Stavvy's World - #29 - Joe List

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Joe List returns to the pod to discuss expecting his first child (!), working as a professional snitch in Sears loss prevention, his beef with Stav over his first Stavvy's World ep going to Patreon, a...nd much more. Joe and Stav help callers including a newly sober man who struggles with road rage, and a man concerned that his lesbian neighbors are moving in on his wife while he's out of town. Murder your thirst with Liquid Death! Get 20% off your first merch order exclusively at www.LiquidDeath.com/STAVVY. Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes. Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods
Starting point is 00:00:27 and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and
Starting point is 00:00:46 Remember one of the most special times for my family whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb Oh Everybody to stop this world fucking listen to number then 900 no 900s the ones where you have phone sex on 400 stop damn I'm bad at this sorry. I got the dentist I don't know you can you tell that this part of my face is kind of Kind of like your mouth seem fucked up. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say something I thought you had a stroke
Starting point is 00:01:26 I'm getting that fat, where I'm just having strokes now on doing the Rick Ross having a stroke on a plane every time. Yeah, you look a little like, oh, yeah, oh my god, what happened? Just feelings, I had some cavities, and they numbed me up. Oh wow. So I'm trying to take care of myself. Amazing, that you go and get fillings
Starting point is 00:01:46 and then do a podcast. If I get a filling, I shut it down. I feel like a day. Not here in Stavis World, we're ready to go. We gotta solve the people's problems, Joe. Wow. Yeah, you know, we're pros, what can I say? And we're so happy, we're thrilled to have my buddy,
Starting point is 00:02:04 one of my best friends, Joe List in the building, on the free episode. As he made very clear, he was expecting it to be this time, and he deserves it. He helped out the company early on when we were just a struggling small business. One Greek man with a dream and his uneducated Albanian friend, and Joe, on the shoulders of giants, like Joe, with the Patreon, we've been able to build up, Stavis World is doing very well now, and we're trying to pay it back and get our friend Joe a free episode.
Starting point is 00:02:36 That's it. You fucked me. By the way, I saw you texted me because I did, Here's the scenario, you know Sagalow and feats and I just went on like I four minute rant about what a piece of shit you are Cuz I was like I did a show and put me in the picture. I was like this better not be a fucking No, don't stop roast me and then I did it and I came on the fucker All right, you want to talk about Patreon to who put who when when I was struggling You were like come to Tuesdays with stories. I was thrilled one of my favorite podcasts
Starting point is 00:03:10 I wrote you found an email I sent you as an open wiker thrill of my life you I was I think I was the first We don't do patreon on on these days with stories and maybe 40 people listen to it. And then you blew up after that. We can't find the ears later. You're doing better than us. Better than me anyways. And that was if we don't have guests, you have guests. You're gonna pay our... And we said you're gonna have you on for the Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:36 We made it clear. I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's stealthing, you know that term? I don't know, we take the condoms. That's what you're talking about. You take the condoms. What I can do. You stealth me. You know that term? I don't know what you take the condom off. That's what you're talking about. You take the condom off. What I said you did.
Starting point is 00:03:45 You stealthed me. So a free episode is condom sex, but Patreon is getting raw dogs. Yes. I nutted inside you without your permission. Yeah, you're problematic. It's alright. It's whatever. I like you.
Starting point is 00:03:58 Thank you. Thank you, world. Thanks to the 11 people that watched the last episode. No, we did. People try to, they try to twist it, they go, well, that's because he thinks you'll bring people to the Patreon. It was really just because I wanted a couple good episodes.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Like, we didn't plan it out. You know, but we're, hey, the, don't look at me, I'm just a producer. Oh, no, he's a producer. You should, this guy's got real opinions. He's pointing at you and waking. That's great. Well, let's solidify that this will be a free episode,
Starting point is 00:04:32 because this, you're also, this is a, this is a beautiful episode to be on. Advertising some plugs up top, go, see Joe. I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love, mango, the fruit. I love its sweet, it's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off. I'd be like, this is actually... One time I don't have to read that. I was like, want to come back with some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, a day I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth, and then some girl after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over
Starting point is 00:05:09 for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort, Dziac. Well, here's the thing, thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango, and oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards Yeah, and I was thinking to myself what if this mango made my dick hard
Starting point is 00:05:34 Now that would be something else that be awesome and I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game You know, I'm a dick pill of angelist eldest. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm an ED I've tried them all from the gas stations to other other services. Mango Rx now has a new ED pill that is game-changing. Okay. Really? Taste like mango, my friend. Delicious. Just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all out. They got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra with oxytocin known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this. Made my dick harder than ever.
Starting point is 00:06:19 We're talking zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zing. Yeah. That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam.
Starting point is 00:06:38 One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, I because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science in here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It is, it was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work with the new innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal. Here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest. Then, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:07:27 There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, you're on conservative liberal leftist centrist, we could all use a harder dick.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, eldest. I think this is such a good product, eldest. I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED medication in general, because look, here's the thing about my ego, Alex, you might not need it, but you're gonna want it, pal.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Yeah. All right? I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste
Starting point is 00:08:20 do make me very impressed. You've seen me take adibles, I'm sure. Just because you wanted a little dummy. I'm not a part of a snack, because I have so much wine to get high as well. I'm saying you take weed adibles, I've seen you take fiber adibles
Starting point is 00:08:33 where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary snack. I've seen you take thumbs on an empty stomach just because you wanted the taste and that's how we got elders through the door here with mango Rx. It's easy buying mango buying mango is so easy. Just go to mango rx.com Complete a short and secure telemedicine visit you're in your out and mango can be shipped to streetly straight to your door The telemedicine visit is over and literally a matter of minutes. It's nothing
Starting point is 00:08:59 Quick and easy be sure to use code Stop 20 to save 20% off your first order. You and your partner are gonna love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Check out his YouTube. Got a couple great specials on there. Gonna release another one later this year. You want to be a part of it folks, isn't that right Joey? Yeah, coming soon. It's gonna be called enough for everybody. It's a great special shot at the village underground. There's one on there called this year's material. Go watch that. We just passed two million views. There's another one that just hit nine million views Comments I'll subscribe to my YouTube and then go to comedian joe list dot com for dates. I'm coming to Providence I'm coming to
Starting point is 00:10:35 Fuckin what do you call it Portland helium? Oh, yeah, I'm proud of Those are all some clubs shit Nashville, Zane. Oh, those are fucking bangers. Hilliam Philly coming up. Yeah, and we also realized we've never plugged the single road date on this podcast, which is a grave mistake. So I don't know why I haven't done that, but we just shot our special coming out later in the fall. I think you guys are gonna really like it.
