Stavvy's World - #111 - Ian Lara

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

Ian Lara returns to the pod to discuss what surprised him about traveling with Stav, the fallacy of "you can't say anything anymore," whether Spongebob can be considered the Seinfeld of cartoons, the ridiculous convos podcasts have wrought upon us, and much more. Ian and Stav help callers including a newly single man who feels he is being sabotaged by women he's dating who intentionally leave stuff at his place, and a woman who suspects that her husband is cheating on her. Visit https://mintmobile.com/stavvy to get a 3-month premium wireless plan for just $15/month. See Ian Lara live and follow him on social media: https://punchup.live/ianlara https://www.ianlaralive.com/ https://x.com/IANLARALIVE https://www.instagram.com/IANLARALIVE https://www.facebook.com/ianlaralive 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Thank you for having me bro. I feel like I was one of the first episodes in the studio. I watched the clip. Didn't you have Blake here? I had Blake Griffin in that very seat I'm like what? In that very seat Blake Griffin sat Dude when I saw that I was like he couldn't have they must have built a makeshift studio at 30 Rock There's no way stop inviting him We've thought about this we've thought about switching studios. There's something so nice about making Famous people come to some shitty apartment building in Queens

Like this is the podcast Yeah, dude, no we we honestly have thought about switching it up You know the are you garbage boys those motherfuckers pay probably who they got they got prime Manhattan real estate Yeah, I mean they did like two episodes and was like, okay, we gotta move We gotta move to Hollywood Fuck do those assholes think they are they're doing it the good way I was like Jesus no, but they're great Yeah, everyone talks about how nice their studios. It is Thank you. Thank you. This works.

We'll take that. That's a that's a route like we were earlier. We were just going over the level of sound engineering we have is there's a noisy room next door and eldest sometimes remembers to shut the door. And that's all he always worries about that. I've never seen him tweak a microphone. No, I've never seen him do any research on you know, sound quality behind the scenes man the best engineering is there's a lot going out, but this stuff you don't notice Was like touching the camera I'm not sure he was touching it he was like We were talking and I was you know like adjusting, but I wasn't sure he was moving the cameras at all Unfortunately that he does do that every time and that's actually not a sign of being good at his job Because these cameras have not moved one centimeter since the day we set them up every time a guest

Sometimes we're sitting here ready to go The cameras that have been here. He's adjusting them for 15 minutes and we have to do that awkward We thought we were about the pod but now we're going back to regular friend conversation And he's just like tweaking what on earth. I have no fucking idea. Yeah, we gotta get you auto focus man We gotta get you cameras with auto focus. I've learned to just give up. You're never gonna figure it out We just need better cameras a good engineer is like God. He's everywhere and nowhere at once in his creation You don't see him or hear him But you see you constantly we see you constantly and we feel it constantly and how fucking annoying it is

What are you talking about? Man it's I think it's that big big dick energy You tried to make him big along again Oh no, you tried to make him big. Why do we wait so long to get Ian back on? I don't like that. Ian was honestly the first speed bump in setting up the eldest persona. Because early on, you were probably like episode what, four or some shit like that? It was like Patreon number four, three or four or something like that.

I thought he was on a free app. Oh, maybe he was. Yeah, I was. I was on a free app. No, but that was when I was, I was uh when we went on the road I was opening for you, and I got right that's right. I tried to brand him Yeah, he tried to brand him Big Nick Elvis You wouldn't let it ride I've been trying real hard to make that one stick

Stick no chance who knows though now he's he's developed a little cult of personality Yeah, so now the the true eldest heads might get behind big dick eldest. Yeah sound off in the comments I was the first dude Talk back that Really come out of his shell he really came out of his shell at 35. I think he got married after that. He just changed his life after a weekend at Albany. That's true. Albany, that was fucking awesome.

That was one of my favorite moments. Did we talk about this on the last EP? Maybe, who knows? It was years ago. It was literally over a year ago but my favorite moment which was we really made me and I'll just think about how we consume media is when we kept we were like dude we gotta watch that we you know we like to watch shitty stand-up specials on the road yeah and we pitched a specific special to you and you were like so you guys just watch shit that sucks? And you were so confused that we were like pumped

to see something that was hor- And we were pitching it to you like, dude, it's awesome. This guy's bombing the whole time. And you're like, what? Why the fuck? You guys were looking forward to it. Like it was the season finale of Penguin. Yeah.

You guys were like, we're gonna go back to the house. We're gonna throw her on a special man. We're going to love it. It fucking sucks. We already watched it, by the way. We had seen it like two days prior, and we were excited to show it to you because it sucked. You were like, you're going to love it, man.

It fucking stinks. The act outs are bad. The premises are bad. Everything about it is the worst. Yeah, we really have developed so much of what we like to watch is shit that's horrible. The funny shit is, I don't want to say who it was. Yeah, we can't say it. Because the next day, like I was working with you that weekend,

and then when I got back to New York on Sunday, I was invited to his premiere of his new special. So I went to the premiere and the whole time I'm thinking about man when star row watches this I have like did we just watch that we watched he's had two since yeah oh we've kept up no we watched the second one recently. The one after that one. Oh, my God. That one's really bad, too. I love it. That one is like, I'll admit that one is like level up bad. It's awesome. Like because it's like he's trying to be like meta.

Exactly. It's like it's not just bad comedy. It's like, no, it's fascinating. And unfortunately, we really it's just a bad look to just openly trash someone, even if we think their stuff stinks. But maybe we need to create another tier on the Patreon, eldest for like our true thoughts, the true thoughts here. Dude, I was I went to the premiere and I was watching people pretend that they were like, like that they were like, move the most.

Cause that's another element. This is like deep. That's my favorite thing about standup comedy now is people pretend we're deep. It's like, that's so stupid. You need to be funny. The entire job is be funny. There is not any other thing about it.

It's the simplest art form on earth he's make people laugh by any way you need to do it figure it out but don't you don't gotta make them think it doesn't have to be fucking poignant and some people can do it but it's like funny is out bro it's a coming back brother it's coming back yeah no longer funny it's coming back brother like old school yeah call me crazy I think we I think stand-up should have jokes and be It's coming back. Yeah, no longer fun. He's coming back brother. You're like old school Call me crazy. I think I think stand-up should have jokes and be funny and not pander you you ought to be fun I mean that's the funny thing about that is I like cuz I feel like some comics they just stay away from it like they Don't they don't like they just like I just do this shit that I do

Yeah, whatever happens and then some some of them try to fight the culture wars of like That's the fucking most bitch-ass thing you could possibly do it so absolutely And it's what's so funny is all that like there's a now Because it's like obviously Everyone would make fun of alt comics for pandering, but it is literally worse on the right It's now worse so worse And you know what alt comics weren't funny and they were like and and like you know half of them were hacks but some of them were doing imaginative things and some of them were doing interesting things for the art form no one is doing anything good on the right no there's not one actually funny and

everyone who goes that way gets less funny and people are gonna be fun some of the worst listeners in our fan base are going to be mad at me for saying that Suck my dick and unsubscribe but there is not one there is not one really there's not one like Innovator who's talking about not being able to say slurs. There's not one person who with me, you know, it's just May I don't even think who I would come up now. It's so fucking hack and they're the same May I don't even think who I would come up now. It's so fucking hack and they're the same Yeah, I agree. I think that's the funny part. It's the same like it's the same on the other side, but they don't see it Like yeah, they saw it objectively when it was one side. We all saw it cuz obviously especially in New York There was like a phase where yeah comics will go on stage and it was just like kind of clapped

They'll say things like, you know women shouldn't be sexually assaulted And everyone was like, yeah. I mean, yeah, we agree. Yeah, that's fair. Oh, not funny to you? Yeah. White fucking oppressor there from Connecticut. Right, right.

It's a girl that was a Republican until three years ago, and they're calling straight white men the devil. And it's like, all right. So I mean, we called it out when it was that. It was fine. But then when the other the other like now the same people that was calling it out is doing it on the other side but they don't see it now and it's awesome because they're doing they're being so they're literally being gayer than some of the gay alt comics like the guys that put on fuck Tyler Fisher will

put on lipstick and wear and they'll dress like women and it's like that's gay you are being gay dude and i like gay comics but you're making fun of them by you buy lip you go to the store to buy lipstick they've probably bought there's there's all there's like write comics that have purchased makeup multiple times yeah for their act they know the shade of lipstick that works best. They have opinions on the shade of lipstick that works for their lips, and they're making fun of trans people. It's like, what are we fucking doing here, man?

It's pretty wild. It's like, what the fuck are we doing here? It's pretty wild. What I think is pretty wild is that some of them are making it seem like they're on this crusade to break through breakthrough but they're getting like really rich off of it which is a weird thing it's a weird thing of being like I'm fighting for the thing but if like if you want to fight that you're fighting for then you

would just be pointless because your whole thing is fighting that thing so if that thing stopped then what would you do then you would say they have nothing to say right yeah they nothing to say. Right. Their acts stink. That's the thing. It's like their acts are mediocre at best, mediocre at best. And you don't grow if you fucking. And here's the thing.

Having and we'll stop talking about comedy soon. We just, you know, because I don't want to be one of those podcasts that overdoes it. But like, yeah, you're just you exist in against something and it's like what do you have to say like all the people who to talk about free speech and I think you should be able I'm a huge free speech guy obviously right but you need something to say yeah and you should be able to say the most offensive things for a reason not just because you're bombing and if you say retard it'll get

a laugh that's not a joke. That's literally not a joke. I couldn't agree with you more. I have a tough time. I think sometimes we let the conversation of free speech, it gets diluted. Because I think if you sat them down, where it's like, what do you mean free speech?

What do you mean by that? And what do you want to say? Right, right. What's the thing you can't say? Right, right, because you're saying it. Yeah. Because we're on saying it. Yeah, yeah. Cause we're on your podcast. Yeah, yeah.

