Something Rhymes with Purple - Happy Birthday Gyles!

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

This week it's about the birthday boy, as we celebrate all things Gyles Brandreth.  Not only does Gyles spoil us with a plethora of his famous anecdotes, but he becomes the linguistics quizmaster and places Susie in the hot seat to answer questions from his book 'Have You Eaten Grandma'. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYLES! You are truly one of a kind. We love hearing from you, find us @SomethingRhymes on Twitter and Facebook, @SomethingRhymesWith on Instagram or you can email us on our email address here: [e-mail] Want even more purple, people? Join the Purple Plus Club by clicking the banner in Apple podcasts or head to purpleplusclub.com to listen on other platforms. Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week:  Galere: A coterie of undesirable people. Chawbacon: One uninterested in culture. Boulevardier: A lover of boulevards. Gyles' poem this week was the incredibly emotive 'Counting Backwards' by Linda Pastan. How did I get so old, I wonder, contemplating my 67th birthday. Dyslexia smiles: I’m 76 in fact. There are places where at 60 they start counting backwards; in Japan they start again from one. But the numbers hardly matter. It’s the physics of acceleration I mind, the way time speeds up as if it hasn’t guessed the destination— where look! I see my mother and father bearing a cake, waiting for me at the starting line. A Sony Music Entertainment production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts     To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [e-mail]  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Welcome to another episode of Something Rhymes with Purple. My name is Giles Brandreth, and I'm in London, in England, and my colleague, my co-podpanyan, is the beautiful and brilliant Susie Dent, who is coming today from Oxford, as usual. Yes, when do I not come from Oxford? I think sometimes I'm in the Sony studios, but not often enough. But yeah, I'm happy here. Good. And I'm happy here because I feel that we are gazing at each other through the wonders of Zoom. And so we feel that we are close. How close are we in terms of birthdays though what is your star sign suzy i am a scorpio

oh sexy old scorpio so um yeah i'm not sure if i fit the traditional uh no picture of a scorpion i don't think you necessarily do but that's because it's all under the surface can i say what's it you because you're we are recording this the day before your birthday. Yeah, it is. I mean, it's birthday season in our household. I'm a Piscean. They run from about the 21st, 22nd of February through to about the same thing a month later. And we are the fishy people. So that's a water sign, presumably. It's a water sign. I have a granddaughter called Isolde. She is right on the cusp, right at the beginning, until 21st of February. Then there's me and my son, Bennett. He has a birthday in March, on the 13th of March. My wife, Michelle, her birthday is the 14th of March, the same birthday as lots of interesting people. Pam Ayres. We love Pam.

Pam Ayres is her birthday is on the 14th of March. You know Pam, don't you? I know Pam. I know We love Pam. Pam Ayers is her birthday. It's on the 14th of March. You know Pam, don't you? I know Pam. I know and love Pam. She's a special person. She is. And she's got a wonderful way with words. Who else is on that birthday?

Oh, Tessa Sanderson, an Olympic athlete. Her birthday is on the 14th of March. Albert Einstein and Michael Caine have a birthday on the 14th of March. Not many people know that. No, an illustrious company. But what about your birthday? Who do you share it with? Who do I share my birthday with? I remember when I was a member of parliament, I shared my birthday. I knew this because I was a member of parliament and the foreign secretary at the time was someone called Douglas Hurd. And he had the same birthday as me, the 8th of March.

with someone called Douglas Hurd, and he had the same birthday as me, the 8th of March. And the then Speaker's secretary, who was a man called Sir Nicholas Bevan, he had a birthday on the 8th of March. And I shared a birthday with a wonderful actress called Lynn Redgrave, one of the Redgrave family, one of the children of Sir Michael Redgrave, great actor, and his wife, Rachel Kempson, fine actress. They had three children. Vanessa, still with us, Corinne, and his wife, Rachel Kempson, fine actress. They had three children, Vanessa, still with us, Corinne, and Lynn. Also, I think I shared my birthday with Lynn Seymour, a ballet dancer. Well, there you go. There you go. But we're not talking about birthdays today, are we?

