Something Was Wrong - S3 E4: It Comes Through Like a Freaking Bomb

Episode Date: November 8, 2019

Tragedy strikes the Bishop family. Source: Gaslighting - Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People--and Break Free by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PhD See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I'm Candace DeLong, and on my new podcast, Killer Psychie Daily, I share a quick 10-minute rundown every weekday on the motivations and behaviors of the cold-butter killers you read about in the news. Listen to the Amazon Music Exclusive Podcast Killer Psychie Daily in the Amazon Music exclusive podcast killer psyche daily in the Amazon Music app. Download the app today. This podcast is intended for mature audiences and discusses topics that could be triggering

to some. Opinions expressed by guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of this podcast. I am not a therapist or a doctor. All resources, books and sources mentioned on the podcast can be found linked in the episode notes. Please note, names have been changed in the story for anonymity purposes. If you or someone you love is being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you or someone you love is struggling with a suicidal crisis or emotional distress, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24-7 at 1-800-273-8255. Please note, some of today's episode involves suicidal ideation or thoughts of suicide.

Please take care when listening. Thank you. In Dr. Stephanie Molten Sarcus' book, Gaslighting, she describes, Gaslighters are very seductive. They will sweep you off your feet with love bombing and then drop you off a cliff. The initial seduction is so strong that when things do go south, it's hard not to feel that you're to blame, or that somehow you should be able to get that wonderful person back. The initial charm is all part of the game. Relationships with gas lighters are filled with confusion, disorder, and drama, so much so that it's easy to feel shame.

But being attracted to a gas lighter is no cause for shame. Even brilliant, successful, and otherwise discerning people can be easily seduced by a gas lighter's many initial charms. Gaslighter's crave-newness and attention. Even if you could do everything, quote, perfectly, the gaslighter is still a bottomless pit of need that can never be filled.

Taking personal responsibility is not a characteristic of gaslighters. They always believe it is someone else's fault. They rarely feel empathy or remorse. Love bombing, hoovering, stonewalling, and flying monkeys are tactics gaslighters enjoy using to manipulate those around them. As previously mentioned on the podcast in season 1, Love bombing is a common tactic abusers use to hook their victims.

Love bombers use excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence your behavior. This includes showering you with praise, buying you gifts, aligning with your opinions, and spending lots of time together. Gaslighters are amazingly good at keeping their pathology in check until they know you're hooked.

They erode your perception of reality until you feel you cannot function normally without them. When a gas lighter love bombs you, it's hard to get away. The attention you receive is intoxicating. The pedestal they put you on feels damn good, but eventually when you fall off of it, it is a long way down. Hoovering is a tactic gaslighters use to try and suck you back in when they feel you checking out. If gaslighters get any kind of inkling of perceived abandonment, they work at sucking you back in. They will stop at nothing to get you back in their

clutches. Nothing causes fear in gaslighters more than the feeling of abandonment. This is what's known as a narcissistic injury. Gaslighters have an endless pit of need for attention, no matter what you do. You will always be humanly incapable of fulfilling their needs. The gas lighter knows just how to get you hooked back in with the promise of something that you want. Often, they will use objects to try and reel you in. You'll get texts and emails.

These are all attempts made with the same intent to try and get back in contact with you. Stonewalling is the disappearing act or radio silence gaslighters will treat you to when they get caught, feel they've been done wrong, or simply prefer not to talk about something because it's more convenient for them that way. If you don't live with them, you won't see or hear from them. They will not answer your texts or calls. Meanwhile, you grow more anxious the longer that you don't hear from them. Does it bother the gas lighter that their silent treatment is torturing you?

