SitcomD&D - S5 E14: Repayers Recongregate!

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

McAngry needs the Repayers back in action to investigate why students from a nearby high school aren't returning home. In order to get to the bottom of this the Repayers will have to hit the ...books and go back to school!Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. I saw Aaron eat nachos with a fork last night. Is nothing sacred? Is there no safe space in my life right now? And we don't reward tattletailing here. Are you kidding? In the safety of my friendship? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:00:24 I gotta know. like, was it from the get-go she was using a fork or at the very end bits? It was from the jump. From the jump? What? The chips are the utensils. Here's the thing. I was, like, wearing a nice dress.
Starting point is 00:00:39 You looked beautiful. I'm not trying to... Yeah, I looked beautiful. You had the biggest bowl of nachos in front of you. I was with the gals. No one else was really eating. Suzanne had chicken wings. I tried to eat some of her nachos, but then she barked at me. No, I didn't. She said, use a fork.
Starting point is 00:00:52 You use a fork when you buy my nachos. What actually happened, Elizabeth, if you'd been paying attention the whole time. Also, how dare you for this. The second thing I'm going to say is I had four perfect little nacho chips. I had four of the chips. And when that's enough perfect little nacho chips. I had four of the chips and went, that's enough of that. Game over. I had the four best chips on the plate. There's chicken on these nachos. Oh, then you just
Starting point is 00:01:11 went straight chicken. And I went chicken, dipped a little guacamole, put it in my mouth. Chicken. So you were ignoring the nacho. You were ignoring the chips at a certain point. Yeah. After the four chips, I just want the protein off of this. I didn't want nachos. I'm on Aaron's side. Thank you! Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Today, we are picking up in Bottoms Up. Jennifer's mayoral campaign is underway, and there's a buzz about town about the rat who's running. But it's a typical day at Bottoms Up, and you're going about your typical business when it's interrupted by something that you see in the sky, a certain letter of the alphabet that begins with R. It's R! And that means the Repairs are being called to action by McAngry himself.
Starting point is 00:02:13 So we'll pick up there. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling! Nice! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian Chalice, DICE! fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass,
Starting point is 00:03:00 Elizabeth Andrews as Beef, Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy, Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. I think it's just spelled R, Beef. Why do you ask? But why is it so sexy in the sky? In the what?
Starting point is 00:03:24 There's an R in the sky, man. Oh. Oh. Hmm. Me, Chip, I don't know what that means. Huh. Hey, Chip, do you want to go on that picnic we were talking about having? Uh...
Starting point is 00:03:35 Beef was going to go in the basket. No, I think... Isn't there something... What does that R mean? I don't know that R... Oh. Yeah, I've never... The repairs.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Oh, my God. That means nothing to me. Red Rhino. Red who? The cool... Oh, the cool sexy guy you guys always talk about nothing to me. Red Rhino. Red who? The cool, all the cool sexy guy you guys always talk about and hang out with sometimes? Did we say that? You've definitely said that. Have I?
Starting point is 00:03:52 Yeah, you definitely have. Oh, haven't listened to the show in a while. Yeah, Chalice, you have a poster of Red Rhino underneath your bed that you roll underneath your bed and you stare up at it and kiss it. Chip, I'm so sorry. We have to do a rain check on that picnic you're gonna go hang out with this guy you're gonna go hang out with this guy why are you getting mad you can come you can come with us no it sounds like you guys are more interested in hanging with another guy and by the way oh my god is it tired in here or is it Is it tired in here? I don't think so
Starting point is 00:04:26 Every time we do this This is getting kind of rude, Chip You gotta meet him Crazy sleepy in here It's so sleepy in here Okay, he's walking up the stairs Okay I'm walking
Starting point is 00:04:37 Go take a nap But you can't get mad at me I'm hanging out with Red Rhino Okay, bye, bye, bye, bye I'm sorry Beef, we'll do a picnic another day. It's okay. Oh, is the freaking picnic canceled? What the flip? I got
Starting point is 00:04:49 all my cheese ready. Yeah, it's canceled, Jenny. Throw your cheese away. It's canceled. Throwing my cheese away. Never. Idiot. Going right into my mouth. Jealous. Don't you think it's really strange that Chip has no interest in meeting a superhero? I mean, he once was a superhero, right?
Starting point is 00:05:06 Like, wouldn't he be big? He's just jealous. He's just jealous. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to get my costume on, and I'll meet you. Is it repairer's time? Oh, yeah. Look at the big R in the sky, Jen.
Starting point is 00:05:19 I'm trying to remember where I put my costume. Jenny's alone. Everyone's getting dressed. I think I washed it, except for that I've never washed anything. Hey, Jenny, could you help beef out and zip up my zipper? Sure, Black Widow. Thank you. Okay, I'm just going to jump as high as I can.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Okay, I zipped it an inch. I think I'm better at unzipping Because I can start at the top and then just Wee down I'll ask Chali when she comes down Chalice is at the top of the stairs In a new costume Wait, we can do that? Mine's different
Starting point is 00:05:56 You can't, you know you're already in your costume Better luck next time Chalice is at the top of the stairs And she has a long black cape And a black mask that. Chalice at the top of the stairs, and she has a long black cape and a black mask that has black bat ears at the top of it. Oh, she's like a dog. No. You're dog lady.
Starting point is 00:06:13 No, no, no. I didn't get to announce myself. I have a new awesome voice. A dog voice? No, no, not a dog. Sick dog that's dying? No, I wanted to be a bat. Forget it.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I'm dog lady. You hear the sound of somebody putting pants on on the roof. They're hopping on one foot. And stomp, stomp, stomp. And then you hear a... And a bunch of trash cans crashing. That must be the red rhino. Yay, let's go out to the alleyway and check the trash.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Red rhino, it's us. We're ready to help to help you oh let us help you out there buddy oh sorry hey i uh my back doesn't hurt huh good because we need you to carry the team oh hey what's up i see a black widow i see captain frazier and of course sick dog sick Yeah, you sound like you got a cold. No, I just thought I'd try out this new... I'm Sick Dog Girl. Yeah. Oh, cool. I'm Sick Dog Girl, and my parents died.
Starting point is 00:07:13 I'm an orphan. Yeah. Do you like my backstory? I love your backstory. I'm a misunderstood billionaire. I do love your backstory. Wait, wait, Red Rhino, what is your backstory? Have we ever asked you that?
Starting point is 00:07:26 Well, I killed my best friend. Oh. You have so much in common with Chip. You really gotta meet our friend Chip. I swear to God. You know, after this adventure, we gotta take you on a picnic and have you meet Chip. You guys would hit it off. Yes, I would
Starting point is 00:07:41 love to do that, but I often have to use the bathroom during picnics just just as a heads up, in case that comes up. That's okay. We're next to a lake. We like to go to Swanson's Park and play with the swans. Oh, that sounds very wonderful. That sounds fun. I'll definitely be there, and there won't be any issues with that.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Someone could be dying, guys. We should go. Oh, yeah. Let's go. By the way, I'm the leader. I'm the leader. As Captain Frazier, I'm saying— You have never once been the leader.
