SmartLess - "Jimmy Kimmel"

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

There’s a lot of love in the room as everyone’s favorite narcoleptic, Mr. Jimmy Kimmel, takes a moment out of hiatus to lead the fellas on a colossal journey through time and space. Night night, Apple Pie. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey there, Will Arnett here. Welcome to SmartLess, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and I each week, one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about. And this week is no exception. We get real into it. Most of the time we just mess around with each other and then the guest has to be embarrassed. So let's get right to the podcast. I have a t-shirt on today that says Camaro. And you know that that's a car, right? That's not like a brand of olive oil or something. Camaro, it's a domestic car. Okay, made in the United States. Yeah. Who of the three of us was the last person to drive through a McDonald's Burger King type of thing? Sean, not yesterday. He didn't drive through yesterday,

but I know that he had fast food yesterday. Oh, so you go in and you sit down, you bring your own place mat and stuff like that? No. Make a night of it? Could you imagine? Scotty, get dressed. Yeah, we're going out. Where did you go? I went to Burger Lounge because I like their burgers. That's not fast food. Oh, I didn't know you were going to Burger Lounge. That's so good. I love that place. Isn't that the best? No, fast food, I probably go once every couple of months. Really? And where's your go to? McDonald's. And what do you get? I get a Big Mac, no pickle, a six piece McNaggot sweet and sour sauce, a small fry and maybe a root beer. And that's just for one person? Wait, what dipping sauce

do you do with the? This is fascinating. I do sweet and sour. Sure you do. Wait, Jason, tell me that you don't do fast food. I don't do fast food. Ever. I haven't had fast food in years, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't if we were to hang out. Yeah, let's do it. Well, you go to the Dodgers game and you eat a hot dog. Oh yeah, I have Dodger Dogs. I don't know if that counts. That's actually... You do have Dodger Dogs. I do have Dodger. Well, I have the veggie dogs. God, I'm so... I hate myself. Listen, today we're going to try something a little bit different. All right, we usually have a guest that will educate us about their field, but today we are going to explore more of the human condition. Our guest today has

lived a very eclectic life that has taken him through the dangerous seas of the South Pacific and the complicated world of Washington, DC. He has wrestled the powerful forces of the healthcare industry, written a children's book. He's inspired millions and also infuriated thousands. He has never learned to swim, but he is one of our country's greatest fishermen. He suffers from narcolepsy, but his work exists mostly at night. Ladies and gentlemen, Will and Sean, you know him from such films as Delinquents Derby, Brad Stadis, and of course 2015's The Hay Day of Insensitive Bastards. I want you to please give a very warm, smart list welcome to Mr. James Christian Kimmel. Oh wow. Yes. Hi guys. That was an unbelievable

misdirect. Yeah, that was a really good intro. It was. I am a pretty good swimmer, but other than that, everything was right. It's the one untruth in there. You really can't swim, by the way. No, I can swim. He's a great swimmer. All right. I've been listening to this podcast, by the way. I've listened to all the episodes and I apologize. I love it. I really do. I enjoy it. Really? I am not typically a person who listens to podcasts because I do not have the time to do it. I mainly listen for the auto zone commercials. And I like the mental health commercials where you guys suddenly get real serious right in the middle of a funny conversation. Yeah, enough around with that. And I love that we actually bundled

the mental health spot against the become a Lord spot where you can buy a square foot of land and those ran back to back. I am actually signed up for that too. I am now Lord Lady of Kimmel. So you bought two squares, a Lord and a Lady Square? Yeah, why not? I mean, what the heck? Yeah. All right. So is the narcolepsy true? It is true. Honestly. Yeah. You suffer from narcolepsy and you take a one pill for and you don't have to worry about falling asleep when you're at a red light. Wait, that's when you just fall asleep at a random time? Yeah. My doctor diagnosed it. I have fallen asleep at red lights. I was once yelled out by a police officer at a red light. The police officer suddenly used

that speaker and said, are you awake enough to operate that motor vehicle? And I looked over and said, I am now. For years, I took a pill every day called Pro Vigil. And then I decided to stop taking it. And now I just drink a lot of coffee. And so there's no risk of when you're tooling down the road with Molly and the kids in the back, you just nodding off and taking the family into a light post. It's more difficult when I'm alone, but because Molly will keep you up. The kids will keep you up when you're driving. I will say, I love having narcolepsy. I wouldn't trade it if I had the chance because I fall asleep within four minutes. I lay down and I am out and my wife hates it. I have the

opposite problem. Well, it's because of the crazy McDonald's menu order that you have. Insane. That's healthy at 50, right? It's healthy anytime. All right. So with the caveat that the only professional interviewer on this is Jimmy, here come my crappy questions. Okay. I've combed through your... And by the way, for Jason to comb through something, he's admitted many times, he hasn't combed through his own hair since he was 11. So for him to comb through anything is big. You really are becoming Teen Wolf. Okay. So you were raised Catholic and as a child was also an altar boy. Is that correct?

