Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 312: Day Owls & Movie Titles To Describe A Trip To The Bathroom - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

It’s another hilarious episode as we kick off 2025 with the laughs. On this episode we discover day owls, the perils of long blinks and wrap things up with a Movie Titles to Describe a Trip to the Bathroom. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Write your story with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Ballers to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-l-p dot-com slash ballers What happens when three buffoons give life advice Explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve It's the spit ballers podcast with Andy Mike and Jason Yeah, welcome back Mike that's the way to go back Swish swish indeed Welcome into the spitballers very nice Michael. Are. Were you practicing that? Were you at home, like, getting your trumpet out?

Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah, it took hours. Guys, I've been thinking about this thing for weeks. I like the idea that you would practice the scat sounds with a trumpet. Like, it's always a trumpet that you get out in. We got to start somewhere. Bada da da.

Welcome into the Spitballers episode 312. We're back from a little bit of a break, the holidays, and Mike hasn't been on the show in a while, obviously practicing his scats. That's where I was. We have Would You Rather, What's the Difference, and we are drafting movie titles to describe a trip to the bathroom.

I don't know if I've looked forward to a draft more than this one in a long, long time. I mean mine are all on the positive side. I don't know about you guys. Yeah, yours is Braveheart. Yeah, like roses and daisies. Right. Uh-huh, uh-huh. No, this will be fun.

We might even have time to go five rounds. I mean, depending on how you're in this store, I feel like I could go 50. Depending on time, we could go 35 rounds. So this will be good. You can follow us on X at SpitballersPod. Watch the show youtube.com slash Spitballers Al Borland's in the house once again. Yes, sir. And we are gonna get things going. Would you rather. Chris from the website, would you rather all of your blinks be three seconds long.

Who? It's a long time. I just tested it. Or have three consecutive minutes every hour where your eyes randomly shut what you can't I mean you can't be you you would not be able to drive Yeah, you couldn't drive your license is Suspended indefinitely revoked could use slam on the autodrive when your eyes close like you quickly hit the that's not a bad idea Andy yeah, but then it's like

Open your eyes, please. Oh, just give me a minute. You seem to not be looking at the road. Oh, that's true It does the the car monitors your eyes. It's not gonna let you get away with that a three second Like you can't drive with that either. No. Oh, yeah, you imagine your know you can imagine your front winch No, you can't. This is Mr. Texting while driving over here. Imagine the front windshield goes black for three seconds. Oh, man. Yeah.

All the windows go black for three seconds. So here's the thing. That's not doable. It's not doable. I think it's doable. Oh, man. I'm blinking so much while I'm talking here. If you're cool with over under 10 casualties caused by you every single year.

Oh, you're thinking you could choose your blink spots. Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, while I'm driving, I'm going to go, okay, I'm good here, and now one, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand, go. And then I'm looking, and man, that feels impossible. When is the last steering contest you've done? Because if it goes over three seconds, your eyes will go, oh, this is not good.

Wow, we blink way more than I think. You blink a lot. Yeah. Haven't you, is this just the final excuse you need to have a permanent driver? Oh, yeah. It really would. He's like, I choose both just so he can hire a guy?

I think we're at a stage where we are close enough to autonomous cars where I will never hire a personal driver, but I want to. It would be so great. And also, I'm close enough in this stage of life where I will have drivers for me as my kids get old enough. If they're the exact same cost, right? Or let's just call them both free.

Yeah. Oh, autonomous cars, way better. You would choose the autonomous car versus the driver? Yeah, 100%. There's not, I mean, you get a little bit more, I mean, you do less with the driver. You do a little less. You don't have to plug in an address.

I mean, I still gotta tell them where we're going. And that's the problem, is the talking. No, but parking and pickups Autonomous cars are not gonna be as Versatile in like they take you to a ballgame Well, this the driver can just pick you up right out front your autonomous car You got a parking the pickup is a good counter-argument. Yeah the pickup because I don't think I don't think we're gonna bat It can do that. No, I mean we're talking like

Wait, it's gonna it's gonna drop you off and it's gonna go find a parking garage? How? It's supposed to. That is what it's supposed to do. But if it's, the whole point is you don't have to drive it, it can do that too. In a brief is this real life moment here for the show, literally yesterday an autonomous car here in Phoenix

who is taking a person to the airport for a drop-off, because we have Waymo autonomous vehicles in Phoenix, was dropping off a patron to the, you know, to fly, to get on a flight, and it got stuck driving in a perfect circle. A very tight circle. A very, very tight loop and wouldn't stop. And this driver has video inside the car calling support.

And he's going, he's like, I'm getting dizzy. It's going around and around and around. And it's just not stopping. I'm going to be honest. I watched that video and I don't get motion sickness. I could play VR. I can go on roller coasters. I could barely watch that video.

And I wasn't in the car I was like this is too much Little bit of that video of the of the emergency pickup on the mountain with the helicopter To a board and she gets raised towards the helicopter She gets turned into a helicopter and then the wind wind starts blowing, and I'm telling you. I think they strapped the actual safety cords to the propellers. This person is as close to going back in time

as a person can be. She was spinning at a rate that I'm so surprised she's alive. I don't know that she is, which is I. No, you're passed out, man. Oh, you're passed out. She was in serious trouble. I knew it. She was preparing to be an

Astronauts don't go through what you know through no one good. I think no one in the history of the planet She has her ever gone through she was already she's knocked out. She was pre-injured. No, no, no seriously Like I knew a nurse who was With that patient wait what yeah, you have boots on the ground. I have boots on the ground It was not a good like it's it made me where I you know I've seen that video after knowing this and it was it was a really really bad situation. This was this is dire This was dire. Yeah, and because she was very hurt before it began That was what makes it so ironically awful

It's like a sketch comedy thing where it's like, you know, the Scott Sterling where this dude is already messed up and you keep hitting him in the head. And so I know that this was a serious situation. This is not to be joked about. It is not funny. She's fine though? And I've seen, I don't know that she recovered or not. I hope she did.

