SitcomD&D - S5 E2: All Bets are Off

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

When a recently passed law threatens their poker night, the BUGs do everything they can to try and acquire a gambling license. Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. makes it easy to be inspired and entertained as part of your everyday routine without needing to set aside extra time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Listening can lead to positive change in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial, and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. What is that, Ben? This is a live ancient mushroom elixir, root beer flavored, with reishi, chaga, and turkey tail stuff in it. Mushrooms in it.

And where do you buy something like that? CVS? Yeah Are you trying to undo a curse? What's happening? Or cause one Yeah, you're trying to make a curse The color of it is kind of like The liquid that Dumbledore drinks

To get the horcrux Harry, no, please, no more I hope you didn't get that for free from a stranger No, I paid actually $4.50 for it. Yeah, an old woman with a cart was walking down the street, and then she sold it to me, and I turned around, and she was gone. What are you hoping to benefit from this? What's the main thing that you're like, I need this in my life?

Because it's not taste. Honestly, I wanted to see if it tasted like root beer. It doesn't? Kind of like a really potpourri sort of root beer. So it's like, oh, that sounds delicious. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we're going to be picking up in Bottoms Up with the Bottoms Up gang, a.k.a. the Bugs.

We're locking that in. And that's the sound of some bugs, baby. If last episode was any indicator, the king, we know he wants to kill you guys, but he signed a contract where he couldn't at the end of last season, but he did say he's going to try to make your life a living hell. One way that that may be coming to fruition

is some laws being passed, seemingly targeted towards the Bottoms Up gang, that are wreaking havoc upon your life. You were able to sort it out last week. Hopefully, that's the worst that he can do, or maybe not. I guess we'll see. But that's not really on your mind right now because you guys are celebrating

a little poker night at Bottoms Up. Ooh! Uh-huh. It's a weekly occurrence that Jennifer absolutely adores. Things are pretty normal at Bottoms Up, except for on poker night, people are playing poker. It's casual, it's not crazy, but people are exchanging some money, having some drinks, smoking some smokes if you got them, and having an all-around pretty good time. So that's where we're going to pick up.

Quiet on set, sound speeding, and we're going to pick up. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling. Dice. Dice. Dice. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Peep at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away. We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end.

So cheers to all our family and our friends! family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass, Elizabeth Andrews as Beef, Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy, Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. Okay, so when we are picking up at Bottoms Up, it's a big wooden table that all of you are playing poker at. You've got your cards.

We're in the middle of a hand. Kind of want to know what everybody's vibes are, what you look like, what's going on with you, and maybe tell me your hand. Should we roll for hands? Yeah, roll for hands. That's fun. Are we playing five-card stud or Texas Hold'em?

What are we playing? Let's have you play five-card stud. Cool. And if you're a poker expert and you just don't want to embarrass your friend. Absolutely. Same here, Erin. What do we do? You're just going to roll a luck check.

Okay, great. Yeah, so what's Chalice's vibe at the poker table right now? Chalice is wearing the Uncut Gems sunglasses. Uncut Gems. And her feet are up on the table, and she's smoking a cigar. And she's sort of dressed like George Clooney in Ocean's Eleven. Take all the stuff. I took all of the stuff.

Plus I'm rounders in 21. Yeah. I took all of the stuff, idiots. I did roll a three. Okay. All right. One of your cards is an Uno card and the rest are trash. Like literal trash? Just like old receipts and stuff.

I would also like to know what Chalice bets. Chalice is all in. Okay. Who's next? I guess I could go next. Chip's next. First of all, Chip rolled a three. So I assume a very similar hand compared to Chalice. And you've never seen so many tells on a player.

He's like scratching his nose, itching his ear. He's taking a bite of an Oreo and licking the middle out. And then he's spitting it out into a trash can. Damn, he's a nervous wreck. Dripping in sweat and he goes all in. I got this one. I'm winning this for you, babe. Oh, thanks, babe.

Chels is all in as well. You're taking from her. And that's love. There should be no couples allowed. There should be no couples allowed. What are we doing here, huh? They're teaming. Lonely alert. Well, fair.

Babe, that was mean. Sorry, sorry. We're not the shut up. Me and Seb are together, right, Seb? No! You're kidding. What? Absolutely f***ing not.

I will not be a fifth wheel. No, no, I think Beef is mistaken. We're literally holding hands right now. So technically, yes, we are together. And they're interlaced. Oh. So you don't get lost. Chalice, maybe we should do that too.

Okay. If someone doesn't make a bet, I'm going to have a conniption. We both went all in. Because we're going to win this hand. I mean, I'm going to win this hand. I mean, we're going to win this hand. I mean, Chalice is going to. Okay, I'm just going to say what I'm wearing now.

Okay? All right? I'm wearing a thing that says Thing 1, and I'm hoping that someone else has a Thing 2 on. I'm hoping. You're just going to have to wait. You got to hope that Beef's next and not Jennifer. What'd you roll on the luck check?

I rolled a 17. Okay. Damn. And then I'm betting a reasonable amount, so also all in. Beef is wearing Jack Nicholson sunglasses, and he's smoking seven cigarettes in between each of his fingers. We should talk about this. And he is wearing a beautiful tuxedo.

Incredible. Son of a gun. And what did Beef roll? A gun. And what did beef roll? 14. And what's beef bettin'? 40. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's all in. That's all in. That's all in. I just literally picked a number. 40 gold pieces is all in for everybody. Everyone put in 40. Okay.

And Jennifer is dressed just like Jim Sturgis from 21, which is just kind of casual. Well, he wears disguises, right? Does he have a mustache sometimes? Yeah, she's wearing that mustache. Who's wearing the Thing 2 shirt? We're going to have to find out at some point in the episode. And Jennifer is sitting, eyeing everybody up,

and she goes, Fold! And she pushes her cards in. Dang. Probably a smart move. I mean, I don't have trash. I mean, who know? Okay, everybody flip

them over. Read them and weep. Looks like I won. For one second. Because I actually won. No. There's no way. What cards do you have? What game are we playing? Beef, calm down.

I think that's enough of a sign that you probably lost his hand. It doesn't matter what game you're playing, because I have an announcement. John the Crier here. Oh, my God. How did you get in? The door was locked. Are you playing tonight?

No, thank you. No. And nobody's going to be playing tonight. What? Because you can't no longer have any gambling at an establishment without a license from the crown. I bet you're wrong. Nothing happened. Oh, yeah?

Look at this then. And he holds up a piece of parchment, and it is exactly that. You have to have a license in order to operate any sort of gambling in France. Can Chalice roll to see how close to exploding Jennifer is?

Yeah! 19. Oh, yeah. It might be imperceptible to someone unless they were looking really close. Because this isn't silly, okay? This isn't cartoonish. But if you looked really closely, the top of Jennifer's head's starting to get a little bit red.

That's how mad she is. Do something, somebody! Is it the same kind of law where those scary guys are going to come and, like, choke you? Yeah, are we going to get smoke-mouthed again? Yeah, am I going to get choked? Yes, you will get choked and smoke-mouthed if you do break the rules. I don't make the rules, so don't get mad at me.

Listen, man, do you get off on this? Oh, my God, no. Do you get off on coming in here and telling us no, no, no? Who the hell are you? Somebody must be getting off on this. Somebody somewhere. No, I'm John. I'm John the Crier, and this is just my job.

