Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - Stories That Made Us Go "OOF" | Reading Reddit Stories

Episode Date: January 11, 2025

Cringe is the sister of embarrassment. 0:00 Intro 1:56 I made my one night stand breakfast https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/f3kweh/tifu_by_making_my_onenight_stand_breakfast/ 9:50 I didn't know Rachel Ray had a dog food line https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1dyrqeq/tifu_by_not_knowing_rachel_ray_had_a_dog_food_line/ 17:27 I sent a picture of my penis to my boss for his wife https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1dxw5y6/tifu_by_sending_a_picture_of_my_penis_to_my_boss/ 24:45 I finished before clothes came off https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1gsjdz2/tifu_by_finishing_before_clothes_even_came_off/ 37:24 I created the most embarrassing moment of my life https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ola24z/tifu_by_creating_the_most_terrifying_and/ 45:56 I got my cousin and I kicked out of a restaurant https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13hkysm/aita_for_embarrassing_my_cousin_and_getting_us/ 1:01:28 I accidentally farted on a first date https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bt1m0q/i_accidentally_farted_on_a_first_date_and_she/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Ian Hecox // https://www.instagram.com/ianhecox/ Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Arasha Lalani // https://www.instagram.com/arashalalani_/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Emily Rose Jacobson Editor: Vida Robbins & Rock Coleman Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Emily Rose Jacobson Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Bailey Petracek Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner Assistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman Prop Assistant: Jacqui Culler Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Camera Operator: Eric Wann Assistant Director: Alexcina Figueroa Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Quincy Bell Production Intern: Caroline Smith Post Production Manager: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran IT: Tim Baker Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Graphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Social Media Intern: Mailyn Stiffler Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia People Operations Specialist: Katie Fink Front Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome back to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's stories are all about embarrassment and cringe. And I am joined by two of the cringiest people I know. I knew it. You knew it was coming. I knew it. Yeah.

You knew it was coming. I do it every time. Well, that was cringy of you to say. Yeah. Ian and Arasha are here. Two of the most embarrassing and cringy people. Actually not being cringy, Ian had one of his most adorable moments a second ago

where he just was like, I'm so glad we're doing this. I said, I'm so glad you're here. I think I said that. It was such a positive sweet moment. We have the footage. Yeah. We do have the footage.

We can just cut to that right now. Show it really quick. Show it. Bah. Bah. I'm glad we're able to do this together. Oh. But these are not wholesome stories.

No. These are embarrassing. They are cringe-worthy, so they're the best kind. And I was forged in the fires of embarrassment and cringe. I think it's worse to be cringey than be embarrassing. Well, they're kind of, I get how they're different. Yeah. But they are of the same tree, right?

Sure, sure. I feel like cringe is subjective, where embarrassing is everyone can pretty much agree when something is embarrassing. But it's like when you're cringing at someone, it's like, ooh, like that gives me the edge. You know what I sometimes think is cringy? Cringe, to me, is when the other person isn't embarrassed.

Oh, yeah. I don't think things are cringy if the person doing it is embarrassed and they're like, oh, shoot. Then it's not, it never is as cringy if the person doing it is embarrassed and they're like, oh, shoot. Then it's not, it never is as cringy to me. You're right. It's when someone's confidently doing something and it's like, oh, they're not embarrassed about this.

They're going all in. That's where it's usually cringy. Yeah. Which is actually awesome. Cause if someone's embarrassed, I feel a little more pity. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, you're great. Right. Right. We'll see what these elicit out of like, oh, I'm sorry, you're great. Right. Right.

We'll see what these elicit out of us. Yeah, we'll see if they're cringy. Our first story comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by making my one night stand breakfast. Aw, doesn't seem embarrassing, that seems sweet. He was wholesome. I got out of a bad relationship a few months ago and only recently felt good enough

to get out of the house again. This was my first ever boyfriend and he turned out to be a piece of crap. So I was obviously a bit hesitant. But some old friends from high school were visiting my town and asked if I wanted to go on a bar crawl with them and I figured, fuck it. It's not like anything will happen

other than getting drunk with some pals, so why not? At the first bar, we ran into a group of guys from my university. I had seen some of them around, but never spoke to them before. One of my friends decides she's going to force me to get out of my shell, and drags our group over to talk with them.

I'm extremely quiet, like weirdly quiet to most people. So I end up sitting in the corner of our booth and not saying anything, just drinking and feeling awkward. Well, one of the guys in the other group, let's call him Adam, is also being weirdly quiet. So my friends and his friends, who are already tipsy, decide to make things as awkward as possible by making us play truth or dare, except we have to drink when we don't want to answer something. There are a lot of personal slash sexual questions

neither of us want to answer, so we end up drinking quite a bit. And by the time we're done at the first bar, Adam and I are on a whole different plane of existence from everyone else. And it turned out we had a lot in common. And he was pretty cute, and we're goofing around and laughing the whole time. I started to get butterflies in my stomach, and not just from the alcohol.

Adam has my exact sense of humor and is really sweet and kind. We wander off and start having deep, drunk conversations about feeling left out of things and how annoying it is when people say shit like, can they speak? I tell him I'm walking home and he offers to walk with me. I know where this is going,

but I'm drunk enough that I don't feel nervous. Plus I feel like I have a genuine connection with this guy. Our friends are wolf whistling as we leave and instead of being embarrassed, I feel weirdly proud. So we get to my place, talk and smoke for a bit and do the deed. I wake up earlier than him and decide I'm going to make a nice breakfast.

I want to impress him and show him I like him, and everyone likes a good breakfast when they have a hangover, right? So I sneak out of bed and make scrambled eggs, French toast, and sausage. I prefer almond milk, so I use that for the eggs and French toast. He wakes up and tells me I look just as cute sober.

At this point, I'm convinced he's the love of my life. He sees the breakfast. That's all it takes. The bar is so low. And you're telling me your ex was a piece of crap. He's like sausage. He sees the breakfast and gets excited and I'm like, yes, my plan worked.

I'm going to get to his heart through his stomach. We eat and everything goes great for a few bites. Then he makes a weird face and clears his throat. His eyes start to widen and he asks me if there were nuts in the bread or something. I say no, but I used almond milk. He jumps out of his chair and says, call an ambulance right now.

I'm freaking the fuck out. He's wheezing and stuff and looks absolutely panicked. I ask if he has an EpiPen and he shakes his head no. So I call an ambulance and tell them he's having an allergic reaction and paramedics come and haul him off. This happened last weekend. I have not heard back from him since.

I found his buddy and confirmed he's not dead. I guess accidentally triggering a severe allergic reaction does not lead to romance. No dude, that's a meet cute. That's a story they're gonna tell their kids. Yeah, I think he's probably feeling embarrassed maybe. So that's tough though. Don't get me wrong, it's embarrassing as hell.

It was an accident, she didn't know. Right, no, no, of course not. But, oh my gosh. Yeah, it feels like the beginning of a romantic comedy. I know, and it's so sweet that they're so similar in personalities and they relate as well in a lot of their insecurities, which by the way, so messed up for people

to ever use the sentence, can they speak in front of another person? Just pretending that they're not there, that like totally threw me off. But it seems like they're very similar and maybe somebody who would have gotten freaked out by somebody making them breakfast would have reacted differently,

but it just feels like a little misfortune. Nobody necessarily misstepped. Totally. Man though, that was brutal. I just would never, like it shocks me cause I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't think to check with my one night stand if like, hey, by the way, babe, wake up, like nuts.

They're allergic to that. They're gonna think something else if you reach over to your one night stand and say nuts. I mean, I do say that that is my pickup line generally. Hey, nuts. Hey, nuts. Yeah, last night was nuts. Nuts, yeah.

