Something Rhymes with Purple - Clatterfart

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

It’s going to be an episode full of tittle-tattle today as Gyles and Susie sit down for a good gossip as we excavate the words and idioms associated with this favourite hobby. We’ll have a good blather but stopping short of becoming a ‘blatherskite’ due to its distasteful meaning, we’ll bloviate at length with a certain ex-PM in mind as we uncover the links between this type of gossip and the stuffing in your clothes, before we discover that there are many origin stories for the phrase ‘Cock and Bull story’ that are unsurprisingly, cock-and-bull. Recorded live at The Fortune Theatre, London on Sunday 19th February. Susie’s Trio Colporteur: A person who sells books and newspapers. Potvaliance: The courage that only comes from alcohol Cryptomnesia: When you forget something and then ‘discover’ it as a new and original thought. GYLES POEM ANON - Life Spans   The horse and mule live 30 years And know nothing of wines and beers. The goat and sheep at 20 die And never taste of Scotch and Rye. A cow drinks water by the ton, And at 18 is mostly done. The dog at 15 cashes in Without the aid of rum and gin. The cat in milk and water soaks And then in 12 short years it croaks. The modest, sober, bone-dry hen Lays eggs for nogs, then dies at 10. All animals are strictly dry They sinless live and swiftly die. But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men Survive for three score years and ten. And some of them, a very few, Stay pickled till they’re 92. A Somethin’ Else & Sony Music Entertainment production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And knowing that we have a family audience and the Purple People often include some very young people, just to say that today's episode does include some language that some people may find uncomfortable or offensive. that some people may find uncomfortable or offensive. Welcome to Something Rhymes with Purple, live! Yes, this is our final show from the Fortune Theatre in London. It's a packed theatre. We're very excited. This is our last visit to the lovely Fortune Theatre in Covent Garden.

And what are we planning to do today? Is it going to be our normal podcast or something a bit different? Do our normal podcast, but I think this is going to be a subject that you know an awful lot about. Ah, taxidermy. What's it going to be? That's a good one, actually. We should do one. We haven't done that, actually. And then I can say, get stuffed every few minutes.

I knew that was where you were going with that. We're talking about gossip today. Ooh, gossip. Actually, thinking about it, I thought you would love gossip because you love telling stories and tall tales sometimes. But you don't tend to gossip about other people so much. Funnily enough, I'm not a great gossip. I love stories about people, anecdotes, and

I do collect those. But I'm not very good when it comes to tittle-tattle. Well, already we're getting words. Can we begin with the very word gossip? Because the idea, if you're new to our podcast, and some people in the live audience are new, and even there'll be new people listening to it, basically we explore words and language, particularly the etymology of words, where they come from. And gossip, is that a word that's been around a long time? What is the origin of it? This is one of the most curious etymologies, I think, in our language. And you will remember it when I start talking about it, because we have mentioned this before. So essentially,

gossip began as god-sib, which meant a god-rel relative. We talk about siblings today. Originally a sibling was just a relative. So a god Sib was a relative sort of decreed by God, if you like. It was a god parent. And the first god Sib, in the sense of gossip, was essentially a woman who accompanied a mother who was giving birth. And she would be there during labour, maybe a bit like a doula today and the implication was that this god parent this god mother would chat a lot all the way through

and after etc just you know just engaging conversation but because women have unfortunately been well people have decided that women are sort of chattery, chattering tittle-tattlers. The idea is that this god Sib was spreading the gossip of the town. So god Sib eventually became gossip. So god Sib, as in god parent, Sib as in sibling, in the abbreviation of sibling, becomes gossip. Yes. And now you say that, I'm

recalling that in several plays by Shakespeare, that these women are referred to as gossip. Her gossips. meaning these are like, well, women who are attendant. Attendant upon, yeah. Attendant upon mothers are known as gossips. Yes. How interesting. I know. And as we will discover, this association between women and gossiping is really, really strong, and it's percolated through language. And what period does this word, what does God sit with? So gossip, you can go, it's probablycolated through language. And what period does this word, what does gossip...

