Soder - 53: 6th Grade Spitballs with Paul Virzi | Soder Podcast | EP 53

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

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Tampa, Florida. I hope you're okay after the hurricane. We're coming down there in November November 15th Excuse me, November 14th through the 16th. I will be at side splitters comedy club in Tampa I hope you're alright, and if everything's okay call out and we'll have a laugh dance odor comm That's where you find me. I'm trying new catchphrases. Does this work? That's where you'll find me. I'm trying new catchphrases. Does this work? That's where you'll find me. I think that sucks. Bourdain was like, this is how you make a burger. And I was like, oh, I randomly walked into like the greatest burger spot. Yeah.

It's called, I mean, you should absolutely go to Sam's. Was it good? Was it nuts? It's still open. Oh, wow. If you're in San Francisco, go to Sam's Burgers. If we're recording, definitely keep that in. Sam's Burgers, you give me no money, but god fucking damn it are you delicious.

Isn't it the best when you stumble upon a jam? That's what it was. I was walking up Broadway downtown San Francisco like after a show at the punch line, looking for places to eat and I was like, oh look at this little greasy spoon. I went in, fucking rocked my shit. Big Jay Looking for places to eat. And I was like, Oh, look, this little greasy spoon. I went in fucking rock my shit. Big J pretty tough to win over. You know, he's from Philly. They know like fried and grilled food

better than anybody. Yeah. And I was like, this burger is awesome. And he was like, we'll see. And he ate it and he was like, this shit's unbelievable. And I was like, all right, you get someone from Philly. It's like getting someone from New York to say it's a good slice of pizza. Yes, yeah. A sandwich from Philly is what people are like. And an Italian kid from New York, if he eats sauce, he knows. You know? Yeah, it's like when you have a friend who's Chinese and they can tell you like, you know

what's another one? Stavros. Stavros. I lived in Astoria and I tried to get all these Greek places. Great food in Astoria. Great food. But then Stavros. Yeah, I lived in Astoria and I tried to get all these Greek food in Astoria great food But then Stavros was like BZ grill. Shout out BZ grill. I'm just plugging all my favorite spots But BZ grill in Astoria Stavros was like no no, no Yeah, you gotta go and like a Greek person tells you that about Greek and then we went and he ordered in Greek

One of the best dining experiences I've ever had in my life. No, Greek food is when Greek food is right. You know what's the funniest though is when you tell somebody a place is good and you watch them bite and you could tell that they're like, that you like, you know that they want to be nice. Yeah. They're like, you know what? That's the equivalent. That's like when you put a mood, your favorite, a favorite comedy on for like a wife or a girlfriend and you're like watching them watch it and you're like, eh? Or like a friend, how good is that one?

It's funny you say that because my older brother's married now but his ex-girlfriend, the one he was with before his wife, didn't like MacGruber and I said to him, I go dude, he goes, I saw it this, because me and him saw it and we're crying. We're punching each other I mean it dude scene with Kristen wig in the bank where she drops with the gunfire

Oh my god still makes me laugh out loud every time I do when he was like fucking the ghost of his And he's just like by himself and I'm like so me and Christian might mean my brother Christian We're in the theater crying put your time So he's like I took her cuz I was excited and he's like she didn't get it and I'm like, so me and Christian, me and my brother Christian, we were in the theater crying, punching each other. So he's like, I took her because I was excited. And he's like, she didn't get it. And I was like, dude, no, man, she was like, I would borderline say not only did she not get it, she didn't like it.

That's and you're a gruber, dude. And that's also a thing where if you being on the other side of that, you have to have enough self-awareness to go like, I understand where this is failed. You know, you have to be like, I understand where this has failed. You know, you have to be like, when you see someone love something and you don't like it, you have to go, this is a distance. Can we cover this distance?

Yeah, no, that's- Cause some people you can go around and find a bunch of other shit and sometimes there'll be things that you don't like. I'm sure there's stuff your wife doesn't like that you love. Of course. Well, you know what? If it's real caring for each other, you go, listen, I know why you like it,

it's just not my thing. That's... Acceptable, understandable. It's acceptable, and it's like, that's why I kind of like you. I actually like you because of that, because you understand my silliness. It's just not your thing.

But if you're like, I don't get it, like that was dumb, it's like, no, it's gone. That's a bridge too far. You're like, I can't, no. You know what's even funnier, is if he's actually talking to his therapist, a that's a bridge too far. You're like I can't It's even funnier as if he's actually talking to his therapist Yeah, he's like things fell apart and he's like why he's like, you know, I took her to MacGruber. Yeah It's that important to you because MacGruber rules How about Val Kilmer in that I mean all Val Kilmer was so funny in that I mean the entire the movie McGrew it is one of those things

I think for a movie to get to where MacGruber mean the entire, the movie, it is one of those things, I think for a movie to get to where MacGruber is, because I think it failed in theaters. No, it did fail. And then I think it got a little cult following afterwards. Those are always the best. That's the best. Old school hat, that happened.

None of them are like. I think Clerks was a disaster for like, and then all of a sudden it just. Yeah, Mallrats too. I think a lot of the movies, I think we expect them to like do well, but you're like, no, you don't want that.

Right. Because most people are dumb. But we're also silly. So like we're, we're in a world of like how crazy and bizarre and silly. I don't know. I think Mcgruber crossed. I think that's just like for more than comics. I think anybody that likes silly shit.

I always like Will Forte too. He's unbelievable. He's the fucking best. Have you ever seen him give His speech at Seth Meyers his wedding. No, it's like in a character No, it's we'll find we got to find the clip and then like edit it in but he's wearing like a blonde wig and like Leather gloves and he's just talking sexually about Seth Meyers his wife, but it's so silly that you're like Like everyone's just dying laughing. Will Forte, fucking rules.

Dude, remember he was the insurance company's receptionist? So he did, so SNL, one of his like, one of his like sketches that was a repeat on SNL, was he played the receptionist at an insurance firm. Yeah, I don't even remember this one. But he would answer and he would just go, and he would go, oh no! You remember that? I don't would just go, Oh no.

He watched me on earth that first season. Did you watch that on Fox? I did. I did. It was unbelievable. Yeah. That was a show where in one season you're like, I think you guys nailed it. I think you guys did it perfectly. Yeah. But how funny is that? That like, he said, Oh no, it's the only place you should never say it. Yeah, yeah. Dude, Will Forte is fucking unbelievable. He's the best. And MacGruber, God, I would be so mad sitting in a theater.

I don't think I'd be mad. I'd just be like, hit a level of sadness when you see someone not dig it. Yeah. Because that's how it is with food too, like what we're talking about. You go to a restaurant and they don't eat it, and you go, you like any of it? Yeah. You need like one bite. You don't like that? Yeah. Cause that's how it is with food too. Like what we're talking about. You go to a restaurant and they don't eat it and you go, you like any of it?

Yeah. You need like one bite. You don't like that? Yeah. It makes you like not like people. Yeah. If you don't like a certain thing I like, like that's Italian food, that's like everybody likes.

I'm not saying something weird. If I'm like, hey, try this, you know, octopus with garlic. I get that you're like, ah, but if like, if I give you like a. A bolognese. Or like a meatball with like all three meats with like an unbelievable marinara that was cooked the night before, I can't really talk to you.

