Something Rhymes with Purple - Nutmeg

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

With the season kicking off on Saturday we’re lacing up our linguistic shooting boots and taking a dive (boo!) into the language of football… or should that be soccer? Either way Gyles is ‘taking one for the team’ this week as he plays more of a ‘cheese sandwich’ to Susie’s footie ‘fanatic’. She throws nutmegs, Panenkas, and Rabonas into the ‘mixer’ whilst deftly avoiding throwing him a ‘hospital pass’. In the second half we whizz through some fascinating club nicknames from the Mackems to the Toffees via way of a remarkable story involving a monkey (supposedly) meeting a nasty end in Hartlepool… As always we answer lots of your questions (and laugh/groan at your jokes), Susie has a tantalising trio for you, and Gyles reveals how he once played matchmaker for the ultimate football playboy. A Somethin’ Else production. Susie’s trio: Flype - to roll up your socks before putting them on Sprunt - to chase girls around a haystack after dark Biffin - a deep red cooking apple. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Something else. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hello and welcome to another episode of Something Rhymes with Purple. This is a podcast all about words if you don't know it already. And it is presented by me, Susie Dent, and my lovely co co-host who I can see in a tiny box on my screen. I'm Giles Brandreth and I'm excited to see you. You've actually filled the whole of my screen. Am I only a tiny little box in yours? Well it depends when you speak

then the whole screen fills with your presence but otherwise you're just a little box I'm afraid. How amazing with you you fill the whole screen all the time. All the time. OK. How are your dreams, speaking of filling the whole screen all the time? Are you dreaming OK? Still really vivid, because we talked about this at the beginning of lockdown, didn't we? We did. Yeah. When they were incredibly vivid, you had a dream about your mum reading you a story. Yeah, still very vivid, but actually much more obvious this time. So any kind of anxieties I have, I mean, they're pretty much replicated in my dreams. How about you?

I'm back to my cliche dreams. I'm regularly seeing the Queen in my dreams. And I'm not alone. Apparently millions of people, you know, dream about the Queen. What is she doing? Well, she's doing all sorts of things.

In my case, we were having tea and the Duke of Edinburgh got a bit grumpy. Oh, what, jealous? And then I woke up. Yeah. But what I wonder is who does the Queen dream about? You, clearly. Well, wouldn't that be exciting?

Do you know, that's another interesting thing. I was just saying to a friend yesterday that there was a certain period in lockdown. I think it was after the initial massive stress where nobody knew what was going on, when actually we were forced to be quiet and pretty much tucked away in our houses. And I slept brilliantly for about six weeks. My sleep was the best it's been in years. And now that everything is, it's not back to normal, but, you know, it's so busy everywhere, back to insomnia. Between two and five is my absolute black hole. Let me tell you about my living nightmare, because it's relevant to what we're going to

talk about today. In 1997, I was a member of parliament and the young Jeremy Vine, he was then reporting for a programme like Panorama or Newsnight. He came to my constituency, a marginal constituency, to follow me for the day with a television crew from the BBC. And we did the interview. And then I said, he said, well, where are you going next? I said, I'm going to the local football club to support Chester City. He said, oh, can we come too? I said, of course.

So they got into my car and I drove towards the football ground. But I'd been the Member of Parliament for five years. I'd never been to the football ground before. I couldn't find it. I could not find it. And there was a BBC film crew filming me as I got more and more lost, going around my own constituency, looking for Chester City, having boasted how I supported them. I had no idea whether they were up in the league, down in the league, what division they were in, who was the captain. It was terrible. And he could see that I was getting more and more lost. And I said, well, I wanted you to see some of the sights of the beautiful city of Chester.

This is my way. Yeah, I know this is the cathedral. Yeah, I think it was before Sat Nav. It was ghastly. Eventually, we got there. But too late for the beginning of the match. We arrived late. And I ran in.

