Something Rhymes with Purple - Nipcheese

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

This week Gyles and Susie go tit for tat, giving as good as they get in hurling some creative insults at each other. From the Shakespearean to the sublime they relish in finding out the origins behind calling someone a ‘fopdoodle’, a ‘dandyprat’, and a ‘mugwump’. And, ahead of this week’s General Election, Susie revisits a couple of choice political insults for you to slip into any debates that might arise. A Somethin’ Else production. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi, its trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Hello and welcome to another episode of Something Rhymes with Purple because something does rhyme with purple and because we thought that title, Wacky As It Is, kind of reflected our quirky love of language and that's what this podcast is all about. It is the relish of language by two logophiles, word lovers.

I'm Susie Dent and I'm sitting opposite my friend. Giles Brandreth. And we're sitting in Susie Dent's sitting room in Oxford. And we're in happy form. I'm in particularly happy form because we're going to spend half an hour with you now being insulting. This is going to be an episode not with rude words, but with words that are intended to have a rather rough and rude effect, I suppose. That's what an insult is. Last week, I had a treat. I live in London and I went to the German Street Theatre. Do you know it?

It's a little theatre off Piccadilly. I do. And I went to see a production of All's Well That Ends Well, a play by William Shakespeare. And it contains one of my favourite Shakespearean insults. Nobody did insulting better than Shakespeare. A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality. That's a wonderful phrase from All's Well That Ends Well. He's so good at them. I've got a collection of Shakespearean insults. This is from Henry IV, Part 1. Away, you starveling, you elfskin, you dried neats tongue,

bull's pizzle, you stockfish. Is a bull's pizzle what I think it is? Yes. So he's accusing somebody of being a starveling, which I suppose is a starving person. Yeah, I just, I basically love the way that these can be multi-purpose words, because he uses fop-doodle and nash-gab

and arse-head. Arse-head? Scullion and rampallion, and I'll tickle your catastrophe. I mean, who knows what a catastrophe is? But you can use it in any situation. That's why I love the Bud. Go prick thy face and over-red thy fear, thou lily-livered boy. I like this one.

His wit's as thick as a Tewksbury mustard. That's from Henry IV, part two. What was Tewksbury mustard, I wonder? I have no idea. Thick. Rhyming slang. Must be rhyming slang for something. Oh, do you think it was? Tewksbury mustard?

No, I think it was mustard that was very, very thick. Oh, okay. And so his wit was as thick as that, meaning his intelligence. Can I move from Shakespeare to one of my favourite dictionaries, which I've mentioned often on Purple, and that is Francis Grose's classical dictionary of the vulgar tongue. Now, I think I've mentioned before, essentially, Francis Grose, who was a huge man, had a massive relish for life

as well as food and wine. And he lived at the same time as Samuel Johnson, roughly. So while Johnson was going out collecting all these wonderful literary phrases for his dictionary, Francis Grose was hanging out with the prostitutes and the highwaymen and the cut purses and the gangsters of his day. And he collected all sorts of language, recorded them in this fantastic dictionary, but also there's some brilliant insults in there. Gross was his name. Francis Gross. It was G-R-O-S-E.

He was gross by name and gross by nature, but absolutely brilliant. I believe in this Latin tag, nomen est omen. The name is all. Nominative determinism. Absolutely. He was gross by name, gross by nature.

Give us some of his gross insults. Okay. He was gross by name, gross by nature. Give us some of his... Okay. Well, if you're a windbag, and actually the term fool goes back to Follis, meaning a windbag. So you're just full of hot air and not sort of particularly clever. But a windbag, somebody who goes on and on and on, they're a bloviator in sort of technical sense, but Gross called them a doodlesack, which is another word for a bagpipe, which I love. A dandy prat, a trifling person.

A dandy prat. I love it. I'm having to note some of these down, so don't rush them. Bloviator, I do know, because sometimes people shout at me in the street now. They say, oh, you're a bloviator. Go home, shut up.