So gossip, you can go, it's probably 1,000 years old, really, this idea, and gossip itself, probably around 1300, something like that. And people who spread gossip are known as gossipers, gossip mongers? Mm-hmm, gossip mongers. And where does a gossip monger come from? A gossip monger is a weird one. So the Costa mongers of London, do you remember the Costa mongers? Of course.

They were the ones who particularly spread Cockney rhyming slang. And a Costa is probably short for costard, which was a big apple that they would sell in the markets. And monger goes back to a Latin word mango, nothing to do with the fruit. It's a Malay word. But mango meant a trader or a trafficker, particularly in women. So it wasn't a particularly nice thing in Roman times, but it gave us the idea of trading. Very good.

Yeah. OK. Because it's such a big area, gossip, because it can be trivial gossip and there can be serious gossip, I'm currently reading the second of three volumes of the diaries of Chips Shannon, who was a politician and a socialite in the 1920s, 30s, 40s and 50s. And his diaries, unexplicated diaries, have been edited by Simon Heffer, three hefty volumes.

It's full of political and society gossip from yesteryear. But now you could regard it almost as important history because I'm reading about the time in the run-up to the Second World War. So there's an element of history as well as social history a political history so there's serious gossip there's lightweight gossip well how are we going to divide our conversation today about why don't we talk about the sort of talking incessantly kind of gossiping because I think that's the one that you will recognize most oh thank you you mean as in blathering blather yes

blather there's so many, yes. Blather. There's so many kind of really onomatopoeic words when it comes to gossiping, I suppose, understandably. So blather is a really old word meaning to babble, and I think it is about the sound that comes out of your mouth, a sort of bit of a blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, so it's a version of blabbing. Yes, and so many of these actually also are born out of maybe a sort of almost childlike imitation of language,

like with the blah blah, the mum and dad came about because those are the sounds that come out of a baby's mouth. So a lot of them are based on sort of baby talk. And I think babbling is one of those. So babble and blather are related one to another. Well, ultimately, you go probably go back to the same ancient route but the idea is simply that it's representative of the sound mumble is another one if you keep mum you are mumbling so blabbermouth exists is there is there

a blather anything else blather skite what's a blather skite well you blather sk What's a blatherskite? Oh, you blatherskite, or a blatherskite. That's a great Scots word, where the skite is actually related to shite. And that's one of the true old English Anglo-Saxon swear words, shite. Remember that? No. Oh. It's from the old English shitter, essentially, and it was no ruder than defecation would be today.

Oh, it was quite a normal word. Totally neutral. Yeah. Like bo it was quite a normal word. It was totally neutral, yeah. Like bollocks and all those others. Yeah, so blatherskite, I love that. And then it was taken up, actually, in the American War of Independence, weirdly. So soldiers would call each other blatherskites. And so it settled in North America

and then sort of reintroduced itself over here. So you're burbling, you're blathering. There is a word you've mentioned before, bloviating. Oh, bloviating, yes. Yes, I used to tweet bloviating quite a lot when there was a certain PM in situ. Yes, to bloviate is, well, you've got blow, and the idea is you're kind of blowing hot air.

So it's sort of inflated rhetoric, essentially, being bombastic and, you know. Remember where bombastic comes from? Something to do with bombs and bombardiers or...? No, to do with bombast, which is the stuffing, sort of stuffing like you might have in the gilet that you're wearing, actually. It was sort of padding.

So it could be padding in a sort of tunic or even in a coat of arms, and that was bombast. So it's filling the air with nothingness. That's what bombast is. Bombast, yeah. That's very intriguing when you're saying just filling the air with sound. Verbaria, is that a real word?

Logaria. Is it logaria or verbaria? It's logaria, yeah. Logaria is what? That's like diarrhea, but it's about words. Yes, Greek logos. So we are logophiles here today. That's Greek logos, but it's about words. Yes, Greek logos. So we are logophiles here today. That's Greek logos means word.

