Soder - 63: Cryptids and the Paranormal with Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson | Soder Podcast | EP 61

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Jan 30 - Feb 1 - Winnipeg, Canada Feb 20 - 22 - Huntsville, AL Feb 28 - San Diego, CA March 1 - Los Angeles, CA March 2 - San Francisco, CA April 4-5 Richmond,VA May 1 -5 Spokane,WA May 29-31 Appleton,WI Follow Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson https://www.instagram.com/drfantasty/?hl=en https://www.instagram.com/eddietunes/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/@LastPodcastOnTheLeft PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by     @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

People are just going to start searching for social media people like they're Pokemon. It's like Pokemon Go, but people with like huge Instagram accounts. Have you seen the guy that goes up to just walks up to people that goes like, what do you do for a living? Yeah, I love that guy. And they're like, they're always in like super crazy, nice cars. Yes. And they're like, I work in finance.

Well, you know what? I'm obsessed with today There's two things And we just start recording. We don't We did you guys see the guy from United Health Care got murdered Oh, yeah, dude. No, what happened? So the CEO of United Health Care was outside of the Hilton on 6th Avenue and a guy in a mask walked up and shot him In the chest and killed him As long as he was responsibly wearing a mask. I'm fine

What was the distance? I know bullets can travel a better event 25 must have been It was funny if it wasn't an assassination but instead the guy goes what are you gay? Why you wearing a mask? What are you gay? Why are you wearing a mask? And then the guy's like, ch-ch-chillin'. He's like, uh, uh, uh, uh. Oh my God, I just can't even believe I was roasted to death.

Yeah. United healthcare, is that insurance or? Yeah. So these are, so the internet, and again, I'm just reading the internet, the internet is very much like, oh no, but they're like, good.

Oh wow. Oh wow. There's that thing where they go like, I can't believe he got killed, but also he's a greedy piece of shit and maybe he should have been killed. I think it's, I think it's like a John Q situation where like someone didn't get healthcare and they were like, they lost a parent or they lost the kid.

The movie you did. Yeah. Movie about it. Yeah. No, I didn't kill anybody. I did a movie. I was constrictive about it. no I didn't kill anybody I wonder if I wonder if your documentary got that guy killed because the guy that shot him goes what I'm

gonna make a documentary and they go they did that every single time I come up with a couple of it's either somebody else's documentary an episode of always sunny always a. I'm not gonna make a documentary about me. Or The Simpsons. Now I gotta kill. That's so funny to think, you're just like, ah, this guy Ed Larson did a documentary and now I gotta go fucking shoot somebody. And they're all drinking my milkshake.

I love it. You see, this gun goes into his chest. I don't want anyone to get killed, but I want those motherfuckers to live in fear. Yeah, well that's like. Why is that not more of a thing? I feel like that's a, it seems to be uncomfortable to say that these people should be afraid of us. Yeah. Also, don't walk in the streets freely, man.

If, if you're making this much money and you're shutting people out from healthcare, yeah. Be afraid, be afraid or be unstoppable. Yes. He should have been carrying two guns. I brought this up a lot, but one time I bumped into Joel Osteen at Sirius. Oh yeah. And his security, if that guy would have had Osteen's security, there's no way he would have got shot. We were talking to, we did our tour in Australia and, or our security guy, our tour manager also ran security for Tucker Carlson. Oh. And Russell Brands.

And Russell Brands. And he was talking about how the phalanx of armed men that surround that tiny little fuck is so thick. He's like, am I secure? Yes. I am secure. Do you know that, I don't know if that's a rumor that he's the heir to the Swanson frozen food. He comes from big money. He comes from it looks like it comes from rich kids.

Yeah. And then when he rolls his sleeves up and he goes, I'm a working man, just like you. The hardest working thing on your body is your sleeves. Your forearms to keep those sleeves up are stressed out. But I always think it's crazy that like all these incredibly rich people push for easy access to guns. Oh, yeah. When you're like, what are you doing? Exactly.

They're coming. Those guns are aimed at you. Yeah. It would make more sense if like strict gun reform was coming from the billionaire class where they were like We get starter pistols That would be kind of sick though, I wish you had the met because it's all that yeah Oh, yeah

when you walk through the Met and you're like the Met museums are people have been bringing this point up a lot but museums really Are like England went and took everything dude Recently it's great weapons like I fucking take this to a net. I'll throw that in the back How rich do you got to get where you go to a museum and you go? Can be my buddies play swords? Excuse me. Hey, I just think you have to be, I guess it's Pete Davidson. I was just wondering if me and Tyler the creator could have a sword fight. Yeah. Where do we go?

Which one? That would be so illy. Do they say illy anymore? Try on this armor. How true is this? And then he comes around and goes, this is pretty sick. That's the movie. Then some screenwriter right there says like, this is it.

Yeah, exactly. Stoner and Arthur. King Arthur's court. Hi, I'm doing Royal Albert Hall tonight. Do you mind if me, if, if me and Travis Scott play Knights? Absolutely. We can. Oh, you're up! Immediately! Why didn't we think of that, Trevor? He goes, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize Pete Davidson would want to play Knights today.

I should have anticipated it. Of course, of course. Now please tell me, what does Kim Kardashian's butt look like out of those rubber pants? It's round. That's rounder than a bouncer's. You ever... You ever felt up a watermelon too much? Right before a pop? Yes, it's glorious. Oh my! That's rather than a bouncer's. You ever filled up a water balloon too much?

Right before a pop starts? Yes, it's glorious. Oh my. I'll tell you, my grandfather used to have to sail for months to touch butts like that. Yes, and then we brought those butts back home. Oh, Egyptian butts. Yes, we've colonized those. That's how they look.

Their sexual exploits are all colonization things. Ah, very good. Another excellent batch of cleave. Big breasts. You must have been up in Scandinavia. They're very top-headed. They're very stoic. But the British Museum now apologizes.

They don't really apologize as much as they say, we stole this and it ain't going back. That's so funny. They're like, yeah. They stole this then it ain't going back. That's so funny Then they want it back. It's here. We were there and we were watching we were there was like a family taking this like cute photo in front of all these plates and then you read the Description of where the plates came from and what they did and they basically like they flipped a tribe from the inside out They got one of the guy they basically had the leader of a tribe flip on his own people. He opened up the gates to the city, to the British army should just come in,

kill everyone, take all, rip all the stuff off of every single building. And then they bring it back and they're like, and now it's here. And now we have a new. Yeah. And they're taking a picture of like, that's going to be their Christmas card. And then the display is called like the rape of Agatha That's a horrible name all these plates were actually put under the heads of women being raped That's what it was I got on

Like two years ago. I did shows in London and, uh, cause of hay fever and I was sick, I lost my voice. So I had to cancel a day. And this British comedian gave me British edibles, which are so weak. They're so weak. It was like, I basically ate a whole bag of Welch's grape fruit snacks. It felt a little itchy. Whereas here I'll have a 25 milligram and be like, exactly. You're on space. It was like, Oh Jesus Christ. So I ate a bunch of like British edibles and went and it was that it was just like sad

shit constantly being like, Oh fuck. And they're like, this tribe never saw steel until a sword crushed their skull. And they're like, whoa, they must have been so impressed in those first 30 seconds. Yeah. We killed this whole tribe, and now we have this dinner set. Yeah, so come look at it. Don't touch it. But those guys had like, when you go like,

that was one of my favorite rooms, though, was like, yes, obviously it was all taken by their blood, but all of like the African tribesmen leaders have their own like sword Yeah, that was bad. That was awesome. There's rooms in the British museums that you walk into and you go This is the coolest room I've ever been into in a museum. Yeah, so cool. It's very impressive But then it just takes that much power and hate. I'm wondering if we went to different ones I went to one that was called like the Albert and Victoria

Museum. Oh, yeah, we went to the the big one it's just called the British Museum. Oh okay. I went to the one called like the Albert and Victoria Museum. And each one's got a line around the goddamn block. But if you just walk in the front door it's fine. You be confident. Yeah and also American confidence shatters a lot of the British. British can't handle it. You know what they could you know what they did love shutting me down about?