I hope she's great. But after knowing this- It's coming in right now, Jay. She's perfectly fine. Oh, fantastic. Cause hope she's great. Yes. No, I'm knowing this. It's coming in right now. She's perfectly Everything turned out a okay. She's aces. That's wonderful man. He's fun a hundred and seventy five times In a minute. I mean it was like Washing machines have nothing. I have an update on the story. Yeah, she's good. No, she's good Phoenix City Council approved settlement for woman who spun during botched helicopter mountain. Tell me it's ten billion dollars She had tripped along the trail became disoriented needed help back down. She was in her 70s

And she started to spin going faster and faster and faster to the speed of light settlement approved up to $450,000 not enough the suit was for two million dollars and It's tough. It's tough. She is okay. She fell down and got her. It's okay. Yeah, Oh fan Then I told you in that case everyone go watch this Yeah, Oh fan then I told you in that case everyone go watch this Impossible what happened in real life, it's impossible 74 year old woman keeps getting worse

Yeah, I man They met they botched that Falcon head. Are you aware of this video? Okay, darn I just wanted to know if there's anyone in this room who had not yet seen it. Video of the helicopter rescue has been viewed millions of times online. Because it's amazing. She suffered swelling. It's a rescue.

These are rescuers who are coming up and being like. This is like when you're carrying somebody off on this stretcher and you trip and roll down a hill. It's the equivalent of an ambulance driving off a cliff. You're like, let me get you. I got you. Let's go Suffered swelling and bruising all over her body during the bunch She also claims she suffered from pain discomfort and anxiety

Yeah, I watched the video you if you're gonna suffer from that just watching how long does it take to accept that what's happening is happening? When you are spinning you have to pass out. There's no way that she's The whole time you can't just watch the she's spun more than 200 times like spinning that fast I mean, what are the g-forces on her body because it was million billion watch Astronauts or the or the the fighter pilots doing the maximum G-force, and their faces just completely soaking in their hands. I'm surprised she wasn't liquefied because the gravitational pull of that. It can only be this funny because she's fine.

Yes, that's why I was- But she should be dead. There was a time where I wasn't sure that she hit me. Oh, she's perfectly fine. That is great news. Don't worry about it. There was a time where I wasn't sure that she hit me. Oh, she's perfectly fine. That is great news. Don't worry about it. Anyway, so autonomous vehicles, right?

We're back. The blinking three, yeah, autonomous vehicles, blinking three seconds. I do have a question about that, Jay. Okay. Same, similar thread of questioning, it's the same price. Same price, free, whatever you want to call it autonomous vehicle mm-hmm or you have an autonomous vehicle but a guy just sits in the front seat no I want the privacy I want to be able to make a phone call and not feel like I'm being listened to I don't want to so you

wouldn't take a man in a tuxedo who has to sit in that seat. If it was a completely soundproof box that he still had to sit in, like he had to sit there. You would prefer the Limo. I would love, not oversight. He doesn't even have a steering wheel. I just want. Mike said he's in a tuxedo, so that kind of sucked me in. That was kind of devious of you.

You knew where you were going with that. But a man in a tuxedo, that'd be pretty cool. I mean, the driver. He could open my door at least. Like, is this an autonomous car, like a compact, or is this an autonomous limousine? No, it's. Because if you have a driver, the driver.

It's not a compact, it's a full size. I feel like you would appreciate feeling important. Yeah, well for sure. I would take, I mean, if you're telling me I get to choose between like a compact car or a limo, I mean, okay. You'd rather have the limo with the person then that Autonomous compact yes there I would I'm far enough away from him I would sit in the very back and he would have to walk back and open the door of course

Yeah, how did like it's all how did limos start? Honestly of like it wasn't like hi Privacy I need to be further away from that driver. I think it had to just start with like, bigger is better. Space, yeah, space and the fact that you sit in the round. Or was it like, we needed a board meeting on the road so we can't all fit. I bet that's part of it.

I'm curious, that's actually a legitimate, like there was someone who made the first limo. He cut a car in half, which is how you make a limo. They don't manufacture limousines. No, really. Am I wrong about that? Yeah. At this point, maybe in the beginning you were right.

I was thrilled to hear about that. But I'm pretty sure that there's not like, the limo companies out there aren't like, all right, I need twice as many of those as you think I need, and I want you to slice that thing in half and we're gonna get the welders out here, like they're manufacturing limousines now. I think we can do this.

My point is like, okay, I'm gonna say this like it's a fact, okay? Okay. A Cadillac Escalade, Cadillac does not manufacture limousines so they're gonna make this and I've seen stretch escalades and stretch hummers and stretch hummers the Hummer is not making a stretch hummer so you're gonna have to take that Hummer and you're gonna have to turn it into a stretch Hummer and the only way you do that is you separate the front from the back you push stuff in

between how could I be wrong about this because there's there's thousands and into a stretch hummer and the only way you do that is you separate the front from the back, you push stuff in between. How could I be wrong about this? Because there's thousands and thousands of them on the road. Yeah, but they're made very slowly. If you tell me that there's a Lamborghini limousine and it's one of one, then yes, that's how they make them. But if you're talking about literally manufacturing,

limousine companies exist. That's a thing. Yeah, but you need a plant, though. You need the manufacturing plant, and everything has its molds. Look, I could be wrong. There could just be a lot of- Jason has persuaded me onto this side of stupidity.

