Soder - 46: Skinny Jeans with Ms.Pat | Soder Podcast | EP 45
Episode Date: September 25, 2024Support the sponsors to support the show! F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code Soder15 at theperfectjean.nyc/SODER15 #theperfectjeanpod To get this new customer offer and y...our new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/SODER That’s MINTMOBILE.com/SODER Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.com/SODER So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/SODER to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Zocdoc.com/SODER Follow Ms.Pat  @MsPat  and watch her shows on BET https://www.instagram.com/comediennemspat/?hl=en https://www.bet.plus/shows/the-ms-pat-show Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Oct 10 - 12 - Houston, TX Oct 17- 19 Salt Lake City Nov 8 - NYC Town Hall Nov 9 - Toronto, Canada Nov 14 -16 - Tampa,FL Nov 21 - 23 Homestead,PA Dec 6 - Chicago, IL Dec 7 - Milwaukee, WI DEC 12 - 14 Sacramento,CA PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by   @homelesspimp  https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en
Transcript
Discussion (0)
They did it again. They just killed, I think they did it yesterday. They just killed like
20 more people. With pagers? With pagers. Well, they need to upgrade to iPhones. Yeah, that's
gonna be the new iOS. Don't worry, we won't blow you up. I mean, that's like one of my fears is
that, well, that's always been the funny thing to me
is people always worry about all like this,
the government's watching you.
By the way, we just started recording.
There's no like, we don't do any like a corny intro.
They just keep, we just start talking.
But the pager thing, that's something that I think like
I would see in an action movie and be like,
that's not real, You can't do that.
You know what? It's hard to say she didn't real no more.
Because I mean, it's like all of that. Remember when, um,
our robot came out and we were like, Oh, we'll never get to that.
But we almost today, I mean, they're taking cashiers out of stores and
it's almost easier. It's, it's now at the Hudson News's in the airport
Easier to not deal with a person
Yeah, just to check yourself out it I mean if you honest, you know what
Waters being like, you know fucking stop me
Yeah, because I I just seen in San Francisco
that they put up a sign,
you can steal as long as it's up on $1,000.
Yeah, that's the rule.
That's also why every store in Union Square,
in San Francisco, all the stores are moving out.
None of the stores are there anymore.
They're all shuttered and stuff.
Like they used to have a huge Macy's,
they had like an Apple store,
all these places are like
Yeah, well, we're not
Cuz you got you not giving me my thousand dollar bank they took and then we I didn't wing it up
How do I know they took a thousand they could have took a thousand and ten dollars
You got to eye it up you go. All right now get them. Yeah, so no, I'm not
It's it's crazy that the the politician that thought that that was a good idea. He's a dumbass.
I mean, you don't fight crime with crime.
You guys know how we can put this fire out?
More fire.
Yeah, let them steal.
Just lungs up on a thousand dollars.
And they just walk in.
So I saw some kids walking out the other day with masks on.
I'm like, it's legal.
Take your fucking mask off as long as you run yourself up
and with tax included, you up on a 9.95.
That's so funny, and then just run.
How much is this?
They're like, 900 bucks.
You know, but then you get to the point where,
you know, we laughing about it,
but when they stealing shit like that,
when me and you go into the store,
we gotta pay for that because the people
who comes out of their pockets,
the price get hiked back
Oh, yeah, so, you know, they're gonna get their money from the insurance and they still gonna text the shit out of me
You that's like when you see when you go to a store and you ring everything up and then at the end
It's like do you want to send a dollar to starving kids? I always say no, I'm starving
Yeah
Well, you also know that you know, they're just doing that for a tax write off? Like that, all those things and shit that they say like,
oh we're gonna send this money to starving kids.
It's just, they make a donation already
and then they use that as like a tax write off.
So they're just using-
Holy shit, I need to tell people that at my show.
Buy a T-shirt and donate to the starving kids.
And then they'll just cover,
you're like, did you see Miss Patch?
She's got herself a G6 now.
You're just flying around like, it's all t-shirt money.
Yeah, oh shit.
When you, I mean, that's why a rule like that
of like the stealing up to a thousand dollars,
you're like, this isn't gonna go the way you want it to go.
Cause did they think people were just gonna be like,
oh, then we just won't steal?
I think, I just think, you know,
a lot of times we elect these congressmen
and people in charge that don't know shit
about the real world.
So when you don't know shit about the real world,
you come up with dumb shit like,
steal all you want for 9.95,
but I mean, but what if they run into a small business?
Now these big business can take a couple hits, but a little business a mom and pop can't take those cows
No, that'll shut their shit down. Yeah, so I'm like use of when I started out like you such a fucking dummy
Yeah, he was a dummy who can whoever came up with that shit. They should go up to that place where they work at and beat their
Just beat him with a belt
Are you the congressman that passed the law congressman he's like I sure am where you guys all here with your belts out
Yeah to beat your dumbass
Let you know that's not shit work. I mean I would be I mean also there's videos of people stopping
Like stopping themselves from stopping the crime because they're like, oh I want the police won't help out even if I stop these people well let me tell you something I'm
not I ain't getting in nobody bullshit if you want to run in them people stole
and steal a shit that's on you now if I see you hurting somebody now I'm gonna
at least take out my phone so I can have you know I can tell on your head but I
don't got time for all that other shit I'm not getting in nobody cuz this is a
crazy world yeah I'm not stopping nobody from running out No Louis Vuitton show so Louis Vuitton got insurance
Yeah, and Louis Vuitton also has a very expensive shit hundreds of millions of dollars
Yeah, and one purse put you over that 995 limit. So they go into jail anyway. Yeah, it's yeah
You go grab a Birkin bag. You're fucking
You better go grab Michael Cole
fucking you're way over that. You better go grab Michael Cole's. Shop down. All these places like Cole's and Ross are like no can you please not. Our whole thing is that we're
affordable. That's funny to think of people who are going for more like you know if we
go to Cole's we'll get more. You damn right you'll get more. That ain't even a key chain
out of the Louis Vuitton's though. Yeah Louis Vuitton's like, we're fine. They can't really.
They're going to instantly make you a felon.
Also, it'd be funny to try to blame,
do you remember the show?
What was the show where they used to go in the grocery store
and grab shopping?
Shoppers.
What's it called?
Sweep.
Yeah, sweepstakes.
No, it's called Shopper Sweep.
Yeah, what's that called? You know
when they're going to like fill all their carts and shit that should be the
name of the law. Yeah. Is the shopper sweepstakes. Yeah it's a TV show. It used to be
great I loved it when I... Supermarket sweep. Supermarket sweep that's what
everyone's doing now. It's called the supermarket sweep bill. And it pisses me
off because when you go into the store
and back in, you know, two years ago you can go in
and you can smell a sample of the perfume
that you wanna buy.
You can't do that shit now.
Are you kidding me?
I tried to buy a conditioner the other day.
It was like I had to get an interview at a bank.
I had to like sit down and wait for them to.
