Something Was Wrong - S13 E22: [Gianna] Lock the Doors

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

*Content Warning: This episode includes descriptions of emotional abuse, interpersonal violence and spiritual abuse. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resources Follow Something Was Wrong on Instagram @SomethingWasWrongPodcastSWW’s theme music –  U think U by Glad Rags, from their album Wonder Under. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you so much for listening. I cannot believe that this was happening. I could not imagine a world where my daughter would put to be married without her family or without her friends to accommodate someone who didn't care if she had her mother's their not. It was literally like we were living in a different dimension that this was not who my daughter was. That moment, everything changed as far as our relationship. I have accomplished a lot of things professionally in my life and none of them really mattered. The only thing that has ever really mattered is being

a mom and raising good human beings, good people to put out there in the world. One Facebook post for it to all be like washed away. We didn't matter. Her father and I found out when she was getting married with everyone else on Facebook and it was just the ultimate, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, right? That was it. After that happened, I did tell her I will not pay for a reception here. If you can't even respect us enough to have a conversation with us about your wedding day, I'm not going to fund a party to celebrate your wedding. If you all want to pay for that and have that here, I'm more than happy to help you, but I will not help you financially. It was a very hard conversation to have. I've never done

that with my kids. They're very good people. They're appreciative of everything they have. They're respectful of their dad and myself, so they get whatever they want. As long as you are good people and do all the things you're supposed to do, respect your family, put good out there in the world. I don't know why they should ever have to struggle or figure things out on their own, especially financially. That was never anything that I ever dreamed of. I had tried very hard to be super careful of what I said and not push. Knowing it was wrong and giving her space to figure it out on her own. In that moment, that's when I knew you just have to step back. Let it be what it's gonna be,

at that point I didn't even really want to go. But what do you do not go to your daughter's wedding? The only people there that I was going to know were going to be my husband, my daughter, and Brent. Not at all how I ever imagined our daughter's wedding being. Wasn't my wedding. So if that's what she wanted and that's how she wanted it to be, then we bought our plane tickets to land two days before

the wedding and to leave the day after the wedding. I always thought this will be weeks of planning. So no showers, no parties. Nothing was planned with her friends or family. Everything revolved around what his family wanted, where his family wanted it to be. This was gonna be their reception and their party. That was perfectly acceptable with his family that Gianna was not gonna have any friends or grandparents or siblings.

They were fine with that. It was very surreal. So when I say that loud, I'm like, I can't believe this even happened. I remember mentioning I want a photographer, videographer, and a venue. My ex was saying, we grew up with very different things. You got everything you wanted. I had very little.

You need to understand that photographer and a venue was a lot to ask for it. And it's just too much money. We don't need waste money. I'm thinking, I'm not having a photographer at my wedding. So I ended up putting the $500 deposit on the photographer for the wedding. I was then saying who's gonna pay for the venue because we got an argument over his suit. He had no money for the suit and the wedding was in a few weeks. So I knew he couldn't pay for a venue if he can't even pay for a suit. I'm just thinking, like, there's no money to pay for this wedding. It seems like no one cares what's going on.

You have to get married in the temple. The family he was staying with, the father of the household was saying, I will not be very happy if you guys don't get married in the temple. Everyone was wanting us to get married, but there were no plants. We got an argument over me saying, I don't want anyone wearing white to get married, but there were no plants. We got an argument over me saying, I don't want anyone wearing white to my wedding or they're not coming to the wedding. That's what I saw as.

And he was like, well, you can't tell my aunt to use the camera white to your wedding. That's not how that works. And you're just thinking, you are so entitled. If your fiance is saying they want no one wearing white to their wedding, it should be okay honey. No one is going to wear white if that is what you want. I'm not an attention seeker. I don't like attention, but I truly want my wedding to look a certain way. And it seems like

it wasn't about me. That's what threw me off. Even with the wedding cake. I texted sister over and over because she said we have someone who will do your wedding cake. I texted sister, can you please send me the lady's number? I'd like to reach out to her about what I want for the cake. No answer. I texted her again. She's like, oh, I texted your fiance. He should have her number. I reached out to him and he's like, okay, yeah, I have a number, but I'm gonna reach out to her suit And I'm thinking it is less than a month away from this wedding and we don't have a cake planned out It was just a hot mess Anything you name it nothing was prepared nothing was paid for no deposit on anything other than what I put down for the

Photographer and everyone seemed to be very okay with it. No one felt stressed or pressured or rushed. It seems like everything would have magically come together sooner or later, which was very odd to me. I was very foreign to the whole situation and the thought of having no wedding plans and were this close to the wedding absolutely frees me out. It was very odd. I imagined it as we're gonna be on the phone with each other every day doing this as in this.

