Something Was Wrong - S10 E12: [Vanessa] Bet He's Arrested

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

This week survivor Vanessa shares her story.Last week we heard from survivor Emily, Cody’s 2nd wife. This week we’ll learn the truth about Cody’s first marriage — when his two exes are brought together to uncover his lies.**Resources:For free mental health resources, please visit SomethingWasWrong.com/Resources SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, available in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders at 1-800-662-4357. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.Sources:The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Quick Guide: Economic and Financial Abuse, 2017 NCADV 600 Grant, Suite 750 Denver, Colorado 80203The Mayo Clinic: Compulsive gambling By Mayo Clinic Staff, 2016Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER) https://www.mayoclinic.org/about-mayo-clinic**Something Was Wrong’s theme song was originally composed by Glad Rags and is covered this season by Basic Comfort. You can listen to their cover of "U Think U" on all streaming platforms or at https://basiccomfort.bandcamp.com/Website: Basiccomfort.bandIG: Basic_ComfortTwitter: Basic_Comfort FB: BasiccomfortbandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I'm Candace DeLong and on my new podcast, Killer Psychy Daily, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the cold-butter killers you read about in the news. Listen to the Amazon Music Exclusive Podcast Killer Psychy Daily in the Amazon Music exclusive podcast killer psyche daily in the Amazon music app. Download the app today. Something was wrong is intended for mature audiences. Episodes can discuss topics that can be triggering such as emotional, physical, and sexual

violence, suicide, and murder. I am not a therapist or a doctor. If you're in need of support, please visit somethingwaswr wrong.com slash resources for a list of nonprofit organizations that can help. Some names have been changed for anonymity purposes. Opinions expressed by the guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself or audio chuck. Resources and source material are linked in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. are linked in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. Last week, we heard Emily's story of meeting Cody

and the financial and emotional abuse she endured. This week, we're introducing you to Vanessa, Cody's first wife, and sharing the story of how these two women united and uncovered his lies and secrets. I'm Tiffany Reese, and this is Something Was Wrong. You think you know me, you don't know me well, at all. You think you know me, you don't know me well. You think you know me, you don't know me well.

Don't know. My name is Vanessa and I met Cody when I was 23 years old and I was his first wife that I know of. I graduated and I was still living down by the college and working full-time. I met him at my second job, which I was actually a bartender at a local bar in the area and it was mainly a place just to get out, make some extra money and meet people. He was one of the guys that came in and I met him taking care of him basically. And then we started dating and it kind of just sped up really quickly.

It was fun, it was exciting. We hung out all the time and it was great. I thought we had a great relationship and now looking back at things, I see all the different red flags that came up. But in the moment, just like anyone, when you first meet someone, you're just kind of live in the honeymoon phase and it's fantastic and it's all great. I asked Vanessa how she would describe Cody as a person.

He is a charmer. I feel like everybody likes him. Everybody gets along with him. He is a charmer. I feel like everybody likes him. Everybody gets along with him. He is a people's person. He is friendly. He is fun. He is just who you want to be around and who you want to go to the parties with.

And he is charismatic and very, very charming. In getting to know him and dating him, I found out that he was like a bridge point, I guess, if you will, in his life where he was living with his dad and his step-on. Keep in mind, he was also four and a half years older than me, so he was 27 at this time, and he was living with his dad. He had a car to my knowledge, it was his, but I didn't know. And he was working at a restaurant in the town as an assistant manager. And so that's kind of all I knew from his past. He had said he had been in a serious

relationship recently, got out of it, and it was like she broke his heart. So I really felt for him and I wanted to take care of him, basically, which is my hindrance. Hahaha. When Vanessa met Cody, she was already in the process of moving from her college town back to her hometown a few hours away. We decided to go ahead and continue dating and try the long distance thing

and just see what happened. Honestly, I didn't think it would work out just because it was such a long distance, but I was willing to try just because I did care about him so much. Shortly into moving back, and one of my girlfriends was getting married, and so he was my plus one,

and we went to the wedding, and I had a feeling that I was pregnant, and so that night of the wedding, actually, we went and got a pregnancy test, and found that I was pregnant. So that changed a lot of things for me. And this is something that I never would have imagined would have happened.

I was raised Catholic my entire life. And I don't know if you're familiar with Catholicism but they don't believe in abortion. They don't believe in divorce really. It's really made me really, really want to make things work. So I knew immediately that I was gonna keep this child and that I didn't wanna have a baby out of wedlock and it sounds so archaic, but it's true. I had one living grandpa at the time

and I knew he was very old fashioned also and that was also a big point that I didn't want to disappoint him which is weird but my main thing was that because there was a baby in the mix I was going to make this work and we needed to get married if he wanted to and so that was now our discussion me and Cody had to decide how to get him up to, because he was still living with his dad, and then how to get married, how we had to move in together. We had all these big milestones

that we now had to entertain and figure out, and it was a lot, but the child, honestly, the unborn child was my driving force. So I was willing to do whatever it took to make our relationship work, to give this child the support and the groundwork that she needed to grow up. I obviously, when I found out,

just balled my eyes out with disappointment in myself and just kind of like what we were gonna do now, but he was very supportive. He was very much there for me during this. And he was completely on board with staying together and making this work. So I don't ever feel like I got any pushback from him as far as not wanting to be in a relationship

or be a part of the child's life or anything like that. It was around June that I met him and then about mid-July I found that I was pregnant. And so I turned 24 a month into being pregnant. Vanessa recalls their early relationship as up and down with their main focus being on moving in together and getting married that October before their baby arrived.

It was a couple months after meeting him, so we barely knew each other if you really wanna get down to it. I mean, it takes a while to get to really know someone. So we got married. Luckily, my family is super supportive of everything. And honestly, I don't think I could have done it without them. So we got married and then this is a fun little fact.

His dad actually gifted us a honeymoon in Las Vegas. And keep in mind, I am about four months pregnant at the time. So not a whole lot of fun can be had in Las Vegas for me. She ended up enjoying checking out the sites in Vegas, but what strikes her as a red flag in hindsight is how her new husband chose to spend his time on their honeymoon. Several times in our hotel room he would leave and go and gamble and play poker, which I knew was just a fun thing that he did. And so it was fine, I could sleep because I was exhausted from being pregnant and after the wedding and everything. But again, now looking back, that's very odd. So then we got home and all the aftermath of the wedding kind of wore off and I was dealing with

working full-time and being pregnant and we were trying to prepare for the baby and he was supportive, but I also felt like a lot of things were about him. He was having a rough day at work or he was tired or all these things where I then also kind of felt guilty for complaining if I was tired, where I felt like it still had to be kind of attention on him more than how I would imagine that my husband would have taken care of me. Again, I just kind of pushed it off and said, whatever, this is what it's going to be like, it's fine. So my parents, initially, when they met Cody, they seemed to really like him.

