Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Never Big Spoon & Coolest Fictional Monsters - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Spit Hit for Oct 3rd, 2024: There is a big utensil disagreement on today’s show that we will need your help settling. Let us know where you stand on the topic. We also discuss some new wave thievery, exploring ancient pyramids, and meeting our teenage selves. We close it down with a draft of the coolest fictional monsters. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

This year is Markham Faire's 180th anniversary, and it's now even better than ever. Bring the whole family along and enjoy a ton of fun, including super-dog shows and horse pulls, made-away rides, fairground food favorites, demolition derby and monster truck shows, live music, firework displays, and so much more. There's something for everyone at Markham Fair today through Sunday. Buy your tickets now at markhamfair.ca. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.

Now, you went with the, like, the singer thing where you plug one ear to hear yourself better even though we have in ears already. We have earbuds on. Right. Did Jeremy turn the music off for you while you did that scat? No, no, no, no. It was on. It was completely on. Yeah. I know. Impressive. While you were doing the scat, the music was still no. It was on. It was completely on, yeah. I know, impressive. While you were doing the scat, the music was still on. I believe so. Okay. Al, you said you loved that one?

One of the worst. Okay, all right. Spitballers episode 213. I view this show through a single lens, okay? And it is before 212 and after 212. We are living in a post-defeating Al Borland time of life and it is, the meadows, they're filled with flowers.

We are, we're winners. Ask me if I cared how that scat went. Jason, did you care about that scat? What scat? What, it doesn't even matter. Cause it's post 212. It's post 212, baby. We just, we don't care about things anymore.

Before Al and after Al. That's right, don't care about nothing. Would you rather, that's a great question, and we are drafting the coolest fictional monsters on today's show. So that is a, well there's a lot. There's a lot to choose from, like just picking four monsters.

They're, I mean, and some of these. They're difficult. Some could be real. They, I mean, like, I'm sure there's some on your list that maybe you do believe they're real. You're saying because they, you know, they haven't been discovered. Yeah, these are.

Some of them have been discovered. Yeah, these are monsters that are like, they're allegedly fictional. Right, allegedly fictional. Because of the cover up. Yes. I'd be curious to find out what you guys select. Jason will have the first pick today.

You can find us on Twitter at spitballerspod, Instagram.com slash spitballers pod and join the spit.com. If you want to support the community, send in your, you know, we're always eager to have your draft ideas. Your, would you rather questions, any suggestion you have at all. Scat ideas.

Yeah. Yeah. Those was that, was that a, from a listener or was that a, Oh, you could have blamed the listener. Totally a listener. Yeah That one was not my fault at all It was listener Be Nice BG 2223 oh there it is yeah really good work. Thank you all right well

Anything else could have gone Fred? There it is. Yeah. Really good work. Thank you. All right, well, anything else? Coulda gone Fred. Yeah, but I mean, there's too many usernames for that to work. All right, let's get it going. Would you rather. Kyle from the website, would you rather discover and explore an ancient pyramid or

an old shipwreck? Oh, can you? So, okay. First of all, education time. Always here on the script ballers. Yeah, I mean, that's what we're, this is listed as an educational podcast. Yes, yeah. Okay. Three credits. There are insides to pyramids? Yes. Yes. Yeah, like, right. Do you know? That's what I was saying. Okay. Okay, so educational.

Do you know the use? It's like a tomb, right? Yes, okay. It's a giant tomb, but. So if you know it's a tomb, you know that someone goes in the tomb. Well, people go in a grave. Doesn't mean you can explore in the grave. Well, you could if you've got a shovel.

Look, my ambiguity around the pyramids insides, as Jason said, is how spacious are they? Are we talking it's pretty, a couple narrow hallways and a tomb, or is there a lot of, I mean, those pyramids are gigantic. This is not like a Costco, right? There's can't, there's not a lot of space. There's some space. They're not vaulted ceilings, are they?

I think a little bit. What's the lighting like in there? They got a lot of skylights? Very minimal. Pitch darkness. They got like fake doors and I think there's booby traps and things. Well there's definitely booby traps.

You don't build a tomb and just let people come through right Scott free You've got to get them. Yeah, cuz killing others is the key to a good tomb Well, look, I gotta protect my final resting place Do you know for sure if you're a if you're a pyramid? You don't get a pyramid and not care about your final resting place. It's it's kind of really important Do you realize and I don't have any sort of actual? like weights and and measures to explain all of this but I had watched some recent videos about the the creation of the pyramids and it's just it's

perplexing how how the aliens came I mean it really like the the the argument that the aliens built the pyramids might be the most logical of the other arguments because the only thing that I could conclude after realizing how precise, because the pyramids are precise, right? And they have massive, massive stones that are difficult to move anyways, right? Like it doesn't make any sense that we could have moved them. And then they have to be placed so precisely that, look, a pyramid, you're off a little bit

and it doesn't go up to a point, right? Like it has to be mathematically perfect. You can't just fudge that into place. No, you can't just like. It's not a two by four and you give it a little hip check and it slides right in. This is not like when I hang a picture on the wall and I put about four different nail holes before I find the right one. What I'm saying though is that I think what happened is there is a technology that we have developed and lost. That's my final conclusion. Something like a crane? No, not like a crane. Like there's some form of moving heavy objects or precisely

placing them that we invented and we being the world humans. Right. And then we've lost it to time. It was... Do you think the secret is buried inside the pyramid? It might be. Or the secret... Bunch of cranes in there? The secret also might be just treat humans horrifically bad and force them to do things against their will. I don't think slave labor is the only explanation. Yeah there is some magic to the specificities, but I am looking at an inside layout map of the pyramids.