That's one of the most popular podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is bigger than all media. Without question. And you're saying it. What is the thing you can't say? I'd love to know. Like not only that, but if you stepped away from it, it's like you're also selling out

theaters. Yeah, I know dude. I know it's fucking crazy. What's the thing? What's the persecution that you're fighting? It's crazy. And it's like those are the same people that call people victims. It's like you have got a victim mentality and become rich off it. And it's just fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, I always just wonder like, do like, because if you tell me that they understand and they're like, oh, yeah This is just like whatever I'm doing this to make money. I'm like, alright cool. Like I will respect that more

I would respect that. All right, cool I would I would literally like a like, I mean, I don't think Tucker Carlson is a good guy And I think it is weird how people suck him off sometimes, but it's like he doesn't have Morals or stand he just does whatever like the say like Glenn Beck or whatever the fight those like right-wing guys They know they're playing they might their composites are probably more conservative than the average person But they don't believe all the fucking culture war shit. They're saying right. You know what I mean. They're just like oh, yeah Pretending I I'm scared of trans children makes me a billionaire, so I'm gonna do it Pretending that's a threat like Like, those people don't actually,

aren't actually scared of their son getting his dick chopped off in preschool, but they pretend they are, because they know old people will be like, oh, I should fucking buy his book, because he's saving my grandchild from turning gay. You know, like. But those people, I'm like, all right, whatever.

That's your job. But comedians, I'm like, what's this notion of like, you just want to do comedy in a vacuum where there's no repercussion, right? It's just like, say whatever you want. And we can't even because it's like you say free speech is like, yeah, we don't want you arrested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To not laugh. Just to say you're bombing. Yeah, fucking right. Like you want freedom from that?

I know. I can't say you're bombing. Yeah fucking right you are that like you want freedom from that I know I can't say you're bombing in a fucking You want to be respected yeah, but you suck at comedy Also, it's there's not that many good, but that is why this happens It's cuz like so few people can actually be good at comedy and so it it pisses them off They think they should be famous and this is an e and again both ways, but I will say in the last decade It's become clear. It's a lot more profitable and easy to be the fucking the right-wing comic No for sure because like the left-wing comics They still have to go through this stupid like they kind of got fucked that the people that were sucking them off were like the dying

TV yeah Tell me about it, you know Like they kind of got fucked that the people that were sucking them off were like the dying TV. Yeah Tell me about it, you know Yeah, it's check out HBO Latino Yeah, dude if you had it Yeah, you fucked up and it does I mean you like forget forget like as white got cuz like the white field the white guy right wing field is kind of It's a little crowded a little crowd. You know, you can you can still quickly you can still somebody like me How actually we destabilize the black family destabilizes itself

For real do that'll be some of the worst fans of all time But hey you would have you know what kind of sucks though like cuz sometimes obviously you tour and you do Places where all there is is like right when people and they come on my shows and I'm like, they're good comedy fans About the stuff they don't like yeah They're good comedy fans. They'll take some observational humor Yeah, yeah, just don't mention anything they disagree with but it is fun to do I will say one thing like like Austin definitely has become like like more of a right Leaning comedy audience for sure.

I like that that exists though because it's fun to be able to go. I tell a joke about how Elon Musk is a piece of shit here, no problem. I tell it there, half the audience is just crossing their arms and being like, hmm, talk about gay guys. You know what I mean? You're like, I'm getting there. And I'm like, don't worry, that's coming. We're getting to that part.

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That's one of my that's what it that's like whenever we're like kind of scrolling endlessly if it's like me eldest and a couple of our Friends are like Someone will inevitably say let's throw on something horrible, or they've had something pinned. And I guess that also, I wonder if that legitimately is a real cultural difference between black guys and white guys. Like, I hate watching things, ironic watching.

I don't really get, I never got the sense growing up that my black friends liked doing that. It's kind of like a, it grows out of sort of like Being a hater and a troll in the depths of your fucking of the internet like it's kind it's grown out of that And I just feel like I just I really I'm and I'm not you know I could definitely think of a couple of my black friends that love doing that with me But it's like for the most part there is something like you being like you just watch shit that sucks was so sobering to think of it that way where it's like Yeah, I guess I do

Yes, I seek out things that are bad, but personally I think this is this is this is like a quaint charm to that You could just watch it and just let it exist in your own world You don't have to go on reddit right like the whole thing about that's a good point You just watch it you're like this fucking suck And then you just get up and go make dinner Well, I'll say this I don't I watch things that suck and I don't have the negative Reddit reaction I get pure glee from it. Yeah, I'm like that not only am I not mad I don't have that neither. I'm like that too. Yeah, I'll watch it and like I don't get angry like some people get angry

Which you ever I mean you probably don't engage in comments, but some comments you just want to be like, bro Why are you angry? Like you could have just like so much other stuff out there and some people are like some people literally are like Why do I keep getting this bullshit on my feet? And I'll reply cuz you're commenting on exactly you just juice the algorithm This is what you enjoy. Yeah. Yeah, that's so yeah, it's fucking funny But yeah, there was no there. I'm trying to think what do you think the first thing we watched ironically was That's a very interesting cuz definitely some of the things I liked growing up in hindsight people said were bad

But I just think that's my like I like shitty Like comedy movies people thought were shit like I loved night at the Roxbury It holds up I watched the recently holds up classic in my opinion But that's not exactly what I'm talking about. I'm trying to think do you can you come up with anything? I'm watching me. I'm trying to think, can you come up with anything we watched and made fun of? I'm thinking back to college, I mean, one thing that comes to mind is like, we've always loved rap music, but just the audacity of the lyrics is like an example of that, where it's like, this is so over the top and hilarious. Yeah, maybe Lil Wayne's mixtape run was kind of like the beginning of us both loving something

and being like, that's a crazy lyric. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like that maybe that is an interesting that's that might be true. And then obviously when Two Chains was coming out, he had some bangers. Rick Ross had some great stuff that you could. I think like the first time I saw something and was like personally offended, not because anything they did, just because I was like, this is so bad, that it's like, I feel disrespected. I saw it at the movies. It was like scary movie like five.

Oh, that actually might be it. It was like scary movie five. No, I think you're right. I saw it at the theaters. I've never seen this before. It was a packed theater. The credits grow, people got up and booed. Like the director wasn't there. Yeah, yeah, wasn't there. People just wanted the theater to know that

they were mad about what they just witnessed. You know what's funny? I think you're right because I love the scary movies. Yeah. The first maybe even up to three. Maybe up to three. One and two are great. One and two Unimpeachable. Three I want to say it was pretty actually a pretty good time. Yeah. I don't remember it was either four or five Dude, you're I'm having a flashback Yeah, cuz like and what's funny is Simon Rex is in those and we went on to love that was a that was a guy We loved when he was like doing like, you know weird rapping In that myspace era. He was fucking awesome But nasty dirt and we loved him as dirt nasty

But I remember that and and cuz the only thing is we didn't I didn't do any research It wasn't like you we look up a movie. I got there and I was like, what the fuck are the Wayans brothers? You know, I mean, it's like people you don't know at all. It's like by the fifth one I don't even think like any of the original cast members were in it. No, they left after two They only yeah, but I think the third one had they weren't there but I think they had other original cast members yeah they had other original cast members but like by the end wasn't there those those guys are good at that type of movie they're so good one of the best I mean they like that airplane type of like so good slapstick dude they were so good

and now they're making a new one they actually got them back to me yes but part five dude I remember watching it and I was in part five let's find Charlie Sheen Charlie it's so funny we were having this exact experience at the same time on up and down 95 well I mean no one's in it oh yes Simon Rex Terry crew Mac Miller was in it listen may he rest in peace Ashley T Tisdale, Charlie Sheen. Yeah, I mean that's, that's tough stuff. I mean that's a who's who of comedy genius. But they have like good people like Kat is in it but it's like they have like obscure

scenes. Yeah, but he's in it for a scene probably. Yeah, obscure scenes. Darryl Hammond was in it, he's the man. But yeah, no that's a good one. Like for example, I saw Juana Man in theaters and was like, that was good. Me too. Like I mean you're gaming classics.

You have a name for that movie. But that's interesting. Yes, scary movie might be. Yeah, what's the first thing you saw? And we're like, wait, this sucks. What was that one? Uwe Boll movie that started with like a 9-11 scene? I don't know if that's the first, but that's like an early example I could think of

that just something so purely edge lore, droll, not even funny, but just like exists to be provocative. And we were just like a little in wonderment of like how stupid and like obvious or something was. I don't think I even saw it though. I think I was just like, you know, being like, oh, that's gonna be hilarious. We didn't see it, but I remember know being like, oh that's that's gonna be we didn't see a bear I remember we were like we thought like that scene that was funny. Yeah, cuz in in

2009 to do a joke of a guy hitting the Twin Towers that still hit that still was like audacious. Yeah now Fucking seven-year-olds will make a Twin Towers joke the way we would make Pearl Harbor jokes. Yeah, like to them They don't fucking give a fuck. Yeah, but at the time what's fascinating with me with like movies or even stand-up specials where I Like my mind starts to think like how many people before this got to me? How many people saw this and was like yeah, let's put this out. Yeah Something good with movies. It's even crazier That's what I'm saying is like I mean they do like they do like like they'll screen it for people Yeah, people will be like, yeah

Hundreds of people even on a low-budget movie hundreds of people work on a movie, right? No one says shit at any point. Yeah, people see the script people see the foot It's like all the actors like yeah okay everyone just like whatever yes fucking we're just doing it yeah I wonder if like if I because I think what happens is you get sucked up into the vacuum and you start to just it becomes like an echo chamber where everyone is just like this is good so I guess you start to believe that yeah yeah yeah but I wonder if I was like on set if I'd be able to say like this is garbage like this is not I'm trying to say yeah yeah yeah you probably feel it but you're like you're like, what the fuck am I gonna do about it? I'm here

Yeah, I'll definitely take a check and do a bad movie But I would come on a podcast and talk shit about it The Tim Dillon approach. Yeah, Joker. I mean that motherfuckers been trashing Joker in a hysterical way Yeah, I was a bad one. I mean that motherfucker's been trashing Joker in a hysterical way. He's the man for that one. That was a bad one. I know that one I'm interested to see because I think it might be so bad. It's like one of those things where people are like, this isn't even bad good. Yeah. And I'm like, we'll see about that.