So dandy prat. A dandy prat, an bloviator. Go home. Shut up. So Dandy Pratt. What does it mean? Dandy Pratt. An insignificant or trifling person. Oh, dear. Yes, go on. A glumpus. I love the sound of that one. A large, clumsy fellow. A glumpus. Catch fart. One of my favourite. I think I'm sure I've told you about this one before, Giles. You have. I tried to rise above it. A catch fart was originally a servant who followed their master or mistress far too closely. So they were very obsequious. A lick spittle kind of combines all those qualities. An obsequious windsock who tells everyone what they want to hear. And a lobcock. Oh, good grief. Yeah. A lobcock, literal meaning a large but relaxed penis. Sorry about that.

Actually, I'm going to write this one down again. A what? A lobcock. A lobcock, literal meaning a large but relaxed penis. Sorry about that. I'm going to write this one down again. A what? A lobcock. A lobcock, a large but relaxed penis. Wonderful turn of phrase. Did you come to that definition up yourself? Yes. A dull and lethargic man is how it's defined in Gross's dictionary.

Ah, brilliant. He's a lobcock, a natural lobcock. What about a nipcheese? Nipcheese, that's good. Is that somebody who's mean? Yes. Stingy miser. A wagtail is a rather lewd woman. Oh, as in literally wagging her tail. We'll go back to the 19th century, so don't judge me for these.

Yes. Tosspot. Not the same as a tosser, which most of us can imagine where that one comes from. But if you might call someone a tosspot, it's not particularly nice. can imagine where that one comes from. But if you might call someone a tosspot, it's not particularly nice. But actually, it originally referred to somebody who liked a tipple and liked many a tipple, in fact, and would toss back their tank. Oh, pot after pot. Because a pot was, as it were, like a mug.

It was a phrase for... Exactly, a pot of beer. And these ones I have to say I absolutely love. We may have talked about these in our drunkenness episode but worthy of repetition and apologies to anyone who's dunking a biscuit into their tea admiral of the narrow seas one who from drunkenness vomits into the lap of the person sitting opposite admiral of the what is it narrow seas I'm writing these down this is wonderful admiral of the narrow seas somebody who literally pukesas. I'm writing these down. This is wonderful. Admiral of the Narrow Seas.

Somebody who literally pukes in somebody's lap. Yes. Oh, I think it's brilliant. But there's a Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Giles. And that's a drunken man that pisses under the table into his companion's shoes. I'm so sorry about that. That's wonderful.

These are all in this 19th century, didn't you? Oh, but the way people have been, I think it's fantastic. So they're peeing into their neighbours' shoes. Yes. Oh. Yes.

Oh, picture the scene, or rather don't. Go on, any more? Well, at what point should we go to politicians? Well, you can go to politicians. I am rising above this general election,

but I will give you three great Shakespearean quotes if you are there at the last of the Hustings meetings before Thursday comes around and you don't like what you're hearing, shout out, thou cream-faced loon, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-painted fool, thou horse and obscene, greasy tallow-catch, thou damned and luxurious mountain goat, thou elvish-marked, abortive, rooting hog, thou leathern, jerkin,

Thou elvish-marked, abortive, rooting hog. Thou leathern, jerkin, crystal-button, not-painted, agiterring, puke-stocking, caddiscarter, smooth-tongued, Spanish pouch. Slightly worried my neighbours are listening to this. Yes, indeed. They think we're having a little row. Didn't he have a wonderful way with words, Shakespeare? Oh, he was... But it shows that insults have been around for ages and done with a certain style, they're almost fun.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You can relish them in your mouth, as you obviously did there. Mutton head. I quite like that one. You know, we talk about dogs as mutts. It's not a particularly nice term for a dog. But we get mutt from mutton head, a dull or stupid oaf. And dogs were traditionally seen as being not particularly clever.

So that's where we get mutt from. And muttly. Wonderful muttly and dastardly and mutt from. There's lots of... And muttly. Wonderful muttly and dastardly and muttly. There's lots of insulting language associated with animals. I mean, you mentioned mutts being from the mutton-headed. Barking. Somebody's barking. They're barking.

I mean, it's like a dog barks, but is it because they're barking mad? What's the origin of barking? It is literally that someone is so mad they are just howling at the moon as if there's something up there. someone is so mad they are just howling at the moon is if there's something up there but i love um a more recent term for being slightly bonkers and that is upminster because on the tube line is one or two stops from barking oh you're almost mad but not quite there you're upminster i mean there are words that turn out to be insulting but may not be have been intended to be insulting bimbo would now i, be considered an insulting word,

wouldn't it? Oh, definitely. To describe somebody as a bimbo. Well, originally the first bimbos were men. Oh. They'd now be called himbos, wouldn't they? They would be called himbos. Absolutely right.