I hate it. Do you like your job? Oh, you hate it, huh? I do. Why don't you quit? Yeah, why don't you quit? Why don't you come work at Bottoms Up? You'd hire me?

No. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no. That sucked. You got psyched. Absolutely psyched. I can't believe you fell for that. That absolutely sucked. Chip, in celebration, rips off his vest, and underneath there's a Thing 2 shirt. Oh, finally.

Oh, my God. Phew. Couldn't have been anyone. Listen, asshole. This is personal, obviously, because look, Jennifer's top of her head is getting red. And I think I could probably cook a fried egg on that. It's so hot. And Trellis hates cooking.

I hate it. So that says a lot. Look, you guys are having poker night once a week. Maybe it's not that big of a deal if you just don't have gambling here anymore. How about we just get a license? I feel like last week we figured it out, got the anymore. How about we just get a license? I feel like last week we figured it out, got the accreditation. How do we get a license?

Well, it's actually really quite easy to apply for a license. Oh, great. Perfect. Easy season, sounds like. But there can only be three licenses and friends at a time and there's already three casinos that exist. And who are those casinos? Well, there's

Moe's Casino. Oh, yeah. Of course. There's Kat's Katsino. Then they're done that. Wait, what was that? I was speaking. Sorry.

There's Moe's Casino. Then they're done that. Oh, I did it again. Kat's Katsino. Beef. Beef. We're all trying to hear this, Beef. Dallas puts her hand over Beef's mouth.

Beef, it feels like there's a flow to the information that's getting delivered to us. Maybe let's let John deliver it. Right. There's Moe's Casimo. Been there, done that. Oh, sorry. That's funny. So you can say it, but I can't say it.

My hand. Beef bit my hand. Ow, owie, owie, owie, owie. There's Moe you can say it But I can't say it My hand My hand Ow Owie owie owie owie There's Moe's Casimo There's Cat's Catsino And there's Fred's Cofredno Okay

Okay Wait I'm sorry One more time It took us this long To get to Cofredno Or whatever that is One more time

There's Moe's Casimo Cat's Catsino And Fred's Cofredno. Wait, no, we haven't been there. No, we haven't. Just between us, John the Crier, which of these places

do you think would be easiest to take down or shut down or burn? Well, your head's in the right place if you want one. Someone has to lose one when it comes to licenses.

But I don't know. I love all those places. Okay, John, and that is exactly why you are a hated man. You can't like everything all the time. You gotta have an opinion,

my dude. Yeah, if you like everything, you don't like anything. I don't like you guys. That's not true. What a compliment. We know that's not true. That's not true.

No, you guys do. You tricked me. You dunked on me. You said I can't work here. I don't like you. You know what? I bet we end up killing you this season. How about that?

This place smells like piss and it's always sticky. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Finally. Did you say you're going to kill me this season? Bye. Bye, John.

Bye, bye, bye. I'm never coming back. Yeah, we'll see next week. Good, good. No more rules. Fun. Toggle, toggle, toggle. Lock, lock, lock. Lock, bye, bye. I'm never coming back. Yeah, we'll see next week. Good, good. No more rules. Fun. Toggle, toggle, toggle. Lock, lock, lock.

Lock, lock. Jesus. Holy. Okay. Moe's Casimo. I've been there, done that. I mean, we've been there, done that. But do we want to steal?

I mean, don't we kind of like the guy? I forgot where we kind of resolved that. Jennifer works as the head of security there or something still. Somebody put me up on the table. I'm in a blind rage. I can't even see. Okay, I pick up Jennifer and I put her on my head.

Jennifer, Jennifer, you probably know these casinos front to back. Which one of these is, I don't know, the weakest? More like front to not allowed back. But yeah.

That was incredible. That's pretty good. Considering you're in a blind rage right now, that was pretty solid. Thank you. Yeah, I'll get that in an hour. But yeah, these are all my kind of homes away from home. Moe's Casino.

I mean, we've been there. We've rocked that place. Robbed a drive. Yeah, baby. And Cat's Casino. That one's like an airship. Whoa. It's pretty cool.

It's pretty nice. Pretty ritzy. Pretty fancy. And it's up in the sky. So there's like nothing but amazing views everywhere you look, which is kind of cool. Oh, that sounds lovely. And then Fred's Cofredno. That one's, it's like a really quaint kind of like riverboat type style gambling thing.

I'm pretty sure it's like just Fred kind of like family owned. So kind of like schmarscale. My vote is Cat's Catseimo. Am I saying that right? It's a bunch of nonsense sounds. Because I have a faith in us to be able to shut down a classy place. Think of all the times we've shut down classy establishments just by showing them. That is true. Oh, yeah.

There's nothing to show here. Go back, go back, go back. It's all the actors who play the characters sort of on a smoke break. On their phones. Yeah, they're in the alleyway. They're like, what are you doing? Yeah, good times. Oh, good.

Oh, if I had a nickel. I will say Fred's Cofredno sounds pretty pathetic and maybe an easy takedown. That's a good point, babe. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like they're pretty much on their way out the door anyway. It might be mercy at this point. Wait, they're on their way out because they're family owned? Yeah, they sound pathetic.

A casino that's family owned? Yeah, you're right. No, it should be owned by a corporation. Now, Jenny, if we're going to do this, how important is this to you? Like, do we need? Oh, yeah. You want me to beg, Beef? You want me to sob on the ground?

What are you setting me up to do? Yes, it's important to me. It's the most important thing in my life. I'm willing to kill for it. I'm willing to let you die for it. Whoa. Beef, you're pitching. Maybe we just don't get a license and we just have a fun day. That's a good point. I mean, yeah. I mean, we're pitching. If you're pitching, maybe we just don't get a license and we just have a fun day.

That's a good point. I mean, yeah. I mean, we're pitching. If we're pitching, if we're pitching. Yeah, I'm always... Oh, my God, I asked for nothing. I asked for nothing. Just this.

Just one night. One night where I get to gamble just a little bit. I feel like you ask for a lot of things. I think so, too. Oh, did you see this on Instagram? Yeah, Twitter is called X now. Oh, yeah. What about that?

Oh, yeah. I saw that. Can you guys find me some cheese? Please, guys. I mean, seriously. You know that I'm addicted to gambling. Oh, that's some good self-awareness. Well, maybe this is a good thing, Jenny.

Yeah, maybe this is helpful. Some cold turkey. No, it just means I need it. Here's the other option. How about if we do this for you, you never ask us for anything ever again? Yes. Wait, Chip, I love that. Thank you, Beef.

I rip off my shirt and I have a Beef shirt underneath. Yes! Oh, now I'm sad again. Okay, I agree, whatever. I promise. Swear on my life. Let's go. Follow me. I'm sad again. Okay, I agree, whatever. I promise. Swear on my life. Let's go. Follow me.

I'm still rage blind. Someone has to guide me. You basically walk out of the town square of France, and there is a river walk not too far from the downtown area that leads to a larger body of water, a small lake, and there's a nice pier that's lit with some really quaint, nice, magical lights that will lead you on a wooden walkway to a nice-looking casino boat. Not huge.

This is no cruise ship by any means. Maybe a couple hundred people could probably fit on this at once. Looks like there might be two or three floors. White with some red paint lines on it. It's like a white and red. Nice casino boat. Cofredno. Cofredno.