Don't go to the hood because it's this wing shop
in Atlanta called J.J. Wings
and they put this flavor stuff on the wing, they got it they got it changed down with a car
chain. Really? So people don't steal the seasoning. And I'm a little bougie now so
and I'm from the hood but I ain't never seen no fucking seasoning salt changed down.
I was like what the hell is going on? The first time you pull it to season? Yeah. It, what the fuck? It comes back. It pulls back.
I used to work at Red Robin and Red Robin has this seasoning that everyone would steal.
It's just like this big thing of seasoning, you know, and people put on their fries or
whatever.
Everyone would steal it.
I think Red Robin needs to start doing that.
Start doing the fucking-
In the hood, they got this shit locked down and it's white like cocaine, but it is so
fucking good.
Really? Is it that good of a seasoning?
It is, I don't know what the fuck is in it.
It's probably something to kill everybody over there.
But we appreciate that seasoning that JJ wins, baby.
I mean, so much that they have to keep it on the fucking
lock and out.
And they won't even tell you what, they don't mix up.
They don't mix up a bunch of bullshit in the back.
And they got it locked down.
You can only sprinkle it on your shit.
You can not.
And that's it, and keep it moving.
Keep it moving.
I wanna find out what this seasoning is.
You gotta go to JJ Wings when you go to Atlanta.
All right.
Next time we're in Atlanta, me and you're gonna go.
Go to the one in Decatur,
cause it's pretty good, you know.
Yeah, and I'm like, we're gonna want this seasoning,
and they're like.
No, you gotta ask for it.
You're gonna see it,
but you're gonna be standing in line
to put it on your food.
Just waiting to get a piece of it.
After you get your order, it's a whole nother line because it's fucking season got a chain
Just me and Mike's white ass be like is this the seasoning line?
Pocket full of money is this the seasoning line you a big white dude you gonna fit right in
Excuse me guys One time I was hungover, I went to a, like back in the day I went to
a USC football game when I was, this is like 20 years ago, and I was, I got black out drunk
with one of my friends the night before.
Crazy hungover.
We're driving to the USC game, and the USC is kind of near the hood in LA, and we pulled
off, I was so hungover,
my friend Johnny was driving and I was like,
I'm gonna throw up.
And he pulled off on Crenshaw and we went to a KFC
and that was the most secure KFC I've ever seen in my life.
It was during the day they had the bank glass
where they put the order in and then you opened it
or whatever.
That's not secure, sir.
No?
No, that mean you was in a fucked up neighborhood.
Anytime you go somewhere and there's bully-proof glass
and some shit has gone down there,
the night before, the day before, the week before,
when I see places like that, I'm like, nah.
I ain't getting out my car.
But it was one of those things where I was so hungover.
I was like about to throw up and I just went in and I was like,
I use your bathroom. And they were like,
they probably thought I was just on meth. They were like, what the fuck?
Why do you need to use the bathroom?
And I had to buy something and I bought a Coke and they had to like put the
Coke into a like into a round like a vault and then I had to open it and go.
But then they buzzed me into the bathroom.
Like I was going to visit someone and they're like,
hey, and the door opened.
Yeah, because they don't want crackhead and meth heads
doing drugs and people fucking in the bathroom.
I think that's what they thought I was.
Cause I was like throwing, I was so.
No, you was in a neighborhood where everybody was dead.
Yeah.
No matter, whoever walked through them doors,
if they buzzing you in and then they got that,
that little turnkey thing thing like the roundabout
Yeah, give you your food. You was in a pretty fucked up neighborhood. It was wild. Thank God. You was drunk
I mean, I just went in I was hungover
I was it was this was like 2 p.m. And I went in and I was just like I please use the bathroom and watching them
Be like, yeah, just buzz me in and I was like
Throwing up in the bathroom
I was probably it was bad.
It was one of the worst hangovers I've ever had in my life.
And I came out and I was just like, I'm sorry.
And they were just like, get the,
I really thought that thought I was a meth addict.
They were like, just get the fuck out of here.
Did you clean up behind yourself?
Oh, I threw up in the toilet.
I was very clean about it.
Oh, okay.
I was direct.
I wasn't like spraying.
You wasn't like, like if you was on the Predator or something.
Came out spraying.
Yeah, I was an exorcist.
You know, you know the thing that I'm having a problem with because I'm 52 or 53 sometimes.
And now when I get on planes and you know, we all talk about how small the plane bathrooms
is and I'm a plus size woman so I never walk directly in the bathroom.
I back up.
Yeah.
So my ass is ready to go.
Yeah.
And, and I forget to look to see if the toilet
seat down. So on the way to California, I pissed all over those people floor up the
wall. And I was like, because I never go in face first. So you never, so before you, when
you open, I bagged my ass in. You immediately open and back. Yes. And some fucker with some
manners let the toilet seat down.
And I hate that crap.
That's so funny.
And I pissed, I've done that like three times.
And so my friend was like, why don't you go in forward?
I'm not, there's nothing I can do forward,
I don't have a dick.
So I just go in the way, I'm gonna use the bathroom,
which is backwards.
What happens when you piss all over the seat
and you're done?
You know, if the flight attendants didn't know me,
I would've just walked away.
But everybody knew me, so I had to clean up my piss.
You never thought about that part of celebrity, did you?
That you wouldn't be able to get away with an ice?
One time I pissed on the seat, but I was leaving.
So I was like, well, they better send
a cleaning crew here anyway.
But we was in mid-flight, so I was like oh I made a mistake
I said I don't know miss Pell I said you're not gonna clean up my piss
Yeah
I'm gonna clean up my own piss so she gave me gloves and sanitary wipes and I threw all these napkins on the floor cuz I'm
Too fat they even fit in there to bend over so I got my feet just mopping the floor
And then I got the wipes just mopping the floor wiping up and down the walls
And they like what are you doing getting pissed off
this fucking toilet wall and see I would kill to see that flight attendant just
at an airport bar and then like a commercial for the miss pass show comes
out and she's like you know I watched her piss all over the seat I mean dude
that is making a mess on an airplane if they recognize you has to be one of those
moments where you're like, fuck this, I didn't want this part of fame.
Well, I mean, you know, I don't really care about fame because I still go to Walmart.
I still, well not as much Walmart.
I still go to TJ Maxx and Home Goods.
So, and I take my wig off and I take my bra off and it's funny because you know, where
I live in Atlanta,
I like Popeyes.
I fucking like Popeye's cheek, especially when it's fresh,
hot out to 200 degrees.
All that shit burn your top lip.
So.
So.
So.
The first time I go to Popeye, I pull up in my G-Wagon
and automatically people look at it.
They're like, this gotta be a white man.
Because that's a white man vehicle.
Come on.
Oh, a G-Wagon?
Yeah.
Yeah, the white man, that's a magnet for white men.
When I'm in that truck, nobody say hi but white men.
How you doing?
Yeah, well, they be like, ooh, you got a G-Cel.
Well, hello.
What the fuck is going on?
I love that you get like the whitest guys too.
Like just the whitest dudes are like.
