SitcomD&D - S5 E20: Freaky Fri-Debate

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

It's time for the big debate with Mayor Naise, and the BUGs are desperate to have anyone but Jennifer be the one to speak. Lucky for them, they run into an old "friend" that may have just the solution they're looking for.Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Elizabeth Andrews & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I was leaving work and I was coming here and it happened. And Ryan saw. No. And you're not even supposed to normally be working on Thursdays. This is normally your day off. Did you take a picture? No. Ryan immediately was like, it's good luck, girl. Women are the best.

Did you get them? No. I look up into the sky and I don't see anything. That was your chance. You should have snagged him from the air. Punch a bird. I'd punch a bird. I'd punch a bird if it was coming for me. I'd punch a bird. So you didn't see anything. That was your chance. You should have snagged him from the air. Punch a bird. I'd punch a bird. I'd punch a bird if it was f***ing coming for me. I'd punch a bird.

So you didn't see what bird did it? No. Oh, wow. That hurts. Bastard got away. Time to be mean to all birds from now on, Elizabeth, hoping that it's the bird. What do you think was the altitude of the bird

when it released the s***? Probably pretty high because it felt like it was hurt. Hurt. Well, going back to sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we are picking up Inside Bottoms Up. I think it's been a second, we are picking up Inside Bottoms Up. I think it's been a second since we've picked up Inside Bottoms Up.

But it is a special day. I guess it'll be a special night. But the day is also special because it's in the same 24 hours. What's happening tonight is the big debate. The debate of the mayoral campaign is happening tonight between Jennifer the Rat and Mayor Nays. And oh man, it's going to be a showdown. There's expected to be the highest turnout in Frasier history for a mayoral debate that sometimes can be a little bit sleepy, but they're expecting fireworks tonight.

So y'all are in bottoms up, kind of just doing some last minute prep with Jennifer before eventually you'll have to kind of get dressed up, get ready and get the show on the road and get the debate underway. So, yeah, we'll pick up there. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling. Dice. When you need a break from this crazy world To see your friends and fill a cup Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip and Beef

At the Noble Bottoms Up As step by step our growing pains Are improving home and away We're feeling absolutely fabulous On another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end And we'll be happy to see you again. Ben Andrews as Beef. The lead man sewer as Chip Ahori. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience.

Beef is helping Chip with his night school oral exam. They're sitting at a booth and he's giving them some questions. Okay, what do you got. What do you got? What do you have? What is it? What? What? What? Chip! Chip! Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Just a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure today, but you got

this, man. Remember? K stands for? Killing. N stands for? Nobody. I stands for? If. I stands for? If. G. Going.

H. High. T. Tonight. Babe, you're so smart. Jalis is putting Jennifer's hair into like curlers. She's perming Jennifer's hair. So you got one out of seven right.

Was it if that I got right? Yeah, actually. Yeah. Guys, can I be honest? Always. We've never stopped you from being honest. You couldn't have tried. Um, I think I'm going to do a bad job.

Maybe. No. Can I be honest? No. Oh, okay. If I can't be honest, then I think you're going to do a great job, Jennifer. Thanks, Chip. See?

Told you. Jennifer, yeah. Honestly, it's just, if there, by some way, someone else could just embody your body. Holy shit. That'd be unreal. Yeah, that would be. Ideally, we would have some sort of doppelganger show up and talk for you. But we were up all night practicing.

And remember what I told you. Mostly shut up and smile and not. Did somebody say they want to switch bodies? Is this this fucking wizard again? Yes, it's me. Magical Moranis. No. Oh, good lord.

I thought we killed this guy off screen. Twice in one season we vowed to kill him. I swore off screen we killed this guy. I survived. And I feel kind of bad about the last time. I feel like I screwed that up, so. It was very similar to when you lost your kids. Yeah, I was bad.

Yeah. You guys haven't seen him, have you? No. And we looked so hard for them. Mm-hmm. Yeah, days, days. Thanks. Well, then I guess maybe I'll do this one for free for you.

You're going to shrink us again? What's going on? I don't know how that helps. I'm going to switch your asses. Whoa, I prefer mine on my body, sir. I'll take Beef's ass if we're creating asses. I get that. I get that.

It's about to pop. I know. Nobody wants that. I get that. It's about to pop. I know. Nobody wants mine. That's crazy. Imagine your ass on my behind. It would be... I'm blushing. Stop.

Tiny little cheeks on such a big man. And magical Moranis is already walking up the stairs and is looking backwards at you guys. Are you coming or not? Why does he always do this? We're killing him today. We also don't have to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I was just thinking that who's the smartest person in Frasier that could switch with Jennifer? I mean, like, that's the easiest solution here, right? Yeah, it doesn't have to be us. That doesn't make any sense. We should go get a great debater. Yeah, or we don't have to do this and I could just do the debate.

I've actually got tons of ideas. They go up the stairs. Yeah, they all start filing up the stairs. You guys are all up there and he's sitting on the edge of his bed and he's got a cauldron there. And there's already something bubbling. It looks like translucent liquid right

now like hot water is just bubbling at this point okay it's almost ready all i need is a hair from the two people that you're looking to switch here you're switching the rat with who well i don't mean to brag but i was vice secretary of the debate team in school and i think i could i don't mean to brag, but I was vice secretary of the debate team in school. And I think I could, I don't know, do a pretty good job up there. Not crazy about the idea of Jennifer in my body, but if you restrain me. Yes. And make sure Jennifer doesn't do too much damage to my body. Absolutely.