A Cofredno. Yeah. And it's got one of those big, you know, like paddle things on the back. And it is letting people on. Well, this is lovely. This is very nice. Now I feel bad. I said this was going out the door or something.

I was mean. Why do you not like families? Can I say something crazy, guys? Go for it, shall we? Should we make a plan before we go in there? Yeah. Wow. Do we want to pretend like we don't know each other?

What do we want to do? Everyone, sit crisscross applesauce in a circle. All right. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

God. Ow. Chalice, I mean, you can sit in Chip's lap if you want. I do. We could be nice. We could just like ask Fred for it. We don't got to burn this place to the ground. Yeah.

This guy could be a nice guy. It might be hard because it's water. Of course he's a nice guy. He's the sweetest guy in the whole world. Fred, are you kidding me? Why did we come here? Let's bring him a gift. Bring him a gift.

Seb, anything in your big backpack? Let's see. I have six tambourines, one big, big, big, big, big, big bouncy ball, 11 drum ropes, and 14 pairs of jeans. I think one jeans won't. Please play with the ball. Okay. Thank you.

Sorry, Chip, what were you saying? I was just going to say maybe one jeans, one jump rope, one tambourine. Fair enough. All right. That's a good gift. Fred would like that. Fred likes anything. He's the sweetest guy in the whole world.

All I have in terms of gift bags in here is just this one that says, happy retirement, you old fart asshole. Comma asshole? Comma asshole? Wow, you think it's over? I think that's hilarious. Oh, he will? I think so.

God, Fred sounds great. Yeah, it sounds amazing. What are we doing, guys? If it comes to us having to kill him, are we going to be able to do it? I mean, he sounds like he's kind of out the door anyway, right?

Yeah, he's had a long road. He was addicted to gambling for a long time, but he doesn't gamble anymore. Wait, you guys, I think I just got struck by lightning in my brain. Are you okay? Oh. I think beef means an idea. What if one of us disguised selves as the sun, the heir of the casino? Jennifer, does this guy have a son?

Fred does have a son. Whoa. Okay. But he was addicted to gambling. I'm pretty sure he's not in touch with his family anymore. Oh. Great plan. But that could play into our hands.

This could be very similar to last season when we became a long lost child popping up out of nowhere. This is a great idea, Beef. Yeah, it's like I've had it before. I have no recollection how the last one resolved, so I think this will work swimmingly.

I personally don't learn lessons, so... It could be our B plan. Yes, if something goes wrong. That's a great idea, Beef. A plan is gifts. B plan is something from a previous season.

Yes, that's a great rule going forward. And we should just throw in a C just in case. C, burn it down. Burn it down. Alright. Something from a future season. Perfect. Wow, we've never had three plans go into anything. This is great. Level five, baby. Let's go.

We're all shaking hands. We're all shaking hands. To you and to you and to you. I'm counting. Excellent. Cheek to cheek and to you. I'm confident. Meeting over. What race is Fred? So like who should be his son? Oh, Fred is a human. Okay.

So who? Seb? Oh, I'm a human. Can you disguise self? No. Oh, okay. I think I'm closest to human size that can without going over. Oh, okay. I think I'm closest to human size that can without going over. That's right. Okay, I'll do it. I can be Fred's son.

If plan B is necessary, I think plan A is going to rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm being honest. And we should have a word for each one of them. Plan A is asshole. Asshole. Plan B butthole.. Butthole. Is butthole.

Okay. And C? Crap hole. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

This is going so well. Let's enter. You've got the bugs. Excuse me there We're just going to need to see your ID before you come in Oh ID Wait no we have IDs this is normal Yeah I needed someone else to say it

Sorry we're just so used to hiccups In all of our plans I mean Yeah well you got big plans here Fred I hope you achieve them. And you guys leave here with your pockets full to bursting with gold. Wait, do you genuinely mean that? Of course I do.

We want everyone to have a great time, and great time means winning. So, good luck in that. Thank you, sir. So nice. Is your IDs back? Oh. Have a great time.

Jennifer, why'd you get kicked out of this place? They seem wonderful and lovely. Because I'm not that. Come on, let's go. Oh, my favorite chair's there. Get me up on it. And all of a sudden, Jennifer is sitting at a table

that's a big roulette table. It doesn't look necessarily just like any roulette table. You can tell that the ball that goes and usually spins on the big wheel actually comes from a clam that opens up its mouth and a pearl that looks like it might have some sort of magical quality to it

rolls out and has this beautiful sparkling light that takes it all around the wheel as it's spinning. That's beautiful. Really pretty. Okay, so can I have money to bet? Where's your money? Jennifer, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Yeah, here's a one. Oh, no, beef. Ooh, one gold piece. Okay, and I'll put it on double zero. Oh. She looks so happy. She does look happy.

Should we leave her and just do our plan? We don't need her. She's sitting at the very edge of the seat, so her feet are just kind of dangling off, and she's like holding her toes and kind of kicking her feet. She's so cute. She's so cute. Let's just leave her.

She seems content. It's like she's sleeping, you know? Let her rest. Let her rest. Let her rest. Let her rest. Let her rest. The pearl starts slowing down, and it lands on 17 black. Oh, rats.

Get it? You win some, you lose some. More money, please. Oh, no, Jennifer. That was it. That was just sort of to hold you over. Ow! Ow!

My eyes! I can't eyes! I can't see! I can't see! Wait, why did you braid our hair together? That's so crazy! Ow! Ow! Ow! And at the same time, you notice that at that same table, someone else had placed a really hefty bet. It looked like over 500

gold pieces are actually getting swept away from a person who looks pretty haggard. They've got like stubble, not a five o'clock shadow, but like a six o'clock from three days ago, haven't shaved type shadow. And their eyes are sunken in, head is hung low in defeat as what looks like over 500 gold pieces are pushed towards the Cofredno employee. Ooh. And at that moment, a certain somebody walks up to the table, and you've just got this air of,

this is a good guy. He's wearing a little name tag that says Fred. He's a human man, middle-aged. He's got hair on the sides of his head, but not on top. Really thick glasses. A very small mustache, but somehow it top. Really thick glasses. A very small mustache, but somehow it does

hide his entire mouth. Interesting. So he's got a small mouth? And he's got a cute little belly. There's some chest hair coming out of his silky collared shirt. And he puts his hand on the back of the guy who just lost a bunch of money. Oh man, tough break there, Carl.

Pretty big loss, huh? That was, that was my mortgage. I, uh, God. That sucks. That's brutal. That sucks. That's rough. Well, I've been there a time or two in the past. Tell you what, have it back on the house. Just go ahead. Oh my God. I can't believe we're going to have to kill this guy. I'm going to cry. I really hate to see someone down in the dumps like this. I want you to have a good time here. So go ahead. Give the money

back. He might let us kill him. We just have to ask nice. Yeah, maybe we just have to ask nicely. Give him the gifts. Ask to play an asshole? Play an asshole? Yeah. Maybe we don't even do the tambourine so plain asshole? Plain asshole? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we don't even do the tambourine.