It's your subject that you've chosen as a birthday gift. Well, I just thought for fun, you said to me very sweetly, you can choose what the subject is going to be. And I thought, well, I might talk, I might dip into one of my books, one of my books about words and language and have a lucky dip and see and challenge you to a few sort of quiz questions. We can sort of see where that takes us. The book in a way, I've written several books about words and language, not as many as you, and they're far less scholarly than yours, though occasionally- No, mine aren't really scholarly. Yours are. What you combine, Susie Dent, with your books is you manage to be both entertaining and scholarly. It's a tightrope you walk,

and you walk it very skillfully indeed. Well, that's very kind of you. It does feel like a tightrope sometimes. Yeah, but no, you're on that tightrope, kept afloat by a parasol in one hand and a very heavy dictionary in the other. And you sort of dance across the castle. Opposing forces.

You're brilliant. But I've done a lot of books about words. The first one was published about 40 years ago and was a New York Times bestseller because it was called The Joy of Lex. Ah, good title. And I think people misunderstood. People ordered it under a misapprehension that it might have been something to do with

a sequel to The Joy of Sex. It wasn't. And of course, really, it was the wrong word to use because Lex, I think, means law, doesn't it, in Latin? Yes, absolutely. So what is a lexicon? So a lexicon is, and this is quite a pertinent discussion for when we get into your books, because we differ slightly, don't we, on our approach to language.

So a lexicon is simply an old word for a dictionary that is full of lexis. And lexis is actually from the Greek for words. So although lex can mean the law, and that gave us legal, for example, and law itself, the lex here that we're talking about is actually from an ancient root meaning to speak, but it's all about words. Glossary, similar. That's from a different word meaning word. Wow. That is fantastic. I mean, so I got away with the book being called The Joy of Lex. I did a sequel called More Joy of Lex. I then did a column, this is 40 years ago, that was syndicated all over America called Alphabet Soup.

And I remember, oh, I remember going on different promotion tours in America to sell my Joy of Lex or More Joy of Lex. And I got to one TV station. They said, we can't have you on. We can't have you on. I said, why not? His Holiness the Pope has just died. And I said, well, station. They said, we can't have you on. We can't have you on. I said, why not? His Holiness the Pope has just died. And I said, what, he could slam me on? They said, no, no, we can't. Certainly not with the joy of Lex.

Well, this was the problem. I thought, they said, well, they said, what do you know about the Pope? I said, well, chance would have it. This was the Pope who had only, he was only a Pope for about 69 days, if that long. Do you remember the shortest Pope in history? We could look him up. There was a very brief papacy within our lifetime, about 30 or 40 years ago. He was so excited to be pope, I think he gave himself a heart attack. I'm not exaggerating. People of my vintage will remember this short-lived pope. You can look him up while I'm chattering on.

So I said, oh, I actually, I rather exaggerated. I've seen that. Well, no, I didn't exaggerate. I said, I've seen this Pope in person. I implied I was sort of face to face with him. But in fact, I was in the square in St. Peter's, outside St. Peter's in Rome. He was on his balcony, you know, 100 feet away, waving.

But I did see the Pope in person. So they said, okay, you can come on the show. And I came. John Paul I, I think we're talking. Thank you. August the 26th to the September the 28th, 1978. There you are. That's the year.

33 calendar days. 33 calendar days. There I am on the 28th of September. 19, was it? 78? Yes. There I am in the United States of America on primetime television talking about the Pope and thinking, well, I've got this primetime opportunity to talk about the Pope.

And- You need to talk about the book. I want to talk about the book. So they ended up with saying, what do you think His Holiness's legacy will be? And I said, it's too early to judge his legacy, but he was a man full of joy. And I can imagine him now with St. Peter in the heavenly library saying, well, what would amuse me this evening would be to be reading The Joy of Lex. And I held up my book before they cut away to another picture.

Shameless. Shameless. Shameless. Thank you for being the same ever since, Charles. If I ever need an agent or somebody to work in my PR, you're it. Yeah, well, do you know, we all need agents like that. I remember I had a wonderful agent who was a famous international agent called Ed Victor. Yes.

Have you heard of him? I have, of course, yeah. He was a great man, and he handled lots of huge international authors, and he handled me. And I remember him saying to me once, when we came out of doing a pitch meeting, we stood by his chocolate-colored Bentley. And he said, close your eyes, Charles. I want you to picture in your head. I want you to carve in letters of granite the digits that will be in the advance that I'm going to ask,

the number of dollars I'm going to ask for the advance for this next book. He said, close your eyes and begin carving. And I began carving. Gosh, this is an early form of manifesting, isn't it? Yes, it is. Absolutely. And after a moment or two, he said to me, Giles, your ambition for yourself is so much smaller than my ambition for you.