I know they automatically had their reserves because who is this guy coming into their daughter's life and getting a pregnant or knocked up or whatever. At least he's sticking around. I feel like was there an outlook? My dad, I don't know if he was just doing what he felt like I needed him to do, which was get along with him and be there for him. Cody kind of had a little bit of an estranged relationship with his own parents. And so his mom, he vowed not really have hardly any relationship with her.

But then in talking to him about his life and growing up, he didn't really have a relationship with his dad. So I feel like this was more of a new relationship, which I was raised with my parents, married for 30 years, and had a very good relationship with them. And so to me, to meet someone whose family is not have that kind of relationship was very odd for me. Vanessa recalls Cody's father having a strange reaction

when they told him of their plans to move in together and get married. His dad didn't really fully agree with him moving, which I thought was very strange, because why would you not wanna go and support a woman that you potentially wanna marry and the child that you're gonna have together? But his dad didn't support it.

And I took a lot of offense to that. Obviously, there's a lot more to it, but I didn't know at the time. That then started making their relationship a little rocky. So I think when he then was now into my family, my dad kind of took it on his role to kind of take him under his wing and make him almost like a son, if you will. The following April, the couple welcomed their first child, a daughter. She was honestly the best little thing we could ever have gotten. She was a best baby, which made it great

Cody at the time was in charge of all of our financial stuff our budgeting, paying of all the bills He kind of did all of it which I just let them do honestly. I didn't enjoy it that much And so I was like, hey, he's willing to do it. Let's do it So like any new couple really, it was struggled. It was hard. We were both working full time. We had a new baby. The job that I was at, I was fortunate enough, they would actually let me take her with me

to work. So luckily, we didn't have to pay for any kind of childcare. So that helped. But we still had all of our normal bills and everything, which is life. But it did definitely create a lot of stress and added stress to our new marriage and our new life together. About a year into their marriage, Vanessa noticed that things with her finances seemed off. And the way I discovered these things was my go to buy something like food

or something weird, just nothing major or big. And it would decline my card. And so then I would log into our big statement and look, and what I saw was all these weird transactions, which each one was different. They were usually from other countries. There were things I'd never seen before. Weird half-websites, but the amounts that was withdrawn

with each of those transactions was always an even number. So like $100, $250, $300, it was always a flat number. So it was very bizarre, but it was always like three or four at a time, but when I pulled it up, I saw all those and then I noticed that our account was negative. I of course freaked out and got super stressed and anxious about all of it because immediately I jumped to, oh my God, we have bills, we have to pay, we have diapers, we got a buy. I'm immediately called Cody and we talk about it. And he's like, oh my gosh, someone must have hacked into our account.

And these are obviously fraudulent charges. I mean, who would do these things? No idea where they came from. This account that we have is a joint account. We both have equal access to the account and everything. We got it when we got married. I talked to him about it, the charges, and he was completely shocked and dumbfounded acted like

He had no idea where these came from completely had me convinced that it was someone else Somewhere in the world that had hacked into our banking statement or our debit card or whatever I was very naive on this and honestly would believe anything he told me, which now that I'm older and wiser, think about what a young idiot I was at the time. But we had decided that it was fraud and that we needed to close our account, basically lock it up and then dispute these charges. We went to the bank to have them find all the different fraudulent charges. We went to the bank to have them find all the different fraudulent charges. Meanwhile,

this whole time, he is completely on board that it is fraud and that he had nothing to do with it. He has never seen these charges in talking to the bank. It was about $4,000 worth of charges when you total it all up. The couple ended up getting about half of their money back from the bank after they reported the charges as fraudulent, but their account was still negative. That was honestly just the first odd thing and even during all this, it never crossed my mind that someone that I knew, or let alone was married to, had done this. or let alone was married to had done this. I completely believed that it was some evil person in the world that we didn't know that had taken all of our stuff. I think I approached my dad first

and then Cody and I actually approached and had a meeting with my parents and told them kind of what happened in the hole that we were in and had to ask them for money. And so they gave us about, I want to say, three to five thousand dollars to help us catch up with bills and make everything current as far as our debt and just living expenses. Their financial challenges impacted their relationship. And despite Vanessa's feeling

that Cody loved his daughter, she was often left with the majority of parenting responsibilities, leading to further frustration and stress. As far as like the harder stuff with her, like the parenting part of it, that mostly laid on me. And I was happy to take it on. I feel like now that he saw that and knew that and kind of just capitalized on it and prayed on it. And was like, this is great. She's going to just do it all and I can

live this great life and be the best father quote unquote, I can be. Shortly after discovering the fraudulent charges on their bank account, Vanessa noticed that Cody was frequently gambling online. There were all these different online servers that he was on and he would play a lot. So basically he was going to work and then coming home and playing poker a lot and just didn't reading back from like my journal and everything. At this time I felt very alone, honestly, and I think it was just like him constantly being busy and choosing to be on the computer. Poker or not, he was on the computer

instead of being a part of our life, I guess, our family. The schedule was very sporadic and weird and I wanted to go visit my grandparents out of town with my parents and he was unable to get off of work. And so he stayed home and worked while I took our daughter and I went with my parents. She was so exhausted from the trip Vanessa decided to return home a little earlier than she had planned. Our house where we stayed at had a car port in the back and so you parked in the back and came up through the back door like through the backyard and then in the back and so you parked in the back and came up through the back door,

like through the backyard and then through the back door. And it was a town home. And I came home and the door was locked. And I was like, oh my god, the door is locked because we had just driven the three hours from my grandparents' house with my baby. And of course, I'm not going to stop because I'm a woman on the road with my baby. So I needed to go the bathroom like really bad. So I was at the door and I'm holding our daughter on my hip and I'm like waiting at the door and I'm like oh my god I did all my keys out of course because why would I? And so I'm knocking on the door and our town home was two levels and so the, if you looked through the glass, like sliding door, you could see the bottom of the stairs.

And the stairs were like, they would go up halfway and then go up again. So there was like a little landing spot, halfway up the stairs. And he had run down, was on the landing spot, saw that it was me at the door, and then ran back upstairs. I was so confused and I was just kind of like,

what the heck are you doing, dude? Because I'm here, come let me in. I've got to go to the bathroom. Like, that's all I could think of was like, take the baby so I can go to the restroom. So I keep knocking at the door and I'm like, come on, let's go. So he finally came back down, opened the door and I didn't have a chance to like ask him what was going on because I had to go the bathroom so bad. So I immediately hand him our baby, and I run to the bathroom. There's a little half bath down on the first floor. And as I run to the bathroom, I just kind of glance to my side, and on the right side by our coffee table, there's a pair of women's shoes that are not mine and they're definitely not his. So I don't know what's going on.

