Something Was Wrong - S14 E2: Complete and Utter Coercion

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

*Content warning: This episode includes discussion of  emotional, sexual and physical violence, sexual coercion, workplace abuse and child abuse. For info on how to report a crime related to this season and share related crime tips with our team, please visit somethingwaswrong.com/14 For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resources Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayFollow Something Was Wrong on Instagram @SomethingWasWrongPodcastSWW’s theme music –  U think U by Glad Rags, from their album Wonder UnderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I'm Candace DeLong and on my new podcast, Killer Psychy Daily, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the cold-butter killers you read about in the news. Listen to the Amazon Music Exclusive Podcast, Killer Psychie Daily, in the Amazon Music App. Download the app today. This season, guests will be sharing their own testimony in regards to the criminal allegations

against Jake Gravbrot. All persons are assumed to be innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Guests' experiences are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself, something was wrong, or wondering. At the time of this episode's airing, Jake Gravbrot has not responded to our request for comment. If you have been a victim of Jake Gravbrot or have a crime tip in relation to these matters, please visit somethingwaswrong.com slash 14 for more information. All names of minors involved in this story have been changed for their privacy and protection. Some survivor names have also been

changed for anonymity and safety purposes. Season 14 covers a variety of mature topics that can be upsetting, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence. Content warnings for each episode and resources for survivors can be found in the episode notes. The podcast or any linked materials should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. Thank you so much for listening. I'm sure that she was a great singer. She was a great singer. Surely after that, I got a message from Kaelin.

She had found Jake in my conversation, seen all of the heavy flirting, and she was like, I don't know if anything has happened between you guys, but she's asking me to not talk to him anymore. I didn't respond to her. I wrote Jake a message and was like, I just got a message from Kaelin and he was like, oh shit, I'm so sorry. I can't remember it. But basically it was, okay, we're not gonna talk anymore.

We shouldn't be talking anyway. He was gonna respect Kaylyn's wish. When I went back and dug up that conversation, it was like, the way that I had remembered it, I heard from Kaylyn, I felt terrible, and I never talked to Jake again. It was really surprising to me when I read back all our conversation, what a constant source of supply I was for him, the nature of our relationship. Now that I know the way that these

type of people operate off of supply, that they're getting supply from their victims, I can see how I was like this never ending well of supply to him. Even in that conversation, I was still really sympathetic and loving towards him and like, I'm gonna miss you. I'll always wish the best for you and your son. This is sad that we have to stop talking, but this is the way it is. And I'm just like, what the fuck? Looking back at that, it seems really weird now.

It didn't seem weird at the time, but looking back on it now, it seems really inappropriate. The only thing that stood out when I was looking through are jeep cats. One of our friends that we worked with, after I broke up with that boyfriend that I had, he got together with one of our friends that we worked with after I broke up with that boyfriend that I had. He got together with one of those friends that I worked with, my best friend at work. We had this rift in our friendship because she started dating my ex-boyfriend. And in this thread of

G-chats, Jake is joking around that she should be killed because of what she did to me. She broke girl code or whatever. I didn't remember it until I had found it, but it's really violent. I try to jokingly, like you can tell that I'm uncomfortable, and yeah, you're joking, but like, yeah, you're stupid. She talks about either that I should kill her or murder her or that he'll do it that she should die.

And when I read back through it, it was just like, this is violent. It's in the context that he's joking, but like, it's not funny. So, I reached out to Carly and she ignored me. I wasn't going to like, badger her. I'd left it and I had asked him about it. And once again, I was crazy. I was getting to the point where I was tired and I was done, and I felt so lonely in this relationship. In 2009, when I was getting ready to graduate, I remember wanting to tell my mom, I can't be with this guy anymore.

He's taking everything from me. He's sucking the life out of me. I put on a happy face and pretended like everything was fine and was like, I'm gonna break up with him, I'm gonna leave, I can't do it anymore. And then I got pregnant. I had been super sick with some gnarly cough and I was on antibiotics plus something else and I was taking my birth control and all my medication at the same time, which probably

isn't the best idea. And yeah, and I got pregnant. When I told him that I was pregnant, he said, well, now you're going to have to marry me. I was like, that's wonderful. That's exactly what you want to hear. And he said, well, you either get an abortion or we get married. Those are our options.

My divorce was just finalized because my ex for whatever reason would not divorce me. And I had to chase him down to sign papers. But finally, I'm divorced and I don't want to do this again. But I also want to do the right thing. I made two appointments. I made an appointment to have an abortion and I made an appointment to have her. I didn't know what to do. Like, it was probably one of the scariest times of my life. For sure, the loneliest, saddest times I've ever gone through. I decided to have her.

