SmartLess - "Martin Short"

Episode Date: January 4, 2021

Strap on / strap in for one of the funniest men in all the land, Martin Short. He joins us this week to start-off the year with billowy laughs, his own true-Hollywood-stories, the “Nine Categories” he lives by, and of course some psychological self-analysis. Because why not – it’s Smartless, and we go deep.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy New Year to everybody, all our listener, from us here at SmartList. Happy New Year, everybody. And SmartList is our podcast, Sean. How would you describe it? I would describe it as a lot of talking, and then we're out. But we also have a guest. Oh, that's right. We each bring on a guest that the other two don't know about as a surprise.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, gosh, I'm so happy you explained it, not Bateman, because that would have been like 40 minutes. Anyway, it's SmartList, and you're about to listen to it, so strap on. Strap in. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList.

SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. SmartList. What's your snackin' on, Jay?

Oh, that's what I do is I put some almonds in my smoothie to give it a little taste. Hey, will, will, will, will. Hey, guys, guys, I've been thinking on a good new opening for the show, and it goes like, hey, I'm Will. And I'm Jason. And I'm Sean. And you're listening to SmartList. SmartList.

Do we say SmartList together? Let's say SmartList again. Okay. One, two, three. SmartList. No, you gotta do it, and you're listening, too. Oh, I'm Will. I'm Jason.

And I'm Sean. And you're listening, too. SmartList. SmartList. Oh, that wasn't together. Why wouldn't you guys? I pulled a hamstring. Hamstring?

No, an old person thing last night. I have him. I grind my teeth at night. So does my eight-year-old. Do you want to borrow her mouthguard? I have. I have a mouthguard. I have.

That's where I was going with that. No. You don't need to say that with such surprise. We're not shocked. Okay, okay, good. The senior moment that I had where last night, I'm just falling asleep, but like, oh, damn, I forgot to put my mouthguard in. And I'm looking all over for it in the dark, and I'm looking in my bedroom and looking in

the bathroom. I go downstairs. I didn't want to wake up the new puppy that we have, because he's just on a schedule. So I'm like, I'll screw it. And I go to bed. I wake up in the morning. It was in my mouth the whole time. Jesus.

Do you have, do you have a numb jaw? Some people have a numb bottom jaw. Yeah, no, I had some, I had a pain, massive pain in my left jaw, all over my head. Do you seem to have a lot of like sleep blackout type stuff where like you're surprised and stuff happens. You find yourself in the emergency room, like stuff's going on. Scotty doesn't wake up. You've got major injuries.

What is happening over there? I guess the question is, do you need to move next door to Cedars? Absolutely. Absolutely. It's a great sign. It's not a great sign. Guys, we have a heck of a guest today. We'll see.

This person, of course, is Canadian. Oh God. By birth. Damn it. They are, they are the pride of McMaster University. One of your favorite universities, Jason and Sean. This is where they teach how to flip burgers? Well, they, they prepare you for life.

This person is obviously well prepared for life. They took all the knowledge from McMaster University and launched into the rest of their life completely prepared. Not further ado, I'd like to welcome our surprise guest, someone you know and love, and I hope we will know and love even more. Guys, it's Martin Short. Oh my God. Or at least he looks a lot like him.

Yeah. No, it's me. And it sounds like him. It's me. Oh, Martin. It's Marty Short. Jason. Very happy to have you, sir.

Oh, so thrilled to be here. How nice of you to do this. Martin. Yeah. Where do you put the accent on the name? Mar or the tin? Tin. Well, Martin.

Martin. Do you know that I actually truthfully, without any irony or attempt at humor, for many years would say, I've got to download that and realize that, and I, and someone said, why download? And I'd say, why download? I mean, you know, anyway, this can be trim. Hey, I'm thinking of a name for you guys. Let's hear it.

The Maguire Sisters. What are you guys thinking about? I'm so excited you said yes to Will to do this. First of all, I love Will. And can I tell you, Mr. Bateman, that I am so obsessed with your series. I'm blanking on the name. I want to say inbred. I want to say, I want to say inbred, but it's not inbred, but you know the one I mean.

I'm telling you honestly, let me get that out of the way. It's just spectacular. Sean's career speaks very little to me, and Will, I think, is working at Endeavor now. But Ozark is an absolute triumph, so congratulations. You're very, very nice. Thank you. You're welcome. Marty Short, the pride of Canada.

Oh, I think, I guess, yeah. Fighting out of Hamilton, Ontario. One of the great things, this has been covered a million times, but I would be delinquent if I didn't bring it up. And I've heard you talk about it before, this production of Godspell that you're really your first professional acting gig, is that right, or is that right? Yes, I was still at university. I was going to be a doctor for two years.

