Something Was Wrong - S1 E11: This is a Pattern

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

Sara discovers Dick is in a new relationship. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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discretion when listening. In Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear, he writes, Unlike when people lived in small communities and could not escape their past behavior, we live in an age of anonymous one-time encounters. And many people have become expert at the art of fast persuasion. Trust, formerly earned through actions, is now purchased with a slide of hand and slide of words. I encourage women to explicitly rebuff unwanted approaches, but I know how difficult it is to do. Just as rapport building has a good reputation,

explicitness applied by women in this culture has a terrible reputation. A woman who is clear and precise is viewed as cold, or a bitch, or both. A woman is expected first and foremost to respond to every communication from a man. And the response is expected to be one of willingness and attentiveness. It is considered attractive if she is a bit uncertain, the opposite of explicit. Women are expected to be warm and open, and in the context of approaches for male

strangers warmth lengthens the encounter raises his expectations increases his investment and at best waste time. I'm Tiffany Reese and this is something was wrong. The following call was recorded on January 22nd, 2019. The day that we released this podcast. Hey, dude. Hey. I don't... Fuck. Where to begin? I am. this podcast. Hey, dude. Hey, I don't where to begin. I am I'm reeling my mind is reeling. Dude. I'm brain dead at this point to be honest. Is there for say the rest of our lives? This is I'm oh my god. Um, how are you feeling Sarah? Actually, it was weird. It just doesn't have like 10 minutes ago I said they're setting going okay

I feel like the weird foggy cloud has lifted this day was like just total crap shoot It was weird like all it doesn't help when you've got like just PMS throwing itself in it. Oh god I don't know today. I think was just mostly I I was numb until I saw like the excessive posts. Third paper? Oh my god. And then I felt like, you know how I know like in the beginning I always hear my own voice and podcasts like, just goes cold. But I'm like, that kind of happened, but like your stomach just starts to twist around.

I'm like, I don't know I felt sick that's what it was I just felt sick yeah he posted 50 photos basically total yeah pretty much it looks like he posted like once every year he's been alive or something seriously he's like oh god I'm sorry I'm sorry every picture I've been looking at his story but I'm like maybe I should stop. Yeah I had to I had to tell myself to stop. I was just like I was just thinking. I don't want to see my name. Oh yeah there's well the thing that okay I don't want to like retraumatize you at all Sarah. So if you don't even want to talk about this we can move on to this new girlfriend situation.

But basically what I took away from the birthday post was like, if I was trying really, really hard to make my ex fiance feel like shit about herself, I would post what he posted today. That was where I was like, that is my interpretation. Okay, let's say this is like, he's a normal guy. Let's say that none of the crap happened. I would look at all of that and go,

dude, if you really are a man of character, you're pleading hard for sympathy, like, yeah, I mean, I know people that have gone through hell, like, I mean, literal hell and they don't post like that. Third, do you think he knows about it? Podcasts? Yeah. I mean, logic, I don't know how he could...

And yet, I don't know how he could. His ex has told me multiple times. He's got eyes everywhere. I mean, she knew so much about her, you know, going on and everything. I'm like, how would he not... Why didn't he talk, why didn't he still talk to everyone? You guys are engaged or something? She was, when he and I met in September, as according to her, they were still like full speed ahead. She was saying, I'm going to marry you, because we met on the 14th and her birthday was on the 18th,

and she was like, let's put it this way, things were still like as usual. He ghosted her early October and that was when he started flying me around all over the place. That was like whirlwind time and then it was the end of October she said that she finally got them on the phone and kind of like pinned them down asking are you with somebody because she knew he kind of had a pattern of just going radio silent if he was chasing someone else down but then he would always come back. So now she's at the point where she's set up with this crab and is like, okay, he's seeing somebody and now there's no going back from this kind of thing. And she didn't, I don't know if she really saw my face until she was supposed to on

engagement day. He's really good at this timing. Right. Yeah. I even thought, yeah, if the podcast, if there was nothing about the podcast, let's say that he saw nothing online about like, right, my block, whatever it's still a dick move. He still has done that? Does he, is he hoping that I'm watching him or is he just doing this for general public? Like, yeah, y'all know, I got engaged a year ago today, but look at me, you know, oh, I think it's, I think it's achieving all of those things. It was so apparent to me that he in his words He wanted people's sympathy, but he wanted to look strong. He wanted to look smart