That's a great idea. Then I feel very confident that I could win the debate. Yeah. I will pass hard because these oral exams have been absolutely crushing me. I have gotten zero out of a hundred for the past six of them. It's just because you're nervous, babe. If you just relax. What do you mean just because I'm nervous?

That's the whole thing. That's the entire thing. It's just because you're nervous. Yeah, I know. It's just because you're nervous and it's affecting the way that you're studying and retaining information. Knights shouldn't have to talk. I just want to kill stuff. Yeah, for how much knights use weapons, there's a lot of chatting going on.

I don't get it. Okay, so we've ruled Chip out, it sounds like. Oh, yeah, and I'm a no. I'm a no. I got a big day already ahead of me. I got a big eating all-you-can-eat competition going on. Ooh. What?

You're by far the most charismatic and performative. Yeah, but I'm busy today. Booked and blessed. Oh, shit. What is it? I'm also busy. What? Wait, what do you mean, I'm also busy. What? Wait, what do you mean?

I'm busy. Today. Doing what? And Chalice starts looking out the window like she's maybe heard someone call her name. What, did someone say my name? Oh, did someone say Chalice? Oh, sorry. Did someone say my name?

No, Chalice. We're talking to you in here. This brew is basically soundproof. So what were we talking about before? We're talking about. You said you're busy. What are you busy with? Alright, let's just switch with Chalice. She's lying.

No, no, no. I don't know. She's being weird. Wait, so it's me? It can't be Chip. No, it can't be me. Let's leave it up to fate because that's smart. Let's put all of our hairs in and the strongest one will win. The one that's meant to be will win

And then that person will have to skip what they have going on this day Should be beef Sounds like you have the least important thing going on Excuse me? I'm sorry Me? I just gotta warn you guys If we put all your hairs in then you're probably all gonna switch

I don't think that's what you want So there's a chance that I Instead of having to study for this test, I could just do a giant eating competition? Hey, it's not as easy as it sounds, buddy, okay? God, it's eating food. It's not that hard. Okay!

Plus, Chalice has made-up plans, which usually means she has nothing going on. No, I don't! They're real! They're just important! Chalice, it can't be that crazy. I mean, we're all sharing what we're doing today. It just doesn't seem fair to not know what you're up to. Okay, okay. Yes, you're right. You're right. Okay. I actually have my driver's test to get my license.

Driver's test? I'm sorry? I actually don't have a license or a permit, so I just have to go in and quickly get my license so I can... So anytime you've driven in the past, we were committing a crime, is what you're telling me right now? Mm-hmm.

You know I hate crime. I know, and I know you're a knight, and I know that, and you're becoming a knight, and you're taking that oath seriously. And when you finish in like a week, right? Night school? No, there's three and a half more years.

Oh my God, that's insane. Two and a half. I want to have a graduation cake. I'm just saying that you guys, one time we were going to get marshmallows, right? Of course. And Seb went, Hey, tell us, why don't you drive?

And then I've never driven before. Obviously, I was a princess. And I went, yeah, no problem. First time I ever drove. Never got a license. Been putting you guys in danger for several years. Well, you'll be fine. You were doing great when you didn't have one.

You'll be fine. Yes. I want that one. Taking a test? That's easy. Unless it's an oral exam that you have to take tonight before the debate. It's both. Chip yanks a hair out.

Yeah. All right. I'm in. Chalice yanks a hair out. Beef reluctantly takes a chest hair. Oh, I didn't know we could do chest hair Whoa What a crazy noise

Copycat Chalice you just did my curls Take one from your chest Way too much came out I gotta look into this Chalice why don't you take one from your chest Nobody laughing at him Nobody laughing Beef's really trying not to laugh.

Oh, sorry. I wasn't supposed to. I'm sorry. Sorry, Hannah. I forgot I wasn't supposed to say anything. Double, double, toil and trouble. Switching bodies on the double. We're killing this guy today.

For sure. On screen. A hair from each has now been plucked. So if you're me, you get two attacks per action, just as a heads up when we're killing this guy. Okay, great. Two attacks per action. Screw up each other's plans, you'll all be in trouble.

And you know I can blow out my ass real good. Yeah, that's true. I've gotten got by that, I think, before. I've been doing poison spray and firebolt a lot lately just because it's quick. Yeah. It's just quick. One final ingredient, the eye of a newt.

And then as that eye hits the cauldron, an explosion of steam or smoke and magical color explodes and completely fills the room, obscuring your vision, and you immediately, you can't tell if it's from the gas or what this is that you're inhaling, you get very dizzy all of a sudden. The room starts to spin. It's a spinning, whirling mix of color and smoke and clouds,

and you feel a little different. Everybody, roll me a D4 and tell me what you get. I got a one. I got a two. I got three. Oh my God. Yeah. That's insane.

You all are in your same bodies. We have to re-roll. Every single one of you. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ooh, not bad. Let's, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ooh, not bad. Yeah.

Let's see what I'm working with. Ooh, juicy ass. Oh, wait. Wait a second. Wait, hold on. I'm so sorry. There's like an astronomically low chance that that would happen to you all rolled yourselves. We're going to have to do this again.

I rolled a three. I rolled this again. I rolled a three. I rolled a one. I rolled a four. And so the smoke and the room clears, and you're all looking at yourselves and each other. Whoa, what the heck? I think I'm waiting. Oh, God damn it, I'm Jennifer.

That's the one thing I didn't want. God. Wait, is Jennifer me? Tell me, Jennifer, is it me? Oh, my God. So I still got to do this freaking oral exam? Oh, no. Don't let that rat take that exam for me. Thank God I'm already mayor.

