Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Cantaloupe Eaters & The Worst Things About Driving - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Spit Hit for Nov 11th, 2024: On today’s show we talk about cantaloupe eaters, merge blockers, and the great carrot color war. We also dive into some ‘What’s the Difference?’. We wrap things up with a draft of the worst things about driving. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable? By cutting down on food waste, you can help protect the environment and save money. Simple actions like planning your meals, storing food correctly, and using everything you purchase make a big difference. Learn how to make every bite count at toronto.ca slash food waste. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Honkity honk beep beep boop loopity doop. Oh, man. Yeah.

This was excellent. Yes, sir. I mean, I genuinely think I. Nothing brings me greater joy than a failure here. I think that was the best scat you've ever done. Oh man. I don't know about that. I don't think that you will think that, yeah.

You sure? You sure about that? Yeah. I think that's like, that was very much like a Christopher Nolan scat, where the first time you hear it- IMAX? Yeah, well the first time you hear it, you're like, that was like the greatest thing I've ever seen. And then some time goes by and you hear it, IMAX? Yeah, well the first time you hear it,

you're like, that was like the greatest thing I've ever seen. And then some time goes by and you're like, here it is, I'm gonna relive the greatest thing I've ever seen, you watch it, you're like, oh well it was pretty good. It wasn't bad, but. I definitely felt like one of the better ones

that I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth. Yeah, I saw your face right when the music started, you're like, I have no idea what I'm doing. Which is, of course, what you should know for a scat. You should have no idea what you're doing. Yeah, you gotta clear the mind. Genuinely, we normally were like, okay, what's this show gonna be about?

I'm gonna sneak one of those words in and the rest is just gonna be... But you got a lot in you. You went full honky-tonk. Yeah. Because we are drafting the worst things about driving. Ooh, fellas. Yeah.

Owl is an, he's an, an integrous man. Ah. We're. Oh, sorry. That wasn't up for debate. No, I was, I was trying to make a statement, but it is up for debate, I suppose. We are on episode 244. Oh.

We are closing in. Owl. 249 is Owl. Owl has owned that he has the sc on episode 244. Oh We are closing in our 49 is our own that he has the scat for 249 every 80 83 83 Episodes and the fact that he has put it in to the to the document Jason's doing the math that that's supposed to be my sketch. Yes! Does that just push you back one week? Probably. Here's what I will say.

The fact that he is being so forthright with it, he's gotta have something already planned. Yeah. He's doing some takes at home, he's writing some stuff. He will be now. He's bounced ideas off of AI, been like, what's the best thing I can do here his mind is not gonna be clear that's what we need to

like give him a directive for his scat that okay I can't write before yeah right before must include these two syllables yeah oh baby it's tough because I think he knows that if he misses it the spit wads out there are gonna be aware. They're gonna do the math, and they may leave the show at that point. I would. Yeah.

Would you rather, what's the difference on the show today? Episode 249, do not miss it. And like I said, we're drafting the worst things about driving, otherwise I never would've said hunkity hunk. Oh, I see. Gotta tie it in. At spitballersPod on Twitter,

we're on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, the website spitballerspod.com. Well, let's begin. Would you rather? Would you rather? Hayden from Patreon, thanks for your support, writes in and says, would you rather have the utility of two extra arms?

That's a fun picture. Or five. Like Goro? Yeah, that's what I thought of too. From Mortal Kombat? That's the only thing you can think of. So two extra arms, or four extra eyes located on the sides and back of your head,

giving you 360 degree vision? Now, quick question, just a little point of clarification. The utility of. Yeah, so is this like- Value added. I'm saying like, is this like somehow I can have a sneaky two extra arms when I need them and then they go away, or am I saying I now have four arms? No, you got four arms, you got six eyes.

Okay. Here's my issue. Oh man, sunglasses. And I don't know what six eyes is like. But I do that. Don't wear a hat. I know what two eyes is like, and I don't get to decide when they're open

to look at a one instead of the other, other than closing one eye. Right, I was gonna say you can't. Other than specifically telling my body, use one eye. Have you ever tried to close one eye for the whole day? No, why would I do that? I like the vision of but I mean do you like stereo? Do you think it's doable to close because this is my point Do you I patch the other four because it would be disorienting to walk around the world in full 360 because what's front?

What's back? What's side, that would be wild and completely debilitating if we went from a lifetime of two eyes to now all of a sudden we're seeing behind us at the same time and on the side of us. But I think in this situation, if we were born with this, and that's just how vision was, that wouldn't be weird to us. It wouldn't be that we would just have excellent. Where if we were born with this, and that's just how vision was, that wouldn't be weird to us. It wouldn't be, we would just have excellent.

Where are you being born with this? This is like you snap your fingers and you get these, right? My point is you'll get used to it. Are you born with your forearms? You'll get used to it. You will be able to adapt and I think. So you've just got, no one can sneak up on you. No one can sneak up on me. When I tell my kids I got eyes in the back of my head. I ain't lying

Do you put here's a question genuine? You put TVs behind you and in front of you. Are you watching double? I don't How do you sit that you sit on a middle couch? No in your room. That's too much That's like when you like that's like when you're watching a show, but you're on your phone. That means you're not watching the show. You're paying attention to the phone. But that's how I watch every show. Yeah, but that means you're not watching anything. But he knows no plots.

I've got severe ADHD, so I need a lot of stimulation. So maybe Six Eyes is for you. I think Six Eyes is for me. One for a phone, one for another phone. Yeah, I think that there would be more utility because it would be changing every moment of my life. There's no moment other than, you know, being asleep where my vision is not improved,

where I can't see more of the world and whatever, whatever benefits come from that, they're permanently on. Whereas the benefits from four arms I could do curls while I'm typing exactly okay I don't think that would be good always keep one arm ready for the curls that's the only thing holding me back right now these are my strong arms I know you gotta rotate the arms like that you're just getting really real strong to my table arms these little twingles I mean I would love to bring in more groceries, you know, that's right

I would be the king of high-fives you would one trip. Oh, you'd be the king of high-fives high 20s What are you talking about? That's fair. That's fair. Hey everybody come over here. I got a high five y'all But I just I think that the, they don't make you stronger. You can build legos that's twice as fast. No you can't. Why not? You have to be able to focus. You gotta use your mind and know what step you're doing.

It's not like you can... It's only the arms holding me back guys. You can't skip steps Jason. I think you're onto something here. You're gonna be like, well I've got these two extra arms. They're not autonomous arms. They're not just doing their own thing. What is the benefit of two extra arms? Like, let's brainstorm here. Al, do you have anything?

Carrying in the groceries? That's it? Yeah. That's what I said. Oh, no, no, no. You didn't think about the utility in eating. OK. There could be some more snacks at once.

You could control the remote with three. You get quattro fist. I've got four burritos. You're just like a super lush. Yeah. Oh, man. Why have two beers when I can have four? Would it make it easier or harder to dress yourself?

Harder, because you have to have a whole new shirt. Well, I mean, again, like the eyes. You can also get rubbed lights as fast. I would imagine you're used to putting your forearms in a shirt. I think it would help you. Yeah, because you could be like putting a shirt on and your pants on at the same time. Oh, okay.