I was in pre-meds, and then I realized I didn't care about science. I just was a fan of Chad Everett, who was on Medical Center at the time. So I then switched to social work, but didn't really, I just wanted to not have to work so hard. And then in the last semester of my fourth year, they were auditioning the show Godspell, and Eugene Levy said you should audition. And I did, and I got it. But you auditioned for it, you were from Hamilton, and for people who don't know, you were from

Hamilton, the show was in Toronto, that's a 45-minute drive. That's a big move to go from McMaster to all of a sudden auditioning for a real production in Toronto. With a cast, these guys probably don't know who was in the cast. So it was kind of amazing. It was kind of like American Idol, because everyone wanted this show. And Stephen Schwartz, who at that time was 25, he would later write Pippin and Wicked, et cetera.

And he now had this off-Broadway hit, and they wanted to do it in Toronto. So he came up with the author of the book, and they auditioned like 1,000 people, and I went in and I got a callback. And then at the callback, it was really like in the Masonic Temple in Toronto, people were filling the rafters, supporting their friends. And I guess about 40 people were called back, and through the day, they just kept narrowing it down. And I've told this many times, but I'll tell it again, Gilda Radner got up.

No one knew who she was. And she was wearing bib overalls, hair and pigtails, and she's saying, dippity-doo-dah, dippity, and I thought, oh, that poor thing, it's like from a home or something, they bust in, and Short stood up and said, you've got it! And he was like, oh, I may have planned incorrectly, because I was singing My Funny Valentine. So you know, I now had to rethink my choices. So anyway, they kept narrowing it down, and they narrowed down to Gilda and Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin, and Victor Garber was Jesus, and Pa Shaffer was May Music Director, because

he came and played for his girlfriend, and Stephen Schwartz hated the guy who was playing for people. So he went up to him and said, if I can fire that guy over there and you replace him, will you be musical director? It was all like very out of Judy and Mickey, you know, put on a show. And that's where the hook was set, and you stayed in show business ever since. Your career is so impressively long. I think longevity is truly kind of the gold medal in this business, and you have a big

fat one. God, it is, because if it was based on success, I'd be finished. So wait, but Marty, you know what's so crazy is everybody, I grew up, you were one of my, as you know, and you make me say it to you every time I see you, one of my biggest inspirations growing up. And you know, in my mind, you were on SNL for 15 years, but I don't think a lot of people realize you were only on one season. One season, yes.

But you stood out so incredibly as one of the staples of that show in the history of the show. Why do you think that is? Well, I think, you know, Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest and Harris Shearer and I all had a one year contract, because what had happened is it was now, this was the 10th season, 84, 85. And the year before Eddie Murphy had left halfway through, and now it was just up to Joe Piscopo.

So for some reason they were concerned about the future of the show. And then Joe left and that is why he got in such good shape because he was worried about all the heavy lifting. Well, that's like, that's like Mozart. That's brilliant. Uh huh. But anyway, so then they, so Dick Ebersole, it wasn't Lauren then Dick Ebersole was panicked that the show would be canceled.

So he gave the four of us a one year contract. And I think the reason we did so much is that we treated it like doing a special every Saturday as opposed to just being a cast member. I wish I'd said, no, I'll stay as long as you want. And then I would have not panic when I had nothing on Tuesday night. Am I? Would you have wanted to keep going and going and going on that show? No.

Was it your, who's, who's choices was your choice? Well, again, I think it's all, it's, I think it's, it was my choice and, and Lauren came back the next year and he's, you know, asked if I would do it. But I just, I had done SCTV for three years. I had a new little baby and I was just like, I was just burned out. And also I put so much pressure on myself every week because you could have a great Saturday night show, feel like a star, feel brilliant. And then by Tuesday afternoon, cause I was right on the show, if you didn't have an idea,

you felt like the biggest failure. So it was like final exams every week. But I think if I'd known I was going to hang around there a long time, I would have relaxed and not been so tense. Did you and Lauren know each other from Toronto? Did you guys, had you guys known each other before, like before you came on SNL? Lauren came and saw God's Bell in 73, but I knew Lauren through Gilda. Right.

So the devil back, this is interesting. So, so you do one year in SNL, Lauren says you want to come back. You say no, you've got a young baby. What's, what's that moment like? Because you know what you could do. You know what SNL is. You could go in there week after week and continue to create characters and continue to write and whatever, maybe for four, five, six years more if you wanted to.

And yet you decide, no, I'm going to go do something else. That's kind of a bold move. I don't know. I think, I think, again, SCTV three years and then that four years. And but I remember going to Lauren's apartment in New York, it's, it's a May of 1985. I have a slight rain man thing of days. And I just don't let him, and I went to Lauren's apartment to discuss this Western three amigos. And but he kept saying, should he go back and what if I went back with him?

