Something Rhymes with Purple - Le Pétomane

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

It’s Christmaaaaaaaas! This week we’re vamping it up and delving into festive language, discovering the origins of Boxing Day, why a punch packs a punch, and why a partridge in a pear tree might not be the blessing it first seems. And to get you through the Christmas break Gyles has a few games up his sleeve… Happy Christmas one and all. A Somethin’ Else production. Susie’s trio: Gymnologise - to have an argument in the nude Eye-servant - someone who only works when the boss is looking Phrontistery - a place for contemplation If you’d like to get in touch with a question for Susie and Gyles for a future episode, email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hello and welcome to a special episode of Something Rhymes with Purple, because this is our Christmas and New Year episode. And you might hear a little crackle in the background.

A fire is lit and opposite is Giles Brandreth. I'm excited to be here. I'm here in Oxford at Susie Dent's home and she has lit a lovely log fire and I can see the flames dancing about and it's crackling and it's all, well, it's all lovely and cosy. And one thinks of Christmas being a cosy time. I really like Christmas as a working time. I often work at Christmas. Years ago, I remember almost my happiest Christmas, my wife and I was at the beginning of a radio station called LBC. So, gosh, it's nearly, I think, 50 years ago.

And we, they couldn't get anybody else to do Christmas Day, so we went in on Christmas Day and we loved it. I don't think there were any listeners. It's fun working on Christmas Day. It is quite exciting. I've done a couple we went in on Christmas Day and we loved it. I don't think there were any business. It's fun working on Christmas Day. It is quite exciting. I've done a couple of radio things on Christmas Day and it's good. And we're going to talk about Christmas words, obviously, and some New Year's words. You've got some games to play, which will be fantastic. What do you do at Christmas? Do you have a family Christmas? Yes, family Christmas. My sister is just a big kid at Christmas time, so she really

kind of makes it. I mean, not huge, but lovely. Yeah, looking forward to it. Mine is huge, but lovely. With all your grandkids. Three children, seven grandchildren, all the in-laws. And they all come to you. It all adds up. Well, we're actually all going out this year for the meal because nobody wants to do any work.

Yeah. And that people apparently were happy to work on Christmas Day, like me. And then after lunch, we've got this big challenge, because, you know, I've got all my grandchildren to learn a poem for Christmas as a present. So I'm looking forward to that very much. That's a fantastic present to have. Which is very, very good.

I mentioned, well, actually, I didn't mention, I was going to call our listeners purple people there at the beginning, and a bit later on, we'll mention some of the brilliant suggestions that people have had as to what we collectively call our fantastic listenership. Can I just do something my father used to do on Christmas Day? Okay. This was his little test to see how sober people were before they decided to drive home. Because once upon a time, you find this hard to believe, 60, 70 years ago, people were quite casual about drinking and driving.

Happily, they aren't now. But really, people of my parents' generation, they thought it was quite all right to have a few sherries. And then if you could walk a straight line vaguely, you could go into the car and go home. And my father had a test for seeing whether he was sober enough to go home. And it was on Christmas Day, you had to do a tongue twister or two. One of his favourite ones was this one. That bloke's back brake block broke. That bloke's back brake block broke. What's a brake block?

Don't you know what a brake block is? Well, these were my dad's, so I think a brake block is something that was in a car donkeys years ago. I've no idea what it is. Give us a go at that one, can you? That bloke's back brake block broke. That bloke's back brake block broke. Okay, you're safe enough to go in a car. I'll give you another one.

Ted threw Fred three free throws. Ted threw... Fred. Fred. Three. Three. Oh, it's even difficult to do once. Ted threw Fred three free throws.

Ted threw Fred three... Three what? Three throws. Three free throws. Three free throws. I couldn't even get the sentence in my throws. Three free throws. Three free throws. I couldn't even get the sentence in my head. Oh my goodness. Another one like that.

Three free thugs set three thugs free. Quite difficult. Isn't it interesting how difficult it is? So I don't think either of us is sober enough to drive home. I'm still a bit befuddled to my cold, I have to say. So any kind of swatteriness on my part, which means when your brain's just a bit dull. Forgive me.