But you're also like, what are you doing? Are you being? Are you being that guy? I feel like there are people that are like, it's all right. And then what's better? Yeah. Those people I cut out of my life. Yeah. Anyone that wants to talk shit like that, you better come with a solution. Yeah, it's like, it's like, say what you want about like Eminem and like my son and his friends, they're not really into Eminem the way that like we were,

the way that I was, and I know you were too, because you were, but like, you could- I mean, if you were a boy and you were growing up between 1997 and 2005, and you're a white guy, Eminem rules. It's like Eminem was like, oh, this guy fucking rules. But it is weird to think that kids are like, well, I don't mind but I don't like when people are like Eminem's not good It's like no, he is good and lyric lyrically. He's incredible. What do you like his style? You might not like his beach. You might not even like his voice the way he raps, but you can't say he's not good at the art

Yeah, it's like saying the Chiefs aren't good at football, right? You go you can hate the Chiefs all you want. Patrick Mahomes fucking balls. That's actually a perfect example. When you see a team that's just dominant and they're going fuck them, they suck. They don't suck. And it's like they don't suck.

They don't suck. The reason you don't like them is specifically because they don't suck. Brady wears Oggs, fuck him. And it's like okay. He's unbelievable. It's like okay, he's the best. I live with a Patriots fan and, um, we talk about all the time,

but there's this Renaissance that's happening right now. And as a football fan, I could talk to you about this. Yeah. Someone said, the chief's dynasty is making me appreciate Patriots fans because Patriots cause chiefs fans are doing a lot of things where they're going like it's so stressful it's so stressful and someone goes at least Patriots fans wanted the smoke like at least they were like fuck you fucking Brady's number one you can't you know yeah yeah she spends like it just keeps happening that's also the thing with the Yankees fans where they're like that's the fun part about him is when you're gonna be, be a big bad.

Like if you're gonna be a villain, be a villain. The greatest thing that Yankee Stadium ever put out there was the Empire Strikes Back. Great. When they think, it's the best. It was like the fans going, we are the evil empire, we're Darth Vader and we're coming back. It's like, I love it. I love it. I fuck, dude, Empire Strikes Back, when they put that banner down, we're Darth Vader, and we're coming back. It's like, I love it.

I love it. I fuck, dude, Empire Strikes Back, when they put that banner down, I was just like, at first I'm like, wait, are they saying we're bad? And I'm like, no, that's that good. Because you know why? Darth Vader's cool as fuck. And if you're gonna beat Darth Vader,

be fucking Darth Vader. Don't be half-stepping Darth Vader. No. Like, God, I'm not really sure about this. God. He had a point. Maybe we can rule the world. Join me and maybe something good happens.

It's fine. I mean, I don't want to put you in a weird place, but I understand. It's like, be a fucking bad- I just wanted to talk to my son. Kind of, kind of, kind of give in to your hate. I just wanted to Give into your dislike I should have been a more present father. I lost contact with you during your developmental years Give in to your misunderstandings.

Sorry about that. I can feel your confusion. He goes, not kind of good. Dude, you can't fucking. It's like I respect the fuck as a sports fan out of out of teams that are like double guns, baby, we're the best in Boston. Yeah. You can't argue it, had the greatest two decades of sports fandom.

Dude, that Title Town thing when they had all their teams winning, you know? Cause even if, let's just say the Knicks, God willing, God. But let's just say the Knicks. Honestly, you guys are starting to be at a point where, and I've always said this, once Mello left your team, I would cheer for the Knicks. Oh dude, I mean, the Knicks mean more to me and my dude my son and like my son

I don't know if I told you he's an unbelievably well-rounded kid. Yeah He's one of the best basketball players in the school one of the best shooters in the area and working with like he's amazing kid Yeah, and good grades and he's respectful and you mean like what a nice when my son watches the Knicks, dude He turns into it's my wife is like we need to really we need to talk to him Yeah, when we lost that game in to the Sixers We were up like five with 20 something and we lost at the end My the words that came out of his mouth and then he went in the bedroom and he slammed the door so hard Everything fell off his wall. He going mother fuck this and he's starting to say words

And my wife is like he can't't, we need to talk to him. But I love it. Yeah, I was waiting for it. I was going, but dad's going like, that's my fucking boy. Dude, dude, we're watching. Let's go Nick. We're watching the Giants the other day.

And he goes, you don't know what this game would mean to me. And I literally said, I go, buddy, it's week four. That's a problem. Okay, good. It's week four. But you know what? Good on you to pump the brakes on it. Like, I'm like, listen,, buddy, it's week four. That's a problem. It's week four. But you know what? Good on you to pump the brakes on it. Like I'm like, listen, I love, I said to him, I said to him.

Because I am not good when the Niners lose. I am not okay. See, I'm a good loser. Like I get quiet. But no, I mean like I, what goes on in my brain is pure anger. I was lucky enough, Michael Che got me a Super Bowl ticket for the last Super Bowl.

I was there. Yeah, we were there. Yeah, we were texting. That's right, we were texting. We didn't meet up, yeah. Shane was there with Bud Light. Yep. We had all these big plans.

Oh, the plans you make when you go to the Super Bowl. Where you go after the Super Bowl, we're meeting up, we're fucking gambling until the sun comes up, we're gonna eat crab legs, Niners lost. I was like, I want to get the fuck out of here. I was standing next to Mike Bertolina, the president of ATC at the time, and he's just like such a Niners fan. He's got the jacket with the gold, the shiny. Yeah, him and Al, him and Al Madrigal are. Yeah, he's got the shiny jacket, the old school.

I got my dad's right in that closet. Yeah, yeah. From 1978. Oh, dude. I got my dad's right in that closet. Yeah, yeah from 1978 oh dude, I got my dad's like old-school Niners coat He was just decked out and like I was I put I put money on him I changed my pick at the end, but I'm gonna say something right now Yeah, cuz this is just happened to me recently. Yeah, and you just you just tripped a nerve Oh, sorry when you have a team. Yeah that you love Yeah, like a religion. Yep, and When you have a team that you love, like a religion, and they lose,

it is an affront on your house, on your heart, on your mind. And then when someone tries to compare that to gambling, it does zero for me. I told a guy at the Super Bowl, me and Che told the guy in the row in front of us to turn around. Because he told us halfway through the fourth quarter that he's not a fan of the Chiefs, he just bet on them. And at that moment I went, turn around. He was like, we were doing a thing where I was like, ah, good first down, but fuck you. And he goes, no, I just put money on him, and I went,

we're fucking done with you. I'm going to say something. And I think some people are going to be, some people are going to get upset in Kansas City. But I'm going to be honest with you. I watched that game. We were very close. We watched everything.

Now granted, the fumble on the, on the, the, the kick was, was actually a huge part. Cause you guys were winning the game and all in prep, probably everywhere you can in that game, they were, the Niners were ahead. but dude the holding call non calls on Bosa they showed it three times yeah they tackle them dude but the one the one that was so egregious where Mahomes is going to get sacked Fred Warner is going to get sacked and the both arms are on Bosa shoulder pads oh it was one

of the most egregious fucking non callscalls and listen, I'm a Giants fan. Listen, I had money on the Niners. You like watching the Niners lose. I had, but I had money on the Niners. Sure. And I never, no, no, no, but here's the thing. I met the Niners like upper office. Oh yeah.

And they, the Niners and Giants never had a real rivalry. Other than when Montana got that, when Montana got that. Late 80s dude. Remember? You're not remembering the late 80s. The Giants and the Niners were meeting every year in the playoffs. Well, when Leonard Marshall hit...