Starting point is 00:08:04 What? You're not the leader. You are absolutely not the leader. You'm the leader. As Captain Frazier, I'm saying... You have never once been the leader. What? You're not the leader. You are absolutely not the leader. You're clearly cheese drunk right now. Woo-hoo! I'm pepper jacked up. All right, let's get to the R. And we'll cut to the top of the armory
Starting point is 00:08:17 where Mick Angry walks out of the shadows to give you the 411 on the mission he's about to have you embark on. Repairs, good to see you. Good to see you the 411 on the mission he's about to have you embark on. Repairs, good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you, Mick. Good to see you. We got a new member of the gang.
Starting point is 00:08:32 Yeah, I don't believe we've met. We're down a few, it looks like. I think last time we had Iron Man, we had Fog Thor, Leg Thor. Yeah. Who? Beef looks wildly confused. Beef and I haven't listened in a while. Well, I know how these things go.
Starting point is 00:08:52 The life of a hero is sometimes a short one, I understand. But I'd love to meet this newest addition. You are, I heard, Sick Dog? Sick Dog Girl. Sick Dog Girl. Yeah. Mick Angry. Pleasure. I'm the same. It's girl. Sick dog girl. Yeah. Mick angry. Pleasure.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I'm the same. It's nice to see you, Mick angry. And Beef sits down in a swivel chair and puts his feet up on the table and starts cracking peanuts. So what's the big show? What's the big... Yeah, let's get down right to it, Black Widow. As soon as I get the confirmation that we're ready to begin from your leader. You've got it!
Starting point is 00:09:24 No, no, no. What? I'm the leader, okay? I think I was the one that said Repairers, and that's all it really takes to be a leader, is naming the crew. I'm okay with that. What about you, Sick Dog? I think we should be Sick Dog Girl and the Repairers. You just joined, Sick Dog Girl. Okay, let's just get down
Starting point is 00:09:46 to brass tacks. Yeah. So he pulls down a map. Alright, this one it's nice because it's a little bit more local with this mission. So definitely don't have to pay as much for travel. We paid for travel. God, there's a lot of expenses that go into
Starting point is 00:10:02 this. Do we get paid for this? I filled out a W-9 last time and submitted that. Yeah, I filled that out too, but there was no direct deposit or anything. Oh, I never looked. I couldn't figure out my routing number, so that really f***ed me over. If you file your W-9, you get paid. I don't know what else to tell you. Well, I'm not getting my W-9 because the receptionist at the front door isn't helping me
Starting point is 00:10:24 because she wants to see me suffer. I swear to God. If you need a routing number, if you want to get direct deposit, that's just as simple as that. Also, not be Black Widow. The target for this mission is Zack Morris High. It's the high school a half mile from this location, located here on the map. You want us to take out a school? Good God, man, no.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Well, you should probably keep talking because I thought we us to take out a school? Good God, man, no! Well, you should probably keep talking, because I thought we had to take out the school, too. I'm trying to. Okay. The issue with this school is that kids haven't been coming home from school. When parents go to investigate and force their kids back home, these students are then just sneaking back out to go back to the school. We don't have a lot of insight as to why this is,
Starting point is 00:11:09 but typically, kids are trying to get out of school, not stay there. So, we definitely think this warrants an investigation. I was going to say the exact same thing. Something's got to be happening if they're going back to school. Maybe these kids are all just a bunch of nerds. Yeah, maybe it's a bunch of nerds with cool teachers or something like that. Well, we need you and your team, Red Rhino. What the frick?
Starting point is 00:11:32 To get to the bottom of it. And in order to do so... We have to go undercover as high school students? That's exactly right. Way ahead of you. And Beef brings out the wig. He goes around the corner and brings out the wig wagon Okay but I'm gonna get changed to the bathroom
Starting point is 00:11:47 Because I'm shy Aww No shame here man Thank you Well this meeting is already running way over time I've got six other teams I need to send out On missions in different areas There are other teams?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Yeah wait what? Is that why you only need us like once a year? Let's just say you guys are like my option E. That makes sense because we are being sent to a school where kids are just continuing to go to school. It's not that bad. Yeah, you're playing crap hole for me, if we're being honest.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Well, I gave you the directions, the target, what's going on. Please get to the bottom of it and make sure you get your paperwork filled out with Janice and yeah, good luck. All right. Love you. Love you. Oh, okay. We cut to right before the next school day begins as the repairs who are not looking too much like the repairs right now,
Starting point is 00:12:39 walk up to enter Zach Morris high. If you guys wouldn't mind, can you describe what your characters look like as they head into the double doors of the school? Chalice has short, brown, swoopy hair. A hair that a kind of like a teen heartthrob would have in the 90s. And she's wearing a full football uniform entering into school with the shoulder pads and like the black lines under her eyes. Beef has a long black trench coat, rings on each finger, black eyeliner kind of smudged around his eyes, cigarettes coming out of his pockets, and a Led Zeppelin shirt that he has no idea who that is.
Starting point is 00:13:26 And the Red Rhino is worried about being caught, so he still is mostly wearing his costume, minus, like, the horn he has unscrewed. He has glasses, and he has his hair tied up into a ponytail, and he's kind of wearing, like, an artsy sweatshirt and a skort, and he's kind of shy, but he's sweatshirt and a skort and he's kind of shy,
Starting point is 00:13:49 but he's like kind of awkward around his cool friends. Don't take off those glasses or I'm going to fall in love with you. Yeah, yeah. Careful. Is Jennifer there too? Yeah. And Jennifer, she just looks like a pink lady from Grease. She has a big blonde wig on and she has a pink lady jacket and she's ready to go. And so y'all walk into this school and there was really nobody walking into
Starting point is 00:14:13 the school with y'all because they're already there. But there is a ton of activity as people are rushing like to lockers, getting ready to move into the classrooms. Wow. It's really hustling and bustling in here. Yeah, it's super intimidating. I haven't been back to high school in a while. I'm feeling a little nervous. Beef slaps. Chalice's character.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Whoa! You gotta get it together, the confidence. You're the guy. You're the confidence guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Captain of the football team. Who's the big man?
Starting point is 00:14:42 Me. Oh, yep, not me. Not me. What's my voice? My voice is this today. My voice is football team. Who's the big man? Me. Oh, yep. Not me. Not me. What's my voice? My voice is this today. My voice is this today. Hey, everybody. This is my voice.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Right now, I love this. Oh, thank you so much. Hey, I'm Ali Cornufalus. Oh, Ali Cornufalus. Yeah, I'm Ali Cornufalus. And I like to paint. And you wouldn't know, but I actually do like sex. Whoa, Allie, cool.