And I said, well, how, how could I do a movie and do serenity live? He said, it's called scheduling. Right. Right. And Marty, you know, when we, I went to your cabin in, uh, Muskoka, Muskoka, Muskoka Lakes. And it's so beautiful and pleasant up there. And we had such a great time and you're one of the most joyous, kind, pleasant people I've ever known and hung out with and my friends with.

And you, you've shared with me this one kind of way you view life and the way you take time for your friends, you take time for your job, you take time for your family, you take, and there's this one thing you know, I'm talking about, you mean the nine categories? Maybe that's what it is. And can you tell what that is? Oh, well, this is when I was like about 28. And it was the first time I, you know, I started working when I was 22 and I just worked all the time.

And now for the first time I hit this patch where I remember I kept going down and trying to get to Toronto. Every time I went down to get the subway, the subway was leaving. It didn't matter if I ran toward the subway or walk slowly toward it, it was always leaving. And I thought, I guess when the subway's arriving, that's when I will get another job, but there's a good chance I'll never work again. Now, so this was lasted for about two months, but it was the first time I'd gone through this.

And then afterwards, and by the end of that year, I realized I'd made more money and had lots of jobs. And I thought, gee, I wish I could have those two months back. I'm not going to let that happen again. So that I thought, wait a second, what if your career was just one of nine courses you took? And so that means if you're not working, if you get an F in your career, you can still get a good GPA by doing well in the other categories like subjects. So the categories were one was self, you know, what's your weight?

Are you working out? Are you in good health? Two is your wife, girlfriend, and kids. And if you have a wife and a girlfriend, you know. You're doing great. You got an A. And then three was your original family, siblings. Four was your friends. Five was finances.

Six was creativity. And then discipline and seven. And then the last one is lifestyle. Like are you having any fun? How did you think of, did you read that? I mean, you just thought of it yourself? No, I just, it just came upon me one day. And then I would actually do it, and I would actually do it like a report card.

Like I'd get myself Christmas grades and finals. Yeah. Oh, you would go back and look through that. That's interesting. Yeah. Well, I would just, I would think that, okay, so this is now horrible. Okay. I got to say that's a D. How can I get an A. Oh, I can be a better friend.

Okay. And I can pull that up to an A. But wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't not pulling a good grade in finances pull everything down and potentially out onto the street? Oh, he never pays for dinner. That's how he gets an A. Oh, God. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, you can be very rich in your career of being the dumper. Look at, look at Sean. No, Sean, Sean is spiritually broken for sure. Of course. Sure. Can I, can I close the loop on the report card thing with a semi-serious question here? Yeah.

What is your highest grade and your lowest grade right now in your, in your nine channels? I also color code my weight. Got it. Based on the John Ashcroft alert system. So like the, the, the, the lowest you'd ever be is in your green zone. And then the next is your blue zone. And that's kind of like where you want it to be. And then, then there's the yellow zone, then there's the orange zone, and then there's

the red zone. I'm in pig purple. So for that, which is beyond red, that's, so I would say that I would have to therefore give category one, um, about my health is great. I'm swimming every day, but I, it's, it's, it's not beautiful naked. So I would give myself a B minus there. Purely on just, I'm seven pounds overweight. Seven.

So, so when you take a nude selfie, you're not. Which I will. And send you some. Right. Of course. That's why. Well, we need to promote the podcast. Yeah.

Got it up. All right. So, so, so health, so health is, is a B. So would that be your highest grade? No, I think, I think, uh, I've never been hotter at showbiz. I would say, um, well, lifestyle is always an A. I have a good life. You know what I mean? Yeah. I, I, I get out, um, creativity, that's a D. Uh, discipline is just what's lower

than enough. But I, I definitely, I'm a good friend. I've got lots of money. So if you have lots of money, like you've got Ozark money. Yeah. And then the friends are just, they take care of themselves with that. Right. Yeah.

Um, the discipline, you strike me as a very disciplined person. You're saying you're not. I am. I am. I'm just trying to be self-effacing. Yeah. Cause you know, there's everyone saying, I'm so great. I feel the fool.

I don't know that that comes through talk as much as it visual aid. If, Sean, if you could see him right now. He's, he's a, uh, a picture of discipline. So in anticipation of Marty being here today, I went and did the thing that I like to do about once every six months, which is watch this scene from Clifford, watch, watch a scene from Clifford, um, with, uh, with Charles Groton and, um, and Marty, you play a boy of 12. Is that right?

10. And then I thought it would be very, very important that he was prepubescent. Right. Sorry. Sorry. He's 10. He's obsessed with dinosaurs. Yes.