I went to, I was staying across the street from, they don't have Starbucks there everywhere. They have Petite Desjardins or whatever the one is. Oh yeah. I went and fucked with that. Like Joe and the Cootie Dog. Yeah, and I was like, oh, they don't do iced coffee. They do, you have to get an iced latte.

You can't get like a drip coffee. No one's got drip. I was so fucking mad. We're the only ones. Yeah. And I go over there and it was the hottest day in the history of London. It was like a hundred and two degrees here, but in London, they were freaking out about it.

This was like two years ago. I'm surprised they could live. Yeah, dude. They were, they were, you want to talk about fussy. Oh yeah. British people. It's a wool. Yeah, dude, they were there were you want to talk about fussy And sweating Is only fine when we're taking the land now a forehead I miss my foggy London, But I went in and I was like, can I get a ice latte? And they were like, we're out of ice.

And just the American in me was like, cool, we'll just like turn on the ice machine. And they go, no, that's it. That's it for the day. We have ice brought to us and when it's over, it's over. And you're like, this country, how did you guys dominate the world? Who are these, the scam artists running these ice trucks?

Who's this like, ice truck like sorry gov why is he coming from Greenland he's like that's sneaky that's old sneaky Joan he's got all the ice in London where is the ice coming from yeah Guy Richie do a movie about ice yeah ice trafficking they get the same movie I'd Ice trafficking Jump cut like Guy Ritchie. Oh shit looking at the temperature rise We should have done this in February And we control the arts Were you guys bummed the aliens didn't come yesterday dude

Yeah, you didn't know? Yeah, I'm here, man. I'm in New York. I saw them. Can I tell you right now the legitimate feeling? I know you're joking, but the legitimate feeling I would have if I found out the aliens came and I didn't get to be a part of it

would be the worst. It would be worse than someone having a birthday party and not inviting you. Oh, very much so. Or just like getting up or watching somebody get that part that you wanted. You know what I, especially in acting, you watch them have your job. I should have been right there. Like, oh, cool. I think he's good for him.

Oh, the aliens came. Was the Brooklyn alien sighting not real? Well, the what happened is the Jersey aliens. Yeah, the drones. The New Jersey. I was in Jersey. I didn't see shit. Dude, it was all over the Jersey aliens. Yeah, the drones. The New Jersey aliens. I was in Jersey. I didn't see shit. Dude, it was all over the legit news. Yeah, but by the way, it was on New York One. Yes. It was like, it was everywhere.

They were like. They don't know what it is. And they showed close-up pictures of the New Jersey drones. And they are solid as fuck. They are physical. That's why they keep calling them drones. They look like little planes. It's really happening.

It just happened last week in the UK uk it also happened last night in Arizona it happened in North Carolina it had like it is last night was one of the biggest night uh i mean that is what's spooky wait last night was last night the third wave of ufo and uap activity that has come about in the last two days is out of control. OK, because I'm not I everywhere. Winnipeg, Canada, January 30th, the 31st and February 1st. I will be at rumors for five shows. Go get tickets at DanSoda.com.

And this time, leave your infectious diseases to yourself. California, 2025, the end of February. San Diego, February 28th. Los Angeles, March 1st. And San Francisco, March 2nd. Get tickets on sale now, dansoater.com. I will see you in 2025. And then other cities, don't worry, we're coming.

We're putting it all together. But California, you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st, Los Angeles. And March 2nd, San Francisco. Danceutter.com for tickets. Please buy them and I'll see you then.

It's your favorite hypochondriac telling you if you have access to doctors, the hypochondriac telling you if you have access to doctors, the hypochondria goes down a little bit. You go there, you're assured, it's really just an adult telling you to stop being an idiot. But if you actually do have a problem, like a real problem and you need to see a doctor,

try zocdoc.com. I've been using ZocDoc for a while. I've had the app for over 10 years. So way before they started giving me money to talk about this. But ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. It's so good that you can get an appointment usually within 72 hours

and that is what we call in the business ad-libbed because I mean that. I've used ZocDoc a bunch. It's great. I had a foot thing and I was living in Queens and I was like, where's there a foot doctor in Queens? Zoc Doct it BAM guy three blocks away from me and now I have insoles because I have flat feet So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zoc Doc dot com slash Soder to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z o c d o c dot com slash Soder zoc doc dot com slash soda zoc doc dot com slash soda because so in UK you're trying to shut it down like there's a place called I forget what the name of it we're gonna be talking about today on side stories but it was there's a the an airfield in the UK that has been dealing with these

UAP flyovers for the last two weeks and they don't know what it is and now they've gotten so paranoid about it. They're shutting down citizen filming of it. Like if you go, people are showing videos and watching them get shut down by authorities. No way. Like because they're like, I guess they legitimately don't know what the fuck they are. Could it be reverse engineering? Definitely. I legitimately don't know what the fuck they are. Could it be reverse engineering? Definitely it is. So you just think it's like humans that took UFO technology and are using it? Or is it aliens mimicking human technology?

I don't know. That fuck me, this is before noon. That's the thing that I wonder. That fuck me up, dude. We were talking about what George did. I'm playing PlayStation and they're being like. No, god damn it, god damn it. Now they're copying us.

Well, you see the Chinese drone army? No. That just got displayed the other day? Well, the thing is they use it for pretty pictures. For now. I don't know. You strap a laser to it, you got 2,000 of them. Oh, fuck.

Should have thought of that. They even just kind of put sticks on them. Just playing that March theme as they come over the horizon. It's like, and it's just drones. Oh my God. Well, the thing, I mean, you know, and I was we were talking about this in the living room because Katie was like, it's crazy to hear your guys' voices be attached to bodies.

Yeah, you have to speak. I'm pretty loud about it. The only podcast I've ever consistently listened to is last podcast on the left. Dude, that means so much to me. We love you. You know how much like when we it's been so long. loud about it. The only podcast I've ever consistently listened to his last podcast on the left. Dude, that means so much to me. We love you. You know how much like when we it's been so long, but I genuinely am obsessed with your guys's podcast to the point that I brought it up on Rogan about underwater submersibles. And now I'm obsessed with the idea that I truly think it's from the ocean.

I think that that every stripe is on the table. Yeah. And that's kind of what we just had a talk with George Knapp and he was saying the same things. I think it's coming from all directions. I think that you think it is space but also from under. And I think it's people from the future and I think it's interdimensional. We're talking multiple planets like multiple races multiple species. Why us? They're everywhere. Yeah.

They're on the other planets too probably. Or they get, I do think so. I think that where there is consciousness, I like the concept of, consciousness drives reality creation. Sure. So we are, consciousness is a natural out springing from the universe itself.

Life will bend towards having a form of consciousness because understanding it. Yes. And I also believe that what it does is serves another function of literally creating some of the webs of reality. I think that the universe is held together by pinion points of consciousness that hold up an entire tent. It's like sticks in it in a big tent. Yeah. And it holds up the universe. And so I think that eventually it swarms to wherever it's going.

Or there's some truth to the fact that we were put here. And they're coming to check on us. Well, that was the infamous Jimmy Carter story. That he saw the aliens in Georgia. And then in 76 when he got elected, he was like, I'm going to tell everybody what they know. And then they told him, they said when they left the room, he was whole head and hand weeping. Yeah, they were talking about this.

You guys are containers and they're just here to they like. But the thing that always takes me out of the Jimmy Carter thing is and you can look it up online if you have solar panels. Yeah, that's my main thing. And what a bitch. and you can look it up online if you have solar panels. Yeah, that's my main thing. What a bitch. But the thing about die. But the thing about that aliens created religion is so funny of the thought that the alien that's in trouble

because he goes, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know that the Islam and the Christians, they were going to start killing each other with it. I was just trying to fuck some of their bigger, jittery ones of them just wanted them to fucking breed with. And then you guys got all weird. Who knew talk of peace would bring so much war? Yeah, for real.

They call him into the head aliens office and they're like, what did you do? And he goes, it was a good idea on paper. I thought it was a cool hat. Yeah, I literally just thought it'd be cool to wear a nice different hat than everybody else. Because the the sub, I'm not, you know, I love the subreddit aliens. I like love going there. UFOs, high strangeness. High strangeness, interesting as fuck. They all like do different ones. But the the idea that Jesus was a crossbreed of an alien human and then they're

like look at all the stories in the Bible. A star followed mary and they're like all this stuff and you're like that would be so cool i mean it's interesting but you think that if he was an alien he wouldn't get nailed to a fucking trick or he'd be winking the whole time he'd be like oh what are you guys doing? He's like, I love hookers. That's why I got married in Manila. Cross-breed. I always love hookers. I mean it. You pay them to leave. Hey baby, how much for a half and half? I thought you were gonna leave in the morning. Actually, my penis is on the back. Actually, that's my Zorb Zorb sweatshirt.

Can you not wear it? You've got a lot of perfume on. Do you mind showering first? I understand you're more impressed with the length of my fingers than the length of my penis. But they, like, that's got to be humans to aliens. That's why it's always funny when we think we're the only existent. I've had this argument. It's ridiculous.

Because Big Jay does not believe in aliens at all. He just doesn't want them to take his spots. Yeah, he's like, dude, what are you guys doing? Late night spots? But he said that, and he has a good point on why he doesn't believe it. Cause he said like, well, if they were real, it would fuck everyone's brain up. And that's all everyone would want to talk about. See, I feel that we have an astounding ability to not give a shit. Oh, dude, my grandmother had two children that wrecked the lives of several people. And she was like, they're good. They're good kids. I love these kids.

My grandma, my dad abandoned two families. And finally, in my grandma's winter years, she was like, yeah, your dad is a good dad. And I go, no, he wasn't. She goes, I know. I know. Why'd you say it? Yeah, you go, ah, fuck. So you knew the whole time?

But that's what it's like with people where they're like, aliens aren't real. And they're like, dad, they're like, I know. I know, right? You know what I, I wonder if it points to the fact that we're in a fucking simulation. I wonder if we're far away from everything else. Or, I will, simulation're far away from everything else or I will

simulation is said in a really like dumb shallow way. Yeah. It's like a computer game. Yeah and it's more just what if the kids like you know according to the Gnostics I know it's 1152. I love this. But according to the Gnostics right like the the very base philosophical, but like bottom of Christianity and some of these religions is the idea that there is like, we're walking around in what they call it is the dream of the Creator where we're we are in. But now they're saying according to math, right? Like, we are ostensibly a hologram of math. That's all reality is, is that you can break it all the way down.

Yeah. Thank you. That's right, actually. I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole. I love you saying that to Ed, who at times fights his Florida-ness. Oh, very well. And then at that moment, who's just breaking it out? He goes, yeah.

He's like, Truman, I see that gator eat a dog, and I drank finest wines. Yeah, yeah. Instagram's straight, and aliens aren't real. Yeah, he goes, don't take my guns, and America is numero uno. I also wonder if we just can't. I also like the idea that we're new.

There's one that's another version. Yes, or that we're like that there is not much conscious life in the universe. There isn't much. Yeah. And that we're only kind of like a new adopter. Yeah, we're like the Petri dish. Yes.

Where they're like, can we let consciousness, and then they go, oh, oh, oh, shit, oh, shit. You know when you like, you built that volcano for the school project and you would like tried try it my mom did Yeah, but when your mom would do it because that's what all of our moms did Yeah, and then when they would do it and when it would leak too much and go Tomorrow at school don't put that much in that's what earth is. We're the volcano in the kitchen and your mom's going, fuck, fuck, fuck, it's going over, fuck that. Okay, next time, we're not doing it this much.

Yeah, we're the aliens put here to destroy the world. Yes. But like, because of that, because of the whole reality thing, because of whatever, like, it's like a fish doesn't know it's in water. Like, I feel like we just maybe, we can't see it. I feel like it just maybe we can't see it. Yeah.

I feel like it's maybe a little bit past us or obviously, cause that was one thing that we talked about recently with George Knapp of like why if they are so foreign, right? If this is such a foreign concept, what's the point of hiding? Well, yeah. I mean, besides like just hiding in it. Also the government made such a big deal of saying there's no such thing as aliens, but then obviously they have put a lot of time and money in debunking and like, they have put a lot of time and energy in fucking with that narrative.

Or have they put a lot of time and money in keeping people calm? Because if people did find that out, they would fucking lose their mind. Cause I do think there is a lot in saying that we can't see it because you look at like the example I was used is when Cortez and the Spaniards, this story invaded that the, the, the, they couldn't, the Mayans couldn't see the ships because they had never seen ships on the water. Apparently the stat story is slightly, it is inaccurate.

I learned about this. I used it all the time. Hulk Hogan wasn't a good guy. Is that he wasn't a bastard for America. Only, but it's kind of, it's, it's, well, it's way more human. It's the, they, someone sold them out. Yeah. It was the same thing. It was like somebody, I forgot what her name is.

There's like a famous woman that like sold out the Mayans to the white dudes. Greedy bitch. And it's hard. It's that, then you find out they were like, but. She goes, I'll take one of your silver hats. He goes, it's armor, but okay. Unless it's the same function. Yeah. Unless it's legitimately like the most, let's say the most ridiculous version of the truth is real. Yeah. Like the most ridiculous

that, uh, fucking Eisenhower faked having a dental emergency while he was president. And they said that he went to Tampa and he signed this in Tampa. Yeah, he signed Those are his people he's from Tampa Queens. Yeah, and you lived in Tampa for most of your life Show him a long bridge and he starts weeping I mean, I've got to fight to show him a long bridge and he starts weeping. Yeah, I know. I love it. I miss Tampa. It's long stretches of bridges.

God, I love the roosters. Yeah, I love a bridge that really serves a purpose. But the fuck it. But I'm so I's an hour signed an agreement with the Grays to say, all right, you're going to give us Wi-Fi and we're going to give you 250,000 test subjects. Okay. Right. And that it essentially that that's one big chapter of UFO lore.

Yeah. Is that Eisenhower did that. And then for then for some reason, they didn't pay attention to the contract and then do whatever they wanted. We're supposed to believe that aliens like trust contracts? Seriously. There's our lawyer. Have you read the art of the deal? Check this paragraph right here. Can we get this stricken from the record? I need to take a closer look at this pay package. I gave up a dentist appointment for this, but okay. Oh, wow. It is one of those things where you're like,

if they have contracts, why would a superior life form respond to a contract? But- Yeah, can you make a Pleiadian sign an NDA? Yeah. I don't think it works like that. That's so funny. I think the idea of a treaty could work though. A treaty, well, I think the, you know,

obviously aliens showed up when we got the technology to make it the atomic bomb. I think that was like, we don't talk to ants, but if you saw an ant carrying a handgun, you'd be like, hey, we should probably. Check in. Hey, we should go down to that. Loaded 45.

You also believe in that line of UFO lore that the, we that a part of what they say, the galactic Federation looks for in societies is the splitting of the atom as the next steps to because yeah, because what that means is now you understand some form of quantum mechanics and can use them. And you can understand how we got how they get here. How you get it. Or it's like, what's weird though, is that that stuff is also they don't necessarily have a direct

propulsion system. And but what is super strange is what when people are around UAPs, do get sick really it's not Unlike radiation poisoning, but it's not radiation It's something that is funny that they go like they split the atom and they do that thing in the movies They go now you're getting it. Yeah That's the soul I love talking to you guys about aliens because it's like back in the day when you'd go to a record store and bring up a

rock band. And people are like, you like that shit? Check this out. Let me tell you something else that makes you even worse. Because I saw this, I saw this video and I was stupid to not write the lady's name down. But it's an old interview from the 70s or 80s. And she's talking about how the grays that we see aren't actual grays but they're more like robots mixed with the actual grays and the reason they can send those down here is because our gravity is so firm, is so tough that it would crush them and when they

take us to experiment up there they have to change the wavelengths and that's why whenever they bring us back We're bruised and hurt because they said like going from the shorter wavelength to the more firm which we have Fuck you figured out they'd have a way to fix that right, right? This is like when you find out your your MacBook charger used to have those prongs to wrap the things on you go Learn you could do a life hack for me what you could ask the dentist numb you no matter what yeah I did not know that well if your dentist is cool Yeah, I didn't realize that until and then I went the last that my wife Natalie said that she's like because I was like I hate the dentist. I'm ever with every man. I hate the dentist

I was like and then I was really she said you don't ask them to numb you for cleaning and I was like, I hate the dentist. I'm ever with every man. I hate the dentist. I was like, and then I was really, she said, you don't ask them to numb you for cleaning. And I was like, I didn't know you could do that. They call me a bussy. Also, that's also wild, though, because you also just look like a drug addict. Well, you like it. And then you go, you mind numbing me? They go, we're just gonna look at your teeth. And you're like, just moving my lips.

This hurts. Nummy. I'm such a baby at the dentist to you. I need you to numb me. I'm such a baby at the dentist. Last time I had them numb me like six times. And then they're like, you know, this is going to hurt later. I was like, whatever. What are you talking about? And then literally my jaw hurt because it kept

stabbing my jaw with needles. Yeah. And so for like a week, I was all fucked up. You take a sip of water and it just leaks out your mouth. And like 12 different holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a skeleton. But walking into a dentist and going numb me and they go, what the fuck? I feel like- More!

I did what I did, I was like slather me. Come on, base me. I don't even want to know- I'm sick of this. I don't even want to know where I am right now. Yeah dude, I want my teeth to feel like they're gone. Do you think there is jealousy of underwater aliens versus space aliens? Do you think there's the way that like...

Well, they get to live in the... Because I do think that those are the ones that live here. Yeah. I think the ones that are living here. They're like, fuck off, these are our rock monkeys. This is my stuff. Yeah, these guys that we've been growing them on these rocks for millions of years.

We're playing with their chips. We go up there, we take them under the water, we fuck with their bits been growing them on these rocks. Yeah millions of years. We're playing with their chips We go up there. We take them under the water We fuck with their bits and we put them back up source in their comp I like the hitchhikers guide thing where the dolphins are the aliens. Yeah, and they are just looking at us They're like y'all swim with you Yeah, what almost raped my mom Gotta be if you're a dolphin, you probably hate the rape rumor.

You just like, hey, can we not? Like every time you're like, hey listen. They're like cops, they're like one bad apple. Let's just think about all the other wonderful things that dolphins are known for. You know how many times people say yes? Yeah. Also it's consensual,

it's fine. Have you seen what some of these older women are wearing in the ocean? Well how about you don't swim in a bikini? Do the dolphins do the what are they wearing? Yeah what are you guys fucking getting at? You got your nipples all hard when you get in the water? I'm a dolphin! No one talks about whale murder. That is the thing with dolphins. It's like a full underwater what about us? when you get in the water, I'm a dolphin. No one talks about whale murder.

That is the thing with dolphins. It's like a full underwater, what about us? Yeah, they go, what about fucking orcas pinning those people? Yeah, what about that? But if you're like, if you're an underwater alien and you're like, you've got the technology to fucking shoot out of the sky, grab people, bring them back down, and then these space aliens,

or interdimensional really feels like when Iceland, they play Iceland and Mighty Ducks to you guys don't listen to the rules. It's too violent. Because if you're an interdimensional alien and you're popping up here and you're like, oh, you guys live here. Well, I feel like the interdimensionality is the stuff that makes cryptids. Yeah, I think that's what cryptids are largely. I think there are people that are I think that it's animals in the deep woods. Yeah, like look at North Carolina

We just covered this story, but there was the Mac the Mac Monkeys getting good South Carolina, but yeah, South Carolina They got out of the test facility and then immediately there was Bigfoot sightings Because people saw that well, it's cuz it's funny cuz there were there were They're like, Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a big one. I mean, I would probably do that. Yeah, but Bigfoot, I mean, what a PR team. Oh, yeah. Bigfoot's got like fucking nasty, gross, stinky,

but you hear of anybody's like, don't tell him I don't want to launch yet. He's got like sunglasses on in a cave. It's all about timing. He's like, soft launch me, dude. And everybody and they would cut would line up a PR late. Oh, you. Yeah. Fuck Bigfoot live, dude. Like when I've the only models that would just be pining to get Bigfoot on a stream because I've seen the ones with the do we how do we feel about horse

dick shaped dildos? Like, how do we feel as a as a I think three men I mean it's better than fucking a horse it reminds me of the Louis CK bit where he says we should just make accurate children's sex dolls for pedophiles this is what I was saying chop off throw them in a ditch set them on fire do whatever you want pedophile island in Washington they could just drop them all there and they think this be there and be put a gate on it I gotta say the fairies rough It's all un year old. Oh yes, let me see, where's your children? We spent no expense. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. This is candy. Who's that guy over there? And he's like, I knew this day would come.

I prayed for this day. The prophecies have foretold. Oh, a whole boat. Our tiny treasures have arrived. A whole boat of tiny socks. Oh, I've wished and wished. Child is back on the menu, boys. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

They ring a bell. It's like, they uh, I always think like, what would aliens think of pedophiles? Where they're like, yeah, everyone does young kids. Whoa buddy, whoa! Fuck man, aliens and pedophiles? Immediately cancelled. They go, Zip Zop, so here's how you can cut carbon emissions. And also, can I have one of your kids?

Think about this, right? Listen, right? Listen, do we want to keep Santa Monica? Because if we listen to Zipzor, we can keep Santa Monica, we just got to give him one child. We're pretty close to losing Baja. Yeah. They think they'll teach us how to keep the temperatures rising. I'll give them. I'll give them Richard. He's the worst. My worst.

Give them the boy from modern family. But he's all chubby. We'll take the deal. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy that there are been there've been so many Senate hearings, Congress hearings recently with the Navy and everything saying like, yeah, UFOs are very real. Yeah, no one is reacting. No one cares.

I don't think social media. Yeah, got too powerful. Look what we just did. Yeah, does it? We could not possibly give a fuck if they're aliens. It wasn't, they were the, if the Psyop was done, and I do believe that it was done and because we could see that they talk openly

about ridiculing the UFO community to basic, like, you know. We were growing up, if you brought up UFOs, you were called crazy. Yeah, always. You're like, you're crazy. Oh yeah, and it was, and so it worked and now we don't give a shit. People are just really very concerned about the money going into their wallets, which I do understand. And I can understand why,

but why would you care about aliens? If you got, if you're, your, your mama's addicted to oxy and your niece is fucking, you're planning on killing the CEO of United Health Care. And they're like, there's aliens. He goes, I don't give a shit. I'm putting two in that guy's chest. Yeah, dude. I fucking like I had a pipe burst and my life was ruined. My sewage is backed up in my basement. I don't care that there's little green men,

but I also think that's got to really hurt the aliens. I thought we were going to break the internet. They go, hey, hey. And they go, we don't care, dude. Yeah, well, they've been here for what, decades, centuries? I think there's, there's, there's like, the reason I always loved the alien movie was after they made Prometheus, you're like,

I kind of think that's a good idea that there's these like bigger humans that are, that came and we're like, ah, let's put a little us in this. Yeah, they might. Where it goes. I, it could very well be. It's just hard because I that's I used to be obsessed with simulation. I was obsessed with the idea that we live in a simulation and it finally broke through to me where I was like Will it change a single thing about my present life? No, I was like nah, I can rage against the simulation all I want All it's gonna do is make my wife leave me Yeah, and I just need to stay in the pocket and just alright

Let's just keep on just staying in this very real anymore credits Let's just keep on just staying in this very real. I need more credits But it's never the people that get like stage four colon cancer that are like it's a simulation I think if I had stage four cancer, that's when I could finally really let it fucking rip. Don't ever get sick. I will. I don't want to see Henry sick. Rip.

You want to really know what's going on? Shit. Shit. I actually never understood why we haven't had more weaponized people with terminal diseases. Oh, like suicide bombers? Yeah. Yeah.

You know, because I kind of think about that about how much change you could make if you just put on about sure you got colon cancer, put on a grenade vest, go fucking get us some new good somebody help us get us new emissions testing. That's where the Japanese fucked up in World War Two. All they did used all their good pilots. Yeah. They've done so much for everything, for the community. But you wonder if they catch the murderer of this United Health Care guy, what if he

was terminally sick? I mean, that would make total sense. Oh, there's a speed rider. If he'll be a hero. Absolutely. Just going like, tell Fox I got something. I got something on the line. He said he's going to kill us.

Because it's like, if that came out that it was like a terminally ill guy that, you know, pre-existing condition, can't get medical care, kills the guy that runs medical care. That would be like a new Johnny Appleseed. People wouldn't be mad. No. They would go like, huh?

So they didn't catch the guy. No. Dude, they'll get him. I mean, it's New York City. But here's the guy. No, dude, it's no get them I mean they were York City, but here's the thing President of progressive Just like a car insurance What the fuck what the fuck dude you go sorry these progressive bundles are fucking killer Flow that fucking she's just bundling everything together for the rest of us we're going hunting today

time to up our subscribers you know night he's putting the gun in his holster he goes you know in 1988 Etna could have bought this whole goddamn thing. And today, today I show them that Etna never went away. Wow. My mom was working for Etna. I should call and be like, what's the real truth? Yeah. We go home for Christmas. Trisha's got a cork board.

She goes, but follow me. Follow me. I was like, I'm with you, mom. And she goes, this thing goes all the way to the top. USF&G was an outlet of UnitedHealthcare. I go, all right. She's smoking cigarettes again. She's like, damn, I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. With you mom. And she goes, this thing goes all the way to the top. USF&G was an outlet of United Healthcare. I go, all right. I'm with you. She's smoking cigarettes again. She's like, damn, I love you mom.

No, no, no, no, no. You would think that this single payer would leap, but it doesn't. Do you need a pump? Yeah. Is it not impossible to go missing in New York now though? I feel like people can do, I mean, he's, you know. But I mean in terms of like,

if they're looking for you in there, cause isn't CCTV coverage kind of everywhere and it's like, it's sneakier. There are on most city blocks, it is coverage, but they're also like- Cause in New York City, they only use it- It gives you the benefit of lying to you about the cameras.

They try to hide the cameras. Are there still people living in the tunnels and shit? Yeah, I think the mole people are still there, but yeah, it costs like $4,500 a month. Some of them really nice. You are going to get an amazing sleep. The motion from the J train loves me to sleep honestly. And it works as both a coolant and as a heater. You're going to get the best of both worlds. Now there is a rival underground gang. Listen, you will have to kill his wife. He is what they call Queen Lamontia.

They do harvest organs, but that is a very small detail here. They're, yeah, I mean, I think the cameras they do, they downplay the cameras most of the time, but then what I love is like a homeless guy punches Rick Moranis and they're like we got him Oh, I mean they're like they could track crazy people like Buffalo Then I'll tell you well Rick Moranis loved. That man no one gives a shit about. Yeah, nobody cares about that guy. Imagine how much that guy gets fucking,

his ass kicked in jail. He's like, you're the one who punched Rick Moranis. He's go, oh yeah? Yeah. Better hope he comes up with a honey I shrank my asshole because I'm about to fuck you. I'm about to tear your ass up. It's so funny.

He's like, he's like in there on the other side of the glass and they're like, baby, how is it? He's like, I shouldn't have punched that man. I shouldn't have punched that man. I should have left him alone. I thought I was Woody Allen. Honestly. He goes, honestly, I lost money on the little giants game.

I went into the commissary the other day and they were playing Ghostbusters 2 and all began again. Yeah, man, I was like, man, I didn't know there was a dirty motherfucker from Ghostbusters. And they looked up there and when he said he turned me into a dog, they I was like, man, I didn't know there was a dirty motherfucker from Ghostbusters. And then he looked up there and he said he turned me into a dog. They're all like, yeah, damn, that's right. I mean, dude, it would have, I mean, if he did go, I'm the key master before he did it.

Excuse me, are you the key master? Wham! He was like, he was like, even the cops were asking him to go, that was a good reference, bro. Watch your head. Watch your head. Watch your head, buddy. Poor Rick Moranis. It's just his wife is sick.

I mean, she's dead. She's dead. That's very sick. Yes, that's extra sick. The most sick you can be is dead. But there, I mean, I'm trying to think of who's more beloved that could get punched that you would be like. Like, Steve from Blue's Clues. Yeah, I always feel like these days that when somebody something like that happens with the Internet, it's almost like the backlash to the love.

Then you find out a bunch of other shit because that's when the stuff gets brought up. Because I think that Rick Moranis got like punched and it was like, obviously, no, we haven't really. But I do believe there was one article was like, well, he does have several unpaid parking tickets where they like dug into like his, they just tore, are we really sad about the Rick Moranis attack? That's where Vice is now.

They go, Rick Moranis got punched, yes, but his hatred of Filipinos goes back decades. Yeah. And you go, what the fuck? How'd you find that? Oh, dude, I didn't know he was speaking Il of Tagalog. Why? Why would he have problems with it?

But I feel like, yeah. That is what the internet does now. The internet is not 100% on anything. They'll go like, this beloved person got hit and there's 20%. The internet's not 25% on anything. No. It's so broken now. What's crazy is that's why I've been saying this. That's

why I enjoy Reddit because Reddit is a specific you can go to aliens. Yes. And that's all it is. Yeah. It's like just the old internet. That's what the old internet was. You go to like, like I'm a big video game guy. A new video game goes out. I'll like go to the sub Reddit to be like, Oh, these are all people talking about it. You know what the sneaker is about Reddit too? Is that weirdly it's the last place. I think that what I like about it is that it's highly divisive and you can find whatever opinion you're looking for. But it is the last true bastion of the actually independent product review.

Yes. It is the last. That is where I go to look up reviews for dishwashers and shit like that. It's not paid It's not like you go on Instagram. You Google it your fuck. Oh, yeah fake. It's all review It's all review bombs Twitter's Twitter's cooked now blue sky is too I just heard about blue sky last week blue skies like a To me right now. It feels like a book club where no one wants to call stuff gay.

I don't know if I want to hang out there yet. My question is what is it? It's just supposed to be like I think it's Twitter. It's like supposed to be the new Twitter where they like ban hate speech. I think it's just I thought I don't even think it says. Yeah. What about threads? I think threads was trying to do that. It didn't work. Basically what they're doing is they're like,

if you like Donald Trump, they don't like you on any of those. Like it sucks if you're a Trump fan and you like go to blue sky and they're like, sorry, you're going to want to go to Twitter. And then you look back at Twitter and it's just on fire and you go, I gotta live there. Yes. That is what you like. That is where you live. And then you look back at Twitter and it's just on fire and you go, I gotta live there. Yes. That is what you like. That's that is where you live. Twitter is wild. Oh yeah. I don't even go on it. He posts clips, but like, dude,

you go on there and you're just like, what the fuck? We took everything off of it. Really? Yeah. Because it doesn't serve us. And it really like the idea of us promoting. I mean, I think it's pretty normal. The idea of us promoting our dark evil podcast, which is fine, right? But it's still innocent. In its core, it's innocent. So it's just funny to watch it get,

I feel like it gets conflated with all this horrible shit when you put it up next to the horrible shit. So you don't want to be next to the horrible shit because I'm sick of being called a misogynist just because I have a horrible voice. Or excuse me. Because that's all it is. The'm sick of being called a misogynist just because I have a horrible voice. Or excuse me. Because that's all it is. The only reason I get called a misogynist is I've never said anything hateful towards

women. I just sound like one. You sound like you're going, yeah, they know what they're doing. He's disgusting. But it became a thing where once the verification system was gone, you were just like, well, what the fuck is this? Oh my God. I got the other day, Instagram's like, Oh, you can be verified now.

Get your blue check mark. I was like, all right. They're like 14 99 a month. Go fuck yourself. That's honestly the only reason I've enjoyed leaving or not going back on Twitter is because the 49ers are having a terrible season. Yeah. You don't want to be a party to that. Always the thing that made me the angriest on Twitter would be like after the Niners lost the bills, if I would have gone on there,

someone would have been like 49ers suck. I'm like, hey, stop it. I will say that was my first realization. I was not a big sports guy. I never really watched a lot of sports. I've been doing it more often because I found it, it's a really pleasant way to dissociate in airports and stuff like that.

I'm discovering that men, that that's a good safe place for you to go to it is it is the makeup tutorials for men. Yes, but then I Realized immediately it was kind of funny you watch something and I said something once I was alone in a bar and I was watching a game and the sports journalism was coming on and I was like These guys don't know what they're talking about. Do they? And this guy was like, you just nailed it. You just started watching sports and you just understood that the only, they are all filled with shit and have to fill hours of television where they just- A full year of the NFL network, there's 17 weeks.

It's crazy. Well, what it is, is it NFL network did 17 weeks. It's crazy. It was. Well, what it is, is it's like, especially because, you know, Katie used to work at Fox Sports and ESPN. And you see, like, the people that are trying to make good stuff, like, we can make this funny. And we'll like do. Of course. And then you just see people that just steal shit.

She did a thing when she worked at ESPN that was such a good segment where she was at the Pro Bowl. And she would show NFL players at the Pro Bowl pictures of, is this a bachelor contestant or an NFL kicker? And guys were getting it wrong. Guys were getting their own kickers wrong. They're like, that guy's a bachelor, bachelorette contestant. She's like, no, he's the kicker for the Raven.

Yeah. He'd be like, oh. But it was like this great segment. And it was right when we started dating that she did it. I was like, that's so good. And then I saw it get stolen by two other people that just put it out on their sports thing. And they're like, look at this idea.

And you're like, oh, then it wouldn't serve you to go do something original and new. No. Because people are just going to take it., and I think this is a bigger, I think sports is an example of the bigger problem, which is the 24 hour news cycle needs to be cut. It's just, the problem is that it can't go away because of the nature of so much money.

Well, it's not even, it's yes, obviously the money, but it's also just the way we are in, which is what I believe Carl Sagan said that he was upset about, right, which is the concept that we're into an information market. Yeah. We've slid into that information is is ubiquitous. Yes. Everywhere. It's instantaneous. It's hard to get outside of it. So what's hard about cable news and that 24 hour thing is that we kind of already have it We have the internet the interest 24 hour news it is in our pocket

So I don't need to go pay extra money to go watch you do some highly stylized Spun version of information when I'm already getting that spun information on the internet Which I also have to go and decipher what is real and what is not real by reading multiple sources. And now I'm sitting here. You wonder why I fuck in my hot blood blood pressures. Yeah, 20 or 95. Well, you got to do a you got to do a research paper to just find out the weather.

Anything to find it. You get a straight answer. You're going to an actual like it's it is so and it's ridiculous. It's like a microcosm This dumb shit super boring content. I'm trying to figure out how to work out if you type in good luck basic Workout plan right like I'm trying to figure out million different things how to do it It's like this is fucking what the fuck I was like the pile of information It's so much stuff. Everybody says all their opps. They'll say opposite shit

Well, that's what's interesting. What I think is funny about the whole exercise community is they've had the answer for a hundred years, which is exercise and watch what you eat. That's all you have to do. Drink water and drink water and you will lose weight and you'll feel better. But because of this now, everyone goes, well, you got to drink this water and you got to, you got to eat this and you go well no it's just a basic concept. You got to maximize gains. Yeah. And the K is you got to get your reflection angles. And then what happens is people know your muscle structures. I'm like I'm learning anatomy. I'm sitting here. My back hurts when I sit down. I just want to fix that. Right before a workout too.

It's cuz I fucking smoke a huge bowl right I like to smoke a joint or a bowl before working out. And then I look at Harrison Ford of's very Harrison Ford of you. It's my favorite. You're not the first person to say that. Harrison Ford does it? Oh yeah. He just smokes weed and works out and occasionally pretends to act. He's incredible.

He lives the perfect life. Oh, he crashes planes and helicopters. He survived, I think, three plane crashes. And then in every movie he's in has one too. It does. Out of the three crashes, has anyone survived it with him and gone, good job, Han Solo? You got to at least hit one time. He also saved a child's life while flying too.

He found a kid too. Dude, that's nuts. He's a hero. I want to be him. Speaking of 24 hour news cycles, I'm going to get into a huge Harrison Ford rabbit hole now. Yeah, dude. I know all his rivals. She's like enough with Harrison Ford.

I'm wearing an Indiana Jones hat. Passing my whip. I go, no, this is good. I got this. It belongs in a museum. It's your coffee. That's your coffee. She made that ice coffee in our kitchen.

Oh, God damn it. Yeah, but that's, I think like the thing with 24 hour news cycles is it makes people like feverishly devoted to something. Like it makes people extremists. Oh yeah. About random shit. But also it creates a general shallowness of emotion. Yeah.

So in my, my first, like when I watch it, it's why, like we kind of talk about it even on the show, like on the interior of our shows that we found that when we're wrong about profound pieces of information, sometimes the audience is just as angry about something that is not, that is frivolous. And you've noticed that like, it's kind of like, you know, we were in DC when Trump got shot that story was over in four days like that was crazy that story was over people moved on and I think that on some level we are not sure what to be really angry about anymore and they have done that extremely well they have made it so that we're just a blanket every there's no peaks and valleys it's a it's a there's no time

no it's a staccato rage also the 24-hour news cycle it's more than that because you're watching cnn there's a ticker on the bottom telling you other news in the corner you're like what the just too much i cannot remember a time i've turned on a cable news channel and not seen breaking news. It's always, how is it? 9-11 did that. They talked about that. So the ticker started, it was during 9-11. It's all breaking news all the fucking time. And then you read that CNN made the most money they've ever made as a company when Trump was president.

Oh, they wanted him to win. They wanted him to win. The ratings would have went in the tank. MSNBC wanted him to win, they all. to win. The ratings would have went in the tank. MSNBC wanted him to win. They all. Because look at the, even I know. I didn't watch when Obama was president. I was like, oh good, I can chill for a while.

We were lied to, man. We were lied to by our own propaganda machines, to us, even just the concept that Kamala had a shot. Yeah. Right? We were lied to. So because that was one of those where I was like, obviously, no one being lied to. But it was like one of those where I was like, obviously no,

I'm being lied to, but it was weird. And at time where I was like, wow, I'm a member of the media and I bought it. Yeah. You know, I bought, I bought it too. You can buy, they're so good at selling stuff that anything can become with enough. When they push something enough, you start to go like, maybe that's true. Sure, of course, because you're at some point. You're like, oh yeah, no one even really freaked out

that they didn't even have a real convention, that they didn't really pick a candidate. No one really freaked out of the fact that they were just like, Joe's not doing it, she's gonna do it. And you're like, wasn't everyone yelling about this for a year? And they're like, don't worry about it.

And that's over in three days. Yeah, it was over in three days, and we push it all the way through. And that's like, we're ever wasn't everyone yelling about this for a year. And they're like, don't worry about it. And that's over in three days. That was over in three days. And we push it all the way through. And that's like this alien thing. They're showing up fucking seven different places. And everyone goes like, that's over. It's Juan Soto is going to sign with someone. But you literally are already kind of in another.

Yeah. A new cycle. They're already in another. It would take an abduction in plain sight sight and that would go away in three days Oh, yeah, no one cares. It'll be like what they do to yeah, well if they're not attacking their Twitter history Yeah, they've been here for years. They're not attacking us. So it gives a shit. Yeah, well, it's cuz it's the concept of like People don't like an open loop. No humans don't like an open. No, we don't like an open loop. No. Humans don't like an open loop. No, because it scares us.

Of course, because we're watching these things hover around and we're like, it's more just like, my point is more like, so if they are here, like, what are they doing? Why are you guys here? And that's why part of me, I wonder like kind of that way, where it's like, I don't know if we figure into the equation at all.

Like, I don't know if we're even. What if we found out that they were here the whole time observing us to start a podcast on their planet? We wanted to learn. We're doing a deep dive into humans. It's a funny take where we have a main narrator writing a script and two funny ones. I've seen different versions where they show video clips and also versions where they do deep dives into books

It's called the dear door and dick formula. Welcome to cutting up cattle Welcome to cornfield You know, I like that's why we've heard the show. I still believe like in my heart of hearts, all truths are way more subtle and strange. And we don't know what's going on. Like Lou Elizondo, they said the big thing that would shut there was like a piece, there's one specific piece of information that they keep saying, well,

if you're going to be a fan of the show, you're going to be a fan of the show. And I'm like, they said the big thing that would, there was like a piece, there's one specific piece of information that they keep saying, we'll fuck everybody up. This is the thing that made Jimmy Carter cry. This is the thing. And they keep alluding to whatever this thing is. And the last thing I heard about it was that Lou Elizondo

said the key is that it's weirder than anything that you could really think about. Yeah, because that would make you uncomfortable. Yes. And my theory is that there are people walking around that are aliens that don't know that they're aliens. That is like my that's my most ridiculous theory. Or it's like that's the one that makes the most sense to me. There is DNA. There is alien DNA that was found in our blood. And we don't know what we never knew what to do with it

We don't want to bring it up. We don't gonna freak us out Yeah, cuz it doesn't do anything that would prove us some alien fucked a chimp one of us popped out There's pure humans and not pure humans and maybe that could also really fuck shit up socially Who's a human who's not a pure human because I also feel like to be honest I think that the half aliens are the ones they are gonna do really well. Yeah, you're I think we're fucked. Otherworldly advice in your DNA and then you're watching someone that actually came from a chimp Yeah, you're like fuck you. Look you dumb idiot. Yeah, you're made of star You're literally made of star stuff and you're just some guy

You know like just a guy. Well, that hurts. Whatever I have, but that really is. That would make sense if it was like, oh, there are alien DNA and know it. But also makes sense on why 23 and me exists and all that. Oh, you want to know you're a quarter Finnish or you want to know like they got that info and they're like, there's a lot of these alien motherfuckers Do 23 and me I'm just like I'm gonna find family members and shit

Well, you know that they did now 23 and me one of them is going bankrupt and it turns out that they're just selling all That information of pharmaceutical. Oh, yeah, buddy. Ah, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we did it. We did it Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah, we did it. We did it. Like, hey, yeah, fucking here's all their info. And everyone goes, I just wanted to know if I was full Irish or not. I literally just see another you walking around working at a Burger King. It's like, hey, man, hey, you know, you. I go, do you like Macho Man? He goes, I love Macho Man.

He's my saint. Yeah. Oh, no, we do that thing. And then you're like, well, see ya. Looks like your life sucks, bye. Bye. Also, I ordered onion rings. And he goes, son of a bitch. Yeah, man. I ordered onion rings and actually didn't receive them.

The weirder thing is, you're right, I don't think people could handle weird shit. The weird I think is way worse than just the, there are aliens Their aliens up and they're mean or just there or that there's a bunch of different teams But you know what it is It's almost as is Complicated as like the way you look at and we've been doing this in the last 20 years through media Like antihero like explaining why the villain is the villain and being like oh

Yes fucking antihero, but it's oh it's a plot on this fucking anti-hero shit. But it's like it's at first it was interesting because you're like oh I understand how the Joker becomes the Joker and he's mentally ill or whatever but you're like a lot of the times it's so complicated that you won't know that of course that weird information you would be like oh this fucks my brain up because I never thought I just thought they were aliens were here to come take our leader and to take us over and they're like, that's simple. That's a system we followed.

Yes. Where you go, ah, colonization. They want to take our stuff because that's how we interact. They really go, we don't give a shit about it. You should see the stuff we have. Yeah. Or our house, we got way cooler shit. When their version of time has to be ridiculous.

Yeah, they're like, this isn't, we're like, it's seven o'clock, I better eat. And they go, what the fuck are they doing? Yeah, exactly, why do they have those little circles? They're not you fucking idiots. Our time is based off of how we rotate around the sun. They could give a fuck. Yeah, they really is.

They go, I don't know, we come here, we have a fucking sun that has like six times your size. I got eight sons. That's why whenever the thing that fucked me up was the Fermi paradox. That there's just like, oh, there's like all these worlds. Like there's just like a ton of words. So why haven't we seen them? But that's the reason. But that's also why we're not strong enough to find them.

Well, our brain isn't strong enough to handle the weird of it. But if the there is one version of the story of like the why is the universe not teeming with life? Yeah, right. Look, that's one thing with it seems that there is seems there's a tough barrier to entry to gain life on your planet. You have to be a certain distance away from the sun. You have to be a perfect scenario. There's chemical slop. We're soufflés.

Yes. We gotta be very careful. Or a petri dish. Yeah. Take it out of the oven. So maybe it's a little bit less often than we think it is. We don't know. Or I still think that if it's all biological aliens,

I think that the answer would be that we are one of the first. Yeah. That we are one of the first consciousness points. Wasn't that the theory that we're either the first or the last who knows yeah There's multiple universes and universes shut down the final question I have for you if there was another world where we were there and there was just like a you like an Ed Larson or Henry Zabrowski walk around would you have gay sex with that? Person if they dropped you off if they drop that guy off here. I mean, well, I'm married, but I would.

Thank you Eddie, that's first of all, he's moral. He doesn't want to. And then you start. If you think that marriage gets in the way, a firm paradox, gay sex. Baby, it's me, it's jerking off. He's watching, she's watching, you're gonna get fucked.

This is fine. It's fine. But he's me. He's gonna tell you. Wait till it's your turn. Yeah. This guy's way better than me! All right other Eddie, we're meant to get her. This guy's gonna give me lotto numbers!

He's from the future! He's just clapping your cheeks and your wife hugs in. Now you start with a hand job. See, I would like to hope that that- You work a lot with your hands on that planet. I would hope that that Henry's gay. Yeah. Because that's the only way it's gonna work.

Yeah. Because if I met another Henry, we'd both just go like... It's the hug scene from Step Brothers. Yeah, your penis is super gross, Henry. Yeah. Yes, so is yours. He goes, oh, well, okay, look at you.

And you go, oh, your left nut hangs way lower than your right one. He goes, yeah. I would like to... I go, look, both hold okay, look at you. And you go, oh, your left nut hangs way lower than your right one. He goes, yeah. I would like to- I go, look, both hold it. Now we're even. Now, oh, oh! And then light just emits.

And then, whoa, whoa, whoa. We balance each other's sacks. And then the fucking light goes out. Honestly, I think I would probably take him off such a being like this time for you to fucking do some work. Oh my God. You're gonna work. I'm gonna sit around.

Yeah, I got so much video games to play and he's like, ah, I said, ah, ah, ah, I said I'd take that portal from my world. You guys fucking rule. We go back forever. I miss seeing you guys, but I'm so happy with how much ass you guys are kicking on, you know, last podcast on the left is the best.

It's just the best. Thank you for having us. You too, man. You're fucking crushing it. I love you guys. And It's just the best. Thank you for having you too, man. You're fucking crushing it. It's beautiful to watch. I just love you guys. And it's it's awesome. And when Ed was like, yeah, we're going to be in town, I was like, fucking please come

by. Dude, please. You're the only one we called. Yeah, I love you guys. Last podcast on the left. Subscribe. It's it's just it's a podcast that you just subscribe to. Side stories, all the deep dives they do the full episodes. Go learn about serial killers.

There's so many books I have because of Marcus. Oh, yeah, I bought the below under the different stars below the the indifferent stars below. I hope so many pharaohs. It's like you read it in but I will buy a book if you guys talk about it. Because my by the Did you buy the book? The Jones sound book by Jeff Gwynne? No, I didn't It's great. Can I tell you? All of his books are great. Can I tell you something that's crazy about when you were doing the Jonestown stuff, which is great, but you also did the People's, what's his name? Jonestown. Yes. No, I'm confused. Yeah,

who was the? People's Temple was Jonestown. Yeah. He started the one that he started in the Bay Area. Yeah. But my grandmother used to live, she passed away, but she lived in Lake County, which was next to Ukiah, which is where he was the first one. Yes. Ukiah, California was where they moved him down. He was a very technically he was a good man when he started. Jim Jones. Jim Jones. Yeah. Well, he didn't. I thought he started in Indiana. He started in Indiana and then he moved it. I'm Jim Jones Jim Jones. Yeah. Well, he didn't I thought he started in Indiana

He started in Indiana In San Francisco to Oakland and then you kaya California was the first place that he actually got it off the ground Yes That's when they left because then he was running a church in San Francisco and then he built his first Oh his own church Yes outside of it now was still when he was working like with desegregation and yeah all this kind of thing Like he was an interesting man. That was very bad huge cock huge dick and a terrible lover from what you guys said Would do the thing where he just slide it in no mummy

But I have driven through you Kaia over 300 times and never thought about it. And then I was like, holy shit. I paused it and went in the room with Katie. I was like, fucking Ukiah. Dude, now you go back next time. You could do some Jonestown tourism. No, now she's dead. So I don't ever have to go back there.

Oh, nice. Congratulations. I only go to San Francisco. That's the north. I know I ain't taking the 101 back up through Santa Rosa. Yeah, fuck that dude. I would have to be real bored to go over there.