Something Rhymes with Purple - Mildred

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Doctor, Doctor, I’ve forgotten to listen to my favourite podcast! This week we delve into to the world of non-medical doctors… from Dr Johnson through to Dr Dolittle by way of Dr Frankenstein, we explore the fascinating world behind all those who have had that title bestowed upon them… for better or for worse! Along the way Gyles recounts meeting ALL those who have played Doctor Who and Susie reveals the murky world behind medical slang. As always Susie has three new words to introduce to your vocabulary, Gyles drops a name or two, and much laughter is to be had amongst the learning. A Somethin’ Else production. Susie's trio: Nuncheon - a drink taken at noon Fellowfeel - empathy Empurple - to make something purple. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Something else. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hello and welcome to another episode of the award-winning, we love to say that, Giles, Something Rhymes with Purple. We're still so pleased. We're overwhelmed, aren't we? Best entertainment podcast. It's putting a bit of pressure on us to be entertaining as well as being informative.

But I'm sure we can manage it. Yes, the educational one would have been OK. The entertaining one, as you say, just ups the ante a little bit. But how are you? How's your health? I'm in very good form and I'm in happy form. And I spent yesterday with my friend Alan Titchmarsh. And Alan is like me, the Chancellor of a university. He's the Chancellor of the University of Winchester. And I'm the Chancellor of the University of Chester. And we were talking about giving out degrees. Because in the old ceremony, you know, one shook people's hands. And Flora Benjamin, who was the Chancellor of Exeter University for a number of years, always used to embrace, give every graduate a hug.

And we were wondering, will we be conferring degrees by touching elbows? And then Alan was telling me about some of the many doctorates he has. Alan Titchmarsh has got everything. And he could call himself Dr. Dr. Dr. Alan Titchmarsh. I could call myself Dr. Charles Brandreth because I do have an honorary degree. How many honorary degrees do you have, Susie Dent? None. What? This must be remedied. People listening in to the award-winning podcaster Susie Dent, she needs an honorary degree. But you've got degrees that you've earned for yourself and they're the ones that really count.

You have a Bachelor of Arts and a Master of Arts? Yes, absolutely right. I don't really like the tradition. I don't know if it still holds at Oxford and possibly Cambridge where if you've done a BA, you automatically get an MA and can put it after your name. I don't buy that at all. So I did an MA and stopped short of a PhD

because I decided that academia just wasn't really for me. So to call yourself doctor, unless you were a medical doctor, you have to have secured a PhD. PhD standing for Doctor of Philosophy, but the wrong way around. The PH is for philosophy, the D is for doctor. Absolutely right. People often said to me, Giles, you ought to be doctored. But I don't think they quite meant that. What is the origin of the word doctor? Why do we call medical people doctors? And why do we call academic people doctors? It's a good question. And we're going to talk about doctors today in every single form, aren't we? Because we thought this would be quite a productive subject. And doctor itself goes back to the Latin docere, meaning to teach.

So it's linked to docile, which meant willing to learn teach so it's linked to docile which meant willing to learn and it's linked to document actually which was a written instruction um originally and only later did it start referring specifically to a medical expert or a medical teacher the earliest sense of the verb to doctor was actually to confer a doctorate or a degree and again medicine came about a century later and then it was used more loosely, I guess, for patching something up, for setting it to right. So the idea of treating or altering the character of a personal thing had negative possibilities as well as healing ones. So doctrine carried that double sense of treating something for good or for bad. And the bad sense took on the idea of kind of,

you know, altering in some way. Gosh. So a docile pupil is a pupil willing to learn. Yeah. So we all ought to be more docile. We should in that original sense. The old English word for a medical doctor actually was a leech. And that's nothing to do with the blood sucking worm, by the way, even though they were obviously really popular for bloodletting, etc. But it was another sense of the word meaning a healer. Gosh. So a bone leech would be an osteopath. Well, let's explore doctors in the world of words,

because that's what our podcast is all about. We are global in our reach. Obviously, in terms of words, the most famous doctor has to be Dr. Johnson, the man who created not the first English dictionary, but the first well-known one. Is that right? Yeah, it was generally the first. He was the first to attempt to chart a language's meanings, really, according to changing usage, not by committee.