Okay, now we're talking. Oh, now he's interested. Now we're interested. Fighting, yeah, you could box. That's true. Talk about getting into the ring and you didn't know you were fighting a forearm guy, that would be a real surprise.

Even if you know, how do you prep? How do you prepare in your training camp for like, okay, what if he's got an arm over here and then he hits me over there? You gotta prep by fighting two people. I wanna believe that this world that we're living in, which apparently we're born with this, everybody on Earth has made this choice,

or their parents made it for them when they were born. So every kid, they're like, I already have a kid with four arms, let's go with the six eyes on this kid. So everybody's born, the world is split, six eyes. So that would help you in the ring, or the four arms. Maybe a six eye person versus a four arm person. I thought of another pretty big advantage for forearms. The teacups

at uh- What at Disneyland? Yeah, I mean you get four hands on that thing. You gotta- You could just bring another person in with you. Yeah, but usually it's my kids, you know? It's like I'm doing all the work while these weaklings are like, faster dad! I'm like, I'll make you throw up. Final answers? I'm taking the eyes. The teacups. The teacups. I thought you meant that would somehow make you not dizzy if you had 360. It would, right? Is dizziness gone?

No, I think dizziness is more about hearing, isn't it? Well, it's not about hearing, but it's the, I think the, yeah, like the liquid in your ear. No, no. The crystals. I mean, when you're in a car, it's part of it is the vision of things going by really quick. Yes, That is correct. It's both. My final answer is the forearms.

I'm taking the eyes. Okay. Jason's going ice. No one's sneaking up on you. No. Shelly from, it's a lot more to gouge. Gonna need to shave my head though because I feel like all I'm looking at is hair right now. Because unfortunately, the place where these eyes are, I still have hair. Unfortunately. Yeah. Extra, extra choices. I mean, you would look ridiculous.

Sunglasses is a problem. You like the extra spots for bangs. Okay. Shelly from Twitter. The question is probably harder for Jason, since he seems to do both a lot. Would you rather sweat maple syrup when you sweat or cry lemon juice when you cry?

So I think she's saying you sweat a lot and you cry a lot. So I don't know if you agree with that sentiment, but don't cry about it. One of these things. He's not arguing. I do sweat a lot. I do cry a lot. I would say that those are both very true statements about me. I'm an emotional sweaty man. I used to be really

emotional. Like cry. I used to be able to cry. I felt like I cried too late. You know what I mean? Like you cried as kids, but then like other kids stopped crying. Well, like you'd stub your toe and then 10 minutes later you start crying. No, no. I just meant like you get to an age where you're like, oh I shouldn't be crying as much. Well see that's your problem. Well I get it, I get it. What happened is you got ashamed of crying. I did get ashamed of crying.

And then you turned it off. But now I can't, I wanna cry now. I haven't cried in a long time. Let's make him cry, Mike. All right. Okay. Don't gouge me in my six eyes. Yeah. All right, so lemon juice out?

Yeah, I'm an emotional sweaty man. Does the lemon juice burn as it's going out? It better because otherwise. It better? Yeah, because otherwise who in the world would take the maple syrup? I mean, if you're sweating maple, if I get one drop of maple syrup on my arm somehow,

or honey or something like that, that is a nightmare. I sweat everywhere. I mean, I've got maple syrup in my hair? You know, oh, my sweaty forehead, I've got it under my shirt? Crying would be so painful. Yeah, how do you ever stop? Crying, oh, because it's a perpetual.

Yeah, I mean, you would be over, like the heaving and the sobbing crying, but your eyes would just, they would water forever. Because if the welling up of your eyes is burning your eyes, you're just gonna, it's just gonna keep burning forever. I imagine the desperation of the amount of maple syrup on you would also cause you to sweat some more. I would.

I mean, there's just no world where I could take maple syrup. I'm not sure. I think this is like, would you rather sweat maple syrup or lose your eyesight? I'm not sure which one I'm taking. Sweating maple syrup sounds like the worst thing in the, I swear. I feel like you would spend your whole life at that point.

If that's the truth. In the shower? Well no, I was gonna say, you would have to guarantee every environment you're in, you can't sweat. But I'm sweating now. But you're in a great environment. My butt is sweaty in this chair.

Like that's, I mean, it's over. Now I've got maple syrup pants. You smell good. Thank you. But I'm saying you know you I'm saying you would not sweat I wasn't giving you a compliment I still accept it as one you think maple syrup smells really good that's yeah yeah it smells good people like I don't know maybe not yours you don't you're not gonna want wanna wear it as a cologne, but. I guess you wouldn't need deodorant. Correct.

Yeah, you smell like maple syrup. Because you just smell like maple syrup. Or do you smell like syrupy B.O.? My point is, is if right now you decided, let's say your sweat was acid, and it was gonna kill you. You could take steps in your life to stop you from sweating

Well, don't take steps cuz I'm okay sweat Could you you don't think you could live a sweat-free life if you put if you if I had committed to it if that was The most important thing it like it's it's it's sweat or death then yes, are you sleeping in like a like a freezer? Oh, man, that's a great point like I I sweep, I sleep, I sleep every night. I sweat every night. Well, I sweep, I sweep. You sweep? I can't say the words.

He sweeps every night. I sweep every night. I sweat often when I sleep. And like last night, and it's always so random. We keep our house really cold. And some nights for no reason. It's like it feels like it's a hundred thousand degrees I feel like you would you would have an advantage With the sweating of the maple syrup because no spiders can get close to you because they'd all be caught in the maple syrup I'm just leaving a trail behind me you at your current

Sweat to the ground levels unless I'm playing pickleball. How thick is this maple syrup? Isn't it pretty thick? Oh yeah, very thick. Okay, speaking of pickleball. I'm gonna take the crying one. We all are.

We've all seen how both Al and myself leave pools of sweat. Oh, you guys are like faucets. We would ruin our pickleball court. That pickleball court would no longer be playable. It would become a breakfast joint. Yes. All right, Mike, I think we're gonna cry with some lemon juice.

I guess. Rykert, hope I got that right from the website, would you rather rid the world of, okay, let's start over. What would you rather rid the world of, or okay, let's start over. What would you rather rid the world of? Okay, we're doing some good here. Paper receipts. Is that one option? Yeah, that's the first option.

Paper receipts, flyers, brochures, business cards. So it's either... Those are all lumped together. Yeah, so it's... I'm confused. You're getting rid of paper receipts everywhere that you get a receipt. Or flyers, brochures, and business cards. Yeah, it's just the way it's written.

I see. I feel like the world of, shut up. Andy, I was with you. I'm like, it's one out of the four? I get it now, all right. So it's just paper receipts or the in totality flyers, broch brochures business cards Yes, correct. That is look. I the world is moving away from the ladder in this one. We've made I guess we're moving away from both

Yeah, we're moving. We should have moved away from paper receipts already I could look who takes a receipt you I mean you remember like you're going up You'd have a shoe box or something you keep'd keep receipts for. Shoe box? My friend, my wallet. My wallet. Loaded. I looked like the George Costanza wallet. I had hundreds of receipts inside of my wallet.