He's having his best life. Mm-hmm. He wanted to look smart, but like he was humbled everything was orchestrated He's terribly terribly broken, but also and I quote living the life he dreamed of Yeah, because he was third He was 30 when you were together still. Yeah, and he's talking about giving me the life I dreamed of or something And I like it's like a knife with my stomach. I was like that was for me. Oh Yeah, I'm so sorry Sarah I'm so I just I can't let this go with her with the new girlfriend. Yeah, that's how we could go

Not this weekend, but the weekend before that they went skiing. They were on a snow trip or something And I think they've been commenting a little bit because I feel like I feel like we we had talked about her Yes, yeah, like a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I mean they've been they I mean their their views and L word they've been This started a while ago. I mean well for him at least three weeks Also real quick to backtrack what you were saying about about him He was still talking to up until October you said yes, and you started dating in September And in that YouTube and that's of 2017 to be right? Yes. Okay. So that YouTube video that I found of him which aired November of 2017, he says in the

video that he fell in love with somebody in August. He said August. He said August. Oh, he was exaggerating. So he was exaggerating even there. But like not going to see that? I mean, can you imagine how difficult it would be to maintain all those timelines? Right. Now that you say that, oh my gosh, I never thought about that. Hello. See that, but like he cares. It's the first thing when you Google his name that pops up.

Oh my gosh. So like, and if with her her with everything she dealt with with him, why wouldn't she be googling and making sure that like I have like a lump in my chest right now. I forced myself to do like a liquid reset today because my stomach is just a down like okay and that's it as I'm taking control. Wait what's a liquid reset because I think I had that was is that like when you have liquid diarrhea that burns all day? Oh! Or are you describing something else?

No, it's literally like, I think Dr. Oz, I think it's by Dr. Oz. Oh my God. It's like you're in prison for your studies. Oh, because I was gonna say I was definitely on some sort of liquid, you know. But there's only thing. I did it. I'm not saying I'm mad at it, but it was different, you know? Like my pants are looser, but...

Yeah, oh, okay. Sorry. I'm not sure I'm gonna give Ryan a bunch of credit here, but... Cutting what credit he's due. We were talking the other night and it was like, there's a chick and like... He's like, you're gonna see anything and I was like, well, it's not like, it's not, I just don't really feel like it's my place and he's like, why do you not feel like it's your place now? Because I get to happen to me like, I don't know.

And he's like, yeah, but like, she's your friend and you know everything. Like, you know that it happened. And like, he's like, you don't feel any like, and then I was like, yeah, of course I do. Like of course I feel like a little bit of responsibility because yeah, it didn't happen to me. But I have, I have as much knowledge as anybody, other than you, Sarah, and like, you're closest family. And so like, I've just been, like, I can't stop thinking about. Or an ur, and like, it's and like do go I do go I'm sorry

Well, I don't know I just I was thinking about it today and I was like no like it needs to be fair I need to be like there I think it's gonna like spin whatever fucking thing she hears and It's gonna be like you know well Of course my ex is gonna throw me into the bus, and that's why she, and why would she not believe him? You know, like,

just because he has a, at this point, he probably hasn't done anything to cause her to question. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I'm not saying like, I'm the person, but I'm just throwing it out there because,

yeah, but like, if it's like, why, how could it, why would it not be you? Right, because I don't have again like I don't have a ball in the game. I'm not trying to get with him. He's a piece of like, like, that's not the point. Like I don't have, well, and there's public praise out there. You're not making anything up. It's nothing vengeful. It's public information that she can access and make a decision with from there. Right. Yeah. You're, I mean, her outside party, that's like, why wouldn't you? I mean, hopefully she's not so far in that mentally, you know, when you get far enough, you almost

don't, I mean, I like, when my roommate told me what happened to Maple, look what I did, but nothing, I was already too far in. Right. Yeah. Well, and I was thinking to maple, look what I did, but nothing, I was already too far in right. Right. Well, and I was thinking too, like people have X's, you know, people, people get engaged and break it off, that doesn't mean they're sociopath. So, you know, like, you know, if we had said something to you, you may have not, I don't know, you know, there's no knowing, really. I don't know.

