Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: The Great Bean-Off of 1888 & Things That Are Cold - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Spit Hit for Sept 26th, 2024: On today’s episode, Jason Explains to us the origin of a very well known idiom. We also discuss acapella music, how often we mop our floors, and the definition of a moment. We close it down with a draft of things that are cold. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. A breeze, a wheeze, a breezy, a sneezy, it's so cold! Chilly! Alright, welcome to the SpitBars Podcast. Beautiful. Sensational.

You know, I love it topical. Yeah. Sensational you know I love it topical yeah, and But to go to let the spit was in behind the scenes The you were asking in the office you're like what is it? What's the thing that I always do in my scat because like with and in our you know Some kind hearted feedback and poking fun at our and our friend over here doing his scat. Everyone's got their badingy. I'm always sad. Yes, yeah, we all have our crutch. Well, and I remembered that the last time I had the scat,

you pointed out that I did something. I just couldn't remember. I don't remember what we say like five minutes ago. So I certainly don't remember what my thing was. So I had asked you, you said I'm wheezy at the end. Yeah, you go to a whisper. Vow. Like a chili. Yeah, you go to a whisper. Favaz. Like a chili.

Yeah, you go to that. So you took that feedback and said, I will not rest upon this crutch. I'm no Tiny Tim. That's right. I walk on my two feet, and I will go as loud as I can possibly go. It's so cold.

Can't whisper when you're go. It's so cold. Can't whisper when you're yelling. That's what they say. That's the only two volumes I have. Whisper and scream. Welcome, welcome. Well Jason, this moment in time is the furthest you are from your next gap.

It's the best feeling. Once it's done and over and we're on with the show. I like that we we do have like complete autonomy. We built a show that has a built-in thing you dread. Oh yeah yeah yeah. And we just stuck with it. Welcome into the Spirit Ballers would you rather Jason explains that's a great question and speaking of topical we are drafting you know the weather it's changing even here in Arizona. It's a little cool outside, so we are drafting things that are cold.

We are drafting things that are cold. I am curious what you will rank at the tippy top of your list of cold things. I think there's- You won't be happy, Andy. Really? Yeah. Well, that's ridiculous.

That's your number one pick? Just to ruin me? Not just to ruin you, because it's the number one pick. Oh, okay. Okay. It's fine. There are other picks that I like. Um, I got some good ones. Oh, I got some great skis. It's going to be a fun one. I can't wait. Can't wait for this draft at spitballers pod on Twitter, Instagram dot com slash spitballers pod. Al would like me to make a public service announcement. He is retired. No he's not retiring. The return of liar liar next week. Two point oh is about to be unleashed upon us. Go if you go back go back and check out the most recent liar

liar. I don't know what episode number that was but but Al got real mad. He's deleted the episode. He got real mad and said, fine, I'm changing all the rules. That is his voice. We played that. That was a clip. Let me play that clip again. Here we go. Yes, I'm changing the rules,

can you guys? Thank you, Al. Yes, so the rules, I guess they're changing next week. Liar Liar returns. Looking forward to it. Let's get it started. Would you rather?

All right, Isaiah from Patreon. Would you rather have to listen to all music as instrumentals with no lyrics or acapella music only with no instruments? And I assume that these are both good. Yes. Right, because, because. You're getting, like, you're getting like the Pentatonix,

you're getting the dudes from the Carmen Sandiego. Because not all acapella. World is Carmen Sandiego. Not all. Acapella groups can be real cringy. I believe that Rockapella is their name. I believe all acapella groups can be real crazy. I believe that Rock-a-Pella is their name. I believe all acapella groups are awesome. That's the official statement.

No, it was funny. I was in my car yesterday and I had Spotify on. And every once in a while, I just wanna venture somewhere completely. I just wanna take a turn into a dirt road. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna go away from my normals and I'm just gonna mess around with the Spotify app

and I clicked on genres and moods, okay? And then I scrolled down genres and moods and I found something called house chill. Oh yeah, house chill? And then I clicked on that. Yeah, I'm in on that. And I was completely in the mood with the sky the way it was.

It was dark, it was rainy. And I was like, I want some house chill. But my interpretation of that, and this is, I'm a layman on the house chill, was that there would not be lyrics within this. There would be no vocals. And so when the music started going, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Yeah, it's an EDM, right? It's an EDM, and I didn't want the vocals, and the vocals kept coming in. I was really disappointed. Were they actually like sing singing lyrics? Yeah, there was some sing sing lyrics. I'm a house, I was really disappointed. Were they actually like sing-singing lyrics? Yeah, there was some sing-sing lyrics. Interesting. I'm at house, I'm so chill.

It wasn't just like a, you know, like a, like a. Were they throw in just a two phrase, a phrase here or there? No, it wasn't like one of those. They were singing? They were singing. Just full songs. So I was really disappointed, but I was kind of weighing, in that situation, I really wanted instrumental

I think that's got the longest lasting value here and that's my final vote I certainly I know for sure that I can get annoyed with the acapella groups. However, there's an advantage like acapella groups good ones Sounds like instruments. They can they can do a nice you know baseline and they have bass and drums sure I mean that those are some instruments they really need to bring my trumpet what about that things what about they like that oh we like those I mean that's just vocals that's do off that's part of it though right yeah just drums you got somebody in there yeah but I mean I I don't

consider that like trying to mimic an instrument. Okay, all right, that's fair. I'm going instrumental, I think that's what I want. I am gonna go with instrumental, and something that's been interesting for me my entire life of, because I'm a musician, have been since birth, and the way that I listen to music

is the words are almost not important to me I don't know sometimes a good lyric stands out here there but frequently I just I hear the voice as a as another instrument is you're just singing the melody notes to me it's it it it's weird. The words are sounds. Yeah like I hear yeah exactly and I don't I don't know the words I'll be you know the popular songs everyone knows the every single word to this song and it just my brain never takes that input. I know the melody I'm like I could tell you what the the auxiliary guitar is doing I could tell you what the percussion's doing it's It's really weird.

