SitcomD&D - S5 E1: Rock it to the Moon

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

The gang is throwing the party of the century in celebration of the fact that they are not dead, but things come grinding to a halt when they are presented with a newly-inked (and not at all targeted) law stating that only accredited performers can sing in Frence.Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben BriggsTheme Song and Original Song "Rock it to the Moon" by: Arne Parrott & Mixed by: Sam CarrollArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Erin Keif & Elizabeth Andrews & Sean CoyleEdited by: Sean MeagherSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I saw this past weekend Aaron absolutely embarrass a magician in front of a bunch of comedians. A magician? Oh my God, it's the worst thing I've ever done. What did you do? The guy was like, hey, can I do some close-up magic for you? And we all gathered around, and he did a card trick, and he immediately picked Aaron as the first person participant.

He was like, name a card, and she said three of diamonds. And then he's flipping through, and then he's like, is this your card? It was the one card in the deck that was faced backwards. Oh. And Aaron goes, oh my God, yeah. And then she goes,

I'm a plant. And I thought he would laugh and I thought anyone would laugh. And it was dead silence and super awkward and he winced. And then about an hour later, it hit Elizabeth

and she was like, Jesus, why did you do that i was trying to make him laugh and he didn't laugh and then she went and she meant it seriously she went did anyone laugh and i was like no no one laughed elizabeth i think i chuckled a little bit you chuckled because of the silence. Yeah, maybe. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D,

a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, it is the beginning of a brand-new season. Season 5, episode 1. Did somebody laugh? today it is the beginning of a brand new season season five episode one that might have been from our fake studio audience yeah it is exciting and that means y'all are at level five oh at a new season you're at a new level, baby. Let's go! Woo!

Ah! A lot of people said I couldn't do it. Oh, lead. Holy shit. That's what it feels like when I gain a level. It's like it kind of hurts. It does hurt. I like to watch.

We take a little break in between seasons. We got to get out the disc jockey energy at the beginning of a new season. A lot of pent up recording energy that we just need to expel, I think. What's going on? Well, last season, y'all almost died. It was pretty close. It was pretty scary. I was scared.

And in the end, it all worked out. To be alive and to be together is a fantastic thing. it all worked out. To be alive and to be together is a fantastic thing. So much so that the gang is taking advantage of it in a way that they had always hoped they would, which is by going into a full swing of a party they're calling Dream Day. And Dream Day is where they're doing all the things that they wished they were always able to do and take advantage of had they lived. And they did live, so they're doing it. So Dream Day is in full effect

and it is not only a party within Bottoms Up, it has spilled out into the street, block party style. And so we're going to pick up with the Bottoms Up gang, aka Bug, the bugs, in the street on their dream day.

We're going for it, huh? Yes, we're the bugs. We're going for it. We're the bugs. That's right, baby. Lock it in. It's not locked in until there's merch. We're the bugs, guys.

Want to clap. There's our audience member, our one audience member. We should start to record in front of one audience member. I would love that. Quiet on set, sound speeding, and we're rolling. Nice! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup, find Sebastian Chalice, Chip and Beef at the Noble Bottoms Up.

As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away. We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends as Sebastian von Hugh Grant, and Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. The whole gang's been partying since their lives were saved and the curse was broken. Every day, every night. It's been one continuous party

that has led to the culmination of Dream Day. So I would actually love to hear from everybody of how it's embodied by your character and what they're actually up to during this party. Chalice is on Seb's shoulders and she's making a champagne tower that is the height of bottoms up and she's pouring champagne on the tower of champagne glasses that will certainly not get knocked over at any point. Beef has a sandwich buffet. Ow.

A sandwich buffet, and it's roped off with velvet rope, and it says, Beef's only. It's just for beef? It says for beef. There's a lot of people walking up thinking that all the sandwiches are beef

and that it's just beef-only sandwiches, and they think that they're open to the public still, and beef's having to definitely turn them away. Shoved in the corner, and it clearly is hitting the ceiling and not fitting very well, is a bounce house that Chip is going to town on. Going to town. He even threw some plastic balls in there, which is not allowed, but he doesn't care.

He don't care. It don't matter, man. It's dream day. Little kid sweaty hair to his face with the red faces that they get when they go in bouncy houses. Yeah, he sprints over to y'all hanging in the corridor and he grabs a drink and he's like, you think he's come to hang out? He's like,

okay, I was just grabbing a drink. I've got to go back. I've got to go back. Drinking with both hands. Okay. All right, be back in a sec. Geppetto Pinocchio is getting a real kick out of sitting on the part that inflates the bounce house so that it starts to collapse on itself and Chip gets so scared.

Right when it's about to deflate, he gets off it again. Okay. Right when it's about to deflate, he gets off it again. Oh, okay. Whee! Seb is busy being a little stinker, so Chalice thinks that she's on his shoulders. It's actually a cardboard cutout. I knew it.

And seeing that there was bouncy balls put onto the bouncy castle, I actually put a bunch of cue balls on there. So those are really hard and hurt. Ow. Ow. And I had a few cue balls left over. So I've put a few cue balls into Beef's sandwiches. And I'm just hanging out.