Yeah. Like we have to watch it. Actually, elders, we should do our official review of Joker. No, there's a level of bad where you get offended like you're you get oh you know what else the fucking the that Mark Wahlberg the plants are killing people movie I saw that I never saw the happening maybe that was called I I think that like there's like a level of bad where you're like this is bad it's just not for me yeah and then there's a level of bad where you're like like this is bad, it's just not for me. Yeah. And then there's a level of bad where you're like,

like you wanna write your senators. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like get the shit removed. What about when you were a little kid, was there something that, I'm trying to think if there was like a Disney movie I hate, or like what's the very first memory you could have of something being like yuck?

Because it is funny when a little kid really doesn't like something. Yeah. They won't fucking hide it at all. Have you seen think it's tough like kids what do like I can't think of it like a kid not liking something Have you ever seen your nieces? reject something My wife tried to sit my niece down to make her watch like the original like Beauty and the Beast because she just loved it So much when she was a kid and, my niece was like just bawling

cause it looks like old bullshit. If you're a kid, like the animation is completely different than it was now. She was the AI bullshit. And she was like, you know, she like, my wife had a wager with her. She's like, just watch it for five minutes. And if you don't like it, we can turn it off.

She was like counting down the clock when she was like three years old. She was like, it's five minutes up. I don't want to watch this. Owned your wife, dude. That's tough. Losing a battle of wills to a three year old. You got to respect her for at least hanging in for that five minutes. I had moments like that when I was a kid. Like, you know, I loved Rugrats, Doug, all that classic shit. Then like the new wave of cartoons comes in and like you you just like don't like it. You're not into it. And it's probably just as I was getting older, but I was like, oh, this isn't anywhere as good as fucking rugrats.

It starts so early. Yeah. I wonder what's the age like, what's the age where you're literally like as a kid, like this fucking sucks. Yeah. This is garbage. I feel like we're seeing more kids say that now. I feel like kids are pickier now. What age do you mean it? Because sometimes it's cool to say something sucks. Well like for example, our friend has a baby and that motherfucker, if you're not putting on Finding Nemo, he's not interested. He's two, you know what I mean? So to him, or like he'll watch Cars, you know what I mean? But like, it is interesting.

I wonder how many little ass kids have, if that's where they have to start the first generation of like the Pixar kind of Computery ones yeah, and if they'll watch like cuz I I feel for your wife cuz I've thought that too It's like you know if someone in my family has a kid. I'm like. Oh, I want to watch the shit I liked as a little kid, but it's like you know they're not gonna wise it want want to watch a lad. They're not gonna watch peewees play house to a little kid It's like a bunch of people. No also I feel like a lot of the stuff we watched when we were kids now as adults we look back and you're like this I had weird sexual It's not a weird sexual undertone. It was definitely all the Nickelodeon shit with that fat, you know, there's that fat pervert

who was like fucking giving- Well, SpongeBob has like sex jokes in it. Like it legitimately has like, like that's what she said type shows for kids. Shout out, you know what? I was not, I didn't like SpongeBob when he first came out, but I changed my tune later on. Oh, SpongeBob's great. No, it's a banger, but I remember being, I think it was a little bit of what you're describing,

where it was like, this isn't Rocko's modern life. I was a little like that too, but the consistency of SpongeBob, it's like, I got one over even in middle school, and I was done with cartoons or something. No, no, for sure, absolutely. That was one that you're like, because it caught us generationally at a time

where it's like, I'm not a fucking little ass kid, I'm one that you're like cuz it cat it caught us generationally at a time where it's like I'm not a fucking Little ass kid. I'm not watching you cartoons. Yeah, then you just watch it You just watch it as a man in middle school Bob might be the Seinfeld of cartoon But like This is really good This is putting out good trying to find a formula for a crabby patty Good. Yeah, well-defined characters, right?

Honestly characters that do the same way you watch side boat still holds up in a way that I don't think shit from like You know like step Seinfeld now is what? 30 years old yeah 40 years old 30. Yeah 30 Yeah, 30 years is that's a lot for and it still holds up same way It's like you recognize the characters the archetypes. Yes, SpongeBob. The archetypes are pretty good. They're good doofus Try, you know, there's doofus friend that try try hard SpongeBob Yeah, squid were just a fucking piece of shit sticking. Yeah, sandy the enthusiastic girl that no one has a chance at fucking but they all secretly want to you know That's the subtext there. He's like a lane. Yes

That is true, it's the sponge Bob of cars is it's kind of like yeah, it's almost like Kramer Kramer spongebob though I feel like anyway Kramer almost like Kramer, Kramer SpongeBob though, I feel like. Anyway. Or no, Kramer, couldn't Kramer be Patrick? Cause Patrick is like a little goofy and he does goofy shit. The thing with Seinfeld was that Seinfeld was the one, he was the blank slate that you could project anything onto.

He really didn't have much personality in the show. It was about everybody else. Right. And he was the he was kind of the straight man, even though he was the stand up comic. Right. Everyone else. And so it's like SpongeBob is definitely not the straight man. If anything, Squidward is the closest thing to the straight. Squidward might be Jerry, honestly. Interestingly enough.

Yeah, maybe, maybe in some ways. It's not it's not a one for one. But I take your I take your point of like as a kids cartoon, because then obviously we can start thinking, even though the Simpsons are it's a different division than Simpsons and all that other stuff. Yeah. Kids cartoon. Sign for SpongeBob being Seinfeld is a pretty good take. I like not bad.

I just I just like a I just had like a weird moment where I'm like, man, this is where we are. Like in media, like we're having an introspective conversation about whether Spongebob and Seinfeld, the correlations they had. And we're having an earnest conversation. And the listeners are going to listen to it and be like, this is like, this is good. I think this might be the most thought provoking question we've ever introduced on the podcast. Man, I love this pod. They really get into it. They really...

Oh, fuck, money, lines, same game, polys, it's all fine. You put a smile on your face. Bet on the sports you love with Bet River Sportsbook. Take a chance! Must be 19 plus, available in Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Were you like a latchkey kid? Did you just watch TV by yourself?

Yeah, I did. I did watch TV by myself. But I was the youngest of like five, so it's like... Somehow I feel like I never even knew that. Five. Holy shit. Yeah, so growing up, I had older sisters and brother. And when you have older, sometimes you just want to watch what they want. I remember watching Jamie Foxx I might need security his stand-up special when I was like six that's awesome He's talking about like sleeping with JLo

That was like my first introduction to stand-up so I used to watch like a Arnold, but then I would watch like You know deaf comedy jam when it got brought back Funny at six. Yeah, so funny. At six? Yeah. What was the cl- what were the ages? What are we talking about? I have one sister who's a year older than me. And then the rest are a lot. Because my mom, she was married two times.

I have one sister who's like ten. Then I- my brother's ten years older. My sister's like fifteen. And another sister's like seventeen. Oh, so your brother who was ten years older was year round? Yeah, yeah. We all lived- we all grew up in the same house Oh, I was like, you know, you were like a really like almost like the mascot of the family You're the baby kind of but I was I wasn't like I'm not like a look at me guy

I was kind of like the quiet like was your sister. Yeah more like You two were the babies of the family. Yeah. No, no, actually none of us were like that. No, yeah It was weird cuz I we didn't we just didn't have that dynamic We were kind of all just like I wasn't like a mute but I wasn't like he was like roommate polite roommates My mom ran a tight everybody was all business That's so fucking funny when you go to like, you know, you do like these like meetings or whatever with like Industry people and they especially if you're a minority they want you to say that like you came from like a crack house

Oh, yeah, I had to sell crack when I was six years old just to keep the lights on That's like they're digging for that and you like you don't have it to tell me some trauma. Yeah, I'm like I don't know. Sometimes my mom wouldn't cook on Friday. She'd order Chinese food. They're like, she was prostituting herself? I'm like, no. I just think she was tired from work. She was taking night classes to go to law school.

Yeah. And they're like, she's a little tired. You see them get mad? No. You see them get mad because you didn't get molested. And your uncle, he took some liberties. No, he just needed to get back on his feet in between consulting gigs. He's a great uncle. He's a great uncle.

He made some bad investments, didn't play the market exactly right. So he just crashed with us for a month until he got a nice, fun job. He used to do the dishes. We didn't have a dishwasher. Is that trauma? I know most people have a dishwasher. He to do the dishes. We didn't have a dishwasher. Is that trauma? I know most people have a dishwasher. We didn't. He would wash the dishes. It was fine. Have you seen Julio Torres' show about the...

The shapes thing? No, he did it. Shapes was a special I think, but he has a show called Phantasmas, which is fucking hysterical and it does that talks a lot about that where it's like that's that's a running theme about like Trying to get him to make something about you know, he's a his poor abuela You know what I mean? Like he's just trying to make his own shit and they're like it's so fucking funny Speaking of gay shit gay comedy that I love that's one of the gayest shows they're making and it's fucking hilarious Yeah, yeah, I gotta check that out It's so funny, but it deals with that exact theme of like them wanting to tap you to tap dance, but in a different way like right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, dude, that happens. That happens a lot.

