Soder - Fainting Goat with Brendan Sagalow | Soder Podcast | EP 11

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

This episode Dan is joined by comedian Brendan Sagalow. They talk about Sagalow's issues with fainting and how it's impacted his life. Dealing with a problematic rescue kitten. What therapy has done for their mental health. Singing in the car and other cringe activities. Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. Dan is on the road all 2024! Get tickets @ https://www.dansoder.com/tour Sat, FEB 3, 2024 - Stamford,CT Sun, FEB 4, 2024 - Manchester,CT Boston | Feb 17 2024 FEB 22 & 23rd, 2024 - Cleveland,OH Thu, FEB 29, 2024 - San Antonio,TX MAR 1 & 2nd, 2024 - Comedy Mothership - Austin,TX Follow Sagalow https://www.instagram.com/brendansagalow/?hl=en Connect with me! Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  @homelesspimp  https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

You gotta go home. You were suspended for six weeks? Did you kill a kid? Almost. No, I had a knife. I brought a knife to school. Whoa. Yeah. So I stole a knife from Target. How old are you? 17, maybe. You're a dick. 16 or 17.

No. Why? It's too old. Why is that too old? It's too old to get away with it. To steal? Past driving age age you should have some responsibility you're you were you were a kid that i hoped the teenage mutant ninja turtles

beat up when you became a foot soldier that behavior brendan i'm gonna tell you this right brendan i'm gonna tell you this right now that's foot soldier behavior and you're better than that shredder could come along and recruit you. What was the last thing you stole? Like candy when I was a kid. Candy when you were a kid is the last thing you stole ever. Ah, shit. Yeah.

Here we go. Here we go. How about music? I had a dark period in my late 20s where I was real broke. And I think I stole some stuff then. Yeah. But I don't like. We're all like Aladdin, you know?

Yeah. One jump ahead of me stealing that 70s show complete first season on DVD from Target. One jump ahead of the... I love you get caught because you're singing. Excuse me, son,

were you just singing Aladdin as you put that DVD into your jacket? I'm sitting in the Target jail. Riff raff, street rat. We both get caught together and I'm just doing different impressions. And they're like, is this your genie? Well, I wish he'd hang himself.

I'm going back going, oh, oh, oh, he stole. Only three more wishes. It's just two mentally ill men. I used to steal from Target all the time and I would take um i don't know what what the what was your biggest score my biggest score were like complete seasons on dvd back when imagine no one steals media there was like yeah i know there was a lot of you do just with someone's password well what i would do is um so you'd go to the baby aisle

sure and they they have like big boxes and you can kind of make a fort like if you just like you know went into where the big boxes were you can kind of get in the middle of the big boxes and the big box is kind of like at target there's also bikes and boxes exactly so i would go in the in the middle of these Yeah. And I would go into this like. Oh, no. The whole thing's Aladdin scored. I go, fuck it's Sasquatch. It's actually, it really is a musical. An employee is walking by. But it's muffled because I'm in the.

Yeah. I swear to God, B, there's someone singing in the walls. Dude, that works at Target. Going crazy, B. Someone's fucking in there. Well, I would open the DVD cases and i would take out the cds and i put the cds in my pocket brilliant because the anti-theft stuff is on the box they don't put it on the cd all right i'm gonna admit something to you here we go i think statue of limitations

has passed i killed i killed a kid i watched him drown uh i uh i could have helped him listen the song in the in the air tonight's based on me he says it's about a divorce it's really about me watching a kid drowned um playstation 2 when it first came out it's like every time there's a new video game system yeah the first ones that come out are always wonky or like there's a couple that are wonky because they're like figuring it out playstation 2 would break down a lot a lot of people don't remember that when it first came out in 01 or like 2000 or 01 right where you turn it on and you'd pray you'd be like and sometimes you're just corrupt file and it just couldn't play the it couldn't play because it was like a dvd player it was like

the first time we had all that shit on one i spent all my i spent my own money that I earned working at. Yeah. Yeah. As a bus boy, but I drove up to a game stop in Boulder cause you couldn't find them. And I, I called around, you just have to call game stops.

And I called when I found it. So I got a PS two, loved it was playing Madden. It died. But then PlayStation two became like kind of everywhere. Yeah. You could get them everywhere. Target had them

so we my friend and i won't reveal his name this is a good buddy being jack nicholson in anger management i know exactly where this is going so my buddy was like well there's a barcode on the bottom of your playstation 2 that they scan when you buy it yeah to make sure it's the same unit two that they scan when you buy it yeah to make sure it's the same unit he goes here's what you do you buy a playstation 2 you bring it home i can help you get the barcode fucking with a with a razor blade like frank abagnale jr for real and then i flew and then i crashed a plane. I was a child pilot and I crashed. So we, he told me you buy the PlayStation two,

you take the barcode off it, which is using a lighter and a razor blade, which we did crazy easy. Take the broken PlayStation, take its barcode, put it on the new one, take the old barcode, the one you bought from target,

put it on the broken playstation take it back take it back to target get your money back if you pay cash oh so just replace the playstation wait i think i got lost in that yeah would you return it and return the broken one you return the broken one with why do you have to cut off the razor like what do you have to scan the barcode when you bring it back to make sure it's the same playstation oh all right so when you buy it they scan the barcode on the playstation right when you bring it back they scan the barcode on the place not on the box on the actual playstation there was like a hole in the box yes that went to the unit to the actual console yes you take that barcode switch it with the

broken one keep the new one with the broken one barcode broken one has the new take that barcode switch it with the broken one keep the new one with the broken one barcode broken one has the new one's barcode oh i thought you were a thief i can work i can work through this score with anybody i'm up over here doing inside man shit go back to stealing fruit carpetbagger i only steal what i can't afford yeah and that's everything you're gay songs and steal your food yeah dude cut cut to aladdin being like put in a real situation oh we're gonna do it hey this kid don't stop singing i'm gonna fucking pull into the back of his head he's got a new vest on. What did I say?

