SmartLess - "Kieran Culkin"

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Let it cascade; it’s Kieran Culkin. Acting, not-acting, Jazz, meat, and no hobbies. All this could be yours. Welcome to SmartLess. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

Guys, welcome to today's podcast. How are you both feeling? Does somebody have a gun to your head? Yeah. Well, it's just out of frame. It's not so much a gun as a crossbow. I've never seen this. A crossbow.

Welcome to Smartless. Have you ever shot a crossbow? Oh, no. Did I blow it? Welcome to Smartless. Surprise guests, give us a little snapper clap please. There we go. The firecracker. Hi. Hi, how are you guys? How are you? Can I just dive right in? Do you mind?

Oh, you have some prepared material? Go ahead. I don't have prepared material. Guys, I was in the fucking ER again last night. Here's what. Here's what. I had a kidney stone. I thought I was having appendicitis or something. So I had a kidney stone, so I haven't been to bed yet. Wait, how have you not, why did you not cancel this record? No, it's fine. I'm fine, I'm actually in a good mood. Buddy, that would have been such a quick text from me.

How, I hear that's the most painful thing in the world. You can't even know. I haven't had one in years and years. So you had one out or you had one put in? I had one, so the pain was excruciating. I'm like, oh Scotty, I got it, Scotty, I got it. It was awful. Can you tell me where it hurts?

Is it in the tinky or is it in the kidney? No, it's in your side. Yeah, I'm going to say it's in your kidney. Yeah. Hey, oh. And then I'm still a little bit on morphine. I still like have a. Oh, that's kind of fun.

That is kind of fun. Wait a second. So, Shawnee, so you were in the hospital last week or whenever it. That is kind of fun. It is. Wait a second. I've never had. So, Shawnee, so you were in the hospital last week or whenever it was for a couple of times in a night. Like a month ago, yeah. Right, twice in that one night. And then. Yeah, yeah.

And then this. And then you're back and then you get the full scope thing that you went and had done and then you have this. And my question to you is this. Yes, yeah, yeah. Are you paying so much attention to your well-being and your condition that you're, you know what I mean? What do you mean?

No, that was a half a sentence. That because you're so, I'm not saying that experience, is it real? Oh, well, yeah, the fucking kidney stuff. Obviously it's real, but there is a lot of attention paid to your health and to your condition at all times. You're saying, is he potentially creating some of this stuff by having such a close look at it?

Because I'm psychosomatic? I should have prefaced it by saying I'm not a doctor, and I think that you guys know that. But you're on morphine too, so. Yeah, I am. And also not from a doctor. No, but it's like a cycle, I know what you mean, but it's a cycle because if something happens to me,

then I fear that I don't want that thing to happen again. I'm not saying it's psychosomatic, but I am suggesting that maybe you spend so much time and energy thinking about your health and your own condition. I know, I know. That if you were to think about other things or other people, and you do think about other people,

you're a very thoughtful person, but I wonder, do you know what I mean? I don't, again, I don't know. People are gonna think But I wonder, do you know what I mean? Again, I don't know, people are gonna think. But he's being careless with the food that he eats, so that's sort of like keeping his eye off the ball and being sort of lax. That is true, that is true.

It's surprising for somebody who's so concerned with their health, because you are quite on top of it. You should start smoking and you know. Well, yeah, like me. You know what though, I was lying there, I just had like bed head and I have these scabs in my ankles and I had this IV in my arm and I looked at Scottie. I looked at Scottie and I go,

I looked at Scottie and I go, all this could be yours. Can I ask you about where the scabs from the ankles have come from? Yeah, can I ask too? They just- Well, not to see them, just where they came from. I don't know, they just like, I don't know, just just, I don't know, just dry-scanning or whatever. Wait, so now you've just got like old man scabs?

Yeah, he's got old man scabs. I don't know. Sean, I keep, I imagine walking into the gym at Sean's gym, walking into the men's locker room and he's got a hairdryer to his nut sack. He's one of those guys. And you're like, fuck man. Morning. Dude, how you doing? you're like fuck man. Morning.

Dude, how you doing? You're like fucking dude. These fuckers won't drive. What are you? That's funny. By the way Jay, I switched the Nutcracker to the 21st if you want to go. Oh you did? Okay great.

And Willie, please come if you want to. I'm going to be back in New York. And Jay, we're going anyway so if you can go great. If not, we'll do something else. Jay, are you going to be just you, or are you going to bring your Nutcracker with you? No, she'll be there. Okay.

Can you? It's just a great, it's a great blow to the coffee chat, and here comes our guest. Wait a second, I just want to say one more thing. I was just thinking about this, and obviously I smoke from time to time. If you're like, don't smoke. I feel like I'm a world class smoker.

Yeah, you're great at it. You are. I really do. And I feel like- You never smell like cigarettes. You don't smoke a pack a day. Thank you. Thank you very much.

And obviously they're going to play this clip at my, you know, TMZ will play this clip. But it should be noted, it's so great, isn't it? It's a hard thing to beat. Although, you know, when I quit, they didn't have the vapes and the gums and the stickers and shit. So there are things to replace it now.

Yeah. There are things to replace it. You know what, you're gonna, you got a lot of shit and you'll get to it when you want to get to it. No one's pushing you. I know. There are things to replace it, but there's nothing to replace our guest.

Oh, great. You don't even know who our fucking guest is, but you're actually right though. Let morphine molly go. By the way, did you know I was about to say that? No, no. But one of my sort of cheap segues, by the way, I did move today from where I'm doing

the podcast because I wanted to be a little bit cheerier. Oh, okay, good. Oh yeah, yeah, you used to be in the Whisper booth, now you're in your office. Now I'm in my office just because I wanted to. The Jack Shack. I just wanted to be in the, yeah. I wasn't in the Jack Shack.

The Jack Shack, I forgot about my Jack Shack. Remember the Jack Shack. The guru. I think it's, the Jack Shack is, I haven't used it, it's covered in cobwebs. I think they're cobwebs. Okay. But you are right, you are right that our guest today

cannot be replaced and certainly won't be forgotten. I don't know why we even begin to forget because this person is so alive and vibrant right now and has been for a long time. Snaps and clicks were great. You'll like this, they were really good. Those are the kind of snaps and clicks of somebody who has confidence,

the confidence of longevity in doing what they do. And I tell you, somebody who loves longevity is old JB. Yeah, I'm searching for it. And you're going to love this guy because you have a lot, you have certain things in common in that both of you have been performing since you were really, really young on a professional level.

And I love guests like this, and particularly love this guest whom I do not know because they are so fucking talented. Kurt Russell. And funny and cool and smart. It's not Kurt Russell. But this person has been nominated for Shirley MacLean.

And won Emmys, Golden Globes, everything. You can't even imagine the number of films. Sally Struthers. You know him from Igby Goes Down, you know him from Scott Pilgrim Versus the World. Michael Cera. No, it's not Michael Cera. Edgar Wright.

No, you also know him from Soderbergh's No Sudden Move, but you're really gonna know him really, really, really, really, really well from his new film, A Real Pain, but you're really going to know him really, really, really, really, really well from his new film, A Real Pain, but also mostly... Jesse Eisenberg. Succession. Kieran Culkin. It's Kieran Culkin.