Starting point is 00:15:14 What should my name be? Yeah, what should your name be? Flint Football. That's nice. Black Widow, what about you? Something dark, something brooding, something... Maybe my name's Demonic Dan. Whoa. But your last name's still Football?
Starting point is 00:15:32 Yeah. I'm related to Flint. I'm Flint's brother. You guys are brothers. We're twins. We're twins. We're twins. You guys are twins.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Okay, this is good. Identical. Demonic Dan Football. We're twins. We're twins. You guys are twins. Okay, this is good. Identical. Demonic Dan football. Demonic Dan football. He hates it. He hates it. He doesn't want to ever be compared to his brother.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Whatever, Dan. Don't embarrass me at school today. It's Demonic Dan. Gah! And can I be Stacy ****? Whoa. We're going to have to bleep that. Dan. Gah! And can I be Stacy ****? Whoa! We're going to have to bleep that. No one's going to really know what your last name is. It could be ****.
Starting point is 00:16:11 It could be ****. Or it could even be ****. Dang. But we'll all know it's Stacy ****. So, it seems like class is about to start. You're probably a minute away from the bell ringing, and it's probably going to look pretty odd if you're the only ones not in a classroom. Let's just go to a homeroom.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Yeah, we'll just go to a homeroom and say that we're new. Okay. We're touring or something. We got it. Demonic Dan quickly shoves a kid and takes his books, and he passes them to Allie and Flint and Stacy. Oh, I love books. Give me a strength check.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. I'm going to shove this kid. Okay. I already know it's love. Shove this kid. I got a botched and I have a negative one modifier for strength.
Starting point is 00:17:02 And you all tried to move right along. Yeah, we did. Steve pushes a kid and gets their books. Okay, so you go to grab these books, and your head's already turned the other direction, also assuming, of course, these books are just going to come with me. I've grabbed them.
Starting point is 00:17:19 But you don't budge at all, and neither do the books. You turn your head back around to stare at the person, and they slam the books that they're holding into Beef's nose and face. Whoa. And Beef goes back under his butt. Ow. You trying to steal my books?
Starting point is 00:17:36 You don't want to make Demonic Dan mad. Can I roll for intimidation? Yeah, of course. Yeah, go for it. That's a 12 plus 10. Okay. Whoa. He stops dead in his tracks and is making eye contact with you.
Starting point is 00:17:54 And a beat passes where he's entering fight or flight. I'm crazy. Just give us the books. I'm crazy. Just give us the books. We'll get out of your hair, okay? Sorry about Dan. We're new to the school. All of us. All four of us. Okay. You'm crazy. Just give us the books. We'll get out of your hair, okay? Sorry about Dan. We're new to the school.
Starting point is 00:18:06 All of us. All four of us. Okay. You want to roll persuasion? Yeah. Be careful. My brother bites like a dog. 19.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Okay. Tell you what. There's a bunch of books in the library. I don't want any trouble with you guys. You can just grab them if you need books. I go to a lot of classes without books, so I'm sure you can figure it out, but I don't know what your guy's deal is, but I'm out of here. Oh, wait, hold on. Hold on. What's your name? Cran. Cran. Yeah, Cran. I think I was reading
Starting point is 00:18:34 our classroom roster, and I think we're in your homeroom. Do you mind taking us to your homeroom class? I want nothing to do with you guys. If you're in my homeroom, then you know it's room 201. Good luck. All right, let's follow him. We follow him. Okay, you're in my homeroom, then you know it's room 201. Good luck. Let's follow him. We follow him. You're following Crayon, right? Yes. Is his name Crayon or Crayon? You'd have to ask him again. Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:18:55 Slow down. He's following me. Slow down. I swear to God. Don't make me involve S-Dog, dude. Who? S-Dog? What's up, dog? What's S-Dog? Are you guys supposed to be here? Yeah, of course. I just wanted to make sure I had your name right. Is it Crayon or Crane?
Starting point is 00:19:11 Cron. Cran. Cran. Which one of those is it? Give me a deception check with you guys saying that you're supposed to be here. We gotta get away from this guy. Because you're definitely giving all the indicators that you shouldn't be. 25.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Or not. I don't know what rock you guys have been living under. I can't say this enough. I don't want anything to do with you. Please leave me alone. Okay, we don't want anything to do with you, but we're in your homeroom. Yeah, Cran.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Take us to class, Cran. Oh my God. Okay, come on. And you guys walk into 201, led by Cran. We sit in the very back row, and I'm going to put my feet up on my desk, and I start peeling a pear. Flint, introduce us to everybody.
Starting point is 00:19:48 Be your cool self and introduce us to everybody. Oh, yeah. Hey, what's up? Whatever. I'm here with my brother. No. Demonic Dan. I watch out for him.
Starting point is 00:20:02 He bites. Also, the girl next door, sort of my best friend who I have a platonic thing with, Allie, Cronophysos. That's Cronophilus. Also, I'm over here.
Starting point is 00:20:14 You probably can't even see me because I'm so much of a wallflower, just in case everybody knows. She's basically invisible. And over here is Stacy. And no, it's not. It's. Yeah. She likes, it's not. It's. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:27 She likes to sing. She likes to dance. I would say look out for her. She has a gambling problem. She'll probably try to rob you. So I just say stay wary of her. We're really excited to learn. And shout out to Crayon.
Starting point is 00:20:38 Awesome tour guide so far. The rest of the students just kind of stare at you. That was weird. So who's teaching these days? And a teacher walks into the room and sits down in the first row. And then Cran gets up and goes, I think we're ready to begin. And goes to the board and writes, Mr. Cran. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:11 nights mr cran no no no no oh so is that really a teacher that just came and sat down so do give me a perception check or investigation check well if he's writing it on the board we at least get to know what it is thank god yeah i got a 22 okay you can tell that there is an adult sitting in the front row that looks very much like a teacher, and that it looks like a student, Cran, is about to lead this class. All right, let's get this started. We got some new folks. I'll write my name on the board. Clint raises his hand.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Oh, hold on. C. Oh, we have a question. No! He's not done with his name! Flint! And it started with a C? What? That surprised you the most? Well, I'm hoping it's not crane.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Or crayon. I think that was all start with C in my mind. So surprised. Why are you surprised that it's a C? I'm scared, man! Yeah, we got a question. Uh, yeah. Hi, I'm Flint, star football Yeah, we got a question. Yeah, hi, I'm Flint, star football player. It's like the fourth time
Starting point is 00:22:09 you guys have introduced yourselves to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is that man in the front row? And aren't you a student? Why are you up there teaching the class? That is Mr. Jacobson. Why is he here? You guys have way too many questions.
