SitcomD&D - S5 E16: Bar Crawlcus

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

The BUGs embark on a bar crawl to enlist the votes of all the different unions and factions around town, but with each bar (and with each drink ingested) the task becomes more and more daunting.Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Erin Keif & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I did watch a movie that you guys have probably seen because it came out in like 2009 with my sisters this weekend called The Orphan. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Scary movie, right? Scary movie. Oh, big time. I have not.

The biggest twist. Whoa. No spoilies. I know, but God, the twist is insane. It's based on something that really happened, too. No, it can't be. Yes. I think most scary movies are, right?

Jaws. Poltergeist. The Exorcist. Halloween. Chucky. Chucky. Chucky's based on a true story right

yeah that guy's real he's making millions yeah he's not a doll but he is real I went to one of his pool parties in the hills

it was crazy yeah he's absolutely loaded now he's loaded I can't believe you didn't invite me to that Aaron it was way too hearty of a party

you would have hated it well we just knew you would have been flirting with him the whole time and he is married like the bride of chucky for sure would have been there sure and i would have been dead meat welcome back to sitcom dnd a real playgeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we have got an episode for you. And, players, I got a little bit of context for you. Because we're going to get right into the swing of things.

Today, in France, it is the inaugural Bar Kralkus. It's like the Iowa caucus, but it's like a bar crawl. It'll all make sense in time. The Bar Kralkus is where the mayoral candidates every year bar hop

from bar to bar and meet with the different unions and associations spread across France to try to garner their vote. And in garnering their vote, win a badge. Jennifer will be wearing a mayoral sash, almost like a Girl Scout sash, throughout this whole bar crawl. And there will be nine different associations or guilds that you need to try and get their pledge or their vote in the election for. And I will say this, no candidate has won

without getting five out of nine pins from these associations. Y'all know this, you're very familiar with this. In fact, in the past, Bottoms Up has been a bar that mayoral candidates have frequented, but this will be the first time that you're part of a political team that's participating in it with your candidate, Jennifer. And just so you guys know, in real time, there is a time limit at each bar. Oh. You only have five minutes at each bar in real play time to achieve what you need to achieve. At which point, a bell, like a church bell,

goes off in France, letting you know when you have to move on to the next bar. Any questions? I'm ready to kick some ass. Okay. Get some badges, yeah. Kill as many people as we need. Wait, what are we doing?

Easy. So you all are about to step out the front door and enter French's Bar Krolkis'. Before you do, though, let's get quiet on set. Get the sound speeding, because we're rolling. Dice! Nice note.

Beautiful. I never heard a tone come out of me like that before When you need a break from this crazy world To see your friends and fill a cup Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip and Beef At the Noble Bottoms Up As step by step our growing pains Are improving home and away

We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end So cheers to all our family and our friends Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant And Sean Coyle as everything else

Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience Okay, everybody, make sure you got your sunscreens and your hats. It's gonna be a long day. Beef's passing out water bottles. I'm already tired, Beef. We kind of foresaw that, Jenny. So the wigwagon has been repurposed today for your little rump to sit upon. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Beef, I'm already sunburned. Whoa, Chip, what the heck happened? I have no clue. Ow! You've been outside for like 30 seconds. I feel like a bunch of people are pointing mirrors at me or something. This is, I don't know what's going on. God, Chip, you're going to have to wear like some kind of something that cover you all up.

I can't have you get burnt even more. So I got to wear one of those dad t-shirts at the pool? Yes. Yeah. I just wanted to wear one of those dad t-shirts at the pool? Yes. Yeah. I just wanted to not wear clothes today. You guys, we are falling apart already.

We have to keep a couple things in mind. We have to make it to all of these. We can't get too drunk. Well, technically, we only have to make it to five if we knock

all first five out of the park, right? I love your attitude, Chip. Keep that positive energy. We're going to need it all day, okay? I'm not even going to vote. I don't even need to.

I'm so confident. God, you're getting so burnt. Let's go. Let's walk faster. The wind hurts my skin. Beef's going to scan the skies to see if there's anyone on the roof that has a mirror that's really is trying to burn. Is trying to burn, Chip.

Give me a perception check. All right. It was a six. Not great, but I did try for my buddy. Appreciate that. When you look up into the sky, Beef, you get distracted by the sun itself. Find yourself staring at it for about two seconds too long

and grasp your eyes. Okay, run. Everybody just run. Wait, I forgot Jenny. Beef runs back to get the wigwag Leave her We need her Oh yeah okay

You're pulling too fast Spring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling Before too long you find yourself At the first bar Incredible Incredible Which is the stinky trout This bar first bar. Incredible. Which is the Stinky Trout.

This bar, just to give you some insight here, is a giant shipwreck turned bar. As you enter, there is a good amount of people at the bar, at the tables, within the establishment. And this will be the Fisherman Federation. You're going to need to make a, within the establishment. And this will be the Fisherman Federation.

Fisheration. You're going to need to make a pretty good impression here. And so let it commence. Whenever you guys are ready, it's yours to do what you want. Okay, Trouters. We're here. It's Jennifer's committee campaign. We not be the Trouters.

We're the Fisherman Federation. The name of the bar is the Stinky Trout. Okay. Pardon us, sir. Did you fart? No. Jealous? Yes, I did.

I won't lie. I'm not going to start this off with a lie. That would be insane. I farted the second I walked in here. Well, that's a proper fisherman greeting. Oh. Listen up, lads. Usually politicians come in here blowing hot air.

But this time they're blowing it out their arses like we do. That's right. That's right. And if you vote for us, we could maybe help you rebrand and get more fish coming in and out of this place. Can I just say

we at Bottoms Up order a lot of fish. The stuff that you guys are bringing in, freshest fish I've ever had in France. I used to live at the castle. Not as good as your fish. Let's order a round of drinks for

our guys here. Beef saddles up to the bar. Bartender, can's order a round of drinks for our guys here. Beef saddles up to the bar. Bartender, can I get a round for my guys? My new friends? Of course you can. Here you go. Thanks. Let's raise our glasses. Guys, I think this is just salt water.

Are they just drinking salt water? Just do your best, okay? I know this is technically impossible to just drink this all, but we're going to do it, okay? Oh, my God. It is our pledge to you that we will help get more fish coming in and out of this place. How do you suppose you're going to do that? Well, one of the things that we've noticed that bottoms up is our food, frankly, sucks. Let's be honest.

Okay. Let's be honest. A bunch of mumbles of agreement. Oh, yeah. It does. I bet. Mm-hmm. A lot of people are throwing in the back alley makes its way to the old dumpster.

