Stavvy's World - #28 - AustinShow
Episode Date: June 12, 2023AustinShow joins the pod to discuss coming out, buying vegetables stealthily at the grocery store, and growing up in Oregon. He also helps test a product and herald an exciting first for Stavvy's Worl...d. Austin and Stav help callers including a guy whose buddy is free and loose with his definition of cheating, and a plumber whose coworker is super into conspiracy theories. Visit www.TheFreezePipe.com and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off you entire order. Say goodbye to harsh smoke forever. Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes. Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries.
So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.
Great news, but a big problem.
Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?
We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb.
My mom and I were able to find the perfect place.
It was a big house with multiple rooms
and in a part of the city with woods
and walking trails all around.
The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen
where we all got together the day after the wedding
for a big family meal.
This is a cherished memory for my family and me.
And whenever I drive by that location,
it always makes me smile.
Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family
Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb
Welcome everybody to stop these world Paul nine oh four what 904, what the fuck is it?
I keep trying not to curse in the beginning, right?
The first seven seconds.
I always, yeah.
Yeah, you do both of those.
You say fuck within the first eight seconds
of starting a video.
Most people under eight, you know,
they tune out on some of those seconds.
Yeah, yeah.
Bleep this, eldest, bleep the, bleep the curses.
Bleep the curses. 904, 800, staff, call in, eldest bleep the bleep the curses
904 800 stuff call in leave us some voicemails. We'll solve all your problems I'm very pumped to have my buddy Austin Austin show in
Twix streamer. Yes
Beautiful man. Yes well-known homosexual. Yes
The three things you need to know about Austin. Yeah
Ready to go here in Stavis' world, I'm pumped.
Not to be here.
Yeah, happy to have you, buddy.
It's pride month.
It's pride to come out.
Yes, I'm gonna know it's my month.
And you know what, I'm gonna say,
you're not joking about me being gay,
because for some reason,
I can't even get people to believe it.
I'll just think you were gay.
That's what I'm saying.
People think I'm doing a bit every time I tell them gay.
Well, we have another friend of the show, Tim Dillon,
maybe the most non-reading gay man I've ever met in my life.
I don't know if you're familiar with Tim,
you should check him out.
He seems like the straightest long island guy of all time,
but that man loves himself a little boy pussy.
I'll tell you that. He's fucking a sinner man. is long island guy of all time but and man loves himself a little boy push you'll play that
I love
God
We're past seven seconds
We're good
I'll just you know I was thinking the other day I love you know what I love
Mango the fruit I love it sweet it's delicious and I was eating a piece of
Mango pre-cut from a beautiful market here.
You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets.
Absolutely.
That was my move.
I would get a little fruit salad.
You know many times I've gotten sucked off.
I'd be like, this actually, one time I don't have to read that.
I was like, want to come back with some fruit salad.
And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, after she I was like, what a comeback for some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth.
And then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird.
You asked me to come over for a fruit salad.
I was like, I don't know.
I wasn't drunk.
I wasn't drinking at the time.
Well, they say mangoes are an effort, Dziac.
Well, here's the thing.
Thank you for bringing me back on point.
Because I was eating the mango.
And oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards.
Yeah, and I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard?
Now that would be something else.
That'd be awesome.
And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game.
You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, L.D.
Oh, yeah.
You know I'm a dick pill evangelist eldest. Oh yeah. You know I'm an ED. I've tried
them all from the gas stations to other other services. Mango RX now has a new ED pill that
is game changing. Okay. Really? Taste like mango my friend. Delicious. Just like it. And they
have a nice proprietary because like I said, I've tried them all out. They got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra with oxytocin known as the love hormone.
I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this.
Made my dick harder than ever.
We're talking Zee-Wing!
You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zing.
Yeah.
That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom.
It was like unsheathing my hardcock.
It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx, bro.
Shining in the light.
Yes.
One little gleam.
One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit.
Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks.
You heard it here first.
I don't know.
Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them.
And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow.
They got all kinds of science in here.
They're making them taste delicious.
I am so happy.
It was the goal of this podcast.
Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover
and work with the new innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science
in the field, right? People who have a beautiful know, let's get, can we get,
fuck, fucking idiot.
There you go, sorry.
We tried to give it the applause that deserved,
but some asshole wasn't ready to go.
And look, make America Hard Again.
I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on,
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Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks,
all this division in the world would go away, eldest.
I think this is such a good product, eldest.
I think you might have to change your long standing opinion
on ED medication in general, because look,
here's the thing about my ego, Arx,
you might not need it, but you're gonna want it, pal.
Yeah.
All right.
I know I've spoken about it a lot,
but I am excited to try this one.
Yes.
A big part of that is the dissolving factor.
Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend.
The dissolving factor and the yummy taste
do make me very intense.
You've seen me take getables so far.
That's sure. Just because you wanted a little seen me take adibles. That's true.
Just because you wanted a little dummy.
I love a snack, because that's so much
why I had to get high as well.
I've seen you take weed adibles.
I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're
shitting yourself, because you wanted a momentary snack.
I've seen you take thumbs on an empty stomach,
just because you wanted the taste.
And that's how we got elders through the door here
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That goes double for you, LD.
I can't wait.
I have a big family and they're spread around
multiple countries.
So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding
and most of them decided to come.
Great news, but a big problem.
Where do you put eight people all with different requirements
and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious
get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple
rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a
huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal.
This is a cherished memory for my family and me.
And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile.
Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family,
whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.
It's pipe.
I love it.
And we should also just start plugging up top.
Stavvy.biz, go check me out.
I'm all over the place.
You want the people to see up top before we go into the episode?
No, you're the episode.
Stavvy.biz, that's my guy.
That's right.
See me on tour.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm coming to London.
I'm coming to Amsterdam in September.
And then we're all, you know, Cincinnati, Columbus,
Cleveland, Tampa, Miami, you know, we're all over land.
We're all over the place.
Big shows in New York at the beacon in November.
That's big time.
Yeah, that'll be awesome.
I've seen one of Stavis show.
You better go there.
Thank you, buddy.
You're here there.
Yeah, that was fun.
Because you were in Portland.
Are you from Portland?
I am.
I'm from Oregon, yeah.
Originally Central Oregon.
Central Oregon.
Is that all farmland?
Which I like.
It's just like, it's not very interesting.
It's pretty.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's not very, you know, it's not very interesting.
I'd say that like, you know, the city is where all the action is, of course.
But, you know, it's very foreign to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like going to see you, I went to see you
in downtown Portland.
Yes.
And it was like the people I see, I was like, oh, shh.
Yeah, yeah, well it's nice.
I love Portland for that reason because it is kind of a
freak show.
Like it is like you have, and it's like so funny
because you have the most over the top,
like culture war left and right people.
Yeah.
Like not even politically necessarily, but like what
everyone thinks of, like you know, whatever with one side Like not even politically necessarily, but like what everyone thinks of,
like you know, whatever,
one side makes fun of the other,
you'll find that both in Portland.
You'll find like fat guys who could never,
who are too fat to be mall cops,
but having like a Malone love,
they come and take it,
arm tattoo, you know what I mean?
They're fat, they're carrying AR-15s,
their fat fingers couldn't use them.
Yeah.
Just begging to find a black teenager that they could frame for something and kill.
And then you also have like, you know, just like the most, you know, like someone talking
about how disabled and trans they are and like, you know, just all, you know, just like,
not that, I mean, one is better than the other.
I'd rather give me the disabled trans person.
That's not going to kill someone. We love to kill someone. You know what I mean? That's, just like not that, I mean, one is better than the other. I'd rather give me the disabled trans person. It's not gonna, we love to kill someone.
You know what I mean?
That's, I'm on that side.
And I think at worst, they're like funny.
The people that are taking that too far are just like, all right, man, chill out.
Yeah.
The people that are taking the other side, do far like murderous.
Yeah, you know, you know,
not these psychopaths.
Why is it a premise?
It's not an equal, it's not an equivalency.
Right. But you do find
you two sides in Portland, which is,
and I love that side because it's like,
and then in the, cause what you get then is like,
the middle is just also kind of weird and,
it's just fucked up.
It's a weird city.
A lot of, it's like, very strange.
It's fun, it's the like, the food is out of control.
The strip clubs are awesome.
Oh yeah, did you go to the strip clubs?
I didn't go to the strip clubs.
I was a little, I'm fortunate, I wanna go back.
So maybe if you're in town, I'll go to strip clubs.
I love going to strip clubs.
Cause I love Portland, but I was so focused on the special
that I was like not gonna, you know, go over the top.
Go misbehaved.
And but I wanted to go there.
Oh man, no strip, I'll tell you what,
I went to my first strip club.
Yes.
And Portland when I was 18 years old.
Oh yeah, they have 18 year old strip clubs.
Are you closeted?
It's a big time.
Big time.
Yeah, let me tell you something.
I was still in denial.
Of course, it's not about my homosexuality.
Sure, sure.
I was still thinking I was straight.
And I go to this club and at the time I knew women weren't really my thing.
So I go and I sit at the table and you got a tip of dollar.
Just to beat just to be in there.
Yeah, exactly.
You just got a tip of dollar every song.
Of course.
It's gonna be a general no exactly.
And so I go in there and I'm thinking, okay, you know,
I'm a little nervous.
I'm not really sure I want that much attention.
But I'll sit up front.
Of course.
Which is stupid if you don't have a lot of attention.
Right up front, looking up.
18 year old kid too.
Right, look youthful too.
Yes, absolutely.
Yes, much younger than I look right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was a twink for like two years.
And then I was like, oh yeah, I got a beautiful,
beautiful, yeah, beautiful, beautiful, too.
It was beautiful, it was wasted.
Because I didn't sleep with any men or anything.
No, no 45 year old muscle baddies.
No, no.
Just wear you out, dude.
No, I didn't get the like fuck for money phase.
No, I'm entering the pama have to start period.
So that's the beautiful, the circle of life.
Yeah, I believe that's the that's the line king was a
metaphor.
Yeah, for having sex as a gay man.
Yeah.
You're a beautiful little twink lion.
Yeah. Not that that's a baby actually. You're a beautiful little twink lion. That's a baby actually. Let's move that
forward. Not baby Simba, but maybe one kind of right before the main grow. It's just barely
right. Little bit of main. Not the whole thing. Yeah. Definitely shaved it. I mean, it's there are more pays for Twink boy pussy character in the world than Scar.
That's not.
What do you think Scar was doing in those fucking hyenas, bro?
That one that everyone thought was like mentally challenged, he was just disassociating.
Like the cross-eyed one, he said that he said to go goofy
because it was scarred, did to him.
I'm not getting my F, fuck.
Oh shit, yeah, no way.
I wish I would have had an opportunity,
but like I said, I'm gonna be 30 in the next couple of years.
Yeah, and yeah, man, I missed out. You missed out, in the next couple of years. Yeah.
And, yeah, man, I missed out.
You missed out.
But let's go back to the strip club.
Yeah, let's go back to the strip club.
Tipping his dollar personal.
Yeah, so I put a dollar down.
For some sugar on me just standing there.
Yeah, exactly.
You put another dollar in there.
Yeah, and it must have been a slow night.
Yeah.
Because I put one dollar down.
This girl, this girl,
this woman and God bless Portland.
Of course.
I think put everybody up on the stage.
Yeah.
Which is great, you know?
The little body shaming the whole body.
And someone's gonna want to fuck everyone.
Exactly.
That's one of the main tenants of Stavis world.
Right.
Because we get a lot of guys,
mostly guys that are down on their looks.
And it's like buddy, someone will fuck you.
Exactly.
You just gotta be a cool person.
There's all, especially in the gay community. like I had a I had a friend of mine
yeah just a real dumb of shit just one of the most fucked up looking guys you've ever seen
they're not even that bad yeah they're not even that bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not even that bad. They're really beautiful.
Yeah.
They're beautiful, but they were bigger.
And I mean, yeah.
Like between me and the whale, what are we talking about?
I mean, like probably at least halfway.
OK.
Oh, damn, that's a tough animal.
It's just beautiful.
You know, but they, but look, they're, they're,
they're, and look, they weigh a little bit more.
Sure.
On the average per se.
By about three out of a row.
Yeah.
But they, they were like, show me guys that they were,
Hell yeah, they are getting fucked by, rather.
Hell yeah.
And I was like, holy shit, that's a twink.
That's awesome.
What's going on?
So what I'm saying, what's amazing about the gay community,
in general, is, especially is, there are some intense
body standards.
Of course. body standards of course
but of course if there's free years of that there's there's gay men that don't like they're
disgusted by skinny abs yep yep packs and muckers wants somebody with a big old belly
oh yeah hair and yeah you know what I mean that's what they want which hey you know what
I mean teach their own absolutely that's not your thing. You're like a little guy. I like it.
Like a lean twink.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's all good for you, man.
And you know what?
I think, like I said, like, like, but I can realize attraction.