You're not mayor, Jennifer. You're not mayor. Oh, my God. I think I'm going to be sick. I don't feel good. Jennifer, do you feel this way all the time? Absolutely. You are the most beautiful rat I've ever seen.

Look at my ass. F*** you, Jennifer. F*** you. Uh, Chip, permission to have sex with myself while inside your girlfriend's body? Oh God, beefs and chalice. I look nice. The top of my head is so smooth Permission denied

Chip please I look amazing I'm way hotter than I ever could have mentioned Chip please Come on This is my one chance To have sex with beef chalice Oh my god

No no I want to have sex with beef Are you crazy? Beef body So I to have sex with beef are you crazy beef body so i'm having sex with your girlfriend inside a beef holy smoke no nobody's having sex with anybody okay exactly we can't be having sex with anybody we have stuff to do today this is my one chance to have sex with somebody and it feel okay oh Oh my God. Okay, so Chalice, you are in beef. Okay, beef, pick me up. Chalice, babe. Beef bounced over to Jennifer. Babe, you're in there?

Are you really in there? Yeah, I hate it. Oh my God. I'm just gonna, I'm unbuttoning my shirt and letting my stomach hang out. Woo! Yeah, it feels a lot better. Okay, I can do this.

I can do today. I just got to say this now. Babe, if you can't get out of Jennifer's body, then we have to break up. That is so fair. Yeah. Yeah. And that rule does not apply to you, Justine. I can make it work with B's body, I feel like.

If you're asking. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Oh, my God, my exam. Oh, my God, I have to take it as a wrap?

I got it. I got it. Jennifer's going to take my exam. I'm going to fail. Chip, Chip, I got it. Oh, my gosh, I don't even care at all. I hope I fail. Uh, Chalice, permission to just sit and brush your hair all day instead of doing whatever the heck you had going on?

Damn, girl. These locks, they're soft. I just want to sit in front of the mirror and brush this hair for you. No. No. No. No, B. What?

No. Come on. You've got no beef. No. You have to go to the DMV. You have to get to the DMV. You have to get my license, okay? I can't have people making fun of me anymore.

I keep going to the diner to pick up our food, and there's all those teens there. And every time they see me, they know that I didn't drive, and I just can't handle it anymore. Okay, okay. I'm just going to stop by Party City real quick. Do what I got to do. Being in disguise.

No. In a new body. I know this. I know what this means. I know you. What do you know? What do you know about me? You can do Party City, but it has to be last on your list. Ah!

Babe. Okay. Babe, babe, babe, babe. Also, can you help me with the speech that I'm going to be giving as Jennifer? I feel like I just need you as support. I can help only as much as I can, but I think I got to go to this food competition. Is that a real thing? Is that even a real thing? Yes. Yes, it is. And the ribbon is so blue. You wouldn't believe how blue the ribbon is. And even if there wasn't a prize, I have been preparing my stomach

for days. Okay. And that would have been a waste. Oh God. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I guess, Jesus, I'll go get ready to debate the mayor. This one actually feels like me being in Jennifer's body. I'm nervous, but like, I think this is probably for the best. I think I'll do okay. Chip, you got it. Way better than Jennifer. If you ever get nervous, but like, I think this is probably for the best. I think I'll do okay. Chip, you got it. Way better than Jennifer. If you ever get nervous, think about how Jennifer would have done. Yes. And think about how you're not doing your exam.

Oh, God, no, that's way worse. That's the worst part of this whole thing is that Jennifer's taking my exam. You don't trust me? No, Jennifer. Not at all. I don't trust you even a little. Alright, let's make some ground rules. I don't trust you even a little. All right, let's make some ground rules. Nobody masturbate, nobody get a haircut.

Does that seem fair? I mean, chalice baby, go to town. If you want to masturbate inside my body, you have my consent. Jennifer, are you listening? I actually have to go. What? You have to go? Yeah, I have to go before we make this agreement.

I'm sorry. No. No, she's trying to get out of it. Don't let her get out. Jennifer. Jennifer, no. You have to go? Yeah, I have to go before we make this agreement. I'm sorry. No. No, she's trying to get out of it. Don't let her get out of it. Jennifer. Jennifer, no. You gotta get consent. Exactly. Consent all around. Chip, do you consent for Jennifer masturbating inside your body? Chip, you can masturbate inside my body.

Fine, Jennifer, you can masturbate inside my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. No! Okay, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. Yaboo! Okay. Jeez. Everybody, hands in. Hey, guys, look.

I'm Chalice. I'm Chalice, guys. Look. Chalice falls down. Beef slaps Chalice. Stop it. Stop. I feel like you guys are, like, ignoring me And not having as much weight for my voice

I usually have a much bigger presence in a room Remember it's tripping here Oh right, okay yeah of course What did you just say? Everybody's hands in You finally understand You finally understand No Jennifer

It's everything about you It's not just your personality It's all of it Mine are busy Oh my god We gave permission too early Everybody just go It's not just your personality. It's all of it. But, okay, hands in. Mine are busy. Oh, my God. Oh, God. We gave permission too early.

All right, everybody just go. Everybody just go. Okay, let's go. Try not to mess up. Do your best, Jennifer. Actually try. You too. I will.

Oh, my God. What am I eating? Chalice. Yeah? Look at me. Yes? It doesn't matter what you're eating. It matters how fast you eat. Okay? Oh, God. Come on. You're in my body, though. Yes? Doesn't matter what you're eating. It matters how fast you eat, okay? Come on. You're

in my body, though, okay? The body will take over. Let the id take over, Chalice. I'm really scared that if I do, I won't come back. You might not. Really? I've sometimes not come back two, three, four years after an eating competition. That's the risk you take, okay? Okay, I'll go out there. Slaps your ass. God, it's so good. I got such a good ass. And all four of them part out of different exits of Bottoms Up on their individual goals.