What happened is it quickly turned into the Niners and the Cowboys again. Yeah. But late 80s, dude? Yeah, yeah. But I'm saying this, we're talking 20 years removed. 30, yeah, we're talking 30 years ago. Yeah, so many years removed of like,

now where it's like, we don't meet you guys anymore, and we've had so many feuds before that. Well, you guys have a division that's filled with real rivalries. Yes. Giants, Philly, Giants, Cowboys, Giants, Washington, those are all real rivalries. When you talk Giants rivalry,

the first thing that comes to mind would obviously be Dallas or Philadelphia. Nobody's ever going to fuck those Niner. Yeah. There was a quick sliver of time where it was Yeah, but that's interesting because the Niners when they go who are your rivals? Obviously you say Seahawks But then I go Cowboys like second. Yeah Cowboys everyone just hates the Cowboys are like everybody's everyone's like you and also either love them or everybody hates them

Yeah, which kind of that's why I like Cowboys fans because they're like Jerry world. Come on They're the worst for me, but you were saying you were standing there with when you're watching Oh, you're the non call on Bosa. I was standing with with with Berlina He's decked out and I felt for him and I had money on the Niners and I was all into it and then when I just Saw the replays of like my homes He would have been sacked two times in a row There was a Fred Warner tackle where you can go and watch it where Fred Warner gets tackled by the right guard in a way that you were like, yeah, that I, I obsessed over. Like it was my Zaffruder film. Like I was like there.

And I was going right there, grassy, no pause it. Why is he, why is he tackled? Why is he tag? It's losing. You write a book on it like, like the movie JFK. I got a cork board when you come in here and you're like, what are you doing? You're off time. Pimp's worried about me. He's got circles on the guy's arm. You're like, if he's not holding here.

He's not sleeping. And I go, so here's the deal. In 1978, the NFL agreed that holding would only be called on certain players. And they're like, dude, this guy goes, I go, follow the money, Paul. Follow the money. You get Kevin Costner to play the ref.

Roger Goodell is afraid of me where he's like, this guy's sitting outside my house. Oh, that's so funny, dude. That's what sports do. That's what I'm saying with your son. When he goes in the room and slams that door, when the 49ers lost that Super Bowl and we had all those plans, I was like,

I wanna go sit in a dark room. Like I had a concussion. I was like, I wanna go sit in a dark fucking room. And I did the worst thing imaginable, I went online. And there's a lot of people that know that you're a fan that are waiting to say something. It'd be funny if they had like the, when your team loses tent, you go in, they evaluate you.

Yeah, that's so funny. They just pull up. How you doing? He's going like, this is what you're on. They just hand you a drink, they're like, what do you want? An iced coffee? Sit down.

Put on cartoons. You still, if you're on booze, we have a, like, there's just They're Heineken Zeros. And what's your favorite episode of South Park? There's like a, there's like an ESPN report. They're like, Dan Schultz is out three weeks with depression. He can't watch, he can't watch sports TV for three weeks. We're going to monitor him day to day after that.

You know, maybe bring him back with some NBA coverage. That's hilarious. The post-Super Bowl, dude, it's happened to me twice. The first Super Bowl I went to was 2019 when the 49ers lost to the Chiefs the first time. And it's because, Katie got me the ticket because she was working at ESPN. But McDaniel was the O coordinator then and he got me. Oh okay I

remember that I remember that. So he got me so we got tickets to an invite to go to the post Super Bowl. Do you know that do you know I don't know if a lot of people know this after the Super Bowl both teams still have a party. I remember seeing Gronk dancing at the Patriots party when they lost and I remember Belichick not liking it and Gronk is just out there looking like a fucking drunk teenager just heated because this is like right when he got to the league he was young and they were like why is he dancing

like that like so happy but I didn't know that they have to so basically you're not a Kobe Kobe would never rest his soul you think Kobe would ever go to a Lakers after he lost? He was a crying after the, but that's also what's differences is NBA is a seven game series. So it's not one day, one city, one shot. And so what happens is the reason it is that these owners, these owners pay like 200,000 to $500,000 to have these parties. So if they win, you're not going to know. Like the Niner game went to overtime, the Superbowl went to overtime these parties. So if they win, you're not gonna know, like the Niner game went to overtime.

The Super Bowl went to overtime this year. So no one knew, like, at the end of the game, you didn't know who was the champion. It's kind of like the shirts. They gotta print up shirts for both teams. But they can't send the after party to Africa. They can't just go like, all those bottles we got, gotta go to fucking Senegal.

They were like, so they gave us this this wristband and they're like, hey Win or lose Go to these buses. Oh my god, so they lose. Oh my god, and we go Get on the bus at the time. What a sad walk on that bus that must have been dude It was you could hear a pin drop. Oh my and by the way at the time It was you could hear a pin drop. Oh my and by the way at the time Mike Lafleur the Rams offensive coordinator Currently was still at the Niners and his brother Matt Lafleur He had just beaten the NFC Championship game with the Packers

Matt Lafleur it still came to the Super Bowl to wish his brother to like Matt used to coach for the Niners So Matt came to like you're on his brother or whatever So we're sitting on the way to this sad ass party, me and Katie, behind Matt LaFleur, the head coach of the Packers. And it's kind of funny watching him like, not be sad. Cause he's like, I'm bummed for my brother, but like, you can just tell he was like, he was like, I don't know.

He's like, dude, where's the party at? Get some drinks. He's like, these fuckers beat us. So that was the funniest thing is going to the party and watching family members that are like disconnected enough that they can go like, this taco station. And that's really what it was. Yeah, he was just thrilled to party.

And so, Kate, dude, the most depressing thing in the world. It's like, it's like if the person you were going to the funeral for was still alive and they caught you celebrating at the reception where you're like, whoa, what's in these devil net? Hey, you see him and you go like, God rest your soul. Was there, I think it was years ago where Bill Clinton and his wife,

they were at a funeral and they got Clinton laughing with somebody and then all of a sudden the camera went on and he just went, he acted like he was crying. He's like, they see you and you're like, it's like getting caught stealing out of a cookie jar and you go like, I wasn't doing it. It's like when your dog has something and then they just drop it.

Drop it, yeah. It was wild. That's brutal, dude. Because also, my friend, I'm a 49er fan, lifelong, so that hurts, but then my friend is crushed because he just spent 100 hours a week working on this to get to this moment, you know? And I was like, it's so funny,

there was a moment where I'm like talking to Mike and me and my friend Chad who were there who grew up with Mike and we're like, yeah man, it sucks. And then Katie's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I had to be like this. She's like, I'm gonna have something to eat. I'm like, can you give me steak tacos? That moment where you go, I think they have asada.

And then she's like, is Coach Anita Pabil good? You're like, I can do pork. That's so. It's like this, it's so fucked up. It's like this collision, dude to the Jabberwockies. We're dancing. Oh, my God. All the 49ers were just like right when the Niners show. I don't know if I could go to it.

I don't know if I could go to it. And I don't know if I'm a player. I could go to it. I think it was mandatory. Was it? I'm pretty sure it was mandatory. Oh, my God. I think they're kind of like, like, dude, if the owner of your. Just fake it, I would fake it. I'd be like, dude, my uncle, I can't do it. I'm not I'm not I don't know because so can you get some of those asada tacos? I can't believe I I can't believe I threw the losing intersection for those tiny creme brulee

Will you give me a spoon? I can't believe I threw the losing intersection. Are those tiny creme brulees? Will you give me a spoon so you can crack it on? The double safety thing was such a mistake. He goes, ah fuck. And I'm like seeing it and he go, is that a fucking ranch station? Is that a ranch fountain? I'm like, I've got an idea. Do they have tendies in a ranch fountain?

Yo, coach is over there, I don't wanna go over there. Go get me a punt. The guy that I want to go over there but The guy that like drops the part of clouds like His table is like empty. Yeah, everyone's like you don't sweat that dude. I'm going over. Yeah, but I can't say hey buddy. Sorry Yeah, yeah, there's a this show is sponsored by better help You know me, I love therapy. I love talking about it. I love telling you that you should do it. I tell everyone they should do it. Everyone should do therapy.