Yeah, I was. That is correct. All right. Let's jump right into religion. Okay. How big is religion in your life? Is it big, small or medium? Well, it is... I definitely have me religious person. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. I don't force it on others. It's somewhere below... Like, I guess it would go like pizza, the Mets... Yep. You know, surprises. I don't know. It might even be below tacos. I'm not sure.

But I was an altar boy for seven years, far, far too long. I was starting to grow breasts. I was still an altar boy. How old were you when religion entered your life? Like, from birth, right? Your parents were... Yeah. I mean, I was baptized. So I guess right at that very moment, a few days after my birth. And how many siblings? I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest. I grew up mostly in Las Vegas. I had a priest there named Father Bill, with whom I'm still very friendly. And one night

at dinner when... This was years ago when the Catholic Church was experiencing a lot of controversy as a result of all these molestations. He didn't get up to Canada, I guess. But yeah, well, there was... We had some trouble. And at dinner one night in Las Vegas with a large group of friends, I loudly and angrily demanded to know why Father Bill had never molested me. I wasn't good enough for you! But he wants you on his podcast. All right, I'm moving on to the next thing I found in my dirty comb. You're a real prankster,

it sounds like, here. There's several stunts on air, including one that led to an $8,000 loss in advertising. Do you have any recollection of what that might be? What is that? When I was on the radio, you mean? Yeah. This was during the Me and Him show on KZO Key and... You glanced at my Wikipedia page, as well. I just did a comb over of it. I've known you for how long? By the way, speaking of Wikipedia, how many hours have we spent together?

Will you tell these guys in our listener one of my favorite things you ever did regarding Wikipedia, what you did to our friend Justin Thoreau? Do you remember that? I did one to John Krasinski, where I wrote that his family were the founders and owners of Krasins, the cranberry raisin. It's called Krasins because of Krasinski, and he removed that before I was even finished typing it. He went on and removed it. What did I do to Justin? I forget what I wrote on his... You wrote and you buried it halfway through, so you'd really have to get in there to see it, but you wrote, and Mr. Thoreau cries when he ejaculates.

That's probably still up. No, no. It only lasted about an hour, so we did this on his birthday, I think. Remember when we screenshotted it and sent it to him and said, happy birthday. The most interesting thing about that is, I know you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to screw with Wikipedia. It's a sacred text, and you're also not supposed to write on your own Wikipedia page, but as I recall, we were sitting at that table and I tried to change something on Jen Aniston's page as a joke, and it would not allow it. It actually like...

She's got a lock on it? There's something I don't know. The Secret Service showed up at your house. It was weird. Then it was interesting to see which celebrities get locked and which don't. Oh, really? I think it puts you in a second tier, yeah. I think there's ads out there soliciting changes on mine. All right, so now that was high jinx during your radio world, and then there was this

transition? Yeah, I got fired from every radio station, including that one, and that's why I got fired from that station. I don't think it was a prank. You know what I did? I wrote one of these 80s parody songs about the owner of the Seattle Mariners, and the Mariners were not happy, and they canceled their advertising, and then the ad agency, which handled McDonald's, interestingly, canceled McDonald's advertising, and $8,000 sounds like a joke. They lost $8,000 in advertising. It sounds like nothing, but at the time it was about half my annual salary, and the sales

people at the radio station were none too pleased. But surprisingly, television came for you, and you pushed it off and pushed it off to say no thank you, no thank you, but eventually you did say yes to win Ben Stein's money. Why did you say yes there as your first television show? What were like one or two of the things that you were like, that's not for me? I never imagined I'd be in television. I was a radio disc jockey, and my dream was to do morning radio in a major market like LA or Chicago or whatever. That's really what I wanted to do.