So we're going to cut to the body of Chip. Jennifer is in that body right now. Tentatively entering Night Night School, which is a large college type of campus into a big lecture hall room that seats about over a hundred students. It's not enormous, but there's about 60 to 70 students within there kind of spread out and written on the board in chalk. It just says in all caps FINAL EXAM. Cool. Jennifer walks in, swinging his big axe around. Holy s***! This thing is

gnarly! You guys see this thing? Chip, why don't you have a seat? I know tensions are a little high with it being the final and all, but please put the axe down and take a seat. Oh! Yes, I'm Chip. Hi, everybody. I'm Chip. Hi, everybody.

I'm Chip Ahoy. Famous liar and stupid butt. Okay. Hey, Chip, why don't you come with me here for this? Let's just step out of the hall for a second. Okay. And he takes Chip out in the hall. Finals are stressful.

And I'm so sorry I let it get to this point. I like to try to make myself a resource to students when they're getting close to a psychotic break. But I just want you to know that you're great on this. Yes, it may determine whether you need to take a full additional year of night school, but it does not determine the rest of your life. Oh my gosh, are you serious?

Yes, of course I'm serious. I have so much control. Of your own life, yes. Well, I guess. Okay, again, if you are getting so stressed that you feel like you're near a psychotic break, just chalk it up. Don't do the test and just do another year of school. No, no, no. I got this.

Okay. I've got this. Great. All right. Well, best of luck. I will be rooting for you. Yes. Okay. The professor walks back into the lecture hall. All right, everyone. It seems everyone's taken their seats. to the lecture hall. All right, everyone.

It seems everyone's taken their seats. I think we are ready to get the exam underway. As you know, the final exam here is... Do you have a pencil? The professor's asking around. Do you have a pencil? Please, he's talking. The final exam is oral. What are you doing?

Oh, it is? Then I'm going to nail this thing! Okay, so why don't we just get the final exam underway. So, as you know, this is pop quiz style in which I will call on one of you, ask you a question, get the answer correct. That's good. Answer wrong, bad.

You know the drill. Oh, I know how to drill. So, why don't we start with Maximus. Maximus, your first question for the final exam on Knighthood and Chivalry 101 is as follows. A maiden approaches you and is in distress. She seems to be... What does distress look like?

This is not your question, Chip. I'm trying to help out... What is it, Maximus? Okay, you know what? Chip, you can answer this one if you're so eager then. A. Maiden approaches you and is in distress. Same question. What does the dress look like?

No, Chip. The word distress is what I'm saying. D-I-S-T-R-E-S-S. Gotcha. What the heck is that? And she says to you, I have a problem where my scale is broken. I've got 50 pounds of bricks on one side

and 50 pounds of feathers on the other, but it's not saying that the bricks are heavier. What is happening? Jennifer, as Chip, give me a wisdom check here. Okay. Ooh, that 20. Oh, baby!

Not too shabby. They're the same, jackass! What is she, an idiot? Okay. What is she, an idiot? Okay. What is she, a moron? Whoa. Chip. Oh, my gosh.

Correct, but dial it down, okay? Jesus. The answer was that she's a moron. Okay. You know what, Chip? You've got a really wild energy. We're just going to get through all of your questions right now, rapid fire. Are you ready? Yeah yeah never been more ready

oh my god do you have a pencil we're gonna cut to chalice who is in beef's body entering a roadside restaurant entering the patty melt eating competition the little bell above the door goes off as Chalice, once again, in beef's body, enters the restaurant. And it is a kitschy restaurant. There are paintings and murals of different like roadside travel all across the walls of this place. There are old wooden booths where people have taken daggers and scratched their names into them. And a server walking by with some patty melts ready to be lined up. Oh, you did make it. I was worried you weren't going to make it to this one.

Oh, no. Yes, of course I would make it. Why wouldn't I? I'm here. I'm ready to eat. Belly full, ready to go. You came belly full? That's a wild choice.

Come on, come on, Charles. He's got a reputation for old. Uh, yeah, trying something new, but it's going to go really well. I will say your rival, Flanksteak, he's already here and is making a big show of it. And if you could just point out Flanksteak, he might just look different because he might have gotten a haircut or a nose ring or something. I might have not known.

You are being so strange. You know, Flanksteak, you two almost killed each other at the last all-you-could-eat loaded fries competition. Oh, and Chalice takes her hands and slaps her forehead a bunch of times. Yeah. Whoopsies. I forgot about that. Okay,

Beef. Well, he's right there, and you see on the back wall of this restaurant, a bunch of tables have been put side by side to kind of create one row where people will be facing the rest of the restaurant, a bunch of tables have been put side by side to kind of create one row where people will be facing the rest of the restaurant in the eating competition. And right smack dab

in the center is Flanksteak himself, who is a large ogre, and he's got a fork and one head of knife, basically like a full sword. It's like so big. And the other, and he's kind of pounding the table with his fists. Patty, Patty, Pattyty patty hey fellas who's ready to eat uh because i am um yeah where should i sit they'll just kind of stare at you like what kind of mind games are you

trying to play they can tell your energy is so different and that you're such a competitor they don't know what this vibe is uh you know what i'm just gonna take the seat i want and chalice sits down and opens up beef's knapsack filled with his competition stuff okay so Beef probably would want me to use this. Okay, what's inside of here? Okay, a sweat towel. That makes sense. That makes sense. A whistle.