It's like, this is a pattern. There's two of you now. This isn't just like, you know, made a dot in the stake. There was a bad match. They broke, you know, she broke up with her. Like, no, this is a pattern. Yeah. I remember that two people, it would have been different.

Like for me, what I would have done, even if I had the leader, I would have gone to him and then like, what do you have to say for yourself? And he would have probably had a lot to say and had me convinced that, you know, somehow it turned around and he would probably take just enough ownership of just enough things and say, I'm willing to work this out. And I probably would have tried to walk through it with him. Right, right. But if there were two of them, right? Yeah, it seems like they're still in the honeymoon phase. Like God, I don't know. I'm totally speculating from an outside perspective.

I can tell you from his laugh. This sounds so like that laugh. I will never forget the night that we met friends of his in Colorado. And I remember the night I talked about where we stayed up until like 10-10-30 and we were like drinking wine talking about life and kids and just dreaming and all that stuff. I had never like he was in real real social mode and I remember he and the husband were in the kitchen and the wife and I were at the table and he let out this last and I thought, it's even like we're at like peak honeymoon phase here, I am on cloud nine, and I, my gut turn, and I was like, that laugh is fake.

There was something forced about that laugh. And the wife said, I just love that laugh, I missed it. And I was like super blunt, I'm like, yeah, but really something in me, I never forgot that moment. And I even threw the, I love yous, and the, I mean, it was, I think the trip maybe after that or a before that that we said, I love you and all that stuff. I never forgot that moment.

And that was when he was in like real karma because his goddaughter was there. Like, I mean, this was these were people that he really, really needs for his image, really bad. I never forgot that laugh. And it was the exact same laugh in his stories when he was with his new girlfriend and those other people and I was just like oh my gosh she's working it. But I never thought that laugh outside of the situations. Yeah. Yeah. I mean

would you just like reach out to her on Insta? Yeah I would but I think I would like draft it and run it by you guys. Oh right. I'm trying to think of and she will be most receptive and also not with him And if it's a Friday night, you know chances are higher than being together. You're so smart Sarah Of course. Yeah, but you know Wednesday middle of the day He's probably you know at his fancy little Instagram friendly job You think he had my address in your in his phone from when you guys came to my daughter's birthday No, I was navigating. You were?

Yeah, God bless. Okay, good. I can't believe Sarah, do you know that have we talked about this? That I met Dick? Did we talk about this before? What? At your daughter's birthday party. We just, yeah. So you were leaving when I fucking got there because she was like, I was like, wait,

I met a really nice couple at Alyssa's daughter's birthday party and I remember thinking they were such an attractive couple and she's like, well, the only other couple that came was them and I remember shaking his hand. Because I remember thinking, I'm not even kidding you. I remember thinking your eyes are dead. What? Yes!

And that's the only reason I remembered it. Because I remember thinking such an attractive couple, like Alissa's got good-looking friends. Like, and then I remember like, you were really sweet and you were just like, oh hi, where are I way out? Oh my gosh,'t you know the baby so cute. Oh, but I'm like, oh yeah, nice of you. And then he was like, hey, what's up? Like youth pastry. I was the only way I could explain it. I felt like he was probably wearing cargo shorts in a polo when he was doing it. But I just remember looking at his eyes and just I just remember it because

I just remember thinking like disingenuous. So when Alyssa said that, I was like, it like shook me again because I was like, when she said that and then I connected the memories holy else. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Well, and in that moment, you probably saw more than other people did because no offense for you didn't matter. You didn't, and in that moment, you probably saw more than other people did because no offense, but you didn't matter. You didn't, right, you know, you didn't have to impress you so a little bit of that wall kind of comes down. Sarah, do you think like sooner is better? Yeah, I mean, yeah, as far as like from a from an emotional damage standpoint for her, the sooner is better. If we're talking like hours versus days, I think.

Sure. You know? In the next like, I'm thinking like two days, like 48, 72 hours that she would need to be contacted. I don't know why we'd rape you on that. Well, especially with the podcast being out like, you know, the podcast is out and the chances are that they're just now posting, posting on social media, like there might still be a chance to kind of get through to her. Yeah. I mean, I'm really curious.