I was really depending on them because they're in California and his little sisters I thought that they would take over. They were gonna go see a wedding venue, but they canceled that plan. I don't want to accuse them of avoiding me or leaving me out, but it wasn't any means by, let's do this, this, and this, this day, check that off. We need to prepare for this. I remember trying to get a head count for them, and I could not get a head count. I said to him, we need people to RSVP so we can get a venue. It could be 50, 100, 150 people more than we planned on. I said, I don't want random people there at the wedding. I want people to RSVP. So we have a number, we have a budget and we can work with it. And he was saying, well, no pollinations are going to RSVP. That's unheard of in the

pollination culture. That threw me off because I said, there's no way we can plan it. If we don't know how many people are going to be there, and we don't have a budget, or let alone money at all, I was trying to be very respectful. I have a bunch of pollination friends I want to understand it more. And it just seemed like with my culture it's this way, this way, this way. I didn't understand it. I'm like, is it earlier culture or is it just you or is it just your family? I didn't understand that. So his sister said, let's do it in a park. I'm like, I don't want my wedding

in a park with picnic tables. I was mortified and he said, let's go to the temple. It was always sad. Let's go to the temple and talk about things. We sit in the parking lot and look over options and plan for the wedding. I started crying. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I said, hey, I really don't want my wedding to be at a park. That's not what I envisioned. I said, no way am I trying to be disrespectful, but I saw it as a magical day, something planned out,

and I want a photographer there. I want a videographer there. You should, that's really expensive. You have to understand those are really expensive. I sat there and I didn't talk anymore. The only thing he should be saying is we're gonna figure it out. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. I want this to be a magical day for you. This is a big deal. We are getting married. But it wasn't. Any of those words of reassurance. That's where I felt hopeless. There's no point in planning anything if we don't have money.

If he has no money for a suit, there's no money for a cake, there's no money for honeymoon, nothing at all. I asked him, I said, who's paying for the honeymoon, and where are we going? He's like, well, we're paying for it. There's absolutely no way he could have paid for honeymoon. Most hopeless and hoping someone would step up and help and plan in California because we were physically not there. He mentioned that he wanted to leave and go to California and work there to earn money while planning the wedding. I didn't have much hope. That may sound rude, but at this point I was

done planning. It wasn't exciting. My wedding dress was already tailored and ready for like a month at that point. I was so depressed. I was upset. I knew that the relationship with my family wasn't good. The planning was going terribly. I was not excited for the wedding. I really did not know what was happening with the wedding either, and I was made of honor. And it's not that she was trying to keep it for me. I think there was just so much drama going on.

The thing that she would also stress to me the most is that she was very stressed out of her mind. She stopped going to the gym. She stopped cooking what she loves to do. She stopped doing a lot of things that she loved. So I was like, she must be very, very stressed about the wedding. I really wouldn't have guessed it was because of Brent. I have never spoken to his side of the family

to be completely honest, which I thought was weird because I'm the maid of honor. I would like to include everybody on what's happening. Since December, I was tackling my relationship with my parents, but separating it between my relationship with Brent. It didn't feel the same anymore. After that, argument happened.

I could just tell the dynamic was off. And anything involving my family or choosing my family always cause an argument. And we have gotten into multiple arguments. Him actually wanting to leave the relationship again because I wanted my brother at the wedding. It's my only sibling. My only brother, he ended up calling me and we talked. He was saying, I want to support you.

I do want to be there for you. I know we are not close, but I truly want to be there to support you at your wedding, even though I can't go into the temple. I talk to Brent about it multiple times, and he was saying, you know what? My family has told me, I'm not marrying your family. I'm marrying you.

