Something Rhymes with Purple - Lalochezia

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

Mind your language. This week we're turning the air blue with a special episode all about swearing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Cheers to taking off this summer. More details at aircanada.com. Welcome to Something Rhymes with Purple, our English language podcast. I'm Giles Brandreth, and with me is my friend... Susie Dent. And we're here today talking about words, language, because that's what the podcast is all about. The joy of language, the power of language.

And we're going to talk today about bad language. So if you are of a sensitive disposition and feel that you hear enough of the F word on the number 49 bus, which I certainly do, now is the time to go back and see if you can find last week's podcast or next week's podcast, but not this one, because we are going to be using a little bit of bad language as we go along. I'm talking about whether, in fact, it is so bad. Yeah, exactly. Because a word is just a word. It's just a sound, isn't it?

But they're charged. They are charged. The authority we have to do this is nil in my case. I'm just a word enthusiast. I love language. I know a bit about language because over the years I've written books about it. I'm the founder of the National Scrabble Championships. Susie is a proper trained...

Are you a philologist? Are you a lexicographer? What are you? On Countdown, the show that I appear on in Britain, I am known as a lexicographer. But do you know what? When people say, can you give us your job description? I never know how to reply. I just like to say that I am a logophile. I love words and I've grown up with words and I have been trained and trained myself. So I studied and studied some more. Now we're going to talk about bad language today. So if bad language doesn't appeal to you, fuck off. This is not going to be your show. But it's going to be ours. I think I was still a schoolboy. In fact, public. I was watching television, and there was a famous British theatre critic called Kenneth Tynan, and he became the first person to say,

fuck, on British television. I heard it as it happened. My parents were embarrassed, and actually the nation was scandalised, and the BBC apologised. It was on a late-night chat programme, and he was talking. It was curious that he was the first person to say it, because he had a stammer. So, you know, he could have got nervous at the last moment and begun saying, but he didn't. He got it out cleanly and clearly. And he was

somebody who was a noted theatre critic. He was, he campaigned against theatre censorship. He was somebody who was a noted theater critic. He campaigned against theater censorship. He was famous because he put on a show in the West End called Oh Calcutta, based on a French phrase, Oh, what an ass you've got, to use the American expression, which was scandalous because it involved nudity, simulated sex on stage. The great choreographer Robert Helpman went to see it, didn't approve. It came out immediately afterwards, having seen all this naked frolicking, and said the trouble with naked dancing is that not everything stops when the music stops. So that was Ken Tynan, and it caused a big furore. So he is credited with being the first person officially to say fuck on television, though the wonderful actress, who's a friend of mine, Miriam Margolis, she did pop up to say

that it was actually she who had said it on the television first as a frustrated aside when she was appearing on University Challenge in 1965. But having done some research into this, it turns out that it was the Irish playwright Brendan Behan who was probably the first person to utter the ancient Anglo-Saxon expletive on the box when he appeared live on Panorama in 1956. But it wasn't properly noticed at the time because he was so drunk he was slurring most of what he had to say. I mention it being Anglo-Saxon. What is the origin of the word fuck? What did it originally mean?

What does it mean now? Susie Dent. Well, the first thing I'm going to do is correct you. It's not Anglo-Saxon. Why is it known as a famous Anglo-Saxon? It is, isn't it? We tend to think of all our swear words as being Anglo-Saxon In fact, the only real Anglo-Saxon swear word probably is shit

And bollocks were around as well in Anglo-Saxon times But not rude at all In fact, neither of them were considered to be particularly rude Improper maybe for shit But those were the only two Fuck came about quite a lot later Around the 1300s 1400s you'll find the first records emerging now i'm going to start with all the lovely stories

attached to fuck because one thing that we love to do what english speakers love to do is to invent stories particularly invent acronyms for particular words so shit for example i mentioned that um the backronym as they're known, so the kind of, you know, the acronym that's made up to explain the story of it. An acronym is where you take the initial letters. Yes. And they form a word. So it's not an abbreviation. So it is something you can actually say as a word. YAM, being an acronym for yet another meeting. Yes. Exactly.