Far from it. They love that their behavior causes you to get upset. Once you've left a gas lighter, well-meaning friends and relatives may approach you and tell you they think you should give the gas lighter another chance. They may even tell you that you've always been too sensitive or difficult. Chances are, the gas lighter contacted these people to put them up to this, the people who willingly and sometimes unwittingly do the gas lighter's bidding are known as flying monkeys. The gas lighter sends these messengers to attempt to guilt you back into the relationship. Healthy people do not stalk or harass

others regardless of whatever reason they may use to attempt to do so. I'm Tiffany says something was wrong. You think you know me, you don't know me, you know me, no, no. Think you know me, you don't know me, well. Well, I happened to one day share a photo on Facebook. Here's CJ Bishop. And it was of my father-in-law. It was an excellent picture of a local photographer had snuck a picture of him outside of a working fire one night. And he posted it to his photography page on Facebook.

And I thought, oh, well, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are gonna see it if they don't follow him. So I saw it and I shared it and I tagged my mother-in-law and sister-in-law in it. Because at the time, my father-in-law was supposed to be retiring in the next few years and I thought, oh man, they have to have that picture of him. So I shared it and within probably, it have to have that picture of him. So I shared it and within, probably,

it had to have been within 30 minutes. I get a text from Patty. Oh, well, I saw that picture that you've shared. That's nice. I guess I'm just kind of surprised at why you'd share that if you hate him so much. And I ended up saying, well, even though, you know, things aren't good between us, like that's still victorious husband, and that's still my sister-in-law's father, and they deserve to have a good picture

of him before he retires. And she basically just, in her own snarky way had said that I was being like a hypocrite because I shouldn't be sharing a picture of somebody that I can't stand. And I have the conversation saved because at the time I thought when the day comes that my father-in-law comes around and snaps out of whatever funkeys in, I am going to show him this conversation and make him see that his friends are not his friends. Patty basically said, well, I don't think that anybody should be drawing attention to Ted

because we all know that that family loves attention. And I finally just said, you know what, like you are the biggest hypocrite, I know exactly what you're doing. I'm aware that you love the fact that Victoria and Ted are not close with their children and closer to your family. I'm aware that you love it. Unfortunately, I mean, I just told her, I said, I think you're just nuts, like whatever's

going on in your head, you need to get it fixed, which probably wasn't a nice thing, but that's just how I felt. I was like, I'm done, like I'm done with this. I couldn't believe the reaction that she... I couldn't believe the crap she gave me for sharing a simple picture of my father-in-law and she didn't approve of it. So I got off the phone.

I remember I took off work that day to just spend time with Brad and I sent my phone down, and I remember, I walked outside of the garage and I said to him, I don't know what's going on, but I have a feeling that whatever the issues are between us and your family, I don't think that Patty is helping it. Like, I couldn't say at the time, she's the cause of all this, I just knew that she wasn't

helping the situation. And I said, that's it. Like, we're done. We're not going over there for holidays. I don't want to be in her home. We're backing away. You know, since we stopped going to holidays at her house since then, she and her husband noticed.

And I think that they really thought we weren't going over there because of my in-laws and the strain between us and my mother-in-father-in-law. It wasn't my mother-in-father-in-law. We didn't go because we didn't trust her and we didn't want to be under her roof. So after the whole Facebook incident the next day she had texted me and apologized, you know, I'm sorry about that blah blah blah, like you're right, I was, you know, I was wrong and that's how it was whenever I would call her out, whenever I would start calling her out on little things, she

would get just infuriated and start spading words and then later on she'd apologize for it and I don't know if that's because she was afraid that I'd figure out what was going on and thought, oh, well, I better take a couple steps back. I don't know, I don't know why she would do that. But I can tell you after that whole Facebook incident, I was done and it wasn't that I didn't have contact with her after that.

I mean, we did, like, you know, if we saw her out or at a function or Whatever, it's not that we wouldn't talk to her like we talked to her from time to time, but it was about trivial things, you know, oh this weather. Oh, okay. Yeah, I saw that so and so is getting married. That's nice If you need anything, let me know, you know, it's not that we went no contact, but I did not have a let me know. You know, it's not that we went no contact, but I did not have a friendship with her after that. She was not allowed in my life. I didn't tell her about our troubles and our heartache that she knew. I mean, she knew her so heartbroken over the situation with my end-laws. She knew how much it killed us.