I ran up the stairs. And I came out on the wrong side. I didn't realise there was a home side and a visiting side. I didn't know about that. I'd never been to a football match before. And then the announcer, seeing me arrive, made some sarcastic remark in the middle of the game, saying, oh, look who's here, the Member of Parliament for the City of Chester, coming up on the visitor's side. Oh. I could see I was going to lose my seat, and I did lose my seat,

and all this was recorded by the BBC. Do you think that's why, that single moment in time? No, of course I don't. I was going to lose anyway. But it was a terrible event. Yeah. And I then dreamt about it. And occasionally, part of that episode does come up in my dreams as an anxiety dream. Yeah. I'm surprised you're not naked in the away side,

because that would sort of, you know, fulfil every cliche of a bad dream. It's not a comedy, it's a nightmare. If I was naked, people would be falling about laughing. That does sound absolutely awful. But you're right, we're going to talk about football today. And you already said once, before we started recording, you said you carry this one, Susie, because I know nothing about football and you've just confirmed that fact to me. I, on the other hand, love football. I'm an Arsenal supporter, almost exclusively because of Arsene Wenger,

who I have adored for a very long time. Was he born and bred wherever Arsenal lives? Where does Arsene... Highbury, is it Highbury? Yes, Highbury, North Slington. Arsene is, if I'm allowed to call him that, is from Alsace. Did he get the name because the job, because he's called Arsene and it's Arsenal? No. It's just a coincidence.

Just a coincidence. I mean, we won't go into his achievements, which were just extraordinary. He was one of the best football managers in living history. But he's just so interesting. And part of the reason why I have such a huge brain crush on Arsene Wenger is he, you know, how you always hear about a friend of a friend who sat next to him at a dinner party or sat next to someone you admire at a dinner party. Anyway, apparently he did.

He and the lady sitting next to him had a lovely conversation over dinner about, you know, what they were interested in, what they did, et cetera. He was asking her so many questions about her job. And only right at the end of the dinner, after an hour and a half, she said to him, well, what do you do? And he said, I manage Arsenal Football Club. But at no point had he said, you don't know who I am or do you know who I am? This is what I do.

Well done. Yeah, he's just a great man. Can I say, I was intrigued by the phrase you used there, brain crush. Is that a dentism? Possibly. It's a nice phrase. Have you not had brain crushes on people? And what does it mean as opposed to him being candy for the,

he's candy for the mind, not for the eye. Exactly. Although, I mean, I'm sure he's incredibly charismatic and sexy, et cetera, but it's just his mind that I am in love with. I interviewed him for a book that I wrote on tribal vocabulary. And so I was writing about the vocabulary of the football crowd, the football fans, the football managers, the football players, etc. And he very kindly granted me an interview. But unfortunately, it was via email and via a proxy.

So there was a middleman involved. But still, he was lovely. And I know he watches Countdown and he wrote me a lovely letter for my 25th Countdown anniversary, which meant the world. Well, that's marvellous. But I mean, an interview via email and with a middleman, it's like safe sex inside a sack, isn't it? I mean, how ridiculous can you get? Anyway, we maybe got onto football because there is a lot to say. Please.

First of all, can you tell us about the word football and the word soccer? Because we have a lot of international listeners. Give us the genesis of those two words. Well, football history, first of all, is a mile deep and it's centuries long as well. So we know that Henry VIII owned a pair of football boots. And in fact, he also outlawed football because he thought at some point that it was said to be a distraction from the important military pursuits of archery and horse riding, etc. That's just how old it is. And the Football Association was founded in about 1863. And that was in order to get together a codified set of rules for the game.

That also enabled the various city clubs to compete against each other, etc. But also, importantly, it was to distinguish football from other forms of games with a ball, especially rugby. The sport was officially known as association football. the sport was officially known as association football and so that association was naturally shortened to soccer just as rugby football is shortened to rugger and association football the popularity grew around the world and it came to be shortened to just football in many countries and soccer in others so in Germany for example you have Fußball, you have Fütball in Spain, a terrible pronunciation. But in North America, the American and Canadian versions of football presided, really. And both of those games were derived from rugby in the 19th century.