But I've been thinking lately. Chalice is covering Jennifer's ears during this, by the way. But I've been thinking lately, hey, wouldn't leftover food make some pretty good chum? So I was thinking maybe not just us, but maybe all the restaurants could turn their leftover food into chum that was available

to any fisherman who chose to get that chum. This guy with a violent sunburn has a pretty good idea, don't you think? Don't pat my back. Fresh fish for friends by Chum Bikus. Just call me Chum Ahoy. Why don't you give me a persuasion check? Can do.

Everybody or? Just Chip, because he gave the speech there. That sucks, because I rolled a 20. 12. Okay, with a 12, there's a considerable silence as what looks to be the fisherman who's leading them kind of eyes you up and down. You got quite the sunburn there.

Mm-hmm. From today. From earlier today, that is correct. I think there's a bunch of mirror villains running around the place. You're outside for about a whole of ten minutes and you got to sunburn that bad. Well, because of mirrors. This is a clear indicator

that this is not a man of the outdoors. In fact, none of these are. She earlier even said she used to be a princess. It's just another group of politicians trying to come off as some blue-collar workers when clearly they're not. Chip farts.

Chip farts as much as, as best as he can. Give me a performance check. Come on. Come on. Ah, 14. Not great. Okay. You rip ass.

That gets their attention in a few chuckles. collar my ass okay i'm a knight of this realm studying to be so i've killed a dragon which i now know is illegal but i've never done good business i've no white collar my collar is only covered in blood and poop and look look at this guy i mean he's contributed to the community. He's gone to community college here. He's been in the acapella group. This guy cares about this community. Ah, beef. Seriously, stop touching my back.

And he's running for mayor? I don't see his name on the canyons. No, no, not at all. Just, gosh. This little rat whose ears I'm covering. Yes. Why are you hugging me so weird? Behind the rat is a team that will be sure to get across the line with all of you. We got an assistant, secret service, and a campaign granny.

God, I keep forgetting that's what I am. One minute. Check until the bell is going to toll gentlemen last thing i'll just say to you you look and i hate to stereotype here like a couple of guys who love your sea shanties right you're singing after being on the sea all day salt air on your face you want to sing a sea shanty with your guys while you drink what seems to be spiked on your face. You want to sing a sea shanty with your guys while you drink what seems to be spiked ocean water. And what

I'm saying is, you know who is making it that you guys can't sing anymore? I don't see any of you with a singing pen. The mayor. The first thing Jennifer will do when she gets into office is she's going to get rid of that law and everyone's allowed to sing again. And you get to sing sea shanties at the end of a hard day.

That's right. The first thing I'm going to do is spin in the big mayor chair but that could be the second thing i do all right also boys sex is back on the menu just as a heads up uh chelsea why don't you give me a persuasion check okay we gotta not a bad time to roll a nat 20, baby. Oh! Oh, mama. Okay. Chalice farts again. This time, celebration. With a nat 20, especially with the added help of sex is back in the menu, but that idea of them singing sea shanties, which you can tell,

there was just a little mist in their eyes when they thought about not being able to right now. The idea of bringing that back has got them all on your side. They all cheers their glasses, and as the bell tolls, a salmon pin that is salmon in color gets pinned to Jennifer's sash.

You got our vote, sluts. Good luck on the rest of the caucus crawl. Did he just call us sluts? He called, sluts. Good luck on the rest of the caucus crawl. Did he just call us sluts? He called us sluts. Did everyone else kind of like being called a slut? Did we do that instead of bugs? Sex is back on the menu. Good luck, sluts.

Godspeed. Fishermen are really different these days. That'll be horny here later. On Sundays. And y'all walk with your chins held a little higher with a little bit more momentum as you move on to bar two. You look at

your map that's kind of almost like a Candyland map of the bar crawl and caucus that you're about to embark on. And bar number two is the milk hole. Do you think maybe the map is too shiny and it's reflecting? It's like one of those tanning mirrors. I'm getting all of this. You're blistering. Your face is blistering. I feel like I've had a sunburn four weeks at this point. I don't know what's going on. And you walk up to what looks to be almost like a 50s diner and milkshake bar. And this is where you know you are going to get in front of the Association of Teen Activists.

And so there are a bunch of teens with their coiffed hair and perms and big jackets and roller skates at the milk hole. And they are ready to potentially hear you out once you get their attention. Beef disguises self to look like them. Oh, brilliant. Great. Big swing. Yeah, huge swing.

Oh, by the way, another lay on. After each bar, because you have to have a drink, the drunker you get, the worse you are at lying or being deceitful. You will have a negative one to your deception modifier after each bar. Gotcha. Spring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Spring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Hey, what's going on, everybody?

Record scratch. I'm doing Fonzie guns. I hear the record scratch, and I go and I try and elbow the record. The grown man with the blistered face went first and did the Fonzie. I'm not criticizing him. Just making sure that that's what we went with. Hey man, he went right for it. Give me an attack roll since you elbowed the jukebox.

But does elbowing help it? I guess we'll find out. The 27. You obliterate the jukebox. Waleen! Hey! Okay, actually, this is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to play villain now. No! I'm going to, hey! Beef had such a good idea. We had a plan. Beef can still do his idea and I think it will help.

Hey, I'm part of old Mayonnaise's campaign. How you f***ers doing? Buttheads? Get the f*** out. You broke our jukebox. What the hell's the matter with you? Tony, cool it. No, get this f***ing freak out of here.

Hey, no music. I like the mayor's laws, and no music is good for me. Chalice shoves beef through the door. Did all these people come with them? Get out of here. And they're all grabbing Chip. No, we're with a different campaign. This guy's a loser.

And they grab and mob Chip. And there's like eight of them. These guys in like T-Dragon jackets who are grabbing you and pushing you out of the door chip. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I don't know those guys. They're different than me. Okay. You're pushed out into like effectively

where people park their carts and stuff. Okay. I find shade. Okay. Back to Beef. Beef walks up to the counter. I'd like to order a double milk hole, please. Just one? Yeah, your biggest one you got. The biggest one you've never given to nobody

because I'm going to smash it. The rule is all political parties have to have at least one drink, so I'll get a round for all of you and a big one for you, little man. Yeah. All right. And he's got like the paper diner hat. It's almost like a little sailor's cap, drinks, so I'll get a round for all of you and a big one for you, little man. Yeah. Alright. And he's got like the paper diner hat. It's almost like a little sailor's cap, but it's made of paper.

And serves you your milk-cold drinks. Who wants to double-dog dare me to drink all of this? The Association of Teen Activists look pretty bored and they don't care. Oh. Whoa. Is that Mikey Coolhat? look pretty bored and uh they don't care oh whoa is that mikey cool hat holy smokes do you know

this guy is the best skateboarder in fraser i'm pointing at beef i mean i'm pointing at mikey mikey cool hat i don't i don't know who that is that's's insane. He is a political activist and cool skateboarder. The things that teens love most of all. Yeah, I really like to skate for profit, non-profits. What's up with you guys? You guys like to volunteer places? Because I volunteer

a lot of places. What's your deals? What's our deal? Honestly, skateboarding is tight or whatever, but we care. This is a really important day. And we're here to hear from candidates who actually are going to make a difference. For sure, yeah. I mean, I skateboard for difference.