Very good. YOLO, you only live once. That's an acronym. That's an acronym. Good. Yes. So SHIT, the backronym that has been invented to explain that one, so the back acronym, the backstory, is ship high in transit, something to do with storing combustible cow dung high in ships for fear of explosion.

That's SHIT. That's the one that people made up for that. Do it again. S-H-I-T, ship high in transit. Ship high in transit. Not true. Not true at all. In fact, it goes back to an old English word,

which meant exactly as it does, what it does today. Like posh is not port out starboard home. It's not. The origin of posh. What is that incidental word? Posh, it probably goes back to an old Romany word, not an acronym at all, meaning sort of money. So it's a kind of spivvy type word. Posh.

Posh. Okay, so back to shit. Back to the shit. Back to shit. Oh, actually, we've done shit, so no wonder fuck. I love those kind of sentences. So the backronym created for fuck is rather wonderful. People think that it might be fornication under consent of the king. And the story goes that in times of plague, when the population had been decimated, the king positively

encouraged to go forth and procreate. And it's said that couples would hang signs outside their doors saying F-U-C-K, that they were fornicating under consent of the king. And in no circumstances were they to be disturbed. Not true. I love it.

What a great story. I love it. Can I chip in with a story now? Yes. Only because you saying bollocks has reminded me of it. Do you remember there was a pope called Pope Joan? A female pope? I don't. I should. Are you not interested in the history of the popes? I will be now. You will be now. There have been popes since the time of St. Peter, as it were, the original pope.

And in the early years of the papacy, there were lots of doubtful popes. And there was a girl who managed to become pope. And she was called Pope Joan. It caused a big, big scandal. And they didn't want any more female popes getting in on the act. So there is to this day a special chair in the Vatican, which I have seen. You'll recall when the pope has been chosen, when the smoke has gone up, and the pope has been crowned, he is carried through St. Peter's Square on a chair by people

underneath him who are carrying him through St. Peter's Square. Well, the chair has no bottom to it. So he is perched on a chair, which is really rather like a loose seat. Uncomfortable. Yeah, it is uncomfortable. I'm just wondering where this is going. It's curious where we're coming up to. And the point is that to make sure that he was

not female, the cardinals, he would be seated up on this chair and with no underclothes, no underpinnings. People used to wear underclothes, in fact, in those days. You know, like Scots people are supposed to be underneath their kilts. Not always, although the history

of underwear is quite... Tutankhamun was buried with 140 spare pairs of underpants. Anyway, that's another story. Well, it's interesting. It's interesting. But let me finish my story about the Pope. So the Pope sits in this. He's just been elected. He sits in this chair that is like a loose seat.

But you can't, obviously, he's got his papal regalia on. Yes. And the cardinals walk underneath because the chair is being held up. And as they walk underneath, they gaze up at the Pope's bollocks. And because, of course, they're cardinals, they speak in Latin. And as they go under the papal chair, they say, testiculus habit et bene pendentes, which translated means testicles he has and they hang well. Yes, exactly. So that's my bollock story. Back to where you were with fuck. Back to fuck.

Okay, so nothing to do with fornicating under consent of the king. And actually, the real origin is much more sinister because we think it goes back to, with sound changes and letter changes, the Latin pugnare, meaning to hit. And the early records of fucking were all about hitting, particularly hitting women, rather than intercourse. So, as I say, not particularly nice origin. But I have to say, as far as swear words go,

not only is it incredibly enduring, I mean, it's still, OK, it may not have the shock value today that it did once upon a time, certainly not in Kenneth Tynan's day, but, you know, as a taboo, it's remained really strong. And you think of all the other words that have fallen out of use. Fuck has kept going. But it's so versatile, Giles.

You know, adjective, intensifier, fucking unbelievable. You can have abso-fucking-lutely. You can just use it in so many different ways. And actually, that's why linguists love it. Separate it then, please, for a moment, from, as it were, the sexual act. Yes. In, for example, a book that I read when I was at prep school, when I was sort of 10 or 11, would have been 1960, the year D.H. Lawrence's famous novel, Lady Chatterley's Lover, was first published in Britain. There was a big court case.