Like it happens a lot. And that's kind of what I'm worried with now, because I feel like the pendulum just swings. And now I'm like, I thought we was out of that. Whoa, I know, right thing. And I feel like now in response to like the new president, it's going to swing thing. And I feel like now, in response to like the new president, it's going to swing back. And I don't want it to swing back. I don't want it to be. I'm a little worried about that, too. I think I do think because it's not

you can't even pretend to that like anti-cancer culture shit is rebellious when it's you know, there's a Republican billionaire in office, you know what I mean like you can't pretend It's like yeah, no one like I my hope is that people that talk about all this woke bullshit Realized that like just policing people's behavior means absolutely nothing you're not making a fucking difference that people what we have to Abandon that shit and actually talk about the reasons People act out in ways that are fucked because it's like yeah

I'm not gonna say there's not racism and homophobia and shit like that, but it's like Nobody's offering people any solutions Democrats aren't saying Democrats are pretending shit's good. So then if your only other option is like well, it's actually Latinos and gay guys That's the reason your life's bad. Yeah people who are fucking dumb and poor gonna be like Yeah That's the reason your life's bad. Yeah people who are fucking dumb and poor gonna be like Yeah Yeah, it is fucking Latinos and gay guys Where's like you could say rich guys are fucking but it's so my hope is that the like Not that there even is a left in this country anymore

Democrats are now fucking just moderate Republicans But my hope is that like there will be a real left that talks about economic issues Because like that's what happens rich people try like the party of the rich But my hope is that there will be a real left that talks about economic issues. Because that's what happens. Rich people, the party of the rich wants to fucking, wants to pretend it's cultural issues, whether it's race, gay, whatever the fuck, even gender now with taking away fucking abortion rights.

They wanna pretend that that is what's keeping you apart, where it's like, it's always economics. It's always that rich people want to take your money. They don't want to, they want to be the ones that don't pay taxes and make all their money off of your, off your back and off your work. But I think, I think in entertainment, sometimes I find that like we have such a quick, like how quickly we forget. Like I don't think while, while Trump was in office the last time

I don't think there was a worst time for like a straight white man It's like in like history of America like it was a worst time to be in the sense of like The the woke movement had them pinned down Trump got out of office and the woke movement kind of shifted and those guys all got Elevated and became super famous right so like the narrative of, we want to go back to that thinking it's like a passion of like, did you forget that that was like the toughest time? The worst. Yeah.

There were so many people who deserved like were funny and killing it and deserved specials and deserved things. And the industry was literally like, we're not taking white guys. Yeah. I'm like, did you forget that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, they don't they don don't understand Yeah, it is fucking stupid and I hope that because people people want to pretend they're doing something and they're like acting like they're offended

at at a racy joke it's like You could have just like done something to stop him from getting an office You know what I mean? Like instead now that he's one they have to show it's like that showing you're a good guy and not doing anything Yeah, I mean, I think it's weird to like as comedians now Like we're like they're like getting into like political it sucks. So that's so strange Dude, I'm supposed to like be objective and be like look at these two assholes. I'm really I know dude I'm really worried. It's like because I have very I have my own beliefs obviously

But it's like I've tried to hold off of course But it does get to the point to say comedy But it gets it does it easy even get to the point where I'm like at some point it becomes like you kind of Have to say something if half the industry is like Actively championing championing some shit that I know is that I personally believe is fucked up. I'm trying to hold off I'm not you know, we're all friends here This is my personal podcast, but I never want to fucking you don't want to be the person who's like ours about that It sucks. Yeah. No, I mean dude Yeah, like I mean, I hope I hope we just I hope we're just going through an error and like we move

we move because I I Understand there's a space for like like you said that introspective thought-provoking comedy But the fact that everyone has to be doing that and some of the dumbest people you've ever met in your life Some of the truly stupidest people on earth are trying to do that shit Truly well, I'm like I mean look my act is about women calling me gay Yeah, as a small as a small fashionable man man, you're going to be fighting that fight. Right, I had a mustache. That's what I'm acting about. Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that. You're coming on my, on the mustache corner, dude.

Yeah. But yours was very nice and... Yeah, yeah. I had a mustache. I was, you know, I was just... What were you thinking about that? I was just going through, I was like, let me just try something different. It worked. It worked. It opened up, it opened up a door for like, it was like older women were thinking I was just going through, I was like, let me just try some different, it worked. It worked. It opened up, it opened up a door for like, it was like older women were thinking

I was like attractive who, yeah. You know, yeah. You get the little mustache. Yeah, they're like, wow, you remind me of like my boyfriend in the eighties, you know. Which, which that was nice. And then other guys with mustache, we'd have that. What did you like? Of course.

What do you do for the mustache bro? Yeah, that was, that was nice nice are you interested in an older woman I mean I guess it depends I'm not like I think it's weird to go outside and be like I want an older woman sure like a girl your age comes by you just give it like a sniff or you don't have like a defined type in that way no no I don't think so I I'm open sure I'm open but then it's like I'm kind of worried of like I like a friend of mine. She told me she was dating a guy who was 30 years older than her Wow, and at the time he was like 55 or something

And I was just like you have like five more years I'm like like you really have like five more years before the man is 60. Like, have you thought about this at all? And she was like, yeah, I thought about it. I'm like, I don't think you're thinking about this. Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, it is obviously case by case. I mean, there's it depends who you marry, right? What it's like I marry a I'm a 35 year old

obese man like you know Mediterranean man, and if I met there's 65 year old Asian women now that will outlive me It kind of depends if your friend is like you know if your friend is kind of You know mess that's gonna die early, maybe date somebody that's gonna, you know, that might hold up. But even that, it's not even a fact about living,

because you could live to a hundred, but it's like, do you want to be 60 years old dating a hundred year old? Even if they're alive, is that the point you want? I mean, like you have like 15 years before you're literally taking care of this person, like they're the elderly. Right, right, right. You're literally having to like, like get your soup. Right, right, right.

Is that the life you want from 40 on? That's an interesting, that's an interesting conundrum. Some women appear to want that, weirdly. Well, women like, women like older, like older is like an attractive thing. Sure. Which when I was a younger dude, I was like, what's that about? But now when I'm like in my mid-30s, I'm like, ah. You're like, nice, time to a younger dude, I was like, what's that about? But now I'm like in my mid 30s I'm like, yeah, you're like nice time to collect. Yeah Time to collect on all the pussy. I lost to 35 year olds when I was 21

Hey, I'm right there with your brother. I've definitely had that thought. I'm like, yeah, I get it Dude not to bring back the feces thing but I was thinking about this when I was coming to because like the to bring back the feasy thing. But I was thinking about this when I was coming to because like the it's so funny because like the PC guys, like they like like the anti woke. They're like, yeah, we can't say anything, which I'm like, just say the thing. You can say whatever you want. Just say it and whatever happens, happens. Stop trying to fight.

I'm like, Star Wars, you you tweet out, you know, just wrapped up on a movie with love. Like you're literally leaving like a Netflix Filming like oh today was a long day. I would love it for a young woman just came over and gave me head It's true. That is what I would love This man is so true he he's a truth teller. You just gotta be yourself, man. And I've never heard you be like,

aw man, I can't say what I wanna say. No, I think it's, I mean you can say whatever the fuck you wanna say. That's the craziest thing. The only thing you really might get in trouble for is dropping an N-bomb. That's really the hardest, and it's like, why do you wanna say that?

You know what I mean? Yeah, that's weird. That's really the hardest thing and it's like why do you want to say that? Like weird like or or you know the classic F's the homophobic F slur Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like what sure it's hilarious. It's it's funny in certain circumstances When eldest is dressed a certain way, right you want to call him that I'm calling that. Of course, of course I want to say that to him. Of course. He's trying out stripes that don't really suit him. And it's whatever, man. You want to, you don't say. And is that, by the way, is that that big a deal? It's literally two. It's literally two words that you actually probably can't say most of the time.

Yeah. So you, you, I think a lot of times it's like, you could say it, but they want to remove themselves of the of the of the weight of having to make it good yet you can say that's great even that yet but it has to be that the edge here you're walking a tightrope right but you can't walk a little don't be i don't give me uh... up up up for a really big as yet the a really big as fucking sheet of plywood right away i want to know who i want to be able to fucking sheet of plywood right yeah I want to be able to stumble barely over plywood right right yeah which is you know I

it'll it'll swing back which I'm I I felt like it swung extremely one way and I'm worried for the extreme swing back yeah I felt like we were in a good place we'll be fine man who gives a fuck everybody was just saying whatever the world it's all bullshit yeah um damn I I, I uh, I get what it oh, yeah I I'm still that I didn't I didn't realize the five that's fucking crazy So but it was just like and you grew up in Queens, right? Mm-hmm And so it was just like you were in a you know five in five siblings is still a lot Even if shit was nice and orderly

Yeah But they were the fact that they were so much older than me by the time I was like in my teenage years They were kind of out the house and they were kind of doing their own thing So it wasn't like we was like I remember so probably till I was like maybe 11 12 It was all of us and after 12 like when I was 12 my sister was like 26 And she left and my brother started he was out so it wasn't very immigrant I mean, that's how fucking Greek people in Greece are where it's like you stay in the house until you get married, right? I see a lot of people fucking Greek town are like that weirdly like where I grew up. They still kind of behave that way

Yeah, you left you or you you weren't you didn't wait till you got married. No, I don't wait till I got married I left my house I mean I went away to college and then when I came back I stood at home for a couple years and then I left I like 28 29. Okay, I got my own my own place um but if it were up to my parents yet It would be like stay here forever. Don't be like get married and move in Take the basement apartments fucking Get I kind of get it like I like you know you've heard this before like a lot of white parents Would they like when you turn 18 they're like get the fuck out right like do you hate your kids?

Yeah, it's so weird like I would think that I if I had kids I would be like, yeah, you can chill I'd love to see you I mean there are those depressing statistics where it's like when you fucking by the time you leave for college You've seen your parents like 80 percent of the time you're gonna see them your whole life Yeah, you know what I mean? Like that shit's and and then I think about i'm like It is kind of like I don't see and I have, it is kind of like, I don't see, and I have a good relationship with my mom, I don't see her that much, you know what I mean?

Like I, you know, it is fucking wild, and also there's something nice about, like I like the idea of being able to live near your friends or your family or whatever it is. Like there is something, and also the way like, humanity should be, you have a kid, it's nice if a fucking uncle or grandma or somebody is fucking right there.

