Something Rhymes with Purple - Ugsome

Episode Date: May 7, 2019

The art of the euphemism. In other words: "the substitution of a mild, indirect or vague term for one considered to be harsh, offensive, embarrassing or distressing." A Somethin' Else Production.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up y'all it's your man Mark Strong Strizzy and your girl Jem the Jem of all Jems and we're hosting Olympic FOMO your essential recap podcast of the 2024 Olympic Games in 20 minutes or less every day we'll be going behind the scenes for all the wins

losses and real talk with special guests from the Athletes Village and around the world you'll never have a fear of missing any Olympic action from Paris. Listen to Olympic FOMO wherever you get your podcasts. Look for new value

programs when you shop at Loblaws. Like Hit of the Month. So you get the best deals and low prices on amazing products every month. And did you know? PC Optimum members save more. For exclusive offers and members-only pricing, just scan and save.

And don't forget in-stock promise, where you can count on great offers being in stock or get a rain check. Discover more value than ever at Loblaws, in-store and online. Conditions apply. See in-store for details. Hello, Susie.

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Susie, focus. You look as if you're daydreaming. I am daydreaming. I'm so sorry. I've always been a daydreamer. Shall I throw in a word there? It's a lovely word that I picked up when I was exploring local words, you know, sort of up and down Britain. And in Wiltshire, I think it is, it's a daddle-dum-doo. A daddle-dum-doo. A daddle-dum-doo.

I just imagine it's sort of rustic. Is that a person who daydreams is a daddle-dum-doo? Yes, somebody who just wears a straw hat on a sunny day. You are a bit of a daddle-dum-doo. I am a real daddle-dum-doo. You are a bit of a daddle-dum-doo. I am a real daddle-dum-doo. Who is the most remarkable person you have ever met, encountered, that people listening might have heard of?

The person who, apart from you obviously, the person who sat next to me in Dictionary Corner on Countdown, on the show that I work on, because I sit next to a guest of some repute, somebody who has achieved something fairly remarkable or interesting or is a good raconteur, etc. The person who has given me goosebumps was Sir Ranulf Fiennes, the explorer. He wasn't particularly interested in the game, I have to say, because he was also not a doddle-dum-doo like me, but his mind was, you know, on higher things. And I always like to think he was also, not a Donald Dundee like me, but his mind was, you know, on higher things. And I always like to think he was planning his next adventure because he always has another adventure to look forward to as soon as the one that he's on is completed.

And when I last saw him, he had done the Marathon des Sables. So he had, in his 70s, finished the gruelling marathon that takes place at the Sahara. And I just remember him saying that he was always at the back, but he said, if the camels caught up with you, you were out. And so throughout this incredibly horrendous, as I say, horrendously gruelling mission to complete it, he was constantly just trying to keep

two steps ahead of the camels. And, you know, he's sitting there with the three fingers on his hand because he himself amputated his fingers once they got frostbite. So many things that he talks about and has me absolutely wrapped. Somebody said to me, the reason I ask you that is that somebody said to me this morning, who's the most remarkable

person you've met? And I was trying to think. I've met a lot of interesting people. The loveliest person I've ever met, I think, in fact, I know, was Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The personification of sunshine. Grace as well. Yes. Grace and delightful and very, very amusing and obviously a wonderfully good person. But another unusual person I've met, who's top of my, one of the top people on my list, is the late, great Quentin Crisp. Have you heard of him? I have heard of him. And actually, that fits in very nicely, because I have a quotation

from him on the subject that we're going to talk about today. Good. Because Quentin Crisp was somebody who began his career as a male model. He was a real life model, you know, for people doing life classes. And he became an eccentric. He was an eccentric. And he eventually did shows, and he wrote some wonderful books. He was very elegant, had beautiful purple hair. He called himself one of the stately homos of England. And I became a bit of a friend of his. I remember going and having lunch with him in New York, a little bar that he used to go to. And he just talked, not at me, but at the middle of the room. He didn't look at me. He just looked out into the world and spoke. And he said very

wise things. So Quentin Crisp said something about euphemisms. He did. And that is what we are talking about today. The art of euphemism, the usefulness of euphemism and the irritations of euphemism. So we're going to talk about all three of those. But yes, Quentin Crisp, my favourite quotation really about this very subject. He said, euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. And he carried on, he said, euphemisms are not, as many young people think, useless verbiage for that which can and should be said bluntly. They are like secret agents on a delicate mission. They must airily pass by a stinking mess with barely so much as a nod of the head. Isn't that wonderful?