And I can see how he didn't question it because French toast, eggs, and sausage aren't typically, if you have a nut allergy, gonna be. But almond milk in it also makes a little bit, that makes sense. It does. It would substitute it. Yeah.

So it's just a pure accident. Do you put milk or milk alternatives into your scrambies? No, no I don't. But French toast I could see someone using almond milk. Right. Because I use regular milk, but Regular milk is in.

If someone did almond milk I'd be like, okay cool. Yeah, I just would never think to check with the person. It's also tough though. Allergies, but yeah. I wouldn't think, I would, maybe this is bad, I would assume if someone has a severe allergy, they would be like, hey, they would check first. If they're a stranger, obviously if I know someone

and I know their allergies, I'm gonna make sure. Yeah. If you have a severe allergy, and I'm not trying to blame him or anything, but if you have a severe allergy like anaphylaxis or something like that, most of those people do carry EpiPens. They are very expensive.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I know a friend that carries his everything. Right. I mean, obviously in this situation, neither of them are wrong. I mean, obviously in this situation, neither of them are like, wrong. At fault, yeah. This is pure wild, like I said, romantic comedy events.

Yeah. So funny the way she wrote it too. Like, that was last weekend, he's dead. I know, we don't have, I have to be forthright, we don't have an update, so. Well, they're too busy getting married. They're too busy fucking now. I really hope so.

That doesn't seem too cringy to me. So, I don't think this is too bad. This is more like, in the scheme of things, now that he's okay, this is more like, silly story you do tell people down the line. Silly. Comments, comments, real talk, anaphylaxis is fucking terrifying, but also real talk, that guy is way more embarrassed

about the whole thing than you, and that's probably why he hasn't reached out. I agree, I think she should reach out to him. Someone else said, my husband accidentally broke my nose on our second weekend together. I make fun of him, but for me, it's just a funny story. He didn't do it on purpose, we were roughhousing, and he pushed me toward the couch. My face hit the arm.

Roughhousing on the second date? Damn, they were really roughhousing. Talk about nuts. Okay. Someone else said this. I don't think he's avoiding her out of anything else but embarrassment. OP should reach out.

Someone replied to that saying, absolutely, reach out to him. Tell him you owe him a non-toxic meal. Also, just a nice thing to do. I agree, this story is not cringy because they're both embarrassed. Right, and when you consider the personalities that she set up in her original post as well,

they're both already, in her words, weirdly quiet, so I'm sure that they- They're similar, so her feeling is probably his feeling. Exactly. Yeah, I think this could have a happy ending if she reaches out. Whoa, happy ending. Am I wrong?

A nut-free happy ending. That's not a happy ending. I think there's... I think where this is going... There's gonna be some nuts. It's gonna be nuts. Thanks for having me here, guys. Yeah. Glad I could contribute.

Okay, our next story. This is another Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by not knowing Rachel Ray had a dog food line. Okay. Classic mistake. Classic mistake. I just learned this as well.

Long story short, I was at my local Dollar General and saw a crate full of discounted canned goods. Like 30 cents a can. The flavors sounded awesome. I was like, hell yeah. Rachel surely knows how to dish up some good food. Yeah, she does. I always take my food to work to save money.

Fast forward, it's the middle of the day and I'm eating the Rachel Ray Chicken and Veggies. So proud of myself for eating lunch for 30 cents. A coworker comes into my office and freaks out and asks why I'm eating dog food. I had no idea and started throwing up. Now I have to go to work every day while everyone makes fun of me for eating dog food

and being stupid. Apparently I have to just keep typing for the mods, but that is the end of the story. I threw away all the other cans, especially the beef and cheese, which unfortunately I was looking forward to. Oh! Beef and cheese?

So what's interesting is that they were eating it and liking it, because dog food smells awful. Oh my gosh. I mean, I guess Rachael Ray cooks up some good dog food. Maybe Rachael Ray makes some good ass dog food. Yeah. Well apparently not,

if it's winding up at a dollar general, it's discounted. Oh, that looks delicious. It's a nutritionish. Uh-uh. I can see, I can see. I could get down on a bowl of that. Yeah. Sure. Maybe you can- It's giving like lean cuisine.

Maybe it's good for you. Look, I think it's kind of a life hack to get food for, what, 30 cents? 30 cents. Here's the thing. I got that dog in me. So like, why don't I feed it? We all got that dog in us.

Why don't I feed it? It is barking for Rachel Ray dog food. That is rough. There it is. Hell yeah. That's awesome. We're there. That's awesome.

Move on. Keanu found something out. They've actually made dog food for men. Yes. And I believe this, because that is such a dude product. 100%. It's called dog food, D-A-W-G food.

Human food made for the dog in you. Yes. Crafted specifically for individuals with demanding schedules who crave a healthy whole meal instead of a powdered substitute. Simplify your protein intake. Feed the dog. And the first flavor is nuts.

Hold on, I got the link here, dude. Yeah. I got the link. Oh, I'm just gonna quickly bulk order. I mean, it must come in a can, right? Look at that, dude. That looks like a coffee bag. 45 grams of protein.

I mean, I've definitely seen products similar to this, but this isn't quite the same. It's opening up a can and eating it out of protein. I mean, I've definitely seen products similar to this, but this isn't quite the same. It's opening up a can and eating it out of that. You have to scoop it out into a bowl and go, all right, all right, all right. It's that you ate it at work in front of everyone. And then they started throwing up

when someone pointed it out. Yeah. Which makes it extra funny. I feel like that, I feel like the throwing up was uncalled for. Like just, just, just admit it. You like dog food. You need to own it.

Own it. You need to be like, hell yeah, I am. Well, so then it becomes cringy then, right? By our logic. Well, no, I think you would establish dominance in a way in that sense. I see. It'd be like, oh, my coworker's fully insane. Yeah.

So then fully commit to it, bring the dog food every day. I cannot, I have to respect everything they do now. Honestly, yeah. This is what's funny about working here, is if any of us did that, we would be like, all right, where are the cameras? What bit is this?

Nobody would blink an eye. We would not think anything of it. No. I wouldn't care. So are you guys saying that we should do it and see if anybody says anything? I'm saying we have the ability to and not to worry about repercussions.

Only in this workspace. You say we do it. Have you guys, did you guys ever eat dog food or cat food as a kid? Cause I've definitely had some bites. No, Shane. Dry dog food, I definitely. Maybe you thought we were gonna come in

and be like, yeah, me too! We all did that, right? Yeah, no. See, Shayne. Definitely some dry food. Shayne, this is... I tried like one or two of those little... This is cringe.

As a kid, come on, man. No. Don't attribute it to age. I never tried... Oh, bacon strips? Bacon strips? Did you have bacon strips? Yes, those ones, yeah.

Did you try that? I think I tried one. I mean, the commercials made it look so good. I don't think I ever go buy the one. They looked really good as a kid. And I think I smelled them, but I think I, you smell it close enough and you're like, actually, I know this is not gonna taste good.

Yeah. But the like little tiny, like one single pellet of dry food, I definitely tried it as a kid. And I was like, oh, this is awful. No, I never did that. Wow. But they did make baguette strips look really good.

Like the dogs in the commercials were always so excited for them. Here's baguette! And you see your pets, you see how excited pets are to eat the food and you're like, it must be good. But then it's like, oh, it's awful. Then you remember dogs are dumb. No, I think our cat food food I don't think looks good.