I didn't like the wacky dudes that are like, hey, good morning to drive time. Good morning, dude. Not like that, but I was on Kevin and Bean's show on K-Rock for five years here in LA, and while I was on that show, I would get calls from TV producers asking me to audition for things, and they were almost always dumb things that I knew weren't going to work. If there was any upfront money, I probably would have gone for some of these jobs, but I remember one show was called Pop Quiz, and basically you had to determine which stories about celebrities were real and which were not real, and I realized very quickly that

because the show taped like six months in advance, the show would make no sense when it went on air, and there was really no way to verify whether the stories were real in the first place, and that the show would never, would not sell and would be a disaster. So my first thing I wanted to make sure was good, and in fact, when a guy named Michael Davies pitched me Win Ben Stein's money, I didn't know who Ben Stein was, and he said, he's the guy in Ferris Bueller's Day Off who says, Bueller, Bueller, and he explained the premise of the show that- I'm in.

You were like, I'm in. That's exactly- I was. Bueller guy, I'm in. I did say that. I really did. I said, that's a funny title, and the game itself sounds like fun, and so- And then I'm sure you were shocked like us to learn about his actual legitimacy.

Well, yeah, sure. I mean, you know, he wrote for Nixon, he's a law professor, all of these things, and he knows a lot of things, so he was hard to beat, and he and I just happen to have very good chemistry, and that was my first television show. You still talk to him at all? We email about once a week, yeah. Come on. That's nice.

Really? Yeah. Sometimes more. Do you think he'd rather play Win Jimmy Kimmel's money now? Probably. He's doing pretty well for himself, but he, you know what, I actually haven't heard from him for a few weeks because he watches the show. Maybe he should drive around the house.

He watches the show every night, and I haven't been doing the show this summer, so there's less commentary on what's going on in the show. Are you missing it right now, given all that's going on, although I guess there's never a moment when nothing's going on, but what is that like? When you take a little break, you know, stuff happens, and do you come up with like a bit you'd like to do or a joke you'd like to tell, and then you get frustrated that, ah, damn it, we're not on tonight? Yeah.

There are moments where you see like Melania not grabbing Donald's hand or Mike Pence making some ridiculous speech or, you know, Steve Bannon perhaps getting arrested exactly as arrested development began, that you think, oh, I could make something of this, but ultimately it's more fun to do nothing. Right. Yeah. Gotcha. Right.

I mean, if it was Einstein's money, we went to the man show. Could you do the man show today? Oh, yes. Really? It would be 10 times as popular. Of course I could. It would be. Yeah.

Well, what network would it be on? Well, we'd have no advertisers, but, but, you know, I don't think- It'd be streaming. I don't think even any of the streaming services would be interested in the show, but I think you'd be able to figure out a platform for a show like that. Yeah. I bet you they would pick it up, right? Somebody definitely would.

They'd put it out on YouTube, and it would like- Yeah. It is, you know, you know how people are. It's like the less corporate America wants you to see something, the more you want to see something. Right. Yeah. Of course, it's a show that, at the time, Adam Carolla and I, we quit that show.

You know, we were sick of doing the show. We realized that the audience was not necessarily getting what we wanted them to get from it. But I remember really when we looked at each other and knew the show was over, Adam was talking about some, like some dickhead, like dad of a friend he had when he was a kid. And he was using this as an example of what a not interesting, funny person the dad was. He goes, this kid's dad, he always said to me, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. And the audience laughed as if that was the first time they heard that.

So we looked at each other like we got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Now, so I apologize that I did see the show, but it's been a while. I forget that basically it was unapologetic misogyny, but meant to be sort of satirical a la the Stephen Colbert report sort of mocking way. Well, yeah, I mean, it was it was blurrier than that. It was just like, I don't know, it was more like, I think Al Bundy would be a character that would be closer to what we're doing.

It was just like a celebration of all the stupid shit guys do and like. And also we used Oprah kind of as our, our touchstone. I mean, at the time my ex-wife was watching Oprah every day and then yelling at me when I got home from work for things she'd seen on Oprah. And this is Oprah before it was kind of a, you know, celebrity vehicle, you know, where Julia Roberts would be on talking about gardening. This was like when, you know, like your husband's on the down low kind of Oprah. And so I kind of had enough of that and I went into a meeting with some producers who

wanted me to do a daytime talk show for women. And I knew that not even my wife liked me and that that would not fly. And Carol and I had been doing radio together and we decided to do the opposite of that show. And it was on for a while, wasn't it? It was on for four seasons with us. And then they kept doing it for another season with Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope to go as the host of that show.