We love words. Yes, we do. So logorrhoea, yeah, is basically... It's diarrhea, verbal diarrhea. It is. Verbal diarrhea is logorrhoea. Absolutely. And verborrhea is just an invented word.

I've never heard of verborrhea. I thought it might be your invented word. Oh, good. Is that... Good, excellent. I'm trying to claim that. How do you spell diarrhea? Diarrhea.

D-I-A-R-R-H-O-E-A. Yes. Excellent. Excellent. Absolutely right. And it goes back to a Greek word meaning to flow. It's nice. So gossiping is chattering away.

We sometimes meet up and we chew the fat. Yes. Now why does that mean making conversation, chewing the fat? we chew the fat. Yes. Now, why does that mean, making conversation, chewing the fat? Chewing the fat, I think, began as a bit of a maritime tradition. So sailors would often pass the time by literally chewing fat that was left over from their meals. And it would just be like chewing tobacco, really. Or chewing gum.

Or chewing gum. Chew a bit of that. And a lot of that, do you remember where the liquid fat went? Weirdly, that was used in things like candle making and various things. So the sailors would collect this liquid fat that was a residue of all these meals, and it would all come together in what was called a slush. So a slush fund was essentially what they would get

from selling this fat when they came to port. Good grief. So fat collected on board a ship while sailors are away for many months from the meat they cook. Yeah. They've got pigs on board. They slaughter the pigs. They cook the meat. Fat is left over.

They kept this. Yeah. The fat was called slush. Yes. And it was collected and sold. And that was the origin of the phrase slush fund. Yes. Isn't language extraordinary?

I mean, I just, I have to say, I love knowing you. Oh. No, I do. Thank you. Rabbit and pork. Is that rhyming slang for talk? It is. That's where you get porky pie from, I think.

Oh, really? Go on. If you tell a porky, you're telling a porky pie a lie. But I think the pork, the talk bit kind of feeds into that. So to gossip is to chew the fat, have a bit of a rabbit and pork, but don't get into porkies because their porky pies are lies. Exactly. Let's move on then from just chattering, the chitter-chatter.

We've discussed chatter before, haven't we, the chattering of clowns?s again also it's also think on a matter of it because you can almost if you trace these back there are what we call what linguists call cognates in lots of different languages so that means very similar forms in different languages suggesting they all go back to one ancestor ultimately so there are lots of similar words to chatter in other languages. So I think it probably was born from its sound. That's my guess. So let's now go on to gossiping in the sense of spreading the word. Yes, I want to ask you something first. When you were an MP, was it constant gossip in the Commons?

I always imagine it was a very gossipy place. Well, I was a government whip, which was one of the most fascinating times of my life was being a government whip the whip in parliament is both a piece of paper, you're sent a whip every week which gives you the business of the week

and the business of each day is underlined either once, literally underlined there's a line underneath what the business is described as, once, which you don't have to turn up, twice, you do have to turn up, unless you can produce a pair, somebody from the other side, who agrees not to vote when

you don't vote, so that gives you an excuse not to be there, or it's underlined literally three times, that is a three-line whip, and you have to be there, unless you can produce a doctor's certificate showing you are dead. So that's, it's a document but also it's a person and

all the parties have whips and they are designed to help manage the party business within the House of Commons. Now, in terms of collecting gossip, there are also a dozen to fifteen people who will be human whips and all the parties have that,

and you would have a part of the country that is yours. I was an MP in the city of Chester, so I looked after the Northwest, and therefore all the MPs in the Northwest on my side, I knew them, and I collected their thoughts, their worries, their concerns, and I suppose, in a sense, gossip about them. But mainly the gossip I was collecting was what their views were,

that they were thinking they were worried about this or worried about that, and you would then feed that gossip in. And this gossip you would go and write down, and in my day you kept these bits of gossip on pieces of paper in the safe, and nobody would ever remember the combination of the safe, because it was always the date of the birth of remember the combination of the safe because it was always the date of the birth of the Prime Minister of the day

and the Prime Minister of the day in my day was John Major and nobody could remember his birthday he always complained never got cards so we had to keep a copy of who's who on top of the safe

so this copy of who's who was on top of the safe with the page turned down for John Major so anybody came in we just said oh is john major we actually underlined the birthday so rather giving away what was in the safe yeah um but yes okay thank you for that as i've always wondered always always wondered but yeah should we should we move on to explore some of that what is all that going to be uh well have you heard of clatterfart? I love clatterfart.