Cat food looks awful all the time. Our cats fucking love it. But then I remember I'm like, oh, cats aren't supposed to have any salt. Salt is bad for them. So I'm like, oh, of course it's bad. Because you guys don't know flavor. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. You don't know the concept of flavor. Call them out. Call those cats out. I'm like, you guys hate salt and citrus? Get out of my face. There's no umami in this dish.

Yeah. Yeah. Bunch of comments here. For what it's worth, dog food isn't inherently bad for you. The main worry is food safety standards for pet food are way more relaxed than for human food, but for higher end dog foods, they are likely going to be human safe.

Someone said, they have these cute dog biscuits that kind of look like Oreos, but one side is black and one side is off white. We were dog sitting for my wife's nephew and they were out on a pantry in the corner of the room. Well, my homie Big Joe comes over and before I can stop him, I pop my head out of the kitchen and he goes, these knockoff Oreos are pretty good

and gets another one. I just fell out laughing and had to have my wife explain. Now if he comes over, I ask if he's a good boy and wants another cookie. Classic Big Joe. I did taste one and to be honest, it was kind of good. Someone else said, but how did it taste? People are curious.

Also, were you just eating it out of the can or did you heat it? OP said straight out of the can like beefaroni. Girl! Honestly not bad. OP also said I would have kept going, not too bad, LOL. Can we get some of those knockoff Oreos for the Smosh kitchen?

Yeah. Try those. That's a really mean prank is to just put dog food out of the kitchen. We fed Angela cat food, so. I forgot that. You're so right. We did, Angela did eat cat food. Yeah, we can't.

Oh, Cameron. That was probably one of the best moments of Yeeted or Yeeted. I don't think she's ever gonna live that down. No, that's her legacy. It already was bad, but then hearing that it was cat food I think just made it a hundred times worse. Her reaction is maybe the funniest reaction

I've ever seen ever Just a pure scream. Yeah God yeah, I would never know. I don't think I ever ate dog food or cat food on eat it or eat it I don't think I've ever eaten any of that on on the channel Yeah, unless I'm wrong and someone finds a clip and I'm like, oh, yeah, actually I did oh which maybe I did I don't think I don't think I did I think I was safe. Mm-hmm. Okay our next story Today I fucked up by sending a picture of my penis to my boss to show his wife. Oh Let's fucking go to

Send a picture Boss to show his wife. I'm gonna preemptively guess that maybe they're all like working at a hospital or the wife is a medical or something. The wife must be a doctor. Yes. Oh, well that's the best case scenario.

The doctor was a woman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Obligatory did not happen today, but last week. I just now have the courage to relive the tale. I'm fairly close with my boss, and his wife is my go-to hairdresser,

because that's her business, and I like to support them. So that figure is out the window. Yeah. Okay. This story just got worse. Now this is really weird. Fine, women can be hairdressers. So after work one day, I drove my boss

to his wife's business to get a haircut, and we all drank several beers during the process. Somewhere in our conversation, his wife asked me what products I use in my hair, and since I didn't know the names, I said I would text her an image of them all. I did not have her number, so I decided to text my boss instead.

And there I am in my bathroom, drunk and naked with all the hair stuff I use, about to hop in the shower, and I think to myself, this is a great time to send a picture of all this. I have it all here anyway. I quickly snapped a photo of it all and sent it immediately to my boss. Oh my God. Before I even looked at the photo, I added, show this to your wife. The phone went all up. Like in the bathroom mirror.

What I like to imagine is that like, cause like I'm assuming it's like a reflection, but it would be funny if it was just showing a whole hog and like the whole bottom half of the frame of the photo. Like next to it. It's just like laying on, there's just like, all the products are on his sink countertop and then his hog is just laying on the counter.

Oh my God! I don't know how massive this hog is. It's just like curled around. Wow. Just coiled. Just wrapped it down the drain and pulled it back up. Boss looks at him, he's like, head and shoulders, okay. Mm-hmm. Head, shoulders, hog and shoulders, okay. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe he's also looks at me, he's like, head and shoulders, hogs, looks at me, he's like, head and shoulders, okay, he's like, head and shoulders, okay, he's hogs I don't even pull my camera out if I am like getting out of the shower or anything. I'm very careful about it.

I also have a weird fear whenever I'm on the toilet and I'm scrolling TikTok of accidentally like- Going live? Going live. And I know it'll just be my face, but I just don't want to be just like. Just being like, oh. And you're like fully naked on the toilet.

You're like, sorry, everybody. I guess you all know my secret now. I have to be fully naked. No. Thanks for the roses. Guys, keep sending. Keep sending the roses. Socks off, too.

Okay. Okay, so he sends a photo of, he's in the bathroom, he's got all this stuff, sends a photo, sends it to his boss, says show this to your wife. That's when my horror sank in. My camera was zoomed out in.6 zoom instead of times one, and in the corner of the photo I see it.

My first train of thought was, if I'm holding my phone in this hand, and the product's in the other hand, why the fuck is my thumb in the photo? It was not my thumb. It was the tip of my penis fully exposed. I prayed he wouldn't notice it as it was off to the edge of the picture,

but his first reply was, yo, what the fuck, your whole ass dick is on the picture. Honestly, that's the best possible response. The fact I followed it up with, show this to your wife, floored me. I don't know if I laughed because it was so funny or out of pure shame. He wouldn't look or talk to me for the entire week.

And no, he did not show it to his wife, thank God. I'll never be able to live that down. Well, what did he just follow up with, dude? Oh my Immediately just been like oh my god. I so sorry. I realized like say just crop it out still send it to her. Yeah, dude Crap out the products Send the thumbs Yeah, also I yeah, I I barely text or call people when I'm drunk.

I am very careful about it. Oh, really? Yeah, because I'm just like, I'm very mindful. Oh, no, I reach out to my network. I'm sending it all out. So I don't really get on my camera when I'm naked, and I don't text when I'm drunk. So you double those up?

Drunk and naked? Yeah. Put your phone away. Dangerous combo, for sure. Yeah. Wait till tomorrow, send it then. Comments, never photograph anything naked. Smart. Someone commented, reflections, shadows,

lots of things to betray you, and the internet never forgets. Someone replied, r slash mirror for sale, which is a great subreddit where people on Facebook Marketplace are selling mirrors and the reflection always shows who's ever taken the photo. There's definitely naked people, there's people in their pajamas or robes,

or all sorts of silly things. Rough. Lastly, someone said, let's take a moment to acknowledge the wicked burn your boss leveled on you. You said it was just the tip, but he called it your whole ass dick. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he should have sent it to his wife. He's like, I swear it's just the tip. And he's like, no. He's like, dude, that's your belly button. That's the whole thing. Yeah.

Okay. That's pretty rough. That's probably the worst one so far, right? I mean, the boss could have done a lot. The boss could have been upset or like, it sounds like they handled it kind of like friendly, being like, dude, what the hell? In fact, they're on any terms.

He said he's not speaking with them. Yeah, it just took a week of not speaking to him and then. But that was a funny reply. That is how I think I would reply to. That's the best type of reply you could get. Yeah. It's acknowledging it, but it's, you know. Yeah.

I think what would have been worse is if, cause he was like, I hope he doesn't notice. I'm like, no, like tell him, oh wait, sorry, let me take a better one. Let me, don't send that one. Cause if you don't, if he doesn't notice and he sends it to his wife, that's worse. Like, clear it up.

I mean, like, do we have the photos so that we could maybe just put our input in? Yeah, Shane, do we see the tip? Could we maybe just see it? I'm looking at it, it's good. No, show it. You can't just save the tip for yourself, bro. Share the tip.