You know, she knew it. My husband is a very, he takes everything to heart. So she knew it was killing him to be in this state with his family and she loved it. Here's Brad. My mom was a very like, whatever Patty would say, like, she submitted to. She really would.

There within the last six, eight months or whatever, I was starting to talk to my mom, you know, she would call or I would call her, you know, maybe once a week or whatever. Again, it's horrible to admit they live on my whole way. You know, you just barely even speak to them. But I was, I was really starting to talk to my mom a lot more. My mom started kind of realizing stuff, stuff with Patty, like, like, patty out of the absolute blue. Started to, I guess she started hearing that I would she was talking

My mom was talking to me and even my mom who knew nothing and told Patty everything in her life and more Instantly it was like you know what I ain't saying nothing to her. She's like no, I don't Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham the the host of Wondery's podcast American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our newest series, we look at the Kids for Cash Scandal, a story about corruption inside America's system of juvenile justice. In Northeastern Pennsylvania, residents had begun noticing an alarming trend. Children were being sent away to jail in high numbers, and often for committing only minor offenses.

The FBI began looking at two local judges, and when the full picture emerged, it made national headlines. The judges were earning a fortune, carrying out a brazen criminal scheme, one that would shatter the lives of countless children and force a heated debate about punishment and America's criminal justice system. Follow American scandal wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder App. Here's Victoria. The morning, March 7th, Ted came off of daylight and he was down reading a paper and Normal circumstances he would usually come upstairs and at least say I'm home

Hello Something well this particular morning he did and he stayed downstairs and I came downstairs to go outside Or to get ready for work finished getting ready for work And he had his nose in the paper and I said you didn't even come up and say hello came downstairs to go outside or to get ready for work, finished getting ready for work. And he had his nose in the paper and I said, you didn't even come out and say hello. And he's like, oh, you're going to get ticked off at me for that too. I said, me get ticked off. I said, you're the one that didn't come upstairs and say good morning or even hello.

And I said, what's going on with you? And he's said, nothing. The night prior to that, I didn't get any kind of text from Patty. Patty texts me constantly, what are you doing? Are you sleeping? Because I would fall asleep a lot in the evening because I was depressed. What did you have for dinner?

What did you have for snack? What are you doing at this moment? And it was so constant. I Said I didn't hear at all from you last night and I said this via text and she said well Kurt found a lot of text from Ted and Mr. Johnson. And he's really mad and we're probably going to end up in a divorce. And I said, so what do you mean? You're a lot of texting from Ted.

And she's like, well, nothing happened. And there was nothing sexual. But we're really close. And I text, we text each other a lot. And we joke and have fun. And I'm like, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I said, I don't understand. She said, I swear, nothing happens sexually. But we're really close. And I says, all right, I swear, nothing happens sexually, but you know, we're really close.

And I said, all right, I believe you. If you say nothing happened, I believe you. And I thought about it for a little while and I text her back and I said, if you were me, how would you take this? And she said, well, I don't know if I believe me. So, Patty had text to my mother-in-law saying, hey, I think I owe you an apology last night. My husband Kurt had found a bunch of text messages

between Ted and I and found it was like inappropriate. When I swear there was nothing inappropriate about it or the just was there was nothing more sinister about it she was just trying to help my father-in-law with his marriage and set and she had said, hurt and I may be getting a divorce, he's really upset, but I promise, you know, there was nothing, nothing deceitful. I was just trying to help. I was just trying to help your marriage.

What Kurt had told Brad was, I questioned her as to why there was so much text messaging between your dad and Mr. Johnson. Now, from the text message that Patty had sent my mother-in-law, it seemed like he saw what kind of text messages they were because he was really upset and said, you know, oh, we may be getting a divorce over this, but I promise I was just trying to help Ted with your marriage. So I got on the phone and I called Ted and I said, Ted, what do you do? And he's like, oh, I'm doing my parents grocery shopping.