There are lots of lovely words associated with Christmas. I know a lot about Christmas traditions. I know, for example, that the Christmas season, in my book anyway, begins at the beginning of Advent. It begins on the 6th of December, the Feast of St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was the original Santa Claus up in the Nordics. He's known as

Sinti Claus. That gives you Santa Claus. And I know that the Christmas season officially ends on 12th night, which is the 6th of January. And you should probably have your decorations down by midnight on the 6th of January. Though some people, real traditionalists, say you can go on having your Christmas decorations up until Candlemas, which is the 2nd of February. So that's the Christmas season. Tell us something about the Christmas words. What are your favourite Christmas words and where do they come from? Oh, I have so many.

I often feel like the party pooper when it comes to Christmas words because some of the most romantic ones actually have quite yucky beginnings. Mistletoe famously it originated from the perception centuries ago that mistletoe plants would burst forth as if by magic from the excrement of the mistlethrush so it seems mistletoe would only appear on a branch or twig where birds had left their droppings because missile is related to the german mist which is dung essentially so it's dung on a twig, mistletoe. Years ago, on Christmas Eve, I appeared on the BBC Radio 4 programme, the Today programme. Donkeys years ago, this was.

And to talk about the traditions of mistletoe, where it came from, and the power of holly and ivy and mistletoe. And I was saying, oh, what you must do with your mistletoe is you can make a most delicious Christmas drink, mistletoe tea. I was inventing this, just rambling on.

And I said, all you need to do, delicious, hot, boiling hot water. Dip in your mistletoe. Ooh, a lovely beverage for Christmas. Within minutes, the airwaves will... People are saying it's poisonous. It's deadly poisonous. Oh, no. It will kill you.

So people must know that mistletoe tea is deadly. I did recommend it once to the nation. But now we have so many people listening. Did you hear last week, we passed the million listener listening in mark? Isn't that fantastic? Chuffing. Do you think that's the word chuffing?

I think it is. Chuffingly. We're chuffed by that, but we don't want a million people dying over Christmas as a result of me recommending mistletoe tea. You might also perhaps want to stay away from Yule Brose, which was a kind of seasonal porridge made from oats, but the juices of boiled meat were poured over it.

Sounds quite disgusting to me. Is this Yule as in Y-U-L-E? Yes, I'll come to that in a second. But the tradition was to put a ring in this bowl of Yule Brose, and the person who got it in their spoon was the first who was due to be married, according to superstition. But Yule itself is quite nice. It comes from an Old Norse word, Jól,

which was a pagan festival at the winter solstice. When we adopted Christianity, we simply changed the nature of the festival, lasted longer. But Jolly may be linked to that Jól. So Jolly and Yule, quite fittingly, might go together. Oh, so having a Jolly Yule is another way of saying have a Merry Christmas. Yeah.

Have a Yolly Yule. Actually, that's a bit of a tongue twister itself. The gum glue grew glum. The gum glue grew glum. Have a Jolly Yule. Well, of course you do. You toast people, don't you, at your Christmas lunch? I'm partial to a toast.

Me too. Shall I tell you where that comes from? Yeah, I'd love to know about that. One of my favourite stories, really, because it's simply, you know, you sort of think, oh, this couldn't possibly be literal, because it sounds too outlandish to be true, but this one absolutely is, because in the olden days

pieces of spiced toast were put into wine to improve its flavour, and it moved on to become a tribute, because when someone was being celebrated, they added flavour to the company. That was the idea, is that they brought a little bit of spice

and good taste to the company. So we'd toast them. And originally we would toast them with bits of spiced toast in our wine. So you had like a sort of lovely glue vine or hot wine and you popped a bit of toast in it, which was spicy. Yeah, it may not have been hot and also it may not have been that nice. So it may have been that it was quite cheap wine that you needed to improve.

And you spiced it up with the toast. Yes. Oh gosh, where to go from? So partridge is another one that always makes little children snigger, in my experience. It makes you feel a bit less romantic, certainly, a partridge in a pear tree, because there's a verb in French, pété, which means to break wind.

As in part rhyming with fart. Is that it? Partridge. Partridge, yes. It eventually gave us fart. Did the word partridge give us fart? It gave us, no, not partridge, but pété. Pété. Yes, and also petard. Hoisted by your own petard could essentially be exploded by your own windy pop. And there was the man, the famous man called Le Petomaine. You've heard of him? petard, hoisted by your own petard, could essentially be exploded by your own windy pop.