And as a result, it was able to be published previously. It had been published, I think, in France in English and possibly in America. I read Lady Chatterley's Lover. And there, the word fuck is used not as an expletive, not as an aggressive term, but as an informal, intimate term for sexual intercourse. And it's meant in affection, you know. Shall we fuck? Can we fuck? So there's that usage. Oh, forgive me now. Forgive me.

Excitement. Hitting the microphone. Can I tell you, it was pretty exciting when I was 11 or 12 to read Lady Chatterley's Lover. Have you read it? I think I did, yeah, but a little bit older than that. I went to a convent, remember that. Oh, did you? We'll get on to that. So that's one use of the word, fuck.

Put that to one side. The way I hear fuck being used on the bus is in the expletive sense of that. And you say it is versatile, and is it useful? Or is it lazy? Incredibly useful. Well well it's lazy if you rely on it like i think some comedians in my experience occasionally rely on it too much for a laugh because it always gets a laugh it's that kind of nervous giggle that you get you know if

they just say fuck off or use the c word or whatever which you can now surprisingly do on british tv but um yeah it yeah, it's got amazing power. I mean, maybe we can talk about, you know, how in terms of science now, how swearing is being viewed because there's so much research going into it, not just in sort of linguistic ways, but physiological ways as well.

But I want to go back to that idea of hitting because you will find that retained in some English surnames. So go back centuries and you will find a kestrel called a windfucker, completely neutrally, because it beat the air, the wind with its wings. It hit the air with its wings. It was a windfucker. Likewise, you will find a Mr. Fuckbeggar who was alive and quite literally kicking probably in the 13th century so he clearly wasn't very nice to his, you know, his sort of inferiors as he would view them or people of lesser status than himself

so it was used in a very sort of neutral way Hitting and striking Yeah, hitting and striking But not in an aggressive way, it just meant hitting or striking Well it did in the bird sense, I think Mr. Fuckbagger probably wasn't very nice. But yes, it has amazing power and amazing versatility. And it's interesting because I find myself swearing more now as I get older than I did before. Can I say it's the company you're keeping?

No, it is 8 out of 10 cats. You're with these lewd people who are not as young as they were when they began doing this and should know better now. But I'm using it with myself. So I will, if I hit my head, and again, we can talk about stress relief and there is a word for it, stress relief, swearing as a form of stress relief. But it, yeah, I find it incredibly therapeutic and cathartic but I'm not really doing it to anybody else. I'm doing it for my own benefit. Oh, Susie, time for me to go to the loo or is that the lavatory? Is it the John?

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I swear very, very rarely. I don't think I've ever heard you. Because of the way I was brought up. Right. I never heard either of my parents swear at all. I mean, my mother, she wouldn't have dreamt of it, wouldn't have occurred to her, I don't think. She was the daughter of a missionary. Right. And it just would never have occurred to her, I don't think. She was the daughter of a missionary. Right. And it just wouldn't,

it just would never have occurred to her. My father, he was in the army, you know, during the Second World War for six years. He was a lawyer, he went to boarding school, etc. I never heard him say bloody. Really? He would have heard all this stuff, wearing like a trooper. He was totally familiar with it all.

He just would never, never have occurred to him. Maybe he would use it with his mates. Maybe. I doubt it. I just can't conceive of him using it. So I've never been in the habit of doing it. So I don't swear. And I have to say, I do find it a bit oppressive on the bus. Funny enough, it's on the bus, not on the underground.

People are quiet on the underground, but they make a noise on the bus. It's funny enough, it's on the bus, not on the underground. People are quiet on the underground, but they make a noise on the bus. And on the bus, particularly if I'm on the bus at times when people are going to school or coming back from school, I do hear people saying fuck quite a lot or fucking. And I don't like it because it's lazy, but I'm also being rather self-conscious for people around me. I know. I have double standards, you see, because I don't like to hear swearing in front of my youngest at all. And I feel like becoming my mother and saying, do you mind?