Take it back. Hey, they tell me you got a monkey. This monkey. No, my mom got it for us for a wedding gift. I don't care how you got it. Take it back. Oh, on his genie. Hey, someone do something about the purple queer.

The blue guy. Yeah, that was the last time I stole. That's huge, though. That's like grand larceny. Is that? Kind of. Is this going to be the podcast that takes me down like the guy that killed Tupac? Isn't it crazy a podcast took down the killer of Tupac?

Why? What did he do? He was on a podcast talking about how he killed Tupac. He's like, yeah, I killed Tupac. Anyways. You got any plugs? Check my TikTok. Wait, so what happened he he admitted to

it or something just talked about it a bunch and they why would he do that because he was the either father or uncle of the the trigger man the guy that actually pulled the trigger he's like yeah i was in the car like and then he said did he offered him money to kill suge knight or pock like multiple times i think like three times and then now he's like in jail and he did the thing where he goes no no no no no get me out of jail I don't want to be in jail that's so funny dude the people be like it was a podcast

I'm just I'm riffing that's like if Steve Rain is easy would have been kidnapped by Al Qaeda where he goes no no no I wasn't in the towers I have no intel on that they're like you have been talking to people about 9-11 i am a brother of one of the lucky 13 as we call them what's the name of the pilot or one of them one of them was a what was the name of the guy the guy that landed in the river no no one of them sully sullivan did 9-11 i have a crazy theory i can open that closet and

show you a cork board that's going to blow your tits off. Dude, did you see that movie? No. It was about a guy that landed in a river. Yeah. I remember being here for it. When I found out they were making it a movie with Tom Hanks, it felt like. It was awful.

A 30 Rock joke. Yeah, it was awful. And at one point, they had this line in it where he goes like he says something where he's like he goes says something like you know this is the the the first time in a long time that something uh good has happened especially with planes in new york like he says something like that and then he like walks out of the hotel room that he was in it was really weird and whoever i was sitting with we like turned to each other like is that a 9-11 they had to say they had dimension just to touch on it we understand how blessed we are that i didn't have a man with a box cutter coming at me because i had a bird with a toad not a fucking not a guy

willing to die to meet god yeah from the bird side of the story this is that's that's this is a tragedy i always wonder if there's like in sad situations where, now follow me. I'm with you. I wonder sometimes in these really sad situations if there is someone that is suicidal so that they're just like, look at that. Like, it worked out. What do you mean? Like, I was going to kill myself, but this guy's going to do it for me. Yeah.

Bang. Two birds, one stone. Pretty easy. My wife just left me. I thought I was going to die. you mean like i was gonna kill myself but this guy's gonna do it for me yeah bang the birds one stone pretty easy my wife just left me i thought i was gonna die but like i think about that with the dinosaurs if they're ever like when the meteor was coming they're like thank god yeah a giant lizard with a fucking 70 foot neck i can't even itch my fucking i've wanted to scratch That's why T-Rex are so mad They're like I can't itch Then that meteor is coming to earth And they're like

It goes And all you hear is The collective sigh Gas was Oils is them pleasantly pissing themselves Because they got to die I think if I was really suicidal I would put myself in a lot of situations

Where I could be a hero yeah where the upside is high risk high reward high risk high reward right and then maybe it makes you want to live yeah like you save a kid in a burning building or you know you're a man without a face right you know either or you're either those weird eyes yeah yeah the victims have remember how hot mel gibson was so hot that he goes i'm gonna do a movie where i'm a freak and ladies still want to fuck me i really think that actors do that where they're like how where can i push to where people might get the ick from me or where they're like ah jesus christ he's still so fucking hot yeah i know he goes sleeping in a bear yeah he goes i'm gonna play a pedophile i don't know he's so goddamn hot oh it's kind of hot you're talking about your

tiktok algorithm now is just young kids shitting on joe coy's opening oh yeah and it makes me so furious yeah because people i understand when people are sick of stand-up i understand when people hate when we talk about it, where we elevate it or put it on a pedestal. Cause I hate that shit. Do you? Yeah. I've done it enough.

The pedestal thing I get, but like talking about it. Well, I like talking about comedy, but I feel we've reached the point now it's publicly been done enough. Right. Let's take it back to being like in the car ride to the comedy club right at the comedy club backstage we can talk about the because there are people that like

it there's enough of it out there yeah yeah too much yeah what i was saying is the thing i hate as a comic is when you see a teenager and they're not wrong but they just go like it's just their face over a video of the hovering face yeah the ghost face a picture of joe coy oh see i hate this this guy sucks okay he makes this joke and then look at taylor swift's face yeah i just hate it because it's like especially and this might be just the ingrained hatred for women that I have for some fucking reason. I like that you acknowledge it. That's the first step in the right way. Of course, you hate women.

You hate women. What are you going to do? Work on it. What? While he's also going like this. Dude, we were talking about Artharicus falls asleep sometimes while he's talking to you. And you can't even be mad. And as a comic comic as a people

pleaser more importantly than a comic i don't want to bomb with alan so i just lie about stuff or i'll be like and i'll be like and then my and then my stepdad suck my dick he's like what oh no i'm just good stuff yeah oh sorry i was talking about a dream i had oh no never mind you know what fuck he goes He goes, oh, fuck. He just puts his hands back on his chest. He's like, back to sleep. But you're a therapist. You're a therapist.

Fucking bombing for your therapist sucks. The worst feeling in the world. But the equivalent, the opposite of that, not the equivalent, the opposite of bombing for your therapist is making them cry. Which I've never done. That's a standing O. I've never made him cry. I got him twice.