Do you guys have that ever happen? Yes, yes. I was gonna say, I am far less advanced in every musical aspect than you. But I am not the lyric memorizing, word memorizing listener. And I also laugh because when I was growing up, I listened to tons of bands that had lyrics

I definitely shouldn't have been listening to. And I didn't, I didn't even hear them. It was like, I heard the musical part of the song not like my sister. She memorizes every lyric instantaneously and I'm like, it's just not how I listen to music. I'm with you guys I I remember the the sounds more than the words and I can totally relate to now being an adult listening to the songs I listened to when I was a kid being like whoa that is yeah had no impact on me at all but I knew the words I could sing the words but like they just meant nothing they were they were just sounds so I'll just

thank you miss I was a fan of sublime growing up that I didn't listen to the lyrics Al is a musical person as well, but but like you actually like musicals So where the lyrics are incredibly important as you're pushing forward the story Do you are you more of a lyric man, or do they just kind of make sounds to you? In general, I'd say I'm more they're just kind of sounds but when it comes to musicals, yeah I definitely listen to the lyrics Sorry, man, the problem is is that voice is really fun to do it's a blast you should try That's what I mean Isaiah that is our final answer Justin from the website Would you rather receive a car that never needs to be gassed or charged and stays in day one condition for eternity?

That's cool. That's a cool idea so far so good. It's like Jason's It's like Jason's new pair of socks every day. He just opens the garage and it's a brand new car All charged or gassed up, but I don't I donate them every other day. Does it is not in the notes here. Does it maintain? New car smell I imagine yeah day one day. It's not in the notes here. Does it maintain new car smell? I imagine, yeah, day one condition. All right. Which is a great deal. That is a big deal.

Number two option here, you could have that, or you could have an oven that instantly produces any meal or food that you can dream of. Gourmet level meals for free, instantly for life. Jason and I both just threw our hands up like, why is this a... would you rather... It's the second one. Would you rather have a car that's just a little newer, you know, like when you first got it

or magic. My car drives just fine and I can clean it whenever I want. I can take it to a gas is a superpower Would you rather be able to tell are you overlooking the savings from from no gas or charging your vehicle? I am NOT a free food for life. Are you overlooking? Do you know how much more I spend on food than I spend on? Gas or charging like there's no say do we need to dumb the second one down? Yes, we do to make it a fair trade like what if it is your oven stays clean no no here we go it's one meal a day for one person but it has the magic for one person make one meal a day for one person gourmet level for free and me

for life I don't know what my family's gonna eat I'm still taking that I know what I'm eating I'll take in that one. I know what I'm eating. I'm still taking that one. Yeah, because it's instantly and it's gourmet. What's your gourmet gonna be today? Oh man, that would be so great. Are you on the side, Al? I mean, since you were trying to poke us there, are you on the side where you take the car?

No, I'm taking the food. Okay, all right. I was just trying to make it more interesting or make sure you were overlooking it. No, Justin, you know what, Justin, we like eating. Yeah, I think if they gave me like, If you said that with, four cars for free, I would take the food.

Yeah. What if it was not gourmet? What if it was bottom of the barrel, but it was free and instant? Ooh. Okay, okay. Bottom of the barrel's pretty delicious. You know.

You ever scraped the bottom of a barrel? There's. You know. You ever scrape the bottom of a barrel? There's, you know, usually. Get that stuff, get that goop. Lower quality, the food. Delicious goop. High deliciousness. That's where all the flavor is. Yeah.

The char. It's not good for you. The grease. Good for you. Like the edges on the mac and cheese. All right, Scott from Patreon, would you rather be limited to 35 miles per hour or 35 megabits per second? Translation for the second one. It works slow internet really slow internet or slow driving

I mean this is I don't know how I live with either. You know you You have to take the internet, you take the internet. You're limited over there so you can actually drive. But 35, I mean, no. You can't use a freeway. Here's the thing that's funny about that is if, I think the pain in the restriction of 35 miles per hour is not technically the duration of how long it takes you to get somewhere. It's you driving 35. Like if you told me this was a chauffeur drives you everywhere at 35 miles an hour, I would just chalk it up to this is how long

it's gonna take me to get there. It might as well be getting on a train or something, and you just show up when the train gets there. You're a menace to society. Well that is a fact. My chauffeur would be. No, but your chauffeur cannot take you on the freeway because you'll get pulled over for going too

Slow throw those hazard lights on and you know What kind of car can you drive where it would be appropriate to go 35 miles an hour like golf cart? Okay, okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was arguing answer like one of the big rigs that pulls the half the house on the freeway Yeah, those can go 35, right? Yeah. I'm just trying to say where the other drivers are like, yeah, no problem. Avespa? Oh, man. Are those allowed on the freeway?

No, I don't think so. Those can't be allowed on the freeway. So, see, I would expect it to be going 35 then. No, I mean, 35 miles an hour. Roller blades? No. Like, you know, we live in a day and age now where a lot of us have gig internet, you know, it's a thousand megabits down, but it's like we don't need all of that.

I feel like the internet... Usually. I want the fast internet. That would be devastating. Really? To go to 35 megabits per second? Oh, man. Streaming is gone.

See you later. You're not streaming a thing. I could stream at 35. Yeah, that's what I feel like. No, you can't stream well at 35. What are we getting up north, Andy? No, you can stream at 35. You can stream on your... My phone rarely has anything close to 35. You're 100% right.