Starting point is 00:11:01 I'm pumped for you to see it. But until then, I'm coming to London and Amsterdam in September before I go to my cousins wedding in Greece. So I'm doing a little Euro tour. And then we got a lot of great stuff coming up in the fall. Go to Stavvy.biz, we got fucking a huge show in New York at the Beacon Theater. We got Philadelphia coming through Cleveland.
Starting point is 00:11:19 I really need you to buy tickets. That's the one market that's really not perk it up. So Cleveland, I don't know what I've done to you in the past. I am apologized for whatever it is, but buy some tickets and come through a high of Florida, all those places. Stavvy.biz, the boys going on tour, Eldis will be there.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Come say what's up to Eldis. That's right. He's much more accessible than I am at these shows. Give me any drugs. You want to give stuff. Yeah. And if you, yeah, exactly. Tell me any drugs you want to give stuff. Yeah, and if you, yeah, exactly. Tell me the creative projects you think stuff would be great.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Tell me about your podcast. You think stuff would be a great guest. Well, the Albanian filter solo. That's what we call them, folks. So yeah, come out and see us. And yeah, we don't, we haven't quite figured out how to transition out of advertisement yet, but maybe a sip of liquid death will put me on the right path
Starting point is 00:12:10 to starting a great hilarious podcast. You and I were in Cleveland together one time. With Bobby, you're with Bobby. And we went to Mama Santas. That's right. I'm obsessed with Mama Santas, great at town restaurant. And then you guys went and got like, Thai food before it.
Starting point is 00:12:25 I was like a big plan. Like I had planned this thing. I was like, you guys gotta see it. Yeah, you were talking up big time. Yeah, and then you guys like, we just went and had pad Thai. And then you're like, what we'll do it,
Starting point is 00:12:37 then you guys, it was like a bang bang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a classic touring with Bobby Moment for me. Yeah, I could see see you were a little hurt because you were so big on Mama, Santos, and you were building up the meal quite a bit, but we were a little peckish beforehand.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Yes, you went out of big lunch. So quite a lunch. But we, you gotta say, we had plenty of Italian food. Oh, yeah, you did. Didn't stop. No, it was great. I remember that. I happened before when I went,
Starting point is 00:13:03 the first time I ever opened for anyone Outside of outside of DC or Baltimore was when Bobby took me and our boy Chris Scopo on the road to Boston and we had Just I ate so much. It was like it was fucking I felt like it was like he was Denzel in training day And I was fucking Ethan Hawke But instead of like like, you know, angel dust, he got me in canolies, he took me to the fucking, went to the North end, had a big Italian lunch to place. Him and Gary Goldman were waiters at, I believe. There was some of them.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Oh, I don't know. And we had that big ass lunch. We have canolies in a place right around the corner. We get, you know, that Boston roast beef sandwich, the kellies. The kellies roast beef. I was like Mike's, but with cland-fried clamships and a roast beef and dude Kelly's Kelly's roast beef. I was like Mike's better. With client fried clamships and a roast beef and dude it was like I was dying.
Starting point is 00:13:50 It was fucking insane. I felt so bad. My stomach was killing me. I was just in pain. But I was like wow show business baby. I was like I'm really doing it. This is comedy. What a time.
Starting point is 00:14:03 It was very fun. Smokes the, of course. Just doing everything, like, my body was just in shock. It was just hanging out with Bobby for eight hours, but a beautiful time. But look at him now. Bobby's ripped. I know.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Bobby's like fucking stacked now. He looks awesome. He looks handsome. His skin is nice. He always had nice skin. Yeah, I guess so. Great lips. Best lips in the business.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Great lips. You're as crooked right now, but so. Great lips, best lips in the business. Great lips. Yours are crooked right now, but decent. The bottom one's better than the top. I got a thin top lip. Yeah. My bottom one could suck a little bit. My bottom one will juggle a clip, no problem. We'll mubble it.
Starting point is 00:14:36 The majority of white men, if you look on TV, have zero upper lip. Like look at like Tom Broca, Dan Rather. There hasn't been an upper lip on a newscaster since 1941. That's honestly the one, it's so funny that the one that part of my body I'm self conscious about is my upper lip. Is that right? I wish it was fuller.
Starting point is 00:14:52 That's the one part. I can give you 10 more, quick. I know, I know. Those ears are fucking waxed up. We ears. We're ears, it's like they flattened out. Right, it's like a stage. What's wrong with this? I'll good to close up on my ears.
Starting point is 00:15:07 It's a text. I thought you were going to straight to fat. I'm ready for that. But I wasn't ready for ears. The fat is adorable. The hair is atrocious. The ears are garbage. The feet are wide. The feet are too wide. I got the Fred Flintstones for sure. Just a mess. But yeah, wide. I got the Fred Flintstones for sure. Just a mess. But yeah, I wish I had a big, I honestly wish I had DSLs, dude, that would be awesome. I would get DS, I guess first thing I do obviously,
Starting point is 00:15:33 couple extra inches of penis. If I can't do that, I would get lips before like making myself not fat. I think it'd be funny to have juicy lips. Everyone's doing something now. Filler and what's the Botox? Everybody's getting Botox, they're getting the crows' feet taken out. Man, we're doing this?
Starting point is 00:15:49 Man are doing this shit. Really? Yeah. I think, maybe one or two. I don't know. The guys you hook up with? I'm mad at the party. What?
Starting point is 00:15:57 Put it on the picture. I'm not gonna put it on the picture. I can't have this up here, too. Oh, that was a secret. You're getting sucked off by guys in a med spa. They're just doing little bow talks to themselves. That's cute, man. My wife, Sarah, you know, was of course.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Sarah's telling me, I have an equinox membership. I'm doing pretty well. I don't know what you're saying. Hell yeah, you know it. And I steam a lot. I go to the steam room and then Sarah pulled up an article from like whatever website. And was like, it says Equinox, I'm just fucking the steam room all the time.
Starting point is 00:16:31 And I've never seen it and I felt like, oh, am I just like a dork that's ruining all the- People are so mad when you come in. Like everyone's just like, oh, hey! I'm just mad and I'm like, hey. You've never even seen like a guy like make, no one's ever kind of even looked at your dick or anything like that?