Thank you. So you take a car, you cut it in half, you grab a little section of an airplane, you jam that in the middle. All right, according to AI overview and we know I'm just saying the AI overlords. They're always right Yeah, a stretch Hummer is made by taking a standard Hummer vehicle cutting it in half then welding custom-built Extension piece between the two halves to lengthen the wheelbase sounds right. Actually stretching the car

This is followed by reinforcing the chassis to handle blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm right. Chassis. Chassis? Yeah, brother. That's not spelled chassis. That's spelled chasis. OK.

Oh, we're back, baby! Welcome to the Spitballers. Gonna be a good year. Yeah, I know. I already wrote it down. I wrote my learn chasis is chassis. That's dumb. Yeah, I know. No, I already wrote it down. I wrote my learned chassis is chassis. Chassis. That's dumb.

That's a dumb. Look, you know Mike's going to be on your side on that one with the English language. Oh yeah, for sure. I said, don't look up corporal. You're going to have a bad time. Okay, the blinks or the eyes shut. I'll take the blinks and I will not be driving. They're all blinks.

Oh, no, wait. The three minutes? No, I'll take the three minutes. Sorry, I'll take the three minutes so I can blink normally and it's random and it's going to suck and there are going to be situations beyond driving that this is going to be a nightmare like, I don't know, walking in public. Yeah, but at least there you can stop. You can just stop.

If you're in the middle of a crosswalk. You're gonna see so many people just stopped not moving. I imagine, I imagine that. You're in a line to a concert, you're on the way in. Oh, you gotta have your friend in front and you hold onto him. Also, I'm sprinting every crosswalk I got. I'm looking left, right, left.

Oh, you're sprinting? Run! Because you don't want to, you know, just, although, man, if you're in the middle of a sprint. Oh, you're eating it. Do you pull out. You're never running again? Do you, for the three minutes, do you pull out a,

do you pull out a pair of glasses, like sunglasses and a quick snap cane. Oh, that's a good idea. Just for your three minutes. So the people know, I cannot see you right now. Right. Or at least just the glasses with the big eye covers. Old people glasses, old people sunglasses.

Oh man, she was spinning so many times. Sawyer from the website, would you rather get an extra child free hour in the morning or an extra child free hour in the evening? This question is like, are you a morning or an evening person? I don't think it is, because I'm an evening person. I'm a night person. A night owl, I prefer that.

I hate mornings. Don't consider myself a morning person. I'm easily taking the extra child free hour in the morning. That's a great question. Because are we just saying the same thing? Oh, yeah, you're saying a night night? Yeah, you're like, an owl is a nocturnal animal. And you're like, it's a night owl. Yeah, like an owl is a nocturnal animal right you're like it's a night owl

Well, yeah, it's it is now it operates somebody at one point goes You know what? I'm just kind of like an owl and they didn't know what they meant Yeah, I'm like a night owl like an owls out at night. Do I have to explain it to you fine? I'll call it a night owl Do we have day? Oh, we have day owls. What? Yes, according to our AI overlords. No! Yes, some owls are not nocturnal. We do not, they're nocturnal. I wouldn't have thought this in elementary. Diurnal owls.

I mean, I'm probably saying the word wrong. It's jazzus. I bet it's correct. Look, if diurnal? Diurnal. Diurnal. Diurnal. That's what happens when you die in the men's bathroom.

Yeah, look, we all can't get sleep when we got that problem. So I'm a day owl? If I get up in the morning, I'm a morning owl? I think maybe you are a- Why am I an owl at all? I think you're a crepuscular owl. No, I'm an early bird. Yeah, that's a crepuscular owl.

So then to say night owl, to me, is like, OK, most owls are actually day owls. No, most owls are nocturnal. But I'm saying to say, when we use the phrase night owl, that sounds like that means that, oh, no, the night owl is actually uncommon. It's just perc- Because a regular owl is not a day owl.

It's just an owl. I'm definitely the 90% owl is what you're saying. I don't. You know, there's only one authority on this. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, owl. That's just an owl. I'm definitely the 90% owl is what you're saying. I don't... You know there's only one authority on this. Yeah that's true. Owl? Owl Borland are you a night owl? Uh no. Okay. Okay. I'm an owl. Okay no let me... Just a regular owl. No but you're a daytime owl so you're a diurnal owl or if you're a morning person you're a crepuscular owl is what I've learned. If you have Travolta you're both of those. You have a diurnal crap. But Mike is right

in the sense that we don't ever talk about yellow tigers. You ever heard someone talk about a yellow tiger? No. You talk about white tigers. Wait what's a yellow tiger? It's just a tiger. Exactly. Yellow? Orange? I knew where you were going to never talk about blue Tigers but he's saying but we talked about a white you talk about white Tigers white white because it's the rare one yes right you know you don't say an orange tiger correct you just say a tiger right because the Tigers orange is so not yellow not yellow yellow tiger what is. So not yellow, though, right? Not yellow. Yellow tiger.

What is happening? Oh, yellow tigers aren't a thing. That's just stupid. What colors do you know? Like metals, you know metals. Do you know colors? Colors are much more difficult for me. Fuchsia, what's that?

I've always wondered if like, oh gosh, I'm going to rabbit hole this thing know? I've always wondered if like, oh gosh, I'm gonna rabbit hole this thing. But I've always wondered like, because nobody can see through somebody else's eyes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yes, I have all those thoughts. Like my green could be your blue. Yes. It could. It could.