Yeah. Cause that's also how parents don't go crazy. Right, right. Like it is kind of like more of a group family effort, but. Here's a like, this is like a weird statistic that I just thought of when you said that. When I left my house, which was probably like 29, when I moved out of my house,

which was like right before COVID. Cause I had, we had a three family and I had one of the apartments. Oh, that's beautiful. That was nice. That's a beautiful setup. But then I wanted my own space, so I moved out of my house, which was like right before COVID. Because I had we had a three family and I had one of the apartments. Oh, that's beautiful. That was nice. Yeah. But then I wanted my own space. So I moved out when I moved out of my house, which was 2020. I my mom, who since has passed away, she got sick, got cancer and passed away. I saw my mom like after I moved out of my house, I saw my mom less than 100 times. Yeah. So when I moved out, I had already saw her 95 right that was most of it

Yeah, gonna see it and then the rest of it was like I saw I used to come over and see her and holiday The stuff but she only lived like three years past that I saw her less than a hundred times So that's like it's something to think about totally we don't we just kind of flow through life thinking that it'll be like forever But yeah, I know that's the fuck. It's it is fucking sad to be like damn I mean, we're we're all at the fuck. We're all the same you're 35. Yeah for 34 Yeah, we're all pretty much the same age. It's like this is when it hits you that it's like Oh, it's the the hearts at the top of the screen. They're not gonna go on forever You know, I mean there there's shrinking just a little bit

I mean, I don't know when this happened. I think it was after 30. Like I constantly walk around thinking that like I'm dying. Yeah. Like, like physically, like I think, and I'm like pretty good in shape. You're in good shape, yeah. I go to the gym and I'm like, I'll get chest pain and I'm like, here it is.

Yeah, yeah. Here it is. Yeah, if that's what you're thinking, what do you think? What do you think I'm thinking over here? What do other people think? Cause I'm like. Oh me, dude, I'm the same but also for good reason. I mean last year, on that last tour, I've been, I've talked about it but it's like,

I thought I was gonna die like half of the nights. I was like going to bed fucked up, taking like pills, eating like shit, you know what I mean? And I was like... Dude, I thought, like, cause you, cause I did a couple stops with you on this tour and I went up there and I thought like, I was like, all right, I'm opening for stop. I thought it was going to be like backstage is going to be

like strippers like walking around in like panties. And it was going to be like rock and roll. And then I show up and it's like a thigh, a Thai buffet. Like in between shows, you're like, we're like, yeah, we had this whole restaurant catering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is nice, too. We were eating and getting fucked up

and yeah, I mean, it was Albany. I don't know what the pussy's looking like in Albany. There's cities where you're like, all right, we're going to put we're going to think about the catering a little more than the after party in certain cities.

To be fair, I think, I think actually, I think sometimes that's when you go to like a shit city, like not to say Albany is a shit city. It is. No, it is. Yeah. But that's not what I'm trying to say. But I think sometimes when you're like you're playing the egg, this is like the big theater in Albany is like the top notch of that city is gonna come out like that's kind of nice Perhaps every city has a top sure sure sure every every city has like some hotties that are gonna move to like LA Miami or New York you got to catch them before they go before they go. That's true. That's a good point

Which is a little back are you going back? We're going back out actually by this yeah by the time this episode comes out the Tour is being advertised. If you're one of those top hotties in the city, you can come for free. Yeah, DM me for real. DM me a picture of your tits. We'll get you in there for free, no problem. See, you can say anything. Oh, fuck. You got to come back again.

We spent too much time talking about how annoyed we are at cancel culture warriors. So yeah, go see in Hilarious one of my favorites and a just good comic who doesn't it's not gonna preach to you We'll just write a good joke completely different This is something I really give a fuck about. Women's college tennis. Now I fucking care about that for some fucking reason. I'm the guy that talks about how boring the WNBA is.

If you'll fucking let me hear it. But now I care about division two women's call minor college sports anyway whatever eldest hit us with a fucking question a little buddy hey Davi not playing Davi baby hey Davi Davi baby and tell me weird thing negative not that weird I'm in a good relationship. Like the best relationship I've ever been in. Nice. Um, my issue though is that I've just put on so much weight since I've been in this relationship. Like, I'm aware that like people get happy and they maybe put on extra weight,

but I'm like 260 pounds now. My goal weight? I've never been this big. I've always been've always been in good shape. How tall is he? would love to get a nice trim 260 again nice lean 260 at 5'7 go ahead Elders I'm like 260 pounds now and I've never been this big. I've always been in good shape and The problem is is that whenever I like take my shirt off around my girlfriend She's like she gets turned on by it. I love that I'm big like she just loves my belly and You're a big guy and I don't know like

Is it weird that I like that you like that I'm sexy but I don't like that I feel so fucking fat all the time. Those ass hurt me dude. His annunciation hit me. I don't know dude. I don't know dude. I don't know dude. I don't, dude. I don't know, dude. His enunciation hit me. I feel this way about it, but I just like, I feel

like this relationship has been so good, but mentally, like physically I'm like just not in a good place health-wise. Interesting. I don't know, one fat guy to another. The hard F fat I've never felt before. Yeah, I feel like he's like roasting you. You're the fucking fat one. You're a fat disgusting bastard.

Yeah, and he's complaining that his girl wants to fuck him too much. Yeah, yeah, this is strange. This is, I mean, yeah, you're weak-minded, my friend. You have one of the most weak minds I've ever come across. You're basically letting, you're basically letting societal standards that your own girl that you love and say you're in a great relationship, your own girl doesn't subscribe to, you're letting what other people, other faceless nameless people, might think of you, affect how you see yourself, right? And look, I'm not gonna tell you that you should be fat, right, from a health perspective.

Obviously, like, if your diet has gone to shit, if there's things in your life that you want to fucking take care of, that's fine. But if you're in a place where your partner loves the way you look and you can adjust your habits to be healthy, maybe you lose a little weight, maybe you start working out more and so you can become big in a different way and maybe you kind of meet it halfway where you know, you're taking care of your diet, you're not overdoing it and you start to feel healthy and maybe you don't look He also you're aging. Maybe you don't look as good as you used to when you were younger, whatever If you can get to a place where you feel healthy and you're still a little bigger than you you'd like Who fucking you're being a fucking pussy about this?

You're in a great spot right now and I wouldn't let this like, it feels like to me, he's, this is some like fat phobia that he's turning onto himself a little bit. You know what I mean? This reminds me a lot, I feel like women have this issue a lot sometimes. Yes. Where like, they'll be like, you know, I hate my huge big titties. And then the man would be like, well, I love your big titties. And they'll be like, well, I want to get a breast reduction. And the man would be like, well I love your big titties. And they'll be like, well I wanna get a breast reduction. And the man was like, well I'll leave you. He'll be like, oh! I'll leave you if you fuck up with the Lord.

What did you say? Right, I feel like this is just reversed. Like this woman is like, don't you dare lose a pound. Yeah. And he's like, but I don't feel sexy. Yeah. Which is like crazy. I hate to sort of turn toxically mask I hate to turn toxic mask is basically toxic masculine versus fat phobia and I'm like fucking bitch

You're being a fucking pussy chief. Yeah, 260, you know, I don't know if he is he's five feet to six That's huge, but 260 is not terrible, right? And if you could you could stay around there and still, you know, be active, don't be a slob, that's not bad. Yeah, exactly. And I do think, I really think more than anything, this is your, this is like internalized, you know, your, you don't feel hot the way traditionally women struggle with.

But it's like, who is it, I guess the question is, who is, I guess the question is who is what about this really look at the the stem and the root of this feeling to you because for me I can tell you personally and maybe this is a little obvious to people but like I only ever I mean now I've gotten old enough where it is about my health because like but when I was younger it's like I only Lost weight to get attention from women sure it was never about anything else And that's my own issue that I let that dictate a little too much of my thing, but it's like There's also the exact you could go a little bit opposite where it's like this isn't even affecting How this isn't even a positive to you you seem so sad and you've kind of hit the jackpot you fit a situation that most men would kill for

you get to get fucking chubby and your bitch loves it and then yeah dude do some fucking bicep curls look be like a stout bouncer type guy and eat a little less if you're if you're feeling unhealthy fix the other parts of your life but don't worry so much about your body. Work on how you think about yourself and think about why you're so judgmental to yourself. Dude, I once dated a girl and she was like a small she was like a small girl. She's probably like five foot to like petite girl. And her thing was she she wanted a man that was like 300

plus. What's she up to? How do I holler at me? I was like, I'll never be that. I could never be 300 pounds. I have literally found there have been times where I hooked up with somebody randomly, right, on one of my great solicitations that you talked about earlier. Right. And I assume they were a fan of some of the podcast of stand up, whatever. And I've looked up with a couple of girls who straight up

did not really know who I was, and they liked fat guys. And I was just like a fat guy on the Internet that they wanted to fuck. There are people out there. They were high. One for two. But you know, one was very hot. What was fine, you know? Yeah. That they wanted to fuck there are people out there. They were high one for two Was fine, you know, yeah, but But no, no, it's like the people exist like this and it's like they definitely and he's and in his case It's like you found somebody who likes that You need to figure out this your own shit. You need to figure out what's at the center of it,

and that's sort of more long-term advice. Practical advice, I think you hit it on the head, where it's just like, you're not, you know, work out a little bit, don't get fucking, don't feel overly sloppy or whatever the fuck, but you're fine, dude. I feel like you should have sent a picture with this call. I'd love to see how fat you are.

So we could be like, oh! No, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We take it back. You gotta lose. Fuck what she said. We take it back. I don't know.