I think he would do it for less. Yeah, save that tambourine. We're going to need that. Okay, Carl, why don't you go home, get cleaned up, and don't be a stranger here, okay? And Carl's had all the gold pushed back to him from the employee

and is heading away from the table, hopefully back home to get his head straight. And Fred kind of rubs his hands together, kind of like almost getting dust off him. Like, I wanted a day's work. And then starts taking another lap around the confredno. Oh, Fred, sir. Mr. No.

Yes, Mr. No Fred. Well, hi, friend. How you doing? Hello. May we introduce ourselves? This is our first time at your beautiful establishment. And may I say you have the most beautiful vibe of anyone I've ever met. And the smallest mouth. Oh, my goodness. Some would beg to differ with you.

I'm quite the chatterbox when you get to know me. But it's a pleasure making your acquaintance. Wow, you've got a weak handshake. Which one of us? All? No. It's not me. I'm not shaking his hand. Can we roll for strength? Yeah, I want to see who was the weakest. I rolled a natural 20, so you

can all go to hell. Wow. I got a 16. Rolled an 18. Oh, you son of a gun. I'm a son of a gun. Oh, man. Now, Chalice, with a natural 20, it doesn't mean that you're going to necessarily crush Cofredno's hand, unless you want to. No.

What's the ideal handshake that Chalice is given right now? The kind of handshake that my mom taught us to give us, where you're like making eye contact with someone and you make someone feel really seen and you put your other hand under their hand super warmly. Yes. That I'm like, would be trustworthy in business, but also I'm like a treasured new friend. Wow.

Now that right there is a handshake. This right palm of mine feels like it just stayed in a five-star hotel. Excellent. I moisturize my hands and there's a little chocolate in there. Oh, and a treat. Okay, and what a treat this group is. Well, I hope you all have an amazing time tonight, and if you need anything, just let old Fred know, okay?

Asshole, asshole, asshole. Excuse me. We do need something. And we have something. We have something for you. Do you have an office we could present? Do we want it out? I do have an office.

Thank you for asking, and it's quite nice. Why don't we take a look at it? Great we want it out? I do have an office. Thank you for asking. And it's quite nice. Why don't we take a look at it? Great. Okay, I'll keep it behind my back. Okay, follow me. And then you start following Fred as he's kind of finishing a round through the Cofredno. And you see everyone seems to give Fred a wave and a hello.

How you doing? And even the employees are like, hey, Fred, good to see you. Don't work too hard. Hey, but seriously, if you guys need a break, I can always take over. I'm just going to be a couple minutes with these folks

and I'll step right in for you. Oh, Fred, come on. You pay us too much. It's crazy. We could be in the sky right now, you guys. What did we do? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Let's just kill this guy and get it over with. Yeah, I agree. Definitely killing him. He has a little golden key, just like an actual tangible key that he opens up a humble office to, just a thin wooden door. It's at the back of the boat.

And you step into his office. There's a carpet that looks like it's probably 20, maybe even 30 years old, seen better days. There's a carpet that looks like it's probably 20, maybe even 30 years old, seen better days. There's some cigarette burns or cigar burns in it. There's actually a bunch of cigars that have been put out in different little cigar dishes and ashtrays around his office.

There's a bunch of loose paper around. At the back, though, is a beautiful view of the paddles working and bringing water up and then down and moving the boat. And you can see the moon kind of jumping off the water there, creating a pretty lovely image. So all in all, not the fanciest office, but a nice place to be. It's nighttime now. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny how the night can just sneak up on you sometimes, huh? Well, Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny how the night can just sneak up on you sometimes, huh? Well, the scarier thing is at a casino, trust me, when I was still gambling, the morning would sneak up on you. I'll tell you that much. You get it. Yeah.

I don't get it. So you used to be addicted to gambling, so you do have some flaws, and you are maybe worth killing? Excuse me? Worth killing? I don't know if anybody's worth killing. Wait, that's not crapple, though. Oh, you're right. Sorry. Asshole. Asshole. Ass killing. I don't know if anybody's worth killing. Wait, that's not crap hole, though.

Oh, you're right. Sorry. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Gift. We have, we wanted to present you with a present. Do-do-do-do.

Here you go. What? For me? Yeah, go ahead and open it. Oh, my God. Well, it's not wrapped, so. Oh, no, it's in a bag. It's in a bag. Oh.

Read the bag. It's funny. Yeah, read it. Happy retirement, you old fart asshole. Pretty fun. Well, this is the first time you're going to buy my retirement. Yeah, it's kind of a bag, but maybe there's a message in there. I mean, that's kind of like a sign from, you know.

The universe? Oh, yeah. Actually, we hadn't even read the bag before that. That's kind of funny. Just open the gift. Open the gift. Well, what's inside your, oh, we hadn't even read the bag before that. That's kind of funny. Just open the gift. Open the gift. Well, what's inside your... A tambourine?

Actually, no. Sorry. Let him have it. Let him have it. Let him have it. No, I actually didn't mean to put that in. No, Seb, we're like pulling the tambourine out of Seb's hand. Do you like tambourines, Fred?

Do you have one already? I don't like tambourines. Okay. I hate them. Oh. Well, let me get that out of your way because that was a mistake. That was super misleading. Really surprised.

That really surprised me. Oh, keep going. Keep going. There's more in there. Oh, let me just dig a little deeper in here. What the heck else did you guys get me? And he pulls out a pair of jeans. Wow.

Ta-da. These won't fit a pair of jeans. Wow. Ta-da. These won't fit. Yet. Yet. Oh. We know the best tailor in town. Taylor Morganson. He's actually a carpenter, but he knows about jeans.

He'll make you one stiff pair of jeans. Yeah. Okay. A lot more wood than you think you'll need, but. Way more wood. So now that we've given you gifts. There's more. There's more. There's one more thing. One more thing. There's more beef. There's more beef. Alright. Let me dig in here. And for some reason I'm pulling something out but I don't even remember what I'm looking at. It's a jump rope. Oh that's what this thing is.

Now I remember this is a jump rope. Yeah. Okay. You forgot what those were, I see Yeah, but it's what you, you put it around your neck like a scarf You swing it around and Wait, hold on That was a close call, oh my god Dang, we almost went from asshole to crap hole pretty quick He almost choked himself out.

That was crazy, and I thought you guys weren't going to help me for a second. Luckily, that dislodged from the ceiling. That thing went around his neck like a tether ball in a recess court. We definitely would have helped you, right, everybody? Yeah. For sure. Yeah, man. That was crazy.

My toes were dangling off the floor for like a good two, three seconds. I could have sworn nobody moved. You've got to be careful with that thing, Fred. You're in good health. We were in shock. And Chip didn't say, now hold on. I said, hold you. I meant to grab on.

Like, hold on to you. Yeah, I wish they would have listened to you. Yeah, me too. Me too. These guys, they're a bunch of buffoons, but good people. Well, thanks for the presents. I'll figure out how to use that some other time, I guess. If there's anything I can do, well, you know what?

How about some champagne on the house, and you guys go out there and enjoy yourself. Unless there's anything I can do for you else. Yes. There is something else you can do for us. Come on, Beef. Okay. Do it. Just do it.