Does anybody ever anymore keep receipts from just like a gas station? One place, Home Depot. Sure, like a gas station. Yes, one place, Home Depot. Sure, like a big thousand dollar charge. No, not a big charge, anything at Home Depot, I might be taken back. You don't need the receipt. You can take it back without a receipt.

You just need the credit. That's an interesting point. Well, unless if you paid cash, you're gonna need that receipt. I feel like the receipt is the thing that lets me leave the store feeling like I didn't steal the product. That's what it represents anymore. It doesn't feel so weird when you're at Best Buy or something and they're like,

all right, you got email receipts, here you go. And then you start walking out the door and you're like, I've got no proof that I didn't steal this. I feel like the me and the security person have connected. I'm getting used to it, but that does feel weird. It's the thing that says, I really paid for this. Gotcha. So you guys are aware, I just had. I mean, sorry, but Costco.

You can't leave with Costco because they have to check the receipt. So I just had. Are they catching anybody with that whole shebang there? No. Doris, who's 68, is checking, she's looking at my objects. I got 17 things I bought and she scans the cookies and we got it all. Look, they're doing it for you.

They're just, they're making sure that you got all the items that you actually paid for. That seems like a big, I mean, you're allowed to steal stuff and it's not even a problem anymore, right? If you stole stuff, if you were to take a shopping cart and you go to Costco and you buy, you know, Costco level things, which means you got 200 things and a full cart. There's no way that you're putting an extra thing

or two in there and they're catching that on that receipt. They are looking. Doris is not paging the manager. No, they're counting if there's like five things in your cart, five things, five things. Yeah, okay, you're good. If it's a big cart, no, don't steal. But you could steal. They will not cart, no, don't steal. But you could steal.

They will not catch you. But don't steal. Stealing is wrong, which is why those people are there at Costco doing nothing to stop you from stealing, should you so choose, which is wrong. And you shouldn't. Yes, I agree. So the other day, I had a flat tire

and I ended up getting in a Walmart parking lot and I had to go in and out of this Walmart buying and exchanging different air pumps and different equipment and tools and it was a real nightmare. I went back in like four times. You went in it, you did the exchanges. I did the exchanges.

I'm actually kind of impressed with you on that. I know, I am too because I'm usually so adverse, customer service desks and exchanges. I'm actually kind of impressed with you on that. I know I am too because I'm I'm usually so Adverse customer service desks and I thought you had all the stuff just in the back of your car I got I got five air pumps down I just and every single time every I knew when I got it it might not work and When I bought it and I'm walking out the door I crumble that receipt up and I threw it away Minutes later. I am back in from the parking lot making an exchange. You want to know how hard it was to not have the receipt?

It didn't matter. She didn't care? No, she's like, where's the card that you made the purchase with? I put the thing in, she's like, it's back on your card. Paper receipts. So there's big paper receipts out there that are drumming up the need in my mind. Yeah, there's no need. Because they're selling those reels, those endless reels of trees.

I feel like you could go back and have the receipt, but not have the credit card you bought it with. And then they'll be like, we can't do this exchange. You have to have the credit card. No, they're giving cash, bro. Aren't they? I don't think so. I think you have to have the card

that you made the purchase with. Circling back, so you can get rid of paper receipts, all of them, which are, I mean, I guess our job with receipts at this point in society is to carry a piece of paper 20 feet to a trash can. We take this paper from us, please put it in the trash can over there. That's what they said.

We've gotta get rid of paper receipts. There's just no reason. So, we can get rid of that. Or the flyers, brochures, business cards. The business cards are on their way super out. I mean, I feel like if you hand me a business card, you are of a certain age probably. You're like, oh, that's so retro.

Yeah, you're right. I feel like there's situations like conferences. There's certain businesses, huh? Yeah, certain businesses, you're a realtor or something. Like business card businesses. Right. Where that still has value. And posters, you know, are, I guess that's not in here.

Posters aren't in here. We're keeping posters, man. Brochures are very similar, aren't they? Or is that just like a folded up poster? A brochure? No, a brochure is not like, you don't have a poster of Justin Bieber on your wall. Yeah.

It's not a brochure of Justin Bieber. What is the definition of a brochure? A brochure is like a pamphlet. Yeah. That sells you something. Uh-huh. It explains in detail something that you can buy. Here's how I can describe it to you.

Okay. You go to the visitor's center for a state and you go inside and they have all those brochures on the wall telling you which places to go to. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Those aren't posters you hang on your wall, Jason. No, but like let's say you open it up and it's like the state of Arizona

and all the touristy things. Like you can get a poster of that. I'm not saying, like you could get a poster of like here's Arizona and the cool stuff. They just fold it is all they did. If you buy an Arizona poster, you have a poster. If you open a brochure, you have a brochure. Now what if I open a brochure, but have a brochure. Now what if I open a brochure but I frame it?

Depends on the scale. If you can get it up to 24 by 36, you're in for something. Is a brochure just a folded flyer? That is correct. Okay, maybe that's the word that I'm getting wrong here. A flyer, a brochure, a business card. Look, I don't know how you sell some things without them. That's the truth.

They do sell things. Let's just get rid of the receipts. Yeah, for sure. I hate paper receipts. Should we do one more, would you rather, Al, or are you ready for our next segment? Let's do one more. All right, Damon from the website.

Would you rather have the power to make flowers bloom with a touch or have the ability to immediately ripen any piece of fruit that you touch? Oh man, this is so easy. It's the fruit one. It's the fruit one. Yeah.

I mean, I had a fruit tray the other day. We had this nice breakfast spread. This is an incredible superpower. This is incredible. We were out at a family cabin. We got this breakfast and this fruit tray comes out and there's cantaloupe, I love cantaloupe. I love, and I grabbed this piece of perfect looking

cantaloupe and I put it in my mouth. That thing is rock. That thing had no flavor and was crunchy. Does cantaloupe ever have flavor? Oh yeah, there is a sweet spot. No. There is. There's a three hour period. There is.

Okay, quick poll of this room. How many people in this room, besides Jason, areoupe people? Uh, don't count me in that group I know not a cantaloupe is is no way Nope Cuz cantaloupe is garbage filler fruit. No, can't help is the best of all the melons space in your fruit tray Yeah, because they're cheaping out on the berries, the good stuff. No, you probably like honeydew. Honeydew is better than cantaloupe.

Honeydew is garbage. Honeydew is water-flavored melon. To be fair, both of those suck. Look, I'm not over here fighting. You're not pro honeydew? No, I'm pro honeydew over cantaloupe. If I get a big, uh. You forced that.

You really wanted to go with the honeydome. That's my policy. If I get a bowl that has a bunch of honeydew as opposed to the cantaloupe, I'm not super upset about it. I'll put it that way. That's the nice thing anyone's ever said about candy. But if it's full of cantaloupe, then this is a serious problem because they have just created

so much food waste and they know they're doing it because they know that 99% of people are just taking that cantaloupe and throwing it where it belongs in the garbage. When I go to a buffet, like a breakfast buffet got into they've got their fruit spread. I Like I like just literally tweeted. Do you like cantaloupe? Yeah With a pole. Yeah, I've got a pole going right now is it is So obviously I just tweeted this great great eyes on that 37 votes in 65 35 it's already down to 55.45. Pro cantaloupe. I like those first 34.