I'm like physically shaking because I kind of am starting to write my mind around what I've walked in on. What if you were trafficked into a cult over shot nine times or fell in love with a vampire or went into a minor surgery and woke up one week later, paralyzed? What would you do? I'm Whit Missildine, the creator of this is actually happening, a podcast from Wondry that brings you extraordinary true stories of life-changing events, told by the people who lived them. From a young man that dooms his entire future with one choice, to a woman who survived a notorious serial killer, you'll hear their first

person account of how they overcame remarkable circumstances. Each episode is an exploration of the human spirit and personal discovery. These haunting accounts sound like Hollywood movies, but I assure you this is actually happening. Follow this is actually happening wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen And I come out and he is out in like where the car port is. Behind the car port, there's like a little parking lot. So like if people come to visit or whatever, they'll park out there. And so he's out there with our daughter and he comes in finally. And I was like, I ask him what he was doing out there with our daughter and he comes in finally and I was like, I ask him

what he was doing out there and he just says, oh, nothing, I was just coming to get your stuff. He comes back inside and when I walked back out, I noticed that the shoes were gone. So that changed and the time it took me to go the restroom. He came back in and we went upstairs and I just remember such a fog in my head because I was physically shaking and I didn't know how to approach this. Or I think what made me the most scared

was what was gonna happen afterwards. Like is this the end of our marriage? Like all these thoughts in my head just started coming up and was completely consuming. And so I confronted them and I just say, Cody, what were those shoes? And he acts, his initial reaction is to act like, what shoes, what are you talking about?

There was nothing there. And so I just tell him, I saw these shoes downstairs when I ran to go to the restroom. Don't lie to me. I know that there was someone here who was here and what was going on. So at that point, he kind of, I think, realized that he couldn't lie about it. So he tells me that it was some woman from his work and that she wanted to learn how to play poker. And so she knows that he plays a lot and is really good at it, which is incredibly inappropriate.

I didn't know this woman. I'd never met her. And honestly, to this day, I don't know how their relationship was or what happened, but all I know is that a woman was in my house when I was not there. And he clearly was not expecting me home at that time because my house when I was not there and he clearly was not expecting me home at that time because I told him I was gonna come home later. And so the whole thing, he was caught.

And the fact that he tried to continue to lie about it after being caught just like dumb founds me, like just own it and take responsibility for it, but he couldn't do that. So at this moment, I was furious, full of this wave of emotions and questions in my head on what to do, how to handle this. So I took my daughter and we went to my parents' house and we stayed there. When she left, Vanessa told Cody that she didn't want to talk to him and needed time to herself to think.

I contacted my best friend and she's the only one I really talked to about it because I feel like I was very embarrassed and humiliated. He kept messaging me and trying got through to me and let him kind of say his two cents and all I could think about was like we're so new into this marriage and this is already happening. I don't think this is a good sign so what are my options I can stay married we could try and work through this or I could try and get a, which no one in my family had been divorced. That was just not normally. That was not what we did. Nobody got divorced. If you had problems, you worked through it or you swept it under the mat. And I come from a big family. My mom is one of five. And so it's like all my cousins, all my aunts and uncles, like everyone was still married. So that would have been just another punch in the gut of like how much of a failure I was, basically. I took it all personal, which is not healthy, honestly. So that kind of made me

just want to make it work because I didn't want people to know about it and know that I not only got pregnant at a wedding, I had to rush my wedding, but now I'm going to get a divorce. It was just like one thing after the other. Eventually the couple worked through things enough for Vanessa and her daughter to return home and try to work things out. I don't think counseling was even in my vocabulary at this moment in time and in my life, but probably what should have done, but we didn't.

I don't feel like we ever really dealt with it because we never really discussed what happened. We knew he messed up, I was mad, and we were going to work through it and that was it. And things eventually got back to being helped was better, if you will, our normal marriage and relationship. We were still strapped for cash, so working really hard, trying to make ends meet, living above our means, which I'll take some responsibility with also. That being said, it made me kind of want to go back to school and get a different degree. Vanessa decided to head back to school and take prerequisite classes needed for nursing school.

One day while on campus she received an unsettling phone call. Literally like the week or two before I started nursing school that this all happened. I was with one of my girlfriends that was in my classes with me. I got a phone call from a title loan place that said that they had the title to our car. Keep in mind, at this point, I didn't even know what a title loan place was.

What they do is they basically, you give them your title to your vehicle and they front you the money. I don't know if it's a percentage of what your vehicle is worth, but if you don't pay it back in a certain amount of time, including interest, then they basically will take your car because they have the title to your vehicle. So Cody had apparently done that. He had given this title of the car that my father bought him to this place and I don't know if he had given them my number or if

they had just found it but these kinds of places just have ways of finding everybody. So they located me, called me and told me that they had the title and that it was past due on a payment and that they were gonna basically capitalize on it and take the car. I had to go with my girlfriend from class because I could not believe that this was happening and we went to the title alone place and had to talk to them about it and figure out what is going on and how we were going to go about keeping the car, what we needed to pay them to keep the vehicle and not put us under and keep us afloat and keep our bills paid and all the same stuff. At this point, Cody is also still taking care of all of our financials.

So, this is all new to me. I should have kept more in the loop of it, but I didn't. And so, all of this is again very blindsided. So, trying to figure all this out, how are we going to get money? How are we going to figure, like, how are we going to get money? How are we going to figure where is it going to come from? I think at this point, this was kind of like the light bulb, which made me realize that all those fraudulent charges that happened were probably him and they probably weren't fraud.

And this was kind of the first introduction of like, oh my God, I think he's doing this. I feel like there's no excuse for this. He obviously gave the title to them. There's no way of talking. Couldn't talk his way out of that. But his behavior after this was very, I mean, the closest thing it can be related to is like a dog with their tail tucked between their legs and just cowering because it was just like, whoa is me. I'm really messed up. Oh my gosh. I'm just kind of mopey and not really trying to help resolve it, not really trying to help figure it out and move on. More so just, oh, I messed up and life is so hard and, oh my gosh, what are we going to do? And so then I felt like I had to take responsibility and fix it, because this was not just his life, this was my life and our daughter's life.

