SitcomD&D - S5 E17: Hey There Delilah (w/ Rekha Shankar)

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

The BUGs appear on Frence's most popular call-in advice show, Hey There Delilah, in order to promote Jennifer's mayoral campaign. But what they failed to consider is that if their advice isn't wise enough, it may hurt their chances of attracting new voters more than it helps.Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle,Guest Starring: Rekha ShankarTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Sean MeagherSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. How did you and Lelid meet, right? You guys are friends, I've heard. Allegedly. You guys are trying to convince people that you're friends, right? Yeah, we keep telling people that separately. People don't believe it. They say you have no friendship chemistry, nothing in common.

Brutal, brutal. So brutal. We actually met at Vinny, previous guest. Billy Bonka was his name on our show. We met at his birthday party and I was there as Vinny's friend and Rekha was not. I had never met Vinny. I had seen some of his videos, but mutual friend Patrick McDonald said, I'm going to a birthday party. And I was like, I'll go.

That's funny because it didn't sound like you got invited in that interaction. Okay. Whoa. Sean, hey, is something wrong? Are you okay? Yeah, are you okay? Because you're kind of coming at me. No, I'm like learning how to get invited to stuff.

Yeah, I think what's happening is I told Sean I was going to Vinny's party and Sean didn't say anything. And now Sean's realizing he could have been there too. Oh, interesting. Yeah, Sean, this is actually kind of a lesson for you. You can just say, I'll go to like literally whatever. So someone's like,

I'm writing for the White House Correspondence Center. You could be like be like i'll go and then you're there and then you meet will lead yeah and i'm always there you've never said no to a birthday party i would never say no he's a hog for birthdays someone just said no to my birthday party yeah i'm out of town. Hey, Walid, I'll go. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D,

a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today we are picking up at, you didn't guess it, not Bottoms Up, not the Tavern and Inn. We're picking up at a local Frasier radio station, or the equivalent of a radio station in our world. And that is KPWT, where the gang is just sitting in the lobby waiting to guest on the most popular talk radio advice show in Frasier, Hey There Delilah, with the famous radio host Delilah, with the famous radio host Delilah herself. The gang is anxiously awaiting to get onto the show to promote Jennifer's mayoral campaign. So we're going to pick up there. Sound speeding.

And we're rolling dice. Also quite onet before that Yeah I know you missed that You missed that for sure I'm nervous we have a guest When you need a break from this crazy world To see your friends and fill a cup Find Sebastian Chalice

Chip and beef at the noble bottoms up As step by step Our growing pains Are improving home and away We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes but the good times will not end So cheers to all our family and our friends Our Friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass. Elizabeth Andrews as Beef.

Waleed Mansour as Chip A. Horney. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. My radio voice. This is my radio voice. I think you could go bigger, Chip. I feel like that's too subtle.

This is my radio voice. We're getting closer for sure. Chalice is helping Beef stuff his pants with all of the free snacks and perks that are in the radius. Beef has a bow tie on that he's nervous if he should have it on or not. Beef, nobody is going to see what you're wearing. This is the fanciest you've dressed in a long time. I look really nice, right? You look stunning.

Is your hair starting to grow back on the top of your head? No. Whoa, okay. It's okay. I'm getting a sense that we're all a little nervous everyone's a little bit on edge not me i'm ready to speak my mind wait jennifer yeah let me smell your breath are you drunk always girl wink oh no oh no oh no were we not supposed to be drunk i don't know know. It could make it better.

It could make it worse. She's just so perfect, Delilah. I just can't believe I'm going to see her. I've heard her. I know. She has such a stunning voice. Now I know why you're dressed up, Beef. It's all coming together.

No, no, no. Is that why you're starting to grow your hair back? No, no. I'm now wondering, do you have hair that you can grow on the top of your head and you've just been shaving it into that ball pattern? You've been choosing. Oh, I think Delilah's. No, no one's calling us. Nothing's coming.

Nothing's coming. You've chosen this? Beef goes to the door and kind of like tries to get out, but he does not. You have a full head of hair? I'm sick. I'm sick. The door handle that Beef is like jiggling then opens up from the other side and pushes into the room,

almost knocks Beef onto his butt. Oh, pardon me. Is this, I'm looking for, Jennifer the Rat's mayoral campaign team. That is us. That is us. That's us. Okay, so in a second here, you will meet Delilah before going on the air.

You can get any questions out there. You're going to be taking part in Delilah's show, you know, where voice snails will be heard out loud, and you can respond with Delilah on advice. And at some point you can plug whatever it is you paid us to plug, and then we'll wrap it up. And the man is an Aarakocra,

or like a bird person. Oh, cool. But he's a crane. Long neck. Long neck, circular, like Harry Potter style glasses. Tiny. Super tiny. At the bridge of his nose. Yeah, they seem like they're not doing anything. That'd be so far from his eyes. Oh, yeah. They seem decorative, to be honest. The perfect cartoon. Does he have practical glasses

closer to his eyes, too? Yes, he does. Yes. And those are big and match the size of his eyes. I'm glad you asked, Waleed. And the craziest thing is he has perfect vision. Those are just for style. Yeah. Style glasses. If you need anything throughout the process, my name is Ichabod. Ichabod heads out back into where like the actual studio itself is and leaving you all in the lobby to talk amongst yourselves.