A whistle? That will probably come to me. That'll make sense when it comes to me. Okay. Okay. Oh, and a fork and knife. Oh, cute. Oh, cute. This is so cute, Beef. So me. Okay. Okay. Oh, and a fork and knife. Oh, cute. Oh, cute.

This is so cute, Beef. So cute. Okay, competitors. Are we ready to bring out our patties? Oh, yeah. Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Yeah, rough, yes. Okay.

Beef, I don't know if I've ever seen you sitting up that straight before. Excellent posture for once. I have a boner. What? I mean, I'm ready to eat. Okay. Well, you're all going to get your eight-pound patty melts in just a second. They're going to hit the table

at the same time. How is he not dead? And when they do, the first one who finishes wins and there cannot be a crumb left on the plate. Any questions? Oh God. And beef, don't worry. I already talked to the chef. I know it was always easier for you mentally if it's in a sandwich, another sandwich. So effectively, yeah, you'll be eating an enormous sandwich that's big enough to envelop the eight-pound patty melt. So don't worry. We've got you covered there. Yes. I do love that. Thank you so much. Of course. Of course.

Okay. Eaters, start your tummies. Oh my God, I'm going to have to really enter the beef state. I don't know if I'm coming back. Chip, I love you if you're out there. Here we go. On your marks, get set, patty melt! Six different servers run out and drop six different eight-pound patty melts in front of the six contestants,

one of them being twice the size as all the others, wrapped in another completely different sandwich in front of Beef. Go! Chalice unbuttons her pants and her shirt. Everything's unbuttoned. And then she grabs her fork and knife, looks at everyone eating like crazy. She looks at her, the enemy, and looks at the forks and knives.

Here goes everything. And then she starts to eat the sandwich with her hands. Great. We're going to use Chalice's stats for constitution for Beef's eating competition. So, Elizabeth, as Chalice in Beef's Body, give me a constitution saving throw. Plus three. Oh, nice. Wow.

I love being Chalice. Six plus three. Oh, God. Okay, Chalice in Beef's Body takes one bite of this enormous sandwich covering a patty melt. And as soon as it hits her mouth, after diving headfirst in, it's just not the consistency you want out of meat. It's mostly grease. And immediately, your stomach churns.

And it's like, this is going to be a nightmare. This is going to be hell. Come on, gonna be hell come on beef keep going what are you waiting for a sign sitcom dnd is sponsored by better help and with that said i've got a question for you what's the right amount the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get solved immediately

by a stranger and I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience. It's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first

month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. So we're going to cut to Beef in Chalice's body entering the DMV. And after waiting in line for a few minutes, Beef in Chalice's body walks to the teller at the DMV. Good afternoon. How are we today? I'm fine. How are you? I'm fantastic. Okay. Thank you for asking. What is your name and why are you talking to me?

I am Chalice Glass, and I'm here to take a driver's test. I was a princess once, but I'm not anymore. It sounded like you were asking me if you're doing that. Is that why you're here? Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I was there. All right. Let's see. Looks like Rick conveniently took his lunch break. Speaking of lunch, I am having some phantom hunger. So you could ask him if he had a little bit of lunch to spare. I don't really want to do this test on an empty stomach.

Not my problem. And also I said he's gone. So I don't know. I could ask him. Okay. So we got a road exam, huh? Well, let's get it over with. And he pushes out from beneath his chair

and walks into like the lobby of the DMV and just starts walking towards the door. It dawns on you that he's probably insinuating you should follow. Oh, sorry. I'm not used to having long legs. I caught up to you right away. I've driven a million times. This should be easy, right?

Again, are you asking me? I don't know you. You could. Okay. All right. Um, I feel like we started off on the wrong foot. I am rooting for you. I root for everybody who comes and tries to take these tests.

Thanks, ma'am. So don't be too nervous, and you'll be getting your license here in no time. He goes, ah! And he hops onto your back. And he's got a clipboard kind of right to the right of you. What if I took you to some of my favorite spots, huh? You're probably doing a million of these every day,

doing the same route, parallel parking, highways, gray streets, sad houses. What if we made this a little bit more fun? Give me a persuasion check with beef stats. What's your persuasion? Seven. Unnatural 20. Holy cow.

What the heck, if Rick's going to F off and play hooky on his extra long lunch break, we might as well go for a little joy ride, huh? I promise I'm going to get you there safe, but I also am going to promise that we're going to have a pretty good time. Any music requests? No, damn, I'm in Charles's body. Can't sing. Never mind. No music. Yeah, well, okay, good. Yeah, it would be a distraction, I'd say. Why don't we start off real nice and easy? Just, why don't you take a left here out of the parking lot? Why don't I take a right, and we go somewhere fun, huh? All right, yeah. Eventually, we got to take a left here out of the parking lot? Why don't I take a right? And we go somewhere fun, huh?

All right, yeah. Eventually, we got to take a left, though. That's part of it. Here we go. We're driving by Swanson Park, a great place for a picnic. Bring a lady or a fella that you want to impress. That's a hot tip from me, Beef. Chalice.

I mean, Chalice. Sorry about that. On your left, a bunch of pigeons that piss me off. I hate those pigeons. F*** those pigeons. And to our right, we are... Sorry, were you saying something, sir? Just we're getting close to road rage there.

No, sorry. Not rage, just sort of like a simmer of... I'm disappointed in them. Ultimately, I'm disappointed in those pigeons. Thank you for checking me in my rage. Ultimately, I'm disappointed in how things sort of ended between us. Anyways, we're going to go quickly into this party city. I can drive however you want in there.