And there was the man, the famous man called Le Petoman. You've heard of him? No. This is true. Check this out. Wikipedia this. Google this instantly. You'll think it's just another of his stupid stories. It isn't. This is based in reality. There was a French Victorian entertainer called Le Petoman. And Le Petoman's feature, what he did was he could break wind. He was not the phantom farter. He was the professional farter. On stage, he would come on wearing a leotard, but with a little gap by his posterior. And he would come on stage and he would break wind to music. And the climax of his act is he would, people would come on, this is true, come on carrying candles, a lit candelabra, and Le Petit Man would bend over in front of the

candles, break wind and blow out all the candles. That's what I call a Christmas show. Le Petit Man. I will come and see it if you decide to reenact Monsieur Petitema. Anyway, yeah, because I think the relationship with partridges is because the whirring sound or the cheering sound of the birds' wings when taking flight reminded people of breaking wind. So there's that connection. So a partridge in a pear tree is not as romantic and beautiful as it sounds. No, not as romantic as you might think. What else do we have?

We have punch. Do you like a spot of punch? Well, for my toast. For paint stripper? I like a punch with the spiced toast in it, and I raise my glass of punch when I'm saying Merry Christmas to one and all. Okay. Well, punch has a lovely, I think, a lovely exotic past,

because for Europe, India was this kind of special exotic pantry, really. It was full of spices and delixes and strong flavours. And when the East India Company was given a royal charter by Queen Elizabeth to trade in Asia and the Pacific, all sorts of Indian words came back. And this was one of them because punch is from Sanskrit where it means the five nectars of the gods. Probably bears no relationship with the stuff we drink today, but punch was originally made of five ingredients, milk, curd, butter, honey, and molasses. Punch, five nectars of the gods.

Oh, wonderful. It's quite nice, isn't it? And just while we're drinking, I'll just finish off one with carousing. I love this one just because I love German, as you know. Carousing goes back to the German, which means to drink to the very last drop. Excellent.

Well, I'm drinking to Christmas cheer. We know the origin of Christmas. The word is the mass of Christ, of course, celebrating the birth of Christ. Boxing Day, always controversial. As a child, I really did think it was something to do with boxing matches. It is in some way connected with charity, isn't it? The Christmas box left in the church where people give donations for the poor

and those boxes on the day after Christmas or at Christmastime were broken open and the money distributed. Is that the sort of thing? Yes, I think that did happen. I think the most traditional explanation essentially is that the richer households would give boxes with all sorts of presents and food, et cetera, to their staff on Boxing Day. Also, boxes were distributed to troops who were away at war.

So lots of boxes. But yes, the idea certainly was of giving, which is lovely. A box full of good things to give away. Any more Christmas words before I give you a Christmas game? Do you vamp it up? What about Christmas parties? Do you vamp it up a little bit? I vamp it up.

That's interesting. Well, I ramp it up. Do I vamp it up what about christmas parties do you vamp it up a little bit i vamp it up that's interesting well i ramp it up do i vamp it up i thought a vamp was a sort of lady of um uh who sort of made doe eyes at you well originally it was um but it's a 20th century shortening of vampire no yes the vamp there is a different kind of vamp which involves shoemaking as well and something to do with leather uppers, I think. But, yeah, she's a vamp. It's simply shortening a vampire. It's not very nice, is it?

No. Well, I shan't be vamping it up this Christmas. Okay. But, of course, party games are part and parcel of Christmas. Yes. And I love a party game. I like a simple party game, like getting everyone to do tongue twisters. I haven't done very well with you there. You know what the most difficult

tongue twist from the history of the world is said to be, don't you? No, tell me. The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick. Can I read? Are we allowed to read it? Or is that cheating? No, I can let you read it. There it is. It's the sixth... You know the first job I had on radio? I think I must have told you this before. Years ago, live radio. No. I was playing a young policeman, Saturday afternoon theatre, live radio.

I came up to the microphone. I was playing this young detective, only had one line. This was my one line. That was the chair Schmidt sat in when he was shot. I said it too quickly. Are you serious? I am serious. I am serious. That's why I had to give up. That was the chair Schmidt sat in when he was shot. I said it too quickly. Are you serious? I am serious. I am serious. That's why I had to give up.

That was the chair Schmidt sat in. When he was shot. Yeah, exactly. It's a difficult line. On live radio, if you get it wrong, you don't work for 30 years. That was my fate. Try this one there. The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick. The sixth, say it again. The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick. Not bad. I mean, I love it. The simple ones are often the best.

