Spitballers Comedy Podcast - The Gamification of Urination and Choosing Each Other's Outfits - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Spit Hit for Nov 14th, 2024: On this episode, tune in to hear all about our idea to gamify men’s restrooms, an extremely rude sounding conversation technique, and joining the poopy pants club. We also provide value with some real life education on how to kill wasps and how to use Brooks’ money to pull off the ultimate troll. Lastly, we make each other look ridiculous by drafting each other’s clothing items. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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except it's a suit, and I look super sharp and super awesome. I went into one of their showrooms, got measured, it was real quick, real professional. I get to pick out so many things and customize so many different parts of the suit and then in just a little bit of time it shows up at my door. And I got crazy deals going on like door, crasher shirts starting at $49, custom suits start at just $329. Outwear up to 40% off. You've got to check it out at Indochino. Upgrade your closet and shop discounted custom pieces and bundles at Indochino.com during their Black Friday sale November 18th through December 1st and their cyber sale from December 2nd to December 8th. That's INDOCHINO.COM. D-O-C-H-I-N-O dot com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason.

Yes, simplified it up. It was pretty simple, but I liked it. I mean, I don't know if I'm in a weird mood, but I like that. Sometimes why now? I mean, now I know what I can go to to get Jason on board. It's just it's rare that we have one. But did it about both, but do it was very rare and by very rare. I mean, like, I can't ever remember one or like the beginning, the middle and the end just kind of all worked.

It will always start strong or in strong and have just a massacre at some point. That was just simple and to it. I liked it. Yeah, I mean the brownie, if you don't put the nuts in it, it's just good through and through. You mix a few nuts in, you're taking your chance. Oh, you're pulling out the scorecards?

I'm pulling out the scorecards here. Yeah? Because that was a solid seven. Okay, all right. I mean, I'd take a seven. Yeah. Yeah, I do, you know. Which is probably the highest grade we've ever got

I mean I reserve a seven eight nine for for the walnut brownies. That's that's fine There was very little risk taken exactly wait wait although. I don't like walnut brown Are you saying yeah, cuz you put walnut brownies at the high end of the ten like they're way much worse than non walnut Yeah, it was a bad example because the truth is is all I'm saying is when you add more variables to the equation it becomes riskier with a higher reward. I don't like walnuts in my brownies. I should have gone with something else. That is what we just needed to clarify because the monsters that started putting nuts in brownies and then that just became the standard. It's a shame on you. How did that happen? Is that a salty?

It's big nuts. It is. It is absolutely Absolutely. They're everywhere, man. They're a real problem. Always ruin your foods. One brownie at a time. Was it a salty sweet thing that they decided that they wanted to go with? I don't mind salty and sweet. That's great. I know what I'm saying. The problem is that where they formulated the, yeah, I believe we've learned. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Yeah. So they started making both. When I'm saying. The problem is that where they formulated the yeah, I believe we've learned sometimes you feel like a nut Sometimes you don't yeah, so they started making both when I'm eating something soft. I don't feel like a crunchy Well, yes, you do sometimes so you're a mounds guy Yeah, I'm a mounds not a I'll enjoy you don't ever feel like a nut

I feel nutty all the time does anyone like those candy bars. No I feel nutty all the time. Does anyone like those candy bars? No Yeah, I kind of do like mounds yeah, okay when it when when Halloween runs around and you know When that happens I'm rating my children candy. You go for the mounds? Well, yeah, because I know they don't want them. And I like them, so it's great because they're not gonna miss them. They're like, what is this, coconut? And I'm the one that gets made fun of

for the antiquated candy takes. Yeah, no, I am fully aware that the coconut mounds are not usually the pinnacle of people's preference. Welcome to the spitballers podcast, Andy, Mike and Jason with you, would you rather situation room. And we are drafting. This was going to be fun. We are drafting clothing that you would like to make the other people wear all of the time. So I am drafting to basically put four pieces of clothing on you

guys for the rest of your lives. Yeah. We got to be fun. Mike has the first pick. And I've got to, I mean, there's a lot of good ones, but I'm very happy with my first pick. All right. At spitballers pod on Twitter. Jason knows what it is. Probably. Let's get it going. Would you rather. Would you rather? Would you rather question coming in from Steve on the website. He says, during every conversation, would you rather say now it's my turn to speak every time you start speaking?

What are these questions? Or you say now it's your turn to speak every time you finish speaking. So let's play this out here. Now it's your turn to speak every time you finish speaking So let's play this out here now. It's your turn to speak Jason. Well now it's my time to speak and I mean one of these things is Unbelievably rude I'm with you Jason one of them is it could be seen as polite and the other could be seen as rude absolutely if I'm if I'm talking and I finish my sentence and I say okay now Mike It's your time to speak. That's fine. What a polite person, but if you're speaking and I said now It's my time to speak. I thought that you were gonna say that now it's like now. It's my time to speak

I thought you were gonna say that your turn is the rude one. No. Well, we still get to control the inflection a little bit, right? Yes. If I'm saying, well, now it's your time to speak, that is far less... I mean, I can make it rude. I can be like, now it's your turn to speak. That's rude. But I don't know how to un-rude, declaring that it is now my time to speak.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Now it's my turn to speak. Oh, that's rude. That was so rude. That was super rude. That was your best example of not rude. Yeah, that sounded pretty insulting. That was super rude. I felt attacked. I felt personally attacked. I felt fine delivering it. Well, that's a problem. Hold on, hold on. Now it's my turn to speak. No I can't say it. You can't say it in a good way. I'm trying man. Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Now it's my turn to speak. Yeah. Yeah it feels a little rude. Well they're both terrible. Well I'm not saying that I want either of these. I'm choosing the one where I hand the baton to the other person. That's my final answer. Yeah, because at the end of the day, when you are making one of these declarations, one of them is self-serving and one of them is giving. Even if they're both rude at, at the end of one, it's like,

You're either cutting somebody off. But I'm, I'm saying I'm taking the time now all eyes on me. And now here I go. It's just, you can't do that. That's I saw that's my finance or sounds like you're the same. Sure. I'm the other way. Okay. All right. All right. The way that what. But it's now it's your turn to speak.