They're shrinking. Let's check out. Will you check in on this poll by the end of the show here at Jason FFL? You got it. All right. What is wrong with people with cantaloupe? But the point is, if you could get a fruit

to its perfect ripeness, it. A perfectly ripe cantaloupe is so good, Andy. It's so good. I want to share this with you guys. I've never been evangelized the benefits of cantaloupe is so good, Andy. It's so good. I wanna share this with you guys. I've never been evangelized the benefits of cantaloupe. I wanna share this. I wanna find a cantaloupe, and I'm gonna wait till it's perfectly ripe.

I'm gonna bring it in. How do you possibly know? It's got a little softness to the rind. You cut it open, it's really orange. Oh, it's so good. You guys are gonna love this. Wait, hold on. The orange one's the cantaloupe, and the honeydew's the green one?

Yes. Oh man, I hate them both, but I didn't even know which was which. Wait. I had them completely opposite. When you said you opened it up and it's real orange, I'm like, wait, I thought it was green. Oh my goodness.

No, that's the honeydew. That's funny. That's the better of the two. Cantaloupe, when it's ripe, is perfect. I'll go with another fruit that like I- Cantaloupe's making a little comeback right now. I love- What is wrong with-

A perfectly ripe banana. Yeah. It's like there's nothing better, but there is a short window for bananas. People have different opinions. It's green and then it's mush, but there is the window of perfection. Like this is an incredible superpower.

You're right, Mike. This power, you could buy the greenest bananas because when you want one, you just walk up and touch the one you want, and it goes perfectly ripe. You would always want the greenest one, so it lasts the longest. Exactly. Also, you know when you eat, you get a big container of blueberries or raspberries or whatever, and when you eat them, some of them are great.

Oh, that tasted, but then some in the same batch are like yeah that one's terrible every single one you're touching it because it would go perfect exactly and but if it's past the point of right now bring it back right that's what I was gonna ask like is if it's moldy and I and I touch it doesn't come back I don't think so I think we can only ripen it I don't like we can unripen it that's like bringing back someone from the dead. How far? Maybe one good thing about making flowers bloom on command. I mean, if you... If you're a clown, you'll be like,

look kids, bloop. Do you walk through a field and just like run your hands through the field and you get some, I mean, our flowers... Have you ever bought a bouquet of flowers? Yeah. They're so expensive. If you could just go grab some rose bush branches

and take your wife home a beautiful bouquet. Well, that would hurt your hand. Well, you can wear some gloves. There's, we have, we can overcome this obstacle. so expensive. If you could just go grab some rose bush branches and take your wife home a beautiful. Well, that would hurt your hand. Well, you can wear some gloves. There's we have, we can overcome this obstacle. The price on this bouquet is such an obstacle. We got to buy gloves. Now we've got to go to some rose bush that probably isn't yours, rip them off of there and make them bloom and then hand these bloody roses to your wife. I was trying to give you some upside. I'm taking the fruit too, but yeah.

How far along in the process for this fruit superpower? How far forward in the growth does the apple need to be? It is debatable what good ripe is for people. Apples are pretty much always ripe until they're rotten. Right, no, I mean, there's gonna be a time period where the fruit itself is very small, and it's not. Oh, you're saying you could grab some teeny apples off the tree?

I'm just asking. Oh, it's not even in season yet. How far back, like how far does it go? So I think you could- Like a seed in the ground. I think it's any size, but it's not gonna grow if you take that out And it's by guys. Oh, it's gonna be a perfectly on an assembly line selling teeny apples to everybody We have a whole new business. Yeah, this is great small cantaloupe

You've got a touch so many fruit. You're the source of this entire company's existence. Yeah You are the source of this entire company's existence. You're just on a conveyor belt, your whole body, and they're just running fruit under you. Bite-size, perfectly ripe watermelon. Did you realize, here's a fun fact, it's not a, is this real life, but do you realize that for the majority of all carrot life, they were just the big carrots? Not only what? I'm just talking like the big normal, you got to peel them carrots that were sold that way. They still are, Andrew. Yeah. There's no mini carrots. No, but that's what I'm saying is like- They were invented recently. My point is that the

mini carrots were invented very recently and packaged up and then they took over the entire market. Yes. So what I'm saying is that like the repackaging of an existing fruit that was there for the hundreds of years instantly became the almost the only way people buy carrots at all. That's what's amazing. What's crazier to me. They're pretty. Yeah. Well they're easy to eat, they're snackable, you grab them out of the... And they came from all the ugly carrots. I mean they still do they just chop all the ugly carrots. I mean, they still do. They just chop up those ugly carrots, make these perfectly little shaped mini carrots. What's crazy to me is, did you know that carrots

for the history of humanity were purple until very recently? Wait, what? That's not true. Hold on, what? That's a lie. You fell for it. But that means- No. Yeah, that's not true. Is that right? I'm gonna stop. Purple carrots? I'm staying the firm. You fell for it. But that, I mean. No. Yeah, that's not true.

Is that right? I'm gonna say. Purple carrots? I'm staying firm. There are purple carrots, but that's, I don't think that's true. I'm standing firm right now until someone can vet this. I.

What color are carrots? That's. Hold on, hold on. Oh boy, until the late, is this recently? Until the late 16th century when Dutch growers developed the plump orange carrot, almost all cultivated carrots were a deep black purple. Hold on. So 16th century, I mean I'm gonna give you it. All right. I'm also seeing almost all carrots were yellow, white, or purple. Yeah. And then the 17th century. But they do say-

In the great color war of carrots. The orange one. I mean, 17th century is a long time ago. But I want to give you I'm going to give you it. Also 60-40 cantaloupe, unfortunately. What is it? Are we to a thousand votes yet? What is happening? You've 1200 votes, 60-40 cantaloupe. My people! I fell all alone in the studio. I felt like you were the only cantaloupe person I know. I mean, I think most of them. We are not representative of the society a lot. I think because most of them hide

in shame of their love for cantaloupe. Is this just my followers? Like people who like cantaloupe really like me? No, because I had to retweet it. And I said, what is wrong with people? Oh, so you tried to affect the pool! You're darn right I did and the and the cantaloupe people are showing up in my mentions, too It's troubling. Yeah, no wonder it's in those things people eat it. Yeah. No, it's cheap and dirt

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That's UncommonGoods.com slash Ballers for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary. What's the difference between me and you? What's the difference? You guys ready? Yeah. All right, what's the difference between a burrito and a wrap? Contents.

Wow, you had an answer. Had you previewed this one? I saw this earlier, but I mean, the difference between a burrito and a wrap, they both have a tortilla, right? Yes. So it's not the outside, it's the inside. Like, yes.