You know, red lorry, yellow lorry. Yes, red lorry, yellow lorry. Shall we play a proper game? Okay. Well, I tell you, I've got quite a nice game here that is a game you can actually play on your own. Yes. Can I just say, while we're talking about people on their own,

because obviously there are lots and lots of people who spend Christmas, some happily, some not so happily, on their own. And Sarah Millican, the wonderful comedian, does a fantastic thing. Is she Spike's daughter? That's actually a good question. Millican, it's Millican. It's a different spelling. Gosh.

I've been phoning people all year, introducing my friend Lionel Blair, who is 90. As Tony Blair's dad. And I say, this is Tony Blair's dad. And younger people think, oh, how interesting. I knew he had some show business connection. Because, you know, Sherry Boots, his wife. People believe what you say. Is.

I learned, I have to say, quite early on in our countdown relationship, that when you say, yes, that was coined in 1872 by such and such, I would think, what, really? And then I'd check the OED. It was, ah. Well, this is why really? And then I'd check the OED. Well, this is why. You are the master of persuasion. Anyway, going back to Sarah's thing very quickly.

I'm not sure if it's on other platforms, but certainly on Twitter, hashtag join in. And it's like a giant conversation on Twitter between people who are on their own. They get talking to each other. They get talking to Sarah and other people. I'll be on there for a bit. And it's just such a lovely, lovely idea. She does it on New Year's Eve as well. So games that people can play by themselves. Excellent. Well, this is a fun game, I think, because it's a game that can involve one person or on Twitter,

two people, or you could actually... Yes, they could play with the join in hashtag. Absolutely. And the idea is to go through the alphabet, doubling letters. So you've got to think, I'll give you an example. A, I want you to come up with the shortest word you can that contains two A's. I want you to double the letter I give you. Okay, well, the obvious one is aardvark. The shortest word.

Oh, the shortest word. That's the trick. That's very good. You play aardvark and I'm now tweeting you or phoning you up. Yes. And with a shorter word. I failed already. You failed already because I'm coming up with bar, bar, B-double-A.

Oh, I see. It doesn't have to begin with it. No. Okay, got you. And the idea is we're going to go through the alphabet together. We won't go through the whole alphabet. People can do it on their own. And you've got to come up with a word that contains two letters,

but it's a short the shortest word you can it's quite challenging when we get down to q we've done a aardvark is very good is that a south african word um aardvark means earth pig and it is yes yeah yeah bah is the noise a sheep makes okay okay uh is that same sheep walking backwards. Oh, I had... Hey, go, go. It's Christmas Crack-a-Town. And now we do BB, do we? And now do B. BB. As in hubbub.

Hubbub. Not bad, a double B, but I can do better than that. She loses again. Giles triumphs once more with the word... You've got a list in front of you. Of course, because I've been playing this game since I was a boy. I'm likely to win. I've been playing this game for many, many years.

Okay. Eb, E-, many years. Okay. Ebb, E-double-B. Okay. C is quite challenging. Recce. Oh, I like it. You're quick. You're quick.

It's a five-letter word. Recce. Hold on. Recce? No, that's okay. Five-letter word. What does it mean? Recce-noiter.

Let's have a recce. Yes, recce-noiter. It comes, it's an abbreviated version of recce-noiter. And I've got something good. Of course. It's Christmas. I'm talking a load of old. Two Cs in it. It doesn't have to a load of old. Two Cs in it.

It doesn't have to be double C. Two Cs in the word. Oh, it doesn't have to be two Cs together. I should have said that at the beginning. Oh, no. This is the joy of Christmas. We've had our rum punch. It's better if they're two letters together.

Well, you can do it that way. I'm just getting you to get two letters, the shortest word with two letters that are the same. What's the shortest? Oh, so you're talking a load of what we do on D. Cock! Okay, maybe not shout that quite so loudly because my postman's due to arrive in a minute.

Your postman's due to arrive? Well, as in he might deliver the letters and hear you shouting cock at the top of your voice. That's alright. It's perfectly acceptable. Okay. Two Ds. A word with two Ds. Okay. Eddie. Eddie.

Add. A double D. It's shorter, isn't it? How did I miss that? There are lots. Did, dad, dud, et cetera. Okay. E.

E. I've done E. What was it? I know we haven't done E. We. That's good. There are lots. F.

Faf. Not bad. A four-letter word. I'd have come up with off. G? Egg. Very good. Egg, gag, lots of them.

H? More challenge. Ha. Oh, with two Hs. Ha. I thought, ha is H-A. There's H-U-H, there's H-A-H. Oh, okay.