Damn, dude. I got two. People get him, and I just don't, I think he just. You got to bring it. I bring it. Don't sound like you bring it. I think you're telling them a bunch of Aladdin stories. You're not really getting into your deep-seated hatred of women

I go and then he said I'll show you how snake-like I can be and then he turned into a snake this is the fourth time we've broke down Aladdin can we at least do Pocahontas what's really going on why not Mulan no he's never cried I don't want to

but I've also never cried to him what yeah i've i am a pussy no i hold it in you never let it go no you have to poop you have to emotionally poop that bad i do that thing where i go i like look up i'll go like yeah so and then well like you're giving a speech sometimes i let it go first session i let it go no first session first session i'm a slut that's crazy yeah you're easy hey you want to do it again no way i just can't i don't know i know. I can't see myself crying in front of him. And I don't. That's the whole reason you pay him. To cry?

Yeah. I pay him to. If I cry in front of another man, I'm going to have to fight him. But I pay him to keep my secrets of why I cried. I could barely cry. Only you know the reason, Alan. He goes, get your finger out of my face. Every time I cry, I end up laughing at myself for crying. You're like know what is this

it'll get me though i've been watching uh boy meets world what i know that makes you pop you're a sick fuck there are some things that are like you know what feeney mr feeney no i love a teacher that really lays it down when uh when like sean hunter is like you know there's a scene where he's like he's a good older brother he's like what wait i know i jumped her out there's like a scene that got me where he gets drunk apparently they like i didn't realize how much of like a scene that got me where he gets drunk. Apparently they like, I didn't realize how much of like a jumping the shark this show does. Like,

especially with like the, he's got a half brother that comes out of nowhere in the fifth season and all that stuff. Brady Bunch was the first one to do that where they brought cousin Oliver in. You just bring it. So we didn't are DiCaprio was the young pains and growing pains, but he was just like a young orphan kid.

They always do that. I know non-blood. No, I know. And he goes, so there's a whole episode where he like, he goes, Hey,

I got this letter, uh, out of the fucking, out of the fucking blue. I got this letter and he goes, he's like, opens it up and he's like, he goes,

my mom's not my real mom. And that got you. No. Okay. and he's like he goes my mom's not my real mom and that got you no okay what got me was he goes i'm gonna try and find my mom and the whole episode he's trying to find his mom and then he eventually doesn't find her and he's like he gets drunk and shows up to the matthews home and he's like and then he sits on the couch and he's like such a fucking idiot no one will ever love me and And he goes, stop complaining. I hate you. And I was like, that's me.

I was like, that's what got me him. Him going, stop complaining. I hate you. Damn, you're Scotty from Boogie Nights. I've never seen Boogie Nights. What? No. Dude, there is a scene with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Yeah. That just that story alone. You're telling me you are are gonna relate to the part where he tries to kiss Mark Wahlberg more than anything. Sometimes the way you look at me, it's just, I don't know, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. Dude, I actually did, I watched Boogie Nights

and then I fell asleep right at the part with the gun in the bathroom or something like that. Yeah, little Bill when he blows his brains out after his wife just caught fucking a dude again. Mind closing the door that's when i jesus christ man watch boogie nights i hope you're enjoying the episode which episode is this god only knows this is a generic promo i'm on the road february 3rd new york comedy club in stanford february 4th the funny bone in hartford february 17, I am at The Wilbur in Boston.

There are two shows. First show sold out. Second show, tickets are available. DanSoder.com. And then Cleveland, Hilarities, February 22nd through the 24th. All at DanSoder.com. Let's get back to that episode.

What a barn burner. I try not to have that reaction when people say that they haven't seen a movie that I'm like, because my whole life has been people being, is me being, being like, you haven't watched eight mile or something like that. So I try not to have that. 30. If it's in my top five, I'll react like that. 31. Boogie Nights is in your top five.

32. I would go as far as to say is because of how much I've watched it and how I like everything about it. It's my favorite movie. I think Boogie Nights is my favorite movie. That's such a hilarious. It makes me laugh. It's super crazy at times. It's sad. It's like got everything. That would be my movie review of Boogie Nights.

That is a very funny way to describe why something is your favorite just by like saying why it's so obviously your favorite. Like, why is it your favorite? Because I love it so much and I've watched it so much. And I love it. But it's a movie your favorite like why is it your favorite because i love it so much and i've watched it so much and i love it but it's a movie where like pulp fiction and boogie nights were movies that i'd like it's comfort food like you put on and you watch it and then there's just like a bunch of ridiculous scenes yeah that are very funny well that's why i'm

watching boy meets world because it's comfort food and i get it going through a breakup and i got this cat that fucking hates my guts really so like that's so depressing dude yeah i didn't tell you this i got this free cat i should have got a kitten that i could groom yeah like a pedophile oh yeah let's watch some of these terms you've been dropping some hints that this might be this might be uh evidence he's been doing this the whole time he's been dropping hints the whole time mr soder this is uh detective willmore with the nypd i don't know if you realize the situation that happened with a one breaking brendan sagalow but we have it here right now that he's on your podcast called soda you named it after yourself okay uh well i'm gonna need to get all the raw footage if possible

do the hilarious victims family detective going so you have a podcast you named after yourself. Huh. Huh. High opinion, huh? Not very creative, I'd say. I don't know if I would have done that. Well, you know, it's easy to remember. Well, I was going to call it, what was I going to call it?

Like couching it or like. Couching it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, all right. All right, Mark Maron. Yeah. Anyways.

I'm not the podcaster. Yeah. You are, but I'm just saying. I don't know. Never seen your stuff stuff i'm more of a rife guy anyways uh says here mr sagalow bragged about bodies that he was going to turn into quote his trophy hey man hey man what do you do for a living i'm a detective with the nypd i'm gonna talk to you after you're set you guys ever run out the back door so you like boys i get liking boy that's world that is your comfort food thing is completely understandable i didn't know you're doing that i thought you were just jumping into the boy meets world yeah series well i used to watch that show a lot as a kid so that's my comfort

shit so i'm like yeah i'm like watching it as comforting and this fucking cat is it's just so depressing dude why does the cat because it's. And this fucking cat is it's just so depressing, dude. Why does the cat? Because it's like a rescue. And it literally it's just walking by and it's like so scary. And take it back. I can't take it back. What am I going to let it out on the streets? You've seen enough cartoons.