Your whole, yeah, your tits are so strange, dude. You've got the, I thank the Lord that he gave me the best fat loadout possible. This is the, you want to have this kind of, you can weigh as much as me and be much fluffier and shittier and I've got, which people say is bad, hard fat is actually really bad for your vital organs. But it looks good. It's bad? The fluff, you want to be a real fluffy guy apparently. Do you think, what if, do you think,

like let's say you lost a hundred pounds right now. A hundred I could do no problem and I would still be fat by the way really I would be I'm probably 310 right now so Got down to a lean once 80 180 5 7 180 do you think you think your career would change like it would change for sure I mean, I think I would first of all I don't want to be one. That's weird to me I would love legitimately to be 220. That's like the lowest I'd ever, and I'm five,

that's like, I- 257 is big. It's still pretty, I'd still be in XLs probably. Yeah. You know what I mean? But it's like, I don't, yeah, I just don't, I can't even imagine, I don't know, what am I gonna go, Al Sharpton mode?

You see that motherfucker? He's skinny as fuck, it's so weird. The highest I got, the highest I ever got was 170. Mmm. That was like the highest. Yeah, and And how did it feel for you as a 170? I felt I felt sturdy. We working out a bunch. No, I was being slobby And I wasn't like crazy, but I felt I felt sturdy Yeah, yeah, but I but I I just rather like I just look I feel like I look better like sure and 60 170 yeah yeah which is like but that's just what I'm used to but I'm trying to see if like if

I got up to 220 yeah yeah that'd be interesting 220 I'd love to see that I'd love to see you fat I love to see everyone fat yeah I'd love to bring everybody over here see what it's really likes see what see Show them they can't hang they can't swim in these waters But yeah, you got to get over whatever the fuck's in your head sorry to dismiss you But you're sounding like a fucking bitch to me, dude Next question eldest. I love like he called for like earnest advice and we you're like, you sound like a little bitch. We gave him what he needed to hear.

Hey, Savvy. So I was in a relationship for most of my 20s and now that I'm 30, I've had a year of being single for the first time. And I'm encountering all kinds of issues in relations to being a player and balancing multiple women at one time. And the main issue for me is physical evidence. I've been decent with the phone and I can handle that but a lot of these women seem to be intentionally leading evidence in my apartment to disrupt my relations with other guys out of his business. He thinks they're leaving like the leave behind and I clean my apartment I vacuum these things but still there are issues and I'm wondering I give some examples an eyelash on the ground I did not know that was something that could happen and we're

doing makeup on the wall. Makeup on the wall? You're pressing the bitches face to the wall? And I think the worst one was behind a picture of my family, there was earrings, which those have to be 100% attentional. So my question to you is, is there a protocol for something like this as a man? Should we sweep through the house and make sure that the woman from before didn't leave anything sneaky for another woman or My wrong for even having women two different women over this is talking about part of women

I guess have you ever encountered Two women you can't fucking You can't keep you can't keep the fucking a little consistency between two women so this guy is talking about this is first He was saying this is first time being single pretty much, and he's what how old was he I? The first he just turned 30. I think okay, or he's 30 and he's single for the first time most of my 20 gotcha, okay Yeah, I got it. I got a specific move please yeah Yeah, please it'll work every time so here's what you do When you're about to bring a girl over for the first time right let's say you got a girl coming

over for the first time but you recently had another girl that was over another time what you do is you tell that girl that like the new girl that's coming over in conversation you mentioned that you had like your sister over the week before or you had your cousins over the week before My cousin's like a little get-together with like a bunch of like your female family is so important to me. Yeah So you'd be like so you'll be like hey even if your apartment is fully clean you're like hey I'm sorry if my apartment is a little crazy. My cousins were over and you know, they're girls They were no getting jazz and how about this you say your cousins

They say female and male and then you leave like a pair of Jordans that aren't your size Also, so you're covered for the male right right and then you also Yeah fucking Frank's shoes and fucking Sarah's earrings or whatever the case may be So when in the event that the girl you bring over does find something, yeah, she'll be like, Oh, that's my cousin's blood plug. Yeah. That's my cousin's warming lube. Have you used the warming lube? Right. This, this. Oh, my God. My cousin left his sex pillow here

That's good though I like that this something about this though is This guy's talking about two women first of all it's not wrong to date as long as you're not lying That's amazing. I'm like who gives a fuck who give I mean this guy must not this this guy don't live in New York I'll tell you You tell me a girl you just met went on a day wet and is coming back to your house to fuck you is concerned That there's another eyelash. Yeah, what do you think you're doing? Well this who knows where he's from, right? I don't know. Let's not reveal the area code, but you want to look it up just so we can just see Where it might be.

Yeah, I mean that's exactly right. So this guy is not from a major metropolitan area. He's 30, he's probably dating women around his age. Who are trying to get married. They wanna get married. If he's talking about two women and one, and what I was gonna say is this is not really a player issue, this is a who you're dating issue.

And one of these women is trying to sabotage you. And you probably haven't been completely upfront about what you're looking for. You can tell by him being like, is it wrong to date two women at once? Like he's literally thinking it's a moral issue. So he's just not used to you know this kind of behavior and so it's not if someone's trying to do this then you're just like he might be dating the wrong women if you want to continue being a 30 year old playboy in your in your own words here, so

That's really the issue. It's not like you're not have to get a you have to get fucking a crime scene You know I get CSI over there sweep your apartment every time you fucking get your dick sucked after Watching Hulu. Yeah, also, I think look if you like I gave you a way to lie But also I also believe that if you and your 30s you want to be a player be a player You know not a lot you ain't looking for your wife. You ain't yeah. Yeah somebody You ain't looking for your wife, you ain't just... Yeah, somebody left her earring. What do I... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What to tell you? I don't know what to tell you. Women fuck me. Oh yeah, a friend... You could literally be like, oh yeah, a friend left those here. Yeah. What's she gonna... What's she gonna press you?

It's like, yeah, we were dating. We used to date. Like, whatever. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I don't get it. Unless you're telling me it's your girlfriend finding stuff. Right.

That's a problem, but random girls? Who cares what they find? Yeah, I mean, I mean you heard his voice was shaking talking to us You think you can fucking be like, yeah. Yeah, it's different girls. What are you gonna do about it? Get the socket or get the truck in more he's not gonna do that But he's not built for it. That New York energy. The thing is, you're enjoying the first and probably only time you're fucking multiple women at once. He's gonna get married. I bet this guy's gonna end up getting married to the woman who put the earrings behind that picture.

Just gotta be married before this episode releases. Let's be honest. We're a little backlogged. I can hear it in his voice. married before this episode. So yeah, man, that's that's our that's our Ian gave you some cover. And yeah, you just have to I think you need to just be more selective in who you date. You can't be dating Lisa and be more honest about what your intentions are. It's weird that women are doing this like to them too. Yeah, but again, New York City. Yeah, he's in the heartland, let's say, in a place where if you're 30, you're probably trying to get married. You know what I mean?

But it is weird. Don't get me wrong. It's weird on both their ends because clearly this is, it's insanely weirdly passive aggressive behavior on their part, but he's also just not being upfront with, she probably gets an inkling that this is going on, doesn't, isn't gonna have the conversation. He has an inkling that she has an inkling, he's putting his fucking head in the sand and trying to get double sucked as much as possible,

and that's what's going on here. There's no, there's a complete lack of communication on both ends leading to insane behavior. The get the suck in or get the truck in this hilarious. I Feel like that's like that sounds like a far right Yeah, the Trump rally Like what does this mean yeah, and and I want to be clear that is a phrase that we employ for non-political misogyny on this show.

Alright, alright. Go ahead, Eldish. This is a two minute. Yeah, this is going to be good. Hi, Gabby. Hi, Eldish. Hi, Jess. I am looking for advice from a male perspective on an issue that I have because I really don't have any close male friends and I Don't have like a cool older brother that I can talk to you about. That's what we're here for So I have been in the same relationship with my husband for 11 years

Married for three so we dated for a long time. We were high school sweethearts and Anyways, we've never had any problems. We were high school some issues surrounding the fact that I'm the breadwinner and I was carrying most of the weight in terms of like bills and I think you know my husband started to feel insecure about his role as like a husband and as a man and we And we did start to have some arguments surrounding finances. Anyways, one day I just like had this really weird feeling and I looked at the messages on his Apple Watch and I saw that he had texted his co-worker good morning baby Motherfucker This fucking guy needs to ask for fucking permission to buy a golf club and he's fucking texting bitches in his office Good morning, baby

Morning, baby. That's good morning, baby. It is really tough really tough and her met okay keep going others and Her messages were silent And there were no previous He told me and she told me that it was nothing more than a couple weeks of Anything else and pause it Your honor, I bought the cocaine, I never did the cocaine. Yes, you did find cocaine.

Look, I'm not gonna argue with you. You found cocaine in my jacket. I never opened it. I never did it. I mean, they just flirted and he's deleted all the... Anyway, let's finish up, but come on. This is bad. This is bad. I don't know, I'm just having a really hard time like accepting that answer

Moving past this I just feel like I'll never really know the full truth and extent of it It's also probably important to mention that around the time of this fling he stopped wearing his putting ring to work time of this fling, he stopped wearing his pudding ring to work. Oh my god. What? Is this a prank? I mean, Jesus Christ. Holy **** Okay. Also, this poor woman. Yeah. Yeah. What work to **** Yeah. Where the **** was he going? Best Buy? He **** He had a he had a hard day of unlocking fit

**** for people. And he fucking, you know, that gets in the way, babe. You know, when I'm taking a Sonos, when I'm putting a Sonos in the back of a Toyota Highlander, I don't want my wedding ring to get snagged. Jesus Christ. Any advice that you could give to help me kind of feel less than secure about it? I obviously don't want to throw away, you know 11 plus years Over I don't know innocent

Texting is that's what it was baby. Come on. I mean Good morning, baby is not in a Saturday fucking Saturday with the text deleted Not in on a Saturday fucking Saturday with the text deleted Innocent texting and the message is silence. That's not innocent. That's not that's not I mean, I know this is circumstantial evidence You don't have the smoking gun in theory, but good God Almighty I mean, this is crazy. This is beautiful gas lighting right here This is the guy the guys the guys making her feel bad about being the breadwinner This is the guy's the guy's making her feel bad about being the breadwinner He's a piece of shit he's clearly insecure that you're that you have the better job whatever and

He's gaslighting you into he's acting out because it's like there's some dumb bitch at work That'll never be better than him. You're better than him. You're clearly smarter and make more money You know what I mean? Like you've been better than him honestly since you were kids. That's the problem with look I don't want to bring this up, but you know my stance on high school and college sweethearts Even it's just like it's tough for that shit to work out and I'm saying it doesn't work out but I am saying that this is Textbook gaslighting right? I mean this is textbook gaslighting. I mean this is fucking nuts. And like, you're feeling guilty?