Mm-hmm.
Even if I'm not attracted to it.
Sure.
Like Hassan, for example.
Yeah.
Hassan Pike her if you can.
Hassan Pike her our boy.
Yeah, easy, easy.
How do you feel about that, dude?
Yeah. Austin's on before you, bitch. Yeah, he's an easy, easy, easy. How do you feel about that, dude? Yeah.
Austin's on before you bitch.
Maybe she fucking got to New York.
Send this to the sun.
Yeah, suck our dick.
Yeah, he's too busy making money on socialism.
Yeah.
Fucking champion socialism.
Don't even get me started.
You're this guy bought a house?
Yeah.
This fucking Turk piece of shit.
Put his family in a house, fuck you. He's. Fuck you. We're here doing the work podcasting
Talking about sucking dick at Portland
Talking about one 18 year old Austin saw a fat bitch dancing
But she was she was she was just a Portland of course of course, which by the way a great put for me
We can let's finish your story on my three-dice on Portland. I'd love to love it. So I
I
Tip a dollar and she straddles me nice and puts her entire boob nice in my mouth in my mouth
Wow glittery boob and she picked it up
Awesome, I had to hit it. It was a big last awesome And she picked it up and put it in my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like trying to give you damn tinny in the mouth. Yeah.
For $1 for a dollar. What was this place called? This was called.
We had to get back. Actually, I'm serious. It's called the gold. The
the the something dragon. The golden dragon. The something dragon.
Asian. No. Just. Yeah. Chinese restaurant. Yeah. the something dragon the golden dragon that something dragon no
Not just a regular interesting, but you know and then right next door there's a gase-jerk club called the Silverado
You're like I gotta watch this glitter out of my mouth these bathrooms are occupied. I guess I'll go next door.
I guess I'll go next door.
To be honest, I never had, I didn't even fool around.
Like I tell I was 22.
Wow.
Can you do it?
But they call you the tail end of the Twink air though, right?
They're not rule.
They were on.
22.
I had like a five o'clock shadow.
Okay.
Still at 22.
Okay.
So, you know, I never really got to live my twin car.
And what was the crew? Did you go by yourself to the strip club?
Oh, to the strip club. Just like my high school friend.
Nice. What's that crew like?
Well, I mean, I don't really.
What were you into in high school? What was your thing?
Oh, God, I was a loser in high school.
I was a loser. A lot of twin streamers were all fucking.
Of course. That's how it starts.
Yeah. I was a loser. Like nobody I have the I had the type of high school
Where it's like now I kind of want to like go back and go show up to the reunion put your nuts on the table
Yeah, but like I'm not the type to like shove it in somebody's face. Yeah, but I kind of want to just be like
What's up, dude? What's that?
Remember you didn't invite me to those things?
I'm not salty. I haven't forgotten
You know I've forgotten it. I've gotten over it. I'm not salty, I haven't forgotten.
You know, I've forgotten it, I've gotten over it.
I'm mom moving on with my life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no, I really wasn't very popular in high school.
I felt like hit, I not hit Twitch.
I would have peaked in middle school.
Oh man, you're doing well.
How are you coolin' middle school?
How are you coolin' middle school?
I won funniest guy in high school.
That was like, I got robbed by the way.
In high school, I'm still mad. Yes, I didn't win class clown, but fuck me off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at me now, baby.
Yeah, we won a class clown.
We're the fuck of that.
I don't know what he's up to.
Not a comedian?
No.
No, just some guy in Baltimore.
Not a bad guy.
I don't want to slander the guy.
But, you know, I mean, I, you mean, I really don't have anything to complain about.
That I wasn't bullied in high school.
I just was kind of under the radar, kind of invisible.
Yeah, cause what's like central organ, even like,
like, where are you doing drugs as a kid?
Is it Barnes?
I was cleaning.
You were cleaning.
I didn't do any drugs.
I was a very, I was like the kid in the group of friends
that like, like you probably make fun of it your show.
Yeah, like the guy that like, you know, I don't know.
I was, yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
I was that guy.
God, you got your answer.
And there's still part of me that's that guy, but I've gotten over it, you know.
We did you, was your family out of control?
Like was everybody else getting it?
I definitely, there's a lot of alcoholics in my family.
Got you.
But I don't think that's the reason why I was that way. But a lot of alcohol is, a lot of addiction
that runs through my family.
I don't have any of that, interestingly.
Good point.
But yeah, for some reason, I was just,
I've got a lot of anxiety and drugs typically trigger.
Now weed is weird because weed is like a part of my brand.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know nowadays, but you know, so we didn't, it doesn't hurt me.
While they're paying the bills, it doesn't hurt.
No.
While they're sponsors, it's actually good for you.
That's all that stuff.
That's all that stuff.
That's all that stuff.
That's all that stuff.
Exactly.
That's all that stuff.
I wasn't, you know, I was sure to smoke a weed
and then all of a sudden I became very wealthy.
Yeah.
You see that folks?
Don't listen to your parents. Yeah, Yeah. You see that folks?
Don't listen to your parents.
Yeah, exactly.
I was just doing an ad for weed the drug.
Yeah.
Were you smoking weed when you were a kid though or no?
No, 18 was the first 18.
I took an edible one time.
My friend gave me a cookie.
Nice.
Like this big.
Yeah.
And I took half of it.
I said I was saying shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Took the other half.
A glass of tail sold this time. Right? Classic. And I was saying shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Took the other half. Class, a tale of soul this time, right?
Classic.
And I was sitting in for some reason we were all in like this,
just like a hippie van.
Mm.
Whoa, really classic.
Yeah, classic.
Yeah.
And all of a sudden I was like, everybody was like,
we're talking, we're playing the C-tar.
Yeah.
Man, man, man, man, man, man.
The only one that was the only one that was
I had the cookie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. That's one that was the only one that had the cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
That's crazy.
That's crazy how you know that instrument.
That's like George Harrison from the Beatles, yeah.
That's those are the vibes in that, man.
So I'll be W.
I take this edible and I'm like,
talking and then all of a sudden everybody stops.
And I'm like, oh shit, yeah.
That didn't make any sense. And all of a sudden, I lost like all
spatial recognition. I like, I like, I like got, I like tried it. I was like, maybe I can drive and
then I was like, you know, yes, my car, I'm like, there's no way I can drive. I had somebody drive
my car responsible, responsible. I love that. When we were in high school, that was the myth was,
I mean, you don't drive drunk, but what's driving high?
And dude, I was a man in my mom's gold neon Dodge caravan.
Just fucking out of my mind.
You couldn't see, was like,
I know, no, it makes me, it actually makes me more alert.
Yeah, it actually makes me more alert. Yeah.
I was just saying high school.
Just the most written, just the dumbest pot head launcher.
No, I used to always hear that, yeah bro, no, I'm hot.
Dude, it's fine, I'm just hot.
It's like, dude, I couldn't even lift my leg
to get to the break.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
And I was like holding onto,
my car was on a drive,
I was like holding onto the bumper because I gonna drive, I was like holding onto the bumper
because I couldn't, I was like holding onto the earth.
Yes, dude.
You know, I was so stone.
So, you know after that, I figured,
I'd stop weave for a while
and then I figured out my later, you know, after college.
Where'd you go to school?
Where'd you go to college?
I went to Portland State University.
Where's that, the beavers?
It's, no, it's like, the PSU's like,
what do you call it?
It's like a city school.
Oh, okay, let's bullshit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I went to university in Maryland,
Baltimore County.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got the Chesapeake Bay Retriever.
We don't even get the main retriever.
We need to like, we don't get the Golden one.
We get like a specific Baltimore retriever.
What was your college experience like?
I mean, do they know everything about you.
We really haven't talked college honestly.
I mean, that's the fun thing about the show.
It's like through talking to like friends,
it's like little details about.
But yeah, I mean college was fucking dog shit.
My school sucked dick.
Okay.
It was like, well, first of all, I'm the one kid who gets,
you know how everyone hears like the old wives hears like the old wives tell us like,
dude, I heard somebody actually got kicked off campus
for smoking weed.
Yeah, yeah.
I got caught smoking weed.
You got caught one of those people.
I went to school right before it was totally cool
to just smoke weed and I got caught smoking in the dorms.
I was hanging out with dumbasses like this kid.
I don't remember crazy something.
Whenever the kid's name was crazy something,
it was like, yeah, you don't wanna spill.
Bill or whatever, you know?
Crazy Bill.
And he was like an adopted kid.
I was gonna say, who names a kid Bill that was born in that?
Yeah, well, he was adopted and his parents
were like these super old people.
Right, right, right.
They're like really nice old Christian lady.
Oh, no.
And this guy was a fucking, he had like, he had the Coke nail.
He had, but he used it for both Coke and Rolling Blunts.
Truly to this day, one of the biggest technicians.
Maybe it was crazy eyes, because he had at least
fucking popping out as I was dead like it was fucking wild.
And we were, it was somebody's birthday.
And literally, I'm just with these fucking guys
that they're fine.
They're friends of yours from Fresh Meal of College,
just dumbasses, you know, biggie posters,
just like white suburban kids and adopted
as crazy eyes bill or whatever the fuck's name is.
And they're just smoking blunt after blunt.
And they have like, you know, one towel down,
they're like, we're good, dude.
And I'm like, guys, I'm gonna lose.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna go to the door, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, should we be smoking this much? And before I can finish the thought, you I'm like guys, I'm gonna look scared. I'm gonna go to the door, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, should we be smoking this much?
And before I can finish the thought,
you just hear like a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep,
that's the way it is.
And I was literally like, we're on the second floor
and I was like, you know, I jump out the window.
I was like, I'm wearing like huge,
a deed is like two Excel shorts.
You know, I'm a little older than you,
so I'm in the, I went to high school
in the like throwback jur,
and I went to Baltimore, so it's like, I went to school in the throwback jersey, baggy clothes, I'm a little older than you so I'm in the I went to high school in the like throwback Jir and I went to Baltimore so it's like I went to school in the throwback Jersey. Yeah baggy. Hello. I'm 34
Okay, so but like and like
like
Everyone's wearing like fucking huge all my jeans from women in high school
Or like they look like fucking juggerlo jinko jeans
Cuz it was like that was the style. Yeah, and so I'm wearing these gigantic white adidas shorts and like the shitty undershirt,
no shoes on, and I'm just imagining like,
I can picture this.
I can just jump out.
And it was raining.
I was like, I was like thinking about escaping.
And it's like, what do you think they're not gonna fight?
Where's why I would have broken my ankle?
That's what I'm gonna see you.
Cover him, mud.
And I was just like, I'm like, it's like,
well, you can't say you didn't do anything wrong.
When they get way easier,
when you see you jump out of a fucking window.
And then, dude, I was so fucking pissed
because I get what, dude, it was so annoying.
So there was six of us,
and we get broken up into our hearings.
Yeah.
And you get any hearing for this?
Yeah, there's like a traditional thing.
All these quarked loops.
Like an internal school port.
One of the kids that we got caught with,
his father was a lawyer,
and there was three kids that got to be in his hearing,
and he served as like, you could serve,
you could have like a,
I don't know what they call it, like an advocate or whatever.
Right, right.
So this kid's dad's a fucking lawyer,
and everyone gets off on his,
and I was paired with some guy whose older brother
was a dickhead in the like, you know,
air force or something.
And he's like, you are just expecting a member
of the arm services.
And he's just like yelling.
And he was like, he was like, he was,
he's, he's, he's burned out.
So he's fucking dumb ass brother is like,
and he's like, now I'll handle this boys.
And I'm like, and he comes in like in the uniform.
I'm like, holy shit. This is gonna
fucking work. Yeah. And then he's just like, oh, okay, he's just interrupting them. I'm being a fucking dick.
Yeah, it's not even a lawyer. It's not a lawyer. Yeah, that's the thing. He was thinking about going to law school.
He was just, and dude, it was like the most I was like, I'm fucked and I got suspended for a year.
For a year? I think I, this guy made it worse. He made it. Well, his whole bit was he just comes in
and he's like, oh, I'm in the military.
He was just like, he will respect.
He was just like, and he tried to,
and he thought, it was more than he thought
he was gonna be a lawyer.
Cause you know that there's no one more annoying
than the, you meet someone who's like, yeah, I'm pre-med.
And it's like, I was like, what do you mean?
And he's like, well, I'm taking bio and eventually.
I'm gonna get this.
And it's like, no, you're a freshman.
You're gonna fail out of this.
He was that equivalent of that,
but he's also a 30 year old man.
And then I went on to not really become friends with him
because I joined the fraternity later
because it was such a lame school
that I was like, this is the only way
to possibly get pussy.
Didn't get any pussy.
Not a fraternity.
No pussy.
Our fraternity was such losers, dude.
There was like, and we were like one of the cooler ones,
but that's how bad our school was.
Like our school was a big commuter school,
and a lot of like four, it was a good academic school.