Why do we have so many cue balls? Well, actually, good question. So you can either buy two and then they go missing or you can buy 30 and then you don't have to worry about it. So the party is in full swing and it's a great party. Honestly, the Bug Crew and Bottoms Up itself has gotten a lot of good publicity just with all of Frasier and more specifically France. Y'all have been some popular people.

You know, you were broadcast into the homes of most of Frasier where they could see you stand up to the king on several occasions and also, you know, come out looking pretty good. So you're a very popular crew these days, and it's made the bar pretty popular as well, and this party is awesome. Chalice, come bounce with me. In a minute.

No shoes. Chalice walks over to the face painting booth and gets the Jennifer face paint. All the bugs are an option. And then she joins Chip in the bounce house. Watch out for these hard bouncy balls. Jennifer's taking a bath at the very top of the Champagne Tower in Champagne.

Don't let it fall, Chalice. She's talking to a cardboard cutout of Chalice. That's awesome. Chalice is such a good listener today. The crowd starts to Quiet down and all heads turn Because it looks like

Beef's about to take the stage In the middle of the street Block party style And rock the house Hey everybody Everyone's screaming Your voice is back Beef You got your voice back

Sing us a song Everybody looking at my behind I'm Beef He's shaking hands while he's going up to the stage Everybody good and everybody right Beef's gonna make it up to the stage Before night Yeah

Is he though? Because he's going so slow towards the stage. He has to shake all the hands. I'm taking a bite of my sandwich. Love it. Yummy, yeah. Oh, it's so good to hear your voice again, Beef. It's heaven.

Oh, yeah. Now launch me up onto the stage, Chippy boy. I'm ready to rock. Chip picks Beef up and grabs a sandwich out of Now launch me up onto the stage, Chippy boy. I'm ready to rock. All right. Chip picks beef up and grabs a sandwich out of his hand and shoves it into his mouth. So it makes him nice aerodynamic projectile and launches him onto the stage. All right.

Just give me an athletics check just for old time's sake. A 10. A 10. I'm full of sandwiches. With a 10, you definitely go straight into the champagne tower. A 10. A 10. I'm full of sandwiches, so. With a 10, you definitely go straight into the champagne tower. If I'm being honest, I set it up for beef to knock it all over.

Who put this tower of champagne here? My God. It's like in an action movie where two people are walking back and forth across the street with a bunch of crates or a big pane of glass. You know that it's going down. It's fine. For my dream date,

I got a Costco membership. Those glasses cost me nothing. All right, I got 30 cue balls, 100 champagne flutes, and it was 170 gold pieces. Is Jennifer taking any hit points? No. No.

I jumped off just in time. Now, there was some screaming and some like, oh my goodness, as the champagne tower fell, but it's also kind of serving as potentially a great cue to start a rock and roll

set. Yeah! Yeah! We will start a rock and roll set. Yeah! Let's go! And just as Beef goes to hit the first string on his lute, everything on stage goes silent. And you guys can give me an arcana check if you'd like.

22. Not a bad first roll of the season, Chalice. Thank you, Chalice. Chalice, you recognize immediately that someone has cast the spell silence on the area of the stage. So no sound is able to emanate from anything that's happening on stage, including beef.

But the silence is quickly filled by the ringing of a bell. And you look over to see standing on an enormous Goliath's shoulders is a much smaller man dressed in the colors and garb of fraser with an enormous three-point hat and a large feather sticking in it oh yeah yeah yeah an announcement from the crown oh no oh god we were about to rock and roll beef we can't hear you you're silent dude chip's pointing to his ears like you do when you're on a zoom call and the person's muted. Beef's pointing to his belly and he's slapping it, but there's no noise.

I am John the crier and I have an announcement from the king. I hate this guy. By royal decree by the king. Are you guys talking while I'm talking? Yeah, stop crying, dude. Oh my god, I don't even do that anymore. Yeah, he does. John, there's still

pictures of you at your high school of you crying. Yeah, that was so long ago. Where'd you get that? Stop! This guy's too easy to bully, Chip. I know. It's not even fun. You're right, it's not fun. This guy's snot all over his know it's not even fun you're right it's not fun what okay john what is it now i can't even see through my freaking tears give me a second by royal decree by the king

and this is a total coincidence and not personal, but singing is now illegal without an accreditation from the king. Well, shoot. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Chalice immediately jumps onto the stage and holds Beef's hand because she knows he's about to lose it. You sick son of a bitch! Oh my God!

Who sent you? I didn't even miss you! Who sent you, you motherfucker? Who sent you, you motherfucker? King, I told you! You're a big old fuck, aren't you? You don't even know how to fuck your wife right, you chump. How about I fuck your wife?

Poe, me! Poe, Poe, me! Me! Me! He just got his voice back. He doesn't know what he's saying. He's just scared to lose it. No, I know exactly what I'm saying.

I'm going to fight your wife. I'm going to dine her. I'm going to give her a show or a good time. Then I'm going to make love to her the way that you could never make love to her. Oh, my God! Who told you that? Did she tell you that?