I didn't go through with having an abortion. He went to that first doctor's appointment with me and then never again, except for the appointment to find out the gender. I felt like I was going at it alone. He never touched my belly. He never talked to my belly. He never asked me how I was feeling.

He didn't pick me up from work. He let me ride the bus home late at night, and then I would get off halfway home so that I could go over to Whole Foods and get food. It was a really awful lonely time. I didn't buy any maternity clothes. I just pretended like I wasn't pregnant. I did not like Jake from the moment I met him.

I consider myself to be a very good judge of character. I can read people very well. I found him to be off-putting. I thought, oh, my gosh, what is it that my daughter sees in this person. The other part of it was how he spoke to her, how he spoke to me, how he could change very quickly from being conversational to being surly and abrupt and a little controlling. I remember her calling me and telling me she was pregnant and they weren't married.

She was very straightforward. She wanted to continue the pregnancy. I embraced that and wanted to support her as she needed and as best I could. We had gone to the movies for something and this really paints a clear picture. If you've ever been pregnant, you know you have to go to the bathroom all the time. So I was in the bathroom, we're at the mall. I come out and he's like, this fucking guy, he's freaking out. And I'm like, what are you even talking about? Well, he had gone to the 31 flavors.

It's like Vaskin Robbins, 31 flavors. He ordered a shake. Well, apparently the guy didn't blend it all the way or something. And when he poured it out, a big chunk of ice cream came out into the cup. And he was like, that's not blended all the way. Make it again, or something along those lines. And he was like not very kind to people

in the service industry. He then reaches into the cup, pulls out the ice cream, and slams it on the table, and is telling the guy, I want you to make it again. Maybe if Jake wasn't so giant, it wouldn't be as scary, but this guy is like this older man. I can see that he's scared. I try to like diffuse the situation,

and like, I'll just buy it again, that can you make sure it's blended all the way. And he's like, no, I'm not making anything for you guys. You need to leave. And I turn around and he's not there. And I'm like, where'd you go? And he comes running up and he's like, I stole his fucking phone. And I'm like, where'd you go? He comes running up and he's like, I still has fucking phone.

And I'm like, what are you doing? What are you doing? We go over and we watch the movie and the whole time I'm waiting for the cops to show up because I'm like, for sure they called the cops because this guy, he went to call the police and Jake took the phone from him. I'm mortified. We're driving home and we're on the Ballard Bridge.

I was like, I can't believe you did that and that you took that phone from him. And he rolls down my window and throws it across my face out the window into the water. And he's like, well, now I don't have it so you can shut the fuck up. At this point, his behavior is starting to become normal, the outburst, the erratic. You can tell he's not well.

There's something going on, but I can never call him out on his bad behavior because it gets so much worse for me. If you're into true crime, the Generation Y podcast is essential listening. We started this podcast over 10 years ago to dissect some of the craziest and most notable murders, crimes, and conspiracy theories together, and we'd love for you to join us. Generation Y is one of the longest-running true crime podcasts out there, and we are still at it, unraveling a new case every week. We break down infamous cases like the Evil Genius Bank robbery, and we are still at it, unraveling a new case every week. We break down infamous

cases like the Evil Genius Bank robbery, and lesser known cases like the case of Kimberly Rico, did she actually kill her husband after they took part in a murder mystery game? We cover every angle, breaking down theories, diving deep into forensic evidence, and interviewing those close to the case, and with over 450 episodes, there's a little something for every true crime listener. Follow the Generation Y podcast on Amazon Music, or every listen to podcasts. Or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app.

Hi, my name is Julie. I'm at Jake in 2007 at Vane. I recently moved to Seattle and got a job at Vane a few weeks after that. I was a front desk prostructionist there and Jake was a hair stylist. We quickly became friends as well as coworkers. My first impressions of Jake

were he was incredibly charismatic and charming. He seemed really fun and really cool. He knew everybody. He was very well connected. He made me feel so lucky to be one of his chosen friends and confidants. I felt like Jake and I had a really special bond as friends. I thought that he was somebody that really cared about me, somebody that I could trust. However, it wasn't long after him and I, you know, Jake and I became friends that I started to see a different side of him.