That's thank you. Thank you. No that felt great. You're right. It is. Am I taking crazy pills over here. They just has a rude sound to it man. Yeah. So Brooks do you agree with with Andy and I or do you agree more with Mike? No I'm with you two. That's the better of the two. Mike hasn't done a lot of speaking in his life. He tries to avoid it at all costs. We're going to show you the ropes Mike. I guess. Also Al Borland out of the building today.

That's right. No one cares. I'm sitting here thinking what funny thing can I say to at his expense and you take care of it right away. Yeah. You just walked right over. Oh man. Alex from Patreon. Would you rather work in an office that smells strongly of urinal cakes or smells strongly of gasoline. Now urinal cakes does not the smell of urine. No. That's the smell of the very strong anti aroma that they attempt to have you urinate on. Yes but also at the same time then you just your brain fuses that smell. So it smells like it's the clean urine. It's the peepee cake. Yeah it smells like a peepee cake. urine. It's the peepee cake. Yeah, it smells like a peepee cake.

It does smell like a peepee cake. I wanted to, look, the women out there, you might never have. You want a peepee cake? You might never have smelled a urinal cake, because you don't use a urinal usually. Urinal cakes, so I was like, I wonder how they describe the scent of urinal cakes. I Googled what is the smell of a urinal cake.

Good Google. Yeah, thank you. What do urinal cakes smell like? Most urinal cakes have a neutral or pleasant smell. No. And no, no it does not. That is written by big urinal cakes. If it's right out of a package, sure. Before the pee pee gets on

it. Yeah. Even a first couple of pee pees. Right. The urinal cakes got its fresh. It's like, you know, it's like the plug, the plugins on the wall. The second you plug it in, that first aroma, you're good, but it just loses so much of its scent when it gets peed on. Right. If you be on the wall on one of those plugins. I mean in the end here it's getting peed on. It's smelling to some degree like pee. But I'd rather have the bathroom with them than without them. Oh for sure. Yeah. It gives me a target. I think that's like the bigger thing for for guys because they're just so gross that you try to hit the urinal Okay, yeah, you you have to put something like have you seen the there's urinals where they put like a fly

Like in just a like oh it gets you to pee on the fly Yeah, and they have works and it works they works is not they've done they they've done the studies, you know There's more people will keep it. They talk to the restaurants They're like is it cleaner after you've done this and they say oh, yeah tremendous. It's way cleaner They should make those guys are just I don't know what they're doing like going hands up You know I don't know a little dance while they're looking away. They think there's a fly on the floor I mean it does seem like People don't know how to use a urinal. And we used to work together in an office building

with a shared bathroom across all the different suites. And we even had, there were rumors of, there was a- The pier. Yeah. The pier. That was what we coined this person, the pier. And every now and then you would walk into this, you know, this mildly public restroom. It wasn't a public restroom, but this office complexes.

It's still, that's a public. Mildly public is a funny way to put it, but yes. It wasn't a public restroom, but this office complex's. Mildly public is a funny way to put it, but yes. Because it's not like the average public is just coming in to use this. It's not a gas station, but it's still a public restroom. Right, mildly public. And every now and then you go in there and there's a lake. Splash, splash, splash. Yes, it's just you're walking into a real problem. And then it's a self-perpetuating problem

because you need to take. You need a distance from the urinal to not stand in it. Oh. Yeah, that was the real problem. So you become the peer yourself. Yeah, because I mean, you can only lean so far from six feet away. Yeah. And here's the thing, why not make a urinal cake that's shaped like a target?

Oh, absolutely. That's a good idea. Like with scores. And it should light up when you hit the right part. Put up a top score. Yeah, that would help. Oh, like those balloon games where you shoot the water into the clown's mouth.

What if you are actually above the urinal? But there is a key. Why, above the urinal? Above the urinal? No there is a key. Why, above the urinal? Above the urinal. No, no, no. That's not where your target is. That would be a problem. No, but above the urinal is like a score tracker.

Oh, heck yeah. And you're competing with the guy next to you. There's a little hole in the back of the urinal, where the fly usually is. Yes. And it moves. It tracks your piece. So not only is this an act.

Oh, is it a volume thing, too? Yeah, it's accuracy and volume. It's like guys guys. Check this out. Do I score? It's like you got 10,000 Yeah, I'm drinking all day. How hydrated are you? I mean, that's I mean credible and then it says the name of the person you put in your initials We we people shake and you're like dude. Why don't you just go to the bathroom? No We we people shake and you're like dude, why don't you just go to the bathroom? No Score for the high score today fellas. This is a big business on the way is al al back or is he not? Oh, I'm here The people are very happy you're back. We said great things about you. I bet you did missed you. Yeah

The people did yeah Show been good so far. No so far nice it's been alright I would give it a ten so far we just went off in a urinal detour what do you think about this Al a score tracker on urinals where it tracks how accurate to the target and and the volume you have would you want to use that urinal more oh I'm in yeah you know how competitive I am. Oh, this whole office. I will destroy you at the urinal.