What I, I mean, I'd love to talk to her and find out, why did you guys meet? How soon, how soon was he on the hunt? How soon did he tell you he loved you? And what did he obviously, of course, everyone's gonna want to know this, but what did he tell you? What does he have everybody believing? Like, how has he taken such a massive story in turn to didn't do such a, you know, I would just start off with instance, see where it goes.

And then if honestly, if it's not successful, we can call in someone else. I mean, if she starts getting multiple messages from people, she doesn't know. Yeah. Like mean, if she starts getting multiple messages from people she doesn't know, yeah, like hello. Do you think and share in the podcast seems like a very good thing to me at some point? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't like March and end of it. Okay.

I mean, very soon, but I don't, I pay sure that's you different ways. Like I wouldn't like message her, just like with the link or, right, like I wouldn't do it like in the very very very introductory part of the conversation but I would definitely mention it. I'm not going to come up with a wording but in my brain what I was writing already was like I know this message is going to seem really difficult to believe but I'm pretty sure there's a lot that you don't know,

and I feel like it's my duty. I just feel protective of you. You need to be able to make an educated decision, and there's a lot that I know there's no way you know. It happens to be out on a podcast that's still in progress right now if you want, but if you don't want to listen to that yet, if you really like to just chat with me, you know, you can have my number, but please let me know if you're willing to talk to me because me and hundreds of other people have the exact same story that I'm pretty sure you don't. Something like that, like just get her to have open ears. Right. So you mean don't open like I did with my message to real Kimmy? Hey, so this is gonna be the weirdest message on Instagram you get this week. Sorry. I cope with laughing.

I'm sorry. Um, yeah, so what, so let's say you're gonna draft it then and run it by Sarah first. Yeah, I'll just put it in the text letter. If you guys, I'm not gonna be, oh god. If I send it, I'm not gonna be able to see. I don't send it. I'm not gonna be able to sleep. Well, you know that if you send it tonight, she's not gonna read it until tomorrow.

It's like midnight over there. I think they're two- And it's his birthday still. Ooh, don't send it. So they're probably together. I'll draft it tonight, I won't send it. But yeah, they're probably together. I got a, all right, I'm gonna draft it.

You guys give me any and all feedback please. Okay, I feel like I'm never gonna sleep again. Yeah, probably not. Yeah, I'm like looking at all my oils, I'm like, I'm gonna sleep again. Yeah, probably not. Yeah, I'm like looking at all my oils. I'm pretty self-guarded. Susan, I'm about to go find that stress reliever you made me. Where is that shit? I need to make you nothing heavier.

Oh my. What, girl, what you got? You got that legal good? Or what? I'm in a bad mood. Okay, everybody get sleep and rub ourselves in oils and we will recap. We will reconvene. Okay.

Okay. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, one. All right. Love you. Good night. Good night. podcast is essential listening. We started this podcast over 10 years ago to dissect some of the craziest and most notable murders, crimes, and conspiracy theories together, and

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Follow the Generation Y Podcasts on Amazon Music, or every Listen to Podcasts, or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app. The following interview was recorded this past Wednesday, March 13, 2019. Though it was on his social media and it was on the anniversary of our engagement. I think we found her before that though. We knew that there was something because there were some comments back and forth so there was definitely like a highlight on this person.

And I was like, okay, flirting, you know, we'll see. But then it was just blasted out there on our engagement anniversary. They were going on like weekend trips and there was definitely the Elbomb and it was no questions, you know, no questions about it. They were definitely a thing. And there was a story, a video of them together. So it was undeniable that it was yeah, yeah, arms around each other. Yeah. And then within a couple of days, I think, like, they were out at dinner

for his birthday, and it was definitely, and I love you, post. And it was like something about, basically, this woman has saved me from my horrible, painful life, and I love her. I didn't mention this before, but the birthday post. Oh, that's right. With the life. Fresh my memory, I had totally forgotten about the 50 picture birthday post. Yeah, like five separate posts with the max number of posts within those. Probably characters too.