Hashtag share the tip. Our next story, another Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by finishing before clothes even came off. Ooh. Classic mistake. Antonio Banderas. Oh. Hey, that's OK. Hey, man. That's the story. Hey, that's okay. That's, hey man.

That's the story. Hey man. Yeah. That's cool. That's awesome. It happens. Some people don't even make it that far. Hey, yeah.

She gets a call and it's just like, hey, I'm on my way, I gotta turn around. I'm going home. He's like, thanks. I hit a crazy speed bump on the way here. Gotta go home. Okay. I, a 28-year-old man, am a kissless virgin.

No handholding, no hugs that lasted longer than a couple seconds, nothing. I've spent my entire adult life either too shy or too awkward to pursue anything resembling romance. Though, I've been dating this absolutely stunning woman, a 26-year-old woman, for the past two months. She's sweet, funny, and way too good for me. Like, she's dating down into the earth's crust levels

of too good for me, and I love her. I don't know why she would want me in the first place, but I definitely fumbled it now. Last night, we were at her place, having what I thought was a casual movie night, but then the vibe shifted. She cuddled up to me, was laughing a little was a casual movie night, but then the vibe shifted. She cuddled up to me, was laughing a little harder at my terrible jokes, and then it happened.

She asked me if I wanted a kiss, and I nodded. She leaned in then, and did it. My first ever kiss. My brain went into complete meltdown mode. She kept kissing me and even got on my lap. After a minute or two of kissing like this, she stroked the hair on the back of my head, and that did it for me. It was embarrassing. It wasn't subtle either. No, maybe she didn't notice. She probably felt it since she was straddling my lap. There was absolutely no hiding it. She froze mid-kiss and I felt her kind of smile. She was probably about to laugh at me. I panicked.

I stammered something incomprehensible, grabbed my jacket and bolted. No. I spent the rest of the night lying in bed staring at the ceiling one way or the other. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice.

I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice.

I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even notice. I stammered something incomprehensible, grabbed my jacket and bolted. No. I spent the rest of the night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why I was born. She actually texted me, probably making fun of me or saying that she doesn't wanna see me again. I haven't opened it, I can't, I'm so fucking humiliated.

What am I supposed to say? Sorry, I finished in my pants because I got overwhelmed by a kiss. Oh my gosh. I can't even think about it without wanting to disappear into a black hole. I've probably ruined everything and she's probably laughing about this with her friends now.

Okay. Okay. Well, this person's catastrophizing. Yeah, I feel bad for this person. Definitely. Literally, this stuff just happens to people and it's normal. And I think like, yeah, like she might like laugh about it

but she'll laugh with you about it. Yeah, dude. You know, like it's not a big deal. I think what's unfortunately happening here is this guy hates himself so much, it's hard for him to imagine a world where everyone doesn't share the same view of him. It's like, you hate yourself more than anyone

could even get close to, like, thinking of you. Like, she likes you. Like, you even said in this that you felt her kind of smile, like, and he's just, he cannot fathom a world where she's accepting. Just incredibly low self esteem. Like him talking about like, oh, I'm way beneath her, I'm nothing, it's like, okay, man.

Right. Stop. And I'm sure like him being a, in his words, 28 year old kissless virgin has probably contributed to that. Like his confidence over time has probably sunk down. And that's why something so, again, like it makes sense to get overwhelmed. It's not like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy and rare.

It's like, oh, that's unfortunate. It's something that really frustrates me about, and I know this is the case for more than just men, but something, as a man, I've seen it with so many other men, is how much dudes make their entire identity around their sex life, or how much they've had sex or lack thereof, and it's like, the first thing that you introduce yourself

as is a kissless virgin. And I'm like, dude, I don't care. And I promise you, a lot of people don't care. That is one aspect of your life, one small aspect, frankly. You are so much more than that. By making that your entire identity, you're gonna make dating impossible. Because you're boiling yourself down to just that.

It's kind of like a self-fulfilling identity where it's like, if you're like, nobody likes me and nobody wants to date me because I'm a piece of shit. It's like, yeah, if you keep telling women that, you're not going to get a relationship because it's not attractive to constantly be putting yourself down like that.

Totally, totally. You're almost starting to form that as your personality. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. If you tell your subconscious something over and over and over again, the very least you believe it. It'll kind of make you make that come true all the time.

If I had to guess, like maybe this person was like in a very like specific friend group growing up or like inside of their little community, they must've been like the last one to get their first kiss or something. And so maybe it started to feel like they were very behind when in reality, I think there are a lot of people who haven't had their first kiss until their late 20s.

They just don't admit it or say it out loud. And it's more common now than it's ever been. Yeah. Younger generations are not, it's very common to be a virgin into your 20s nowadays. You were bringing up, oh, he was in a friend group. I think what's been really bad over the past 10, 15 years, it's always been this way, but it's gotten worse,

is there's a lot of grifters that target men and they make you feel like this is all that matters. Is your attractiveness to how much women are attracted to you and how much sex you're having is your worth, right? And they're basically telling you you're a loser if you're not doing this, and they're selling a fake thing, right? And they're basically telling you you're a loser if you're not doing this, and they're selling a fake thing, right? There's tons of men online who are portraying themselves

as these machismo types of dudes. It's like, it's probably all fake. You're not really like this. I don't know, it's just sad how much he despises himself. That's not gonna go away once he has sex too. Like, this guy has to deal with why he thinks of himself this way. It's almost like a different marker is gonna sprout.

He'll find a new thing. And I know that because like I went through that. I mean, I remember being young. This is I think a common feeling for dudes of just like, I'm a virgin, like I'm a loser. And then you lose it and then you're just kind of like, it's like, oh, okay. And then like time moves on

and then you find another reason for thinking you're a loser. You will find the feeling is there. It's not gonna go away with an action. Maybe it could even be attributed to like this zoomed out image of validation, right? Cause what he's seeking is from someone else rather than an internal confidence boost. So many dudes are thinking that if they're desired by women

that their self-hatred will go away. It's like, no, man, they won't. As you can see, this woman does desire you. But it's not clearing up your own hatred for yourself. Right, it's like maybe before he was like, I have never had a girlfriend, now he has a girlfriend, but he's like, okay, but she hates me because I'm ugly, like for sure, she doesn't wanna be with me.

Yeah, no, I mean, from my own personal experience, my insecurities, despite even now being married and someone who I know loves me and will tell me, she's like, oh, I love you so much, that your insecurities will still exist inside of you. And that is your own journey to deal with. Nobody is going to make that go away. Yeah, yeah.

There's nothing in the exterior world that you will achieve that will change that interior thing. That only goes away with interior work. Yeah, and when we're talking about it in a sexual context, it feels really sensitive, but I think that that can parallel lots of different things, right? Like, it's kind of like if you're pursuing a job, right?

You really wanna get a job, but you're like, but I suck and I really, I'm not qualified. And then you think getting that job is gonna validate you, but then you get the job and you're like, I don't know why they gave it to me, I really don't deserve it. And you just keep pulling yourself down. Absolutely, there's tons of parallels.

Yeah, I mean, I see a lot of examples of that, with people with low self-esteem, just self-sabotaging. People that truly have like real like raw talent and they will just get in their way every single time because they just don't believe in themselves. I mean it's extra silly when you see it, we all do these things that when you see someone else do it you're like oh it's silly.

You're like this lady's really into you and you could almost, if I was his friend you could flip it and just're like, oh, it's silly. You're like, this lady's really into you. And you could almost, if I was his friend, you could flip it and just being like, she might feel really good about the situation, because it probably, what made you feel not sexy probably made her feel like, okay, I'm hot as shit. I'm not the magic touch. Exactly.