Would you guys like to know? That might be an Alzheimer beef line for me. I'm so sorry. I skateboard for difference. I'm crying. Yeah, I was going for difference. I'm crying. Yeah, man.

I'm crying. I find that, you know what, I'm on my board. I feel free. And I think that's what every person should be able to feel. You know, the wind in their hair, no one holding them back, no laws taking them down. Listen, what Ronnie's saying is that skateboarding's tight and individual freedom's important, but individual freedoms get tread upon if we don't stand up for what's right with our political candidates and have our voices be heard. You must have never heard of

Mikey Cool Hat. He's so politically active. He's the one who convinced Jennifer the Rat to run for mayor because Mikey Cool Hat did not like what he saw. Everyone being oppressed like this, the mayor on a power trip, he found that disgusting and he organized this campaign all on his own. Okay, those are good words, but I don't know anything about Jennifer the Rat. How is she going to change what's going on? Well, she's going to skate on through. She's going to skate up right up to the politicians and she's going to tell them what you want to hear.

Which is, what are you guys worried about? What are we worried about? I messaged the beef. Just remember, sex is back on the menu, boys. Oh, okay. What are we worried about, huh? We want sex back on the menu? What are we worried about these days? Sex? You guys are just

trying to pander to us when we want candidates in there who actually know the problems and know the solutions ahead of time, so they're not just looking to pander to us. I'm sorry, but I don't think you're getting our vote. Okay, hold on. Beef, take off your disguise.

Beef touches himself. Now take off your disguise, Beef. Beef touches himself again. I freaking know it. Look, you guys are just phonies. No, no, listen, listen. Hey, here's the deal. We just care a lot.

Like you, we are being, here's the deal. We just care a lot. Like you, we are being really affected by these laws. It's breaking our heart. It's really affecting our business, our livelihood. Our best friend Seb had to leave town. He was so overwhelmed by all this. This has real life implications. The mayor, he doesn't get you. He doesn't. I think it's so cool how passionate you guys are that you hang out at this diner. If I had known about this when I was a teenager, I would have been here. And I'm proud of you guys. So maybe you don't have to pick us,

but I'd be really, really proud if this group did. And listen, you guys terrify me, all right? Straight up. I wouldn't have been able to come in here as myself because you guys are the voice of the next generation. That's stressful for me because I'm scared of you. And I'm sorry

for pretending to be Mikey Cool Hat. Alright, Beef, give me a persuasion check. 13 plus 7. That's a dirty 20. They look up at you, and they look over at Chalice. You guys

really do care, huh? Hey, man. I spent a lot of my life not knowing what or who or why or how or when. But you guys seem to really know what's up and why and when and how, and I'd love to take the torch across

the line for you. They go to pin a milkshake to Jennifer Sash. All right. You got our vote. Wow. Thank you so much. Did we do that in five minutes? I think you're a little late.

You hear the bell from the church go off. Okay. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Beef does a little cool handshake with the guy. Milkshake handshake with the guy. And then you guys exit out? Yeah. And oh my God, Chip.

I was standing in front of a streetlight, and now there's a stripe down my face. There's a stripe down my face because I was standing in front of a streetlight, and there was a minimal shade. Why were you not in the shade, man? Full shade. This was the best shade I could find. Beef. You need full shade for the rest.

There's an umbrella right there. I missed that. Oh, my God. I missed that. You're making me. It's so gross. It's like he's cooking. How'd it go in there?

We got the pin. We got the pin. Chalice runs back in. Ding-a-ling-a-ling And grabs Jennifer on the wagon And runs back in And you notice that the pin Isn't on Jennifer anymore What? Huh?

You do freaking know this guy How many lies Are you gonna reverse and tell? F*** They were making fun of me Enough No No

Why do we even get our hopes up? We should just wait Until one of us Is old enough guys And run ourselves Should've left Jennifer in there This is why we don't deal with teenagers. They're too smart for us.

Yeah, you also shouldn't have walked in and punched the jukebox. It turned off! It was pissing me off! You thought I was trying to fix it. I was genuinely mad at it. Yeah, god damn it. I exploded that thing.

Well, one win, one loss. We're on pace, I think. I'm not good at it. Yeah, god damn it. I exploded that thing. Well, one win, one loss. We're on pace, I think. I'm not good at math. We gotta go in with a plan next time. Deal. Okay. I'm looking at the map, and based on the picture, I think we're going to the lounge. And you guys go to

like kind of a swanky bar that's probably just like another half block down. You enter it right off of the main drag of France. And as you enter the lounge, it's again got more of a swanky atmosphere. There's a large chandelier in the center of the room. There's a large grand piano,

a little bit more of a sophisticated air in this bar. And the only thing that's incredibly different, I would say from any other bar that you've been in so far today is that this one's empty, so it would seem. Do we know what union was supposed to be here? As you look at your map, as you stand in the middle of the lounge, it reads the Syndicate of Soulbound Objects. And that's when everything explodes into activity in the room. And it's straight up Be Our Guest, Beauty and the Beast style. Whoa.

Oh, looks like we got another candidate here. And that's coming from the grand piano itself where the keys are moving like a mouth. Cool. Go on, don't be shy.

Who we talking to? Chalice realizes that she's sitting on a stool that's sitting on a stool. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. What's the big idea?

I'm so sorry. So sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Apology accepted. Hey. Hi, everybody. Just want so sorry. Hey, what's the big idea? I'm so sorry. So sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Apology accepted. Hey, hi, everybody. Just want to say, first of all, sex is back on the menu, boys.

But also, more importantly, we want to know what problems you guys have been dealing with with the recent Mayor Nays and his string of laws that have affected us so deeply. Well, getting right to it. Why don't you grab a drink first, as is tradition. Sure, way ahead of ya. Couple of drinks for my pals, barkeep. A broom slides over

four different cups filled with ale, and y'all chug them down, only to realize that they are also soulbound objects. Oh, sorry. That felt good.

Oh. Just kidding. It just is nice to be useful. Oh, I agree. I agree. So, did it feel good or just kind of normal? It did. Okay.

Well, we're happy for you then. These cups are sentient. Wow. Here's the thing. It feels good to be useful, but if you really want to get down to it, it's just a bummer that that's our only use. I feel like we all have bigger dreams than me just being a piano. I want to be a piano who helps sick kids.