Okay. Yeah, I suppose so. Yes. Have I beaten you? You have beaten me. I was going to offer hi. I won that one. H-I-G-H. I suppose so. Yes. Have I beaten you? You have beaten me. I was going to offer high. I won that one. H-I-G-H.

I. Iris. Oh, very good. Mine's longer. Icicle. Oh. Oh, dear. I should have stopped when I was ahead, shouldn't I?

Right, last one. Okay. J is for? Jejeune. Oh, well done. What does it mean? Jejeune means slightly naive, I think. You've got me questioning myself.

Jejeune. I think it does mean. I think it does. And people often think it's jejeune because it does mean naive, and they think it means as in being young. Yes. But I think the word is jejeune. J-E-J-U-N-E.

It says jejeune in the dictionary as a possible alternative. Yeah. Naive, simplistic, and superficial. There you go. Okay. I will just ask you for the Q1, and then I'll explain the rules. I'm not sure I can do Q. Yes, you can.

It's a word you know. It's a period of five years. Quinquinnium. Quinquinnium, I said. Quinquinnium is a period of five years, I think I'm right in saying. Okay. It's a fun game.

So the idea is you've got to go through the alphabet. Yes. All you have to do is go've got to go through the alphabet. Yes. All you have to do is go from A to Z, from bar to jazz, where there are two letters in the same word as short as you can. We can do the dent variation, which is have those two letters consecutive. When you have mastered that, I invite you listeners, if it's on Boxing Day, I invite you listeners, if it's on Boxing Day, to take the frequency to three letters, because the task becomes significantly more difficult, but it can be done. I'm just asking you to do it with the letter A. I'll answer it for you.

Banana. Oh, nice. And for Zed, zzz. I'll now doze off while we take a break. I'll now doze off while we take a break. Hi, I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson, host of the podcast Dinners on Me. I take some of my favorite people out to dinner, including, yes, my Modern Family co-stars, like Ed O'Neill, who had limited prospects outside of acting. The only thing that I had that I could have done was organize crime. And Sofia Vergara, my very glamorous stepmom.

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And watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. Hello and welcome back to Something Rhymes with Purple. We have a fire lit behind us if you hear a bit of a crackle, much to the consternation of Lawrence, our producer. But we like it, don't we, Giles? We love a crackling fire. Yeah, it's a bit windy today as well.

I'm sorry, we're thinking about Luperto Mane. People have now looked him up and have been amazed to find that he's a real person. Yeah. Extraordinary, isn't it? That will stay with me for a long time. I'm so sorry. Actually, if there is an unpleasant smell in the room, lighting a match, you know, does take the worst of it away.

I know that people on board aircraft have got into trouble for doing just that. I remember there was a lady who was kicked off a plane because in order to hide the results of an upset stomach, she lit a match and it all went badly wrong. Oh, I can imagine. Do not light a match on an aeroplane. No. Should we talk about Christmas food, though? Oh, yes, please. Because you and I are vegetarian. We are. Are you going

to be serving meat at all? No. Are you not at all? Not to your family? Well, because we're eating out, they can order what they want. Oh, of course, of course. But my wife and I, and one of our daughters are complete vegetarians. So we will be having delicious nut roast or, you know, mushroom Wellington, whatever they're offering you. Just a little bit of a plea, because we've talked in the past about trying to go vegan. It's Veganuary coming up. If any of our listeners have any suggestions for a genuinely lovely vegan cheese, please could they let me know, because I have yet to discover one. I know in Germany they have wonderful cashew cheeses, all sorts of nut cheeses. Right, well, turkey, I too will not be eating meat this Christmas,

but I will be serving turkey nonetheless because it's expected by my family, which is fair enough. And turkeys, as most people know, I think now, have nothing to do whatsoever with turkey, which is all a bit strange. And in fact, throughout the world, you will find the bird in the sort of native language called different things according to the country that they supposedly came from. And it's very unlikely they actually came from that country. Turkey is called turkeys because their name was originally just a generic term for any large edible bird that was imported into Europe via trade ports in Turkey. So because their sort of stopover included Turkey, they became known as the birds from that place, which of course is a bit of a

misnomer. So it could be anything from a peacock to an African guinea fowl. So Turkey was applied to so many different things. So legitimately you could be serving guinea fowl and say, this is your Christmas turkey. And it would be so. Yes. And, of course, in Elizabethan days, they did eat, didn't they, peacock? They ate all sorts of songbirds. It was all a bit grim, I think, anyway. I think I've mentioned before that pudding, as we had a lovely listener's question about this,