Oh, my God. I can't believe we're doing the advice column. I didn't know that we were going to be doing the infamous advice column with her. I mean, like, what? No sweat, you guys. We give each other good advice all of the time. And, you know, we're obviously going to be, like, giving advice to the people. And, you know, that's obviously going to show how good of a campaign we're gonna have

and yeah very little pressure or stakes or anything and our lives rule we're very wise yeah i'm about to go off whoa what was that i thought i heard thunder did i do that that was Yeah, that was crazy. Whoa. I knew I was more powerful than I thought. Did she just drive a car into here, Jennifer? She's Stuart Liddle-ing in the lobby. She has like a car. God, Jennifer, stop Stuart Liddle-ing everywhere. If you're going to be on the campaign trail, you got to ride in style.

She's drunk driving right now that's a toy car a small cop car behind her turns out it's cherries oh god this is not good guys pick me up i grab i grab jennifer and as you do the door opens again and Delilah herself walks out to introduce herself. And Rekha, would you be so kind to actually describe what Delilah looks like? Delilah is also like a bird-like person, most typical to a crane or most similar to a crane. Long features, long beak, long neck. But she's like, I'm not a bird. I bird i'm not a bird likes to make a point like if you're like oh yeah you do bird stuff i'm not a bird um she has like kind of like gorgeous like

blonde hair glasses very similar to ichabod's of a situation there's like kind of gorgeous like NPR style glasses at the tip and then maybe more practical readers up top wearing just like kind of a sweater that has like a collared shirt attached under it. Just like very pleasing, soothing vibe to her. Hey there, sweethearts. Hey there, Delilah. Hi, Delilah. Hey. I'm so glad you guys are here for the community segment.

You know, a lot of times I give my advice and it's good. It's great. It is. It is. It's more than good. It's exceptional, Delilah. And right and correct. Oh, you're such sweethearts.

You smell amazing. You don't even have to. You're on the radio. You don't even have to smell so good. It's crazy. I make sure to bathe a few times a day. I told you, Beef, we should be bathing. You really can work up a sweat in the booth given life-changing advice,

but this community segment's really all about diversifying the advice I give to people. You know, we can't just have my voice. There's other voices in the room, so I appreciate you all coming down. Oh, my God. Of course, of course, of course So I appreciate you all coming down. Oh, my God. Of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course. Oh, are you OK? No. And maybe let's not touch Delilah.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. They're all holding her hand. Yeah. Like her forearm and her shoulder. Oh, sorry. Sorry. We'll just file in here and take our seat.

Delilah, there's your seat. Of course, on the left-hand side of the table, everybody else on the right-hand side here, we have you set up in a row. Whoa, you can spin 380 in these. They're just spinning and making themselves dizzy and sick. You might want to cool off on the spinning before the advice that's a lesson i've had to learn the hard way i've thrown up on the air before oh you have what i heard that

episode it was amazing you won like a bunch of awards for journalism for that one right absolutely absolutely because i was giving opinions on on a war wow a war yeah yeah too many of those there's i can't even keep track which war was but i was giving opinions on a war and i barfed right into the mic and well we want a p-body so wow that's always the aim every time we start recording um and so now i'm in my little side booth over here working the technical side. I'm going to give everyone a countdown. I'll do the numbers five and four and then for three and two and one,

I'm just going to use my fingers and then we will be live. Incredible. Perfect, perfect. Okay. Yeah. So Delilah, you'll take it away right after as you do. Great.

Here we go. And five. Five. Four. Oh four oh sweetie you don't need three two two no okay hold on no one nobody you guys don't no you okay i'm not we're not recording yet you don't count nobody i love that i love that It's a common mistake. My first two years, I was counting down. Okay. On the radio. Yeah. And five, four, three, two, one. Dice.

Wait, wait, wait. Good shows. Why did you say dice? I don't know. We are live. And live. We are live. We are live.

We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live.

We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. We are live. And live. We are podcasting. Hey there, listeners. It's Hey There Delilah. And we're here live trying to get all your voice snails. And we're having a good time and we hope to make you have a good time too. So Ichabod, who do we have on the horn? Because we have our community of advice experts here today. Hi, I'm Chip.

Okay. So nobody else introducing themselves. Come on. I guess now I feel like an idiot. Chalice has just gotten the craziest wave of stage fright and she looks blue. Her arms are shaking. She's so scared. Let me tell you guys, our community advice experts are a little nervous, but I've been there. The first five years I was on this show, I was breaking out in hives, screaming, pitching a little fit. Anytime I got a little nervous, you might remember those episodes. They won a few Peabody's for journalism. Hey there, Delilah. It's me, Beef. You know, what was the things that helped you overcome that hardship?

You know, get back into the game. I mean, you're an elite top radio of your field. Yeah. I'm in the elite top radio of my field. Every time before I record, i kind of have my own little ritual yeah so i go for i go for what's called a little aggro run where i kind of get all the juice out so that i don't have i have nothing left to scream for you know what i mean i get it all out so i do about i do a 5k before coming into the office I'm also on a few little seddies, little sedatives.