Damn, I finally got it. Babin, you ruined the intro when it's just constant guessing. Sally Struthers was close though. Sally Struthers was not a bad guess. That was not. Shirley MacClain was pretty close too. Yeah. Oh, Kieran, I'm so happy to see you there. It's crazy.

This is really exciting for me. This is one of my favorite shows. This has been a long time coming. We had a few times where we were going to have Kieran on and then we couldn't for various reasons that we won't get into. Oh, this is Kieran. I canceled for bullshit like a month ago, and Sean, you didn't even cancel,

you were in the emergency room? Yeah. What, Jay, what were you gonna say? Well, I just wanted to frame up the 90-second delay on Sean there going, oh yes, it's Kieran, just then. No. I know. No.

Fucking morphine is so wrong, right? No, no, because I remember he was supposed to be on, I didn't know who it was, but you must have been that guest that had an issue. Yes, yes. Yeah, mine was not kidney stones. Schedulings. Yeah.

But it was beyond his control. Have you ever had a kidney stone or have you ever seen one? No, to me that's my biggest nightmare, but I thought the, like you said, I thought the pain came from the pee pee, not the dust. No, it starts in your back and the kidney. That's why it's a kidney stone.

And then it works way through to the bladder. And now it's out, so it's sitting in my bladder. So I have another painful thing coming when I pee it out. No, no, no. Because you're going to pee it out. Yeah, because when you pee it out, that's when it hurts. But it only hurts for five, you know, two seconds. Because you're-

They break it down, right? Don't they like break, right? If it's big, this one wasn't big. I think they also have a small tool that can spread your aperture there at the end of your tinky. And that's what's coming through you. Oh, the worst thing I've ever heard.

The meattice, the meattice, the dime slot. It's a clamp. When does that come out? A reverse clamp. It's a dime slot. When does that come out? When is that? Do you just like wait until you're free?

That comes out January 15th, right? Is Presidents Day weekend? Is that what it is? Buy a new mattress, pee out of kidney stone, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be a huge opening weekend. Wait, Shaunie, is that truly the next stage, is the breakdown and then the pee out? Your body breaks it down.

I mean, no, your body doesn't break down. It just passes through, what is that? The thing, the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder. Eurythra. Penis. No, that's your penis hole. P-tube. Oh God. Something like that.

Anyway, and it hangs out in the bladder. Anyway, Karen, how are you? Such a doctor. This is great. We're doing so well. Anyway, Karen. Welcome to our show. This is, I love this.

This is exactly what I thought it'd be, talking about a bunch of bullshit. I got my wife, or rather Santa Claus got my wife a hoodie last year that said, explain it to me like I'm Tracy. No, come on. Wow. Are you serious? You guys should sue because I didn't buy it through you.

That's merch money that you guys are getting. Is that an Etsy? Is that an Etsy thing? It was like something, I think it was, or like Redbubble or one of those fucking things, you know? Wait, hang on a second, Kieran, I don't wanna interrupt you. Explain it to me like I'm Tracy, I want one of those. I do too.

Hang on, I do wanna say one thing. I can also talk at the same time. No, you can't. I can't believe that JB knows about Etsy. That's the thing that I'm most of those. I do too. Hang on, I do want to say one thing. I can also talk at the same time. No, you can't. I can't believe that JB knows about Etsy. That's the thing that I'm most shocked about. How do you know about Etsy? Dude, where do you think I get my throw pillows? I don't know.

Karen, my sister is a big fan of yours, by the way. As am I. Wait, Tracy's. That's Tracy. You haven't seen anything of mine, right? Haven't you guys not watched Succession? We're talking about Succession? I'm going to make a sweatshirt that says, find somebody who loves you the way that Tracy loves Kieran.

Why don't we just say that? Get that one. Kieran, I do want to get this out of the way. I am very embarrassed to say I am the only person on the planet that is yet to start, only because I'm very serious about my ingestion of quality product. What, Succession? Yeah, I'm waiting till I can sit down

and just suck it up like the addict that I am. It's one of the biggest shows ever. Everybody I know loves it. I've never heard a bad thing about it. And I'm embarrassed to say I started it and then I was like, okay, I gotta restart it and I have it, but I did see most of season one. You are so fucking funny, dude,

and so facile and so quick. You can so fucking funny, dude, and so facile, and so quick. You can tell that it's, obviously it's really well written and there's a great cast, but you have a facility to you that is really unique and really impressive. Do you know what I mean? I like it. It seems very, I have seen enough clips of not only that,

but everything else you've ever done. I've seen those things. You do seem very comfortable with what you do. You are. And that's like, it's fun to watch. That's lately. Well, well then you were a greater actor than I thought you were,

because you always look like you're having fun, you're not working too hard in the best sense of the phrase. And as a viewer, you're just, you're relaxed watching you do your thing because it looks like you're having fun and you're not stressing about your performance and are you hitting your beats and, you know. Oh God, no, I don't hit beats, yeah,

or marks or any of that stuff. You're rad, you're rad. I can't wait to see real pain. About like 10 years ago, my wife started made fun of me, I was doing a play and I was like I need to go to work and she would work What you do is literally called play Right. No, my wife the same thing doesn't give it up. Yeah. Yeah, but she's like she's kind of right Maybe I'll go out there and just have fun with it and just stick around. This is not extra serious

This is just us, you know, I don't know. I'd like to go out there and play Yeah Do you think that that level of comfort and ease is because you started so young and it was not really ever framed initially to you as like an occupation, a job, a way in which to make a living. Or was it though? Or was it framed as a way of paying the rent?

There's a lot of stuff that I think because I started doing it at six, like that's helped me now is like, I learn lines incredibly fast. You know, I've listened to the show a lot, Jason, and you're the same way. Yeah, that's like Jay. I often, like, on a real pain,

do you guys know Jesse Eisenberg? Oh, not yet. No. Oh, no? I want to. You should meet him. He's just, he's anxiety personified. And nothing caused him more panic than me walking to set and going, what are we shooting today?

And he's like, what? No, there's like a whole page long speech, what's wrong with you? I was like, I learned the lines fast, don't worry about it. And I don't like to rehearse and I just sort of like look it over really quickly and go, oh, those are the words, I'll just, you know. I'll probably fuck up the first take.

Yeah, just go. I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah, JB's really good at that. I think that that could be, obviously it works for you and it's very freeing, right? So that you're not stuck into a- But there are certain parts, if I was more courageous,

I would take on some parts that probably deserve a lot more research, study, practice. But I do really enjoy kind of not acting. I think we've talked about this before, right? I love watching actors that do act and play- We enjoy you not acting. I think we've talked about this before, right? I love watching actors that do act. We enjoy you not acting too. As much as possible. Believe me.