I said, I just got some disturbing text from Patty regarding you texting her and she texting you. Yeah. And I says, what's going on? He's like nothing. I said, no, I don't think it's nothing. I says, you know what? I'm to the point now, Ted, I'm here to tell you, you either start going to counseling with me or we're done. And he said, okay. He's never said that. And he was calm. He was cool. I thought, oh, he must be in some place where he can't talk because he was getting his parents groceries. And I said, okay. All right. I'll talk to you later. He said, all right. And he he said bye. I texted Ted because we had gotten a puppy a few months prior. I said, did you let the pup out? And I didn't hear from him.

So I assumed, oh, he's still a disparage. So it was 12.38. I looked up my watch when I left the well left work. I went home which takes about 15 minutes and I saw Ted's truck in the driveway and I pulled in and I says oh boy I better go in and I'll get yelled at. I don't want to be listening to it so I'll go in and I get in house and I start hauling for Ted asking him, you know, where you at? What are you doing?

Ah, the public in the living room and the gates were up and I didn't think too much about it and I hollowed down in the basement because Ted does a lot of woodworking and he wasn't down there and you know nothing was out of the norm. Everything looked normal and I hauled and I ran upstairs I thought oh maybe he's in the attic and he just can't hear me I hauled up in the attic and he wasn't there and and my daughter's room And I opened the door, and I smelled this flash of gunpowder in. Ted was on the floor, sitting, and it was a all over his temple and coming out of his nose and mouth and like um the gun was on his left and I ran over and I checked and for a pulse

and I couldn't feel one through I couldn't feel one, sorry. I texted a hand and by that time I'm really, really shaking. And I really got the phone and I called my one. And a lady was just taking forever with me and I went back and texted him again for a third time and I said, I knew he was going. Maybe we was gone. I just knew it and I was so afraid to look at the other side of this head because I was afraid to move or stop there.

But thankfully the crisis got hot and it was there because the bullet didn't make a said. And well, I could think of that was my children. And I called my children, but I called my son because he was so close, because he only was, like, little less than a mile from me, and I called him and he's like, what's wrong? I said come home, I think you're dead still. It was that afternoon or morning or whatever.

I went to a Bible study and I'm sitting there with the guys, you know, in this Bible study and my fun rings I'm looking at mom. I saw him stick right away. I'm in the middle of a Bible study, I'll talk to her later. She called back right away and I thought, man, of a Bible study. I'll talk to her later. She called back right away. I thought, man, so I stood up, didn't think anything of it. I picked up that phone and I could hear her screaming. And I've been a first responder for a while now and you just know it's bad. So I knew something was bad and she said,

you have to come home quick. I think your dad, I think your dad shot himself. I said, where are you? She says, I'm at home and she's screaming. And I run back into the room with the Bible study. I'll never forget in the middle of a church. I'm like, how the FD get out of this place. And they all jumped up and said, out here, I couldn't even remember. It was a big church and we're in the middle of a church, I'm like how the FD get out of this place. And they all jumped up and said out here, I couldn't even remember, it was a big church and we're in the basement and I bolted out. I jumped in my truck and I took off and I floored it. I met up with a city detective at a main intersection. He was going lights and siren at an unmarked cruiser. And we met the intersection and I'm screaming it and keep going.