Kind of take down the mood a little bit more because things can get anxiety-inducing on this show. Someone calls in with a war, I have to respond to that. Yeah, you're a journalist. I'm a journalist in a way. Depending on what they call in for, I have to respond. There's no call I won't take, you know that. God, so many hats you wear, Delilah.

Hey, I'm Jennifer, and I think I'm here because I'm a chef. No, Jennifer, you're running for mayor. You're running for mayor, and we're the campaign team. Incredible. You know, it's pretty common for us to mix politics and pleasure here at Hey There Delilah. So let me ask you, what's going on with this campaign? I don't know. Um, well.

Yeah, take it away, Granny. This is our campaign, Granny. This is our campaign, Granny. Not always. It's sort of a flexible title that we're sort of working on. We're workshopping. It fits to me. From what

I'm seeing, it seems apt. Thank you. Thank you. Did you mean to say thank you there, No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. So a couple of things. One, one time I meant to call 9-1-1 and I called the show and you walked me through giving someone the Heimlich. Do you remember me? That happens like literally so many times. Never mind. Do you remember the food item? If you remember the food item, I might be able to help. It was a full Christmas goose.

And it was beef. That's happened a few times, but I'm glad I walked you. You're okay, Beef. You didn't suffer damage? No, no, no. I just honked it out like you The goose was still alive and also beef did not learn from that mistake at all second of all as the campaign granny i can walk you through it we recently got badges from all sorts of the niche groups around frazier getting their endorsement

um rats are are back and jennifer is promising that sex is back on the menu, boys, if she is voted to be mayor. We're sick and tired of all these rules, and we bet you are too. So vote this little rat to be mayor. What do you got to lose? Everything! Wow. Now, I don't typically offer political endorsements on this show. I more give takes on wars and things like that.

What would you say your platform is, Jennifer? Yes. So what she's trying to say is she's going to try to undo some of these rules and make it fun to live in fraser again before we could sing we could gamble we could and now we can't do that unless we're breaking the rules we might have to bleep that yeah and again i can't really offer endorsements unless you're thinking of waging a war of some sort, but as long as we're keeping him platform- Are you pro-war or against the war? Well, what is the war about? Good question.

Maybe let's take one of those voice snails. Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag. And more with that right after our first voice snail. Delilah, if it's okay with you, we will have our first voice snail heard out loud. That's incredible, sweetheart. Thank you.

And you all see a snail get placed on the table in front of you. And it kind of just, it scoots right along. And this snail is distinctive. It's just about the size of a regular snail, but it has a gold luminescent shell to it. And its eyes are looking in two different directions, and its mouth opens, and it is immediately apparent that this snail has an inherent ability to mimic things that it's heard. So a voice has put a message into this snail, and the snail, upon opening its mouth, will

now deliver the message. Hey there, Delilah. We host dinner parties in our home with dear friends. They always bring their little dog, but never ask if it's okay with us. When they're finished eating, the husband picks the dog up onto his lap at the table. I think it's unbelievably rude to have a dog

at the dinner table, am I wrong? My husband and I are appalled and don't know how to approach them about it without ruining our friendship. We are flabbergasted that they think this is right. What do you suggest we do? This is from Sincerely, We Don't Do Doggy. Hey there, Delilah. It's Delilah. Thank you so much for calling We Don't do doggy. This is a tough pickle. Honesty is usually always the best policy. So I would say confront your friend and confront him hard. You're going to want to pick a battle here. And if you lose the friendship over it, you have to consider was he a close enough friend to begin with? What do you guys think? You have to consider, was he a close enough friend to begin with?

What do you guys think? I think you just lose the dog. You go to your friend's house, you open the back door, dog gets loose. I think you're good to go. Am I wrong here? No, that's definitely an option. And in terms of losing the dog, if you want to go more that subtle route, you can do it in a few ways. You can dig a hole in your backyard for the dog to fall into, kind of mid-dinner.

You can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. That is way more subtle. You're right. Go to the bathroom. And you can fill the hole. And then the dog will live in the hole. And then they won't be at the party. As someone that has lived in a hole for quite some time, it's nice to be invited to dinner from time to time.

Dogs are people if you think about it hard enough. You think the dog should go to dinner beef is that not what we were saying i'm saying leave the dog out of here i'm saying you lose the dog no dogs at dinner i'm on this person's side maybe beef and the dog can all go have dinner together and the fancy people can go have dinner at this dinner party kind of almost like a kid's table and an adult table yeah except it's a kid's table and an adult table. Yeah, except it's a kid's hole. Well, we try not to.

We have to bleep out. You can't say kid's hole on Hey There, Delilah. So we're going to have to bleep that section out. Really? That's a huge part of our campaign. Oh, God. So the way that this will work is after y'all give advice every single time, I'm going to have one of you do a wisdom check.

Incredible. And then if it beats a 15, that's going to go over really, really well with the people of Frasier and make them believe that Jennifer and her team have the right idea of how to solve problems. Great. Anything below that, it's going to count against you.