Is there booby traps? For sure. Yes, okay. Everywhere. But I will say this. Can't step anywhere without stepping into a booby trap. There is, the majority of the insides is solid. Yes. So there's like hall, there's like tiny hallways and corridors leading up to the king's chamber. That is not a place I wanna be. This is not- You wouldn't wanna explore this.

No, I would not wanna explore this. You know what pirate ships have? Booty. Pirate treasure. You know what's, but you're also underwater. You gotta get in a scuba suit. Maybe, it doesn't say I found it at the bottom of the sea. What if I'm on a-

It's a shipwreck. Yeah, ship wrecked into an island. Like, check this island out. Oh, there's a shipwreck there ashore. The ship washed ashore and boom, bam. All right. I mean, Mike, genuine answer for you. Would you rather explore a shipwreck?

Now look, Jason, I'm not letting you off the hook for this this on the island shipwreck because if it's on the island It's been there a while. That's a parked ship. Yeah, and there's not wrecked and no I'll let it be on the island But I just want you to know when you discover it there will be spider webs and spiders all up in that that's true If it's on this if it's on it is true island island spiders. Island spiders can get big. They really can. Human sized. Let's not get out of control here. We're not to the monster draft yet. You've seen what island was that? Spider island. No, no, no. It's not Mad Gas. Giant spider island. Dang it. I can't think of the island where all where everything where all the the size of the animals got thrown off Because it was a completely isolated is this fictional. No, it's got the pygmy elephants

Really? Yeah, the size of the animals on the island got thrown off. Yes Because of what because because they were the island was completely isolated It's okay, so it had a different so they like too small I'm looking it up you guys, so they like too small. I'm looking it up, you guys talk. So they, well it would have to be too small if they all adjusted to the small size. I don't know how fascinated I really am with the innards of the pyramid. I feel like that is the, that's the more rare,

the obviously as far as you know, human historical significance, it's far bigger. You'll find treasure in both of these. Sure, but I don't care about the insides of the pyramid. I like just on a personal level. Sure. I care about the outside of the pyramid. I want to see it, but I don't want to go in it. A pirate ship I would rather be in than see from a distance. I want to I want to explore a pirate ship so that that's the easy answer for me and and you know what I

explore a pirate ship. So that's the easy answer for me. And, and you know what? I won't even go to the parked pirate ship on the tropical awesome spider island. You'll go underwater. I'm going underwater because, um, you know, I, I recently, not, you know, super recently, but like a year ago or so when, and I know this is very different, but I went snorkeling. So I'm up at the surface of the water, but I thought snorkeling would be something I would not care about. Just boring. You're just, you're skimming the surface of the water. Yeah, but I thought snorkeling would be something I would not care about just boring You're just you're skimming the surface water looking underwater like so what how was it? freaking incredible it was And I mean the life that was all around everything that was sunken like if there where I was there was a

around everything that was sunken like if there where I was there was a sunken something like an anchor and all this life and fish all around it it was just really it blew my mind so you know I thought I wouldn't like it this is love it and I think I would really enjoy scuba diving even though and there's no there's no sharks in the pyramid though there's no sharks in the pirate ship either it's very I'm inside the ship, safe. Don't have any. Have you seen the chipmunk adventure? I haven't.

Are there sharks in the pirate ship? There's definitely a shark. Mike, I know you shared that there's this dwarfism on animals on this island. How do we know that they didn't start on the island and just get bigger everywhere else? I do not know. Okay.

I'm the, I don't know. Final vote, I'm gonna go pyramid. Mike? I think it just comes down to the prestige. If you explore a pyramid, the curse of the mummy, I mean, like if you open up the sarcophagus, there is a great chance that you're going to perish. It's 50-50 on the cursing, yeah.

It's a monster draft episode. Pirates now. They curse you as well though right? Do they? David Jones' locker or something? Well that's just a metaphor for I'm gonna throw you into the ocean. With a curse. I don't think there's curses involved with pirates. Not a lot of witches on those pirate ships. I know the Pirates of the Caribbean. Like Caribbean they've added in curses and stuff but that's new. that's new wave pirates All right. This is as far as we can go on this one. I'm going with I know it's I'm going with the pirate ship I feel like if you explore a pyramid there's gonna be like

appropriately so up the culture where that pyramid belongs they're gonna say that this stuff belongs to Consecrating the dead like well, it's their stuff. Yeah,'s a pirate ship, I was going to say it was not marked. This is my pirate gold. They probably stole it anyways. Yeah, you didn't steal it. You found it. Yeah. I'm about to Robin Hood. How many layers of something being stolen until it doesn't belong to the original owner? I think two. Two? Two? Yeah. I just got to steal from the thief and it's mine. So wait, if I take your mug and then Al takes it from me. That's Al's.

That's Al's mug. Oh, that's one then. No, I feel like that's two. You stole first. And he stole second. So you could, oh man. Yeah. I think that's tough. Yeah. Is that how it works in a pawn shop? When they turn stuff into a pawn shop and you go and buy it from them You just need deniability that you did not steal from the original. They paid for it in the pawn shop. That's right They they purchased what is now right there. What if I want my thing back? What if you rob someone but you just leave a fiver? now like perhaps that is this item was worth five hundred dollars, but I Left you money should always do that. I paid for you money. You should always do that. I paid

for this item. You should always do that for when you get caught. So you can tell the judge that you thought you were buying it. Not only that. I thought we agreed to a fair price of $5. When you get caught, yeah. If you get caught, instead of going to jail, you get your money back. Right? Like I'm not giving this back for free. I left you $5. Here's your television, give me my $5. That's actually, this is. Just be irate, it didn't work anyways.