Yes. How old is your youngest, by the way? She's 11 now. So she must have heard these words. She's fascinated by them. She's absolutely fascinated by the whole subject of swearing. But kids are so funny, aren't they? I have a friend whose daughter came back from school and said, Mum, I heard the C word at school today, age eight. And my friend was really quite perturbed about this, age eight,

hearing the C word, which, of course, is the biggest of all. But she said, OK, well, just you better tell me what it is. And her daughter said it was carp. And it turns out she hadn't even heard the word. It was crap that she thought was the C word. But she kind of somehow transposed it to carp and it all got lost, which I just love. But, yeah, kids are quite funny when it comes to swearing. But I do, there's that kind of, as I say, the giggling element as well.

What's the reminder there? That it's just letters. Yeah. And we are giving them, we are imposing on them these meanings because you mentioned the the wind fucker yeah and I was thinking well maybe the bird was really called the wind sucker no because I recall that we had a very old edition of Shakespeare when I was a boy at home and the s's in the printed version looked like f's yeah yeah that used to be a type of script did it yeah it was yes it was just the um i think script primarily for the middle ages you'll

still find it in the manuscript so i loved it in where the bee sucks there suck i when i was again 11 or 12 reading the enchanted lover where the bee fucks their fuck i thought hey look at this we've got a dirty book here written by Shakespeare. So it is curious. We are the people imposing it. So, yes, it's funny. Again, taboos are quite interesting because in the Middle Ages, the biggest taboos were words that were considered to be blasphemy. So it was all about religious oaths.

And so we evolved a huge number of euphemisms, really. We produced a whole lot of euphemisms to, you know, cover the fact that we were talking about Jesus Christ which became Jeepers Creepers, which became Jiminy Cricket. We had Gore Blind Me for God Blind Me. We had some really convoluted ones like Gad's Budlikins

meaning God's body or Zounds for God's wounds and that kind of thing. In the early days, the very very early days, it was a kind of mix between body parts being considered improper, but also being used completely clinically and normally in surgery manuals. So you will find the C word freely used in anatomy manuals in sort of 13th century, for example, which is quite interesting. Likewise, bollocks were used simply for the

testicles. And they were really, they just said it as it was. So one of my favourite expressions for a part of the body, which you will find going back, and it was even used in the Bible, for intestines, they were called arse ropes. Arse ropes. Perfect, because it just is so transparent, isn't it? Arse ropes are your intestines. Anyway, I love that.

So they were fairly matter-of-fact. Then came sort of religious profanity. And it's really sort of in kind of the latter part of the last millennium, I suppose, that things really took a turn toward body parts being the big taboos and the fuck being a big part of that. Body parts and bodily functions. Yes. And so up until what time are we talking?

1500, 1600? Yes. So it would simply be an anatomical description. Bollocks were testicles. When did bollocks come to mean rubbish? Well, it's interesting. It's had a really interesting life, bollocks, because, yes, you'll say that's a load of bollocks, and you'll find that probably only from the 1800s, 1900s onwards. But nowadays, we might say that's top bollocks, meaning that's really good. Indeed. That's dog's bollocks. Dog's bollocks.

The top item on the Korean menu. Do you know dog's bollocks? Do you know where that comes from? That's a lovely story. It's a printer's term, is it? It's a printer's term for the colon dash. So the punctuation that is the colon and then a dash, because it looks like a dog's testicles, they were known as the dog's bollocks. But because the dog's bollocks sounded like the cat's whiskers, the kipper's knickers. So we're not rushing people. If you're correcting proofs or something and you say, I don't want just a colon here.

I want a colon and then a dash before somebody speaks. You would indicate, you'd write dog's bollocks. No, it wasn't really an instruction. It was just slang amongst printers. They'd say, oh, you need a dog's bollocks in there. But because the formula sounded like the cat's whiskers and there were a whole load of formulae like cat's whiskers, as I say, kipper's knickers.

Forgive me, you can't say cat's whiskers and not explain what the origin is. Cat's whiskers actually does, it's not a fanciful phrase because we think it goes back to the early wires that came off transistor radios that would kind of vibrate. And they look like cat's whiskers. So I think that's where that comes from. But most of them just sounded good. The dog's bollocks

being the best. It just sounded like those. So it became the acme of excellence. Yes, that's how it worked. You must just tell me the origin of wanker. Wanker? That's a good one, actually. Because I think, and we'll look this up in the meeting. This I must explain to listeners.