Even though they tell me that I am on some new technology. 5G, ultra-wide, my white blood. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You're right. 35 is fast enough. I guess I was interpreting it as much slower Yeah, it's not change it to five megabits a second you the whole equation changes I don't I don't think so if you're saying you can't stream then you have to drive slow because streaming is

Life, that's that's how I get my TV. So I was driving here in Arizona Yeah, I mean, I... Oh, man. So, we have some family that lives on the other side of the valley. The valley in Arizona is very spread out. The Phoenix metropolitan area is a bunch of little cities that are all kind of connected, and it is a freeway drive of like an hour to go to my in-laws. I would never see them again, correct At least at their place and that's a bit bad. No, that's a terrible thing. I do I love my in-laws

I love we that story normally ends with like No, I I am I'm gonna take the slow internet I don't think I could drive that slow I I get frustrated when someone ahead of me is driving slow and if it's me, not only will I be frustrated with myself, but I'll be so like paranoid about who I'm angering behind me. Oh, the hazards are 100% on. I do kids drop off every day and I and sometimes pick up and so you're

in these car lines. I am the personality type where I am like that's pressure. Get out of the car. That's pressure pack. You've got five seconds. There are cars waiting on me because I feel so like like I am letting other people down. If you and then you know the car in front of me, they're like, oh, they loaded up their back, the kid's getting out, popping the trunk, taking his time. I got scolded the other day.

By your school? Yeah. Too slow or too fast? Well, I don't think, sir, please don't kick your kid out of the vehicle. Too early. Oh yeah, yeah. That's such an Andy Holloway thing to get

scolded for. I was five minutes early to when they're supposed to get out and it messes the whole lineup. Oh, you were too early to pick up. I was too early to pick up and then, you know, like the kids aren't out there ready yet, but I'm in this big line where all these other kids at different grades are ready. Oh, right, right, right. I got scolded, but I'm not used to, I don't do pickupups, so that was a new world for me. So Jason, you're the math person when it comes to these types of equations. So we live about, our office is about 12 miles away

from our homes, because we all live pretty close to each other. So what does that work out to be time-wise? That would be six hours. That would be 12 miles at 35 miles an hour would be six hours. Pretty sure don't do the math on that. But I mean like legitimately it would take you, because it's about a 20 minute drive for us now.

So you take that to, what is it, takes like 40, 45 minutes? 12 miles, well in an hour you drive 35 miles, so it takes like 40 45 minutes 12 miles well in an hour you drive 35 miles so it'd be a third of that roughly so you're talking this is why I went to you it wouldn't be that much longer for our no it wouldn't be that much longer and how how slow would you agree to go if you never hit a light that's the question I have for you. No, I... Speed limit. You can't go below speed limit. Yes, I can go below speed limit.

Oh, because of the social pressure thing. Yeah, and I would say five over the speed limit. Five over the speed limit is the speed limit. If you had to go way slower than the speed limit, what I would recommend is taking your car and beating it up so that people think you have it floored. You know, you go, you scrape that thing up, you rip a fender off. This thing's totaled. This shouldn't even be on the road. Yeah, you put some smoke, like smoke makers in the back to where it's coming out of the

trunk. Put like something that's dragging on the ground, sparking everywhere. Oh yeah. You do also, I think, give yourself some protection because we've all certainly seen the cars where like they've got two spots where this person was clearly in an accident, like not a, not a devastating, but their car is messed up and I've looked at that car and be like, I don't want to be around this car. I am, I am terrified of this driver because this person don't care. That's if that person's car hits my car, they do not care. How do you feel about trailers being pulled around? Aren't trailers like the worst thing to be around?

You feel like something's going to go wrong. Something's going to fly off the trailer. The trailer's going to fly off. They don't go fast. Stay safe out there. All right. It's time for some Jason Explains. Jason explains in 60 seconds. Well we thought we'd work this segment in after you displayed your math prowess moments ago. Explains mathematics.

And let's go ahead and what do we do? We spin a wheel? Is that what we do? It's been a minute since we did a Jason explains. Jason explain how Jason explains work. Well give me 60 seconds. What happens is Jeremy pulls up the magical wheel spins it. We hear some clickings and then an answer is selected by the supercomputer. That is correct except that for some reason the wheel audio is not being routed properly.

Correct. I got you. I got you. Jason explains the idiom spill the beans. Oh, goodness gracious spill. Where does that come from? No, I actually do know this one. The idiom of spill the beans. It was actually created in 1888. Because what was happening was there was this very bean shaped year. It was a very bean shaped year. That's That was just coincidence. But what happened was there was a famous recipe for the world's most famous beans. They won the bean off in 1888.

So everyone was... There wasn't a lot going on back then. So beans were a big deal. And when they won the 88 bean off, everyone wanted to know what the recipe was so there was a bunch of rallying cries and everybody when yeah in fact people don't know this LL Bean the store that was that was the creator of the bean off winner he went into fashion later but LL Bean they don't do the bean off anymore do they? No they the bean off that was the final one. Oh okay. Bean off was done after that and so he went to the podium to accept his award everyone was saying spill the beans they wanted the recipe and he

he did give him the recipe. Oh really? He did and that's what made him have to go into fashion because his beans were not special anymore. So now when you say spill the beans it means let us know what we want to know, information you have that is secret and safe. Thank you. Yeah. Spill the beans. And he went into fashion. And is that where you got that shirt? Yes. This is an LL Bean shirt. Yeah. That's right. Well that's very helpful. On to that's right. Well, that's very helpful on to the great question That's a great question that's uh, that's how you imagined. Oh, yeah Yeah, to go. Yeah. No, you weren't aware of that. I

Great beat up. I didn't know that that was a situation that in the 1880s Yeah, I didn't know where that was a situation that in the 1880s Yeah, I didn't know where that specific term came from But for it to be the last one and for him to win quite an accomplishment wouldn't have been the last one if they didn't say Yeah, they didn't spill them. Okay, RG from patreon. How long is a moment? This is our great one of the great questions today. How long is a moment? For instance, someone says to you pass me the remote and you reply in just a moment. Or you may say like do you remember that moment in time when I spilled the beans? Those feel drastically different. Right, this is why I'm using

two examples because I feel like... But you went from a moment to a moment in time. Yeah. I feel like one moment and a moment in time, that's a very different measure. Do you remember that moment a few years ago, Mike? That would be another sentence I could use. Yeah, he didn't say in time there. Yeah, do you remember that moment a few years ago

when you spilled the beans? But when you add a few years ago- That seems short. No, what? Yeah, what do you say? Hey, a moment is. I think a moment is. Is like fleeting.

I think a moment is between 30 seconds and three minutes. I think it could be under 30 seconds. Cause you can like, did we just have a moment? And you're like, it was just a. Oh, because something happens. Lightning struck. So if we said the same thing at the same time. Yeah, we had a moment.

I wanna say that it creates a memory. I want to say that it creates a memory. But the problem with saying it creates a memory is when you say just a moment. When you say just a moment, I'm not creating anything. I'm saying like two seconds. It's basically akin to that. So I'm wondering if there are basically two moments. There might be more.

A moment is, it should be a set amount of time. It should be. It might be more. A moment is it should be a set amount of time. It should be. I think that was a set amount of time they just say that's the time. Well what's a bit then? A bit? A bit is usually like something that you perform for a good joke. No, hey Jason when are you gonna come over later? A little bit. Or when are you gonna come over? A bit later. In a little bit. In a bit come over a bit later? Yeah, a little bit in a bit in a bit. Well, it's a bit or a moment longer a Bit in a moment longer than if you said in a moment I'll be over in a moment means like I'm I'm almost on my way. I just need a little itty-bitty One moment, please. That's another phrase one moment, please

Somebody's trying to quantify and they're but they're being very specific as in there's just one Yeah, but so you get a multiple moments together at the same time as anyone ever said two moments, please Somebody's trying to quantify a moment. But they're being very specific as in there's just one. Yeah, but so you can have multiple moments together at the same time? Has anyone ever said two moments, please? Yeah, give me three moments and I'll be right with you. No, they never have. No, because it's not a unit of time.

How many moments in one wedding? Well, you can have many moments in a wedding. The moment when the bride cried. That's one moment. The moment when they kissed. I think you have to have a memory to a moment. Okay. And so when I say, one moment please. So like when you're on hold, you're remembering that? Yes, exactly. I'm trying to remember what it was I was asked. Yeah, but what about when you say,

when I say, hey Jason, come in here and show me where this food is, and you say, give me a moment. Yeah, give me where this food is, and you say, give me a moment. Yeah, give me a moment. So I gotta give one to you now? Well what I'm saying is give me a moment because I'm gonna pause you right there, and then I'm gonna have to remember what you asked of me. And because I remembered, like, oh yeah, you needed that, now the moment is over.

It's a moment to remember the question? It's a moment to remember the question. I think when people say one moment, please they're actually saying hold on I want to remember what you just said if it is a unit of time I think it could be anywhere from one second to like five minutes Yeah, maybe maybe even ten the question that never put a bow on this because we've really nailed it. We've exhausted it At what point after someone says give me a moment, are you allowed to then approach them again? That's the moment a moment doesn't become one moment

and it becomes more than one moment. Okay, we'll put the timer at five minutes. So at five oh one, I can say, Jason. You've had your moment. Yeah, you've had a moment. I didn't have a moment because I didn't remember. And so the memory is key. Now I need to have a moment because I didn't remember. And so the memory is key. Now I need to have that moment.

We have a different problem. If you took more than five minutes to remember. Right, yeah. It's a medical issue at this point. Yeah, I'm not going to get into all the extremities of that. Charissa from Patreon, if a car were invented that ran on stupidity, where would people go to refuel? Where do people refuel? Washington?

That's DC. Yes. Okay, I assumed. Oh man, those people up in the northwest, dummies! Get out of here, Seattle. that ran on stupidity The sets of reality shows oh Man, there's a lot of fuel just who's stupid is that the question? I'm saying Al nod where you go to refuel Where does stupid congregate? Give me the fourth quarter of a football game. I'm going to a couple middle schools For sure sure I think that there's a lot of dumb things. Yes there. Mm-hmm Especially when they think it's smart. Oh, that's no, it's even stupider for sure

If they just knew that it would that it was dumb and immature Then it's just it may you could argue. It's smart, right? Man, they're a little bit dumb middle schoolers, aren't they? There are a lot of dumb middle schoolers. We all were. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Do you know how often, my parenting advice for teenagers is to basically tell them how dumb I was when I was them.

That's basically what I keep reminding my son when we get into arguments. Just remember, your father was an idiot. Because when you get to a certain age at 14 15 16 I think 17 18 Right around there you basically don't know very much, but think you know all of it now That's what being a teenager, but are you I would refuel my son's room are you no offense son? Are you and I love you in fact? giving him permission then

to do dumb things, cause you're saying, I did a lot of dumb stuff, I totally get it, but look at me now. Like look where I am now. Successful family, got a good business, got good friends. That's how he'd reply. He would reply with that, he would be like.

That's how I would reply right now. Yeah. And be like, well you've just given me permission to act the fool. No, you're right. There are holes in my parenting technique. Now, could you ref? There's also no way to parent a teenager.

That's also the other thing. I think you could do a small charge, like if you can't make it to the set of the reality show or the middle school. Or Washington DC. But you need just a little bit more. You could pull out your phone and just pull out some social media. Yeah. I was going to say, how do you get to the YouTube comments?