There's no way to know. It really could be. So long as we are both calling the same thing. Well no, because if we're both calling it blue, but to you it's objectively. But when you're growing up though, and your parents say, look at that blue ball on the ground. Oh, they teach you that green is blue, and so you believe.

No, no, no. But whatever. They're just saying look at the blue ball, and in your eyes, through your eyes, that might be pink. But you would only call it blue, because it's blue by teaching. You only call it that by the word you use to associate with it. Interesting. Hello.

You've never been through this one? Oh yeah. Theoretically, the whole world could be completely different than the way you see it. You would never be able to know. No one has ever, unless AI knows it already. There's no way for us to see through other eyes, right? I mean, the closest you can other than like the closest you go is like people who are colorblind and then they get the glasses And they're like that's blue. Would you like to know what our AI overlords? Oh my goodness The nature of color is a combination of objective and subjective

No, okay. So I don't know what it means. What's not subjective is the reality that tigers are not yellow. Okay, that's fair. Even if your yellow is different than mine. I typed yellow tiger and I saw a picture of a yellow tiger and you know that's photoshopped. It looks so stupid. Tigers are like not close. They're just pure. No, they're really super orange.

It's like the, if you were like what is the most orange thing, you'd be like a tiger. That would be correct. I didn't realize that. Like dumb if you were like, what is the most orange thing you'd be like a tiger that yeah, correct Yes, I didn't realize why are you choosing the child free morning versus evening when you're a night out like you don't You just want the peace of and quiet in the morning. There is Routine that can happen in the morning that can't happen later Like I've started working out getting healthy whatever and it's like if I tried to do that after work if I I've done this before It's like I'm gonna try to work out Monday Wednesday Friday I'll get home from work

You get home from work and there's distractions and there's things going on or there's tired or this kid's got to be there and And then everything gets in the way, but I've found that even though I I'm not a morning person I don't like waking up early when When you wake up and have a routine, you can actually stick to it. I've got an incredible thing to tell you right now. You are a morning person. You just, you just, you just describe why people are morning people, which is,

You are. You're gonna have to re-evaluate a whole lot. You realize you just described it. Dude, I've been trying to get to bed earlier and earlier. I'm so sick of staying up too late. Yeah. Oh, no. You're becoming a morning person.

Oh, crap. You just said you'd want peace and quiet in the morning to do stuff. That's what morning people want. It's so nice, man. Yeah. When you get those times. Welcome in.

Dude, am I welcome? Am I allowed here? Come on in. Send me a- I'm a morning person! I just declared it! Send me a text anytime you want in the morning. Dude, I'm up! I'm up! 6am! Let's go, baby! Let's go!

I love to imagine Jason at night and it's like 9.30pm and he's just forcing himself to stay awake and say, this is who I am! I'm a night person! Give me a drink! I just want to stay up! Oh man, no, I am a morning person. Wow. I guess I'm a morning person.

I'm a morning person. I'm a morning person. I'm a morning person. I'm a morning person. I'm a morning person. I'm a morning person. I'm a morning am, I'm a night person. Give me a drink. I just want to stay up. Oh man, no, I am a morning person. Wow. I guess I didn't, I guess you can have chassis, Mike. I got worse news for you, Jason.

Uh-oh. That means you're old. Honestly, when he was saying it, I was like, OK, I am trying to get to bed earlier. I'm trying to have my sleep cycle be better. And I was like, okay, I am trying to get to bed earlier I'm trying to have you know, my sleep cycle be better Yeah, I was like that was the only thought that went through my head is like I'm just old That's all this is is just I've gotten old to the point where it's like I want to go to bed earlier and wake Up early time converts. I think most people into morning people eventually. This is why your dinners are they moving forward?

No, man. No, I had a we am dinner last night So I'm still young enough. That's the next that's the next 5 p.m. Then yeah get them get them moved up Mike. Are you morning? I'd rather have the morning like when my kids are on winter break summer break They're all at the age where they don't try to get up. They want to sleep as long as humanly possible So I just got off at three weeks of no kids in the morning. Oh, it's been awesome. It's spectacular.

If I could do. It's so quiet. If it can be morning and this is when they're getting ready and going to school and I just have to be like. You can just delete that? Yeah, I'm not a part of this anymore, then I'm gonna take that. Yeah.

If I can't do that, then I'll go in the evening. Okay, well that was one fun would you rather. We'll take a break we'll get into what's the difference. What's up Spitwads? The start of a new year? Well we like those resolutions right and it's also the perfect time to get organized, set those goals, prioritize what matters most. And, uh, for a lot of us out there, myself included, financial wellness needs to be at the tippy top of that list.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash ballers. Rocketmoney.com slash ballers. What's the difference between trash garbage and rubbish trash, and rubbish. Trash, garbage, and rubbish. This is a good one, I feel like. I mean, rubbish is not, we don't use that word to describe. Yeah, I was gonna say, it's a very European. English trash? Yeah, I mean, I feel like people use the word rubbish more versitally, like, you know, that thought's rubbish,

that idea's rubbish. Oh, I use garbage like that all the time Yeah, I guess we do like that. It's like that like your your garbage. You're playing like trash. You're garbage person That is that is what I'm not insulting people who work Literally garbage you are a garbage person that means you're disgusting Insides are made of garbage. Yes, and I love that insult. Yeah. So rubbish is just European garbage. Yeah.