This is New Wave. Just give me my $5 and I'll be on my way. Thievery. All right, moving on to a would you rather question from James on Patreon. Would you rather question from James on patreon Would you rather eat a soft-shelled taco or a hard-shelled taco? Oh, that's a That's a really straightforward question. I was waiting for the twist so it's it's Tuesday night What are you doing? How are you getting in on that?

This is This is one of the hardest questions.'ve had on the Spitballers. Really? It is because- I feel like everyone has- you got your- Your go-to. Your majority shell. The problem is, I'll just say my piece.

I prefer the crunch of a taco, a crunchy taco. Okay. But half of the time, crunchy tacos let me down because they just get destroyed. They do. You put one chopper on that thing, and now I've got pieces, now I've got a taco salad in my lap, and so in that case, I'm like, just give me the soft taco.

It's not as good, but it's never gonna let me down. The amount of times I've had a forced conversion into a taco salad due to a hard taco. It's about half of your hot tacos. It's about half of the hard tacos. I will go with the soft shell taco. That's my favorite. I feel like it's more consistent, like you said.

It's very easy to eat. It's one of the easiest to eat very portable Now there is a there is I think an answer to this question that goes beyond Soft versus hard and it's the pinnacle in the more household We take a soft corn tortilla, okay. And you lightly fry it up. Okay. It does not become a hard taco. It just becomes a fried soft shell. Medium?

Yeah, I mean it's not, it's still soft. Does it look like a burrito at the end? No, no, no, it's taco-sized. Yeah, I mean because that's what you're supposed to do. Like if a true soft tortilla, you are supposed to give it a little bit of a fry. If you fry up a soft tortilla, there is no one that should pick anything else. A fried soft tortilla is, mwah!

That was a chef's kiss. It was a real kiss is what that was. Yeah, I mean, I guess I've always been a soft shell guy. Yeah, you can't hear the ocean in it like you can a hard taco. Um, yeah, I mean, I just, I guess I've always been a soft shell guy. Yeah, you can't hear the ocean in it. Like you can a hard taco. Wait, can you put the taco up to your ear and you can hear a hard shell? Yeah. Okay.

Can you call it a shell if it's a soft taco? I feel like that's not a soft shell. That's just like a soft taco. Yeah. I would agree with that. Yeah. That's where, so where do you land, Mike? The, the thing is you can get the soft taco.

It's easier to eat. And then there's chips. And so you get the best of both worlds. You can crunch. And if you want to get wild, put a chip in the left hand, put the taco in the right. You can combo them in the mouth. Double stuff.

Yeah. I mean, all you reminded me of there is the Double Decker, which is so good. Oh the Taco Bell. Yeah the Taco Bell double decker. It's it's it's answering this question with why not both. Yeah they did ask that question. They answered a lot of questions. You want to know. They've done great work. They're not a sponsor should be a sponsor. Reach out Mr. Mrs. Taco Bell. The I've never had a double decker that becomes a taco salad in my lap now the dub the because Soft on the outside soft on the outside. So it's a hard rain forest with with with a shell that's gonna hold together

I met a little soft shell soft shell net and then they take the hard crunchy taco they put I believe it's beans I believe it's going between them believe it's oh in between them Yeah, wait, that's like the glue. It's the glue. It's yeah the paste the bean glue there Yeah, bean paste bean paste and then soft shell and it's It's pretty good It does come out as bean paste Alright, yes, that's true Which of these two should I go with here, Al?

I haven't looked at them yet. The next one's a food one, so if you don't want to do another food one, go to the last one. Rich from Patreon, would you rather be an old wizard or a young knight? Oh, that's the easiest question of all time. Yes. What, you're both choosing young knight?

No. No. Why would we do that? One of these has magic. Yes, one of them has magic. And let me and I feel like a wizard probably spends most of their time doling out wizard advice. Do you know who would win in a fight between a knight what you wanna be. I wanna be the winner of the fight. Over the summer, my family and I, we took a vacation, we went to Iceland. Okay. And we checked it out and part.

Just down the street, got it. Part, yeah, I mean, let's, yeah, just a little stroll. But part of that, you know, I love, when you go somewhere, you wanna learn about the place, so they had some museums and we went, learned about the history of Iceland just some fascinating stuff and I mean they're up in the Nordic area so a lot of Viking stuff going on and at the end of the museum they have just like an

area where you can put on you know basically like looking like Viking stuff so that I put on a chainmail and a real chain mail vest. Mithril? Yeah is that well I thought Mithril was the material. Yeah it is it's also it's not real. Go on. I know the word what was that like Lord of the Rings stuff? Yes it is it's a Lord of the Rings. Alright well whatever was I'd steal. I would just go with what you said you put on which is chain mail that's what it is. But it was long. Very, very long. A dress. And chain gown.

Yes, A.S. But you could not sleep with this thing. It was so freaking heavy. And this was just the mail. This was not plate armor. This was an absolute... Once it was on, it was was like I guess I wear this forever Because you have the tiny little hole the for your head. It does not stretch and this thing weighs

Probably 50 pounds and then you got to put armor on top. So what you're saying is I don't know That was my my takeaway after I put that on and I'm holding a Real weighted sword is I don't know how anybody did they all fought at one mile an hour Just to move just to take a few steps wearing all of that stuff. You would have been exhausted It's the most nights either. I mean they had to wear this heavy armor. Yes, and it seems like they died a lot Oh, yeah. Yeah, mostly from exhaustion nights served for Being killed that was their job. This is why most Knights have a horse. They can't walk, so they need to be carried. But the horses sometimes wear armor too. Yes. They are fine animals, these horses.