So soccer was retained to avoid confusion with rugby. Does that make sense? So actually, the important thing to remember is that soccer was actually a British term and not originally North American. And soccer is a diminution of the word association. Yes. Yes. Instead of the soft C, you have the hard C. I just find the whole subject fascinating, but I also find it fascinating what happens to people when they go to a football match. So I haven't been to huge numbers of games, but I've been to as many as I can. And there is something quite both scary and just phenomenal

about being in a football stadium. And this is where the truth, I think I've talked before about the real origin of the word fan. It's a shortening of fanatic, obviously. And it goes back to meaning belonging to the temple and so inspired by a god. And then it took on the kind of frantic and manic behaviour of someone who was possessed by a god and so was a bit unhinged and an enemy of the people. I find that quite appropriate because the god of football really inspires every emotion imaginable and in fact people used to talk about going down to the temple when they were going to um to see a football match so you know that whole sort of religious sense has been really really kept and then there's the swearing i mean we've talked about swearing in our swearing episode but the language is

extraordinary and again that's got a link with religion because profanity, profane means outside the temple. A phantom was a temple. Can I stop you there? Profanity, is this a tradition in football? I didn't know there was any profanity. I mean, I know occasionally people will swear, but is that part and parcel of the ritual of a football game? Oh, massively. Really? Even in the family section, I have to say. Yeah, I mean, you can't protect your kids from the language around, unfortunately. When did this start? Because the great footballer

who I met, and I'm sure I've mentioned him before, it was the Stanley Matthews, hugely famous, maybe the first footballer to be knighted, I don't know. But a very distinguished gentleman, when I met him, he was an old man. But the world he described to me of football when he started playing, when he was, I think, paid five pounds a week and he was the most famous player in the world, I don't think bad language was part of it. I know there's a sort of spirit in the grounds. Yeah.

But why you're speaking of it as though you almost approve of it? Well, there's something about a football stadium that takes you outside the confines of normal society. Are they chanting things? Well, the referee is often on the receiving end. So he's often called the wanker and the black, often. And

people shout this out, do they? Yes. It shows the good and the bad sides of humanity. You're making me realise why I'm quite glad I've ever been to a football match. There's also real maleness about the language of the football crowd. So there's a huge number of women present, obviously a huge number of women playing, but the calls are all kind of resolutely masculine, I would say.

And even the C word barely gets a stare these days. So it's a codified vitriol, really. It's fairly intrinsic to the game. But this isn't the reason why I love football matches. The language of football, I mean, where do you start? You've got the moves for a start. Tell me about the moves. You know about nutmegging?

I know nothing. I know they run forward and they run. I know there are 11 of them. I know there's a centre forward. What is nutmegging? So to nutmeg is to pass the ball through the opposition player's legs. And it's said to go back to nutmeg, which used to be slang for testicles. We talk about nuts and we used to talk about nutmegs as well. So basically, through the leg, under the nutmegs. I thought this was going to be a family friendly, let's talk about soccer episode. It turns out it's all about vile language and people breaking their testicles in the nutmeg. It's not all about that. I started off with that one because it

seemed a natural extension. You're like the pea roller, a ball with so little power that you and I might kick at the goal. It safely ends up in the hands of the goalkeeper. That's a pea roller. Oh, because it's like a little pea. It's going so slowly.

Yes. Rolling across at the plate. You've got the Cruyff turn, which you definitely won't have heard of. I've heard of Johan Cruyff. Oh, there you go. I've heard, I mean, because I've read the papers. I know these people are world famous.

Yes, this was his move. The attacker changes direction by playing the ball behind his standing foot, leaving the defender facing the wrong direction. That's the Cruyff turn. Best illustrated on YouTube, I have to say. There's the Panenka as well, named after Antonin Panenka. He scored a goal for Czechoslovakia in European Cup final. But it's brilliant.

It's a penalty kick. So the taker runs up with huge speed as if they're going to leather the ball. But instead, they give it the tiniest, dainty little kick. And then the goal is completely bamboozled then. What about the Ribena? I've heard about the Ribena. The Ribena? Isn't that a move?

I've not heard of the Ribena. What's that one? It's actually a Rabona. I was trying to be amusing. Yes, that apparently is Spanish for playing truant. And so it's the idea of playing hooky. So basically you cross your legs as you make that move. But I like the idea. You're bringing a bit of decorum to the football. I'm trying to raise the tone. I don't want, you know, we've won awards. I don't want us to be eliminated from the competition.