that pudding goes back to the French boudin, a savoury black pudding, which gave us botulism as well. Moving swiftly on, a chipolata probably comes from the Italians. I mean, some of these things I do remember fondly. Chipolata's great. A chipolata sausage, a little chipolata. Yes. I don't generally miss meat, but actually just the sound of chipolata sounds quite nice. Italian chipolata means made with onions because chipolata was originally an onion stew,

we think, with sausages thrown in. So it was all about the onions. And in fact, there's a brilliant, brilliant story written by Thomas Mann. And it's a short story called Mario and the Magician. And the main protagonist is called Chipola. And he is essentially an allegory of Hitler. It shows how he hypnotizes the audience. It's fantastic, fantastic story. And the idea is that there were sort of so many layers to him and he was all about deception. Anyway, that's just complete diversion, but it's a wonderful story. You were about to tell me something about Cipollata.

Well, only to use the, to tell you a story about the euphemism that Cipollata is, as we all know, a story of the great Sir Noel Coward. I always think about him at Christmas time because he was born a little bit before Christmas, hence his name, Noel. Oh, okay. Noel Coward goes to see the play by David Story called The Changing Room. This is a play, a drama set in a rugby football club in the changing room. And so the scene, it was in the changing room and all these guys playing rugby took all

their kit off. So we saw all these men naked. And at the dress rehearsal, there was a lot of concern. They were anxious about it, but the first performance was a great deal of concern because there seemed to be the noise of the kicking of guns. Yeah, like, when the men took off their clothes. They were going to take pot shots of the unfortunate actors who were being so bold. Anyway, this continued at every performance, this terrible kicking sound. And the actors were going to get nervous. They sent the stage manager around to see what was going on.

And what it was, in fact, was as the people stripped off on stage, the clicking was the noise of opera glasses hitting spectacles as people put their opera glasses up to get a binoculars, to get a better view of what was happening on stage. to get a better view of what was happening on stage. So Noel Coward went to the opening night and came out professing himself to be disappointed, saying, I didn't expect to pay £7.50 to see 16 acorns and a couple of chipolatas. I love that. From acorns to nuts. Yes.

What have you got to offer me? Never mind the nut roast. Well, it's going to be chestnuts. Chest roast chestnut yeah i will be having a nut roast and uh also we will be having chestnuts with our brussels sprouts you love sprouts i love do you know the sprout is the great underrated vegetable of our time well definitely be having chestnuts and have you ever wondered why a frequently repeated joke or an old it's an old chestnut everything i say is referred to as an old chestnut. Everything I say is referred to as an old chestnut. Yes. It's kind of a bit of a sort of damp squid, this one, I think. It comes from a play called The Broken Sword, which was written and performed in 1816. And in one scene, a

character is in the throes of telling a story. And he says, when suddenly from the thick boughs of a cork tree, he's interrupted by another cat returner who says, a chestnut captain, a chestnut. This is the 27th time I've heard you relate this story. And you invariably said a chestnut till now. So that's where that one comes from. How interesting. I love that. I kind of find it a damp squib because I want to know more. It's like the shaggy dog story. Everyone knows there was a story involving a shaggy dog, but no one knows what it was, which is annoying. One of the things I love about Christmas are Christmas trees,

Christmas decorations, and the more natural they are, the more I like them. So we have a wreath on our front door that is a real wreath, and we fill the house with poinsettias. What is the origin of poinsettia? Well, it's an eponym named after a man called Poinsett. I'll come to him in a minute, but it's got a really ancient, ancient history, the poinsettia, because we have to go all the way back to the Aztecs who used it to reduce fever. So it was quite a, it can give off a sort

of milky sap from its leaves. And it was used medicinally. It was also used to create red and purple dyes because, of course, it's that brilliant red. And it said that Montezuma, who was the last of the Aztec emperors, was so captivated by it that he'd have caravans of poinsettias shipped over to him because he couldn't grow them at the high altitude or his people couldn't grow them um until there it was called something completely unpronounceable in aztec you know we get avocado from from aztec and that was an i really can't speak aztec unfortunately this one was known to the locals as as Cuetlaxo. Oh, yes. I'm sorry, it's spelled... We were doing tongue twisters earlier. C-U-E-T-L-A-X-O-C-H-I-T-L. So Cuetlaxo Hitler, or something similar.