White dudes like you always looking at me in their truck.
Oh, okay.
And so I pull up at Popeye's in my truck
and they notice it me.
First thing they say,
Ms. Pat, you eat Popeye?
Yeah, bitch.
Yeah.
Don't you eat Popeye?
What, I don't like good food?
Yeah, so I get that all the time.
Like when I get stopped in a store, they was like, anybody tells you you look like I am
her bitch and then move out my way because I'm trying to get a deal?
Because TJ Maxx is a fucking nightmare on a Saturday.
I fucking love TJ Maxx.
I have to fight with it because it's kind of in a high income area, the one I go to.
So you got to fight with them.
Stay at home, mama, with the golf carts, with the money.
I was like, you bitches shop too much.
Yeah. You made me fucking sick.
They're looking for deals as just as entertainment.
Like, they don't even give a shit.
They're just kind of like they're doing like sport shopping.
They just, you know, I think sometimes I do the same shit.
Like I'm the person like I cannot leave a deal in the store.
I have to take you home and look at it because I don't want the next bitch to have it.
So if you see a deal that good, you're like, I don't give a shit.
I just don't want it to someone else.
Like, don't nobody need this shit.
I'll tell you, when I knew I had a problem, I was in Northland right one day
and there was a dooney and Burt,
now nobody really cares Dooney and Burt
but your grandmama now.
And there was a Dooney and Burt bag in there,
and it was marked down to like $49.
Nobody wants this old ass purse.
I didn't want the next bitch to have it.
And I bought it.
So as I'm unpacking, moving into my new house,
I found this Dooney and Burt with the tag still on it.
I said, that bitch, you got a problem problem you know you didn't need this shit it's still brand
new with the tag on it. Yeah you didn't even fucking kind of use it. It's too old it's an old ass
y'all know what Dooney and Burt is? It's an old ass name brand so look at I want to
I want to see if it still make nice item but nobody really toasts it anymore
yeah probably gonna make a comeback. Can I bite my kit?
Can I?
I need some energy.
So I'm in menopause, right?
But I still, your body still feel like you got a period.
Which I don't bleed anymore.
But I do.
I remember these bags.
Yeah, they making a comeback.
Yeah, I bet if you sat on that, by the way,
Dooney and Burke on their website, $359.
159 and that's marked down from $298.
You get something at $49.
You're getting a fucking deal.
Also, I believe if you held that with the tags,
if you waited like five or 10 years, you're right,
it would come fully back.
Cause everything's coming back.
When champion sweatshirts got big,
that made me so mad is a kid that was only
allowed to have champion because champion was the affordable one.
It was the one they sold at Target and shit.
Then a Jenner put, put one on in a picture like Kylie Jenner put one on
or one of the Kardashians.
And then it went to like $900 a sweatshirt.
That's what they're doing with Carhartt now too.
Carhartt's like the cool way to dress. Is that what I'm seeing out unemployed people wearing work
people clothes? Yeah, yeah. You know what you're seeing? You're seeing people they
might not even be unemployed. What they might be is just like people that work
on computers at home but they're wearing stuff that guys who wear who like lay
rebar. I know people unemployed wearing Carhartt and, what's this, why do you have on work clothes
and you ain't going nowhere?
Yeah, you're not going outside.
You ain't going no fucking where.
That's for people to go outside
when it's like 20 degrees at four in the morning
to let them go work out.
My husband used to work at General Motors
in Carhartt all the time, he loved Carhartt.
That happened though.
That happened with Dickies.
Dickies got popular for a while.
Well, drug dealers made Dickie popular for a while.
Cholos, the Cholos really brought it in.
What's a Cholo?
Like Mexican gang members and stuff.
I thought there was a Cholo,
but I thought you were somebody like Cheerio.
Oh, Churros.
You thought I was talking about,
man, what a mistake you can make out of that one.
You go, you a Cholo or a Churro?
They're like, bro, you better not fuck that up again.
You like Cheerios?
And then I was there and six Cheerios came
and took my mom, that's so funny.
No, he's a Churro.
I think I wanna start calling Cholos Cheerios.
Dude, if I got robbed by a Cholo,
that would've been so funny.
I would've been like, are you one of those Cheerios?
I would've, he would've shot me in the head
if that would've happened.
He probably would've.
Yeah, he would've been like, what the fuck?
But that's the first thing that came to my mind,
them little rolls. I'm about to say, I like them too, churros in Dickie's
but yeah they I think it was Dickie's got big and now Carhartt's big that's
what happens it's all cycle everything comes back around I mean the finger waves for the black women is coming back really you probably know they are but they wave that we used to
Put in our pineapple ways and it's so crazy cuz I'm 52
and
sometime 53 yeah, and so my
My I was talking to my daughter-in-law and she was like what are these this new style?
I was like those are pineapple way and nobody had ever seen them really yeah but we used to
rock them all the time yeah that's what's like um like watching baggy jeans
come back I remember like baggy jeans ain't went nowhere oh well they went
from baggy jeans to showing they ass so hopefully baggy jeans come back well
baggy jeans and then it was showing their ass and then it went with the they
were like the skinny jeans oh my god and then now was showing their ass and then it went with the they were like the skinny jeans
Oh my god, and then now they're back now like my son lost weight just so he could wear the skinny jeans
Oh, no, I used to call them bread blood pressure cups at the ankle
They're so tight. They so tight. You would see gay you would say it's it's crazy
How gay it must feel to try to get into those jeans. Well, I think they was feeling sexy at the time
You're doing that thing where they rub up their leg
Okay have sex I mean cuz I wear leggings
Yeah
and I've had on a pair of tight leggings one time where
Somebody parked too close to me and I couldn't get into my driver's seat
So I had to get in my passenger seat and try to put my leg over but I'm fat
So I literally had to take off my fucking leggings. To get your
leg over the center console? Yes I was there in my drawers driving home and I'm
like Lord don't let the police pull you. He gonna think I'm some type of fucking freak. How do I explain to
I was too fat to spread my legs in the leggings. But if it's a white cop and it's a G-Wag,
he's just gonna be like, well, this is a lovely,
this is a great car.
No, I'm gonna get a fucking ticket.
Yeah, man, that skinny, the mix I thought was the funniest
was the skinny jeans with the sagging.
So you would see someone's pants all the way down
with skinny jeans.
With the bep on, with they ass showing.
But the bep is around they they they hips.
But how do you chase?
How do you run?
You can't even move in that your pants are down and they're tight and they high and they
high as fuck.
Yeah, so I don't know.
You can probably get around them real quick.
These baggy jeans are going to be that's where that's where all the athleticism is going
to come.
Well, usually before they take a run, they pull up their pants and tighten their belt.