You're so right, yeah, it's like, it's rewriting the narrative, just giving it a different perspective, but you can see how many times he chose to bring himself down, even the idea of, oh, she was laughing harder at my terrible jokes. Like, King, you were being funny. Stop, dude.

A bunch of comments here. Honesty is the best policy, just be open about it and admit the buildup was too high because you find her incredibly amazing and all. Just don't put yourself down while saying this. Nothing less sexy than that. She likes you clearly and just work with that. Someone said, dude, if you're going to have

sex embarrassing stuff happens all the time. The best partners laugh it off. Wait till you accidentally make fart noises with your sweaty bodies. That's real. Someone else said, that message either contains one of two things. One, she is making fun of you or breaks things off, or she is understanding it and wants to try again

another time. You already decided in your head that it's option one and are acting like it is. So opening that text wouldn't be any different than ignoring it, but for the chance that it is option two, you should definitely look. Definitely. Definitely.

Update. Quick little update, not huge. Quick little. A fast update. Yeah. Yeah, I was panicking for nothing. I opened the text and she was asking if I was okay, then said that she thought it was kinda hot.

I did apologize for storming off and we're good now. She also told me that I'll build more stamina with practice. Yeah. Boom. Boom. Damn. See? Damn.

She said nuts. She said, I thought that was kind of hot. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I love that. Now he's like, God, now do I have to do this every time? Yeah. I don't think he needs to worry about that.

Yeah, and none of us were surprised. Aw. Yeah. Bork found in kitchen. Yeah, happy for the guy. Yeah. Dude, for real. To new beginnings for him.

Yeah, man, seriously. Well, that wasn't embarrassing. Honestly, the only thing embarrassing was how he talked about himself. Yeah, that was- That to me is embarrassing. Like if someone was, if someone, because I feel for him and I'm like,

I know that's a real feeling. If I was around that for that long, that would get me to a point of being like, dude, shut up. Like stop talking about yourself like that. Like I would be just as mad as hearing someone talk about someone else that way. Like you're being such an asshole to yourself.

That's unbelievable. Hopefully like reaching out and only seeing these positive comments introduces him to a different community. Hopefully. I wonder if he wrote this hoping for some affirmation and hope he got it. And I hope he doesn't,

in the future doesn't need that affirmation. He needs to get that affirmation from himself. Yeah. Too true. Anyways, moving on. Yeah. Today I fucked up by creating the most terrifying and embarrassing moment in my life.

We'll see about that. Peter. It is currently 1 a.m. This happened about 20 minutes ago. I am currently bawling my eyes out from humiliation and shock. I will write out this event as if you were me. It all started when I...

Oh, first person POV. Great screenwriter. It all started when I, 23-year-old woman, got home late from work. We had a meeting after the park was closed and didn't get home until 10 p.m. I take a shower and smoke my dab pen while drying my hair. I then proceeded to forget the next hour.

So my hair was dry and I was playing Red Dead Online. Nice. I had just gotten... sick. And they have a dab pen? So that's like hardcore weed. So far it sounds like you're sick as fuck, dude. Yeah, I'm down.

I'm sorry, bro. All right. Like, okay. Queen. I had just gotten comfy when I heard my cat, Winnie, making a strange meow. My cat only meows like this when she sees something outside. It's like a low yowl and not a cute meow.

I pause the game and take my headphones off. She is meowing in the living room. She runs into the doorway to my bedroom and meows again. I follow her out into my living room, which is only lit by a nightlight. I see that my motion activated light is on outside. Winnie is looking through the blinds and meows again and again.

The light goes off and then comes back on. I called my roommate, 26 year old man. He is at work and gets off in an hour. I am fried at this point and I'm thinking that I am overreacting. Winnie meows louder and longer, over and over. I'm freaking out and a shadow from my patio moves. A few seconds later, there is a knock on the door.

I feel my heart in my ears. The heartbeats are really loud and everything is in slow motion. I stared at the door for what seemed like about 30 seconds, but was probably only two or three. I darted to my room, locked my door, and then was in my closet with a large knife. I don't remember if I got the knife before or after the knocking. I'm on the phone with the police.

My breath is incredibly shaky and raspy. I'm having memories and images of my family and friends rushing through my head. Then I think of my parents and how I need to call them, but I'm on the phone with 911 telling them my info and location. I am mentally preparing to kill someone or die. The 911 dispatcher was silent.

She said there were two officers close. Silence. I ask where they are. She tells me they are turning into my apartment. I waited the most painful 30 seconds of my life. It seriously felt like 10 minutes. I hear voices at my front door. I hear the dispatcher's voice.

She asks, did you order delivery? Yep. Yep. TLDR. I knew it. TLDR, I forgot I ordered delivery. Yep. Yep. TLDR. I knew it. TLDR, I forgot I ordered delivery and called the cops on my delivery driver for delivering my food.

Typical high activity. Edit, since I keep getting asked, yes, I still feel awful, yes, I tipped the driver online, and no, the cops and the driver did not see each other. The driver dropped my food at the door. Okay, but where did she order from? I knew it was gonna be that.

Taco Bell, it's gotta be. Wow. That's awesome. That dab pen. I thought it was gonna be her own shadow that she kept seeing. And I was like, that's just a really bad high. Yeah.

She ordered it. Yeah. Poor thing. Dude. Hey, we all been there. We've all bad high. Yeah. She ordered it. Yeah. Oh. Poor thing. Dude. Hey, we all been there. We've all been there. We've all been. We've all ordered Postmates

and then called the cops on them. Dude, yeah, when you got the dispatcher on the phone. That's crazy. Keep the change, you filthy animal. Man. Yeah. I mean, it's understandable. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I mean, it's understandable. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. It dappens. It dappens. Yeah, she probably put the pen down for a couple weeks. Yeah. This is probably maybe a little bit of a wake up call. Yeah. It's like, all right.

I mean, it was after work. She was just like relaxing. The cops were like, are you playing Red Dead Online? She's like, yeah, you play? They're like, yeah, dude. She was just like relaxing. The cops are like, are you playing Red Dead Online? She's like, yeah, you play. They're like, yeah, dude. She should switch to chew, you know, when she plays Red Dead.

Get a spittoon. Just really just immerse yourself. Yeah, really get into it. Wow. Comments, if it makes you feel any better, I'm a 911 operator, and I can tell you this happens all the time. Oh yeah.

I don't think a single night goes by without someone calling thinking someone is breaking in only to find out it was a neighbor or friend or my favorite, a glass jar of chocolate milk exploding. Well that's not supposed to happen. Well that would scare the shit out of me. Yeah. I'm calling the cops.

They're like every night. I'd be like someone killed my chocolate milk. Someone murdered my chocolate milk. Wow. Someone else said, so did you get your delivery? OP said, yes I did. I'm not very hungry at the moment. Someone else said two things. What exactly were you smoking and what did you order?

Okay. I was smoking a glow pen and I ordered a tuna sandwich and Dr. Pepper. Ooh. Girl, that's what you're gonna eat on your munchies? What kind of high are you? a glow pen and I ordered a tuna sandwich and Dr. Pepper. Ew! Girl, that's what you're gonna eat on your munchies? What kind of high are you? Like, oh, what can we really go for? A tuna sandwich delivered.

Ew, it's soggy. God, you are, that is not a good high. No, it's a good thing the cops were there. You need more creativity, dude. And you know she paid like $4 for that Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Oh, and it was a can. Now this is embarrassing.

Yeah, now I made her. It was not embarrassing, now this is a shit. I agree. That was so embarrassing. Now fuck her. Oh, you know that, dude, you know that bread was- Fuck you! That bread was so soggy by the time it got there.