I want to be a doctor. Well, we know a doctor. We know a couple of guys. We could make some connections. It's just hard in this town to escape what feels like, you know, is your class, is your occupation, is your object that you are. I totally get it. A few things about us.

Beef here used to be a pig, and now he's an incredible, charismatic singer. I used to be a princess in a terrible situation. All the perks were not worth it. My life sucked. My dad wanted me to marry my pervy brother. And Chip here, and then Chalice gags, looking at Chip's horrible sunburn. What? What?

Say something nice. I can't. I can't even. Chalice, you have to say something nice. I think my ex is here. Chip looks over at a mop in the corner. I think I dated that mop. An absolute incredible callback.

An absolute 10 out of 10 callback. Can we get a point for that or something? Yeah. Can Chip get a deception point back? I'll give you an inspiration for that. Cool. I'll take it. And Chip?

Chip killed his best friend, and that was hard to run from. But he's managed. Yikes. Don't worry. I had another best friend, but he ran away. 0 for 2. I mean, is there anything you guys could tangibly do for us? We're just tired of being ignored by politicians.

We're kind of a smaller syndicate. Well, we could have you take those career tests to see what you would be well-matched to. And then the third or second thing Jennifer will do after she sits on the big chair and makes singing legal again will be to help set up a program that matches people with appropriate careers that match their skill set. Or non-people.

Or non-people. Especially non-people. That sounds like a lot of work. Come on. Jennifer. Jennifer. Jesus. Just shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Let's just say what we want to say. Shut up. Shut up.

You would do all that for us. I don't know. It sounds better than, I guess, what we've been promised in the past. Do you really think that you're organized enough and effective enough to actually keep all these promises you're giving to every group? This will be a top priority. Okay. Now, I want you to roll for deception can i use inspiration you can you can and this is your third bar you've had your third drink so you have a well i didn't

get a drink at the second bar i got kicked out that's fair that's fair so your deception modifier whatever it usually is it's minus two at this point. Okay. But you do have your inspiration, so you can roll twice. Okay, good thing. Oh, nice. 20 minus two, so 18. Ooh! Okay. With an 18, you say it'll be a top priority.

You're looking into what you hope is the piano's eyes, which is just the open lid at the top. I trust him. Hell, maybe this is the first's eyes, which is just the open lid at the top. I trust him. Hell, maybe this is the first candidate in a while that will make a change for this syndicate of soul-bound objects. Here, here. Here, here. And all the drinks really start moving on the bar.

The bottles start kind of dancing. The piano starts playing itself. The chandelier is hanging from another chandelier and swinging. There's a lampshade on top of a lampshade's head already. The party's in full swing. Beef's making out with a coat rack.

He's going to town on a coat rack. Chalice is having a very cordial conversation with the mop. That's nice. Yes, very mature. Thank you. Chip is looking through the umbrella stand to hopefully find something to help him against the shade. But they all just turn out to be sent to you.

Oh, sorry. Watch it. Oh, sorry. Good help. And the bell tolls. You exit the lounge with another pin on Jennifer's sash. What does this one look like? Yeah, what does that one look like? It looks like Chip from Beauty and the Beast.

Aww. Cute. My enemy. There can only be one. Before we go, just assume if we had the money and the time, there would be a full Arnie Parrott musical number that Beef sings asking all of the objects what jobs they wish they had.

Be our... Oh, we got to go. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery.

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For the Bar Crawl Cuses. Yeah, that's on you. That's on you, so you have to say it. Damn, the prison I put myself in. It's pee, so it doesn't pee again in the house. Shoving his face in it. Look what you did. The next bar in the Bar Crawl Cuses is O'Flanagan's O'Flanagan's.

And there is an apostrophe in between the N and S in the first O'Flanagan's O'Flanagan's. And there is an apostrophe in between the N and S and the first O'Flanagan's. Great. Yes. Great. A ding-a-ling-a-ling. As you walk in, you notice a large group of pretty normal looking folks, different humanoids and humans, elves, dwarves. You can't really tell what connects all these people, but they are at the bar. Give me a perception check, Chip. A two. Cool, so you enter and you are checking

and you walk up to someone before you even realize who they are or what they are. You thought you'd be able to guess it immediately, but you don't know and you can't guess based on their energy and their vibe. Hey! What's going on, everybody?

Let's take a shot in the dark. This guy's got the energy of someone who'd break a jukebox. Hey, um... Are you running for mayor? What's going on here? Oh, I'm actually, I'm the secret service

of one of the top candidates in the race right now, Jennifer the Rat. And do you have any ointment? No. Okay. Can you get to the point, man? We're seeing a lot of candidates today. Well, you know.

What are you going to do for us? You're right. First of all, sex is back on the menu, boys. Let's just be honest here. Jennifer puts the fun in fundraiser. We're trying to get these rules out of here. We're a little bit sick of all these new laws. You know, a purge, no sex, no singing, the whole business.

We're kind of sick of it all. And we're wondering if you've been bothered by any of these laws as well. Honestly, our co-workers have been more bothered by them than we have, if I'm being honest. And who are your co-workers? Good question, Beef. Beef, give me a perception check. What could this be? Ghosts? Invisible beings? Your sunburn is so bad.

Don't tell me. I'm going numb. 16. With a 16, you follow the eye contact of the individual that you're talking to, and it's at the stage that's in this tavern and bar. And on the stage is an exact replica of the bar that you're in, but it's more of a miniature to scale. And it's about a third the size of the bar itself.

And at that bar are a bunch of puppets who are drinking and hanging out on their own. And when you look back at your map, you notice that this is the League of Puppeteers as well as where the Puppets Guild hangs out. Two separate groups. Oh, so it's two votes? It's two different votes.

Whoa. God, if only Geppetto Pinocchio was here. Is he there? Oh, God, if only Geppetto Pinocchio was here. Is he there? Oh, God, it's these f***ers. Oh, God. Hey, Geppetto. What's up, Geppetto? Hey, man.

What's up? Good to see ya. Great show. It bottoms up the other night, by the way. Good to see you guys. If you were f***ing dead. Nice. So funny. This guy's still got. If you were f***ing dead. Nice. So funny. This guy still got it. Very funny. I thought I told you to not

lip off to me when I'm not at work. I don't think you did tell us. I don't think you told us and I don't think we were. Yeah, normally you don't even talk to us at work. Yes. Hold my strings, boys. Hold me back. Oh, God. Let me at him. Oh, I'd tear your

f***ing limb from limb. No one's holding him back and he's still not doing anything. He's still not doing anything. God, I wish I had bofa. Bofa? Bofa d***. Whoa. My God. Bleed that whole thing. Whoa. Whoa.