I like being the audience as opposed to being the character. Jason, do you take it personally when everybody keeps encouraging you to direct more? Yeah. Yeah. It's starting to blur. But wait, but Karen, what about on succession,

those big scenes where there's lots of people. Fucking speeches and shit. There's so much dialogue and like, I mean, you almost have to memorize everybody else's lines too, right? Yeah, sort of, and I can do that fast. There was, you know, I've done things like that, like Sarah Snook and I had a really good rapport,

so sometimes I would say, hey, can you just take my lines or vice versa? We even did a scene once by the third take, I just jumped in and stole her line. And gave her a little side eye. And then she looked at me like, all right, game on. And then later on she took mine. That's great. I love that. That's pretty cool. But we ran it like, we started it like a play. There wasn't really a lot of rehearsing. We would go in there, we would always run the full scene,

like three, four, maybe five times. Cameras were always vaguely somewhere. There was no such thing as like coverage, pickup shots. I love that. I remember like in a camera system, he showed up, it was like a new guy, and we were kind of rehearsing. He put a mark down and I just looked,

I stopped the rehearsal and looked at him and said, first day? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a rest of development I just stopped the rehearsal and looked at him and said, first day? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like Arrested Development. You got multiple cameras and they're just sort of tagging different stuff on each take, and by the time you run it three or four times, it's fully covered.

That's why that show was so freaking alive. I'm on my third viewing of that show. That show was great. We were never, yeah, but it's true, we were never really aware of the cameras in that way. And talk about a sense of play, truly, we had that same feeling, which was, it it's true, we were never really aware of the cameras in that way. And talk about a sense of play, truly, we had that same feeling, which was, it was super fun,

and you could kind of do anything. It's so alive that that's why, because you guys were connecting, and you guys were very live, and that's what people respond to, I think. And we also didn't learn our lines before. We would kind of do it, and we'd have a sort of a camera blocking as it were,

it was pretty loose, and we would just kind of, everybody would just kind of throw it out there, and right, JB, how many times, do you remember that time we would come back to shoot the first Netflix season, and the first day, Jason and I had a 12 page two man scene, which was just, do you remember that? And then we were walking towards stage,

Mitch Hurwitz comes up to us and he goes, hey guys, so I kind of rewrote the thing and we're like, uh huh. So he gave us, and we were just going like this, on the way to say going, uh huh, uh huh. And then okay, you're gonna come in here, you come in the front door, all right, I'm gonna go there, you're gonna go there,

and rolling, and here we go. Perfect. And you just kind of fucking go. That was so fun. Yeah, your back's against the wall, you gotta go. And Karen, are you excited to find another project that is similar to that? Is it now a way in which you love to work

that you'd love to replicate on all future jobs? Or do you want something like the polar opposite, where it's very specific and measured? And what do you think? That is a really good question because I think like when I started working on Succession, I had to throw everything that I used to do out the window because I'd never done a TV show before.

My thing was like be off book months before, learn everyone else's lines and be extremely prepared. And then because it's the nature of a TV show where you don't know the next episode and also our show we were getting rewrites on the day, some of what you just said, I had to abandon that and just go fly by the seat of my pants. But it lent itself to that character

because he was the kind of guy who could sort of talk his way in and out of any situation, so he didn't really have to think before he spoke. So it was sort of like he was that guy. So I've been trying to mentally prepare for like, as it feels like going backwards, like, you know, doing a job with coverage and things. And so when we started doing A Real Pain,

I sort of thought we were going to do that, which we did kind of on the first day or so, but the character in that movie is like, the most spontaneous sort of surprising person. It's the kind of thing where just when you think you sort of have him down, just to spite you, he's going to give you a different reaction than what you're expecting.

Which is a great counterbalance to Jesse's character, correct? Exactly, yeah. And he's, you know, and he wrote it, he directed it. He like shot the whole thing. Before I got there, he like shot it on his phone, playing my character, and he would tell me things like, okay, so in this scene you sit over there, and I would go, how do you know?

And he's like, well, what do you mean, how do you know? I was like, well, we haven't tried it. He goes, well, why can't you sit there? I said, maybe I could, but we haven't tried it. What do you mean, why doesn't it work? I'm sure it works. And we talked about it in a frickin' circle for a while. I love you, you get to sit the first day,

he's like, hey, I got a cut of the movie right here. You were great, we're just doing pickups today. So then how was he, you would say, well yeah, maybe I don't sit there, maybe I stand over here. That way he would just throw out all of his coverage and just be like, oh fuck. He kind of abandoned it on the second or third day.

Wow, really? You forced him to? Well, because, yeah, we had to shoot the sequence that he had mapped out, but the whole idea of it was like, I want my picture taken in front of the statue, and then I start gathering the other people in this tour group to come with me. And he had planned it all out. And I was like, well, isn't sort of the point for me to get them into the idea

and we're all going to take a photo together? And he's like, yes, do you mind if we just try it once? And then he basically just told the cinematographer, like never mind, fuck the shot list, pick up the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's great though. How cool is that? Then you guys ended up creating something together.

It was much more collaborative. And I wonder if, and JB, you can kind of maybe address this a little bit, having directed so much now. Having that, for Jesse, I don't know, we should ask him. Having that sort of set, that shot list, everything the way he wants to see it, and he was so ready and so regimented, you come in, you kind of throw a wrench in that whole thing,

and I bet you freed him up in a lot of ways. Maybe, I think it freaked him out a lot, though. I'm sure it freaked him out. I think it scared the shit out of him, but yeah. Yeah, because the clock is ticking, you got this call sheet, you got to get done in 12 hours, and it's like, now I got a fucking pain in the ass actor that's throwing it all up in a little blender.

Yeah, but we ended up getting our scenes a lot faster, actually, that's how I felt anyway. I was sort of like, well, you know, let's just run the whole thing a couple of times instead of picking up these little pieces, and then you know, you get to shoot it how you want. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Kieran, now you're gonna take all of that, that way you're working, all that kind of stuff. How is this going to be different? You're now going to go, and you've worked, obviously, you've done theater before, but you're going back to Broadway. Is that right? In the spring? Yeah, I am. Glengarry Glenross. Glengarry Glenross! God damn it. Can I be in it? Yes, but no. It's already cast. You need an understudy? Who is it with?

It could be my understudy. Bob Odenkirk's in it. Bill Burr, Michael McKean. Okay. Look at that. What a cast. What a fucking cast. I'm terrified.

I thought I was... When do you open? March? I don't know. They don't even have a theater, but they keep telling me that... I think you'll be fine. When do you open? Oh, March? I don't know. They don't even have a theater, but they keep telling me that.

I think you'll be fine. Try the Tabasco. It's spicy, it's big. It's a great theater, the Tabasco. Home of Goodbye Oscar. And it was a great, huge. Good night, good night, good night, Oscar. Good night to you too.

Are you about to ask, Shawna, are you about to ask me about funny theater stories? Yes, yes. Any funny things that happen? If you have any, please share them, I love it. But look, Kieran, you can't be. Let him tell a theater story. Oh, I wasn't actually prompting myself for a funny bit,

I just know that Sean likes to ask that. Or it's audition stories or. Yes, jump in, I love those. Those are my favorite stories, if you have one. I got a really quick one, which is I did a play 10 years ago with Michael Cera. This is our youth, and I had ago with Michael Cera. Nice. This is our youth, and I had food poisoning.

Already funny. The moment the show started and the lights came up, I realized, oh, I'm fucked. So I spent like an hour just trying not to vomit, and by the end of the first act, I had this whole speech, and I realized I can't open my mouth, I'm going to vomit. And I have this whole speech where I have to get the money, there's an amount and what I'm spending it on, and I stood up next to the door to leave the apartment, I'm wobbling,

and I had this speech and there's like a five, six second long pause that's not supposed to be there, and I hold my hand out and I just went, money! And he put the money in my hand, I ran out and the stage manager I guess had put a bucket right next to the door. Oh God. And I started violently, loudly vomiting in this bucket. They were trying to drag me away, but I couldn't. I was just holding onto this bucket for dear life vomiting.