He took his evidence from the most important writers of his time. But it's important to note that Johnson actually set out to freeze the language because he didn't like all the slang, et cetera, and the low words, the cant words, as he called them, coming in and corrupting the language. So when he set out, he wanted to preserve English as it was, but he soon realised that was totally impossible. He'd always be chasing the sun. Why was he called Dr. Johnson? Because as I recall, I've been to his birthplace in Litchfield. And I remember that he came to London on a long walk with his boyhood friend, David Garrick, the great actor of the same 18th century period. And they came up to London. And I don't recall that he'd been to university. How would he have been a doctor?

He did go to university, but he left because he didn't have enough money. And actually money really, or the lack of it really dogged Johnson throughout his life. He called lexicographers harmless drudges, as you know, and he was very prone to the black dogs of depression. So it's a really good question, actually. And honestly, it's such an obvious one.

I don't know how he then got the doctor. Well, you know what we must do? We must do some homework on this. Yeah. And actually, why don't we devote a proper episode to the world of Dr. Samuel Johnson? He's such an important figure. I'm embarrassed that I don't know that.

I'm just more embarrassed because I was actually president of the Samuel Johnson Society. Well, they'll be in touch. They will be in touch, actually. There have been some very distinguished presidents of the Samuel Johnson Society, I know. Including you, no? No, not including me. They very sweetly have asked me, but you have to go along there. And I could never manage the night that they went, so they get much better people. I think the current one is Dr. Rowan Williams, the former Archbishop of Canterbury.

Frank Skinner was before me. I had to give my presidential address straight after a tour de force from Frank Skinner, who'd actually done his PhD on Johnson. So Frank Skinner would know. My guess is he was given an honorary doctorate to do with the dictionary, but I know he did start uni and then couldn't finish it. So we'll come back to Dr. Johnson. We've already touched on my other favourite linguistic doctor, which is Dr. Zeus, or Dr. Zeus. Zeus, yes. Because I have told you, I know that my mother, who lived some of the last years of her life in

La Jolla, California, met him in the local bookshop and was excited to meet him, as well you would be. And Dr. Zeus, how do we say it? I think it was Zeus because it was Theodor Zeus Geisel. So it would have been Zeus, but I think in American English it became Zeus because Zeus does sound a bit odd to the English tongue. And he famously gave us one of my favourite words, which was? Grinch? No. Oh, not that you was... Grinch? No. Not that you are a Grinch. A nerd.

Nerd. That's it. In one of his books in the 1950s. You just did that funny thing that I have to say Nick Hu on Countdown does quite a lot, which is when you said, and of course he gave me one of my favourite words. What was it? And Nick will say, I will never forget the story of... Who was it? He does that a lot. Anyway,

sorry. You know the story of the senior moment when the fellow is telling his friends at dinner, his wife's cooking for them in the kitchen. She's doing the pasta and he's in the kitchen. And he's saying to his friends, we went to this amazing restaurant, this incredible restaurant. It was the first restaurant we had been to after lockdown. The food was sensational. The pasta there was impeccable. The wine flowed. It was, and the friends are saying,

okay, okay, we can get the idea. Where is it? What's it called? What's it called, this restaurant? And he said, what's it called? What's it called? It's my favorite restaurant. What is it called?

What is it called? He said, picture a flower with a long stem and usually red, a lovely fragrance. Help me there. Help me. What would the long, with spikes, sharp spikes on it? What would the flower be? Raisin crown? Rose. Then he called, turned to his, and said, and said rose rose what was that restaurant called okay let's get back to doctors fictional doctors and they've given us words haven't they doctor who has given us words the tardis was that invented by the creators so if you look in the look in the oed you will find two coinages two neologologisms really, courtesy of Doctor Who. And one is Dalek, obviously. Now, Dalek for ages and ages, it was thought that it was Terry Nation who created the Daleks.