Okay. Okay. He's funny. God, what do you guys even want here? Well, it that whole thing. Whoa, whoa. Okay. Boom. Okay, he's funny. God, what do you guys even want here? Well, it's pretty obvious. We need a badge. We need a couple of badges. That two would be great. We'd be thankful for two.

Well, keep it walking. You're probably siding with the puppeteers. Us puppets, we're never treated well. We don't get a fair wage. Ah, so there's a division between the two of you, huh? Oh, wow, very insightful. Yeah, that's what I just f***ing said. Whoa, okay.

I'm tagging out, I'm tagging out. Beef's about to punch this puppet in the face. Beef's gonna cry. Beef's gonna cry. Beef, it's okay, it's okay. You know what? Chip and I once were puppets. And it was so much harder than you'd think.

We panicked and we kept saying potato over and over again. Over and over. You have to do this every day. I couldn't do that. That's so hard. You guys deserve a bigger pay. And if you guys want more stage time. No, it's the puppeteers.

It's the puppeteers who it's hard for. They overhear you at the other end of the bar. We write everything. It's all vision. What do we do, boys? Uh, well, you know. So mean. Why are they so mean?

Hey, beefy. Hey, beefy. I hate when beef's sad. They're so mean. I'm hugging beef. No one's happy. I just wish that the two people could understand that they need each other, you know? You can't have one

without the other say that to them beef i'm too scared no come on beef you got this no beef it's okay i'll help you say it and chip goes behind beef and where does he put his hand up his shirt oh oh my god beef your entire back is sunburned When did this happen? Oh man I forgot I wore my shirt that has no back to it Like Chalice's backless PJs Yeah I set Beef on my lap and I say

Hey there Beef What's wrong with two people arguing? Isn't that okay? Potato Beef, what's wrong with two people arguing? Isn't that okay? Potato. Potato. Okay. Okay, the bell tolls. Oh, no.

So you got to make your last impassioned speech here. Beef, say what you just said. How can I be here without you with your hand up my back? Don't we need each other? You're right. I could never do this without you here on my lap. Potato. Potato.

Say sex is back on the menu. Just try it. And sex is back on the menu. Boys. If we could just have both of your votes, we would do what we can to make sure that you guys get equal pay and equal play. Roll twice. Okay.

Okay, I got an 18 and then a 15 with a plus seven modifier. Okay. For the 15, roll again. I'm going to have you roll disadvantage. Well, I rolled a three. Okay. For the 15, roll again. I'm going to have you roll with disadvantage. Well, I rolled a three. Okay. So you notice that what you just said at the end there really resonated with the puppets themselves. Oh yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. Maybe we'll hear these folks out. Yeah. In your face, puppet masters. Equal pay, you f**ks, like we've always deserved. And the puppeteers are almost in tears of anger. They don't deserve, they're just puppets.

They're things. They're just things. And they're furious that you've brought up equal pay for them. So yeah, I don't know, guys. Puppets are sentient. I'm actually, this is Waleed talking. I'm on their side. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are jerks. We don't need your votes. Go puppets are sentient. I'm actually, this is Waleed talking. I'm on their side. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are jerks. We don't need your votes. Go puppets for life. Woo! Puppets!

And so you exit with a Pinocchio's nose pin on Jennifer's sash. As an update, you've gotten three and haven't gotten two. Oh, we're rocking and rolling. So just as a little temp check, you guys got to get two out of the next four, out of the remaining four. Easy. What's next on the menu? And then we got to get Chip to the hospital.

Well, I noticed there's a couple clouds in the sky. I'm looking forward to those making their way right in front of that old sun. I've heard that even if it's cloudy, you can still get burnt, man. Beef, don't say that to me. I'm sorry, man. I just want to be real with you.

I pick up Beef and I start using Beef as a hat. A classic move. Classic. Okay, looks like the next bar here is Red Lion. And that's where we're meeting with the Ruffians Alliance. Uh-oh. I think these guys are, like, tough or something. Oh, okay, Chip.

You might be up, but we'll see. I got this. Trust me, Beef the Hat, I got this. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. And you enter and it does look like they're tough. Okay. This is like a biker bar situation. I find wherever the music is coming from and I punch it as hard as I can.

Oh, God. Well, it was a guy who was playing the piano. Bye-bye-bye. What are we doing? I punched the piano. You punched the piano itself. Okay. Give me an attack roll.

Hopefully it's not sentient. Yeah, it could be the piano from the other bar. Ooh, nat 20, so a 28. The piano explodes. A stunned biker tough guy. He's got like spikes coming out of the leather collar that he's wearing and a cool leather cap is just jaw drop staring at what his fingers used to be touching, which is a piano, now is just a pile

of splinters that has since exploded from chip's head i'm chip a hoy famous liar i'm looking for the ruffians alliance and then everyone who was sitting in a bar stool and people were playing pool everyone just slowly turns and looks at you without making any noise. Okay. That's everybody? Cool. Hey. Hey. Beef waves to them on top of Chip's head. Hey, this is my hat, Beef.

Hey. This is my girlfriend, the campaign granny. Hi. And I'm Jennifer, and I think I haven't talked enough during this so far. No, that's good. That's good. Shut up, Jennifer. Oh, I'm doing

good. You're doing great. She's looking for people to vote for her. What do you think? The biggest guy there walks up to you and gets about half an inch from your nose. Great. And then he starts to bend down and you see that you couldn't tell from the angle

before, but there's an even smaller guy sitting on his head and he makes eye contact with you. Oh, okay. He's got a beef, too. He's got a little beef hat. And what do you think you could offer the Ruffians Alliance? I think we can offer this, and I slowly give this man a hug,

and I nuzzle, and as I i do so i assume beef gives the hat man a hug as well yeah and a nuzzle yeah i do i do okay sean surprised i love this approach thrown thrown i'm trying to understand i'm trying to think of what kind of check I'm gonna have you roll for performance to see if what you're trying to construe gets across and I'm gonna have you do it

with advantage because I think that this is a move that could potentially really resonate with these guys with advantage oh nice I roll a 19 yes that could potentially really resonate with these guys. Okay. With advantage. Oh, nice. I roll a 19.

Yes. At first, he takes a step back, and both of them almost go into fight or flight mode. Like, okay, we're about to tango here. We're about to wrestle. It's about to go down. But then I see that once you've gripped them, it's a hug. It's a physical gesture that

isn't a fight, and it wouldn't cause flight. It's a, hey, everything's going to be okay. And I want you to feel safe here. And neither of them had been hugged like that in quite some time. And it really shakes

them to their core, and they really appreciate it. Thanks! And they bring, and they really appreciate it. Thanks. And they bring you in a little bit tighter. And it feels nice. We're tight back with them. And then as they kind of regain consciousness of the room and awareness that they're about to cry, they push you away.