We would never drink more water. Volume eight, stream strength six. This is for health and for sanitation? This is truly a great idea. Oh, we'll just go be in there with super soakers trying to set the high score. You know, we'll be in there cheating. Are you cheating again on the urinal?

I'm sorry, this is just water. Yeah. All right, but by the way, the question was. Was there a question? The smell of urinal cakes or gasoline. I'm going gasoline, I love the smell of gas. Oh, it is delightful. My wife would huff gasoline at all times if she could.

There is a problem though, because I do as well, I'm one of the people that. Oh, you like it too? The gas station smells good get some gas in here Al but not that kind of gas Oh, no, correct. You think you like it, but then I I had a road trip as a kid I went up to a lake with some friends and my buddy had to fill up he was tasked with filling up the car and It overflowed and it got gas on his pants. Oh, he's in the car You do not like the smell so at first you think it's good

But then it's too much if you just start getting like a little dose of it But if you if it really smells like gasoline, yeah, I mean it's headache You're nauseous is it becomes a really big is that why Mobile never came out with the little Glade plugins with their gas flavor? Is that gasoline? So you're thinking, now this is just the smell of it. Maybe it doesn't have the... If it's too strong, it's going to be a real big problem. Okay.

Jason, do you have any other thoughts? I am just looking up to see if anyone has a urinal high score machine built, whether any kind of video game urinal exists because I think we're going to see if anyone has a urinal high score machine built. Okay. Whether any kind of video game urinal exists because I think we're, I think we're going to be onto something big here. I really do. We got to get the naming. P pals. Ooh, not bad. Okay. Okay. But that requires like multiple stalls. Yeah. Well, I mean it's head to head. Yeah, this is a game. They're all in pairs. It's

three, it's three pairs. Oh, it's like Topshop. Yeah. Okay. I mean, maybe you can get them in fours like when you have the race car games at the arcade. Yeah. And these are definitely I eye contact is necessary. Wait, they're head to head that way. Oh yeah. Face to face contact with each other. Yeah. The wall's in the way, but you can stare into your opponent's eyes. Okay. We're building different urinals over here, Mike. We'll have a different suite of options. Yeah. I mean, for different kinds of people. Mildly public, fully public, all types of restrooms. Yeah, now it's my time to talk.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Felt bad still. Yeah, that's terrible. Jonathan from Patreon, would you rather accidentally, oh, another P1, Jonathan, would you rather accidentally pee your pants once a month or poop your pants twice a year? Oh man, you gotta pee your pants. I don't poop your pants twice a year. Oh man. You got to pee

your pants. I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know because 12 or two like both both of these instances I imagine it's it's it's an accident so it is when you're not expecting it and no matter what you're having to change the pants. I was gonna say this is an emergency. You got to get out and change them. Sure. Not for sure. You don't have to change after a PX. This is a full beam. I'm not saying a trickle. Yeah. I'm not saying that I don't want to change my pants. I would want to change my pants if I peed my pants. Of course. But I could serve like if I if I didn't it would dry in this isn't like two hours later, I'm gonna be in pee pants. This is...

Oh my gosh, I can't believe... You're smelling bad. Uh... Don't hear what I'm not saying. I wish I had a pair of pants to change into. But if I didn't, you can survive in pee pants. If you don't have a change of clothes with poop pants, what are you doing? Well, hold on.

If you... Because assuming that you assuming that it's a healthy BM and it's all together, couldn't you just toss the underpants and still, like you just roll in commando, it's not going to be comfortable. That's fine. But I think that you might be OK. First of all, that is a wild assumption. I know. That you'll be comfortable? First of all, that is a wild assumption

Okay, because this could be if it's an accident it's probably that that's there's a couple assumptions there one the the healthy solid state to the Underpants, okay. You think I'm not never going commando? I mean, I don't have to go commando. Well, no, no, no. That's a you problem. No, this isn't a you. If you lose that game, you're wearing some underpants the rest of the year. This is not just a me problem. I know that all three of us have many shorts in our arsenal

that have the built-in underwear. Okay. So, I mean, that's like half of my shorts. Sure, but you got to carry a Swiss army knife and just cut out the liner. Here's what I think would be really fun is that in both of these scenarios, there is a five second panic alarm that goes off audibly when this is about to happen.

So you're out in the public, you're sitting at the table and it's, I don't know if we have the panic alarm here, but it's going off audibly and then it happens Yeah, and you've got no control. No, it's just turn the lights off No, here it comes and you don't have time it's five seconds I am would you sprinting to a bathroom immediately? But but I mean by rule here. There's no allowing of

But I mean by rule here, there's no allowing of success, right? Like you've got to go, you've got to run to the bathroom and then go in your pants in the bathroom. Pooping, pooping. Now would you sit down to do that? No, just close on. I don't think you can sit down. No, cause you're squishing. Yeah. You got to stand to poop. I can, I have proved that wrong. Yes, but would you have- Where does it go? In the shorts.

I mean, it goes around. Yeah. It finds a way, life finds a way. Life finds a way. I'm going, I'm going poop my pants, because in both scenarios I have to throw everything away. I will definitely choose the pee my pants. You're going pee?