So you know, I don't fucking know. I just I hate fashion for young people
I when I was younger, I used to say wow old people are so mean. Yeah, they don't like young people
Well now I'm that old person. I can't stand young people. It's the worst. Yes. I can't stand them
There's like young people that live in this building like under a certain floor
It's like mostly young people and if I'm walking my dog like on a thursday night or something and young people get in the elevator
i'm like
This fucking sucks. It's just their energy
Just the way they're just the way they're chatting, you know
You know, I know when I noticed i'm I I was old i'm old
It's like like when I just walked in your house. I was like, why your toilet so low?
Slow toilet scared the shit out of old people I'm old. It's like like when I just walked in your house. I was like why your toilet so low slow toilet
Scared the shit out of old people
Because I was in there almost broke your fucking tissue rack off your thing because I got I need something to help me get up
These ain't no bounce back knees
You know these knees are in a 50 and I was like when I see you when I see low toilet
I just hold my piss because it's gonna be a struggle
Yeah, I gotta get up take a breath then I gotta wipe well by the time I get up off see low toilet, I just hold my piss. Because it's gonna be a struggle. I gotta get up, take a breath, then I gotta wipe.
Well by the time I get up off that low toilet,
I'm fucking out of breath.
Yeah, it's like doing a squat.
More than doing a squat.
I'm like, why do you have fucking baby toilets in you?
And you a tall guy, so I know you pissing
on top of the toilet.
They are very low toilets at this apartment.
Yeah, you should buy yourself a high toilet.
Or an extender at least, just the thing that brings it up.
A wheelchair for the toilet, that'll be great.
Just something, when you get fat people over to do your podcast, we have a way of getting
up off the toilet.
That's going to be funny though, the next big person we have on the show, I go, hold
on, let me adjust the toilet for you and bring out the thing and put it down.
I'm telling you.
You're ready to go. You're ready to piss. I cannot stand low
toilet. They they freak me the fuck out. Will you change a hotel if it's got a low toilet?
No, but I piss in the shower. Okay. I mean, you know what? You're talking about airplane
bathrooms as a tall guy. That's my hell because I gotta stand forward, but a lot of times it goes like this,
so I have to like almost go and do a...
Well at least your dick ain't gotta get off the toilet.
Yeah, but sometimes it makes more sense to sit down
and pee than it does to like try to bend over
and try to piss, cause it's too awkward.
But you a man, y'all nasty anyway, just piss.
We expect that from y'all.
I know, but you also... We know y'all nasty anyway, just piss. We expect that from y'all. I know, but you also.
You ain't got a hand, we know y'all
gonna fuck the bathroom.
I mean, miss, you want to talk about cleaning up after piss.
There's turbulence, and I'm bent over pissing.
That's not even my good stance.
And then I just start scollering.
I don't know if you want to sit on the airplane toilet.
Well, it might work for you.
If your nuts ain't long.
Yeah.
Because you know, that's a metal toilet on the inside.
I would hate for your little white nuts
to heat up against that little metal toilet.
The feel of pulled metal on my.
Porcelain feel different than metal.
It does.
That's gonna wake me up too.
That'll probably stop the piss immediately.
You'll probably stick to it.
You know, you get real cold and your nuts are real cold
and stick to the inside of the toilet.
Who gonna come in there and undo your nuts?
It's like licking a pole in winter.
Yes.
I gotta open the door and go, I need help.
I need help, someone pull me off of this toilet.
My balls are stuck, so you might wanna be careful.
Hey everybody, I'm on the road, per usual.
If you hear crunching, that's my stupid dog eating her toy.
Myrtle's got a new toy and it makes a crunching
noise and she only eats it when I'm doing plugs for my fucking shows.
Because she's so sweet. Anyways, Houston. I will be at the Houston improv October
10th through the 12th and then I will be in Salt Lake City at Wise Guys.
Crinkle Crinkle October 17th through the 19th.
Can you hear it a little bit?
That crinkling is my dog just having a chew.
Houston Improv, October 10th through the 12th.
And then I will be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City,
October 17th through the 19th.
And then November 8th, I will be at Town Hall
for the New York Comedy Festival.
9.45 show at Town Hall. And then November 9th, I will be at Town Hall for the New York Comedy Festival. 945 show at Town Hall.
And then November 9th, I will be in Toronto at the Queen Elizabeth Theater.
We got two shows going there.
And then Chicago.
I'm doing two shows at the Vic Theater December 6th.
I'm very excited.
I was... Chicago is one of my favorite cities to visit.
So December 6th, two shows at the Vic Theater.
The first show is sold out,
but we put a second one on sale
so you can get tickets at dansoder.com.
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Want to look up the seasoning now? I like genuinely want to know about this
He's JJ's chicken is really good in Atlanta everybody goes there
But the seasoning is if you've been there, it's changed down to the counter.
That's insane.
With not a normal change either,
you cannot break that fucker.
Do you think people have tried?
Yeah, they said they started changing it down
because people kept stealing the seasoning.
Yeah.
The whole fucking little container of it,
so they change it down now.
I think that's so, the help yourself kind of attitude
and then someone, the first person that's like, fuck this, I'm just taking this.
I think that's always.
It'd be nice if you went home and fried some chicken
and could dump that seasoning on top.
I bet people pop for it too.
If you had it at your house,
Yes.
And you'd be like, look what I got.
When I go in there, I just get a cup
and dump a bunch of it in a cup.
That's smart, that's a smart way to go.
Yeah, but because people are gonna,
like if you have that at home,
by the way, I was one of those people
that stole that Red Robin seasoning,
and you would notice when people would be over,
they're like, you have Red Robin seasoning?
You're like, always.
People don't know that Red Robin
just fill you up off the fucking potatoes.
Yeah, they do the fries.
That's why they tell you all you can eat.
They do, and by the way,
they're very quick to fill your basket.
Yeah.
Because they want you to fill the fuck up on those.
They will fill the fuck up,
and they don't want you. Good fries though.
Yeah, they don't want you eating nothing else. Dude, and now they're like run down. They're not ran. Well, red-robin
They've like they've like kind of given up. I lived in Plainfield. It was like one of the high-end restaurant, but it was in Plainfield
Yeah, yeah, you will wait for hours to sit and go eat every rouser
I'm so sick of eating at these same for fucking restaurant in this community. I had to get out of Indiana.
Yeah.
I mean, Indianapolis feels like itself an outdoor mall.
It feels like, it felt, it felt like prison to me and I was there for 15 years.
Really?
I mean, I love my fans there.
It, it, my career took off there.
I love Bob and Tom, but I just couldn't I could not live like that
Yeah, it was like it was so it was it snore
I mean it snows so and that was just so fucking depressed to have fucking snow falling in your wig
And it's always fucking cold and people go I don't want to live in a community where people go to church four days a week
Really? Yes. All they wanted to do was serve the Lord.
You know, and sometimes the Lord
want to be left the fuck alone.
Even the Lord's like, what are you doing?
Four days?
Yes, everything was about church.
And I was like, come on, Sundays.
Yeah, and you saw so many people in a relationship
that wouldn't leave it because the Lord.
And I used to talk to my neighbors,
I was like, do you really think Jesus
wants you to be depressed? Did y'all forget that God sent his only forgotten son here to die for y'all fucking soul and y'all don't even know how to
live for your damn self. And he's a good one cuz I wouldn't kill none one of my children for you lonely fuckers.