Is it like a girth? No, I don't think so. Can you I've never seen a big thick wrap. I have I've seen big salad wraps that are So that is a wrap super thick. That's not a salad burrito. I feel like this one's easy This is a burrito is is something that is made from its Mexican food So inside is the ingredients for, breakfast burritos, man. Ooh, good counter, good counter argument. But it is, a breakfast burrito is always specified to be a breakfast burrito.

You cannot have a piece of green vegetable inside a burrito, only a wrap. Does that, I put lettuce in my burritos all the time, brother. No, you put lettuce in your wraps. No. Yeah. No, Mike's right. I get lettuce in my Chipotle burritos all the time.

Yeah, of course you do. You gotta get that crunch. That's true. We're just figuring this out. We gotta figure out the details, but we know for a fact that- Calorie count? No.

I feel like a wrap, a burrito always has more calories than a wrap. A wrap makes you think it's healthy, but it's not healthy. Yes. Okay, now we're on to something. You can't have a burrito and a spinach tortilla. That would be a wrap. Maybe. No I think Jason's on to it of the wrap is the the side choice that they let you like would you like it as a sandwich or a wrap and

you think oh what's a wrap it's a look how small and flat a tortilla is certainly I am saving on calories here but you're not. No. It's all just a wrap. It's a look how small and flat a tortilla is. Certainly I am saving on calories here, but you're not. No, it's all just a trap. Why, if they asked you, would you rather have it as a- The wrap is a trap. The wrap is a trap? Yes. If they asked you, would you like it as a sandwich or a burrito, you would not feel

like you're choosing a healthier choice going burrito. That is so true. I feel like they're piling on some rice in there too. I mean, if you said, would you like this sandwich- It's going to be delicious. As a burrito or as a wrap? Like the same- I think the sandwich would be healthier. on some rice in there too. I mean, if you said, would you like this sandwich as a burrito or as a wrap? Like the same, I'm ordering the same sandwich. Would you like it as a burrito or a wrap?

And you say, what's the difference? They would answer, you feel better about ordering a wrap. There's no difference, it's the same ingredients, the same tortilla. I don't like saying that these are the same. They're not. I don't like that it's just about what you think it is. I think there's more to that.

Well, the truth is, the inside burrito, in order to be a burrito, it has to have certain things. If there are certain things in it, it is a de facto burrito. You don't get a wrap with beans in it. You don't get a wrap with rice in it. And you don't get a wrap with eggs in it. I feel like a cheese and beans wrap is the thing that I've ordered before.

No. A cheese and bean burrito. Yeah, that's like the quintessential burrito. All right. I cheated. I did. Yeah, let's, I mean. So the first thing that pops up is, generally,

wraps are served cold, while burritos can be served hot or cold, with its filling wrapped in a tortilla and it's folded just like a wrap. Both wraps and burritos involving casing fillings inside a tortilla. So it's the temperature? Burritos did originate in Mexico, so you talked about Mexican foods. So a wrap is a cold tortilla. That's not the the way to do it a warmed up tortilla is much much better if you have eggs potatoes both the beans or rice any of

those ingredients it's a burrito okay everything else all right those those four make a burrito right I'm willing to live with that. What is the difference between a ghost a spirit and a poltergeist? Mean I've never actually seen it, but I believe there's there's something with the poltergeist with the television Is that what they're born? Are they born in there? Has anyone seen poltergeist? I believe you had to have seen that movie. It's been a long time But yeah, I saw one. But there's a television involved right? Yes I feel like you level up to a poltergeist like you start as a ghost and if you work real hard

It might make you a poltergeist later. You're like the manager? Yeah. A poltergeist has to Doesn't a poltergeist has to like go into somebody? Like isn't that what makes it a poltergeist like you got a ghost and then if a ghost is like I'm going to take over someone maybe they're a poltergeist I don't know that a poltergeist takes over that's that's to me that's a spirit no spirit is what we all have inside Mike a spirit is good a ghost is dead I feel like a spirit has no form a ghost looks like a human but is it is like yes a ghost is on the I feel like a spirit has no form. A ghost looks like a human, but is like.

Yes, a ghost is on the outside of people for sure. Yeah, like you don't have a ghost inside you. We're not all born with a ghost inside. A spirit has to have no form. Yes, that is. It's just like a wisp, it's an idea. It could be a wisp, it could be like a floating ball of light.

It could be, it just can't have arms and legs, man. Yeah, it can't be humanoid. That's not a spirit, that's a ghost. So now we know the difference there. Does a ghost, can they touch things in the human world? No. But a poltergeist, do they do that? I think so.

Like change your TV channels? Yeah, because they're in charge. Can they only change your TV channels? Maybe, it was right, they just. But only if it's the old analog-turned television. Oh, so I think. That's why there's been a just, the poltergeists have disappeared.

Are there poltergeists and gals? What? No, I think it's a neutral term, but I do think Andy was right right off the bat. A poltergeist is just a level 40 ghost. It's a level, it's an upgraded ghost. You do, you put in your time. You put in your time, you put in your work and you don't get like ghost busted or whatever Yeah, and you make it to become a poltergeist much harder to get rid of a poltergeist. And you have to wear, I mean a poltergeist poltergeist A poltergeist normally has like a cummerbund and like a bowtie and they- Oh they're the fancy ghosts.

Because they're the managers. Okay, but so they they can move they've leveled up that they are now- They can reach the real world. they're not just in the spirit realm they were all they're also like sort of in the physical realm as well yeah they can spirits talk or no ghosts ghosts but they can't talk they can only go yeah they make sounds yeah I think we nailed this all right figured that out all right what is the difference between a whisper, a murmur, and a mumble? Okay. The last one's easy, right?

Yeah, I know a mumble. Mumble is you're trying to say words, but you're an idiot. You can't be understood. Yeah. I can't stand mumblers. That's my children's favorite way of communicating is in fact idiotic. They like to talk at a low volume and mumble. Is there anything worse than when somebody says something

or mumbles and you say what and they repeat it in the same tone, phrase and volume? Is that the worst thing that's ever been done in the world? I got one more, because they do that and again you go, what and then they get mad want more. Because they do that, and again you go, what? And then they get mad at you. Yes, they do. And you're like, well, if you would just speak up

and enunciate, I would understand what you're saying. If you repeat, if someone says what, they are clearly stating they could not comprehend what you said at the same volume, the same way. If you say it the same way, haul them off to the insane asylum. 100%. The question what means change what you just said when you repeat it. That's what it means. I'm not going to do it better the second time. Yeah, I can hear what I can hear. So, I mean, if you're, if you mumble, we all mumble sometimes, and it's okay. We're all dumb

sometimes. If you're a mumbler, you need to look in the mirror because your IQ is low. I don't think one person can murmur. I think there has to be multiple people to have a murmuring. Oh really? There is no murmur without a murmuring. I feel like murmurs aren't words. They're just sounds. Yeah, is a murmur, do you have to have a lot of people or is it just gonna be one person? Trying to get the point across of their they have discontent, but they don't want to actually use words I don't know if that's murmuring. That's a negative connotation. Yeah, I think it is

I thought I always think a murmur is I think murmuring has to happen over there It can't happen in front of you. No one murmurs up close Oh, see you can you don't think I could murmur under my breath? You could not murmur right here. No. This word is... No, that's mumbling. No, I didn't say any words. That's murmuring.