I'm just going to pick up a couple of things. Absolutely. No, no, no. We're not going to the party city. All right. I'll do that last. I did say I'd do that last. Do I want to shave Chalice's head into my haircut?

No. Should not do that. I'm driving past the hair salon. She will be pissed if I have my haircut at the end of the day. Sir, have you ever been in love? Don't answer that. Okay, we're going to have Beef do a check here in Chalice's body. What do we think is fair?

Athletics. Athletics, I think, is good because it's like strength and you're moving around and stuff. So sorry, Chalice. That's fine. I got negative one. Okay, it's still an 18. Wow.

Lucky roll. With an 18, did I give him a name? I don't think I did. His name is Greg. You just are able to glimpse Greg's clipboard and see that you are checking a lot of the boxes that you need to in order to pass this exam. Greg, can I call you Greg?

Absolutely. I like you. I'm not having a bad time either. Great. And you see that his eyes kind of close and he's kind of feeling the wind in his hair a little bit. Yeah, take a load off, Greg. You've earned it.

I'm going to just take us to the diner. We're just going to check in on my friend Beef Chalice. See how she's doing. And I don't know, maybe grab a bite. Hear about your love life. Hear about what you've got going on, Greg. We are blowing through lunch. So that actually is starting to sound like a good idea.

All right. And you're sure we can't loop back around to Party City? Give them a piece of our mind? I'd love you as my number two, Greg. Maybe. We'll see. All right. Let you're sure we can't loop back around to Party City, give them a piece of our mind? I'd love you as my number two, Greg. Maybe, we'll see. All right, let's start with lunch. I'll buy you a waffle, Greg. Yah!

We're going to cut to Chip in Jennifer's body entering the debate. Oh, my God. Okay, what the frick is going on here? Jeez, watch where you're going! Just keep it together, Chip. You my god. Okay, what the frick is going on here? Jeez, watch where you're going! Just keep it together, Chip. You're fine. Keep it together, Chip. You're good. You're just in Jennifer's body. Okay, Chip as Jennifer walks backstage of the debate, and before Chip knows it. He is face to foot with Mayor Nays, who gets down low into Jennifer's eye level. Well, look who it is. I guess you weren't too scared to show up. I would have been if I was you. Your team doesn't really let you talk much, do they? Excited to hear what you have to say. Well, actually, I will be talking pretty well

this time, actually. You're actually going toe-to-toe with a famous liar and hero. So... Huh. You're a liar? I don't know. I hope we were recording that. Just kidding, just kidding. But seriously, good luck out there, Jennifer.

Knock yourself out. Do all of us a favor and knock yourself out before this starts. Save us some time. I'm going to kill you later. How about that? Sorry. Just kidding. Good luck or whatever. And Jennifer goes to her corner and starts to psych herself up. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the inaugural mayoral debate. We have got quite an event in store for you. The incumbent Mayor Nays. Mayor Nays walks out waving to all the people very casually, very cool.

And stepping up to the platform for the first time, Jennifer the Rat. And Jennifer scrambles to get to the booster seat behind the podium in which she can stand on. So we will start with, of course, opening remarks. Mayor Nays, would you like to begin? Yeah, I mean, look it. I'm going up against a rat. What else is there to say? And then everyone applauds.

Okay, that's, I mean, that's a good point. Jennifer, do you have a counterpoint that you'd like to start with? Yeah. I mean, I guess if we're keeping it short and sweet with me, all those terrible rules are going to be gone and sex is back on the menu, boys. And we'll give a persuasion check or a performance check

using Chip's modifier. Cool. Plus two. Never knew you got a plus two. Not too bad. Okay, that's an eight. So that, for whatever reason, doesn't really translate to them. Maybe people are already used to it, or it's a different crowd out here tonight. Okay, that didn't really go

over the way I thought it was. Maybe I'm just channeling Jennifer enough. God! Harder than I thought it was. Maybe I'm just channeling Jennifer enough. God, harder than I thought being this rat. Okay, Chip. Focus here. This is your last... I'm listening. I'm listening. This is your last question.

Okay, now I just want the pencil out of Spike. Somebody give me a pencil now. I know I don't. Give me a pencil. You. Yes, here. Here you go. Thank you. Jennifer throws it across the room. Okay. This is Jesus. Yes, here. Here you go. Thank you. Jennifer throws it across the room. Okay. This is it. If you get this wrong, you fail. If you get it right, you pass.

Chip. Mm-hmm? What is, in your words, the key to being a good knight? To me, the key is you gotta get the straw in a nice little circle. Then you put on your nightcap.

You have yourself a delicious tea, maybe a pot of orange. And then you snuggle up with all your favorite loved ones. Good night. Give me a wisdom check. That's f***ing excellent. It's too good. What is Jennifer's modifier? Give me one second.

I'll beat you to it. Wisdom is minus one. That checks out. 13. Okay. How about a real answer? What is the key to being a good night K-N-I-G-H-T, Chip. Oh, well, this is the problem with oral exams.

We cut back to Bottoms Up, where Magical Moranis is going about his business in his room and is actually packing up to leave when he accidentally knocks the cauldron over. The cauldron getting knocked over shakes everything up a little bit and all of you are going to switch again. The rooms in which you're in spin, you are totally thrown, and now in the middle of getting asked that final question,

Beef, you find yourself in Chip's body in the night school exam. That looks so delicious. Chalice, what are you doing? What? Chip, are you still with us? Hello. Hello.

The final question, whether you are pass or fail, will be this. Chip, what do you think is the most important thing about being a knight? Chip. Chip. I'm Chip. I'm Chip-a-hoy.