What the heck was that? I guess it's important to say that you might see signs across town that Jennifer's main campaign slogan is that sex is back on the menu. But more importantly, I want the people in this room to know that love is back on the menu and support is back on the menu. We're here for you guys. We're here for you. That's like our whole thing. That's like our whole thing. They get like our whole thing. We just don't show it that way a lot,

but that's like our whole thing is just being there for each other. Like, you get that. Hell yeah, man. We're a tight group. We call ourselves the Bucks. Like, that's how tight we are. That's kind of awesome.

Yeah. I'm drinking salt water again over here. I'm crying. This is beautiful to watch. Get them around to flaming gas. Let's do it. Flaming gas. Let's go.

Let's go. And they put down shot glasses. It looks like it's just kind of like motor oil that they've lit on fire. And it's up to you guys. You taking this down the hatch? Yeah. Easy. Hell yeah. Hell yeah and easy. Just give me a quick taking this down the hatch? Yeah, easy. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah and easy. Just give me a quick constitution check. Yeah, hell yeah and easy. Hell yeah and easy. As long as you get above a 10, you're okay on this. 11. I got a dirty 20. Nice.

Beef takes like a champ. That makes sense. I got a 10. Ooh. Okay, you are struggling with it. The flame is in your throat. And one of them gives you a nice pat on the back Throws a glass of water onto your face

As you're choking Calms the flame and helps the medicine go down a bit better Thank you And as you turn you see that A little spiked collar pin is put onto Jennifer's sash As y'all exit the bar. Don't be strangers, you hear?

Wouldn't dream of it, pal. Sing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. We are sure. And you're back in the streets. Back in there again. That was terrifying. That was horrifying. Also, when he squeezed me,

it hurt my sunburn so bad. Did everybody see me cry? You did a great job, Chip. No, no, and no one saw you cry. Oh, my God. That was the scariest thing I've ever done. We fired her. Yeah, we did a good job.

We did a good job there. We did a good job. Jennifer? I'm trying to read the map. It looks like we have to go straight up. Up? Oh, there's a beanstalk. Oh, to one of the clouds, I guess.

Yeah, we're going to the bar Cloud 9. It's apparently where the Federation of Fairy Godmothers is at. Okay, well, this one should be relatively smooth, hopefully. Knock on bean, and bean knocks on the stalk. Did you just call yourself bean? Bean knocks on the stalk? Oh, oh. Beef knocks on bean. You referred call yourself Bean? Bean knocks on the stock? Oh. Oh.

Beef knocks on Bean. You referred to yourself as Bean. Bean. Beef is Bean from now on. Beef is Bean. Going forward, Beef is Bean. Gavel, gavel. Spelled with two E's. Bean.

Bean. Bean. I'm Bean when I'm in the sky. Beanie, baby. Bean, you take lead on this Bean crawls up the stalk And As you get to the top of the stalk

Bean puts his hand out there to kind of see When he puts pressure on the cloud That this beanstalk leads to A couple hundred feet up in the air If his hand's going to go through it He feels that there is a firm, and at some point it has no give, and it gives Bean the confidence to climb the rest of the ladder and put a step onto the cloud.

And he does not fall through. You guys are good to go as you enter this quaint little bar on top of the cloud with a nice neon blue sign that reads Cloud Nine. As you enter, there are a bunch of fairy godmothers and all different fairy godmother type dresses of all different shapes and sizes and colors floating and flying and whizzing and zipping around the bar. Having an all out positive, rambunctious,

good time at the bar, Cloud 9. If this bar were, like, a band, vibe-wise, I feel like it would be ABBA. Oh, sick. And you're immediately handed Magical Cosmos, which are delicious. Wow, this bar is pretty awesome. Beef, keep it in your pants.

Okay, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. But sex is back on the menu, boys. Oh, oh, ladies, looks like we have our next mayoral candidate. Hush, hush, hush, hush. Let's be polite, give them the floor. We are the Federation of Fairy Godmothers. Whenever you're ready, I don't know which one of you is the candidate, but the floor is yours.

I'm going to talk for once. So that's Jennifer. She's the candidate. Chalice swiftly puts her hand over Jennifer's mouth. There was a gap. There was a brief pause. I had a chance. So, ladies, I actually have a long history of being treated so well by all of you.

Every time I would cry and throw myself down on my bed and say I would never go to the ball, you would show up, give me a makeover, and I'd have the night of my life. Is that Chalice Glass? One of them who has like such thick glasses, it looks like they could be a big nerd. They look like they could be a big nerd. It looks like each of their glasses could be like a telescope all of its own. The glass is like so thick.

They like remove their glasses and they have just like little tiny dots for eyes. Is that Chalice Glass? She removed her glasses to see better? Mm-hmm. Yes, but if you have a bad memory of me, don't worry. I'm not the candidate. I'm different now.

I'm a woman of the people. Our candidate is Jennifer the Rat here. And she wants sex back on the menu. And singing back on the menu. And she's going to make sentient objects find their dream jobs. Oh, that sounds nice. That sounds nice. Didn't you curse me out the night of your prom and tell me that your dress wasn't attractive enough?

This was a gamble. This was a gamble. I was unpleasant for so long. I was going to say, I feel like Tangerine treated you so poorly, and you actually hate her. Yes. Am I? Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Oops, oops, oops. Ladies, ladies, ladies. What, what, what, what can we do for you? What, what's something, what, what are you, what do you need? Let's

see. What do we need? Ha. I'm gonna be direct with you guys. It's an uphill battle if you're riding with chalice glass. I mean she has been a nightmare to all fairy godmothers. There's never been a dress, never been a makeover

that has been to her satisfaction. Well, would it make you feel a little bit better knowing that chalice, she cleans the toilets. That bottoms up. She barely changes her clothes. She smells like a barn.

She's having sex with that guy. Chip is poking himself and making the red turn white on a sunburn. Ow! Ow! Ow! On a daily basis, we're relentlessly kind of teasing her. Yeah, it's like

she's living in her own hell that she made, you know? Sorry, Chalice. Sorry, Chalice. Sorry, Chalice. Chalice is stunned. And just staring off into space. See, Chalice, things aren't going well for her now. Does that do anything for anybody?

I like the part about her cleaning toilets. How about I clean your toilets for you for a little while? Or, I don't know, give you guys makeovers. When was the last time you ladies got a makeover, huh? She's the woman of the people now. And it's against our magical diocese for us to give each other makeovers.

So it's rare that we ever get one. Can we do anything about that? Is that a law-based thing? That's outside of friends' laws. That's kind of our whole thing. Okay, well, that's on you then. Yeah. But we could give you a makeover right now.

Beef's cut my hair like a thousand times. Yeah, ladies, who wants a Rachel? All of you are willing to give all of us ladies a makeover? Yes, of course. Okay, well, let's see what happens, huh? Clearly, the magical drinks up here have gotten a little to their head for them to even agree to this. Yeah, this is wild.