I started seeing this entitled side to him. He was moody. If he was in a bad mood, he would be incredibly sullen and sour. He had to stay out of his way because he seemed to be on the war path. He had a real doctor, Jekel, and Mr. Hyde air about him. He would be frustrated with a client or he would be frustrated with a coworker. His mood would flick when Jake was in a bad mood. Everybody knew. All you could really do is just stay out of his way. I would be nervous to say anything to him and trigger him further. I'd be

afraid to say the wrong thing and then make him mad at me when I was trying to help. I met Kaylyn, you know, when Jake and Kaylyn started dating, he would bring her into the salon for visits and stuff like that, which Kaylyn and I discussed how weird and specifically cruel that is for him to bring her into the salon in front of myself in front of Carly and any other women that he could perhaps have been with. He told me that they were dating, but he definitely downplayed it. One of the times where he coerced me into having sex with him, I was telling him, no, I was like, Jake, don't you have a girlfriend? He said that it wasn't that serious, that it wasn't that big of a deal, that they were dating,

and dating isn't the same as being married, and that I shouldn't worry about it. He was definitely gaslighting me, blind me, and manipulating me in order to get what he wanted. Our friendship at times became sexual, not because I wanted it to. I didn't see Jake like that and I didn't want our relationship to go there, but he coerced me into it. We would be out partying and drinking and the times we did have sex,

it was always when my guard was down, I didn't have my emotional and mental faculties intact. They were definitely compromised to the extent that I shouldn't have been having sex with anybody, but he would just continue to push it and push it and push it and not take no for an answer. I would get so tired that I would give into the pressure rather than rebuke his advances. Not only that, but I was scared of retaliation at work. I was afraid that if I didn't sleep with him or do what he wanted that he would make me pay for it at work. I would give in and it took me so long to understand that coercion isn't consent. Coversion isn't consent and all the times that I slept with Jake it was

complete and utter coercion. I wasn't able to consent to it. I was out of my mind. He would push me to a place where I would be so intoxicated and so messed up that I couldn't consent to it. I did say no, and he would just push it and push it and push it and I would eventually give in to make it stop. It's not something that I wanted but he wouldn't let it go. When he wanted something, he would hold on to it and he wouldn't stop until he got it. Once Jake wanted something, he would get it come hell or high water. He took his time grooming me and gaslighting me. I felt like he just kind of say no to him. It was easier for me to give in and say yes and lay back and be like, it'll be over soon.

Then it would be to risk his retaliation. It was bad enough because after I would say it was probably about four, five times in total, he would get up in the morning while I was in the bathroom and slip out without saying anything to me and then would ignore me at work for weeks. This cycle of use abuse discard went over and over and over after he would discard me and when it talked me for a few weeks, slowly he would start trying to build our friendship back up because I wanted to believe that we had a special bond. I really wanted to believe that he was my friend. He told me all the time that he loved me, that I was one of the good ones, that I was his favorite person. I wanted so badly to believe that he wasn't lying to me. When he started building the friendship back up, mending those bridges,

I allowed him to do it, use abuse, discard. It was really hard getting out of that cycle. And honestly, the reason why it ended was because I started dating somebody. Once Jake realized that he didn't have that kind of access to me anymore, I was no longer of use to him. Our friendship dwindled pretty quickly. I knew about Carly and I knew about some other things, but it wasn't anything that any of us really ever talked about. Some things were said in passing between us, like it happened with Jake again, and that was really the extent of it. I think because a lot of us felt so ashamed

and Jake used that shame to keep us silent and to keep us isolated because we also knew that he was with Kaylen and there was immense guilt, even with him saying that it was just casual dating and it didn't really mean anything. I still felt so much shame and so much guilt because that is not the kind of person that I am. It's not the kind of morals that I carry through this life. the fact that he was able to manipulate me into doing it, I felt so undeserving of anything good in this world. I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself.

I can't speak for the other women, but that's why I never said anything until now. It was because I held onto that shame for so long. because I held onto that shame for so long. Jake never proposed to me. It was never some romantic gesture. He never bought me a ring. He said, now you have to marry me. We got married at my parents' house in May of 2010. My daughter was due in October.

They came to California to get married, brought foe with them. And when they got there, I thought they might be tired and I said to Jake, well, you guys are getting settled in, would you like me to take Bowie down to the park? Have some fun. He was like, no, I don't want you taking him anywhere, I'll take him, where is it?

Kaylyn was not her normal self. Part of me took it as she's pregnant, she's working, she really wasn't interested in any details of the wedding at all. I planned 100% of it. I would ask her what about these flowers or these colors. She might interject something, but she just really didn't care. That surprised me a lot because it was her wedding. Jigs family came.

That was the first time we'd met them. It was his mom and stepdad and two brothers. I didn't want anyone to come. The person that was my best friend, I really didn't want her there because I knew how much she hated him. She hated him for the way that she saw me with her away. I knew that it wasn't gonna last. I was just going through the motions and trying to keep everybody happy.