Just watching people be like we can't can't break up because of Jesus. Yes, the church, the church, fuck the church, make yourself
happy. Yeah. They just want you to tie it anyway. Yeah, they just want your money. Yeah.
That's it. And if you ain't fucking the pastor, you almost ain't winning anyway. What about,
I always think it's funny when those pastors, when you see those pastors have like Joel
Osteen. Don't talk about Joel Osteen. I love me some Joel Osteen. You do?
That is a sexy white knight to me.
Are you serious?
Yeah, T.D. Jakes ain't that cute.
What's that?
T.D. Jakes ain't that cute.
Yeah, but Olsteen's got some fucking teeth on him.
Well, he bought him.
I know, he's got that.
When you go to the dentist and say,
make me look like a donkey, that's what you get.
Yeah, but he goes,
I want my teeth so sparkly, God can see them.
Just the way that he talks through them.
God can see them.
Dude, I mean, he came to Sirius XM when I was there,
and he was in the lobby.
And I'll tell you right now,
I've never seen someone with security like that.
I've never seen, like, he was like El Chapo.
Like, he had guys around him with heavy artillery.
My thing here, if you know the Lord,
why you need all them guns?
That's exactly it.
That's the first thought I had was,
you don't have any faith. I can't see anybody
trying to kill you, maybe throw pussy at you.
Was it security that'll block the pussy?
He's like, I can't just step in all this wet pussy.
Guys, clean my feet off
I got wet pussy on it just the way he showed us the guy security
It was it was to the point that I my first thought immediately was I don't think you have a lot of faith in God
My that was my first thought cuz I was like you he had more security
Then my little king then most most politicians there would be politicians that would come in to he got more security in Trump Trump don't mean I'm gonna tugging out here
twice I know he needs Trump needs to call
Osteen and be like who's your guys either the black Panthers it was wild
dude wait the door opened on his he had like a bulletproof SUV what the fuck is
pastors doing these days they're're worth like $500 million.
Well, what you gonna do, kidnap him and sell him to heaven?
That would be, that's a great idea for a movie.
There's kidnapping a super pastor and then being like,
who's gonna pay the ransom?
God!
What the fuck?
It was wild though.
It was one of those things where,
cause I didn't like expect to run into him
I was like running late to the show and I went into the lobby and I was like did you speak to him?
No, you could be like goddamn
Joel Osteen. I mean dude it took me it was one of those things where I walked in and I noticed the security first
I was like who the fuck is in and I was like looking in the middle
I was like that's Joel Osteen and I was like, who the fuck is in? And then I was like looking in the middle. I was like, that's Joel Osteen.
And he was like, and he got in his tank of a SUV
and pulled away. But I left.
I went upstairs and told big J I was like,
that's the most security I've ever seen on a person.
It was crazy.
Wow.
Cause he's got hundreds of millions of dollars,
but I do think probably if he got kidnapped, would be like hey you want that money give me
Well, I'm worth $100,000. I don't got no security. I just got an assistant
He's got to get an assistant that could fight though shit I can fight
They probably will but don't
I'm just a simple-minded person.
If you kidding at me, ain't nobody gonna answer the phone.
My husband don't answer no numbers he don't know.
So you just gonna be with me.
That's so funny.
After a week, they're like, no one's picked up.
And you're like, whoa.
Cause he don't know your number.
Call for my phone, he'll pick up immediately.
He may or may not be in too, shit.
That's always weird.
That's like Joe Rogan and his security like Joe got security. Oh, yeah
I see them big-ass means around Joe. It's crazy. It was it was it was I asked Joe one time
So why you need security, you know, you can fucking yeah
He can fuck shit on the mountain lion who the fuck gonna fuck with somebody?
Well, that's what I heard but he told me that wasn't true that he killed a mountain. Yeah, but I'm gonna stick with it
Yeah, no, let's keep let's start these we start Joe Rogan facts like Chuck Norris facts
You know that Joe Rogan killed the mountain line with his bare hands
That's what they told me when I first met you you choked the mountain line
I'm gonna say that he that he freed Ari from Malaysian slavery by winning a kickboxing
tournament. I'm just going to start setting fucking shit out like that's why Ari's so
loyal to Rogan. You're like Rogan won a Muay Thai tournament to free Ari.
I love me some Ari.
I mean Ari's nuts. Have you seen his half shaved head?
I saw him yesterday. I said, Ari, what are you going through a mid-life crisis?
What the fuck is wrong with you orange?
You feel right. He's one of my favorite human beings on the planet
Yeah, but he is breaking all the Jewish codes. Does the Senate what's kind of Jewish? He's sending out a juice
You know, he's uh, I think he was I think he was Orthodox. Yeah, he's breaking all their rules
Yeah, I mean, I think he pretty loudly rejected it. He took the teacup off his head.
Yeah.
That was step one.
I think you can't even, that's like removing the plastic from something.
Showing his balls.
I mean, he shows his balls a lot.
I've seen them little wrinkle ass teeth, that thing.
You want to talk about someone that can't sit down on an airport bathroom seat.
Oh.
Harry Shaffir.
He sits down on one of those airplane bathrooms.
His nuts are going to be stuck to that metal.
Everybody's seen him.
They hang lower than turkey neck.
It's insane.
Yeah.
But you know why?
Because he always traveling to the craze.
I said, where are you, Harry?
I'm on the back of this truck.
And howdy, howdy.
I don't know the fuck he be.
He always somewhere playing poor.
During the pin.
During the pin.
I'm like, why you out here hanging out with the underprivileged people on the back of a
fucking hay ride in a third rural country? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you know you got money?
We were at big J and I did a podcast during the pandemic with him where we were
watching 21 jump street and he was like, I'm going to be gone for a week,
but then I'll get on Zoom and we can do it.
And he started Zooming, didn't tell us where,
from Central America on a beach.
He just opened the camera one day and we were like,
where the fuck are you?
And he was like, I'm in Central America.
He was just in front of a volcano in like a bamboo hut.
And you're like, all right.
And he's living in these places.
Come back, mosquito mosquito bites spider bites
Oh kind of crazy shit that happened to him. Oh, yeah, I gotta bring Ari on to ask how many bites he's had
What are all the weird bites? Yeah, he'd be swimming in volcanoes and shit when they're not erupting
Makes me feel bad because I don't travel a lot. Like if I go, you don't want to travel third world
No, I don't want to go to a place
that doesn't have diplomatic immunity with the United States.
I don't want to get a place where they're like,
yeah, we're actually-
No, you want to go to a fucking place with a hotel?
Yes.
They don't have hotels with R.I.B.
They don't.
He does, he just sleeps on mats.
Yeah, he be in one of those places called
where people go and they take showers and shit.
Oh, hostels. Hostels. And I'll say, I thought when he first told me stay in hostels, Yeah, he'd be in one of those places called where people go and they take showers and shit.