Yes, no, I was going to say then the captions beyond them. If you're going to go through and read all of this birthday posts, you might as well just go to a birthday party because it's going to take that long to read everything. But he had a lot to say for his 31st birthday, which, you know, not going to lie, felt a little personal, but it's cool. And his birthday was right before, is it before or after your engagement anniversary? We got engaged on January 20th and his birthday is January 22nd. So he post the 20th about the new girlfriend. And then on the 22nd, the day that the podcast first came out, right? Yeah, that was great. Then there was like five or six separate posts with, I don't know what the max number of photos is,

you can include it in a post, but whatever that is, they were there, it's like 10. Yeah, yeah, they were all maxed out. And in there, I think there were photos of mostly him, animals, him with other friends, animals, other friends, kids, and some kids. And then some, I don't know if she was actually in any of those photos, but they definitely commented. I think she was in like one or two.

Okay, okay, yeah. Then it was like, okay, full speed ahead. This is a thing we're happening. Oh my gosh, I just found the birthday post. Oh, you screenshot of that? Yeah. While scrolling through photos to choose for this highlight reel, I'm struck by the realities of 30. It was probably the hardest year of my life, which isn't captured. What isn't captured is pain, the anxiety, the anger, the regret, the sadness, the fight,

the all out brawl that was 30. I'm thankful for that though. It's in the war of life that you learn the most. You learn how broken you are, just how much you need Jesus. You learn that you couldn't do it by yourself, that you need curds of humans to love you, to support you, to challenge you, to fight for you, to lift your head when you can't lift it yourself. But for those that loved me well, thank you. I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. For those who fought for me when I had no fight left, thank you. I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. For those who fought for me when I had no fight left, thank you. I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. For those who didn't abandon me in the mess, thank you.

I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. For those who chased after me when I tried my best to hide, thank you. I wouldn't be the man I am today with you. Looking at 31, the realities that await are incredible. 31, like quite the opposite of 30, I know there will be brawls, fights and wars, but I know that my Jesus is in them the more. So thinking about 30, I wanted to leave something here. Never give up,

even if you have to crawl. Don't you dare give up. Never love with conditions. Jesus is the example strive for it. Does it keep going? Oh, it does. Never forget you've got the scars that will keep you from getting as many. Never make excuses on seeing family. It's far more important than you think. Never use absolutes. They are almost always wrong. Always do your best. Assume the best in people.

Always pray. It's far more powerful than you think. Always spend time in silence and solitude your soul needs it. Always do your best to pour your life out for others. You'll be incredibly full. Always do your best to go to church. They are your family. Dear 30, thank you. What I noticed a lot is it leads you to kind of read between the lines and what you start to feel is, oh, this is a very broken person who is also the best person in the whole world. That's just the impression you walk away with. But if you start to break apart the words and analyze the actual sentences and their structure,

none of them actually are specific or really lead to anything or make sense. It's just more like, thank you all for loving me. So, so well, 31. So it's alludes to you thinking, I really need grace, maybe kind of sort of. But also, I have a killer job. I'm in love. I'm the best I've ever been.

And I am living the life that I think that everyone would want to see me living. There's a kind of a weird coincidence about this date. There are a lot of dates, but this one was kind of a big one last year. I mean, I don't want to make any assumptions that this was directed at one person in particular. Don't want to assume, but you could have picked any day. You had just so happen and getting engaged on this day a year ago. You could have waited for your birthday. It's your birthday, it's your day. Has nothing to do with me. January 20th had a heck of a lot to do with me. But now there's a new girl. Go on and live your life, but in any normal breakup, you know,

I think most people kind of think through those things and maybe be aware of the fact that the whole world knows that, you know, less than a year ago, May 2018, you were about to walk down the aisle and now what was it nine months later? On the date that you posted a photo of a ring with another girl, you're saying 31's giving you the life you've always dreamed of and there's a different girl in your photos. But it doesn't. You know, think through all that. I think the main goal is to put out an image that promotes success. And in his mind, this is success.