Oh, my goodness. This is straight out of a movie script. It was out of a movie script. He was a great man. And indeed, he did change my life. And he increased my income tenfold. And did he get you $10 for your advance? No, he got me a lot more than $10 because he just thought big.

And since, I mean, since you're indulging me, it's my birthday, I'll tell you one more story about him. And then I want to quiz you about words and language. But this is maybe relevant to people out there who've got books they want to write. You've got to get the right agent. It does help. I went to see him because my wife had said that he was the best agent in the world. And I interviewed him on a radio show 30 years ago. And as a result of that, I had his phone number. So I called him up and said, my wife says you're the best agent of the world. I'm looking for an agent. Could we meet? And he invited me to lunch at the Savoy Hotel

in London. And I was the eight o'clock, I'm forgiving, not lunch, breakfast. I was the eight o'clock breakfast. He had, I think, Nigella Lawson as the seven o'clock breakfast. And the nine o'clock breakfast was to be a writer called Frederick Forsyth, who wrote Day of the Jackal and many other international hits. Anyway, I came in. He'd already ordered breakfast for me, so as not to waste time. He had ordered the breakfast. I sat down.

And from my pocket, I produced an envelope on which I'd written some ideas. He said, what's that? I said, it's just a few ideas. You know, in case you're interested in representing me, I thought I'd share with you some of the ideas I've had for possible books. He said, Giles, did your wife on the telephone, did you not tell me that she said I was the best agent in the world? I said, she did say that.

She said, Giles, wouldn't you like to know, because you're not the best author in the world, wouldn't you like to know what the best agent in the world thinks you should be doing? And I fell silent and I let him tell me what he thought I should be doing. And then I still produced my envelope. And he said, what are you doing? He said, I've told you what you should be doing. Look, I'm the best agent in the world.

You're not the best author. Go home. And if tomorrow you want to do what I'm suggesting, give me a call. Otherwise, it's been a great breakfast. Wow. Yeah. Did he tell you how to get a good American accent? I apologize for that.

He was American. I'm joking. But I tell you, the great thing, the way he changed my life was he said to me, only do international subjects. Don't do anything. He said, you're so parochial, you're so British. Everything you do is just a little, you know, it's your little world, you don't need a little world. You're going to look out to the world. So choose subjects in which you are interested. And I had a lot of time trying to persuade him. I wanted to do this series of novels, published in fact originally by John Murray, who published some of your books,

about Oscar Wilde and Arthur Conan Doyle, Murder Mysteries Set in Victorian Times. And he conceded that I could do that. He said, because they, Oscar Wilde and Arthur Conan Doyle, are international. We can set it all over the world. That's really interesting. And we did. But don't write a book on local dialect in that case, like me. Exactly. I mean, he would have nothing to do with you. Literally, he would say, I'm not handling that. I'm not handling that, Susanna. It's not for me. Yeah. But I did, the book I want to talk to you about, or rather the book I want to dip into with you is, I think probably my most recent book about words and language. It's called Have You Eaten Grandma?

Uh-huh. Which is, the clue is in the title, because have you eaten grandma could mean, have you eaten your grandmother? Or if you put a comma after the eaten, it could mean, Nan, have you had grandma could mean have you eaten your grandmother or to put a comma after the eaten it could mean nan have you had your tea yet so it's about the value of punctuation and grammar and good english but that's not what i thought we'd talk about because you're right and i knowing you i've loosened up a bit i'm. I'm not as rigid as I was. I'm not as locked in the rules as I was. You've explained to me how spelling, for example, has evolved over the centuries. And also so has attitude to punctuation, et cetera.

But there are fun things in this book. And so I want you, out of your head, to give me a number. The book begins on page one which is helpful and it goes it's quite a quite a long book to 305 don't choose 305 because you'll be choosing the index which will be but you may be in the index yourself um you certainly should be no i'm sure i'm not choose a number and i will open the book of that page um 73 oh gosh okay 73 oh this is quite funny are you good on plurals suzy dent oh no not particularly uh if you please don't ask me why it's um uh houses but not mouses and geese but not me no i'm going to ask you because that's what's on this page what is the plural of magnum

opus oh that is very good what does magnus what does magnum opus mean for a start great work yeah it's all great work uh so the plural of opus is opera correct so if it was if it was Opus Magna, then I would say Opera Magna. Yeah, but as it is, this is where my Latin is falling down. The thing is, it's like court martial become courts martial. Is it one of those? Well, I've just said, you've already come on to courts martial in a moment. You've already given me the right answer. It is, in fact, Magna Opera.