Oh, hostels.
Hostels.
And I thought when he first told me he was staying at hostels, I thought he was on hostess.
Hospice.
Hospice?
He thought he was going to places like that.
I was like, you die?
There's just a bunch of sick people in Ari.
And he's like, food here is pretty good.
Space is going to clear up pretty soon.
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the perfect gene. Yeah, he's one of my friends though that I don't know if
you have friends like that that make you feel lazy, make you feel like when I talk to Ari, I'm like,
I feel like I should be doing more adventures stuff.
Well, that's why I don't really talk to my friends who's smaller than me because
they make me know that I'm fat. So what's with their activities?
No, they just, they look healthy. Yeah.
So I just talk to the people that look like me, you know,
or we encourage each other.
That's probably some of the best advice
I could ever hear of.
Yeah, yeah.
How you know you wanna hang out.
We go, you got the same body as me.
What do you do on the weekends?
Not a damn thing.
Let's go eat Chick-fil-A.
You just look at people, you go, you ever stole seasoning?
Yeah.
I sure as fuck have.
Let's do it.
Yeah, that's one of my favorite things with all with the show and stuff
and now the tour Hot and Flashy. Yes Hot and Flashy. I love it that's a great name.
For menopause. I am going through menopause but it's not all menopause jokes
so I just wanted to let women know it's okay to talk about the changes that we
go through in our body and I wanted the world to know just because we're going through high I mean
menopause don't mean we dried out we still got some type of sequies that
what is it called yeah witness
he thought I was calling the black bitch name I was like I was trying to do the
math in my head and I was like I don't even know I. I was like, uh, we got some type of witness.
You're just saying it's not, it's not a desert always.
It's not always.
It's never a fucking desert.
Well, they, well, they write, they write off women.
I got a laden pussy.
Hey, I'm Jillian and I'm Patrick.
And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed.
If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in
our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching.
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There's no way we can't call this episode Aladdin, pussy. There's absolutely no way
we can't call this Aladdin.
The hell?
But also, I feel bad for menopausal women
because they almost treat you like they're putting you out
to pasture.
They don't put me out no motherfucking pasture.
The menopause keep me up at night on TikTok ordering
dumb shit I don't need.
And that's the reason why I sleep in a separate bedroom
for my husband because I just wake up
and I can't go back to sleep.
Everybody has a little drawback.
Some women just sweat all the time.
I don't sweat a lot.. Everybody has a little drawback. Some women just sweat all the time. I don't sweat a lot.
Mine's is a sleep pattern.
And I like to be hot.
I get cold a lot.
Well then sometime I do heat up and boy when I heat up,
ooh that broken thermostat in my ass don't work some days.
It's about 199 when it fucks up. So you and you but you prefer to be hot over cold? I prefer to
be warm. Like I don't really like a lot of air condition. I sleep with a heater
in my room. That's wild. And my husband fucks it fucking hate it cuz he cold. I
cover up all my vents and they be like it's hot in here. Not to me. Yeah you're
like that's comfortable to me. It's me comfortable to me I can't stand to be cold. Oh, I love being cold. Yeah, I know
Tall big guys like yes. Yeah white dudes love to be cold
I got a big black man that loves to be cold really just loves it. I'm like I cannot sleep
And you know, I got a vagina. I can't have all that air blowing up my
Drying it out. Yeah.
What do you put your AC, what do you put your
thermostat on in a hotel?
Oh, I don't turn the air on.
You keep the air off?
It's off right now.
Completely off? Oh, I turn the fucking heat on.
If I walk in there and you got the air on, I turn the heat on.
Really?
My, everybody, even the, the only time I turn on the
air is when my makeup artist is coming to do my makeup and hair
But other than that, there's no air my room
Damn, you really do like that. You like it stuffy. I do like it stuffy. That's very cold person
I get that's like I mean, I think I'm probably the polar opposite
I like I will walk into a hotel and slam that thermostat down to like
65 if I can I will beat your will beat your ass in the hotel room.
I like, there is nothing better to me than bundling up that first like shaky get in bed.
Dan, that reminds me of being poor.
So I can't.
Really?
Oh, so just not being able to afford heat?
One no heat.
One me for the heat.
We didn't have no damn heat.
So I just, I don't like being cold.
Yeah. You know what it was with me is growing up,
we didn't, I didn't have air conditioning.
We had an attic fan.
That's what my mom thought.
That shit would suck them kids through that.
You put them up on there and they thin enough.
It is fucking wild.
It was a thing on the top and you would turn that crank
and it would go,
whoosh, it would kick on in a way that you're like, oh shit.
But it never felt
like it cooled the house it pulled out a heat out of the house there didn't it
wasn't cooling you off but I have one in my rental property in Atlanta yeah
working for over 20 years it's insane that it was it was basically before air
conditioning that's what they used they were like oh just suck the hot air out
but man I I remember my mom would be like turn on turn on the attic if and I'm
like no I don't want to do that.
I want an air conditioner. So when I started,
finally got a place with an air conditioner, I was like,
let's make this shit December and July. That's what I liked.
Just cranking it down. I don't like that. Yeah. Will you,
will you change a hotel room if it doesn't get hot? If it's like too cold?
No, I go to the, I go to send my assistant to Target
and get me a space heater.
Yeah?
Like a heat dish?
No, like a little space heater.
Yeah.
And I plug it up and I use it.
When I check out, I take the receipt and I take it back.
That's the way to go.
Yeah, I don't need a fucking space heater
for when I go home.
I used to fucking love, when I was growing up,
we used to hang out in my garage
Like that's where I was allowed to like smoke cigarettes and just be a piece of shit when I was growing up and we used to buy
Like space heaters at like discount stores or whatever
But they would like they basically be broken and they would rattle and you would hear it and you'd be like this thing's about
To blow up in our garage
But that's always what I think about whenever I turn in a space heater is that rattle where you're like,
this thing could go off any moment.
Yeah.
Because they get hot.
Especially the old 80s ones
that were just like those bars
that would just fucking turn red.
And you know, they probably still work to this day.
But in that other bullshit,
you gotta kick the other one.
And then the new ones is they protect your house from,
I like the ones that would set your house on fire.
Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about.
Yeah, so now these days it's protective event falls over it goes the fuck off
I didn't ask you to cut my heat off
The whole premise of Manchester by the sea
I think that guy fucking left with one of those heaters on and it is it is like
That those ones I'm talking about with like those giant coils and you'd see them get hot
I used to have this I had I got a 49ers jacket when I was in seventh grade
My mom bought it way too big so that I would grow into it. I know that and it was my favorite jacket
I mean the second it got cold out in Colorado. I'd have that 49ers jacket on I wore it for about eight years
And one time I was standing in front of one of those old
Space eaters so cold in my garage, I was smoking a cigarette standing in front of that space heater and I didn't realize I had backed into it and I
turned around and it was just like plastic melted to that and I remember
pulling myself off it and being like oh man and those coils man they just
fucking grabbed that jacket. I still wore it. I still wore that jacket for a good
two more years until someone had to buy me a new jacket. Still wore it. I still wore that jacket for a good two more years
until someone had to buy me a new jacket.