Starting point is 00:22:23 It's kind of freaking me out. Executive decision. We are going to send you to see S-Dog. S-Dog? What's up, dog? Does that stand for sick dog girl? Okay, here's your hall pass. You guys gotta go see S-Dog.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Do we all have to go? I didn't say a single peep. Yeah, you too, demonic Dan Football. You gotta go. Demonic? It's demonic! Out. I've got a whole lesson to teach on how cool S-Dog is, and we need to get into it.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Wait, you think he's cool, this scary guy? You think he's cool? We all do! This is why you need to go check in with S-Dog. This is getting really weird. Please go. Okay, this might be a cult situation, guys. Do we have our cult box? Yes. Right here. And Beef Pats' trench coat. He's like, right here. And
Starting point is 00:23:09 as they leave the room, Beef takes the chalk and he finishes out the name Mr. Crap. Nice. Okay, give me a dexterity check to see if you can finish that before he physically removes you from the room. That rules.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Botch again. God damn it! Did you botch again? No, I didn't botch, but I got a five. He grabs you, chalk in hand. All you get out is a little R, but it's not even all the way finished. You're just continuing my name. I don't know what
Starting point is 00:23:42 plans you had, but foiled. Out of here. Crap, crap, crap. You're crap. Is it crap I don't know what plans you had, but foiled. Out of here. Crap, crap, crap. You're crap. Is it crap or is it cray-op? And he slams the door. You guys are all standing in the hallway now. I guess we'll never know.
Starting point is 00:23:53 All right, where is S-Dog? You didn't tell us where to find him. Oh, wait. There's a bunch of signs all over the place that point to S-Dog's lair. Lair? What the heck? We start following the signs to his layer and the signs lead you through the high school halls that are now empty and as you walk past some of these classrooms you can
Starting point is 00:24:14 see into them through the windows in the door that they're mostly being led by other students and there's some teachers and adults also sprinkled out throughout those classrooms as well but everyone is paying a lot of attention to what's being said at the front of the classroom some teachers and adults also sprinkled out throughout those classrooms as well. But everyone is paying a lot of attention to what's being said at the front of the classroom. And it doesn't seem like everything's out of control. In fact, it's the opposite. Everyone seems to really be focused on whatever's being taught and excited to learn. As you make your way down the hallway, you are led to the gymnasium. Before you enter, is there anything you want to do? I just want to say,
Starting point is 00:24:47 I don't know what the problem is. Everyone seems so... Yeah, I feel like Mick Angry maybe led us on a wild goose chase. Maybe this is just people being cool and nice. No, I smell something fishy. Nobody likes an authority figure at a school. But his name's Zest Dog.
Starting point is 00:25:04 I know, that is cool. So that has given me pause for sure. Pause. Pause. That's funny. Chip would love that. He would. He would. I miss Chip. Doesn't matter. Okay. So yeah, I'm a little bit weary. I think we should have like weapons
Starting point is 00:25:19 or does everyone have some weapons? Well, do we have to have weapons as our new identities? Yes. Okay. Then yes, I do. Okay, me as well. Demonic Dan has a yo-yo.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Allie Cornufalus has art, paintbrushes, and a palette shield. Whoa, that's sick. Yeah. Flint has his fists. Nice. And Stacey has a lit cigarette. Ooh, that's good. I like that.
Starting point is 00:25:49 So you enter the gymnasium. Give me a perception check. 18. 16. Botched. What is wrong with your dice today? Bad dice today. Oh, bad dice day. As you enter the gymnasium, it kind of has
Starting point is 00:26:06 the same vibe as in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight Rises when Scarecrow, so like Cillian Murphy's character, has like his own judgment set up where he's got like his own like stand where people are coming up to like see him one by
Starting point is 00:26:22 one and then he's the judge, jury and executioner kind of a thing. It's not as sinister. It's more like high school vibe of that. I will say the Scarecrow version was exactly like what my high school was like. Whoa, are you okay? But there are people almost watching on the bleachers in the gymnasium on both sides.
Starting point is 00:26:40 And then the court itself is like a line of people waiting to be seen. And then there is almost like a throne at the far end of the gym. Seated inside it, you would assume could only be S-Dog himself. And with your perception, as you start to walk closer in the line to be seen by S-Dog, you see that S-Dog is actually a teenager himself. Kind of a scrawnier teenager, just skinnier. And he's got spiked hair that has like a ton of gel in it.
Starting point is 00:27:14 He's got like pit viper sunglasses and his tips of his hair have frosted. He's got frosted tips. Oh man, why didn't I pick this costume? He's wearing rollerblades. What? But he's seated, so he's not really rolling around right now.
Starting point is 00:27:29 But he is wearing rollerblades. Still. Ready to shred. Holy cow. But he's still, like, his legs are kind of, like, rolling. You know, like, they're going back and forth. Right, totally. So cool.
Starting point is 00:27:39 He's wearing knee pads and elbow pads. I get it. For safety. Mm-hmm. And he's got a completely crushed Capri Sun sitting vanquished at his feet. Vanquished. Okay. As you're like waiting for other people to, you know, have their peace heard, what are you doing in line?
Starting point is 00:27:57 I would like to chat up the person in front of us. Good idea. Hey, hey, excuse me. Excuse us. Oh, yeah. What's up? Have you been in this line before? Have you seen S-Dog before?
Starting point is 00:28:09 This is our first time It's your first time seeing S-Dog? Oh man, I'm so jealous I wish I could see S-Dog for the first time again That'd be sick Yeah, yeah Yeah, oh sorry, you probably didn't notice me Hi, I'm Allie
Starting point is 00:28:22 What's the deal? What's the deal with him? What's the deal with S-Doc? He is the deal. What are you talking about? How long has he been here? Jeez, I mean, as long as I've been here, S-Doc's been here. When did you get here?
Starting point is 00:28:34 Two years ago. Two years. Are you a teacher? This happens all... All these students are like teachers and the teachers are students. It's hard to know. Yeah, which one are you? Well, I'm a student.
Starting point is 00:28:45 Oh, cool, cool, cool. I used to be a teacher. You used to be. Are you in trouble? No, I'm just asking that we do pizza days on Thursdays and Fridays, actually, in the cafeteria. Oh, that's such a good idea. It is really good. Yeah, I'll ask for Wednesdays, too.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Oh, that would be awesome. This is obviously a joke because no one would ever go up against S-Dog. But has anyone ever tried to go up against S-Dog? What do you mean go up against? Like question his authority in any way. Why would we? He's always right. He's always right.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Keep your hand on the cult box. Yeah, he puts his hand on the cult box. You guys. What is it, Jennifer? I mean, Stacey. I just remembered that I hadn't talked in a while. Okay. Classic.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Go back to bed. Yeah, good night. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get
Starting point is 00:30:06 solved immediately by a stranger. And I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience. It's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist
Starting point is 00:30:36 and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. Okay, who's up to see S-Dog? Actually, whoa, I don't recognize you three. What's up? What's up? My name's Flint Football. That's my brother over there. No.