Okay, Mike. I- That's the only one here with with experience with experience the last time you peed your pants well I I just recently soaked my pants with toilet water yes which I'm sure that we could save that story for the next section yeah I'm sure there's a bunch more toilet related questions I've read ahead there's a bunch more toilet related questions. I've read ahead. There's a toilet No, it what this is our podcast. Oh, I'm 95 percent potty humor. Sorry everyone but I

Think because it's only twice It's definitely worse, but I'll take the poopy pants. Okay. All right, let's move on to the situation room Okay. All right, let's move on to the Situation Room. Today's show is brought to you by our friends over at GAB. It's that time of year, the holidays are quickly approaching and you might be stressing about gift shopping because even if your kids have already given you the lists, chances are good there are at least a few items

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And check Gab out right now because Gab is offering huge discounts on their phones and watches. The best part, there's no contract required. Just go to gab.com slash ballers to get started. That's gabb.com slash ballers. Gab.com slash ballers, terms and conditions apply. The Situation Realm James from Patreon writes in, You are confronted with a hornet's nest outside of your front door.

You are unable to use any sprays or gases that are commonly used to eliminate or calm them. And you are not allowed to call an exterminator. What creative method will you use to remove the threat? Whoa. Now the timing of this is wild. I guess maybe it's commonly used, but I'll ask you this. Did you guys know that soapy water is highly efficient at killing bees, wasps, and hornets?

I did not know this. I saw one night just scrolling one of the socials and it's some feller. He's got a Tupperware and it's got a liquid in it. I'm like, okay, what's going on here? There's a hornet's nest or wasp nest just in like on the underside of a patio, walks up, just holds it up, just sits there for a couple seconds. Like a bowl of this? Like a Tupperware. Okay. Just Tupperware, holds it up for just a little bit of time, takes it off, and then there's like eight dead wasps chilling in this thing and the nest came down. And I'm like, I gotta look into you

You couldn't do that You no, no, no you Mike could you do though? I mean, this is you know, like some people watch like Heights videos, but don't climb well No, but I'm saying they like and they oh you feel that in your undercarriage is everything tights up That was me watching this, this hornet video. But faced with this situation, I am now armed with this, this weapon against the hornets. I know what at least works. So my, my father, that we get a lot of wasps in the pool and he will fill up a spray bottle

and all that's in it is some dove dish soap. There you go. Wow. And some water. Yes. He will spray them when they land on the water. They can't get out of the surface tension of the water. The soap messes something up. When I looked at it, because I'm like, this is a goof. This is just trying to get people stung by wasps.

Like, yeah, hey kids, soap and water. Try this out. But they're saying, we think it's because it closes off their ability essentially to breathe and they just suffocate real fast. Now my initial, since we're looking for creativity here, my initial thought was hold, grabbing a trash bag that's got, you know, how you can pull a trash bag closed. Trying to throw that up on it and pulling it at the same time. Okay. And then having a nest inside of that dad, aren't there wasps or hornets flying around this thing? It depends

on the size. If it's a, if it's just a small nest, then no, I don't really know how wasps do their life because I've seen wash nests that are like one wasp is they just murder. It's what they do. That's the hornets, the murder hornets. Oh, wasps and hornets. Which one are we talking about? Hornets, right? They're all the same. I would imagine that when you go to this nest,

it's not a docile, lifeless nest. Yeah, this is a problem. You have a swarm of hornets outside. I hear ya. So my first creative plan. Shotgun, got it. If they're swarming, it doesn't matter. Swarm of hornets outside. I hear you. My first creative plan. Shotgun, got it. If they're swarming, it doesn't matter.

I have no way to confront this. Well, not with that attitude. Yeah, thank you, Andy. There's a couple of options here. No, there's not. Oh, absolutely. I've got two of them. Let's hear it.

One, for me, it has to be from distance. I have to have a projectile. I can't have a bowl of soapy water. I can't have a spray bottle of soapy water like that's not Distance enough. I'm using hose. I'm starting with my hose You know connect it to the front yard and and try to spray them from a distance That's not just water that will take them off me. I mean, I'm sure I'm spraying like some dish soap on the oh I'm sure you are got like a bubble now bubble wand. Well, now that I know this,

you have like a little bubble wand. You shooting bubbles at them? Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Plain water will do nothing but get you stung. No, listen. Now with this knowledge that, you know, look, there's nothing if not knowledge to be had on the Spitballers podcast.

Yeah, mm-hmm. With this knowledge, wouldn't you think that, you know how you have those car wash attachments? You know it's it's basically just soap that you attach to your garden hose and you spray your car down. Yep I bet you that kills hornets. That could work I mean, that's that's a distant spray bottle of soapy water But if you're presuming a swarm, you're not hitting them all and some of them are gonna get wild and loose Well, that brings me to my option two

Because I know that there's not gonna be a hundred percent hit rate on any kind of Creativity of getting rid of this thing and their then their problems could arise and the wash nest is still there Yeah, so number two call a realtor. They did not say anything about not moving moving and just completely Abandoning that house. It's got a great discount on it Because I there's no way. Active swarm discount. Active swarm discount. Lock boxes on the back door.

Al, do you know what the wait period is for a rocket launcher at your local? Do I tell you how delivered? Four to six weeks. Four to six, that's too long. Oh, that is correct. That's too long to wait. I mean, you could.

I mean, let's say you really have that problem right here, right now. All jokes aside, you just go home from work. You gotta get into your house. I would break a window before I would. You find a different way in. You don't have that choice. You have to get in your front door.