I've not heard of clatterfart. That's a bit like a blathersky, but that is somebody who will tell anybody anything. So no matter how profound a secret or how silly a secret, they will go around and tell everybody. So the clatter bit is, that was a very old word for gossiping

or running off at the mouth. And the fart bit was just added on as an insult. A childish kind of insult. And farts, if you remember, are everywhere in English. The British love a good fart, do they? We love a good fart. Peto Maine. Oh, the Peto Maine. He was a professional farter,

the Peto Maine. He was a Frenchman who did a kind of, well, a cabaret act, a vaudeville act, a musical act, where he would come onto the stage, candles would be lit at this end of the stage, he would stand on that end of the stage, lure his bloomers,

and he would blow out the candles from one stage to the other. Extraordinary. Absolutely amazing. And he would move further and further. He was in the wings, and still he was managing to blow out the candles. I think regular listeners to the Purple podcast know that we've talked about farting at least 25 times.

I'm just going to test you on whether or not you've listened to me over the last three years or whatever. Four years. Give me four years. Give me four words in English that have farting behind them. I do apologise for this, by the way. Four words in English that have farting behind them? Yes.

A sparrow fart. Well, yes. Well, isn't that rather good? As in, don't actually have an explicit reference. Fart! Farthing! Farthing! No.

Farthing! You see, fart, yeah, yeah, yeah. Penny farthing. No, no, I just mean... Because when you're riding on it, you know, you're so high up, you're breaking wind every time you go, that's it.

A fart thing. Was it a fart thing originally? What are you trying to tell me? Ask me. OK, so just as in their etymology has got farting within it, but you would never have guessed. I can't think of any. Feisty. Feisty began as a word for a little farting lapdog. This gets worse.

It was a fisting hound. Yes, and it goes back to the German for farting. I don't want to ask, because there may be young people here, what is a fisting hound? I don't know why they were called fisting hound, but fist in that sense was also to break wind. Oh, I see. So feisty, fizzle was to break wind quietly.

And going back to Petermaine... Was that a little fizzle, darling? Yes, I think. But going back to Mr Petermaine, partridge, because it sounds as it takes flight, sounds like someone breaking wind. And the churning of the winds... Forgive me, partridge is called a partridge because it sounds as it takes flight sounds like someone breaking wind and partridge is called a partridge from petty which is to break wind in french how incredible and if you're hoisted by your own when you're singing that at christmas a partridge

in a party if you're hoisted by your own petard you were are... No, no, hoisted by your own... But I thought that was an explosion of petard. It is an explosion, but it again goes back to the original explosion between your legs. Well, there we are. Yeah, sorry. Anyway, that's got nothing to do with gossip whatsoever, except we had the clatterfart.

The clatterfart. We have also got... Just interesting ones. We weirdly don't know where the words boy and girl come from but there is a theory and this is why i bring it in that girl and garrulous are linked meaning because girls are thought to be the chatterboxes and then also one of my favorite examples of words that wear their hearts on their sleeve was a secretary remember because a secretary was originally a secretary a keeper of secrets yeah so um had someone else's gossip and kept it private

very good yeah what about con jobling con jobling oh yes i put this one into your notes because i love this one to con jobble is basically to get together with a friend possibly over a bite to eat and have a good gossip it's just something about the jobbling there's another word in i think in the west country a really old word for gossiping which is jafficking and maybe because it sounds like jaff cake but i imagine also the idea of sort of you know chewing the gossip just to sort of finish the loop on the on the women and gossip so um you know nowadays um kids will talk about uh spilling the tea so you know the teenager will say i've got some tea for you and uh tea has become a stand-in for gossip because we it could either stand for truth or it could literally be a