That thing will be singing and dancing for its food. Keep your Disney brain going. No, I have this thing where i'm like this needs to work out i need this to work out it's an animal it can't be reprogrammed i mean does it like anybody less than a year uh no not really it doesn't like anybody doesn't like anybody when the lady was sending me videos of her him um he was out and about and let her walk right up to him and all this stuff and just because he probably trusts her yeah you just gotta get that trust how long have you had him since december uh 16th december 16th is when i

that's not even a month i know i know which is what i keep telling my fucking self oh i thought you had this thing for like a year no i thought you were just in a lose-lose situation I was like buddy get rid of that cat I know but no no no I've had it but it's like what else do I do and I'm like I'm starting to get I'm it's starting to I'm starting to get mad yeah you're like yeah you want to eat today well not today you little fuck you're gonna Joe Jackson that thing and beat it until it's talented what are you gonna to... Do, do, do, do. All right. I play the piano.

Do, do, do. And the food. Give it a little piece of the food. I go, dude, Sagalow is a complicated man. All this theft with singing. What's the biggest thing you stole? Your heart. Oh, I remember that.

I remember those days. Did you ever steal something so big? What's the biggest thing I've stolen? That you felt really bad about? There's something. There is something that I'm like. Because there's times where you steal big stuff and you're like. This is huge. That PlayStation 2, I did feel bad for about a week.

That's big. That's like a. Yeah, but then I just, I had a rip of, I just, just you know went on a run on a season in madden and right well you're also thinking like it's sony like yeah i'm all for big companies yeah not the little man i wouldn't do that to a mom and pop video game store no but i did yeah places with good insurance i feel i gotta tell you i don't think i like mom and pop stuff anymore. Why? They got attitudes. Well, they can't because they own it. I don't like that.

You want them to be beholden to you. I want them to be like big business. I complain. They send me a free thing or whatever. I don't. They're a mom and pop. They can't afford that big thing. Yeah.

So. So that's your problem is they can't afford to pay you off when you're a little prissy bitch. Yeah. You go, give me stuff. That's not really how this works. We really can't give you anything. Honestly, we're in the red. We do more.

I had other reasons. Damn, you were absolutely a kid that Wonka would have killed. Oh, yeah. I was Augustus Gloop in the tube. You would have died. There's a chance I would have made it to the end. I don't know. You get nothing. Yeah. You lose. That's when I would have died there's a chance i would have made it to the end i don't know you get nothing yeah you lose that's what i would have attacked him

i go mr wonka you've never been to divorce court charlie bucket i'm gonna fly over this bench like that black dude in philly or where was he where he flew at the judge yeah i'm gonna do that to wonka he fucking tells me you lose it's all there clear as crystal black as white you drank the fizzy lifting drink yeah i was like dude we're in an elevator going to space dude you're about to get your shit you know there's like a whole website dedicated to why grandpa joe is a piece of shit he is he fakes so when we were in katie was just on celebrity jeopardy when we were there for that char Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the original one came on and we got stoned in the hotel room and watched it.

And we were like, this is dark. Yeah. This is way darker than I remember it being. But it's also way better of a film. It's the best. Yeah. People have regular teeth. Oh, that's great.

Old people look like, like people in their mid thirties look like they're in their fifties. Yeah. Which was comforting when you were a kid. Yeah. There was a wide margin of difference between adults and children. We were like, well, Grandpa Joe, Grandpa Joe could have been 50 or 80. Yeah. I wouldn't have known.

Well, the Charlie Bucket, the guy who played Charlie Bucket is like a vet now and like a farmer. He like. Just went back. He's just back he's just he's impregnating sheep with his fist dude he goes you know funny story about gene wilder relax he goes there it is he brings it out he goes so he's just shaking it out it's so funny he goes yeah and uh gene wilder we stopped talking right before you died. The girl who played Veruca Salt. Yeah.

Hold on. Hold on. Come on, girl. Come on, girl. She actually ate some of the chocolate that wasn't meant to be. Oh, God. Oh. Oh. Oh.

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Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, Timothy Shatner. Was it? It was awful. At one point, they say bussy in it, though. There's like a scene where, and I was seeing it with somebody again, and then we just turned to each other.

There's a scene where he first gets to whatever this island is. Chocolate Island. Chocolate Island. And he has a little treat that when you eat it, it makes you fly. And then it'll come out of you. And he goes, it comes out of you. And they're like, is this going to shoot out of our pussies sincerely and nobody mentioned it nobody like it it's never i looked it up online no one's that's what so the thing of course i was gonna

ask is was pussy an old term that came back to mean something boy pussy boy pussy an old term willie walker's got a pussy. False call on seven years ago. And that's why he fucking rolled. He wanted to wipe off his boy, his pussy on the carpet when he was opening the factory. They, is it, is it bad enough that you're like, why did you make this movie? Yeah. Well, cause I'm looking at it and I'm going, this isn't a Willy Wonka movie. Like this isn't an origin story. It wasn't. It's, I mean, it is, but it's like at it and I'm going, this isn't a Willy Wonka movie. Like, this isn't an origin story.

It wasn't. I mean, it is, but it's like at the end he gets the factory and he makes the factory. And it's like, no, start with the factory. Start with making the factory. What kind of labor laws do you have? Yeah. Are the Oompa Loompas unionized? What does that look like?

Oompa Loompa was Hugh Grant, too. So how are there more though well it's a whole island of infestation and it's an infestation of and they're not sending their best and umpalumba said to me, he comes up to me, tears in his eyes. And he says, Dude, there's no way old Brits would have been down with little orange men, even if they made candy. I'm sorry, you are a what now? An Oompa Loompa? An Oompa Loompa.

Well, I worked for the East Indian Trading Company. I buckled several native villages. I don't know who you are. Are you a pygmy? Your hair's quite green. I'll turn you into mush. They, at the end, as you go, do they do the thing where they like,

sorry, there's a fire in our building, but we're still recording. That's how much we care about you guys. We'll die in a fire as long as... You start talking more? Start fainting? We're like, oh, I'm so fucking... Do you guys ever go to...

Do you guys ever go to Medieval Times? I love it. Podcasting. Local. No, we didn't even get our plugs. Yeah. We couldn't tell you where they were going to be.

Cause the podcast ended mid episode, but was there ever the, um, like I, we love when there's a line in a biopic where they go like biopic sock. Yeah. Where they say either the name of the band or the song. They go, wait a minute.

This is a Queens of the stone age. Or they go like the thing Katie and I always say around here is we go, that's it. That's the song because they did that in the aretha franklin movie where she's like can i get a little rs rspect that's crazy that's the song that's crazy by the way uh otis redding wrote respect i'm pretty sure so it's funny that that's even in the movie where you're like that's made up dude it's so funny to me that like especially especially with rap biopics where these rappers cannot be honest at all.

I got all these eyes on me. They have to like, they have to make it this like grandizing kind of like this big thing. We've broke them down. We broke down every rap biopic on the bonfire. Obviously Notorious is the worst one. Because it's like right before he dies, he's like, I got everything figured out. Yeah. I just gotta go be a good dad.

I'm gonna call my boss. And I'm gonna open up a regular. Baby, baby. Yeah, it sucks. My biopic, my last line would be like, huh, all those voices. And it was my own that mattered the most. Every step you take. For years, he was rapping, but he never rhymed his heart with what he truly wanted.

You always think about your biopic ending, not turning off the lights on that last scene. I have no idea what that would be. I don't know. Just looking back. But doing a pre, yeah, you did it. Doing a prequel of Willy Wonka is pretty wild because no one. Nobody asked for it.

Nobody wants Timothee Chalamet to be the guy. It's like. He's just so hot that they're like. I know. Putting him in everything. Yeah, like nobody wants. It's a hard role to even play because, I know, put them in everything. Yeah. Like nobody wants. It's a hard role to even play because we're going to redo Hoosiers. And even Gene Wilder was like the best when the Johnny Depp one came out.

He was like, this sucks. He's like an old guy being like, I hate everything about this. He did. He did. There's an interview where he's like, I hate this. Gene Wilder rules. Why would you do this? Gene Wilder was the best.

Yeah, dude. He really was. If Gene Wilder shit on something I did, I'd be like, I'm this. Gene Wilder rules. Why would you do this? Gene Wilder was the best. Yeah, dude. He really was. If Gene Wilder shit on something I did, I'd be like, I'm retiring. The first naked lady I ever saw outside of my mom's own tits. Oh. And that's the reason we brought you here. We got a scale of soft to raging hard. Judge your mom's tits.

You're like, welcome to the Oedipus Complex podcast. You want to fuck your mom and kill your dad. That's why you asked me to do this. That's why you asked me to cut to me in the bushes like. How did you know? Now I can be so honest. You were saying Gene Wilder was the first naked lady you saw. No, the first naked lady I saw was in that movie with him and Richard Pryor. Which one?

The See No Evil. See No Evil. See No Evil. Hear No Evil, See No Evil. Or whatever that one is. Yeah. Is that what it is? What's it called?

Yeah, then there's Any Which Way But. I don't know. Whatever naked. There was a naked lady. Full frontal. I feel bad that I didn't get that. I used to watch those all the time. Any Which Way But.

When you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go wear fashion seats you know what we're just gonna edit that whole part out because i don't think all right i don't think there is a movie called that i swear to god silver streak is what i was thinking about well whatever there was a son of a naked lady in one of them that's what i that's the first naked lady. I ever saw really. Yeah, I Came down when my parents my parents were watching on TV And you're like, oh and I would like sit at the top of the stairs very cliche sitting at the top of the stairs

It's cliche because it happened to so many people Yeah, my mom was on a date and they rented Terminator, the original Terminator, which was like at the time Terminator 2 wasn't out. It wasn't like this box office action movie. Terminator itself was kind of like a sci-fi horror movie. So like adults watched it. It wasn't T2 with all the merchandising and all that shit. It was like Terminator was like, oh, this is kind of a scary movie. Yeah.

merchandising and all that shit it was like terminator was like oh this is kind of a scary movie yeah and uh we went you know we went to the video store that day and i got to rent like a video game and a wrestling tape and she rented terminator i remember like i was like you guys gonna watch terminator and i want my dad let me when i'd visit my daddy let me watch rated r movies all the time my mom was like you're not watching rated r movie she's like i was like seven or eight she's like you're not watching rated r movie and i told her, I was like seven or eight. She's like, you're not watching a rated R movie. And I told her I was going to go upstairs and play with my toys in my room. And then I sat at the top of the stairs where I could see the TV.

And when Arnold punches through the guy's stomach, I went, oh, and my mom was like, what the fuck? I was like, oh. Dude,

that's awesome. I was so hyped for Terminator. I think it's, it's in my top five. Terminator? Terminator 2. Wow. Comfort food, complete comfortinator. I think it's in my top five. Terminator? Terminator 2. Wow. Comfort food.

Complete comfort food. Whoa, really? Love the entire franchise. I'll watch Terminator Genisys if I have to. I don't think I have a- Dark Fate. I'll throw in a shitstorm. I don't think I have a comfort movie.

I love the Jurassic Park and the Terminator universe. I'm very- Maybe Jurassic Park. It's all shit. Yeah. After the first one. Terminator 1 and 2 are good. It's so funny when you. After the first one, it's one and two are good. It's so funny when you go back to a movie that you loved and you're like,

Oh God, this is bad. Dude. When Katie and I first started dating, we'd like, we still do love watching terrible movies, but there's a wrestling movie called no holds barred starring Hulk Hogan. And it's really bad.

WWF. He's like the lead. It's about him. He he plays a wrestler it's not even named hulk hogan his name's rip i would watch rip rogan dude rip rogan rip boobin he um i would watch that movie with you it's i would watch that movie horrible you should do like a side patreon kind of thing not even a patron i just do a bonus episode where i watch 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21.

22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29.

30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. then at a time you hit play on titanic i did that where i watched titanic with their audio it's really fucking funny i haven't seen titanic in its fullness oh you should watch it but then you

should watch it with the mystery science theater you can download it on itunes dude i i kind of like the mystery science thing but i also i laugh at at someone actually like watching the mystery science thing and kind of being annoyed that they're talking what is this get back to santa versus the marshals just like they say something like yeah it's a movie yeah what do you want them to do is in the 50s they had no special effects somebody a guy taking the a guy taking the air out of mystery science 30s will you guys shut up also who sits in the front row what are you hurting your neck right taking the air out of the mystery science theater. There you go. That's not a robot.

That's a guy voicing. Tom Servo is not a robot. Those are puppets. I love that shit, dude. I fucked with mystery science. Well, because it's like your friends. It's like sitting around with your friends and being. It's kind of like a podcast.

And making fun of it. Yeah. Because they would make fun of it. But we'll just take their idea and we'll watch. And we'll call it. Mystery. Clever. Clever math. We'll just take their idea and we'll watch. And we'll call it. Mr. Clever. Clever math.

But the movie, I don't know. I was going to finish it. I didn't want to. It died on the vine. There was one more word. You know when you take a bite and you go. Clever math. You know when you're brave enough to take the bite, but then you're like. You it out on a napkin oh yeah i'm a texture guy yeah i'm like i don't like this

this tastes weird all right it's embarrassing scraping it off your tongue how many times as a 40 year old man I've gone I don't like it. Put it in your pocket. But Katie and I put on No Holds Barred because I was like this movie sucks.

Yeah. And I got real high before I watched it and we were we're at my old apartment in Queens and it was like a

sectional couch and she was in the corner of the couch and I fell asleep blocking her in so I just fell asleep and she couldn't get out to change the movie and I fell asleep blocking her in. So I just fell asleep and she couldn't get out to change the movie and had to watch this whole Kogan movie. She woke me up. I was like, what happened? She's like, you've been asleep for like an hour. Why didn't

now? Why didn't she just wake you up to be like, Hey, I want to change this. Oh, I think it was maybe a month into us dating. Dude. Uh, I did that with my last girlfriend. She was like, she was like she was like do you have you ever seen midsommar and i went uh i went no i'm because and i go and i have this like thing with gory shit and i heard it's really gory and all that stuff or whatever i heard i heard it's fucked up yeah and i get i faint at things that are like fucked up like a goat yeah i play up. Yeah, I play dead. I go. Bring your wake up. You're caught stealing.

You're constantly a target. What do you do behind those yeah dude so you faint that's so funny yeah so she fell asleep immediately and the movie and it's the same situation where i was like i had my thing up back up against the wall and she's sleeping there and i'm just watching it and also she snored so but her snoring wasn't like it wasn't there was no rhythm to it it was just every once in a while she'd be like oh no the worst part of snoring yeah yeah it would be like the whiplash where you get ripped back to life dude big jay big jay doesn't act out of someone snoring and he says it's them dying 50 times in the night. So we go, oh, thank God. It's so funny.

And that's exactly it. It's like every time she, it's like waking up from, or just getting concussed. Yeah. It was like, where am I? Like, I get that every time I'm on the road. I take a nap when I get to the hotel. And that is always the first reaction I have is fear is pure fear and I don't know where I am

every time I wake up from a nap on the road because I've been in so many hotels that sometimes they look similar and then you're like what city am I in and you're like when is it well also there's something in the air in hotels yeah they actually want to beat off am i right oh hell yeah dude yes yes let's go i'm back in my kennel yeah so anyway she just kept snoring and kept scaring me did you did it did you pass out no it wasn't it wasn't that bad but towards the end it was like uh uh a movie that made me pass out though is this is this movie Creep. You ever seen that movie? No. With Mark Duplass. Oh. Oh, shit.

He plays a serial killer. I just saw the trailer where a guy goes to his cabin to, what is it, interview him? To interview a serial killer, yeah. And so the guy's saying, Mark Duplass plays a serial killer, and it's a found footage thing. Yeah, it's like a Blair Witch. Yeah, exactly. But the second one was- Did it creep too? It creeped too. and it's a uh it's a it's like a found footage thing yeah it's like a blair witch yeah exactly but the second one was creeped too they just creeped too uh and she like so it's the main person that is a vlogger girl all right all right and so she's like hanging out and he like falls in

love with her and he's like we should kill ourselves and then he starts stabbing himself and that's what made me like fucking goat when you wake up from that, here's my question. Because I would say one of my favorite videos of all time that made me laugh the hardest is, you know, at carnivals or amusement parks, the ride where two people are strapped in and then they pull you back. Oh, yeah. There's a great one DMX with his daughter where he's being a sweetheart. He's like, it's all right, baby. We're flying. And he's like loving it.

And she's like, you're going to be all right. And he's like, oh, we got this. It's great. Yeah. My favorite video of that is there's a guy that keeps passing out and waking up and being so afraid he passes out again. So he goes, ah! And he's up and he goes, oh.

That's me, bro. And he goes oh that's me yeah that's me one of my favorite videos of all time i will never ride that ride at all or like even roller coasters i think i'm done really yeah so my question to you is if you pass out watching a movie if you go and i wake up and it's still going on will you pass out again no no you'll just go like i wake up disassoci's still going on. Will you pass out again? No, no. You'll just go like, I wake up disassociated, disassociated, sweaty. I just curl into the back of the room. I just stopped looking at it.

And I like, I like, I'm like, you know, I just, I turn it off, you know, I'll wake up and be like, I can't. And like, I'm sweaty and I'll, I have to like take my, I have to get naked. You have to go take a shower and be in an army blanket what oh yeah I mean

I'm passing out all the time one time during COVID I went to the city MD to check to see if I had the antibodies because everyone was saying you have to do that everybody's on their fucking high horse about shit that you got to do with your body you know what I mean so everybody's going like go to the city MD

and get blood taken I hate getting blood taken and i didn't need anything that day because katie passes out with needle stuff it's a it's called vasovagal yes yeah yeah so so the the doctor who uh he came in and i had i mean i also i'm gonna take 50 of the blame here because i i didn't eat all day and i smoked a joint on the way there so you're high and you already pass out easy exactly good move so no it's real smart fuck you man good job dude why don't you have a couple of drinks to drive home that's exactly what that was that's exactly what that was oh yeah cool dude hey it's my favorite line in any adam sandler movie of all time is He goes, didn't you get left at the altar? He goes, yeah, my parents died in a car accident when I was 12.

You want to talk about that? He goes, why do we want to talk about that? Alabama Slim. He goes, yeah, it's a good idea. Why don't you have some drinks? Drive home. What movie is that? Wedding Singer.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. Great movie. Awesome. I mean, top 10 Sandler flicks. He's got about 10 that are just pure bangers. 33. Anyway, so I go there and the doctor says to me, he goes, he smells the weed on me and

he goes, oh, 34. You like to party. 35. Exactly. He said something around that. 36. You ever done anal nitrate?

37. And I, he goes, he's got a cracker. 38. He goes, you should try this. 39. All right. 40. Let. He goes, you should try this. All right. Let's test to see if you've got this. Oh, man, okay. This is a man after my own heart.

He's doing whippets. He's like. He goes, oh, didn't know you liked to get wet. Oh, I didn't know you liked to dance before you fuck. Okay, okay. I'm about to hit you with this needle but first what are you getting my head sprays you do opiates it won't hit for like 30

how much do you weigh he takes out a little mirror he goes no way it's nuts where'd you go to high school go mustangs am I right he's just going through one for you one for me 1 for you, 1 for me, 1 for you, 1 for me. 05.30

Rob Markman 2 for me. 05.30 Dr. Justin Marchegiani It's going up. 05.30 Rob Markman Just being an absolute corrupt pharmacist going like, Friday for you, Friday for me. 05.30 Dr. Justin Marchegiani So he goes, he says, he's like, oh, so he's

like, you smoke weed, huh? And I was like, yeah, I guess, which I was already like, why even mentioning it? Yeah. And I was like, well, you know you know i uh i go i get a little nervous because i uh you know and i say to him i go um i go because this is how i usually tell doctors i'll go i'm a bit of a pussy when it comes to needles very medical i like that i'm sure they appreciate the use of medical terms well i'm a big fat pussy and i get scared of needles he goes pesidas a lot of kids in middle school a lot of kids in middle school are diagnosed with that he goes oh yeah he goes he goes oh yeah you got pesidas

probably dry dick too when's the last time you got some punane you know i kind of like this the drip you know some people don't like that. I like the drip. He's like, I get it. I'm robo-tripping right now. He goes, I'm on some lean. Call me Little Wayne. Everything is in slow-mo.

But I said to him, I go, I'm a bit of a pussy. And he said, he goes, language? He did the language thing at me. Breaking story, because you brought up a point that I have forgotten about, but recently was talking to my friend Des about this, and that is when grown people correct grown people's language in a way that's nerdy. If there are children around, if there are the elderly around, and you're really letting it rip i understand someone going

like because i'm loud and i cuss a lot yeah so i get it nate is constantly that friend around me that's like i mean come on yeah there's a kid right there yeah and i'm like well they should learn what an anal sock is well maybe a prolapsed asshole something they need to look into yeah but that exact situation it's like hey you're a doctor yeah you're not even you're a pharmacist yeah shut the fuck up real doctors when i say that they go totally get it yeah and they'll they like real doctors real doctors no you hear that pushers city md you know what city md is you know like you know it's like the cafeteria and hospital it's like if they looked at that and they went, let's just have people start, you know, doing shit in there. I just want to take people down here while they get applesauce.

Right. Why don't we have the lunch ladies start working on some people? Let's just have her come in and poke and prod them. Right. But the cussing thing, I, this is years ago. PlayStation 5 just came out. I still have my PlayStation 4. It's all video games.

Dude, this whole, like, you got a lot of PlayStation stories. But I couldn't find a PlayStation 4 controller on the road. So I went to a GameStop where they said they had them. And I went, and the guy behind the counter, I was like, do you have PlayStation 4 controllers? He's like, no, only PlayStation 5. And I go, ah, damn it, I'm fucked again. And he goes, language? Like that.

And I was like, dude, no. We're at a GameStop, nerd right were there children present or anything it was me and him in the store dude i will fight somebody if they do that what he was but he was oh fucking language you fucking oh so i hurt your fucking ears you pussy yeah i'll start saying things that i don't even but he takes it really yeah yeah he goes oh he's autistic oh god oh my god oh no oh he's got the mind

of a child he was kind of retarded ah you know what I wouldn't have swung at that if I knew so anyway they're trying to

so now I'm like not so you say you're a pussy this guy gets mad I say I'm a pussy he says language a little high a little fucking high and he goes

oh but what he said about it was he was like he's like so you like to smoke weed and I little fucking high and he goes oh but what he said about it was he was like he's like so you like smoke weed and i was like huh and he goes i i smelt it so i had to say something and my brain is immediately going no you fucking didn't so now i'm angry i'm on edge he said language so now i feel i feel nervous you're a visitor yeah you feel you feel very away yeah and then he uh he was trying to get it and even the thought of going like you know when somebody's like okay go like this yeah even the going like this makes me like like not now but like yeah but like you know what's coming you're about to get pricked exactly see if my words will make you faint and then there's just me being genuinely

concerned going brendan brendan wake up sir you just passed out brendan we're still on the podcast that's what happens you just go i don't know if you've ever fainted before well i used to do the pass out game in seventh grade that's crazy where your friends would push on your chest and you pass out and then you stand up really quickly someone pushes against your chest you pass out oh. It's very dangerous and should not have been done. I know. But we did it a lot. But that feeling.

So my pass out story was. Yeah, that's crazy. You also could hold the side of your neck and you'd pass out if you took a bunch of deep breaths. Dude. Both Homeless Pimp and Brendan are like, what the fuck are you talking about? But I used to do this. So you do this thing where it was like popular for a week in seventh grade. I don't know.

But I remember being at the front of my seventh grade science class and going, you guys don't pass out. You bend over like this. And then you go like this. And then the next thing I know, I was getting up off the floor and my teacher was walking in and I was like. It must have been so funny to everyone else around. Like, you don't pass out for you to do this.

And then Jesus, man. All right. Okay, class. Let's learn about moss. Well, yeah, dude. Passing out is not. It's so he says, like, oh, you got a little weed. So then I black out and he tells you to do this.

So we're doing this. He cannot find the vein uh and i just woke up on the floor and he was not only that he went he went sir sir sir he's like slapping my face he's like sir sir i'm like uh he's like he's like you just passed out and then you had a seizure no which has happened before no yeah that's way scary i know and then and then he was like so do you and then i look sorry about the weed you can cuss you can fucking cuss yeah yeah he goes he goes and this is why you shouldn't smoke weed anyway that'll be 50 dollars that was a cussing seizure you had a seizure because you cussed maybe if you watched your language your brain would turn on you like the devil get the devil. Get the devil inside of you.

And I looked in the doorway and there was a bunch of like nurses and shit staring at me. And then I just left. So it's like, it's like the Mulaney joke that he did, but it was like, it really is that where I went there for no reason, passed out,

had a seizure, got up and went home. You just had a bunch of nurses going like, did you see that boy faint i heard it's because he cousin yeah i heard he steals stuff from target full seasons dude that's fucking insane yeah waking up out of a do you ever talk when you wake up out of passing out i don't know i can't even i can't even tell you wake up and you're like the medallion is in the library.

Well, I used to. So during again, during the pandemic, when I was drinking, I would because Katie Boyle lived near me. Sure. So I would go to her place and we would just watch movies all night. And we were watching Creep 2. And that's when I passed out. And I went on the ground and I was having a seizure. And she said she was like just staring at me. And was like she was like I was trying not to laugh you know she's Irish so he's like looking at me going like you know like we call that an English nightmare

that's all you're having the queen is in your brain that's what they say in Ireland when you have a seizure what do they call look at that the you what do they call the Irish genocide like the troubles oh the troubles oh he's having a bit of the troubles looks like his brain went back to the troubles his brain is on the fritz irish people not understanding seizures oh look at that he's doing a little floor jig he's calling that the troubles jig yeah oh look at that his brain turned on she starts dancing next to me. I'm on the floor like this.

She's like... Oh, this is how we start every round of the dance. With a boy, two scarred needles. Dude, that's so funny. You wake up with an Irish woman broken. Are you dead? Did you see the future? Do you know what the winning lotto numbers are do you have them do you have magical powers

can you fly or lift a car above your head dude yeah so it's not it's not it's it's crazy it's not has anyone diagnosed what the seizures are no seizures only happen twice so i think that doctor and katie boyle yeah yeah damn what an audience i would freak out oh yeah oh yeah i did after the people passing out i don't do well with it yeah now if it's alcohol induced i'm the man to have around i grew up with that i'm like a triage nurse yeah but i can get you i'll get pillows behind your back i'll put a nice pedialyte next to you and i think there's a difference times i put a blanket on a drunk parent even anyone will immediately know with my wrist flick that i have yeah and you go i love you yeah the drunker they are the more of a yeah you go, I love you. Yeah, the drunker they are, the more of a... Yeah, you go...

Can't believe the nugget's lost. Putting it over me, sweet mother. Over me, sweet mother. Oh, you're having... Oh, you're doing a little flour jig. Dude, that makes me laugh so hard, picturing her doing like an Irish behind the... Behind the...

While I'm having a full-on seizure. You're like... her doing like an irish behind the behind the back line did you uh do you have anything coming out anything to plug i have a special coming out soon uh we just we just recorded it i will filmed it where it's gonna be on my youtube probably so just sign up for your youtube page yeah sign up brendan sagalow on youtube subscribe and add brendan sagalow on twitter instagram all that shit yeah when uh when's this coming out i don't know well if it's coming out this month i'll be in i'll be at the port where you just were dude that place fucking it fucking rules. It looks like it rules, yeah. It rules. It is a tiny little awesome stacked room. It looks cool.

Ran by a comic. Green room is really fun. Yeah. The audiences are great. It's like in Baltimore proper. Yeah. Port fucking rules. I'll be there 26th and 27th.

Hell yeah. Go check out Brendan Sagalow. He's also going to be on the road with me. We've got some dates coming up together. That's so fun, man. Yeah, we had a great time doing Albany and Vermont and yeah, I got some stuff in March coming up. I'll see if you're free for.

I'm free baby. Oh, I'm free. Oh, just don't go passing out on me. Now that I know that you're almost a liability. I'm going to have to watch you in stores. Well, that's why I can't like ever go on the road with Bert Kreischer. Cause he's like making everybody do like oxygen. And there's so many pictures of like Sam and Mark being like, that would fucking kill me.

You waking up out of a seizure to him, squeal laughing at you passing out. He's fucking had a seizure. Oh my God, dude. Don't pass out. We're on the road. I wake up like it's like a horror movie with like that hat sewed to my head like now you're a part of our family now he's the sweetest and you rule dude i love you thanks for coming by doing this thanks for having me that's it