It is right in front of the front door. If this is real. You have to get into your house. Once you close the door, the wasp nest disappears. If this is real. But you gotta get in your front door. It is right in front of the front door If you have to get into your house once you close the door that was nest disappears This is what you gotta get in and all jokes aside. I have to go in through the front door It's the only way all my windows are made of metal I Would 100% used without a question. I would just use the tactic of sprint Just sprint your way. That's all I would do.

I would never try to fix the problem because I would cause a bigger problem. I know that for sure. I would just, I would do the tuck and run. You know, I'm gonna be knees bent, body bent over, probably eyes closed, maybe running head first into a door. Hands out, grab it, go, shut the door. It's the only way. Hope I don't get stung.

You don't put your arms inside your shirt? Oh yeah. Oh, smart. Whatever's in the car, like if you have a, maybe you got a hoodie, maybe you got a towel, but otherwise you aren't, you can't address a swarm of hornets with nothingness. Okay. All right. Argy the Argonaut from Patreon, a new law was just passed. Okay, let's hear it. And you can now only eat everything plain. You cannot have cream in your coffee

or ketchup on your hot dog or milk in your cereal. The government has kindly allowed you to choose one food or drink to have however you want. What item do you all choose? So something that needs an accoutrement. Something to gussy it up a little. I mean this is a little bit difficult because you have things. I was surprised the milk and the cereal count as one. That was the first thought I had. That's not an accessory to your cereal. That's

what's throwing me off now. Like what's a plain burrito? Right. Bean and cheese. OK. A bean and cheese burrito is very, very good. Plain burritos are excellent. Just bean. OK, well. Still good. Still good.

That tortilla, those beans are refried. You can't take enough stuff away from a burrito to make it not good. No, you just give me a tortilla. I'll be like, this is delicious. What is this, a burrito? This is just a, yeah, it's an open faced burrito. He can't be stopped. Um, I mean I could get used to black coffee. Yeah. Yeah. I can handle it. I, I eat hot dogs plain. So do I. I like

them guilty. I wait, I think they're good. You're a plain dog guy. Not always, but sometimes it's just not worth the fuss. So I grab one and I just eat it. Right off the grill? Heck yeah. When it comes to, there's things that I like on a hot dog. But ketchup is not one of those things. I do not like ketchup on a hot dog. I'd rather have some cheese on it.

Oh yeah. Really, I'm wrong because I have not eaten a plain hot dog in as long as I've been alive until this last weekend because my family and I, we built a campfire. We roasted hot dogs on a campfire. And so then to get it off the stick, I just put the bun. Like I grabbed the, yeah, I just, one thing led to another. It was all done. I just ate the, the, the grilled hot. It was so good. It was really good. So, so hot dogs are not the choice here. Yes. What?

Now if the milk cereal one is a real one, then yeah, I'd say milk to my cereal would be my answer. Because you're that into cereal? I'm that into cereal. Big spoon, team. I tried, by the way. Let's circle back here. Let's call back.

I did. I tried to have a bowl of cereal with a small spoon. I'm not joking when I said it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I couldn't do it. I did about three or four bites and I went and I forcefully threw that small spoon into the sink and grabbed a big spoon and then my life was back again. But why was it bad? It was bad for a number of reasons. One, the milk cereal proportions ridiculous.

Just ridiculous. They're not the same. You're saying that the ratio is different? I am. That's impossible. No, no, no. Because a spoon's base, right, you fill milk up to to the basically the horizontal line of a spoon right but cereal stacks higher than it does uh proportionally on a small spoon to a big spoon so you actually get less milk more milk more cereal no you get less milk why would you think you get more milk with the smalls i'm saying in a bigger spoon you get more milk and more cereal

no you get more milk proportional to cereal trust. So let's either of you try the big spoon. No because I have my mouth. I can't. I'm a normal size spoon. We took many polls. Sixty percent of the population has no issue with this. Yeah well people do know. I know a lot of dumb no Brooks. A smaller spoon not prevent a t-shirt spill. Thank you very much. I can spill with either one Anyways, what was the question? I don't know some of our milk cereal You have to eat stuff plain now, so I think that the answer to me would 100% be bread bread Has to have something on oh, yeah without butter. It's gonna have butter. Yeah, if it's for dinner

It's gonna have jelly if it's a if it's its own thing like just eating a slight When's the last time you just had a slice of bread just the bread and you didn't a lot what? You just grab a slice of bread and not a slice. No, I mean you dip it into soup or something Well, that's no, that's you can't do that. What that means the last time I didn't put anything on the okay Well, no, you were like, you know, what did you just eat the bread without it? I was thinking specifically butter, but yes. I mean... A hunk of...

I can eat a hunk of sourdough without anything on it. How about some plain white bread? Just white sandwich bread. No, I won't do that. Exactly! When you sit down to dinner and there's bread being served with the meal, are you responsible for your own ad addition of the butter or does it?

If someone served me bread, if someone served me yeah, free butter is what I'm asking about. If someone served me bread at dinner that did not come pre bread or toasted or made up, then that is a bad host. Wait, what you're saying? I'm trying to this is what I was asking. I've never had. So you're a that is a bad host. Wait, what? So you're saying, I'm trying to, this is what I was asking. I've never had. So you're a bad, someone sets down a basket of bread

and fries it. Yeah, that's a normal thing. You're saying what has to have been done? Well, there's a difference. You just changed, you changed it half. A basket of rolls? Yeah, that's fine, that's different. A basket of bread or rolls, that's self buttered.