I loved it.
It just had big burns down the side.
Well, that was a jacket that shows your struggles.
No, I liked it when I was younger
because I started smoking cigarettes
when I was real little.
She let you smoke cigarettes?
No, no, no, no.
She didn't know I was.
In the garage?
Oh, that's when I was like 16, 17.
You could smoke a cigarette at your mother house at 16. Yeah, I will slap my son blue in the face. She I
Think she was like if I think if I give him this he won't go off and be you know, I don't give you shit
Well, I'm glad I'm glad
I'm glad you were my mom when I was 16 because I loved
smoking cigarettes.
My son started smoking weed after high school and I was on his ass for the first three years.
Really?
Man he's 25 now, I have to leave him alone but I be like, Junbo you shouldn't smoke that
shit, that wacky back is going to fuck you up.
And like he could not smoke it when you are you cannot drink and smoke around me when you underage yeah so my kids still don't
really smoke I mean a drink around me yeah they're probably gonna have a bill
his daddy and then I have to remind myself this boy's fucking grown leave
him alone yeah I mean did did you feel like they ever hit it from you like they
would yeah I mean but my he's the only one that got that drink and smoke.
But yeah, they were hiding from me because he knew I didn't approve of it.
Did you catch him?
I ain't never caught Jim but smoking weed.
His eyes would get small and he'd get lazy and then I know he's on something.
He's on weed.
When he's all giggly?
No, he ain't giggly.
He's a very quiet kid when he's high.
But I knew he was drinking and shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, my mom drank and, I mean, my whole family drank.
But I would, when I was like, I think I was about 16,
my sister got killed in a car accident.
And I think my mom was kind of like, all right,
if you're just going to hang out here and not go out and cause...
You're the only child?
Yeah.
Who was your sister?
She was 12 years older. She was child? Yeah. Who was your sister?
She was 12 years older.
She was my half sister.
But when my sister.
Wait a minute, was that your mama child?
My dad's daughter.
Oh, your dad's daughter, okay.
But I was close with her.
And then when she died, my mom was kinda like,
eh, whatever, you know.
You're like, you got a child.
Your mama only had one child?
She only had me.
That's it.
How many of your daddy had?
Two, me and my sister.
That we know of.
So you're the only one left?
Yeah, I'm the last one.
But my mom was kind of like,
I had a job, I was working or whatever,
and she had caught me smoking before,
and it had been a thing.
She had gotten real pissed at me.
And then finally she was kind of like,
fuck it, if you're going to do it here,
you know what I mean?
What am I going to do?
She's smoking on fucking cigarette at my house.
Oh, I loved it.
I miss cigarettes so much.
You smoke now?
No, I don't smoke anymore.
I quit 11 years ago, but-
You shouldn't smoke.
That shit, that surge of gender shit,
been on the side of them cigarettes.
I remember when they would bring those people
to your school and make it be cool.
You were the cool man.
Yeah.
It's cool to smoke.
You remember the cool man?
I remember the cool man and I remember Joe Kamel.
Joe Kamel was my guy. Joe Kamel sold so many fucking, made everybody cool to smoke. You remember the cool man? I remember the cool man and I remember Joe Campbell Joe Campbell was my guy. Joe Campbell sold so many fucking made everybody want to smoke cigarettes
I loved it. That and the soap poppers back in the day
My mama used to watch Young and the wrestling and can't Chancellor would smoke her cigarette with a little stem on the end of it
Yeah, because she was rich and it was like bougie. Yeah, diddy what we used to call it
And but my mama smoked her cigarette like a real nigga. She's a
Like she was sucking a dick
It turned me off
And I think that's why I really don't drink now cuz everything my mama did she did like a fucking man
Really?
Constructions she drank out the quad bottles. She never told it a pocketbook
She only told him men wallets.
We go to the damn doctor and send her pulling out a pocketbook.
She got a man wallet, got out birth certificate, hospital,
medical cards.
I'm like, bitch, where's your purse?
Give me a handbag.
You'd have thought she was a lesbian,
but she had five kids and she loved dick.
Yeah.
Thought she was a lesbian, but love dick is just fucking hard.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
And so she would smoke and drink.
Oh, that's how she was an alcoholic.
She died when she was like 39.
All she did was drink two, three, four, five quarts a bill a day,
smoke her once to cigarettes, and wash the soap popper.
And she's always having this little saying I made a joke about years ago.
She's like, the white man holding me back.
No, she said, them crackers holding me back. So I didn't know what a cracker was. I didn't know it. I only crackers I knew
was the little Key Blues brothers on TV who advertised the crackers.
That's who you thought was on there.
Yeah. So I asked, I said, what did they do to you mama? They so nice. They just want
us to buy they cookies. She slapped the black off my face.
I love that so much. They're up in their trees making their cookies. These
crackers aren't that fucking bad. Yeah. These crackers are so good. It took me a long time
to realize you were talking about white people. It's so fucking funny. Finding out that they're
talking about white people is so funny. And think of the Keebler elves are holding your
mom back. They go, well, what can I tell you you we stopped her from getting a job good job everybody Kepler elves are racist
Oh fudge that's what we call them we know that's dude ah that's goddamn
that's gonna make me laugh randomly
in like a week of thinking of the Keebler elves
being racist.
Oh, fuck.
I appreciate you coming and doing the podcast.
Well, thank you for having me.
You're one of my favorite comedians.
Thank you, man.
Yeah, I think you're so fucking funny.
And the Hot and Flashy Tour is happening now.
Check out Miss Pat, the Miss Pat show on BET+.
And BET. The court show is on BET. Yeah that's Miss Pat.
Settles it. I love it. I'm a judge. Miss Pat settles it. I've been watching clips. They've been popping up.
Because one of your writers I also follow, Jeff, one of the guys that works on the show.
What's Jeff's last name? He's a comic and he works on the show and he'll like
retweet clips and that's how I started going out. I was at the airport and I went down a wormhole.
I mean what a perfect role for you. Thank you. You're like did you ever know you would be in a
role like a Judge Judy? No. Well we shot a episode on the Miss Pat Show about me and my sister
going to court and me and the co-creator came we're like we shot an episode on the miss Pat show about me and my sister going to court
I mean the co-creator came with a wish, you know a judge show and it really I was thinking this
I had somebody else in mind and a network said why don't you do it?
And so I did it the first season. I didn't know what the hell I was doing
But it I said we might have something here. Yeah, it was funny. But this season is so fucking funny
Yeah, I mean every clip we've had had doing two and three
and five and 10 million.
Yeah, it's very funny.
You're perfect for it.
You're perfect for it.
You know what, I don't see the cases.
The cases are real.
I just say, give it to me so you can have my natural response.
The response, and it is so fucking funny.
And I love doing it.
And I hope I get 10 seasons of this shit. I hope there is always an abundance of clips
of you talking shit to stupid people.