Starting point is 00:31:09 His name is Demonic Dan Football. Be careful, he bites. That is my best friend from growing up. Yeah, we're just friends and that's it. And that's all we'll ever be. And she's invisible and stuff. And the little one that's asleep in her arms is stacy and we are transfer students and we're just beyond honored to meet you sir heard great things oh transfer
Starting point is 00:31:36 students okay cool i see you've kind of been getting acclimated here uh we probably do things a little bit differently than your last school, huh? Pretty cool. Yes, how do you do things here? Everybody, we've got newcomers. Time to give them the tour. Bring in the ramp, Zeder. Zeder. Now, what's Zeder going to be like?
Starting point is 00:31:57 Zeder? Zeder looks to be like a cannonball made of mud. Walks out. Wait, walks out? a cannonball made of mud. Walks out. Wait, walks out? A cannonball? Yeah, he's an anthropomorphic cannonball made of mud. And he walks out with his feet or he doesn't roll out? He's leaving a trail of sloppy mud steps as he walks into the gymnasium,
Starting point is 00:32:17 pushing out a little like mini vert ramp, you know, half a half pipe. Okay. And he pushes it to the stand that S-Dog had been standing on to give him a way down from... Oh, he's going to drop down the... Yeah, he's going to drop in to be on the gymnasium floor. And so S-Dog has now clipped in his helmet
Starting point is 00:32:34 and he double checks his elbow pads and his knee pads. And give me a perception check. Eight. Sixteen. Oh, man. I got a five. Okay. You, man. I got a five. Okay. You can tell it's taken a while. He's not going down the
Starting point is 00:32:49 ramp, and he's just trying to psych himself up. He's scared. He's scared. He can't get himself to do it. Do you even know how to skate? Just give me a second, okay? Okay. Radical dude! And then he grabs the top of the ramp, and then puts his belly button down.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Uh-oh. And puts his toes to the ramp. And then, ah, ah! Let's go. And slowly you just hear the eeeet squeak as his belly rubs against the ramp as he goes down. Belly first facing up the ramp. Slowly just slides down.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Ah! He's the leader? Such a nerd. He stands up. He's the leader? Such a nerd. He stands up. He slips on his skates, falls. Thank God he's wearing a helmet because he cracks the back of his head. And then he stands back up.
Starting point is 00:33:34 How did he get such an injury from that? There's a moment of silence and then everyone cheers with a fist in the air. S-Dog! Yeah! Crazy! And he does a little bow, takes off his helmet. Are they kind of making fun of him?
Starting point is 00:33:49 Is that what this is? I don't think so. If that had happened at my high school, we would have teased him into oblivion. Which is not the right thing to do, but we would have done it. And it would have been earned. Yes. I would have gotten eaten, man. Can we do like an arcana check to see if something fishy is going on?
Starting point is 00:34:03 Yeah. On S-Dog, yeah. Sure. Smart. Now we're playing. Now we're playing. eating man can we do like an arcana check to see if something fishy's going on yeah on s dog yeah sure smart now we're playing now we're playing what the hell's going on with this guy all right 17 okay as far as you can tell he's got nothing magic going on with him there's no like magic aura around him doesn't seem like there's anything out of the ordinary besides this being like a typical kid well i'm gonna do an arconic check on the kid that we were talking to in line cool okay gotcha miss ben my arconis sucks yeah my arconis negative one is seb not bad
Starting point is 00:34:38 yes he probably turned into an animal or something right now. Miss Seb, I got a 12. He would have gotten like a 21. I got a 12. Okay. With a 12, you don't notice any magical abilities that any of the students have. But I will say there's something that it seems like all these students have in common. You haven't been able to like put your finger on it just yet, but like as you're studying the greater like student body and trying to get a feel for like what is going on, you notice that there's some sort of through line with all the other students that you just can't
Starting point is 00:35:14 quite put your finger on just yet. And it's visible? Yeah, there's some sort of visual consistency that you just haven't been able to like out yet. Alright, so now that I am down and I just landed that sick trick, I think I can roll you around and take you on a tour here. Now, did you come from a classroom? Do you need to get assigned to a classroom ultimately? Yeah, we're with
Starting point is 00:35:37 Cran. Oh, Cran! Okay, awesome. He's fantastic. Yeah, he's doing, I think he's teaching like S-Dog 101 right now, but we don't even need to worry about the curriculum just yet. And how do you spell his name? Cran? Let me get back to you on that, actually.
Starting point is 00:35:54 I think it's C-R-A. Oh, sorry. I'm needed over here real quick. I'm just going to have to sign off on this. You're not giving us a tour. And yes, okay, yeah. So officially, pizza days, Thursdays, and Fridays. We did it.
Starting point is 00:36:11 We did it. We did it. Hip hip. Hooray. I get S-Dogs. All right, okay. I'd love to just formally introduce myself. Maybe we do that in my office.
Starting point is 00:36:23 Do you guys want to actually see my office? It's pretty cool they gave me an office here. Yeah. That sounds fun. Maybe you guys are picking up that I'm just not a normal kid. I'm pretty cool. Yeah. We could tell by your athletic display earlier.
Starting point is 00:36:37 It was very stunning. Yeah. Cool, cool. Well, let's go ahead to my office then. And you guys go to S-Dog's office. And you can tell that S-Dog has been placed over and written out in crayon over what had said principal's office on the door. It now says S-Dog's office.
Starting point is 00:36:57 Not a good sign. Okay, so make yourselves comfortable here. And this is kind of when I give you the lowdown, just that we rule the school. You know, this is a school for kids, by kids, run by the coolest kids. And you guys seem pretty cool, so welcome, I guess. Is there anything you'd want to see happen if you were running a school that we can put into place? I would love if we didn't get to go home at the end of every day. Oh, yeah, that would be so nice. We don't like going home.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Oh, wow. Okay. Maybe I already... Did I? Um, no, I'm... Okay. Well, great. Anything else? Uh, prom. What's up with that? Is that happening or not? Beef. Uh, more like proms plural. Oh, very fun. Cool. And then when you, like, graduate, I mean, I know that we're new here,
Starting point is 00:37:53 but I think Flint would do such a good job replacing you. How would we get him elected to whatever position you hold? Well, tell you what. Anyone can replace me at any time as long as there's a majority vote which can be called at any time democracy oh that's also you were voted to this position that i was there's a lot of things people just take it upon themselves to i don't know you could almost call it like where should be i know it's kind of gross it's crazy but now that we're in his office can i I do another arcana
Starting point is 00:38:25 check to see if there's some sort of source for the magic in here? Yeah. Give me an arcana check. 19. Okay. And you're just doing this on the office in general? The office in general. Okay. Your eyes are immediately attracted to a couple of
Starting point is 00:38:41 bracelets that are laid out on the desk. And these bracelets have some sort of glean to them. You know, they've been imbued with some sort of glyph or magical quality that is a little bit above your pay grade, but you know that there's something magic about them. So you are getting paid for this. Okay, they're beautiful. Beef goes magic about them. So you are getting paid for this. Okay, they're beautiful.