You should talk to someone. Get it off your chest. Sometimes stuff happens that you have no idea that it's gonna affect you for weeks, months, hell, even years, and then you talk to someone about it and you're like, oh, I see it in a completely different light. This month is all about gratitude.

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Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary. I feel like that, I was telling Pimp, our building, there was a gas, it fucked his building up too. There was a giant Con Edison fuck up and a gas line on Saturday got fucked up and it shut off all hot water and gas for 250 buildings in Manhattan

What like 250 all the way down to wall? Really? Like we're at we're on 26th all the way down to Wall Street Was affected where people didn't have hot water or gas and I keep thinking about Katie and I talked because Katie talked to the guy From Con Ed when I was gone this morning and she's like that guy's getting fired, right? And they're like, oh yeah, they're looking into it. But I keep thinking about that guy. That guy hasn't, if you watch this, if you happen to be a fan of this podcast,

please reach out, I will interview you. I will come off the road immediately to interview because I have never felt, this happened with the bridge in Baltimore where the boat hit the bridge. Oh yeah. Those moments, I think about that worker because I know that should be me.

So I know how I am as an employee. All right, I got one for you then. So then this is a serious question. Would you rather be, okay. I love these. Would you rather be the guy. I love a moral dilemma. Would you rather be the okay. I love these. Would you rather be the guy. I love a moral dilemma. Would you rather be the guy that did the bridge thing

in Baltimore or the Con Ed thing or, or would you be a reliever to give up a, you're a reliever that gives up a fucking bot, like you're Mitch Williams against Carter. Did you watch Mets Dodgers? I didn't. I think it was a bullpen game for the Dodgers, but they brought a guy in immediately as he comes in bases loaded, grand slam. I mean, that's an LCS game after you know, but I'm talking,

I'm talking historic. I'm talking historic loss in the history of the city and, and franchise. You're talking about Bill Buckner. Yeah. I'm talking about Bill Buckner. I'm talking about you, you, you know, you just lay a hanging curve ball. I'd be that con ed guy in a second. I'd rather be the bridge guy. I'm talking about you, you know, you just lay a hanging curve ball. Oh, I'd be that Con Ed guy in a second. I'd rather be the bridge guy in a second. I'd rather be at the party going, dude, that bridge, my bad, dude. Whoops.

Honestly, I was getting caught. It's just like, I was getting blown. He was just flying, making it sound cool. Dude, I was hungover. I was hungover. I'm like this, and then I'm like this. Is that a bridge? Dude, there were three chicks just fucking.

The guy from the Titanic, if you found a letter, he was like, I'm like, is that a branch? There were three chicks just fucking. The guy from the Titanic, if you found a letter, he's like, I'm sorry, my love, I was getting a French kiss on my willy. And you'd be like, oh yeah, I wanted to see it. Poor guy, what happens? He's like, ice bag! He's like, what? Ice bag!

He's like, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can't even say, watching ice just go down. Oh, that's good. He's like... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm No one would take, like, Con Ed, gas leak, bridge collapse, Steve Bartman, no way. Steve Bartman had to move to the woods. Yeah, dude. Because they wanted to kill him. That's nuts, dude.

Because you wanted to make a catch. Have you ever caught a foul ball? It's so fun. They did a documentary, they were like going to his house, they were camping out of his house, dude. Worse, they were like finding everything. He was like, he was gonna have to go get a Travolta face off. Oh, they wanted to fucking kill him. It really is scary dude at that like every time I'm at a game I'm like I tell my kids I'm like, I don't care. They're like dad. We're in the upper deck. I don't care

It just don't touch don't I've caught one foul ball and I was behind home plate. I was like, this is where you're supposed to catch a home ball Yeah, I was up. I was in like the second section away. Yeah. It was Buster Posey. Nice. Oh, it's dude. It was my favorite. One of my favorite giants of all time. It was pretty great. I got one at, but it didn't matter. I didn't care. I was at Rocky's Indians in Cleveland and I got one. Fun. Yeah.

Fun. But it was a ball that I didn't care. So we used it. Yeah. You're like. Who do you think my kid are having to catch? I'm like, fuck it from Cleveland. It's in my closet. I know where it is. Yeah. Yeah. But what's crazy is I used it. We're being my kid having to catch it. I'm like fucking from the end of Cleveland. It's in my closet. I know where it is. Yeah, yeah.

But what's crazy is I caught it, I bare handed it. Yeah. And the crowd reacted. Yeah. And I thought, I like made a joke. Cause when I caught it, I like went like, and I caught it and then I went like that. And then what's funny is this little kid was staring at me.

It's like a little kid in a Mets jersey. First off, I'm wearing Giants shit. I'm a Giants fan. Yeah. Also you're a little kid. I've been waiting. I think at the time I was like 36. Were you conflicted at all?

Was there any chance he was getting? God damn second. You weren't gonna give it to him. I looked at the kid and went. No you didn't, did you? Yeah, fuck you. Welcome to life. How old were you? 36.

Fuck off. It's like five years ago. He's crying. I was like, blow me. Go Giants. LG Gantes. Right there, bud. But I thought SNY was gonna catch it. So I like went home and watched the replay

and they're just like in the booth, but you hear the crowd react. You heard them being like, and that's Buster Posey on a zero and a O one count and fouls it back. And then you hear the crowd going, and I was like, that was me. me that was me I cut that ball ball. Because it went up pretty quick and I snatched it.

Oh well I think I might have been holding a coke. Did you break anything? No. Dude pure adrenaline. Yeah yeah. It's just coming at you and I literally was just like oh shit. I wish they got on TV you look at the kid going no. Oh dude I would have been prick of the century. Yeah yeah. That was like when the guy took it from a kid. You saw that one Yeah, woman took it from him and then walked away Oh, dude There was one on the Astros were like a hot girl like a guy took it from a kid gave to a hot girl The hot girls like I don't even like this

But you my favorite ones are when little kids pull game on adult women When they like get one and they like give the foul ball the lady and you're like, look at this little, this kid's gonna be a problem. If I were dating, if you're a lady and you're dating a guy and he's like, oh, there's this cute clip when I was a kid and I gave this older woman a foul ball, you're like, oh, you're gonna fuck around on me. I mean, when me and Stacey first started dating,

I gave a lot to homeless in front of her. That's so funny. How generous, how much of a, you are running a political ad while you're dating. I gave him a speech too homeless in front of her. That's so funny. How generous, how much of a, you are running a political ad while you're dating. I gave him like a speech too, I'm like, dude, you're gonna be tired, dude. You crouch down. You're fine, dude. I'm like, dude, listen, we all make mistakes, dog.

What's your name, bro? Bro, what's your name? He's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's just nonsense. You're going, hey, bro, what's your name? Dude, you're gonna get out of this. You're a fucking winner. Sincerity on a date to a homeless guy? What's going, hey bro, what's your name? Dude, you're gonna get out of this. You're a fucking winner. Sincerity on a date to a homeless guy?

What's going on bud? You know, should we get him a pizza? You know what, stay here. Stay here. I'm gonna go get you a green smoothie. My brother put a kid up in a hotel for like days. Really? Yeah. But like he was alone.

Like my brother's just like, he was like alone. He wasn't with a girl. And he was just like, dude, you know what, let me just, and he just like set the guy up, gave him food. Can I just tell you right now, from that homeless guy's perspective, that young man's perspective, he goes, this guy's trying to fuck me?

I don't want to do gay shit. That's hilarious. He just immediately goes, do you want a hotel? He goes. At what cost? Exactly, you go, fuck man, I don't know, is it butter mouth? He takes his dentures, he takes his crackhead dentures, and he's like, fuck man, I don't know. Is it butter mouth?