That was a murmur. A mumble is when you are, you think you're saying words that people don't understand. You're thinking of a different word. What word are we thinking of? I may have cheated. Oh. Murmuring's definition is a soft, indistinct sound made by a person or group of people speaking at a distance.

Wow. Which is exactly- But it's what both of us said. If you put what you said about the distance together with what I said about the fact that it's like- What? It's not words. So you have to be far away?

You have to because it's a low, indistinct, can't tell sign out there. It's out there. It's not words. So you have to be far away? You have to, because it's a low, indistinct, can't tell sign out there. It's out there. It's not up here. So you're saying that someone could be off in the distance. You hear people murmuring. And they, they could be whispering. They could be mumbling, but because I'm far away, it is in fact a murmur. That's right.

And you could murmur, but your murmur isn't a murmur unless someone over there hears you murmuring. That is crazy. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I think there's another word to describe what you were saying, where you kind of say something under your breath. Like you, I don't know what the word is.

Do you guys have any guesses over there? It's murmur. Is it? I don't know. Like if you're in a meeting and your boss is saying something you don't like and you turn to your person next to you. What are you doing?

Are you murmuring? Do I want them to understand what I'm saying? Cause then I'm whispering. Were you thinking I'm muttering? Oh! Muttering! Thank you, I knew it was close. I knew there was something close to that.

Oh, you muttered something under your breath. You muttered under your breath. Yeah. Okay, so the mutter is the negative. Yeah, and that's a funny word by the way. So a mutter is a negative mumble. Yeah. Yes.

All right. OK. And then a whisper. Come on. That's just. You all know what it is. Yeah. It's just quite talking.

All right, we got time for one more. Are you moving on? Let's draft. Let's do it. Today's show is brought to you by our friends over at Quince. Summer, see you later. It's time for fall. It's time for winter.

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All right. We are drafting the worst things about driving. Now, Jason, this was your idea. Yeah. Cause I hate so many things about driving. And you recently experienced, you mentioned it, a flat tire. You had a driving, I would call it escapade. Yeah. And I'm gonna share briefly some highlights

from this tale. Okay. Especially because, so you heard that Jason had a flat tire, he was out of his normal area a couple hours away, not great, not great, it's a weekend, it's a Sunday. Yeah. Also not great.

I had a family and other kids. You still have one. Other friends' kids to bring home from that destination. Also not great. I had a family and other kids. You still have one. Other friends' kids to bring home from that destination. But the best part of this story, I mean he had to go in and out of this Walmart and it's a long walk in, long walk out to where he was. Back and forth, back and forth. But the best part of this story, Mike,

that I don't think he shared with maybe Al and myself, he's in the middle of changing, like trying to inflate this tire. It's the clearest day outside. It's beautiful, bright white clouds. And he starts getting poured rain on him, right where he was changing the tire. The biggest raindrops of all time.

There was, this was a cartoon. There was one rain cloud, it was right above me. And what happened was I had to fix a flat, and you've gotta like shake this thing for like 60 seconds, and then you gotta attach it, and then you go, and you hold it for a couple of minutes. So I had shaken it for a full minute, I had attached it to the tire, then I start,

and then it was like, and I'm getting poured on, and I can't leave! It's so funny. All right, so yeah, you had some bad car experiences. There are, like, for all you, like my son is gonna be 15 this year. Like, driving is in his future. The 14, 15 year olds, they're excited about it.

There are some negative things, and we're gonna tell you what they are right now. I'm gonna take the one-on-one of worst things about driving. And it's traffic. I mean, the congested traffic, I'm stuck, there's a desperation there where literally you can be in a lot of situations, you cannot escape it. You can't exit, you can't move, you must wait.

I have driven home from up north here in Arizona and seen people going up the mountain and there are miles and miles and miles and miles of you don't get to do anything. Traffic, scientifically, makes you more stressed. Sure, I believe it. Yeah, I had it written down as stopped traffic because obviously there's the... Yeah, I mean that's the gist.

Yeah, because when it is that, when it is truly stopped and gridlocked and you're just stuck, oh, I hate... And in Arizona it gets hot too, so it's like even, you almost feel like you're just cooking. All right, so that's my 101. Mike, what is the worst thing about driving deep? Then I will take what I think is, whatever. For me, it's the second worst. Traffic is worse than this, but it is when you,

we talk about it all the time on the show, but when you're getting tailgated. Ooh. Yeah. And the rage that boils up inside of you, and it just keeps festering and festering to the point of you think, well, should I do something about this? And you realize, no, you should not, because.

Too dangerous. Because only bad things will come. There will be no winners should you do something about the tailgating, other than just getting out of the way letting them go not Revenge tailgating them which often sounds like a great idea It'd be nice if nothing good will happen if you could just release some spikes out the back of your car. Oh, yeah I would slow down the tailgate would end. Yeah There's no glory to be had in those moments.

You just gotta put your head down and let him go. Yep. Okay, I am up and I have the 101. Thank you, gentlemen, for allowing flat tires to come to me because recency bias or otherwise, that is the worst part of driving. And I'm telling you. You've had a lot recently.

Not only have I had. Because your wife just had one too. Yes, not only have I had a few recently guys don't take care of his tires but yeah what are you doing I'm literally replacing all of my tires that only have 20,000 miles on them right now that are you driving apparently like a maniac through spikes yeah just taking shortcuts through construction zone yeah a lot of gravel pits for me, but that- That's a great pick. Yeah, and not only are flat tires the worst,

but I find that they happen at the worst moments in the worst places. Oh yeah, of course. This is never a convenient thing, like, oh. I must get your opposite luck. Every flat tire I get, I notice it pulling out of my own driveway. That's like the best.

You're already at home. You don't gotta get towed. A flat tire when you are out and about is just devastating. All right, that's a good one. I didn't have it at the tippy top just cause of frequency, but it sounds like you get them weekly. So, so. Yeah, it's less common, but it is one of the worst things.

Another pick for you. Another pick for me. Look, I mean, but it is one of the worst things. Um, another pick for you another pick for me Look, I mean maybe maybe it is because I drive like a maniac I don't know, but I think the worst thing or probably the second worst thing on the road Their cop cars Look, I love your service. I knew he was gonna say tickets. I knew it. Thank you police officers for everything you do. But man, when you see a cop car on the road, it doesn't matter. Like it's worse if it's,

like you see it in the distance, that's bad. You see it when you're nearby and you're going by, you're like, oh no! You see it in your rear view mirror. Oh man, I'm just heart attack level. When's the last time you've had a ticket? It's been a long time long time They're not doing any harm to you man, and I'm still

Just up in your head if I'm driving five miles over the speed limit, and I am perfect I am just driving exactly with traffic perfectly and I see a police officer You know over on us some pull out just looking towards traffic. I start sweating. I mean worse. I've got nothing to fear I'm doing nothing to fear. I'm doing nothing wrong. It's the body in your trunk. Yeah, so it's just like, man, those moments, oh, I hate them.