She didn't have to tell me anything. It's written all over your sad sack face. Beef, eat one of these brownie bites. I got them at Costco. I have so many of them, and they're so good. You're obviously low blood sugar right now. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

Beef eats the brownie. Yeah, you're right. I was getting a little out of hand there. See, that's what I mean. Oh, you're hangry. Anyone who's caught singing without an accreditation from the crown okay they're gonna get put in the stocks all right and if they try to avoid punishment it's only gonna get worse and that's just the rules i don't make the rules stock market sab i think

they mean the thing where you put your head in and your little hands in there uh regular joe sing a song god a whale of a tale and i'll tell you lads whale of a tale or two about the flapping fish and then out of nowhere uh like shadow it's almost like the air turned into the shape of a body. They're featureless. They're almost made of wind and shadow. Just up here around regular Joe. Grab him. Lift him off his feet. Oh! And take him

20 feet over to the stocks. Slam his wrists into it and his head and it latches over, and he is now in the stock. Oh. Oh, my God. Well, at least he can still sing. I mean, right? Look at him.

He can still sing. I don't know, B. That looked awful. Chalice, that was your fault entirely. Was it? You told me to do it. You told me. The featureless shadow wind people dissipate.

Oh, man. How do we get accredited? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You apply for accreditation. Yeah. I believe the area that handles that would be the only, I guess... You had it together, John.

I know, I'm trying You had it together, John. I know. Who married you? Jesus. Oh, my God. It was a rain. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. And I didn't even like her.

And so it makes sense to just like me either. Yeah, right. You're in love with her. You love her. I am in love with her. You freaking her. I am in love with her. You freaking love her, dude. Go to the Narroway Guild. They're the people

who would give you the accreditation. Oh, son of a gun. Mother fucker. Okay, you don't have to go there. They'll come to you. I'll set it up.

Oh, thank you. Oh, I appreciate that, John. Thank you. I'm sure you're a wonderful husband. Thank you. And if you guys want to, I don't know, hang out, you know where to find me.

We're busy. We're actually busy that night. I have that thing where I fall asleep when I'm around people I don't like. Yeah, and we have to be there for that. Even Bilster doesn't like me, and I work with him every day. He acts like he can't hear me or talk, but I heard him talk

and I heard him hear before. Now, no one ask him who Bilster is. Don't take the bait. I got to know who Bilster is. He's trying to bait you, man. Chip, honey, no. Chip, look at me. Stay strong.

You've got this. You don't have to ask. Do you want a brownie bite? I won't ask. Do you want a brownie bite? Okay, I will take a brownie bite. Hey, Regular Joe, ask who Bilster is. God, a whale of a tale.

You see wind go into his mouth and stop him from singing. So that's what happens. Okay, I was wondering what would happen if he kept singing. All right, so party on, I guess. And we'll see if any other laws change that are not specific to you guys,

and it's not because the king has a vendetta against you specifically, Bug. Sort of feels like they do because I made my dad sign a paper that he wouldn't kill us for a whole year. So it sort of- Now they're just going to torture us? No, John, you promised that it's not personal, right? Yeah, he did say that. I promise. Come on, Bilster, let's go.

Oh, he's been here. Bilster is here. He slaps the top of the head of the Goliath that he's on the shoulders of and starts walking. Oh. Oh, that's so sad. So now the party's kind of in an awkward, silent moment. There's a bunch of shattered glass

to the right of the stage. Her name is Chalice, okay? Shattered glass. And one of the party members has just gotten forced into the stocks from Shadow Wind people. Okay, everybody, go home. Three-week party over.

Beef's too sad, and when beef's sad, it makes me sad, which makes Chip sad, which makes Chip sad, which makes Seb sad. So we're just going to call it here. There's no singing. There's no party.

You can't have a party with no singing. Beef flipped the craft service table with all the stuff on it onto the ground. But then he sits on the ground and makes a sandwich. Yeah, he makes a sandwich on the ground. Chip sits down next to Beef and puts his arm around him. He's like, hey, Beef, you did a whole season without singing. I think we can make it another couple days.

It'll be okay. I almost died. And I almost died. I know. I know. I know. But. This is so unfair.

Why does the guy, Mr. Cryer, gets to do that? I know. You're telling me I was going to try out for Night Night School's a cappella group tonight. No, you weren't. You listened to me. Are you really going to do it? I really was going to do it. I decided to get more involved with campus activities. Wait, you were going to try out for the I could tell you what I'm thinking? Yes! They rock! Yeah I could tell you what I'm thinking they rock!

They rock! They rock! And Chip you deserve to be on that man like you were going to meet so many people I know I was really you know I just felt like I want some friends at school because I feel like I'm always just going there and doing homework or whatever.

Yeah, but you don't want to get too close with anybody, you know. We're top tier friends. These are just kind of. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got another brownie bite. Have another brownie bite and put down the knife. Put down the knife.

These are D-list friends, right? Like, when we're busy or I'm dead, you can hang out with them. We can call them backup friends. I need some backup friends. Mostly for copying homework, right? Oh my god, guys. Everyone left so fast and it zooms out and the block is completely empty.