The most... I got to help my butt out. I don't want him to fail this thing. Oh, Chippy baby, I got to help my butt out. I don't want him to fail this thing. Oh, chippy baby, I got to help you out. Um, if you want to be a good night, um, you know what you got to do? You got to save all the babies. You ever seen these things? These things are cute as heck.

They come crawling around and up to you. You got to go babies first, then broads, then frogs, then ghostly beings, then your average man. And then after that, even the bad guys. Even the bad guys you got to save after that. Okay, give me a wisdom check with beefs modifier. What's your wisdom modifier, beef? A zero. Okay. Sorry.

A 15. A 15. fire beef a zero okay sorry a 15 a 15 well by the skin of your teeth chip you pass yes yes yes he holds out a mini diploma for just this class which is one of many that's required over years to graduate night school and chip now beef in's body, grabs it out of his hand and exits the room in top speed to get to the debate. Is there a small cake that goes with this? There is not. Okay, goodbye.

Good luck, everyone. Now we're going to cut to Jennifer in beef's body at the patty melt eating competition. So I was thinking that... Huh? Huh? Wait. Huh?

But he's everything all right. Plank steak, he's taking the lead right now. You're not eating your patty melt sandwich. This is some mind f**k. So, I gotta eat this whole f**king thing? Okay. God, this is what Beef does on his off time this guy's a freaking freak beef is everything all right is there chubbing you water or anything

make it easier are my nipples always hard okay i'm just gonna let you focus i think and uh jennifer key is eating and she has a bigger stomach now, the biggest stomach she's ever had. So she's like, whoa, this is delicious. This is really great. And you notice that there isn't much left of this enormous patty melt sandwich. You're in the final stretch now. So we'll see if Jennifer can channel her inner beef with a bigger tummy and finish out ahead of flank steak. So give me a constitution check using Jennifer's constitution modifier.

You get a plus one. It's time to go turbo, yabbo, turbo style. Two. Sounds right. Three. Makes sense. You take one more bite, immediately feel two stuff, and are almost passing out. Oh, my tummy.

Oh, God. Beef's ruined. You hear ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And there's a huge celebration and some confetti pops around Flanksteak as he's lethargically putting his hands in the air celebrating. Flank steak wins. He hasn't beaten beef in near eight years. This is an incredible feat for flank steak. Wow.

Congratulations. And you see the blue ribbon that beef really wanted placed on flank steak. Can I maybe have that? What? What? What did you say? I was just thinking that maybe I could have that just to take home for maybe an hour or two and I could give it back. Yeah, you can have that.

When you beat me, which is never happening again. Pip squeak. Monsieur. Monsieur du jour. Is that how you talk to your predecessor? It's how I talk to a loser. Good day. And he continues to celebrate with, like,

his posse of smaller ogres that are around him. As mayor, my first order of, huh? Okay. Alright. Oh, hi, sweetie. Sorry sorry we're just having a bit of a competition um did you want a table beef chalice huh okay i'm chalice a person grab these boobs first order of business okay i feel a little bit better okay greg talking. Are we taking a seat? Yes. Did you need me to keep acing my

driving exam? You're doing pretty good. I'm good at driving. I drive most of the time. Tell you what, you parallel park both of us into this booth right now, it's a pass. All right, sir. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. All right, sit and... Give me an athletics check. This will be if Chalice passes this test or not. So give me a athletics check with chips athletics. Plus eight. That's going to help.

Oh, 17 plus eight. Ooh, 25. So the 25 is he's like never felt more comfortable or confident in you as a driver. And not only do you slide into the booth, but you slunk him kind of off, so you're both sitting in the booth next to each other seamlessly.

Oh, man! That was smooth. Chalice, Chalice! I mean, whoever, who is, who are you? Beep, who's in you? It's me, Jennifer. Damn it! F***! The worst case scenario! Damn it! Who are you?'s in you? It's me, Jennifer. Damn it! The worst case scenario. Damn it. Who are you?

Who are you? No, get outside. Get outside. Get outside! Get outside! We gotta go to the debate. Get outside! Okay, okay.

And they head out and head to the debate. So I guess you could say that's my platform. And then you hear the crowd explode. Oh yeah, mayonnaise! One more year! One more year! One more year! One more year? It's only one year terms.

And Jennifer, the rat, it is your turn. Chalice, who was previously in an eating contest, takes a big bite out of the air. Oh, God. I'm Jennifer. I mean, I'm Jennifer! Is it my turn to talk?

Just want to confirm. Just would like to confirm everything's cool, everything's fine, everything's good. No one's doing anything, no one's saying anything, and I'm just going to keep going with it. To be or not to be mayor. That's something. That is your question that you'll answer.

I could be. Okay. She's doing so good. I love her so much. I love her so much. Yeah, in that moment, we burst through the back doors. Yeah. The bugs, the rest of the crew burst through the back door.

Amazing. And so we cut to Magical Moranis is now loading his cauldron up onto his cart to actually move to a different place that he's going to be inhabiting. Who knows what that guy's up to? But once it gets back into this cart, it jostles again, and everybody switches in this moment one more time. Beef suddenly finds himself inside Jennifer's body. Whoa, I'm here.

I was just looking at you all, thinking to myself, come on, Beef, bring it home, that, yeah, being a mayor is not that hard. I mean, what do you got to do? It's like, um, you sign a few things, you stamp a few things, but doing a lot better of a job than this Yahoo, right? Listen, we could sit here all day, go back and forth, use words, words, words. But at the end of the day, I think we all want the same thing. To go home and eat. It feels like forever since we've all eaten today, right? Yes!