And I think it was Raymond Cusick who designed them. And they were introduced in the second story of the series. He claimed that he took the name from the range, this is why I loved it, the range of entries DAL, D-A-L, to L-E-K, on the spine of a volume of an encyclopedia. And he gave this and I thought, that's brilliant. I love that. But then he later said, no, it was just an invented story.

So we don't know the real reason. DAL, do you remember, I Will Exterminate? They terrified me to watch them from behind daleks do you remember i will exterminate they terrified me to watch them from behind the sofa exterminate exterminate yes they could climb they couldn't climb stairs could they but they just oh i just love their pepper pot shape and then they started talking and i was just anyway um and tardis is an acronym for time and relative dimension or dimensions in space but now it's used metaphorically, isn't it? So it's used for something with a much larger capacity than it seems to have on the outside. I recall that the doctor claimed to be able to speak 5 billion languages.

Since I'm sure there can't be more that we know of than about... How many languages are there that we know of in the world? That's a good question. A few hundred? I'm looking there can't be more that we know of than about... How many languages are there that we know of in the world? Actually, that's a good question. A few hundred? I'm looking it up. Yeah, do look that one up. Here again, hear my keyboard now. So the doctor claims to speak five billion languages.

Six and a half thousand. Six and a half thousand languages on Earth. This boastful doctor who claims to know five billion. How ridiculous can you get? And if he knows so many languages, why is he always talking in English? That's what I want to know. Who's your favourite Doctor? We have to answer this.

Who's your favourite James Bond? Indeed. Who's your Who? You know my favourite James Bond is Roger Moore. I have to say, men of your generation always go for Roger Moore. Thank you. My dad. Because we aspire to be like him.

Timothy Dalton for me, I think, or Sean. Now, how many of the Doctor Whos can you mention? Now, feel free, purple people, to join in this game. This is one of the games, because I knew it may look, when we listen to this podcast, it's just all tossed together like a light salad. But in fact, it's a labour of love. And we think about it, certainly, for a few hours beforehand.

And last night, I knew we were going to talk about doctors. And as I fell asleep, I tried to go in correct order. Oh my goodness, I won't be able to see correct order. And I was able to, I began quite well. I began with William Hartnell, who was the first doctor. And I do remember, he lived near Notting Hill Gate. He had long white hair. I met him once. I met John Pertwee. He was quite early, wasn't he? He was the third. And he was a neighbour of mine, a really nice man. You will not be surprised to

know that I have met all the Doctor Whos. William Hartnell was the first. John Pertwee was the third. Who was the second? He's the father of another very distinguished actor. His son is called David Troughton. He was called Patrick Troughton. Great character actor of his generation. And in a way, for me, one of the most realistic Doctor Whos. Many people loved, and I worked with him just before he became Doctor Who. I employed this next man, Tom Baker. Yes.

came Doctor Who, I employed this next man, Tom Baker. Yes. The one that people can remember most about because he's so distinctive and quirky. He is quirky. He's a human being. In the 1970s, I was the artistic director of the Oxford Theatre Festival. We put on a production of The Trials of Oscar Wilde. We were looking for someone to play Oscar Wilde. And we ended up with Tom Baker. He hadn't yet been Doctor Who. I think he had been playing Rasputin. And he was rather Rasputin-like. It was quite terrifying. I know some of our regular listeners are aware of this character called Gully, who helps operate the technical side of our podcast. Well, Gully looks now a little bit like Rasputin. He's grown this enormously long beard and is a little bit wild gully, like Tom Baker was.

He turned up, I never known anyone do this before, he turned up, we were in Oxford. He had nothing with him but a toothbrush. That's all he travelled with, a toothbrush. He borrowed a bed, he borrowed toothpaste, all he had was his own toothbrush. But he was a genius as Doctor Who. Who came next?