They're ready to have some fun. I'm worried. Remember, you only have about a minute and a half here to give this a makeover. What do we roll? So with that time check, I'm going to give everyone a disadvantage on the makeover that they're able to give.

One, because of your skills. None of you are proficient in hairdressing or giving makeovers. And you have a minute and a half to do it. And you've been drinking profusely. All of you give me a dexterity check with disadvantage. Jesus.

13. Oh my God, I got a nat 20. Seven. With disadvantage? So you ever I got a nat 20. Seven. With disadvantage? You ever noticed a roll twice? Damn it. Oh, would have been a nat 20. I got a two.

Oh, mama. The 20 was what Beef saw in his head, and the two was what actually happened. The two is what came out. Okay. Elizabeth, I would like you to describe what Bean did with his two-on-the-die makeover for this fairy godmother,

who before had kind of like a beehive haircut, but almost like a layered cake. She turns out to look like the Joker. Oh, no. Bean. Which one? Which version? Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, no. Oh, no. I don Which one? Which version? Joaquin Phoenix.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't know why that's the worst one, but it is. Oh, no. It's just, Elizabeth, no.

Say something else. Anything else. It is so, it is so, it is so. It is so. And Jennifer rolled three. And so,

I'm going to say the fairy godmother that she was working on, she looks like the penguin. Maybe they'll like it, you guys. Maybe they'll be like so like... She looks like Danny DeVito's penguin. She looks just like Danny DeVito's penguin. And they get spun.

They happen to be in the chairs next to each other, and they spin and look at each other. And their mouths just go slack. Oh, they love it. They panic. What have you done? And they start grabbing their wands and aiming at each other to try to fix it. But they can't because they can't do makeovers on each other.

You ruined us. We're the stuff of nightmares now. If we appeared in a young, hopeless child's room in the middle of the night, can you imagine? You ruined us. Now there's spellcasting at you. There's just like hot stars fizzing out of their wands at you guys, driving you out of the bar and down the beanstalk with no pen. Mine, girl, look pretty good. And the bell

gongs. I feel really bad. No, I feel really bad. I'm sorry, Chalice, that I kind of set all that stuff up there when at the end of the day we just had to give them a makeover. Kind of rude, Bean.

Chalice is giving Beef the silent treatment. Can we all just agree that was bean and not beef up there i don't like bean yeah bean sucks bean i agree bean sucks yeah like bean one bit bean sucks i'm beef and and you don't live in your own demise of hell, okay? Amen. I think that you didn't say those exact words up there. I think that's something you're adding now, Bean. Well, we gotta get away from the stock, alright? Maybe that's what's making Bean.

What's next? We're going to the bar Good Souls. I guess that's the Cobbler's Consortium. Oh, so it's S-O-L-E-S. Right you are, Chip. Oh, here we are. Look, it's a big shoe.

That's fun. That is fun, Jennifer. It's good that we're also having fun. Yes. Can I talk at this one? Please. I mean... We only need one more, and there's two bars left.

If I blow it, can you always fix it on the last one? And it raises the stage for the last one. Let me blow it. Come on. No, Jennifer. You can't just say blow if you're going to blow it. You can talk first, but you have to go in. Not trying to blow it.

Don't say let me blow it. Say let me try. Fine. Can I try? What is your plan? What are you going to say to the shoe guys? Chip, don't talk with so much arrogance. You've walked in and exploded two things at bars today.

I work 50% of the time. Okay, okay. Um, well, let's see. I think I'll walk in confidently and then improvise. And she runs in. I'd go to wherever the music is and punch it. She's on the loose. Oh, shoot. She's on the loose Oh shoot

She's loose That's all of us coming in Yeah we're sprinting to the door We're like standing They're like Oh my gosh what's happened I wanna put on My my my my my boogie shoes

And boogie with you Ow Hi everybody What's up I'm Jenny the rat Okay the smoke monster Coming in Yeah the smoke monster coming in. Yeah, the smoke monster takes Jennifer.

That is an example of why you should vote for Jennifer. Because we can't even sing anymore. Hi, everybody. I'm Chip. Chip, don't let him take me! I'm blue! Why'd you let me blow it? And I'm beef.

Aren't you sick and tired of that stuff happening? Hello, cobblers. We're asking for 100% of your vote because we are tired of stuff like that happening. What can we do for you, cobblers? We've got all sorts of problems going on here. Pardon me, which one of you is the candidate? The one that just sacrificed herself for the example.

The one that got sucked out of here. The little rat that broke a law that has been around for a while while trying to give a speech. Didn't seem like she was trying to make a point. It seems like she was an imbecile. No, she was trying to make a point. You know, and it's just hard nowadays. It seemed like she was trying to make a point. It seemed like she was an imbecile. No, she was trying to make a point. Yeah. You know, and it's just hard nowadays.

All right. So you're going to have to give me a deception check. But you've had seven drinks. Chalice, you have a negative seven modifier to your deception. That's good because I have a plus six to my deception. Oh, you do? Okay. This guy's pretty on it.

It's going to be a pretty difficult check, especially given the circumstances. I mean, Jennifer does have a vibe. In order to convince him that that was planned by her. Difficulty check over 18. Holy, over? 18 or over. Oh, my God.

Okay. 14. Okay. He can tell that you're lying. Clearly, she's an imbecile and forgot. We're looking for a candidate with a little bit more... anything, really. Yeah, you're right.

She said she was going to come in here and blow it, so... No, we have four minutes. Let's not give up. Beef, what do you got? Potato. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. Beef, do a shoe thing

because check this out and he takes the shoelaces off of his shoe and he puts them on the ground and he says it's like they're worms i kind of like that um tell you what I mean we got to get you guys around We'll get you a round of polish A round of polish for these guys And they bring out like a really dark looking stout

Beer that they call polish Like shoe polish And get them to each of you guys Nothing against you it's just you're back in a candidate That seems to be a not so bright rat Sure well you guys make shoes. Beef. What?

He's kidding. No, beef. Let him have it. No, what are we doing? You think we're stupid? We're sick of you guys. You think we're stupid? Clomping around town in your nice-ass shoes, hoarding them all to yourselves, and leaving

us with the shitty shoes. We know that you guys keep the good ones back behind the good doors. We're going to be drunk at the next place. I'm drunk already. We do keep the good shoes in the back. And you don't deserve it. We knew it.