I asked Michael afterwards, I said, could you guys hear me? He goes, are you fucking kidding me? It was the most surreal shared experience I've ever had with a group of people of listening to a grown man vomit in a bucket. Just imagining Michael's just dry takes out to the house while everyone's here just like, it's just, all right. He said he grabbed a comic book

and started trying to casually read a comic book as if this wasn't happening. Until you made your re-entrance? No, the understudy came in in Act Two. No, really? While I spent, yeah, I was vomiting upstairs for the next few hours and they somehow dragged me home for hours more of vomiting.

That's the best theater story we've heard yet, Charlie. That's really good, John. Yes, I think that's really great, I love that. So wait, so this was in London then? No, that one was in New York, but Wikipedia is correct. I did do that play in London like eight years before that. No, no, no, no. Well, you're the one who had time

to actually do the research. I actually do know that you did This Is Our Youth also in London. I have a very close relationship with This Is Our Youth because the original cast, Missy Yeager was in the original cast, who I lived with at the time. She was my girlfriend in the 90s. I knew that. And I remember when they first did it, she and Kenny first did it, and with Mark and Josh Hamilton, I saw it about 42 times.

It's a great play. It's such a brilliant play. I can't let it go. Like I played it as the character Warren in London and I felt like I never got it right. So I spent like years trying to do it again and then realized I actually was right for the other part. I just had to spend years convincing Kenny Lonergan

that I was right for that part. And then I got to do it like in Chicago, Sydney. No way. Wow. I can't seem to let it go. Yeah. Oh, that I did not know. Would it make a good movie? I don't know. I've always tried to crack that one.

I don't think I, I don't know. What about that? What about directing a movie? Directing? Or anything? I don't know. I don't have that thing. You don't have a directing thing? I'm not that ambitious. I doubt that's true.

I doubt that's true. I don't know. Yeah. You've been around film, you've been making film since you were, as you said, six. Well, first of all, what was the first, let's get into this. What was the first professional experience you had

working in TV, film, et cetera? The first professional experience I had was a commercial when I was six. And I actually don't quite know what it was for, but it was like for something to do with learning disabilities. And I remember that I was put, the concept was I'm standing in front of a chalkboard with chalk in my hand and I don't know how to solve the easy thing in front of me. And the kids in the class are supposed to be calling me dummy and stupid and all that. And I have a distinct memory of being there

and the director going, okay, he's like, action, and he starts going, dummy, idiot, stupid. Oh my God. Wow, the traumatizing. And even then I'm thinking, I get it, I'm six, like stand here and look sad, I'm not fucking method, I'm six, what's wrong with you? Right, right, right.

Wow. Oh my God. But why do I have, I have this image of you, I can't remember what I was watching where you were either you hosted or your brother hosted SNL and you were. Oh good, I thought you were gonna say I have this image of you on my hard drive.

Okay, keep going. All right. Well that's, yeah, that too. But wait, why were you on, what was I watching where they did a zoom in on you and you were like on stage on SNL or something. So I hosted SNL a couple years ago and it was 30 years. Oh, that's what it was.

It was 30 years almost to the day. It was like a couple days shy of being 30 years from when my brother hosted. And I got to be in like three sketches. So they had like, I got to be there for the good nights and stuff like that. That's really cool. That was so cool.

Was that surreal? That really was. And it was one of those things I thought would never ever happen, but was, there's very few things I, like I said, I'm not very ambitious. I don't have these big aspiring dreams, but hosting SNL was like that one. That one and voicing the Simpsons,

which I still haven't done yet. Those are the two things I've always wanted to do. Here they come. I remember once, I remember when JB got, was asked to host the first time. This is true story. And you probably don't remember this. And you were first, you got asked to do it.

And this was in, you did it in like January of 2005, I think. It wasn't after like the first year or second year of it? Second year, yes. Yeah, it was January 2005. And I remember you going, dude, I'm going to host SNL. I go, that's fucking great. And you go, I mean, it's like a dream come true.

And I was like, yeah, no shit. It's a fucking, what do you think you're fucking this? This was a dream coming true for me. Oh, is it? No, but a lot of people, but there's a lot of people, and I won't mention their names here, because maybe they're not excited about it, but they will never host SNL,

because it's so frightening to them. I've heard that, yeah. It's like the thing they would least like to do, and they've turned it down a million times. There's tons of them. Yeah, I guess. I've heard that one. So that's probably where I was coming from.

Okay, that's a good defense. Do you want to know my favorite good night's stories? Because when you do the good nights at the end, all that's on the cue card is the musical guest and anybody else that showed up. And while you're like five seconds of TV, Lauren goes, okay, enjoy. And I go, what do I say?

He goes, anything you want and walks away. And all I'm doing is looking at the cue cards and then, you know, but I enjoy. And I go, what do I say? He goes, anything you want. And walks away. And all I'm doing is looking at the cue cards. But I said the normal goodnights, but my favorite I've ever seen was Liam Neeson hosted, like in the early 2000s. And the camera cuts to him and he just goes, modest mouse. And then it's just quiet and then they just start playing the music. It's so good. It's just reading the cards, not doing anything. He's literally just read the cue card.

I love it. It started hugging. But Karen, you can't be you and not be super smart. Like you seem hyper intelligent because while you talk fast, like I usually do, not today on morphine, but you talk, it seems like you're firing on all cylinders. Did they say that you had to smoke the morphine? I don't get it

So they give you the option like no I have a what is it called a track marks? But but you seem really like you talk fast which means you think fast which means you can probably like to When well was talking to your Jason talking about directing it seems like people who fire in all cylinders all the time can do stuff like that. So if you don't want to do that, what do you do to like... Occupy all that extra bandwidth.

Yeah. God, I don't know, drive my wife crazy. I don't even have like hobbies. Crosswords? No, I do like, you know, wordle-quirtle bullshit. Like I know you guys do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't it weird that I know stuff about you

because I listen to your show too much? Will, pull him in. There's that empty seat. Have you guys do. Oh, yeah, yeah. Isn't it weird that I know stuff about you because I listen to your show too much? Well, pull him in. There's that empty seat. Have you guys ever filled my seat? Yeah, no, we haven't filled your seat. Better way to say that. Yeah. I'm just going to say.

We still play every morning. Yeah, I'm still. Quirtle, Quirtle, and Octordle. Do you do the Octordle, too? Octordle I haven't done in a while. A while, yeah. I also like to eat. In a while.

In a while. What a dipshit. Yeah, you just said I'm smart and I speak fast. Not correctly, but quickly. Quirtle was really, I will say today was really tough and it was a bust. We had three busts on Quirtle today, which was a big, it was sending shockwaves through our turtle,

Quirtle, Wirtle, what we call Nurtle. Now, Karen, I find it hard to believe. Nurtle does exist. It's a math one. You're really saying you do not have a hobby. I don't buy it. Tell me, just tell me what your day is. Well, do you live in New York full-time?