Shortly after this discovery, the couple traveled to Vanessa's brother's wedding. I feel like I should have had someone supporting me during this, but in the moment and during all this, I was not supported and I in exchange had to fix mistakes and issues that Cody had created and to make our life okay. And so I honestly feel like I was robbed of that experience because it was my little brother and he was married for the first time and it was just, it was a very emotional thing. And I actually had to fly back early before anyone,

so I left the night of his wedding after his wedding to start nursing school. So I was also super anxious and scared to start that new chapter because it was a big deal. And so all these different things were happening that yet I was having to put my focus on Cody and what he had done and how to dig us out of this home. And even then, he still just acted like he was the victim. I was too ashamed, honestly,

to go to my parents to ask for any kind of help. So at this time, I actually went to my aunt, who have a very, very close relationship with and talked to her about everything and let her know it was happening and actually asked her for money. And she gave us about $3,000 to help us kind of to pay them off and get the title back.

And then that way we wouldn't be in any trouble and we wouldn't be down a vehicle. So we were able to keep the car. When I did ask my aunt for the money, he was not present for that. I did it all on my own. I honestly don't even know if he talked to her about it or my uncle or ever said anything to them about it. So if you're keeping track of the timeline there, that was about two years since the fraudulent charges, which his kind of MO now was like about every year and a half, two years, something would happen. So I don't know if it's boredom

or what, but that was about almost exactly two years from the happen. So I don't know if it's boredom or what, but that was about almost exactly two years from the fraudulent charges that now, since the title alone I had discovered, was probably him. He hadn't fully owned it still to this point, but I think it just kind of planted the seed in the back of my head that it was like, hey, be on a little bit higher alert. This was probably your husband. Vanessa went to nursing school while working full time and caring for her daughter. About two years later, she graduated

and began working in what she describes as her dream unit. But this point in time, I feel like I've achieved my goal. We're doing great. I feel like our relationship is better. We're getting a long great. And so at this point, I'm like, hey, let's have another kid. This is a great time. So we decided to not prevent from getting pregnant. We were very excited about it.

We were living in apartments at this time. So we were now going to look into looking for a house. Things seem to be going well, according to quote unquote plan, right? And so we got pregnant, told my parents, they were excited, everything was great. And then all of a sudden this huge thing happened in my life. My parents actually had some issues and filed for divorce.

That was like the floor was being ripped out from under me. Like I said previously, I basically had like the ideal upbringing, great family, great parents. I always wanted a relationship like they had. So for them to come forth and let me know that they were not picture perfect and that they had some major, major issues in their own relationship

and that they were filing for divorce. I mean, it was really, really tough on me. And again, I'm pregnant. So I'm dealing with all this while all the hormones. I know I did not handle it best. Way I possibly could. I was very angry with my parents, my dad in particular, and I really needed Cody to be there for me during this.

This was a very, very hard time and he really wasn't. He was present, but he never wanted to really be there for me. I would get angry and frustrated and you know how we all process things as differently, but he would come forth and tell me how he felt. He was the one being punished for things that my dad had done and that I was taking out my frustrations on him, which to me was one of the most selfish things he could have done. Cody's lack of emotional support led to major fractures in their relationship. At a time when things were already about to get hectic again with a new baby arriving soon. were already about to get hectic again with a new baby arriving soon. Then I had my son. He was not as good as our daughter, so he cried all the time. He always

wanted to be with me. He also was breastfed and he fed every hour and a half. Like it was the longest days, the longest nights. And so all this stuff happening created basically the perfect storm for Cody to act out as you will. I believe it was about a week before Thanksgiving. I went to go get my hair done and I was so excited because I'd been to Hell and Back, how to child. I looked like complete garbage. And I was so excited to get my hair done, right? And I go to give her a check and I write her a check and I leave. And then she calls me and tells me that my check is about. And I remember asking Cody before I went, are you sure I can go do this? Our hair cost about this much money to do. So I got it pre-approved, if you will, because like a fool, I had after the title alone thing, I had taken over the finances, and then I slowly, as we got better, I let

him kind of have the reins again. Dum, dum, dum. But I did. So I was letting him know how much it would cost. Is that cool? Can we do that?" And he assured me, yeah, no big deal. Go right ahead, go get your hair done. Blah blah blah. And I did. And then I have to get a call from someone telling me that my check is balanced. So then I log into the bank account and I start seeing all these weird things coming through and I confronted him about it and he told me that he had bet on some sports games and lost a whole lot of money. And so in order to make up for that money, he had actually taken out 10 that I know of, but possibly more different payday loans. that I know of, but possibly more different payday loans. Those also are about as sleazy as the title loan places in that what you do is you go to these places and they verify that you have an automatic paycheck coming into your account.

And once they have that information, you basically are signing over to them access to your account, to withdraw payments or the money that they are required to pay them off when you get paid. So you're basically getting like a advancement on your paycheck. These places in my book are the bottom of the barrel because they offer you this money and then you have to pay them the amount that they've loaned you but yet an ungodly amount of interest and I honestly don't know how people ever fully pay them back because it's not practical. So he had taken out 10 plus of these things. I don't know how he was able to do this but he did. I had people calling me trying to get a hold of him, trying to

get a hold of me to get payments on these things. He did eventually own it at this moment, but again, I had to confront him about it. I had to catch him doing it, and he says it all stemmed from gambling. It all stemmed from him betting on sports games and not doing well. And then he had to get the payday loans to make up for it and pay for it. And then when it comes into the big discussion, he then spends it into that he did the gambling and all this because I was not giving him the appropriate attention he needed and or taking out my frustrations on him that were me dealing with my parents' divorce and being a mom of a difficult baby and having a new job and all these things. And so he again spun it to where he was the victim and that it was

my fault and how I treated him that made him do these actions which then put us in debt. So it was always me. It was always he was the victim and everything else happened to him. She was once again baffled by Cody's behavior and lack of concern for their family. So again, I'm just kind of going through the motions, trying to figure out how we're gonna get through this, how are we going to pay our bills, how are we going to put food on the table, how are we going to, we have two children now. And while I'm trying to fix and repair,

he is again the victim and moping around the house. So it's a week before Christmas, We have two children and I love Christmas. And so it's like, how are we gonna give them gifts? How are we gonna put anything under the tree for anyone or my kids because we had no money at all? And these people had a hold of our accounts. And so it's not like we would get money because as soon as he was paid, they would take the money.

And so it was just like this, it was horrible. It was so just a dark time. I knew I wanted to put presents into the tree for my kids. My son was a baby, he doesn't know. But my daughter was four and a half five and so she knew and she knew what to get excited about. And so I actually remember doing this. I got on Craigslist and I looked for toys. I looked for toys or anything that would be free, honestly, because we didn't have any money. And so I found a bunch of free toys in the area and just went and drove around and tried to figure out how to put presents into the tree. No where in any of this did he help me do this. He never once tried to put anything under the tree. It was all on me and I was the only one doing anything.