The reason that I'm not bringing my computer in and that we're relying entirely on Susie's when looking up these words is I do not wish to be arrested at a later date for spending time putting in words like wanker into the computer. Well, origin unknown, sadly, in the OED, which is what I figured. But what's quite interesting, obviously, wanker, originally somebody who masturbates. And there's something here. Apologies to everyone listening if this offends you, but it's called Wanker's Doom, disability caused by excessive masturbation. Wanker's Doom.

They're all doing it now. Have you seen The Favourite? The Favourite, the film with Olivia Colman and all of those people? Oh, it's a wanker's paradise. Yes, absolutely. Have no fear. But it became an objectionable, contemptible person in 1972, according to the OED. Get out, you fuckers, screamed a youth. Another said, you wanker, and indulge in a masturbatory gesture. What is interesting there about that is that when I was a boy, the idea of masturbation was completely taboo. And people would tell you that you would go blind if you indulge in it. Whereas now it's totally acceptable. Mainstream films are featuring it. But while masturbation

has become acceptable, so wanking is now acceptable as a word. You wanker now means the reverse of acceptable. It's not a nice term, although you will find all of these words, similar to fucker as well, you will find them being used semi-affectionately. So if you've got a couple of friends just, oh, you wanker, like that, it all depends on the tone, doesn't it? So what are your rules about these words? Are they just collections of letters? Are they acceptable to you?

What is your feeling about bad language? Do I have rules? Well, as I say, I think I have double standards because I remember when my daughter, my eldest daughter, when she was a teenager, just becoming a teenager, she started to use frigging as a euphemism for fucking.

I didn't like that at all. And I don't think she's ever really sworn at me um but you know again it all depends on how you're using it i think if it's used aggressively um then actually it does it does still hold power under the power to offend i think you need to go very very carefully but i did talk earlier and promised to return to this research that shows how swearing can actually release all sorts of emotions that you really don't want pent up. And I don't know if you saw it. I think it's on YouTube and other channels where there was an experiment done involving Brian Blessed and Stephen Fry.

Stephen Fry was the spectator in this one. But Brian Blessed, who is, for those who don't know him, who is a very larger, a real larger than life character. A big, booming actor with a big, booming voice and a huge beard. A huge beard, stentorian voice, absolutely. And he put his hand in a big tank of ice-cold water and he was allowed to use one swear word only it's funny because the whole um time is sort of punctuated by him saying can't i use fuck as well as bollocks but bollocks is what he chose so he just said bollocks bollocks bollocks all the way through to see whether swearing could actually enable him to hold his hand in the tank longer than the previous experiment

which had him doing the same thing holding his his hand in, but without swearing and without saying anything. And results have shown time and time again that actually, if you swear very loudly, let it all out while you are enduring pain, you can endure that pain for a lot longer. I mean, I think it's as much as sort of 90 seconds or something extraordinary. And so stress relief, there's something very, very... And do you think it needs to be a swear word or could it be an invented word? well it's something that has power for you

but I think swearing holds particular power for most people and let's face it if we stub our toe it does help to jump around swearing don't you think? I don't know I don't think I do it

or do I do it? oh gosh I do do you? oh yeah big time as I say I do it more and more and it is in my own company that I tend to do it because I think gosh, I do. Do you? Oh, yeah. Big time. As I say, I do it more and more. And it is in my own company that I tend to do it because I think my convent education stays with me still.

You just shouldn't do any of this stuff. So our rules are we should be sensitive. Always sensitive. And we should not use swear words for reasons of laziness. Don't just use them as fillers. Use them for impacts. Enjoy their versatility. Certainly use them for stress relief because there's a proven link for that.

And, yeah, maybe lighten up a little bit. And, yeah, but I think it's always a balance, isn't it? It's always a tricky path. Oh, before we go, we've got to have your triple whammy. Every time we meet, you come up with three words that might be old, might be new, a bit surprising, a bit unusual, but genuine words that do exist, that have heritage and hope. What are the three you've got for us this week?