Oh, shit. Yeah. So when I see you like hosting the Emmys again this year, which I can't wait for and see how that's going to go virtually, right? Yeah. And doing that, doing millionaire, doing your show, because your show is such a grind, I can't imagine. And I know you've heard me say this to a million times and other people say, how do you do

that every single day? It just seems like such a mountain to climb every day. You call Jimmy every day and say that. Yeah, I do. How are you still alive? Again, I watched last night. How did you do it last night? With a continental accent.

And he's like, fuck man, I'm taking this really personally. How are you? Hey, it's Sean again. I just saw. You should kill yourself with this schedule. But because it's such a grind, because you're always out there, do you still get a rush like to do the hosting gigs? It seems like you so love working.

Is that true? No, I love it. You don't, right? If it goes great, I'm like, okay, good, that's good. I asked you this the other day and again, I think I may have blacked out during your answer. So remind me, you've got to definitely take a little bit of a private, you're way too humble to do it outwardly, but inside, you must smell the roses about where you are, what you've done.

I mean, we just kind of went through a little bit of your early career. I mean, you are absolutely at the top of your mountain, you haven't done any sort of gymnastics to your personnel. Like you've stayed who you are, and you are at the top of what you do. There's got to be some kind of a rush with that, yes? I mean, you should be very proud, I'm sure you are. I definitely am aware of how fortunate I am. I was a radio guy, as I mentioned, and a lot of my friends who hired me to work with them

are, they're not doing anything now or that business dried up, and I am so lucky that I happen to be doing radio in Los Angeles where television producers contacted me and have some, because if I'd been doing the same thing in Detroit, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. I really have no idea. Maybe I'd be working at an ad agency or something, but the radio business is a tough one, and it is weird to, when you do look at Wikipedia page and to see these things and to go, wow, I've done a lot of stuff.

It's humbling for sure, and I don't take it for granted, and I do know how lucky I am, and I do think that luck plays a huge part in all of this, and I think, for sure, look at Sean. Yeah, look at him. But let me say this, I've said this to you before, I remember we did a sketch once for your show, or maybe it was for the Emmys or something. Oh, for our Post Oscars show, yeah. Post Oscars show with the Batman, and you had Ben Affleck, and then you had Henry Cavill

and whatever, and then I came on, and then they were like, no, you're not Batman and whatever. I was in it too, fuckface. I was in it. I was a superhero. Dude, I don't know. I was a superhero. No, that was a different bit, Jason.

That was for his family for like a Christmas. Anyway, so this is for major broadcast, Post Oscars show, huge ratings, huge, Ivanka is the best. And Brady wants the dator, sorry, I just got lost, I became a, anyway, but you did, you were acting it, you were playing like this sort of dumb guy, like you didn't know what's going on, and you were trying to, and I said to you at the time, I don't know if you remember, there were a lot of actors, and I was like, you were the best actor on that set, you were the best in the scene, did you ever, and I really for real mean this, did you ever think,

did you want to become like more of a, did you ever think, fuck, I should have done sketch, I should have gone to SNL, or I wanted, was that something that you ever wanted to do because, or no? No, not at all. Okay, so next question, I have some, a follow-up question. It is not something I wanted to do, it's not something that I feel like I'm good at, I appreciate you saying that, I think, Will, that was probably the only time I bothered to actually learn my lines before we shot, I almost never, I marvel at the idea that

other people know their lines, I will write a script myself, and then I can't remember what I'm supposed to say, I did a TV, I did a local TV thing in Seattle when I was starting out, it was one of these things where they get the dish jockeys to host the Friday night horror movie, and I watched it back, I looked at it, and I made a very honest assessment of myself, I decided I am terrible on television, I should not be on television, and I really better make this radio thing work, and I'm not, I'm not joking, I really did, I looked at it and I was like, okay, I'm bad at that, and I can't do that, and so I should just figure out how to do this radio thing, and it never like, you know, being in drama, I

was in drama in high school, I took one semester, I know in college rather, I took a semester of acting in college, and the teacher pulled me outside and threatened to have me expelled from Arizona State University, and I'm not kidding, she pulled me outside and I was, it's funny, more than anything, I was interested that she could do that, she said, you're making the other students uncomfortable, because I was just making fun of everybody the whole time, and you are making them insecure, and you are a detriment to this class, and perhaps you should join a sketch comedy group or something, because you are funny, but this is not appropriate, and I was like, really, you can, she said, and I, you know, I can have you thrown out