So quite often you will find gender swapping going on in the history of English. So the first harlots were men, et cetera. But, yes, it was a fellow or chap, but it was a pretty contemptuous term for one. And now it means, a kind of bimbo means an airhead, doesn't it? Yeah. Originally, it meant a horse or a prostitute in the 1920s when it swapped over to women.

Now, a definition here in the OED, this is from, again, the 1920s. A young woman considered to be sexually attractive, but of limited intelligence. I think that's a good description. That's a pretty good definition, isn't it? Of a bimbo. So don't call anyone a bimbo and feel hurt if you are called a bimbo. In fact, you can make a bit of a brouhaha about it. Actually, what's the origin of brouhaha?

Brouhaha is wonderful, isn't it? Wasn't there some famous episode when Jeremy Clarkson called the slapping of somebody at work a brouhaha. Oh, is that an unnecessary... Caught the news. It simply comes from French for hubbub. I think people like the sound of it. It's like hubbub, isn't it? Brouhaha.

Brouhaha. Yeah. A bit of noise. Now, Shakespearean terms of insult include the word cockroach. People often described as, but that is just the creature. It's because it's like a... Oh, we all hate cockroaches. We do rather, don't we?

They scuttle. No one likes anything that scuttles. Now, my Spanish should be a lot better than it is, but it goes back to cucaracha in Spanish. And because we couldn't pronounce that, as I've just amply demonstrated, it sounded a bit like cock and roach. So that's what we made it into. It made very little sense. You know I like to name drop. And I feel people are disappointed if I haven't done so.

Yes. Recently I had the privilege of meeting Miss Caracas. Speaking of Cockroach, Miss Caracas. Is this a part of a Miss World competition? Believe it or not, I went to an event a couple of weeks ago on Sunday night. And I was literally introduced to, wait for it, 130 Miss Worlds. Oh, great. Are they still doing Miss Worlds? I didn't think they were.

I went with my friend Sheila Hancock, and she didn't know what to do. But of course it's all changed, and we met Miss World, who is also Miss Mexico, and over dinner I sat next to Miss Puerto Rico, who had been Miss World about three years ago. Please tell me they're judged on intelligence now. Totally now. It's completely different.

It was quite alarming. They saw Sheila Hancock pulling her face saying, does this still go on? And it goes on around the world, but it's not much shown in the UK any longer. But they were all there because it's happening in the UK this time. And immediately, they saw Sheila looking alarmed and me looking extremely politically correct. And they said,

you needn't worry. It's not about the wiggle. It's about what's in our heads. And I'd love to talk to you, if I may, about the economic situation in Venezuela. It's completely changed. And I have to say, the sort of silly smirks were wiped off our face. Good. Because they were an impressive group of young women. I think the sad thing, though, is that they have to use this as a medium for expressing what should be freely expressed anyway. Yes, but they were quite good about saying,

actually, it's quite fun to take part in a competition. Okay. You know, we live in a competitive world. People go in for boxing and wrestling and racing, and we go in for playing these fun games games and not a bimbo among them. Mm-hmm. OK. So I know some people think it's crap, Miss World.

Oh, crap. Where does that come from? Crap. Well, it doesn't go back to Thomas Crapper. Thomas Crapper did, of course, popularise crap. And famously, the sort of inventor of the flushing toilet. popularise Crap and famously the sort of inventor of the flushing toilet. But his surname, or at least the popularity of his surname and his toilets came after Crap. Crap simply goes back to an old word meaning refuse or dregs. You double-crossing tosspot. A double cross?

Double cross, yes. The origin is probably just plainly transparent and slightly boring and that you will cross someone's path and then cross it again. There is a story about the London bounty hunter who's called Jonathan Wilde, definite character in criminal history. And I think Henry Fielding wrote a novel about him called Jonathan Wilde. Oh, that's really interesting. I didn't know my fielding very well, but he was employed by the court and kept a list of criminals and others that he'd done business with because he was an art criminal and then turned to the police, but was double-crossing all the way.