So a lot of like rich foreign kids would come,
but they were just like, you know,
like we just started,
the cared about studying and not partying.
So it's like super rich, like African kids
and Indian kids and like four, you know,
just like
So it's other kids from the Middle East and we had that big pop. There's a great It was a great chemistry program great science stuff. So like
Like the parties I would go to freshman year is like and a dorm smaller than this one the space is taken up by a beer pong table one
four and a half
Girl is in there and every loser is trying to fuck her.
One does, and then they date for a year.
You know what I mean?
Like that was the vibe, my freshman year,
and then I joined this fraternity thing
and like, hell yeah dude, finally, pussy a clock.
I would pussy a clock.
Like three guys from our fraternity got pussy.
One of the guys literally went to rehab
for World of Warcraft. Like, you guys literally went to rehab for World of Warcraft.
Like, you had to go to rehab for a while.
So, and he was like, he was like kind of a cool guy.
And I was like, and then it's like,
this is who we're dealing with.
I get no pussy whatsoever.
I get a girlfriend.
Was he one of the people that got pussy?
The world wow kid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was selling weed too, so it was like kind of like,
you know, with a powered dynamic.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, problematic.
We're a very problematic weed dealer.
When the weed dealer starts giving weed to a girl with BPD.
And then I remember one of my friends,
he was a fucking, he's like a sweet guy,
but I was like, this fraternities for fucking losers. He was like, he was like dude, can you believe this guy's girlfriend
They have sex and she sucks his dick and sometimes he comes on her face at the end
And I was like, sounds like yes sounds cool. Yeah. What do you mean? Can I believe it?
He was saying it like to shit on him like he's a deviant like
And I said dude that sounds fucking sick
Yeah, what are you talking about the whole reason I join this fucking
Yeah, and yeah, dude it was I have I mean I
Made possibly club possibly 18 year old Austin with girl sex
If you can if you catch my drift, I don't want to put my boy on blast.
I think there might have been a couple of...
I had a couple awkward moments when I was in the closet trying to fit in with that sex woman.
You know, and it just like, it just never worked.
Did you ever have like a girlfriend or...
No, never had a girlfriend?
Did you ever have a girlfriend?
What? In middle school. In middle school. In middle school. I had a girlfriend. We made out nice
My first kiss was during the movie 21 remember that the poker movie. Oh, yeah
We made out of Kevin Spacey movie CNN. Yeah
A little foreshadow
A little foreshadowing. Yeah, well.
Man.
Wow.
He came out of his game.
Yeah.
We didn't know at the time.
Yeah.
So I made out with her.
Yeah, I came.
Wow.
From making out.
How did I kid you not?
That's crazy.
Yeah, and so I was really into her.
And then I'll take out my whole journey. So I'm the, please do. Yeah, so I'm going to say. Yeah, so I'll take into her and then I'll take out my whole journey.
So I'm the, please do.
Yeah, so I'm gonna say about.
Yeah, so I'll take out my journey and my sexual assault.
So you bust a little of making out.
So yeah, I think so.
I mean, I never was in your pants on this.
Oh, yeah.
I was like a dry-humping with my girlfriend in high school.
I was like nuttin' my boxers like at that time.
But it was pretty awesome. Yeah.
It feels good to come in your pants sometimes.
It does feel good.
Nice.
Every time you just need a quick, you just rub your pants.
I hate the feeling now, but it was pretty nice.
Sometimes you're in a position where you just throw the
underwear away.
That's what that's the point of life.
When we start making, we got FreezePite money coming in and I'll just soon be throwing away. That's what that's the point of life, right? When we start making, we got freeze pipe money coming in,
and I'll just soon you'll be throwing away your,
soon when we get a sponsor, a underwear sponsor.
Yeah, you've, this is, listen, are you guys listening?
You this conversation, we could have dropped your brand
in underwear that we talk about coming inside of.
That's what you're talking about.
I'm trying to throw in those by new ones.
I'm getting, yeah.
They got the underwear company's got to be on board with that
because you've got, you're throwing away your by-morn, right? I mean, this is, in fact, I'm gonna throw in the new one. I'm gonna use the chains. Yeah, yeah. They got the underwear company's gotta be on board with that. There you go.
They're coming in once, you're throwing away in my morning.
It's smart, right?
I mean, this is, in fact, I'm not convinced you haven't already
been paid to start spreading this gospel.
What if I can send, what if we,
we can start our own underwear company.
We can start our own underwear company
that is designed to be come into.
Yes, designed to be thrown away, come into disposed,
and we have a little ribbed inside. Yes, we have a little ribbed inside.
Yes, we have a tiny pocket push.
And it's one.
Yeah.
Ooh, about one of those when I was 16 with my crystal's money.
Anyway, it's part of my journey.
So I, I, I, so they're counting cards
you're bustin' in your pants.
Yeah, exactly.
They're takin' down the casino.
Yeah, exactly.
So I'm, so yeah, so I, I think I,
it's like one of those things I didn't know what it was at the time.
Because I was a way bloomer.
It's like eighth grade.
I hadn't hit puberty yet.
So made out with her, whatever.
That's all we were doing make out.
And I really liked it.
Yeah.
I was like, this is cool, right?
And then I was, I had a click captain of the Rug Girls Rugby Team.
Right.
She's, she's a bodybuilder.
Yeah. No, I mean, she's, you know, so at high school, I had a crush on a girl forever at
Super Friend Zone.
Oh, wow.
So, you know, I started to, like, just get really in the friend zone.
Yeah.
Like, she's like, she did the whole, you know what?
You're like a brother to me.
That was like, that's tough.
I was like, step brother to me.
What do you think?
But that's also safe haven for a closeted gay guy.
True.
Because I was just friend-owned.
Right.
Because I had no game when I was 16.
Right.
And most of mine and eldest's adolescence, we spent trying to get pussy and failing as heterosexual
man. But you at least could, so you know, but you at least could,
so you could, but you could take on,
or you didn't even at the time I was gay.
You weren't beating off to like Orlando Bloom?
No, no, like, it's very, I don't even know,
like I'm sitting here and I'm like, I'm gay.
I haven't had intimacy with a woman in 10 years.
Nice.
And I say you're a decade clean.
A decade clean from over off pussy just. if you came to me and you told me Austin you can't sleep with a woman for the rest of your life I'd be like
Okay, yeah, so I'm me. I'm pretty sure like
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So but I So anyway, so I have the girlfriend I lose my Virginia when I'm 20 nice, you know the
PSU I know it was I got I don't even yeah
That's cool something like that and then the second time I the second girl I ever slept with and only is you know
She stops me in the middle of it.
And she goes, is it me? Oh, see again, I couldn't get an erection.
Damn, and you're not even fat as shit.
That's my excuse.
That was like, I'm like, is it me and it's like, look,
look how fat as shit.
I'm fucked up.
Just, you know, let me suck on your titties and jack off
for a second.
Is that what you're all right? Is that your pitchies and jack off for a second. Is that what you're saying?
Is that your pitch?
I will, yeah, I've had that before.
Before the advent of a certain kind of pharmaceutical
that we could, you could also sponsor right here.
Wait, did you ever rect out this function?
I would, I was just fat and nervous.
So I had, so the first time I would hook up with a girl,
honestly, I was, that I liked, that's the fucked up thing. When I liked her, my dick wouldn't get hard the first time I would hook up with a girl, honestly, I was that I liked, that's the fucked up thing.
When I liked her, my dick wouldn't get hard the first time.
And if I didn't care, my dick was like,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
And so it's all like, it's like in my head.
And I'm a very, I'm a very,
I have anxiety in so that you too.
And the only real place that I am nervous,
or what, especially as a kid, right,
was with girls because it's this weird thing
when you're like a great talker
and a fun charismatic person.
You can practice everything, but the moment you turn it on
to like a romantic sexual energy.
So I like, that freaked me out,
because I was like, it's so easy for me to get people to like me.
I have no anxiety about that,
about talking about all this stuff,
but then I'm so nervous about getting pussy,
and I want it so bad that I would,
and it was a foreign feeling.
So it's like, it's like the purr,
it was like, you know, to do a sports analogy,
it's like a guy who's awesome in the regular season,
and then the playoffs are getting pussy and he would choke
I'm James. I was the James Harden of getting pussy. Yeah as a as a you know as a child, you know what I mean?
I'm sorry. I don't know which RuPaul's drag race character that I don't know
I don't know which one is famous for choking in the
I don't want to
RuPaul'srike race.
It's actually a good show.
Oh, you watch it.
It's one of the nice ones to watch with a girl, because it's one of those where you're
like, come on, this show.
And then I'm like, by the end, I'm like, that bitch fucking won!
Are you kidding me?
That's bullshit.
It was barely serving content.
Yeah.
You know, it takes me three episodes and I'm in.
But so yeah, anyway, so I was pretty nervous.
And I was so nervous.
I also pissing all the time and I had this old Italian doctor
who I just convinced to give me dick pills.
Because I was like, I was like, dude,
I read somewhere that it could help you stop pissing
and he knew I was up.
He was like, I'll give you a sample.
Like he knew I just wanted dick bills to fuck.
And I used it.
And yeah, so I would use them the first time
to like prove I have a hard dick to this girl.
And then once I knew she liked me,
then you could get it, I could get it hard.
It was so fucked up.
Does it make you last longer?
Absolutely.
That's the real magic.
Is that a big shit? Oh man. Yeah, the real magic. You said it makes you, yeah.
Okay, imagine if your product was being mentioned right now.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Future advertising.
I'll be honest.
That sounds, I mean, I don't have trouble lasting like a lot, but like there are moments
where like I wish I could last longer.
Of course, in those, when you're,
Sometimes you gotta, you gotta clench your cheeks and really pump,
L this moment.
L on the brakes.
Hell this nose.
Yeah.
You know, well, I also have a fucked up
foreskin, which actually helps me
get rid of it.
Snipped off.
I know.
Two against one in this room.
I know.
You agree, right?
He's out there.
Oh, well, come on, dude.
We're both offended.
And you know, hey, hold on, he's not fucking green.
I'm not fucking green.
All white people look alike.
I mean, Greek, he white?
Yeah, yeah, well it's up for debate.
But anyway, so yeah, it was like a, you know, and now I just literally, it's so funny
because I, the last time I was in a relationship where I actually,
like I really loved the girl, I was like,
oh, my dick was getting harder than it's ever been in my life.
And I'm like, maybe this is how you should have sex.
Yeah, maybe you should.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe they're on the sum with that.
Every time you hear that, like, oh man,
being having a connection with somebody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, it's so much better with sex,
you know, young me would be like, that's gay. That's gay. But truly, I know it does make it so much better.
Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? And don't get me wrong. Sometimes you don't
need no connection. No. Tady's big enough, ass cheeks, bobble, and nice enough. Everybody
like you can get through that through it. That's not a problem.
No, no, no.
But so this girl's like,
she, so you're hurting the second girl,
you've had sex with feelings.
No, I didn't, yeah,
I heard her feelings because she said,
she said, gay little thing.
With my limp, gay dick.
And she's like, is it me?
I have faked an orgasm.
You faked the male orgasm.
Yes, it did.
In the condom.
I did, I think, if I can recall. Yeah, yeah. She left my, I wasn't my orgasm. You faked the male orgasm? Yes, it did. In the condom? I did, I think. If I can recall.
Yeah, yeah.
She left my, I wasn't my parents' house at the time.
That's so awesome to fake a man's orgasm.
Right, I was like, oh, yeah.
And then we never really, we never really spoke again.
Wow.
And it was weird because like I wasn't,
at the time I didn't feel that I was super attracted to men.
More so I was just indifferent to women.
I didn't have the drive to go out and get puts,
like most men, I feel like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I was like in my asexual, I don't know.
And then I, you know, I watched porn,
I watched straight porn.
But then I started to realize,
you really loved it.
You really loved it.
Subconsciously, I was really focusing on the cock.
I was really low. You were subconsciously, I was really focusing on the cock. I was like, I was like, really?
I was like, really?
I like there to be this hot chick and I'd be like, this guy has got a belly and it's weird
and I don't like looking at it.
And I was like, so I was just like, I really liked a night.
You were really like the cock.
And I was denying it for, I didn't feel guilty because there was a woman in the middle.
Of course.
Your favorite shot was that one where for some reason they put in porn words, the guy
fucking from behind, you can see his balls.
That's what they're doing.
And you see like a sliver.
You see a sliver of the woman underneath it and you're like, who is this for?
And it turns out.
It's for people.
It's a plant.
It's a shot that the gay porn community.
It's a recruit. It's a shot that the gay porn community. It's a recruit. It's a solo recruiting
So you slowly start looking up that shot pretty soon. There's just a guy a man
But he's tiny and he's hairless. Yeah, he's
That's right
So slowly I started watching gay porn nice slowly getting into getting into gay porn. There we go. And then I would like, I jerk off and I'd be like,
nah, that was weird.