Look, I'm taking one for the team today. I've heard that expression. What does that mean? Take one for the team just means you're normally given a yellow or a red card because you make a really terrible tackle, but it was necessary in order to stop a goal or a quick

advance on the goal. How many phrases like taking one for the team and red card, yellow card have gone from the world of soccer, football into general currency? Yeah, it's an interesting one, quite a few. But what I found when I was looking at the language of football is that it moves much less quickly than other sports. So, I mean, you know, all the idioms and things that have been taken from boxing or from baseball, from golf, even with football, they tend to be the cliches, but they don't move very fast. So you will find sick as a parrot. We talked about that, didn't we? With cynicism the other day and cytokosis, cynicism, the unnecessary repetition of words and cytokosis being a disease, horrible disease,

suffered by parrots, so sick as a parrot, referred to a player that just was mortified by something that they'd done. Early doors. What does early doors mean? It's over early. Yeah, early doors. Actually, early doors has slipped into English, hasn't it?

So I think that actually slipped into football from rugby. But it just means, yeah, it's all over. It's over before you've started. Yeah. You've got a hospital pass. A hospital pass is a dangerous ball that's passed under pressure. So it involves the recipient coming under heavy attack, basically. So you know that loads of defenders are going to lunge at this person that's receiving the ball.

If any of these I have got wrong, by the way, I would love it if our listeners could let me know because sometimes I think I've slightly misinterpreted it just from how I see things. But there's codes as well amongst players, which I like. So players on the pitch might shout, Sid! And that's a code between players of the same team that the ball should be left for them. So apparently, even though the opposition understand it now, it still works. It's like saying, mine, leave it. I've got it.

What's the origin of Sid? Don't know. I just couldn't find it out. I don't know who Sid was. It would be great to find out, but I generally don't know. You're introducing me to a brave new world. And to see, if I may say so, I can see Susie and she's salivating. I've seen her. I'm drinking a cup of peppermint tea, to be honest, guys. I haven't seen her so flush for a while. This is a subject that is close to her heart. It's almost squeaky bum time. I've heard that. But what does that mean? I mean,

I've heard a lot of these expressions I've heard. I've never understood and I've never dared admit I've never heard. I didn't understand them. What is squeaky bum time? Well, you're just agitated and you're nervously shifting about on your seat. So you're squeaking the chair as you shift about. And boy boy the nerves amongst football fans is just quite extraordinary what else have you got you've got the mixer the mixer is the penalty area so to put it in the mixer is to get it in the box the onion bag is the goal post because it looks like an onion bag i can see that cheese sandwich is i like this so cheese sandwich is a player who's not firmly anchored to any particular position and do you know why it's called a cheese sandwich no it's a riff on the

idea of a free roll i like that parking the bus parking the bus yes government ministers often accused of parking the bus that's another one that slipped from football into mainstream language. So it basically means all 11 players get behind the ball to defend it because they've done enough, they feel, and all they need to do is to avoid an opposition goal going in. So they park the bus. The magic sponge. So you will know about diving in football.

Oh, you mean taking a fall when you actually have not been hurt? And then I've seen clips of this of them rolling around holding their shin and they're buying time or something, are they? Not just buying time, but hoping to get a free kick or a penalty or the other team, you know, a red card or whatever.

So to go... This game now seems to be full of cheats. Not only people who use bad language, but they cheat. I'm not liking this world at all. I've just thought of another example, actually, of the kind of fanaticism that it inspires, which is a friend whose dad was a massive Man City supporter and was also a minister at the weekend, so a kind of non-stipendry minister. And under his cassock or under his vestments, he would wear the Man City kit. And even he, whilst watching a football game, would be happy when a member of the opposition fell down hurt and had to be taken off. And I

just didn't get that. I did not understand how anyone could be happy that someone else was hurt, but this is what happens. It's that level. It's a bit like a gladiatorial match in Roman times. It's very little different. The baying of the audience, the kind of wish for death. I'm not painting a very pretty picture. No, you're not. I mean, I know in Victorian times when we had public executions,

10,000 people would turn up to see somebody swing. And now they're going to the football. Yes, well, it's similar kind of emotions. Anyway, going back to diving, some people refer rather tongue in cheek to the magic sponge. And that's the kind of apparently miraculous use of a wet sponge by a medic to kind of cure the person who's fallen to the ground in agony. So, yeah, it's just its lexicon doesn't move very fast, but every football fan will kind of know it. And also there are phrases that I'm using without realising they come from the world of football. At the end of the day, you couldn't make it up.