Okay. But if you are serving bread alongside a dish that needs to be like pre toasted or buttered or taken care of you don't you don't just put a plate of spaghetti out there and throw them a slice of white bread. Oh yeah. All right. Sure. I mean that's yeah. This is how we do it. Yeah clearly. I didn't know that that was a problem. I didn't know people were just handing out plain slices of bread. They aren't dinner They aren't but in this world for this question, they would Plain slices of bread. So I'm saying the one thing I don't want to have happen to me is have them

As something that's never happened But what could you imagine if it did? Sorry, but that's a good question. I'd have to butter it myself. I'd have to walk to the toaster? We need to move on to a new question. Al, since you're back, do you want to weigh in on whether I should do the third or the fourth question? Cause they look very different in length. They are very different. Uh, let's go with, go with the fourth one. All right. The doctor poison on page on Patreon says Brooks decided to spend some money of his fortune on hiring a sign spinner to help you troll somebody. Who do you troll? And what does the sign say? Who do you okay? So you gotta

first you got to figure out the who? Yeah. And the who there's only two avenues I could see that makes sense. One is a person that would accept the troll. Right? Because not everybody would find this funny. I've already got mine figured out. Or someone you really dislike, you know what I mean? Like I don't care, I'm trolling them hardcore. So you've got yours figured out, Andy. Yeah, no, I'm having a sign spinner stroll

over to Mike's street. I need two sign spinners, because I need one standing on the corner pointing towards his house and one right in front of your house, if you don't mind. No, no. And the sign spinner is good for two. He's good for two, he's got the money. Yep.

And all it says is come in for coffee and conversation. Oh. So you got a stream of strangers just rolling in wanting to just shoot the breeze with Mike. Right. A man of many words. Yeah. Is that a bad day Mike or is that a bad day. Yeah. The only thing I could think that might be worse is if you're if I'm like sitting somewhere and you're like spinning aside this as like free hugs. OK. Yeah. See the. That was that was that's a great idea. Can I make a little upgrade on it? Of course you can. Brooks has got the cash.

I don't think that people are going to obey that sign and come into someone's house for free conversation. The free coffee. Let's just call it an open house. Huh? And you know what I mean? Even though he's not selling his place. He's not selling his place, but there's a sign that says open house. People just right into that how good a troll is that really good troll? Like this is a legit troll you could do they sell those open house signs everywhere We used to be really funny. So go get I was put up at someone's porch and then and then on their driveway and down the street and

see what happens. I did. I did something similar to somebody once. I have a good friend, Brandon. Okay. And I, uh, as a form of trolling, cause we were going back and forth. I did list a room for his house for rent on Craigslist and his car for sale on Craigslist. And he got- With his phone number. With his phone number. Oh man. And he received texts and calls for hours because he wasn't in control of the list. Oh man.

It was pretty good. That's good but cruel. He had to beg me to stop. And that is, this is something that- Don't do this at home. No, no, no, no, no, no. You, of course, like I could not imagine doing that But I could totally imagine having done that you know when you're a young

Young growing boy you do some stupid things I look back at some of the things I did as a teenager or in my early 20s I just can't believe it. I'm like no I did not do but I did do that What is my son or my sons and my daughter, what are they gonna do in another decade when they- Shenanigans. Oh man, I've got to have grace and a memory of my own youth. Fair enough. So do you guys have any other ideas for sign spinning?

No, I like the open house, that's a good one. Let's draft. Today's episode good one. Let's draft. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Rocket Money. Can you name every single subscription you have? I know I can't name all of mine and I'm not alone. I just learned that over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. With Rocket Money I don't have to remember every subscription or worry about forgetting any because I can see them all

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up to $740 a year when using all of the apps features. Stop wasting money on things that you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash ballers that's rocketmoney.com slash ballers rocketmoney.com slash ballers the spitballers draft well I think this will be a fun draft in part because I imagine Al may attempt to recreate some of these outfits for maybe the thumbnail on this on this show. Possible. But we are drafting clothing that we would like to make the other person wear all of the time.

So Mike, and we're including accessories, anything you would wear as an accessory, we're going to be giving to one another and Mike, you get to make the first pick. There's a clear 101. Is there? Yeah, I think so. I'm going to start at the top, which means at the top of the head. Oh, okay. Yeah, so we have a step a different one and like this this item

it's strange because there there are certain circumstances where this this hat is Awesome, like it is a it can be a legendary hat like my dude, Indiana Jones can be a legendary hat. Like my dude Indiana Jones, he wears a fedora. And you're like, man, if I could look that cool. Yeah, if I could pull off a fedora. If I could pull it off, except the problem is nobody, nobody in the modern day of society can pull off a fedora. You look like a douche. I have proven that. And it's just, and we just keep trying. We keep trying to put the hat on and you're like no It looks bad if you're wearing a fedora right now. I'm sorry that I have to tell you this

No one's wearing a fedora. There are people that sell fedoras for a reason somebody's buying them There are people out there wearing fedoras, and I'm sorry you look bad I think fedora is in the it's in the five percent range of when people start to lose their hair and they're considering alternative options I think the fedora that's where they get bought. I Just remembered last week and you're going with fedora Obviously last week and I was up north with a friend and we went to an ice cream shop And he comes up to me. Oh, no, and he taps me on the shoulder says hey, I want you to know We're close enough friends. I will never ever

Let you wear something like that and then I look over and this man had a fedora with a feather in the With a feather in it and it was not like an ironic Joker gag this is what dead dude was wearing and he looked exactly as bad as as anyone wearing a fedora with a feather in the cap um so yeah no it there are people that do try it because i i understand i understand the desire i want i want to wear the indiana hat, but it just doesn't work unless you are a rugged explorer or you're solving, you know, you're like looking at ancient history and civilizations. Yeah, you gotta be an archaeologist or something therein.

And have a whip. What was your number one that you thought Mike would take? My 101, I think this would be, you know, if this is what you gotta wear for now, forever, could be a real problem. It's a Speedo. I mean, if you're wearing a Speedo, your options are limited for life. So just a Speedo. You just got a Speedo on.

That would be some workout motivation, I think. Enjoy life. My first thought is, if I'm stuck in a Speedo, I am. My legs are very strong. Yeah, I'm working out. Very, very strong. Not my 101. So we all have a different 101.

I just like the idea of you having to wear this the rest of your life. You're going to wear a corset. Okay, okay. You're strapping in.et. Okay, okay. You're strapping in. Yes, oh, suck it in. I love it. And maybe this helps the aesthetic. This couldn't hurt it.

But the breathing's gonna be an issue. You are correct. You are correct. And then to go with the corset, I mean, I've got a number of options, but look, I don't know if these are actually really comfortable and I'm not aware of it because I've never put them on. I might be able to tell you. But I imagine with hairy legs they're less comfortable.

I'm going with pantyhose. Yeah, I would imagine that's a problem with the hairy legs. Yeah, you're going to rip them apart I would think. Well, you got new pairs. I mean, is it ever replenished? Every day is a fresh pair. Okay. I don't think the hair will affect that.

Well, the thighs rubbing together sure would. So, either way I'm working my way through these things. So you've got a corset and some pantyhose on. Beautiful. I am going to go, no, it is back to me. It is back to me. So, I'm going the complete opposite route. Last time, last time I put you in a Speedo. Right. And that's moments ago. Just moments ago. You might remember it. If you're old enough to remember, I drafted a speedo moments ago. And the problem with that is you are too bare to the world. Yeah, very exposed. You could be very cold. Yeah. There's a lot of problems, but I'm going to go the exact opposite way. I'm going to put you in too much Hmm and for the rest of your life

You're gonna be in a scuba suit But now the speedo is not a problem Well, I mean unless you're making so we have to build are we we're not just drafting things to make no This is one outfit. I did not realize we were drafting just a singular outfit. That core set and the pantyhose, they go together. You can make us go, you know, like Superman style. Okay. So the Speedo's on the outside.

No, no, that's fine. I will, uh... Buy the scuba suit, huh? I will adjust... The Speedo's outside the scuba suit. No, go with it, man. That works. That's literally a superhero costume. That's all it is. That's the tightest Speedo you've ever had. go with it, man. That works. That's literally a superhero costume.

That's all it is. That's the tightest Speedo you've ever had. No, no, no. All right. I didn't realize we were drafting one complete outfit. That's how he's making his picture. All right. All right. I'm back. Well, in that case, you got your Speedo and that's a problem. And now you're going to wear a choker. Okay. Okay. So just a little. You know, the necklace that is- A 90s you're gonna wear a choker Okay, just a little you know the necklace that is a 90s Joker 90s Joker With the spikes no no no no no okay It's it's really nice. It's probably it could be lace

I would allow that stop by like a hot topic or Claire's and you'll find Jokers I think that they did I you ever wear one no probably not no I don't think you would ever have worn a choker. But if you had, there's pictures, I would love to see it. Yeah, generally, girls wear them, and it's like... I'm seeing it. They came back. Like honestly, they came back in style, which I don't know...

The whole 90s have come. I feel like I'd be claustrophobic in that. You would, it would be tight on the neck, but... Due to the choking. I went out with the kids, we went to this indoor rec center type of a place. What the kids are wearing these days, fellas. They are wearing exactly what we wore when we were young. And I'm like, what the heck is going on?

Dude we're old now. It's all full circle. Yeah so our style is back which is pretty fun. Okay so I have the fedora. We're gonna match it with a top that is just it goes I mean if you're wearing a fedora you might as well have this on and we're talking about an Ed Hardy t-shirt. Oh man I had a lot of that already. I did. Yes you did. Yes. I mean like there was a window where we were like oh that's kind of cool. Affliction t-shirts. You did. I remember you. Oh yeah. You were an MMA bro. I was. I was a huge MMA bro. Yeah, this is uh, Ed Hardy's some special materials that is I'm looking it up. Um, all right, Mike's you got a fedora in an ed Hardy t-shirt Which that combination is great. Yeah, we're looking pretty good

And then even though the youths maybe this is maybe we will reach this level Based off the way trends go. We probably will. But for us, it would not work. So you got your Fedora, you got your Ed Hardy t-shirt on, and you got your Jinko shorts on. So you are just rocking the baggiest of baggy of baggy shorts. And they are shorts.

The Jinko is basically an opposite of a Speedo, as much as you can be I'm talking mid shin Oh, yeah A leg that is wide enough that your whole body could fit a watermelon has to be able to fit in the bottom of those pants And that that just is the exact the person that wears the jinko is the exact opposite of the person that wears the Ed Hardy Shirt, so those going together because I'd imagine this had Hardy shirts tight He's wearing Wranglers. Yeah.