Yes, he was good. I'll tell you the ones that I can remember. Yes. Because I won't get the order. Peter Capaldi, of course, because I love him in the thick of it. I can remember David Tennant. Yes, the last but three.

He was great. Peter Davison. Yes, he came immediately after Tom Baker. There was another Baker, Colin Baker. And Colin Baker went on to do and still does audio adventures of Doctor Who. And I know how popular Doctor Who is because I once played a villain in one of these audio versions of Doctor Who. And I went to a convention.

And because I had this little part as a villain on a Doctor Who audio, people were queuing around the block to get one's autograph. Doctor Who is huge. So Colin Baker. Who followed Colin Baker? A very amusing character. Sylvester? McCoy? Sylvester McCoy.

I thought for a moment you were going to say Tweety Pie. Sylvester McCoy, a delightful man. Paul McGann. Do you remember him? Oh, the McGanns are lovely. Yeah, they're great. Oh, I've just remembered another one. Matt Smith.

Matt Smith. Matt Smith. You've got one, still two to come. We've had William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, John Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, Christopher... Eccleston. Christopher Eccleston. Then David Tennant, then Matt Smith, then Peter Capaldi. And finally... Oh, Jodie Whiskers. She's amazing too.

Bringing in a female Doctor Who can take us on to our next most famous Doctor, a literary Doctor invented by a woman. Who am I thinking of? Frankenstein. No, not Dr. Frankenstein. Yes. Yeah, you are. Because wasn't that written by Mary Shelley? It was written by Mary Shelley. And the thing about Frankenstein is everyone thinks Frankenstein was the creation rather than the doctor. Frankenstein has become this kind of typical name for a monster who terrorises its originator and destroys it or him.

But actually, it was Victor Frankenstein who constructed the monster and gave it life. We often get confused, don't we? Because with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which is the terrifying one? Is it Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? Yes. Isn't it Mr. Hyde? I think it is. But somehow, because of Dr. Frankenstein, you think that Dr. Jekyll, and also the name

sounds a bit more sinister, doesn't it? There definitely is. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That was created by, who is the author of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? I'm having a compete. Who created so many extraordinary characters. He created Treasure Island as well. Robert Louis Stevenson.

Robert Louis Stevenson, of course. Do you know, it's funny. I said I had a sort of complete brain freeze about that one. It's reassuring for the older listeners to find that even a young sprig like you can have a senior moment. Oh, definitely. The character is based on a real man called William Brodie, who was a mild-mannered, respectable cabinet maker by day, but went around copying the keys of his clients and then returning at night and robbing them blind. Oh.

And this gave Stevenson the idea of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And Dr. Dolittle, another of my favourite characters, you know, the one who talked with the animals, walked with the animals, played by Rex Harrison in the film. Yes. You're going to ask me who wrote that. I'm trying to remember myself who wrote the original Dr. Dolittle books. We're so well prepared. I do know who wrote the Dr. Dolittle musical. It was Leslie Brickus. And I know this because I was talking to Leslie Brickus about Rex Harrison,

who is a bit of a hero of mine. A lot of people didn't like him as a person. And he certainly could be a difficult character. But he went on working to a great age. Even when he was nearly blind, he would go on playing. He played to Henry Higgins, revived it in his 70s. He played it first in My Fair Lady when he was in his 50s. Years later, he was virtually blind. Going around the stage, you couldn't really see where he was going, you know. He'd be going, damn, damn, damn, fuck, as he fell into the orchestra pit.

Anyway, I met Rex Harrison at the time he was making Dr. Dolittle. And he told me he'd hated it, hated it, hated the animals, hated the animals. And I said to Lizzie Briggs, is this true? And he said, yes, he hated the animals. But he was such a professional. If you look at the film of Dr. Dolittle, he appears to adore the animals. They're all over him. And he loathed every animal, the parrots particularly.