That was a fucking phase.
That's a weird little fluke.
Yeah, that's a little fluke.
I typed the word, you know, close the browser.
That's it, you know, and then 12 hours later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
You know, I'm pretty soon, slowly but surely,
then I downloaded Tinder, started swiping around,
then I switched to guys real quick.
Just for a second.
Just say, yeah, quick quick.
You swipe beat off, be like, that was weird back to girls.
Back to girls, right?
I'm pretty soon.
That's not what I'm thinking with my right mind.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm a straight man.
Exactly.
So, as your family religious or anything like that?
No, not at all.
My mom has so many gay friends.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is so weird and interesting.
My parents are super liberal, super progressive,
you know, wouldn't ever have a problem with it.
But like, they also like my whole life
were talking, my mom was like,
talking about how it was gonna marry a woman
and like, setting, even though they're not homophobic
and they set this life up for you,
the you should have.
Yeah.
And so, so I watched a bunch of gay porn.
Yep.
The rest did the work, right?
Do the research.
Do the research.
Match with a couple guys,
unmatched with them out of guilt.
And then finally, I matched with this guy.
And we talked for a couple months,
and I finally, yeah, finally he convinces me to meet him.
So I book a hotel room like I'm a fucking
You're 22 and I don't want anybody
I book like a residence in Mary
Like I'm having an affair
Right and I'm I'm so in the closet at this time. I don't want anybody to know. Yeah, then I'm gay
So I'm like in the closet at this time, I don't want anybody to know. Yeah. Then I'm gay.
So I'm like in a hood.
Oh man, you're just having to wait in the car
because they don't want to come together.
Yeah, because I mean, he looked gay.
I mean, no.
This fucking guy was fucking gay.
Now, me, we're, if we were checking in the hotel together,
we're fucking so sore, right?
Nobody's asking.
They're not asking us, of course.
Of course, of course, of course.
So we like hook up and like, we didn't have sex or anything,
but then I was like, I felt so guilty.
I was like in the fetal position and homeless.
So, oh my God, I'm not going to heaven.
I was like, if there was a heaven, I'm not going.
It is very interesting to hear this from someone
who's just not religious at all.
And this place is more cool.
It just shows you how ingrained
a just reason to basic society.
Exactly. It felt so wrong and bad.
Yeah, yeah.
So anyway, so I did that and then I eventually, I just kind of worked it out of my system
and just got over the fact that it felt wrong and slowly but surely, I eventually lost my
gay virginity.
You did, you did suck to the exposure therapy.
Yeah.
Really? Seriously? Ah! Okay. virginity you did you did you did the pose yeah really seriously okay all right I'm close no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no And it's his car. He has some weird fucked up therapists.
Oh no, it's just like, is there's a glory hole?
He's in a chair just watching.
It's even worse.
Yeah.
He's just very good also.
But he gets away with it for years.
It's medical.
He's a doctor.
Yep.
Yep.
But anyway, yeah, no, I mean, there you go.
Slowly but surely, I went, now I would sneak around with guys and sneak them up
like the elevator shaft.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pretty soon it just got to be such a burden.
Yeah.
And eventually I just, I came out,
and I came out as bisexual.
Smart.
Dip it in the water.
Dip it in the water.
And like not to obviously
the people that are behind.
You hadn't fucked a woman in years.
You know, years, but I kept the, for me,
I was like, I feel like I am a couple of options on the chair.
Sure, sure.
You know, I didn't feel at the time
that I was comfortable being fully getting them.
Pretty soon after that, I was just like, I think I'm gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I just haven't, I have no, like you could tell me,
like I said, never gonna sleep with one for the rest of your life.
Yeah.
Or a man, never sleep with a man for the rest of your life.
Yeah.
You told me man, never sleep with a man, I'd probably your life. You told me man, never said with a man,
I'd probably kill myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, but the woman, I'd be like,
well, I mean, maybe a threesome could've come along
with another guy that would've been cool.
Been fun.
But yeah, I could, I'm not grossed out by women.
Yeah.
You know, like every once in a while,
like the other, a couple of months
I jerked off the straight point.
Wow.
And I felt the same. Yeah, I got the same feeling that when I watched gay porn, I jerked off the straight point. Wow. And I felt the same.
Yeah, I got the same feeling that when I watch gay points,
I was like, it felt wrong.
That's awesome.
Well now you know you're fully gay.
Yeah, I felt so wrong.
And it just like felt, and it's kind of cool.
And it shows how much of a construct it is.
For sure.
Because like now, I like being gay,
it doesn't feel weird or abnormal.
Yeah.
Because the cock exposure therapy.
Because the cock exposure therapy.
I don't feel abnormal.
It feels normal and I see two guys kissing and fucking
and it just looks natural.
Yep, yep, looks awesome.
That's what the ass is, man.
That's what God was designing it for.
Absolutely.
I mean, an anal sex is amazing.
I've fucked someone in the ass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've never been fucked in the ass of work?
Can't say that I have been thinking about it.
Not thinking about it.
I have.
Why that'd be something you think about.
I have been thinking about it quite a bit.
It's about odd questions.
I have one time a girl put a finger up my ass
but it was very combative.
Oh, because it's where you assaulted.
Yeah, a little, but let me give you the full scope.
Okay, you were okay with this.
I was fine, yeah, it was more like, well, you know.
It's not assault when you're okay, right?
It was, it was kind of, I deserved it.
Let me just, I was just, I was, yeah.
So, okay, I was, I was, this is early on in my touring,
right, like I'm not famous at all, right?
I'm like, I have a little,
come kinda just started,
I have a little like online heat, whatever.
But no way am I the kind of guy who just gets the fuck,
like as much undeserved pussy as I currently do, you know?
But it would still happen from time to time, you know?
So I'm in Pittsburgh,
and there's just a single hot woman who's alone,
and it's just waiting.
Just waiting, she's clearly her thing
and she's gonna fuck me, and I'm like,
nice.
You can tell.
I can tell, but they're by yourself.
She has like a little like a section.
No, it was like, dude, I'm in some little music venue,
it's like an 80-seater, you know what I mean?
It's like this is early in my career,
and she's sitting there by herself,
and she comes up and talks, I'm selling merch,
you know, whatever.
She comes up and talking to me.
I'm like, this girl wants to fuck me
but I'm also like, I'm doing everything back then.
There's no tour managers, there's no anyone.
So I have to pack up the merch, get paid,
go talk to the guy, get paid.
I'm doing, there's like a real one man operation.
I'm booking my own hotels, I'm in a rent the car.
Like, I'm doing whatever, this is early on.
So I'm like, all right, well, I gotta go close out,
whatever.
And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, hit me up.
Think you maybe show DM me, maybe it'll happen.
I come back like a half hour after doing all this shit.
She's just there patiently waiting.
Really?
And I'm just like, all right, well,
looks like this girl just wants to fuck.
Awesome.
We get back, it's kind of, I just,
just go to my hotel.
Go to my hotel.
What hotel's you just staying back there?
They were in Mons.
Yeah, we're talking about where you were having
closeted gay sex.
You're next door.
I can hear you next door crying after making out
with a Guatemalan.
I can hear the sobbs.
I'm in pieces shit hotels, right?
Yeah, I'm in pieces shit hotels, right? Yeah, right.
And so it was kind of like, she was survived was so sexual
that it kind of threw me, because again, I wasn't really
fucking that much.
It was cool.
She was hot.
I was pumped.
But I was like, some clearly I was like,
something's wrong with this woman, where she, her plan was,
fuck this guy who's not famous, not, she was just a big fan of, you know,
I'm bald, I'm toothless maybe even at the,
I don't know if the tooth had gone yet.
Anyway, that's the error we're talking about.
I also though, I was fucking more in like my personal life.
Like I had more confidence because my career was starting to go well.
So I had like some, you know,
I had like a nice little roster in New York.
And for whatever reason, I was on a butthole fingering run.
You know, it was the first time you were fingering.
I was, I was never, I dabbled in some butt, you know, I dated one girl who was into it early on.
So I kind of had the experience.
But then I was like, without her to guide everything.
I don't want any parts of this.
And then it was later in my sexual maturation.
So I was like, let's start fingering buttholes.
And I've I just fingered one girl. She was so into it. I'm like all right next girl. Let's try this into it.
I was on like a few of the three. I was on the multiplier. The DDR. I was getting fucking time 16 butthole fingering points.
And so I'm like fucking I'm hot baby. That's like in the casino, let's keep it rolling.
I figured this goes but, very not into it.
Like, she was like, ah, what the fuck are you?
Like, I was just like, ah, my bad, I was like,
you know, my bad didn't mean to, you know,
I was like, I just kinda had been in a zone
where people are into this, like no sweat.
And we go back to having like, back to having regular sex, whatever.
And then like 20 minutes later,
she just like, time passes, right?
She's like, you know, she's about to,
I think my dick literally wasn't getting hard
because it was a weird situation.
I'm getting scared now.
Oh my, she hates me, whatever.
Like, so we're fucking in, you know.
Eldis knows all about the, when you're so fat and unhealthy,
the girl based guys to suck you off every four minutes
and putting condom on.
That really, that'll happen, pal.
So we're in that time in my life.
Holy shit.
And she's just like, so now she's sucking my dick,
and I think just like, she's route for revenge,
and she's doing a great job.
She's giving me top nacho dome. Yeah. And then how to know where I think just like she's route for revenge and she's doing a great job. She's giving me top notch dome. And then I didn't know where I just get like a fucking boni-ass
ring-a-roll, not even a dry nose. She's giving it a lick. No, not a pop-nothing just.
Ah! Oh my god! Just a dry jammed up my ass. And now I'm like, ah! And then you came,
and then I was like, oh! Call me if that's like, call me if that's like. and then I was like, oh, oh. Come here, if that's not coming, if that's not.
No, it was like, and it was like,
it scraped my ass.
Of course it worked.
It was like a Fisher, whatever.
So that was the one, that was the only real finger
I ever really got in my ass.
I'm trying to think, I've had some low ball sucks
that have bordered on an asshole eating, and I would be open to getting my ass, I'm trying to think, I've had some low ball sucks that have bordered
on an asshole eating and I would be open
to getting my ass eaten by a woman, no problem.
And listen, somebody wants to stick a finger in there
with care.
Yeah, with care.
I'm open to it.
You gotta slowly.
Because it seems like you boys are really,
oh, I have this, that after watching road trip,
I put a candle in my ass.
Because I was like, well, this is good enough for stifler. Yeah this is good enough for me. Of course and didn't work.
Fell weird and bad. Of course. I could feel the wick in my scraping the
sides. You had wicks like well yeah I guess you're going to go the
broad side first. Oh man. Yeah you got to work your way up.
Yeah yeah. Work your way up. So that was the last, the original.
Exactly.
Dildo.
Exactly, exactly.
So, you know, but I'm definitely open to it, you know.
Yeah.
But unfortunately, you know, no-ass fucking-
I mean, I'll just just got his ass eaten.
Really?
Yeah.
Which, which like surprised me, I just felt bad,
because my ass-
Do you share your ass or was it just that?
No, holy sh-
I was just like, I was just like, I'm like I can tell I'm because I've been in the community for a while
I can look at a man's face and know what his ass hole looks like
Dude my asshole looks like my lips like
Yeah, I know
I know
It's probably there's probably hair coming out of your cheeks
Oh dude, yeah, yeah
This guy's got spots by the way, so we're all out of your cheeks. Oh dude. Yeah, you're all waiting. This guy's got a fuck by the way. Oh hell yeah, so we're all kind of yeah
Something got a little bit. I gotta I gotta super hairy ass. I felt like bad and I was like yeah
Did you put your legs over over your head? Yeah, do I look at this legs over his head dude? Wait, you can do that? Yeah, god damn
I think you may you you, he make a good bottom.
He'd make a great bottom.
Maybe, I'm gay.
Yeah.
That's right.
Well, you will be sucking Austin's dick to find out.
I was gonna say, yeah.
That's why I made the trip out here.
Yeah, I promise.
I did suck.
Well, we've lost some choice path.
We have a back door deal, is this?
Oh, you'll find out exactly. I'm a sucker. We'll ask some choice pack. We'll ask some choice pack. We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack.
We'll ask some choice pack. We'll ask some choice pack. We'll ask some choice pack. We'll ask some choice pack. Right now, it's gonna be. Yeah, absolutely. Perfect.
Yeah.
Scroll up, Elders, we might clean this up in post,
or we might have it all folks.
Fuck you guys.
This is a perfect one.
Folks, we've drained the Lebanese snake.
We're ready to go.
And we're ready to tell you right now.
We're going to tell you because the exact same size
is the Lebanese average.
I did not know that.
The Lebanese average is 6.7 inches. Lebanese average penis is 6.7 inches.
Mine is exactly 6.7 inches.
6.7.
Yeah, that's exactly.
Bragging.
Yeah.
Look, slightly above average, not very girthy.
Nice.
But kind of on the skinnier side, little curve.
Not like anybody asked her, description.
I want the curves, but I got a curve.
What does your penis look like?
It's a six on its tippy toes.
Okay.
I like that.
You really, you're really strong in the rule.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've all been there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it has that curve and then we have the, you know,
we're uncircced, but Lebanese insert is fucked up.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I mean, I'm like second generation American,
something like that. That that, second generation American.
So they betrayed your forefather.
Yeah, I have, absolutely.
I wonder if my grandfather'd be a weird question to ask.
You should ask.
I mean, he's dead, but yeah, you should go back.
I should assume the body, try and find out
how to callcified foreskin.
Yeah.
Well, actually, he was cremated, so maybe it might be easier.
Oh, that's yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, when they cremate, well, you think they think a picture of it?
We're getting.
Maybe.
You know what?
I think, well, yeah, we'll zoom.
We'll zoom.
Yeah.
We'll find out.
Stay tuned.
Yeah.
When Austin comes back, we'll find out what his grandfather's penis looked like.
Yeah.
We're going to, yeah, we're going to 3D model it.
Yeah.
Exactly.
We're going to 3D printed it in. Yeah, I think we'll make a piece out of that.
I have a big family and they're spread around
multiple countries.
So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding
and most of them decided to come.
Great news, but a big problem.
Where do you put eight people all with different requirements
and keep them all together?
We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious,
get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with
multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The
Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding
for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location,
it always makes me smile.
Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area
to walk around and remember one of the most special times
for my family, whether you're traveling with friends
or with family for a big wedding or justification,
get an Airbnb.
Spoguit out of it.
And now we are ready to answer this.
Oh, man, my greatest advice.
Give some advice.
You've, you've, you have a peek into my,
my friend Austin's mind here.
You've seen how it works.
We definitely gotta have you back with,
there's more to talk about.
Absolutely.
But right now we're gonna get right into it.
We're feeling loose off the freeze pipes.
Absolutely.
And we're ready to give, maybe the best advice ever on this show. I'm ready. I love being in positions where I'm
definitely not qualified. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Let's get it, Eldis. They call them.
They call them. They'll be with someone on man. Big fan, love you to Eldis. Big fan of
the show. I'm calling me. My buddy, we're having a debate the other night and we were
both previously pretty wild boys in our 20s and early 30s. I'm about to be 40. He's early,
he's almost 35 now. So anyway, both of us are just settled down now, kind of chilling. But he
was put, he used to have a little problem with insecurity. He used to be out in the streets
a little bit. He's been a long, primarily shift last couple of years. He's doing well.
the reality is to be out in the streets a little bit. He's been a long-term relationship for a couple years. He's doing well. But he got put on to a...
Oh no.
Rubbin's had played.
Oh, nice thing to have ours. And he went and loved it. And we were having a debate
on whether that is cheating or not.
Oh, come on! What the BAME!
He's like, dude, my girl's really cool, like a teller. I think that's terrible. I be and you shouldn't tell her. He's gonna tell her.
Oh, she think it's cool. No matter how cool she is. So I think I'll make for great conversation for you guys.
Oh, Rubin Tug's eating.
So I'm gonna show you guys the fucking drug. Rubin Tug's. Rubin Tug. There's another. Yeah, it's cheating.
Yeah, I mean, you're paying to cheat. It's doing a little bit of cocaine relapsing. Yes, it is.
It's definitely cheating.
It's definitely cheating.
I definitely don't think he should tell her.
Well, he's the thing.
This man's got a death wish in this relationship.
This is, he's like fucking coward.
And he's like, oh, my friend told me about this great massage place.
And guess what?
They also jack you off.
And she's gonna be like,
oh, that's awesome.
Are your calves and your cock feeling better
after some woman who was brought over
in a shipping container from Indonesia jacked you off?
Like, what, what, so this guy wants his relationship then?
No, no, for the record, I don't think he said he will,
but he was like, I could tell my girlfriend
that she wouldn't care.
I don't think he actually told her. I see. I think I could tell my girlfriend that she wouldn't care. I don't think he actually told her.
I see.
I think he's just like, you know, kind of lying out loud.
Lying to him, so everyone.
He is justified in his head because he paid for it.
Right.
And there's no connection.
He's justified in his head that it's not cheating.
Right.
He's moved the goalpost.
It's basically yes.
That you're, in his mind, it's sort of like,
it's a goods and service. yeah but that you where you happen to
come right now i will give you
this probably is the lowest threshold for cheating
it's not a good just get it does you do get over the finish line yeah it's
you just made it
he came you can't be a
i mean if you didn't even if he didn't come it won't you did starts getting
rubbed and you're going back
now what if the like you get you go back a couple times like whoo Yeah, I mean if you didn't even if he didn't come it when should dig starts getting rubbed and you're going back now
What if like you if you go back a couple times you're like?
Oh, what if what if the missot missus fuck them in the ass now that's that's interesting
Yeah, I mean that brings up an answer to finding where we're kind of defining the boundaries is that cheating because that's something
I couldn't do them. I think it still is cheating
But it is much more interesting.
Yes, you know, that's a much,
that's when we were like, babe, I got,
it's more weird than cheating.
I've been going to this massage,
Barler and they've been, they've been fucking my ass
once a week, once a week for fucking eight years.
Free.
Yeah, well, you gotta keep,
you gotta keep the ass pipe clear.
Yeah, I'll be. You know, you got to keep the ass pipe clear. You know,
wanting blockages forming. Yeah, it was recommended for my, what the fuck are those?
Fractologist. No, fucking for my, God, gastroenterologist. Yeah, there we go. That's all right.
I've had a colonoscopy for. Nice, dude. Yeah, you know, clean. Yeah clean clean is whistle no one's polyp they removed it
Prodys you you had one
And that you had a screening oh no, no, did they put some of your ass? I had an endoscopy. I didn't do that
I did the endoscopy to yeah, it's where they stick something that your throat. Yeah, oh, they don't put it up
They seem like it's be easier to go up your ass. Yeah, no, it's worse
The prep for a lower endoscopy,
or colonoscopy, is instood.
I've heard the prep, you just like drink diarrhea juice
all night.
Yes, your brain's out there.
Dude, I was chained to the toilet,
listen to fortunate son.
Like I was fucking just them.
It's awful.
And they say you're supposed to sip this, this laxative.
It was like a carbonated drink over the course
of a few hours.
I fucking shugged it.
No.
I was puking and shitting at the same time.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Clean his whistle though.
Clean his whistle, that's what's important.
That's right.
So look, your buddy here, this is a slow relapse
is what this is.
Yeah.
This is what this, this is like, it's the gateway drug.
Yeah, I mean, if he had an infidelity problem,
this is like, you know, it's like you take half an opi,
you take half his annex and then in three months
you're doing heroin basically.
This is half his annex to just getting, you know,
pussy on the side, being the full blown addiction.
This is his like, oh, it's all right, it's a drug,
you know, they give it to dogs, I'll be all right.
Yeah.
That's what getting Jacked off of the Rubin Tug is. So he's about to relapse, they give it to dogs, I'll be all right. Yeah. That's what getting Jacked off of the Rub-and-Tug is.
So he's about to relapse, he's lying to himself.
And it's dangerous because you can't talk.
Once a man is making the argument that it is not cheating,
and then he's like, dude, I could even tell my girl.
He's so far gone and he's made up his mind
that he's about to get side pussy.
So honestly, you know what I would do if I were you?
I would call his bluff and be like, okay, tell your girl.
Because there is a chance if you nip it in the butt.
Either he tells her and that's crazy,
and it just things end sooner, or he's like,
okay, maybe it is cheating, and he admits what he did.
You know what I mean?
Like putting the gun up to his head, be like, shoot me.
Go ahead, do it.
I'm ready to die
Do that be like yeah, okay. Yeah, you really want to show yourself in the head fucking do it
I want to see you do it. Do you think there's a world where she's okay with it?
If it is then he's just gotten a weird jackpot, but no, I don't think there is
I don't think this woman's like oh, okay cool first of all that's a weird thing to do all the time
Yeah, so get Rubin to just be a Rubin to guy all the time. Yeah. So get Rub-and-Tug guy. To just be a Rub-and-Tug guy.
Yeah.
Just being married to it.
If I found out my husband, like if I'm a woman,
and I find out my husband just was a Rub-and-Tug guy,
for like, if he had a phase where he went in a year,
he would go like twice a month, but he'd go.
Would you go?
I would go.
Yeah, I would go.
I'd go.
You want to be a Rub-and-Tug guy?
I just want to see what it's like.
Do you think now would you get jacked off by a woman technician?
I would do it just to experience the room and talk.
Interesting.
That's an interesting.
Because like I said, women don't discuss me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I could get it up and like, I could have sex with a girl.
Sure, sure.
I wouldn't enjoy it.
Yeah, you take over the thing.
But like, if there's another guy involved,
I definitely would enjoy it.
You know, it's interesting
This is a good experiment of like you know how gay a man is if they pass the rub and tug threshold That's a good point is there's some men won't will fail. Yeah, some people are so gay that you're a trained professional
Yeah, the jacks cock scientifically can't get them to bust. This is good. I think we're on a new twist streaming idea.
Yeah, how gay are you?
How gay are you?
And we have different challenges.
We start with the rub and tone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Slowly move into how long it's an endurance.
It's like through a factor before eating pussy.
Yeah.
Where it's like, I can even, like, I,
but I'm just an open person.
Sexuality's on a spectrum. I'm very far to the gay side,, like, but I'm just an open person. Sexuality's on a spectrum.
I'm very far to the gay side, but there's men that are farther.
Of course.
There's men that, you know, yeah, like it's a rightful,
five-a-china-solo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I think boobs by boobs, I can't get,
oh really, interesting.
A lot of gay men like boobs, I did not like boobs.
I will say though, I think there's some sort of like,
instinctual thing that when a man involves himself with breasts,
that they feel something.
Cause I had this, I went to this strip club in Houston.
This girl had just the most largest,
just huge fake tips.
Yeah, how do you know?
I like a nice fake pair.
They were just, I'm cool with it.
I'm a man of science, you know what I mean? Shout out to Fauci.
Shout out to fake titties.
Fauci and fake titties.
Fake titties have definitely done more for our world.
100%.
I'll meet you there.
I'll meet you in the middle of anti-vaxxers.
I prefer fake breasts to Anthony Fauci.
It's true.
True boobs are very therapeutic.
But huge boobs.
Yeah.
And I got a hard on.
There we go.
But I was like trying to tell her I was gay and she's just like, you know, like,
that's right.
But I wasn't, but it wasn't like a, it wasn't like a, it wasn't like a hard on, like,
I'm rated half.
It was just like a non-arouse bone.
Something about, I can see that.
It's just like my, it was a vestigial boner.
Yes.
It's a boner from like the lizard part of your brain.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So we should, you know, coming next season to G4, how gay are you?
Yeah, that's right.
I'll be your co-host.
That perfect.
And we'll get, we'll go to Korean spa.
Yep.
And we'll have the gayest guys you've ever seen in your life,
getting jacked up.
Both people will not be in town. That is a really cool social, I would participate as a Korean spa. And we'll have the gay skies you've ever seen in your life. Getting jacked up. Both people will not be in time.
That is a really cool social.
I would participate as a gay man.
I'm a cool social experiment.
Yeah.
Scan my brain and what happens when I...
I think they'd figure it out.
Yeah.
You guys also get tucked every time,
even though you're the host.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we're going to warm them up by us by definitely me.
I don't know.
Austin might only want one.
I will be getting one each time.
That's part of the, that's just gonna get warmed up.
We don't want these gay boys going into it with this lady's, you know, her knuckles aren't ready to go.
Yeah, no.
So yeah, dude, your friend is kind of fucked here.
I'm sorry to say it.
If he's making these arguments,
he's kind of off the deep end.
And, you know, I would say,
be like, all right, if you could tell your girl,
go tell her and see what he does.
That's really his only way out.
Unless you, you can also just monitor the situation
a little bit.
And if he just kind of stops,
if he's just like, all right,
well, that was kind of a cool thing I did a couple times,
but I don't want, then maybe let's sleep in dogs live.
But if he makes this a habit,
it's gonna end up with him full-blown cheating.
No questions asked.
It's a gateway.
And this is like, you know what this actually is?
This is Halo Top Ice Cream.
This is eating, you ever have Halo Top?
Yeah, the other night I was like only 300
pounds. Exactly, exactly. And what happens is it starts getting your, because I've been
here, right? Where I need to eat a whole pint of something. That sounds good. When I'm
getting to like, when I'm going off, when I'm coming off of a binge eating phase of my life,
I have to trick my brain into like thinking I still have the same habits. So I start eating
halotop.
And then I eventually get to just eating healthy food.