Oh yeah, oof. The cat would have liked that though. I think that's why the cat was meowing. Yeah. Maybe it was from Winnie. The cat was like, give this to me. Yeah. Give me the sandwich.

Give me this. And she probably heard the cat talking. The cat turns from the window and just goes, give me the sandwich. Give me this, I have no salt. She calls the cops on her cat. My cat's talking. Okay, there's a great video from back in the day.

There is an incredible video that this reminds me of. You know what I'm talking about. It was a cop who had taken some brownies from the station that they had confiscated, and he eats them with his wife. And he gets so high that he calls the police, and he's like, you need to send an ambulance, I'm dying. And the video call is on YouTube and it is so funny.

He's like, you need to send an ambulance, I think I'm dying. We ate some brownies and I think I'm dying. He says I'm dead. He says I'm dead? Yeah, he's like, I think I'm dying, yeah, I'm dead. It's so funny, dude. I guess that's what a bad high can spiral you into.

Yeah. Some paranoia. Yeah, man. Be safe. Yeah. Do you know anything about that? No. You ever had a bad high?

I actually haven't. OK. That's crazy. Have you guys? Pretty much only. Exclusively. I'm going to go home and have a bad high tonight. I also have truly bad luck.

I don't. I haven't smoked weed in forever, but when I do, weird shit happens. Really? That when I wake up and I'm sober, I'm like, that was some wacky shit that happened. I swear, I would be like, during the pandemic, I'd be like home alone, and I'd be like,

I would wait till it's like late enough that I'm like, okay, some fuck shit can't happen now. Right. So it's late enough, I'm safe. Light it up. And I swear to God, I would take a hit and the second I did, knock at my door. And I'm just like,

ah! I'm like, they've come for me! Right. Who, I don't know! That's funny. So that's almost the reason why I don't. Right. I'm like, no.

Our next story. This is an Am I the Asshole? Yay. Whoa. We have a decision to make on this embarrassing one. Am I the asshole for embarrassing my cousin and getting us kicked out of a restaurant? I, a 25 year old woman, don't have kids yet.

I never really wanted them growing up, but I figure I'll eventually have kids in the future once I get my life together. My cousin, Sarah, who's 29, has two bad behaved kids from a previous relationship and a newborn baby with her boyfriend, MJ, who's 40. Last night my mother, sister Sarah and I went to a sushi restaurant, and this was my first time having sushi. After we ordered, I had a hard time using the chopsticks. My cousin started obnoxiously laughing. The waiter came over and asked me if I wanted training wheels, which is a little plastic item that attaches

to the chopsticks and helps you hold them in place. My cousin laughed and said, sorry about her, she constantly embarrasses herself and us. I just gave her the side eye and put the training wheels on. When it was time to order desserts, her boyfriend, MJ, finally joined us, claiming that he was busy. She went on to tell him how stupid and slow I was for not knowing how to use chopsticks

and how the waiters and everyone around now know that I'm an embarrassment. My mom asked her what her problem was and she went on a rant about how I'm so embarrassing and it's no wonder I'm jealous of her being a mother and no one wants to have kids with me. I finally had enough. I said, I don't have kids because I don't want them to come out like your rude pieces of shit. And you're calling me an embarrassment? Didn't MJ just have a baby with you and his wife?

Your baby literally has a sibling a week apart from her. You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife's leftovers. Damn! Holy shit! I guess when she was attacking me, it was fine because everyone turned on me. It got so loud that management had to get involved. Sarah was screaming and crying,

MJ was yelling at me, and my mom and sister were berating me for being mean. Management brought the bill and told us to please pay it and leave. My mom paid the entire bill, but my sister said I'm an asshole for embarrassing Sarah and getting us kicked out. And now she's probably going through postpartum depression.

Now, I don't know if I went too far seeing as she's probably going through some post-baby stress. Am I the asshole? Bro, never do sake bombs at the family. Yeah. I was gonna say she deserved it, and then I remembered the postpartum depression.

Okay, the question is, was Sarah's behavior always like this or is this a completely new or something? Right. I'm also then mad at the mom and stuff for not defending her more earlier and being like hey don't call her an embarrassment. Right. Don't say you're saying horrible things to this person. Because she can't use chopsticks. You're calling her slow, you're calling her an embarrassment. I'm like I don't know, I understand people go through things, but you shouldn't be excusing that.

That shouldn't be happening. Right. If I'm her, if I'm somewhere and someone is genuinely calling me an embarrassment, and doubling down on it, I'm getting up and leaving. Right. I'd get up and be like, you're being insanely mean right now, you're making me feel awful.

I don't want to be around this if you're going to be this way. And I would leave. And usually that is, I think, the best way to diffuse a situation that cannot ever have fingers pointing back to you when you just call it out, right? Like, hey, I'm going to stop you right there. You're being incredibly insulting. Her boiling over, I wish she would include the information of like,

is this behavior your cousin has always elicited towards you? Or is this brand new behavior? It's also like, there must be, yeah, there must be some other history there. Because for her to just say like, you're jealous of me because I have these kids and you don't because you don't have your life together, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like, there's gotta be some history between them that goes back before this episode. Yeah, maybe some familial expectations as well, because she started by saying, I'm 25 and I don't have kids, which doesn't seem too crazy to not have kids. That's literally, of this current era, that is completely normal.

Right. I would not think anything of it. This is clearly very personal. Yeah. They have got, there is, it feels to me like history is going on here. And that's why the mention of postpartum, I'm like, all right, so is this only this past years or years

or whatever, like, or does this go back to childhood? Cause this almost feels like they've had this going on since they were kids. Some sort of rivalry or competition. Now look, she went for the throat right off the bat. We cannot deny that she threw back some heat, but she was being called slow and an embarrassment over and over again.

I would get, yeah, you start to boil up and if you don't want to be disrespectful in the way of leaving the table, then I guess naturally if somebody's temper reaches that point, you might spit something out like that. Eating the leftovers is a crazy comment. Look, she ate. She ate with that.

We cannot deny she ate. Yeah, with her training. We'll see if, I'm sure there'll be comments saying that she was also an asshole. Like, there's also the, you know, I'm not saying this is what qualifies. There are stories where someone's an asshole,

but maybe is okay, like, they became an asshole because the other person was being an asshole, and it evens out a little bit. Asshole equilibrium. Asshole equilibrium. Correct. You know, but there's levels to this. There's all sorts of nuances to being an asshole.

You can be a big asshole. Yeah, you can become a bigger asshole than the other asshole. You can match their asshole. Asshole, right. Which is maybe what someone could argue happened here, but I don't know. Their assholes were different, I think. Someone could have matched my asshole.

There's also the argument of like, she didn't start it. I don't know. Their assholes were different, I think. Someone gonna match my asshole? Ha ha ha ha ha. There's also the argument of like she didn't start it. The other person was saying mean things at her first. Yeah, but then there's also that saying, like the person who throws the second punch starts the fight. Whoa. So someone comes up to me in an alleyway and punches me and I'm like, you didn't start this.

You're like, hey, why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? Hey man, don't make me start this fight. Hey. And then he throws me a second punch, I'm like, no, you started the fight. See, but then, yeah, no, then he starts the fight. No, you started the fight.

That's what I'm saying. I don't know if I completely, I don't know if I completely back that, but it's definitely something to consider here, because she could have stopped it. What if I start with a face scratch, and then they pinch me? Does a tiger fist count?

Yeah, tiger fist, is that? Guys, I'm just relaying the expression. I didn't come up with this. And we're just trying to clarify. The person who first throws the roundhouse kick starts the fight. Yeah. You guys seen that video?