There's so many tumbleweeds. What the hell? An unreasonable number of tumbleweeds. Wow, and they're all demanding drinks. Get out of here. These were so thirsty. No, no, no, no. I roll for initiative.

No, no, no, no. We're hijacking this episode. We're doing our thing now. We're fighting a bunch of tumbleweed. How strong are they? Yes, we come in these. We're just so thirsty. I rolled an eight bunch of tumbleweed. How strong are they? We come in peace. We're just so thirsty. I rolled an eight.

The tumbleweed gets to go first. The tumbleweed lightly grazes Beef's calf. Get inside. Get inside. Get inside. Get inside. No. We run inside.

We run inside. We run inside. No, Chalice tripped. No. Leave her. Leave her. And we're- No! Leave her! Leave her! That was my friend! What are you saying?

Please! Leave her! That's your girlfriend! Chip! In order to put an end to whatever this is, I'm just going to time jump three days. What do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean?

Put an end to what? So three days later- do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean? Put an end to what? So three days later. Seb has an eye patch. Charles and Chip are not speaking. And it is three days later, but it is three days later into the future where there is no singing in France. There is no music. Not even a bird in a tree can be heard. It is just the sounds of

everyday life. But somehow there's not even music to that. Sometimes there can be a music to conversations, just a busy town square or the sound of a bar uh when it's busy but somehow even the music has been sucked out of that it's almost like everything if if sound was color everything is very gray we gotta as we gotta get a hold of this narrow way guilt yeah do you think that they remember me like do you think that they remember me bad style or good style? Good style, Beef. Only good style. Incorrect.

I remember you bad style, Beef. Oh, my God. It's me, your old friend, Pompous Prestigious. Pompous Prestigious. I knew you. I knew that was you. You didn't even say my name. It's you.

It's Pompous Prestigious. I said it exactly You didn't even say my name. It's you. It's pompous, prestigious. I said it exactly at the same time you said it. Well, should we get this over with? I've been tasked with seeing if you are fit for an accreditation from the crown in order to be able to sing in the town of France. Beef hops off the bar, walks up to him. Yeah, we're ready. We're ready. Well, I'm not.

I'm sitting down and I'd like a drink. Here's a glass of champagne on the house. Throws Jennifer out of the champagne glass. And a glass on the table. This is on us. Give me a slight of hand check to see if you threw a rat out of that drink without him seeing it. Did I? Did you see it?

I botched. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. So essentially, what Chalice ended up doing is throwing a full drink in his face

with a rat in it and then offering him the empty glass. And so Jennifer is now on, essentially, his face. Um, excuse me. Sorry. Okay. Kind of the start that I expected.

I thought it'd be going poorly at an 11 out of 10 and somehow you have surpassed my expectations. Bottoms up. Pompous isn't the cat guy, is it? No, that is my... I don't know how you could confuse this. He looks like an anthropomorphic cat. Sorry.

And he talks like a psychopath. Also, I'm not remembering. Is his name Cats? His name's Cats. Yeah, you're not Cats. Wow, Cats here. Guilty. Oh, I remember you.

When are we getting this thing started? We've got four appointments today. Well, we're starting this now. We're starting this at Puppet's Prestigious. We're ready to get blown away. Blow them, Beef. I'll blow them. I'll blow you.

There is a small stage here. See, I will make myself comfortable comfortable and Kat will be comfortable. Kat will be comfortable as well in the front row. And if there's anything you'd like to say, why don't you take the stage and begin by saying it? I'd like to start by saying I'm proud of myself and my friends. Snaps. You can't bring us down. No, no, no.

You cannot bring us down. He would normally be singing this if he could. Wait, is he allowed to sing during the audition? Singing will be a part of this, of course. And I won't get arrested. And he won't get stalked. And wind won't go in my mouth. Correct, correct.

You won't be stalked or wind mouth. Wind mouth. We have special clearances here. You will have an accreditation. If you are asked to sing, I will put the accreditation upon you, making you free from the rule. Now, I was just looking for some simple introduction of yourself. That was a little bit of beat poetry.

I don't know what that quite was, but we'll count that as your intro. Sure. Yeah, my name's Beef. That's Chip. Hey. That's Seb. He's got a new Costco card. Hi.

Yeah, I'd love to talk to you about it if you have a moment. And that's Chalice. And Chalice is drinking the glass of champagne with Jennifer in it. And there's a little cheers motion. And I'm Jennifer. But we already met. So without further ado, why don't we start with a singing test? Easy.

This is rather proper and appropriate. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. The wind people come out and they start to get you, but so he jumps up. Oh, f***. And he goes and puts the pin on you, the accreditation, just in time before they grab you. Oh, my God.

Holy hell, I need one of these, apparently, huh? You said it was okay, I could see If you had the pin on Oh my god, you gotta be more clear, sir You're right, that was on me, I apologize And can I snag me one of those? I got an occudition coming up real soon A what now?