Oh, it's me? I set the table now. Freaking eat. Just eat. The table's set. Now eat. Just eat it Oh it's me? I set the table now Freaking eat Just eat The table's set now eat Just eat it now Eat the rope? Just go

Just ask Just ask the question I'm still laughing about before I know we've lost We've lost Chalice Chalice Chalice is laughing in the corner She's gonna need a minute

I can't help her a little bit I'm so sorry I can't believe We almost saw a man totally choke himself out. It did nothing. Considering doing absolutely nothing. We were about to have the shnuttest episode ever. The nicest man we've ever met on this show. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Oh, what can I do you for? We need your gambling license. Okay. Oh, that's a toughie. Jeez. Yeah. Because if I don't have it, then actually, I just heard that you can't actually have any gambling

without a gambling license. Oh, is that right? We hadn't known. And did someone come by here to tell you that? Was it a guy that cries a lot? Yeah, it was actually, we were notified about a week ago that in order to keep having gambling, you'd have to have a gambling license. So then we applied, of course, and we got it. A week ago. A week ago, huh, Fred? Yeah, that's right. Let's just be honest. We just found out about it today. And if we would have known about it, we probably actually would have applied before you.

That's probably true. I am not a quick mover. Yeah. Yeah. I am vexed. Hey, Fred, you seem like a really great guy. Oh, I don't know about that. You have done so much for this whole community and all these people.

Maybe it's time for a little rest. Maybe you pass the torch on and we take the license from you. I really don't want to have to kill you, Fred. You're basically on your way out. Just go retire. Yeah, look at this photo on your desk of the mountains and the sea. It looks like you want to go be with the sea. Well, actually, the part that I want to be with

in that picture is the people that are by the mountains and the sea. That's my estranged wife and son. Butthole. Butthole. Butthole. Is that the murder one? No, no, that's Crap Hole.

Butthole's son. Butthole's son. Butthole's son. Well, like I said, you know, I was addicted to gambling. Oh, yeah. Oh! Yeah, it's actually kind of sleepy in here.

Is Red Rhino about to show up? Red Rhino? That wasn't on the plan. What are you doing? That's how I get out of places. Oh. Also, I'm not the Red Rhino. And Chip runs away.

Got it. Got it. Got it. Oh, that's a beautiful story, Fred. Absolutely. I didn't tell it gorgeous i started to he yawned in my face and left chip comes sprinting back in oh one second hold on picks up the picture looks at it closely analyzes it oh okay gotta go now and spritz back out oh my god you want to tell us that story now yeah that, that's a beautiful story. For about as long as it's going to take for him to sleep?

I mean, there's not much to tell when you get right down to it. You know, I had a problem, and it was really negatively affecting a lot of the people around me. And it was for the best, you know. What was the problem? Gambling. And you still work here? Well, now I don't gamble anymore. Now I just operate it. And they won't come back? No, um, you know, I just convinced myself that

they're better off without me. And I think they are happy. Last I heard, Chartreuse, she had found a dentist named Stanley. They were really happy together. her. I like my dentist, too. Short truth. Short truth. Short truth. What is the... What's the... Crapple? Crapple?

Crapple? Crapple. Crapple. Crapple. Crapple. Just kill him. I can't do this. Crapple isn't kill him.

Crapple is setting on fire. We never made a kill him on the speech. We didn't? No, we never made a D. Well, we should have because Chip's gonna come in here and he's gonna ruin this guy's life. Uh-oh.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just zoning out there for a second, staring at this picture. Sorry. Hey, it's... Hi, Dad. Oh, my God. It's your son from the photo. Wow.

It's me, your son. Did you guys learn his name? Oh, sorry. Francisco? D-D-D-Dad? Whoa, what a big moment. Buddy, what are you doing here? I, um, you know, I didn't even know this was actually your place. I thought it was a different Fred that had a casino boat. Well, I've had to downsize a couple times since the last time you were on one of these. People say it's because I give people their money back after they lose, but I don't know.

I think it's all about having a good time, so I got no regrets. But yeah, I know this one's a little smaller, huh, son? Yeah, yeah. It looks nice. Oh, my gosh. Is that a picture of me and... What's her name? Mom? Just say mom.

I think mom will work. You're talking about... Mom? Yeah, yeah. Mom. Mom. Yeah, that looks like a picture of me say mom. Mom. I think mom will work. You're talking about mom? Yeah. Yeah. Mom. Yeah. That looks like a picture of me and mom.

Well, that's because it is a picture of you and mom. I'm sorry. I'm a little taken aback. I got to get my hands on you. Yeah. Me too. Get over here, pops. We could be drinking champagne in the sky right now.

I hear that they call their dealers crew PAs. Hey, daddy-o. Chip does the noogie on Fred. Oh! Wow, you're so much bigger than you were. Yes, because of time, I grew. Okay. Nice. Wow. Thank you, Seb.

I mean, stranger. Yes. Oh, you're right. I haven't introduced you to any of my new friends. Your friends? Yes. Actually, I don't think I caught anybody's name. Nice to meet you. That's Seb, and that's Beef, and that's Chalice, right? What are you f***ing doing?

I mean, I mean... Yes, no, I know these guys from Bottoms Up. Right? I'm a regular at your bar. Yes. Isn't that right? Okay, you're asking for it. Give me a deception check. With disadvantage. No! Don't be

spiteful. Come on. It is a weird line where you're like, I know you're playing it for comedy, but also... Oh, God, I did botch. Oh, my God. And I botched on the first roll, so even with the disadvantage... You guys... This is the first time we've even with the disadvantage. You guys. This is the first time we've ever come up with a plan and we will never do it again.

We had two plans. Three plans. Three plans. Actually four if you count Kill Him. I'm calling Dookie. I'm calling Kill Him Dookie. Okay. So.

Everyone saying genuinely okay after I did that. It felt so nice. That's some good yes anding, baby. So the following combination has really convinced Fred in this moment that he is being deceived. You are being deceitful. Chip did a huge yawn, stared at the picture intensely, left the room, came back as a son that he was never expecting to see anytime soon, and immediately said everybody's name in the room and then said, whoops, oopsie, and then tried to move on. So that combination of factors probably clued him in a bit

that things might not be on the up and up. Okay. Can I tell that he's like seeing through this? Give me a insight check. Okay. Can I tell that he's like seeing through this? Give me a insight check. Okay. Oh, a 12. From what you can tell, things are kind of just moving on like normal. Okay. Okay.

I don't recognize it. So no one really recognizes if he's picked up on it or not. Yeah. These are just some nice folks. Man, I heard about you guys and your poker night being canceled. Wish you guys could still do your poker nights. Yeah. It's sad.

It's really sad. We've lost a lot of people because of it. Yeah. It's been really hard for our business. It caused my divorce. From me. We're so amicable. I'm afraid she's moving on. I wish somebody in this room could do something about this.

That's so funny because I was just actually considering giving my license to them. You were? I was. You were? Dad. You were? All right, roll the credits. You were?

Now that you're here, might as well. Why don't we go get the gambling license? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right. God, I love you, Fred. I could kiss you.

Okay. Well, I keep it, of course, where any good captain keeps important things in his boat, right in the top deck next to the wheel. Cool. Come on. Follow me, guys. Okay. Holy cow, guys.

This is going so well. This is the easiest. Cool. Come on, follow me, guys. Okay. Holy cow, guys, this is going so well. Easiest episode ever. We didn't even need Butthole and Crap Hole. Or Dookie Hole, either. Oh, wait. We didn't need Asshole. We used Butthole, but I don't know if Butthole helped. Am I helping? Um.