Starting point is 00:16:47 No, well, I had one, I went to the one, I have the members, across the board, member one. Oh, wow. So, I are doing one. National. Yeah, wow. Yeah, I can go and stand for and if I want to say it's there.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Interesting, but you would choose to stand for and immediately. Yeah. I can go to the one in the Castro. I can go to the one in Chelsea, the village. Hopefully they don't want to bravenstown I'll be able to get out there. But I was at the one in Union Square, just north of Union Square, and there was a guy,
Starting point is 00:17:19 my lock, I couldn't get in my lock, it doesn't matter. I couldn't get the locker open. And so I asked a guy and he was twinkish and he's like yeah, he's like I never see you here You knew or anything like that and I felt a vibe of like okay feeling you out. Yeah, I got a little I got a little energy Cuz you have a nice penis, right? It's herpes written, but it looks nice. It's got herpes in a thumbprint on it I'm masturbated with my fingers and thumb with no loop for most of my life. Yeah, and so there's like a brown thumbprint.
Starting point is 00:17:51 I told you when I went to the SDN, my first had herpes. It was like a Russian lady and she was like, what is this? Confusion from masturbation. And I had them like, yeah, yeah. It's a contusion from masturbation. That's really interesting that it's like a groove
Starting point is 00:18:07 on an old chair. Yeah, it's like just the patina on your penis. Yeah, I'll show it to you after the potter in the middle of it, whatever you want to do. But well, DeStavino did pull his balls out. Oh, is that right? Yeah, on the Patreon. Patreon, Christianity with Patreon.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Yeah, see? A equal opportunity around here. Who the fuck's on the regular episodes? Well, whoever, it's, you know, we don't plan it out. All right, yeah. Yeah. Great, it's suspicious. What's the suspicious about it?
Starting point is 00:18:35 Just, I just heard, that's all we got back the way. You're on it now, motherfucker. Yeah, you got it, right? It's just saying straight to the top. It's just figures, easy, easy. First day. Easy money, dude? It's just saying straight to the top. It's just figures. Easy, easy. First day. Easy money, dude. But yeah, so you know, no one's ever tried to fuck me,
Starting point is 00:18:50 but I think I, I think I exude straightness. You know, I can see that. Yeah, I think, I think the outfit, the dressing. Yeah, but you're naked in the sauna, right? Yeah, but I think, I don't know. I'll cover it up, you know. I got a wedding room. I'm on.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Maybe that's something. Still, I've been just plenty of guys wearing wings on going for a quick suck off Yeah, they're minds. I guess so I'd suck someone off in a steam room If it's steaming enough you can't really see I think if you can't see it's just Long push me Big long hard pussy. The way I like. It's just like that. Just like mama used to make.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Pussy has balls on it. I don't know. I do. Steamer, would you get a little weird with your hand job, somebody? I don't know that I would hand job someone, would you get a little weird, would you hand job somebody? I don't know that I would hand job someone, but I could easily be talked into getting jacked off. Yeah, easily.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Nice like a working man's mitt. No, I need soft hands. Like a callus construction hand. I'm talking to him. No, I need soft. I need very well moisturized hands. Yeah. And again, like you said, it's steamy in there, you know?
Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah, you can't really. It's kind of an otherworldly experience. That's the thing. Your breathing's off, your feel kind of light-headed. It might feel kind of nice to get to bust a nut in that extreme temperature. I think so, and then you're just so like, oh. Yeah, feel awesome.
Starting point is 00:20:21 That's what I'm gonna get about the happy ending in a massage. Shouldn't you get jacked off at the beginning? What makes you more comfortable? Great point. And ready to get massaged and a free nut. Great point. Well, she's got to be thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:20:34 It's a con, you know what I mean? You got to be thinking about the ending. I'd rather have that part. I've never more relaxed than right after I beat off. Yeah, nice happy beginning. Happy beginning. Yeah. I'm gonna rub my shoulder blades.
Starting point is 00:20:45 You're fucking... Come on. You don't get me. Hey, man, brother. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, man. Have you ever done that? Have you ever gone to a massage parlor?
Starting point is 00:20:59 I've never gotten the Rubin Tug thing. I've got a massage parlor in a story, because I had like a sore shoulder, whatever. And then in my mind, I felt the awkwardness of like, is this a Rubin Tug thing? But I don't think it was. That happened to me once where it was like, somebody was like just two,
Starting point is 00:21:17 it was a legit place, you know, go ahead and legit reviews. But the massage just wasn't that good, and the lady kept kind of climbing the table. Kind of like kind of massaging one shoulder, but like kind of straddling the other kind of putting her pussy on my other shoulder. But she, and I had, I had prepared myself, my day I was like, well, I guess I'm getting jacked off.
Starting point is 00:21:36 And it just didn't happen. So I was like, well then what is this? It's just like a kind of horny massage, or should I, was there some code that I didn't know? Yeah. It's hard to know and then also You don't know what they're gonna look like either so I can come in it could look like you're your mother Yeah, and you're like, oh, she's I don't want to Mother again
Starting point is 00:21:57 What is this Christmas 98 all over again? She forgot to get fucking tickle me Elmo So she jacked me off to make up for it. We're all your young comics out there. Just throw again on the end of a sentence. Your racist baby. Don't give out all those secrets out for free. Julius teaches master class. Comedy master class. Yeah, that's because I've had friends who definitely, that was their thing for a while, they're like, yeah, sometimes they're ugly. And I'm like, well, then what's the point?
Starting point is 00:22:28 Yeah, you want something to look at. Yeah. But I don't know. I would love just a regular, maybe I should start beating off before massages and get go to like real places, but just beat off right before. That's not bad.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I'll just check you off. I don't want to, I'll just check me off. There's no way. I do have soft hands. don't want to. I'll just check me off. There's no way. I do have soft hands. You do have never worked a day in your life. I'm a desk-like, you baby. Honestly, between the three of us, I probably would rather... I guess you... How you kidding? Thank you. Well, I got some calluses. I mean, I go, you know, I work out a little bit. You know, they're pretty soft. Yeah. I mean, I did some roofing work, but it was, you know, 20 years ago.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll just never even do that. What's the most, yeah, truly, out of all of us, I worked at a machine shop, I worked for my dad for a little bit. I worked at Sherwin Williams, the paint store for a while, you know, you've never even sort of done manual labor. I mean, I act.