I've been saying this for years and you didn't believe me. Beef, you were on a roll with the shoelaces being worms thing. Why didn't we just do something with that? Well, I just think that they needed a little shake-up. They think they're so cool. They think they're so cool. Also, I think our shoelaces are worms,

and you keep the good shoelaces behind the good doors. We keep all the good stuff behind the big doors. Enjoy your bunions, butt plugs. You soulless motherfuckers. Let's leave. And the bell tolls. Well, that

went well. Sorry guys, I don't know what came over me. I just went horribly chalice. Being sarcastic. Hey guys, they don't really have stocks that fit me, so here I am. Oh, nice. All right.

That's good to know for the future. You should change that when you're mayor. Noted. Okay. You really, really made this last one dramatic for us. Thank you. Here we go. Final one.

And boy, do we need it. This would make a majority if we got it. We're going to... Oh, we're going to Ding Dongs. Oh! Oh, that sounds right up our alley. Yeah. It's the Sacristans Union.

Sacra who? The what? You know, bell ringers. The guys who've been ringing the bell all night have been drinking? Heck yeah! These guys freaking rule, dude. Wow, they must be wasted. And you get to Ding Dongs, which is a renovated cathedral.

It's a towering with like Gothic architecture and stained glass building and almost castle looking structure like an old church that has been renovated into a bar. And as y'all enter, there are a lot of hunchbacks. Oh, hey! Shling-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Oh, what's up? Oh, I think this is the last one of the day. Welcome in, welcome in.

Hey, hey, hey. It's been a long day. Can we just get around, please? Yeah, yeah. Let's pour him a few gargoyles, huh? Beef has an angle here. Let him cook. It's just hard, you know?

Out here, just really trying, you know? We're just really trying to help the people out. Everyone's just so angry, you know? Everybody wants something, but, you know, no one's ever asking how they can help too because it's just like huh at the end of the day don't we all need to work together to make

some kind of change happen oh you guys do this public service usually every hour on the hour tonight it's been every five minutes you're're helping. Yeah, yeah. Is that your guys' candidate's platform? It's kind of like asking out what your town can do for you, but what you can do for your town kind of thing? Beef looks at Chalice and Chip and Jennifer. I think I know what's going to work for these guys. Do not explode something. Oh, okay.

Chip puts down his fist. Let me try something else. I don't know if you heard it, but our main campaign promise is that sex is back on the menu, boys. It is?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, like we could order it if you need to yeah some establishment yeah yeah someplace yeah you don't got to be married or pass a class or nothing we we'd love that because if sex were legal again then of course we'd all be getting laid so much. And there'd be no excuse for us to not be getting laid. Uh-oh. That's such a good, no, that's such a good point. Because it's kind of like if you don't vote for Jennifer, you're probably someone that never even had sex anyway.

Right? Right, right. So what I'm getting at is that we definitely want to because we could yeah and if it wasn't illegal we could so if that were true and you will and you have and you have and you have and you have and chalice goes and puts her hand on their face and careful jealous and you will i'm the campaign granny and we will and we willice. And you will. I'm the campaign granny. And we will and we have. You will and you have.

You will and you have. But we will. You will. Okay, so we have, but we will. You have. Yeah. But you will, okay? You will.

You will. Okay, okay. Chalice, why don't you give me a persuasion check to see if they believe that what you're saying is true. Okay. Good. Also, I really want to do my best to get these guys laid if Jennifer becomes my...

100%. 19 plus 6, 25. Woo-hoo! Yeah! Okay. With a 25, you're looking into his eyes, and he closes his eyes and goes in for a kiss. Oh!

Chalice kisses him. Yeah, Chip doesn't care. Yeah, she knows Chip doesn't care. Chip's checking out his beep hat in the mirror. He's checking it out. And you can't be certain, but it looks like for just a second, his toes may have lifted off the ground completely.

Aww. Aww. For anyone in real life listening, that's also what happens when you kiss Aaron. Oh, yeah. And after the smooch, he opens his eyes, and he kind of comes back to the ground and goes, Jenny, the rat for mayor.

A hundred more years. Looks like sex back on the menu, boys. This is our time. People love bells and guys with big muscles who can ring them. Hell yeah, brother. Let them ring. Let them ring. Let those bells ring. Wait, but before you let them ring, can we have a pin? Oh Hell yeah, brother. Let them ring. Let them ring. Let those bells ring.

Wait, but before you let them ring, can we have a pin? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they put a bell-shaped pin onto Jennifer's sash. Somebody count them. Somebody count them. We got five. One, two, three, four, five.

Oh, joy. Yes. We burned a couple bridges along the, five. Oh, joy. Yes. We burned a couple bridges along the way, but I think that's okay. That's politics, baby. You guys, I really am telling you, pissing off the fairy godmothers is going to haunt us sooner rather than later. My lady looked good. That's on y'all. I think they're going to come around to it.

It's nice to have a different look. Think about what they looked like, beef. Think about what you did to that lady's face. Sure, sure. I gotta be honest, I'm more worried about the shoe thing right now. At least they gave us some shoes before. We might be shoeless for the rest of the series. We really will be. Was this your guys' last

bar on the Kralkis? Well, yeah, but Chip over here has gotten a horrible sunburn. Is it nighttime yet? Weirdly, no. We're kind of just getting started. It's the longest day of the year for us.

The most bell rings in a day. The longest day of the year. God, stupid sun. I don't know. We're about to hang out in the beer garden. Not a ton of shade out there, but we'd love to have you guys, since it's the last stop, just hang out with us for a while. Chip, what do you say?

Party or hospital? Party, then hospital. Yay! Chiamo! Oh, don't hit me! Jenny gonna be mayor. Okay, she's gonna get taken by the smoke munch. Not a song, just a thing, just a thing. So the day is already underway

and you are just stepping out the front door to take part. What's that? Are we starting already? Don't worry. I'm going to do the sound speeding and all that stuff. I thought we were jumping into it already. We weren't going to get to say dice. I'm going to do the sound speeding and all that stuff. That's what I was... I thought we were jumping into it already.

Well, you had to say that we weren't going to get to say dice. I was very sad. Don't worry, buddy. I cannot do this without screaming dice first. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and Nishan Coyle. Arnie Perry wrote the theme song. Aaron and I worked out the story concept, and Grace

Harper did the editing on this one. And, if you haven't heard, now is actually an excellent time to check out our Patreon. We have over 100 episodes of content on the Patreon ready for your listening and viewing pleasure. And of course, the support from our patrons is what makes this show possible after all. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we love.

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and many more. So hop on now for five bucks and get access to over 100 hours of content instantly. And for those of you who are already subscribed to our Patreon, shout out to the Kitchen Rats. This week's episode is 20 Questions TV Characters Edition. Part two, question mark, where either Aaron, Sean, or Raleigh pick a television character that they'll relay to the listener

and the other two get 20 questions that are yes or no to figure out who it is. Then we rotate. It's a hoot. And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram at sitcomdnd.

That's sitcom in the letters D-N-D. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening.