Something Was Wrong - S14 E7: This is a Dog That Bites

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

*Content warning: child abuse, emotional, sexual and physical violence.For info on how to report a crime related to this season and share related crime tips with our team, please visit somethingwaswrong.com/14 For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resources Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayFor more information & to purchase tickets for Something Was Wrong Live visit: www.moment.co/SWW Follow Something Was Wrong on Instagram @SomethingWasWrongPodcastSWW’s theme music – U think U by Glad Rags, from their album Wonder UnderSources: Converge Media, "Interview with Converge Photographer, Jake Gravbrot" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMeA_WHN-LgSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I'm Candace DeLong and on my new podcast, Killer Psychy Daily, I share a quick 10 minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the cold-butter killers you read about in the news. Listen to the Amazon Music Exclusive Podcast killer psyche daily in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today. This season, guests will be sharing their own testimony in regards to the criminal allegations against Jake Gravbrot. All persons are assumed to be innocent until

proven guilty in a court of law. Yes, experiences are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself, something was wrong, or wondering. At the time of this episode's airing, Jake Gravbrot has not responded to our request for comment. If you have been a victim of Jake Gravbrot or have a crime tip in relation to these matters, please visit somethingwaswrong.com slash 14 for more information. All names of minors involved in this story have been changed for their privacy and protection. Some survivor names have also been changed for anonymity and safety purposes.

Season 14 covers a variety of mature topics that can be upsetting, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence. Content warnings for each episode and resources for survivors can be found in the episode notes. The podcast or any linked materials should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. Thank you so much for listening. I don't know anybody that's you don't Someone He sat down for like a two-hour interrogation interview. The detective called me after and said,

I had Jake in here and I'm going to recommend that you don't press charges. He cried a lot and he just really seemed like he felt bad and if you go forward with these charges it could really ruin his life. And I don't think that that's necessarily really fair considering somebody clearly is really remorseful and it was probably a one-time thing. I could not even believe what I was hearing. I was I rate. And I said I want to press charges. What are you even talking about? I said this might have been the first time that he hit her but this is a person that's been abusive to a lot of people over a really long period of time. And he's like, well, I can't file charges against all that old stuff. And I said, I'm not asking you

to. I'm just saying, this isn't a one time isolated incident. This is clearly a person that cannot control himself. And now it's boiled over onto a baby, and you're trying to tell me that I should just forgive that and move on and not ruin his life. He said, well, I only met him for a couple hours. He did cry a lot, and he seemed really remorseful. I said, he can cry on demand, like he can pull the crocodile tears out for anything. It's a manipulation tactic. They're not real.

And he said, oh, okay, well, what's up to you? Whether you wanna file or not, and I said, absolutely, I'm filing charges. And he said, okay, I'll send it to the prosecutor. The detective told me he did admit that he hit her. He was unloading the dishwasher, and she was being silly and trying to like pick up dishes and put them back and he was in a hurry and he got mad and he hit her

because she was being silly and I was like that is horrendous. She didn't even do anything. She's too, she's a toddler. That's what two-year-olds do. How can you not know how to parent that poorly, that's your reaction when your kid is doing something so simple and so minor, that's such an extreme reaction. They didn't want to take the case to begin with. The only reason they did was because CPS called them and said, will you please reconsider. The CPS case worker told me, I want you to understand we don't do that for very many cases. That's one of those things where we pull that card so few times

in all of our cases, that's a worst case scenario card that when we do pull it, they listen to us because we don't do it very often. So they know that we are serious about this case. That was just so unbelievable to me. His explanation for it, his version of events. He tried to say that he had wanted to be with me. I left him and went back to Chris, left him without a partner, and he'd been alone for all these months.

It was not even close to what had happened in the whole situation. He told them, I don't really know how to parent and I'm thinking, this is your fourth child. Then he tried to tell CPS, well, I was trying to discipline her. You can't tell me, I can't discipline my child. And CPS told him, you can discipline your child. You may not leave marks. Leaving any kind of a mark is not discipline. It's child abuse. If you leave any kind of a mark is not discipline, it's child abuse. If you leave any kind of a mark that lasts for more than five minutes, it's considered child abuse. So no, that's bullshit. He didn't spank her, he slapped her across the face with full force. He never honestly showed any kind of remorse for any of it. And because of that, I asked him now that you've admitted that you hit her.

What did Mimi say about all of this and she to her talking again, I'd love to know what she thinks. And he tells me, oh, I told her she's really disappointed in me. And I said, well, I want to see proof that you actually told her. He's like, oh, I'll send you screenshots of our conversation. Never did. I was tired of talking to him at that point. And so I reached out to Mimi. And that conversation did not go well either. I said, did he actually tell you that he hit Ivy? And she said, yes, he told me that. I said, I would really love to know what your opinion on all of this is. And she said, well, he clearly needs help. And he needs to be in therapy. And he has a long way to go to be a better person.

But then she said, something to the effect, this was a phone conversation. So I don't have a screenshot of this to refer back to. But I remember she basically said, but he hates you so much that I understand why his anger comes out on Ivy sometimes, because you are a person that has ruined so much for him that it's hard for him to separate you from her. I ended the conversation at that point. There was maybe one or two more text messages between Mimi and I past that. The number one thing that helped me through all of

it and I just can't emphasize it enough is finding a good therapist. I did a couple solid years of weekly therapy with someone that was very highly trained and knowledgeable when it came to narcissism and personality disorders. the beginning parts of my journey in therapy were trying to work my way out of that intense confusion of not knowing what reality was anymore and trying to find my way back to solid ground. A lot of weeks in therapy at the beginning was me repeating the same things over and over again and her explaining the same things over and over again, and her explaining the same things over and over again.

The number one thing that really stands out about my amazing therapist was she did not sugarcoat things with me. The week or two after he hit Ivy, I actually was going more frequently during all of that and she was helping me process all of it. I still was for a week or two there trying to navigate through it. I was still entertaining communication with Jake, which I shouldn't have been. More than anything I was listening to what he had to say, and of course it was just so manipulative. He was coming at me pretty hard with promises telling me that he was doing one-on-one counseling with his pastor at his church and that he was looking into anger management. He was going to take parenting classes, all of these things. He was telling me

that he was going to do. And I remember my therapist during one of my sessions, she stopped me, mid-sentence, and said, this analogy and I will never forget it. She said, why are you even still talking to him? Why are you even still listening? Why is his number not blocked? I didn't honestly have an answer to that. I did not know why I was still listening to it. I still to this day don't know why I was. The analogy she used was, this is a dog that bites and you keep sticking your hand in this kennel and he bites you every single time and you rather than learning from that experience, you keep sticking your hand back in the kennel again thinking, oh maybe he won't bite me this time. sticking your hand back in the kennel again, thinking, oh, maybe he won't bite me this time.

And she said, you have to get to a point where you understand that you're not a victim anymore if you're choosing it. If you have all of the information laid out in front of you and you still are choosing these things, you're no longer a victim because you're actively participating in it. You're actively choosing to be a part of this.

And she said, that does not excuse anything that he has done. It doesn't take away from the times that he did make you a victim or that he did make Ivy a victim. But she said, you have to get to a point where you take your power back and understand that you are not powerless in all of this, that you have a choice to make here. And in a situation like this that down the road, having all of this that you have a choice to make here. And in a situation like this, that down the road, having all the information that you have, if you were to allow him to come back into her life, knowing everything that you do to this day,

and he were to hurt her, the blame is gonna be on you as well. I will never forget that conversation because it was more of a tough love situation. It was a turning point for me within probably a day or two of that I was done with all of it. All of the numbers, all of the emails, every possible way I could think that he could contact me any possible way that Mimi could contact me for him, even any contact information that I knew of for any of his family members, I blocked.

I didn't look back. That really impacted me to understand having to face that my choices and all of this led to where we're at too. And that I should have, at a lot of different points, told him no or walked away, or not allowed him to come back after he had done something terrible. I had a lot of guilt with all of that,

but it also, I think, made me a better parent because I've parented my kids going forward and really approached life going forward with that attitude of of I have choices here and I need to make the right ones not what makes me feel better in the moment. I was done. I said I don't want to deal with any of them anymore. I'm done with this. We're going to court. I thought I'll let this play out in court and see what happens there. It took so long for all of this to be resolved in court because his lawyer kept extending and asking for continuances. It was 11 months, almost. It was the end of March 2017 when the prosecutor

contacted me and said he's pleading tomorrow, can you be there in court? He's taking a plea agreement. He's agreeing to 30 days in jail. They're asking for it to be served on house arrest. We're going to ask the judge to put him in county to serve the 30 days in actual jail. The prosecutor said it would really be helpful to our case if you could read your victim impact statement in court to the judge. And if you are not able to do that,

can you have a family member do it? I, at that point, was still in a really bad place, trying to heal from all of it. That I didn't feel like I could stand in front of him or even speak in his presence because I was still so affected by all of it. So my mom agreed to read my statement that I wrote. And we went to court the next day. This is my victim impact statement that I wrote for the sentencing in March of 2017. My name is Melissa. I am the mother of the victim. Jacob Gravbrot has shown nothing but selfish

and extremely neglectful behavior towards our daughter and her entire three-year life. He has chosen to hide our daughter's existence from the majority of his family and friends, showing no care or concern for her physical or mental well-being. He has expressed on numerous occasions his extreme resentment towards her and how he wished she did not exist. His actions in April of 2016 have essentially removed him permanently from my daughter's life, which leaves her fatherless. It also puts a heavy burden on me to raise her by myself.

Due to the lack of emotional and financial support, he pays little to no child support. Since the incident of abuse almost a year ago, she has experienced many emotional setbacks. She has regressed on potty training, wakes up frequently with nightmares, is still unable to sleep alone. She is petrified of men and has suffered

from extreme separation anxiety in the past year. On April 14th, 2016, she sustained deep bruising by his hand that took over two weeks to completely heal. The CPS investigation followed was extremely traumatic for her as she had to endure numerous examinations from strangers and at one point had to be physically restrained to undergo a full body x-ray. Each time she would look in a mirror,

she would touch her face and say ouchy. For months after, if someone mentioned dad, she would panic and say dad is mean. Although his actions have proved time and time again that he does not care about my daughter's well-being, I am putting my faith in our court system to provide protection and justice for her and long overdue and much needed consequences. For Mr. Gravbrot, he has repeatedly manipulated the system with his lies, fake tears, and false remorse. On behalf of my daughter and our family, I would please ask for you to impose Mr. Gravbrot's sentence to be served in jail and not at home.

My daughter was an innocent victim in all of this and he has gotten away with his despicable treatment of others for too long because of his long standing issues with anger and violence. He is now only allowed to spend time with one of his four children. And this was dated the 29th of March 2017. It's still emotional to relive any of that, to relive what she went through and what we went through as a family. She's doing so well now and has been for so long that I do sometimes forget that she was emotionally impacted by it, how she did like regress so far. I remember sitting in court, I was right across the aisle from Mimi sitting there thinking this judge is gonna let him off because he had so many character witness statements

and they were from prominent people in the community. Our town is a small town and it's kind of a good old voice club and there were doctors and lawyers, people in the community that this judge probably knew that wrote statements for him. They didn't read them, but the judge went through every single one of them and asked, who is this person? How do you know them? And then the judge said, okay, I just need a couple

minutes to review these. And my mom was actually sitting where she could see a little bit more what the judge was doing. I couldn't from the angle I was at. And she said that she watched him. He went through only about half of the stack of the character witness statements. She said between each one, he'd pick up a paper, hold it, and he'd glance over at the picture of Ivy Space. And then he'd go on to the next one, and he'd glance over this next statement, and then he'd look at the picture. She said he got about halfway through the pile and he slammed the folder shut. He turned to Jake and he said, my honest opinion is the prosecutor didn't ask for enough time. 30 days is not long enough.

I'm looking at this picture and disgusted that you could do this to your own child. This was after Jake had stood up and cried and begged for forgiveness and talked about how he had completed anger management and that he was becoming a better person and he apologized to me and apologized to my mom and apologized for what he had done to Ivy and to me and to our entire family. And the judge was hearing none of it and said, no, if I had a say in this, you'd be going to jail for a lot longer than 30 days. 30 days is not long enough in my opinion. You're going to jail. If you're into true crime, the Generation Y podcast is essential listening. We started this podcast over 10 years ago to dissect some of the craziest

and most notable murders, crimes, and conspiracy theories together, and we'd love for you to join us. Generation Y is one of the longest-running true crime podcasts out there, and we are still at it, unraveling a new case every week. We break down infamous cases like the Evil Genius Bank robbery, and lesser known cases like the case of Kimberly Rico. Did she actually kill her husband after they took part in a murder mystery game? We cover every angle, breaking down theories, diving deep into forensic evidence, and interviewing those close to the case. And with over 450 episodes, there's a little something for every true crime listener.

Follow the Generation Y podcast on Amazon Music, or every listen to podcasts, or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app. or you can listen ad-free by joining Wundri Plus in the Wundri app. His lawyer said, can he serve it on house arrest? And he said, no, absolutely not. I'm not even going to consider it. His lawyer said he needs a few hours to get his affairs in order and say goodbye to his family. So can he report to jail this afternoon? The judge looked at the lawyer like, you are out of your mind. I can't even believe that came out of your mouth,

disbelief at what this lawyer was asking. And he said, absolutely not, he's going right now and he called the bailiff in and they handcuffed him and hauled him out right there. I had asked for a five year restraining order. They granted it. That was honestly the end of Jake and Ivy's life and Jake and my life. She does not remember him hitting her. She doesn't really have a memory of him at all. She's close with her siblings. She knows that

she has a dad that she doesn't see. I try to be really honest with her if she asks questions, honest in a way that's still age-appropriate. She knows that he doesn't see her because he hit her. She'll ask things once in a while like, why did he hit me? Why didn't he like me? Was I bad? What was it that I did to deserve that? I have to explain to her you didn't do anything. It's him. He's not well. He's not capable of being any better than what he is and that has nothing to do with you or Any of us as she gets older that conversation will probably change to be age-appropriate. It's really important to me to always be honest and not try and hide the truth from her.

She can't have a relationship with Jake's other kids without her knowing to some extent the truth. Her and Emerson are really close and Kaelin and I have worked really hard to give them a relationship and they face time all the time. It's the silver lining that has come out of all of this is the kids have each other and they would not have had each other probably otherwise because Jake didn't want them to have contact with each other which is so strange. About a year before he hit Ivy and before I knew about the tea kettle incident, we're calling it the tea kettle incident because he said that it started

with her throwing a tea kettle at him and that's how their physical altercation began. I moved my case to California and filed for a parenting plan modification. I did this without a lawyer, but I felt like I had to because he was only coming like three times a year and he wasn't calling in between. The visits were getting really challenging because she didn't want to go with him and I had to force her or else I would be held in contempt for withholding. And if I did that, there's a possibility that I could lose custody altogether. By this point, I had been diagnosed with complex PTSD. So the idea of him coming at all each month was really stressful. I had a statement written by Emerson's therapist and I'll just summarize, give you some bullet points.

The therapist stated that she had been treating Emerson for a year due to anxiety from witnessing domestic violence inflicted on her mother by her father. Throughout therapy, she had been encouraged to engage with her father and Emerson felt abandoned and had expressed fear and anger regarding Jacob. The visits in the phone calls have not been consistent and hasn't fostered a bond with Emerson. Emerson has expressed extreme anxiety regarding the visits, and she was recommending supervised visits and only two days a week instead of four days a week. So when I filed that, I wasn't expecting Jake to be in court, but he showed up. He was there in California and wasn't trying to see Emerson when he came for the court date.

We got in front of the judge that Judge asked me why we were there. And I explained to him that I wanted my parenting plan modified to supervise visits or to terminate visitation entirely because he wasn't calling in between. He was showing up whenever he wanted and not consistent. And it was really hard for Emerson to go with him. And the judge looked at him and said, why aren't you calling your daughter? He started crying and the judge felt, sorry for him and said, call your daughter and looked at me and said, I don't know why you're here. That's a little bit frustrating because I'm there because even her therapist is saying that these visits are not beneficial to her.

So the case got dismissed and I had to continue with the visitation as it was. After hearing about the altercation between Mimi and Jake, I would no longer let him visit with her without supervision. So his parents came to supervise the last visit that he had with Emerson. After I got full custody, I filed to get Emerson's last name changed so that her and I would share our last name and her not have to share the same last name as Jake. If you have ever done this, it's a long process and it can take months because you have to put the name change request

in the newspaper for two weeks and allow anyone to object to it before it can be approved by the judge. But thankfully, it was approved and in 2016, her last name was changed to my maiden last name. When he hit Ivy, I called him while Emerson was in therapy and I said, I know what you did. I know that you hit Ivy.

I had lied at the time and I said, CPS is the one that told me because he knew there was a CPS investigation happening and I didn't want to like throw Melissa under the bus. And so I said, they reached out to me and I gave them any information that I had. He said, you're right. under the bus and so I said they reached out to me and I gave them any information that I had. He said, you're right, I'll agree to whatever you want. And so we went back to court and filed for another modification. He just was

like, I'll agree to whatever she wants. I'll read it to you. This says, the parents will be responsible for the child as follows. Father agrees to no contact with the child except for writing letters sent to the following PO box. Additionally, the father agrees that prior to reinstating his visitation, he will successfully complete an anger management program and undergrow a psychological evaluation and follow any and all recommendations for further treatment. B, the mother will be responsible for the child at all times. Mother will have sole legal custody. Mother will have sole physical custody. This was 517 2016. That's when that parenting plan went into effect. And so that's what it is now. He is not allowed to call

or speak to her or see her unless he does those two things and he has not done them. So when he's posting about how much he misses her or how he doesn't get to see her. It's like, well, you could, but you're choosing not to do the things that you would need to do to reinstate visitation so that he could be a better father. After that, things were pretty quiet. I got in my own apartment with Emerson and I took the top level,

the like most inconvenient apartment you could possibly get. I didn't want to be easy access if he showed up. I didn't want you to be able to see me from the ground floor. I was still really scared, even at the front gate to get into the apartment when you like search for the name at the call box. I even had a fake name because I was scared he'd be able to find me in the registry. It kind of shows you that even after a good amount of time, a whole state away, I still was living in this state of fear that he was going to find us. I had to tell her school made sure that they

knew that he was not allowed to see her. After he went to jail for hitting Ivy, that's when the taunting picked up on social media. When he got out of jail, he posted that it was worth it for five years of peace because the restraining order that Melissa got was for five years where it goes both ways. Like no one can contact each other. It was pretty surprising because you obviously didn't learn your lesson, you just got out of jail and you're posting, ha ha, like taunting Melissa when you hit her child in the face and deserved more than 21 days.

That's all he ended up serving. The judgment was for 30 days, but he only served 21 to come out of that. And that's what you're gonna post about is Melissa. You've got problems because that's not the right thing to be focused on. Meamy posted February 4th in 2017. They got married and on their pictures

when they got married, they hashtag upgraded. It's just weird. You're getting married. Why are you even thinking about me? I can't comprehend why I'm even a thought on a day that's about them. June of 2017 is when Mimi posted about the parental alienation. We have the original screenshot and Melissa had sent it to me and I was pretty upset at this because at this point we're at the parenting plan that he agreed to. It's been a year at this point. She posted a picture of her friend with their daughter. This is the caption that she put. I look at this picture of an old friend with his beautiful daughter,

and it reminds me of photographs and memories full of the same kind of love, light and laughter that my husband has shared with his little girl. It reminds me that little girls love their dads and meet them around. As I've always loved and leaned on my own dad, even when he was anything but perfect, it reminds me that dads love their daughters beyond measure and cherish these memories just as much as their little girls do. And then she hashtagged PAS as parental alienation syndrome. Hashtag PAS is real. Hashtag blackheart. Hashtag eyes like looking. Hashtag daddy's girl. Hashtag dad life. Hashtag dads are parents too. Hashtag dads and daughters dads and daughters hashtag sending love and

light and then she hashtag my daughters initials. So this was clearly about us. I don't understand why you are posting about me or about my daughter or really about any of this because we are not even relevant right now for you guys. You know how to contact us. You can send an email or you can send mail. There's no reason. You could also go fucking get your Eval done and do your anger management class.

If you really wanna see your fucking kid, bro. Right, right, right. The guy that I was eating at the time, he's like, fuck them and he's sent Jacob a message and was like, you need to tell her to keep her mouth shut. He said, put a muzzle on your canine, which is not a very nice thing to see. He's like, she's not alienating her. You did this. You agreed to no visitation and no contact.

Stop your bitching and go away. Between 2013 and 2022, there's been a lot of posts about my daughter and his stories basically saying how much he misses her and would sometimes imply that he doesn't get to see her because all I cared about was money. He made it sound like this is about child sport because he's behind to me and child sport. I'm not allowing him to see his daughter where that is not a thing. I think part of this was to Garner Sympathy from other women, like the poor MiRoutine along with his cancer post that also is a way to upset Melissa because he's not posting about Ivy or how he misses her.

It also upsets me because he's posting about my kid and I don't want him posting about either of us. It's very calculated. I only really contacted him about money or I would give little updates about Emerson, like if she got an award at school or her report card, school pictures and whatnot, but I typically did not engage with him. The number right now that he's behind is $21,882. At some point in 2015, Mimi contacted me.

She basically said to me, all I care about is money and I should stop complaining about child support because her sister has three kids and she doesn't get child support. So I should just like stop complaining. And you know, it was just very clear that I think that him and her thought that child support was like fun money for me or something. but it was like, dude, I'm in so much debt from lawyer fees and daycare. I tried to explain to him, you have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent doing all of this by myself.

September 2018 is when I contacted him. We were in Ohio on a family vacation with my parents and my mom asked if I had a picture of Emerson at her mom's gravesite. I didn't have the picture, but Jake did, so I asked him, hey, do you think you could send that to me or do you still have it? Which honestly was a big mistake because it opened up communication. It started this whole like I've changed, which I've heard before, so I just take it all with a grain of salt. I'm like, uh-huh, okay. It's really hard for me to know if he's changed or not because I don't live in Seattle, and I'm not running with the same people.

June of 2019, he was in town and I asked if he could see her. I asked him to call me because I said I would ask Emerson what she thought about it and she just said, no, I wasn't going to push it. Now I look back and I'm like, thank God I didn't let him see her in 2018 because it would have thrown out our no-contact, no-visitation, parenting plan that we have now. Asked him to call me and I really explained all that to him. Like, I don't like the way that the situation is.

I'm really sorry that you don't get to see her, but it's what's best for her. And that's really all that matters in this. I said, like, do you think that that is what's best for her? And he's like, well, yeah, I do because, like, blah, blah, blah. You know, and then he writes this whole long thing. You're just talking about yourself. You're still not thinking about what's best for my daughter because you're so concerned with you.

And I'm not. I don't care about your feelings, not to be a dick, but your feelings and my feelings don't fucking matter. The only thing that matters is Emerson and how she feels. I explained to him that he has to be consistent. He can't just come in and out when it suits him and that we agreed how to reinstate visitation and he hasn't followed through. I was like, don't you think that I wish you were better and more capable? Don't you think that like I want her to have that? But that's not where you're at. I can't allow you to have access to her

because you are not a stable, safe person to be around. My name is Sarah. My story with Jake really began in July of 2020. I had been working with this band that he had also worked with throughout the years, and so I had seen his Instagram, had become familiar with his work, and at that time he wasn't doing as much music photography. He was doing a lot of the protest stuff. So I got an immediate impression of like he's on the right side of things. His work was beautiful and I was drawn in by that. He followed me back and we started messaging back and forth. We just had really good banter, back and forth. He was extremely funny. I thought, wow, this is a person I really enjoy talking to.

So we talked nonstop for at least three weeks. And that brought us to August. I had not been traveling for work because of COVID, but I had my first work trip back. And it was in Milwaukee. So I had mentioned that I was going to Milwaukee. He said that that was on his list of places to go. And I thought it would be an crazy idea just to invite him. So I went out on a limb and did that. I thought it would make for like a good story at the very least and he immediately booked his trip. The fact that we had worked for the same band I had been working with them for over a year designing merch, doing some of their album covers and he had shot and done photography and did their hair back in the day on like warp tour and stuff so the fact that we had mutuals that was big for. That was my scene as far as music goes.

It's people that I want to work with that I care about. So knowing that he's aligned with a lot of that same scene. One, that was disarming to me. To his work with converged media, I had actually just done a project with the band that I was working with that all proceeds went to a good cause. It was to support everything that was going on at the time with BLM. With everything that had just happened with George Floyd, the band that I was with, they'd written a

song about it and then I had gone to some protests to shoot some footage. I edited a music video surrounding everything that was going on. This was something that I was extremely passionate about and seeing that he was aligned in that way, 100% disarming and definitely pulled me in. So Mimi, at the start of our connecting and talking about were single, he mentioned that he was recently divorced, he didn't give me an exact date or anything like that. I wasn't pressing too hard, we're casually getting to know each other at first. And then head said that they divorced and this happened obviously in COVID, I feel like that was like a big test

for a lot of relationships. Okay, that makes sense. A lot of people went their separate ways in COVID after being locked up together, and I'd assume that maybe it was a healthy partying. And then he started sprinkling in. It was a sort of emotionally abusive relationship. And he owned the fact that obviously he had his flaws and he wasn't a perfect husband and all that, but the emotional abuse on Mimi's part finally got to a breaking point with him and he decided to choose himself and walk away. Hearing that, I didn't want to discredit.

I do take a bit of a pause and a bit at face value when a man says, my crazy ex, or anything like that, but I do know that abuse goes both ways and I didn't want to discredit the fact that he's a man says, my crazy ex, or anything like that, but I do know that abuse goes both ways, and I didn't want to discredit the fact that he's a man, and that a woman could also be emotionally abusive, looking back at my own previous relationships and points when like one of them was pretty toxic. I had my own faults in that too. At the same time, I didn't know, and I only heard his side of the story and took it as there's probably a truth in the the middle here But that doesn't mean that there was an emotional abuse that really messed with his head

Not became more apparent in our relationship and learning how to communicate with one another if I brought up certain concerns He would get extremely defensive really quickly He'd kind of always default to being like, I'm sorry. This is my past coming back up I always had to be this way. And I'm trying to unlearn it from my time with Mimi. And I know that you're not the same. So I was like, yeah, okay, well, this is definitely the behavior of someone

who was emotionally abused and maybe can give him a little slack and credit there and he has to unlearn it. But calling the behavior what it was and saying I'm not tolerating this, you need to communicate in XYZ way with me. I'm not your XY, so please don't lump me into that. He's somewhere around 6'4, I'm 5'6", when we're talking over the first three weeks. He does throw his size out there like a lot.

I thought it was a little much. Also in those three weeks, I'd look back at the messages and he's talking about Justin Bieber and I'm not overly impressed with any of that stuff. Not my scene, I don't really care about name dropping. I actually think it's kind of cringy. The fact that he keeps bringing stuff like that back up and I'm like, well, he must be really proud about that. Off the bat when I first saw him. I didn't think he was an unattractive dude.

I'd need to be attracted to someone creatively and I need to know if we're compatible in that way. I want feedback on my stuff. I want to be able to give it and receive it. And I already knew that much about him. So when I saw him, it wasn't immediately physically attracted to him. But as far as his personality, he seemed like a people person, like extremely charming and warm and friendly. I was attracted to him in that way. I'm there for a few days before he shows up. I had long 15, 16 hour days. So I was getting a little anxious

about meeting him in person. He flew in, took the train from Chicago into Milwaukee and let me know when he got there. And I came out of my work building. And that was when I saw him for the first time. He was standing like a cross-street. I remember with the security guard and he was making the security guard laugh. And I thought, wow, how disarming. He's totally a people person. and that's something I was definitely looking for in the partner at the time. My guard immediately went down. We spent a few days in Milwaukee going around looking at the art,

finding out about the history, the protest, the L.M. movement of Milwaukee, and we had a great time. We spent one night meeting up with a bunch of street artists that were doing a mural, and there was some city council people there, We had a great time. We spent one night meeting up with a bunch of street artists that were doing a mural and there was some city council people there, so he interviewed them. He was really trying to make this an opportunity

to turn travel into the work segment because he was working for a converge at the time. I thought it was awesome because always looking to meet creative people and working 16 hour days and then afterwards rallying to try to enjoy this little bit of time that we're going to get together. So we go out to dinner. I've been up for over 22 hours at this point. We get back to the hotel. We came back from what I thought was an amazing night. I was still writing the high of that night, but it was mixed also with exhaustion. I felt like

my guard was definitely down. That was the first night that we hooked up. It was after hooking up that he starts telling me all these details and I don't have a brain cell left to compute any of it. He starts to like tell me a little bit more about his story. I had known that he had a couple kids. I didn't know the extent of how many of what the stories were there. I had seen pictures of his son and Kaylin's daughter. Those are the only two that I knew existed. And he starts telling me all the way back to his first relationship, his story from that point on.