But when someone lost their value to him or cheated on him on either side, either if they were on the police side or on the criminal side, he added a second cross by their name in his list and then turned them in. And so often, actually, a lot of our words are bound up in criminal history from 19th century and 18th century.

Does anybody ever used a rude word about you? Oh, I'm sure they have. I don't think they have because people love you. Sometimes people accuse me of being a snob. I hope I'm not. But what's the origin of snob? Well, one of the great etymological mysteries. So some people think it goes back to sine nobilitate,

so in Latin, without nobility, which, of course, is the opposite, really. Well, I suppose snob is somebody who aspires to nobility, but doesn't quite reach it. But actually, the first use of snob was for a shoemaker. So quite how that fits in, we're not sure. But eventually, it came to mean somebody who was aspiring to be, you know, richer than they were. It became slang for the townsfolk outside Oxford University. So it was the town and gown traditional conflict, where the townspeople were known as snobs,

and perhaps because they were trying to be like the noble aristocratic students, and let's face it, they were pretty moneyed in those days, they became known as snobs. But it's a bit of a confusing history. You're taking the Mickey. Oh, I love that one. Mickey. Taking the Mickey is quite affectionate, really, isn't it? But it actually starts off with the rhyming slang for a character called Mickey Bliss.

Who he was, we don't know. Some say he was an Irish drunkard. But Mickey Bliss is simply rhyming slang for piss. Back to piss. You're taking the piss. In a moment, I wanted to talk about political insults because we've only got a few hours to go before the general election. I was out canvassing for my daughter recently.

She's standing in the general election. And I knocked on a door and I said to somebody, showing them the flyer of my daughter, I said, I hope you will vote for my daughter. And he looked at me rather aggressively and said, what's she got to offer then? What's she got to offer? I said, intelligence and integrity. He looked at me closely and said, are you sure she's your daughter? I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray.

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I take some of my favorite people out to dinner, including, yes, my Modern Family co-stars, like Ed O'Neill, who had limited prospects outside of acting. The only thing that I had that I could have done was organize crime. And Sofia Vergara, my very glamorous stepmom. Well, I didn't want to be comfortable.

Or Julie Bowen, who had very special talents. I used to be the crier. Or my TV daughter, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, who did her fair share of child stunts. They made me do it over and over and over.

You can listen to Dinners on Me wherever you get your podcasts. As you know, Susie, I'm an old election hand, taken part in two, won one, lost one. My daughter is now taking part in one, as I mentioned before the break. Political insults, they're notorious. Have you got some gems to share? Well, I'm going to just give you two of my favourites.

I won't apply them to anyone. Our listeners can do that for themselves. But the first one I quite like is a character in a 1930s musical. And the surname was Throttlebottom. And Throttlebottom has gone into the lexicon as a bumbling, inept, but probably harmless politician. I love it. A Throttlebottom.

A Throttlebottom. It's the sort of person that drones on and you listen to on the radio. It's kind of the soundscape of your morning. Another Throttlebottom. Another Throttlebottom on the radio. It's kind of the soundscape of your morning. Another throttle bottom on the air. Yes. And a snollygoster. Snollygoster is excellent. It simply means a shrewd but utterly unprincipled politician.

Well, there you go. There are a lot of them out there. Lobcocks and wagtails, throttle bottoms and snollygosters. But can I say good luck to lot of them out there, lobcocks, wagtails, throttle bottoms and snolly gosters. But can I say, good luck to all of them. I think it's jolly good that there are people ready to stand in a general election who actually have thought, well, I put my head above the parapet. I've got some views. I'll express them if you want to vote for me.

They can. But if you are a throttle bottom or a snolly goster, be ashamed. One final one for you. A knight and barrow pig from the 18th century means you are more hog than gentleman. Oh, say it again. A knight and barrow pig. A knight and barrow pig. Yes. I'd like to add one more to the political lexicon of insults anyway. And we owe it to the lexical brilliance of Stephen Fry, really. Because do you remember the leader squabble over which broadcaster should be given the Brexit TV debate a while ago? And he tweeted, oh, toss a coin or do one potato, two potato, you hopeless tit wheels.