And there's a scene. Mitch Hurwitz and I have watched, I'm going to say a thousand times, I'm just going to take the, I'm going to take the ender on it because there's a scene where Groton says to you, I'm going to tell you something. Don't touch the, he keeps saying, don't touch the dinosaur and you keep subtly reaching your hand for the dinosaur. And he's like, leave it alone and he takes it away and he puts it in his pocket because you won't stop touching it.

Yes, I'm going to go and I'm going to tell her this and that. Look at me. Look at me like a boy. Starts to contort his face to look at him because he says, look at me like a human boy. Well, he gets there. He first says boy, but then he says, and then you control your face and he goes, look at me like a human boy. Does this look where he tries, it's a 10 year old trying to figure out what a, it's one

of my favorite moments I've ever, I think. Thank you, William. Oh God. It's like, that's my, that's my moment that I wish that I could have. And I think if I had a piece of talent, I'd do that. Marty, tell us what Steve Martin, when he introduces the movie Clifford to the audience. Oh yes. He says, he says, Marty was in a film, I'm telling a story, he says, what's your most

embarrassing thing? I said, well, in 1990, I made a film called Clifford and you know, you'll get this from the audience. And he said, see the people that applauded, remember that movie. And the people that didn't applaud, also remember that. But I'll bet you'll say, cause I was also one of the luckiest guys in the world to work with Charles Groden. I'll bet you'll say the greatest thing about that movie was working with, with, with Chuck

Groden. He was so fantastic and so funny. I love that guy. Oh my God, I adored him. He was fabulous. He was so funny and smart and hip and all the stories. Is he retired? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. He still does stuff. He was spending a lot of time championing people who are incarcerated without cause or it does benefits for that. Yeah. Yeah. He's really, really passionate about that.

And his comfortable living, you know, gorgeous mansion in Connecticut. He's, he's, he's done it. You know, it reminds me, it's Sean, you saying about Steve, I remember being at dinner one time with you guys and Steve told a funny story and people laughed and he goes, I tell you, man, if you don't get an agent after that story, I don't know. Like, you're the only person I know who can, who consistently, you know, make fun of him and he loves it more than anything. God, he loves it.

Yeah, he does. He has never at any time, you know, cause we will do interviews together cause we used to do live shows. And we would, they'd always said, do you guys insult each other? Do you ever go too far? And we realized both that we've never, ever, ever gone too far and never had a fight, I don't think. In fact, I know.

And I think it's that he believes that it would be impossible for me to ever say anything that truly was meant to hurt him. He just does not in his computer. That's sweet. Yeah. He just doesn't think that you have that mean bone in your body. Is that right? So anything that's kind of on the line, he just gives you the benefit of the doubt?

Absolutely. Although Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall once said to me about Jiminy Glick, he said, you have finally created a character who's as mean as you really are in life. Speaking of that, you know, that is one of the most iconic characters of all time. I mean, it is, it is one of the most incredible, it's endlessly funny. Well, Ed Grimly is pretty high up there. And Ed Grimly. Yeah, they're all.

What about Uncle Jack? Uncle Jack from Arrested Development. Marty, who was the best Jiminy Glick interview and who was the worst? Well, I can't say who the worst was. That would be mean. But the best, I don't know, they were all, I don't even think of anyone as, I remember with John Lovitz, I fell asleep in the middle of me interviewing. He was answering a question.

In the middle of asking a question. I asked him a question. He, as he was answering, I fell asleep and fell out of the chair, out of the ground. And then, I remember saying to Steven Spielberg, what are you going to do, the big one, the one that connects the people? But I told Steven, he's an old friend of mine, I said, at one point, I'm going to, this is the one before we start, I said, I'm going to ask you a question to define your kind of filmmaking.

And he said, wow, that's, I said, no, no, it will be all fine. And so he, he looked off and as I'm asking the question, I mean, I asked him what about his career and filmmaking and he starts going on about it. And as he's looking off, I slid out of the chair and the camera followed me over to the craft service table. And I got a million gummy bears and four donuts and then crawled back and the camera's just on me. And then I sit in the chair and he's saying, but you know, I think Fellini, I didn't, that

wonderful. Now, I love the answer to this. But my favorite line, I must admit, was to Mel Brooks when I said, what's your big beef with the Nazis? So he always said it like, was he anti-Semitic? You didn't quite know. He wasn't, of course. So you mentioned before that you talked to Lauren about Three Amigos.

Yes. A film that you did end up making, of course. Yes. And you wrote as well. Is that true? No, no, no, no. It was written by Steve Martin, Lauren and Randy Newman. And is that the first time you met Steve on that movie?

Uh-huh. Wait a minute. Lauren Michaels and Randy Newman were two of the three writers? Yes, I am. Has either one of them ever written anything before or since? Well, Lauren started off as a writer. He wrote for, you know, the Phyllis Diller sitcom. He wrote for, he wrote a lot of things.