I'm trying to be listening intently and consider that someone's sharing their story with you, but I was so exhausted, I ended up drifting off. And at some point he realized that I was falling asleep and he's like, are you asleep really? Like I'm pouring my heart out and you're sleeping. I definitely miss some important details in there. And I figured that I would have to like get clarity on that moving forward.

But I gathered there were four children from three women. And I was overstimulated overwhelmed. I will say impeccable timing. We could not have planned that better for himself. I'm definitely already invested, and I'm not 100% sure how bad it really is because I slept through so much of it. I figured that leaving Milwaukee,

I would leave the ball in his court as far as how we were going to move forward. We're in the middle of COVID, right? So I'm definitely not dating multiple people. And there wasn't anyone that I was genuinely excited about. I was already excited about him. I had obviously already debriefed my best friends. I told them everything they're living for it. They're living through my experience. And the one that does crazy things. And then they

get to hear the crazy stories. Generally, with my dating life, I had called them up, like, hey, this is not good. This is what he said. I'm not 100% sure what happened there. And they're like, okay, you need to find out. On my flight back, we're texting. He's getting back to Chicago to fly back to Seattle. And he's talking about what a relationship would look like

between us. He brings up our age difference for the first time. I was 27, I believe, and he was 39. He asked me if I had ever dated anyone that old and if it made me uncomfortable at all, to which I told him that I was 100% okay with it. If he was, was it weird for him and he said he's never dated anyone that young, but that he was gonna be okay with it. The conversation was moving towards taking the next step of our relationship seriously, which I wasn't pushing for in any way, because I figured like it would be hard already with long

distance. There was a lot of things against us, and it seemed like it could be complicated, but I was open because I was still excited about this person. I got home and decided to let the dust settle and see where it would go from there. We decided to move forward to see where it goes. We're talking a lot. It was only a couple weeks later that he had to go to DC for the MLK March or something like that. I ended up booking a ticket and going with him. He made a point to tell me like his leveling was quality time and I was like, I don't have a lot of time between work and being a mom, but the time that I do have, even if it's for a day, I'll see you. Whether it's you coming here, me going there, like we can make it work. It was the end of August, so I went to DC with him for that and stayed one night. A very short trip. It was like 24 hours. I flew in, got an Uber to his hotel, met up with him. We walked around the city, we took photos, looked for some food, came back.

That was the night that the march was happening right in front of the White House. Sounds of people out there protesting the show of community was so strong and beautiful. That was my first time being really close to a lot of action. He kind of made me feel protected at times when he was nearby and then other times he would disappear. And I was off left to fend for myself. I'm an extremely capable and competent person,

so I embraced that and walked around just try to stay vigilant, being extremely observant. And every once in a while, I would look for the top of this head and the crowd. And he was just walking around taking pictures. This was the first time I got seen him doing the walking ahead of me type of thing and definitely not waiting for me at all which was new and I was just trying to understand maybe this is because this is his work environment. It's a high stress environment. He ran into some people from Seattle that he had known. There was actually like a bit of a confrontation. We were standing in front of the White House and there were some women from the

Seattle protest community. I don't 100% fully remember. I just remember them calling him out like you're a white man like why are you not throwing yourself in their defending people and said you're over here taking pictures through the lens of a white man, like we don't need more of that. You have privilege, why not use it in this way? And they were really pressing him in that way. And it was interesting to see how he was handling the conflict. A lot of this stuff, it's honestly so blurry, but I got the impression that he was trying to validate them, but he didn't agree with them 100% at all. And so he gave as much of a defense of himself that he could and then at a certain point I was just like okay we need to walk away and we did. They were not budging, they did not like him and that was made extremely clear. They knew converge media. I don't think they

were big fans of converge media at all. They definitely were activists. The perception I always had of converge media and what Jake was doing was, hey, we're here to fight for our community. We're here to give voice to the black women and men of the community and hold accountable the police in the Seattle area. I thought from the outside looking in that they were doing a good job of that. I had tuned into their morning show or whatever it was called. Almost daily because he'd say, okay, I'm going to be on there. I want you to watch. Then he would ask me questions about it later. And I felt like I had to watch that show while I was working from home.

All right. Welcome back to the morning update show, co-host on my re-soulness break. I'm joined by actually my colleague, Jake Grafbrot. Welcome to the morning update show. Thanks for letting me be on this side of the camera. Yeah. I think they do a really good job of making it seem like they're there for the right reasons.

And that was the only understanding I had. So hearing these people in DC, they weren't down with converged media or Jake. They mostly had a problem with why are they hiring a white man to shoot photos for them when there's plenty of black creatives if they're a black owned media company, why are they choosing to be represented by a white man?

We have enough of that, which they're not wrong. We left that whole conversation like, you know what? There's a lot of gray that maybe it's not black and white maybe they're right and you're right I don't think they should come at you for this is how you're choosing to use your skill and your talent Like I think that that's noble and what you're doing there I don't think not being involved is the answer But I think acknowledging our privilege and giving way to those with less opportunity would be the right move there.

It didn't raise red flags for me. I felt bad for him in a sense because I thought, here's this person trying to do something good and he can't do anything good without being perceived negatively sometimes. And that's definitely his point of view on that. It's so hard out here. We're on these front lines. He definitely made it seem like he was a soldier out there when we were texting and communicating and he would let me know he's going to a protest.