And it was very, very rough. We had Christmas and my daughter was super happy. It was great, but it was a very lonely time. My mom came over for Christmas. Thank God. But Cody just moped around the whole day, like depressed. It was just very awkward, where he was just stealing all the attention when it should be about that. The kids are happy and it should be about them. After several months, the couple started counseling

in an attempt to salvage their relationship for the sake of their children. I was trying to work it out, but honestly, I feel like I just wanted to feel like I had done everything I could to make this marriage work. So I feel like mentally at this point I was done. I wanted the marriage to end, but I also didn't want to look like a quitter. My kids' eyes, when they grew up in my parents's eyes, and so we went to counseling, and it helped a little bit around April. I told him I needed a separation. So that's when I moved out of the bedroom, and I lived in the guest room. I got my own bank account, all these things that were kind of like just building blocks to start building my own life away from

Cody. He was very intimidating at this point. I feel like I make lots of animal references because I love animals, but it's a fight or flight thing like a horse when you back him into a corner, they're going to either hurt themselves by jumping over the fence or they're going to charge at you. And I feel like Cody did more of like a charging at you. He did a very much like confrontational, why do you wanna do this? You're gonna split up this family. You're gonna break up this family.

You're gonna ruin these kids' lives. He kind of jumped on these things that he knew would hit home with me and that would hurt the most, which was my children. And that made it just so much worse. He would say things like, what makes you think you will get custody of these kids? He also would bring up money saying,

you know it takes about $300 just to even see a lawyer. He made comments like, we can't be separated or live like this for a long time. Someone needs to move out and I want the house. It's just kind of really weird and it scared me and I honestly just shut down. He just really bullied me at this time. I mean I completely lost all my own personality and strength during this time. But I continued to move forward. I remember vividly I stayed at my mom's house one night because it was horrible, our living situation.

And we talked a lot that night, and she kind of almost gave me the silent approval of like, it's okay to leave, it's okay to get a divorce. And that is, I honestly think what I needed at that moment of like, it's okay to leave, it's okay to get a divorce. And that is, I honestly think what I needed at that moment because I just needed someone to tell me that it was okay. I'm so sorry that you experienced all of this. It's heartbreaking to hear, I know as a parent

when their well-being is at stake, it makes everything so much more painful and more difficult because we want the best for them. And unfortunately those manipulation tactics that he was trying to use sometimes they really can be effective. Oh yeah. I know at one point I just left the house to get away because it was too much and I just sat in a parking lot and just was crying and he was messaging me telling me that he was gonna wake up the kids and take them and leave and I then obviously was terrified so then I went back home and just kept living in this environment. It was such a beat down. So I decided to go ahead through the divorce in May. In June, he was, that was when he was trying to talk to me about everything.

And I actually wrote down exactly what he presented to me, which is just baffling. We were gonna sit down the kitchen table and talk about it and work through that we were on board with the divorce, and we were gonna work through all the terms together. And then it was gonna be resolved. And in a perfect world, that would be great because it saves a whole lot of money and everyone's happy, it's not gonna happen that way.

So he presents to me why he wanted to talk and he verbatim says, I know you wanna agree to this, but I was thinking that since we decided on this lifestyle for our kids and you make 60% and I make 40% of the total income, you should give me about $550 a month so that I am able to continue to give them this lifestyle. At this moment, I basically am dumbfounded at the idea that he's even has the audacity to ask me for money

because in my opinion he's the one who put us in this financial ruin and all these issues one after the other and now he's trying to get me to pay him so that I can be divorced from him. And so that conversation didn't go well. Obviously, I absolutely nipped that in the butt and said, absolutely not, you've got to be kidding me. And so we ended up having to go through our attorneys with all this. By some grace of God, I don't know how I was able to do this,

but he eventually moved down to the house, which was the best thing ever. And that happened in late June. I don't know what eventually got him out or how I was able to do this, but I did. And that was a huge milestone. Once Cody moved out of the house, things got a little easier in their co-parenting relationship until it was almost time to head to court. So one big thing that happened the day before we actually had our first court date. I guess he thought that we were going to go to court, we were going to resolve it together

in a room. I don't know. He thought that we were going to fix it and come to our agreements together over a meeting and not court so that he wouldn't have to pay court costs, basically, is what it all came down to. So the day before I was working with my attorney, tying up loosens and figuring out what we needed to have for the court case and everything.

And I let him that night take my daughter to go see a movie and just have a daddy daughter date. I never, ever wanted to keep the kids from him because he's their father. So he took her on a date and he came back and dropped her off and I always met him at the door. Now that he was out, he was not welcome in and it was my house, not his.

So it was like, this is my home, this is my safe space. So he came and he brought my daughter and dropped her off so I could buy to her. She came inside and he asked if he could talk to me. So I went outside. My mom was at the house with me at this time because I had asked her to come over just because I was still very honestly scared. He'd never hit me or anything, but I always was frightened. And I didn't know if he was capable of that and I didn't want

to be alone during that. So I had my mom come over during this, but she was in the house. He didn't know she was there. And so he asked to talk to me. So I gave my daughter to my mom and I went outside and he was talking to me and he confronted me about how we were still on the docket for tomorrow and why I thought it was going to be dropped. And I basically just said, well, I guess it's still on the docket. We still have things to discuss. So he got angry and was yelling at me during this. And my mom heard it and decided to stick her head out and yell at him and saying, you know, you don't need to talk to my daughter that way,

you need to leave her alone. And so that just added fuel to the fire and he got very, very angry and he left eventually. And then he came back and he left eventually, and then he came back. And he said, he came back and asked for a picture that he had, that I had it still in the house. It was in the garage waiting for him to pick it up. It was this big picture of a sports team.

And I just said, okay, that's fine. Just pull around the back and I'll give it to you. It's in the garage, but he didn't wanna do that. So he forced his way into my house. He pushed the door open, pushed through me. He went to the garage, he got the picture, he walked back through and he set the picture by the front door. And then he went to where my daughter was. She was in the bathroom and he went in there and got her and started walking out. And honestly, it looks like he was going to lead with her.

Meanwhile, my son is sleeping because he's a baby, but it looks like he was about to lead with her and it was so scary. One thing I hadn't mentioned is Cody is a very, very big man. He's 6'5", he's probably 250-300 pounds. He is very large and very intimidating if he wants to be. And the only people here were my kids and my mother and myself. And so at this point, I'm very very frightened. And my mom actually picks up her phone and calls 911 to report basically the situation. He immediately gets very angry and gets up in her face and starts yelling at her. I really thought he was going to hit her. My daughter then starts crying and I grab my daughter

and I take her into my bedroom and put on the show for her to distract her and my mom is on the phone with 911 and he's still yelling and then he leaves because she's on the phone with the cops. Frightened Vanessa called her dad and asked him to come over right away to help. Cody has left and then Cody comes back and he's talking to my dad in the front yard. And they're talking and my mom and I and my kids are in the house and they're talking and then the police comes and I assume the police are there because my mom called. Then come to find out he had called the police, Cody did, because he wanted to have them come in a take, he said a Vict, but it vict my mother from my house. And then they had this dispute, just talking about everything in the front yard, and the police comes the door and talks to me,

and I talk to him about what's happening. And he says, well, he really just wants to say goodbye to his daughter. Is there any way that he can do that? He was the victim and I was the mean person. And so of course, I'm gonna let him. I'm not gonna say no and create more of an issue. So I brought my daughter out and he gave her a big hug and said goodbye and this whole long drawn out goodbye. And then they all left. But it was just so Jerry Springer

and insane and I've never ever had anything like that happen to me in my life. And the fact that I was mad at all of them, I was mad at my mom for yelling at him, I was mad at him for yelling at my mom and putting my daughter in that situation and that she had to witness that. Thank God she was young enough to where she doesn't remember it,

but it was still very, very selfish of all the parties. I just still cannot believe that he had the audacity to call the cops, to have them come, be there, to try and get my mother out of my house. And when he was the one, he forced his way in, he was the one and the wrong, yet he obviously doesn't think he was because he was the one, he forced his way in, he was the one and the wrong, yet he obviously doesn't think he was because he called the police.

So then we went to court the next day. We had temporary orders placed. And in the state where we live, you have to, I believe it's 60 or 90 days, but I can't remember now, but you have to basically think about your divorce for a certain amount of time to make sure that you wanna do it before they can actually make it final. So they did temporary orders, which then make him have to cover the health insurance of

the kids around in September. I take my kids to the doctor and find out that our health insurance is not valid. He did not inform me of any of this, and when I confronted him about it, he acted like he didn't know anything about it. And so I then go to my attorney about this, and so we were able to get the divorce finalized on the grounds that we then went to court in October, basically holding him in contempt of the temporary orders because he let the health insurance falter. So, then when we were there, the judge just said, hey, let's just do it all. We ended up getting the divorced finalized on that exact date.

We finally were divorced. And then that just started the whole next chapter of everything. And that, I believe, is when he started dating Emily. I feel like he started dating her. I think when we were going through our divorce, and then they ramped it up pretty quickly, also. Now that I see it, I feel like she was his next prey. I asked Vanessa if she recalled what it was like to co-parent with them in the early months after their divorce. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do

was share my kids with another woman. That was very, very rough. I was dealing with the idea of being a single parent now and then Cody had Emily and they had this picture perfect marriage. Everything looked great. The one thing I was always so grateful for was she was always so kind to my kids and treated them like her own. They never wanted for anything when they were at their house. She would buy them clothes. They always had food. All the things that you want for your kids, she provided, and it was all her. The only thing that was a little bit rough was sometimes I felt like she overstepped her bounds, which later on we reconnected and I discovered why, but I feel like he portrayed me as a horrible mother, And so it was her way of trying to give my kids

that mother role because she didn't know that they had a great mother. But I took it as she's trying to encroach on my kids. So that was the only struggle that I feel like I had with it. But other than that, I could not have asked for a better step mom for my kids. She was awesome to them and they always felt loved and they love her. Then down the line they eventually I guess Cody does similar

things to her and she then decides to file for divorce and reach out to me. So she reaches out to me and we actually went to dinner and just she basically was just like, lay it on me. What happened in Y'all's marriage? Tell me everything. After Emily and Cody separated, Vanessa reached out to her to offer her support and the two women met for dinner. Here's Emily. I was very curious to hear what she had to say, but I was like, tell me what happened. Just give it to me straight, tell me everything.

And she did. And unfortunately, the story looked very similar in terms of what happened to me straight, tell me everything. And she did. And unfortunately, the story looked very similar in terms of what happened to me. He had the gambling issues, the stealing issues. He was unfaithful. There was kind of the mental abuse, if you will, the gaslighting. And ultimately, she had to file bankruptcy.

And her and the kids had to move in with her mom for several years. He'd absolutely done it again and asked her, why didn't you say anything? And she said, if I would have said something, you would have totally ignored me, probably gotten mad, told him about it, but it caused this big thing. And I said, you know, you're right. I said, I'm not saying I want to believe you. The first time you told me to be careful or whatever you chose to tell me.

But the first time something happened, the first time I used my credit card, the first time he asked me to bail him out of a jam with cash, the first time I caught him lying, whatever it may be, that would have been in the back of my head. And I would hope that it would have made me again look at that a little bit harder, see the red flag earlier. Of course, I'm not blaming her because that's a very awkward position to be in. But it was just something interesting that she and I talked about together. And then we sort of made a path that if he ever gets really close, really serious with anyone that we feel like we

need to kind of have an intervention because we just can't sit by and watch the same thing happen and watch our kids get drug-through this again. But she said that she was very sorry about what happened to me. The things that she shared with me it was it was a little like looking in the mirror although it was also to see that he'd sort of advanced his tactics a bit more, right? It kind of learned from what didn't work the first time and tried those with me. We honestly bonded over the feeling that now

or she was reassuring me, she was like, you're gonna start feeling better, but it's gonna take a really long time for you to not be nervous every time you run your debit card. You know, because, and I immediately knew what she was talking about. So that was a feeling where I really kind of looked at her and was like, she understands what I'm going through and is someone that I think can be a support system. And so since then, we have been very close. We compare stories. We make sure that if he's telling one something,

is he telling the other one something different? We spend time together, we spend time together with our kids, and we always have each other when things get really bad. And it's funny, because he usually takes turns with how he treats us. And it's like because he usually takes turns with how he treats us. You know, it's like he can't be nice to both of us or can't not have drama with both of us. It's like you get one of the others. So if he's being really nice and like agreeable

with you, then most likely he's blowing the other one up on text message, berating you about some decision he doesn't agree with or something, you know, you said or you did or didn't do just it's this constant cycle. So we're always checking in with each other and calling each other and venting and kind of backing each other up. Here's Vanessa. She was older when she got married to him and that I was when I was married. And so she was, I feel like wiser honestly and stronger at that point in her life and so she was able to realize what was happening and get out of it and so she did.