It's very clever. Can we get to grips with the word euphemism? I think it is Greek in origin. I think euphu... It's sweet... Some element of it is sweet-sounding, isn't it? The you part is sweet. Yes, it's linked to euphonious. Something euphonious sounds

lovely. It's sweet-sounding, euphonious. So it's making something sound sweeter than it is. Yes, exactly. And it's fair of speech I'm looking at here in the Oxford English Dictionary that I have in front of me. And yes, that has a reputable name is the definition of euphemism. And euphemism is that figure of speech which consists in the substitution of a word of expression of favourable implication instead of the harsher and more offensive one. Now, let's talk first then about political euphemisms, because this is the area where I don't like euphemisms being used. In some areas, which we can come on to, some rather personal things, we use euphemisms. And I think that is acceptable because we want the world to be as nice a place as it can be. But I think when we use euphemisms in the political context,

we are using it to pull the wool over the eyes of the public. We're using it to deceive ourselves. And I don't like that. Famously in his 1948 novel, 1984, which I think he wanted to call 1948 because he was written in 1947. But the publisher said, that won't make any sense. It's too soon. People won't get it. It would be futuristic, yeah. So he made it in 1984. George Orwell, whose real name was Eric Blair. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Exactly. Good pub quiz question, that one. Tony Blair's grandad. Really?

Not everyone knows that. No. Yes. Seriously. Eric Blair, he was also the father of Lionel Blair, who was Tony Blair. I'm so gullible. You are gullible. No relation at all. George Orwell introduced us in 1984 to the concept of doublethink, newspeak. And interesting enough that three years earlier, he did a sort of polemic called Politics and the English Language. And he warned there about the language of politicians designed, this is a quote, to make lies sound

truthful and murder respectable. And this, of course, was years before we became accustomed to hearing about, for example, enhanced interrogation techniques, which is also known as the systematic torture of detainees, you know, that's what they called it. Collateral damage. Yes. Death of civilians who got in the way friendly fire yeah exactly that what does that mean it means killing the people on your own side oh dear neutralized zones we got rid of the bastards it's it's alarming isn't it it is uh i mean we know that that politicians who misspeak or come up with a terminological inaxitude, they can't say they're lying. They're saying they're economical with the truth.

I mean, do you think these are bad euphemisms? What's your view about them? Well, yes. I think if they are attempting to smother the truth, as Orwell implied there, you know, to make lies seem truthful, then obviously that is not a good thing. And that, you know, that's such a hot issue at the moment, isn't it, with alternative facts and fake news, etc. I mean, warfare has always produced euphemisms, in part because the sort of, you know, the truth is just too brutal, really, to, you know, to accept. So if you think about the hugely destructive power of bombs, for example, you know, how terrifying and yet they were all given affectionate nicknames. They still are really affectionate nicknames within the army. So you've got Bouncing Bettys, Daisy Cutters, Puff the Magic Dragon.

They've all had their sort of lethal time in history. And during the First World War, a German high explosive shell was a woolly bear. A what bear? A woolly bear. A woolly bear. And a high velocity one was a pipsqueak. I mean, how you've missed it can you get with those? So we've always always always done this war has been surprisingly productive when it comes to new vocabulary and a lot of those are

a lot of that vocabulary is is euphemistic um so you might say that there is a reason for it as i say you know you might you might put it back to the tribal jargon within the uh the armies that it has to be a sort of unifying slang that just kind of softens the mood a little bit because reality is just too harsh. Well, you know, if at work you hear the words career change or transition opportunity, a personal realignment is going on here.

We're right-sizing, no. Well, we're downsizing. We're workforce re-engineering because you've got to watch out. These people are about to let you go, give you the chance to pursue other interests, spend more time with your family. The truth is you're being fired. And people find it difficult to say, come in, sit down, you're fired. So they say, we think it's time for you to look for some other opportunities. We're doing some right-sizing here. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it inevitable? Oh, I think that kind of jargon, much as in a previous episode of this, I have stuck up for

jargon. I think that kind of jargon is really offensive. I think it's awful. I think you should just say it as it is, because everybody knows what you're saying. And it's just crazy. It might mean, it might make the people feel better, you know, when they're using it, but it is quite annoying. But you have to remember that being fired, given the sack, made redundant, those themselves are euphemisms. And they're what Steven Pinker, the linguist, called the euphemistic treadmill. In other words, you never get away from them because one euphemism replaces another and so on and so on. And you never actually get back to the truth. You don't even know what the truth was originally. I've often suffered from a temporary negative cash flow.

Me too. As has the nation. But really, it was hilarious. I was going out to get a secondhand car, and genuinely, the poster above the car showroom said, all these cars have been pre-loved. Oh, yes, pre-loved. Pre-loved. Yes.

And I said to the guy, this is ridiculous. And he said, no, don't you love your car? And I said, well, I suppose I do. And I do. I mean, I feel my car is a friend. I love being actually alone in the car. So maybe it's legitimate, you know, when you have to sell your house, you're doing it because it's an underperforming asset. I don't know.

Nobody is poor anymore. Or maybe they are. What are they? Do they? Impoverished? Impoverished? I don't know. I mean, you wouldn't admit to being poor, would you?

You'd say, things are a bit tough? Yes. I'm a bit brassic. A what? Brassic. Brassic? What does that mean? Brassic lint, skint.

Brassic lint? That's cockney rhyming skint again. Yes. Actually, don't ask me what brassic lint is. I think that's been and gone. And, of course, people talk about economically depressed neighborhoods. I said to somebody, it was actually an MP, I said, where are you taking me? He said, I'm taking you to one of our economically depressed neighborhoods.

I said, well, really, what is it? He said, it's a shithole. I said, okay. He said, well, I can't say that, can I? The local newspaper will pick up on it. Shithole there, that's an example of dysphemism, which is the opposite of euphemism. So that's being just deliberately blunt. What's that word? I like that word.

Dysphemism. How do you spell that? DYS. DYS. Phemism. P-H-E-M-I-S-M. So the opposite of a euphemism is a dysphemism. So a euphemism is trying to make something sound sweeter than it is. And a dysphemism is trying to exaggerate the horror of it yes and sometimes it gets a bit complicated because sometimes actually euphemisms are used but everybody knows what you're trying to say and so they are kind of dysphemistic i guess in their application so if you think about madness um you know all the awful old epithets that used to go with it like funny farm wacky bats nuts round the bend etc we say one french fry short of a happy meal or whatever.

None of them are meant to disguise the truth. They're intended to be funny or just rude or, you know, showing off in some way. They're sort of patronizing and heartless. Is that the problem? Heartless as well, yes. And there's a huge amount of kind of moral associations. There's a lot of moral baggage with euphemisms, I think. Yeah.

It is a problem. I mean, where are you with, as it were, size? I mean, I noticed that the Daily Mail, I'm one of the people who admits to reading the Daily Mail, they use the word curvy when others might use the word fat. They use the word voluptuous when others might use the word fatter. Chubby in the Daily Mail lingo actually means obese. Senior, oh, means you're virtually dead. So there are euphemisms where we know exactly what they mean. Somebody introduced me to his

new PA, a young boy, and he said, well, he's partially proficient, which I think indicated he was totally hopeless. Partially proficient. And if somebody says we've got adult entertainment on offer, you can be sure it's pornographic. Yes. So where do we draw the line? When is a euphemism acceptable? When isn't it? Well, as always, it's the majority view, isn't it?

I mean, speaking personally, I think everybody can see through the Daily Mail's intentions when they do this. They are pretending to be nice when in fact there's sort of, you know, there's an undercurrent of insult there. And that's sort of been around for a very, very long time. So, for example, looking back, I just don't know whether this was included in the press at the time. I'm not even sure that there were newspapers, actually, at the time that this was happening. This is actually 15th century, so definitely no press of the kind that we know today.

But syphilis, OK, so take syphilis. Syphilis, which is a sexually transmitted disease. Huge taboo. You can imagine Daily Mail writing about it with glee these days. Well, it's a bit of a taboo to this day, isn't it? Well, syphilis is, but yes, even, yes, it's true. I don't think you'd have come in this morning and said, hey, Giles, have you heard the hot news?

I've got syphilis. No, I'm just trying to think of the euphemism that the Daily Mail might use. Anyway, enough of the Daily Mail. But it was believed in this 15th century, it was believed to have been caused by moral depravity, really, rather than a sort of accident. It was a moral issue. And so it was

given a whole host of euphemistic names. But it was interesting because each country blamed another country for it when it came to the naming of it. So there were French marbles, what the Italians called it. It was the English disease for the Italians. And the Spaniards, I think, called it. It was the English disease for the Italians and the Spaniards I think called it Neapolitan bone ache. So everybody blamed it on everybody else. So the nicknames incorporated another country. Always.

It was always blamed on others. So that's what I mean about the whole kind of moral issue really that is involved with euphemisms. And we haven't even talked about death yet because death is such a huge subject. It's huge subject for because you know never say die you can't say death anymore in fact people are always saying so and so passed and i don't like that i say if they my view is if they're if they're passing they can pop in um pop their clogs yeah but before they pop there when they pop their clogs they are dead d. D-E-A-D. I agree.

And actually, I think there is a bit of a backlash now, which is a really good thing. So the wonderful BBC broadcaster, Rachel Bland, if you knew her, who very sadly died of breast cancer not so long ago, she was adamant that when she died, that's exactly how it would be described. Rachel Bland has died. That's exactly how it would be described. Rachel Bland has died. And so I think there's quite a lot of work done now that we're kind of trying to return to the reality of it rather than mask it with Rose's undertaker, funeral director, you know, all of this. And as you say, all the euphemisms for dying itself.

Popped his clogs, breathed his last, cashed in his chips, fell off the perch, pegged out, gave up the ghost, met the grim reaper, kicked the bucket, bit the dust, shuffled off this mortal coil, snuffed it, croaked, went to his... These are all from the dead parrot sketch, aren't they? Went to his just reward. But my favourite is this. Assumed room temperature.

That is very good, don't you think? I thought you were supposed to get really cold when you die. You're not? Well, no. Assumed room temperature. That's what happens. You get very cold if you're left in the cold morgue yes but if you're in a hot place you get hot you just take on the but you know if you go back to the middle ages death was such a common occurrence and an occurrence that actually happened literally in front of

people when big families live together etc there was none of this none of this kind of um you know sidestepping verbal sidestepping of the main issue. In fact, they quite relished the whole sort of morbidness of it. So you only have to think about nursery rhymes at the time, you know, they were full of things like, the death and burial of poor Jack Robin, who caught his blood, I said the fly, with my little dish I caught his blood. And of course, Ring a ring a ring of roses said to all be about the rash caused by the plague in a way it was the complete opposite of the way that we treat death today it was just commonplace and so it was described as such really i wonder what the origin of kick the bucket is i know the origin

of kick the bucket is and it's really horrible for a vegetarian like me it goes back to um early abattoirs or at least early slaughtering of animals where they would suspend a pig from the ceiling and cut its throat and then in its death throes it would kick the bucket that was meant to catch the blood. It's really horrible. Good grief. No wonder I'm a veggie. Are you a veggie? I am. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations.

Hey. No, too basic. Hi there. Still no. What about hello, handsome? Who knew you could give yourself the ick? That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not.

With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Your mom hates it when you leave six half-full glasses on your nightstand. It's a good thing mom lives on the other side of the country.

And it's an even better thing that you can get six IKEA 365 Plus glasses for just $9.99. So go ahead. You can afford to hoard because IKEA is priced for student life. Shop everything you need for back to school at IKEA today. I'm in favour of death being described as death, not in a harsh way, but actually in a realistic way. Where are you when it comes to the toilet, the lavatory, the loo?

OK, well... The WC, the bathroom, the powder room, the restroom. Bit of a joke in our family because I was brought up, in no uncertain terms, never to use the word toilet. And I had to say loo, which is a total euphemism, probably from the French lieu d'aisance, which is the pace of easement. Lieu d'aisance. Lieu d'aisance. The place, lieu, L-I-E-U-I, d'aisance, D apostrophe. D apostrophe, and then A-I-S-A Lieux-Des-Ances. The place, Lieux-Des-Ances, Des-Ances, D-apostrophe.

D-apostrophe and then A-I-S-A-N-C-E. It's thought to be brought back from soldiers who were fighting in France and returned to Blighty with Lieux and then Lieux. That's where we think it comes from. There's another theory that comes from Gardez-le, watch out for the water when chamber pots were emptied from

top floors of houses in centuries gone by. But I think lieu des ans is probably the right one. Anyway, I was told never to use the word toilet. Now, toilet itself is a euphemism, believe it or not, because a toilet, if you look in the Oxford English Dictionary, you'll find lots of wonderful sentences that always amuse the kids, like she was wearing a toilet on her head. wonderful sentences that always amuse the kids, like she was wearing a toilet on her head.

And a toilet was originally a sort of, it was a kind of cloth that was simply used to keep things kind of clean and tidy. And then it was applied to a sort of woman keeping herself clean and tidy. And then to the place where you would do that. And then, yes, you know, then it was applied to the john, as they would say in America, or at least they used to say. So toilet itself is a euphemism, but I was taught never to say it. And there are lots of kids' programmes now which make us laugh where there's a big debate

about whether you can use the word toilet and people are constantly being corrected. What do you say? I say you can use the word toilet. Let me explain this to you. Okay. I am for using language that is comfortable and accessible. And everybody now uses the word toilet. It has the convenience of being an international word. Lou has become terribly associated. It was when I was a child like you, I still not use the word toilet, that it was a vulgar word. Like you couldn't use the word serviette, you had to say napkin.

It's all the whole you, non-you thing. The whole, which we can talk about another day. Yes. Nancy Mitford and all that. But toilet, I was told, was out. Lou was in. Now, now Lou is considered, well, in my day, Lou was a middle class word. Yeah.

Now what was middle class is considered posh. Yeah. So you can't say Lou anymore. You say toilet. Now, the really interesting thing is the queen now will occasionally be heard to say the word toilet. That is a revelation. It's because her grandchildren use the word toilet. And the queen who likes to keep up with these things just picks up the speech of the day.

So the queen who would have in the old days referred to the lavatory says toilet when the need arises or when she's with people who would understand that word. Years ago, I wrote a book about the queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. And I was given privileged access to walk with them, talk with them as they went about their official duties. And the first time I went on one of the trips, I was able to go on a day-long trip with them from eight in the morning to eight at night in attendance with my notebook. I was sent the program for the day that goes to the local police and the Lord Lieutenant wherever they're visiting. And I thought, oh, I'm going to discover what the royal euphemism is for going to the loo because, you know. Loot break. It's got to be in there somewhere. It's got to be in there somewhere. These were, even then they were quite elderly people that

are, you know, 92 and 97. So they must need a a loo break so it's going to be in there i'm going to discover what the royal euphemism what's it going to be you know 11 o'clock uh majesty the queen sits on the throne i thought that's rather good what do you think the royal we what's it going to be anyway i discovered the three words that is the royal euphemism for going to the loo. Okay. 11 o'clock, colon. Opportunity to tidy. Isn't that perfect? That's great. Isn't that good?