You really want to go, just have the majority go in your favor to come out of this experience with some momentum and a positive impact for the campaign. Incredible. Chip, why don't you give me a wisdom check now to see how this all went over? Okay. But it got to be a 15. Got to be the 15. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay, but gotta be a 15? Gotta be a 15. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, an eight. Okay, that does not do it. I don't think that's gonna resonate. The kid's hole? Well, how? How? Yeah, that tracks.

And I think that's enough for that voice snail. We're going to move right along, if that's okay with you, Delilah, to the next one. Absolutely, sweetheart. Places another snail onto the table and removes the first one. And the room is filled with another voice. Hey there, Delilah. I have three grandchildren who address me as Mr. and not as Grandpa. Although it is true that I was not in their lives growing up. I was not a bad or cruel influence.

A few years ago, I sent a wintertide gift, a large sack of gold, to one of these grandchildren, and I quickly received a nice thank you card. But it was addressed, Dear Mr. Damaris, I was so angry that I never sent another gift and haven't heard from them since. I'm 87 years old. How do I become Grandpa before it is too late? Sincerely, Wannabe Grandpa. Hey there, Delilah. It's Delilah here at KPU. Thank you so much for calling Wannabe Grandpa. This is a pickle. This is a pickle. To earn someone's respect, you usually, you know, in a family, sometimes it just comes, which would be nice, right?

We'd all like respect from our families and our and our sisters maybe but um what you might need to do is find ways to get the respect so take on a big position i don't know become a military general who's close to war almost yeah she's really pro-war i know i well i won't say my stance on war yet, but create a church of some sort. Do something where you become a giant position of power. And if you're taller, the children will be more afraid of you as well. And maybe that could lead to some sort of respect.

But let's go to our community experts. What do you guys think? Counterpoint, Delilah, if I may. I would say, sir, count your blessings that no one's calling you grandpa and aging you when it's not necessary to always age you. Does your daughter think that? I don't have a daughter. I am much too young to even have a daughter. Oh, I shouldn't assume women have daughters. That's bad. No one is making eye contact with me. None of my friends are looking

at me in the eye. I'm just saying when you're young and you're sprightly, it's nice. It's nice when no one's calling you grandpa, grandma, or pointing out your age in any way, because you're very young. You still have lots of time to do things. Chalice is opening a full bottle of wine as she's saying. Also, if you continue to be away from your grandkids, you can keep all those sacks of gold to yourself. I mean, doesn't that sound nice? I'd rather be a mister with a bunch of sacks of gold than a grandpa with some empty pockets. Mm-hmm.

Beef? I say retaliate. Retaliate, retaliate, retaliate. Call them, mister. Yeah, call them or have them come to your house wear a mask that's up looking until midnight and then when you pass away and they take the mask off that's what they look like that's what they look like yeah i didn't follow that either retaliate retaliate retaliate beef why don't you give me a wisdom check to see how this one went. Oh, 15!

Oh, 15! Meets it, beats it? Meets it, beats it. Meets it, beats it. Meets it, beats it. Ah! Wait, wait, everyone do their pizza, pizza.

Pizza, pizza. Oh, did you not want them all at the same time so they're illegible? Yeah, and then we'll put it in a poll. Okay. All right, excellent. And I'm going to take that slug. Jesus. No, it's not a slug.

It's a snail. The snail off the table. I thought you had perfect vision. I can't. He has perfect vision, but shell. He can't see shell. He can't see shell.

At the beach, he's a mess. He's tripping all over the place on the beach. That might be my favorite line of the season. At the beach, he's a mess. Unfortunately, I need that on a pillow. I'm so sorry. This is Erin talking. Someone send me a I'm so sorry. This is Erin talking. Someone send me a pillow that says that.

This is Elizabeth talking. I'm going to need that as well. You know how you're always taking your assistant to the beach? Well, not this assistant. Yeah, not this one. Please never again, Maddie. Please never again. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Any suggestions on how to motivate a husband? We've been happily married for 35 years. Now he does nothing. Now he does nothing but read, eat, and sleep. I'm not exaggerating. He started reading about 15 years ago when our boys were teenagers. He was an active parent and a modestly successful merchant of rare potions. But then he discovered fan fiction, free stories hidden in the library, written by unpublished authors.

And he now reads 16 to 18 hours a day on weekends, plus 10 hours each day during the week. What do I do? Also, he's a worm. Sincerely, wife to a bookworm. Hey there, Delilah. This is Delilah from KPU. Thank you so much for calling. I may have lost a, you know, a sister to reading.

Oh, Delilah, no. No. R.I.P. Well, she's alive. She's just, um, she sister to reading. Oh, Delilah, no. R.I.P. Well, she's alive. She's just, she's always reading. Doesn't have time for anybody anymore, you know. God, it makes me mad thinking about it.

Anyway, chill out. Chill out, chill out. Hey, chill out. Chill out, girl, chill out. Uh-oh. Chill out. You have to chill out, girl. Chill out.

So I have... Oh, God. Self out so i have self-soothing self-soothing i like that we have to self-soothe we go on an aggro run and we take our we take our little setties in the morning so i understand what it's like to lose a loved one to reading you can try all you want you can dump the books down the sink. You can take them to meetings. You can try to scald their eyeballs while they're sleeping. It seems that it's an unstoppable force once they want to read. And I just say cut it off now. Cut it off now. You may have lost him for good, and you don't need to hurt yourself in the process. What do we think, community?