The verdict was not the asshole. Fair. I think that's, I'm like, I see how that happened. I think it's gonna? The verdict was not the asshole. Fair. I think that's, I'm like, I see how that happened. I think it's gonna be all over the place though. So, some comments. Someone did say, everyone sucks here. Mildly, you for taking it as far as you did and not just skipping dinner with Sarah or leaving when she started. I'm guessing that this isn't the first time she was an asshole.

I don't blame you for being upset, but I think it would have been better to leave. Ultimately, Sarah was the big asshole in this one. Your mother and sister are assholes for not having your back and making excuses for Sarah. All fair. Right. Someone else said, Sarah was screaming and crying because you finally had enough and you stopped letting her bully you. Bullies can't handle the tables being turned on them.

If your family turns on you over her, then they are her flying monkeys, not the asshole. Sarah certainly is though, and so is your family who sided with the bully. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. At first I was thinking everyone sucks here, but really she pushed you to breaking point. Postpartum stress doesn't entitle you

to treat everyone around you like crap. Right. Yeah. True. Yeah. Yeah, it's always fascinating to me how often families side with the bully in families. It's because I think there's so much of, like, people who are trying to keep the peace. Exactly.

And they know that someone is such an asshole that they can't tell them what to do. Right, they're like just trying to protect the like entire family, so they're just like, just don't listen to them. And it's like, well no, you're actually making it worse. Right. Right. Yeah, I think it just like, just don't listen to them. And it's like, well no, you're actually making it worse. Right. Yeah, I think it's like,

I can't be mad at this person first because she did stand up for herself. It's like, is there a right, like how you stood up for yourself is correct. It's a matter of like, that doesn't permit you to say anything to another person. Granted, her kids weren't there. If her kids were there, I'd be like, don't say that shit.

But it's just to her, I don't know. I'm certainly not here being like, hey, you're the bad guy here. If I was there, I'd be like, okay. I'm curious why they were so quick to be like, to OP, to be like, to OP to be upset with her about what she said. Like was it because hers had like more weight?

I think they're trying to appease cause I think Sarah will more soon get mad at them like and blame them for not standing up for her. Sure. They're almost like, oh, she's gonna make our life more of a nightmare if we don't side with her. Which is kind of selfish behavior, though. Oh, absolutely.

They're trying to keep the peace, but they're really just prolonging someone's asshole behavior in the family. I would've loved to just be at the sushi bar for that whole argument, just be like, oh, shit. She really just said that? Across the bar. Yeah.

That would've been, I would've loved that. If I was there, I'd be like, can I get really just said that? Across the bar. Yeah. That would have been, that would have been, that would have been, that would have been, that would have been, that would have been, if I was there, I'd be like, can I get another order of something? Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be here a little bit longer. To like, whoever your date is, just like, I'd be ordering another round of sake bombs.

I'm like, hell yeah. Let's go. Have you ever witnessed like, a bad argument, like in a public space next to you? I probably have, nothing horrible. And there's levels to it, because there's where it's like scary, where I'm like, let's get out of here.

But where it's dramatic and it's like, ooh, shit. Not really. Yeah, I don't know either. As much shit as I talk, I don't think I've seen it that often. I think I witnessed the end of a relationship on the train recently. What happened?

I think she might've had a couple drinks and he was not saying very much. And then she got angry that he wasn't saying very much. And then she was like, you don't love me. You don't love me. And he was just like, what? And she's like, you don't love me. I can't believe you don't love me.

And it was weird. Oh no. I was also, I didn't like them because they were two people and they sat in the four seater part of the train that was reserved for groups of three or more. Etiquette. And so I did not like these people anyway. And I was sitting right behind them and I was like, listen to this whole thing.

I was like, this is crazy. That's wild. This is crazy. Okay, I have not seen necessarily fights between people too often, but what I have seen on several occasions is at the airport, someone yelling at the gate. Oh, the gate agent.

You see that? And I've seen full on meltdowns. Which, that's the last person you wanna yell at. Oh, it's always entertaining to me because I'm just like, I know that this can go nowhere. Right. Yeah. I know that you're only gonna be escorted out of here. They hold the power. And I'm just like, this is, I'm like, this is entertaining.

When the whole like internet thing happened, when like, I forget, it was like windows or something that was down, I was at the airport and there were so many people yelling at the, they were just like, we don't know anything, everything's down, and people were like, well, I need to get to Massachusetts. And it was like, well, you can't,

nobody has any update for you. The airport is where entitlement meets the wall. Yeah. And it's very funny. Update. Wow. Thank you all for the overwhelming responses. I've been wanting to put Sarah in her place for a while now, and I'm glad I did.

However, Sarah's mom got involved and is mad at me. Apparently, MJ told Sarah that he and his wife were separating. Sarah found out that he lied because he was secretly stalking his wife's Facebook page and got the shock of her life when wifey posted a newborn baby, and MJ was there for the birth. Sarah did the math and realized that he got both of them pregnant the week of his birthday.

She confronted him and he confirmed it. He also said that she'll have to get over it or he'll leave. So she stayed and is now constantly in shambles. Not my problem. Now onto the problem. That's not the problem. Savage. She kept the wife's baby a secret

and only told her mom, who told my mom, who told my sister and I. So they said that they were pissed because I wasn't supposed to repeat it. But I didn't know it was classified information. After like a week, that's all everyone talked about. Sarah's mom, my aunt, reached out to me this morning and she said that Sarah's problem with me

is that I always said I don't like kids and only a horrible person won't like kids and that I was mean to her about her kids two months ago. Two months ago she wanted to go to a party with MJ and asked me to watch her kids, all three of them, for free. I told her no because they're untrained, I don't feel comfortable watching a newborn and she'll have to pay me to put up with the other two. They're not dogs.

Yeah. They're not dogs. Yeah. 30 cents. They're untrained. 30 cents for their meals though. Yeah. There you go. Hahaha. So I guess that's why she's still holding grudges.

Regardless, Sarah's mom said she was having a really hard time after finding out about the outside baby, who technically is the inside baby, as Sarah's baby is the outside baby, but whatever. And she wants me to apologize for putting her business out there for everyone. She got my mom and sister involved, so I just called Sarah and apologized.

She just said, I don't care what you have to say and hung up. Regardless, I held up my end of the bargain. Hopefully this gets blown over soon because your girl is tired. Oh. Okay. Go to bed. I think this is a prime example of why are you talking to these people? Like, I don't know. because your girl is tired. Oh. Okay. Go to bed.

I think this is a prime example of why are you talking to these people? Like, I don't know. Like, I know Reddit's response is often like, cut people out, but I'm like, you hate this person. Yeah. And it sounds like she hates you. But they're family, right?

Cousins. Cousins. I'm like, stop talking to each other. Right. You hate each other is almost my initial takeaway. That is some crazy family drama though. That is some beef. That is some tea that if my mom served it to me,

I would be definitely spewing it out at a restaurant. This is not gonna blow over. You guys are not gonna mend this. You're only gonna hate each other more and more as time goes on. Right. Rough. The beef builds.

Okay, that was a wild one. Yeah. Our next story was a wild one. Yeah. Our next story and our final story. This comes from Two Hot Takes. Shout out to Morgan over at Two Hot Takes. I accidentally farted on a first date and she walked out in the middle of dinner. Oh.

She's not the one. She's not the one, she's not cool. She's not the one, if you can't fart. Did. I mean, unless it was like the fart Oh. She's not the one. She's not the one, she's not cool. She's not the one, if you can't fart. Dude. I mean, unless it was like the fart that cleared out the room under the mistletoe. We were just talking about that yesterday. Yeah.