Okay. So Magna Opera. Okay. So, Magna Model. But now, you know the answer to this. What about scampi? Well, is this like panini panino? So, strictly speaking, you should go into a sandwich shop and ask for a panino rather than a panini because panini is the plural. So, scampi is, I mean, it's not real fish, is it, scampi? So, is it a made-up Latin word, in which case it's not a scampus?

You're quite right. I mean, scampi is actually the Italian plural of scampo, but in English, scampi is used as singular, plural, or unaccountable. Okay, so it's not scampus then, it's scampo, scampo, scampi. Scampi, it's scampi. Scampi will do. Now, you mentioned, was it court martial you mentioned? Yes.

So what do you think it should be? What do you think the plural of court martial is? Courts martial. You're right. Because martial is the adjective, isn't it? Yes, exactly. It's a post-positive adjective. But in magnum opus, it's not.

That's why. What did you call that, a post-positive? I think it's post-positive. As in post, it's deposited behind. That's it. You know, incidentally, just to throw in a completely random etymology for you, that I love preposterous is pre-posterous, because the pre that should go before is post-after,

and so it's the wrong way around, so it's preposterous. That's clever. I like that. What about Jack in the Box? You see, I would say Jack in the Box is there, but it's preposterous. That's clever. I like that. What about Jack in the Box? You see, I would say Jack in the Box is there. But Jack's in the Box, probably, strictly speaking. Yes, I mean... Jack's in the Box is...

It's difficult, isn't it? I've thought about that, yeah. You see, it depends, I suppose, how many you've got. I mean, Jack's in the Box sounds better, I think. Rather like Johnny's Come Lately and Sticks in the Mud, I think, I would prefer. But actually, the whole toy is and sticks in the mud I think I would prefer but actually the whole toy is a jack-in-the-box isn't it so if you had went into a shop and you saw a range of them lined up you'd say oh I like the look of those jack-in-the-boxes yeah because jacks in the box implies that there's more than one jack there are two of them popping up

inside the box that's true that's. That's true in a singular box. These things aren't easy, are they? By the way, talking about mouses and meese, most irregular plural nouns, most of them, not all, but exist because the noun has come from a different language. And sometimes we borrow the plural of the other language. So that's why it's such a mishmash and almost impossible. So that's why it's such a mishmash and almost impossible. I mean, I always say, Giles, I know this is, you know, that your book is giving us some, I don't know if you'd call them rules, but some standards to live by. I mean, there are so few rules in English that work. In fact, the only rules that I think exist are the ones that we don't know we know, like, you know, the order of adjectives or in which order we put words like

ding dong etc i don't think there are any good i mean the most difficult the most ghastly one which i do cover in the book i don't know what page it's on is the i after the e after i yeah it doesn't work is that how many exceptions there's so many exceptions there's a list a long list of exceptions let's see if i can i may find it in a moment there's so many exceptions. There's a long list of exceptions. Let's see if I can... Caffeine. I may find it in a moment. There's so many of them, like Dane and Fane and any number of exceptions to that. Yeah. Name me another page. Okay. 21. 21. Oh, well, you'll know this is too easy. A homophone. We know that. That's words than sound the same yeah okay like oral and oral yeah

a u r a l and listening yeah bald and bald bald like i am balding fists yeah yeah but what is a homograph so homograph is uh those are words that are written the same way. So they're spelled the same way, right? But they have different meanings. Is that right? Yes, that is. Aren't you clever? So graph is to write, and homo means the same.

Very good. Excellent. So my favorite example of that is bat. I'm sure the good. Oh, yes, of course, cricket bat and the wonderful flying bat. And I don't know. I think I'll tell you what is a very good one. Evening. Oh, an evening out of something and good evening. Yes.

Yes, that's a nice one. I get confused with those ones that are called contronyms or Janus words named after the Roman god that look both ways. So ones that are, they're exactly the same word, but they can be used in contradictory ways. So you might dust your side table, or you might dust a cake. And in one case, you're taking the dust off. And in another, you're actually putting it on, the icing sugar dusting. Or sanction, you would sanction someone, you know, allow them to do something. Yes, they were sanctioned to do this. Or you can impose sanctions, which means they can't do something or they can't get something. So there are quite a few contronyms as well in English. I love a contronym. What about

a heterophone? Oh my goodness. Because that's a bit similar, a heterophone. So that means it sounds A heterophone. So that means it sounds different but looks the same. Exactly. A good example of that is the word B-A-double-S, a bass, which can be a type of fish, and also a bass voice. A bow and bow.