He's in love and he's financially successful. And from all outward appearance, it also humble. Do you want the people to think you are? So in all aspects, he's crushing it, but also really humble. But this is, that's what, and I think what's heartbreaking at the core of it all, as I know, that like people, people often strive to put forward what they desperately want other people to think. And if he truly was satisfied, if he truly was, if he didn't hate himself, he wouldn't want everyone to love, you know, what they see so much. You don't feel the desire to get affirmation like that. So I think what's really sad is that the core of it, what I've felt in my gut is that

it, the core is self hatred, but there's nothing obviously that I can do to change that, you know. I think that social media, too, makes it really, really easy to get that kind of validation and affirmation, like so much, so much easier than it's probably ever been. Even in healthy, you know, non-sociopathic people it bakes for it. It's narcissistic by nature, you know, social media. So someone that already, you know, is desperate for validation and desperate for approval and wants to, you know,

believe that there's something that they're not or wants someone to believe that there's something that they're not or wants someone to believe that there's something that they're not, it is set up 100%. And it needs constant stimulation. Well, there's endless amounts of that on the internet. You got all these different platforms. And if you also don't want to be alone or you hate to be alone with your own thoughts, the internet is there to be your outlet, you can just fill it.

So the feelings around being responsible of like wanting to reach out to her. It was such a torn mixed Feeling because there's this sense of justice Like I cannot allow this to happen on my watch and almost a sense of like a feeling of solidarity between this girl and myself I mean not to mention the fact that she even just looking at photos, you know, you can see a lot in someone's eyes and a photo and you can see this is a genuine girl who seems sweet and She's just looks like a good person that sounds like a snap judgment But you can you know, you can see a lot in some photos and so my justice meter is shooting through the roof

And I am just like not on my watch But also having been there, I have, you know, pretty strong memories of where your brain is at, where you're thinking in those moments and what you want to see and what you don't want to see, and all your preconceived ideas. And if she has nothing contradicting all the rosy, you know, honeymoon feelings that she's got. Yes, she has a possibly jaded ex-fiancé coming in to say that this person who has quite literally swept her off her feet is crazy who she's going to believe, you know. And there's no way that I could go back and determine what exactly I would have done if his first ex-fiancé had contacted me first, quite honestly. Having full trust in faith and

my boyfriend at the time, I might have gone to him and said, hey, what do you have to say and tried to assess it, would have ended up in a mine spin and been word-salated like crazy and thought, whole crazy ex-fiancé and maybe it would have been even harder for her to get a hold of me or me to listen to her later, because I would have had even more to unravel. So I've got these conflicting timelines going now is the time, but also maybe wait, but also maybe get in there now and risk rejection and wait until crap hits the fan, and maybe she'll still have my number and remember that she can call me when the crap does hit the fan. Just pray that it hits the fan before she walks down the aisle. So, I mean, and then that's when Alyssa, like we were all

talking about, okay, well now we know we feel like something needs to happen. So we just, you know, we discovered her and we knew that they were like a thing for sure. And I remember waiting on you and how you were in communication with his first ex, first fiance, whatever. And then you guys were like talking about it and thinking about it. And I remember you saying that in the text start a lot, like not on my watch, not on my watch.

And I was like, okay, good, yes, awesome. But I just like, it was just like a way inside of me, and I could not let it go, and I was just thinking about like, well, first, I was like, this isn't, it's not my place to say anything to her because this did not happen to me. And this isn't my news. This isn't my story to share. And then there was a turning point where I thought just because it didn't happen to me doesn't necessarily mean it's not my story to share. Like, obviously it's your story, but I had more information than most people, you know, other than like those your family and and so I felt a

certain responsibility as a woman with this information to protect her, to give everything to her. And the more I thought about it, the more we talked about it, it kind of almost felt like I should and not you, because I didn't have like a leg in the game. I dictated her me directly. So, you know, if she came back to him and was like, Alyssa on Instagram message me, all he would say is, well she's a crazy feminist of my, you know, crazy feminist friend of my ex-fiance. She's crazy. You know, like it's not gonna like he's gonna be like, she's out to go. What's he gonna say about me?

He can say whatever the hell he wants and he probably would. But I just thought, well first I thought if this podcast is for one person, it's for her, if it's for no one else. And so I just felt this weight and I could not let it go. So ultimately we decided that I actually was probably the right person to say something. I wanted to say something what part of me felt like this is not my cross-dabair kind of thing.

This is not my hill to die on, which sounds so counterintuitive to really what I care about most, but it's really weird to be in that position and it's feel like I am the one who knows best of all people What she needs to be saved from like his ex fiance and I are really the only people who can you know Truly I mean obviously other people who've been through this But I mean in this particular with this person and his mo and all that stuff That's why I felt like I shouldn't say something at first But exactly and I get that but also you are an objective party who is very diplomatic.