And if I have ice cream, I'll just have a little bit of it,
whatever, but I know I'm in trouble the other way
when the halotop starts coming out again.
When I buy the low, that's a really good idea.
When I buy, you know what I mean?
Because I'm like, oh, it's halotop.
And then you eat a whole pint of halotop
because you're like, oh, 300 calories, great. And then I'm like, oh, it's Halo, and then you eat a whole pint of Halo top, cause you're like, oh, 300 calories, great.
And then you're like, and then it becomes like,
well, it's only 300 calories, I could have two pints.
Yeah.
Of course.
Or you buy like the light cone, which is 120 calories.
And, or like, let's say it's 200 calories,
and then you have five of them.
You know what I mean?
It's like, that's what this guy's gonna start doing.
This is getting jacked off is the halo top of cheating.
And very soon he's gonna have his fucking whole head
and a fucking like chocolate fountain.
He's gonna be having, he's gonna be the golden carol,
chocolate fountain hog and I'll get an syrup
and pouring ice cream into his own fucking mouth very soon.
That's it.
I can tell you that's where it's gonna end.
So good luck for, good luck to you, good luck to your friend. Good luck.
And let's play another one here, Eldis.
I am getting high. Should we order food on the podcast?
I was gonna say, that one hit sent me.
I'm like, I've been like daydreaming about New York.
What should we get, man?
What have you been thinking about, man?
I mean, what have I been thinking about?
You're the visitor.
I'm in New York.
We get you a nice, no-frill slice.
Oh, yeah.
Pizza, fuck yeah.
Here's what the good stuff we have here.
We have good pizza.
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend?
What would you recommend? What would you recommend? What would you recommend? What would you recommend? What would you recommend? What are the best crave, now we just are saying rush, bleep these out. Yeah. You know what, there's a pizza place that claims
they have good subs, I've never had them.
Now, if you had like an Italian deli subs,
it's too late for that.
Yeah, fuck yeah, they closed at five o'clock.
Yeah, yeah.
But we could get you a nice no frills New York slice.
Okay.
We have a-
What's a no frills mean?
I just mean like, just a nice piece.
Cheese. Yeah, I like that, I like that.
Like first, you know, I'm like,
You don't dip it in nothing?
No, dip it in nothing.
It's just like a nut, and it gets your fast.
Okay, yeah, you know.
Get a couple pizzas, boys.
Yeah, I'm down with that.
And you put these sides like a salad.
Whatever you want, whatever you want, baby.
Tell me what you want.
You're in stopgies, bro.
All right, we'll do one, we will do one question
and I'll pull up. It's funny, because I'm in the halo top stage of my because I got really lean
Now I'm in the halo top now you can start to be like oh, 300 calories
Soon you'll be soon. I'm gonna pack on some extra pounds. That's all right. You look nice. You look cute. Oh place a place a fucking question while I look up this place, dude
This is a double shot. I go to I know there are a lot
Is this pretty Latina she's a cashier nice today
Our eyes with this lock and it was kind of fucking sad
Okay, but those bagels are so good. I don't know if I should try to talk to her because if I fuck this up
I can't get to a bagel.
Hahaha.
You know my order.
Oh, man.
I've never been so turned on.
It's kind of insane.
It's not easier.
So I chase this Latina.
It's crazy.
I'm Latina.
First my bagels.
Yes.
What?
I chase the bagels and death.
I chase the bread.
Thank you.
I see what he's saying. I see what he's saying. I see what he's saying. I see what he's Yes. I'm sorry, I changed the bagels to death. I changed the week, changed the bread.
Thank you.
Oh, I see what he's saying, because if you find a place you love
and then you embarrass yourself trying to get pussy,
you can't go back.
But look, this girl knew his order, right?
That's a great sign.
And you sound a little shy, brother.
You're gonna have to, here's the thing.
It doesn't have to go from, she knows my order.
We lock eyes to, you know, you fucking the car.
You could be like, you just have a flirty conversation.
Engage with her.
Be like, oh, I appreciate, you know, you, you my order.
You could be like, yeah, that's my order.
Whatever, you know, what's your, you can make a little small talk.
What would you put on a bagel?
Anything I should try. You want something? Do you ever, what would you put on a bagel? Anything I should try. You want something,
you ever, is anyone ever get you a bagel?
Would you like one, you know,
just have a flirty little combo with her.
Small talk.
Small talk, just feel out the vibes.
And then you could do the classic,
this feel, I've never done this.
I want to do this once in my life.
Ask a girl when she gets off.
That's like a move from the move.
Yeah, it's like, yes, like she used to say it.
So when you get off, take your app for a drink after that would feel cool. You could literally
be like when you get off work, what are you doing after if a conversation is going nicely.
So, I don't know, I think this, I think you got the green light. Be respectful. Yep.
Try a flirty combo. Feel out the vibes. It sounds like, you know, it sounds promising,
but I don't know if you're just a very horny man
who just had good customer service.
That's also very possible.
And that happens a lot.
A lot of, and even I find myself
when a waitress is hot and just nice,
even though I know you can't help
that same part of your brain that got hard
at the strip club.
You can't have a single one.
It's like, pardon me, like, I think like, whoa, this is what you just must want to fuck me when,
and then immediately I'm like, no,
but you have that feeling, and this guy might just
be letting that feeling go unchecked.
Yeah.
So I would say, you don't have to chase her in a manner
that would disqualify you from the bagels immediately,
but try having a normal conversation with her
if it's not busy, you know, that's your next assignment, buddy.
Have a nice, friendly conversation that, you know,
maybe you weren't right about the vibes,
but now you're friendlier with the staff
at your favorite bagel place.
It's a win-win.
Don't pull your dick out.
You know what I mean, but just be like,
well, you know, it's up with you, how's your day?
And just see how it goes.
Feel it out. And if the vibes, well, you know, what's up with you, how's your day and just see how it goes. Feel it out.
And if the vibes are right, you'll figure it out.
You know, call me a, you know, I don't know what,
but I like to make, I like to be,
when I take my shot, I like to be sure
that it's gonna land.
Account.
So yeah, I'm a coward.
I'm a coward.
Call me what you want, but I wanna make sure,
so I really test the waters.
That's good,
because I don't wanna be rejected, nobody wants to take it.
No, it's a bad feeling, but it's terrible feeling.
I will say you gotta divorce yourself of that feeling.
You gotta get over it.
Because that's, there is, you mess it up on a lot of people.
And another core tenet of Stabby's world is,
the road to a wind is littered with losses.
You gotta take a lot of L's to get on top.
That's true.
You just got to.
So even to this guy would say, take a respect,
have a nice conversation and take a respectful swing.
And even if it goes off, you didn't embarrass yourself
to the point you can't get the bagels.
You could even practice being a nice guy who's like,
hey, no sweat. Yeah. And you know like hey no sweat yeah and you know don't
Don't she says no don't be like mean rude to her from now on start leaving bad yelp reviews
um the the the potentially illegal
Employee had one of the stinkiest pussy's I've ever smelled it was ruining my experience
Don't don't be a fucking weirdo.
Just nice combo, respectful swing.
You can, even if you don't get the fuck this lady,
you still get to have your favorite bagels.
I think he shouldn't do it.
Oh, really?
I think there's a lot at stake
because look at it like long-term end best case scenario.
Wow, Elders has a clear take here.
Let's go.
So he loves the place.
He sounds like he goes there all the time.
Just trust them.
They're killing it with every bagel he's getting.
He's in there.
Of course he knows his order.
You keep talking.
Sorry.
This place has pretty good pasta also.
Dude, I'm starting to like crave everything.
And just look what you want.
We'll get a plain cheese.
We'll maybe get some wings. Okay, cool. And then you'm starting to like crave everything. And just look what you want. We'll get a plain cheese,
we'll maybe get some wings. Okay, cool.
And then you add whatever you want, bro.
Wait, are you gonna, did you order my cheese?
Or should I have it ordered anything?
I'll let you order my cheese.
We'll get the pizzas, we'll get a couple of pizzas,
and you order anything else you want.
I might get some wings. Okay.
Yeah, sure. Do the wings.
Now go ahead, there's a lot of steak here,
Elvis. I mean, I just don't think it's worth
the risk of the bagel place that he knows and loves. And where they know him, there's a lot of stake here, eldest. I mean, I just don't think it's worth the risk
of the big old place that he knows and loves.
And where they know him, he's a regular.
I think he is reading a little too much
into her knowing his order, especially if it's like
a smaller place.
Sure, sure.
And I also, that's all fair.
And it's like, okay, what's the best case scenario?
He like dates her, maybe he fucks her or something,
but probably not gonna date long term or anything. How do you. You know that believe in love brother. I don't know
Be a romantic. I'm good with just the pizza. I think I just I just add a little sauce
But I will have some wings to
We'll get a couple peaches
I don't know and and you know if she says no to like it's fine
He can't be like oh sure no problem, But I would personally feel weird going back in there
after that.
That's an opportunity for growth.
That's the one they already like kind of know you
or something and.
Nah, I did.
I don't know.
You're being a pussy like our friend,
or you could take the best of both worlds, okay?
I mean, it kind of goes in the cowardly realm.
Of course, but it's all right.
But you could do, you could hook up and then door dash
the bagels
You can take it to the bagel is $1.5 for a bagel for the rest of your life
The bagels are that good. It's worth it. It's worth it. I think it's worth a shot What do you think I think that's a genius idea? You always have that in your back pocket right?
See that's all you could always pull the parachute court
unless there's some business that don't,
there's an Anu breeds.
That's true, or a door dash.
That's true.
That can be fucking tough.
That, yeah.
But yeah, I don't know.
I'm, for some reason I'm feeling bold today.
I think you don't think it's worth
at least him having a conversation with this lady.
Like just trying to, just,
one more vibe's expedition.
I think it's worth the conversation. Why not? What do you have to look? You can try, but like you're in line, I don't know. like just trying to just one more vibes expedition.
I think it's worth the conversation.
Why not?
What do you have to do?
He can try, but like you're in line.
I don't know.
How long?
Don't be a freak, but just, yeah.
Just chat.
I mean, even, like he's got to get past the point
whether is it just horny guy with good customer service
like Stavis said, you know?
Or is it like some legitimate,
but that's just the conversation.
And you know, I would take it maybe even a step back
and say just have a friendly conversation.
Not even a third of you.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it does.
Establish a baseline connection that you could build off of
and maybe there is something here.
Yeah, don't jump straight to what you do it after work.
Exactly.
Don't pull your cock out with a bagel around it.
Exactly.
Yeah, don't tell me.
You go, you go, you get half on. Yeah, that stuff. I don't want your cock out with a bagel around it. Exactly. Yeah, so I'm thinking, you gonna get half on?
Yeah, that stuff, I don't want to, dude,
I do not want the knowledge of how many bagels my dick is.
It's probably like two and a quarter.
It's probably like,
it's like those thick pillowy ones.
Like how many you could get on your dick?
Oh shit, that's a lot.
I don't want that information.
I'm curious actually.
Let's probably try that.
Legit two and a half.
I'm about a bunch of bagels.
Yeah. I've bought some stuff to put in my butt before. Like a cucumber? information I'm curious actually try that legit to a bunch of meggles
I bought some stuff to put in my butt before like a cucumber. Yeah, I was young her nose curious course And I was like and I just I look so guilty. Yeah, look like I was
Putting stuff up your ass. Yeah, like I bought a cucumber in a bottle of water
like I bought a cucumber in a bottle of water. Because I was trying to conceal it.
Get them off the trail.
Of course, dude.
Because, you know, why else would you just need
just the cucumber?
Yeah.
What you should have done is buy like a tomato
and a fucking onion.
Yeah.
I was so guilty.
That's what you're gonna be when they had it, you know.
That's awesome. And I don't know why I get embarrassed by it. Don't get embarrassed. I bought Lou one time. I used to be embarrassed to buy Lou because I didn't want people to know when I was gay.
But I think it's true people couldn't use it.
I buy Lou sometimes.
Yeah, but I have the, I'm gay.
Look.
And I went and bought Lou one time.
You don't even know.
You don't even, that's the thing.
You have some hilarious internalized homophobia still.
No, you got to let go of, bro.
No, I'm not even, no, I'm, what do you mean? I'm even know. You don't even. That's the thing. You have some hilarious internalized homophobia still.
No, you got to let go of, bro.
No, I'm not even.
No, what do you mean?
Well, that's the thing.
You don't even look that gay in your head.
You're like, I have that gay look.
No, but like I say it in a way that like I'm not like I don't care.
I know.
I wish I looked more.
I wish I thought I was gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not the case.
But anyway, yeah, I always thought a cucumber was a great Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the case. But anyway, yeah.
I always thought a cucumber was a great thing
to put in your ass because like,
you've tried.
Even I haven't tried.
I'm not that interested, but like,
there's some, it's not experiments.
He likes to do.
That's a learning philosophy.
That's all interesting, that'd be gay.