I was dealing with being pregnant and that's all I could handle at that moment. We are getting married and he's downstairs and I'm upstairs because they want me to wait upstairs so that he sees me at the end when I'm walking down the aisle in their backyard. I'm waiting in the bedroom and I can hear his iPad going off. I look and he is messaging his ex-girlfriend about meeting her in Vegas for some hair show. I learned this right before. I meant to go get married. I go through the motions. I do what I'm supposed to. I don't make a scene.

I don't think I ever even brought it up because I was tired and over dealing with it. At this point, I knew he cheats on me and this is what he does, and he lies about it and he won't ever be honest with me. When we came back to Washington, we were getting ready to move to Magnolea from Ballard. It's pretty close. I was having to take the bus to and from work

and he would take my car, which now looking back, I'm like, why did I let him do that? I'd have to wake up really early. Sometimes would be like sick on the bus. I would be so pregnant and standing up on the bus, have nowhere to sit, and no one would get up and be like, here, have this spot, pregnant girl. When I would get off work, there was a guy, he was homeless, he was an old vet, he would wait with me at the bus stop, and when I would get off work. There was a guy he was homeless. He was an old vet. He would wait with me at the bus stop and when I would walk to the bank or anything from work, he would follow me and yell at anybody if they were smoking around me. And he would make sure I was okay. He was sitting down waiting with me. And usually he would hang back.

He wouldn't always engage with me. But this day he did and he was like, why are you always by yourself? Are you married now? And I was like, yeah. He said, well, where is he? And I was like, I don't know. I don't even know where he is. And he said, well, he should be taking care of you better. I was thinking, I don't need anyone to take her on me.

But he was right. He should have been taking better care of me because I was taking too much care of him and he wasn't even giving me the tiniest bit of courtesy or care. Hi, I'm Jennifer and I have known Kaelin for over 10 years. I actually met her when I was first moving to Seattle. I

knew her brother and he let me know since I was moving here not knowing many people to reach out to his sister because she was awesome and it would be a great person to have built in that was from my hometown that I could get together with so I wasn't so alone in this new city. After moving to Seattle, we got together. She was newly married and also newly pregnant. She was a sweetheart, really warm, welcoming, and fun to be around. Then from there, we just hung out in Seattle and got to get together from time to time. First meeting Jake, I actually vividly remember meeting him.

He looked like every other typical scene guy, which very familiar with that group of people. I spent a ton of time with these types of guys in high school and quickly thereafter. Tall, tatted up, worked in hair, which I feel like that's common with people that came from the hardcore scene. He wasn't super friendly.

He spoke to me, but he didn't make a ton of eye contact. Seemed as though he had other places to go, other things to do. Wasn't really excited to meet a new friend, or somebody that Kaylyn knew, or had mutual friends with, that also came from the same hometown. I'd say that's, again, pretty common of guys

that come from that scene kind of background. They act like they're super cool and no matter how old they get, still live in that lifestyle. It wasn't anything super different than other guys that I've been around, but compared to Caitlin who's such a sweetheart and a good soul, it felt a little bit like a mismatch. At this time we're getting ready to move. I'm trying to pack up and he's like, well, I gotta go to work. I'm like, well, you need to move everything.

And he's like, no, I gotta work. And he left me to do all the moving by myself. I had some friends come over and help me. I did all the big, nesting things all alone. My mom had to take me to go look at Crib's. She's like, you need a chair to nurse her in and I was like, no, I don't. I can just sit anywhere.

It's fine. Stop spending money on me. It's all bad. And I didn't know how long I was gonna be able to stay in that space with him. I wanted it to be portable, so that I could leave if I needed to. During the pregnancy we find out we're having a girl,

we are gonna be referring to her as Emerson. At the seven month mark, Jake decides that he's gonna go on a trip to see baseball fields, he was going to Pittsburgh or something. And I'm like, whatever at this point, I don't care what you do. I don't care where you are. He goes and I start spotting a lot, not like a little bit, but like a lot of blood. So it's pretty scary. And I make a doctor's appointment. I've been going to all of them by myself anyway, but this one's extra scary because they're doing a stress test

They give a 30 minute window and they say like she has to move within 30 minutes to pass the test She wasn't moving Jake didn't say let me come home. You're having pregnancy issues Let me come home and be there for you. No, he was like, oh, let me know what happens the tech tells me well If she doesn't move within the next 10 minutes, she's going to fail the test and then we're going to have to do more like serious tests. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is just the worst. And she moved at the 29 minute mark. All my friends were like, you have to have a baby shower.