Paul Simon specials. And Randy Newman. And Randy, well, you know, it was a musical. So Randy, but Randy came up with funny things. I think his singing bush was his idea. You know, they would get together the three of them and, you know, meet for lunch and then drink some wine and write. Would you, so that was the first time you met Steve.

Was that like kind of love at first sight for you guys? Well, I didn't, you know, I went to his after my dinner with Lauren in May of 85, May of 85, I went to, um, then I'm back in LA and I went to Steve's house to pick up a script for three amigos. And I'd never met him. I was excited to meet him, you know, obviously. And I went into his house and it was his old house in Bedford Drive. And there was just, I could, everywhere I looked, there was a Picasso, it was a, you

know, a hopper. And I said to him, how did you get this rich because I've seen your work. And he really laughed. And then he said, can you give the script to Martin Short? And from that moment on, it was a love affair. Yes. That's great. Can I go deep on the Rain Man thing?

Is there something there? Like, is it, does it extend beyond date recall? Like, do you remember Lines really well? Lines are pretty good, but really about dates. And I remember, I don't have it, you know, like Mary Lou Henner has it. That's called H. Sam. Okay. In fact, I know I don't, because one time I was saying to someone, you know, I have

that kind of H. Sam, you know, like Mary Lou, uh, like, you know, what's her name? So I knew that it wasn't, but, but I did Mary, Mary Lou, Mary Lou Henner, who's one of the great women of all time. So she had a radio show and she, uh, we were talking and she said, do you remember, um, I was doing this show, The Associates that got quickly cast and she was doing taxi. And it was Jim Brooks, both his shows. So that's when I first met her. But the end of that year, we went to the Golden Globes and I, she said, do you remember who

was at our table? Cause she said, she can remember what the dress she wore and what she ate. Wow. And I said, well, I remember it was my wife, Nancy. She said, yeah, and you were with John Travolta. She said, yeah. And who else was at the table? I said, I, I can't remember.

Steven Spielberg. I never met him. For some reason, I couldn't remember Steve. So she literally remembers every detail and emotion of her life. That's a real H. Sam. Did you remember dates too? In that way? She remembers everything.

I can remember, like I would say to my wife, when, when do you think we first went to Rome? She'd say, I don't know, 88, 91. I could tell you the month and the year. So I can do that. Do you know why that is? Is it, is it, is it based on growing up in a, in a place that, that has seasons? Cause like out here in LA at like every month is April. Do you know what I actually think?

I think a part of it is I equate it to what I was doing and what I was working and because I was never like in a long run, anything. I think I just can remember that helps anyway. And I think seasons do help. And do you like that not having a steady, a steady job that, that, that thing that is in this business? Like if you have a really good year, you get effectively fired six times, you know, you get multiple jobs.

Do you like that about this, about this business or, or are you somebody that, that, that prefers stability and routine and predictability? I guess what Jason's saying is that what you like about your career, not having work? I'm analyzing myself actually. Well I, I don't know. It's, it's, it's, I guess there's pluses and negatives. You're not stuck in anything, but at times you feel like, you know, I don't know. It's always been, it was amazing to me in my career.

I never, I really never had a lot of successful things. They became successful, you know, either through DVD or, or, or replay of it. But at the time, you know, I made a film interspace that was Spielberg. We thought it was going to be the greatest hit in the world and it no one saw. But now people go up and say, oh, and they're stunned to think that that didn't open at the time. So, you know, you have, everyone has those all over the place. But were you always confident that there would be a space for you, that there would be, there

would be a, a lane somewhere in the business that you could occupy, whether. I did, I did kind of not think, oh, I guess you're no good. I did have that weird confidence. I think I was the youngest of five kids and everyone loved each other and everyone, you know, picked me up and carried me and I was the cutest and I think that carried me throughout my life. But, but, and also kind of what we talked about before, which I really admire and try to do as well as much as I can.

Is that idea that you like having the nine categories, but also you put, you don't tether your happiness as a person to what you're necessarily doing work wise, you have such a full life. And I mean, that's in all earnestness, like you, you take three months off, you go up to Miss Coco, you spend time with family, you, that, that's kind of your measure of success I'm gathering. I think so. Yeah.

That, that's back to the nine categories, you know, but you can't just put your, you can't put your, you know, your only marks in category six career. But I, I think that, yeah, I always remember reading about John Paul Getty, the third was kidnapped at 19 and is, they cut his ear off and sent it to his grandfather and he said, I'm not paying. Well, that's not a successful life for either one, for either one, for, for the Banco kid or the mean grandfather. Well, one of the things that, that's always been so inspiring to me about you is the confidence

thing. And I talked to you about that a lot, but it's like, you know, I think everybody aspires and the, everybody who runs around this business so insecure, oh my God, where's my next job? How am I coming off? Well people like me, all those things, but you don't seem to have any of those things. And why is that? Like you, you are, your confidence just carries you through. You don't care about the usual things that other people in this business care about.