You're calling in and feeling guilty is crazy. I mean, I don't, I mean this is the kind of thing where it's like, yeah you should feel insecure because I don't believe this fucking guy. And I don't even know what it would... She said she spoke to her too. I would like to know what that was like I mean, that's the life he said she said that the other girl said it was just flirting I know that's really nice thing to reach out to her. Did you yeah, how did that happen? I mean if he's like is I was like, yeah talk to her. He's like, all right

They're fucking going over it like a mob lawyer. Yeah, like what are you gonna say? Yeah, exactly They're going over her testimony the night before the fucking trial This is really tough because you're not you're clearly a nice person who's who is gaslit to oblivion right now The fact that he's even making you feel bad about being the breadwinner Is that's that in and of itself is a gigantic red flag to be like to start Everything's gone good and the arguments start because you make more money because you provide for him And that starts an argument like he can't say shit to you. I don't like that's red flag number one somebody who's with someone Understands it's not like this changed or anything like that

And even if it did if it's your fucking life partner you can't be insecure about shit like that I mean let's just call it what it is I mean you caught your husband texting his co-worker good morning baby at 8am on a Saturday like he was having an affair whether he had sex with her or not I mean I guess that's debatable but he was it's a minimum of an emotional affair at an absolute absolute minimum. And just because he wiped the hard drives doesn't mean there wasn't fucked up shit. Right, there's probably nudes there. Oh, without, minimum we're talking nudes.

Yeah, so he was having an emotional affair at least, so you have to decide if you're willing to trust him again or put up with that, because that's the thing that happened. Like you caught them at the very minimum and who knows what the mores but I think sometimes women should ask themselves it's like all right let's say you did catch him sleeping with his co-worker right are you gonna leave him because if you're not gonna leave him then just

let it go because yeah you're not gonna leave him what are you gonna how are you gonna replace that eight hundred dollars a month he brings in you're not gonna you have to either cut you have the disney plus or fucking Hulu right Yeah, I know he pays for all the streaming services So yeah, you're gonna you think about that You know what I mean decide what you're gonna do if you're not gonna leave him regardless, then this is stop killing yourself over it I don't I mean if you're not gonna leave first of all if you want my harsh true thoughts on this please

High school sweethearts It's got to be perfect To continue a high school sweethearts relationship in my opinion Yeah, this is the only person you've ever dated the second you hit a road bump which look As much as I was tough on the guy for like saying it's a red flag to start arguments over, you know, the imbalance in their financial stuff, like I get how that could, your knee-jerk reaction to feeling insufficient to your wife

could start an argument, but you have to work through that and you have to, all right, we're good good. Clearly the second this guy felt emasculated he fucking, at the very minimum, looked for attention elsewhere at the very minimum, at worst case scenario had a full-blown affair with somebody. It's the first, that's the first problem you guys have had he has a fucking affair of some level. He doesn't provide You don't even have the fucking cold rational. He's fucking rich. I'll turn a blind eye

You fucking buy him he's wearing dockers you fucking paid for To me you can't let it I would not let it go I would at minimum go to like counseling to feel like you're actually over this Have him actually admit what happened. You can't have these weird half truths. Yeah, the half truths is no good. You have to be like, you know what, I don't, it can't be a conversation between you, him, and the girl he fucking cheated with.

It's gotta be you, him, and a fucking therapist. You, and look, I'm not even saying throw it away, right? That's definitely my inclination. I'm that kind of person. That's my own issue throw it away I fucked up relationships. I don't want to work on them. Yeah, I'm not even this even if he cheated I'm not even necessarily saying throw it away because the older I get the more I realize sometimes people just fucking act out You both are immature You both are high school sweethearts. He doesn't know he's never dealt with any of this shit

It could have even if he had an affair it could have been a mistake that he won't repeat But it also could be it could be something you can't get over and either one of those is fine That's your decision to make but to sort of you're treating this a little flippantly because this guy is gas lit the fuck out Of you and so you have to treat this with actual, it's a serious thing that could very well sink your relationship. And I think you need to treat it with that kind of severity. From my, that's the way I'd look at it. That's just be given all,

given the context of their relationship. Is this the same caller who said that she didn't have like men in her life? Yes. She could talk to, well that makes sense. Totally. That's why she's being so easily manipulated. Absolutely.

This is like, this guy's probably so stupid. Right. And because she doesn't have any brothers. Yeah, that makes sense. Totally. That's why she's being so easily manipulated. Absolutely. This is like this guy's probably so stupid. Right. And because she doesn't have any. Yeah, because I mean, it would be like, are you kidding me? Yes. This is insane. This is like all of this is crazy. Yeah. But that makes sense. But yeah, I agree. I think you got it. You got to at least go to therapy on this. You know, because you always going to have that.

And what's the not wearing your wedding ring to work? What is that? What are we talking about? Yeah. What is everything you said is fucking crazy. I hate to be this guy. Hey, I've been known to forget my when I come to work here sometimes. Yeah, Elvis is trying to fuck me. Elvis is trying to fuck his coworkers. But she's like, he was doing it purposely, like, you know. Yeah, I mean, this, I feel so bad for her because I'd love to be able to talk to her actually,

but yeah, this is um this is tough this guy and you can't be taking any shit from this fucking guy and And that's the other thing. It's like the fact that he's trying to weirdly come. I Don't know kind of on like she feels bad. You hear it in her voice. Yeah, you shouldn't feel bad at all I mean you should feel bad that your husband is kind of a piece of shit. Yeah, you should feel sad, but you shouldn't feel guilty. Yeah, not guilty. The guilt should all... she feels guilty. She's like, I don't want to be insecure.

You're not being insecure, you're reacting like a fucking human being would to this situation. Right. And if this... and I will say, if this was fucking... if this was me, there's... I'm not having a calm conversation with the guy who texted my fucking wife, good morning, baby. I'm not gonna get his side of the story. Like, that's crazy, you know what I mean? Yeah, good morning, baby is crazy.

I mean, it's insane! What are we talking about? It's your fucking husband! Oh, man. So anyway... If I call a girlfriend texting a guy, morning, baby on Saturday 8 a.m. I think that's it. That's probably it. Yeah for sure. I think we're done. So who the fuck is this guy? Why would you ever text that to a fucking co-worker? Cuz you're fucking them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's no other cop with the fucking shit wiped in the message is silenced

Yeah, like You get a divorce lawyer There's no other con- with the fucking shit wiped and the message is silenced? Yeah, like- You get a divorce lawyer! Immediately, honestly! Or, or, you go to counseling- Go to counseling. And work through it if that's the route you- But yes, those are the two options.

The third, like, take his word for it and have a conversation with the girl. You're a nice person that has gotten manipulated. This is fucking nuts. But we're rooting for you. Also, you got a little money. Hire a private investigator. You're so fucking right. Hire a private investigator. Let them get to the bottom of it. Honestly, we'll match.

I'm not even kidding. Contact Elvis. We will match you up to, I don't know, a thousand dollars. Where is it? Can we look up the zip code? Yeah, let's see you up to I don't know $1,000 Where's it can we look up this is the code this yeah, let's see where she's at area code Yeah, that's easy I was just there Yeah, yeah, we should catch a flight and do a cheater style cheater style weapons out of Stavisworld.

Holy shit, Eldis. You're a fucking genius. We need to fucking do cheaters. Stavisworld cheaters edition. Right. We confront them. It'd be hilarious if her husband is also a listener. He sends us a message like, hey, Stavi, love you. Longtime listener. So I'm cheating on my wife.

I think this horse gotten wise My buddy hang in there Hi, yeah for real like You were being gaslit here. We spent enough time you get it you get where we're coming from But we're rooting for you, and we literally will help if you need us to that's hilarious. You're a good guy, man Yeah, I mean we love our listeners here at Stavis world What do we got eldest still a couple more? Hey, Stavis. Hey

eldest Hello, guess Yeah, so I'm taking too long, I apologize. Basically, my eldest sister, she's got this boyfriend who sucks. He's just like, you know, has been caught sneaking into people's family liquor cabinets, just drinking, just throwing them back. A grown man Okay, he's done and He just told she's there planning on getting married. I hate this guy

My dad passed away about a year ago. We're gonna go celebrate his life Just the four of us me my other sister my and her. She really wants them to come. We're kind of like, no, we're not bringing any of our partners. I have a really sick, super sick, he lets me meet girlfriends who's awesome, but she's not coming because we just want the four of us. She's flipping out about it. She's been planning on getting married now, which sucks. Basically, should I tell her I fucking hate this guy? They can get married, that's fine, but pardon me, she should just know I really don't fucking like him.

Also, no one likes him in our family, like cousins and everything, and an uncle. Thank you so much, you'd have a great fucking day. This is a brutal situation, man. To hate a potential in-law of your sibling is really tough. You gotta tread lightly, though. I fully get where he's coming from. To hate a potential in-law of your sibling is really tough. Yeah. You gotta tread lightly though. I fully get where he's coming from.

I get the feel where his, you know, his feelings here. But, overplaying your hand could lead to them having the leg up here and some sympathy. Like if you're like, he's a fucking piece of fuck. If you, without them really deserving it. Now, she is being, she's the asshole here for saying, trying to get anyone to this thing where you said, it's our, we're trying to celebrate our dad's, you know, life. Just immediate family. No one's bringing partners. her insisting that's a pretty nice opening actually that's a pretty nice opening to be to air out your true feelings because you have the cover of how selfish it is and also that it is your dad's funeral

essentially pops can do you one more solid from beyond the grave and provide you coverage to shit on this piece of shit boyfriend, right? Where you're like, honestly, first of all, you could be like, it's disrespectful for you to want special treatment compared to the rest of us, that's number one, and two, since you're pressing the matter, your boyfriend's a fucking asshole who I don't want honoring my father's memory for this, this, and this, and this reason.