And the guy goes, excuse me? He takes his crackhead dentures and he's like, all right. It's the opposite of putting in a mouthpiece for a boxing match? He's like, dude, fine, fuck. Don't come in my mouth, bro. I'll let you pop on my chest. He's like, are we talking Hilton?

Or I? They got good beds. Yeah, dude, you can't trust, if you're a homeless person, you can't trust someone doing that. Did I ever tell you, I don't know if I told you this story, this was a bad one, dude.

This is when I was, I just got on stage angry and I was like, fuck the homeless. And the crowd was like, whoa, me and Josh had a Myers. So Josh had a Myers was, it was at the stand and I could tell he was going through something. Yeah. Right? He was just, he could just tell. Was he singing about it?

He was just, he was like, things are hard. I'm not in a good place. I'm in a real, real bad place. Depression. Dude, are you singing your depression? He's like, real bad place. I'm sorry.

I love Josh. He gets hit by a car. Ow! That's my, that's my FEMA. Oh my God, that hurts! That's my FEMA, FEMA, FEMA, but FEMA, that FEMA just broke my FEMA. He has the driver to sing.

I didn't see you. I didn't see you coming. So listen, I love Josh. So Josh is so Josh. So he's I love Josh. So Josh is so Josh. So he's going through it. So Josh's going through it. I see him going through it. And I was like, dude, you good?

I was like, dude, you good? And he was like, I don't know. You know? So I was just like, I was. I didn't want to spit coffee on you. He was just like, I don't know. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, dude, you want to talk?

He was like, yeah, dude. So I literally, we got like two white claws. And we went on the patio. And this is like summer. And we're talking. And was like he's like yeah, dude If so, so I literally like we got like two white claws and we went on the patio and this is like summer And and we're talking and like he's like getting heavy to me and we're like talking on like you look at me in the eye I'm like, dude, you go and do this like in like a mid fucking conversation This homeless guy just comes in like those hands up like this. He goes like this I swear to God says a hundred percent. This is almost exactly why he goes. He goes Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm not trying to interrupt. I'm not not trying to well, you're interrupting, you know, yeah and And he just goes I've been in the same shirt for three and a half weeks if there's anything you could do and Josh was

Just going through it and he was on like homeless autopilot. I got nothing right so me I'm like I had like cash in different pockets. Yeah, but I knew it's it's an S1 I know I knew yeah, I said I was playing homeless Russian roulette. You go. I was like, dude, I had one pocket had two singles, but others had big bills. One of the pockets had hundreds and another pocket had twenties, but I forgot where the two singles were.

I thought the two singles were in the front, right? So I go, hold on, I'll see what I could do. Like I'm a savior. I stand up and I dig in dude. And it's just a crispy 20, right? And Josh looks at me and he looks at me and I'm not one to pull it back yeah I can't be like yeah right you piece of shit you know so so I fucking just I'm like oh you go ahead and I give him a 20 and this motherfucker grabs a 20 I swear

to God Danny just goes come on man like this isn't enough for what I I swear to you I swear to you and I was just like I was just like, I wanted it to pour. I wanted it to pour and be cold. I wanted him to fuzz. Well, it's also, and let's just be real here. Homelessness is horrible. Yeah. People should, obviously, people need help. Yeah.

Sometimes, I used to have this joke that I think made people upset. Yeah. But I said, I walked by, and this is true, I was walking to the old stand, and I saw a homeless guy on an iPhone laying on the street texting someone and so I went on stage at the stand and I go, who's he texting that's not helping him out? Yeah, well Joe Barnett, Joe Barnett's got a joke. He goes, if you're homeless you're

an asshole. He goes, because if you weren't you'd have a place to stay. But that's, I'm not saying that's every, entertain that thought in this situation, that a guy gets a $20 bill. You've burned every bridge. Because I did it recently, that was with a 10, where I pulled out a 10 at Dunkin Donuts. You know how sometimes they open the door for you,

and you go, well you kind of got me by the short and curly's here, buddy. Yeah. Because you're opening the door, you're door manning the Dunkin. But I was in a good mood and I was like, I think I got like a five on me. I thought I had it and I was attending.

I gave him a 10 and the guy was like, thank you. And you're like, worth it. Like God bless you. 20 to a guy going. If I give you money, if I give you a 20, I want you to cry. I want you to cry. I want you to go thank God you're a savior.

Maybe like get on his knees, hug me. Here's the deal. Some shit. And this is just the honest to God truth God you're a savior. Maybe like get on his knees, hug me. Here's the deal. Some shit. And this is just the honest to God truth of it. All right? Remove your morals and your empathy for a second. Yeah. Giving a 20.

Yep. The same amount of money, you give that to a stripper, they act like they wanna fuck you. Yeah. And if this guy's not even showing gratefulness. Dude, I think my buddy gotta fucking. You know what this 20 can give me down at the penthouse? Up at the penthouse on fucking 11th and 59th? Like, You know what this 20 can give me down at the penthouse?

At the penthouse on fucking 11th and 59th? You know what Tanya would do with this? Roxy would go fucking nuts for this, dude. I think she would probably actually go like, no, I'm falling in love with you for this. This. How'd you guys get together? He gave me a 20 back in.

I just love him. He saved me from a life of sin. But yeah, man, sometimes that that like homeless interrupting thing You're kind of like buddy. Not right now. Sometimes yeah, you know, I have wired I still rock wired earbuds cuz I know I have to the regular ones. I don't do I don't like the ear the wireless They're also fucking horrific for you. They're probably they're probably nuking your brain They're no they like they've proven somebody said who was it? Melissa Menounos, you know her? She had a brain thing.

Yeah, she was basically like, if you use earbuds, you're killing your brain. It's just like a, well it's gotta connect. And you lose them, and you also lose them. All the time. How many planes have you been on where people go, guys, my earbud's somewhere around here, and you're like, I don't give a fuck.

Mine falls out all the time when I'm sleeping and then I have a wire. I like the wire. Also, it lets people know. It's kind of a heads up of like, hey, I got wires in my ears. Don't talk to me. But it's so funny when I'll be,

because I call people when I walk my dog. So I've been in intense conversations where I'm like, how much longer does your mom have to live? And then people will be like, what is she? And you're like, what? And you're like, what? And they're like, what's your dog? And you go, my friend's mom's dog. Huh?

You gotta go on and grab the ear with you, and you're like, is that Mikey? And you're like, what? And they're like, what is she? How old is she? And you're like, ah, she's actually 68 and they think it's spread to her brain. Oh, you're not talking about my friend's mom.

You're talking about my fat dog. Doesn't that have to be mental illness? If somebody does that, I really think there's some sort of concoct. I think right now with the way that everything is marketed is everyone's a main character and no one realizes that we're all part of a society. So like, I don't think I take that personally when I know someone's in their own story or whatever.

And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a real under one thing I learned about you in the years that we've been friends and knowing you is a you're a guy that does not take yourself too seriously at all. And you're really an understanding dude. Like you're one of those guys that are like, he's going through it. He's going through it. Where like, I try to have that, but I'm more like, part of me is like, he knows what he's doing. There's a little bit. So there's, I'm like a mixture where if you catch me on that part where I'm like, this guy knows what he's doing,

then I get like real mad. These nice guys have a flip side where they're like, if you get us- It takes a lot, but then when it gets there, you're like, dude, don't take advantage of me. You're like, you get fucking furious. But I also feel like when you're the child of an alcoholic, my dad was a booze bag.