I think it's all over. It is now. These are all phrases first used, I think, by commentators. Yeah, by commentators or by managers. Now, I did ask, specifically I asked Wenger, why are managers so kind of reliant on, you know, fatigued formulae or have such a limited repertoire of adjectives? And he said, in our defence, we're restricted, not because we're short of intelligence, but because we don't want to cause damage. We're always cautious not to cause huge problems with what we say in press conferences. So we're always tempted to use the same words. We were not rewarded. We were unlucky. The ref's decision didn't go our way. We fought well today

because if you let yourself go, you could be in trouble. And one man who famously lets himself go is Jose Mourinho. I think we've almost hit our first half. When I played football at school, at this point, we went to the sort of edge of the field and we sucked at an orange. Don't ask me why. We were given half an orange to suck. Do they still do that?

I think they have really sophisticated sports drinks now. Oh, do they? It'd be nice if they had a few oranges. And then after the break, I want to know why Arsenal is called Arsenal. Lots of these clubs have nicknames of one kind or another. Last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx.

Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. What was the last thing that filled you with wonder, that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is... Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leah President.

And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect. It's a weekly news show. With the best celebrity guests. And hot takes galore. So join us every Friday wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. Also from Something Else. Katie Piper's Extraordinary People.

Join Katie for a series of powerful and inspirational conversations with people who have triumphed over adversity. With guests including Fern Cotton. And what about when you get really lazy journalism so like people that draw just one line they take it out of context and that's really sad because it is it is a lot I've also been on the receiving end of it so so many times sometimes to really tragic levels for me where I've really not felt able to cope with it. Yeah. level to me where I've really not felt able to cope with it. Yeah. Zoe Sugg and Nadia Hussain. I think the thing with women firstly is that women sometimes don't always like to see other women succeed. I think that's right. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of that. And I think that's

why just it's really hard sometimes because in the last four years, I've changed so much. Listen now in Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all good podcast apps. Welcome back to Something Rhymes with Purple. I'm Giles Brerrith and Susie Dent is giving me a masterclass on the world of football, where it's not quite as I thought it was, but that's because I don't know anything about it. It's not quite as I thought it was, but that's because I don't know anything about it. The only footballers of any note that I've met are David Beckham, Sir Stanley Matthews, and George Best. Wow, what a trio. Yeah, exactly.

It's a big triple whammy. I met George Best in a bar in about 1970 in Dublin. And we got on famously. I was then chatting to a beautiful young actress called Sinead Cusack. And I thought to show off, since I knew George Best, I introduced her to George Best. And then having got on terribly well with her at the beginning of the evening, she disappeared. And she copped off with George Best, left me standing. I thought, did she not marry Jeremy Hines?

She's married now to Jeremy Hines. Yes, indeed. This was a pre-marital encounter. It's in the public domain. I think she ended up on the front page of the News of the World the following Sunday. And I introduced them. I introduced them. There you go. Some great, great quotes from George Bess, which we don't have time for. But one day, should we do a podcast about quotes?

Great quotations. I'd love to do that. He was a delightful person i have to say yeah and he didn't talk about football uh he was just amusing and fun to be with and i'm sorry that he had a obviously had a terrifying problem with drink yeah he played for man united a lot of these teams have funny names the one you you belong to you're a fan of is called arsenal yes and that's by because it's by the woolwich arsenal yes it originated in woolwich and that's where the royal arsenal was cited and it carried out armaments you know manufacture really that's why they're called the guns because they made guns yes um one of my favorites is

hartlepool and they've got a team called the monkey hangers that's their nickname or chimp choker is often shouted at them um as well well i'll tell you why it's according to local legend this was during the napoleonic wars so a french ship was wrecked off the coast of hartlepool and it said that the only survivor was a monkey wearing a french uniform to entertain the people on ships with not a happy life for the monkey but on finding the monkey some locals decided to hold a trial on the beach for it and they concluded that the monkey was a french spy it was hanged from the mast of a fishing boat it said so it's really not very nice but you can find worse and worse this all over hartlepool today yeah um sheffield wednesday this is a nicer one