And I was like, okay, fine. So they plan it for me. and my mom comes with her girlfriends. I go to meet them for dinner. I tell Jake where we're gonna be so that he can meet us there. He goes to the wrong place initially, which is really only like six city blocks there and back. He was so mad. He's like, okay, fine, I'm on my way. I already know that it's

going to be bad. So I'm like, you don't have to come. It's not a big deal. Like, please don't make a scene in front of my mom and her friends. He comes and he sits down and he's like in the half. He's all mad. You can tell he's mad. My mom's so nice. He's like, oh, do you want to get something? My tree, he orders, and he's just grumpy the whole time. Now mind you, he's never met my girlfriends, and I barely knew him myself. He came late to the restaurant. He was very upset when he got there. Was mad about the parking, was not polite to my girlfriends.

Set down and we had some appetizers sitting there and he pulled the plate to himself and started eating everything in front of him. Not only was it rude, I was embarrassed. I'm looking at Kale and mouthing to her, what the heck, she rolled her eyes. I was embarrassed for my girlfriends to see that. I was embarrassed for Kaylen, and it doubled down on my dislike of him. On our way home, he screams at me,

and yells at me for wasting his time and for making him look bad, because he was late. When we get home, he storms inside. I had been given a framed picture from the wedding from one of my mom's girlfriends and he threw the picture frame on the ground and there's like glass everywhere. I'm so pregnant with the huge belly. So like bending over to clean up a big glass mess is the last thing I want to do. But we have cats and they can't be walking around when there's broken glass on the floor. So I have to clean up the glass. It wasn't getting better. It was getting so much worse. I could feel it, the tension building. We were in this cycle where it was almost like once a month.

I would have to like be really careful around them because I could feel everything building to where it was almost like once a month, I would have to like be really careful around him because I could feel everything building to where he was going to rupture, scream, and yell, and throw things. Then it would be calm again and he would apologize and come back around. It was really exhausting and when you're pregnant, you're already exhausted. You don't want to deal with that on top of what you're already dealing with. I had my baby shower. All my friends were there, it was so nice.

Jake stopped by, said hi to everyone. He had Bowie with him. I worked up until two days before I was due because I was paying for everything. I can't not work. We would split our rent and we would split the utilities, but that was it. I'm getting to the end of my pregnancy. My mom is gonna fly out. I had gone up to Seattle when I knew Kaelin's due date

was within a few days. The day that I arrived, we had plans on going out to dinner. She was very uncomfortable. Jake wasn't happy to see me. He wasn't very conversational. They said I was at three centimeters that morning, so I knew that things were moving.

Around four p.m., I start feeling contraction. We had talked about going to a Halloween bash since Bowie didn't go to school with us. Since he was only there on the weekends, we wanted him to still be able to do school activities, and I didn't want him to miss out on things. So we went to that, and it was in Queen Anne's, it's not terribly far from where we live in Magnolia.

I can feel that I'm having contractions, I'm getting really crampy, I don't feel good, and jinxed like, what's your problem? And I'm like, I'm having contractions, I'm getting really crampy, I don't feel good, and jinx, like, what's your problem? And I'm like, I'm in pain. And he's like, well, you're ruining his night. And I'm like, okay, I will try to stop. I am having to sit down, because I'm having contractions. We are supposed to go to dinner with my mom.

We get to the pizza place. We meet her there. She's like, I don't think you have time to have dinner. And he's like, seriously, we have a need in dinner yet. We were waiting a long time and Kaelin was starting to feel uncomfortable. But Jik was his typical, thoroughly self. Wasn't paying attention to her, wasn't paying attention to me to do on his own thing, and she started having pain.

I said, I think you're in labor, I don't think you should eat or anything. I said, I think we need to get her to the hospital. I'm like, well, can we just get it to go? We get our food, we stay and we eat. It doesn't even make any sense now when I look back. I obviously needed to go to the doctor. I shouldn't have just gone to the hospital then, but we go home, we get my bag. I took a shower really quick,

and we take Bowie to my mom's hotel, drop him off there, and we go to the hospital. What surprised me was I was not allowed to be in the room with her. I had just assumed that I was going to be part of that birthing process, another hand hold. Jake definitely did not want me in there, so I respected that. I thought, okay, well, this is his family.

We get there around 11, and they say, I'm still at three centimeters, and I'm like, how am I still at three centimeters? I was at three centimeters the last four days. I can obviously feel that stuff is happening. They're like, you could either go home or you can stay at the hospital and walk around. It's up to you what you want to do.