You learn to make excuses for people, like inherently. And that carries over into your adulthood where you go like, hey, he's probably going through it. That's actually real interesting because I remember talking to a friend, and they were like, every time you talk about something about your dad,

or something that happened to you when you were young, you kind of give it a pass, or you kind of give it a thing where you're like, you kind of make it a little excuse, where you're like, no, but they're really nice, they have this nice sense of humor, and they were like, that wasn't cool, what happened? And I'm going, yeah, maybe that does,

nice guys have, I think nice guys have early trauma and then they try to, you know, deal. But it's also like not a good thing. It took me fucking years of therapy for me to be like, oh, my dad sucked. Like he chose not to be, you have two kids. Like you are, you're a good dad, you're a present father, but like that's insane to me now.

I don't have kids, but it's insane to me to the thought of like, if I had a kid just Chilling in Denver and I just wasn't calling it Yeah, and I was just on a podcast being like what's up with the Niners and my kids like what the fuck? Yeah, that's crazy to me. And so it took me years of therapy to be like Oh, I was making excuses because I didn't want to deal with the truth of the matter Which is that yeah, this motherfucker didn't want anything to do it was yeah You have to deal because it that's the painful thing to deal with.

Yeah. But the craziest- You guys know that I love comfort. It's like pretty much my whole personality, right? I'm just like a comfy guy. But Chubby's sent me a flannel over shirt that is so damn comfortable. I know they usually do, you know, like bathing suits and stuff by the way I got a 49ers bathing suit from Chubbies and I wore it when I was in Florida

It was awesome shows a lot of thigh. Yes, but Love it. I mean, this is my new this is how I feel now. I'm in my 40s Yeah, I'm in my 40s. You're gonna see a lot of leg. Alright everyone so get used to it I'm in my 40s, you're gonna see a lot of leg. All right, everyone, so get used to it. But if you're tired of the same old boring outerwear, Chubbies is known for not being boring at all and has your back. The new outerwear keeps you warm and safe

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Support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, gift yourself and your loved ones chubbies. Did you know that across Ontario, utility damage happens 19 times a day? That's over 4,222 incidents a year. Don't let your next dig be one that causes costly delays or safety risks.

Before you break ground, make it a point to request a locate. It's not just the law. It's a step to keep your team and community safe. Visit ontarioonecall.ca and avoid unnecessary damages to get the job done right. Datasaurus from the ORCGA 2023 Dirt Report. The craziest one to me. It's hilarious, but the craziest one to me is a dude with a straight second family while like,

these dudes that like, I'm talking, no, no, no, I'm talking two families going on, like a motherfucker getting on a plane on Christmas and doing Christmas gifts in Orlando. And then, and then, and then, and then, and then being in Rochester and being like, are you fucking, you got the bike? Like two house dogs come to the door, there he is.

There he is. But they know, the dogs know, because they go, what's that other dog? The dog's like, there's another dog on you. You got it. And he's like, oh, you missed me. And you're like, no, no, no. Now that's a Rottweiler, dude.

Can a, here's my question with technology. That's wild. With social media, with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, can dudes still do that? I think, dude, I think real sociopath narcissistic ones can. You can have a whole second family with a Facebook and a fucking, they're able to fucking look at you. Guys at the airport like this, he's closing out apps.

He's like, all right, no, no, dude, no, it's Shelly's week. Yeah. All right, Shelly, I gotta get in Shelly mode. But I would blow it. I would immediately blow it. I'd go, your birthday's April 13th. And she goes, my birthday's December 7th. And you're like, ha.

I told you to mow the lawn. Dad, I did. Oh, wait, that was the other house. We live in Miami. We're on beach for a property. And you go, fuck. We're on the 28th floor. We don't.

What do you mean, go Buckeyes? We've been a Michigan family for three generations. He's got different sports memorabilia in each house. He's like, today's Notre Dame. Oh, fuck. I mean. I really think that that's the craze. Cause that's a guy that'll like do a one night stand

and just nut inside. Crazy. Like that's a dude no condom. Like that's a psychopath. Let's talk about it, you know, cause we can. We were talking about sports and we're talking about families. The fact that Tyreek Hill had five women, have five kids in one year while he was married is insane. That's nuts. Multiple nuts. Like that's specific. Five? Five? And I don't think it's women

that are like connected to you. No, you know what I mean? It's not a woman where she's like, I love my Gruber to and I was like She's like I took it and I'm having your baby and he's like Cuz I always think you know what I was think about in those situations Yeah, think about if you didn't have five kids with five women How much money you would have how much fucking and so a commodity remember chroma already had 11 with 12 or yet Yeah, he had 11 kids or 12 kids with 11 women And I think there's also and he said I gotta keep playing he goes I gotta keep playing for another contract for the money for the kids

Yeah, 11 of them young that like he's responsible for till they're 18 to 11. That's a lot of money. That's 11 colleges That's a live. I mean, that's like dude 11's nuts. There was a Denver Bronco that Had a bunch of kids. He was a running back and I want to look it up Because he had to like get a regular job while he was playing in the NFL Like he got cut from the Broncos and someone was like Travis Henry. Do you remember Travis? Of course. Yeah, I remember Travis Henry. Travis Henry had like 11 children by 10 different women. Oh my God.

And someone was like, yo, Travis Henry's working at the Aurora Mall. And you're like, there's no way. Wouldn't a friend just be like, hey, Trav, dude, you wanna slow down? Or even like over a beer where you go. Yeah, yes, like. Does coming on tits do anything for you?

Don't you ever wanna fucking pull out a spray? Yeah, yeah, like you know trying to pull out over a beer watching another game You're like dude. That was a good play by the way. Did you ever think about just like slow rolling out? Yeah, you know how hot it is to come on tits He got arrested for what Fucking potent come drug trafficking. Oh boy. Oh boy for having fucking potent cum, drug trafficking, oh boy. Oh boy. 2008, Henry was arrested by the DEA after allegedly and being involved in a multi-kilogram cocaine transaction

that occurred in Centennial, which is right by where I grew up. Really? For you fucking Aurora heads out there, that used to be called unincorporated Arapaho County. Is that right? Didn't have a name, but they did not want to be all the rich kids. I went to high school with didn't want to be associated with Aurora.

So they call it was Aurora, like like lower, like in middle class. Nice parts of Aurora. I grew up in a nice part of Aurora. Yeah, but like North Aurora. Rough. OK, very rough. And where the Venezuelans hanging out right now. So funny. They're there. It's fine. They're there, though. Well, there's Venezuelans, but Venezuelans hanging out right now funny. They're there. It's fine. They're there though. Well, there's Venezuelans, but

I don't know if you know what's going on in Venezuela. It's not good. Yeah, everyone's running Yeah, that's why they're showing up at all these places because their country is fucked Yeah, so they're like get the fuck out of here. But yeah, the the we were actually having Andrew Callahan from Channel 5 You ever watch his shit on YouTube? No. He does like incredible documentaries. Yeah, yeah. But he went to Aurora and did like an hour documentary

that's on YouTube about these prison gangs and about how they're in Aurora. And they're not. No. He interviewed. It's like two apartments of guys that got into like a fight. Yeah.

Is that really what it is? Yeah. What it is is, is it apartment complex that went, the guy stopped upkeeping it. I think he got robbed. I think he genuinely did get robbed. It's like two, it's like two apartments. They're getting loud playing FIFA. Yeah. These prison gangs are everywhere. He takes the fucking Xbox. And they're like, they're everywhere. They're fucking coming in here. 09, Henry was sentenced to three years in federal prison. Oh wow.

The fine was waived. He could not afford a fine. Well, of course he can't afford a fine. He's got 11 fucking kids. That's nuts, dude. Damn, dude. You ever see that guy, that Rastafarian guy? Where they go, how many kids?

