Dianamo. That's her name, Dianamo? I never knew. Dianamo. Princess Dianamo? Dynamo. Dynamo. That's her name, Dianamo? I never knew. Dianamo. Princess Dianamo. Oh, God.

She's a princess? Princess? Why is she a princess? Guys, quit peppering him with questions, or this whole show is going to get way convoluted. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. That's me. Arnie Parr wrote the theme song, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. That's me.

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That was a HeadGum Podcast.