He would show up with full helmet, military gear, all this stuff. And it was a bit over the top, but I felt like, well, I'm not there. I don't know how it really is. He definitely played this martyr type character. He would text me like, I'm gonna go to a protest, I'll talk to you later. So then he would just disappear for hours. He would make it seem like he wanted me to be extremely concerned for his safety. I don't know what's gonna happen to me tonight. It was alarming. I'd be like, okay, be safe. I would be watching those

streams, checking my phone to see if he was gonna check in and let me know he was doing okay. It was all very extreme that I will say that city in particular, very polarizing probably is the best word. Right after or in DC even, that's when I started to hear like the language change it initially when I first started talking to him and through Milwaukee the way he was towards people was I feel like him putting his best foot forward and showing me the best parts of themselves. That is charismatic. That does care about people which was really important to me. Then I started getting that narrative of like I'm alone wolf out here like I got a friend for

myself. I don't like people. Then it turned into your special because I don't like people but I enjoyed spending my time with you. The language started changing, which set up some red flags. DC was the first time we said I love you, and I was extremely soon. It was just really hot and heavy from the beginning, as far as emotions go. My friend had brought up the concern of love bombing, which I wasn't even familiar with. And it's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe this is how it's really supposed to feel I had not been serious about anyone in a really long time. It's either something really good or really bad and I looked into love bombing and I was like, I get why she sees it that way, but I hope she's wrong. And then I told her, you can tell me I told you so if in the event that it works out that

way, but I'm invested at this point, she even made a joke like, I will pay you right now to leave this man, which I'll never forget that joke, because it ended up not being very funny. This was someone who had known him surface level. This was the manager of the band that I was working for. So she had seen him on music video. She had even seen him with Mimi before. She is who I first actually reach out to about him because her and Mimi followed each other on Instagram. me followed each other on Instagram. I was like, hey, it looks like you know his ex. Is he divorced? She had mentioned, yeah, I've seen him around. He seems like a really cool guy. He definitely was married. He had his wife on the shoot before, so I've met her in passing. Don't really know where that will. She seems cool. We follow each other on socials. I was like, okay, cool. She said, yeah, I haven't seen any pictures of them. Looks like they definitely are done.

And that was the limited information she really had for me at that point. He seems fine, he seems cool. But once I started telling her our conversations and the dynamics of our relationship, she was like full red flag. Like you need to walk away right now. This is not healthy.

He is love bombing you. This is not gonna be good. Actually, that friend had come to California to stay with me for a couple of weeks in that time period. I had talked to him a little less and less. This is like mid-September. My September was busy with that whole trip and a bunch of work stuff.

I didn't want her to see me talking to him all the time because I already knew she disapproved. So I was giving him a lot of space, taking my own space. When I'm with my daughter, I will not talk to you on the film. I will not be texting you nonstop. Like I'm trying to be extremely intentional about that time that I have with my daughter. I saw a screenshot recently where you FaceTime me and I texted him, okay, can't talk right now.

And he just responds like, okay, and his tone completely changed. and I called him out. You're kind of triggering me right now. I feel like you're punishing me for not taking your FaceTime. I was really trying to have open communication, healthy dialogue, let you know about my triggers. You tell me when I'm triggering you and we can figure out how to best get through all that stuff together. And when I would call it out, he would apologize and say, that's not what I'm trying to do, but it was dismissive. The fact that I am co-parenting has made me extremely aware of the limited time that I have. It's 50-50. That's why dating has kind of been on the back burner for me and why this whole idea of a long-distance relationship seemed really enticing to me because I don't have a ton of time.

We can make the most of it. We can have a whirlwind traveling romance. That's awesome for me. And the way my life is because I'm not ready to integrate my daughter and anyone that I'm seeing early on at all. It would take years. We haven't seen each other since the end of August. September goes by. We weren't going to be able to swing like any trips up to Seattle or down to California or anywhere in between for September, but we started looking at flights for early October. Then comes the situation of him sending me screenshots

between his conversation with his daughter, Kaelin's daughter. 2019, he didn't speak to Emerson during that time. 2020 came around. I got married to my husband, Emerson finally got the dad that she deserves. I had a person to share my life with, and I also gained three step-daughters who are the most amazing ladies I know. They're my daughters. Emerson, she got siblings that she gets to live with. It was a lot of change with the pandemic, but she was still really happy to have persisters.

Emerson seemed like she was in a really good place. I had set up Facebook Messenger for her so she could talk to her friends back home because we moved to Santa Cruz. Jake asked me again, if he could talk to her. I asked Emerson if she would be open talking to him and she was like, yeah, that would be fine. He can message me through there. She's nine years old at this point. He's like, I'm now working at this place called Converge Media and we're like Black Lives Matter media company. He made it sound like he's

a new social justice lawyer and he's out there in the streets supporting and I was like okay maybe he has changed because I didn't know him to be politically progressive on situations like that. To me I was like this is good. I'm happy he's interested in social justice and Black Lives Matter movement and women's rights. He was lumping them all together. I was like, okay, maybe he has a little bit different. And so when he asked to talk to her, I was a little bit more open this time because I remember bringing this up with Melissa like maybe he's changed I don't know and she's like I fucking doubt it. She's like I doubt it. He's so messed up. There's no way he's changed

She's like my therapist would tell me you don't just outgrow being a sociopath. It doesn't happen and I'm like Yeah, but maybe I was so surprised that he was doing this. And so I thought maybe he is a little bit better. They started talking and I was in full support. She would be pretty short with him sometimes and sometimes she'd be like maybe a little bit rude, but I was not about to tell her how she could

or could not talk to him. It felt like that relationship needed to be theirs I was not about to tell her how she could or could not talk to him. It felt like that relationship needed to be theirs and I needed to not have a hand in it. I would obviously protect her from him if he was being any certain way with her, but as far as her communication with him, I was really hands-off. You can say whatever you want. That's really none of my business. It was my business what he said to her, but as far as what she was saying,

she was mean to him or mad at him at any point. She has every right to be mad. So I really tried to let her feel her feelings because I felt like she deserved that. I felt like she was working on some staff talking it out with him. I really wanted to support her decision to talk to him. Things seemed to be okay with the way that they were talking until September 6th. He video messaged her or a video called her. I wasn't home at the time and so I tried to tell her like, do not answer. She didn't get my message to warn her like, don't be on the phone with him.

Because I know how manipulative he can be once he's on the phone with you. So I was like, I don't trust it. Do not get on the phone with him. They talked for an hour and that hour felt like 10 hours. I was sick to my stomach. I was so, so anxious. I was beating myself up that I would let him have access

to her again because I had told him you can message with her. I didn't okay calling. She called me right after and she's crying. I was like, why was I not there? I didn't allow it to happen, but like I allowed him to message her and this is the result of that and I was regretting that decision. So she's crying and tells me he cried on the phone three times with her. He said that he had cancer and he said when he found out he had cancer that I took her and left. I was like,

that's not even the situation because even in recent Twitter posts that he's done, he says that cancer is a walk in the park and it's like not a big deal, it's a one and done, they just remove it and you're over it, like it's done, you just have to take pills for the rest of your life, the fact that he brought the cancer up to her, that he basically implied that I took her without permission. That he couldn't visit because all of his money goes to child support and to pay Melissa. His payments for child support to Melissa are so minimal that it's laughable. It has nothing to do with money. He's telling her, it's just because of money, your mom did all these things. Then he's like, well,

I just really want to see you and she's like, okay, I don't know. And he's like, well, I really want to see you and like keeps pushing it and pushing it. When can I come and see you? And she's like, I don't know, like, I'd have to talk to my mom. And he's like, well, I don't you want to see me? And she's like, I am curious, which I get. But he's like, well, when can I come? Really pushing it. So she finally agrees. And this is where it goes back to him pressuring,

not taking no for an answer, like pushing and pushing until he gets what he wants, regardless of how that person is responding. She's trying not to give him an answer and he's basically telling her, no, I'm coming. When can I come? Type of thing.