You guys go top deck And you are walking towards the back of the riverboat This is like the easiest It's lovely here too I wonder if he'll give us the boat too This idiot The moon is so big What a moron

What a good day And Night I'll let one of you give me a perception check Who's got the best perception? I got it. I got plus five. Oh, actually, you got it.

18 plus five. Ooh. Not bad. Okay. As you are walking up and now getting towards the back of the boat on the top deck, you notice that a couple of the employees are also walking with you guys. They are kind of bringing up the rear. Okay, just give me one second.

I'm just going to grab the license. I guess I'll just hand it over. God, it's so good to see my son. Francisco, unbelievable. Except for that you're not Francisco. And he grabs you, and then the other employees grab you guys as well. They're holding your heads close to the paddle of the paddle boat in the back.

And you notice that this actually isn't made of wood. It is made of metal. And each one is like as sharp as a razor. And if he moves your head or anyone holding you moves your head a foot further, you'll probably be decapitated. Oh my god!

We're about to get mowed! We're about to get mowed! We're about to get mowed! Are we blades of grass? Because we're about to get mowed! I like that one better. Yeah, that one's good. We're sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry. We'll leave. We'll leave. We have other options. Yeah, we got

options and we don't even need it. It's for a rat and we don't even like her that much. Stop looking like my son. I don't want to hear this coming out of someone who looks like my son. Okay, sorry, sorry. I didn't need to make that noise. Kind of gives you the ick, right, Chalice? What? Beef?

Sorry, but it was really, really icky. You thought just because I'm a nice guy that you guys could do whatever you wanted and that you'd be safe, right? Yes. Wrong. I used to be a gambling addict. I run a casino.

You think I haven't seen stuff? You think people haven't tried to pull stuff? Now, it pains me to start getting scary like this, but if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. You're still being kind of nice. Yeah, you're being pretty nice about it, but like in a scary way. Yes. We'll leave. We'll just go.

We're not going to bother you ever again. We'll never come back. Okay. Well, good. I'm sorry it had to get nasty there for a second. And then the other employees let go of your arms. I just wish, you know, we didn't go off to the wrong foot like this because I feel like

you guys are probably pretty cool. And gosh, I'm sorry. Should we kill him? And all of a sudden he slips and he starts teetering back like when you're on the side of a pool. Almost falling back into the blades. Hold on.

And unless someone grabs him, it looks like he's really going to fall backwards. Oh, Chalice. Yeah, Chalice grabs. Yeah, we grab him. No, no. That was, you were not gonna grab me We did You thought about it for so long Your employees just stood there

Yeah, look at them Our intentions have always been clear Reggie, Tanner, what the hell was that? Oh no, Reggie and Tanner Too slow, Joes I'm gonna go back to my office and smoke a stoke. No, no, Fred. Fred.

Fred. Fred. How about this? How about this? To make it up to you, who do you hate more of your competitors, Moe's or Katz? Neither. I think they're both great, and they offer different things in the gambling space. Do you want a tambourine?

I hate tambourines. Oh, that's right. You've got to give us something or else we're going to have to burn this place down. Like, we don't have any other options. Or we're going to dookie. If I had your objectives, I would say Kat's Casino is probably an easier mark than Cosimo.

Oh. All right, well, bye. Thanks. Sorry. Sorry. Like, I just don't even know. If you could just forget our faces. Yeah, we're sorry.

Like, let's just rewind. Hi, I'm Chip. Hi, I'm Charles. We got to get Jennifer. Let me tell you something. Guys, I like everybody, and I don't like you, so I don't know what that says. That's the second time someone has said that to us today

Hey guys, please leave her, you know Yeah, bye We're going, we're going, we're going Thank you Off to Katz Have a good night Grab Jennifer on the way out Don't come back

I'm already out You guys got kicked out too? Kinda, yeah What did you do? What did I do? Well, I went up huge I was a freaking queen Being worshipped

And then it all came crashing down like it does. But that's how it goes. You win some, you lose some. And that's the fun of gambling. All right. All right, here we go. All right, so you are on your way to Kat's Catsino. And as you approach and Jennifer is directing the way,

you notice that you're getting closer and closer to Bottoms Up. And you're actually being led across the street to Tops Down. You enter. And of course, it is a very elegant ritzy type place. You go to the rooftop of Tops Down's hotel where there is a ladder, like a rope ladder. You don't know how fancy people would ever even attempt this, but it's just a rope ladder that leads up and up and up into the night sky where you can see way up there, hundreds of feet in the air, is almost like a mix of a disco ball and like a firefly lantern. It's like a glass almost looking structure in a blimp form, but warm light is emanating from the center of it.

And it is stationary in the air, hovering up there hundreds of feet. How did we never notice this before? It's beautiful and across the street. I have just a quick thing to say before we climb this ladder. What if we go in with no plan? Because last time we were all super arrogant about a plan. Too many plans. Too many plans.

And I think we should just go in and wing it. I still might just shout asshole and butthole every once in a while. Well, we already did asshole butthole. So I was going to say a butthole will be our plan A. And then plan B will be... We're like climbing walls. And before you know it, you've reached the entrance. A doorway where the rope ladder ends,

and there's someone there who's pretty beefy, who's able to lift you up into the blimp itself. Someone who looks a lot like beef? Got it. Yeah, someone who looks a lot like beef, but twice as strong. Hey. Hello. Hello. Hey. Hey. Hello. Hello.

Hey. Hey. Hi. Four? I mean five. Yes. Coming in. Not a problem.

Right this way. Eerie beauty. Scooby-doo. Scooby-doo. Scooby-doo. Scooby-doo. I guess we're in fancy land. Where's the caviar?

Where's the shrimp? I change my underwear daily. You're in fancy land. Where's the caviar? Where's the shrimp? I change my underwear daily. And you see, as you've gotten to the entrance, there's two security people there, and they are kind of like looking at each other. And it looks... Give me an inside check. How botched?

Nat 20. Oh, nice. That's weird. 18 plus 6. Chip, as you guys come in making fun of how fancy it is and how boisterous you are, the security gives each other a look that you immediately recognize as the look as, should we turn these people away? Guys, you have to be genuine.

Keep the fancy voices, but be genuine. Honey, I was thinking later we could let go of several of our butlers. Yes. You're feeling a bit redundant, don't you think? I don't like how many of them have the same names. Mm-hmm. You're talking dog here. My God.

Absolutely. This place is so much smaller than our house. Oh, so much smaller. Quaint, even. Mommy, puppy, it's I, your son, Charlie DuPont. Yes, of course, because we are the DuPonts. Yes. Bonne chasse.

Bonsoir. Bonne chasse to you, mademoiselle. And I'm not a rat. And they're sort of all panting like they did a performance. Yes. They do allow you in. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God. We quickly go to the bar, settle up at the bar to get kind of surveillance. Well, hello, lovelies. Now, what can I do for the group? Are we doing any drinks right now? Five martinis, dry.