But it took many times her and I getting together and talking about everything to kind of just get it all laid out and map out everything that's happened and all the different lies and all the different things that maybe he told her that then he turned around and told me something different almost to plot us against each other. The biggest things now that I look back on everything is he was always the victim there. Now I look back and I'm like you know he doesn't have a relationship with his dad because he's probably pinched him dry from money. He's borrowed as much money as he possibly can from his father and his stepmom and that's

why that relationship is rough. He never really had any super close friends which I always did and so that should also have been a real red flag. And then, as he worked throughout our marriage, he did work at one place, when an employer, but he did change locations a lot. And it was always because he had issues with his bosses. They were doing something wrong or something that they were doing was always incorrect. They were being irrational or he wanted to be a general manager and it wasn't offered at that location. All these things that now I look back and I'm like, oh my God, he was always the problem. He was always the one that broke his relationships with everybody in his life and he was always

the one that just kept feeding on the next person. And I just never saw it. And then when I met him, we were paying a surcharge to keep his driver's license that I thought was from speeding tickets or whatever, but come to find out it was, I think, after Emily started finding stuff, was when I really discovered it because Cody's dad actually reached out to Emily with an email about everything he had done over the last 15 years. I guess 20 years, and it was just so much deeper than what we had even figured out or had even imagined. And he had actually worked at a different location before I had met him and one of his best friends

at the time was actually his boss and he had stole money from them. And they had pressed charges and his dad paid the amount that he stole so that they would drop the charges, but I believe as a result of that, he had to pay some kind of... That's what the Sir Chargers for was my understanding, to help get clear that name from that theft that they ended up dropping to, I'm assuming a misdemeanor or something. But then later on, as Emily's filing for divorce and working through that, as Emily's filing for divorce and working through that, he is working at another location and ends up stealing from them. More money, but the only way we know is that somebody knows somebody

that works with somebody that plays golf with somebody. So it's all hearsay through that, but that he was caught stealing the money. And when confronted about it, basically took the defense stand on saying that time just been really rough, really hard, I'm going through a divorce, and he actually tells them that his daughter has been really sick also. And so he really needs the money. This company that he stole from was actually a smaller company. So they eventually then dropped the charges. And I believe he was also again bailed out by his father, but I'm not 100% sure.

And now it's like we've been divorced eight years. And he has yet to consistently pay child support. Another issue arose when Emily and Vanessa became concerned about the place Cody was living and the safety of their children when staying with him. Here's Emily. And the final straw really came when he'd been evicted again for the second time and we were like we're supposed to have the kids this weekend where you're gonna go. And he was paying daily to stay at an extended stay

hotel, not one that like business people stay at when they come in town for week for business meetings, but a very end-savory one, even just looking at the crime report online, we can see that it wasn't a great spot. And we really, we begged him to just not let the children see that. And we said, you know, we're not trying to keep you from them. You can come and spend the day with them, take them to the park, take them to a movie, whatever you want, but like, please don't make them

co-spend the night there. We understand that's what you have to do, but like, let's think about the kids. And he absolutely refused. And that for us was the last straw. And so we together actually got the same lawyer and sued him for custody. He was served on the same day at the same time

for both of us and took him back to court to revise our custody agreements. We both got some changes, they look a little bit different. Now I'm sole conservator, which means I make all the decisions I don't have to consult with him about any decisions that I make for our son. And also there's limited visitation in terms of overnight, but when he is in a stable place, my son does spend the night one night during those weekends. Here's Vanessa. And I believe he's about $13,000, $14,000 in debt,

as far as with child support. So, there's not any help coming from him. Must be so hard co-parenting with someone like this. Yeah, you just have to learn how to handle them and know what's gonna trigger certain things and what's not. The only reason that it's ever good is honestly because I just swallow my own pride

and just choose my battles. You have to approach things differently. It's all about how you handle interactions with him and how you get what you need to get. It's so exhausting, but it's what you gotta do. So, during my time working with Emily on her story, there was a development in Cody's legal troubles. Here's Vanessa.

So recently, he was again charged with stealing from another employer, and this amount that he stole apparently puts him into the felony bracket. So it's serious. They had sent out his court information, everything supposedly to his old address, I believe. And I knew about this, and so I knew at any point in time court information and everything supposedly to his old address, I believe. And I knew about this.

And so I knew at any point in time he could be arrested or taken, he had put a worn out for him. And so I knew this was going to occur at any point in time, which was insane because I was so scared that it was going to happen when my kids were there. So because of that, I decided to talk to my daughter about it. And with her, she is wise beyond her ears. She is a godsend. She is amazing.

And as she's gotten older, I've discussed more and more with her about her father. Never talking about him in a bad light or trying not to, but giving her facts and information. And she can use it how she wants. Because when it comes down to it, he's her father, and that's bottom line. So I needed to talk to her about it because I couldn't be with my kids all the time. So I knew she would be the one,

unfortunately, that I'd have to kind of lay this on to help protect my son as well as Emily's son when they were with him. So my daughter was very scared. Her reason for being scared was not the fact that she was scared that her dad was going to be arrested, but she was scared that the boys would see it happen. And she didn't want that to happen. And that broke my heart because she's 13.

She shouldn't have to worry about this. This past summer, Vanessa and her children went on a trip to visit family out of state. And when they returned, Cody was supposed to pick up the kids for their custody agreement. So I get back and I'm more on the plane than when we land, I get all these text messages. And one of them is from him and it says, something's come up and an emergency's come up and I can't pick up our son tonight, but I'll message you as soon as I can. And I'm immediate like, oh my gosh, he's being arrested, right?

And so I try and message him nothing. Don't get anything. I try and call him nothing. Nothing goes through. So then I'm like, oh my god, I bet he's arrested. And I'm supposed to work the next day. His mom then messages me, who now I guess during all this time because he has no one else,

she's the only one that he has to reach out to. So she's now his buddy. So she messages me that night and says that Cody can't pick up the kids until tomorrow at 6, trying to make arrangements to spend time together and she thinks me. Keep in mind I have no idea where he is or what's going on. I now have to rearrange my schedule because he's not taking the kids and I just ask her what's wrong, he isn't answering me. Even though I kind of know what's happening in my gut, I know he's been arrested.

And I just say I was getting worried, so I basically called into my job the next day because I don't know what's going to happen with my kids. And she just replies with, he isn't near his phone, so he had his friend text me. So she's lying for him, knowing what's happening. And then when I confront her the next day, because I have yet to hear from anyone, and it is about 2 p.m. the next day, that now everything's in the system, right?