I have some advice. i have some advice for the wife of the worm what's your advice for the wife of the worm if you want your husband to pay attention to you write a f***ing book write a book about yourself and your love write your love story what beef what are you even saying? I can barely hear you. I'm saying chill out, girl. Chill out. Chill out. What? You've got to chill out, girl. You've got to chill out, girl. If you want him to even remember,

then you should write the story of your love. And then he'll read that, and it'll sound familiar. And then he'll come back. Chalice is opening another bottle of wine i just will say in response to that as a significant other sometimes people don't have time to read people's manuscripts because they're long and they don't really have a great plot because they're not interested in reading a manuscript it's so good chip crack. Crack it open. Give it a shot. I'm begging you. You know, but I feel like for, you know, if this

wife were to write a book, she should let him, after 10 pages, if he's not interested, he should be allowed to put the book down. It's exposition. It's not even the plot. I'm setting up the world. I'm world building. Okay, I think we're going to need to move on here. Just

call it. Last word of advice. Reading is the gateway drug to knowledge. So just, you have to distance yourself from this. She might, she might, sorry. I mean, your husband. Yeah, that's a pro-war thing to say. Villainizing knowledge like that. My God.

We don't know my stance on war yet. So just, just protect yourself, Callie. Wow. I mean, can I just say, Delilah i it's just amazing to watch you work it's it's amazing it's it's mind-blowing how you can really untangle these necklaces of dire need thank you beef that's really kind nobody really notices my work ethic around here i mean besides all the benefits and the promotions and things I get. But nobody says it. They're so intimidated by the Delilah image and the aura that they, I don't know, sometimes they get nervous to talk to me. I mean, I would love to get a drink if we can.

Well, beef. We're on the air still. Oh, sorry. Just as a heads up. All right. And for this one, Chalice, why don't you give me a wisdom check here?

17. Oh! It's not so bad advice after all. It's not so bad advice after all. It's not so bad advice after all, everybody. We've got two that really resonate with people and one not so much as far as your responses.

I don't get it. I have to say, guys, your advice has been pretty consistent. I feel like I could give you guys an endorsement if your advice goes well. I mean, but if you have any snags, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable endorsing you. Well, from henceforth, we shall have no snags.

Delilah, we're going to do a few more. So here's a new snail. And he's opening his mouth. Okay, great. Hey there, Delilah. I am a dwarf. I'm 75 years old. Happily married for 45 years.

We are in good health. We have two kids who are both lovely. happily married for 45 years. We are in good health. We have two kids who are both lovely. But my problem is I have bad dreams. Sometimes they even border on nightmares. And I don't understand why. If I have 100 dreams, 99 are bad. Two nights ago, I woke up screaming from one of them.

I have no stress. We are financially secure and life is good. I've spoken to two professionals about this and there are no answers to my problem. Have you heard of this? And have you any advice? Sincerely, Sleepless and the Adolf by the Sea. Hey there, Delilah. Thank you so much.

This is Delilah from KPU. Thank you so much for calling Sleepless. It there, Delilah. Thank you so much. This is Delilah from KPU. Thank you so much for calling Sleepless. It's confusing every time. It's getting longer and longer. It's so confusing that she calls them Delilah. Thank you for calling Sleepless and whatever. That is...

She doesn't even know their name. She says her name. I think the pills, the sedatives are really kicking in right now. That's quite a pickle. Here's my thought. You say you have an incredible life. You are very happily married and you have a good family life, a good happy relationships with friends and you feel good all the time.

Have you considered you're having nightmares because you're bragging? You're bragging quite a lot. Because some of us don't have that ha-ha-ha. And maybe you're unintentionally making the people around you feel quite bad. And perhaps the nightmares... Calm down, girl. Chill out, chill out, chill out. Chill girl, chill girl, chill girl, chill girl.

You gotta chill girl, chill girl, chill girl. You gotta chill girl. You gotta, gotta, gotta chill girl. gotta chill girl chill girl chill girl you gotta chill girl you gotta you gotta gotta catch a chill girl I'm crying but the advice

stands perhaps the nightmares are a kind of karmic punishment for sort of bragging about how well adjusted

you are it's not it's not perfect science but it could be true so take a poll of all the people

around you and if they're sort of jealous of how nice you are take a poll and see if maybe that you. And if they're sort of jealous of how nice you are, take a poll and see if maybe that's what's leading to all your hellish nightmares. Community advice experts, what do you think? I'm pointing out something that's sort of tangential here. On the menu for the lunch we're eating after this is like a ton of escargot.

And I'm wondering, are those the same snails that are the voice snails? Oh, they're going straight to the burner. Yeah. Do they? Are these the snails that we eat in like an hour? Well, the snails only have one message. So it would be sort of silly to keep them. I don't want to give advice on the same messages. And we're kind of a no-waste facility. We eat all, you know, the cups and the plates and stuff. We don't throw any of that stuff out. I did have a plate that was delicious in the waiting room. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

So, yeah, those snails will be lunch unless you'd prefer plates or something. Okay, it looks like it's news to this snail. This snail looked like he thought he was going home. Sorry, buddy. I think maybe just sleep less. And that's all we have time for for that one. Chip, you want to

roll a wisdom check for that? On sleep less. Yeah, just sleep less. You should kind of be in a waking nightmare, not a sleeping nightmare. Oh, 19! Hey! nightmare, not a sleeping nightmare. Oh, 19. Hey. Oh, baby. Perfect advice.