Yeah, my buddy, if he could grab one too He's got a big... Occadition. ...tonight. You know what? I don't think it'll make a difference if you show up or not. I could tell you what. Yeah. You can't say that because you haven't heard the pipes on him,

and you can't because we can't sing in this world. Well, you tell me if I have the authority to make these types of judgment calls, for I'm about to guide sweet beef here in a little bit of a vocal warmup and a vocal test. Throw whatever you want at him. He will crush this test because he's the most talented beef in the world. Yeah. Beef really quick. He messages Chip and he's gonna tell him that hey man

when I'm done with this pin I'm gonna slide a hand at the you're gonna make that occupation over my dead body you're gonna miss that okay well no don't die we just did that last season are you ready to repeat after me I am and he skips up

onto the stage and to be clear I'm not looking for any improvisation. Sure, I hate that stuff. Here we go and begin. La la la la la la la. La la la la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la.

La la la la la. La la la la la. There was an extra la there. Beef did an extra la. Yeah, I heard it too. But it sounded better. And he did his little markdown. La la la la.

La la la la. La la la la. This is going poorly. Beef's la la This is going so poorly Oh god He's nervous Look at the way I do my walk I'm the latest man No time to talk

You can't dance It's time to talk I've been flying around like a dog Hee haw Hee haw He Hee haw? He's panicking, Chip. He said he's been flying around like a dog. He's still going.

Oh, God. The smoother talk, the smoother I walk. I walk with the finest of their talk. Can Chalice do something? I'm going to do something to get him to stop singing. You must do something. Can I use suggestion to get him to stop singing. You must do something. Can I use suggestions to get him to stop singing?

Everybody got a hand of socks. Oh my god. Stop. Beef, stop. Everybody got socks on their hands. Stay, stop singing. Stop singing. Beef, stop singing. And both cats and Pompous Prestigious are just wide-eyed and they pause staring up at Beef for a good three seconds.

And then silently, slowly look down and start making some notes on a pad of paper. How was that? How was that? Was that good? How did I do? It was remarkable. And I have some remarks I'm writing down here for you. Let's see.

Beef, beef. Actually, let's be honest. That was a prank audition. Let's get the real stuff going now. Because that was just a prank. Yeah. Wow. I can't even believe.

Did you fall for that? I forgot. Yeah, you fall for that? Did you fall for that? Did you fall for that? I guess. Did you fall for that? Did you fall for that? Did you fall for that? Uh, I guess. That's silly. Yeah, that's dumb of you.

That was just a joke. You idiot. All right, are you asking for another go at the first test? Yes. Yes. All right. Then repeat after me.

Easy. If you got this. It's long, but it's okay. It's from your childhood. It's somewhere inside you. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no oh no oh no oh no wait actually let's just do the next section

all right we'll circle back we'll keep the original score for now and circle back how was that that kind of score was made for demons or something. That was a demonic tone that you gave me. We're going to move right into the history of music. Uh-oh. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you?

And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get solved immediately by a stranger and I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience. It's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched

with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. So the first question of three. Chip, if you know any of the answers, send it to Beef Through Your Brain. I for sure will. You let me know if you know any of the answers, send it to Beef through your brain. I for sure will. You let me know if you know the answer, too. Okay, Seb, and you let me know if you know the answer.

Thank you for including me in this, okay? Wait, Seb, do you have any music books? I got them at Costco, so I have 10 copies of the same one. Did you get an encyclopedia of music or anything like that? No, it's just the making of that one Oasis album. Could be helpful. Could be helpful. Oh, beef.

Enough, enough. Okay, okay. Your first question is, Lady Florenstein, who is said to have brought music to the central lands of Frasier, was known for playing one instrument in one instrument only. What instrument is that?

Sure, yeah. I know this. Beef's clapping his hands. Can we do a history check? My history is negative one. Okay. That sounds about right. Yeah. 14. That sounds about right. Yeah.

14. You've got it. At least you can kind of picture Lady Florencine in your head. And she's gorgeous. And you remember that she's playing some sort of stringed instrument. You've ruled out a lot of the different sections, but you've only got it narrowed down to some sort of string instrument that you would pluck

or pick the strings. Harp. Is that your final answer? Yeah, yeah. Harp. Easy. You got Lucky. Lucky! A beef kind of moon walks on the stage.

He's like, Lucky, Luck is my middle name. And he does a Michael Jackson twirl. Beef, you don't have a last name. I don't. Wait. Your last name starts with a T. It's Tartar. Oh, it's Tartar.

Oh, I forgot. I forgot everything. Wow, Beef's really going through it up there. He's doing great. I'm really worried. He's manically smiling. Oh, no. He keeps doing Michael Jackson moves.

But he's never met the guy. Doesn't know who he is. What moves is he doing? All right, next question. You find yourself in a dungeon for a king has become upset with you. You have to play a song, but you don't have an instrument.

You need to create one using only items you would find in a dungeon. What instrument do you create and how do you create it? A tambourine with the shackles around my wrists. Yep. That one, there's no specific right answer. It's more of a short answer. We're deliberating on it now.