so that was formed in um the early 1800s as the Wednesday Cricket Club because Wednesdays were when they played their matches. And then they established a footballing side essentially just to keep them fit during the winter months. And then the footballing eventually took over. Tottenham Hotspur, that was formed by grammar school boys from the Bible class at the oldest church in Tottenham. It's in Haringey. It's called All Hallows Church. And they were also members of Hotspur Cricket Club, associated, I think, with Sir Henry Percy, also known as Harry Hotspur, who lived locally there during the 14th century. So that's how it became Tottenham Hotspur.

Who are the Toffees? The Toffees are Everton. Oh, is it because there was a toffee-making company, rather like the Hatters come from whatever that town is, they went Luton, where they make hats or used to. Yes, I think there was a really popular toffee shop called Mother Noblets, or Noblets. I love it, I love it.

Who sold sweets, including the Everton mint. Yes, and I think that's why they're called the Toffees, which is a nice one. Sunderland and the mackams one belief is that it was um a term used by geordie shipyard workers on the tyne because the mackams would make the ship to be fitted out in newcastle so they would mackam and tackham make them and take them so that's that one any others that you would like to know about there's the addicts that's charlton char others that you would like to know about? There's the Addicts. That's Charlton Athletic. That was the corruption of Haddix,

which was the name of a local fish shop. I've heard of the Imps, but I don't know who they are. Lincoln City. Again, I think that's quite like the Monkey Hangers. There's a legend relating to that one. Who else? The Trotters, because the pitch was next to a piggery for Bolton Wanderers.

I think they were called the Wanderers because they didn't have a fixed stadium at which to play. I think that's why, but people might correct me on that one. Oh, there's just so many, but I think it all sort of, again, is testimony really to, as I say, to that tribal impulse. You know, you are part of a gang and having a nickname for that gang is really important. I would like some other people who are football fans like you are to write into us, to find out if the portrait you've given me, the picture you've given me is remotely accurate.

Okay. It's a generational thing too as well. I played a little bit of football at school. My recollection of football is when I was a little boy, 5.30 on a Saturday evening, waiting for whatever the next programme was, loving hearing the voice saying, Sunderland 1, Everton 2, Charlton Athletic 3, Lincoln City 0.

That's like the shipping forecast to me. Yes. And also the intonations who you know from the first rise or fall, who's won. It's brilliant. It's an art form. And I like the Scottish League. The names of the Scottish teams was lovely.

Yeah. I liked all that. So if you have recollections of football, if whether you think Susie's got it right, or if they've got queries about the language, or indeed want to correct her in any way for some of the interpretation of some of the terms do you get in touch i'd love to know too whether soccer fans in the us are slightly more reserved um particularly with their language i'd love to know that we do have great correspondence don't we from across the world do you know what also i just um this this sounds a bit pathetic but i actually shed a tear yesterday because our lovely producer lawrence sent us some of the emails that have been coming in.

And there's so many people who've been listening in during lockdown and really, really tough times. They've even been ill themselves or they've been on their own or it just just for them as a kind of sanctuary. So I would just say it is a sanctuary for me recording this. And to find out that our listeners find it one as well was was i was really moved by that but in case that was too cheesy one of our lovely purple people kevin from huntingdon followed on from do you remember you talked about barry cryer's jokes about a joke about covering a cough with a fart yeah exactly okay so he emailed to highlight the difference between a near cough and a far cough um he said i thought i'd share some sensible advice around the current difficult covid situation it's around coughing if someone is standing less than one and a half meters from

you when they cough, that's called a near cough. You need to tell them to far cough. Now that's, I think that's a clever use of bad language. I like that one. Yeah. That's very neat. Well done, Kevin. Thank you. We did a whole episode of silly jokes, didn't we? We did. Because of the week that my joke book was published. Absolutely. And Ophélie Bédier has sent in a charming one, I think.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Fallop. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Fallop. I love that one. Isn't that good? That is really good. And do you know the one, now somebody treated this to me,

where the ruler twanging competition takes place in France in Dodong. That's very good as well. We had one from Andrew Steele as well, who is in Kathmandu and back in lockdown again because cases are spiking there. And he said, here are a couple of name jokes that tickled me. What do you call a woman standing between two goalposts? What do you call a woman standing between two goalposts? A net. A what? What do you call a woman with a pint of shandy on her head juggling two bottles of ale? No idea.