You need to understand that you need a step away from your family, you're marrying me, stop choosing your brother and family over me. I was saying, that is not how I look at it. I see it as I have one brother, I truly want him there. Can we please find a date that'll work? We have literally done nothing yet, we haven't seen that invitation invitation nothing. We still have time to choose a date. He's like, but we prayed about this date. This is the date we prayed about. And this is the one that God gave us the answer to. I'm just saying, please, I'm really gonna forget this for the rest of my life. If my only sibling is not there, I really want him to witness this. And it turned into a whole argument

over me choosing my family. He went to his family about it too, was just saying that they think I'm choosing my family over him in no way was I trying to make him feel that way ever. I never wanted him to feel like he was less than or feel bad about himself. I truly wanted my brother there. If it was ever brought up, it was very uncomfortable for anyone sitting in the room. I did not talk to any of my friends about wedding planning. It was just so weird and I did not understand why his family is so calm with it. I cannot say a certain time but at some point I just kind of accepted that it was going to happen this way. I feel uncomfortable, I'm not excited, my mother and father are going to be there with no one that they know. It's going

to be very awkward. I have no makeup artist book, no hair artist books, have no veil, have no flowers, nothing, no decorations, no food, no videographer, no venue. It was a nightmare. Gianna and Brent had gotten into an argument. She had gone to him on her own. Hey, I really want my brother at our wedding and he threw a fit. I can't leave your picking your brother over me.

So she calls me. And he basically says he's breaking up with her over this. She calls me and she's devastated. I said, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to come there and be with you? Do you want to come home for a couple of days? What do you want to do? She said, I really want you to come out here.

The next day I got on a plane and I flew out there. This trip was truly to nail in the coffin of everything for my husband and myself. What if you were trafficked into a cult over shot nine times, or fell in love with a vampire or went into a minor surgery and woke up one week later paralyzed? What would you do? I'm Whit Missildine the creator of this is actually happening a podcast from Wondry that brings you extraordinary true stories of life-changing events told by the people who lived them. From a young man that dooms his entire future with one choice, to a woman who survived

a notorious serial killer, you'll hear their first-person account of how they overcame remarkable circumstances. Each episode is an exploration of the human spirit and personal discovery. These haunting accounts sound like Hollywood movies, but I assure you this is actually happening. Follow this is actually happening wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to ad free on the Amazon Music or Lundery app. This is what I've done for years.

My role was to sit down with other leaders in my company and work out problems, help people to develop and to grow. I thought, hey, I'm going to go out here and I'm going to have these two come over to the hotel and we're all going to sit down and talk it all out and it'll all be fine. Brent comes to the hotel, we sit down and we start what ends up being about a two and half hour long conversation. He was so out of touch. For someone who used the words respect, I respect my parents and I respect my culture and I love the Lord. All these phrases that he had on repeat. He was so

pompous and so arrogant and utterly disrespectful. He and Gianna were sitting on one bed and I was sitting on the other bed so we're facing each other there in the hotel. He looks at me and he says, she's marrying me, not her brother. And I said, anyone that loves her would never ask her to choose. If you truly loved her, you would want her to be happy. You would want her brother to be there. If that's what makes her happy, that's what you would want. If you truly loved her, he then says, well, my family says that you all need to stay out of it. I am marrying Gianna, not her family. I leaned in and I said, Brent, yesterday, my

daughter called me in tears because you made her sad. And today, you and I are sitting together in a hotel room in Utah. So I need for you to understand at the highest of levels that you are 100% marrying her family. He just looked at me. He didn't say one word. He had this cold, empty look on his face. He was at least smart enough to not say it, but he was just looking me right in the face like, no, I'm not, lady. You can just see it. And the whole time, Gianna never says one word. Not one word in two hours. Gianna's a grown woman, whatever she decides to tolerate or what she chooses to put up with and take from you

is completely up to her. My job as her mother is to make sure that she has all the facts that the rose colored glasses come off and that she knows I'm on to you. And no matter what, I will protect her at all costs. So I'll let her tolerate you as long as she wants to, but as soon as she gives me the sign, she's out. And that was pretty much how we left it.