I think it was good okay and the third and final question beef man that wasn't was that a history question that question yeah what beef just take it beef this is a hard test guys just take it okay okay i've just said i just it must have happened sometime in history third one is a gimme it's a softball let's be honest but before it was changed 328 years ago i What was Frasier's original national anthem? It was this. Good morning, good morning. Good morning, good morning.

Wake up your windows, wake up your doors. Wake up your windows wake up your doors wake up your loved ones it's time to wake up up good seb chow i don't think this is right i know it's not right. I know it. How do you wake up your windows? I think you open the shade if I had to guess. That's a good guess. When Beef opens his eyes to look at his audience of two, Cat is curled up in a little ball asleep on his chair. Give me a performance check, actually, Beef. Good or bad? Maybe he's like sad when he falls asleep around people he doesn't like.

Okay, luckily, I rolled an eight, but luckily I got plus 10 for my performance, so 18. Holy shit. So you notice a tear in the corner of Pompous Prestigious' eye that he kind of wipes away as well. And he goes, it was beautiful and incorrect. Not a single word of that

was the original national anthem. Door? I think door's in the original one, no? Wake up your windows? Wake up your windows is definitely. Wake up your windows is definitely one of the lyrics, right? Please. It is not. right? Please. It is not.

Please? Please. And I hate to cut this short, but we've seen enough. And he takes the pin off of Beef's chest and starts to move towards the door as he gently wakes up cats. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Beef's in front of the door. Okay, everyone stop. What?

No one's leaving here. There's gotta be something else we can do. Please, please, please. I just got my voice back. This is my pride and joy. This is my soul. You're ripping my soul out. There's gotta be something we can do.

Please. He looks at Katz. Well, there might be something you could do for me Anything, anything I gotta sing and my buddy's gotta make his occ edition Please, please give us that pin Yeah, I really want to date a guy in an acapella group Please give him that pin

There's one way that I could give you this pin And I'll give you the rub here's the low down the situation is despite my immense talent and my thorough knowledge of all things music and its lush history i have not been able to write a hit song and somehow you beef yes you somehow have a conduit to the human heart you understand how to write a song that transcends you were thank you you're one of the most popular modern artists and i'd hate to admit it but it's something I've long desired for. It's to not only be a master of music in my own heart, but in the hearts of all. So, if you want that pin, what I need you to do is write a song for me.

Whoa. Write a song for you? And not just any song, but a hit song. Oh my god, okay, okay. Uh, well, okay. You don't God. Okay. Okay. Well, okay. You don't have to do it right now on the spot. I will give you 24 hours. Can we help him?

Yes. Nice. You can help. Thank you, sir. You won't regret it. Wait, hold on. I do have a question. In terms of singing, what's kind of your vibe?

Yeah. What do you like? What do you like to eat? Here's the thing. Every song that I've written has repulsed everyone I've ever showed it to. Oh. So I'm not...

How'd you get in the guilt? My ego isn't so big that I'm saying it has to be something that I like. I just want it to be a hit. Okay. I kind of just want him to sing a little like. I just want it to be a hit. Okay. I kind of just want him to sing a little bit. Oh, you want to know my range? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Give us the low note, the middle note, and the high note. Only those. That's the funniest way of doing it. Yes, beef. Yes, you're right. Oh.

Okay, really low. Really low. A G, yeah. Also a G. A G also. Oh. A G. A G, yeah. Also a G. A G also. All these dogs are running into Bob. Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo, you double means! That's my rage. Wait, I fell outside! Oh no! Labor! Labor! And my part of the deal is,

I need some s*** in my s*** and maybe a little bit of s*** Can we bleep off that? Full bleep 100% bleep And I would like a thank you from the audience because I just protected you from something awful You're welcome audience

I feel like I can't make eye contact with you guys anymore. You were gone. You left. No, that was cats. That wasn't Sean. That was just me. Sean is no longer here. Anyone else feel sick?

Yeah. Yes. So I will see you on the morrow. Best of luck. I can feel the musical juices flowing from you all already. Okay, we're not going to do cats things though. All right, bye. Bye, goodnight. What the heck? What gives?

And lock the door. Toggle, toggle, toggle, toggle, lock, toggle, lock, toggle, lock, lock. Install three locks and lock those two. Move the whole bar up to the door. Oh my god. Okay, Beef, let's write a hit song.

What rhymes with fun? Oh no. Maybe we divide and conquer with this God. Okay, Beef, let's write a hit song. What rhymes with fun? Oh, no. Maybe we divide and conquer with this one. Chip, you've got the handle with the rhymes. Give me all the rhymes. Give me any rhyme you can find. Okay, okay. I'll grab the rhymes.

Or list of any rhymes. Cool, so I'm not going to come up with the sentences in between, just the words at the end that rhyme with one. Correct, Correct. Because Sep, you are going to find me sentences. Interesting. You're going to find me sentences. It's going to be a game of Mad Libs, I think. They have to match my words. Yeah. What about me, Beef? What about me? Tell us. I need you to get as much information as possible. About what? I said what I needed to say. Oh, I'm sorry.