Well, thanks, Sean. I think that for me, you know, it's, you know, talk to me, sorry. He has another question for you, but it's not that. Is that the doorbell at your castle? That is, that's my, that's my clock ringing the chime. I forgot. I used to do Catherine Hepburn. You know, I did a movie the week with her.

You did? I did. Yeah. It was a, I think in like the early nineties on CBS, one of her last jobs, I played her driver. It was like a driving Miss Daisy type of, type of thing. It was, it was awesome. Anyway, I, I, not my interview.

Yeah. Why are you crying? She was so crying to me. Yeah. You got kind of, I call it a bad acting choke in your throat. I call it. We were talking about confidence. I don't know.

I think, well, wait a second, Sean, wouldn't you say of yourself, Sean? Yeah. Do you ever go and say, I guess I don't have any talent and I am not worthy? I don't think you do. And if you don't, why? No. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. No. I think I have something to offer, but it's just the way that you don't hold on to things, I think. You don't hold on to things. You don't hold on. You don't have grudges. I feel like it seems like you can just move on from failure after failure.

No. It seems like, it seems like you can just move on from things that work and things that don't work. I wonder why that is. I truly, and I mean that sincerely, is that, is that DNA or is that the way you're raised or is, what do you think that is? Because I don't know. This, this will sound very LA, but what's your sign?

Aries. Yeah. I'm going to take that to my wife. Well, let me ask this then, conversely, what is the thing or things that make you uneasy or insecure or unsure? Well, I don't think there's many things that make me feel those things. I mean, I would be unhappy if there's family issues and people are not well or friends are sad.

That makes me sad. I don't really think at this stage of my life that, that I feel insecure about many things because as you get older, you know, I'm 70 now. You don't sit back and go, oh my God, they better like me. You have the body of a 68 year old though. Thank you so much. You know what you, you know what you never hear any time that your name comes up. I've never heard anybody say, boy, that guy's a jerk.

Yeah. Not once. And that's probably part of it, I mean, is that, yeah, you're, you have a, well, I haven't heard, I've never heard that the two of you were jerks. Well, I'm just, I don't know who, yeah, I get it. I won't say. I get it. I get it.

Oh, by the way, one of the funniest thing that still makes me laugh, you know, when we did a recipe development, we did a lot of improvise. And what I loved about doing that show reminded me of doing SCTV because that's what we used to do. And we'd go to the monitor and look at it, then we'd come back, you know, and change things and make sure it was kept adding things. But we had this big strong guy who had to carry me around because I didn't have the use of my legs.

I was playing this character on the back and we kept adding things. And at one point we was a break and I saw when he was crying because we'd worn him out. I mean, his muscles like this, but they were burned out because we had added so much. And then I remember another time where we would just play around with tapes and at one time Jason is telling a story and I'm his uncle and I just collapsed right into your crotch. And you just kept talking, but like a slow tree falling over because you have no, no use of your, of your core muscles or your legs at all.

So if you're not perfectly centered over your, over your hips, you'll just slowly fall over and, and my lap is in your way. Yeah. And I just kept talking like that. Jason doesn't flinch. If somebody goes to his crotch, he will not flinch. That is, that is a dead area for me too. I wasn't aware you were down there.

Were you, were you, did you know anything about the show when Mitch asked you to do it? No way. You watched it? No, but we got back from those who had that it was lots of fun. And why did you say yes? Did you know, did you know Mitch? No, I didn't know Mitch and I had watched the rest of the battle.

It was a massive fan. Oh man. I was. I remember us was such a, when we heard that you were coming to do this show, that was like a, such a pinch me moment. I was a mess. Yeah. I remember, I remember shooting in the beach.

I'm duct taped to a horse and vomiting. And then I see this woman waving her eyes, go, muddy, muddy, and it was lies. Do you think I'm going to say no to that show? No, I love that show. I'd watch, I'd watch it right from the beginning. It's not true. It's a huge fan of recent development. It's hilarious.

Marty, can I ask you the question that, that gets asked me, I'm sure you've been asked a million times. It's kind of one of those annoying questions they say, what is it about Canada that produces so many funny people? It's true though. What is it like for people who aren't from there, which is the world? What, what is it about? Have you been asked that a thousand times in your life?

A million times. And I used to think it was a really silly question because, you know, the arts have no border, but then as people just kept coming and kept, you know, and then there was Mike Myers and then there was Phil Hartman, there's you, and there's Seth, Rogan, and it's endless. Jim Carrey. And it continues. Jim Carrey, yes. And not even talking about Catherine and Andrea and all these geniuses.