reference to the drink because for a very long time tea drinking tea was associated with gossip so it was called cat lap because cats were often associated with gossipy old women and prattle broth as well and they would the idea is that there was bread gossip while drinking tea so a lot of men there were real pamphlets uh distributed warning men against letting their women drink tea because it would encourage this swapping of um you know of untruths prattle broth is tea yeah yeah how interesting yeah cat lap is also tea scandal broth these old euphemisms synonyms for tea yes so what we've been talking about i mean mean, the thing that, in fact, this is a phrase that Duke of Edinburgh used, cock and bull stories.

Oh, yes. Talking about stories that weren't true. A cock and bull story. Why is it called a cock and bull story? Yes. So the idea is that there is a lovely story and tourist guides essentially tend to come up with the best stories when it comes to etymologies, really.

And most of them, sadly, aren't true. But the tale that accompanying this one is that there were two inns in stony stratford which is near milton keynes and they were um convenient stopping points on the way to london and it said that there were two inns one called the cock and one called the bull and it said they would they would basically come up with competitions to liven things up. And they would have a bet that each of them would plant a salacious story that they knew others would pick up and run with.

And they would see whose passengers, who stopped for refreshments, would be the quickest in taking it to London. And it was always made up, which is why they talk about the cock and bull story lovely lovely tale sadly probably not sure we haven't gotten here but it's just a differentiator but we don't know why cock and bull there is a very similar expression in French with which is um cock a land from the cock to the ass as in sorry that sounds very rude as in the animal um and i've only just talked about that

and um obviously they were i don't know what they were telling each other honestly oh sorry buggered if i know right anyway people talk about talking bull as they want i mean that's short for bullshit Oh dear Right anyway People talk about talking bull That's short for bullshit Bullshit yeah So talking bull That's not the same

So cock and bull Is not cock and bullshit An abbreviation of that No As people say You're talking cock Meaning you're talking rubbish Don't they

Yeah yeah No well it could be It could all be Part of the same story Because there's no bull In the original French expression Okay Yeah Let me just give us a few more I mean When we're talking about This kind of gossip could all be part of the same story, because there's no bull in the original French expression. Okay.

Yeah. Let me just give us a few more. I mean, when we're talking about this kind of gossip that verges on scandal, actually, there's a whole play written by Richard Brinsley Sheridan, The School for Scandal, which there are characters with wonderful names like Snakebite and Mrs. Sneerwell

is one of the characters in that that's quite and it's full of what's breed dickens it's full of scandal yeah um what's the origin of the word scandal uh so scandal scandal and slander are two sides of the same coin and they go back to a latin word meaning a stumbling block and originally it was a bit like a loggerhead as well this was a a block of wood which very cruelly was attached by a rope to the leg of an animal to stop it straying and the idea when you're at loggerheads with someone is perhaps it was used as a sort of weapon but the slander and the scandal originated with that and I think both of them were applied in the church to things that stopped it was sort of hearsay or heresy that stopped the pure root for faith so they were stumbling blocks to faith if you like and from there it became attached to things that weren't

true or they weren't quite well I suppose they still are heresy, but in a different sort of way. Earlier than Sheridan is Shakespeare, there's a character in a Shakespeare play called Rumour. Ah. Actually a personification of Rumour, someone who spreads Rumour. That's all to do with this same territory. What's the origin of Rumour? That's French, so we've got that from the Normans. And what does...

I think Rumour, I think it's got to do with noise, if I remember rightly. Because they call... Le bruit is also gossip, isn't it? Ah, le bruit, the rumour going around. Yes, the rumour is. Well, the rumour is that we ought to be taking a break. Hi, I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson, host of the podcast Dinners on Me. I take some of my favourite people out to dinner,

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Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi, its trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Welcome back to Something Rhymes with Purple. We are talking about gossip today in all its manifestations. And you know what we haven't touched upon is, well, other kinds of gossiping.