Are you a New York guy? I live in New York full-time, but also, I am amazed that people do things in a day. I just don't, I don't get it. So you wake up. Like, I have to find time to, exactly. You get the kid off to school. How many kids do you have?

Exactly, that's his answer. That's it, that's the whole, I just woke up and then something like I'm already getting ready for bed. How did that happen? What did I do? How many kids do you have? I have two, a three year old and a five year old. So that's my hobby I guess.

Anytime I'm not, like this is really lovely and I really want to be here, but I feel like anytime I'm doing something I'm just trying to get home to be with the kids. Right, exactly. And then are you like me? Do you put on the PJs as soon as you're home, if you know you're not leaving again the rest of the day,

even if it's 1.30 in the afternoon? Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, like, my walking around, like, it's a pair of shorts and a big t-shirt, but yeah, it's the same idea. Yeah. And then, so then, is it television? Is it a book? Like, what are you... You're not just sitting on a couch staring at the wall. God, I haven't read a book since I had a kid, so that would be five years ago. I forgot you're not a reader.

Because the words just keep coming at you, right, Jason? Yeah, TV. Yeah, this is too much. We're watching TV. The words just keep coming at you. They really do, they just, it's relentless. Almost no time for TV or movies, unless I can put it in a schedule, I don't know.

So when you're done with us today, you log off and then what? I have a little Zoom meeting right after you and then I have to go do some, I'm still doing press for the movie, so then about an hour after that Zoom, I go do press. I actually don't know what the thing is I'm going to. I stopped looking at the itinerary.

They tell me to get in the car at 11.30, I get in at 12.15 and hope for the best. I literally, this happened a couple weeks ago. I got in the back of a car about 45 minutes late and the guy said Delta Airlines and I went, I don't know. And he said, he goes JFK and I said beats me man. I really don't fucking know. You probably know. And then we literally, I wasn't even sure if I was going to the airport

except for that I had a bag that was already packed. I got to the airport, I put my passport in the machine, and as I put it in I realized, I don't know where I'm going today. Wow. Yeah, and it was a good thing too, because it was a long flight. I was going to Warsaw.

I'm glad I brought my passport. Why are we going to Warsaw? Warsaw. The movie was shot in... Oh, this movie. Yeah, this movie. It was shot there. How did you like Warsaw?

Yeah, I was about to say. I hardly saw it. We were shooting like six day weeks. More like no saw. Hey, huh? All right, yeah, that was good. Good for you, Will. Thank you.

Poland, I hear, is a very, very beautiful country. Oh, you've been hearing that? I have been hearing that. I have not yet visited yet. Yeah, I'm hearing it a lot. We're like on the grapevine? Yeah, on my text threads. Really nice parks. My wife's from London and she always brags about

how the parks in London are the best in the world. But the best parks she's ever seen were in Warsaw. Really? Yeah. So she went with you, the kids went with you? At the beginning. They were there for the first like 11 to 12 days and then once they left I was, yeah, popping around.

And how long were you alone without them? 25 days. That was, yeah. That's a long time. Oh no, that was murderous, yes. 25 shooting days? That's five weeks? 25 full, no, 25 full days.

25 full days, all right. And actually, yeah, I tried to actually back out of the movie once I saw that that was the schedule. Jesse didn't know about that. Wow. Because I had recently, I don't know if you guys have these rules, like I just did, when I was doing Succession, I had to do eight days away and I was like, that was tough but manageable,

and then I had to do 11 and went, I can't do that. Eight is my, that's my new rule. Wait, you live in New York, the show is shot in New York. Why would you not do, why? That's not, Jason, that's the opposite of your rule, right? Which is at minimum six months away. Or you're out. Well, they're just so noisy, these kids.

What about, where did you have to go for Succession that took you out for eight and 11 days away from New York? There was a lot of places, you know, like there's usually like once per season watch the show that we ended up somewhere else, you know, Italy, Norway. Sean's never seen us development and we've been doing this podcast and we've been friends for 20 years. I know, still? Yeah, still I haven't.

Jeez, I've watched it three times. I haven't seen Ozark, it's okay. I always say I've seen it as much as they've watched Will and Grace. I've seen a lot of Will and Grace and I was fucking on Will and Grace. You were on Will and Grace. Yeah, so why don't you fucking, when you're sitting there passing your stone and nothing else, you can't do fuck all, watch a couple episodes. So, you guys shot in incredible locations for Succession.

That I do know. You guys shot like in... Croatia, Tuscany, Norway. We were all over the map. I know, how good is that? But it wasn't that nice. I remember at the end of season two, my wife was heavily pregnant.

It was August, she's back in New York and she was basically complaining about how hot it was and she was alone and all that stuff. And she's like, and you're on a yacht in Croatia. I'm like, I'm not on a yacht, I'm on a fucking set. It's not like I'm going swimming between takes and all that. It's like, that's the thing when we travel in all these places, unless you can specifically

get some time off after, you're not really seeing the stuff. Yeah. I don't know. Wait, wait, Kieran, so you've always been a New Yorker, I wanna get back to this, because I saw a video, something of you recently, not even in anticipation of doing this, I just saw it out in the world of you

revisiting your childhood apartment. Oh wow, yeah. Oh yeah, that was on CBS Sunday Morning, which is a great show, right? That was a great show. Yeah, and it was really cool, and I loved you going in and then seeing your former neighbor. That was not planned at all.

We were just like, they were setting up a camera outside and he was like, oh, hi, Kieran. I looked up and I was like, Alice? Oh, thanks. Yeah, it really worked. Talk a little bit about growing up in New York and auditioning for stuff and what that was like. And now, as I mentioned in the lead in,

Jason, we often talk about people, about being able to have that longevity and be able to kind of take what you, be a child actor and have that translate into becoming an adult actor as well is really rare. Yeah, petrified. I feel like, other than what I mentioned earlier about like learning lines fast and knowing that stuff, I feel like, other than what I mentioned earlier about like learning lines fast

and knowing that stuff, I feel like everything I did as a kid, I don't think I apply any of the acting stuff I used to do as a kid to what I do now. Really? Yeah, because sometimes I see that in former kid actors, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, where there's sort of like bad habits you can sort of pick up along the way that you just have to be mindful to. Right, you mentioned, in Igby, the director was like,

I'm seeing the kid tricks, just fucking knock it off and be better, basically. Yeah, stop showing me what you're doing, you know? Stop, you know, yeah, stop trying to show me what the character's doing, stop showing me what's happening in the scene. Like, you know, that's my job. Yeah, force us to lean in and read your mind, right?

So you kind of, you shifted what you did, like Jason, I'm sure a lot of stuff that you used to do, like on Growing Pains, is now different, right? No, no, no, that's Kirk Cameron, Will. I'm sorry. Can I talk to you for a second? Yes. Kirk Cameron.

This whole time? The whole time, I've never been, yeah. But now, Karen, did you have the same level of panic and horror when you were start thinking about my God, am I gonna be able to transition my ability to make a dollar into adulthood or should I go to college? Should I get something where I have a diploma

and I have a reasonable expectation of sort of a base salary and some consistency and predictability in my life? God, I don't really think all that often. So all I know is, like, I suddenly found myself at like 20 and I remember my manager, who I'm still with, I've been with her for 30 years, she like used the word career and I kind of panicked because I've been doing it since six.