I think there is something about, well, Lorne Michaels' theory is that, especially with characters that they, that we had more patience for odd behavior in Canada. But I don't really know why. I know that when in 1972, when I started off now, I'm in God's Bell, there was a scene in Toronto of talented people like you couldn't believe. There was John Candy, there was Danny Ackler, there's Gilda, Eugene, and all these people. And you go, but I remember, I used to go with Gilda and I remember the first person in our group that went down to New York to get a job was Paul Schaefer.

He was working on the magic show, the Doug Hennings show. And Stephen Schwartz had written the music and he had done God's Bell. So he hired Paul to be a pianist on that show. And I remember in Gilda's kitchen, phoning Paul, the two of us are like this. And Gilda says, Paul, what are New York afterists like? And Paul said, well, I don't, maybe you're my friends. I think you guys are just as talented. And we got off the phone saying, ah, how sweet.

What a friend. Because as Canadians, we just didn't really, it seemed like you were Neptune. It didn't seem realistic that you could ever, you know, go to, you know, New York, live on Hollywood and work. So is any of that true? No, no. In fact, you know what? I have the wrong, I put the wrong lenses in, I'm reading it and I struggle.

I just want to ask one question before we wrap up. John Candy. Yeah. Obviously, you guys did SCTV together. What was your relationship like with John Candy? What was he like? Was he just the greatest guy with the most naturally funny guy? I was very close friend of mine.

We, you know, we did second city stage and we did, but and SCTV, John was exactly what you would hope he was. He was generous and funny. That was actually his laugh and he was the sweetest, kindest, most generous. I remember one night, we were all, you know, we were all on the stage, we were all making the same money and I'm driving home and I said to Nancy, John always picks up the tab and yet he makes the same money I do and it just, it was, no, I'm paying. He was, it was, there was like kind of a Ralph Prampton great grand quality to him.

And he was, he was a masterful person. I just, I, you know, there's like, what was that SCTV game show you guys just do? It was like the stupidest people. Halfwits. Halfwits. So Eugene, let me, he's the host and then you got John Candy and Andrea and Joe Flaherty and Marty and they're all, they're the dumbest people and they're the contestants. John Candy's the first one they say, I forget the guy's name, like, Hey, Gary, what do you

do? Well, I got a job. We answered like, do you have a family? I do. Well, was that a huge inspiration for you? That show as a kid. Loved SCTV, of course. And as a Canadian, really identified and was so proud that there was something Canadian

that all these guys, most of them were actually Canadian, except for maybe. Well, Andrea is born important mate. Right. And Joe Flaherty is from Pittsburgh. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, of course.

So for us, like for me, as a young guy, watching these guys and so funny and so, and they're doing kind of what you were saying, like, you guys are doing it here. This is incredible. Like this is, it's, it's, it's funny, you know, funnier than anything else. And it's ours. I took, you know, like a lot of Canadians, I was so proud of it and really aspired to do something like that. Although I was too dumb to get into sketch comedy.

I asked me once, like, why don't you ever get into sketch, I was like, huh, it's not too late. I never thought of that as an option. What about stand up, Marty? Did you ever do any of that? I didn't. I did it once. I did it once after I left second city stage.

I thought I'm going to do, I know what I'll do this week and I'll write a stand up act. And I had a friend, Carol poke, and she was in a punk rock group called rough trade. And I said, she said, we'll open for us. We're playing at the Edgerton, so this is nightclub. And I got up and the whole crowd was just, you know, cats and carvings and two people dressed as my deceased parents in the front row. They were intimidating is what I'm saying. And I really bombed and a guy threw a beer in my face.

And then I left the stage and I think I said, hey, I'm not on a diet, this is a light beer, tried that. And I had no material, I had no material. I didn't want people to laugh as much as, you know, randomly turn to each other and go. Exactly. You know, I want to do a reference to Camus. And this is a punk rock group audience.

And so anyway, I remember going backstage afterwards and Carol came in and we're just in crying on Marty. I'm so sorry. Tomorrow night, it will be so different. And I said, yes, because I'll be home watching Mike Connors on Manics. I will not be here. I was the only time I ever did stand up. Oh, wow.

And then, you know, as I do shows now, I ended up my own shows. You kind of do a form of monologue, but never, I never close. Marty, what is what is the rest of the day for you? What type are you? Are you are you a homebody? Do you like, do you like to just take it into maybe a five o'clock dinner and an eight o'clock sleep? I will tell you exactly what I'm going to do at four o'clock, I'm having a very hip

masks on social walk with Mr. Christopher Guest, such a big fan, the greatest genius of them all. I love his wife, too. Jamie Lee, he once said to me, I was making a film Captain Ron and he said, Mark, what's this film about? I said, well, I play a man with two children who inherits a boat. He said, I didn't say, spoil it for me. Marty, thank you so much for coming on the show.