So I now... OTT. Yeah, opportunity to tidy. It's time for our OTT. I think that is lovely. Have you heard ever, there was a fantastic sketch which was from something called

Do Not Adjust Your Set. It was written by Terry Jones and Michael Palin. Oh, this was a famous... Was it a radio programme? It was a radio, I'm pretty sure. Yes. I've never seen the original of this, but I was told about it by the wonderful late Miles Kington. And it was, as I say, written by Terry Jones and Michael Palin. And a man visits a house and basically has this long exchange with the owner.

And that's very long, so I won't give you all of it. But he starts off saying, would you mind very much if I visited the smallest room in the house? And the owner says, smallest room? Now, which would be the smallest room? I rather think that would be the coal house. And the man's saying, no, actually, the thing is, I just want to see a man about a dog. And the owner says, really? What kind of thing? What kind of dog were you thinking of getting? And so he goes on. actually the thing is i just want to see a man about a dog and the owner says really what kind

of thing what kind of dog were you thinking of getting uh and then so he goes on he's just thinking of communing with with nature and then finally says look oh god the fact is i'm dying for a pea and the owner says well why on earth didn't you say so in the first place and he's calling to his wife he says darling show i visited the donut in Granny's Greenhouse, would you? I love it. The donut in Granny's Greenhouse. And that became the title of a song, I think, by the Doodah Dog Band. It's great, isn't it? I've got a list of having a pee euphemisms, having a piddle, powdering your nose, washing your hands. I always think that's a bit ridiculous. Somebody said to me once when I arrived,

do you want to wash your hands? And I said, no, I did it in the bushes on my way. Wash them there. Do your business. I hate that. Do you want to wash your hands? And I said, no, I did it in the bushes on my way. Wash them there. Do your business. I hate that. Do you want to do your business? Yeah. Have a tinkle. Talk to a man about a horse.

Similar to this. Point Percy at the porcelain. I'm not sure that everyone... Oh, no. Steer Stanley to the stainless steel. There's a for men. Let Letty loose. Squeeze the lemon. That's rather revolting, isn't it?

This is a horrible one. Shake hands with the vicar. What about this? I think we're getting onto more serious matters here. Talk to Grandma slowly. Oh, dear. Shake the water off the lily. Drain the dragon.

Drain the radiator. Drain the one-eyed monster. Drain the lizard, I've heard. What have you heard? Drain the lizard. Drain the lizard. Yeah. Oh, I like this one.

Make the bladder gladder. Quite nice. That sounds like an ad, sort of advertising campaign. Make the bladder gladder. Siphon the python. Yes. You see, these aren't euphemisms anymore.

You think they're made up? No, of course they are, but they're just sort of jokey, aren't they? They're kind of, they're euphemisms that draw attention to themselves, which means they're not true euphemisms. Is it time to park your breakfast? Oh, that sounds like being sick.

Absolutely. Anyway, Samuel Pepys, you know, called his jakes. Oh, yes. Jakes. Yes. I don't know what the origin of that is. I'm not sure either. Anyway, he called his jakes the house of office in his diary.

He would refer to it as the house of office. I know Visiting the Spice Islands was another one in Victorian times for going to the loo. So, Jake's a privy, a latrine, a toilet, says the Oxford English Dictionary. I'm just clicking on it. Probably either the forename Jacques. That doesn't tell us much. Showing an arbitrary euphemistic use of the forename. Simply what it says.

So what are the rules of euphemisms? I don't know if there are rules. Maybe that's the good thing. Because you people in the world of linguistics, you don't believe in rules. I remember when I produced my little book, Have You Eaten Grandma? Which was setting out modern rules for punctuation, spelling, grammar, that sort of thing. I had a lot of linguistic people getting on Twitter and saying to me, you can't set out any rules. There are no rules. Language is constantly evolving. Don't try and set down rules. And I was simply saying, well, these are the standards.