No wonder it's called Poinsettia. And Poinsettia is the person who brought it over from Mexico. Yes, there's a lovely legend, though, going back to Aztec times, which is that a young girl called Pepita was going to her village to visit the nativity scene at the chapel and they didn't have enough money to buy a present to give the baby Jesus at these nativity services. So she gathered just some roadside weeds, formed a bouquet from those and gave it in love, even though it didn't look particularly special. But it said that upon entering the chapel and giving the bouquet,

the roadside weeds miraculously turned into a bouquet of these beautiful red flowers that they pronounced in that, for us, unpronounceable way. But yes, Joel Roberts Poinsett was a botanist. Joel Roberts Poinsett. Yes, and he introduced it to the US. He was the first US ambassador to Mexico, which is how he encountered it.

And the rest is history. Wonderful. A lot of flowers are named after the people, aren't they? I've always found it odd that we call... Magnolia. Magnolia? Who's that named after, Mr. Magnolia? I think it's called Jean-Pierre Magnol.

Ah, I know that the Dahlia is named after Mr. Dahl. Why don't we call it the Dahlia? It should be the Dahlia. We should. Have I got time for one more? New Year. Then we're going to have one more game before we have your words of the week. Yes, one more game. Well, what do you

associate with new year, Willie? Do you celebrate new year? Yes. Okay. Because I'm an optimist, I look forward to new year. I'm going to do what I wanted to do next year. Next year is going to be the year, every year I say this, every year. The year that we get to number one. Oh, we get to number one. It's going to be our year next year. Well, actually, this hasn't been a bad year for us. I mean, I'm such a lucky person. Every year seems to get better and better and better. But the joy of getting older is that you feel freer.

And I'm going to let loose my inner anarchist next year. That's me breaking wind into the microphone. My New Year treat. Charles, the yellow vest of 2020. What's your name? Auld Lang Syne. Auld Lang Syne. Auld Lang Syne.

It's beautiful, isn't it? And often people wonder what that means. It's simply, I think, probably from Scots, can be old long since or long, long ago, days gone by. So it's quite wistful. And we've mentioned before on the programme that January is named after Janus, the god with two faces. Who is looking both ways, looking back at last.

Yes, he looks forward to the new year and back at the year past. Lots of New Year's words, one of which is probably my favourite. The result of a lot of wine or drinking on New Year's Eve is calopsia. And calopsia is the state of mind where everybody and everything looks beautiful. Oh, lovely. It's kind of almost like beer goggles. I'm in a state of calopsia is a state of mind where everybody and everything looks beautiful. Oh, lovely. It's kind of almost like beer goggles. I'm in a state of Colopsia. It's lovely, isn't it?

Do you stay up till midnight always? Not always. I'm going to Scotland this Christmas, actually, so that would be nice. And that is fun. Or for New Year. Because they take it much more seriously up there. They do. Hogmanay, they call it, don't they?

Yes, Hogmanay. And we have a Hansel as well, which I think is possibly from Scottish. And it's really nice. It's a New Year's gift. Oh, I thought you were going to say Hansel as in, which I think is possibly from Scottish. And it's really nice. It's a New Year's gift. Oh, I thought you were going to say Hansel as in Hansel and Gretel. No, it's hand and then cells. It's something that you carry in your hands.

It's a gift from your hands, if you like. Ultimately, it goes back to old English. And it's just, yeah, it's just a good, you can wish someone good Hansel, but you can also give them a New Year's gift, which would be a Hansel, which I quite like. So there you go. That's Scotland.

And we're looking forward to going there. Do you have one more game for us? I've got a game to play. And you can play it really any time over the holiday season. But it's a good Boxing Day game or indeed a good New Year's Day game. You can't think of anything else to do. Get yourself a piece of paper. You know what a palindrome is, don't you?

Yes. A palindrome is? Something that is the same as felt backwards. Yeah, like the name Hannah is a good palindrome is, don't you? Yes. A palindrome is? Something that is the same as felt backwards. Yeah, like the name Hannah is a good palindrome. The game I want us to play is called pseudodromes. Now, whereas in a palindrome, it's the individual letters that read the same forwards and backwards. Yeah. Hannah, Eve, that sort of thing.