We didn't like that. I'm watching my daughter sit here and cry, literally not over, which is not her at all. When I came home, I told my husband, I was like, she has been emotionally spent. She has been beaten down mentally and emotionally. You can tell she's trying to be so careful with what she says and doesn't say around him, which is infuriating. It was like she wasn't even there during this extremely heated conversation. But any other time, if with any other

topic in any other environment, she would have been leading the costs. I could tell the dynamic, I knew what was happening, I came home and I told my husband, we can't support this anymore. I'm going to tell her that financially we can't support it, whatever she needs or what. We're here for her and we'll help her, but I'm not paying for anything when it comes to the sweating. We'd have to tap out of it because I'm not going to let him ride on our dime anymore. We had flown him out here twice. We had paid for the entire engagement, all the party, looking back on it. It's like there's givers and takers. I come to conclusion, whatever happens happens and I have to come to peace with it because if we're this far out of the wedding and no plans are being made in it,

doesn't seem like my fiance is too stressed about it. If this falls through, it's probably what is best. We went to another volleyball activity with a bunch of YSA young single adults. One of his friends that I met at the same time as him. We were sitting together and she was like, did you see when you sat over by that girl in your fiance? She was not happy when you sat down beside them. It's like, no, I didn't notice. She was like, yeah, she is flirting so hard with him and you look over and sure enough, she is. He was just sitting there talking and laughing like it wasn't any big deal. She's like, does he have maybe a promise ring or something you can give him, I was like,

yeah, he has one, he just forgets it all the time, but you know, if I forgot, my ring, it's a big issue. We ended up going to our cars later that night, and the friend girl that pointed that situation out to me was with my fiance and I by his car. We were kind of joking with him. What was that back there? You need to be more assertive and don't let girls flirt with you. You're saying that's nonsense. You're making it way more big of a deal than it is.

And then he ended up saying later that night, my friend girl texted me apologizing for getting in our business because it was none of her business. You're just overreacting. The girl that was talking to me wasn't flirting. She was just being nice. It was just a constant battle because I would say I'm a very independent and secure person. And I saw a very vulnerable side to me during this whole relationship. He made me feel completely weak and insecure and that was crazy whenever I bring up a situation that may be uncomfortable. I remember texting our other roommate saying I feel like I don't even know Gianna right now. I'm not mad at her but I feel like she doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know what's going on and I feel like she doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know what's going on, and I feel like something is going on. I felt that two months beforehand,

but I never really said anything about it because no matter what me and Eden would say to her, she always just told us she was very happy and she's very happy that she's with Brent and that she's in a good place and that she's excited. I was like, there's no point in me saying anything because she seemed very happy. place and that she's excited. I was like, there's no point in me saying anything because she seemed very happy. So maybe my gut feeling is just off.

We had come home from church and I was cooking and I had tried to FaceTime her. It was this feeling. I haven't heard from Gianna in a few days. I need to reach out to her. It was still weird. It was not our normal dynamic. So do I call? Do I not call? Do I push? Do I to her. It was still weird. It was not our normal dynamic. So do I call? Do I not call? Do I push? Do I not push? That's still the zone we were living in. I chose to go ahead and base time her and she did not answer.

And I tried to call her and she did not answer. It was a Sunday, so I thought, oh, maybe they're a church or doing some kind of activity after church. So I really didn't think too much of it. For situation escalated very quickly like it normally does. It seems like he could not handle any situation that dealt with high emotions. I was making breakfast. He was laying on the couch and I asked him to come over and eat. He ate and he took his plate and walked off and he didn't take my plate.

The kitchen is pretty small. I wasn't too far from the sink. I just reached over the counter and handed to him. He said it would be so much easier to clean up if you could learn how to clean water cooking. I said, do you mind just saying thank you and helping me with the dishes and cleaning up? That would be great. So that I don't truly appreciate how you're wanting me to clean

and cook and also telling me what to do when really you should reciprocate back by helping me clean. I cooked us breakfast. He's like, you're just lazy, you never want to clean. I said that is not the reason whatsoever. I was getting pretty upset at this moment because he couldn't own up to saying, you know what, I'm sorry, I do need to help you clean. He could not say it. I said, why can't you help me clean

and that's the end of it. Why are you so mad right now? He said, I don't wanna talk about it. I'm done talking about it. We need to get dressed in ready for church. Said, okay, I need to finish up. I was prepping some fish. I was in the kitchen doing that

and he was in the living room laying on the couch and I could hear him mumbling something underneath his breath. I thought he was done with the argument but he was not done. I said, what are you saying? I'd rather talk about it face to face if something is bothering you please tell me. He would not. But he kept mumbling underneath his breath ignoring me and so I kept saying it's okay honey please stop. It's okay and he got mad at me for that. I kept saying it over and over like please just stop.

It's okay. He went upstairs. He changed in his church clothes. Okay, go up there after him. And I try giving him a hug and he pushed me off him. I was like, what is wrong? Why did me asking you to clean upset you so much? I'm really trying to understand why you get upset so quickly, but it makes no sense.