I particularly love D-O-E-S, which is does and does. Okay, that's fine. Just one more page. Give me one more page, and then we can have a little break. Okay. I'm loving this. Give me another one. Yes, another page. I will give you 48.

Oh, dear. What are these? Are these? I have to look at the beginning of the chapter. I've opened it in the middle of the chapter. These, I think, would you call them acronyms where you have two or three or are they initialisms bfn is what i read bye for now bye for now uh or that's probably an initialism i would say acronym is where you actually say the letters as a word it spells out the word like nato or whatever

yeah good that's not really apparently bfn can also be big fat negative oh so you can actually say yes so somebody writes you asking for something you text them back bfn bfn the first bfn means bye for now and the other means big fat negative oh yeah okay um i'm gonna ask test you. She's talking about acronyms. Do you know what scuba diving, what that stands for? That is an acronym, isn't it? Yes. Sub, not subcutaneous. Sub, and the last word is apparatus, breathing apparatus. Sub.

Self. It's not sub. Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. Very good. Yes, that is. Well, I'm rather pleased with that. Very good. Okay.

I'm just trying to look at some of these that aren't actually got bad language in them because we may have family people listening. FTFY? FTFY. FTFY. No idea. Fixed that for you. Oh, fixed that for you. Yeah that for you yeah oh nice i like these will honestly now be so outdated that they won't they i mean that's that's the terrifying thing nothing lasts

nothing like okay the last time last thing here that i'm going to mention and then we'll have our break is as you may know or maybe you don't know, I, 52 years ago, I found, was it 53 years ago now, I founded the National Scrabble Championships. Yes. Because I was a keen Scrabble player, and this is a competition that is now an international Scrabble competition. I'm still the proud president of the Association of British Scrabble Players, but I wouldn't be very good at playing Scrabble because I don't know all the words that the virtually professional Scrabble players do know.

I won't know the answer to this. Well, what is this? There's a word. These are very useful Scrabble words. Believe it or not, it is a Scrabble word. Double A. What does it mean? Yeah.

So it's not the exclamation r is it some exotic animal it usually is in this case it's volcanic lava which is quite nice okay what's a boo bird a boo bird is it like a booby bird which was easily caught hence booby prize that's good it isn't but it's lovely to be introduced to that word. A boo bird, apparently, is somebody who boos. Yeah. Okay. Did you know that? That's not particularly useful for a scrapbook, is it?

Then we'll have our break. Okay. What about, oh yes, you do know what this is, but it's a nice Scrabble word, tis, T-I-Z. Tis, as in it is? No, T-I-Z. Yeah, tis the time. Sometimes it's better with a Z. Oh, is it? Oh, as in not T-I-double-Z tis the time. Sometimes it's better with a Z. Oh, is it? Oh, well, then we're allowed that.

Oh, as in not T-I-double-Z, as in she got in the right tis. Well, it is. It's a shortened version of she got in the right tis. Okay. A state of confusion is allowed. Yes. Now, this you may be familiar with. War, W-A-U-G-H, the name of a distinguished British novelist.

To war, it's in the Scrabble Dictionary, it means to bark. Oh, I didn't know that. Now, here's something that you would have guessed. Yuzu, Y-U-Z-U. Y-Z-U? Y-U-Z-U. Y-U-Z-U, no idea.

It's a citrus fruit. You could have guessed that. They put in all these funny words, like they even allow believe it or not and this is what i'll end on zzzs for some zeds three zeds and less having a snooze having a snooze you see they allow zzz for sleep so they have to allow zzzs i know i know i was playing my own game yesterday of which more and on but i'm on a test version of a game app that I've got coming out. And I came up with a word.

I was so proud of it. And yet it wasn't in the Scrabble dictionary, which is the Scrabble dictionary database is the one that actually underlies a lot of word games. And it wasn't in. I was very upset. Well, we must do something about that. I'm in touch with word games. And it wasn't it. I was very upset. Well, we must do something about that. I'm in touch with these guys. I can help you there.

Oh, yes. When it comes to Scrabble, I am your man. Don't forget, I was the founder of the feast. Excellent. I am not your woman, as you know, because I don't really play it very often. But do you ever dip into my, speaking of things that aren't, well, I suppose it's a kind of app, except you just have to. Your rainbow. Full rainbow. Full rainbow. I haven't done it a kind of app, except you just have to- Your rainbow. Fullrainbow.co.uk.