I think so, it's just across the pond. Well, hold on. I mean, it's kind of a cooler word. Is it European garbage or European trash? That is where we'll figure that out right now. Yeah, because we gotta decide what's the difference between trash and garbage. When I say put something in the trash,

what do you think of first? Is it a little canister? I think a small bin. And if I take out the trash though, it goes to the curb. Then it becomes garbage. What do you use more, garbage or trash? Trash. Right?

I feel like all the inside stuff is trash. You know what I mean? I'm struggling over here. You got your trash cans. You take out the trash. I'm struggling over here. You got your trash cans. You take out the trash. It's a garbage truck though, it's not a trash truck. Exactly. Once it's part of the big package,

multiple bags together, that's garbage. Okay, so garbage is a lot of trash. It's a lot of trash. Then it becomes- What's inside of a landfill? Garbage. It's a garbage dump. You don't call it the trash heap.

Yes, that's a trash dump. Put that in the trash can, put that in the garbage can. Which one's bigger? Exactly, the garbage can's bigger. The garbage can is what's outside your house. Yeah, that's the bin. It's a trash can too. The bin's outside.

You knock over your trash can? Oh, but that's the small metal ones. Yeah, exactly. Interesting. Very unsafe for recuents. More letters in the word garbage, bigger amount of trash. Trash is just a small word. It's a small thing.

Throw it in the trash. Throw it in the trash. Don't put it in the garbage bin. So trash can become garbage. Which is why. Can garbage become trash? Can you break it back down? Yeah.

If you separate it and put it all in little bits. Go get that out of the garbage. Go get that trash out of the garbage. Yeah, go dig through the garbage. You know what I mean? That's what you're doing. And think about it this way, too. When you look at rubbish across the pond and you're like, which one is worse?

Look, you could be a trashy person, and that is not nearly as big an insult as being a garbage person. You know what I mean? You're a little trashy. That's fine. That's a little. You're a garbage person?

You're a piece of garbage? Dude, you are disgusting. Your innards are like you were... Would you rather be called garbage or rubbish? You were flown around an helicopter. I'd rather be called rubbish. To me, rubbish is slightly less dirty than trash and garbage. For sure, because it's been cleaned by the English accent.

Yes, yes it has. What is the difference between a smudge, a stain, and a blotch? I did what you did, Jay. I did what you did, Jay. I mean, that hell. I did what you did. Like Snoop Dogg? Let me just clean off my screen here. That looked like a different word.

A smudge, a stain, and a blotch. Blotch. Blotch. Because I would have known the other one. Smudge, stain, blotch. A stain is where I'm gonna begin here. That is a dried permanent marking. Yes.

Yes. That's easy. A smudge is on glass. It does have to be some kind of reflective material. You cannot get a smudge on this wooden desk. No, you cannot smudge a desk. I could stain this. I could not smudge this. Could you? Is there a blotch on it? What's a blotch? So blotch is- That word's real, like a regressive word.

A blotch is a, it's a big thing of ink. A blotch? Yeah. It also, so it doesn't have- When your pen is blotchy. I've said it too many times. Yeah, blotchy, blotchy is the real key determiner of figuring out the root of blotch, because when something is blotchy. This word. When something. This word is now no longer means anything,

and it's so powerful and strong. When something is blotchy, there's no definitive edge. Blotch. There's no definitive edge. You know, like a stain can have like. Right. Yeah, yeah. I think of it with a rash.

Rash. Yeah, absolutely. You can have a blotchy rash. There's a bunch of like, you know If it's blotchy. I think of it with a rash, rash. Yeah, absolutely. You can have a blotchy rash. You can have a blotchy rash. There's a bunch of like, you know. It's blotchy. It's kind of like several things together. Can you have a blotchy stain?

No. I don't think so, no. A smudge is easily removable too. That's right, you can always get rid of a smudge. Yeah, you just wipe it. A stain by definition is permanently there. Right. Now what if you remove a stain?

Is it still a stain that you removed? I mean, there's stain remover. I mean, if you can still see it, it's still a stain. It might be faded, but that's a stain. Yeah, it either exists or it no longer exists. If you wanted to use one of these words to describe a tattoo, which would it be? A stain?

Yeah, it has to be. But you can have blotchy tattoos. If you got a bad artist who can't do good clean lines, you get blotchy. Right, because see, that's the issue. It's the, it has to be but you can have blotchy tattoos if you got it You got a bad artist who can't do good clean lines right because she that's the that's the issue It's the it's the if you react to the even of edge with a rash. That's also blotchy Yeah, yeah, if it doesn't have a defined edge, then it's blot. No blotch. Hi. This is the rabbit The rabbit hole show anyways, have you seen? these tattoos That are done with the ink that is

activated and deactivated by two waves of light yeah no yeah I've seen and so you can have different light wave patterns you could have your whole arm sleeved up and if you run like a certain wave light on it it disappears and then you run a different wave light on it and it reactivates what is a wave light a lightweight like a different wave like a it and it reactivates it. What is a wave light? A light wave, like a different wave, like a black light versus a white light. But it's, what I don't know about it,

because I haven't looked into it, I just saw a video and I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. When you activate it with a certain wave length. It burns. No, no, but it's like, I think about shoes that glow in the dark. Like they get activated, but then eventually does it do set like over time it fades out So does the I would think that's how the tattoo has to respond because you're it's getting beamed with other light

What would be funny is? You have some regular tattoo and then you have hidden parts You have like a parchment and then you have to unveil it. Oh yeah. Yeah, you could do some close-up. Or you've got something you don't want really known so you do it in like, basically what will be invisible ink until you go to that Halloween party.