Dry, okay. Five martinis dry coming right up. Those actually look a little clean. Could you put like a hair or something in that? That just like looks really clean. Seb, we have to pretend to be fancy. We're fancy. No, I pick up what you're putting down, gentlemen,

that you would like a dirty martini. I can do some dirty martinis, no problem. Yes, a hair of dirty, please. Thank you. And the dog will have one as well. And which one is the dog? Me. That is fun. Now we are having fun. And I one is the dog? Me. That is fun. Now we are having fun. And I will have one

Glen Levitt, please. On the rocks. So still five martinis dirty. For my wife. That's for the wife. For my wife, yes. Me. I'm the wife. Right. Okay. This seems like a group who didn't have a plan

coming in. And I'm Charlie. Right. Okay. This seems like a group who didn't have a plan coming in. And I'm Charlie. Right. Um, you do look a little young. Um, can I just see your ID again? He has a full beard. Our IDs have our names on it. Okay, I need to use minor illusion on our IDs to

change our names. Cool. Alright. Okay, there it is. Charlie DuPont. And you are of age much older than I would have thought. Okay. Oh, there it is. Charlie DuPont. And you are of age. Much older than I would have thought. Okay. Thank you. Kind of rude for you to say, sir.

Super rude. That's okay. Eyes on the prize, everyone. Can we get you fired? I'd like to talk to management. Dog, please. For a group of people who plays house, like, all the time, I feel like we're kind of blowing this.

He's never the dog. It's throwing me off. I know, I know, I know. Me too. You became the dog. It's throwing me off. I know, I know, I know. Me too. You beat him the dog? I'm a freaking child. I know, I know. This is not,

when we play pretend, it's never this. Seb can turn into a dog. It doesn't make sense, Chalice. I want to be the wife. How the fuck am I the best behaved in a casino right now?

I ain't flabbergasted. No need to involve management, everyone. Here are your drinks and they are actually on the house. management, everyone. Here are your drinks. And they are actually on the house. Ah, bonjour. Bonjour.

Bonsoir. Bonsoir. Enjoy yourselves and best of luck. That's weird. That is weird. But honestly, guys, I'm having a great time. Me too. We should do this like Saturday nights, like just for fun. Just for fun.

Act like a big old family. Yes. Take turns being the dog. No one can get mad. Wait, for real? You guys will let me be the dog? Yeah, you can be the dog next time. We'll talk about it.

Thank you. We'll talk about it. Okay, what do we want to do? No plan. Let's go. No plan. Let's f***ing rock. Cats!

I just start screaming cats. Cats! Oh, wait. Is this the cats from before? No, no, no. That's Narroway Guild. Wow. It's time to start the show.

Not two episodes in a row. Some of y'all haven't seen me in a while. Some of you see me too recently. That's a joke. All right. We're going to start the show with some crazy sing-along songs that y'all know. Sing-along. All right.

I hope you're in the mood to dance and sing the night away because you're up in the air with the Catman Scats. This is a sing-along song? We have to kill this guy. We have to kill this person. What if I use suggestion? Is that a cop-out?

I feel like it's not simple enough of an action. You're saying, like, give me the license? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, would you mind use suggestion? Is that a cop-out? I feel like it's not simple enough of an action. You're saying, like, give me the license? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, would you mind reading suggestion? You suggest a course of activity and magically influence a creature you can see within range that can hear and understand you. Creatures that can be charmed are immune to this effect. The suggestion must be worded in such a manner as to make the course of action sound reasonable. Asking a creature to stab itself, throw itself onto a spear, or do some other

obviously harmful act ends the spell. The only issue with suggestion is that it's not like charm. Like, once they do it, they'll know that they did it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's honestly, it's too much like a plan. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. I'm like

really close to just like, killing it? Shooting an arrow into the cat. What if I add the blimp? What if we bring this thing down? Oh my gosh. No blimp, no license. We're good. No blimp, no license.

Yeah. And we all separate and then go to the edge of the blimp and we take out daggers. And at the same time, we puncture. I concur. I'm on board. confirm i'm ready excellent okay so tell me what you guys do we all scooch to the opposite corners of the room we lean out the window all right i assume the blimp is outside of the room so we kind of lean out the window and we stab it the blimp itself like secretively secretively. As sneaky as possible. Sneaky.

We are sneaky stabbers. Okay. Give me, everyone give me, like, an attack roll. Okay. Easy. Easy, Sean. Seven? Seven.

Sixteen. Yeah, botch. Okay. Okay. Everyone besides Chip, your weapon bounces off the side and doesn't puncture it at all. Chip, when you slash at it, you're slashing with what, your axe? I'm using my ice knife, actually.

Tight. And the ice knife does puncture the airship's side. I look at everybody else and I give them a thumbs up. Like, everybody's worked, right? We give thumbs down. Wop, wop, bo-dum. Okay, so this is a zeppelin

and had a blimp, so it's not just gonna pop like a balloon, but it is full of air. It's a rigid structure and this airship gets punctured with Chip's ice knife and air does start screaming out and it does sound like a super high-pitched fart.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse us. Oh, that dog is farting. Dog. Who, me? Yes, you dog. Okay, that'll do some damage. Can we do something else while that's leaking out air? Yeah. We could go

good old-fashioned crap hole and just burn this thing down. Yeah. I could shatter out my ass into the roof. Yeah. Shatter this sh** out of. Yeah. We could go good old fashioned crap hole and just burn this thing down. Yeah. I could shatter out my ass into the roof. Yeah. Shatter this sh** out of the roof. Jennifer,

you, I guess we could have been asking you advice. You've been kicked out of so many casinos. What would make

a casino lose its license? Tell you what, mistreatment of a rat, that's where I'll bring it down. I swear, I hold a grudge,

so if don't treat me right, I'll bring it down. Okay, that was un a grudge, so if don't treat me right, I'll bring it down. Okay, that was unhelpful. Not very helpful. That was crazily unhelpful. What, you don't think I could? I could bring this place down. All right, do it.

Do it. We'd love to see you. We dare you. Give me a second. You'd be part of the five. I bet you can't. I bet you can't. Let me put it in terms you do like.

Okay, if I just, um, well, if we go to where the captain's area is, we could steer this thing into something bad and crash it. Okay, good plan. Let's do it. Let's crash it into Tops Down. That'd be kind of funny. Yes. Take out the competition in the meantime.

A twofer. It's a twofer. We approach the captain's quarters To absolutely tank this ziplin Or whatever the hell we call it What is this? A zimplin? It's a zimplin Beef, it's been about an hour Did you get that joke from before?

I'm still working on it It's B-plot in my brain right now Totally get it Wow, my B-plot is I got kicked out of the acapella group Oh my god, you didn't even tell us that was happening. I could tell you what. What happened? Story for another time.

Oh, my God. My B-plot is I got a turtleneck and it's a little itchy. My B-plot is why is nobody wearing the Thing 2 shirt still? Come on. Sorry. All right. We find the captain. Yeah, you find the cockpit.

It has a metal door that's locked from the outside. But if you got some thieves' tools, you want to try and break in there? I do. We never know. Give me a sleight of hand check to see if you can crack this, baby. Yeah. They said I was too much of a baritone. Oh.

That's such a lie, man. What does that mean, though? Because isn't that sort of in between bass and tenor? Yeah, it's between, and they just run classic bass, tenor, soprano, and altos. Oh, my God. That's unfair, man. Which is like when I auditioned, you knew what my range was. I did my range for you.

That's not your fault. Give me a break. Oh, babe. You can sing acapella like once a week to us. Oh, really? Yeah, man. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it.