He goes, 23, 22 baby mother. It's a real thing. But that's also like when you look at all the- That's when you're just like, you don't care just like, you know guys that like love Andrew Tate and he's like you need to have 70 kids with women cuz that's and you're like How many kids you got? Yeah, he's like one. Yeah, well talk to talk or walk the walk You know what I mean? Like you get a fucking yeah. Yeah populate the year. I mean, I'm not I'm not fuck that shit You're like, I don't know I got shit to do but it's also like did you see that interview with I think it was cam Newton talked to this woman on her podcast

She's like a child psychologist or like a family therapist and she and he was like Cam Newton was making the point where he was like no no no you don't understand I don't want to get married because I don't want to get divorced But he's got all these baby bombers. And she's going like, we're creating broken homes. Because you're not married. Yeah, that's like selfish. She's basically saying, I don't want you to take half of my shit. But I'm gonna let it I'm gonna let it fly. Yeah, dude, what is bring back? That's

what I'm running on in 2024. Coming on tits, dance odor, come on those tits. We're running out of resources boys. It started coming on tits. I honestly, that's the one thing like we're talking about the craziest things to do. That's like, there's a guy on a couch, right? Holidays with his family and then his other kid from another family calls going, are you coming?

And he's just like, Like a side chick. Like a side boy. Hey dude. You're like this and you go, hey fucking get down. James, get down from there. I gotta go. Oh, it's work.

Hey buddy. Hey buddy, did you guys beat the roosters? Sure will go to Dave and Buster's when I get home. You know what? Let's sing our song. Who loves you more than daddy does. All right, I gotta go. What's up?

Is there a way to find out like, who's got, number on that? What? Like what the percentage of men in this country that have been like, caught? Second families? I'm not talking like,

You know what's, can I tell you something? Second, full. Were your parents married? Divorced when I was five same here brutal same here as bad as it could be Oh saying damn. I loved it. I loved a real real heat Between the parents Oh dude getting the kids in the middle like textbook brainwash I did that joke on my last special about there was no internet So I was a messenger so I would just go to San Francisco and read a scroll where I'd be like she says you're an alcoholic and a loser and a liar. Oh dude me and my brother grew up with that. I love it. I want to find a people I grew up with. Oh my god dude. My mom would be like your dad's a loser he's a drunk he's a liar she'd always say that don't be a liar like your father and then I'd go see my dad in San Francisco and he'd be like your mom mom's a bitch, she's just a cold bitch and it's like and you're just in the

middle of that. Yeah, no it's why we do what we do. Yeah, we found out. Oh we got something? What do we got here? According to a child trend study, 15% of men will father children with more than one woman by the age of 40. The study also found that most men who have children with multiple than one woman by the age of 40. The study also found that most men who have children with multiple partners were married at the time that one or more of their children were born. Dave Grohl. Dave Grohl. How much did that suck? Yeah he got it. He was our guy. He tried to get in front of it too. He was like I just want to let you guys know you guys are gonna hear some crazy shit. I'm gonna be in her life. I fucking love her. I'm gonna raise

her and I'm also gonna try to patch stuff up with the old family You know what the thing about Dave Grohl really shows is that it's just life and nobody's nobody is like, you know Everybody's human. Nobody's bulletproof. It could happen to anybody. So this is what my therapist says to me all the time He says this is my problem And I think he's right because I when, my dad died when I was a kid, so he says, your parents are like superheroes until you get older. And then you realize they're just normal people

that have normal issues and everybody's human. But when someone, but when you're young and your parent dies, they kind of die on that pedestal. They die on that like, oh, he was a mythical figure. And so it took me years and years and years to be like, oh, this guy, this guy just was like, was just leaving families and going and getting drunk and like not participating in their families.

But it's taking people off pedestals. And you got to realize that no one's on a pedestal. Everyone's a human being. And Dave Grohl was the, I mean, in my mind, he was the last's on a pedestal. Everyone's a human being. And Dave Grohl was the on a, I mean, in my mind, he was the last guy on a pedestal for me. Yeah. Oh boy. Cause he was Nirvana, but then he's in Queens at the stone age. One of my, my favorite band. You're just outside your therapist's office after you're like, you're like,

I'm like that Ben Affleck me where I'm smoking a cigarette. But it is like, I don't think it's, listen, we're not saying if you have two families, you're fucking Hitler. We're just saying it's crazy. It's the responsibility, the stress that goes with that. Dude, I got married with two kids. They go to school.

Could you imagine having that times two? No, no. Like, and two wives, like my wife is a strong woman. You got to fly to LA and put on a Dodgers hat. Oh my god. Talk to your son out there, he's like, Hey dad. He's got a California accent, he's like,

Yeah, what's up dad? And you know the guy clearly has a family he likes better? That's the thing. He's just like, dude, I gotta get back to New York. I wanna interview someone, and we could go full old school history channel, gangland style, where their voices are muffled in there, and I'd be like, who's your favorite family to go?

Oh, absolutely the first one. They're way better. I know more I grew up the second family's annoying They only know me with money. They've never had to struggle Sharon was just civil. She was just you know I think honestly, I like the first family more and then if you were Because when you said your dad left at five, right? My dad was gone. And I always worried he had a second family. That was like legitimately, that was my child version of I think she's cheating on me. It was like, God, I just know he's got another family. I think I knew a comic that said that his, his father, they got divorced and like left

and his father like lived in the same neighborhood across the street with other kids. Like can you imagine that, dude? Cocking your kids like that? Imagine like. Having, playing catch with your new son and looking over at your old son and going like. He's like, why are you doing this?

He's like, throw it better, throw it better. Throw it better, he's looking, he's looking. Oh wow, he's like overselling it. Do you hear that pop? The best thing, this love the best thing. This is the best part of Soder. No matter what road you go down, I can start a dance.

Just fuck. I can do a dance. Not only does he go in, he goes into character. He goes right. So a long time ago on the Opie and Anthony subreddit, someone called me the golden retriever of comedy. Dude, you have, you could go.

I mean, you could go down any road. I want to play catch. Soder just hops in as in character. I'm just like, throw it, dude. What topic? You can fake throw it and I'll go for it. You go, what about that? You go halfway.

I turn around and I go, nah, you didn't want to go with that? All right, fucking A. No, but like my dad was like, when my son Lucas was born, I realized some things that happened and I had to have it with my dad. I had to sit down with him and I did.

And I was able to do that. But how good was that for you? It was good for me and it was not, it didn't go as. Did he know it was coming? No, but it was time went by and my brother was going like, hey man, dad wants to, you haven't talked to you. And I was like, I just need, I need to make it not emotional when I do it.

So I'm waiting. And then I went in and I just, as a matter of fact, and it actually went well and it was able to give me peace and it was able to me go, okay, you know what, man, I'm gonna have this life now where it's like better at least because it's off my plate. For sure. And it had to, and having a son made me,

not to get too heavy on a funny comedy podcast here, but I just start crying. No, he held me and he apologized while crying. No, he told him my head. It just cuts to me and I go, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul. Give me specials out on YouTube. Go watch it. Paul, Paul, Paul, buddy. Buddy, buddy boy. I'm shaking here. My guy, my buddy. Especially that. Especially that. I'm holding baseball cards. You're holding a stick. I remember this Will Clark. especially holding baseball. Uh,

Will Clark. It wasn't all the time with that fucking earthquake. Matt Williams, Matt Williams. Dude, don't even come at me about number nine, the third basement. My favorite giant of all time. Yeah. I remember it Matt. No, but like, I will say? No, dude, don't even come at me about number nine, the third basement, my favorite giant of all time. All the I remember it, Matt. No, but like, I will say this if and and anybody listening that went through something with their dad or went through something, when people gravitate towards this podcast.