Starting point is 00:23:24 Back in groceries are giant. I exercised for three months at a time, twice in my life. So I got a little- That's what you said. That's what you said. And yeah, I was, well, I was the cartoy of giant. So that was pretty physical. Like, I would drench through my fucking polo shirt like every day this summer.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Right, right, right, right. But- Did you have any mentally handicapped co-workers? Oh my god, yeah. Back in groceries? You did? Yeah. There was this like older black dude who was probably like late 30s, early 40s, but he was just a big drunk.
Starting point is 00:23:54 He would like go off for hours at a time during like his six hour shifts. He had this Russian girlfriend who pulled up in like a convertible. Oh, yeah. Also just really drunk. Sometimes my sister would pick me up, you'd ask me what's up with your sister. What was his job? He was a cartboy as well.
Starting point is 00:24:13 I don't even know. I love that you like, do you ever mentally handicap me? Like, well, we had one black guy. I'm like, what? I know. I know. I thought it was about the beard.
Starting point is 00:24:22 I'm not saying it's anonymous, I'm just adding some color to the story here. I don't know. I know. I know. I thought it was about the beard. I'm not saying it's anonymous, even just adding some color to the story here. Oh, you're suspect. He was like kind of retarded. Like, what are we talking about? Yeah, I think he was drunk. Touched. Very drunk.
Starting point is 00:24:34 I'm not sure if he was homeless or not, but he was very crazy. But he worked a giant. Yes, he worked a giant. He got slaps on the wrist a few times while I worked there, because he would go off and just disappear like during his shift One time one time I was there on like a Sunday. It was his day off and he wasn't even working
Starting point is 00:24:51 He he looked like Richard prior from Brewsters Millie Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just resting like a baseball cap and some off-brand jersey and shit Some like baseball jersey here something and just some She's working the grocery store. No, this is day Always day off. Wow. Hey, give me a couple of the you know the clear trash bags that we kept outside and shit We had like these piles of mulch some like Old lady like pulled up with her car and here's like here help me out with these and he's like taking these bags of mulch because it was like the last of the
Starting point is 00:25:27 pile and like mulching it he like made a black market deal on this mulch and I just sent them to this lady for like 20 bucks gave her like 10 big ass bags of mulch for free and I was like I knew I was going on but I was like okay sure what I'm not snitching. Respect, dude. It was awesome. A street hustler. I think his name was Ricky. Shout out to Ricky. Ricky.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Never a good Ricky. Whether white or black, they're weird all the way. Oh, Ricky Henderson. True. He was cool. One of the greats. Yeah. I think personally like a Rick.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Ricky Belez. I guess I like Ricky too. Yeah, he got me there. The last time, because we had Dave Temple on and he had a weird stepfather named Ricky, who just kind of fucked his mom and didn't do much around the house. No, I do agree that Ricky's not a great name. That's a great name.
Starting point is 00:26:14 It's a not, if you had, like I don't know, Ricky's aren't probably, I'd love the statistics on who's a father that sticks around. And I bet you Ricky's a name of like deadbeat fathers, more than like Bob or like Joe for example. Yeah, I can see that Ricky. Yeah, you ever have any mentally challenged co-workers? That's a good question. Not real. I mean this comedians that are a little off for sure. Definitely. But no, not really.
Starting point is 00:26:45 Boy, I'm thinking. I mean, I haven't had a job in a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roofer, we had Roofer, we had... I did a little roofing. I worked at FYE, record town, CD place. And then I worked, I bartended. I was a young bartender.
Starting point is 00:26:59 I was an underage bartender. At a cop bar. You and I love it. I know, you love the cops. Yes. We talking about this last time, yes, that's right. Oh, did you wait? I don't even remember, I blacked it up.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I want to watch it, but I get a fortune. I get a fortune to review it. And yeah, I did that. And then I did some framework for my girlfriend's uncle. Nice. And then I quit the job. I saved my grandfather died, so I couldn't come into work that thing. And then I quit the job by saying my grandfather died so I couldn't come into work that thing and then I just never went back.
Starting point is 00:27:29 And she lived upstairs in his bit like he owned the apartment. And I just had to walk by his house and be like, ah grandpa. It's really affecting me. For months I can't get over my grandpa. Me all fucked up. But yeah, I did a bunch of work. Yeah, quitting feels awesome. Oh, you're quitting a shitty job feels so fucking good. I worked at Phileans also, the department store. Oh, okay. And one time, this is the best I pulled in to work,
Starting point is 00:27:56 like the parking lot and got out with my tie and name tag. And I just did like a, I can't. And I got back in the car and left. And I was telling my buddy, I was like, he's like, you did all the hardest part. But the part of working is waking up, putting on the tie and driving there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:13 And I just was like, I'm not going in there. Yeah. Respect, though, dude. And you never went back to PhyLeans? No. Yeah. But, you know, I loved quitting blockbuster. I loved quitting my job as a paralegal.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Well I got fired from that. Paralegal? I was a paralegal. Wow. I got fired because I just didn't do any work for, you know, six months. Right. That was pretty fun. But yeah, I guess I got fired one time from my, I worked the front desk at the leasing
Starting point is 00:28:43 office at my college day, like college on campus, like better apartments for seniors and shit like that. And then we had a leasing office and I was supposed to work the Super Bowl and I just didn't, I was like, oh my, oh my God, Super Bowl. And I lived next door to the fucking thing. So I was just like looking at people like knocking
Starting point is 00:29:01 on the door and I was like, I'm not doing it. And then I just went into door and I was like, I'm not doing it. And then I just went into work and I was like, instead of, my boss was mad at me, but I guess he had assumed I forgot and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna be a man and I'm going to admit. I was like, I gotta be honest, man, it was the Super Bowl. And I just kind of wanted to watch it.
Starting point is 00:29:22 And he was like, oh, he went from forgiveness to being like, I assumed you had just slipped your mind, but you made a conscious decision to not come in. And then he made me basically, he was like, why don't you quit? He was like, he typed up a resignation letter for me. Oh, wow. And he was like, just sign this.
Starting point is 00:29:40 I don't want to have to fire you. You're, we like you. Because that's the thing, I don't know if you felt this way, when you were at those shitty jobs, you were so entertaining, because you had no outlet for, you were the clown in the office, because you wanted people to like you
Starting point is 00:29:54 before standing up, popped off or anything like that. So they all loved me, and then they were just like, just signing this. Yeah, I don't think I was as fun. I was like introverted and shut down, because I hated it. I was a bartender and it was all I was like 19 and gay Everybody was like oh Yeah, so I don't I wasn't I see great time and draw your drunk as hell probably that part of your life right?