Yaboo. So it's three to one as far as ones that have resonated and ones that haven't. You're very close to an endorsy. Oh, be huge. And now, of course, is the time in the show, Delilah, where we get to dip into some of the voice snails that we haven't gotten to get into from the past.

So our archives. Archives. Yes, that's right. Very exciting. Here we go. The snail is placed onto the table. It scoots forward. You're dead if you speak.

Yeah. You're dead if you speak. You're lunch if you speak. I'd hold on to it. And a voice fills the room, and it is a familiar voice. It's actually the voice of Chip. Oh, no. Hey there, Delilah.

I've been having trouble with a couple of my housemates lately. I'm starting to get a waft of a smell that comes from each of their rooms independently that is starting to, I guess, the best thing to say is burn my nose hairs. I'm curious if you've, what you've done to taking care of smelly roommates, maybe those

that take a magazine based on a sandwich and do dirty things with it or something like that. Love. Oh God, don't say love you. Um, thank you so much for listening. How do I, how do I stop this thing? How do I stop it? Then you gotta say, like, your pseudonym or whatever.

Oh, okay, okay. Chip, did you say something? No, Chalice, sorry. One sec, hold on. From Sexy Guy. Ow, my ass! The snail closes its mouth. Hey there, Delilah.

It's Delilah from KPU. Talking to Chip in your archives. No, that wasn't. What do you mean? I'm Chip. It sounded just like you. I didn't even need the pseudonym. I didn't need the pseudonym.

It sounded just like you. I don't think so. You're having a problem with smelly roommates, or is this a problem that's since passed? Chalice and beefaver looking at Chip. Unblinking. Hypothetically, let's say that it's still happening. Well, there's a couple of things you can do if you have smelly housemates.

So one, you can, you know, this would be taking it upon yourself, but you make a nice little batch of cinnamon rolls and you place it in their rooms every morning. Hide it. Hide it so that they don't find it. But then their rooms kind of smell like cinnamon rolls and you place it in their rooms every morning. Hide it. Hide it so that they don't find it. But then their rooms kind of smell like cinnamon rolls and it's kind of nice that there's a smell coming. There's no chance Beef Kit doesn't find these cinnamon rolls. Yeah, we'll find them. I'll find them.

That is his one skill set. Hey there, Delilah. What if your roommate, one of them, is he's commandeering the main space. And so you have to kind of live in your room because he said he's working on a project for his manuscript. You're writing a what? Well, you know, in case it comes up, it'd be nice to have a manuscript that could maybe top a different manuscript. Wow. I can't in good my religion faith kind of give advice on writing a book.

So you're faithful. I'm a faithful. I'm not a traitor. I'm a faithful. Okay. I guess my big advice to the sexy guy, whatever his name was, is whoever think did stink did it. And if you're smelling a bad smell, I think it was probably you. So my big advice is take a bath and see if things improve.

Yeah, dude. I agree with Chalice, dude. It's probably you. Let's move on. Take a bath. You stinky guy. Chalice, why don't you give a wisdom roll here? Oh, God.

Oh. So we are at three and two. It's getting close now. So that means Chip did not take this advice well. Yeah, yeah. I don't approve of you. You do not take this advice well. Yeah. I don't approve of the advice. You do not like the advice that, by the way, you tagged. You ended with giving the advice. Chip and Chalice are doing that look that couples do where they're like, we're going to fight about this later in the privacy of our own home.

I'm adding this to my manuscript. I'm adding it to my manuscript. I'm adding it to my manuscript. Speaking of stink, you guys kind of stunk that piece of advice up. I don't know. We're kind of neck and neck in terms of bad versus good advice. Oh, God. This endorsement of Jennifer is sort of wavering here. Guys, get it together or I'm never gonna

be chef. Can we get another snail out here? We need to move on, please. Right here, and here's a snail, and it's opening its mouth, and a familiar voice fills the room. Beef, what does this voice mail sound like? Where am I? Where am I? Where am I? I don't feel good.

I think I ate too much. Oh, God, I ate too much. I'm so full. I'm so full. I'm so full. Did you say something? Don't come in here. Don't come in here.

I'm coming in. No, don't come in. Don't come in. I'm so full. I'm so full. Oh, hello? Hello? Uh-oh.

Hello? Oh, no. Hey? Uh-oh. Hello? Oh, no. Hey, I'm full. Whoever's on the other end. Sorry. Love you. I mean, why did I say that? Thank you, bye.

And the snail closes its mouth. Well, no pseudonym there, but B, if that sounded like you. Now, is this a problem that is ongoing are you still full or did that end up sorting itself out sort of later the day that is sort of like a butt dial yeah i think um i'm embarrassed i'm embarrassed no no that was a butt dial i had no idea yeah You don't need to be embarrassed. Listen, there are very few things people should be embarrassed about. There are some, but that's not one of them. You know, having mental health or stomach health issues, nothing to be embarrassed about.