I called him when I got off the phone with her and was like, what the fuck? And he's like, what? I said, you cried on the phone to her three times and he's like, I didn't cry. And I was like, oh, so you're telling me my daughter's a liar? And he's like, okay, fine, I cried, all right? It was really emotional. I haven't talked to my daughter in over seven years.

Of course, I'm gonna cry. And I'm like, you're such a freaking liar and manipulator, how dare you? Don't fuck with my kid. How could you do that to a nine-year-old girl? She is not equipped to handle him. I was so, so upset. And so now she's agreed to see him. And so he's like, well, she said, and I'm coming, he's supposed to go through the motions. I felt like he went behind my back and cornered Emerson and then made this arrangement.

And now she wants to. She's like, I'm curious. I don't want to tell her no, even though he's not supposed to. Now I'm talking to her about what this visit looks like, right? Because he's like, I'm in a come, October 4th. And I'm thinking, oh my god, this is coming so quick. He's telling me he's coming in a month. I think he tried to do it quickly because

he knew that I would probably stop it or that I should have stopped it. He was like, and I'm coming, I booked my flights. I told her therapist, we need to talk about the visit and what this is going to look like. Her therapist is like, okay, well, why don't you, Emerson, come up with what you want this visit to look like in your head. And she says, well, I just want him to see me writing my bike at the BMX park, but I don't want to talk to him. And then I tell her like, you can't expect him to come here from out of state and to not even be able to speak to you.

And she's like, why not? And I'm like, because I don't think that's gonna go over very well. And her therapist is like, yeah, I hear you. Do you have any wiggle room with your boundaries? Where are you at? And she's like, well, I don't want to hug him. But maybe I could talk to him. And she's like, okay, that's a good compromise.

She's like, but I don't want him to take any pictures of me. And I want my mom to be there the whole time. And she's like, okay, like these are all good things. It's good that you're willing to bend a little and you're gonna be safe because your mom is gonna be there the whole time. And I was like, yep. And she's like, I also want my dad there.

She calls my husband her dad. So she wants my husband there. She wants me there. And she will speak with him. She does not want him to touch her. I said, can we tell him we can go to dinner with him or something? He can sit across from you and she's like, okay fine, I don't want to go to dinner with him, I don't want to do any of this. I'm trying to make this okay for her. Her therapist tells her you need to just tell him

what your boundaries are for the visit so that he knows what to expect and so that he's not surprised by how you want the visit to go. She also said it's good to prepare him so that he knows also what to expect. He can respect your boundaries and follow your rules. She told him what her boundaries were. They texted me, I'm not allowed to hug my own daughter or take any photos of her, y'all are wild. I didn't tell her that that was his response

because I felt like it would make her anxiety worse. She kept telling me like how she couldn't sleep. She was so nervous. A big reason why her therapist wanted her to come up with these rules to tell him ahead of time was so that she would be less anxious and nervous about her visit. She was starting to get really anxious. I told her, maybe you should talk to Melissa about it. Caitlin and I had this agreement that we would always be there for each other and for the

girls. If one of them needed to talk talk that we would be there. And that actually happened in the fall of 2020. Jake kind of had come back around. She was curious. She had looked him up. She didn't remember everything. I think she remembered the bad things, but she couldn't remember what he looked like. She and I were on the Facebook messenger for kids. She would message me occasionally and we would talk and I would send her pictures and she would ask about Ivy

and we kept in touch that way. She'd reached out to me and told me that she was going to see Jake in October. And I asked her if she was excited and she just said, no, I'm not excited. In fact, my mom had told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to, that you would be a good person and I was wondering if I could call you. I said, absolutely, I'm always here. You can call anytime you need.

When she called, she told me, okay, well, I thought about the things that what my rules would be. I told her that having boundaries was good and that if those were things that would make her feel more comfortable seeing him for the first time that those are absolutely acceptable and that she shouldn't budge on those. Whatever is going to make it easier for her is what needs to be accommodated. We talked a lot about how amazing of a mom. Kaelin is, she just loves Kaelin so much. She's so protective of Kaelin too. It's really cute. We talked about all of this and then she and Ivy Face

timed for a while after. At the end of all of it, I think she just really needed to get it off her chest. She was really anxious. I would encourage her. That would be something to talk to your therapist about and she agreed. It was a couple days after that. She messaged me again and said, I think I'm just not ready to see him. And so I think I'm going to tell him, let's wait a year. And maybe I can continue to talk to him and

like get to know him. I'm not ready to see him yet. And I said, well, if that's how you feel, that's valid. I, that's valid. I think that's good. I think it's really good that you're thinking about what you can handle, what's too much. I asked her, what did he say to all of that? She said, oh, I told him. And he said that he was disappointed, but he understood.

At first, his message was really understanding. And I messaged Melissa like like maybe he's changed. He wasn't rude, he wasn't a dick, he said he was disappointed but he respected her wishes. It was about two hours later she got another message saying well I'm coming anyway and when you make an agreement with somebody you honor that agreement. So she is crying and she's scared. She's like he's coming like, he's coming anyway. He's not respecting my wishes.

So I told her, I'll take you out of town for the weekend. Do not worry about it. I think in hopes to get him not to come. She said, my mom and I are going out of town so don't get any ideas. And instead of talking to me, he messaged her and said, that's a fairly harsh way of speaking. You should reflect about how you address people. As I mentioned, I am going to still come because I have already gotten

tickets and have paid for everything already. I made a commitment to come and regardless if you're there or not, I'm coming. She said, I can talk to you how I want to do not tell me how to live my life and put my in capital letters. That's my girl. Any messages me? You ought to be proud of her with clapping hand emojis. We are by hell yeah I'm proud of her. She stood up for herself. I don't love how she spoke to him, but I am proud of her for telling him, I'm not ready for you to come. She wasn't letting him treat her that way and be manipulative to her. I am really proud of her because I feel like it is so hard to stand up to somebody like that, to stand up to an adult like that. When he was trying to like put her in her place,

she wasn't having any of it. That was their last communication. The little bit that I've learned about her thus far is that he was around when she was young. They split up. I knew about Melissa. I knew that he had two more daughters, one which he wasn't involved in her life at all and didn't want to be from his perspective, which that one was a little bit hard for me to swallow, but he definitely painted this picture of like, she's well taken care of. Her mom chose to raise her with her ex. Well, her husband actually is what he told me at the time. Now I know it's her ex.

It was a part of the info dump, and then I'm over here piecing things together. He said, I wish that my ex would be like you. It is about what is best for the child and she definitely is just punishing me for my mistakes. And he said that I definitely made and I own. He was not trying to play like he had no part in this. He acknowledged that he had a part in this and ending up to here and that there was a lot of her and understand that. But at the end of the day, her mom is only making it harder for her by punishing him. And I was like, yeah, that's not okay. Like, I'm a huge advocate of you got to put your emotions aside and put your child first.