Fullrainbow. I haven't done it for ages. I need to. I need to. Please do. Yes, I will. Fullrainbow.co.uk. It's free. There's no monetary involvement. I don't quite know why I do it, but I quite enjoy doing it. I just come up with- Well, you ought to be bought out as we established by the New York Times in a couple of years. I'm waiting for that call. It will eventually come. I'm even ready to be bought out by the Accrington Echo. I am not proud. Okay. But thank you for indulging

me on my birthday. When we come back, we'll be hearing from our purple people around the world. Yes. And one of them has got a question for you. And I'm so relieved it's not for me because I don't know quite how to answer it. Great. it's not for me because I don't know quite how to answer it. Right. Whether it's the weekend, the beginning of summer, or the end of the school year, Celebration Cookies celebrate good times.

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You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Welcome back to Something Rhymes with Purple. We've been celebrating my birthday and those of other Pisceans born around this time of the year. If you want to celebrate Susie's birthday, you have to wait till November when she and the other Scorpios will be, well, celebrating. Do you celebrate your birthday in a big way?

We'll be stinging. Oh, don't. I think I would quite like to become a sort of Scorpio in my old age and just, you know, actually become, not mean, but just sort of, I would like to inspire a little bit of fear from time to time. But we do, as I giles we have got and i'm skipping ahead here because we've got some very good questions in from the purple people and there's one that i'm really looking forward to hearing the answer to um because it's very confusing hi susie and giles firstly thank you so much to yourselves and your team for taking the time to produce what is my

favorite podcast i have two questions if that's okay one is for susie and one is for taking the time to produce what is my favourite podcast. I have two questions if that's okay. One is for Susie and one is for Giles. Susie, although I grew up in the West Midlands, the black country to be precise, my family is from Liverpool. I was visiting relatives the other day and my nan asked me to fetch her the lacquer when she was doing her hair. I would refer to this lacquer as hairspray which I'm pretty sure I can work out the origins for. But where does the word lacquer come from and how many uses does it have? The only other uses I can think of relate to wood or nail polish, neither of which seem in any way related to hair. I love Giles. I absolutely love your book, Have You Eaten Grandma? And it's one of my comfort reads. However, one question has puzzled me for a

while now, which is correct. I haven't, or I've not. My boyfriend and I realized that we can track the phrase I have not differently. He, coming from Buckinghamshire, says I haven't, whereas I, being a Midland girl with Northern roots, usually say I've not. Is it the case that one is more formal than the other or is it maybe a local dialect thing? It's been driving me mad, any help or advice on which one is correct would be much appreciated thank you again for your wonderful podcast and best wishes rachel on a quick side note gels i live in london and the other day i walked down a road called brandreth road i don't suppose it's named after an ancestor thanks again bye wow this reminds me of um do you remember during the pandemic we had many many conferences with various politicians.

And at the end, the media were allowed to ask a question. And by the end of the pandemic, every journalist asked two. Do you remember? It just became two automatically. Anyway, I think those are both excellent questions. Shall I kick off with lacquer? Yes. And you may need to help me with the second one as well.

But go on. Lacquer. Yes, and you may need to help me with the second one as well, but go on. Lacquer. So a gold-coloured varnish is the meaning of it in 1673, the first record we have, consisting of a solution of pale shellac, which is normally used for nail varnish these days, in alcohol, tinged with saffron and that or other colouring matters. And it was used as a coating for brass first off. And then before long, it was used as a kind of varnish for wood or other materials. And the resinous varnish was used particularly in Japan and China and Myanmar and India for coating articles of wood and producing beautiful furniture. And then the hairstyle, the hairspray sense, the fixative, didn't come about till the 1940s.

And I remember also my grandmother talking about hair lacquer as well. So, yeah, Rachel is not alone in this. And it's simply the idea of something sticky that is keeping something in place. And the origin of all of them is actually an old French word meaning sealing wax. So the lacquer, I think, that our grandmothers used, Rachel, was probably pretty, I would say, very firm hold in modern parlance. But it is the idea of fixing something or sealing it in some way. So that's the lack of it. Well, you can give a clear definitive answer, which I can't. And indeed, as I was saying earlier, Rachel, when talking about Have You Eaten Grandma? Thank you for

liking the book so much. Susie has taught me to be less rigid. And so there probably isn't a correct way of saying I have not with an abbreviation. I think you are probably right. I haven't would be a more sudden thing. I've not might be a more Midland and Northern thing. But either would be correct as a colloquial and relaxed way of expressing the phrase I have not. I have not heard this question before. I haven't heard this question before. I've not heard this question before. I know, I think I'm mixed between the two. I think I will often say, instead of I haven't got it, I'd say I've not got it. But then I would say I haven't been there. I wouldn't say I've not been there. I don't think. But I think it's quite fluid.