But it's like, a six year old shouldn't really pick their occupation for the rest of their life. That's not really, they're not really qualified to do that. You know? So I think I kind of panicked and was like, okay, well I don't know if this is what I want to do. So I think I spent many years trying to figure out what I want to do and doing this in the meantime.

Yeah. At that point you're 20, so you could still kind of start college, you'd be a 20 year old freshman, which is not cute, but you still could have done it. I'm a high school dropout as well. I don't really, you know, yeah. Yeah.

But like Jason, you asked, remember we asked this recently to Carrie Russell, and she was like, no, I had no thought about making the leap from being a child actor to, like she didn't worry about it at all. You did, you were cognizant of it. I did, but I still didn't do anything to mitigate the risk. In other words, I wasn't taking like night classes

in real estate, you know? Like it was just, I mean, it's really fucking stupid what I did and what you did, Karen, what Carrie did. Like we're still at this, I mean, it's really fucking stupid what I did and what you did, Karen, what Cary did. We're still at this, I'm 55, I'm still running sort of wild, great show, by the way. That was me and Cary Russell. Like if this doesn't work out in the next, what,

six months, things could go completely dry. At any point in any of our careers, and we don't have a diploma or a degree in something that says, no, no, no, I'm knocking on the door. I should, give me a job. But isn't that the thing that drives you? Is that fear? Yeah, but you know, this anxiety that's behind all the time.

I know. I think a really good antidote to that also, for me, has been rich parents. Yeah, you fucker. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, they're not. That must be really nice, yeah. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, they're not. That must be really nice, yeah. I'm being flippant, it's not true, it's not true.

I remember my grandma, like about 20 years ago, she was in North Dakota, she asked me like, she goes, you still acting? I said, yeah. And she goes, when was your last job? And I said, oh God, like a little over a year ago. And she goes, you should get into meat. People always need meat.

Huh. Really? Really, your grandma said that? Not terrible. Not terrible. Not terrible advice. Yeah, people will always eat it. Yeah. We'll be right back.

And now, back to the show. Forgive me, is it just you and Macaulay that were actors, or were there other people in your family? My brother, Roy, actually at some point, we were all sort of like given the opportunity to act, and some of them just didn't take to it, some did. And then? Of all seven of us.

And then parents and- Seven kids. Seven kids, yeah. In that small little apartment. Sorry, where do you fall in that? Right in the middle, yeah. But I don't really have that middle child thing. Because I was like the favorite.

Yep, there you go. I don't really believe in birth order as much as other people do. You're one of four, right, Willie? Yeah. I was the baby for almost 10 years then my brother was born. So, you have two older sisters.

And I don't know, I just don't buy into it. Yeah, you make of it what you will, like any way. Yeah, exactly. Whatever you want to. We're all capable of anything. Will, real quick, their names? Halem, Jack Watt, and Jack Watt.

We'll let you come back on that. Okay, I do love them, I think. Look at them. Shawn, you have a question for our guest? No, I was just saying, but then as far as the lineage of the Kulkan family. The loving of Sean just threw up right now. And the kidney stone comes out my throat instead of my penis. Guys, I passed it.

No, but parents and grandparents and like, or did this acting bug start with you, the kids of the cult? I think my father and his siblings did it as kids. That's sort of my understanding. Because actually I only know that because a few years ago we went through an old storage unit and I found this like pamphlet of I guess what his parents were trying to like, I don't know exactly what it was, but it was like, hey, we have a son that's an actor, and we have this other son that's a magician. And it was like sort of like,

we have these performing arts kids. Wow. Isn't it amazing the stuff you find out about your parents way later? Like, I grew up without knowing anything about my mom, or obviously my dad, but my mom. No idea your dad was such a great driver. I know.

Do you know the make of the car? At least? You didn't know that your dad didn't own a map, I guess? He had a bad memory, or he had a bad memory. Wait, do you guys remember that car, the MG? The MG, the one-star? My dad owned that. No kidding.

He built a car built for one. Built for barely two five kids that's the first sign you should have punct. Like, that's such a red flag. Oh, God. That's such a red flag. The joke never gets old. You know what the other red flag was? When he said, I'm fucking out of here. Oh, man. So fucking funny. This is so weird for me because it feels like, like, you're just meeting me, but I feel like

I'm hanging out with my old friends and just talking with each other. You are. We are. My wife used to tell me for months, she was listening to me, but I feel like I'm hanging out with my old friends that are just fucking with each other. You are. My wife used to tell me for months, she was listening to the show before I listened to it, this happened on more than one occasion, she'd be like, oh my friend said blah blah blah the other day, we were having this chat, and I said, which friend was it?

And she'd think, oh fuck, that was smartless. It happened all the time. Who was that, was that Sean, was that Will? No, I know, she actually, like a couple months ago we were at this, because her favorite episode is the one you guys did with Matthew Reese. Oh yeah. She loved it. She listened to it more than once.

So we're at this party and she goes, Oh, Matthew's here. Let's go say hi. And she started dragging me over. And I was like, Matthew who? And then right before we got to him, she stopped me and started pushing me away. She goes, Never mind. We haven't met him. We're not friends. Oh my god, that's smart. I love her already. What is her name?

Jazz It's not short for anything actually right when I met her I was one of the first things I said it's not it's dumb I when I first met her I shook her hand and I said, uh, so what's your name? She wouldn't jazz I said jazzy like the music she went. Yeah, I said, well, that's fucking stupid It just came out of me, and I went right away, I was like, I blew it, but instead she laughed, so it worked out all right. Where were you when you guys met?

Tell us the story, is it a meet-cute? At a bar, but that was it. I mean, what I love about the story is it's fast. That was pretty much it. The only other thing was, when I walked into a bar, I was with a friend. Is that your ride? I saw her. Yeah, that's a, this is New York City.

Yeah, this is third. You're like, I don't know where the car's taking me. It's my dealer. It's my dealer. I walked in a bar, I saw her and I yelled, holy shit. Yeah. And I basically said, New York. New York.

And I was with this dude and I said like, hey, we need to go stand near this girl, which I realize now sounds kind of creepy. Yeah, very. And so we stood near her. That's what we had to do before these dating apps. which I realize now sounds kind of creepy. And so we stood near her. So what we had to do before these dating apps, you just had to kind of circle. Yeah, you show up.

It's fucking easy now, right? This was 13 years ago. She was sitting at a table with some dude and the moment he got up to leave to go to the bathroom, I just jumped in there and stole his seat. No way. And I literally, all I did is I sat down and said, sorry, I just stole your friend's seat.

And she went, that's okay. I said, was that your boyfriend? She said, no. I said, do you have a boyfriend? She went, no. I said, then all I did is I sat down and said, sorry, I just stole your friend's seat. And she went, that's okay. I said, was that your boyfriend? She said, no. I said, do you have a boyfriend? She went, no. I said, then I'm Kieran. Wow. Oh wow.

I've never been that forward in my life. And then she said, I'm Jazz. And you said, that's fucking stupid. And I said, that's fucking stupid. And then what are you drinking? You guys have been making music ever since. Where, what, what, what, what, what, what putter tower you in?

Do you remember? It was, what the hell was the name of the place? It was on 7th and A, it was called Cabin Down Below. Oh nice. Do you know that one? I don't know if I know Cabin Down Below. 7th and A, so that is Lower East Side? I want to start in there.