But I was thought about.
Just in terms of like a food to put in your ass,
like even if it breaks or like leaks in your ass
I feel like you come right it's good for you water for you. Yeah, that's a great point
That's a great
Yeah, let's start with Austin's dick
It's a great source of nutrients
Your body will absorb the protein.
So I think do we answer this guy's question?
Yeah, sorry, I'm trying to figure out another.
Oh, good.
If you get another place.
No, no, I just want to, I think we should get another pizza.
Yeah, sure.
I'm going to play one and then go pee again.
OK.
Wow, dude.
What's up, Stavvy, baby?
Sup, LV, super producer, LD,
and the house. That's right.
I love you guys.
So I got to
something I like to ask you guys.
Awesome. Oh, my name's great.
Sorry. I'm a Portland
organized.
Really, I rang.
Oh, man, he killed it.
I love you both there.
I got a question.
I'm, uh,
a plumber.
And, uh, I got a guy that
I've been working with for probably like six or seven months.
At last, the last place I was at, they weren't paying me enough.
He talked to me and he'd come in over here.
Now I'm here.
Nice. He's a cool guy. You know, he's got a good heart, but lately he's really fell into the fucking Q and on traps
Coming off rails
Getting unglued and you know freaking out on customers getting better views
I can't have a single conversation with him. He's like no no matter what, every morning when we get into the shop, he's like, oh, here's
one for you, and goes into some fucking Q&A on crazy nonsense.
Dude, and like, I can't have a regular conversation with him.
I only got a few minutes every morning.
You know, usually give him a couple, oh, that's crazy.
And get out of it.
You know, he's not like, can it be up because the wall trying to give me answers shit, but...
Yeah.
I, uh, I, I see, if I'm gonna pitch in here, I really, I have no idea how I'm gonna feel with this fucking guy.
He's a sweetheart man, but like he hates how it's like kind of affecting all of us now. Come on, I'm gonna push this guy.
It's like kind of a, you know,
it's military kind of bigger.
Part of it.
You know, real assertive.
But, you know, not the brightest kind of guy
is carrying what they wear.
You know, freak out or
admit it is this
tough
I don't know
I was here people
I fucking don't ask questions on here
and they don't make sense
that makes sense
love you two buddy
you had something
I was just going to say this is Portland in a nutshell.
Yeah we were literally talking about the radicals. I'm not saying this guy is radical. I won't
put like the two opposite ends of the spec. Yeah. You could just find a cool guy that is just so
into Q&A. Yeah, just like you just never know. And there is, look, there is something to
you know it's just some people are gonna have different,
I mean, a Q and on and real crazy conspiracy shit
and when it starts getting violent towards other people,
that's the problem and a lot of,
there is some real weird shit going on,
like some crazy homophobia, some crazy anti-trans,
some transphobia going on that's like,
that's kind of getting like borderline scary
where like the violence people are talking about
But if this guy is like but then again if you have just a dumb conspiracy theorist where it does he's not harming anyone And it's not really affecting your life other than kind of annoying you
But this is also a guy who got you a job and kind of looked out for you I
would say
If you like it there you like the job with this company
What you're gonna have to do is and you you like the job with this company.
What you're gonna have to do is,
and you seem to really like this guy,
he calls him a sweetheart.
The solution here is you kind of bond with him
a little over time, try and talk about some other shit.
Just you have to bring up some other stuff,
be like, oh, I don't know about all that,
but I was watching, I don't know, sports,
these guys love sports, you know what I mean?
Whatever it is, you have to connect as human beings I don't sports, these guys love sports, you know what I mean? Whatever it is.
You have the connect as human beings or tell them a little bit about your life
or ask him about, I don't know, his service,
although he might tell you,
he was up to some not cool, not chill stuff there.
But I don't know, I guess the one,
the positive spin on this, I would say,
is try and connect to him as a person.
And then maybe you can respectfully challenge
some of the crazier city says,
but when you're coming from a base of friendship,
and like, hey man, I like you,
I just don't think that is true.
You know, you have a better opportunity
than just you're just some Katie hired six months ago.
And you do seem to like this guy,
and he seems to have a good heart
or whatever is what you're saying.
So that's one way to go, you know,
again, as long as he's not talking about any crazy violence
shit, as long as he's not like super hateful though,
I'm gonna guess this guy is
and maybe the most open-minded if I had to guess.
I'm guessing he wouldn't be too thrilled.
I'm guessing he's got a real specific idea
of the kind of guy he wants his daughter to marry.
Let's put it that way. Yeah, so
But that's the positive way and then the other way is just like
But I don't think it it helps to completely like isolate a guy like this or it could be like fuck this guy
Because he has positive attributes and I think you the best way to it is
Kind of actual connection and be like hey man
I don't know about some of this stuff because I definitely have friends that we don't see eye to eye on,
but we can have those conversations.
And when they say something ridiculous,
I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind, that's insane.
And they know I'm not just not some gotcha internet argument.
That's the thing.
We have to kind of get away from the way people behave on the internet
and just behave like human beings again.
And you can have an argument and you might even sway some people
by just being a cool person who's open-minded.
So that's my positive take, especially if you like your job
and you like this guy.
Now, if you're ready to move on
and he's too crazy or his rhetoric is very violent
and you just don't wanna be a part of that,
then you are just gonna have to fucking get
a different job and move.
But those are basically your two options.
Or just shut the fuck up and just fucking up for four minutes.
You fucking pussy.
Dude, I've had worse conversations for four minutes in my workplace.
Well, go ahead.
I was just gonna say I had a, I flew on a plane recently and I speak Spanish very like,
like I learned in middle school and high school.
Nice.
But I sound like I speak Spanish Spanish when I was being Spanish.
So I had this woman next to me, bless her heart.
She was in her 70s and she was, I don't know where she was from,
but it was only spoke Spanish.
And for some reason I decided to engage her in a few words.
A couple of pleasant stories.
And talk about not pleasant, this is not even the same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's a sweet woman. What's the right, you've hit the fre same kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because this is a sweet woman.
Well, you've hit the freeze place.
Yeah.
It was, we get it.
But she, it was the entire flight, two and a half hours.
And we had to pretend like I spoke Spanish.
Show me her family on her phone.
That's tough.
And then we land,
Alex, and she fucking turns out she, she's lost.
Oh, man.
She can't find her family.
Then I become her, I become her guy.
Yeah, I become her guy.
Did I barely speak Spanish?
And events, I just left her in baggage claim.
You did all you could for her, man.
Yeah.
It doesn't sound like he's getting trapped in anything though.
It just sounds like now, now you wanted to chime in though.
Yeah, that's all right.
You hit the floor.
The freeze pipe has got me in.
I thought that was connected.
Well, listen, once we hear that buzzer and for that pizza,
this episode's over.
We're going until the pizza gets here.
We're hitting the free spot on the way out too.
Go ahead, go ahead,
I'll just be right back.
Anyway, you're saying stuff.
That works when it's like someone personal in your life
or a family member you just have to see.
And like it's important that you relate with them
on an interpersonal level.
I've had a coworker like this.
First of all, you don't have...
You've had more real jobs than me.
Yeah, I had a coworker exactly like this.
It was like my first job out of college,
just some office job, whatever.
But we had a guy in there.
He would get up and leave for his lunch break
and leave his earphones like
plugged in on his desk and you can hear like Rush Limbaugh was just saying it and word
over and over again. He would just listen to Rush Limbaugh for like six hours every day,
like sitting at his desk, just typing up the reports and fucking crazy. And just like listening
to that shit, but also he would like, he would just try to talk about political shit like everything
that came out of his mouth. He always steered it that way. And it's like, that's true.
It's like every conversation, he somehow like brought it back around or made some little
like side remark about, I don't know, whatever it was. People taking jobs. He had like a writing
job. I looked up like he wrote for this weird political news website
or something.
And he had an article where he called Obama,
Pretender and Grief.
So it was like that kind of shit.
But this guy, they're true.
They get true.
This guy would just be relentless, dude.
And at first, it was like, just beautiful. doing a fake little laugh here. And they're just
that because you don't know, of course, of course, of course,
eventually just like no one would respond. There's like four of
us in this little room. And like, no one would say anything
after that. Awesome. And what and it was like, there's an
election going on one day, one of my coworkers had to be like,
Hey, I'm not trying to start a political discussion
or anything, but does anyone know what time the polls
are open tomorrow?
Like she had a purpose that I'm not trying to learn.
She started a ethical discussion.
We're not opening the floor for you, Jess.
Yeah.
You can't tell us about, you know,
the Mexicans coming over and ruining our quality of life.
Dude, but it was brutal and it was like, you know
We were already such a small team like you just couldn't escape this guy
He just spoke out into the room. Oh, when you're in something like that. I mean that really did feel like you know
Okay, I've tried having some conversations about bullshit with this guy
Yeah, he's not he's not sticking to something. How long did you work there?
Well, he he like came on of like maybe a year after I started like nine months or something and once he was there
I was like I have to leave this
Because this guy is not going to change it right right right right right right. It was like so
But I'm I'm with you. I'm just saying
Yes, that what you described, if you can't escape it
and it's a constant and it's all day, then yes, there is the nuclear option of just leaving.
And we said that. I just think there is a possible, this guy also said, he doesn't work directly
with him. He's just, he says he sees him only a couple, you were pissing, you were a fucking
listening, you were draining your little last thing. That's a big deal. So anyway, whatever.
But I think you're right, there's definitely times where you just have to, you need a change
of, and there are people that are so brutal, you just can't be around.
Well, it's the problem is their views are one thing, and then they just keep talking
about it.
And also their vibes.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
And you don't want to tell another adult like, hey man, you think we could lay off the
political scene?
But you could say that, I think. That's almost like, that's right before you,
that's the shot across the bow.
It's like, hey man, no politics.
Let's, you can even lie to him a little bit and be like,
oh, you know what?
I like your political views.
I even agree with him.
I just, it depresses me because this country's going to hell
around because of your body.
Leave it at that.
Say, I just don't want to talk about it.
It drives me off.
It pisses me off.
That's interesting.
Is that a good tip?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It just makes you so angry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know what, bro?
We should get a beer sometime and talk about it.
But right now, I'm in my...
And then you get a beer with him.
And you try and suck his dick.
And he'll never talk to you again.
We're both the same kind of guy right? Yeah, come on
No one has to find out I'm with you
Spent off another conspiracy there that Jesus was a homosexual
Take him deeper that's another way go deeper than you and I'm dick to get into heaven
Yeah, yeah, which you may might be in certain churches yeah yeah that's the express way yeah all right so
yeah good luck buddy whatever fuck you we're just gonna see kill a time
till this piece of shit out the free spipe I'm listening baby.
Good. Thanks, Dobby.
So here's the deal.
A few weeks ago I was cooking up with this 45-year-old.
I'm 23.
And I took a pregnancy test and turned that on pregnant with his baby.
I definitely don't want kids, neither of us wants kids.
And when I broke the news to him, he was really cool.
Like, he's going to pitch in some money for the aboard.
He's so money. He's gonna Pitch in some money for the abortions. He's 45 fucking years old about it
like
sensitive to it and
Like the vibe I got from him was very much like
Get this taken care of so I can like so you can get back on birth control and
So I can dump more loads into you
he's a better guy
so he very much gets the impression that
like we're gonna hook up after this
um...
this girl
i don't know if that's like such a great idea
oh it's not
i can't see him
no
i don't know
your input would be great
when you imagine if you were to do some massive piece of shit,
you're like, yes, you can see.
Of course, let him do that.
It's your fault for letting him come inside you.
Yeah, no.
This man who's almost twice your age,
almost literally twice your age.
So first of all, it's over.
Complete, you have, for example,
he could have been rude to a waiter,
and you could be like, I don't like this guy.
Like, you don't need a reason.
Yeah. You don't need the reason that he was
a dick about my abortion.
That's pretty up there, reason.
Like, that's not a minor thing.
And you don't even need something that major to,
let me give you a little lesson right now.
You can stop seeing anyone at any point the second it starts feeling bad.
You have that option.
Don't be guilted into this.
Clearly you got some kind of, I don't mean to be a hack here,
but some kind of daddy thing is going on here, right?
45, 23, I get it, especially.
And also you have some, there's a little bit of maybe self-esteem
or lack of self-worth because it's, look, there seems to, there's a little bit of, like, maybe self-esteem or lack of self-worth
because it's, look, this happens, right?
People get pregnant, you know, they get an abortion.
And if you're a part of something like this,
you need to be very, you know,
you have to think about what the person who actually has
to have the abortion is going through.
And anytime you go through something that is difficult,
you find out about the person that you're with, right?
And this is one of those situations
and you found out he's kind of a piece of shit
that he's kind of only looking at you as a sex object, right?