That's how I would handle it in terms of like family politics you know what I mean like and Her insisting is weird now look the other thing you have to realize you're not winning this People with horrible partners love their stupid fucking partners for some stupid psychological reason They have their hooks in them and honestly the more you fucking hate them the more it might actually Backfire on you, but at the same time you're a human being and you have to go through life speaking your truth, brother And I wouldn't swallow my fucking tongue if this guy was that big of a piece of shit personally

I Think this is very tricky man as what as the youngest of five. I don't see you give you have much more I don't see a winning scenario here. There's no one in there I think I think you may just have to resort to talking shit behind his back with your other family Seriously, like I don't there's no like you're not gonna don't you're gonna tell I don't like this guy what she's gonna not marry him No, like she's not even gonna take it into account as soon as you say that to her from what it sounds like you're gonna become her enemy. Sure. So it's like what is it to you like it there's no positive coming from that. Only your own ego being like well I told her that I didn't like him but it's like nothing is she's

not gonna leave him she's not gonna look at him differently she's gonna look at you differently. So there's there's really no win for you here. Yeah, I think you're right. There's only what negative is more palatable to you. And the options are, you're right, saying it for yourself and potentially losing your sister in a real way, or biting your tongue, living in like this weird quasi, you know, ignoring, having an elephant in the room for the rest of your life now to me to me personally Because of how I grew up and because so much of my life was pretending shit was okay That wasn't I don't think I could handle that as an adult. Yeah, I think I would and listen I'm not even saying I wouldn't invite him to my fucking house if he behaved fine, but I don't still watch a liquor

Capsule. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is like it's almost like you can't Just because you're pretty sure a guy's gonna commit a crime You can't arrest him until he's committed the crime. So it's like I'm black. I understand We could police the way we knew no things would be simpler But basically interest yeah Exactly, you can't have Giuliani style tactics on this guy Even though he fits the profile you have to wait until he comes out of a fucking H&M with his fucking Backpack stuffed full of the next to sell it homeroom the next day. Yeah

Like somebody's brother you don't have I mean, it's not sure you liking them is pointless It's it's it doesn't matter. It's inconsequential. It means nothing whether you like him or not It means nothing your only role is to wish best for her your sister Now if she comes to you and confides in you and you're having and she gives you the window of saying your opinion Yeah, like, you know, maybe she's having issues and she comes to you and she's like and then it gives you the window to say Your opinion that's a role but to just listen sit down and volunteer your opinion on your partners Are you on your sister or brother's partner? I don't think there's a role where you come out as a good guy here Yeah, you're right

and in fact that that makes me sort of even retract my original advice where I've said the Funeral gives it or the celebration of life gives him cover You have to stick with the rules here and the rules are just no partners and it's immaterial that this guy's a piece of shit right and I think you're right Ian it's like you have to just accept this and it and like I said if a window comes up yes you're absolutely right you can say it no one's gonna stop you but you also have to window though you also have to understand it even when the window comes up It doesn't matter it's so you can fucking say it and then she'll be sad and crying for a week

And then they get back how many times does that happen? Yeah, where a friend breaks up with somebody and you're like every time finally it happens every day You say everything that you fucking bit your tongue about and they get back together a month fucking every every single time So even when you get the window you have to be careful Also, I think the desire to want to let somebody know that you don't like their partner when you know nothing is gonna come from it That's a little bit selfish. You're right It's a little bit like trying to feed your own ego of like I do I was right and I want to be ahead of it But yeah, you know for a fact he knows she's not gonna leave him right if that were if that were part of the conversation

I would say yeah, then maybe there is space to have it, but you know,'s not right. You're just gonna become enemies. Right, right, right? So Yeah, and so just you know, shut out to the hot Latina girl Yeah, I mean she sounds great sounds awesome. I'd love one of those myself. I feel like you should focus on that Fuck you. Oh, you have to see this drunk every fun. Yeah, thanks. Look at your hot girl gives a fuck Come on go get have some fucking fresh. I have a really super sick His words yeah, and you're living the dream you can also tell this this frustration is coming out of his sister insisting he comes to The dad's funeral. Yeah, there's a little bit of that. You also have to recognize when your sister's just you got to let that shit go and

And my worry here would be that his sister might just be an enemy anyway You know what I mean if she continues to advocate for a guy who's being a fucking asshole Yeah, and she just kind of becomes his teammate that that is an unfortunate thing that happens. I mean their teammates That's what it asshole. Yeah. And she just kind of becomes his teammate. That that is an unfortunate thing that happens. I mean, they're teammates. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. No, I will say this. Maybe this is a conversation you could have as somebody who has lost a parent. I think it's something to bring up is like with her. It's like unless it's a husband or wife.

You don't want to make a boyfriend or somebody like that part of something like this, because this lives on with you forever. Right. And you don't want this person once you or somebody like that part of something like this because this lives on with you forever. Right. And you don't want this person once you've moved on and you're now married with like a new husband or whatever, you don't want this person to be inscribed into that memory of like. Totally. Well, no, he doesn't want this guy here either way.

Yeah. No, I'm saying her. She wouldn't want that. Right. She wouldn't want that in the future is like you don't want to look back at your dad's celebration of life and see some asshole Who was an alcoholic back in the selfie you take in the woods? Shot that he brought from a flash Well, that's what I think that's what this comes from and I think ultimately dude put your foot down don't let this motherfucker

Come to this thing and yeah, whatever you have to do to do that I think even if you have to you know, yell at your sister, whatever but You got to tread lightly here my friend Why don't you fucking cap us off with something good eldest? How many of these do you get man? These are crazy. We get a lot. Yeah Get a ton Hey, stop hey eldest I have a question. Oh, hello. Yes. Thankis, I have a question.

Oh, hello, Gaff. Thank you. I have a question about my relationship with my girlfriend right now. So for background, I'm 23, she's 21. We've been dating for like a year-ish, and it's going great. It's really wonderful.

I love her, she loves me. She's beautiful It's everything's great. She's super creative and talented etc. Etc all the boring shit but Really recently we've had a bit of an issue because she bleached her eyebrows blonde She was talking to me about what 21 do this for like a week, maybe two weeks. And as she was talking to me, I was very honest with her and I was like, look, I don't think

it's going to look very good. But if you want to do it, I support you in doing it. And eventually she did it. And then she FaceTimed me at the time. And I was like, it looked better than I thought it would and that was Happy enough response for her anyway. This guy's awesome She keeps re bleaching her eyebrows and every time I see her I'm like damn She's so pretty, but I wish she had

normal eyebrows What do I do? Am I like should I say that? No! I feel like that's not the way to say it, obviously. So if I should say something, you gotta tell me what to do. Help me out here, stop. I gotta help you out? What are you fucking, oh, hey, how do I control my girlfriend's appearance against her will? You don't, dickhead! You're a fucking dumb little idiot. This is what happens when you're 21. She's 22

You're not gonna be able to tell her to fuck it. You can't tell your story. She's 21. Yeah He's yeah, dude. You're not yeah the fall so like eyebrow come on like that's a that'll be done soon You know got a no right it out. No one's gonna keep bleaching their eyebrows fucking talking You fucking loser this and by the, the fact that the type of person in a relationship who nips a girl's appearance that he doesn't like in the bud is not a nervous podcast listener, voicemail leaver. If you were gonna control her appearance,

you would've done it already. There's nothing in the world I can say that'll make- That'll make- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, I'm not even advocating for that. I wouldn't tell my girl to fucking, like, you know, to change her appearance

if I didn't like something. I'd let her fucking write it out. I don't give a fuck. But it's like, yeah, you're clearly like, this is, you don't get to say, here's what you could do. You know, you do something stupid to your face. And that would backfire.

She would just leave you and fuck somebody else. she's a hot girl that does with bleached does dumb shit to her eyebrows and still is hot yeah yeah she sounds cool yeah way cooler than you so yeah dude this is the this is what good this is part of the this is part of what goes the hot dating a hot girl package is you just got a they do whatever they want with their fucking appearance yeah I mean this is not gonna happen if you're dating a they do whatever they want with their fucking appearance. Yeah, you're on the ride I mean this is not gonna happen if you're dating a 29 year old sure They're probably not gonna bleach their eyebrows blonde sure

But if you if you if you're gonna take the joys of 21 year old badge Backlash that come from it is sometimes they wake up and they want to bleach their face Yeah, something odd happens bro right who gives a fuck. That's what their face. Yeah, something odd happens, bro, right who gives a fuck That's what it is. Yeah, this is so funny. He hates this and he's such a coward. He can't even admit it to us He's like you got to tell me what to do stuff You're not there's nothing to do buddy. Enjoy man. Enjoy. Have a good time. Don't be a fucking dick Yeah, you'll break up and learn how to lie to women when you know the right answer on insignificant shit Pretend it looked awesome. I mean you probably if you if you if you tell her look awesome

She'll probably stop. She'll probably stop doing it like it'll probably it'll probably be like, alright I'm going blue. That is actually true you 100% bought yourself minimum two extra weeks By being like by harrumping that shit. Yeah, dude, you're a fucking idiot. You're 23, this is dumb young guy problems. It's literally cute. This is like seeing a... This is like when you see a video of a baby trying to eat toast for the first time, or avocado, and it's just got avocado toast

it's got green all over its nose this is you trying to be in there it's so funny to look at 23 year old problems and be like oh yeah oh he thinks if he tells her to bleach her eyebrows back that will help him he thinks that won't be the worst mistake he's ever made in his life well good for you, buddy. You're cute. Thank you to everybody who called in. Thank you, Ian. Great episode, buddy.

We really appreciate you coming by and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Of course. I'm out. Bye.