Yeah, when you have a kid of your own, and a son of your own, and you kind of are in the bonding and you have that love and connection. That's when the light bulb and that's when things from what happened to you go off. Well, they say that a lot with sexual assault victims. And I think people go one or two ways. Unfortunately, they're either repeat offenders or they break the generational fucking curse

and that's what you have to do. Fucking nailed it. And I think some of us, I'm not having kids but I was lucky enough to go to therapy and kind of realize and get there on my own. Yeah. And being like, oh, that's a generational curse is having families and leaving them. Well, I'd rather be present in my own life and be around for my friends and my family. Yeah. So you're absolutely right.

Because I think it's like because they do say they say a lot of victims of sexual assault will block it until their kids get to be about their age that it happened. Yeah, then it unlocks Well, it's like that Family Guy episode where that where Peter's like you realize you got molested at 40 Yeah, cuz cuz you things happen and you go. Oh fuck Yeah, like a light bulb because what it is is your subconscious you were protected your body protected your memory and your brain protected You go no, no, we're not gonna let that flash clip come in front of you. That was one of the post-its that I put up after therapy was because my therapist said, he said the sentence,

he goes, your father rejected you and you didn't wanna deal with it and it was hard for me to say it for like two months. I go, yeah, my dad, you didn't wanna be there because my brain was like, don't even say it. But then you start saying it and you go like, oh, now I understand why it's so important to me that people like me that I that part that I hate. Yeah.

Where I'm like, why do I'm trying to get this person to like me when I don't even like them? And then you're like, oh, that at all. Somebody was like, you know what, when they were when they were separating and gone, somebody was like, he might even resented you. And I remember taking that in going like, what? And like, all of a a sudden I started thinking about and putting things together. And nobody really knows what that person was going through,

but you're able to kind of go, oh my God, I was like lying to myself. We lie to ourselves because the one person that we want to impress when you're a kid is your mom and dad. Well, you just want to get acceptance from your mom and dad. So then when that's gone, you're like, oh, I'm fucked.

That's why these people that have all these fucking multiple kids, it's not, you're like, oh, I'm fucked. That's why that's why these people that have all these fucking multiple kids. It's not that you're having multiple kids. It's the fact that you're not around for those kids. So they inevitably, as human beings feel like, well, I'm lacking because this guy's also if you thought if I found out that Gary had like fucking 10 of us, I would go on like a tour to fight all of them because I would be like, I want to be the supreme child. Right.

I want him to be the proudest of me. Through barbaric combat. You looked up to him. My dad was so funny. You'd be around him and you were like, I would watch, he was a bartender, I would watch him hold the attention of people because he was funny and smart and he read a lot

and all this shit. So you didn't think, well you're like, oh smart people aren't bad because they know bad. And it's like, oh like all this shit. So you didn't think well, you're like, oh smart people aren't bad Right because they know bet and it's like Yeah, I also had my older sister who was my half sister who was 12 years older than me and she got abandoned by him So when she started coming into my life when I was like 10, she was like, yeah, this motherfucker runs out And I was like, oh shit. Oh, okay. That makes sense. And I think it helped her Yeah, cuz she was like, oh he's doing it

She didn't take a personal at that point But see you probably did what I did you made your like what I did was I acted out So I would dude I was an animal. I mean I was drinking at like 12. I would get hammered at 12 I would just oh dude. I was bringing like pellet guns to school. Like I was shooting bottle rockets I would I like to get fucked up, but I liked being funny. Me too. Yeah, that was my thing was like, I'll disrupt to be funny. You want the attention, but you'd also, yeah.

I was, the whole thing I was. Oh my God, I got suspended in fourth grade because we were learning acronyms and onomatopoeias. And we were supposed to do an acronym of an onomatopoeia. So I was doing like barf and poop. And I was like making all these like, they were hilarious. yeah and then my mom I got suspended my mom's like a single mom she did take off work to come and get me at school she was like what and they showed her all the drawings and I just remember her being like oh yeah

that's great all right well you're not allowed to play that was you that was that was the way you dude I remember I spit a spitball at the teacher and they kept missing and then one it just came on never forget to mr How are I don't know if he passed the rest of soul if he did dude I'm sixth grade and this fucking spitball does a curve and it sticks on his cheek while he's yelling at us and the whole fuck Everybody fell out and they and my mom my mom got the report and my mom tried to discipline me and she burst out laughing That's very because it just went like this and it's stuck He's like who's doing he was he was like talking with it right there

and they put me in detention and I had to write why I did it, how I did the whole thing, my mom was just laughing. But I would do that just for that laugh. It was nothing else but to get that fucking crowd going. There's not, I have yet to write a closer that hits half as hard as the joke that would get me kicked out in the hallway.

Yeah. Where I would fucking hit one and they'd be like, hallway, and you're like, all right, that's my time, I gotta go, I'll see you guys at fifth period lunch. Don't forget to stop by my locker, I'm handing out stickers. You know, like really feel like,

that was like my first closer. You're selling Zinger merch? Yeah, I know. God everyone, this is Miss Suckels the bitch. You can buy this at my locker Go to dance odor.com Early 90s just being like hey guys, I'm selling slap bracelets. Let's say I'm out in the hall So I'll see you guys out there my mom's like damn. What are you doing? I don't know Trish. I'm making $700 a day

I don't know. I just got us cables. Your buddies running your merch table. Who wants dance? I got date. Scott the captain said we're fucking cleaning up. It's just me and my boys got a little till. So was your mom light on you because of what happened a little bit? No. My mom was like you're gonna behave. My mom was raised Irish Catholic so she's like you behave. My mom was raised Irish Catholic, so she's like, you behave. But my mom appreciated my sense of humor. So it wasn't stifled. My mom knew I was funny, but it was the thing that most of us hear. There's a time and a place.

It's always what I heard. And I did have a stepfather that definitely helped. Yeah. I had a rotating cast. We had a bullpen. So depending on who it was, we're bringing the closer. Shout out Nick, who was my stepdad for a little bit.

And then there were a couple other guys. It's like a sitcom where they replace a guy in the same role. Dude, I honestly would tell you right now, it was like my mom was the head coach and we got different coordinators. You know? Or I'd be like, I don't like this coordinator.

I don't like fucking, I don't like what he calls. My mom goes, I understand, but we're like, we're losing these coordinators. They're talking about your mom like she's a franchise. I'm like, dude, did you hear what happened with Nick? Dude, Trish, Trish is letting her go. They go, I heard she's starting to look for a new coordinator.

I go, honestly, there was a guy that I hope gets bumped. Buzz, I wouldn't mind Buzz being my stepdad. He's a mechanic, I'll learn. Dude, Bob's going to the soda house. It's pretty big, dude. Picked him up from down the street. This is pretty big. He's moving.

Listen, he's got well adjusted kids. It's a different role. I think he's gonna call a different place for Dan. I was just gonna do that. I can open up my playbook with this. This kid's got voices. This kid mows the lawn already. Oh, that's great.

You're one of the best, dude. I love having you. This was easy as fuck. I mean, I can't even believe check out is reasonable reasonable man, dude It's doing great on YouTube man. Check it out YouTube. It's on YouTube right now. See all you have to do just click Smash that like button and click It's in the description of this episode watch Paul Verzi. He's fucking hilarious. He's I've known you forever Yeah, I remember podcasting with you in your car when the Giants played the Niners in like 2010

I remember that 2011 NFC Championship game. Yeah, it's always great. We always been friends You always been one of my favorites and love it. You're the best you