You know, letting the cat out of the bag, revealing a secret. That's a sort of gossip. Cat out of the bag, revealing a secret. That's the sort of gossip. Cat out of the bag, why is it so called? Oh gosh, yes. Well, this one takes us back to markets, particularly in the Middle Ages, when quite often what was thought to be a pig seemed to be quite valuable in terms of the meat that it could yield.

And animal lovers look away, really, because instead of a little piglet being bought in a sack quite often that any shady dealer might substitute a poor little kitten i mean both them poor animals so when the purchaser got home and they opened the bag it would be a kitten rather than a pig that was the idea so it was a selling ruse a little bird told me where does that come from yeah well i did look this up so the first reference was 1546 and it is from proverbs of the english tongue and it said it says i did lately hear by one bird that in mine ear was late chanting

which is quite sweet so um essentially it's just little birds bringing messages. But remember that the origin of jargon is the French, the Anglo-Norman jargon, meaning the chattering of birds, because to anybody else, it's meaningless. But to them, it makes perfect sense, which is the idea of jargon, because it's a sort of tribal thing. So the idea is the sort of birds carrying messages, which only you probably could understand.

I heard it straight from the horse's mouth. Why would a horse be telling you... What does that mean, heard it straight? I mean, you know what it means. I heard it straight from the original source. Heard it straight from the horse's mouth? Well, I think it's if you go racing and you are placing a bet on a particular horse,

the best kind is if the horse itself told you that it was going to win. That's the idea. So you've got a direct source, is the idea. Now, I think, is the opportunity for us to involve this wonderful audience. Yes. So should we bring the lights up so we can see everybody on all the different tiers?

So I can actually see people. Tiers, is that the word tears? Does that come from T-I-E-R-s a third meaning a third a third a third oh no it doesn't actually it goes back to the romans again it just means a lot different levels so it's all about strata essentially so we've got people all over the theater how do we conduct this we just know i have got some anna from geneva has a question anna from geneva yes she's there in the second oh hello i can see Anna, a microphone is coming to you. Tell us, first of all,

what you were doing in Geneva when you were last there, why you're here. I live in Geneva, I grew up in Geneva, and I'm here to see my daughter, to see you. Excellent.

Your daughter is with you? Ruth. Well done. So what is the question, Anna from Geneva, you would like to ask us? So the question I had, my mother and her father before her,

they always had this funny word, which actually is in line with what we were talking about today, which is fiddlesticks. And I wondered what the origin of that expression was. Fiddlesticks. It's brilliant. No one knows, sadly. So I know, I would love to, so it was a euphemism,

we were talking about euphemisms for the devil, actually. So again, it was another euphemism we're talking about euphemisms for the devil actually so again it was another way of not mentioning the devil but why has anything to do with the sticks of a fiddle because it doesn't really you know or violin bow for example we're just not sure um maybe it's because it's so satisfying uh but i will tell you um when it was first used it's a great word oh fiddlesticks. I mean, it is another of those words that begins with F. And you know, often one is looking for euphemism.

No, seriously. Yeah, it's true. Fudge. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Yeah. So in the 14th century, no, sorry, in the 1400s, so 15th century, you have the devil rides on a fiddlestick. So there's a fine commotion.

So you'll find that there. And Shakespeare used that as well in the Henry IV part too. The devil rides on a fiddlestick. Not to care a fiddlestick. That is from, gosh, the 1700s. And fiddlesticks end in the 1600s, but it just says it comes from... A fiddlestick is useless without a fiddle. So maybe it's something to do with that. fiddlesticks end in the 1600s, but it just says it comes from... A fiddlestick is useless without a fiddle.

So maybe it's something to do with that. Fiddlesticks, it's just a stick without the fiddle. What is it for? It does sound really satisfying, though. But, yes, origin unknown. Can I say how awful this must be to have flown all the way from Geneva? Oh, dear.