And even with that, he can't even break from that long enough
to even if he was a piece of shit,
even pieces of shit could take a break
and show you some compassion, at least until the whole ordeal is over and then go back to't a piece of shit, even pieces of shit could take a break and show you some compassion at least until the whole
ordeal is over and then go back to being a piece of shit.
But this guy couldn't even do that.
So if you get that impression,
if you get any kind of negative feelings about this,
it's not even like an age,
we're not judging the age gap thing,
you're a consenting adult, that's what you wanna,
you wanna get your rocks off like that, that's fine.
But go for an older guy that actually gives a fuck.
Because you know, this doesn't sound like a good situation for you.
I like how this guy's like, yeah, let's go dutch on the abortion.
Dutch, let's see how he dutch.
And maybe I'll, you know, cream pie you again,
and what do you think?
Like, one week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're gonna be on the control, right?
Yeah, he's a lesson for you to get on birth control.
So that I can bust.
Guys are so no offense.
Just follow the straightener, just fucking stupid anyway.
Yeah, even if this guy is a piece of shit,
at least like you said, put on the face first.
I know, but that he seems like kind of,
he seems like an extra piece of shit.
Yeah, he's a piece of shit.
And by the way, if you're dating older guys,
like I'm not gonna take a sugar daddy,
but get an older guy that's gonna pay for the whole abort.
Like this guy is a loser, and he's 45.
If you're gonna date older,
don't date a fucking dickhead older.
And also you can sense from how she's talking about it,
and you feel bad about this.
And we're here to support you to let you know
your feelings are very bad.
Wow, the pizza's already here. That's incredible.
The pieces.
Your your feelings are valid.
Yes.
This guy.
Fuck this guy.
Yeah.
Fuck this guy.
And it's your body, your choice.
You don't need his fucking opinion.
Anything.
That's right.
Fuck him.
Fuck him.
And he should have he should have paid for the whole thing.
Yeah.
Of course.
That's what he should have done, especially if he you've never even never
knotted inside of a woman.
No.
I've knotted inside of many a man. Yeah.
Yeah, I guess it's just so, yeah,
it's just the outstoring about pregnancy there.
No, not at all.
I wish, sometimes I wish I could, like the primal,
like, is there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like during sex, I want to get them pregnant.
Yeah.
Yeah. But you can't, you can unfortunately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I during sex I want to get them pregnant
But you can't you can't unfortunately, but like it's cool to just think about maybe you know Maybe after they're they're they're just you get after him pregnant. That's true. I could catch him at the right
That's true. That's true. I could think about who know you know what?
We can figure this out. You never know. I mean I'm I'm I'm open. I love it
So more peaches here are pizza is here. I mean I'm I'm I'm open. I love it. So more pizzas here our pizza is here
I'll just queue up another yeah, go get the bong. Can I can I pee real quick before we yeah?
Well, I got a couple weak ass bladders
I have a good update. We get rap on let's rap on a good update
Meanwhile, we'll stall here
Get or the pipe. Let's just hit it again, whatever.
Bong sounds fun, though.
Get the bong.
This is the first ever high-ass episode of Stobby's World.
Maybe we'll make it a fucking regular thing.
Tune in.
Leave a comment.
Do you like how fucking high we got?
Do you not?
I'm personally excited. Let me tell you what we got. Well, the boys are pissing and getting the ball ready.
We ordered
I love the place. I don't want to say where it is
Like loosely docks myself, whatever. Maybe when I move, I'll tell you my favorite spot
We got a plain cheese
Classic you build around that. That's your franchise player, your good point guard.
And then we got like one of those fans
to your pies with a pepperoni, bacon,
and a little hot honey.
Hot honey's all over the fucking place.
So I said fuck it though one of those in.
And then we got six Buffalo wings,
six Parmesan garlic wings.
So it's an easy spread. We're all gonna really have a good time. I'm just I'm just letting the folks know what I ordered
You don't even know he's so excited. Yeah, and we're about to get even higher. God
Makes with the bong
Really sorry folks. We should have had the we should have the easy product for our friends at freeze-pipe right ago
And this is just free advertisement at this point.
Yeah, they must be paying you millions.
Yeah, they're, yeah.
You hear that Freeze Pie take care of your boy.
But that's all I ask.
I don't, Freeze Pie isn't paying me shit,
but I'm a big fan.
Yeah.
That's how good their product is.
It's a great product.
I mean, Stavros and I do really well.
We're doing great.
We have paid a lot for our activations.
That's right.
And we don't talk about companies unless they pay.
Exactly.
In this particular case, I don't give a damn.
That's how good, and look what we got here.
We got another one.
Eldis just packed it up nicely.
Go ahead and, yeah, the ball, you want, you want to,
oh my God, you want to get in there?
It is frozen.
It's frozen, the free spipe, no, not at all.
I'm not taking a little baby hit.
Take a little baby hit. There's no judgment here, dude.
Elders, what are you doing? You're pissing again?
No, no.
Played our last call.
Yeah, it's new. It's new.
She got to take it out. Grab the black thing, I think.
Twist it off, buddy. You got it. Oh, you got oh fuck no wrong thing there you go
Oh
Baby's first-born rip hand me that beautiful piece of machinery right there. That's a beautiful
That's a beautiful long from our friends at freeze-py
Eldis do we have the new one? Oh
Baby that feels nice and cold
That's beautiful dude god damn that is wonderful and I'm coughing because I'm a rookie and I've got a vocal polyp
That's all right buddy. Don't know no judge. No judge. Honestly. This feels just good have on your lips. Yeah does. It's actually cold. Yeah. Oh this who you good?
This is Ryan on the musician from Philly where you made fun of me and my brother for
Jimmy off in airplane. Oh nice. That was fun. Anyway, I thought of you room. Where you guys? So I'm going to put a comment in a question.
I'm doing an international artist residency in Germany.
I'm actually with my brother here.
And as part of the residency, we went and played
at a local middle school in a small town.
It was kind of a school oriented towards kids
who are a little bit behind.
A lot of them are children of immigrants.
It was actually a lovely experience.
We went and played music. We shared. we had a good time with the kids.
There were all the classrooms were a little bit crazy, but one classroom in particular
was very international and nuts.
And there was one kid in particular who was off the wall.
Can you guess where he came from?
That's right, Albania.
I have no idea about this reputation for Albanian.
Until I was in the club trash.
It was crazy Albania.
He was bouncing off the walls.
He was interrupting. He kept standing up.
He kept shouting about Albania and making like Eagles wings.
He asked me if I was gay.
Because he wanted to make fun of his friend who he said was gay.
What he was, you know. Whatever. because he wanted to make fun of his friend who he said was gay.
Whatever.
Anyway,
he even said that his name was Ennis and we thought he said Elkis. Oh,
he almost lost his.
So there we go.
There's my first experience with Elbany.
Oh, you just tell the story.
This is let us know about an Elbany.
He goes on the wild.
He's got to all the hype.
This is great. I've only met a few Elbany in the wild. I'll buy it. This is great.
I've only met a few Albanians,
most of your experiences with that.
Well, usually they're Uber drivers.
Yeah.
Is that a stereotype?
Not really, but they'll get a name.
I don't know, they know Albanians are Uber drivers.
It's just every Uber I have.
Yeah.
No, totally.
I mean, yeah, they're immigrants.
My dad was a driver.
He was a taxi driver for a long time.
Let's just see that.
He drove different shit, but.
Who are you?
I'm sure there's a lot.
I'm always getting ubers from Albanians to a Turk's house.
That's beautiful, dude.
Wait, is that the right?
Huh?
Wait, Turkish and Albania don't, Turkey and Albania
do not get along.
Thank you.
And the Albanian suck the Turkish cock.
It's me and Turkish guys and gay.
I know, but there's another Albanian.
No, no, Armenian.
You're thinking of Armenians you high bastard.
Yeah, Armenians in LA are Rubar drivers.
Yeah.
You don't know any Albanians.
I've never met something.
Here you go.
He's your first one.
Oh my God, that was...
That's the first.
Yeah, that's so stupid.
I've made some more Albanians in Albania.
Yeah.
Who's more mad about that?
Both, that's another one where both are offended.
Yeah.
We're not fucking dirty Albanians.
Albanians, we're not fucking rat Armenians.
And they're both scum of the...
No, I like an Armenian. I fucked that one up. I take time
Yeah, I've never met an Albanian. There you go first time for everything. They're more of an East Coast
I don't feel like there's that many West Coast Albanians. Yeah
Probably not as many out there. Yeah, and by the way, I think there's a YouTube video with these guys. Didn't we post it?
Yeah, I remember these guys. Yeah, I remember editing this it? Yeah, remember these guys? Yeah, remember editing this video?
Yeah, so look at our pony talents.
Look it up guys, you want to hear this guy who saw an Albanian child with learning difficulties
who got homophobic Albanian child.
This guy, look it up on our YouTube channel, two brothers in Philadelphia that were beating off on an airplane.
Were they real?
I love art.
You've never beaten off on an airplane? In the bathroom.
In the bathroom, but yeah, that's...
On an international flight.
On an international flight to Greece.
I've done that, yeah, I've done it to London
a couple of times.
Just like, you know, a long flight.
I think I'm over it now, but it might be.
Yeah, I don't do it anymore, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's weird now.
Yeah.
I did it when I was like 13 or 14.
Part of me, yeah, I was just saying, part of me, I was an adult, like 13. Part of being a youth is jerking off.
Jerking off is a place where you're talking about.
Never mind.
No, please tell us.
A hospital bathroom.
What are my family members just on a ventilator?
You're like, what a day.
What a teenager, you know?
Yeah, I got a little horny and I jerked off in a toilet.
That's awesome.
That's a little bathroom.
There you go, dude.
It's not one of my proudest.
Yeah, it was.
Not one of my proudest.
Was there like a sexy doctor?
Did he walk away and scrubbed?
Actually, be honest.
I did, and I felt the mention of this earlier about my gay journey.
But there were times when I'd see a guy and I jerk off
Thinking about him. There's this guy hitting me up on Skype. Oh
I was like 16 at the time
Which at the time I was like, you know, I didn't think anything of it. Sure. I'm making a cool gay friend. Yeah, I'm making a cool gay friend that
Makes a lot of sexual advances towards me.
So I jerked out to the thought of him in the bathroom.
That's awesome.
Yeah, one time, because I had some kind of movie quote,
this is back in the AIM days.
Oh, yeah.
And like I had some quote about like, I don't know.
I think it was a Zoolander being
really, really ridiculously good looking.
And some fresh off the boat Greek guy,
I guess red my bio on aim.
And he was gay and he was like,
are you really good looking?
Because I'm gay and I want to, and he wasn't kidding.
Yeah.
And then I got a little homophobic.
I was 12, 13.
Yeah, we're all homophobic.
So I kinda,
and you were Greek.
I kinda let loose a little bit.
Yeah, and some,
I'm called a macabre.
Don't find those A I am techs.
But in my defense, it was 2000, probably four.
You know, I'm in an ignorant Greek community
and a man tried to have sex with me.
Yeah.
And he was a kind of file.
Well, that's the thing.
He was, I think he was like a teen or something like that. Oh, okay. He was like, oh, he was, I think he was like a teen
or something like that.
It was like, oh, okay.
I thought, why did I picture?
Cause he said he was creep.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we picture a 45 year old.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This was like some fucking like,
fresh off the boat like 17 year old.
Who, and I also didn't say my age, I think.
Okay, yeah, sorry, that was a, no, no, no.
But it wasn't, it wasn't,
I wasn't getting groomed over aim.
It was just a guy who read, the is he read my aim profile and was like yeah, this guy's gay
And I think that also kind of hurt my feelings
Yeah, it's like what?
I want to hook up. I mean I used to I mean it was back on like 2004
Oh, come on Obama was against gay marriage back then
I can't you don't think we set a couple slurs in Southeast Baltimore
Our policy leaders were failing us
Anyway, look the pieces here folks
The pieces here this has been a beauty this has been one of the best episodes of Stabby's world for my end
I fucking love it had a've had a great time.
I don't know what I mean.
I've said a couple things and now I'm like I'm starting to get,
are you guys didn't see shit about my Spanish lady string that had nothing to do with the conversation?
That's okay, buddy.
And you guys, you guys, I'm like, I was like, what else did I say?
Yeah, nothing.
Where you guys were just like, nothing.
Just that really was when we were like like what is this asshole talking about?
I do that all the time on here, but all this does it.
You know, you get to you know, at this point, I'm high.
There's a basketball game to watch and and pizza to eat.
I'm ready.
We love you.
Thank you.
I got Austin, come, stopby.biz, come by our come, you know, buy some, buy some tickets.
Me and I'll just are hitting the road in the fall.
And special is coming later in the year at some point.
So anyway, we love you.
We'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye.
Peace out.
That was awesome. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries.
So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.
Great news, but a big problem.
Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?
We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple
rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a
huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal.
This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever
I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped
by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family,
whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification
get an Airbnb.
at an Airbnb.