So Emily and I can see online that he has been booked, he has been arrested, and where he's at, and what charges he's arrested with. And I just message her and let her know that I know where he is, and that how upset I am that she feels like she couldn't be honest with us because when it comes down it's about the kids, and we need to be protecting them, and just let me know whenever he's released from jail, and have him call me,

so we can figure out the stuff with the kids. And she just says like, I'll just quote it. She says, I'm sorry, you are upset that I was told not to discuss his life with you or Emily. And the fact that you are refusing the kids access to visitation until he explains himself to you is exactly why he doesn't feel free to talk to you. Your perspective of him has twisted your parenting

cooperation and is more damaging to the kids than anything he has ever done. I pray God fills you with a more forgiving heart for your children's sake. They need to understand we are all sinners and only God has the right to judge. Needless to say, I did not respond to that message because right there, I think explains a lot of how he is, how he is. I mean, I do care. I hate that he has to be arrested. But all I care about is I'm planning what I'm doing with my kids. I've never tried to keep the kids from him. I said, you know what, Cody, I don't care.

I don't care what you did. I don't want to hear about it. All I care about is, are you out of harm right now? So the kids will not be harmed, and when would you like to pick them up? Because I can't keep the kids from you. I can't, I can't legally do that. And you know what, honestly, the older they get, the more that they need to see you for who you are, so they can make their judgments and their own decisions, as far as the relationship that they want with you.

Here's Emily. He was arrested earlier this year and is currently facing felony theft charges. So because finally someone, finally an organization did file charges. And it happened before, but he'd always managed to talk his way out of it. And so that's what has just been so important to me

about telling my story to anyone who will hear it. I'm not ashamed of it. And for doing things like this to share it more broadly because I know for myself and my family, we had never met anyone like this. We never dreamed that people lived this way or or that people could honestly, could get this far in life without getting in trouble in a way that it was very visible to people. After this last arrest that Cody had, I guess he was worried that I was gonna talk to our son about it.

When he got out of jail, he called me, and I told him that I had talked to our daughter about it because I was worried about what was gonna happen or when he was gonna get out, but that I had not talked to our son and because I was worried about what was gonna happen or when he was gonna get out, but that I had not talked to our son and that I felt like our son was too young to really process anything like this and that we probably should not talk to him.

He agreed with me at the moment, but then they went to his house. Cody had messaged me and let me know that he had talked to the kids about him being arrested and everything because he felt like they needed to know about it. So he had talked to my son without me being present about this. And I had no idea what he said. So I asked my daughter about it and she said that he had told them that it was charges

that were placed on him for stealing when it was somebody else that actually stole the money and it wasn't him and that it was gonna be settled, but he's out now and so it'll all be fine basically. I honestly am terrified to have the conversation with my son so I haven't approached it with him because I know it's gonna completely tear his world down so I'm just waiting on that. I'm so sorry.

One thing I know for sure is that kids, as they get older, are really able to tell who's there for them, who's consistent, who lies, who doesn't. And I'm so thankful that they have you, and it sounds like you have really supportive parents, and they have other family as well, that really like pour into them as human beings, but I am so sorry That is not something anybody ever wants to have to navigate How would you say that your relationship with Emily has like helped in this recent development because I think it's really touching how you've come together recent development because I think it's really touching how you've come together.

Yeah, it is just nice to have somebody else that understands how you feel because no matter how much this person has hurt you or lied to you, you still don't want them to suffer. You don't want them to have to go through these difficult things or these situations, even though they're not good people and they don't care if you go through these kind of situations. When I found out that he had a worn out or had been arrested or whatever, I cried, which most people are like, why are you crying? You should be happy, but it's not a happy thing. It's a very sad thing. And I think it's because he is an automatic connection to my kids and that it's going to, I know how it's going to affect them. And it's just another thing that we have to deal with. And Emily's the only other

person in the world. I feel like that truly understands the effects of Cody on our children and on us. So it's nice to have somebody to just talk to about it or work through with it because otherwise you're very alone. So that has been really, really helpful. I know for me and that I'm not alone in all this. And I hope it helps her as well. I feel like it has. And I hope it helps her as well. I feel like it has. If you could speak to your younger self, what advice would you give her? Trust your gut and just be stronger. Question things. Don't take somebody's word for it just because you're supposed to or society tells you you're supposed to, but that it's okay to doubt sometimes and just mainly trust your gut, really.

There's a lot of empty threats that come from someone like him. A lot of gas lighting, a lot of abusive language, and I've just sort of learned that you have to ignore that. Otherwise, any energy is good energy for someone like him and it's something that his other ex-wife and I, we will commiserate about that and you know, say the things that we want to say to each other because we know it does no good

to say it to him. No matter how long it's been, there's still things that pop up recently, an ex of his that he dated after my divorce. She actually reached out to myself and his previous ex-wife on social media asking us for help because he was stalking her well after their breakup. He was getting different phone numbers to call her from getting new social media accounts to message her since she blocked him. He was reaching out to message her since she'd blocked him.

He was reaching out to friends and family he'd never met before to try to get them to help him get in touch with her. She'd mood, she'd changed her job, and she was reaching out to us to see what else that she could do to keep him away from her. And to me again, that was just more confirmation to me that I needed to tell this story. I needed to share it, right? Like so many others before me, not reaching out or divulging anything that they may have known.

I recognize that that is an awkward thing to do and it feels weird and out of step, but I just, I think you got to keep in mind stories like this, right? And stories like the people before me and the stories of the person, you know, after me, it was just confirmation that he's going to continue to ruin people's lives, whether it's women that he is in a relationship with, whether it's employers. And so I've just been very passionate since it happened to do what I can to control what happened to me, which is not a lot, but by sharing my story, I hope that it opens eyes for some people that might recognize someone like this in their life and to just know that it's not you're not alone. Thank you so much for taking the time and energy

to share your story. I really, really appreciate it and it's just been really, really nice chatting with you and getting to know you both. And I really hope the best for your family and everything to come. And I'm very thankful your children have you both as a support system. Thank you so much to Emily and Vanessa, as well as all of the survivors who shared their stories with us this season. We'll be taking next week off, but we'll be back with more compelling and inspiring survivor stories in 2022. I hope everyone has a safe and joyous holiday season and end to their year. Thank you so much for listening. Something was wrong is an audio-chuck production, created and hosted by Tiffany Reese. Our theme song was originally composed by Gladraggs, covered this season by Basic Comfort. music comfort. You don't know me, you don't know me well

At all You think you know me, you don't know me well At all I take my time every day I come home my own she said They call me up on the telephone, not the wrong I hang up but I know that it's not the fault Because they think they know They don't, they don't

You think you know me You don't know me, you don't know me well At all, you know, you know, you think you know me You don't know me well You think you know me, you don't know me well, at all You think you know me, you don don't, hello, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't, you, don't me, you don't know me well You think you know me, you don't know me well You think you know me, you don't know me well So what do you think Chuck, do you approve? Hey, Prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.