I'm like, well, I'm not paying for an extra day at the hospital if I don't have to. We lived probably 20 minutes, maybe a little bit less, from the hospital. The whole drive-back, he's yelling at me because I wasted his time. He can't believe that I would go there and not be admitted, and this is ridiculous. He's so fucking tired, whatever. So we get home, he goes to bed, I go in the bathroom and I cry and cry and labor in the bathtub for two hours. And then my contractions are coming every three minutes.

They're lasting for a full minute. Now I know it's time to go, because that's what they said. So I go and wake him up and he's so mad that I've woken him up. I'm like, we have to go back to the hospital. I should have just driven myself. I look back and I'm like, why did I even include him? I should have gone. But I wake him up and I'm like, we have to go again and he's like, are you sure? And I said, yeah, I talk to the doctor. They send a comeback and he's like, okay, fine. He gets the stuff and he just walks out to the car. I have to wait because I can't walk in between my contractions.

I'm not able to move. He's mad because I made him wait. Like what were you doing? Like I was having a contraction. We drive there and he's yelling at me. I'm crying and he's telling me they better admit me and what a waste of his time and I'm so stupid We get there. I'm eight centimeters dilated They're like, oh wow you really went quick good job, mom. I look at him like yeah, fuck you

I did this all by myself you were sleeping I get an epidural and we wait He just lays down and goes to sleep. And I'm up all night because I'm having contractions. It couldn't sleep and I was so excited to meet her. They are checking me and they break my water on accident and they're expecting things to progress and nothing. I'm just sitting at eight centimeters. And so they give me pitocin to move things along.

I think they gave me Potosan at seven and I started pushing at nine. And then I didn't have her until noon. I pushed for three straight hours. I had to be on oxygen the whole time. I had to be on my side the whole time unless I was pushing. I have her.

They think that she swallowed mcconium. So there's all these doctors in there and they're aspirating her. I can't see her. He cuts the cord. I'm like, what does she look like? Will you take a picture for me? So could see her. She looked insane. So so scary because she had the craziest conehead you've ever seen. Everyone was laughing. They're like, this is like the worst we've ever seen because I was pushing for so long. The next day she looked totally normal. I just wanted a holder. I was so tired and exhausted. Jake took Bowie and they left. He left me at the hospital with her for the rest of the day and the night. I am vegan and I can't really eat anything at the hospital. So my girlfriends came and brought me food, which is so nice, and they wanted to meet her. They got to see Emerson and hold her.

That was really special for me because these are the people in my life that have loved me and supported me through my first marriage and through this shitty time. They continue to love me and try and support me through it. They loved my daughter instantly. It was a really strange time in my life to have to go through that alone and be okay That I was alone. The next day in the morning my mom and Jake and Bowie came to see the baby They were like, oh, do you want pictures? I'm like, no, I don't want to get out of here. Can we just leave? I get her home and my mom's like, do, do you want pictures? I'm like, no, I don't want to get out of here. Can we just leave? I get her home and my mom's like,

do you have a nursing brand? And I'm like, no, we have to go to the store and get it. And we do that together and come home. And Jake's mad. He was mad that he had to be home to watch her so that I could go out with my mom for like the hour and a half or whatever it took. He goes back to work and my mom is staying

with me throughout the day, helping me do laundry, helping me so that I can take naps. When he comes home, he will walk right past her. He like isn't even trying to like be nice or courteous. I should preface with that. She did not know any of this was going on. She knew that he was a little moody and she didn't feel very welcomed by him. But other than that, she didn't know that he was physically abusive. She didn't know that he would throw shit or call me stupid or scream at me. She didn't know any of this. I don't even remember Jake being around very much that first week at all. I was kind of glad because I didn't even like sharing a room with him as far as space, my personal space. I'm so grateful that she's here to help me after I have a baby, but the second he walks in the door,

she's like, okay, well, I guess I'm going to go. It creates tension because I'm now like, you're making my mom feel like she needs to leave. This is her grandbaby and you're taking that from her. When we get the hospital bill, I had an even bigger bill than I was anticipating. And so I said to Jake, we have this bill. He's like, that's not my bill.

It says your name on it. And I'm like, yeah, but I had our baby. And he's like, yeah, we have this bill. He's like, that's not my bill. It says your name on it. And I'm like, yeah, but I had our baby. And he's like, yeah, it says your name. It's your bill. And I was like, cool. So I was left to deal with that on my own. He did cover rent for me the one month that I wasn't working when I had her.