These are the standards today. And if you want to get on in today's world, just try and, you know, go with the flow. That was generally, go with the flow. That could be a euphemism, couldn't it? So that was my view. My feeling about euphemism is if you're doing it to deceive people, to fool people, avoid it. Yeah. If you're doing it as a kind of courtesy and as a kindness, then, you know, don't say to your granny, do you fancy your shit, granny? I think say, do you fancy going to the loo?

That's a nicer thing to say. She's going to feel more comfortable about it. I agree. So that generally is my rule. I think that's absolutely right. I think there's good intentions behind euphemisms, but I think you can go too far. And as you say, let's call a spade a spade.

Don't ask me where that comes from because it's too complicated. Oh, then I have to ask you where it comes from. Where does call a spade a spade come from? You can't say that. It's too complicated. No, it's really complicated. Because the whole point of this podcast, Susie Dent,

is we dig deep. We deliver. We don't shy away from the difficult turns of phrase. It goes back to a mistranslation of an old, I think, Latin text, which had nothing to do with spades whatsoever. Okay, and the ultimate source of the first quotation, it's something from Plutarch. And the Greek words... Plutarch was a Greek dude?

He was a Greek dude. And there is no evidence that any kind of spade was mentioned. It was all about a trough, a basin, a bowl or a boat and it was Erasmus who confused it with another word and then gave a spade a spade. But basically they were just saying call a basin a basin. Speak as you mean,

call it what it is, whatever. Do what it says on the tin, etc. I think that's quite good, honestly, to be frank. I agree. But you can get into trouble with that. Do you remember Charles and Diana all those years ago when they were asked, are you in love? And Diana was age 19 and she said, of course. And Prince Charles answered, yes, whatever love is.

Well, actually, it was quite a perfectly reasonable answer because, you know, we know that love is very complicated. And maybe sometimes you get into trouble if you speak the truth. So maybe sometimes euphemisms are allowed. So it's a tightrope. Language is a tightrope. Always a tightrope. Don't fall off and land on your fanny. Another euphemism.

What's the origin of fanny? Fanny in America is your backside. Yes. And in this country, is it your front side? It's your front side. And I think, again, as so often in English, when you think about Jack the Lad, Steeplejack, all of that stuff, we've just simply added your own letter. We've just used the first name, probably again, as a bit of a euphemism. I can't believe I'm looking up fanny in the oxford

english dictionary it comes this uh i ought to tell so pratt means backside by the way oh really um unknown it says really original yeah i always thought it was from the fan dance if you go i mean i'm i'm so much older than you. It's a flapper thing. My great-great-grandfather lived in New York. And there were clubs in New York where people would go and see, well, I suppose they were strip shows. And people would dance behind fans and they would cover their private parts with a fan. So you wanted to see the fanny. So it's a fig leaf, really. It's like a fig leaf.

Do you think there's anything in that? And if you've ever seen a fan dance, and there's some, if you go to YouTube and look up fan dance, they're really quite respectable. You see black and white pictures of people dancing.

And they very cleverly have the fan in front of their private parts, another euphemism. And they turn around and they move the fan very quickly and then it's behind their bottom so um this is ingenious do you remember people used to call the front part that they would call it their front bottom do you remember i have had a letter from a viewer of countdown who asked me if i could keep my private part

in front to myself because i was showing too much cleavage i think on that particular day speaking of the final thing I would add though when you were talking about fans sweet FA obviously can

stand for something that we can all guess but it used to be sweet Fanny Adams yeah that's what I thought it was Fanny Adams absolutely not a euphemism

it was the opposite of because Fanny Adams was the name of a child who was murdered brutally at Alton in Hampshire so it was a very very famous case and it became slang in the Navy

for tinned meat. Really gruesome. That was the origin of Sweet Fanny Adams, the murder of a child, and it became a euphemism. She was dismembered, hence tinned meat. Tinned meat became called Sweet Fanny. We're eating Sweet Fanny Adams.

We're eating Fanny Adams. Yeah, horrible, horrible. And Sweet F.A. is Sweet F.A. Yeah. As in the famous, who is the famous footballer manager who said, you think, you think I know, you think I know fuck nothing. I tell you, I know fuck all. I don't know that.