Lower East Side, it was one of those places where I kept getting like turned away, because they kept, every time I tried to go there, they were like, it's a private party, because I wasn't dressed cool or I wasn't famous. But they knew my wife. There was one time I went there and I was with a couple of, I'm not meaning to name drop, I was there with a couple

of like, famous-y people. And I walked up first and they were like, sorry, private party. And I looked back at one of my friends, I'll just tell you who it was, it was Scarlett Johansson, she's like, I got this. And she walked up, she goes, hi, they're with me, and he looked at her and said, it's a private party. And then he looked up, he looked up and went, jazz?

And she was like, yeah, I was like, oh, are they with you? And she went, yeah, come on in. Jazz for the win. One of those fucking people, she's like, that's one of those New York fucking jazz. Jazzy jazz. She's just one of those people, man. She makes friends everywhere.

Now, since you guys are, since acting is generational, what about the three-year-old and the five-year-old? What are you thinking? I'm not against that. You're gonna support it? Yeah, I mean, I had a really nice experience with it growing up. Me too.

Yeah, it was nice. However, it is that thing, getting back to that other point, is like, are you going to, at some point, I would imagine you would say, now, would you want to kind of help your odds a little bit by going to college at the same time, maybe? I would probably encourage an education. I never got one. But, I don't know. I would probably encourage that. But, I don't really know.

I've also heard of people, this is something I kind of wish, it hasn't come to bite me in the ass really, but I remember doing a lot of press as a kid, and I feel like I would maybe try to protect them from doing that a bit. Because sometimes I'll get quoted on something stupid, I said, I'm like, I was 13, that's not what I actually think. Like I don't, you know.

What about? Shawn, remember that time you paid that guy to bite you in the ass? Sorry, it just reminded me of that story. Surprisingly cheap too, wasn't it? Yeah, I mean he lowered his rates for me. That's really funny. There's also the part about like training yourself

to believably be someone else at a time when you're trying to figure out who you are. Like starting to act when you're a little kid, did that ever screw you up at all? No, I think other things probably screwed me up. I don't know if that was it. What fucked you guys up? You feeling pretty balanced now? Self analysis or professional analysis?

I'm a big fan. Therapy, therapy, therapy? No therapy, I prefer to go undiagnosed. I love therapy. Yeah, me too. I should, I know if you guys, ugh. Long walks work too. Yeah.

Sean, you go to therapy? I go to therapy every week. Oh yeah, you do. Instead of dumping it all on Scotty, I just pay somebody to listen. Again, you pay somebody to dump it all on you. Damn it, you do. It's I instead of dumping it all on Scotty. I just pay somebody to listen again Alright Kara, what about are we a Sports fan television show fan you said no

No, I don't do anything. It's so like it's yeah, I don't understand hobbies. I don't do anything. Ciro. I don't understand it. I don't know. I just don't have time. I don't even get to the gym. So do you meet people for coffee? Do you like what you do? No, I don't really even have friends anymore. What will you click and you just hang up?

Kind of. What will you do after this, Karen, after you're done with this little... He's got to zoom and then he's got to go do more press. I got like a press thing and I got the thing. I like doing this. This is kind of a new one. I think I need therapy because I like doing, I like flower arrangements now. Do you really?

There you go. I like doing that. That gives me some calm. What about a garden on the roof of your apartment? That's such a nightmare. It's New York. That's not going to be nice. There's public gardens.

You can rent a public garden in a public... Bit of a bummer too, I find. I'll do crafts with you till we fucking... Careful, Karen. All the time. Until what? Yeah, I don't know. But we could get macaroni and glue

and make stuff on a paper plate. I can do that with my children, but yeah, please come on over. Yeah. Don't have them over the house. You can join us, we got all that stuff. He's turned into a morphinetic, he's going to steal your silverware.

It's not. I'll never leave him alone with the kids, but yeah, he can come over, he's supervised. Now when do you start rehearsals on the play? Oh gosh, February or something like that. That terrifies me because... Can we get a commitment? Can the three of us come to the opening night of your play?

Yeah, you're invited. The public is inviting you, my stupid ass. No, I'm asking... You need me to give up one of my five tickets to you three? Yes. I mean I could, yeah fine, fuck it. Yeah, except leave them alone though. I'm sure you have connections yourself,

but fine, you three are my guests. We want to come. No plus ones though. Exactly. Now is Jazz in the business as well? No, not at all. But she understands enough about what you do to... It's taken a while.

She used to think that, she goes, I don't understand why actors get awards and things. She's literally thought that directors puppeteered the actor, told him where to sit and the cadence on how to speak. So that's literally what her point of view was on it. She had never been on a set or anything around it. She's come to understand it.

Where'd she grow up, Chechnya? What's going on? Yeah. London, but yeah. Okay. Closer than here. Oh, I do like Lundin. You guys spend a lot of time over there as a result?

We do, yeah. I love it out there. We always consider moving up there. I noticed the throw pillow behind. Yeah, that's what that is. Yeah, that's what we do here. Look at Sean's right eye. Oh my God, is it open? No, no, the whole show, it's just been half open. The left one's right eye. Oh my God. Is it open?

No, no. The whole show, it's just been half open. The left one's fully open. The right one is really tired. This morning Sean spent 45 minutes bent at the waist outside his front door this morning. It's so true. I was at the ER at Cedars and there's like, it was a seven hour wait. What? What is wrong with you?

Why didn't you cancel? Because I had, there's no other option. Was Scotty with you? Yeah. So you didn't take the driverless cab this time? I told him, I'm like, fuck off, I'll just take the thing. What's it called again? That's sweet. Waymo.

Waymo. Waymo. And you did have a good experience, right? Yeah, I love the Waymo. Do they have that yet in New York, Karen? I've never heard of it. It's the driverless side. Oh, that scares the shit out of me. No, I haven't seen any here.

How do you get around New York? Are you a bike rider? Oh, God no, I don't do that either. See, that would fall under hobby probably, or at least exercise, and I don't do that. Yeah, no. Are you a subway guy? Subway, yeah, yeah. That's the best way to get my kids to school. And I don't do that. Yeah, no. Are you a subway guy?

Subway, yeah, yeah. That's the best way to get my kids to school. And if it's raining, you'd take a cab. Yeah. No, not today. It's rainy today. Is it rainy today? You know what I've never figured out about the subway

is once you come up out of the stairs after you've reached your destination, I can't figure out whether I'm looking north, south, east, or west, because I can't find the sun. Because you're used to getting in the back seat and your driver just taking you places? No, sir, can you change your radio station?

This is a whole host. I actually requested nobody talk to me on this ride. I do. You know how you know a lot of the times, JB, is because on the avenues, certainly on the avenues, you know which direction they go, whether they go uptown or downtown, so you can kind of get a sense of the times JB is because on the avenues certainly on the avenues You know which direction they go whether they go uptown or downtown so you can look at the numbers I think if you can count you can sort of figure it out But you that that necessitates walking a block to see if the numbers are going up or down. That's that oh, that's my problem

Yes, yeah, you might walk one block out of the way But like I shouldn't have to walk a block to figure out which way I'm going You know you also have have smarty phones now. Do you want to go to a council meeting in New York? Maybe you can be heard, you know what I mean? Well, yeah, what would you suggest? There's somebody at the exit of every station telling you where to go?