of the school, and I said, you can do that, she's like, yeah, I was like, oh, how about that? Well, you know what, that's so similar, one time Jason was doing The Heart to Heart, a movie of the week, and the SAG came on set, and they threatened to have him kicked out of SAG, isn't that a true story? I had to give the mic hard for four weeks. By the way, I do want to get back to Jimmy, and I want to say one thing, which was, you asked him, you said, do you ever get excited or whatever, do you ever get a charge or a

thrill or some bullshit? I said rush. Rush, do you ever get a rush? Great band. But, and I will say great band, Kelly Lee, anyway, Canadian. But what I wanted to say was, I wanted to ask you, I know you might not get a rush and you kind of laughed like, rush, and I know it's your job, but when you hosted the Oscars that time, that there was the big snafu at the end, when Warren Beatty read the wrong

thing, and then all that whole thing, and then you brought those people, you brought those people. You're right, I did enjoy that. Into the theater. And I could see in the moment, you were so enjoying it. I couldn't wait to talk to you about it, because you were so filled with glee. Wait, what happened? When things go wrong, tell me what happened.

You opened this side door. So, wait, but Warren Beatty got the wrong envelope, is that what happened? Yeah, he said La La Land, but it was. Moonlight, right? Moonlight, yeah. Do you not remember that? So, yeah, but what were the mechanics of it? He got the wrong envelope.

Just the show collapsed. There was mass confusion. Nobody knew what to do. He read the wrong best picture. Anyway, that's not. We didn't know what happened. And you're killing me. No, but no, he...

There were like 11 minutes of just pure confusion and... It was tremendous. Yeah. The best part about it was I was sitting at a table, I was sitting, I was at that Vanity fair party and I was sitting at a table with Mick Jagger, of course, and laughing with Mick Jagger, who I don't know at all and had not spoken to since, obviously, about what was going on. And the whole time I'm just watching, it really started with the moment you let those people

on the street, he opened the side door and he brought a tour and they had no idea and he brought them into the theater. And then watching all the people in the front kind of pretending to be cool with it, but they're not. And they're bummed that you're kind of ruining their big party, but simultaneously know, smart enough to know that they're on camera so they don't want to reveal how pissed off they are. And it's such fucking bullshit as you know. And then, and watching you experience it and knowing in the split second that you're enjoying

exactly that dynamic was so fucking great. And then it went all the way to the end with the mishap with the name that you love. You love mayhem. I will tell you, this is something I don't think I've ever explained to anyone. But every time I do an award show or a big show like that, you know, everything's written and we work hard and try to make sure everything is as good as it can possibly be. But I always allow myself one moment in which we just roll the dice and we have no idea it could be a complete disaster.

It could be great. There's an unknown element because I think when you have that, it makes the show more interesting and everyone who complains that the Oscars where these people complain that like, oh, it's too, it's boring. It's long. It's whatever. And then you throw something like that into the mix and they're like, well, that shouldn't have been in there.

You know, they want it both ways. But I do like that. No one enjoys the feeling of bombing more than I do because I almost feel like I'm watching a prank happen to me. And I do get a thrill out of it. Who is the comic that would go out there and bomb on purpose? There was a stand up that did that. And I just thought that was just so bold.

Oh, Brody, Brody Stevens. Yeah, Brody Stevens. And it just makes the audience uncomfortable like that. It's basically performance art. Yeah. I mean, I just. Brody, too, he loves to bomb and he loves to be, you have a share, a similar sensibility. I think all you guys do, and I think it's part of the deal.

Most people that we know that we like are people who love it when the jokes on them and you, because it's fucking funny. I'll have to do with security, right? You don't give a shit. Well, it's also understanding the basics of comedy, which is that it's all vulnerability, right? I do care. I definitely give a shit and, you know, whatever.

But there's just something very funny to me about being in the middle of a situation that is not going well. And I even, I'll take that into my, my regular life, you know, I look ahead so that I can look back. I know that this is going to be funny when I tell it to someone and it makes the bad experiences easier. That gets us to this year's Emmys. Can we talk a little bit about, because I'll bet you this will air right before that.

And Jason is nominated twice. That's right. I have not checked. At least twice. I have not checked. Three times. I think best show, best director, best actor. Oh, is it three?