Sounds like Mourinho. Not sure. It's a famous, no, years ago, years before that. Because that's what people think Sweet F.A. stands for now. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Which it does pretty much. Yeah, which it does pretty much. Which it does very much. Good.

Okay. Well, we've dealt with some euphemisms. Let's cut to the chase, my friend. Let's cut to the cheese, as somebody once wrote to me. Let's cut to the cheese. Yeah. Well, you are the gros fromage when it comes to words. We're going to have a trio from you now.

These are words for, well, just to increase your word power. That's what we like to do on Something Rhymes With Purple. We always have the dent trio. What have you got for us today? We do. Okay. I'm going to start with uggsome, just because I like the sound of it. If something is uggsome, you might be able to guess at this. It's something a bit repellent. But a Viking verb. How do you spell it? U-G-S-O-M-E. And it comes from a word that came over with the Vikings. And it sounds so much like a Viking word to me.

To ug was to fear or dread something. Nothing to do with ug boots, although some people might see a connection. To feel dread or apprehension, disgust or loathing. So you might just say, I really ug that. I quite like it. Oh, I really ug that. I loathe it. I fear it.

Oh, I really ug that. Very good. And I'm going to move on to something completely different because I definitely don't ug this word. In fact, it's one of my favourite in the entire

Oxford English Dictionary, which, as you know, is just a beautiful repository of wonderful, wonderful words from the past as well as the present. And that's apricity. Apricity. Oh, I think I know this word. A-P-R-I-C-I-T-Y. Yeah, I don't know what it comes from, but I do vaguely, it rings a bell.

Okay, probably because I've mentioned it. Oh, is it apricity? Yes, apricity or apricity, apricity. Yes, probably apricity mentioned it. Oh, is it Apricity? Yes, Apricity or Apricity. Apricity. Yes, probably Apricity you're right actually. And it means the warmth of the sun on a winter's day. Oh, I love that. And is the Apri as in April?

It's not as in April or Apricot, although they might be distant relations. But it comes from an old Latin verb, apricate which meant to bask in the sun is one of the nicest feelings i know me too it's one of the best ever physical sensations to stand there with the sun suddenly hitting you in the in the back life feels good when it is but specifically when it's chilled otherwise all around so it's a snowy day and the sun is shining. That's absolutely gorgeous. So I love that one. And finally, this might go with something uggsome. If you're feeling four swunk, that's centuries old, this one, four swunk, you are totally exhausted.

Hardly spell four swunk. A.k.a. de-pooper it, another one I like. F-O-R-S-W-U-N-K. Forswank. Forswank. And I like to think that this is exhausted with labour. It's exhausted from too much work. It goes back to 1250, so 13th century.

And I made up a slight alternative, which is Forswank, F-O-R-E. I put the E in there, meaning exhausted before you even begin. Oh, very good. That's nice. You can be Forswank before and then Forswank after. I love it. Yes. Well, if you are Forswank when you listen to our podcast,

feel free to listen in the bath with a huge glass of wine or whatever is your favourite, tipple. And do people still have bubble baths? They still have bubble baths. Or is that only in carry-on films to cover up the... I think they have bubble baths. They have foam baths, don't they? Good.

Well, anyway, if you're in your bath listening to our podcast and if you liked it, please give us a rating or a review. Can I say, being with you, Susie Dent, is for me a kind of intellectual apricity. Oh, that's lovely. It's like the sunshine in a cold world. I learn a lot from you, and I love what I learn. So we'll be back again soon with more of Something Rhymes with Bubble.

I would just say, I think you're a bit tired and emotional. Do you think I am? Yes. Well, I hope I'm not grand-bazzled. I suppose I am a bit forswunk. Let's face it. Something Rhymes with Purple is a Something Else production. It was produced by Paul Smith with additional production from Russell Finch, Steve Ackerman and Josh Gibbs.

They didn't do much, but we're including them here just to make them feel a bit warmer.