A 17 plus 5. Oh, 22. Okay. You hear a click, and then the metal door swings open, and there's a pilot with a fancy-looking pilot's cap and a leather pilot's coat captaining this Zeppelin. And he's got the big goggles over his eyes as well, leather goggles. I'd like to hold person on him.

Nice. Yeah. Yeah, D&D. I had to come back strong after not knowing F. Thieves tools. All right, he is immobilized. Nice. How long does that last? One minute.

One minute. Okay. So Chip sprints, grabs the steering wheel, and I guess tries to aim down. Is that a thing I can do? Yeah. There's a lever that you can tell goes up and down, or the wheel goes left to right. Maybe I go down. Oh, whoa.

Back off, dog. Okay, this is Elizabeth right now. Whoa. Chalice has the opposite of the ick. Yeah. So this zeppelin is plummeting towards the ground. And almost immediately, if you've ever been on a cruise ship, when the thing moves, you feel like, oh, yeah, no, this thing is so big that when it rocks, you're not really going to feel it. Oh, you do. Especially if it's doing

something as extreme as plummeting towards the ground at a 45 degree angle. You can see from the cockpit, because that's a great vantage point, that the town is getting closer and closer below you. Now, because you were right above Tops Down, if you wanted to crash into Tops Down, you're going to have to do some maneuvering. Is that where you'd like to crash? Hold on. This feels horrible. As I'm plummeting to the ground, I think this would

be horrible. Now, hold on. If we crash and slip into a building, is this awful? Yes. Yeah, this is awful. I guess, can you land it, like, safely on the street? Since when do we have a conscience? We have to get... Are we not... Are we just giving up on this? Nobody did anything

bad. Yeah, because I want to play poker once a week! You're right. This is such a horrible reason to potentially harm a bunch of people. Oh my god. But we're already doing it. We're already actively doing it.

At this point, Chip, we have to stop doing something. I pull up. I can't. I'm so sorry. This feels awful. Jennifer jumps at your neck, grabs your collar, and starts slapping your face from left to right. What are you doing? Jenny, get off of him.

Guys, this is like my one thing. Jenny, get off of him. Guys, this is like my one thing. Jenny, is there anything you could do? Something else? I don't know. Convince me. All right, I'm going to get down on one knee and get in front of her. Hey, buddy. Hi.

Hi. Hey, so normally things like this, big conflicts, only last for like a season, right? Yeah. Him coming in here, making laws, all these things that we have to go and get, I bet it will end at some point. Can you last just a little while without gambling so we don't have to kill a bunch of people? Including ourselves. We're on this thing. Good point, Sam. Wait, Jennifer, did you get a haircut, girl?

I have a pitch. You look great. Oh, I don't have to do this. Great. Sorry, Chaz. And honestly, Jennifer, your haircut does look really good. It's like Jim Sturges. Yeah.

But even though you got kicked out, maybe one of us can come up here and you can, like, feed us information so we can gamble on your behalf. Because we're not kicked out of these places. Oh. Maybe we can gamble, like, for you. Like, I could be in, like, your coat pocket or something. Or maybe under your hat. Or under my chef's hat. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. And then I could, like, use your ponytail to, like, say when to bet or to double down. Yeah. Oh. Let's try it right now. Okay. All right, guys, when we come out of here, let's just act natural. All right?

Act natural. Where's the captain right now? Are you still holding him? His eyes are frozen in fear, and the minute is up. Oh, my God. He knocks you out of the way and pulls the lever So that it levels back out That was a test Your boss sent us in

And you passed the test And do you like tambourines? I don't like tambourines I love them! Seb? Okay Seb, another one Just part with it

No Seb Give him two Here's two Two tambourines Hey Seb I love your haircut You look so great

I look like Jim Sturgis Alright thank you Oh thank god Security's here Yeah these two Tried to destroy This zeppelin And drive it into the ground

Potentially killing Everybody here So what Yeah those two Yes those two There Yes, those two. There's five security guards, like, blocking the door to get out of the cockpit. Are there windows?

The windows, there are windows that are, like, all around the cockpit, essentially. It's like a full, almost 360 view besides the door behind you of the surrounding area. Chip, explode the window. Okay, I take my axe and i chuck it through the window give me a strength check okay 18 okay with an 18 it spider webs the glass oh okay uh you know what i'm willing to take the risk i sprint towards it grab the axe

and i jump out or i try and crash through it with my body. Babe! Badass. Okay, give me a strength check here. Okay. I really hope this works for him. Now hold on. A 23?

A 23. You jump, your eyes close as you brace for impact, as you feel glass on your face and shoulder first. And the rest of your body is playing catch up as your face and your shoulder are stopped. And the rest of your body hits the glass and explodes through. You feel your whole body now continuing its momentum forward as glass pushes out into the chilly night air.

And you are, Chip, falling. And you are falling fast. Everybody, run! And we all run and jump after Chip so that I can grab him for feather fall. And I scream back at the security. I say, you'll never catch us, the Tops Down Gang. Brilliant.

Really nice touch, Jen. Really good. Incredible. After we jump through, the whole gang jumps through the window, I cast Feather Fall. Whee! Amazing. So, your momentum with Beef's spell is now a nice,

almost casual, pretty beautiful, slow, Mary Poppins-esque fall from the sky down towards Bottoms Up. almost casual, pretty beautiful, slow Mary Poppins-esque fall from the sky down towards Bottoms Up. Can we land on the roof of Bottoms Up? That sounds nice. Yeah. I have a cooler up there with like six beers.

Oh, and there's five of us. Perfect. And I'm going to have two. You guys land gently on the roof of Bottoms Up. Jennifer, we're sorry. Guys, I'm just, if I'm being honest, I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know what my thing's going to be. Hey, that's okay.

Hey, hey, hey, Jenny. And Beef gets down on one knee. Hi. Hey. Remember when seasons passed, I lost my voice and I didn't know who I was? Oh, yeah. But who I was? Oh, yeah. But who am I? Um, Beef.

Yeah, that's me. I'm Beef and you're... I'll be Beef. No, no, no. No, you're Jenny. Close, close. You're Jennifer. Jennifer, you know what this is?

What? It's a B-plot. You have a B-plot for the whole season. You can figure out who you are without gambling. This sounds like a cop-out to not figure it out now. No, Jennifer. I feel like I'm looking at the group and we're all hungry. And I feel like everyone has plans.

Everyone's thirsty and hungry. Oh, my God. If this was for any of you, we'd, like, dedicate a whole season to it. And start, like, figuring it out. Leave right now. And we have to do this. I guess we tried pretty hard. And Jennifer, this is, in a way, kind of loving.

You stole money tonight. You know? This might be good for you. It might be good. Can you guys promise to help me figure out what my thing is this season? Yes, we'll focus on it. You're leading the charge. We'll talk about it. It's not as good as Fred's

Kefredno. I want merch that says Fred's Kefredno. With like a little riverboat on it. And the nicest guy in the world with the smallest mouth. Can't even have a sucker. Can't even have a sucker. Can't even have a sucker.

Okay, wait a minute, Ben. That's so funny. That's so funny. A mouth so small, you can't even have a sucker. But he does have the stick to pretend like he is having the sucker. The only thing that fits is the stick. Oh, that's so sad.

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