We really appreciate it. We love you even more than we already did. Am I right? 100%. I love Martin Short. I love you three. Thank you so much. My honor and pleasure to be on your show, the McGuire's Sister Podcast.

Let's try to clear it. Why not? We should. I love you. Thank you. Love you. Very, very much. Love you, Marty.

Thanks, Marty. Thank you, Sean. Have a good walk. Bye, William. Bye. Bye. Bye. Will, great guest.

Fantastic guest, Will. I don't know how you do it. It was great to have Marty. Wasn't it? Yeah. He's literally the funniest person I've ever known. I agree. I agree.

And he was one of those guys, like I said, that, you know, I just thought as a young Canadian, and I'm still a young Canadian, I thought how this guy, I mean, you know, he's from where I'm from and, you know, he was just, but also maybe the funniest person I've ever known. Yeah. Him and Steve Martin were my two big, huge inspirations. So he was an early inspiration for you, yeah? Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Kind of percent. Yeah. SETV. Then why didn't you go into sketch comedy? Honestly, I was too dumb. No, come on. I never considered it.

I never thought about it. I've said that my sort of rote answer is, when I was young, I wanted to be taken seriously. So I thought I'd be, I always goofed around and I thought I was relatively funny, but I didn't think that it was something that I could do, do. And I've had moments of like, oh, God damn it, I wish I'd gotten into sketch or I wish I'd gotten to Second City or tried to do that route. And so you were thinking early on that you were going to go the root of a dramatic actor and the comedy was just sort of in for your just personal life.

Yeah. Same. Absolutely. That was it. Same here. It wasn't until I started getting kicked out of schools that I realized that, oh, my mouth is, maybe I should put it to better use. Well, I remember somebody saying to me once when I was a teenager, they said, I was such

a smart ass and I had such a wise mouth and they said, you remind me of that kid on It's Your Move. Come on. I don't know if I've ever told you that. Truly? Yeah. I've never told you that over all these years. Yeah.

You know, years ago said to me, you remind me of that kid on It's Your Move, which was Jason's show that it was a spinoff in effect of Silver Spoons. Silver Spoons. Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. Do you remember that, Sean? And Jason was on Silver Spoons.

He was so good basically that they gave him his own show. And the show lasted one season. Almost one season. Yeah. No, I think the ratings were okay, but at that point, they had this thing called research, NBC research, was parents were writing letters to NBC complaining that their kids were doing some of the same scams and pranks that the writers were writing my character to do. Right.

So they asked them to kind of dial back on that and it became sort of like this PR problem and probably the ratings didn't make it undeniable either. So they just axed it. Were you kind of like a, you were like a smart ass, like latchkey kid, you had a single mom? Is that right? A dealer, dealer living in an apartment building and, you know, yeah, stealing answers to tests and keys to people's apartments and all that kind of stuff. But imagine my delight when we first started working together, became friends and I realized

how close to that character you really are. Yeah. I don't like to do a lot of acting. So I just pick the characters that are just inside my borders. Which is why, and you, you shouldn't say that because you have done a lot of money laundering in your life. I obsessed, I obsessed over you, Jason, on the Hogan family, like never, ever missed an episode.

Come on. Like this guy is the greatest, funniest, oh my God. And you know, that was one of the shows where I was like, I want to do that just because of that show. Are you serious? You never told me that. Yeah. I'm telling you now.

And that's how I felt. When I first watched Will and Grace, I thought, man, I'm going to quit show biz because fuck this. You know what I mean? Look what can happen, bullshit, that is bullshit. Right there. Gays on TV. But if we, if the, I don't think the three of our careers could, could, could equal Martin

Schwartz and the amount of work and characters and admiration and relevance he has. And laughs and laughs per, like the, the actual tonnage of laughs that he's created are almost insurmountable. Well, that was fun. Yeah, he's the best. Did you learn, you learned some stuff about Marty today. I didn't know the medical school thing. I did not know that.

Yeah. I did not know that either. Um, I did know, uh, what an incredibly kind, decent, patient, uh, engaging guy he is. Um, I, I, you know, I didn't know he was 70. I mean, you can't tell from, look, I mean, running around like he's 30, he looks great. It looks great. He's, he's working his tail off. I mean, that's where I'd like to be in 20 years.

I mean, he didn't go to, he went to medical school briefly, but he's still an amateur proctologist. Yeah. Do you have his number? Mm hmm. Okay, great. Well, um, I guess I'll see you guys next time. Um, this is the part, let me just look at my script.

Oh, this is where I go. Bye. Bye. Ding-dong. Yeah. Smart. What. Smart.

What. Smart. What. What. What. What. What. What.

What.