It is quite fluid. And I think both are acceptable. Okay. I thought you might be able to give It is quite fluid, and I think both are acceptable. Okay. I thought you might be able to give us a definitive answer, even though I know that we have no law. But yeah, I think I'm with you. But yes, because I would probably instinctively have said, I haven't, because it's closer to, I have not. Yeah. I have not got the answer.

Whereas, I've not got the answer sounds immediately more colloquial and consequently slightly more slangy. So my instinct would be that I haven't is more correct. But for example, I mean, we used to talk about the Queen's English. Maybe we now should talk about the King's English. But I imagine the late Queen Elizabeth II would have said, oh, I haven't the foggiest idea what the right answer would be. She would not be saying, I haven't the foggiest idea what the right answer would be. She would not be saying, I've not the foggiest idea what the right answer should be. So if you want to speak the Queen's English, go for I haven't. But if you're happy to say I've not, your lovely voice, if I may say so, Rachel, anything you say sounds good. And by the way,

the Brandreth of Brandreth Road is a distant kinsman. Most of the Brandreths you come across either come from the Midlands, from around Nottingham, Derbyshire, or they come from Cheshire, the Northwest. And we find that eventually we are related to one and all of them, including, I'm sorry to say, the last person to be beheaded for treason in this country, Jeremiah Brandreth, who was beheaded in, I think, 1817, and I'm afraid somebody who turned out to be a murderer by the name of Brandreth, who was executed, though not beheaded, during the First World War. I occasionally have been down to that road in southwest London and stood by it, not hoping to be recognised, but to take selfies of myself by my own road,

because I don't, I mean, once upon a time, I hoped I'd have roads, streets, even towns named after me. The Duke of Wellington has got the whole of Wellington named after him. You know, what have we got? We haven't got anything named after us yet, Susie. I have to say, here's a challenge for the purple people, okay? Please, could you come up with the definition of the verb to brandreth and to dent?

I know to dent is already in, but please, could you come up with your own definitions? Because we would love, I think maybe, maybe love to hear them. Well, and shall we choose a winner and then I'll get my publisher of Have You Eaten Grandma? And you can get the publisher of one of your recent language books. And we'll send each of the winners a copy of our books.

Perfect. As a prize. So we want a definition, a dictionary definition of the verb. We're making it a verb to brand it. Yeah, I think so. I think so. And the verb to dent. Yes.

And it mustn't be the existing definitions. No. Because both those words do't be the existing definitions. No. Because both those words do have a definition of sorts. Exactly. Well, speaking of definitions, can you give us three words and define them for us? I can. Unusual words, interesting ones. The first one was a bit of a delight to discover, actually, because I never knew it existed.

And it sounds lovely on the surface. It is a galère. So a French word, G-A-L-E, grave accent, R-E, a galère. And it means a coterie, so a circle of people that is pretty undesirable. So an undesirable set of people. I think that's brilliant. I didn't know they were undesirable because I've been introduced in the past to a galere of young men. And I thought it meant they were sort of rakish.

But does it mean they're positively? Well, yes, I suppose rakish, if you like, possibly mischievous in some way. But it says a usually undesirable set of people. I quite like that. It would be very useful. I like the word a lot. People might quite like that. It'd be very useful. I like the word a lot.

Now, those who live in the countryside have long been dissed by those who live in towns. We've spoken about it before. It's given us, you know, country bumpkin. It's given us urbane because people who are urban are thought to be sophisticated. This is one that is slightly unfortunate, but I did like the sound of it. Somebody who's not interested in culture is a chore bacon. C-H-A-W, bacon. So it's, again, the idea is that somebody's unsophisticated

because all they eat is bacon and live out on the sticks, which is very unfair, but it kind of made me smile. And we had one French word, and now we have another. I do get teased on Countdown, the show that I work on, because the word boulevard came up for nine letters and I was heard to say, I do love a boulevard. And so whenever boulevard comes up, people just parrot that phrase back at me because it makes me sound so pretentious. But anyway, I guess that makes me a boulevardier, But anyway, I guess that makes me a boulevardier, a lover of boulevards.