Yeah. No stomach health issues. Just very full. Yeah. Wasn't that the day the vending machine broke and you decided to take advantage? I said, let's do it all. Well, it's interesting that you bring that up because there are procedures that can be done. You can have more mouths inserted so that you have more places to put the food.

Hey, Delilah. Hey, Delilah. Wheat? Sorry. We've been trying to keep that information away from Beef. We do. Beef is the last person that needs to know that you could put more mouths all over your body. Beef looks at Chalice.

Wait, you can do that? No, Beef, it's a joke. It's very common in Frasier. One of the best talk show hosts here that isn't me actually has three mouths, so they can actually host three shows at once. Well, you know how people get like too much plastic surgery and you're like wondering what happened beef will be mostly mouth if you continue to speak well let me tell you this niles guy is hot as hell and he's got three

mouths and he's looking good so think about it i will i got some advice for beef, I guess. Yeah, Chalice. Beef turns 380. Yeah, Chalice. What is it? Whoa, you're spinning too much. That's a little too much. Done. You were facing me and now you're sort of just a skew.

A little bit of skew. Just a little bit of skew. So my advice is if you're sick from eating all the vending machine food in one go, let your friends in the room so they can help you. And share it. Both. Either. Let your friends in to either share the food or to help you pick up the pieces when you've eaten all of the food. Well, and I'll say this.

Save an Oreo for a guy. If you're going to save an Oreo for a guy, make sure the guy is worth it. Make sure the guy or girl is freaking worth it or a person is freaking worth it. Because you don't want to be giving Oreos to some freaking- Uh-oh. Something happened to Delilah. Witch.

Yeah. Uh-oh. A pervert witch. Whoa, there's a story there. Talking about a pervert witch. Who takes your Oreo and then leaves to go read on the weekend and she has a cute husband

and she doesn't have sister time anymore. You gotta chill out. Oh, it's a sister again. You gotta chill out. My advice, you gotta chill out. You got any more of those snails?

What chalice roll? Oh yeah, we gotta roll. Chalice, can you roll for wisdom? 13 plus 2. Ooh. Beef looks at chalice and he goes, you're right. You're barely right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just became right. Yeah, you're barely right, chalice. You're looking sort of right next to me, Beef. Look me in the eye. I just wanted one Oreo. Another snail is placed onto the table, and you actually hear a familiar voice, and it sounds like...

Everyone give me a perception check real quick. Seven. Ten. Fourteen. Six. So no one really recognizes this voice right off the bat. Hello, I'm Daphne Boone. And I've been having a little bit of a pickle.

I feel like everybody thinks my brother is a really cool hotshot. But I would like to make it known he's actually a huge arsehole and I want to kind of galvanize the public around a bad sibling how would I best do that and could I use the airwaves right now to gauge interest in galvanizing behind a bad sibling and getting them voted out of Frasier, maybe sent into the ocean or into a kid hole. If I could just publicize that need and if you want to toss in some advice, that would be great.

Sincerely, Daphne Moon. And a snail closes its mouth. Hmm. Huh. Hey there, Delilah. This is Delilah.ilah this is delilah this is now that was the only time that hey there delilah might actually be appropriate no no no no no there's a kp kp wow what an interesting conundrum it's a pretty it's among the toughest problems one can have is to have a bad sibling that people like that you think everybody should know actually stinks for example if your

sibling was named sam and you wanted to say they stunk to their whole friend group so that the whole friend group knows and doesn't keep saying good things about her i would find that hard to do unless i had a radio show so i can really sympathize with that and i say i don't know you shouldn't be allowed to be bad they should be punished well you know but you know if i may delilah sure as siblings you know you actually have a teammate if you really kind of flip the perspective on here not an enemy someone that could work with you and um you, it's someone that has a shared experience with you. The only one because they're the only one that has the same mom and dad as you. You know, so even if they have more of a long neck and nicer little bird like feathers and sort of a rouger little bird like rump.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, if it's your brother. I will say I'm pretty anti-sibling as somebody that famously doesn't get along with his siblings. What I've noticed, and a way that I was alienated, was they came up with a nickname for me that I didn't care for at the time.

And I think maybe this caller could do something very similar. Well done writing this down. Yeah, she's taking both her hands. Both her little wings. Yeah, both her wings. She's putting it together and holding it. Pen is in the middle of her wings.

I think the pills are really hitting because this looks kind of like nonsense. Oh, she's drawing. She's not writing. She's drawing. Her eyes are crossed. I don't think she's here. Not happening anytime soon. Hey there. Hey there, Del here. Not happening anytime soon. Hey there.

Hey there, Delilah. Hey there, Delilah. And we're back. Did that advice take? So yeah, let's have Beef. Do you want to give me a wisdom check? Eight. Okay.

I take the drawing that Delilah did of Sammy. It says Stinky Sammy. And I go, no. She's stinky. Yeah, I agree. She's f***ing stinky. You know what? You know your life better than me. Hands up.