Well, no, you're wearing the real sparkly jeans. They're a bit bedazzled on the back. Okay, so you got a fedora at Hardy t-shirt and Jinko shorts. Jason, your person is in a Speedo and a choker, so not a lot left of the imagination right now. No, and I'm not going to want to cover any of this masterpiece. So I'm going to leave them exposed. I got to go all the way down to the feet. And if I can't have the whole scuba gear, I'm going flippers. Now we're talking. You're walking

around and if you have not experienced trying to walk in flippers, it isn't the easiest thing. You generally speaking end up walking backwards. Yes. Oh really. That's easiest. It is much easier to walk backwards and forward. So enjoy walking backwards where everyone could see more of you. Thanks to the speedo. Okay. I like it. My final two picks. You're in the core set with pantyhose on. Okay. What goes better with those two? Sure. Then a pair of mittens. You're wearing mittens the rest of your life and we're not. These aren't gloves. Oh, these are the four finger mittens. You have the, you have just one digit. Somebody decided

this would be way easier to make and they did. They made them just, it's just a pocket for your fingers and your thumbs. And then I'm gonna combine that with, look, you've inspired me, Jason. I like dealing with the footwear. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So why not some ice skates? Oh, goodness. Anywhere, anytime, parts of the year. I mean, maybe you have to live in a certain climate

to get any benefit from them, but when you go into the bar and ask the bartender for a drink with your mittens and your ice skates on, it's going to be a little awkward. You know what is nice about having the ice skates is it's a, I'm taller. You know what I mean? It's a real no roller coasters that you can't get on. That's right. I, well, I might have a problem like walking up to them because of the ice skates, but what, but I will be legally allowed but based on height requirements to ride that coaster.

We approached this draft very differently. You guys went with function and I went with styling. Well, my entire list was completely different because I didn't realize I was building one outfit, but I'm loving what I'm doing here. Oh, it's good work so far. I'm gonna complete the whole set You got the choker you got first of all this speedo is is certainly black everything is but I'm building

Black black flippers say it's at least a bit less flippers. Yes, this speedo a business speedo Yeah, I was thinking gothic, but this is what you're going to work in as well So it's definitely a business speedo. So I am gonna take the spiked leather wristbands as well, because I think that'll go really nice with the choker. And I just, once you start- This is a very disturbing person you've made. Well, that's the thing. Walk around in that and see the looks you're gonna get.

Because once you start with Speedo, you don't have a lot of other options, because everything covers it. so I had to go Extremities to make sure that my first pick was secure Okay, I think there was some tops you could have gone with yeah buddy didn't and Yeah, you better work out mr.. Speedo choker scuba You guys are all right Mike you get to round out your picks here.

What's the final item? All right, so we will go, man. Now I'm trying to think of it as what makes this the most ridiculous? So we got the Fedora, got the Ed Hardy, we got the Jinko and for the footwear I mean we'll just we'll go with some good old fashion Birkenstocks. What are Birkenstocks? Let's do a Google search of that. Birkenstocks are a particular set of like sandals. The sandals with a bunch

of straps. Okay. Those look comfy. I don't think I've ever worn them. You've really made a heck of a guy here, or gal, because that's not a good look. Yeah, there's a little bit of a mismatch there. I wasn't sure if I should go with. You did go full styling here. I wasn't sure if I should go socks and sandals, cowboy boots. But I like it.

I like the Birkenstocks with the G-coats. Very nice. I had a few things that I thought would be interesting. I'm sad I didn't get any of you guys into a huge gold chain. Very weighty, very uncomfortable, that size. I thought about a super tall top hat just for, I mean that's pretty inconvenient, thought about some high heels to walk around in I couldn't do it. Nope and And then some transition glasses Transition lenses transition lenses. I've had those before feels like a condemnation to the darkness. Wait

Did we have the lenses and the Ed Hardy? No They were not they were so close together. They were. They were near each other. Yeah. The other stuff I had, you know, I had like a tuxedo and a romper and overalls just completely different outfits. Not one would go together. I do see one that I I regret to have not been looking at my list when I picked because if it would have fit my outfit which is an ankle monitor you know what I mean because you see one of those yeah sends up the flares if the thong didn't do it I mean the speedo. Oh, that would have been a good pick to imagine like someone trying to trend set with that like a fake fake ankle monitor.

Like no this this is any way to explain an ankle monitor away. Any excuse for anybody. You can't go anywhere. Yeah. But if you run into somebody at the movie theater like what's the what's your go to line if you you get it? I like this is cool now Oh, that's I opted in yeah often. You're not wearing one. Yeah, okay. My girl likes to see where I'm at I had a Deep v-neck. Oh, yeah, and then Jason you could you could have gone with this a mock turtleneck. Oh Yeah with your uh your speedo combo. I'd been pretty hot. Brooks throwing in a cape? A cape is outstanding. Make him wear a cape.

Oh man, a cape with a fedora. Monocle would have been nice. There's a lot of ideas. Maybe a grill where it just can ice out those teeth. We would look stupid. What did we learn today? I learned that there is a huge opportunity in the future of Men's Restrooms with the video gamification of urinals.

Gamification of urination? Gamification of urination. I learned that Jason will not tolerate unbuttered bread. No, I will not tolerate unbuttered bread. No, I will not. Untoasted as well. And I learned apparently if you say now it's your turn to speak,

somehow that's just so much ruder than now it's my turn to speak. Mike, Mike, now it's my turn to speak. Yeah, okay. That's way ruder. I don't know about that. Mike, it's my turn to speak. Yeah, okay, continue.

Goodbye, everybody. See you next time. Goodbye.