Sure. Okay. I forgot. Dallas, I think that was it. Yeah. I'll try my best. Get as much information as possible. All right, BP, what do you need from Jenny? Jenny, I'm going to need you to keep rolling in the champagne

because I work best when I'm in pain. Give me my drink. That's right. In order to think like a rock star, you got to party like a rock star. Heck yeah, we're partying all night, Jenny. You and me. Yeah, boo! What are you going to be doing?

Well, I got to get in the mindset like Jenny said. I have to go to a deep, dark, dark, tortured place inside my soul. A place I have not gone in so long. Beef's looking through at a mirror soul. Place I have not gone in so long. Beef's looking through at a mirror. A place I haven't been in so long. So like writing the melody and stuff? Yeah, like picking up an instrument maybe. Plucking away.

Yeah. All up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Beef goes up on stage and he grabs a little guitar loot a loot thank you great i think loot is short for a little guitar to be fair i'm gonna come up with words right now this is real yeah i'm coming up with some sentences and everyone else has a real thing and i'm just gonna google some stuff I think okay

so yeah Chalice's information is gonna be the chorus okay and Ben you are leaving the sentences the last word of the sentence blank for me yes yes yes yes okay

so yeah Chalice you understand what you're doing I know exactly what I'm doing, Beef. Perfect. Okay, okay. And Beef's just plucking away at the loot. Don't you worry, Beef. I'm making toilet wine. Thank you, Jenny.

And Beef, you want some inspiration? And she opens up, she's wearing a leather jacket all of a sudden. She opens up the leather jacket. On the inside, you see one stick of Bazinga, that black-looking stick of bubblegum. I should be a good role model for all those children out there. Just give it

to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. I want to sing. I want to sing. I don't want to be a singer. Don't you me. I don't want to be a singer. God, oh God. What kind of song is this? And he's rubbing his hair and his head and he's rubbing his face and he's like, what kind of song is this? And he's rubbing his hair and his head and he's rubbing his face. What kind of song is a hit song? Beef, I have the information about anything that you asked for.

Great. That's our chorus. I have some sentences. Perfect. Verses. Beef, I got the rhymes. Beef, it was, I'm not doing great, but I got the rhymes. Yeah, we're all not doing great.

Okay, guys, I know I really appreciate you all putting all your time and effort into this. Anything, anything for you. Okay, so this is going to be called Rockets of the Moon, and it's going to be an R&B style. Great. Okay.

Great, great, great, great, great. I love that you didn't want to hear the lyrics before you named it i think that's bold in a cool way yeah okay let me let me see what you guys got okay so first word of rocket to the moon is porky pig said go to mountainside i said eat my big fountain side. I was walking down the acapella just to see if I could find somewhere to salmonella. The thing I saw made me... Spelling bee. Babe, these words.

I screamed loud and painfully for all to... Amputee. You might spelling bee with amputee. Are you ready for the chorus, beef? I guess. I guess. I guess. I guess. Okay.

It's impossible for most people to lick their elbow. Most people fall asleep in seven minutes. It's physically impossible for pigs to look up at the sky. If you sneeze too hard, you could fracture a rib. And a shrimp's heart is in its head. That's a long quote. And a shrimp's heart is in its head. That's beautiful, Han.

And the song is called Rocket to the Moon? Yes. It's impossible for people to lick their elbow. Most people fall asleep in seven minutes. It's physically impossible for pigs to look up at the sky. If you sneeze too hard, you could fracture a rib. And a shrimp's heart is in its head. But like R&B style.

But R&B style. All right, Beef. you got all the pieces kind of put together from all of us. You're on Bazinga. And you've got... You are what? Oh, yeah. Actually, Beef, give me a D100 roll.

84. So for the next hour, you can walk on walls and ceilings. That's kind of a best case scenario yeah too bad not not helpful better believe uh beef says i'll be in my room and he walks up the wall and in what the ceiling what the hell and he montages him putting this song together in order for there to be a montage of putting a song together, there has to be a song for the montage. So the montage song kicks in and everyone is in high gear trying to create a hit song.

What does it look like for everybody as time passes and the candles start to get lower and lower as they melt throughout the night? Handles start to get lower and lower as they melt throughout the night. And the clock's hands are spinning slowly around. And night is slowly turning into dawn. Chalice is bringing trays and trays of deli meat into beef and tossing it into his mouth from afar. Because she's scared that he's going to bite her hand. And then her and Chip are like hanging out and making out in the stairs between deli beet runs. Chip is trying to fit the bouncy house

through the door of the bedroom because if he's going to be in there, he wants to bounce, but it won't fit. So he goes back to making out with Chaz. Seb was throwing a bunch of darts at a balloon filled with paint but takes a minute to go to the bathroom

and then the lights start flickering and he checks outside the stall and there's a tubbleweed right there and he yells! But no one hears him. Are we being helpful, Beef? Yeah, Beef. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone, shh. Porky Pig said go to mountainside. Scribbles more. It is possible for most people to lick their own elbow. It is possible. It's impossible, Beef. Don't try to do it. Oh, okay.

It's not possible. Okay, done. Done? Done. Done. Done, done, done, done. See, I can do it. Jesus, that guy's a prick.