Beer tricks. Beer tricks. Oh, these really are. They're bad. But the reason they're justified is I said there is research, and I think there really is, that shows that groaning together is good for us. Yes. It increases our empathy and our sense of fellow feeling. Absolutely.

Here's one again from Andrew Steele for our mooted double entendre episode. A man walked into a pub and asked the woman behind the bar for a double entendre. Oh, I know this one. So she gave him one. Oh, I like that. Have you not heard that one before? No. I think it's really brilliant.

It's a good one. It's a famous one. Thank you, Andrew Steele in Kathmandu. It's amazing to have an international audience. We do because someone's written from Glasgow. This is from Christian Healy Ryder. Since moving from Hampshire to Glasgow a couple of years ago, I must admit thoroughly enjoying Scott's words. I cannot understand why they are not more widely used in other countries than the British Isles. For example, ken, e.g. a dinner, ken.

Oh, yes. What's that? Yeah, well, actually, that's Germanic influence, that one. So that goes back to the German kennen, meaning to know, and it's related to the words know, and it's also related to can as well. So, yeah, it's Germanic. so very very old i would say can i clap your dog can i clap your dog that's it that's good you're in the accent right i apologize to proper scots people i do have a little bit of scotch blood coursing about in my veins um can i clap your dog it means may i stroke your dog it does sound a bit unfortunate doesn't it

combination of clapping and dugging. No idea where that one comes from. Clap, I suppose, is like a version of slap. Can I clap? Can I applaud? I don't know. It's not stroking. It means, can I stroke your dog? Let's not clap our dogs. Let's stroke them. Very good. My favourite Scottish word, of course, is blatherskite. It's a brilliant one.

Blatherskite is somebody who just talks rubbish. Yeah. Oh, speaking of which, I will be back with you next week. Can be Blatherskite as well. Oh, very good. Susie Dent, it's time for your trio. What have you got for us this week? Well, I have been delving into, I don't know if you know Mark Forsyth. He wrote a lovely book called The Etymologicon and he also wrote a book called The Horologicon.

And they're full of lovely vocabulary. I'm not always sure that all of these words exist. Sometimes I feel like Mark's having a bit of fun. So I owe these to Mark. Very difficult to find in other dictionaries, but I love the idea of them. So flype is my first one. F-L-Y-P-E. And that's an old English word, he says, meaning to roll up your socks, stockings, leggings, or jeggings before putting them on. You probably don't have to do this because I can't imagine you in leggings. But getting leggings over socks is sometimes quite difficult. So you have to flipe them.

I like that. F-L-Y-P-E. F-L-Y-P-E. Anything else? Yes. Another one is Sprunt. This one is much more up your alley. Sprunt. S-P-R-U-N-T. Scottish. This one,

apparently, meaning to chase girls around a haystack after dark. Oh, come on. He's invented this. I don't know. I'm going for a quick Sprunt. Hard to tell. And finally, I absolutely love this one. A biffin. Not what you might think. A biffin. A deep red cooking apple. Oh, I absolutely love this one. A biffin. Not what you might think. A biffin, a deep red cooking apple. Oh, I like that. Yeah.

And apparently people would often exchange biffins at Christmas time. So, yeah, those are my three today. They're a lovely little trio. Knock, knock. Who's there? Harriet. Harriet who? Harriet on my sandwiches.

Groan. It's good for us. Exactly. We've ended my sandwiches groan it's good for us we've ended on a groan that's been quite a revelatory week for me I haven't been to the football match before I think I don't really need to go I think I'll just come round to your place we can talk dirty together we just swear at each other

I think swearing I would prefer if that's alright with you thanks for listening as always and as I say thank you for getting in touch because it means a lot um you can if you like email purple at something else dot com without the g um something rise with purple is a something else production it was produced by lawrence bassett with additional production from steve ackerman harriet wells jb or grace laker and i've missed someone else. Golly, he's not there because he's gone off for a sprint.