Oh, I like that. I love that. A tit wheel. Tit wheel. And what does that mean? It can mean anything you want. Going round and round in circles like a hamster in a wheel. But they're people who are...

And they're tits, basically, aren't they? Yes. What's the origin of tit as an insult? Oh, it's from teat, the idea of teat. So it is all about the female anatomy. Well, that's a bit rude. Oh, yes, we have tit for tat as well. Our producers just show me.

Tit for tat. Yes, if you give as good as you get when it comes to insults, that goes back for tip for tap. So basically, if someone taps you, you tip them back, tip, another word for hitting. What about a twit? Twit, you know, I've never thought about that. I'm going to look it up in the OED, a twit. OK, so the first meaning of twit was actually a criticism.

So that links quite well with us. To sense your approach or upbraid someone in a good, humoured or teasing way. We think it might be from a tweet, A-T-W-I-T-E, which was all one word and the F kind of dropped off. And that was somebody, gosh, this is the fifth lead that the OED has given to me. It is all to do with, oh my goodness, wit.

So I guess it's an idea of somebody without wit. To wit. A twit. A twit is somebody who is witless. Yes. A witless twit. That was a long journey in the OED. I love it.

And that's one of my favourite pastimes, I have to say. To look something up in the OED, it will take you to the verb, and that in turn will take you to a noun, and that in turn will take you to another word and another. And it's just this endless labyrinth of wonder. You need to get a life, Susie Dent. I do, I know. My life is the dictionary.

That's good. So, have we had, well, I know we've had communication from listeners, and thank you all for your communications. Have you picked a couple of letters that we can try to deal with? If you want to be in touch, by the way, tweet us or email us at purple at something else dot com. that's something without the g last week we did a whole episode we devoted a whole episode to questions because we've had so many and so many good ones um and i love our community because they're actually really wise

and gend up and will often lead me to etymologies that i didn't even know about which is fantastic so i'm hoping i'm hoping to create you, a special range of bits and pieces for them. Hats they can wear while listening. Aprons. But let's start with mugs. We might do that. That would be brilliant. I'd love to do that.

Something rhymes with purple mugs. Fantastic. Shall we see if we can make that happen before Christmas? Okay. Well, one of the questions that came in was from Dr. Clarissa Giebel, who I'm assuming is German. Sorry if you're not, Clarissa, but she definitely does not have English as her native tongue

because she says, why do English speakers say, see you later? Very confusing for a foreigner. Well, in German, if Clarissa is German, of course, you've got Auf Wiedersehen, which is the same thing. I will see you again. No, I will see you again makes sense. It really annoys me when people say see you later, when it's the end of the day, the shop is closing.

You're certainly not going to see them later. You're going home. So you think we should say see you again? See you again or see you next time. Okay. But see you later. French do à bientôt, till soon. So I guess that's quite nice.

But that's soon, that's fine. Till soon, we love you. It's see you later is so bizarre. That sounds quite Australian to me. I had an Australian colleague when I worked at OUP, Oxford University Press, who was Australian and would say, how are you? And he would be halfway down the corridor before I had a chance to tell him how I was. It's a bit like that, isn't it? See you later.

It's a sort of meaningless thing, but we have so many terms for goodbye. Because I'm of an age, I go to more funerals than you. You're still going to to weddings and christenings even i go to a few of those but i'm i major at funerals and memorial services i was at a crematorium the other day and as i was leaving the person at the crematorium said to me see you later i thought thank you very much indeed so thank you clarissa. I would just say goodbye, one of my favourite etymologies, because it's just a mangling or contraction, perhaps, to put it in a more friendly way, of God be with ye.

It's a religious phrase. Did you nail when seeing you later became common? It wasn't common 20 years ago. No, well, you'll find it in the dictionary from the 1900s. So many things, as I have mentioned many a time on Purple, you think are incredibly modern, like Watcher. It goes back to what cheer in 19th century greeting. What cheer?

What is your mood? Goodness. So you never know, really. One other question. This is great. And what a great name. Pete Van Fleet. He's from Ashland in Virginia.