Chip from the back in Beef's body. That makes a lot of sense! I'm the people's princess, baby! Chalice as Chip is grabbing Chip's breasts. Hell yeah. And she would. And she would. And she would.

And I'll just say this. Jennifer, me, I got a good team of really, really good friends who would go out of their way to help each other in a time of need. Even when they had their own stuff going on. That's the type of team, Jennifer, me, I have, and that's the kind of thing we all deserve, and maybe that friends should have that kind of vibe overall. So sex is back on the menu, boys!

Woo! I'm the opposite of ruined. I'm going to have Jennifer roll with Beef's performance. Lucky Jennifer. 10. Plus 10. Hell yeah. Okay.

That is a 19 overall. Chip is going through the crowd being like, clap, clap, clap for her, clap for her. Jennifer starts doing like a belly roll on top of the dais. Yeah. Chalice, I was wondering if I could stay in your body a little longer

so I could do some things I've always wanted to do as a pretty lady. I don't want to know what you're going to do. Please, oh, Mademoiselle, please. And I will not allow it. I will not allow it. Yeah, no! She said yes! All she heard was allow it.

Great speeches. We know that voting is coming up, everyone. Get out and get to the vote. That is how your voice is heard was allowing. Great speeches. We know that voting is coming up. Everyone get out and get to the vote. That is how your voice is heard in France. An amazing debate tonight. Go home. Love each other. Be safe.

And vote for who your heart desires. Thank you so much. And as they're wrapping up, Jennifer pops up in the group of the bugs as people are kind of starting to disperse. Beef, that was so good. Yeah, you know, I kind of like that. That kind of feels good, actually.

Get out of my body, Beef. Look at all these people clapping for me. I want to be back in there. Beef, I blew it. I didn't eat almost any of the sandwich. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Beef. And Beef, I blew it.

I didn't eat anything. And baby, baby honey, I passed your driver's test. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah, honey, come here. And Beef's body kisses. Chip's body. Chip's body.

Oh, my God. I can drive now. Yeah, babe. Oh, God. You know what's kinda nice Me being smaller Than you Yeah

This is I don't wanna know this stuff You guys And Chip I got I got Something to tell you man What beef

Yeah Yes I Passed Night school exam No freaking way. Congratulations. Yeah.

I think it really paid off all that time that I was sleeping outside the hall. You know, I think I must have just like got some stuff from osmosis. Oh, my God. And beef does a twirl and farts. Thank you. Thank you. So you're done with night school? You graduated?

Yeah, hon. You're finished, right? No, guys. Guys. Guys. I got the ribbon. I still have years left. We cut to the cart of Magical Moranis.

Let's just cut to us all having knives at Magical Moranis' throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We cut to all you guys having knives at Magical Moranis' throat, and he just immediately goes, I'm sorry, I'll turn you back,

I'll turn you back. And he knocks over the cauldron and it explodes and the room goes crazy and you all fall back into each other's bodies. Oh.

Oh. That's worse. Yeah. I miss being beef. I miss being beef. I miss being beef. I miss being beef. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Alright. Chip, you are in Jennifer's body. The movie? Yes, just like the movie. I think this happens in the movie verbatim. Beef, you now have chalice in your body.

Ooh. How do I feel in there, baby? You feel nice. So Elizabeth and I talk to each other a little behind the curtain. Chalice, you have beef inside your body. Ooh.

And Chip, you have Jennifer inside your body. Ooh. And Chip, you have Jennifer inside your body. Ooh. I am Chip right now in Jennifer's body. You are Jennifer in Chip's body. So I'm doing an impression of Jennifer. Yeah. But you have your voice. And I am Jennifer.

Yes. You are Jennifer in Chip's body. Okay. Do you have your voice. And I am Jennifer. Yes. You are Jennifer in Chip's body. Do you want to trade? If you want to be beef, I could be Jennifer if that feels too hard. Nothing feels easy? No, nothing feels easy. You got this, buddy. You got this.

Wait, no. No. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. Yeah, I know. My brain was breaking down. Yeah, it's hard. Beef.

Beef. What? Beef. Don't put Chalice in debt. Oh, wait. No, that's Chip. I'm sorry. I don't care.

This Jennifer doesn't care. This is so much fun. This is so fun. This is like the hardest. This is so fun. This is like the hardest party game I've ever had to play. How am I doing? Bad? It's really good.

Willian, I think you're crushing it. I think you're doing a very good job. I feel seed. Elizabeth, are you mad at me? Yeah. Isn't it me? Yeah, it is. Okay, okay. You're Chalice of Beef's body.

Yes. Yes. That is you. This is me. That's you. Okay, everyone's going to need to take a Tylenol immediately after this episode. Even the bad guys. Even the bad guys you got to save after that.

Great work. Unbelievable. We should win an Emmy for this or whatever the fuck Chip that's you that's me that's you

you don't know you don't know what happened what happened to Chip today Chip passed the driving test oh yeah perfect alright thank you guys sorry I got stressed out there up in the chip today. Chip, pass the driving test. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Perfect. All right.

Thank you, guys. Sorry I got stressed out there. No worries. No, I think everyone at some point. That was really scary. That's a vulnerable thing, too, to do an impression

of someone in front of them. And I felt very seen and loved by all your impressions. Same. Same. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Pera wrote the theme song, all of us worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one.

And y'all, I gotta tell you, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It is how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we truly love. So hop on now for five buckaroonies and get access to over 100 hours of content instantly. Wow, that's a lot of content. For five bucks, oh my goodness. And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram at sitcomdnd. That's sitcom and the letters D-N-D. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening.