SitcomD&D - S5 E3: Bully for You (w/ Chas Lilly)

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Chip and Seb are confronted with a not so friendly face from their past and find it hard to forgive them for all the torment they caused in high school. Guest Starring: Chas Lilly (Link to Chas' Record Label)Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Ben Briggs & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Chase, do you see Ben out in Chicago? Do you guys see each other on the streets? Sometimes. Periodically. He has a whole ass kid, which makes it harder. Yeah, so Chase won't text me back. Yeah.

Kids are gross. So disgusting. Is there anything that has surprised you about seeing Ben turn into a dad? No, not at all. Ben's always made for that sort of role, if I'm being honest with you. He's really lovely. It's really sweet. Yeah, we know.

We're trying to find a flaw in him where he's a bad guy. What's his biggest weakness? Yeah, is there any? How do we morally corrupt him? I mean, I'm sure it's doable. It's just that there's gotta be sort of a pretty dark arc where he loses his family

and oh my God. Jesus, dude. I think that would send him down to a pretty dark place. Oh, okay, good to know. But I'll be there with a Modelo, buddy. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast

recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we are picking up inside none other than Bottoms Up itself with the gang, with the Bugs, and it's a slow Sunday morning. The regular crowd is not quite shuffling in yet. Things are just kind of getting started, getting underway. And with the little downtime you have, since it's not that busy, Seb and Chip, you guys are kind of getting beef and chalice

involved in a game that you guys used to play in high school, which is arguably pretty embarrassing. And so I'm excited to see what that is, personally. Thanks. So without further ado, Quiet On Set sounds speeding. and we're

rolling! Dice! Chase, what do you think? I've heard you do this before, so I don't know. And still chose not to partake. Here, I'll just edit mine to overlap. Ready? Dice!

Nailed it. Perfect. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Peep at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away. We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end So cheers to all our family and our friends

Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as a horny ben briggs as sebastian von hugh grant and sean coyle as everything else sitcom dnd is filmed in front of a fake studio audience our first thing you gotta do is find the worst teacher okay you gotta find the worst teacher around okay and you know it's not the definition for worst teacher uh yeah that's not what you're thinking so it's it's the one that doesn't you know uh doesn't like you know mentor you doesn't yeah like you learn from them but they don't

mentor you no they don't mentor you in any way, shape, or form. So we pick through the yearbook. The worst teacher? Oh, home. This is harder when we're not at high school. Yeah, we're not at the high school. Probably should have played porkball. How about today's adventures? We go to our high school. Okay, that's fun. That's pretty fun.

Clap, clap, clap. I love that idea. Beef. Do I get to see all my boyfriend's trophies that he earned? Yes, I'm sure I still have all the records from sports ball and fast track and whatnot. Nothing hotter than when your boyfriend was cool in high school. Oh, could you please put on the fast track suit? Please. Okay, I mean, it probably still fits, I'm sure. We might have to run into Taylor to see if he can spruce it up for me.

In terms of the design, not in terms of the waist or anything. Sure, sure, sure. And, Seb, are there any accolades of yours lining the halls of your high school? Oh, my guy, Seb? Of course he does. He's probably got portraits on portraits in the math section or the science section. Science section. So there's a few places where I broke a tooth and I bled a lot all over the place.

So there was these stains on the carpet. And so I get to point at those stains. Most broken, I believe, was his superlative, if we look in the yearbook. And I'm still doing it. I'm broken constantly. We got nothing else going on today. Let's do it. Let's go to your high school.

Excellent. All right. Well, everybody hop on. And everyone set up your cardboard cutout, so everyone thinks we're still working here. That's right. So, yeah. Excellent. And maybe to pass the time, we can sing our fight song.

Oh, don't sing. Forgot we can't sing. Yeah, you don't want to get wind mouth. Yeah. Well, you have a good accreditation, Beef. I'll just write it down and you can just sing it. That's an idea. I love it.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. All right, here we go. I'll count you in. Three, two, one, and go. L is how lonely I feel. Oh, not my poem. Not my poem. my poem Not my poem Sorry, sorry, sorry

Wait, what? That's a poem from the past Anyone else sort of have a weird feeling right now? Like, I feel like normally This far into a day Something would have interrupted us And like presented itself With some sort of adventure

Or something we have to overcome Did the high school idea not present itself? I guess I presented it. Yeah. Like, no one walked through the door. Stuff doesn't normally come from internally from us. Normally, there's an external force that sort of decides our day.

When you think about it. Yeah, we don't. Well, okay, let's go. All right. And as you're about to exit, someone does come in through the doors. Oh, thank God. Oh, boy, it smells like piss in here.

Yeah. It does not smell good. You know what? Thank you. Yep, yep, yep. Thank you. And actually, Chase, would you mind describing what your character looks like?

So I am of the species Corvum, which means I'm like this like crow. I'm basically like a humanoid crow. I have like white eyes with no pupil. Oh, God. I'm wearing like this, like these dark robes over my body. And I would say that I have like my body isn't that really of a bird. It's sort of like the way that Captain Falcon has like sort of a humanoid body, but like a bird head.

You're talking about Falco from Star Fox. I was like, if Captain Falcon is a human. Yeah, you're right. Yes, I am thinking of Falco, 100%. But like Falco from Star Fox, that's exactly. Yeah, well, that's peppy but we don't need to go a different lore

yeah I'm like Falco from Star Fox 100% but more of a crow with like very glowing white eyes and 7 Chip

why don't you actually both give me a history check oh fun a 4 a 9 okay for Chip there's something slightly familiar about this person but you can't really put Oh, fun. Four. Nine. Okay.

For a chip, there's something slightly familiar about this person, but you can't really put your finger or feather on it. Okay. Oh, hold on. I was about to send you over to our cardboard cutouts, but do I? I feel like I know you from somewhere. It's coming to you. It's coming to you. It's coming to me.

Here it comes. We had a sexual pass. Nope. It's coming to you. It's coming to you. It's coming to me. Here it comes. We had a sexual past. Nope, that's not it. Oh, God. You wish. Come on. Maybe I was. Chip, look at me.

Look at my face. Look at my bird. How many crows do you know? Since, I don't, like, four. Come on. Number one of the four. Okay. Are you that so, the raven?

No, that's not it. Oh, okay. I think that's a literal Raven. Seb, I know you remember me. Look at me in my eyes. Okay, how do you know my name? Huh? Who sent you?

I cannot get over the smell of this place. I just want to... Do you... Like, does your clothes smell like this all day afterwards? Yeah, we sell candles that are this smell if you want to pick up a couple on the way out. They're 20 gold piece each. Can't imagine I would. All right, guys, come on.

It's Kevin Usher. And right in that moment, when he says Kevin Usher, it clicks. And you are flooded with memories of your high school bully. No. And so I actually just want to... Me?

Both of you. Both of us? The bigger bully. I'm the bully. Yeah, well, let's see if that's how it went now that all these memories are unlocked in Chip's head and Seb's head. Let's do a little montage of some of the highlights

or I guess maybe the lowlights of your bullying experiences with Kevin Usher. Kevin Usher is such a funny name. Oh man, I can't believe they finally put my trophy up. That's so exciting. Kevin Usher. Kevin Usher is such a funny name. Oh, man. I can't believe they finally put my trophy up. That's so exciting. Everybody, look. My trophy's here.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. What? Chip, your little brother just got hit by a carriage out front. What? Your little brother. It doesn't look like he's got a lot of time. We've got to get out there.

Are you kidding me? I'm just swearing. Your little brother's out there. He's laying on the ground. I'm so sorry, man. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just swearing. Your little brother's out there. He's laying on the ground. I'm so sorry, man. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And then immediately I run out front, but I get out there faster. And whenever Chip comes out, I'm just standing in front of the school with my pants down. Where is he? What? Oh. Woo. Oh. Here it is.

You ever seen a crow's penis before? I guess now I have It's messed up So my brother's fine? I mean, I couldn't tell you But I've been hit by a carrot Carrot, you do this to Seb No, he actually did that on his own That was fully

Hey, hey Seb Yeah, what's going on? Did you do your homework? Did I do my homework? Of course I did my homework. Why? Why would I not? Me, too.

I did my homework, too. Awesome. Cool. Can I check my answers or can I just like compare side by side notes? Um, this seems weird, but I'm trusting and young. So here you go. Yes. Okay. Here, check this out. I've given him a piece of parchment, and once again, I've just drawn my crow penis on it.

And I take his homework. And everyone, can you pass in your assignments to the front, please? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've got mine right here. I scribble out Seb's name, and I write Kevin Usher at the top of the page. What are you doing? You've got to show your work. Someone just hit me with a carriage. Someone just hit me with a carriage. Seb is on the ground. He's completely unconscious.

And I'm giving him CPR. Wake up! Wake up! I barely dunked you in there. You were in there for a second. Kevin, what happened? I'm trying to take a deuce in the toilet. What's going on? No, okay, look. We were both having fun in the outhouse.

All right, maybe things got a little bit out of control. I think he drowned. I think he drowned for a second. In pee and poops? Look, it doesn't matter what was in there, okay? Right now, your friend is dying. I'm not finished yet! I slap him as hard as I can across the face.

No, I'm awake! I'm awake! That's what that was! I hit him again. Wake up, you son of a bitch! Oh, I met my maker. I've seen the end. I've seen the end. I dunk him back in the toilet for a second.

No! the end. I've seen the end. I dunk him back in the toilet. Oh my God. That was so funny. You were so different afterward. Yeah. But you came back. Seb, Chip, you two are white as ghosts.

We couldn't go back into that memory because we weren't there. What happened? Yeah, we were playing hopscotch while you guys were doing it. What's going on?

Just good times where me and Kev as kind of top two guys at the school where, you know, like, we were just going to town and being guys. We were best friends.

The three of us were best friends completely. Yeah, we were all best friends. Oh, my gosh. It's so nice to meet you. I am Chalice Glass. I am Chips.

Don't tell them your name. Girlfriend. Wow. I'm a former princess. And this is Beef, Seb and Chips' Chip's... Don't tell them your name....girlfriend. Wow. I'm a former princess. And this is Beef, Seb and Chip's best friend. Don't tell them his name. So nice to meet you guys. I can't believe you still hang out with these guys.

I mean, look at you. There's no way you should be hanging out with these guys. No, they're great. They're good, yeah. Oh, do you do, sir? Of course we hang out with these guys. I mean, if they're your best pals, they're my best pals. Yeah, we're all friends. I used to pull the craziest pr out with these guys. I mean, they're your best pals. They're my best pals. Yeah, we're all friends.

I used to pull the craziest pranks on these guys. You wouldn't believe the kind of stuff we got into in high school. I always saw them coming. Like what? I always saw them coming, just as a heads up. Well, I died, and I saw my Grandpa Walt, and he told me that I wasn't done yet. That sounds like a fun thing.

Oh, my gosh, Chip. Yeah. Do you remember? Wait, are you going to tell? One time I forged a letter from Chip's parents to the principal saying that Chip couldn't have his temperature taken orally. Yeah. And he was so afraid to go to the nurse.

He would get so sick and he'd be so afraid To go to the nurse's office But I kind of liked it I kind of thought it was funny Because we're buds And I'm not scared I'm not scared of nothing You know So it's like

That was kind of like cool And stuff Well dang man You come all the way in And we should have A round of drinks Huh Tell stories

Yeah let's get Let me pour you a beer Kevin Oh I'd love I'd love to have a drink. Yeah. We could set up a room, too, for you to stay if you want to stay. Oh, gosh, that would rock.

Yeah. I think it's getting renovated. Aren't we doing the whole high school thing? Yeah, I think we've got it. Well, what better person to go with? Yeah. Kevin, we were actually just going out the door to visit your old high school. Do you want to go give us a tour of all the cool places you pranked these nerds?

Did you do the chant? Wait, what's the chant? I guess a chant's technically not singing, so we still can do the chant. Yeah. Remind me what the mascot was? The Sabres. The Sabres. The Sabres, right. Cut, cut, cut, cut through

the flesh. Both of you just jumped a mile when he started doing that. Are you two okay? Yeah, it's just good. So, such good memory. I had to, like, flashback by being scared. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That's a thing, right? It's just so wild to run into you here. You know, I just, I was just talking about you guys. Do you live in town, Kev? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I just lost my security job, but I'm picking up, I've got some new stokes in the fire, you know?

That's so funny. Chip here is our security. No way. Yeah, I'm kind of the bouncer. But we're cash rich right now, and we can maybe hire you to pick up some work in the meantime. Yeah, I would love to be just like a bouncer

or whatever, you know? I mean, we're taking applications. I DJ. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah. You probably have to go through the process of hiring and stuff, and that would be hard.

It's a hard job to get. Well, good thing we don't have a process. You're in, buddy. Oh, awesome. I don't. Oh, what's up, new guy? Hell yeah. Oh.

Very cool. Oh, this is Jenny. I'm a rat. I don't believe we've met. Ah, Shantae. Hello. Oh, this is Jenny. I'm a rat. I don't believe we've met. Ah, Shantae. Hello. Oh, a love connection. Hi.

Aren't you a charming little thing? Yeah, well, I've been told that a time or two. Okay. I feel like I've seen you at the casino sometimes. Oh, yeah. Sometimes I go down there. I'm sober, 15 years, and sometimes I go down there just I'm sober, 15 years, and sometimes I go down there just to see what my life could have been.

Oh, that's good to hear. Yeah, I don't know if that's good or bad. Oh, no. Yeah. That's darker. Thank you. Yeah, well, Chip, yeah, let's go. You got a job here, but let's go down memory lane all together, huh?

Yeah, let's go. Yeah, sure, that'd be a blast. He's got a job here. He's got a job here so fast, and that's fun. Chip, you want to drive? Or, I don't know, Kevin, you seem pretty strong. Do you want to drive to the old high school? Yeah, Kevin's probably stronger.

Yeah, everybody hop on. All right. Hell yeah. Okay, okay. I trepidatiously jump on Kev's back. He's able to carry everybody absolutely no problem. Oh, nice, cool. Wow. Crows are strong. Yeah. Well,

it's wing strength. I spend a lot of time in the sky. Sure. Cool. Thank you. You know, it's so funny. I feel like I've heard Seb and Chip talk so much about their high school experience and I just don't remember them bringing you up. Like, did you guys know each other when you were kids? Like, how did you meet? Tell

me everything. Oh, my gosh. Well? Like, how did you meet? Tell me everything. Oh my gosh. Well, yeah, how did we meet? Was it the time that you buried me in kindergarten? Or was it the time that you kidnapped me and then sold my identity to a warlord? Well, neither of those were the times where we met.

We met because our parents were friends. That's what it was. That's what it was. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, cool. Yeah, definitely. But, you know, my dad, he wasn't really around, like, super, super a lot.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. Most of your fault, though, right? Babe. like a super super a lot oh i'm sorry no it's okay mostly your fault though right what um no i mean it's he was there technically but he was um he had another family and he was by locating so he would be with us and he'd be with them at the same time um by locating yeah i love it what a scumbag and so you know don't say that about my friend Kev, Jalus. That's my dad. No, no, his dad. His dad. His dad. It's okay.

I've processed a lot of it now. And I have kids of my own. So, you know, it's like I can't imagine doing that to them, you know? Yeah. And they're safe. Oh, they're so safe. They're so safe. Oh, I actually have a picture of my daughter.

Do you want to see a picture of my daughter? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Cool, yeah. I pull out a piece of parchment and it's got my penis drawn on it. No! Wow, she's so little. It's kind of crazy how close that looks

to how I remember it from all these years. I'm just kidding. I turn it over, and there's actually a picture of my daughter that I've drawn on the other side. Oh, lovely. Wow, she's so little. You drew a penis on the back of the picture of your daughter.

Yeah, just for old time's sake. No, that's who you got me. Do you do that joke a lot? I haven't done it in a while. It's just so wild to see you guys. It's like, you know, it's nostalgic. Yeah, special for us. Oh, hey, looks like we're here.

And you are. You are at your old high school. And it looks kind of exactly the same. It's a little bit worse for wear. It probably hasn't gotten upgraded in some time, but it's all one level, except for it looks like there's like a gymnasium that might be multi-level on the side, connected to the main structure. But it's a pretty sprawling ranch-like high school with a courtyard in the middle

that is open air and kind of connects everything. But it looks kind of just like how you'd remember it. Is school in session currently or is it like summer break or weekend? It's a Sunday, so school is not in session. There may be some groups or some clubs that are doing things on school premises. But other than that, it's empty. Chip goes up to the door. And is the door unlocked or locked? It actually is unlocked. Okay. He pretends like it's empty. All right, Chip goes up to the door. And is the door unlocked or locked?

It actually is unlocked. Okay, he pretends like it's locked. Oh, man, I'd love to relive all of our memories, but it's locked. I can get us in. Can Chalice try to break a window or open a window? Chalice. For sure.

How are you going to go about it? I think I'll just break a window. I just punch through a window. All right, give me an attack roll. My partner's not doing a good job of reading. 19. Okay. My cues.

A window is smashed in on one of the doors immediately. And then Chalice kisses his chip on the cheek and goes, you're welcome. Oh, thank you. Now I'm so glad. Oh, you know what? It was unlocked. My bad.

Chalice looks down at her bleeding hand. I wish you had double checked the door, I guess. Oh, I should have double checked. You're right, hon. And I give her a kiss on the cheek. Come on in, everybody. Wow. A real hike school.

I can't believe it. This thing is huge. You guys probably got up to all sorts of crazy fun times together in here, huh? Oh, yeah. So how does this place work? I'm sorry? How does this place work? Yeah.

Beef went to pig school, so it's different. Oh, yeah, pig school. Pig school. Okay, great. It's pretty simple. All you got to do is you walk around here. You never show up for class. Oh.

I was kind of a god in this place. Oh, wow. I believe it. And me too. And me too, actually. And I was quite mortal. Wow. All right, walk us through it.

What should we do first? The auditorium? The trophy room? Where you would smoke between class? Show me everything. Yeah, maybe tell us Walk us through it. What should we do first? The auditorium, the trophy room, where you would smoke between class? Show me everything. Yeah, maybe tell us why you're here and coming into our life. I don't know. I mean, I think it's just serendipity.

That's all it is. It feels very serendipitous meeting you guys here. And, you know, when I think about it, you know what? Never mind. Let's go show them. Okay. Behind the bleachers. Oh, cool. Do you remember the spot? Yeah. Yeah, Oh, cool. Do you remember the spot?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember the spot behind the bleachers? Is that where people would make out? What happened behind the bleachers? Nah, not quite. I'll show you. So you guys are ushered towards the bleachers. Nice. Thank you. Very clever. On the ground at the bleachers, there's just

like awful bloodstains. Centuries old, terrible, like medieval style bloodstains. Yeah, so Kevin, Kevin came up with a club, and I'm putting the club in quotes, where you did have to spill a little bit of blood to get

in. And it was my blood. Knife club. Knife club. Whoa. I think I saw that in your yearbook. There's like a blurred out photo that they couldn't quite. Knife club. Knife club. Whoa. I think I saw that in your yearbook. There's like a blurred out photo that they couldn't quite show of knife club. Yeah. Yeah, it was weird that they put it in there anyway. I always thought it was odd that they committed it to paper.

Allegedly, it would allow you to kiss girls. That's why we all tried to get into it. You never did, though. No, I never did. Cool. You guys were dangerous. I didn't know I had such a dangerous boyfriend. Pretty cool. Let's do a little knife club right now. How do you do it?

Yeah, I want it. Oh my god, where did you get that Bella song from, Jennifer? What the hell? I always have it on me. I'm always packing. Now, show me how to do this. You're a real firecracker. You know that? She'll draw you in, my buddy, but she'll speech out. The tradition is you would kind of like cut my hand

and then you'd make me bleed on the ground a little. Ah! And that's how you do it. That's Knife Club. Well, you aren't making any of the sounds. Make the sound. Seb, make the sounds. Seb, quickly, make the sounds before he gets mad.

Seb, make the sound. Ghoul. Ghoul. Ghoul. Ghoul. Commit. Seb, you're not committing. Seb, commit. Please. Commit harder. For the group, please commit.

Can I look like I'm levitating somehow? I don't know how I do that. With a performance check? Little jumps. Yeah, with little jumps. Yeah, give me a performance check. I'm doing little jumps, but very quickly. There's that cool dance move that I see kids do on TikTok where they do like a circle and it looks like none of their feet are ever touching the ground.

Oh, that is cool. So I do that TikTok thing and I rolled an 18. Oh. Seb just effectively levitated. I'm bleeding. I'm sort of levitating. I'm doing the TikTok thing. Yeah, and I'm bleeding on the ground.

When can I stab him again? What the hell? Anytime you want. That's part of the fun. Whoa. Okay, not in my calf. You two are way more tense in high school

than I even figured. That's crazy. I f***ing love high school. It's the energy of youth, you know? It's like, I couldn't do it today. Yeah.

But back then, I could have done it all day. I couldn't do it then. Yeah. But back then, I could have done it all day. I couldn't do it then. And we were all choosing to do it, too, and nobody felt, like, pressured. Cool. You keep saying stuff, Chip. You keep saying stuff that's like...

Yeah. I remember, because you were a crier. He was a crier. Oh, my gosh. A crier. Oh, my gosh. Big time, all right? Kind of just because

You know because I think people Like a sensitive type Yeah still are you a little softy He cries all the time I bet but now because for adult reasons Actually though right He gets overcome by his feelings for me and he needs to cry it out Sometimes it's really sweet

Disgusting But the pillow makes it quieter Oh my god are you crying right now Who's teasing his eyes Really sweet. Disgusting. But the pillow makes it quieter. Oh, my God. Are you crying right now? Who's teasing his eyes? All the memories are coming back. Did you see the first flowers of spring?

Why are you crying? What's going on? No, it's not. Well, it's definitely not because I'm scared. I think we can all agree. That's true. You never get scared. Never. Thank you, Beef.

Give me a deception check, Chip. Oh, 21. Oh, nice. Okay. Okay. Okay. So everyone thinks that it's definitely not because you're scared. Yeah.

Nice. Of course. It's just because, you know, trying to look like a sensitive softie around m'lady, as it were. Yeah. I mean, you've really grown up a lot. You know that she's my girlfriend, right? What? Yes.

Okay. So I didn't tell you. She's my girlfriend. And you actually complimented how pretty she was. So, ha. Hey, way to go, Chip. Wait, really? I never thought you'd have that in you.

Has he farted in front of you yet? Almost always. I mean, how do you put up with that in a relationship? Yeah, he's got some good qualities. Babe, please. What are you doing? Hers are bad, too. Okay.

Hers are enough. Hers are enough. Okay. Hold on. I kind of blow through walls. Anyways, now that we're all covered in blood, I know that Seb did all covered in blood, I know that Seb did the plays in high school,

and I would just absolutely love if he would recreate one of his performances for us. And I bet you two were so supportive of it during high school, and I'm sure he would feel safe. To the theater we go! Beef is covered in blood. As you enter the theater, you enter as an audience member would,

and you hear panic like, and it's probably two high school kids who are on stage, maybe hooking up or... Singing something from high school musical. Yeah, yeah. I think that's more embarrassing. Yeah, for sure.

Whoa, don't stop on our account. Oh my God, someone's here. And they head off. Like, I was in the middle of my verse. And they go, oh man, well, I've been there, huh? Yeah, remember this? Oh my gosh. Seb, please, can you do your monologue from The Pillow Man?

Please, Seb, please do your big monologue. Seb talks about it all the time. He's so proud of it. Yeah. Kevin, you're going to get blown away. Your monologue? Yeah. Yeah. Like the main character monologue. Seb talks about it all the time. He's so proud of it. Yeah. Kevin, you're going to get blown away. Your monologue? Yeah. Yeah.

Like the main character monologue? Yeah. You think Seb was the main character in the play? Yes, I was the main character, and we don't believe he's going to leave it there. He was. He was. Seb was the main character in all of the plays, right? From all the years and all the days.

No, Seb was a little stalker. What? What? Yeah. No, no. I mean, he was so obsessed with the drama kids they were they were so freaked out by him that they would what you're forgetting kev is that in his senior year he got cast as the stalker in the play that's right and they said on opening night the only

thing believable was how attentive he was to them. Huh. I mean, it blew my mind that they did that. It's sort of like rewarding a serial killer. I couldn't believe it. No? Really blew me away. Wait, well, Kevin, were you in the plays? It sounds like you were in them then.

You were the lead? Nah, I mean, do I look like a play guy? Do I look like a drama kid? Do you, Jesus Christ Superstar? I mean, you're aching for it. I look like a drama kid do your Jesus Christ superstar I mean you're aching for it I can tell you're flexing every muscle in your body right now well do a monologue someone perform okay fine

to be or not to be that is the question whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or rise up against a sea of troubles by opposing them to Fuck, I can't remember it! I can't remember it! Oh, God!

I mean, incredible! That was so good! That was so good, I was just like, could hear a pin drop. Where did you get that skull? Kevin, you are awesome. I can totally see why the three of you are such an iconic trio. Best friends, kind of at the bottom, and me and Kev

up top. And I agree with that. All this nostalgia is making me hungry. I don't even know what the Oracle was talking about. What? What Oracle? What? Yeah. Okay, so I know it felt like a little bit of a chance meeting.

That's not 100% the truth. Sorry, before I agree with Beef, I am also hungry. Can we go to the cafeteria while we continue this conversation? The what? Oh, definitely. Oh, Beef, you're going to love this. Oh, Beef, you've been waiting for this. Oh, Beef, you're going to freak out.

This is your zone. The cafeteria? This is going to be your zone. As you guys go to exit the auditorium, someone is entering in who looks like it's probably like the drama teacher current day, and they see Sabin go ghost white. You're not supposed to be here. Oh, sorry.

We're just leaving. Yeah. I give them a wedgie. I go behind and give the teacher a wedgie. Whoa! Kevin, Usher, I haven't seen you in so long. Oh, she likes it. You miss me?

This is terrible, but it's not as bad as running into Seb. I'm going to be honest. This is scary for me. I know. Freaky little stalker's back. I said I was sorry, okay? I was going through some obsessive things. This is why I used to put you in a cage.

What? And they're in the cafeteria. Wow. It was a big cage. Beef's holding a tray in both of his hands. And he's like, wow, so you can fill this up all the way to the top? And it's all yours for free? Not for free, but everything else is true.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, pretty wonderful. Yeah, it's just all like metal and shining and shimmering. To beef it, everything is catching the light at just the right angle. As you see on the kitchen side of things, a fire that is hot. Actually, it's Sunday, so no, there's nobody there. But beef, you can see it in your mind's eye how much amazing food would be happening here. But if you wanted to make food at this point, since it's Sunday, you would have to make it yourself. The entire cafeteria is empty.

There's tons of chairs around long wooden tables, but it's for the most part empty. But somehow Beef is wearing a hair nut already and he has some gloves on and he's like, you know what? You guys sit down. Old Beef will make a meal for a gathering fit for friends. Thanks, Beef.

Yeah, thank you, Beef. So when you said this wasn't a chance meeting Yeah, you were saying? Because you're a liar. Well, you were saying? Oh, right. Yes. You liar. Because you're a liar. Well, not so much a lie.

I just, look, I heard some bullshit. I heard a little bit of bullshit, and I had to check out and just see if it was true. Okay? Like I said, trying to make a better life for my daughter. I'm in paladin training right now. Oh. Hold your applause, I guess. Thank you. Yeah. Chalice, hold. Chalice, hold it, training right now. Oh. Hold your applause, I guess. Thank you.

Chalice, hold. Chalice, hold it, please. Sorry, sorry. So I'm in paladin training right now, and part of the process is soul purification. And I had to get into a cauldron with an oracle, and she told me everybody that I needed to make amends with before I could become a paladin.

Oh, really? Yeah, two names that came up were Seb and Chip and I was like, what? Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. You sound like you three were best friends, treasured friends. Me and Seb came up? Yeah, it was like-

Me and Seb came up? That's what she said. I said, no chance. Weird! Not my guys. You should believe this. Not my boys. Yeah, because we're your boys, so that's kind of weird. That we would- We came up? Really? Well, it's probably because he

was like bullying the shit out of you guys, it sounded like. Bingo! I put my finger on my nose. What did you say out of your naughty little mouth? Uh, more like, no way. Bing no way. Yeah, wait. Jennifer, I'm sorry. Chalice is like replaying out of your naughty little mouth? More like, big no way. Big no way. Yeah, wait. Jennifer,

I'm sorry. Chalice is like replaying the day in her head. She's like, huh, huh. Bully. Huh. Bully. Yeah, it sort of sounds like,

sort of sounds like you were their bully. But that doesn't, but wait, I was Seb's bully, so that kind of doesn't make sense when you think about it. Doesn't make sense to me.

You were probably Seb's bully because this guy was bullying you. It was a f***ed up hierarchy. I wasn't a bully. What? I just want to talk about, like, in the modern day, like, using language like that could really hurt my career. Oh, could it? So let's just be real careful about how we describe me. I don't want that to, like, you know, I'm not a bully.

We were rough, but that's like teenage stuff. That's what every teenager does. So if I admit that you were a bully and I don't forgive you, you can't be a paladin? Not that that's the case. Just asking. I guess, but it seems like we're cool. It does seem like we're cool. It seems like we're cool. It does seem like we're cool. It seems like we're cool.

A status shift. The ham is here. And Beef plops a big old ham bone onto the table. What'd I miss? Ham shift. Yeah, it's a ham shift. Beef, you missed something huge. It's just been revealed that Kevin was in fact,

and this is going to sound crazy after everything we learned today, was Chip and Seb's bully. In order for him to become a paladin, they have to forgive him in order to clean his soul. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? What? Wait, what? Yeah.

Yeah? And that's only if we admit that he's our bully, or was, or is. I'm ready to admit it. He was my bully. You were my bully. Oh, my God. You drained my blood so much that I thought the drama kids were a God race, and I followed them, okay?

I thought I was on another plane. That happened to me in high school, too, and that's Aaron talking. Okay. playing. That happened to me in high school too. And that's Aaron talking. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get solved immediately by a stranger.

And I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience. It's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.

It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. Wait, okay, hold on. Chip, I think the first step is admitting that he was your bully, okay?

Admitting, huh? And you know what I think? I'm in charge now. We're going to go to all of the places where the worst of the bullying happened. You're all going to air it out, get it on the table, and then Kevin, you can sincerely apologize, and Chip and Seb, if they feel moved to, will sincerely forgive you. Or. What if I don't want to? What if I don't want to?

Or. Or. Look, I'm sorry. You forgive me. I get out of your way. I get on with my life. You get on with your life. Nobody loses.

That's not real forgiveness. Here's the thing, though. I can move on with my life. Nobody loses. That's not real forgiveness. Here's the thing, though. I can move on with my life without forgiving you. Actually, Kevin. He's your co-worker now. No, he's fired. I'm firing him. You have the authority to do that.

I make all the hiring and firing decisions. No, no, no, no. I'm using my veto on Kevin. Okay? Kevin, you ruined my high school life, okay? I should have been king of this place. I should have been the absolute king. Stop it.

You guys are kicking each other's shins so hard under the table we can see it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What, what, what, what, what? Chip, I think this will genuinely be good for you to let off your chest. When you finally admitted that you killed your best friend instead of killing a dragon, you got way less angry and your life got way better, okay? And you bring it up all the time now. Easy peasy style.

I know, but this guy was mean to me. Okay. This guy was so mean to me. He seems better now. He's hitting on Jennifer. He's trying to be amiable. He's kind of funny. He gave that theater teacher a wedgie. He seems better now. He's hitting on Jennifer. He's trying to be amiable. He's kind of funny. He gave that theater teacher a wedgie.

I don't know. I kind of like him. Let's give him a chance. Yeah, kind of crazy too because you had one bully where Seb had two and he seems fine. It was way more than just two. Way more than just two. Seb, am I wrong here? I just don't know if I can forgive Kevin if this is out in the open.

I get it. I get it because it's not enough. I would feel the same way. You should go back to the places where you got bullied the most and then do those things to him now. Get even. Watch what I will do. That's what I would have said.

Yes. Okay. Beef, grab the ham. We're going to where I assume some bullying happened, the locker room. Oh, love road ham. Road ham, road ham. I love myself a little road ham. God, I wish I could sing along with you.

And we're here. We are at the locker room. And you are in the locker room is right. And it looks like the midpoint between what would be a typical high school locker room with the lockers painted in the school colors, which are green and black, and like an old armory for like a medieval

type armory. It's somewhere in between those two is where this falls. There's almost like a dungeon and stone wall aspect to it with these green and black metal lockers and armaments. Holy s***.aments. Holy shit. Yeah. Holy cow.

Kevin hid me in the roof in here. Whoa, really? Hid you? In the roof. Because the locker would be the first place that people would look. Yeah. He wanted me there all weekend long. All weekend.

All right, so how are we going to do this? Are we going to just talk it out? Would it help if you guys got to do to him what he did to you? What's going to make this better? Physical violence. Maybe just tell me why you put me in the ceiling, huh? Because it was like a sibling relationship, right? Like siblings razz on each other, right?

And like a big sibling has power. A younger sibling has no power. I loved it. right? And it's like, a big sibling has power. A younger sibling has no power. I loved it. I loved doing it. It made me feel good. It made me feel strong. And like, knowing that you were up there, it just

gave me something to like, sort of like, laugh at for the rest of the day. So you didn't have to think about how your dad was sort of with a whole other family. I'm... That is true. Okay. Open me up. So you didn't have to think about how your dad was sort of with a whole other family. I'm. That is true. Open me up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to have to physically put him in the ceiling. I think I'm going to have to physically put him in the ceiling to get over this. I think that's fair. Isn't that right, Seb? I mean, we can start there and maybe we can go into some like Tress Falls or something. I mean, we may as well try. We're here. Yeah, we might as well.

Okay. All right. Get me up there. All right. might as well. Okay. Get me up there. All right. If it'll do it, put me up there. I jump surprisingly high and I knock one of those tiles back. Whoa. Oh, no.

And you should probably put me up there too. I've bullied some people in my time. I should probably use a little time out. Put us both up there. No, they're going to make out. It's going to be a lot more than that. Put us both up there. Jennifer, no way.

Let go. Let go. Let go. I think just for my penance, it would help me to have somebody there that can really. No way. Well, Seb didn't have anybody. Seb wasn't making out with anybody up there. Well, okay. Come on.

Once again, you keep throwing out words and stuff that there's like a lot of assumptions that sometimes are tied to these things that I don't subscribe to. So if you could just put me up there with that hot little red. I grab Kevin and I throw him. And he gets thrown up into the ceiling. And Kevin is now up there and you are all down on the floor still. A lot of mousetraps up there, huh? Yeah, do you feel better?

Am I forgetting that? Yeah, Chip. No. Seb, how do we feel? I mean, I guess we technically have to wait all weekend for it to feel somewhat the same, but it just feels fake right now. Beef starts opening up lockers to make a nest. Well, if we're going to stay here, we can just nest it up.

Sleepover style. Well, it's Sunday. It's Sunday, so the weekend's over. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Well, I just pulled out everybody's stuff. So I'm going to put that back.

Here's the thing. Like we could cut him up. Right. We could make him do an embarrassing monologue, not realizing that he has a milk mustache. Okay. We could do a lot of things to Kev, but I don't think any of those things would really embarrass him right now. And I think the only way to really feel

like we've gotten our vengeance is a true embarrassment. I think we're chasing the wrong thing here. What do you think, Chalice? No, I think we should let this go another little bit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I know, but I'm saying now, when later it's a different thing,

I get to say, I told you so. And she kisses him on the cheek. I don't know what you're talking about. I want to try this first. Yeah, try the wrong way first. Well, maybe we could go to Kevin's house and de-pants him in front of his wife. Huh?

No, she's seen it. She's seen it. Get his daughter here and humiliate him in front of her. She's seen it. Get his daughter here and humiliate him in front of her. She's seen it. No, no, no. But see, pulling down your pants is not a way to embarrass you. We got to come up with something real.

Something that's really going to stick with you for the next 25 years of your life or whatever. Hey, what's that little rat doing down there? Shaking it. Moving it. Grooving it. Waiting for you, big daddy. Come up here. It's nice and dark.

No, no. Okay, this is... You can come down. You can come down. Hey. No, no, no. All right. Hold on.

I'm down. Penance done. No, no, no. I'm forgiven. No. Hold on, Seb. Seb, Seb. Come here.

Come here. I pull Seb over to the side. Chalice is fanning Jennifer to try to get her to be a little less horny. That breeze feels nice. Oh, God. Seb, we got to come up with a way to really get him. Like, something that really is going to, like, destroy him. Yeah.

I'm thinking maybe we got to tug at these second family strings in some way. Oh, my God. Yeah. We should take him to these second family strings in some way. Oh, my God. Yeah. We should take him to his second family's house. Well, they had that name. They had that name. Oh, it was just Usher. They were the, oh, yeah, Usher.

Yeah, the second Usher. Why don't you invite them here? Okay, okay, okay, okay. We got this. Okay. We will invite them over and we'll prove that his dad loves them more than him. Zing, zang, wada, wada, bing, bang. Is that something?

It's pretty good. Wait, is that phrase that you just said something? Yeah, is that something good? No, no, no. Okay, okay. But this plan is good. This plan is something. Yeah, this plan is great.

Yes. This is good. All right, let's do it. Break. Jennifer and Kevin are dry humping. I couldn't keep them apart. Isn't he married? Oh, my goodness.

No, I'm separated. Oh. Good. Good. Good, good, good, good, good. What an interesting day this is. Just checking in with you. How are you, dude?

Oh, me? Yeah. I'm Pete Pichikin. I'm eating my ham bone And I'm just having a good time What are we doing? What's going on? Who's this? We're doing it prank style

And we're going to take him to his dad's other family And you, of all people, beef, are going to love this And we're going to confirm That his dad loved them more than him Yes You know, it would really be embarrassing If you got him to not get the job And that his dad loved them more than him. Yes. You know, it would really be embarrassing if you got him to not get the job and that his dad said that in front of all of his coworkers.

He'd be absolutely embarrassed. Oh, my God. Morrified. You are so right. If you really want to take him out, you know, but I'm just enjoying my hand bone. That's good. And I'm here for when this plan goes wrong and we figure out a more moral way to do this at the end, and I'm here enjoying my ham bone. That's good. And I'm here for when this plan goes wrong

and we figure out a more moral way to do this at the end. And I'm here for that. Yes, yes. Sorry, hon. What was that? Nothing. Love this. Thank you.

Keep up the good work. Kevin, we forgive you. What? I forgive you. What? You guys are forgiving me right now. Yes, you spent your time in the ceiling, and now all of our trauma is gone. Wow.

Forever. That was so much easier than I thought it was going to be. Guys, I can't tell you what this means to me. Even when I look back at those times, I'm like, maybe I did go a little bit too far. Maybe I went over the line a little bit a couple of times. I knew that you knew bit a couple of times. I knew that you knew it was out of love. I knew that you guys knew that I was doing this just because I love you guys so much.

But, like, it feels so good to get that confirmation. I am genuinely so grateful to both of you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Jealous. That seemed real.

Yes. Yes. I don't feel great about any of this. Should we go to the movies tonight to just... Sort of remove ourselves from that? Yeah. Can Beef and Chalice go to the movies? They certainly can. I've never sort of bailed on an episode like that,

but we'll be here for when this goes wrong. We're going to go to the movies. Okay. Yes, go to the movies. We'll check in with you guys down the road then. Great. Yes. Yes. Yes. We've lost Chip and Seb

to this. We're just wringing our hands in the corner. Somehow we got cloaks that we're wearing now. You know what? You know what? You guys are done. We'll be over here.

We'll be over here. We'll come back just in time for plan B. Perfect, perfect, perfect. We're actually going to cut to the paladin swearing in an oath-taking ceremony in which the pure of heart, when knighted, should have a heavenly glow that emanates from them. And a choir of angels is heard by all who gaze upon, swearing them in as a true paladin and soldier for good. And so as quickly as he has been forgiven, he has made plans to be sworn in. This was the last piece of the puzzle that Kevin needed in order to fulfill his obligations before

becoming a true paladin. And so as is true fashion, you can bring on as many onlookers and as many watchers for this as you see fit. And Kevin's, he's a popular guy. He has brought in a lot of friends and family to this small, intimate cave that has lots of candles that have been lit and surround the insides of this cave. As he is taking a knee and preparing to swear his oath to become a paladin. I want to know where Seb and Chip are during this. Both Seb and Chip are wearing Phantom of the Opera masks, just kind of like over half of our faces. Oh my God.

But we are like center stage. Like we are the family members that he invited. I assume, Kevin. You've invited us to be on stage. Yeah, of course. Wonderful. Yeah. And we're standing next to his dad. Beef and Chalice have gotten done with the movies,

and they're sitting down in the audience next to the secondary family. They're holding popcorn buckets and have their 3D glasses on still. Yeah. Oh, gosh. I just want to say to everybody here, it means the world that you're here.

My journey was not an easy one. I know that a lot of the people here had been hurt by my actions in the past and that I really had a lot of amends to make. And the fact that I was able to do that with all of you speaks to the strength of your character, that you were able to move past a lot of... Honestly, some things would be pretty tough to forgive.

So I just want to thank you all for being here. Chalice lowers her 3D glasses and looks at Chip and goes... I just want to thank you all for being here as I turn over this new page and also a very special person is here my daughter I'm starting to

feel something it's like sadness but it's joy that's right it's the opposite it's guilt you guys it's not quite sadness and right. It's the opposite. It's guilt, you guys. No, it's got to be a scary joy. And you hear a very adorably timed, I love you, Dad. Thank you, Tracy.

I love you. It's remorse. It's definitely remorse. I love you, too. And, you know, I'm hoping that things work out with you and your mother and me. Unlikely. Right now, not looking good. I think I may have found a new out with you and your mother and me but right now not looking good I think I may have found a new mom

for you though so we cannot be talking about Jennifer I didn't sign up for that shit I just really feel like the future is bright and today I'll say it today is the happiest day of my life today is the happiest day of my entire life right now.

We made it. Well said, young man. Well said. Charles is right. Now, please take a knee. Beef. What? What?

What? Sorry, I'm trying to watch the movie. The movie. Trying to watch the movie. Tell Chip. The movie. Try to watch the movie. Tell Chip, send Chip a message that says, being bullied isn't what made you weak. Being a bully was the weakness.

But please don't mince those words or get them wrong. Okay. Say them exactly how I said them, okay, Pete? Okay. Could you say it again one more time, maybe? Oh, my God, please listen. Okay, okay. Being a bully, or no, being- Wait.

Oh my God, I'm freaking out. The movie's so loud. Being bullied is not what made you weak. Being a bully was weak. Okay. And Beef, I'm serious, please. I'm going to do my best again. Hey, Jeff.

Beef? Jeff. Beef, how was the movie? It's pretty bad. The movie was bad. Oh, I'm serious, please. I'm going to do my best. Hey, Chip. Beef? Chip. Beef, how was the movie? It's pretty bad. The movie was bad. Oh, I'm sorry. The movie's bad. Yeah, there's these two guys in phantom hats.

Whoa, gross. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. But Chip, Chalice wanted me to send you something. Oh, Chalice is there. Tell her to say hi. Okay. Hey, Chalice. Chip says hi.

Beef, tell him what I said quickly. Okay, yes. Chalice wanted me to tell her to say hi. Okay. Hey, Chalice. Chip says hi. Beef, tell him what I said quickly. Okay, yes. Chalice wanted me to tell you that. Oh, hold on. It's about to get started. I'm sorry. Being a bully is what made you weak. What made you weak is being weak.

Oh. Or. Okay. Thanks. Thank you. God, my girlfriend thinks I'm weak. And that was happening as Kevin is taking his knee. You have chosen to cast aside the dark hood

in pursuit of doing good. A life worth fighting for is one done right. When sword touches thee, you shall be bathed in light and the sword touches down on his shoulder and nothing happens there is no light there is no angelic singing the elder paladin clears his throat awkwardly. Did it happen? Did I miss it? Did it happen? Did my paladin? It's probably...

The sword is probably broken, yeah. You didn't check the sword before we started? It's the same sword we always use, but perhaps, maybe I didn't. You cast a hand into the hood in order to do some good. And we're in light.

And we're bathed in light. And he kind of hits you a little bit harder on the shoulder with the sword. Ah! And it makes an awkward clank. Ah! Nothing. Nothing.

Dang. I wonder what's going on. Can I look over at Kevin's dad and see his reaction? Sure. He is mentally checked out. Anyone could see looking at him that he has other things on his mind. In fact, he looks like he's just kind of rummaging through something he pulled out of his pocket.

Maybe it's a grocery list or something. Father, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on. I mean, I did everything that you asked. There has to be something wrong. I made amends. I don't know what's going on. I mean, I did everything that you asked. There has to be something wrong. I made amends. I made amends with everybody. I stayed in a ceiling for like two to three minutes.

That should have done the trick. Right? And yet here we are. And I just like, maybe I'm confused and like a little hurt because it feels like maybe somebody is like lying to me. You're confused. Try being an audience member to this movie. What the hell's going on? Oh, man.

I am not feeling too good about this. Yeah, you're right. We got to really land the blow. All right. Here we go. Do not pants him. Don't pants him. Don't pants him. Don't pants him. No, he likes being pants. Oh, we gotta really land the blow Do not pants him, don't pants him, don't pants him

No, he likes being pants We don't forgive you We don't forgive you It's me and Seb And we don't forgive you We lied That's right, I'm a famous liar and I lie What?

Why would you lie? I thought we bonded. Seb, get him. Wait, I get him. I mean... Seb, sick it to him, dude. Get him. I'm sort of taking my Phantom of the Opera mask off

and I'm going, um... Seb, we rehearsed this. Get him. Seb? Yeah, just because you went up into the ceiling and you have... With emotion, man. With emotion.

Let's go. Get him. I'm not feeling You drained my blood. You made me worship the drama kids because I thought they were gods. They glowed with light and when they sang, I swore it was angels, okay?

And, and you put me in the ceiling and the only thing I could do is make friends with the spiders, okay? Have you ever talked to a spider? They only want to talk about poison and tearing down their web. They're like those freaks that are into home improvement that only want to talk about home improvement. That's right. But worse.

And nobody wants to see pictures of your penis. Nobody does, okay? And I know it was you that hit me in the side with the carriages. I don't know how, but I know that was you, okay? You made the dioramas. We don't forgive you. Oh, what was the diorama thing? I forgot about that one.

Well, the dioramas were like where we kind of, we plotted out how Kevin could have. Yes, the dioramas. That's right, we made dioramas. He could have hit us and still gotten back in. It's possible, because you were fast back then, so it's possible.

Can Chalice, while this is happening, sneak up to where the spotlight is and put a spotlight on his daughter to try to get them to maybe put some stuff into perspective? Sure, yeah. Roll for perception. 18.

Okay, so what you see is there's a hole in the cave that sunlight can come in and there's a mirror that reflects that sunlight onto a certain spot. And you see that you can adjust it to move the spotlight. And so Chalice moves that mirror and reflects the sunlight coming through that cave hole onto Kevin's daughter. Who is doing that? Stop it. What? That is... Stacey. Stacey, are you okay? I can't. I have to squint my eyes. What's happening?

And, Kevin, your dad kind of just comes up to you and is like, hey, is this over, champ? No, no, no. No, no, no. Yes, yes, I'm relishing it. It shouldn't be much longer, sir. Just please stick around. I promise you this is like... I'm going to relishing in this. It shouldn't be much longer, sir. Just please stick around. I promise you this is like,

I'm going to be different after this. I'm going to be like, really? I think you're going to see me differently. Chip! Huh? And Chalice gestures again to the little girl. Stop! What?

You bullied Seb into bullying him. You're the bully. I don't like it. I start vomiting. I just am throwing up so much. Oh, God. Chip're the bully. I don't like it. I start vomiting. I just am throwing up so much. Oh, God. Okay. Chip, fix this. This is not who I want to be dating. Um, uh,

uh, I'm gonna cast a healing word on him to stop the vomiting. Okay. What you feel, Kevin, is your stomach has sort of settled, but your emotional unrest certainly hasn't. Oh, my God.

I can't. This is supposed to be my big special day. It's the worst. It's the worst day I've ever had in my entire life. No, no. And I don't even know why I even tried to do something good with my life. It wasn't worth it. I don't even know why I did this stupid paladin stuff is stupid.

You're probably just trying to make amends for all the bad things you did when you were a kid, right? No, no. And you're trying to, like, show off that you're a big hero now, and you like saving the day now. Well, projecting, projecting, projecting, projecting, projecting. Something like that where you felt like you were mean to some of your best friends, and now all you try and do is you work for them, and you're nice to them.

You're a monster. You two are monsters. No, no, no, no. You're the monsters. I legitimately forgive you, okay? Can I spread my wings and fly out of the little hole in the cave? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, yeah, you can. Wow, what an ending.

And beef stands up. And it is quite the ending because with one last flap of his wings, there's a huge gust of wind and all the candles go out in the cave with it. So you're just left in darkness as he is exited. Chip, you gotta forgive. I'm able to forgive him now.

Look at his daughter who's still here. Chip, maybe forgive yourself first for bullying Seb and then you to forgive him now. Look at his daughter who's still here. Chip, maybe forgive yourself first for bullying Seb, and then you can forgive him. I've already forgiven you, Chip. Yeah, I guess. It's just as hard because, you know, in order to forgive him, I guess I got to forgive myself. And I just, I feel bad that I was mean to you, Seb.

You're my best friend, man. You're my best friend. And I my best friend and i feel like i feel like we've been growing apart and i don't want to grow apart no more we don't have to i mean you and i've been working together all right today we've been really having to rehash some bad memories and everything and we don't have to do, we don't have to be mad at each other all the time. We get some of that sibling bickering, those little bully moments that Kevin told us about.

But at the same time, I love you, man. I'm glad that I wake up and I get to work with you every single day. And one day, you're going to learn how to play backgammon

and you're not going to flip the board. And that'll be good, too. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. And it's not supposed to. It's not supposed to. Oh. Oh. I love you, man. I love you. And I forgive you. I've forgiven you

so long ago. Forgive yourself. Maybe then we can forgive Kevin, alright? Okay, Seb. And can you look at this piece of paper real quick? Oh my god. That's my penis, alright? That's my penis. right that's my penis you didn't have to tell me i knew i know what is this so uh we cut to seb and chip going the long way to basically

scale the side of a rocky kind of cliff face mountain to get to the top of the cave where you have come upon Kevin, who is sitting on his butt, wings on his knees, face in his feathers, let it all out, really crying. Stupid dad, stupid daughter. Hey, knock, knock. Hey, knock, knock. Stupid daughter. Hey, knock-knock. Hey, knock-knock. Ding-dong. Oh.

Wow. Oh. What do you guys want? I mean, I forgive you. I think Chip and I have been going through some stuff together and revisiting a lot of these painful memories. And also the fact that Chalice was right from square one, that we were kind of handling this the wrong, wrong way.

I mean, I forgive you. And I don't want to stand in the way of you kind of being the parent that you want to be and all of that. And also that was so long ago and you seem really nice now. And I'm, I'm ready to— I'll tell you what. I stand up, and I open my wings out as wide as possible. Do whatever you want to do.

Do it. Make your amends. I give you permission. I go ahead, and I hug him. No. No. I give him a big hug. No.

Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Kev. No. No. Please. him a big hug. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Kev. No. No. Please.

Kev, wrap us up. Oh, no. You're a good guy. No. You're a good guy. You're a good guy. This is nice. You're a good guy.

This is nice. It is nice. It feels good. Okay. It feels so good. Yeah. Jennifer. It's all right.

It does feel good. That's all. Oh, that's so nice. That is so... Wait, what is... What is happening? I back away. I tried to back away. Let me out of the hug, Kev.

Let me out of the hug. I won't let them out. I do not let them out of the hug. They're both still in the hug. Oh, my God. Okay. Can I be honest with you guys? Kev, of course.

I buy located. I was driving the carriages. Wow. That was the secret. You know, up until this very moment, I hadn't forgiven you, and now I actually do. I was still pretending up until just now, but because you said that, now it's real. Yeah. You guys, Beef got hit by a carriage down here.

Beef got hit. We got to get down there. Beef got hit. We gotta get down there. Beef is hit. Then we go down to beef. We check in on beef. And it's just Chalice holding a picture of the crow's penis and laughing at it. Where did you get that? Where did you get that?

It is kind of funny. It is kind of funny. Well, it's because nobody liked it. Nobody likes to, you know? Yeah. Bird's penises. Well, it's because nobody liked it. Nobody likes to, you know? Yeah, yeah. Birds' penises. Yeah, that's gross. And where were we?

Oh, that's right. Back to our places. Here we are. And we'll touch your shoulder. And nothing happens again. What the sh**? Chip's like, not me. Bro, that's not...

I swear this time. Where's Square? Probably Dad. It's probably Dad. Check in with your dad, dude. Dad, you son of a bitch. You stupid idiot. I hate you.

I hate you! It sounds like you've got some more things to figure out before we're kind of ready for this. Childish is eating popcorn with beef with her 3D glasses staring at them. I love eat, pray, love. Can I look over at Kevin's dad and see his reaction?

Sure. So he just looks like a little bit concerned. Can he just look like he's not there? Checked out? Like he's physically there, but his eyes are just blank behind. Yeah, Chase, we can make it even sadder for sure. Whatever you want. We'll make it as sad as possible.

Whatever you want. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Ben and I worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. And of course, we were joined by the wickedly talented Chase Lilly. You've just listened to the episode, so you know Chase is great. But did you know that he's also a musician slash producer extraordinaire?

Don't just take my word for it. Listen to Kid Copter on whatever streaming service you have and follow the Chicago Music Production Group at ersatzrecords. That's E-R-S-A-T-Z records. But seriously, you should. Their stuff is so cool.

It's funky. It's fresh. It's different. It's just dope. Check it out. Check it out at ersatzrecords on Instagram. Speaking of dope, now is actually an excellent time to check out our Patreon. We have over 100 episodes of content on the Patreon ready for your listening and viewing pleasure, from one-shots like Amos'

Anatomy to character-driven shows like Chip's Tips or Chip Hosts, an in-world radio advice show. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we love. This show wouldn't be possible without support from patrons like Andrew, 0xb34f, one of one goblin token, 2965, a cat in rat's clothing, 2,965. A Cat in Rat's Clothing. Abby. Absolute Mario. A Casual Observer.

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afoot. I got to say, this one really got me all. We had an absolute blast recording it, and I don't know, there just must have been something in the water that day. You can check it out at patreon.com slash sitcom D&D and get in on the fun. And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow

the show on Instagram at sitcom D&D. That's sitcom and the letters D&D. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Thanks, as always, for listening.