Well, I've tried to choose words that have something to do with swearing. So the first one is exactly what I've just talked about. It is the relief of tension in your body through a good swear. And the word for that, if you want to justify turning the air blue when you've stubbed your toe, is lalokesia. So that is L-A-L-O-C-H-E-Z-I-A. Lalokesia. Lalokesia. And what's the origin of that?

That is Greek. Most medical conditions are nicknamed after Greek. And it means relief through... Relief through... So you jump in the bath. Eureka is actually an example of that. When what's-his-name jumped into the bath and it was too hot and he cried, Eureka.

Who was the villain? That was Archimedes. Archimedes. But that was about... Yeah, that was a sort of discovery, wasn't it? I think it was less Lila Keyser and more, wow. Oh, wow. What a guy just discovered.

Yes. The next word is... I mentioned earlier the versatility of fuck, for example, but many swear words, and you might say that something is abso-blooming marvellous or abso-fucking-lutely, and that splitting of words, and so putting one in the middle, sandwich words, if you like, is called tmesis. That is the process.

Tmesis. Timesis? Tmesis. So T-M-E-S-I-S. Bit weird on the page. Oh, T-M. Tmesis. Again, timesis so t-m-e-s-i-s bit weird on the page oh t-m timesis again greek

oh my t-m as in tonalomy as it were t-m t-m-e-s-i-s timesis

timesis so that's where you put fuck in the middle oh yeah it's usually this word but actually but it's

it's from the greek for splitting so you're cutting a word up and putting another one in the middle and my final one is just a word. Well, actually, there's two words here, two C words, but not the ones you might expect for when you're feeling a bit grumpy and irritable and therefore probably prone to swearing.

And you were feeling crumpsy and carnaptious. Crumpsy? Two words from the historical lexicon. I.e. crumpsy at the end of it? No, a Y. C-R-U-M-P-S-Y? Yeah, and carnaptious. And what do they mean?

Just grumpy, irritable, and just basically a bit hatchet-faced. Do you know, I have to guard against that. Do you? As one gets... I don't see you being irritable. No, you don't, because I do it all at home. Aha.

Yeah. My wife says, what the fuck are you up to now? Don't do all the swearing. I'm being crumpsy and carnaptious. No, I do. Now, look, I tell you what, you give me every time we meet one of your lovely new words to use, lalokesia, temesis, crumpsy and carnaptious.

But that's four words, isn't it? Well, yes, you can take your pick between Carnaptious and Crumpsey I couldn't choose. I've got a surprise for you this week. I was given last Christmas the Shakespeare Insult Generator. Oh, excellent. And I think this is more fun

than using these predictable old words with which we are so familiar. These are genuine words from Shakespeare. Fastilarion, catastrophe, that kind of thing. You apish, ball-pated abomination. You con... Oh, con... That's too difficult, that one.

You cuckoldy, muddle-mettled codpiece. You... I'm just turning the pages. You heinous, snook-shotten, horseback-breaker. They're rather fun, aren't they? It's actually, you fastilarian something-something, I'll tickle your catastrophe, which I love. Yeah.

Mind boggles. Nukeshotten means full of nooks and angles, confusing and deceptive. The point is, one should be more imaginative. I agree. So get yourself a Shakespeare insult generator, you greasy, senseless, obstinate jackanapes. I'm loving this. Oh, yes, you pukingeless, obstinate jackanapes. I'm loving this.

Oh, yes, you puking, sodden-witted measles. This is effective, isn't it? It is effective, but, you know, I reckon if you put a few swear words in, it would have had even more impact. OK. I'll go away now. Yeah, we'll both fuck off.

Do please do what you can to rate it and review us wherever you're listening because it'll help bring other listeners to the party and to make sure you get all the future episodes just subscribe and then it will all happen and I do assure you there won't be this windfucker business every week we just got a bit carried away today Something Rhymes with Purple is a Something Else production.

It was produced by Paul Smith with additional production from Russell Finch, Steve Ackerman, and Josh Gibbs. They didn't do much, but we're including them here just to make them feel a bit warmer.