In England, they take the time to paint on the road there, look left, you know? Maybe New York can say, you are facing north on the ground. But it doesn't say what direction you're facing. No, but I'm saying- It doesn't say north or south. It says left. Case dismissed. Yeah.

That's so you don't get hit by a car. I'm saying, no, I understand, but I'm saying there are efforts that the infrastructure folks can go to, to help out the people on the road. This is real stuff. Sean, remember last week, you were having dinner with Richard and Jenny's

and you came outside and I was bent over at the waist. This is true. And I said, and I looked up and I go, yeah, hi, Alan. Do you remember that? Oh God, that was, I was one of the hardest times I ever left in my life. It just reminded me, we hunched over at the waist. You know Richard, Richard Erlich?

Yeah, he was the world's best realtor. If you're looking for a house in Los Angeles area, contact Richard Erlich. That's a true story. That is true story. And we walk out to our car as the night's over and we're walking out to his driveway and Will goes acting like he's completely bombed out of his mind.

He goes, hey man, can I ask you something? I go, yeah. He goes, do you know where I can get some heroin? I'm just asking for a friend. I'm asking for heroin. I'm asking for a friend. I don't want anything to do with it. By the way, let's not make light of people

who are struggling with it. No, of course not. It was just a funny thing. Obviously we're not. We're just having fun because Sean happens to be hooked on morphine. Oh God, I don't mean hooked, addicted to. Karen, this is it.

We could just talk to you all day knowing that you have nothing else to do. No, he's got to do this all over again. He's got talk to you all day knowing that you have nothing else to do. No, he's got to do this all over again. He's got to do it all over again, right? Is there anything you want to ask Sean? Is there anything, because you've listened to a few episodes, is there anything you need to know from Sean?

Go ahead, he's... Ask him why he hates his colon so much. Yeah, why is he always in the hospital? What is wrong? No, because my, yeah. Well, I'm not, just my heart thing is the big thing, but it's all being taken care of. Well, you know why, Kieran,

if you went to Sean and Scottie's house, every meal, it's like a 12-year-old's birthday party. This is true. Okay. I know. It's true, it's true. Napkins on laps. I kind of eat the same.

I'm kind of the same when it comes to the food thing. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. You like the food? I do, and it's the shitty stuff. Like my wife the other day reached in and grabbed some Cheetos that I was eating,

was about to, and then she let go and said, what am I doing? Wait, what are you doing? Where did these come from? And I said, they were in the house. She goes, how? Stop putting this in our house. Right, yeah.

How old the man are you? 42. Yeah. And I can't be eating like that. So you go to the, do you guys take turns going to the market and doing the shopping? Yeah, and then you know I do that thing where I shop hungry and then I'm buying the,

I find that they have like that chicken in a biscuit. Do you know those like box of crackers chicken? Yes, two bits. I love those. I'll buy like, I'll buy them by the case. I love just pushing the cart row by row by row. No list at all, I'm just gonna go down each row, however long it takes, and look at everything

and see what I want. But you don't put anything in the cart, right? Because you just eat the salads. Oh no, I'm just going to go down each row, however long it takes, and look at everything and see what I want. But you don't put anything in the cart, right? Oh no, I fill it. JBA, I love hearing you describe sort of normal, you know, everyday necessity for people as a novel idea. You know what I mean? It's like a fun- Hashtag relatable. You know what I like to do?

I like to walk into an office and like, I can go to all the places. I like to pretend I have a job. Where's my coffee? Work, work, work. Oh, amazing, work. Oh, amazing. Kieran, what a delight you are. You are a delight.

You guys are fun. You're a good man. You'd be a good dinner hang. Maybe we'll hit you up for dinner in New York. Yes, please. Come see the show. Yeah, I want to see the show. I really want to see the show.

Let's all hang out and do the thing. You guys never do repeat guests on your show either, right? We have done it on live when we did the tour. We did some repeats and had some friends. I remember that. I watched that doc, he was great. That's when I learned from you, Jason, and I think about it every time.

I'm about to shake a salad, you said, don't shake it. You remember that? Like, whenever you put the dressing in a salad, you went, don't shake it. And I think of it every time now, and I go, oh wait, I'm not supposed to shake it. And I go, wait, why, what's wrong with you? Let it cascade.

Why? Shake it. Shake it. You gotta shake it to get it even. You gotta, yeah. I'm a pretty vigorous shaker now. I've met you. You are a shaker.

Let it cascade. Let it cascade. What a t-shirt. Let that dressing, see, merch, this is what you guys need. More quotes like that. Let it cascade, that's a sweater right there. And the Tracy one. That's right. And the Tracy one, which she wears. guys need, more quotes like that. Let it cascade, that's a sweater right there. And the Tracy one. That's right.

And the Tracy one, which she wears. Talk to me like I'm Tracy. I would come and see you. You are a guy who you deserve all the success that you're having now, especially considering how hard you worked and how talented you are. Such a massive fan. Dude, honestly, what a thrill to have you.

Yeah, keep going. This is a dream come true, I mean it, thanks guys. KC, KC. Big, big fan. See you in a few months. Go get him. Bye guys. I mean it. Thanks guys. KC, KC. Big, big fan. See you in a few months. Go get him. Bye guys. Bye Karen.

Thanks pal. And he's slamming it. They told me to not slam it, but I'm slamming it. Who says not? No, no, no, don't slam it. They said don't slam it. Because you've got a redundant record. Are you doing your record at home?

Redundant record. I am, that's why. I gotta do a thing. Wait, do I do a thing now and then I slam it? Do your thing and then you can slam it. This is a great goodbye. Yeah. I don't know how to do it.

What do I do with the thing? So if you bring your mouse to the bottom, do you see that little sound icon? No. Yes, no. Yes. Click on that. And then I hit stop. You guys have to use this as part of the goodbye. Okay, I press stop and then no, I just press stop.

I don't see anything that says save. At the top left, file and save. Share, save. So embarrassed. Save these. So embarrassed. Oh my God, this is such a great goodbye. It's all in the show.

Use it, I'm done? Do I fucking slam it now? We're done, yeah, that's it. Slam it. Slam it. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Now there's a nice young fella, Will.

There is a nice young fella, you're right. What a great guest. That was a good guess. That was a good guest. I've been excited to have him, and like I said, we had to reschedule, and that was a whole thing, but I was like, oh God, we were so close to getting him, so glad we had him on. I've always wanted to meet him,

because the interviews I've seen him do, I used to like, God, that's a great guy. I wonder if they just got him on a good day. I hope he's really like that and he really is. What a nice guy. He really is like that. I want to work with him, I want to hang with him. Hey Sean, now as you scan the bias.

Yeah, I wanted to talk to him about it. I saw his eyes scanning. Well, I'm about to watch Home Alone again because we watch it every year and he's got a little part in Home Alone. Yeah. I love that. I bet she's still getting residuals on that. Probably.

They're not thick ones anymore, but fun to see. Actually, you know what film he was in? He was in the first one and also the second one. Which was what? Father of the Bride! Bride! Thatide! Bride! That was pretty good. That was pretty good.

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