If you could get your. That's where stupid lives. If you could get the gas canister to start flicking through TikTok, you would be like having unlimited gas. Yeah, you just let the car watch some reels. Oh, man. Man, this car is going fast. Yeah.

Yeah. We did it. It is definitely it's, it's reels. It's ticked. I look guilty. Oh yeah. I refilled my stupid tank all the time. It's like the, uh, the Billy Madison quote where it's like after watching this, that is the stupidest thing that I've ever seen. We are all stupider for having watched it together. All right, Joseph wants to know, what are the thresholds between a pebble, a rock, and a boulder? Well, this is outstanding.

All boulders are rocks. I can tell you a boulder will not fit in your shoe. No. No. I don't think a rock does either. A rock doesn't get in your shoe either. A rock doesn't fit in your shoe either? No, if it's in my shoe, it's a pebble. If a rock is in my shoe, there's abble if a rock is in my shoe. There's a

How there's a hole in the bottom? There's a whole bottle. Yeah, okay So you're saying pebbles are the only thing that can get into a shoe that that can slip by In through the top of the shoe. Yeah, if it can fit through there It cannot be a rock technically if your foot's not in it, you could put a rock into a shoe Okay, but if your foot's in it only a pebble put a rock into a shoe. But if your foot's in it, only a pebble gets in. So ankle in. Yes. Rock cannot fit.

Rock cannot fit. Pebbles are in. And all pebbles do are, they get in your shoes. I feel like a rock, to be honest with you, I need to be able to pick it up. That's exactly what it is. A boulder is different for people. Yeah, I need to be able to climb that,

or it will fall on you, but you can't pick it up. You probably have some boulders, Andy, that aren't boulders to me. Oh, because of weight? Yeah, because I can pick up that boulder, which means it's a rock. You know, there's this one or two hands, though. Two hands. Oh, I feel like if you got to go a second hand. You can't one hand a boulder. No, I don't think you can two hand a boulder.

Yes, you could. You can roll a boulder Yeah, you can roll a boulder, but if you can lift up a boulder, it's just a big rock Yeah, really? Yeah, you can't pick up a boulder So then there are boulders in yards that are kind of like I'm gonna say that the land big landscape big landscape They're selling me some boulders that I could definitely pick up with two hands. They've got you some big rocks Oh, you're paying for them. They're charging you for boulders but you're getting rocks man. And listen America and the world when you've got your landscapers coming out here and you're like oh yeah we ordered these boulders for the landscape go over there in front of them. You better have heavy machinery. You pull it up with all your

strength and if you can lift that off the ground you say I ordered boulders. I want to refund. I ordered bould you get you get me back here something I can't lift that's right this is case closed how you agree right I mean this is 100% easy stuff I mean rocks rocks are the most there's more rocks than anything else yeah I would I don't know yeah sand is not a bunch of pebbles is it no cuz that'll change the whole the whole equation I don't know, pebbles? Pebbles are- Sand is not a bunch of pebbles, is it? No. Because that'll change the whole equation. I don't think sand is pebbles.

We can't get into sand right now. Sand is like the single-celled organism of rocks. Yeah, sand is the single-celled- It hasn't evolved yet. Yeah. Okay, settled. Alec from Patreon. How often do I need to mop my tile floors

versus just sweeping or vacuuming? I'd love to know your answer to this. Interesting. I have my answer and I don't know, I think it's a bad one. Okay. Is when I can see stuff on the floor. But you can sweep that up. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, like a smear? When you sweep the floor, it's stuff that's on top of the floor, right? It's not like a stain, some water dripped, and then it got dirty, and now there's a spot on the floor. You mop a floor to clean the surface, not to take things that are laying on top of it. But if I can't see spots or dirt or... What about dust?

What if you see dust? Well, you could sweep dust. Yeah, but enough dust, you don't sweep. Yeah, you gotta mop that. Like if it's a massive amount. Really? Well, I mean, if you're saying you... I feel like I wouldn't wanna mop dust.

Take a glance out over a whole big room and then you see dust on all of it. You would not mop that, you would brush that? Well, here's what's really ironic. It would be a dust mop, which is sweeping. A dust mop? Yeah, you know what a dust mop. Which is sweeping. A dust mop? Yeah, you know what a dust mop is. Dude, dust mops I feel like are the biggest

scam in the world. We actually, so in our house- I'm talking about Swiffer. Yeah, is that what you mean by a dust mop? No, no, I mean a dust mop. That's the thing. You guys, wait. I'm not doubting you, but it is-

It's a push mop that's made of cloth, right? Yeah, it's basically, so our broom in our house is actually a dust mop. Why do you say that with so much condescension? So our broom in our house. So there's the dust mop that you're telling me that there's no water involved? Correct. No, there's no water. None at all.

I don't know why they call it a mop. I feel like we need a new definition. A mop implies... Dust broom is another word for it though. It should be a dust broom, 100%. But it's a dust mop? I think some people call it a mop. I feel like we need a new definition. A mop implies... Dust broom is another word for it though. It should be a dust broom. But it's a dust mop? I think some people call it a dust broom. I would.

A dust broom? I think so. I've never heard of dust broom in my life. A mop says there is water involved or some sort of cleaner. Unless the word dust comes in front of it. No, no, this is chicanery and needs to be removed. Are you there's people are selling products? Look up mop on there. There's no broom. There's no liquid cleaning. You get a bunch of dust mop results Yes, because I get dust mop now those are those are not efficient for a home

Oh, those are actually super great for a home the average home if you have like if you have like because you can't navigate around Small areas. Oh, yeah, that's very well, there's different sizes. Yeah, our our normal. What we're gonna call it a dust broom, because that's what I use. This is ridiculous. It's the size of a of a broom. It's it's you know, okay, about 12 inches. But then what do you do with the dust? So I wash the dust broom, right? Yes, you do eventually mop the room itself

No, you just take off the little microfiber throw that in the in that's what I'm saying. That's big This is a big business They give you the Swiffer's and the dust brooms and you got to throw their things away and buy their subscriptions So you don't like Swiffer's Swiffer's are you just need so many of them every time I've tried to use it So the replaceable yeah, yeah the pad it's like I buy a Swiffer. Well cool, man. I got this Swiffer It's so fast and easy squirt squirt squirt and then I'm going through the whole package to get like half my floor Then it sounds like you need to be mopping my do need to be mopping or living in a smaller house How do we not have self mopping floors?