I only had six weeks off. So I go back to work and I'm starting at a new store. The house is like five minutes from my store. Then it created this really terrible dynamic that I allowed. But also I needed to make sure my child was safe. I would wake up in the morning at 3 a.m. and I would nurse. And then I would put her back to bed. I would change her diaper and then I would go to work and then on my lunch break I would come home, change her diaper, get her ready for the day and then Jake would wake up. Maybe he would move her into the bed with him but he was asleep, not

changing her diaper, feeding her and or getting her ready for the day. I had pumped so much milk, our freezer was full of milk, and he refused to feed her. So it was too hard that she didn't want to take the bottle from him. They would take me back to work, and he would go run whatever errands he needed to before he went to work for the day. He would take my car and go to work and leave me at home without a car and a baby. I would have Emerson all day long by myself. The house was always picked up. He never came home to a dirty house, but he would be pissed that I wouldn't have dinner made for him. I wouldn't really see him. And there were times where he wouldn't be home when I woke up to get ready for work. And I'm like calling him and texting him, like you need to be home right now

because I need to leave to go to work. And he'd be like, okay, yeah, I'm coming home right now. And he'd be like, what were you doing? And he's like, oh, I was at the salon. Okay, why don't you even care? Whatever, you can be at your salon. He owned his own salon at this point. I was just too tired to care.

We went back for Christmas Emerson, would have been almost two months old. Monti, Kaelin's dad and myself were staying for a week. I wanted to die every time Jake picked that baby up because there was nothing about him that was comfortable holding her or taking care of her. If she was crying, he would shake her. She might be in a cradle position, but when you're trying to stew the baby, it's a gentle rocking.

This was more jarring and jolting. To the point where I would say, please let me have her. You go do something else. I didn't want him feeding her. I didn't want him holding her because there was just nothing that was natural about him as a father. He was agitated and just thoroughly felt never was happy, never smiling, never laughing, not easy to be around. I didn't think he could harm her, but I didn't think it was necessarily very comfortable for her because it wasn't comforting or soothing.

It wasn't violent, it was awkward, it was uncomfortable to watch it couldn't have been comfortable for her. Once Emerson was old enough for me to start having sex with him again, he didn't do me under it. I was told that I had to have sex with him at least three times a week and if he didn't get it that there would be hell to pay, I had enjoyed the time off so much that I was like, I do not want to do this. I don't want to do it. I would just lay there and let him have sex with me. Sometimes I would cry and he wouldn't care

and he wouldn't stop. He would tell me how boring it was and how much he hated having sex with me. But he would still make me do it. Emerson would start crying and I would be like, I need to go help her. And he would be like, all you care about is the baby. She's ruining my life, I fucking hate her. I wish she would die. So I started sleeping with the door locked

and I started having him sleep in Bowie's room. I no longer wanted him in the room with me and Emerson while she was sleeping. I didn't so much worry about her when I went to work. It was during the height of him raging on me. That's when I was scared of him and scared of what he would do to her. One day I was getting Emerson ready to go in the bath. I look and she has handprints on her back and her butt. I take a picture of them and I send it to him and I said, what the fuck did you do?

I take a picture of them and I send it to him and I said, what the fuck did you do? And he's like, you're fucking crazy. That's a rash. I didn't do anything. What's wrong with you? Did you go off your meds? My meds are thyroid medication. I'm not taking mood stabilizers.

But this is what he does to me. Makes me feel like I'm making everything up. And nothing is real. It's six o'clock right now and he left for work at 11. So I'm only noticing this now because one, I didn't get her like naked for anything, two, she's never had a rash ever. There was never a time that she had a rash. I was like, that's a lie. Looking back now, I should have taken her to the emergency room right then, or I just should have called the police. I didn't.

That's my biggest regret is that I didn't tell someone. I'm not crazy. This is real. This is a hand print. And I have the picture still. I've seen the pictures. They're very upsetting. It appears to me to absolutely be a hand print.

It almost looks like a hikki at one point, like he took the top layer of her skin off by hitting her so hard. She's just turned one. What could she have possibly been doing? Nothing. There's nothing. There's absolutely fucking nothing.

And he alleges that it didn't happen and that it was a rash to be clear. I'll put that on my list of questions to ask him about. Yes, please do. Going forward, I know that he's hit her. I'm operating in the space of knowing, but also feeling like I am stuck. I start planning my exit. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I just know I have to leave. It was around this time that I saw more conversations through to leave. It was around this time that I saw more conversations through Facebook chat.

It was never through text message. It's always through these side things. So he's talking to some chick in Kansas or something, telling her that he's gonna come there and they're sending nudes to each other. It's Valentine's Day. And he's like, I made a appointment to go get tattoos. Let's get ring tattoos. And I was like, I'm not doing that.