Is this news? Wait. The nominations are out. No, guys. Now listen, Jimmy, this is going to be a very atypical year for the Emmys in that it will be. Someone's going to die. It will be.

That's the role of the dice. No, it will be on television, but that will be beamed from computers, much like your show is every night, right? Or any, any television show is right now. I mean, it will be beamed from computers, but if you think about it, all television shows are. Right. This will take place in a, in a big theater.

Uh-huh. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say. Okay. What theater, but it will. And we won't necessarily have an audience. Okay. And, um, well, because all I imagine when I read that, this is going to happen, the Emmys virtually is how embarrassing it might be to have everybody on the zoom who had nominated

and then the winner. And then as everybody just click off, I don't know how does that work? You just click stop video, yeah, leave meeting, leave meeting. I hope so. I mean, it would be bad if they just stayed on the losers the whole time, but you could do that when you're in a studio audience too. You know, you, you, you know, you do kind of stay with the winner. I think that's right.

But so with, with what you were saying about really what the, honestly, the serious adult work that happens to make sure that the product is good for the audience, where you guys work so hard to make sure everything is, is, is pleasurably predictable and it's all buttoned up, but then you let it kind of wobble a little bit sometimes. How much can you build a predictable broadcast of this year's Emmys when I would assume so much is up in the air as far as the literally the mechanics of it all is, is it all pretty clear to you guys or, or are you kind of still kind of figuring it out? It's about 67% clear.

You know, we know that we're going to give out the awards. We know that there's going to be a monologue. There won't be a ton of energy in the room that we know that's going to be, you know, it's, you know, that end of the Oscars where everyone was silent and confused. That's what we're going to go on for three hours. I can't wait for that. That's going to be my favorite part. So it's going to, so the run time will be the same.

The run time will be the same. You know how like baseball pipes in a fake crowd noise now, so like name another sport you've got. Well, what about like the, the DNC and, and the RNC will have aired by now. And like, so it's kind of the same type of effort, right? They're all trying to figure out how to do this without a big room and a big audience. You getting any ideas from the DNC? Yeah.

I think mostly the ideas are, are what not to do. Not that they haven't put together a pretty good show. I think they have, but there are a lot of really deathly silent moments on that show. And I don't think, but that's politics. You can get away with that. I don't think I'll be able to get away with that. So I think- Jason, are you going to go Jason?

Are you going to get dressed up in a tux at home with Amanda next to you? Yeah. I have no idea. It's, it's actually, it's all in, in real time conversations right now. And I think it's a combination of us, the nominees, waiting to hear from Jimmy, the show about what they want. And then Jimmy, the show is waiting to see what the talent is all comfortable with about, it's a really interesting thing.

The community is trying to figure out right now and there's a good spirit to it. I'd hope that if you do wear the tux on the top that you'll keep the pajama bottoms on the bottom. Yeah. That's a weird thing. You just waste up, dress up, waste up. That's, that's all you need. It's a good slogan for this year's show.

It's a waste up. Yeah. All right. So speaking of entertaining shows for the audience, you had a great show in Texas. It was just you and one other incredible politician that you referred to as Blob Fish. So Blob Fish wanted to kick your ass at a basketball game. His name's Ted Cruz. You got very close to beating him, but ultimately did not win, you lost 11 to nine.

And I remember that you, uh, you couldn't walk for a week after that back home here. Yeah. We, there was a big mistake. And I think that reminds me a lot, Jason, didn't you say that camping trick with life? You couldn't walk for a week. Yeah. Sorry. Keep going.

The walking was fine. The sitting was tough. I, uh, I think that the mistake that I made was not having no fouls. We decided there'd be no fouls called because in my head, I was imagining him calling fouls on everything and it just being like just boring and going on forever. So let's just have no fouls. And I thought that we would play in a reasonable way, but I should have known that Ted Cruz was not going to play in a, in a normal way because he doesn't do anything normal.

And I mean, it was practically like he would put me, and I'm not exaggerating. Like if you were to watch the raw video, he would put me in a bear hug while I was dribbling. I mean, it was just like, like, are we even playing basketball now, what's going on? That must have taken forever. What's he like as a person? He's a nice enough guy. What's he like? Is he a hugger?