All right, Mike, you have a second pick here. Your first pick, being tailgated. I'm gonna go with this pick, which is, the premise of it is people who will not let you merge. And ladies and gentlemen, you need to learn about the zipper merge. It exists. One to one to one to one to one. Exactly. It exists for a reason. And I, so when, and when people will not let you merge because they have now saved a fraction of a second

because you get behind them, and you're like, congratulations, you're in front of me. You're going to make it to your destination approximately. Is it merging or is it bad merging? When people won't let you merge. Okay, all right, makes sense. That's infuriating. But that gets me to the- The merge block. That gets me to the you merge. OK. All right. Makes sense. That's infuriating. But that gets me to the. The merge block. That gets me to the zipper merge.

OK. When you are pulling up to something that says, lane closes whatever, 500 feet ahead, use both lanes. Do not get in one lane and form a gigantic parade. No. And then the people who are doing it appropriately, driving in both lanes, that's when you get merge block, because people get mad at you. You're like, why didn't you go then the people who are doing it appropriately driving in both lanes That's when you get merge block because people get mad at you

You're like, why didn't you go in the line because that's not how you're supposed to drive you get into a long instance Right Mike preaches bit watch we're working some things out here Right, you should be driving in that right lane, but you feel like you're not allowed cuz you're passing all these yes Then those people are so mad. They're like, oh, why are you passing me? You should be back in the line. No, no, you shouldn't. Because it is faster. If you use the two lanes and then everyone just goes every other car, everyone will get to their destination. These are facts. And it's, oh, it's infuriating. But it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. Like it never has happened in the history of driving. That's true, because most people are. Yeah, jerks.

Cantaloupe eaters. Oh, good. All right, we are gonna be, my second pick, I mean, I feel like this one was the 102. There are very few things on a daily basis that could kill me, but accidents is my pick. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. I mean, accidents impact you two ways.

If you're in them, it's bad. Yeah. If you're not in them, it's bad. Yeah. If you're not in them, it's also bad. It causes my first problem, traffic. So I think accidents, the risk of accidents, all of that are my number two pick. This one's tough, but I'm gonna go with something

that is a regular, frequent thing that happens every time you drive every single time, and it's a problem. And it's simple, it's left turns. Now left turns, they're not all, I mean they're significantly worse than right turns. Oh for sure, you're turning across traffic. What do I think about when I think about my son learning to drive?

I'm worried about left turns. I'm worried about crossing traffic. I do I think about when I think about my son learning to drive? I'm worried about left turns. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm worried about crossing traffic. I'm worried about him determining that it's the right time to go. And they lead into, left turns lead into some dumb stuff on the road, like the person that drives down the suicide lane.

Sure. And so, you know how you're not supposed to drive down the merge lane? Right. And then I get in a situation with the merge lane where somebody is, I'm next to them. I know they're not supposed to be driving. But now they're keeping pace with me.

Oh, oh. And so I either drive the same until they go off the cliff, or I have to let them in and then feel like I'm granting them permission to have used that lane. You're allowing a bad behavior to have happened. So I try to keep driving right next to them until they stop. Good, good for you. Establish dominance.

But left turns, I think. Nothing terrible will happen. I am particularly impacted by left turns because I got into an accident with a left turn. Sure. And I spent maybe 10 years dreading them because of the accident. But I still think they're stupid. Three rights make a left, my friends. I will then, I had this, and so I'll just piggyback.

This is not my pick, but it is the left turn when, but the people don't pull into the intersection. To left turn appropriately. And then you're waiting and the entire, the whole cycle goes through, the light turns yellow, and only they go through because they didn't let you pass the point of no return that is Oh, man That's why we should have cranes attached at every intersection because if you go through one cycle without going out there for the left turn

Oh my crane should pick you up until the rest of the cars are gone. All right. So here is my pick You guys are taking like real stuff like accidents and things like so here's mine hitting a chain of yellow lights Okay, really? No, I'm saying like when you're pulling up when by yellow light I'm saying the light you have to stop it. I'm gonna make decision after decision, but no But you get no the stop after stop I know you're saying but you're pulling up to a light going the full speed and then it turns yellow and you know You have to stop this light and then it always just happens like four

times in a row and you just want to explode and you feel like the world has turned on you and everything is against you and you can't time the lights correctly. It's really hitting every red. Yes, it's hitting every red light. That's how I have it written down. And those things are disproportionately upsetting to life. Yes, they are. I mean, it's not really, like if I'm driving to work and I hit, I think I've got five lights that I could hit on the way to work.

It adds three to five minutes. Three to five minutes. Oh my goodness. My day sucks. Yeah, I'm angry. I get to work upset. And honestly, I would have been here 30 minutes ago, but I hit every red light.

That's how it feels. That's a great pick. All right, so. Flat tires, seeing a cop on the road. Jason, you've got your final two picks. I have so many things to pick. Apparently, I hate a lot of things about driving Goodness gracious well I have one I'm really helping gets all the way back, so I hope you don't take it well

I would take this but my plan was to take this fourth because I know that you guys Would not take this you should everyone should But since I've got third and fourth and this really should be the first pick It's Prius's. Oh my god. Prius is on the road. I don't understand this bit. This stance against Prius. Prius is on the road. They're fine. They're not fine. You want to know the person driving in that middle lane, the person not zippering. It's always a Prius. It's everything you drafted. You didn't even know you were drafting nothing but Priuses. So that's your pick. You're taking Prius?

Oh, for sure. I mean the 101. Okay. For sure. Um, all right. So now I've got, uh, one last pick. And I think I'm going gonna go with one that unfortunately, I don't want to admit this, but it happens too often for me, and it sucks.

It's missing your turn. I mean, I'm a driver of habit, right? So like when I'm on the road that I use regularly, if I'm taking the road that I drive to work, then my body and mind is going to work. And if I'm not actually headed there, I will miss that turn. And we've all been there. I mean, I will do it over and over. And my wife hates it.

And I always have to be it's the shameful Oh I missed the turn. No, I did it again And if you ever tried to wrap it into just like a deep like a detour I've definitely tried to just hush hush and hope she's on her phone Like doesn't notice that I'm exiting the freeway and turning back onto the freeway Yes, missing a turn. I mean, it's one of those things I feel like,

because I think I consider myself a very good driver. I've never been in an accident. You know, I'm very alert, but I am not good at taking the right exit. So. We've had a couple times on long trips where I've gotten onto the wrong freeway for like extended miles.

You're talking like a good 15 minutes on the wrong direction. Because we're talking, we're listening to an audio book, I'm not paying attention. That feeling, that moment when you realize you have to backtrack to get back to where you began and there's no choice, like you have to do it, that's a bad feeling.

Yeah. All right, I'm going to go, I mean, it's a lot of, you know, like tailgating, people not letting you merge. This has to do with just people that are dumb and bad drivers. And so I will put the four-way stop into here because people don't know how to use a four-way stop.