And he threw his hands up and he honest and he told me afterwards, he says, as soon as I saw the truck and I saw the tag, I knew it was you. Because at first he was like, what on the heck are you doing thinking I was just like a regular citizen, you know, about ready to block him in the intersection? And he kind of like motioned like, yeah, come on. And we floored it through the whole city. I was hot on his tail. And when we got to my parents street,

he pulled over and I floored it into the house. And... I was at work. I got a call on my cell phone from Brad and I knew right away something was wrong because he usually calls my office number and goes through the system to my extension but he called my cell phone and I picked up the phone and after I said hello all I heard was I need you to come to the house mom thinks dad killed himself and my boss had to drive me over to

His parents house because I just I felt like I was gonna pass out so I didn't want to drive and In the car in my head. I'm thinking he's dead like I know he's dead. He wasn't stupid It sounds morbid, but he knew how to successfully kill himself I mean there's just no way he would have botched it, and I just knew he was gone at that point, and there would probably be no closure. And I had this insane feeling of the husband I know now is gone. Like, he's, I had this like fear of he's never going to be happy again. He's never going to be fulfilled again. It was so hard for me to grasp like this amazing person that I married is never going to fully be happy in his life again is that and that's

what I feared because this terrible thing happened. A man that was his father and once his best friend and best man at our wedding is gone. You know, I just had this terrible sadness like for my husband. And I remember pulling up onto the block, Brad beat me there. And once I could hear my mother-in-law like, she sounded like a wounded animal. I could hear her from the corner of the block. I will never forget the way that sounded. My mom was on the couch hysterical.

I ran through the door. She's hysterical. My one good buddy of mine, he's on the job. He doesn't live, he lives very literally. Not far from my parents, I see he ran down. We get like text alerts on our phones. You know, he saw the address and knew it was my dad's house. He ran down, he was one of the first ones there.

And he out at me to stay downstairs. I just bolted upstairs and there was a sea of art guys, cops, and maybe once people in the hallway, and I tried to make my way through, and it was a bit of a fight, didn't it who I was at first? And, uh... You know, once they realized it was me, sorry.

Once they realized it was me, they were like, you know, don't, don't. You know, they kinda grabbed me. And I said, is he gone? And they said, yeah. I just remember walking into the house and it was so weird because we were so disconnected from his family and it was like stepping into this house that smells the same from when I remembered it from years prior when I used to practically live there,

you know, they had me over all the time and it was like a second home to me. It was so weird walking in there because I hadn't been in that house in so long. And now here I am and there's police and ambulance and firemen and my husband is upstairs and his dad's gone. I just remember sitting down with, I sat down with my mother in law, she was on the couch just like trying to

catch her breath and my husband was still upstairs and thank God like he didn't see, he didn't see his dad in that state. They wouldn't let him, they knew that, you know, he's in public service. So thankfully all the responders that were at the house that day, in some way, knew our family and knew my husband. So they didn't let him in to see, and I'm so thankful for that,

because I would never have wanted my husband's last memory of seeing his dad to be that way. But I just kept saying to the first responders and the police and the city detective was there and I kept saying, are you sure? Are you sure? This doesn't sound right. My father-in-law was not a person

that would have committed suicide. There was just no way. I mean, he was in public service himself and he just kind of always shook his head. This terrible is a sense. He shook his head at people that did that. I think it's because like, you know, if you don't understand it, you shake your head at it,

like really are you that weak or you that, whenever that's obviously so not the case, but you just have such a negative perspective of people that do that. And here he, you know, and then it was him that did it. It just seemed so unbelievable. I guess at first she, my mother-in-law thought that he was cleaning a gun and it went off because it just didn't make sense that he would have shot himself, but that definitely wasn't the case. But they were just 110% positive that it was self-inflicted, it wasn't an accident, it wasn't a murder, he did it to himself.

And that was the weird thing, like I didn't even know how to act. And I started to kind of break down a little bit and they were like, good downstairs. I needed to be with your mom. And I did. I really composed myself and I was fine. I was talking like I was a couple minutes ago. I wasn't teary-eyed.

I wasn't crying. I was just there for my mom. And I started calling people and my mom through her coughing and dry heave-in and crying. She's like, you got to get a hold of this person, you got to get a hold of that person. Get a hold of your sister. Do not tell her. Just tell her she has to get here. And it wasn't until I had called someone in particular, I have my mom's phone and uh, I call my mom's sister at first and uh, she's probably the oldest, second oldest of like seven or eight siblings. She didn't answer my uncle answer and I was like, listen, you just got to get down here.