But even sitting on a horse, weighing that, can we look up, like, can we try and find how much is a suit of armor? What is the, what was the average weight? And then imagine wearing that. And just even if a horse is carrying you, just the core strength it would take to hold yourself up is ridiculous. Yeah, and I don't know how many great things there are. Like the perks of being a knight, you get right people look up do it's certainly an honorable Status as long as you're not a bootleg knight, and they're the only ones with the round tables right because everybody else is square

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They want to fit all of Arthur and his friends at the table And usually you're gonna get the fair maiden right? I don't think the old wizard No, it's really pulling in the maidens. The old maidens. Right. By the way, are there young wizards? Or do they start old? Like, can you not become a wizard until you turn 80?

There is a lot of education that goes into becoming a wizard. You ever seen a? It's like getting a doctorate. Yeah, but a lot of them. You ever seen a beardless wizard? No. Never. No.

As soon as you get magic, the beard beard grows and does it instantly turn gray for sure You I mean, it's a gray bearded wizard That's what a wizard is unless you're in Harry Potter But I do think that the perks that come with being a wizard are far more far more first of all I don't think they do they die no that's what I was gonna say I was gonna ask you don't die of old age It's a wizard you just don't You you can stop that

No, you just keep aging and stay alive, okay? So it's like you look at wizards in classic literature It's like how old are you it could be 800 years old and it's like you don't know okay? That's that makes sense your super old Gandalf is always around yeah Been there just keeps coming back too. Yeah, you just change colors. You just, you know, it's like I'm Gandalf the blue. What's up?

Like, I'm tired of this drab. Is that like the equivalent of the nine lives? They get the full rainbow? But yeah, you change outfits. Like, if you're going to, let's get this back to fighting. If you're going into war and there's an army, I think Lord of the Rings, you got this knight. That knight's gonna take on several people.

He's not going one on one. He's going one on two, one on three. The wizard's taking out hundreds of people. Here's been my problem with wizards is that they're always all powerful, but they're always rarely using it yes so like for instance if Gandalf is able to you know be super powerful why is it that he'll only use those powers every once in a while like is

there a cast a level four fireball no I know what it takes how much mana does that take all of it that's why he, the wizards have so many vacations. Can they get killed wizards in a battlefield? If you let's say you miss on your fireball, like you've been saving up all this energy, you fire it. Whoops. I missed. How long till I cast a fireball and can I be shot by an arrow? Well, I don't think arrows can get a wizard. It's not a full impaling of Usually an animal horn Or another wizard. Those are the two ways to die. You can't die falling we Get you what you said another wizard can definitely wait. I thought in Lord of the Rings

I thought one of the wizards falls off the the big tower at least in the movie, right? Yeah I mean we know you can't die from falling again oh yeah yes for sure he is still alive he's still alive on the ground he was on the ground just he was the arrow into the shield of the ground um well I think we settle all that yeah I guess wizard is what we're going with to answer your question Mike the average suit of armor is around 55 pounds, but could be up to 100 pounds. Good luck.

And then you have your weapon. How did this possibly work? Which of your weapon's like another? It's like, I don't know, 10 to 15 pounds? I mean, no. Is that a sword up to 15 pounds? I don't know. How would you s- I'm throwing out numbers here

I got you. Thank I got you a broad sword. Yeah Weighs three to five pounds. Okay, that makes far more sense. Okay, I mean It's when you pick it up you go. What is this way ten to fifteen pounds, but you're not whipping it around real quick I mean you're swinging you're catching breath, and you're swinging it again. People don't fence with broadswords. No. On guard. That's true.

And they don't fight in war with fencing swords. You haven't had a whole bunch of people running in there going like, just an army of fencers. Because you can't be like, tap, you're out. Tap, tap, tap. You're out. Someone should have taken this ball off the end of my sword. I think Rufio tried that that and it didn't end well.

No. Too soon. You also should declare you got hooky. And then. Looky looky. Before you get him. This is ridiculous. All right, we are moving on.

That's a great question. Have we talked about that before? I feel like we have. You mean, have we, have we given commentary on the movie Hook? Yeah, about, well about poor Rufio. About Rufio goes in, he tries to be the hero and get Captain Hook, gets his, meets his demise, and then the team, everyone else- Forgot about him.

There's like whatever, man. They like rolled him into the water and just moved on. They were- He was their leader. Yeah, it was his. And they don't give a crap about him.'s like whatever man. They like rolled him into the water, just moved on. They were, he was their leader. They don't give a crap. No respect at all. Someone claimed his skateboard and then someone claimed his job. It's like, okay, who's up? Like we got Peter pan now pan the man. There you go. And the man, but it wasn't even paying that took over. Pay was like, yeah, you're that's you're, you're too good for roof. He was job. What about the, what about that chunky kid? Oh yeah. Oh butterball. Yeah butterball. Wouldn't he the one that I don't know. Yeah they did. They did. They did. Put him back in charge. My

big takeaway was they moved on so fast from Rufio. They did. They just sell it. They exactly celebrated upon his dead body. That's true. they did forget him there was no ceremony or anything no nothing. No they didn't have the body anymore it's in the ocean. All right for those still with us Bethany from patreon the 16 year old version of you just moved in and now your new roommate and is okay, okay, hold on. Let's try this again. I can read. The 16 year old version of you just moved in

and is now your new roommate. What is the first thing the two of you would fight about? So the 16 year old version of me just moved in and is my roommate? Correct. What would we fight about? This is another way of saying what was the worst of you at 16?

It would probably be girl related for me. I would not want the 16 year old to have other 16 year old female friends over. So you've got to shut down the romance. That would be the fighting. I imagine that I would not enjoy talking to a 16 year old me who thought he was right about 100% of everything and never

listened and was always upset. Yeah, and that 16 year old would be like, man, this guy, this older version. I think we would both sit in silence and play video games and probably be best friends forever. It's funny Mike's 16 year old friend would be just fine. There was a my first thought genuinely was like oh man we would play sim 4 forever

because I'd be like oh you know that bro, I got the codes from the future. You have no idea. Unlimited cash. I mean, we'd be happy playing his games. We'd be happy playing the games today. That was my first thought was like, oh, man, we're going to play so many video games. What about you, Al? How would 16-year-old Al Borland?

That'd be a problem. I was a lot messier then. Oh, OK. So it would probably have something to do with tidiness. How would 16 year old Al Borland? That'd be a problem. I was a messier then so yeah It would probably have something to do with tidiness. I did think about that like the Like leaving just leaving crap out, but I'm not that much better. I think Al would have a problem with all the police officers Just constantly trying to get his younger self for stealing and all sorts of just leave five dollars get his younger self from stealing and all sorts of... Just leave five dollars. Yeah, we've taught you how to...

You can teach young Al Borland the trick. New Wave thievery, I believe. When the police officer says, I need that TV, you say, where's my five dollars? No, because the officer shows up, hey son, did you pay for that? Yes, I did. You bet I did.

Ah crap! Shut the door! Iron Mike from Patreon Should milk cover all the cereal or should cereal form an island on top of the milk? This is a good question. I wouldn't form it in that exact way, probably. I think...

Let's start here. What do you put in first regularly? I'm 100% I think, let's start here. What do you put in first regularly? I'm 100% cereal first. It is 100% cereal first. If you put the milk in first, that is a sociopath. There is a reason for it. Yeah, I had that way of thinking.

I always put the cereal in first because that's the order of operations that I was taught and it was good enough for my dad and my dad's dad and this is how we did cereal. The people, I've seen it on the socials, they go milk first and you put the cereal in and you think, well, you're breaking the order of operations. This is highly illegal. I alert the authorities. But then you like think about it it's worse but why your cereal stays crispy long there's a

couple reasons Jason give me would you like to begin this why don't you start all why is yours better why why the way we have always done it why is that better other than that's the way we've got real reasons go for it well you saturation Mike it's about saturation of milk imagine you're eating for a moment a bowl of Czech cereal maybe some live cereal we're talking rice checks or corn checks irrelevant let's go corn let's go corn you want I wouldn't be eating them you were okay let's go rice. You want a level of permeation. You want the milk to almost create a little, you know, a milk-chex combination that's like the milk was there to begin with. Like it's inside the checks. Okay. Yeah, you

definitely want the cereal to have the experience of the milk. When it's all floating on top, some some of its not even touching You said well rice cereal stays crunchier longer. You know how it stays the crunchiest no milk Yeah, as you say just have some dry cereal pour it in a cup and then eat dry cereal Which is I mean don't hear what I'm not saying that is fine, but I'm also really delicious But if you're having picks up the milk if you're but no that the cereal needs the pre milk You don't you don't take an Oreo But no, the cereal needs the pre-milk. You don't take an Oreo and as quick as you can, put it in milk and take it out.

That's right. You put it in the milk and you leave it in the milk to have the magic that happens when milk saturates crunchy things. So you have to put the cereal in first. When you're pouring the milk, I don't just pour it in one spot I'm Center like a volcano. No, I'm pouring. I actually go sin all of milk volcano Well upgrade pour it and get get front to back left to right top to bottom spread that milk

Look, I'm not saying it's perfect because I've done the big mistake that can happen here is you you go too much of the cereal and You don't kind of And so you get soggy because you can't eat it fast enough So you don't want to put too much in the bowl before the milk you have to have a balanced up And it's completely dependent on the cereal of choice. Oh, yeah, some get soggy or quick Yeah, like life cereal, which is by, by the way, Cinnamon Life, delicious. One of the best cereals on earth.

That's one that you'd wanna not fill the whole bowl, you wanna go about half, eat it, I mean, maybe if you can keep up really fast. That's what I was gonna say. Bigger spoon. If you fill the whole bowl, you just need to eat faster. You need to be aware of what you've done and say, I'm shoveling now. And get eaten at mic speed.

And you can eat that fast. You can eat Cinnamon Life very fast. Do you go, so your silverware, right? There's always little spoon, big spoon. That's just, all silverware comes like that. Yeah, another thing we've done forever. Do you go big spoon? Of course.

I have never used a big spoon. No! I have never, they're way too big! There's no point to- They're too big! Soup! Sounds like it'd be great in a big spoon. You go small spoon?

The big spoon's too big! Guys, open your minds! No, I won't! And your mouths! No, it's open your mouths! You gotta like stretch your cheeks out to get those spoons in there. Do you know how much more milk you get in per bite? I'm telling you there are-

It's way better, man! No, per bite I'm telling you there are way better man no no you're cutting the sides of your look I'll make I'll know I got these scars yeah it's sick because I used the big spoon yeah I'm telling you you gotta go I'm not talking about a serving spoon I don't know what you guys are talking about I think your small mouth I am so happy this is coming out because I think the majority of the people are with us Mike I really do I think that the most people Do not use the big look why do they give us their way too big? They're not too big reason They give you the big spoon. How what do you use the small spoon?

There are only two purposes to the big spoon one scooping something like ice cream. OK, I'm going to use that. Wait, do you eat your ice cream with a small spoon? I use the big spoon to scoop, and then I grab a small spoon to eat. You eat your ice cream with a small spoon? I eat everything with the small spoon. I use the big spoon for everything. Soups, cereals, ice cream.