Starting point is 00:39:06 Beef goes to touch them. These are gorgeous. Oh, yeah, well, they're for you. You're a student here, and this is how we keep track of our students, make sure nobody is hurt, and that we can identify outsiders versus real students here. Beef, don't put that on. Huh?
Starting point is 00:39:25 Oh, no, feel free. And he cl't put that on. Huh? Oh, no. Feel free. And he clasps it on Beef's wrist. Oh, no. Oh, s***. In fact, all of you, why don't you place your bracelets on? Oh, I already have so many big chunky bracelets on. I don't know if that will also fit over
Starting point is 00:39:40 my big artsy chunks. Oh, well. Artsy chunks. There's not. Artsy chunks. There's not a lot of rules here. It's kind of just the one. If you are going to be a student here, you do have to wear the bracelet. And that's kind of it.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Chalice uses minor illusion to make it seem like her bracelet snaps on. Nice. Yeah. And then she's going to keep her hand behind her back after the one minute mark. Gotcha. Okay, awesome. So looks like we're just waiting on you then.
Starting point is 00:40:10 No, because of my artsy chunks, I think it's not going to happen. If that's okay. You should go to a different school though. Maybe wait outside and watch from the window. Make sure everything's okay. Yeah, maybe I'll just go to a different school instead. Well, yeah, that would have to be the case because you can't go here.
Starting point is 00:40:26 It was nice to see you, Allie, and meet you. Yeah, it's so good to see you and meet you, demonic Dan. Yeah, there's no way for me to just be part of it without wearing the thing, no. That is correct. And then you see him open the door to his office and kind of wave at a few people, and they come over, and he begins to whisper to them,
Starting point is 00:40:44 and he's pointing at you, Chip, who's now not chip it's red rhino at red rhino uh and saying like keep an eye on this person i don't trust them okay and so we'll check in with beef right now beef you are effectively charmed so everything that s dog says everything that S-Dog says, everything that he asked of you seems like it's coming from someone that you really, really trust, like with your whole heart. Oh, Allie, yeah, you gotta be wearing the bracelets. It's the only way. I mean, come on. S-Dog knows the right way to do it. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, actually, I know that I'm new to the school, but I'd like to do a vote. I'd like to do a vote. You just said you're not a part of this school, so you're going to be escorted out.
Starting point is 00:41:38 No, I'm trying to change the rules because I think that people don't love wearing the braces. Okay, listen, I guess we can talk over each other all day. Now, this is how it works. You can only call a vote if you are a student. In order to be a student, you have to wear the bracelet. I would like to call a vote because, of course, we'll all just re-vote you in, S-Dog. You're brilliant.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Let's call a vote. Okay, fine. You can call a vote. You're a student. You're wearing the bracelet. I love it. I can't wait to vote for Okay, fine. You can call a vote. You're a student. You're wearing the bracelet. I love it. I can't wait to vote for you, S-Dog. Yes, Flynn.
Starting point is 00:42:10 You get it. Chalice looks over at Beef like, ugh. Ugh. No. Okay, and why don't you escort this one out of here? Yeah, get out of here, Allie. What? I'm running.
Starting point is 00:42:24 I'm running against him. You're not a student here. Well, get out of here, Allie. What? I'm running. I'm running against him. You're not a student here. Well, I'm trying to change the rules. I'm running against him because I would love to lose to you. What an honor that would be. A couple adult former teachers that he had called over grab Red Rhino in disguise
Starting point is 00:42:40 or Allie, however you want to look at it, and start to escort you off the premises. Bye, Allie. It you want to look at it, and start to escort you off the premises. Bye, Allie. It was nice to meet you. Bye, Allie. Sorry it didn't work out. Okay, see ya.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Guys, I got you. Don't worry. I'll save you. I promise. Chalice winks. Beef blinks. Okay, and then you guys enter back into the gymnasium. All right, I know we haven't done this in a while.
Starting point is 00:43:10 It hasn't been called for in, I don't know, since I started in this position you all put me in. But we're calling for a vote of who's going to be, I guess, I don't even know what the title would be. It's just my name, S-Dog. But a new vote for who we want S-Dog to be. I don't know if it could be anybody else but me. Here we go. So Flint Football, did you have something that you wanted to say? I just want to say that I'm running against him as a joke. Of course, you're going to vote for S-Dog.
Starting point is 00:43:36 He's the coolest, best ever. But I just want the honor of saying that I ran against him and lost. So don't write my name down. Don't you dare write my name down or you'll get these fists. Okay. All right. No need for that. If you really do think that Flint football here should be the new S-Dog, go ahead and write down Flint football. But I love you guys. I've been having a blast being super cool with y'all. And if we don't vote me in, I'll just say then, I don't think the S-Dog shrine outside is going to get finished anytime soon,
Starting point is 00:44:15 and that would be a bummer, right? But yes, vote for whatever your heart says should be the case. Okay, everybody vote. I'm voting for S-Dog. I am too, and I'm on the ballot. Does Flint get a laugh? Flint gets a huge laugh. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:32 Can Beef investigate Flint? Yeah. Because I think I don't believe him. Okay, you're my brother. It's more reason. Okay, mean. Well, you're lucky. I got more reason. Okay, mean. Well, you're lucky. I got a four.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Great. But Flint does write down Flint. But with a four, I do not see. Yeah. The votes are collected by the cannonball mud creature. Who can walk? Zeder. And then he muddily hands them
Starting point is 00:45:04 over to S-Dog who's going through them. I vote for S-Dog. And while he's counting up those votes, I want to check in with Red Rhino. Red Rhino gets tossed
Starting point is 00:45:14 outside like he's being ejected from a club and was misbehaving. And stay out! All right. Chip tries to... Or... Chip...
Starting point is 00:45:23 I mean, Ally. I mean, Red Rhino. I mean, Ally. Uh-oh. I mean, Red Rhino. I mean, Ally. Uh-oh. I mean, we'll lead. Glitch, glitch, glitch. Ally's going to try and find another way back in so that he can help Beef and Black Widow.
Starting point is 00:45:35 I mean, Demonic Dam. We broke them. End the episode and burn the MP3. Yeah, to try and help them. Okay, great. Give me a... You can either do perception to get like a general take on this or if you want to investigate the school and more closely you can roll for that
Starting point is 00:45:51 whatever you prefer i'll just do investigation 13 okay with a 13 you do see on the outside all the doors that you go and try are locked however However, there is a window that seems to be cracked as you walk around the periphery of the school. Okay. Give me also a stealth check as you're going about this to make sure that some of the watching eyes that may be around and on guard don't see you. 16.