Because it might be one of my favorite things in the world
is watching some of these idiots try to get over on you
and getting absolutely fucking stuffed.
Yeah.
It, I mean, I was fucking dying laughing in the airport
watching some of these clips.
Because again, you go from one to another
And then you're watching you're like this whole show is just so fucking funny people
You know people really catching on this year to us
So it's a funny show and in the way things come back around where we're talking about like with fashion or with bags or whatever
It is it's great to see you do a sitcom that doesn't treat people like children.
Like you guys talk the way adults talk.
That's what I love about it.
And for BET to give you that kind of freedom
to be like cuss and talk shit,
talk shit the way that you would normally talk
with people around you.
And you know, dig deep.
We never try to do a teachable moment.
We do an eye-opening moment.
I never take sides.
You know how sometimes you get black people
who wants to get out of messaging
and just beam you across the head,
and as a person that's not a person of color,
you almost feel like, why they dogging me out?
I didn't have nothing to do like that.
It's, when we talk about things,
we talk about things that's gonna affect everybody.
Like, I did an episode where abortions, where I
had an abortion in my late 50s, I mean in 50 something years old and the whole
message was this is my body I can do what the fuck I want to do. You can't
tell me what to do with my body. We did a slavery episode where white people are
slaves and it was hard to cast white people as slaves. They didn't want to be slaves.
Now here's my question, how are you gonna cast white people as slaves. They did not want to be slaves. Now here's my question.
How are you gonna cast white people?
We already did it.
And you guys film, where do you film it?
We film in Atlanta, that was season four.
Cause I'm wondering though,
how hard was the casting with white people with veneers?
Thinking about white slaves with like blue teeth?
They, you know, there was a bunch of theater actors
and we got a lot of nos.
We didn't feel those position until the last,
we thought we was gonna have to move the episode.
Really?
Yeah, so we finally got enough white people
to agree to be slaves and it's about,
reparation.
Yeah.
Is it about reparation?
Jasmine!
I always get confused.
Jasmine!
Jasmine! Jasmine!
Jasmine, come on in.
What was that Slay episode about?
Reparations, I wanna make sure I'm not making a mistake.
Thanks, Jasmine.
Well, that'd be fucking up some words.
It was all about reparations.
Oh, fuck, no one's gonna beat that ever on this podcast.
No one's ever gonna beat that ever.
No one's ever gonna beat that moment.
Jasmine!
It's all about what white America think black America won't but never asks us what the fuck we need.
You only come to our neighborhood when you want our vote.
No motherfucker, we matter no matter what,
just like everybody else, votes matter.
But it was in a very funny way.
And I go to this reparation camp
and this white dude get all of this money
and then he reenacts the slaves with the white people which is how fucking hilarious
when I tell you that's my favorite episode and my daughter helped wrote that
episode yeah I was that's my I watched that episode all the time cuz it's so
fucking funny I mean and you're really given an opportunity with your shows and
with your stand-up just to make what you want to make you know which is impossible
in this fucking business. If this industry, even though you do need the Zex
to balance the money and buy the product,
if they would just step back once they see
that you are a talented person
and let you create what you want to create
because you are out there in the real world.
A lot of times these Zex will come in
and think they know what they need, but you missing
when you just scrape the surface or something. I'm at home like, why didn't they go deeper?
Yeah. Oh, that's not how to happen in real life.
But a lot of times they're doing that to save their ass because they have interests
outside of the show where they're like, well, we can't really do that because of advertisers
or whatever. I think with always whenever I've seen meddling, when people have stopped making something that you're like,
this is going to be good and it gets fucked up is someone trying to prove why
they have a job. It's a guy trying to prove like, Oh, I'm valuable.
I'm on this thing. It's like, we don't need, don't say shit.
Just let me make it and then it'll be good.
You know, if you, if you would let us make it and let the people decide if it's
good or not, everything else will come together.
When you in there trying to tell me what it is,
and you a white person trying to tell me what it is
to be black in America, you need to shut the fuck up
because you don't know I'm black.
I know where I live, I know where I been,
I know where I'm going, I know where I came from,
and you could never tell me how to do what I've lived
Yeah, and when and that's what's the miss Pat show is it's not just a black show
People come up to me from all races say oh my god miss Pat
They can't fucking relate because everybody didn't have a hustle as a mom and daddy
Some people has a mom say set your black ass down a Billy Joel. I done told you I'm gonna beat your fucking white ass
You know any it's so refreshing to hear that. Well, it's authenticity. Yes. That's, that's,
and we talk about this all the time. I think moving forward, you have so many options on what
you want to watch. You have so many options on what you're going to take in as a, as a viewer
that people are going to start gravitating to the shit that's authentic.
Where you're like, oh no, this is really, this is how they feel. This is who they are.
Because then you can feel crazy with all the AI and all the shit that's like being manipulated
and chosen stuff. When you finally see something authentic, you go like, I like that. And it
gives you a feeling of like, I'm going to stick with this. Because I know even if I
don't like an episode, maybe, maybe there might be an episode they don't like,
they come back but they're like, no, this is my show.
And that's what shows used to be at least.
And that's what they love about the Miss Pat Show.
Because they know I'm gonna be talking about some,
it's a teachable moment.
And people feel like they really,
they really a part of that family.
Yeah, that's what a good sitcom does.
A good sitcom makes you feel like you're part of the world and you or that you have
interest in the world and you want to check in. That's why neighbors get pops.
That's why people you know because they're like I know that guy and I love
it. That's I think honestly why podcasting blew up. Yeah. Because it gave
people a feeling of familiarity where they're like I'm part of this now.
It's not since about a radio show on a network
that you can't really get deep.
You know, here on the podcast, you can say,
Miss Pat, why did he have a thousand bottles of Vaseline?
I mean, also who's selling a thousand bottles of baby oil?
Well, it was pandemic, so people still got tissue left over.
And did he refuse?
That's so funny, you think uh uh sean combs ordered
a thousand bottles of well i ordered a lot of fucking dishwashing liquid and some of y'all still
got lysol left over so why is you know and i tell people i think diddy had the fucking baby oil
because he's black and we do get ass shit yeah so if you that rich and you think the world is gonna end, you
want to be moisturized when Jesus come back. So he bought a thousand baller, you know, if it don't
slip you must acquit. My children I've returned. Look how fantastic your skin is, Sean. He better
find him a slogan like OJ did to get out of this shit. Like slippery when wet. Yeah. If it don't slip, you better quit. If it don't slide, you better glide. I fucking love it. I love it.
Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick.
And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed.
If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in
our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching.
We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine.
We're talking the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker,
the Ted Bundy tapes, what else?
The Turpent 13. Yes.
With the amazing sisters who basically tell the story,
the girl in the picture.
Yes, all the documentaries you love to talk about
with your friends, we're your friends now.
We're the friends you talk about that stuff with.
Yeah.
We're true crime obsessed podcasts,
stitcherous on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or wherever you listen.