No wonder I eat so much quantity. There is nothing I would use the big spoon for. They're not in there for show, man. Get one out and use it. There is a second purpose. The second purpose outside of scooping or presenting. You just sell them. Well, sure.

I mean, people want the, too. It's display. You know, it's a great look on a table. But it's also for when you are out of the small spoons. That is the only time I have. It's a backup spoon but it's also for when you are out of the small spoon that is the only time I have a backup spoon and it's bigger backup spoon and I would rather I've eaten with a serving spoon one time I've done the cereal because I was out of the spoon I will go it's a good time I will go into the dishwasher yeah I will get a dirty small spoon and I will wash it. Guys, I've done that. Before you use the big spoon?

Before I use the big spoon. The big spoon is not. I've never. Listen, I'm telling you, you think you like Oreos, right? Then you realize double stuffed Oreos are better. It's the same principle with cereal and the big spoon. You get double the milk per bite.

You're so wrong. When I go to a restaurant. You can barely get any milk in the little spoon. When I go to a restaurant and they give me that size spoon with my soup, I'm like, well, I can't eat that. I got to drink it from the bowl now. You have got somebody's got to try this out. Will you give it a go? No, he's probably not. He's just let us know in the slack here that when he's out of the little spoons, he goes to the plastic where look to me though yeah guys those are grown up when I was a kid I use the kids spoon never a big spoon when I'm a

grown-up I use the grown-up spoon oh that's what it is it's kids and grownups that's not a grown-up spoon that's an Andre the giant spoon never big spoon he must he got in with the spoon makers hashtag big spoon hashtag never big spoon no you didn't do that big small spoon no that's like never big spoon. No, you didn't do it. Small spoon. No, never big. That's the truth of it. I will do anything else. I'll use a fork for my cereal. You guys are missing out. The truth is it's not a small spoon. It's a perfect. It's a real spoon. Yes. You have a spoon and a big spoon. I could. This is the final episode of the show. I'm telling you, I will never go small spoon

I've done it before and I feel like I'm some small aunt. I think You're alone. I I'm not alone. I mean Go out. We got to take a poll of this office. Yeah, we'll get a poll on Twitter, too. All right Do we have time for another one of these I thought I was the only one brother But the thing is is like I've never really asked I've never opened up Do we have time for another one of these? I thought I was the only one, brother. But the thing is, I've never really asked, I've never opened up the question. Yeah, because we've lived in the shame of the little spoon. But we've all experienced how awful the big spoon is.

It's not awful, it's amazing! It's so heavy! It's not heavy! Oh man, you've got to put it one side in first in your mouth You guys buying salad just spoons No, it's regular spoons. All right. Listen all I'm asking I'll pay for a box of cereal for you Just do it once but what will you pay for the dental bill? Look you can have the whole bowl of cereal in one spoonful. It's awesome. All right, we're gonna draft.

The Spinballers Draft. Hashtag Big Spoon. All right, we're drafting the coolest fictional monsters. Jason, you have the very first pick. What are you going with? Is there a 101 to you? There is a one on one because of the description of the draft. It's the coolest. Yeah. And to me, there's one fictional, there's a clear one on monster. Really? That is Oh,

yeah. The coolest because there it's rare for a monster to to be portrayed anything other than just awful and evil and destroying this thing and killing those people. But this thing is so cool that while it does all those terrible things, sometimes it's the protagonist. I got people riding my monster. I'm taking dragon. Yes. Yeah. When I searched my mind for what the coolest was...

It's a dragon. It was pretty quick to find a dragon. Oh man. Fire breathing and let's be honest, I mean there's movies where the main character is the lovable dragon. Well you've got me concerned about my number one pick here in the draft already because you put a big focus on the cool factor yeah well that was the draft coolest fictional monsters well I yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't worry about that after that is just these are my favorites to me the

coolest fictional monster ever made is the alien from Alien. The xenomorph. The xenomorph. The main alien. It's terrifying. It's unique. It's I think it's cool. Yeah. No. It's not you can't ride it. Certainly on my list. You do not want to try to ride a xenomorph. No. They'll put a spider in your belly or on your face. It rides your face. Yes. And they don't you know, they don't have fire breathing But they do breathe another little mouth Onto your unto you. Yeah, because you like it barfs a mouth onto you Well, I was thinking that the big the alien queen she probably uses the big spoon. Oh for sure

Mouth has another mouth inside the little mouth uses the little Which is how they're really made, grownups and babies. Do you have? You're both babies. Just a larger mouth, and we are aware of, like, no. This is not. Everybody can use it. You're intimidated.

It's a trick of the eye. It's like my teeth come down on the side of the big spoon. I can't even fit it between my teeth. I want to know. I hope I go to your house. And I hope you've bought that the biggest big spoons that anybody's ever made and they're not normal big spoons That's my only hope but I'm going with the xenomorph the alien from aliens. It's on the list. It's a it's a fantastic monster all right, so

so in me So cool in this factor it it it's definitely in there I'm not these are down there. I have the two picks So I don't know which one I actually would want first, but I'll start with this one I'm gonna go with I will go with the sand worm from Dune. Oh Because that monster is awesome. That's you got a scale there. No big spoon of worms He is not on my list. I am so disappointed because that monster is...

He's planet sized! The idea that you have the creature going through the sand like it's water, that's just fun by itself. And then, yes, the scope. The overall size of the sandworm, just the teeth. Yes the tear it become Religious knives. I mean goodness gracious. That's a great pick. So I will go with the sandworm. Is that always called? What did you say? Yeah, they become what religious knives have you seen dune? Yeah, but the knives of the Teeth become yes used I got you. Yeah the... Oh, the teeth become used... Yes.