And it's like, you go in the little scary house and all of a sudden your arm says what you didn't want it to say because you're under a black light. Or you cover your entire body with the Declaration of Independence and then when you're laying on the slab and the light to say because you're under a black light. Or you cover your entire body with the Declaration of Independence and then when you're laying on the slab and the light goes on when you're dead,

then it reveals the map. Find the treasure, yeah. This show is a morning show. We're morning men. Where are you, Mike? I think I'm still in between. Like, yeah, but you're a person. You're welcome to our club.

I can do both. But if I have to make the decision, I guess I would say morning. You've often spoken of the porch coffee. Well, I'm saying, I am now to the point where, on the weekend, I'll get up, I have the coffee, hang out, just relax a little bit. But then I go, I'll get up. I have the coffee hang out just relax a little bit, but then I go I

Take the house to task. I go get a bunch of crap done Yeah, and I can in the morning. Yes, and it's a coffee It's much harder now at night to be like, all right, let's go get things done. I'm gonna be honest I'm at the age now where if I could wake up Do my back to do my coffee sit on the couch and go back to sleep and redo that in a permanent repeat I would choose that as my life There's nothing good. I like more as living than two cups of coffee in the morning in silence with my kids asleep. All right Smudge stain Blanche. We got that taken care of we got time for another one before the draft out. Let's do one more

Do you have a favorite of these three? We got time for another one before the draft Al let's do one more. Do you have a favorite of these three? No All right, what is the difference between courage bravery and valor? Oh boy, we are not qualified for this one I mean Valor's only valor or right? Yeah, but it's like we have word is the biggest word that we have we have rewarded and recognized The courage or the power is post doing it. Yes. You don't have valor in the moment? Well, I mean, you do personally.

If you're a man of valor, you previously had courage and bravery. But everyone else needs to know about it. Yeah, everyone should know about valor. Valor is not something hidden. That's something revealed. Do anybody, just curious, do you know anybody with valor? Not one person, man.

I know one person with valor. And they were in a war. They were in the Marines. Of course. They were in the Marines. Oh, I know someone of valor. Yeah. Yeah, me too now.

I thought of someone and they were in war. Yeah, bravery, courage. You don't get valor on the basketball court. No, no, no. You're not like, because you can- There's no valor award for the Hall of Famer that made it through the, no. Yeah, you can be brave or courageous

in certain moments. Yes, absolutely. You know, you're in a boxing match. Can it only be war? Is there any other kind of valor? Do you earn valor? Like if you were the astronaut that went to the moon Oh! and came back, do you have valor?

No. Yeah, you do. I don't think so. Really? You think you have valor? You do. Only if you fought an? No. Yeah, you do, I know you do. Really? You think you have valor? You do. Only if you fought an alien there. Because your bravery has advanced. Civilization? Yeah, civilization, yeah.

Can you have valor? I guess that starts to ask the question, let's say there were those like miners that were stuck in the mine. The young people. Yeah, and they went. The people who mine. People who mine. And people went and went... The people who mined. Shush! People who mined.

And people went and got them and showed bravery and courage. Do they afterwards have valor? They do. I think Mike is giving out valor all willy nilly. Valor cannot be active. I think it has to be speaking of the past. Of course. But I think bravery is active.

Courage active. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Valor is a recognizing. So what's the difference between courage and bravery? Those seem so similar. Which would you rather have? Oh, that's a good question. Would you rather be brave or courageous? Isn't the phrase like courage is just bravery in the face of danger or whatever? I was going to say I would prefer courage. I'd rather be courageous because bravery, I feel like you could kind would prefer courage. I'd rather be courageous, because bravery,

I feel like you could kinda slide it into like, oh man, he's brave, he just jumped off of that jump on his bike. I see what Mike's saying, though. You can't be courage, it's not courage to jump off a jump. Bravery is what's inside you, courage is what comes out. That's, you know what I mean, like you're a brave person, and then you're doing something courageous.

You're not, you don't say like I'm doing something brave. Uh, yeah you do. What? You know, doing something brave is... It can span a lot more than... Cause you can be brave when you're like, I'm gonna do something stupid. Yeah, exactly.

And I'm brave. Yeah, I'm not wearing a helmet today, I'm super brave. Yeah, cause I know it's dumb. But you're not courageous. I know it's potentially dangerous. Courageous seems tied to helping somebody. It does. I think I got there too.

And then valor is recognizing courage. Yeah, but bravery is you can be brave and courageous, right? But you can also just be brave. Yes. But anybody that is courageous is also brave. Is that true? I think so. That's how I'm looking at it.

Man, I didn't learn the difference at all. No. You got the Valor one though. Check the tape. Oh, Valor makes complete sense if you want to recognize bravery. No, no, Valor is recognizing courage. Valor has never recognized bravery. I got it. I got the example for you.

All right. Jason, today on the show, this amazing podcast that everyone loves, you showed that you're a brave person because you admitted you're a morning person. Thank you. You were brave right here, right now on the microphone. You were so brave to admit that. Something you didn't want to do.

Yeah. Person you didn't want to be. But you're not a courageous person. Not at all. No. OK. I get it. Unless you used those mornings to go save a cat out of a tree.

No valor for me. Yeah, but that's all right. None of us. Like we said, we don't even know people with valor. I think people who have valor, they know other people. Like, they get in the club. The people who have valor don't think they have valor. Oh.

That's another thing. Because they, too, are humble. They're too busy being courageous to worry about having valor. Oh that's another thing. They too are humble. They are very, they're too busy being courageous to worry about having valor. Yeah. So I can't ever have valor. Yeah. You'd be too worried about it? Yeah I'd really want people to know. Oh gosh. Well look I. People don't declare their own valor. No no that is. No no no no. I Valor. Yeah, it's putting your own award on. They're very Valorable. Okay. Well, look... That one... Busted.