But Dr. Doolittle is also based on a real person, a Scottish surgeon who was a doctor called John Hunter, who lived in a house in Earls Court and kept zebras and buffaloes and jackals in his garden. Well, that's definitely something we should disapprove of. We do disapprove. So do you remember, well, maybe we can come to this, but I seem to remember that your grandchildren are full of Dr. Doctor jokes.

Oh, they are. Rest assured, they're waiting outside the room till I left them in. Oh, brilliant. Oh, wouldn't that be amazing? They're going to give us, oh, we'll have a feast of Dr. Doctor. You're thinking maybe we should take a quick break before then. Why not?

Because I also want to come to the doctors that I spent some time with when I was writing my book about tribal language and the language of different professions and things. So I thought we could also look at that because of course, paramedics included, they have a very dark sense of humor. Reddit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the

powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Hi, I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson, host of the podcast Dinners on Me. I take some of my favorite people out to dinner, including, yes, my Modern Family co-stars, like Ed O'Neill. I had friends in organized crime. Sofia Vergara. Why do you want to be corruptible? Julie Bowen. I used to be the crier.

And Aubrey Anderson-Emmons. I was so down bad for the middle of Miranda when I was like eight. You can listen to Dinners on Me wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Dinners on Me wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine a world, a world just like our own, but importantly, not our own. Is it the alternate dimension or are we? And does it have podcasts? The Last Post.

Hi, I'm Alice Fraser bringing you daily news from a parallel universe. It's a sweet, sweet dose of satirical news coverage, some of which will sound pretty familiar. He defended him, saying he broke the lockdown rules on a father's instinct. And I just think if Boris had shielded his a** as much as he's shielding Cummings, he might actually be in a position to give parenting tips. And some of it is just pretty weird. Air and space is becoming much clearer, Alice.

And it's quite f**king because there is no air in space. It's empty space. So join me every single day alongside great comedians from around the world, including Andy Zaltzman, Nish Kumar, Tiff Stevenson and Will Anderson. Good luck to you. Welcome back to Something Rhymes with Purple, where we are exploring doctors today. And Giles, before we move on, you're a bit of a hypochondriac like me, aren't you? Yes. Do you know, when I was last at the doctor, he said, hypochondria. You seem to have got that as well. I mean, I've got everything.

Tell me about the origin of hypochondria. Well, I just find it quite interesting because it means in Greek, well, it's violate Latin from the Greek Greek and it means under the kind of sternum. And it was first used for a kind of form of melancholy that was thought to come from the liver and the spleen. So it was all to do with the humours in the body. And if you had hypochondria, you just thought, you suffered from the melancholy that was basically thought to live in your liver or your spleen. What I like about my hypochondria is that the way it goes away is by something else coming along. I had a period of thinking, I've had a lot of it during lockdown. Oh God, these headaches, these headaches. And then I had an itch under my arm. Oh no, what's the itch under my arm? It's

a growth. I've got a growth now. And I forgot the headaches completely. And then I thought, oh no, have I slipped something in my tummy? Oh dear, have I stretched my, during my walking, have I stretched my leg too far? Oh dear, is my hip out? So each bit, when one bit of the body goes wrong, all the other bits get right again. There must be a medical term for this, I reckon. Limb by limb. I love, I genuinely really enjoy hanging out with doctors because there is something very, very special about the way that they see the world, inevitably. And you wouldn't expect anything otherwise. But I think we talked about paramedics. I mean, they are absolutely incredible in the way they respond and in the way in which they have to deal with quite awful things. awful things. When you were with them, because you spent time professionally with them,