B-O-U-L-E-V-A-R-D-I-E-R, a boulevardier. But I like it in its sort of extended meaning of one who just loves to stroll along the streets. I think it's a compliment to be a boulevardier. You see you in the south of France. There you are in Cannes or Nice, walking along the front. You are a boulevardier. Charming. Yes. How about a poem for us?

Well, I found a poem that is all too appropriate given we've been marking my birthday. Nothing to celebrate. I suppose it is. One's still alive, still above ground. That's what my next book should be called. This poem is called Counting Backwards. And it's by one of my favorite contemporary American poets. It's from her collection called Traveling Light, which was published about 15 years ago. She's called Linda Paston, and this is her poem. How did I get so old, I wonder, contemplating my 67th birthday? Dyslexia smiles. I'm 76, in fact. There are places where at 60 they start counting backwards. In Japan, they start again from one. But the numbers hardly matter.

It's the physics of acceleration, I mind. The way time speeds up as if it hadn't guessed the destination. Where, look, I see my mother and father bearing a cake, waiting for me at the starting line. Oh my goodness, that's so sad, actually. That's very wistful. It is a very wistful poem, because you will discover this, Susie, as the years go by. And I may have mentioned this quotation of Oscar Wilde to you before. It's because it's been rattling around in my head since I went to see, it's on in London, a marvelous stage version of Oscar Wilde's novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray, starring the Australian actress Sarah Snook.

It's an amazing production. Picture of Dorian Gray, starring the Australian actress Sarah Snook. It's an amazing production. And there's a line in Dorian Gray that has haunted me since I heard it again, and it haunts me still as the years go by. It's this, the tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. Right. So the tragedy of old age is that you were ever young in the first place.

No. The tragedy of old age is not that you are old, but that in your head, you're still young. Oh, in your head, you're still young. I missed that bit. It doesn't say that. It doesn't say that. It doesn't say that. It's implicit in the line. I'm interpreting it.

I see. And what is interesting to me is that young people like you don't understand that line at all. I know, I am getting there. I've been sharing it this week with a number of interesting people, including Rupert Everett, who was one of my favorite Oscar Wildes in the recent film about Oscar Wilde. And people more of my vintage than of yours, and Charles Dance, the actor. And, oh, they get it at once. Because in our heads, we may be old. We may be, you know, our bodies are now old.

But the tragedy for us is not that we're old. It's that we're still young. I see. So in our heads, we're still young. Yes. Yet we go around and we're now old. It's awful. I can't tell you.

It is so awful. But I'm coping because I get the opportunity still to meet young people like you. And through the purple people, we meet people of every age. We do. We do. We do. And I have to say, I went to a school recently, a wonderful school of children aged three to seven. And their curiosity and their animation was just a tonic for the soul.

They were so excited about words and magic. And even as young as five, children as young as five were putting up their hands when I asked for their favourite words. One came up with discombobulate. And believe it or not, a six-year-old said inconspicuous. Fantastic. Isn't that amazing? It's very exciting. And in fact, one of the good things about my wife telling us to turn off the news is that it makes us appreciate all the marvelous things that are happening in the world.

Yeah. Exciting. My grandson, one of my grandsons, went to the Brits a weekend or so ago. And therefore, I watched it on television. I hadn't heard of anybody in it. Looking out for him. But I looked out for him and he was there. He was there meeting Ray on the red carpet. I mean, it was extraordinary. Chatting with Kylie Minogue.

But what intrigued me was, oh, all this energy, all this hope, all these exciting people making wonderful sounds in a new way. So actually, turn off the news, look at the real world, meet the real people, and you will feel pretty positive. I agree. I agree. Well, hopefully we have made you feel a little bit positive today, brought some positivity into your life. We're so grateful for your company, as I always say,

we never take it for granted. Please do consider the Purple Plus Club if you fancy listening ad-free. And that is where Giles and I tootle off down the boulevard or two to talk about words and language. Something Rhymes with Purple

is a Sony Music Entertainment production. It was produced by Naya Dio with additional production from Jen Mystery, Charlie Morel, Olly Wilson and Matias Torres Sole.

I hope I pronounced that correctly Matthias what a name it's not a name you should pronounce it's a name you should sing

Matthias Torres Sole oh Sole Torres Matthias for me cut