Well, they'll mopping floors. I haven't figured the engineering out yet. We've got the iRobot vacuums. We've got the Roomba, yeah. And they do have a Roomba. The floor should be at an angle so the water can come out on the top and swoop. Can you grade my house please? That's nonsense.

They have the vacuums built into like cabinets and stuff, right? Yep. Yeah, where it just goes into the wall. I'm just saying. I mean, those were, yeah, that was pretty hot in like the 80s I think but I mean I don't I don't mop my floor because it's been a week

I mop my floor because it's dirty. You don't have mop day? I don't have a mop day. No. Yeah, that's how my wife is she like We threw a couple parties on the weekend She mopped the floor because it was like yeah, you got it wasn't like it was mop day. No, I don't You you sweep and mop when it's dirty. So, these things are talking about like... So there's dry mops. This is blowing my mind.

Yeah. A dry mop? You've never heard of a dry mop? I'm just... To me, mop means liquid. Mop means liquid. But when you have a dry mop or a dust mop, it means... Psych! A mop is called a broom. It's called a psych mop.

I mean, as a verb, to mop something is to clean or soak up liquid from something by wiping. So technically you can mop with a dry mop if the surface is already wet. Okay, so then it becomes... It becomes a mop through touching the wetness. Like if you spilled a soda. Yeah, you would mop that up.

You would mop that up. You would, you cannot sweep up a spilled soda. Gross. But there's, because there's liquid involved. But you don't want it to be wet when it's a dust mop. Right, no you definitely don't. This is making me upset. One more hour should we draft.

Like you've seen, you know, you go to a basketball game, right, and they're mopping up the sweat. No, but before the game, they do like to sweat when someone falls, but like before the game, they go and they sweep up the dust so that the surface is not. It's a push broom kind of. Yeah, a push mop.

But what word did you just use? Mop. No, he said sweep up the dust. Yes, but that's called a dust mop. That's the tool's name. I didn't name it no i'm not mad i don't think you named it he's not got an issue with you i have an issue with big dust broom is ridiculous should be dust broom all right we are uh we're moving on the spitballers Draft

Alright, we are drafting things that are cold. Jason, you have the first pick in our Things That Are Cold draft. Don't screw it up. I won't, because even though this might not be like my favorite at the table compared to someone else. This is such bull. When I thought of what are things that are cold that are awesome, that are lovely, that are beloved, that I like, I mean, it was a very easy answer to say, well, ice cream is, I mean,

that's the number one best cold thing. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't necessarily agree with you. Okay. Well, I will say this, there is something else on my list that I enjoy more, but ice cream was the first thing that came to mind. So you're taking ice cream.

It's the 101. I mean look, it's a powerhouse in the cold team. Yeah, you can eat it on a hot summer day, you can eat it on a chilly day too, because why? Sugar, sugar is delicious. I've never really thought about the benefits of eating it on a chilly day before.

Yeah. I've never gone to, I've never gone, it's nice and chilly outside, let's get some ice cream. Oh really? Because it's delicious. No, I mean any day is fine. Look, the 101, in my opinion, is snow. Snow is my 101. Okay. Do you want to know why it's your 101?

Why? It's on my list. I have a... Because it's cold? I have fresh snow. But no, the reason it's... Oh, mine's old and musty. Oh, probably yellow. I mean, goodness gracious. Why is it number one?

How long has that snow been there? Like two weeks? It's number one to you because we live in Arizona. I think snow is a nightmare for a lot of people around the country. I'm not saying snow doesn't have its side effects, but let's be honest, so does ice cream. The point is that when snow's at its best, it's the leader in the clubhouse. Snow's beautiful, snow's amazing to look at, falls from the sky, ice cream hasn't figured that out.

Would you rather have a, just honest question, would you rather have a bowl of ice cream? Or a bowl of snow? I knew that was gonna be- I mean, just answer the question. Yeah, no, in that case, I'd go with the ice cream. But if I'm doing it not. I rest my case.

Well, hold on. Hold on, is it hot or cold outside? So would you rather have a bowl of ice, of snow, if it's? Perhaps I have a beverage. If you want to lather yourself, I mean, you may want the snow. But look, snow is beautiful. It leads the team and and being cold and All right, Mike you're up. You're up Mike you guys

Look it some of those there's some my list, but you guys went a very different direction I'm gonna start this draft off with a corpse. Oh They are Wow very very cold. Are you hope very cold? Well, not not hope They are. Wow. Very cold. You hope. Very cold, well not hope. Well I'm just.

If you touch the body and it's not cold, it is not a corpse. Well if you leave it out in the sun, I mean this is gonna be a real problem for you Mike. You don't want a hot corpse. I didn't see corpse come in a mile away. If you leave ice cream out in the sun, it will no longer be cold either.

Ooh, hot ice cream. Let's figure that one out. That's fair. But I thought, I started it off. So you went out with cold. And I went with the phrase cold to the touch. Really? Was one of the first things that popped into my head.

And so I stuck with it. I'm just going to have a good time over here. You're going to have a good time with your corpse. What's your second favorite cold thing? Outer space. Now that's a great pick. You want to talk about cold? You want to redeem corpse real quick, you choose outer space with your next pick, powerhouse.