There's no way I'm doing that with you. He's like, why? I'm like, because the last thing I wanna do is get another tattoo with you. We have a matching one and we tattooed each other. I'm like, I'm not getting a ring tattooed on me. I'm not getting anything that has to do with you on my body, absolutely not.

He's like, well, why? What's going on? I tell him, because you're fucking talking to that girl. I don't even care. You should go be with her. He's like, well, it's because you don't have sex with me and you just like lay there and everything's about the baby. He was like, well, great. Now you ruined Valentine's Day. I'm like, I don't even care. We move on. Things are the same. Nothing ever changes. He rages. One time he came home and I don't know why he was so mad, but he like punched the laptop and it flew right across Emerson's face almost hitting her in the face. I was like, we're leaving. And so I took her and we went and stayed in a friend's house for the night. Usually I just needed to be gone

we went and stayed in a friend's house for the night. Usually I just needed to be gone for the night because I knew the next day he would be like, I'm so sorry, but that night he would be raging. I didn't feel safe. I certainly didn't feel like Emerson was safe because he blamed her for ruining his life. I felt like I needed to protect her from him if we were fighting. He would like puff up his chest

and look down on me. Even if I had Emerson in my arms, he did not care. He would puff up his chest and push me with his chest like what like, bros do when they're like gonna get enough height to the bar maybe. One time I was like, what are you gonna hit me? You should hit me. Do what I dare you.

See what happens if you hit me. My brothers will come hit me. Dary to punch me. But I certainly was scared of him. I didn't feel like my life was in danger. I just felt like he might punch me. And I didn't feel like he was gonna kill me. That came later.

That summer, we get ready to move again. He helps me this time. I wasn't telling my mom about anything because I knew the second I told her she would be like, come home right now. We would go to Orange County and I would fly with Emerson by myself. I would not travel with him because traveling with him was a nightmare. It was so stressful and he was so mean and it just wasn't fun or worth it. We moved to Columbia City. One of my good friends had an engagement party and I wanted to go.

I asked him, can I just go out? I'll only be gone for a couple hours. I'll feed her and she'll be changed. You won't have to do anything. And he was like, well, I don't want you to, but fine. I was gone for 30 minutes. And he says, you have to come anything. And he was like, well, I don't want you to, but fine, I was gone for 30 minutes. And he says, you have to come home. She's crying.

Like, I can't even leave my house for 30 minutes. He can't handle being a parent for any time. Any time is inconvenient for him. I tell my friend, I'm so sorry. And she's like, fuck him. You need to leave. And I'm like, I know. I'm doing my best. I'm so sorry. And she's like, fuck him. You need to leave. And I'm like, I know. I'm doing my best. I have no money. I am in a city without my family. He's pretty much isolated me.

My best friend, she and I were no longer friends, mostly because of the way that Jake treated me. And she was done. She was done hearing it. I get it. Of all the people, like I am the most understanding and sorry to her because I feel like she was so good to me. I think if I told her, I need to leave. Can I come in,

live with you? She would have been like, okay, we'll figure it out. Jake was so jealous of her. My birthday would come and she would get me something nice and Jake would be like, oh, now she ruined it. I'm like, oh, cool, because she did something nice for me. It was always a competition.

And for whatever reason, he always was causing issues between us. He's taken everyone from me. And the people I do have, I am too embarrassed to be like, let me tell you what's going on. November of 2012. I didn't really see Jake that much. He had crashed my car because he said I made him late, so it was my fault that he got in

the car accident. He ran the car against the concrete pillar and dented the door and scraped all of the side. Initially I'm like, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, the car is pretty bad. And I'm like, as long as you're okay, that's the main point. And he's like, well, if you didn't make me late, then I wouldn't have had to park there. And all this stuff. And I I'm like how the fuck is this my fault? I'm not even there and you're blaming me. So this is when Melissa comes into the picture. That's next time on something was wrong. He leaves his iPad one day when he goes to work and so I look at it again, because I'm like, something is going on. I look at his sentences

and I find a picture of him having sex with Melissa. It was all shocking. I knew this guy was bad news. I had no clue that he was capable of all of the things. A soulless shell of a person. How devoid of love and empathy can one person be? I think where his love and empathy should be, it's just been replaced with an obsession with power and control.

There was one woman who posted text messages between her and Jake. He was talking about how funny it is the way he treats women. It makes me feel so good to make women feel awful. They're useless and I hate them. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe friends. Something was wrong is a broken cycle media production, created and hosted by me, Tiffany Rees. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow something was wrong on Instagram.

At something was wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Glad Rags. Check out their album, Wonder Under. Thank you so much. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to something was wrong early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.

short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.