I surrender. My brother tried to marry me. Not all siblings are great. If my sister tried, she wishes she could pull me. Whoa. And just for you players, you should know that we're at four yeses and three nos right now,

as far as how they've gone over. And this is the final snail that's now on the table. You can either come out with some good momentum or kind of just have it be a net neutral. If it goes really bad, we'll say under 10, then it's a negative on the whole overall. But the snail opens its mouth. Hi. Long time listener, first time caller. I am actually headed out the door to go on a radio show to endorse my friend Jennifer for the campaign she's running for mayor.

And I'm feeling a little nervous. Also, everyone I'm with, I'm sensing they're a little nervous. Should I wear this bow tie? Nobody's going to see any of you. Jennifer's day drinking. Beef is wearing a bow tie. And I'm just wondering, like, how do you sort of chill out in the face of pressure? Like, how do you not get nervous and drink, I don't know, like three bottles of wine when you get there to chill out? Love you. Sincerely, I don't know, like three bottles of wine when you get there to chill out? Love you.

Sincerely, nervous to be on the radio. I have a car. Hey there, Delilah. This is Delilah from KPU talking to Hey There, Delilah fans. Thank you so much for calling in. It keeps getting longer every time. Thank you for calling, nervous to be on the radio. This is actually something I know quite a bit about.

And I use an acronym that I paid a very expensive mentor to teach me, which is COG, chill out girl. At the end of the day, if that doesn't work and you're still pretty pissed by the end of the day, go outside her house. Whose house? Go outside her house. Sister stuff. We're circling back to sister stuff. Go outside her house. Stick a ton of forks in her lawn.

Spray pesticide on her grasses. Maybe, I don't know, slowly take little items out of her garage so she feels she's going insane. Yeah, I could take a shot at this, Delilah, if that's all right. Absolutely. Chalice is holding Delilah's head up at this point. Becomes so heavy from the pills. To whomever this may be, this is obviously my first time on the radio. And I came into this nervous but i will say that the one thing that helped me was having my best friends in the world beside me

supporting me um i know sometimes people don't have time to read manuscripts um but just know that the people beside you promise that they're going to read it when they get home right away. I don't know if that helps you, whoever's calling, but just know that that's the case. Yeah, I bet it does help whoever's calling. Yeah, I'd probably say get the dog in the kid's hole. See what happens. You have to bleep that out.

Bleep that out. That's the time code is 1 hour 14. Bleep that out. But on the whole, on the kid's hole, I agree. Bleep that out. That's the time code is 1 hour 14. Bleep that out. But on the whole, on the kid's whole, I agree. Bleep that out too. 1 hour 14. And let's have, we'll have Chip roll a wisdom check here. Okay.

I wish I had more than plus zero for my wisdom. So remember, the stakes are high on this one. Over 15, it's a yes. And under a 10 is two no's. No, Waleed. I did botch. No! Yep.

That's two no's. Wait, can he roll with advantage? Because Chalice would have liked that advice. That was good advice. Please. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. And I do want to point this out.

Chalice would like that advice. We're not saying what Chalice or the individual. It's how the advice resonates with the listening public. And for whatever reason, they were just not feeling that answer. They're like, manuscript? What did that have to do with anything? Friendship. People are really mad these days.

Like, that was a really good answer, Chip. Like, friends, Chip. Friends, people. Yeah, but it's not a big culture fit for Frasier. It's just a culture thing. Me and isolated sort of here. You know what? I'm proud as long as it resonated with the people in this room.

That's all I care about. F*** you, listeners. Hey, hey. Yeah, f*** you, listeners. Yeah, f*** you, listeners. Okay. You guys, I just really don't think at this point I can give you a solid endorsement of Jennifer as a chef or anything else. I mean, you like war anyway, so I don't know if we want it.

Well, I didn't really officially release that yet. That's going to be the special thousandth episode is what I think of war. Is you talking about how much you like war? I didn't release what I think about it yet. Nobody knows what I think about it yet. Yes, yes. Nobody knows what I think about it. I will be tuning into that episode. That does sound like a good episode.

It is pending. You don't know it. I am still working out the nuance of my take. You can't discern it. If you try to listen to the previous episodes where I give my takes on war and I give advice to wars. You will not discern my take. Sorry, I was just looking at the coffee table and noticed that there's a scroll that says Delilah's Manifesto on War. I haven't touched the eyes or crossed the T's. It's a weird thing to wait till the end.

I'm springing these snails. Let's get out of here. Let's scream. Hey, my voicemails. Snails. What a weird day, huh? Go! You're free! And they're literally slugging

out and snailing out so slow. And they're just getting trampled on by people. No! KPU team lunch is running away. You better go get some. And that's all we have time for today on Hey There Delilah. Tune in tomorrow, same time, same place. Have a good one, Frasier. on Hey There Delilah. Tune in tomorrow.

Same time, same place. Have a good one, Frazier. Bye there, Delilah. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and Mishan Coyle. Arnie Pera wrote the theme song, Waleed and I worked out the story concept, and Sean Maher did the editing on this one. And of course, we were joined by the wickedly talented Rekha Shankar. You can follow Rekha on Instagram at Rekha underscore S to get more Rekha-centric content in your life. to get more Rekha-centric content in your life. Rekha also had a new sketch come out called Dad Econ that you can find on all her socials at rekhashankar.com.

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