I really like to have a good Sunday. I want to cook a breakfast and have a good day. I don't want this to ruin the whole day. I was trying to touch him and comfort him because that's what he likes. That's how he receives love and I was trying to get better at that. And so I'm trying to comfort him and I just said, please tell me what is wrong. And he was like, don't fucking touch me, you fucking bitch. I'm done with you. We're over, I'm done.

Then after that, he had my laptop charger. He threw it down on top of my trash can. It made a loud noise. I was like, why are you throwing stuff? And he was like, I'm done. To me, that means he's done. He's done with it. He's over. He's like, I'm going to church. My friend's picking me up. You can do whatever you want. And I said, so you're just going to leave me in my room while you go to church

and act like everything's fine and how you talk to me was fine. That's what I'm thinking in my head. I didn't say that at the time because I had no idea what to say. He ends up leaving. Audrey was actually there and the house, I had no idea she was there. She said she had air pods in and she didn't hear everything that happened, but she heard the front door slam when he left. I remember being in my room because the kitchen and living room is below where my bedroom was when we lived together.

Through my air pods, I could hear Brent's voice. The kitchen and living room is below where my bedroom was when we lived together. Through my AirPods, I could hear Brent's voice. I was like, well, that's kind of weird. Maybe they're laughing. So I took my AirPods out and then I hear him yelling. I couldn't hear exactly what words he was saying. So I put my ear to the floor because I was actually really concerned because I could hear Gianna saying, please calm down, please stop, just sit down, listen, talk to me, please calm down. I heard her say please calm down about five times. I didn't really know what to do.

I ended up telling her what happened and I was like, I think it's over. It's done. This is what he said. She was like, no way he'd just said that to you. I said, yep, he did say that. She was gone by then. She wasn't in the house. This is what he said. She was like, no way he'd just said that to you. He said, yep, he did say that. She was gone by then. She wasn't in the house. This was me calling her. She was like, I'm grabbing you a few things and then I will be home as soon as possible.

I said, okay, I'm just gonna go out for a drive real quick, let off some steam. And as I get in the car, I guess he was done with church by then because an hour went by and he was trying to grab some of his stuff that was in my truck. That was when he pushed my hand off his shoulder. There was an incident prior to that when we were at his

friend family's house where he was staying. And he did push me and I fell to the floor and the dining room chair knocked over and he was completely on face. He left me there, walked downstairs like nothing happened. I mentioned him pushing me like that, he pushed me to the ground and he denied it. That happened previously but he shoved my hand off him, he didn't want me on him, He was very upset and I could tell, I probably shouldn't be near him at this moment. He comes in my window, he's like,

pop your trunk. And I said, are we not gonna talk about what just happened? You totally flipped out on me. He was like, I just need you to pop the trunk and he reached in my car or pop the trunk. Got his things out, put them in his car and started driving off. I was like, okay, I guess it's really over. He's not even wanting to talk about it. Because most

times he'll drive off or go away, and then he'll want to come back and talk about things. After he drove off, I parked the car. My mom's wanting to know what's going on because I sent them this text and I could read it if you'd like me to. I said, just wanted to let you guys know, Brent and I are done. I've been struggling mentally the past nine months and it has been walking on eggshells constantly. I always felt less than he talked down on me, he judged me and he would call me everything he could to make himself feel better. I know nothing will ruin what has meant for me and I know my soulmate would never walk out on me. I know I need to stop worrying about what I could have done or said differently because I know it's not my fault.

For the longest time, I thought I could change him and fall in love with him and not that idea of him. But I am hurting right now so much and asking God what I did to deserve this. I know there are things I need to think over and I'm struggling with what to do next in my life, but I do need some space to find myself again and understand my purpose. I want to try and be the best daughter and sister that I can for you guys. Just know that I'll be okay, it'll just take some time. I'm sorry for any stress and troubles that I've caused and I hope one day you can forgive me. I love you can forgive me.