Starting point is 00:46:23 You're safe. Okay. I sneak back in and try to make my way back towards the gymnasium. Okay. You lift up the window and you fall into the room. Give me a perception check for the room. An eight. Okay. It's hard to tell what's going on in this room and you're starting to realize that the window is cracked for a reason. There is some sort of machine, some sort of steampunk machine that is generating a lot of what seems to just be like pulsating energy, as well as smoke and like fog. If you would have rolled higher, you would have kind of seen that there's some like steam
Starting point is 00:47:01 that was like actually kind of coming out of that window. But there is a machine at work in this room. Can I do an arcana check to see what's going on with it? Yeah, for sure. 15. With a 15, this is a kind of above, again, Chip's pay grade as to exactly what this machine's purpose is and what it should be doing.
Starting point is 00:47:24 But you connect it to be doing. But you connect it to the bracelets. It looks like an old-fashioned stove that would almost like be in a cabin. Is it like the center of the heart of this? And then a bunch of pipes leading out of it and then energy's kind of radiating and pulsating like a heartbeat. You just notice that the energy coming out of it kind of reminds you of the glean that was happening on the bracelets that all the students are wearing. I unplug the machine. This machine does not have
Starting point is 00:47:52 a plug. I destroy the machine. Okay. Use your paint shield. You gotta use your paint shield. I repaint it to do something else fun instead. Okay, so as you're looking at this machine, I actually want to check back in with I repaint it to do something else fun instead. Okay. So as you're looking at this machine,
Starting point is 00:48:11 I actually want to check back in with the gymnasium. S-Dog was in the middle of counting those votes. Okay, another one for S-Dog. And then everyone cheers again. Yay! Oh my God, S-Dog, you're so cool. And why don't you read this one for me? Demonic Dan Football. This one says... Flint?
Starting point is 00:48:29 Wait, what? What? Someone voted for me. What? Voted for me? Okay, who did this? Who thinks that there's someone cooler than S-Dog here, huh? I swear, S-Dog, it wasn't me.
Starting point is 00:48:42 It could not have ever been me. I think it's you. You're God. You are him. You are the light of my eyes. Silence yourself, oaf. I quiet myself. Somebody here doesn't think S-Dog
Starting point is 00:48:58 is the top dog, and I want them to come forward and be brave if they dare. Maybe you voted for me because you're so great, right? That would have been the coolest thing to do, right? What the f*** are you talking about? I'm not an idiot. You're new. I don't... Show me your bracelet. I love you. I love you. Show me your bracelet. Give it. Show me. No. Bad dog Hey Paw You can't talk to me like that
Starting point is 00:49:28 Beef comes up behind Chalice And grabs at her bracelet So then your hand goes forward Is that what you're trying to do? Give me a pose strength check you two Chalice if you're going to try to resist I am I got a five
Starting point is 00:49:45 I also got a five This is so pathetic Oh pathetic We're in a lock but it's weak It's very weak Asdark's gonna actually step in Because he can tell it's at a stalemate Grabs Chalice's wrist from behind her back
Starting point is 00:49:59 And pulls it forward to reveal She's not wearing a bracelet I should have known there was tricks afoot. Someone get me a cool bracelet that we all love. You're a nerd, you nerd. And when you wiped out earlier on your skateboard, you looked like a f***ing idiot. Okay, that's it.
Starting point is 00:50:17 No, I'm actually beefed off. Everybody grab her. And all the students are like, yes, S-Dog, what is she doing? And they come and surround and swarm Chalice. Chalice uses Gust. Gust at like the approaching mobs? Yeah. Okay, they are blown back and as quickly as possible,
Starting point is 00:50:34 stand up, ready themselves to rush in again. You have another action to take before they get to you. Is there anything that you'd like to do as now? It's almost like World War Z. They are a mob running at you. you'd like to do as now it's almost like world war z they are a mob running at you i'm gonna do web okay cool web them up they need to do a saving throw uh 14 gotcha and how what square footage can you um 20 foot cube a 20 foot cube gets freaking webbed and half of them in the 20-foot cube, which is about probably a third of the people total.
Starting point is 00:51:09 So one-sixth of the people are effectively webbed and stuck. The other one-sixth that you hit doesn't really faze them and they're still rushing at you. They're swarming in. And as they're about to all just seize Chalice, I'm going to cut back to Red Rhino, a.k.a. Allie, standing before the machine. Painting. Painting it. That is emanating this energy. I'm going to cut back to Red Rhino, a.k.a. Allie, standing before the machine. Painting.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Painting it. That is emanating this energy. I'm painting it. Fun colors. As I investigate to see how to, like, if there's something I can just unscrew, is there, like, one little thing I can unscrew and it turns the whole thing apart? Or do I got to smash it with a big axe? Yeah, give me an investigation check.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Okay. Do I got to smash this thing with a big axe? A nine. With a nine, the only answer you're seeing right now is like a possible option to, like the weakness in it, would just be to smash it with your big axe. You do sense that there is a risk that if you do smash this thing, there might be some sort of magical explosion.
Starting point is 00:52:03 You don't know how big or bad it would be, but it could be bad. Well, it's the only solution I could think of, unfortunately. So I take off my ponytail wig, revealing my giant rhino horn. Oh, my God. And beautiful music plays.
Starting point is 00:52:18 They're beautiful. Yeah, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. That's so funny. It's not taking down the ponytail. It's taking off the ponytail wig. Yeah. I take off my glasses so that they don't break.
Starting point is 00:52:32 And there was one student who must have been on watch duty that saw that the window was all the way open and was coming in to investigate and saw just that moment. And for them, all time stops. And they're just saying, you shake out your horn after removing that ponytail and you are beautiful to them. I turn to them and I smile. I give a little cheeky smile at them. Their eyes roll back and they pass out in bliss. Yeah, I get it.
Starting point is 00:52:55 I climb to as high as I can and jump down horn first at this device. Whoa. Okay. Give me an attack roll with advantage because you're using a horn and this is a freaking Red Rhino episode. Let's go. Oh, Nat 20 first roll.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Oh, no need, baby. Nat 20. Yeah, that doesn't work. No, I'm just kidding. So your horn hits the machine at the perfect pinpoint of its vulnerability. And it is not a tactical slash that you're hitting with this thing, but it is blunt force. And there is a magical explosion.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Your entire vision, Chip, is just all bright gold. It's the biggest heartbeat or pulsation that you've seen come out of this machine. Blasts across what you must assume is the entire school campus. You are rocketed into the wall, driven by this concussive blast coming out of the machine. Give me a D20 roll on damage here.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Oh, damn. Careful. Oh, seven. That. Oh, seven. That's not too bad. You take seven damage. Okay. Thank God I had my palette. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:13 And as the dust, and there is some dust and smoke in the air, does start to settle, I actually want to check back in the gymnasium where the hands that were about to grab chalice the individuals who own those hands are now staring at them going what was i why was i just doing what i was just doing and stay away the beef's like yeah like pulling on her arm he's like give me that give me that. Huh? Sick dog woman. What's happening? What you guys stop for? Get grabber. No, this is, this is sick dog lady. You listen to S-Dog, the coolest kid in school. That's me. What's happening? Kids, you're free to go home. S-Dog has now been defeated. Chip, I mean, Red Rhino, Red Rhino comes running into the gymnasium. I did it.