Starting point is 00:30:20 Oh, yeah when you had all those jobs. Yeah. Oh, yeah I was a fucking man. You go on a Phylene, it's just a shit house. I worked at Sears and I drank, I tried to do this as a bit for a while. I would like smoke weed and drink, and I remember telling people and they'd be like, wow, I want that job. And I'm like, well I'm not allowed to drink.
Starting point is 00:30:37 You can smoke and drink at any job. It's like Sears is like, yeah, get all the fuck up. Don't worry about it. I was like, yeah, I'm just a piece of shit. Yeah, I'm just a bad employee at a horrible job. Like, you want a job where there is no stakes. Right. It doesn't pay well, so they're like, who cares?
Starting point is 00:30:56 Yeah, it's not like they didn't also know you were drunk. They're just like, eh. Well, my cousin was the boss, but I was great. I did lost prevention. I caught shoplift because I was a bad ass. I was like, I was really good at it. You know why? Because I just, people based on look. That's like, this is where your love of the police started. Yeah, you mean you were a Sears cop.
Starting point is 00:31:16 Yeah, I loved it. I just like, I loved it. I would call the cops all the time. We got two 14 year olds. They look pretty poor. I'm like, we got two older brothers. They're all record. Yeah, they're stealing school supplies. Come out here with your night sticks out.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Stop at school supplies. We're stealing earrings. Yeah. I'm like, we got two under-brother's kids stealing Jibbo jeans. Get down here. They want to look stylish so they don't get beat up by the other kids let's get them in the slammer put them in the clink where they belong no I loved it I fucking love it I chased them for for days I'm not gonna lie. You need more orders. Fuck Sears, you're getting drunk and high.
Starting point is 00:32:08 What about that law in order, you fucking piece of shit? You were bringing illegal drugs into Sears. That's right. That's the bad guys, baby. Whatever it takes to do the job, each you can't do that. Sober. And look how the country's doing now without its giant corporations We're losing corporations and we're going downhill. That's the biggest problem we're facing. We need more corporate takeovers of things. Yeah No, that was great. I love that job. Oh, we caught and then we'd catch employees
Starting point is 00:32:40 That jump. That was fun. Oh, we caught, and then we would catch employees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw that one on their ass. Oh, you never stole from series? No, I never stole. I was a good boy. But I could have.
Starting point is 00:32:51 I know how to steal. From working there now, I know all that this is how, if you guys want to rob a store. Yes, let's do it. You need a, we'll get it. Get back to the Steven community. Yeah, get a team. First of all, the least amount of time in the store is best.
Starting point is 00:33:04 So grab and go, which people do a lot. I guess they've been hitting, what do you call, Chanel or one of the fuck it is. One of those luxury brands, Gucci's. But you also, I think the best way is to create a diversion. What you want is some young kids working for you as some teens or whatever, who are being really suspicious. So then you get everyone looking that way,
Starting point is 00:33:23 then you pull up, run in, just grab a rack and something, get out. And there's nothing you can do. Once you're in and out, be completely conspicu- you don't have to be inconspicuous. Well, if you create the diversion, that's big. So this in and out is the best way.
Starting point is 00:33:36 The longer you're in there, the more likely we're gonna find you. Interesting. Especially if you look suspicious, you know what I mean? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah, the, the series, the series like who to bus suspicious things to look for it is just like a middle aged black man with like a tie and a mustache. It's just like a, a pro-sus principal.
Starting point is 00:33:56 He's holding his daughter's hand. I'm gonna say I don't know about this. No, our big thing was if they had a bag from a different store. That was a store that's not in the mall. Like as a DSW, we don't have a DSW heads up. Yeah, yeah, I see. And by the way, most of our crew was black. Just for, so people weren't like you weren't like...
Starting point is 00:34:16 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah. I think you should steal from department stores. I'm on the record. It's fun. All right, fuck them. Don't do it in my department store Don't do it. Do not do it with a drunk with some to prove work in the fucking lost prevention aisle You want another best know this you'll love this. So we did
Starting point is 00:34:37 They're called internals of people that work there. Yeah employees and it would usually young teenagers We did a thing, this was really fun. So, you know, the boss would be in there interrogating him, be like, how long you've been stealing, you've been in it, and then in the middle of it, I was the guy, I would get up and leave and then come back in with like a, a, a manila folder with like discs in it and papers and just throw it on the table, but it was just bullshit. That's not happening.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Just, you fucking cock-shuckers were doing fucking like, uh, it was like, um, uh, fantasy camp being a cop. You guys would watch fucking law in order to get fucking jacked up. It was great. I'd throw them across. They're kind of spilled out. You would see DVDs and papers, but what do you think about this? And the kids like, oh, but it was a great way to get them to admit their way more shit.
Starting point is 00:35:26 They probably didn't even do. Good God, you fucked. I did. I didn't just do a show recently, a benefit for firemen. I really, the civil servant, these are the people I care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way the Democrats used to it. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:35:42 But, firefighter, some of the most liberal people we have, we had Rachel on here. It was hilarious to just talking about how they're all big crypto guys, they're all moving along, island anyway. But I did a show, a benefit from Alcoz Fire Department. And the guy came up and was like, I did that benefit back in the day.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Yeah, you did it, with Tim Dillon. How crazy is that? That was a crazy show. Yeah, me, you Tim, yeah. That was fun. And then we did a naked shoot at the press. Yeah, me, you Tim, yeah. That was fun. And then we did a naked shoot at the press. Yes, yes, yes. And on your family's pool table.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Yes. Yeah, that was a memorable one. And, but yeah, that was a kid that came up and he's like, hey, you guys busted me for shoplifting a long time ago. And he's like, it really helped me. Because my cousin would make them write out an essay, the teenagers, about why they shouldn't steal. And he's like, I had to write an essay,
Starting point is 00:36:26 and he's like, but it actually really was a beneficial. Did you call the cops on them or just make them write the essay? No, I was gonna call the cops on teenagers. That's good, that's good. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. Just what do you call it?
Starting point is 00:36:35 Felonies, over 250, I think, or something like that. And even then, the cops did not give a fuck. They're like, we don't give a shit. Yeah, it's funny when people will chase after, because it's like, you're not legally protected when you do that. And it's like, it's not your money. It's like, it's one thing to like stop them at the door,
Starting point is 00:36:55 but when like, you saw those people that were like, like, some guy killed, some guy who was in a loss prevention, like, killed someone who stole it. Yeah, and they were just like, here it is. Here it is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No one who stole it. Yeah, and they were just like, you're like, yeah, just gonna go patrol outside of a target with an AR 15, just to make sure.
Starting point is 00:37:13 But yeah, and it's just fucking wild, but that's good. You said that boy's life straight, man. That's nice. That was all me, baby. Yeah. I still steal from time to time, just, wow. You know, I don't know. You're very successful.
Starting point is 00:37:26 I know, but it's from a big, I mean, I never steal from a mom and pop, but like if it's, like I stole a Baltimore Ravens hat because I just put it on, I was like, I look like a guy would have a Ravens hat on. I bought $150 worth of shit, but I was like, I'm just gonna treat myself to stealing this hat. Wow.
Starting point is 00:37:46 You know, I just felt just to get the blood flowing a little bit. Yeah, that's, yeah. So remember shoplifting from that target in college? That was always a phone. That was across the street from that was really fun. Yeah, yeah. We stole a lot of condoms we never used. From that target, we stole it.
Starting point is 00:38:01 It was the losers stealing ping pong balls to play fucking beer pong. We sometimes we last this one. Never, I used to once. Once I got a girlfriend, like we would be like, dude, we're getting pussy. We're getting shot. We're stealing shot glasses. We're stealing balls.
Starting point is 00:38:15 We ended up just fucking eating Chinese food and watching like YouTube videos. Watching ping pong on the first floor. Playing ping pong. Yeah, we bought them to like half parties and we just ended up playing actual pink pong. Wow. Sober getting no pussy whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Actually, we were probably high. We were probably high shit actually. We were learning a lot about you and the city of Baltimore, they already suspected. Just a bad place. Just pumping out bad sins. It's stealing.
Starting point is 00:38:41 Steal from big companies. It doesn't matter, they're insured. No, I'll steal occasionally from Hudson News at the airport, because it's so outrageous. The airport you got to steal from. But people who help me that I'm a bad person, because they're like, the rents are so high there, whatever, but sometimes it's like,
Starting point is 00:38:55 you take a magazine or just to balance out how outrageously expensive it is. Yeah, if I'm buying a water for $9, I'm stealing M&Ms. Yeah, I think that's okay. It averages out to what it should cost if airports cost what a regular bodega cost I wouldn't steal but they got us by the fucking nuts. I think there's I think Portland and one other city They're like we made it so that legally you can't check up your prices in the airport Well Portland has no problems. They're just a perfect town. I'm sure you fucking love it. I just went out a great time. It was pretty nice. You took lifts from one door to the next. I walked around. They might have just swept the encampments, but
Starting point is 00:39:33 while we were there, it was nice. They are there, dude. They got people just can't be out on the sides of the highway. The green, it's almost like, how do you even get there? Some guy got a shopping cart in the median. Like, it's like, how the fuck did you even fucking get there? A sliver of grass and a six cube of it. They're making a key of furniture in between highways. They're putting a fucking dresser in there.
Starting point is 00:40:04 It's fucking hilarious. That's wild. They gave him a frog hearth. They just had a bureau. Oh, fuck. Hey, good town. I've said it before, great town to be a fat guy. Oh yeah. Great food.
Starting point is 00:40:19 And it's a town full of daddy issues. Because no one who moves to a place like Portland loves their family. Yeah, so if you're a big fat, charming guy, that's like a, you know, it's like if you had a fat father who's approval you want, on some subconscious level, I'm your guy. Yeah, it's a good point. You know, and it's great strip clubs. You got a ton of strip clubs. You know the story of Sodor and I, the day of the Women's March.
Starting point is 00:40:41 I say that story. I remember this story. Yeah, we were going to go to the Tini bar. Because I was open for Louis and then he was at Helium. And I was like, we're gonna get breakfast at the Tini bar. And then we woke up and it was like the women's march and the whole world was like two billion women marching. And I called Sodor and I'm like, I feel kind of guilty.
Starting point is 00:41:00 And he's like me too. I was seeing the same thing. And he's like, all right, so then we went and like, walked around, we saw the march, we went to the march and we were like, all right, women. And then I realized I'm like, we would have been better off going and giving,
Starting point is 00:41:14 working women. You would have been directly supportive. Yes. Yes. Instead of just handing our money to women that we're working, we just like stood and watched a bunch of women, we were like, woo!
Starting point is 00:41:23 We're on your team. Yeah. And yeah, we really, we should have gone to that teddy bear. You should have. Yeah, you can go back. I'm going to be back. I'm there in August. Whatever, the second we get in August. Portland Helium. That's right. I'll go check out some tits. Second we go on. Whatever. That is. August 10 to the 12th, I think it is. I think I might go back to Port, because I just love the city. And also, I just love hiking, like the Pacific Northwest, like the forest and shit. Yeah, there's something so like, you're just like,
Starting point is 00:41:49 God, this is awesome. You just lost there no phone. All you see is green shit. I might go, because I'm doing the fully loaded tour and it ends in, I'm doing a weekend and it ends in Washington, the Gorge. And I might just, I might just stick in the Pacific Northwest for a week and just, but I think it's gonna be later than we are there.
Starting point is 00:42:05 It would have been great to go to Portland together, but I love that. Some other time. I would love sprinting from one place to the other and a shithole city with you. But that was a great, yeah. It was a great city, God bless, it's awesome. I love a nice hike.
Starting point is 00:42:20 I've become a real hike guy. Wow, I'm a hike, we should hike together. We should hike, let's hike. You know me, I'm a crazy. I'll be I'll be I'll be in New York, July and August. That half of July and August. All right. Let's hike. We got a hike, baby. Thank you. I hike. Where do you hike? Joe. Oh, someone you wouldn't call me out of my clearly not. I was never asked a question in the like a direct question in the history of the podcast. asked the question and they like a direct question in the history of the podcast
Starting point is 00:42:48 I guess I met you like oh Oh, yeah, no more I'll go west sometimes the trail. Yeah, we'll go east. This guy. We did the rambo This fucking guys going any direction the compasses We hiked up a story apart. No, I mean around here like bear mountain or whatever, but I go on like trips. We went to Sarah and I went to what do you call it? Shenandoah National Park.
Starting point is 00:43:16 Oh, that's a nice one. Recently in Virginia, we did a weekend there. That was awesome. And then Pacific Northwest. I have my best friend lives out in Chicago. So I'm always out there hiking. And then we went to Wales. We did a full 10 day hiking trip there. I'd hike the Salcantide Trail in Peru. Peru.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Peru. So yeah, I've hiked. Nice try. Nice try, buddy. Lesson of a catch up. Hi. Shelter Island. I hiked.
Starting point is 00:43:40 I go up to all over. Massachusetts main. I go, man, I go to the store. Yeah, you name it. I'm hiking, baby. I mean, it goes at all. Yeah, you name it. I'm Hike and Baby. I love it, dude. And can we talk about this? I found out about it on Instagram, but you're going to be a father, bro.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Yeah, I'm very scared. How are you feeling? Terrifying. Yeah, hopefully, yeah, hopefully it'll be all right. I mean, now that I'm on the regular episode. Yeah, I've been fungal Joe for years. And yeah, we're trying to have a baby. A couple died on the regular episode. Yeah, I've been fungal Joe for years. And yeah, we're trying to have a baby, a couple died on the vine.
Starting point is 00:44:07 But this one's really sticking in there. I love it, dude. And it's scary, yeah, like Halloween time. Halloween time, dude. Fucking dad. Fuck, dude, that's awesome. Yeah. But I was an IVF baby, too, so you might have
Starting point is 00:44:20 a beautiful specimen like this. Yeah, I love it. I hope the ears come out better. But you gotta hang with the kid. You hang with the kid, you'll be good uncle. Of Yeah, I love it. I hope the ears come out better, but you got to hide with the kid. You hide with the kid. You'll be good. Of course. I'll go.
Starting point is 00:44:30 I have no idea how pumped I am for that. Really? Yeah, dude. I can't wait. My friends, like, it is funny to grow, like, I feel like all my friends, comedians, or not, are all stunted and it's taking too long for us all to, like, have families and kids and you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:43 I'm 59. Yeah. But like, my best, the first kid in my, first kid in my orbit, my friend who used to live, she used to live in this room actually, she just had a kid and it's incredible. It's so fun to just be around. But nobody else in my life is, like relatives in Greece, but I don't see those kids. And then it's like, she's the first one and then, you know, one of my brothers will probably have a kid soon, but I'm pumped you're having a fucking party. Oh thanks buddy.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Yeah. I can't wait. I can't wait to buy it a little track suit. Yeah, I can't wait to buy it everything, cause I don't have any money, but I'm buying meals with the grade. I'm applying at Sears and it's all over America. I can't wait for you to become a crooked loss prevention officer to put food on the table.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Yeah, that's a fun drama. That's not bad. Yeah, dude. Because they don't suspect you when you're ahead of that. You're supposed to. You're supposed to. Yeah, that's exciting. I'm nervous and excited, and I think it'll be good.
Starting point is 00:45:35 It'll be fucking awesome. I'll get some jokes, hopefully. Yeah, that's an important thing. I'm at a really little level. I'm at a love-a-mov. You know, my parents, they're not always yeah affection. They haven't really said congrats I'm gonna be great None of that shit
Starting point is 00:45:53 That bullshit, baby. Oh, congrats. We I love you. You're gonna be great. You're gonna be great dead I was talking my therapist. I'm like Luke Mona said a much better reaction than my parents He was like oh my god amazing. It would be a great father. And I was like, wow, that was, that was really good. Just started crying. He started tearing up. We'll find out twice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:12 It's just the comic who's kind of nice. Yes. That's it. You're going to be an awesome dad. No, it's amazing. It's a man, you don't know what you need or want from family until the guy who's opening for you just snails it without even thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:46:28 It just naturally flows out. He's like, whoa, amazing. It's gonna be great. Wow, that's awesome. But I'm like, oh, there it is. What you get, because that's really surprised me because I feel like parents that aren't that loving, the thing that unlocks them a lot of the times is grandkids, so if that's not even gonna do
Starting point is 00:46:47 for your parents, it's never happening. Well, I think my parents, they're sweet in their own way, but I think my mother particularly, she relates through anxiety and fear. So I think like when I'm like, we're having a kid, my mother immediately is like, your wife is 75 years old. You live in it, it's so expensive. I don't think that I else, I also think my family like assumes
Starting point is 00:47:08 I make zero dollars. Like I'm like, oh my God, you can't afford this. You know, I'm doing better than the majority of Americans. But I think we're like, oh jeez, it's right. We're gonna have to down pay. But your gay little plays aren't gonna be able to put this kids in college. Sorry, it's movie, it's 11% around the world.
Starting point is 00:47:27 He's like, he's no Norman, this guy. So, he's like, I like his tweets better. So, yeah, I think it's a lot of work, like, oh, we have to go to New York. My mother has like a crippling fear of the city. She will not come to the city, so she, I think she's immediately like, am I we have to go to New York. My mother has like a crippling fear of the city. She will not come to the city. So I think she's immediately like, am I gonna have to go to fucking New York?
Starting point is 00:47:48 Are you kidding me? That's crazy. I can't go there. That's crazy that even a baby can't cut. I mean, I also, I guess she's had other grandkids. Yeah. I'm sure she's happy. I think some people just like,
Starting point is 00:47:58 they don't know how to say things. It's the same with you. Like, my family will say this after a show, like I'll do a show, like the Wilbur Theater, sold out. People in our section were laughing. And I'm like, were you laughing? Or are you like to say, to me it's just so easy. Just be like, you were great.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Like how would you not say that? That's wild to not say that. That was awesome. Fucking killer. Killer can't believe it, the Wilbur, that. And then I, yeah. That was awesome. Yeah. Fucking killer. Killer, I can't believe it, the Wilbur, that. And then I just think like, you know, and who knows? We'll see, but I'm like, Sarah, like, has a baby or stuff.
Starting point is 00:48:32 I'm like, lickin' her stomach and fuckin' her and be like, just piece of shit's in there. That's crazy. Like, I feel like everything he does, I'll be crying. Yeah, you will be. And I'm like, I've reached like the top, I'm in the top one percent of Shobas
Starting point is 00:48:47 Yeah, and they're like yeah Not showbiz but comedy comedy of course is like there's like nine guys doing better than me Yeah, and they're all you know peers that started after me, which is hurtful, but They all started 12 years after I They all started 12 years after I did it, but I'm doing pretty good. That's fucking great, though. I mean, that is going to be fucking insane to have a kid. And I mean, getting old, like I'm like, fuck, do I want a family and shit like that? Yeah, a family.