Is he a good hugger? He's a friendly enough guy and, uh, you know, we raised money for charity and the whole thing was a positive overall, but I would have liked to have won that game and, uh, I was, uh, ashamed of myself. I, you know, I made the mistake of trying to really become a good basketball player the week before the game. So when I was, you know, when, when I got there, I was already in bad shape physically and when I left, I was in worse shape physically.

What stiffened up on you? I forget. Was it your back or your legs afterwards? Um, nothing really. I, I, I tore some, something in my, uh, like, uh, pelvis. Oh God. Yeah. Do you see your pelvis stiffened up?

Yep. Copy. So any chance. Listen, I'm just trying to keep it rolling along here. What about, what about a rematch on that? Um, let's get a rematch going and let's televise it and let's raise money for, um, some sort of, uh, uh, political race in Texas. Well, here's the thing.

The reason that, that I did it is because, uh, obviously I wanted Beto to win that then and, and I knew that, uh, that was unlikely and that Ted Cruz had a big lead. But I is somewhere in the, in the back of my head, I thought, if I can get him to throw up on television during this game, this is going to be a devastating visual. And perhaps it is just the Hail Mary that, that we need to, to win that seat. Do you think he got close? Uh, I got close, but, uh, There's a Jimmy loves chaos and then there's the best example that that's such a perfect

of, I totally believe that. Yeah. And all the great humor that's on your show, the incredible writing staff, uh, congratulations again for another nomination. Now at the top of the heap there, uh, you've fallen in love with, uh, one of those top writers over there, Molly McNearney, and, uh, and you've, you've married her, you appropriated with her. Yeah.

Um, so tell us what it is like to work with your wife, the complications of that, the pluses, the minuses and try not to talk yourself into a divorce right now. Let's see if you can wiggle in some problems. No, what's it like to like your wife? Yeah. That's fascinating. Well, um, I think it's great. I honestly don't, there are no negatives, uh, as far as working together goes.

It's, we have the same vacation schedule. Um, I feel like, like I'll do sometimes I'll, I will sometimes dream a joke or think of something in the middle of the night. And then what I do is, because I cannot hold it in, I will, um, I won't say how I make noise, but I won't be as quiet as I normally am until I could see that she is stirring. And then once she's just happens to be awake, I'll tell her what I thought. And part of it, uh, in my, deep in my skull, I think that I go like, well, this is her job.

So, you know, it is okay for me to, to do this. Like that's how I rationalize it. So you're doing pitch sessions in the middle of the night cause you can't wait till the morning. She could sue you for overtime. Yeah. Or just write it down like somebody does with dreams. I found that when I write things down in the middle of the night, I have no idea what

they say the next day. I, I, I cannot, I can't even, they don't even look like letters. They're, it's just pure nonsense. You can articulate it to your wife. And it drives me, she remembers you. It drives me crazy when I think something was really funny and I write it down and then I cannot for the life of me figure out what it was the next day. And then you narcoleptic right back to bed and she's up working on the job.

Exactly. I go right back to sleep. And then she's like, what is going on in my life? That's perfect. Sean, Sean, you told me the other, the other week that you woke up and you wrote something down and then you read it in the morning and it was just simply said, do you like whipped cream? And then, and then in the middle of the night, I sleepwalk.

I talked to Trader Joe's and bought 10 cans of whipped cream. I just did whip hits all night to get back to bed. Whipped it. Whipped it good. All right. We've taken enough of your time, you're incredible. I only have another three hours, by the way, I'm very busy right now. Are you doing it?

Are you doing it? You're not doing it. When are you back on the show? I'll be back the Monday after the Emmys, which are when, which are, uh, what September 21st? Well, if this is airing right now, we'll all know when they are, but yeah, right around there. And because I'm not going to have you for at least another week, do you, I just wanted

to take a second to say thank you. I just had that incredible opportunity of hosting guest hosting your show during this guest host kind of revolving door. Thank you for doing it. And it was super, super, super fun. And it was really truly an honor to share the same space that, that you occupy. And thank you for, uh, participating in our little project with Norman Lear live in front of a studio audience.

That was a blast. The thing you won the Emmy for last year? Yes. And, uh, we are nominated again this year and, uh, are you going to do more of those? I would like to. Yeah, we have to get a live studio audience back first, but it would be fun to do more of them. It was a lot of fun to do.

Yeah. Um, Jimmy, I am, I hope you guys continue doing this, uh, podcast because it's a lot of fun. This is the last one. This is probably our last one. Yeah. I, uh, I, I really just like hearing you guys bust each other's balls. I don't think you need the guests.