I love you guys so much, please know that. Then my dad texted and said, Call us, Gianna. My mom tried calling, and I didn't answer. She basically spilled it all in that text, right? It's been a really rough eight months. It's been constant arguing. I walk on egg shells. He is

demeaning. He belittles me. He speaks bad to me. He calls me names and I'm just done with it. And at that point, that's all we knew. What we see in this text, that's all we know is that he is verbally abusive. We immediately are trying to call her. She doesn't answer. So I called her roommate Audrey and she answered and I said, okay, what's going on? She starts telling me the story of how he's kind of come and gone and that there was just a lot of screaming and yelling. That's what my mom simply said. You need to lock the doors. He may want to come back and talk over things, but he truly messed up this time, and there's just no going back.

There's no more saying sorry and trying to work on things. He truly messed up. This was her talking to Audrey. I told her mom, I don't even know what's happening. I know they got in an argument, but I'm not sure what happened in the past couple hours since I've been gone. Then I start getting a call from Brent on Facebook Messenger. I guess he was trying to call everybody to try to get to Gianna. I declined his call. We go inside,

we close the garage, and she's telling me like I think she's going to come back. We need to make sure that he doesn't come in. I don't wanna see him. I'm scared. I don't wanna talk to him. I'm like, okay, sounds good. He calls multiple times. Won't stop calling her. Won't stop texting her.

Calls me again. Texting everybody. Texts her mom. I wasn't talking to anyone at the time. I simply went up to my room and started throwing things away. I had printed out huge canvases that we did. Engagement photos for, I threw those in the trash, I threw anything I could think of in the trash right away.

He ended up coming to the house, wanting to talk and apologize. And he texted me and saying, you're gonna regret not coming out to talk and apologize. And he texted me and saying, you're gonna regret not coming out to talk to me. We hear a knock on the door and we're like, oh, it's him. We run to the front door and she's not yelling, but she's kind of being loud with him

and asking so kindly. She's like, please leave me alone. You really hurt my feelings today. I don't wanna talk to you. We need to go what you did is done. Please go. You would not, and he tried moving that key and opened the door. Eventually the lock broke because we're holding the door back. Both me and Gianna have to hold the door closed. He's like, I just want to talk. I don't think you understand. A couple hours ago was a mistake. I want to apologize. And Gianna keep saying, I gave you the chance to apologize and you

never took it. So I don't want to speak to you. I felt scared mostly because he was trying to push his way in. And compared to both me and Gianna, he's huge. I don't know if he's six five or six four, but he's an athlete. He's tall. He's muscular. He honestly could have broken down our door and it's just the two of us girls. I was scared. He just keeps trying to come in. Finally after maybe two to three minutes, he kind of calms down. He walks away. I told my parents and they freaked out, obviously. He had broken a key off in the doorknob. Where is he now? He drove off, but I think he's coming back.

Where are you all? And Audrey was in her car and Gian was in her car in the driveway of their town home. I said, if you would, please just get in the house, lock the doors, and I'm going to try to call Brent. I called Brent, and I'm gonna try to call Brent. I called Brent, and I acted like I didn't know anything. He answers. I said, hey, have you seen Gianna? I've been trying to call her and FaceTime her,

and I can't get a hold of her. And he said, oh yeah, she's here, she's here. I said, she's there with you. Oh yeah, she's here, we're in the car. I said, okay, let me talk to her. And he goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Actually, she's not here with me. She's at her house.

I just went to church and I'm on my way there now. I said, what? Why would you say she's with you if she's, oh, I just, no, it's fine. I'm all the way there. And I said, okay, well, when you get there, could you have her call me? And he said, oh, yeah, I can't. I'll do that. I'll do that. Love you guys. Love you guys. And he hangs up until my husband and I are here looking at each other, the phone was on speaker. And like, what was that? What

was that? First of all, he just said, like, nothing's wrong. Did he think I wasn't going to ask to talk to my daughter? Clearly unstable. I have no idea. I think it caught him off guard and he didn't know what to say. Normally, I think he's pretty well scripted as far as how he's going to handle situations and he was not ready for that. I go outside at the house and I'm like, hi, this is causing lots of problems. You are on our property, you don't even live here. You broke the house key that belongs to us, so you need to leave. And he, it honestly blew my mind, because he's like, I am so sorry,

tell Gianna that I love her, and that I would never hurt her. He looks at me and he's like, come on, Andre, you know I would never hurt Gianna. I just wanna make sure that she knows she's loved saying all the nicest things that you could ever imagine. I'm like no, Brent, you need to leave. Gianna said he had her laptop. I didn't care about the laptop. What I cared about was that her laptop was connected to her phone and her email and he would have access to all of her

information if he kept her laptop. So I wanted that back. I wanted it away from him. I said, look, if you don't return her laptop within 30 minutes, I'm going to call the police. Then I'm going to call your family and let them know what you've done. Because at this point, we are now talking back and forth. We're on the phone with Johnna. She's starting to tell us things.