when you were doing your thing on tribal language, how different groups have a way of speaking one to another, a kind of an inclusive way of talking so that they understand one another. And it's a way almost of keeping outsiders out. What did you learn from the doctors? How did they talk? Why was their speech different from that of other mortals? I don't know if it's particularly different apart from the strain of dark humour that runs through everything. And, you know, quite rightly so. And a lot of it is jokey. And, you know, you only have to go online and you will find pages and pages and pages of silly acronyms for things that doctors use, many of which I think are apocryphal. But ones that I came up with were OAP for overanxious parent. I definitely recognize that one. PADE, paid. I have actually seen that on a set of notes, pissed and denies everything. And according to Phil Hammond, who regularly comes on Countdown, there's also TEETH, T-E-E-T-H, which means tried everything else,

try homeopathy. But the people, they call themselves by different terms. And you can see this, if you've ever read Adam Kay's Brilliant, This Is Gonna Hurt, you will hear some of these as well. So the bonehead is the orthopedist, otherwise known as an orthopod. You've got the fanny mechanic, who's the gynecologist um the lance a lot apparently one who sorry about this one who drains abscesses um and are known in the us as a pokemon then you've got millions of different versions of things like nfb which is normal for banbury um that kind of thing you know depending on where you are shadow Shadowgazer is a radiologist. The Rear Admiral is a proctologist.

Bones and Groans is the general ward. The Stream Team, the urology department. And Ward X, rather darkly, is the morgue. Don't. Yeah, that's not where you want to go, ever. That is a bit grim. Ah, good afternoon, Mr. Brand. I'm afraid your mother has been moved to Ward X.

Oh, dear. And then you've got PFO, P afternoon, Mr. Brandt. I'm afraid your mother has been moved to Ward X. Oh, dear. And then you've got PFO, pissed and fell over. Smurf sign, a patient who goes blue. VIP, I've seen this one as well. Very intoxicated person. That's quite a regular one, I think. Oh, and so it goes on. There's a lovely one again.

I don't know if this is true, but acute pneumoencephalopathy for an airhead. I love it. Their knowledge of medical terminology is second to none, but they clearly have to have this kind of shorthand in order to relay what type of patients we really are. Well, we have listeners all over the world. And if you are a medical person, doctor, nurse, or even a patient, do feel free to let us have any of the medical terms you have come across. If you can add to Susie's incredible list, do get in touch with us. It's purple at somethingelse.com. Somethingelse.com.

Without the G. So it's purple at somethingelse.com. And we will try to share some of them with you. We do actually look at all the correspondence we get. And we get a lot of international correspondence. Last, was it the end of the other week, we were looking at nursery rhymes. Oh, yeah.

This came in, this will amuse you, from Hugh Griffiths, who's a purple person in Australia. We did an episode and all the episodes, by the way, are available. You can go back, there are 60 or so episodes. We did one focusing on nursery rhymes and Hugh Griffiths has come, is sharing with us way are available. You can go back to the 60 or so episodes. We did one focusing on nursery rhymes. And Hugh Griffiths is sharing with us a nursery rhyme that's famous, very famous in Australia. It's called The Magic Pudding by Norman Lindsay. It's about a bad-tempered pudding that loves to be eaten. And it's rather eccentric owners, a sailor, a penguin, and a koala. It's full of

brilliant illustrations, rhyme songs, and sea shanties. It's a classic down under. I think the whole book is called, like we have a book called Mother Goose, where you'd find all the nursery rhymes. The Magic Pudding is where they'd find all of theirs. As the pudding says, eat away, chew away, munch and bolt and guzzle, never leave the table until you're full up to the muzzle. I like it. Love that. It sounds brilliant. Oh, I like the idea of that. I'm going to search that one out. There's a lovely email from Eileen Orton. I hope I pronounced that right, Eileen. He says, I've always associated the word skew with or askew with the name of Anne Askew, lady-in-waiting to Catherine Parr. But I believe you have a different explanation, Susie.