I think we need to get to this draft because I've never looked forward to something more in my entire life. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting movie titles to best describe a trip to the bathroom. This is kind of like our- Are we going five? Do we got time for five rounds? We got time.

Okay. We'll give it a go. Mike, you get the first pick to describe a trip to the bathroom with a movie title, go ahead. Being in the first pick here is difficult. Cause I mean what I'm sitting. I'm reading my list and already laughing. I mean I've gotta set the tone here for the draft.

Yes you do, it's important. I know that our lists are gonna be very different but there will certainly be I think a couple of overlaps. will certainly be, I think, a couple of overlaps. Oh, I think there's gonna be a lot of overlap. So I'm gonna start with that one. With what one? With an overlap. Oh, okay.

With an overlap, sorry, that style of pick. I'm gonna go with the Exorcist. Okay, all right. Where I have. Yeah, no. I have exorcised the demons. Yeah. All right, so the Exorcistorcist your first pick I get it Jason

I'm very excited that this one's here This was this was the one I wanted the most that could describe a certain bathroom trouting. Yeah and I think it goes well because Famous quote from this line, I drink your milkshake. Uh-huh. Oh, I did not think you would. I didn't think we'd go there. I thought about this for the first pick.

It was a way better pick. There will be blood. There will be blood. Did it? It's the number. I didn't think you would go there. It's number two on my list. Really?

Oh, yeah. Oh, I. So you could have set the tone. Yeah, I misread everything. Oh, yeah. And we'll just let that speak. Yeah, I misread everything. Oh, yeah. And we'll just let that speak for itself. Oh, for sure. There will be blood in there.

You don't want to wipe down and go, oh, no. It's red. The exorcist, there will be blood. I got two picks. I'm going to go with number one here as Mission Impossible. Yes. Oh, yes. Yes.

Look, we've been there. Oh, sometimes it doesn't work. And, um. You're like, please work. Please. Impossible. And I've gotta go with this one. It's a great movie.

It's not a great time in the bathroom. I'm going with the heat. All right. I'm going with heat. Yeah. So there you go. Jason, you are back on the clock. All right. I'm going to go with this one just because it made me laugh.

That's it. It's not a specific one. It's a good reason. It's not a specific like, you know, this is going to be a bloody disaster. It's just what it is. If all of yours have to do with blood, we will be calling it. Most of them do. We'll call a doctor. This one I was just looking through movies,

describe a bathroom trip, look, this one's Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. You know what I mean? It's like, ah, that's success. It's Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. That's success! It's cloudy with a chance of meatballs. That's my bathroom break. Oh, that's a good and terrible one. Mike, you are on the clock.

Oh, there's never been a more spitballers draft than this one. This is the best. Oh, man. We need 100 rounds? I mean, yeah, depending on how much overlap. I've got a large list. Honorable mentions.

Mike, you are back on the clock. You got two picks. OK, so there is a term when there's fighting going on, and someone who's not involved in the fight, unfortunately, they get hurt. There is a name for that. And so with my pick number two two I'm going with collateral damage. Yeah.

All for sure. Do not go in there. Yeah, collateral damage is good. Sometimes people who are not involved in my bathroom trip, they are affected by it. Yes, no, and that's a good Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. That's good. Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

And this. Oh, man. What do I go to the next one? This one just makes me laugh as well. I think it was directed by Rob Zombie, if I'm not mistaken. I'm going with House of 1,000 Corpses. What? What? What?

Oh, I love you. What does that mean? Oh, you know what that means. No one knows what it means, but it's provocative. OK. OK. That's a bad bathroom trip, man. Jason, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was your last pick.

You frightening man. Yeah, There Will Be Blood was my first. I'm just going right down my list. one number two my number three a Jodie Foster classic panic room That's pretty good Sometimes it's like dude. I was like contact Almost every movie works people just so you know just name a movie every movie work, but, just so you know. Just name a movie. Almost every movie works. It can work. But Panic Room, that describes a specific trip

to the bathroom. And let me tell you, I had this situation. OK, story time real quick. Oh, why not? Why not? We got time. My children are learning to drive. I'm taking them.

They drive me now. Where we go, we went to the PetSmart. My son was driving me. went to the PetSmart my son was driving me we get to PetSmart He he got a betta fish at a white elephant gift exchange, which is all that It's hysterical and we're the family to take it because we find it funny enough. That's an awesomely bad gift Yeah, you got a living thing. Yeah, what are your choices now? So I went to PetSmart We're buying a tank and food and all that stuff, and we're in line to check you out and I'm like, I've got problems.

I've got to take a dump right now. And so I'm starting sweating and we're at PetSmart. And I'm like, I should drive. I'm thinking this in my head. I'm not saying this to Jake. Well, not bad enough that you were going to unload at PetSmart? I didn't, no. You didn't know what you were gonna load at pet smart. I Did I know?

He's I don't do I don't do public public pooping for me And this is ten minutes from my house. This is not far. So I'm thinking okay. I should run it It's yeah, no, it's infinity well, but sometimes it comes in waves, and I thought it would be okay Oh felt like it was gonna be okay, so because it felt like it was gonna be okay again. I let him drive us home Oh, don't drive fast, son, but drive fast. Okay, this was over a week ago now. And dude, I'm at the end of this trip, I'm telling him at the beginning,

you need to go a little faster. We're gonna teach you about a certain kind of drive. No, no, no, go, go, go, a little faster. You didn't know. We're going to teach you about a certain kind of drive. No, no, no. Go, go, go. A little faster. You've got to go faster, Jay. No, I'm telling you, you've got to go fast. About halfway through the drive, I let him know, I'm going to crap in your car, man.