Okay that is a great pick. That's not on my list. It's technically cold right? Oh it's freezing. It's the absence of heat. It's vacuum heat. Yes, if you were to go into space and... Cold is such a good pick.

I mean space. Like with no protection. I think you cold I think you die from the cold first oh that's that's some that's a great heck yeah we're back baby corpse in space space is outstanding what I've got so the baseline temperature of outer space is 2.7 Kelvins mine aka minus 454 degrees Fahrenheit. That's incredible.

A little chilly. I feel like if space is the absence of all heat, it shouldn't be minus 454. That should be zero. It should be whatever no heat is. It should be a base number. I think when we started. The base number is, I think zero degrees Kelvin,

because that's when. Correct. So it's slightly warmer? Well, at zero Kelvin, that means that molecules are not moving at all all right hotshot just drop your science to yourself man it's baby alright so so you went with outer space that's a great pick I'm gonna come back here with air conditioning because if you're gonna take that's the one-on-one for you out that's the. Because if you're gonna take, that's the 101 for you Al. That's the 101.

Yeah, you're gonna come after my ice cream. I sure as heck am taking air conditioning away from you. And if you wanna do a trade later, that's fine. I, oh man, that's. Put me in a house with either air conditioning or a bowl of ice cream. Which one do you wanna be in? I wanna be in an air conditioning house.

Yeah, buddy. Man, that is. But you have to put it in a bowl to keep the comparison going. That is tough. I will make the trade. Would you like to do our first trade? Wait, whoa. Is this allowed? Whoa.

We got to go to the ruling party here. Can we make mid-draft trades? If both parties consent, I'll allow it. I want this pick too. Okay. Oh, no. Wait, you're asking for more? You don't get to leave the draft with more picks than me. I will do a one for one trade if you'd rather

have ice cream than ice cream. Look, let's build these teams and at the end we can decide if we want to do the trade. Oh, man. I think this is an offer that's right now on the board. Yeah, I'm taking... Yeah, you're 100% right, Mike. I will not allow this trade to go through later. It's now or never. No, I think I got a really standing ovation for air conditioning. I'm sticking with it. All right. OK.

That was definitely going to be my next pick. That's the thing that is nearer and dearer to my heart than ice cream, but I thought it would get back to me. Because in Arizona, it is life. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want? Life? Otherwise, you're a corpse.

We should not be here. Mm-mm. We just, we shouldn't have done it, but thankfully they made air conditioning and now we can stay. All right, I got a lot of great things on my list here, but I'm gonna go near and dear to my heart since I didn't with ice cream over air conditioner.

Love cold air conditioner. Yeah. You know what else I love when it's cold? Cold pillow. That's, I mean, I'm flipping my pillow to get to the cold side of our times. You do a lot of flips? Oh, I flip probably 10 times a night.

Really? Probably more than that. You flip? Really? You flip the, and do you flip it horizontal or long ways? Yeah, no, it's just the short flip. Short flip, you don't go big flip. Who would flip it the other way? One way is so easy to flip over,

the other is like, the other you're hitting your spouse. You ever do the long flip though because you got the side of the pillow where the pillowcase is kind of uncomfortable? Well yeah, you gotta make sure that that's all lined up. Okay. I totally get that. All right, so you do a little short.

I average maybe one and a half. Now I'm just picturing like people cooking hot dogs with the, with the long rotation instead of the short rotation. You got to go over the top. That's right. Could get an even even cut. So cold pillow. Yes. It's a good pet. Um, and then I am going to take, I'm gonna take something where, I mean I know this isn't always, this isn't always a super popular thing, but right now it is, at least some parts of every year it is, it's got magic in it.

Taking the North Pole. It's on my list. Because Santa's there and it's freezing. It's very cold up there. Yeah, so. That's a sneaky pick in your cold team. Yeah, yeah, it's on my list, I like it a lot. South Pole's getting the shaft.

Oh, no one wants to go to the South Pole. Yeah. That's where it's really cold. Angry elves there. There's you penguins. Well look, I'm gonna take a little bit of a detour from your North Pole and I'm gonna go with things that are cold, I'm going with glaciers.

I'm taking glaciers. I mean look, snow's involved in the process, but these glaciers, they're big, they're beautiful. Who doesn't wanna go look at a glacier? I do wanna go look at a glacier. Yeah, you bet you do. I have climbed on one. Really?

Yeah, on my recent expedition over the summer, we went hiking on a glacier. And how was it? It was spectacular. What temperature was it? I mean, the glacier itself. The glacier, very cold. And they have, I mean, like cold as ice.

You could say that. And frequently melting, so like you'll find streams, and you can get down there. Oh, you get that glacier water? Oh. Really? You drank the glacier water? It was so cold cold I don't know how it was this cold well it was so cold no but the water is you can get colder this whole freezing thing is very interesting

like yes you can have water that's under the the the freezing point yeah you've got because I see these people they do the cold plunges mm-hmm and and they do it in 30 degrees, but then some people doing like negative degrees How do you because of the salt I guess I mean yeah, I think usually like that's why the ocean water So why the ocean doesn't freeze over man. We don't know science All right, so I went with glaciers Mike you're up all right with my first pick It I don't care for this personally, but the word is so good. Uh, so I will be drafting gazpacho. Is that cold soup?

You're done right? It's cold soup. Gazpacho. Drafted it for the word? Yes, I did. I don't think there's a cold soup. I would, I would. Hey, there's, there's fancy hoity toity people out there drinking their cold soups.