I didn't even tell him. He's like, in there, they all live hours away. And, uh, and he's like, okay, he's like, what's the matter? He's like, I just need you down here. He said as soon as she gets home, we'll, we'll head down. They didn't ask any questions. That's, I mean, we have, we have a great family. We really do. And, uh, and I call somebody else and again, I have my mom's phone. So they pick up and they're like, hello, thinking that they're my mom and I'm like, hey, it's me. And, uh, you know, I'm pretty close to this thing as a visual one. He said, what's wrong? And that was the first time that I really started getting upset.

I said, Dad shot himself. And this other guy I'm talking to, he's a pretty tough guy. He's been here a lot too, you know, just in life and general one. I can hear him kinda like, like a grown man, you know, whipper. Hey, that's something you know, he just did it real quick like, and he's like, he's like, he's dead. I said, yeah, he's dead. I said, we lost him. He said, we'll be right down. And

uh, big community and my family of first responders and law enforcement and not only one dispatchers and firefighter, we just have a whole line of it, you know, of a family. But uh, you know, I guess it's, you know, hit anybody. It doesn't matter how many calls you run. Doesn't my how much bad stuff you see, you know, when it anybody. It doesn't matter how many calls you run, doesn't matter how much bad stuff you see. You know, when it hits the family, it comes through like a frickin' bomb. So... Sorry. Um, just kind of that whole day, you know.

Think about it all the time. I tell my wife all the time, like, I think about it every single day. I'll be thinking about it. It didn't, I think about it work. Don't do anything. But when you talk about it, when you be thinking about it, it's dead or nothing about it work, don't do anything, but when you talk about it, when you actually talk about it, it makes it pretty real again. I guess just rehash everything from basically childbirth to that day.

You know, it's just, and that's it. You know, it's over. He's dead, you know, it's over. His life's gone. Every attempt to try to get him the importance of seeing, living for the Lord, living for the family, living, you know, stopping everything he's doing, the life, everything, everything is over. It's done.

There's no past go. There's no collecting $200. There's nothing. It's over. He's done. He made that decision. And there's no collecting $200. There's nothing. It's over. He's done. He made that decision. And there's no taking that back. You know, and that's the hardest thing we struggled with was there is no him pulling in to hash things out. There's no fixing things. It was over.

And that was the hardest part. That was the hardest part. After a little bit, my husband had called, his first call was his sister. I think she was in state college working that day. So once she came to the house and once she knew, once he called a lot of the immediate family and immediate relatives and once everybody knew and they were on their way here, I believe it was a city detective that had said, do you guys have somewhere that you can go, can you make a home base somewhere else? So I brought my sister-in-law and mother-in-law here to our house, which is crazy

because all this distance and we only live a mile apart from my in-laws house, which is sad. But I brought them here and sure enough, you know, the first people to show up here with her patty and Kurt. Next time. You think you know me, you don't know me well at all. You think you know me, you don't know me well. Something was wrong, as written, recorded, edited,

and produced by me, Tiffany Weiss. Thank you so much to the Bishop family for participating in this series. To reference sources, resources, and links that are mentioned on the podcast, check out the show in episode notes. Music on this series by Gladrags. If you want to help out the podcast,

you can leave us a positive review on iTunes. You could support the podcast on Patreon. You could share it on Instagram or Facebook with your friends. Share the podcast with your raky healer, your yoga master, your barista, your, I don't mentor your lover, your baby mama. Um yeah. Oh, let it all go, let it all go You think you know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't need me, you wait Let it all fall, let it all fall

Let it all fall, let it all fall Let it all fall, let it all fall Let it all fall, let it all fall I'm gonna be your love, love me You're gonna be your love, love me You're gonna be your love, love me You don't know anybody, you can listen to something was wrong early and addfree on Amazon Music. Download the app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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