You can approach it like, look, I watched this go down. Woman to woman here is what happened and now you can make an educated decision about the person you're with. That's, and I thought, this makes perfect sense. Yeah. I knew that you would stay logical and that you would just give the facts

and there wouldn't be any drama. All right, so I wrote this on January 23rd. So this is the second day the podcast was out, I think. Dick's Instagram and her Instagram were both public. Okay, hmm, hi, blank. I'm not sure how to start this message, so I'll just get right to it. One of my best friends was engaged to your boyfriend, Dick. Less than nine months ago before she called off the wedding, she, Sarah, was his second fiance. He has shown a pattern of dysfunctional, even dangerous behavior in his romantic relationships and now has two women he's nearly married.

I'm not sure how much information he's given you about his past relationships, but if you ever wanted to talk to me Or dozens of other people who can vouch for his ex. I would be more than willing to talk to you I feel a responsibility as her friend and as a woman to give you this info about your boyfriend So you can make an educated decision about him and his character Before you ask him about this know that he will make every effort to put himself in the best possible light, and that it might be in your best interest to hear all sides of these stories. I sincerely wish you the very best, and I am sure that you are a strong, intelligent,

fiery, incredible woman, Asara is who deserves to know every bit of truth. She waited, I think, like, four or five hours, so of course I was refreshing. She said hi Alissa, what is Sarah's side of the story. So at that point I'm like, here we go. And I thought I'm not going to give like every gory detail, but I'm going to give the big stuff. So I said they met in September of 2017 and got engaged January 20th 2018. Their wedding was going to happen on May 20th. I met him once in November at Friendsgiving and once in March at a birthday party. Sarah discovered about a week before their wedding that Dick had been texting her from two other phone numbers through their whole relationship, posing as a married couple that he had been

friends with for years. People that in actuality don't exist. Sarah also found out soon after that he had physically abused her dog, her roommate at the time was a witness, enough to cause her dog to have a hip injury. He was emotionally abusive towards her and lied to her and her family about many different things. There's a lot more to it but those are some of the big details. I know this is a lot of weird information to receive on a random Wednesday, and I hope that you know this is all coming from a place of deep concern for your well-being nothing else.

Sarah knows that I reached out to you and would be willing to talk to you and show you screenshots of the text messages there are many. Here is Sarah's phone number as well as both her IG accounts that she asked me to give you, sending love from California, and then I included both Sarah's Instagrams and her phone number. So then, so that whole day, we were like monitoring their accounts. And I remember around like five o'clock because I remember like where I was I was going to Starbucks to finish working and all of a sudden both of their accounts went private and so the three of us were like like something and she never wrote back again and she never wrote back and I kept refreshing

and refreshing and refreshing it and then all of a sudden she blocked me Next time a message on instant it just has the blue photo and there was like three of them and then underneath it said Hurts my whole heart to hear how he met and hurt Sarah so completely just a few months after him and I met. Something was wrong, is written, recorded, edited, and produced by me, Tiffany Reese. All of the music this season is by the band's Glad Rags. A special thank you to Sarah, her family and friends for participating in this series. Check out Sarah's personal blog, Space and Purpose linked in the show notes. Thank you to Alyssa and Ryan Doyle for their time, support and hype. Shout out to my husband Michael

and our three amazing children, Jude, Ruby and Ozzy for cheering me on every step of the way. Jude, Ruby, and Ozzie for cheering me on every step of the way. Subscribe now and follow the hashtag, Something was Wrong Pod on Instagram. If you like something was wrong and you're not a troll, please consider leaving a 5 star review and sharing the podcast with any human you've ever met. We will soon be recording an AMA Q&A episode, and we'd love to hear your questions. If you would like to ask a question, please give us a call at 1-323-379-5678. And leave us a voicemail with your first name, location, and question. Your voicemail might be shared on a future episode.

If you or someone you know is being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-Safe. We will let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her, let her, let her go, let her go, let her, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her go, let her, let her go, let her, let, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Hey, Prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the app today, or you can listen early and ad- free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.