Wow. He went with gaz this bottle and a corpse Is outstanding what's grosser a corpse or gazpacho? I think this one Give me the corpse you keep your gazpacho. No, I mean if I'm gonna I Can't think what is a good cold soup doesn't exist. Hold on. We got it. We got to get to the bottom I mean, I'll eat is a good cold soup doesn't exist hold on we got it. We got to get to the bottom I mean, I'll eat some serious of cold soups Yeah, the material is not a soup. We've established. Yeah. Yeah, so we got a chipotle gazpacho

Gross a green cucumber and come on. Okay the mint the mint on the cold. Maybe that's all right What about a chipotle red pepper? I can't redeem this, Jason. No, but it is a good word. Yes. Gazpacho. It's really a fun word to say. And I'm gonna close out my draft with liquid nitrogen. Ooh, fun, that's how you kill the Terminator.

That's a good one, and they make ice cream with that. Liquid nitrogen sitting at about minus 300 or so. Is that where it's at? Oh it's you yeah you touched that you're gonna be in for a bad time. So wait liquid nitrogen is at minus 300 and space is minus 450 so basically from a perceptible standpoint you might as well be spraying somebody with space. I guess I mean I'll verify it. That's that's pretty cold, man Let's see temperature of liquid nitrogen minus three twenty according to air products dot-code dot-uk. Oh, yeah. Thank you for the source Wow That's really cold

I'm going polar bears I'm taking polar bears They got all that fur look look you you don't get to sit here and tell me a polar bear isn't cold. You don't get to tell me that a penguin isn't cold. They're cold animals. The penguins are definitely cold because I see them shivering and they get in the group, but the polar bears are like, I'm going in the ocean. I need to cool off.

I'm very warm-blooded. Look, he's physically cold. He may be able to warm himself up. Oh, he's cold-blooded in that way. I'm taking a cold-weather animal that's Roman. Look, it's a polar bear. You drafted gazpacho. Don't even talk to me. That's a good counterpoint.

I'm just saying, I know for sure my gazpacho is cold. I don't know if the polar bear is. What if you heat up gazpacho? Then it's soup. You just have to call it, like, bean soup? Yeah, it's soup. You just have to call it like bean soup. Yeah. It's delicious. Alright, let's go ahead and yeah, Al you're not sending me like a breaking news button that the polar bear is maintaining a body temperature allowing it to live. I'm not under

the illusion it's a reptile living out there in the in the pole, but it's a warm-blooded creature Keeping its temperature at 37 Celsius aka 98.6. Oh my gosh. No very cool. That's not very cold at all 98 degrees You ever tell you like that's that's very warm. Thank you guys appreciate it Jason why don't you wrap this up? All right I've got quite a few that I really like, but I'm going to go with one that you can have a lot of fun with, also something

you don't want to touch because it's very, very cold. OK. But if you want to get some bubbly water, you want to get some smoke, you want to keep something cold when you ship it far distances, I'm taking dry ice. Don't touch with bare hands. Yes.

Dry ice. Yeah, it's very fun. You put it in the water and you have a little seance. Yeah, I get the house chill fired up. The next time, the next time Al is out roaming, you know, in the middle of like a cold winter and he goes, I'm cold. I'm going to remind him he's currently running 98.7. That's what I'm going to remind him. You're not cold. You're not cold, you're running 98.7. All right, so some other final considerations. I couldn't help but, when I was thinking of a beverage that would be cold, I couldn't help but put iced tea

at the top of the list. Yeah. Even though like, soda is in that category. Mm-hmm. I also threw hockey into the mix. I thought about putting hockey on there. I had. I have ice rink.

I'm surprised you didn't draft a fridge, Jason. Oh, is that a fat joke? No, I mean, you just like food. I had freezer on there. I had caves. Oh, that's a good one. That's a very good one. I was going to go a little bit more left field and just go with mint because it's not actually cold but it is. You associate it with cold. And I had already taken Corpse so I didn't want to take this one but I thought I was gonna go with Walt Disney's head. Oh yeah, very very cold right there.

It's a different pick, it's a sleeper pick. My wife will be sad that I did not take pebble ice She loves like the you know the the chewy soft ice just pebble ice not other ice I wish that your list was just ice fill in blank for every single one of your pick. Pebble ice, ice rink, dry ice, Icicle. Dry ice is a great pick. I had really outside the box. No one of my favorite cold things. I had milk No one wants warm milk. No, that's great. You want cold milk choice pizza. I love cold pizza I'm I got out of that once I became a man. Oh, man Don't hear what I'm not saying. I love my kid. I was in on the cold pizza

I love hot pizza But when you just grab a slice straight out of the fridge and put it straight into the you into them I've never been able to do so good as a kid. I get it. I hear the popularity My kids are into it. I've I've attempted Jason ever outgrew it and I thought why am I never have never will yeah Well, it's just so much quicker. That's it's really for speed. You're like, oh pizza. That looks good I think a spot you came about Some guy didn't want to reheat a soup and decided to name it a cool name He they didn't pay the gas bill this year and I'm what do you have for dinner? Uh spot Joe

That looks like cold tomato soup no, it's good spot show. Yes. Yes. It's way fancier. What'd you have another one, Jay? Yeah, I was going to say I couldn't take this because I had ice cream, but a popsicle. Very popular cold treat. Snowballs? Oh, snowballs would be fun. Snowman, snow angels. Woolly mammoths. Once again, Andy, 98 degrees.

What did we learn today? Well, the L.L. Bean situation I had no idea where that began. No. That's that's. Know your history kids. Yeah you're welcome. I knew it was cold but I never realized that that space is minus 450 degrees and that's very cold. I realized that we could have free fuel forever in stupidity just thanks to social media. Ain't that the truth. Thought about an insult, too, like a cold-blooded insult. Oh, that's nice.

That was more like Mike's corpse-getting clear. A murder. Get there. Hey, tell your friends about the podcast, everybody. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballers pod.com