So I'm over here starting to get the screenshots, starting to figure out what his relationship is like with Emerson. We started planning the trip to Santa Cruz. He would send me his conversations with Emerson, we started planning the trip to Santa Cruz. He would send me his conversations with Emerson. And I was almost, I'm embarrassed to say, but like coaching him through this conversation as someone who's had a complicated relationship with my dad since I was little,

I really empathized for her and her parent situation. They really wanted him to focus on. She needs to know that you love her, that you wanna see her, that you'll do anything to make that happen. You need to put her emotions before your own. So he was extremely good like in his response to her. Then at some point the conversation completely changed and she said she didn't want him to come anymore and I wasn't 100% sure how we got from point A to point B. I was only getting selective screenshots at this point and then he showed me his response to her that was completely and wildly selfish. I was like, you sound like a baby here. The way you feel is not nearly as important

as the way she feels. You understand that you're the adult in the relationship here. And that is something that raised so many red flags for me because I feel like I've had to be the adult in all my relationships with my parents since a really young age and it's just not fair to any child. I didn't feel like it was my place to like correct him either. I had done everything I can as far as telling him what he should say, what was important in this conversation. He asked me how he should proceed with the trip if she doesn't want him to go. At this time Emerson saying, I won't even be there, you can go, but I won't be there.

And I said, I think she's maybe afraid that you're not gonna show up and is afraid of that kind of disappointment. Maybe you need to build trust over time with her and build that kind of rapport. Maybe we go and you can go around the city and find things that she would like to do on a future trip together And you can let her know all the things that you saw and that you would love to do with her when she's ready

I thought that would be like a good gesture and he agreed so we ended up taking that trip We spent one night in San Francisco and then went to Santa Cruz My best friend that I had been telling everything to at this point, she is like a real life saint. I will always say that she has a huge heart, is extremely empathetic. She knew like the good, the bad, everything that I was conflicted with up until this point I had told her like, hey, he's saying this or hey, this might be love bombing and she was coaching me throughout all of that. I really wanted her to meet him in person. She said, oh, I can meet you guys for lunch. Like, this will be great. And I really hold her opinion with

high regard. I wanted her to see maybe things that I was missing, those rose colored glasses and like being a little too close to the situation, having my feelings involved stops me from seeing some of these red flags, and maybe justifying some of them where I feel like she could probably come in and point them out right away. With that said, she's also very good at playing devil's advocate. And I really just wanted her to meet him on this trip, so we did exactly that. We walked around the boardwalk, she met up with us, we were supposed to go get something

to eat, and he said he wasn't hungry. In fact, it was a terrible time from the minute she showed up and I felt really bad because I was trying to make him feel comfortable, trying to make her feel comfortable, and at a certain point he just walked away from us both and I gave up. It was like this is not my job to try to play this middle man here. He's showing his true colors right now, and that's pretty pissed. Either he didn't like her off the bat, or maybe it was situationaly. She said that he was extremely off-putting

and laid out the facts, but also being as empathetic as she is was trying to say, maybe he's just having a hard time with everything going on with Emerson and the fact that he really wants to see her this weekend. Maybe he's just having a really hard time being present. And I was like, yeah, but still, we're the ones that are here. That's out of his control at this point.

They get it, but there's a certain way to treat people. It's understandable to an extent, but it's just not justifiable at a certain point. I wasn't happy, but I appreciate her trying to make me feel better in that situation, which is I feel like something you do if you care about someone. And I just wanted him to spend one hour with my friend. Like it wasn't a huge ask. That really was off putting to the extent of the rest of the trip was negative. We got food, we didn't speak too much, he was on his film, was not having a good time and I could not wait to get out of there. We get back home and I had been on a social media break. The reason I did that was because there was no way for me to get all the other things on the list done. If I was checking social media, if my attention was going anywhere else,

and wasn't loving everything that I would see Jake post, he was posting constantly, always posting on stories, things that were kind of embarrassing and gave me the ick. And I decided I didn't need to see it. I had gone on for something work-related. And one of his stories is at the front of my thing as soon as I log in. I watch it and it's some lyric thing and it's kind of cryptic. He would do stuff like this all the time and I'm like, okay, he's an artist, whatever. But this one ended with the song lyric and he captioned it with a photo of himself saying I could still haven't found what I'm looking for. In any context, that's not okay. You're putting out there to the world I'm available, still have not found anything that I'm looking for.

Meanwhile, you're telling me, I love you, you're perfect for me, I can't wait to spend my life with you. Y'all, yeah. After seeing that compiled with everything that had happened in Santa Cruz, I was just so over it and decided to end it with him. I don't know why I felt the best way to do that at the time was just to completely block him. I blocked him on Instagram, blocked his phone number. I told him I'm done and I blocked him everywhere. Then I get my first message from another Instagram account, like walk into the light wedding photography or something. He's like, what did you do? Where are you? Like, I called you and I can't get a hold of you.

Did you really block me? He did not see it coming whatsoever. He was pleading with me to talk with him. And I felt like maybe I owed him a little bit of an explanation. He sent me multiple emails about it. And I finally responded. What I would say is like a really long, yelp review.

I was just like, look, between all this stuff that you've done and the way you made me feel in Santa Cruz, the way you treated my friend, all of this stuff, like this doesn't kind of work out. I remember telling him, you need to take responsibility for your own emotions. We're not responsible for what has happened to us, but we're responsible for what we do with that. And that's one of my favorite lessons I've probably learned my entire life. And I felt like I needed to call him out for that because he played the victim over and over. I made a note about not comparing any future partners to your exes. I was living. So I gave him a long, yelp review.

I was like, therapy is strongly advice. And I thought it was hilarious and I signed off. Zero stars. I will not be returning until management has changed. I was like therapy is strongly advice and I thought it was hilarious and I signed off Zero stars. I will not be returning until management has changed. Oh my gosh I want to find that email. It was hilarious But he ended up responding something like super long super thoughtful I mean you've seen enough of his emails at this point to understand probably what I'm saying But he was really apologetic so that he would be waiting for me if I ever changed my mind, yeah, whatever. I think only maybe like two weeks go by.

I was in San Diego for work and that was a moment of weakness where I contacted him again and we started with a phone call. And he said, I didn't think I'd hear from you again. And so here starts the narrative of me always coming back because we broke up. I don't even know how many times we would end things and then I would eventually come back. I had booked a job in Seattle in November and that one was kind of gut wrenching because I was like this would have worked out perfectly if we were still together. I had really wanted to tell him about that. So we start talking again. I tell him about the job in Seattle. He's so excited. He's asking if he can see me. I told him that like let's see where this goes. I was up there with the band. We were recording in the music venue, an album, and doing like a live

stream because this was the only way people were going to concerts during COVID. So we're planning all of that out. Seattle's on a COVID lockdown though, so he starts expressing like his strong disapproval and righteousness about us coming up there and how messed up it is. He wants to see me, but this is fucked up. We shouldn't be staying all together, all these things, right? Meanwhile, he's fucking the whole West Coast. Right, this whole time he's with everyone. That's next time on something was wrong. next time on something was wrong.

I had been listed the help of a friend. I told her like, I need to know if this is real and I need you to slide into his DMs and see if he takes the B. When I first met Jake, he wasn't the most friendly guy. Got really weird. He is flipping out. He is flipping out. He literally screams in my face that he didn't have time to be late because of a careless bitch. I just kind of glance up in his room and I was like, is that a camera? I decided to reach out to Mimi.

Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe friends. Something was wrong is a broken cycle media production, created and hosted by me, Tiffany Rees. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow something was wrong on Instagram. At something was wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Glad Rags.

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