So an American listener. He says, I love this love this he says let me offer my congratulations on such a wonderful show i enjoy it immensely and shamefully pizza has liked to keep the show to myself and not inform other people of it so as to better impress friends with my widening knowledge oh isn't he clever he's a bit of a nip cheese he is he said i'd like to know if there are any words that either of you use in hopes that they may catch on and become more common in our everyday vernacular. Thinking of words that you find yourself peppering in in your everyday conversations. Well, I'm going to be going, I mean, lobcock is now absolutely my word of choice.

And I can't wait to meet somebody who has actually been an admiral of the narrow seas, never mind a vice admiral of the narrow seas. The trick with this, and it's worth saying this to people, it's fun to listen to words, but I often come away from seeing you, Susie, unless I've written the words down, I've lost them. Something like nip cheese, which is you introduced me to today, I think it's so clever because it's insulting, but there's something ingenious about it. Somebody who's a bit mean is a nip cheese. I want to remember that. And it's insulting but there's something ingenious about it somebody who's a bit mean it's a nip cheese i want to remember that and it's only by usage so if you

want to learn a word you've got to put it into your language and keep repeating it time after time so let me get in the dictionary although all of these obviously when historical dictionaries um we just need to bring them back which brings brings me to my favourites. Yes. I mean, everyone knows about scurry funging from me, running around manically tidying up before visitors arrive. So I use that a lot because I am a scurry funger. But I also like the really old markers of time, like Senite for a week. Fortnight is 14 nights, a Senite is seven nights. I love Senite.

I love Yestreen for yesterday evening, last evening. And I also like Overmorrow, the day after tomorrow. You could never get away with using these old words, though, could you? Do you try to? I do. I mean, Senite maybe not, but Overmorrow I do because there's a clear relationship with German, and obviously I love German, with Übermorgen,

which is their everyday phrase for the day after tomorrow. So why not? And I think scurryfunging you can talk about with anyone. Of course you can. I've been trying out my Christmas jumpers in anticipation of the festive season. Oh, can you wear one for the Christmas episode? I will definitely.

And you'll think, oh God, what a dandy prat. Now, what is your trio of words for this week? Well, one is if you have been heavily insulted, you might experience a panthropy. A panthropy is the desire to be left alone. A-P-A-N-thropy. Yes, yes. Thrapos means people.

So anthropology is the study of people. Pan means everybody or everything. So panorama is all around. Panacea is an all remedy, remedy for all. And a is without. So you were without everybody, essentially. A panthropy. A panthropy. Yes. I am an apanthropist sometimes. Yes.

I want to be on my own. Ah, exactly. I'm an apanthropist. The second one is just a simple descriptor, but I like it. Have you ever wondered what the dint in the bottom of a wine bottle is called? The dent. The dint. Well, I call it a dint, but you can call it a dent. It's a dint. I haven't heard that word before.

D-I-N-T. Yeah, you've got me checking myself there. A dint. That hollow in the bottom of a bottle. Yeah. The little bit that's a dint. It's actually called a punt. Well, which is it, a punt or a dint?

Well, you can call it either. Or a dent. Any vintners can please write in and tell us. So you're saying that that little bit at the bottom, at the indentation at the bottom of the bottle. You are such a pedant. No, well, I am about dint and punt. That's the whole...

Can I say something, Susie Dent? People tune into this because they think you are the world authority. I know, I know. And I'm failing them appallingly. And the reason that i am here listeners is i am on your side and i want to correct english is a dint the same thing as a punt well a dint is a more general term a punt is a specific term i wish i'd never gone here so the dent in the bottom of the bottle is actually a dint i move on to my third um after all the insults

we have something quite beautiful actually i have got one final insult we're going to have to throw in somewhere. But take us away to the sun wake, which is a beautiful word. I thought maybe after all these insults, we should end with something poetic. The sun wake is the reflection of the sunrise on the surface of the sea. Lovely. Sun wake. That's good. That's a lovely way to end.

Yes. So if you've enjoyed us, give us a nice review, recommend us to a friend. If you've got a question you'd like us to answer or you'd just like to get in touch, you can also email us at purple at somethingelse.com. That's something without a G. And when it comes to our listeners, we don't mind them being fart catchers, do we? As good reviews as possible would be lovely. Let's get as close to our backsides as you possibly can.

Something Rhymes with Purple is a Something Else production produced by Lawrence Bassett, with additional help from Paul Smith, Steve Ackerman, and Gully. Gully the Tosspot.