Have you ever Googled the word askew, Giles? No, I haven't. Do that and you'll be in for a surprise. I won't tell you. I'll get the purple listeners to do that too. Use Google. A-S-K-E-W. And something interesting happens. It's just cute and clever. Anyway, skew whiffiff it is a combination of skew which is from old norse and simply means at an angle exactly as we would expect it to today and a whiff which means a puff of air so skew whiff describes something that's been blown off course and to take the whiff years ago meant to smoke so you would take in tobacco which is where we get the bad smell of whiff that we use today. There was, in fact, there was a horrible quotation in the OED, which says the poisonous whiffs she sends from her toes and armpits. Not good. Anyway, so yes,

skew whiff, something that has been blown askew. And that skew goes back to, as I say, to the Vikings, legacy of the Vikings. Well, you'll be able to do this one easily if you could do skew whiff so easily. Spick and span. Matt Reynolds has been in touch saying, I'm a cleaner by trade. Can you tell me the term spick and span? Where does it come from, please? Yes. Well, I'll start with the span.

So that span is a chip of fresh wood. That's what that means. fresh wood. That's what that means. And the spic bit, I think probably goes back to Dutch and Flemish. They have words like spic spelde nieuw, terrible pronunciation, but they have spic in there and spic is a riff on, so the spic in our expression, in our English expression, is a riff on that Dutch word, which basically means as new as a splinter from a freshly cut log. There's a wonderful postscript from Matt Reynolds, who has told us he's a cleaner by trade. When rallying the cleaners at the theatre where I work, I like to announce, once more onto the breach, dear friends.

Excellent. Isn't that brilliant? Excellent. Oh, and what key workers. And cleaners everywhere just need to be applauded, really, because they've had to deal with a lot during lockdown. We salute the cleaners. Can we salute you, Susie Dent, as you give us your three words of the week?

So I'm going to start with a nuncheon. I'm not sure if you're partial to a nuncheon. You might have one with your luncheon, and that is simply a drink taken at noon. Oh, I like that. A luncheon. I like a little luncheon. Probably an alcoholic drink, but it doesn't have to be. Also a really lovely older word for, well, I don't know if it's older actually, but it's an old English word for empathy. It was essentially fellow feel. All one word. You've got a lot of fellow feel, which is really cool. And then there is, if you want to make something purple, you can empurple it. So that's a verb from the 16th century. Also, when your face goes bright red, does it empurple? It becomes empurpled.

Three simple, rather effective words. I particularly like the notion of nuncheon. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together. That's a nice one. See how many of these you know. These have been contributed by my various grandchildren. They're going to feature in my new book, What's Black and White and Red All Over. So in the coming weeks, you'll get quite a few of these.

Not just a newspaper. It could be so many things. It would also be an embarrassed penguin, couldn't it? Yes. Or a sunburnt zebra. Yeah. Anyway. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a newspaper. It could be so many things. It would also be an embarrassed penguin, couldn't it? Yes. Or a sunburnt zebra. Anyway. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bell. Take these pills.

Give me a ring. Yes, yes, exactly. If it's not better shortly, give me a ring. Oh, that's very good. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bridge. What's come over you? Well, so far, two cars, a lorry, and a double-decker bus. Should we get over yourself?

That's good. You can invent these. You're absolutely brilliant. Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a dustbin. That's a load of rubbish. That's it. Don't talk rubbish.

Susie Dent you were born for this. I'm going to give you just one more and then it's time to go. Doctor, doctor I think I'm a spoon. Nothing to do with rubbing. I have no idea. going to give you just one more and then it's time to go doctor doctor i think i'm a spoon uh

nothing to do with rubbing i have no idea doctor doctor i think i'm a spoon sit still and don't stop ah very good that's our lot for this week if you want to send in your favorite doctor doctor jokes or if you want to raise the game and give us some of the words and language from the world of medicine, do feel free to get in touch. Purple at somethingelse.com. Something Writes with Purple is a Something Else production produced by Lawrence Bassett with additional production from Steve Ackman, Harriet Wells, Grace Laker and Rasputin. Yes, he's going to be played by Tom Baker in the film It's Gully.