All right. We've got it. Did someone say prick? Yeah. You left cats at home, right? I did. That was a lot. Even for me, cats in any dose more than small is too much.

Agreed. Did someone say prick? Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay, well, here is the sheet music, sir, Mr. Pompous Prestigious. I think you're going to find that you are going to love what we wrote. Rocket to the moon. All right.

Well, let's see here. Porky Pig. Was it an acapella? What? I think I said what? Beef takes his sheet music and he's about to go up onto the stage. He's like, let me just, we'll sing it out for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thank you for writing the hit song, but the first time I hear this, I'd like to hear it from someone who's an accredited singer. Actually, we brought someone to demo this for us. This way, I'll actually be able to tell if it's something special. Arnie, take the stage.

Oh, sure. Excuse me, Arnie. Sorry. I guess I'll just sit down. Whoa, that guy's cool. He's really tall. Okay, let me just sit down. Tall and cool?

Hmm? Porky Pig said go to Mountainside. I said eat my big fountain side. I was walking down the acapella just to see if I could find somewhere to salmonella. The thing that I saw made me spell in B. I screamed out loud

and pained for all to amputate. Amputate. It is impossible for most people To lick their own elbow To lick their own elbow Most people fall asleep in seven minutes Seven minutes

It is physically impossibly For pigs to look up into the sky If you sneeze too hard you could fracture it A shrimp's heart is in its head Oh my gosh! I could have sang that as good or maybe better. I thought it was going to be really bad. That was amazing.

That was so good. You did it. Holy cow. Beef bounds up onto the stage. What do you think? What do you think? Pompous Presidious just kind of puts his hands on his knees and stands up,

walks slowly towards the stage, looks you dead in the eyes, undoes a pin off his chest, and pins it on yours. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, shut up, shut up!

Did I just do that? Beef! You're credited! Did we just do that? We? Oh, thanks, Beef. Yeah, we just do that? Beef! You're credited! Did we just do that? We? Oh, thanks, Beef. Yeah, we just did that. Thank you, Mr. Narroway Guild. Thank you, Mr. Guild.

Mr. Prestigious. It's Pompous Prestigious. You know that. I don't care. And neither do I. Now that I've got my hit song, you're going to be seeing a lot of my face, I'm sure. Because if there's one thing I'm certain of,

it's just the music that makes you famous and it has nothing to do with appearances or charisma. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Good luck. Thank you. Cats, come now. Well, I didn't get my part of the bargain yet.

I want some screechies. I don't remember what it was. I don't. Please sleep. Go, go, go. Lock, lock, lock. Toggle, toggle, toggle, toggle. And they get pushed out of Bottoms Up. Thank God.

Beef shuts the door, and he looks at his friends, and he goes, Beef, sing something. Sing something. Do it now. Do it now. his friends and he goes Beef sing something sing something do it now do it now oh my god Beef would you mind if

Chip you have a couple more minutes before your audition could you lend Chip your pin and maybe we could hear his audition yeah yeah he'll give it right back beef i'll give it back you better give it back though i'm gonna give it back no you better give it back i'm gonna give it back i feel like jealous i don't think he's gonna give it back i'll make him i'll make him beef trust me i don't want him being able to sing acapella outside of rehearsals.

Guys! And I'm covered in tumbleweeds. Oh, no! Take yourself! Okay, so welcome to acapella auditions. Make sure your audition is good. Make sure your audition is short. We really can do.

We here at Night School take acapella very seriously. Same here. Me too. We're hearing a lot of feedback from you while we're talking so far, but you are up first. Mr. Hoy? Mr. Hoy? Yes, that's right. And as you can see, I am accredited. Okay. Show us what you got. Okay. I'm going to do

the real audition song that I did when I was in college acapella just be prepared to do it under duress oh is that okay that's a concern sunshine blue skies please go away my girl found another and gone away when Now, dude, when I throw this wrench at you. Oh, I'm sorry. What's that? I'm going to throw a wrench at you. Oh, and I have to dodge it?

Up to you. Okay. Okay, great. We'll do. With or with my future, my life. Ow! Chip, Chip, how'd it go? What happened?

Did you get it? Ow! Ow! Oh, my God, you're bleeding! What did they do to you? I got it! did you get it oh oh oh my god you're bleeding what did they do to you i got it i did get it yay um guys they're back get inside i assume that's the season wide arc uh is us fighting tumbleweeds am i correct no spoilers arc is us fighting tumbleweeds the whole time. Am I correct? It has to be. No spoilers!

Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Believe Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Elizabeth, Aaron, and I worked out the story concept, and Sean Maher did the editing on this one. Extra shout out to Arnie Parrott for bringing the

hit song, Rocket to the Moon, to life. Extra shout out to Arnie Parrott for bringing the hit song Rocket to the Moon to life. And extra, extra shout out to Sam Carroll for mixing this song. You can follow Arnie Parrott on socials at Arnie Parrott. And if you didn't know, now is actually an excellent time to check out our Patreon.

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Okay, I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday, and thanks, as always, for listening. That was a HeadGum Podcast.