I think the guests are optional. I think you should do some episodes without guests. Look at how much we learned though. You know, what did we really learn though? We learned, what did we learn? We learned, I learned about your narcolepsy. We learned that radio is dead. We learned that radio is dead.

We learned, um, all the things that we would have learned if there was no Wikipedia. Right. Now, will you go, will you go nine, nine right now after this is over? Sleep? Yeah. It's one o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. It's one 20.

No, I'm going to stay, I'm going to stay up till dark tonight. All right. Jimmy, we love you. Crazy. We love your wife. We love your kids, your show, everything, um, and, and love your generosity for saying yes to coming and talking with us. Thank you.

Thank you. I enjoyed it. Take care. Night night. Good night. Night night. Bye. Love you.

Bye. Bye, buddy. Bye. Hey, how lucky are we that we are buddies with that guy? Love him. I just, I, you know, I have less friends. The older I get, the less friends I have, uh, as I'm sure that that's not unique to me.

Um, you know, people get busy with their families and their careers and whatnot. Like when I was a kid, I used to have like 40 friends, but now I've got like you two and maybe three others and Jimmy's one of those. And it, uh, I feel like I don't need anymore. I've got, uh, quality, uh, folks like you guys. Uh, yeah. Likewise. He's such a great, yeah.

I feel the same way. And he's, he's, uh, yeah, I do, as you know, I do very little socializing, um, or texting or texting. I get a lot of flack for that. E-mailing. I know. Or phone calls. What I do, it's like you guys or Jimmy or, or, and you guys, like that's, that's it.

I just don't do it. And it's important. Um, but at least when I do do it, I get to do it with quality folks, I will say. So that's. Yeah. And Jimmy's one of those. Yeah. He does.

And, uh, works with his, his, his being a dad as much as he does and husband, um, and still has time to do a podcast every once in a while. Yeah. And I think he's super successful and super accessible because he's just make, he's unapologetic about who he is and his, and his beliefs and his opinions. And I think people are drawn to that. And I am. Yeah.

One of you guys said, uh, uh, and it's true that he's certainly in the time I've known him, but he's just always stays the same. He is the same guy, such a genuine, authentic guy. He's one of those few, and we know what it's like and we know a lot of people in this town and a lot of people who do what we do. Um, and that's not always the case. Um, so a lot of people who are perceived as one way by the public and then who they really are is completely different.

And there are lots of instances that we know of that we've all talked about who are like that or people like, no way, that person's a dick. They seem so nice. And he's one of those people who is just so genuinely who he is. There's no switch that he throws when he's in front of the camera. He's exactly the same guy, so comfortable in his skin, which is, and so surprising to hear that he, you know, was originally when he first saw himself on television, you told us that story was like, oh, no, I'm, I look uncomfortable.

I don't like the way I look or I'm not comfortable. It's amazing that he is like, that's for me as a viewer. That's why I'm attracted to, you know, watching his show. And especially at that time of night, we, you don't want any nonsense. You want somebody, you want to welcome them into your house if they're, if they're, if they put you at ease and he's always at ease with himself and it's, it's infectious. Yeah. I think people would be surprised to learn like, Will, when they meet you in person that

that's not your real skin or hair comfortable in my real skin is why I don't show them my real skin or the wires, the wires and everything that keeps it together. But you know what? When you've had as much work done as I have, which is, and I'll admit it, extensive, you know, you've, it takes a lot of, it's a lot of rubber bands and Scotch tape over here, you know, just to, you know, show my, you've lived through two world wars, I've been around a minute. I've been around a minute.

Don't look at day over 40. Unbelievable. You know, when I, I guess hosted his show back when he took a leave right after Billy was born and I remember just, we don't even need to have this on the show, but I just remember being so thinking about what a great guy is as I was hosting this show and saying, Jimmy's not here because his son Billy's in the hospital and then immediately starting to well up as I'm delivering the fucking monologue in front of the audience. And I'm like, he's such a fucking great guy who deserves only great things.

And he's such a wonderful person and love him so much. And you just think like, you know, This is a good, good lesson about, you know, want to read the monologue through first. No, I like to wing it. Before you get up there. Yeah. I like to wing it. Cold reading the monologue while we're rolling.

It's not, not a good idea. Yeah. You know what? My president does that. And he's the president. So, that takes us right to the bay. Smart. What?

Smart. What? Smart.