I got you. Yeah, the teeth separate by the humans. There's a prophecy of what those teeth knives do. And with my second pick, I will go, funny enough, we were talking about pirate ships, because I'm going to take the Kraken. Oh. Define what is a Kraken. So a Kraken is a...

It's what you do with a whip! Yes, yes that's what you that's how you start it's like a almost like a giant octopus type creature but it's got a big old monster face. Well they're gigantic and they they sink your pirate ship. Okay so you're going with the Kraken? No it's good it's got a good name it's a great name, good branding. You can release the Kraken. You can release it. You can't put it away. No. You can be a baseball Kraken. There's a baseball game, right? It's not baseball. Is that not? No, it's hockey, man. Oh, hockey. Whatever. They're all stupid. The Seattle Kraken.

I thought you were back to the sound that the bat makes. Yeah, I thought you were making more jokes. Dude. Just went on a monopoeia. All right, so you're going with the dune worm? Sand worm and the Kraken. Yeah, the dune worm. Well, is there?

No, there's a name to that, isn't there? I think they just call it the sand worm, right? That's good. I'm not like. All right, so I have one pick, right? So I'm going to go with what I think is one of the coolest to see visually it's also a mortal it also looks like the sun I'm going with the phoenix okay I'm going with the phoenix the bird that when you kill it it's just reborn it can't

be killed it's made of fire I love a Phoenix I don't view arises from the ashes much as a monster has a Phoenix ever done anything bad because I feel like I can heal oh do I need to pivot is that not a lot I will allow the Phoenix I'm just saying like when I when I once you said coolest I started thinking about cool monsters Phoenix is cool a bad is your perspective I mean like in the Harry Potter when they're using the Phoenix for stuff I don't think I think there's been some it was very cool. No no you're evil. It's pretty just saying

I think one man's monsters another man's I've heard some rumors about some pretty pretty off the beaten path Phoenix is flying around and shady stuff yeah like gangs of woman stuff lighting everything on fire just leaving a trail of steel they don't leave any money old school steel yeah classic the name of the worm is Shia Labeouf. Oh, Jesus. Shia Labeouf. Shia Labeouf is the name of the famous worm in Dune.

So you have drafted Shia Labeouf and Cracking the Whip. Alright, so I went with the Phoenix. Jason, you get two picks. Alright, well, I'm'm gonna stick with the cool factor because when I saw this monster in cinema, the first time, it was just like, whoa. When did you first see this monster? 20 years ago.

Yeah, it was probably about 20 years ago. I know what it is. It's a Balrog. Whoa, the boxer from Street Fighter. No, the, from the shadows of the deep. Okay. In Lord of the Rings, the, what, you know, just that. Yeah, it's just like a demon with fire tentacles.

The demon fire monster from Lord of the Rings. And he just looks like a, you know, like a devil thing, right? He's got the horns, shadow and fire. He's huge. He's huge. Yeah. And you know how they combated that? Only a wizard.

That's right. There was not like, get the knight up in here try to find a ball I'm not happy mostly right you fools. Yes, they ran yeah, and you know who didn't who didn't pass who shall not pass the ball Rock thanks to the wizard the wizard didn't pass either He fell a long way, so he was absolutely fine just change colors All right, so I have... I found this gray gown while I was falling. I have dragons and Balrog, the shadow demon from Lord of the Rings.

And I'm gonna go with the... I'm gonna go name brand here. Because this was actually the top of my list. When I think of like, classic cool monsters, no one's had more movies. No one's been you know, apparently cool to me is you can be the bad guy and you can be the good guy. Oh. Godzilla? Godzilla's very neutral. Godzilla is here to destroy and here to help. So you just, you just a matter of perspective. It's just a matter of perspective So I will have Godzilla dragons and Balrog Godzilla is he's very classic He's not that cool, man. Yeah, they think he's like not shaped right a laser beam from his mouth Yeah, they I thought they did a pretty good job

the newest like so they have their the monster verse and When in the where he breathes the fire like directly into the monsters face That part was pretty cool. Yeah, like okay. Godzilla's doing some hard work there bad heart. Yes Man a priceless sec. Yeah Yeah, 14 minutes and also a way to get his head back on All right. So for my third pick, I'm gonna go with a simple, cool werewolf. Oh, werewolf was my next pick. Was it?

Yeah, because- Oh, werewolf is awesome. I mean, werewolves are, first of all, just in cinema and in story, they have taken kind of different shapes and forms, you know, and just how that werewolf looks. But like, you get to be kind of normal for half the time, and then, you know, the full moon comes out and get a little hairy and one thing leads to

another and you're eating things yeah and you don't remember any of it they're very cool werewolves are awesome and vicious and the only downside for werewolves to me is the werewolf from Harry Potter that ruined it everything is Harry Potter I'm just saying that was the worst werewolf. I don't remember the werewolf. Good for you man. So I don't think that werewolf was bad. The werewolf in that movie was... The shape? Yeah, there was the skinny, scrawny... That's what I'm saying Dave. Go look in some literature. They got them all shapes and sizes. So he needed to eat. Yeah, he needed to... Big spoon some stuff man. Get a big spoon you skinny werewolf. Alright, he needed to run. Big spoon some stuff, man. Get a big spoon,

you skinny werewolf. All right, Mike, you're up. All right, so I got my final two picks. Oh, man. So the first one I'm going to go with, I'm just, I am fascinated by the tale of this monster. I'm going with Krampus. And if you are not familiar with the story of Krampus, it is a European story. Maybe Germany, don't quote me exactly, but essentially what Krampus is, is he's like the anti Santa Claus, where if you are a good child, then Santa Claus comes and brings you the, the, the presence in America. If you're bad, you call. Right. And, Oh, but over in where Krampus lives, uh, he shows up, puts you in a bag and then takes you home and eats you. Sorry, children

should have been better. You got eaten by Krampus. You don't really learn from that as much. It's, I mean, You don't get a redo the next year. Cole, you're like, ah, maybe I get presents next year. This one's more of a permanent. Do you think that's why kids are so bad in America? Because they don't have crampers. They don't get eaten when they're bad. Yeah.