Starting point is 00:55:08 I did it. I broke the thing. Hey, guys, there was a thing, and I broke it. There was a thing? Yeah, I broke it. Whoa, how big was the thing? Oh, it was pretty big, and I painted it, and it was very pretty. Wait a second.
Starting point is 00:55:19 You're beautiful. Black Widow, you don't really mean that, do you? I absolutely mean that. I'll give you his poster to roll around later on. Yeah, I'm going to need that. Black Widow, Red Run, Repairs? Yeah. I thought I freaking took care of you guys before.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Wait, what do you mean? What are you talking about? Give me an investigation check, any of you. I will. I shall. I won't. I of you. I will. I shall. I won't. I'm naked. I've been rolling bad.
Starting point is 00:55:50 13 for me. 21. Blackjack. Chalice, it all hits you like a ton of bricks. You recognize S-Dog as Simon, the teenage wizard. With the cat named Hingham. You rang. You little shit.
Starting point is 00:56:08 And Hingham walks out. He's been taking a nap in a little patch of sunshine in the back of the gymnasium and hops up on Simon's shoulder. What? Oh, you got away last time with like an egg. And I freaking told you I was working on mind control stuff. Kind of worried for you guys
Starting point is 00:56:22 that you didn't figure this out earlier. Hold on. You were just using it to be cool? And you were doing that? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. He was using it to be cool at a high school. What a nurse. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:56:36 What am I supposed to do? Just get a haircut. It's pathetic. It's honestly pathetic. Get a haircut. Get a haircut. Hey, hey, we were all in high school once. I did embarrassing stupid things. I'm sure you all did as well. No, not me.
Starting point is 00:56:52 I doubt that. Red Rhino didn't. Here's the thing. I'm sorry. Everybody listen. I'm sorry. What's really nice is it actually gave me the opportunity to realize that even without the bracelets, I've learned to be like a pretty cool kid. No.
Starting point is 00:57:10 No. Okay. But you know what? Untrue. Don't lie. We will take you out for a milkshake. High school was so hard before I had the mind control. I know.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Yeah, you're not getting away this time, buddy. We're going to bring you to our boss, but we're going to get you a milkshake first. You've been here for over two years. This is not okay, Simon. I was only mind controlling for like a year. Hey, everybody, this guy's name is Simon. No, it's Ed's dog now, please. And he sucks at roller blade tricks.
Starting point is 00:57:35 Okay, okay, okay. But he also, I will say, everyone had pizza on Thursday and Fridays. Yes. And a million proms. I think he had a couple good ideas. All right, Simon. Come on. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Where am I going? To jail, probably. Yeah, you're going to jail for certain, but we will stop for a couple of creamy shakes. Just for trying to be cool? No, for the mind control stuff. Can't believe you're going to send a kid to jail just for trying to be cool.
Starting point is 00:58:02 That's not why you're going to jail. No, that sucks, kid. You can't just say just. It's just a minimal thing. These kids haven't seen their families. All I did was give kids pizza one more day in the week, tried to be cool, and you're going to
Starting point is 00:58:17 put me in a maximum security prison. You wouldn't let them go home. You basically kidnapped them. Well, let's ask everybody. Do you guys feel now like you were kidnapped? No, don't do this. Don't do this. No, keep, lay low, kid. Lay low.
Starting point is 00:58:30 And they all rush in to try to grab him like they were trying to grab Chalice and destroy him. Protect me! I yell, pickle, and I pick up everybody. You pickle up everybody. Just as both sides are about to smash into each other, like two walls of people are about to collide onto Simon to make him pay. And you pickle up everybody and shoot up into the air so high, almost into the camera, that it creates the next transition.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Thanks for letting me have a milkshake with you guys before I go to jail. Yeah. Hey, we told you to be quiet during picnic time. All right, Simon? Just be honest with me. Would my time be well spent convincing you that I don't need to go to jail during this milkshake time? Or should I just enjoy my milkshake? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Enjoy your milkshake. Chip, and you would have loved it. The red rhino, he looks so gorgeous. And he destroyed this huge machine. He saved the day. Whoa, he couldn't have been more gorgeous than me, was he? No way. And Chalice puts her head on his shoulder.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Not even close. Aw. And then Beef looks at Chalice like... Yeah, and they're both like... So the thing about being cool, Simon, is you gotta let people sleep. I don't understand that. That doesn't mean anything to me. It means everything to me. You gotta get your hair right.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Okay, so it looks like you got a bad haircut. I think we can all agree, everybody, Simon has a bad haircut. Yes. So what you need to do is you need to first of all chop off the little frosty little tips. That's a chips tip. I'm really scared to go to jail. Have any of us been to jail?
Starting point is 01:00:09 I don't think any of us have been to jail. We were, remember we were undercover to try to get, what's his name out? Oh, Lil Crazy Ass. Oh, we have. We have been to prison. I guess you haven't listened to the show in a while. I was like, is this another foghorn leghorn guy I forgot about? I'll say something that Elizabeth said last night.
Starting point is 01:00:36 I'll tell you two things Elizabeth did last night that were fucking nuts. Let's go. Gattletail time. These are way crazier. Let's go. She kept grabbing her nipples as a bit, as a joke, making the table laugh. We were all bawling at it. And then I went, that's what your nipples are? And you went, yes was looking at it and then i went that's what your nipples are and you went yes of course then you went where are your nipples and before i answered she started poking my boob went there i went no there fully pressing into
Starting point is 01:00:54 my breast going there there there and then she guessed it perfectly and it felt insane and then she said elizabeth said i would have sex with any of my friends if it was a medical reason or for science i could compartmentalize and have sex with any of you. And we went, thank you, Elizabeth. And I wouldn't have told anyone that. Hey, I'm an open book, Keef. Come at me. I know.
Starting point is 01:01:15 I can't hurt you. You would have said that voluntarily. That was her second story she had. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour,
Starting point is 01:01:28 and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Waleed and I worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. Now is also
Starting point is 01:01:36 a great time to check out our Patreon. Support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors,
Starting point is 01:01:43 equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we love. So sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash sitcom dnd and get in on the fun! And if you want to keep up with the gang and get sneak
Starting point is 01:01:57 peeks at upcoming episodes and future guests, you can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sitcom dnd. That's sitcom and then the letters D and D. Okay, I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Thank you.

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