What is wrong with people? Mike is rampaging. I had dumb drivers as a full category, and you are drilling down into four of them. Which you could do, but we need to let people know specifically what is going on. Are we teaching drivers that right now? Look, I'm happy to do so. Because here's-

So why do you stand on the road, Mike? Here's how it works. If you have a four, there's four stop signs, right? Yeah. Whoever gets there first, you go. That's it. It's really, really easy. And you don't do this, look around,

well you, no me, you, huh, you, this guy, no. You don't wave someone on like you go. No, is it my turn? I don't need your permission. Whoever gets there first goes. And here's the other thing you need to add in. If someone, like next to you is turning left, right? And so they are blocking the intersection and you're to the right of

them and you stop, you also go. Yes, you've got a blocker. You can't be hit. Because they will have to go through the other car to get to your car It'll just go if an accident happens in that intersection. You're still fine. You'll be driving away made it 100% obviously if two play if two people get to the intersection same time and once turning left then that person goes second That's the only nuance If two people get to an intersection and one person is that is that literally a really follow? Yeah, literally. Because the rule I learned was the person to the right. If it's simultaneous, it's always to the right.

But what we're saying, if you are coming directly at someone and you both get there at the same time, one person is turning, the other person is going straight, the person who's going straight goes through. And this comes down to the other thing. I thought that was the moment you do have the personal exchange with the other person and you wave at Each other I'm so happy. We're talking to you right now then because you don't want to have those little exchanges I don't want an opportunity for generosity. Come on. I'm okay I'm okay doing it as long as you if you have your turn signal on which you should have your turn signal on

okay, and you and you wave to make sure because The reason I would do that is because I assume that that other driver is a stupid bad driver. So why are you pointing at me? I'm pointing to the world. He was pointing to all Priuses. Yeah, he's just four-way stops with Priuses. Yeah, oh no.

I just leave my car in the intersection at that point and walk away. Have you been in the start stop, start stop? Oh yes. Yeah, of course, because people are bad drivers. And at that point you're just like I don't know and I all have to do... I think a lot of people don't know if they got there before somebody else. Yeah and when that happens then I just go and I scream don't hit me! All right spectacular I'll close it out with a simple single word parking. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Who wants to park?

No, that's. I don't. It's stupid. I am incredibly bad at parking. Are you? Oh, I am so bad. Like, I'm a Jason. No, is this a, let me diagnose you.

Okay. Is this selection of spot, is this physically turning a vehicle into a spot? It's the, as soon as I see the spot that I need to go to, my concept of angles just completely shuts down. Like me, me driving my family in a parking garage, it's just legendary. And it's like an eight point turn to get into the spot.

It's almost always a multi point. And if it's like, if there's one spot that's surrounded by cars, but I see, if I see multiples open on the next level, we're going up, baby. We are going up so I can park comfortably. And then after a three-point turning in the park, you get out, you're like, good enough. Still not good.

Very much so. There's only so many times you can repark before you have to call it a day. You can't keep going. You can't be the guy that like, one more try. My wife shames me frequently. That's fantastic. I didn't realize that.

And you have a small vehicle. No, my small car is fine. Oh, OK. I'm talking about the family car. I can't park it. I've recently started driving a truck. It is a larger vehicle than what I'm used to. I have tried, I can't turn right into spots.

I can do a left all day long. I can't do the right. And I've done, you should see me and you could laugh in your head right now. Oh, I have attempted. I've been there, bro. I've pulled towards the right, gotten about three quarters pulled back

I can give you a tip here. Yeah, if you're neat if you have a hard time back in back in Oh, I should you got the cameras. I do that would be easier because I don't think it's physical I don't think it's geometrically possible. It was what car gets bigger. What's ridiculous about my parking problem is I can parallel park like no problem. Oh wow it's that's easy, but a simple left parallels poltergeist level Yes, can't ghost part. Yeah, like just a simple left or a simple right. So you must love the parking lots that are at the angle. Oh, dude, our mall. Is that a dream for you? Our mall where the movie theater is.

I don't know why this section of parking, they realized, oh crap, we got to cram a bunch more. So these are the tiniest spots in the entire world. And I'm like, man, do I go to a movie today because I know that means I have to deal with this parking lot. Old streets and old parking spots from days gone by were all smaller. I don't know why that is. You go to old parts of the city, your lanes are tighter.

The parking spots are smaller. The cars used to be gigantic. No, not always. Cars used to be much smaller than now. When guess they didn't have Suburbans and stuff. When? Like, you know, in the 80s, my first car. Okay, 80s, but I'm talking like the 50s, back in the glory day of Detroit Motors,

those cars were gigantic. Yeah, but that's not when they were building malls and things you're parking at now. That's fair, that's fair. Wow, yeah, I mean, I got other stuff on the list. Gas prices didn't come up, driving in bad weather. Okay. Potholes, not huge out here, but in a lot of cities they are.

I have a- Backseat drivers. Historical cars stinking up the joint. Oh, wait, with the- Yeah, if you see a car that's got the historical license plate on it, I'm glad you're a car aficionado because your car smells like gasoline and you're pumping it in and you're destroying the air. Okay. Were you done with your list Andy? The only other one I had was like the insects cleaning the car combo. Mmm yeah I got I got road rage I got two slow cars next to each other yeah where you can't go around them. I got a car full of teenagers, because that's super annoying. And getting honked at.

How's that make you feel? I feel awful, no matter what. Whether I did something wrong or didn't do something wrong. If someone honks anywhere around me, I'm like. Was that me? Was it me, I hate myself? Honking, no, honking in general is like how? It's hard to polite honk, because sometimes you need it.

Yeah, like the little tooth to move along. They're on their phone, it comes up. They're on their phone, they don't go. Thank you. Thank you. They don't go left on the left arrow. That's the honk situation I've been most of the time. But I'm saying. But I've accidentally been over aggressive.

Of all the times when you're driving and you hear a honk, what percent of the time are you actually certain who that honk was honked at? 20%. But every time a honk goes off, your body shoots adrenaline through the whole thing. Yes, it does. You like flinch, you're like, what?

It's not doing helpful things. I do. It's kind of like the backseat driver thing, but sometimes, not very often, sweetie, but sometimes my wife will try to help me drive in the sense of like look out for that thing. Oh, yeah. Frequently it is not an active threat. However, when she says it, the adrenaline shoots through my soul as though I'm about to run over a bus full of children Watch out for that person. It's like they're like I'm like I see them. Yeah, I see them. They're just on the side I was gonna do mom over So they're on the sidewalk where they're supposed to be. Yeah, that always freaks me out though. Oh, yeah. Yep

supposed to be. Yeah that always freaks me out though because the adrenaline. Yeah, yep. What did we learn today? Oh I learned about mutter. That's what I had. A mutter is not a murmur and a murmur it's over there. I learned something that will only enrage Jason further which is that the plural of Prius's is not Prius's it's from Toyota it's Prii. Of course it is. Of course it is. Nothing has been more true to those monsters. That is really... Prii. Fart sniffy. Goodbye everybody. Thank you for tuning in. Hey tell your friends and family about the podcast. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable?

By cutting down on food waste, you can help protect the environment and save money. Simple actions like planning your meals, storing food correctly, and using everything you purchase make a big difference. Learn how to make every bite count at toronto.ca slash food waste.