That one, that's probably the only fart that I could see ending the date. I can still smell it. That's rough. That is rough. That was a bad one. Okay. So bad.

We all had Chipotle. Is that what So bad. We all had Chipotle. Is that what it was? We all had Chipotle? Yeah, remember? Like right before the show. So it's Chipotle's fault. It's Chipotle's fault. Yeah.

I met this girl a couple of weeks ago and I've never hit it off with anyone like this. Extremely attractive, funny, we loved all the same things, everything was perfect. However, she kept mentioning all of her pet peeves, some of which are unforgivable and instant deal breakers. Our first date was this past Saturday night. I made a reservation at a hard to get into hole in the wall

that's literally a tourist attraction in my town in Louisiana. Perfect spot for a quiet dinner. The quietness would become a detriment to my dating life. I had been gassy all day for no reason at all. It was one of those days. However, they weren't noisy or smelly, so I didn't think much about it.

We were talking and having a great time when I tried to ease one out, and for some reason it was audible. A clear fart noise. In a desperate attempt to lie my way out of the mishap, I quickly said, that's not what I sounded like. I promise you, it was my chair. Oh.

Yeah. The night's conversational focus has now shifted towards the unidentified noise. Her whole demeanor changed, and there were no more laughs, jokes, smiles, nothing. One of her aforementioned pet peeves had surfaced. The night was effectively over. In a last ditch effort to recover,

we decided on trying to recreate the fart noise with the chair. If I could somehow achieve this, I had a chance. Although slim to- What is this, survivor? Yeah, what is this, saw? Although slim to none, a chance nonetheless. Long story short, I could not recreate the fart noise

by scooting the chair around, and our now delivered food was getting cold. She accused me of being a farting liar and left. It's now Monday morning, and I still haven't heard from her as I lie here and shitpost my gastric misfortunes. Believe it or not, this was the short version. Is there a chance for us or is she out? Should I have taken ownership of the fart?

Thoughts? Bro, you're gonna fart again. Okay. You're gonna fart so many more times. Okay, I'm curious, because he's not listening. He's talking about it as if he made it clear. He's like, she had a bunch of pet peeves.

And then he's like, oh, one of these aforementioned pet peeves, I'm like, was her pet peeve farting or lying? Definitely. Or lying. Oh. Yeah. Because I'm like, hey man, I think it was the fact that you lied.

You're not being clear to us. Is she mad that you lied about it, and you're being so intense about this lie, as opposed to, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I think you're right. I think her pet peeve is lying, which is a good reason to leave a day. Farting being a pet peeve that is a deal breaker

means you are never going to have a relationship in your entire life. Yeah, that's insane. What about pet peeves is just normal human functions. Right, but he thought it was gonna be like a, and it was a, It wasn't. See, cause this could have been,

this could have been a really cute, fun little date thing. Like trying to recreate the fart noise of chairs is kind of a fun activity. See, That is fun. He also wasn't being smart about this. So here's what he does. This is the thing.

Okay, let's hear it. He farts, he blames it on the chair. Yep. And he's like, they're trying to recreate it. I'm like, you need to fart right does. This is the thing. He farts, he blames it on the chair. He's like, they're trying to recreate it. I'm like, you need to fart right as you're moving the chair. Right. So that you do it again. Right.

And then she goes, oh, it was the chair. I mean, we've all been there, like, you know, when you were younger and you farted, and you were like, no, it was my shoe. And then you're like rubbing your shoe against the floor. Like, I know why he did it. I'm not mad. No, I'm not mad either.

He needed a cough at just the right second. Yeah. Like... Pfft. Pfft. Just in between every cough, you're like, damn it, I can't time it. Pfft. It's such a great... There's a Family Guy clip of Peter coughing and farting at the same time. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's such a great, there's a Family Guy clip

of Peter coughing and farting at the same time. That's awesome. It's one of my favorites. Farts are funny and if you don't think that, I think that's a deal. Yeah dude, it's hilarious. Oh I mean, there's even like the super ancient Japanese art that shows fart humor.

Yeah, he's chosen. I love a good fart. Yeah, so farts have always been funny. Update. Oh! what? Here we go. This is from one month later. The date found OP's post and then made her own.

I love when this happens. Oh, let's see if the stories line up. Walked out in the middle of a first date because he farted and lied about it. This is the other side of the story because my date posted his version here about a month ago and I just found out. This guy and I hit it off and after a few weeks of talking,

I agreed to go on a date with him. He was very funny, intelligent and cute, to name just a few qualities. As we were getting to know one another, we discussed things that we love, hate and annoyances from a relationship standpoint. None of them were crazy. Some of mine were, I won't tolerate dishonesty,

I don't like feet, and I don't like bathroom talk. Feet? Fast forward to our date. Everything is going well, we get our drinks and appetizers. He gets some kind of bean soup as an app. He was slurping it out of the bowl, didn't really bother me, it was just noticeable. Dinner comes out and he lets out the loudest rank fart

that I've ever had the displeasure of witnessing. I work in healthcare. Honestly, he looked so embarrassed, I was going to ignore it and continue with dinner. That is until he practically yelled out, I didn't fart, it was the chair. The chair farted, not me. I promise I didn't fart.

So I said, it's okay, just please stop saying that and lower your voice. Y'all, I kid you not, this man starts scooting around on the chair and telling me he'll prove to me he didn't fart and just listened for the chair. This went on for a solid five minutes with people staring at us. I was so embarrassed and he would not let it go.

I finally just got up and left. He left me several voicemails afterwards telling me how dramatic I was for leaving over a squeaky chair and how ridiculous my pet peeves were. I never responded to him, and then I found out about his Reddit post. Can y'all blame a gal for walking out?

No. That's hilarious. This is such a clear case of how we can be read a story and think it is just tailored one way, but when you hear it from a different perspective and not the person who's a part of the story, it is a completely different tale. Like there's always one person's side of the story, the other person's side, and then the truth.

Of course, yeah, absolutely. It's always the aspect with these Reddit stories and it's why to a certain degree, every Reddit story always sounds a little fictional is because things are being left out or exaggerated in every single story. Even when I believe the person is 100% justified and if we heard the other side,

you still are getting one side of a story almost every time. This one is hilarious though. This guy just got revealed to be George Costanza and that's great. See, but it's like, it's so interesting cause he was like, oh, I immediately tried to play it off. And she is saying that he did not play it off at all. And I'm sure that it's not necessarily that embarrassing

but it also probably wasn't as smooth as he described it. It was probably somewhere in the middle. And he made it sound like they were both like, oh yeah, let's try to recreate the noise. But it was just him just scrambling, be like, no, no, no, I can make the chair, I can make the chair, make the, dude, I understand, it sounds more like she left,

not just because he lied, but also he was being a straight up embarrassment in a restaurant. Bringing attention to the whole thing when that never happened. Which is definitely the cringey part of it. So he was feeling gassy all day, but he ordered bean soup. He asked for it.

No, it wasn't good planning, it's just like when I ate chili at Chili's and then went to a party and farted. Whoa, dude. Yeah, that was a bad idea. And did you clear the room? Well, I did it in a bathroom, but the fart was so bad that I dragged it out of the bathroom and into the living room, where then somebody went,

who the fuck shit their pants? Said something like that. And it was the most embarrassing. It was, yeah, it was really embarrassing. Thank you both for being here. And thank you for watching. I hope you don't feel any embarrassment anytime soon. Let us know what other themes and subreddits

you'd like to see on this show and we will see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.