All right. Mike, one more pick. All right. So with my final pick, I'm going to go... Oh, man. I mean, man. This is tough. I'm gonna go with a... Sorry, there's just so many on the list. If we end the draft and this monster is not selected, it feels shameful. You can change that right now. I can, but I'm gonna go with,

I'm just gonna go with good old fashioned zombies. Okay. I love zombie movies, they are my favorite of all the monster-esque type of movies, I mean, turns out that humans, we're the real monsters, it's not actually the zombies. But the idea of... That's just me snoring your social commentary on zombies. I'm sorry. I didn't need the lore lesson, but go on.

But like in movies where it's just... And the walking zombies, please. The running zombies... What about swimming? They're too terrifying. Have there ever been swimming zombies? I mean, the flesh is all probably coming off in the water the running zombies can continue to run underwater I believe let's skipping well No, they're not coordinated enough for nor happy enough, but they need to be they need to be just slow

Very dumb and just that's that's where they get you is there's just so many of them. And eventually, you're overwhelmed. Yeah. All right, I will go with, I'm going to go with the Demogorgon from Stranger Things. Oh, that's a great pick. That's great. Apparently, I'm a big fan of mostly mouth for a monster face, because the Demogorgon is just

a big old gaping fly trap of teeth. But it's so crazy, crazy creepy cool. It's just It's it's difficult I think to get to break into the scene with a with a new monster Right and have it like change the change the the the culture of well This is now a monster that we we all agree exists now forever Yeah, I mean people that have never watched Stranger Things, you know, whether it be just people who haven't seen it or children,

they know what a demogorgon is. It's broken into the culture and I am really sad that that was not on my list. Between the dune worm and the demogorgon, those are like, why are they not on my list? Well, they have been drafted. Well, I'm saying coming into the draft. I'm disappointed in myself.

You're kind of a dummy, Gorgon. Oh, yeah. Pfft, pfft. I'm gonna go with my final pick here. And look, I'm gonna take this monster because, again, You're gonna pay respect? It's not paying respect. It's just so cool. Honestly, I don't know if I've ever even seen the whole movie. I don't need to. I know how cool this monster

is. It's the Predator. The Predator with the dreadlocks in the... The shoulder laser cannon, the camouflage. The fact that you could be invisible I mean an invisible dreadlocked killer come on that's as cool as monsters get to me well and then also has a face that opens up yeah it does it does with big old fangs really creepy but they don't exist I'm glad the whole list doesn't exist not the Phoenix I want a Phoenix for a pet well that's cuz not a monster yeah probably all right Mike went with Dragon, Balrog, Godzilla, Predator, I have Xenomorph, Phoenix, Werewolf, Demi Gorgon, Mike has a Sandworm, Kraken, Krampus. He likes that language. Krampus, Kraken, and then the

Zombie. It's a good strong case. What was left off your list that you said was a shame if it wasn't Tracted? It's the Yeti. Oh, OK. Like, Bigfoot is the OG. It's not really a monster. I always thought the Yeti was the, it's like the ice Bigfoot. Yes, but Bigfoot is a Yeti. But like, the abominable snowman is a Yeti. I thought they were cousins. You're telling me you're not putting a leash on that thing

and bringing them home? Bigfoot? Yeah, the Yeti. I've seen the Hendersons, you know? They didn't put a leash on him. No, but I'm saying- He was a friend. He was a free friend.

I put a leash on all my friends. King Kong. That's a good one. Dracula. Yeah. Pale Man from- Oh yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah.

I got a Basilisk. Okay. What's it say again? I got Hydra. All the necks and heads cut them off and more grow and then my personal favorite that I knew Would be here at the end if if my list was taken was solely From monsters. Oh So I see what you did there's a monster. Yeah, then I also had

Centaurs I had the Minotaur on there and I had the boogeyman Oh, that's a good one. Whatman. Ooh, that's a good one. Because what exactly is the Boogeyman? Yeah, that's a good final question. I don't know, but I'm scared of the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman is whatever you're scared of. Yeah. I think, yeah, the Boogeyman might be made of darkness.

Yeah. Just like pure shadow. Just like a shadow man. Like that paint where it's so black that it just takes all light away. You ever seen a room painted like that? Good to think about. That's where the Boogeyman lives.

Right in there. Boogeyman painted that room. That's his bedroom. What did we learn today? The Boogeyman has a bedroom. Honestly, I definitely learned that I'm alone in using a giant spoon apparently, which is the normal spoon to be used. It is not. It is not. Oh, I will be asking people very shortly. That using a giant spoon apparently, which is the normal spoon to be used.

It is not. It is not. Oh, I will be asking people very shortly. I learned that if you give money when you steal objects, it's really buying objects. It's just purchasing things, yeah. For a great deal. I learned I got to figure out how I can hang out with 16-year-old Mike. You sound so cool. It's gonna be bros

All right, that is it for the show. Thank you for tuning in Please tell your friends if you enjoy the spitballers podcast and back with a new one next week. Goodbye Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.