It's like having come to the mountain, and you've climbed up the mountain, there is the Prophet, and you ask the Prophet the question, and he says, well I'm buggered if I know. I'm so sorry. What was the point? Can I ask what did the flight cost you? Because you... Lovely. Thank you.

Any other questions? Up on high? We'll take them in tier turns. Hello. Oh, hello. So I'm originally from Cumbria. My name's Claire. And my mum always says,

something soft as clarts. Oh, yes. But my brother-in-law thinks she's making it up. No. Is it clart? Oh, plodging through the clart. Yes. To plodge is to, do you remember,

to wade into the boggy ground, and clod is exactly that. It's kind of, it's a variant on clout, which was a clod of earth. Did you know that cloud also is related to clod, because they look like clods of sort of things. The word cloud, those beautiful, lovely things in the sky,

are related to Cumbrian sods of earth. Yes, and clod hoppers and all of those but anyway clod yeah it's absolutely it is it is

in existence is this a Cumbrian phrase then well she's from Cumbria as well same place never heard of it

oh okay it's I think it's fairly old but you will still definitely find it yeah my mum's quite old bless her so am I

that's not when I heard about plodging through the Clark, I was extremely happy. So yeah, it definitely exists. Lovely, thank you. And well done families coming together, being together. Yeah, that's the lovely thing about these shows, actually.

Yes, families come together. We need to do the trio. It's very exciting, this. Okay, so my first word was colporteur. Colporteur. And how is that spelled? As in the famous American composer, songwriter? C-O-L-P-O-R-T-E-U-R.

Is that spelled again? C-O-L-P-O-R-T-E-U-R. Cole Porter. And the audience have come up with definitions. They have. Would you share them with us? I will. So you're choosing the winner, remember?

Okay. So, Cole Porter. This is from Paula in Cambridge who says that Cole Porter is the assistant in the operating theatre who is responsible for carrying off the intestines during a transplantation. Oh. That's very clever. Chloe in Sherwood Forest says, it's one who sees hills to the left. Cole.

Poor. Port. Port. Starboard. Ah, the left. Cole. Poor. Port. Port Starboard. Ah, very good. Cole Porter. Oh. Very good. Oh.

And this is from Jane in Plymouth. A London porter who thinks anything goes. That's very clever. I love that. That's clever. Yes. And this is from Stephen in County Durham, from County Durham.

The toilet based on coal linking to the colon, port suggesting the destination for the colon, and er, the noise often made by the next visitor to... OK, I'm going to start this again. The toilet is based on coal linking to the colon, port suggests the destination for the colon, and er, the noise often made by the, linking to the colon. Port suggests the destination for the colon, and er, the noise often made by the next visitor

to the toilet once the colon port has been used. That's very clever. Okay. I've got to choose a winner. Yes. Well, I'm going to choose,

and then I want to hear from you what the real meaning of coal potter is. I'm going to choose the assistant in the operating theatre who's responsible for carrying off the intestines during transplantation.

Paula in Cambridge, you're winning a T-shirt! Yes! So the real definition is a person who sells books and newspapers. Oh, why is that? I know, it's weird. So two possibilities. One is it's from the French comporteur, meaning to sort of carry with you.

So they were itinerant salespeople, much like station... Well, the opposite of stationers. So stationers who sold stationery were stationary because they weren't itinerant tradespeople. They actually were fixed, usually to a college or a university.

So stationers were stationary. But excuse me, why is stationary spelled with an E-R-Y and stationary with a person in one position? They both go back to the Latin stationarius, in one place, but it's because we wanted to distinguish between the two because it would get very confusing otherwise. How intriguing. Anyway, so koloposta either comes from that,

or koloposta meaning you carry it around your neck. So maybe they sort of sold, I don't know if they would carry like a, you know, have a thing strapped to their neck and then they would have their newspapers in their little sort of bag. Not sure. Oh, as in pot.

Anyway, none of them is interesting as the definitions that we have. Okay, this one I think is a bit more obvious. Pot valiance. And we put in Avon Dassett, says a pot valiance is a good effort from a Pot valiance. And Rupert in Avon, Dasset says, a pot valiance is a good effort from a saucepan. I like that one. Sarah in Wallington says,

a pot valiance is the ability to keep a beer steady on a belly. Oh, I like that. And Andrew in Leighton, Buzzard says, it's a chance meeting with your weed dealer. That's very good. Which one are you going to go for? They're very, very clever ones, aren't they? I'm going to go, though, because I can picture it so well,

to pot valiance being the ability to hold a pint pot on your belly. Yes. Another nice way of saying that you've got rather a large belly is that you are ventripotent. Ventripotent. Yes. Another nice way of saying that you've got rather a large belly is that you are ventripotent. Ventripotent. Ventripotent, yes. Ventripotent. A powerful belly.

Well done. So Paul gets that prize there. The real definition of pot valiance is the courage that only comes from alcohol. So it's a bit like Dutch courage. Ah. Yeah. Remember, a potpanion is your drinking mate. A potpanion.

And a potpanion is you. mate. A potpanion. And a podpanion is you. Ah. Okay, cryptomnesia. This is hard. Cryptomnesia. Mark in London, is it Superman's baby food? This is really good. From Kate in Hadlow,

when you hear a celebrity has died and you think they're already dead and died years ago. Oh, yes. I think that's very good cryptamnesia and then fabio in london oh fabio fabio in london says that cryptamnesia is when your tech friend explains to you how cryptocurrency works for the third time and you immediately forget it well that, isn't it? That has to be the winning one. Fabio. Yeah, very good. Cryptomnesia.

Cryptomnesia. And it's actually quite complicated, this, in philosophical terms. So cryptomnesia is when you forget something and then think you've discovered it as a new and original thought another time. Remember that? Just like, oh, wow,

and actually you already knew this. You've just forgotten. There's another word for that, which is jamais vu. Jamais vu is when you walk into somewhere which should be really, really familiar to you because you've been there so many times, but it's like you've never seen it before.

Jamais vu. Jamais vu. Jamais vu. Never saw it. So those are all brilliant, and I think there are some worthy winners of T-shirts there. So, oh, we have to conclude with my poem.

We have to do your poem. And I'd chosen a poem, and I chose it before the show, from a little favourite book of mine, Siddle Fletcher's Terse Verse. I don't know if any of you remember Siddle Fletcher. He was the man who did odd odes. And he and I worked on this collection of short poems many, many years ago.

Let me have a look inside and see when it was. 1982 short poems many, many years ago. Let me have a look inside and see when it was. 1982. So that's 40 years ago. And given that boozing and drinking came up in several cases while we were talking this afternoon, I thought this might be the poem to share with you. It's by one of my favorite poems, poets Anon. No one knows quite who wrote this. It's called Lifespans. The horse and mule live 30 years and nothing know of wines and beers. The goat and sheep at 20 die and never taste of scotch or rye. A cow drinks water by the ton

and at 18 is mostly done. The dog at 15 cashes in without the aid of rum or gin. The cat in milk and water soaks and then in 12 short years it croaks. The modest sober bone-dry hen lays eggs for noggs then dies at 10. All animals are strictly dry They sinless live and swiftly die But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men Survive for threescore years and ten And some of them, a very few Stay pickled till they're ninety-two

That's brilliant. Please keep following us and please start to follow us if you enjoyed the show today. You can find us on social media at Something Rhymes on Twitter and Facebook or at Something Rhymes With on Instagram.

Something Rhymes with Purple is a Something Else and Sony Music Entertainment production. It was produced by Harriet Wells who's here in the wings with us, alongside Sam Hodges and Andrew Quick from Tilted for the live shows. Additional production came from Chris Skinner, Olly Wilson, Jen Mystery, Teddy Riley and...

I've got some hot goss about him. It's Gully. Gully. Oh, I can't wait. Thank you for being with us. That's been Something Rhymes with Purple.