He gets rough with me. He calls me names. He yells. He had done this and then goes to church. Everything's fine. I'm just going to go to church and then I'm going to come back and we'll fight some more. If he was saying, if you give me the ring back, I'll give you. So, a laptop back. I laid the ring in the box out on the front porch. He ended up not coming by to trade my mom called him and said if you don't bring her belongings in 15 minutes then I'm gonna call the police because you already tried breaking into the home. You were yelling and screaming at her. Please bring back her belongings and all he said was thank you. And he never

came. So she called the police, they ended up calling him, he finally came. The police officer said that he felt such remorse and he felt terrible for what he did. He was on the break of tears. I said no, he has pulled this before, he has treated me this way before. And I think there's a breaking point where I said no I'm not going to do it anymore. We swapped items into the ring and I took the laptop. We were still on FaceTime after the police had come, red gets his stuff and then he goes and sits in his car and he just sits there. The police officer is like what is he doing? Nobody knows what he's doing. He won't leave. They had to go and force him to leave.

Did he think he was going to go back and talk to her after the police left? No reasoning was all over the place. With the police there, he's like crying. And I'm like, well, 30 minutes ago, he was laughing and acting like my daughter was in the car with him. And now we're crying because we're in front of the police. and now we're crying because we're in front of the police.

He called me and we talked forever and then we actually ended up meeting later that night in person. I said to him, I cannot go back to this no matter how much I want to, how much we love each other. I can't be treated like this ever again And it was oh well we can restart we can make it work I know that I truly messed up But we can make this work and I said no we can't make this work what you have done is done I've tried covering it up for months now I've tried defending you in every situation and I can't anymore. I said, not everyone may know what is going on between us or our relationship, but my close friends know my family has noticed and I'm not the same anymore.

I'm not happy. I don't deserve to be treated this way. And you need to seek help, no matter if it's therapy or talking to someone. You need to go seek help because you can't treat anyone like this again. That's when my mom, then she flew out to Utah and she helped me pack up all my things. I ended up moving back to Kentucky. My mom and I flew back

the week of July 29th and we packed everything up and left. That was how quickly. She was able to get me out of that situation and back with family. It was unreal. I'm notoriously a fixer. It's what I do. When somebody needs something or something needs to be done, they know they can call me and it's going to happen. And this was not something I could fix. And it really rocked my world. The fact that I couldn't take care of the situation and that it was my daughter.

It made it all the worse that I wasn't able to fix this for her. I knew she needed to work through it on her own and in her own time. Certainly if we had known the severity of what was going on, we would have absolutely intervened sooner. I know that this experience has definitely changed her. I know that this will serve her well in her next relationship, that there are certain boundaries and certain lines that aren't crossed.

You should never feel the way he made her feel. If someone loves you truly and fully loves you, they aren't going to call you names. They aren't going to put their hands on you in any way other than to love you or caress you. When you're young and you've not had experiences in relationships, differentiating all those feelings and how do I categorize these things and label these things? I think you're still trying to figure out a lot. Especially in the church, I feel like the situation I was in happens all the time. I can only imagine time, I can only imagine how often it is happening and how often young men and young women are pressured to

get married, get married fast so there's no temptations sexually that's a huge thing in the church. And I would say take your time and make sure you truly understand the person you're with. See all sides of them, all their insecurities and vulnerabilities, that is so important. And when you have that gut feeling that it is wrong, then it's just time to step away because it is not worth it. I cannot have imagined carrying that relationship on my shoulders for the rest of my life and still trying to hold this image of where this happy Christian couple that is following the church standards and we're going to church together and we're participating in temple sessions together. Like everything's great, we pray together. Yes, we did do those things and we did those things often, but we also didn't have a healthy relationship. Even if you are a LDS couple in the church who is married and you're young

or old and you're not being treated how you should be treated. But you feel like you need to sit back and push because you have to listen to the preset holder of a family that is not true. But listen to your gut, listen to your heart and just know that you truly know yourself the best and you know what you deserve. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I really can't thank you enough. Of course, Thank you for letting me share and speak with you. Absolutely, it's an honor. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe friends.

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