In a pseudodrome, it's whole words. Sentences, and the sentence can be read forwards or backwards. I'll give you an example. Bores, and some people think that people who play games like this are bores. Bores are people that say that people are bores. Bores are people that say that people are bores. Ah. Isn't that interesting? I see what you mean. You write those words down. It's not the letters, it's the words. Bores are people that say people, that people are bores. You can read that forwards or backwards.

Now, I can do a more subtle one here, and this is one I'm rather pleased with because I think it's my own invention. Does milk machinery milk does? I'm going to give you another one. So patient a doctor to doctor a patient so. So patient a doctor to doctor a patient so. So patient a doctor, to doctor a patient so. A really patient doctor. So patient a doctor, to doctor a patient so.

Women understand men. Few men understand women. That's a good one. That's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven words. Women understand men. Few men understand women. Have any listeners been in touch?

Yes, you know, we put out a plea for a term to describe our listeners because I much admire Mark Comer and Simon Mayo in their lovely Wittertainment podcast. And they just have a real community going and it would be great for us to have a label for our listeners. So we've got some great suggestions here we have from phil galsway purple nurples purple murples purple nurples nurples we have from charlie chalkley who sent us a lovely poem thank you charlie schreimers which is a mash-up of the title something called

tell gets a bit more creative with sea purples, because we're attempting to return to the source of words, much like a sea turtle attempts to return to the seas. That's lovely. Oh, I like that. One of my favourites here, I think, from Laura Palmerstedt, the perplexed. Oh, I like that. That's very good, isn't it? We are the perplexed people. Perplexed. Oh, I like it. And from Stuart Norman, the pompadours, because in the British Army,

the Essex Regiment, says Stuart, used to wear purple collars and cuffs on their uniforms. They were nicknamed the pompadours because apparently Madame Pompadour's favourite colour was purple. Well, I like that too. I think purple is probably my favourite of those. I quite like the pompadours. Yeah? Yeah. They're all good.

Brilliant. Thank you very much. see, but they're all good. Brilliant. Thank you very much. If anyone else wants to send in a suggestion for the collective term for Purple fans, it's purple at something else dot com. Do you have your trio of words to take us into the new year? I certainly do. We talked about nudity on stage a little bit earlier. So here you have got a fairly obscure term, might come in useful over Christmas because it's the time of arguments, let's face it, as well as love and complicity, which, as you know,

means happiness and someone else's pleasure. To gymnologize is to have an argument in the nude. Oh, I like that. Gymnologize. Oh, excellent. Now that, of course, is related to gymnasium, which is Greek for exercising naked. Gymnologize. Oh, excellent. That, of course, is related to gymnasium, which is Greek for exercising naked.

So, gymnologize is to have an argument in the nude. The second one is an eye servant. An eye servant is somebody who only works when the boss is looking. Oh, that's really good. These are really good words you've come up with this week. And the third one is somewhere you might want to go to if it all gets a bit much and you just want to escape for a little bit of silence and pondering.

And it's the frontistry, which is P-H-R-O-N-T-I-S-T-E-R-Y. P-H-R-O-N-T-I-S-T-E-R-Y. Oh-H-R. O-N-T. O-N-T. I-S-T-E-R-Y. Oh, frontistry. And it's a place for contemplation. It could be your loo. It could be your shed. Under the duvet. Under the duvet.

Your frontistry. After your game of gymnologising, you go for some frontistry. I like that. Where do you go for contemplation? I tend to go to my little study it's got my books there yeah i think so i go for a walk i'm a great walker i go to the coffee shop and order tea actually gaze into the middle distance are you going to return to coffee is that your new year's no no i'm not returning to coffee i'm sticking with all i'm going to be giving up more things

no i'm embracing more things next year well look we are going to be back on, I think it's Tuesday week. Yes. And also we're going to be live somewhere quite soon, on the 14th of January in Islington in London, which given that we have listeners literally all over the world, a lot in North America, a lot in India, flying from around the world. Meanwhile, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.

I'm Giles Brandreth. This is... Susie Dent. And please, if you did enjoy this podcast, it'd be great if you could give us a nice review or recommend us to a friend. And if you have a question you'd like us to answer or would simply like to get in touch, you can email us, don't forget, at purple at somethingelse.com.

Something Writes with Purple is a Something Else production. It was produced by Lawrence Bassett with additional production from Jemima Rathbone. That's a new one. Steve Ackerman and... Gully. I'm off to my frontisserie.

Frontisserie. Oh, frontisserie. Frontisserie? It's not the patisserie, it's the frontisserie. Thank you. I got carried away by the idea of the gymnology.