You better get me home, or I'm taking a dump in your car right now. When we're near the end, and I've got a gated entrance, and so. Oh, you've got to put the code in? No, I'm like, Jay, you gotta go! You gotta go fast! He's like, turn now!

I'm screaming at him. He's like, Tokyo drifting into this thing as this new driver tried to figure it out and he was traumatized. He has not driven once since. I've asked him to drive so many times. He's like, no, no, no. I have literally scarred him from driving right now because I mean, I ran. So that is my shout

out to Jodie Foster in the panic room. Oh dude. That was, did you see what just happened with a delivery driver? Have you seen this? No. A delivery driver, Amazon or something, UPS, whatever they get out, he comes with the package, he rings the doorbell really, really fast, the lady answers the door, he bursts into the home and he starts, and it's all on video, and he starts screaming, I'm gonna, my pants, I'm gonna, my pants, I gotta go, I gotta go, I got diarrhea, I gotta go. And you hear this woman screaming, get out of my house, you you hear this woman screaming, get out of my house. You're scaring my kids.

Get out of my house. He's like, no, I can't. I've got to go to the bathroom. Please, save me, help me. And he's like crying. And she kicks him out of the house. Oh, Mo, you take a dump on that porch. You say, I tried to help you.

But I mean, at the same time, you can't break into a person's house and poop? Yeah, you can't do that. Oh, man, what do you do? All right, rim was your pick. Oh my gosh. I got two picks here I'm gonna go with the first one the longest yard I Like it I'm always proud of those ones well, there's also another version because I'm gonna tandem these the big short There's also another version because I'm gonna tandem these the big short

Big short you got variety. Yeah, the big short sometimes hard to get out. It's big is little All right. Okay, so I'm back on the clock. Uh-huh, dude. I'm just taking a classic movie my kids love Wreck it Ralph. Yeah, yeah. It was on my list. And then he is, I'm going to wreck it. Which I have said in that voice before going into a bathroom before. Yeah. Oh man. Mike has the exorcist collateral damage and house of a thousand corpses. We haven't even used the apple in my list. That's the miciest pick ever. All right. Two picks. Round us out. We'll go five rounds. I can't wait used the mic on my list. That's the miciest pick ever. All right. Two picks.

Round us out. We'll go five rounds. I can't wait for the leftovers. Just reading the list. That's going to be even better than the picks. Yeah, I agree. I'm trying to just, oh no. Now I don't remember which actor was in this one.

Paddington too. No. Nice. No, when we've all No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. The River Wild certainly works. Most movie titles do. Almost everything works. Yeah I'm going with the River Runs through it and for the next one round us out. One of the, we're going five though right? Yeah this is your last pick. Oh it is. Yeah you've got four picks. Make it good. We're going to stick with it. I'm going to go with Pompeii. OK.

All right. There's a lot of natural disaster movies that would fit, like Deep Impact and Armageddon. We'll go Pompeii. Oh my gosh. Guys, how can you possibly pick a final one here? It's impossible. I mean, I. Guys, how can you possibly pick a final one here? It's impossible. I mean, I can't wait for the leftovers.

We are just going to run through these names, and you're going to love it. I'm going to go for my final pick. Oh, man. Am I? Oh. I'm between three. I'm going to go the green mile.

All right, look, sometimes we're a little unhealthy. No, sometimes you eat too much Yeah, whatever it is. We're too healthy, but you know, there's something worse than the longest yard It's the green mile, baby. Yeah, when you have too many you got there will be blood in the green mile You got you do know your colors All in the panic room well look I'm gonna go with a more recent Oscar winning movie To finish my list Everything everywhere all at once Nice

very very Unless you want to go around six no we'll just go to go forever I've got so many Mike has there will be blood Blood, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. No, this is true. Jason does. Panic Room, Wreck-It Ralph, and the Green Mile. I have Mission Impossible. Heat, the longest yard, the big shorts, and everything everywhere

all at once. Mike has The Exorcist, Collateral Damage, House of 1,000 Corpses. A River Runs Through It in Pompeii. Here's my list of unsaid names. 127 Hours. OK. The Perfect Storm. I had that one. Inside Out. Here's my list of unsaid names 127 hours Okay, the perfect storm. Yeah, I had that one inside out Scream very nice fantastic beasts and where to find that I was gonna I was going to that was the one I was between between there were three

Yeah, there's the green mile and highest on my list was fantastic beasts Yes, that one was so close to being my last one. And then the final one I have here is The Purge. Oh, I got The Purge on there too. Makes a lot of sense. Mine, I've got Armageddon, Man on Fire, Black Swan, Free Willy, Crim! Ha ha ha! How did you not take that one? Crimson Tide, but I already had the Will B. Blood. Free Willy is a home run, man.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Fifth Element. What? What? What? And the Peanut Butter Falcon.

Ha ha ha! Dude, I love it. and the peanut butter falcon dude I love it. That's a great movie. to watch that movie. Free Willy that you missed out. Free Willy was the home run. Mike what you got left? I got Swamp Thing, The Hateful Eight, Bad Times at the El Royale from Dusk Till Dawn and misery anything from deuces alley over there that you had thought about for this one you got mine I don't know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha half, build out the middle, you got a limo. Yeah, and part of building that is with the chassis. Yeah, that's right. With the chassis. All right, thank you to Al Borland, all the deucers

and deucers, Ali. Thank you to you, the listener, for tuning in to the Spitballers podcast each and every week. Please tell your friends. We'll do this again. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.