Starting point is 00:49:19 And you see, I mean, I just know you're going to be great, though. Thanks for the... You are so present and you're like and touch with yourself, you've worked on all your, you've worked on all the fucked up shit in your head. Yeah, your parents. It's important to be the guy who like stops that like chain of anxiety and shit
Starting point is 00:49:36 that's just been growing unchecked for generations. Like I think about all the mental illness in my family too. There's like hoarders and fucking, you know, every no one knows how to say a nice word about the other, you know, anybody else. And, you know, just people who everyone is so passive aggressive and all that shit. And it's almost like, you know, on one hand,
Starting point is 00:49:57 you're like, damn, having a kid, like you're forcing some little cock sucker into existence who's just floating in the ether right now. Right. But on the other hand, it's like, you almost, you're forcing some little cocksucker into existence who's just floating in the ether right now. But on the other hand, it's like, you almost, it's nice to give, by giving that kid a better life than you or anyone in your family tree ever had,
Starting point is 00:50:15 you're like improving the world in that sense. That's sweet. I mean, I hope so, I think so. I think I'll do a good job. I'll do my best. Yeah, and then there's the possibility that just becomes like a sociopath no matter what you do.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Yes. That's kind of scary. Some people are just bad. See? Yeah. And you're just like, oh, jeez. You suck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:34 You don't have any rare. It's rare. You don't have any criminals or more in other communities. That's not typically. I wonder where your mother's anxiety about the city is. You don't have any criminals in the family, do you? No, no.
Starting point is 00:51:01 I don't think I do either. Anybody who... No. You got a couple people got deported, Oh this we don't have to go into that Before my grandma was arrested for right just rest were stealing grapes actually is grandma. Oh really? I think for like I think it was nuts actually Something nuts are expensive. Yeah, that's a big ticket item. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I really show wouldn't let her slide Yeah, hopefully she knows from the lesson. Yeah, she ran it herself. Yeah, that's a big ticket item. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Joe wouldn't let her slide. Yeah, hopefully she knows
Starting point is 00:51:26 The lesson. Yeah, she ran us out there make around that I think the reason she got booked is cuz like she just didn't know English So they probably said something to her. She was probably just clutching her purse It didn't know what the fuck was going 100% She got booked for a night Yeah, that's alright She's in, uh, we'll say heaven now She is Yeah, she is
Starting point is 00:51:57 No, that was passed Yeah, I don't think God is good I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included
Starting point is 00:52:31 a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around And remember one of the most special times for my family whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or Justification get an Airbnb Forgay for all that stealing Oh fuck with death. We love them And now that we're all fucking hydrated, we've got soon to be father, former lost prevention officer,
Starting point is 00:53:09 Joseph List in the building. We're gonna solve some of your questions, folks. We're gonna solve your problems, answer your questions. 904-800-STOP, call in right now. Leave a message, Joe won't be here by the time your message is heard, but we'll have somebody else. So hit us with the first question there, LD. Hey, Sawas.
Starting point is 00:53:28 Hey, Eldis. I'm a huge fan of the show. So let me just get right into my question. I'll try to keep this short. And in no way do I mean this as a brag. This is just a natural consequence of being married for so long. My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We've been married for almost 15 years. Recently, my flow job game has been really, really good. My husband helped me. That's huge.
Starting point is 00:54:03 And that's just, you know, that's just what happens after 15 years. Not my experience. On the other hand, he is upset with me with himself because he can't get me off by going down on me. And I am just one of those girls. It takes a lot of compensation on my part. And when I'm just put on the spot like that, you know, we are engaged in any other activities. It's just like, you know, and blesses heart. You know, it's like, oh, let me take care of you tonight. You know, which we do for each other beautiful marriage your turn
Starting point is 00:54:47 and i i i can't get there and he thinks that he needs to climb this mountain and like if you have a little bit do this after fifteen years i don't know what to tell you but so we just help me out what should i do? How can I let him down easy? Damn. Wow.
Starting point is 00:55:06 That was up to the downs. There's a lot of ups and downs. First of all, commendable. I will say it's kind of nice that this guy who is in a, I would say top 10% situation. This is the opposite of every hack 80s comedian that's like, you know, my fucking dumb bitch wife won't fuck me. And even when you have a good sex life, I feel like blowjob start to go, you know, for certain, it's just, the frills are kind of taken off for their morbid special occasion.
Starting point is 00:55:32 So there's certain people who like going down on people and other people who do it at first. And as you get comfortable, maybe it's like, look, it's not really my thing. This lady's a fucking hero, as far as I'm concerned, continuing to suck him off and improving. That's huge. Yeah, this is unbelievable. That really turned me on quite a bit. I can't even. I just went thinking about getting sucked off by this lady
Starting point is 00:55:54 since she said that. He didn't hear the second half of the question. Yeah. Now, in terms of him not getting you to busted 15 years, that sums off there. I, 15 years he, he's never made her come once. But from going down on her. I think it's from going down on her.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah, I think he's saying that. I think he's saying that. I think he's saying that. Yeah, okay. I think she goes, yeah, she goes. Yeah, that's what I assumed. He's, he's feeling a little hurt that he can't, can't perform excellently on oral XC Ken.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Well, and that's the other thing, it's like he just is gonna have to let this go then. I mean, if you're in a good, if you have a good sex, like I've been, because my dick is fucked up, I actually don't come from head that easily, although I'm on a little streak, where hopefully something's changing.
Starting point is 00:56:41 I've busted a few times in some mouths naturally, and it's pretty nice. Good work, Eldith. That's okay. That's okay. So I don't know if something shifted with my penis or what, but anyway, I've been in relationships where I never really have, where it's actually happened where like a girl's feelings get hurt
Starting point is 00:57:00 because she thinks she can't make me bust and it's like, no, let me fuck and I'll bust no problem. It's just the mouth ain't gonna do it for me so as long as he's eating a little pussy it's in the mix you just kind of have to be like look you're not a your dick is easier to deal with she you know like I wonder if there's like a competition thing where he feels bad because she's gotten better at giving head and he hasn't made her bust once. And that would fuck with me. I don't think I wouldn't be on a 15 year cold streak.
Starting point is 00:57:31 I'll tell you that much, lady. But I think I could make her bust or someone bust if it took, if I had 15 years of study, but maybe not. And I think it has to be less self-conscious. And I think the problem is, if he hypes it up, it's gonna make it so that she will not come. Right.
Starting point is 00:57:49 This has to disappear. This competition, this like, no, I have to make you come. That's gotta go, and he just gotta eat some pussy. I would say mix it up, eat some pussy finger, fuck, eat again, you know what I mean? Switch it up so that it's not top of mind. I've been eating pussy for an hour or 15 minutes, you have to come. Right. You can't, that's not going to work with you clearly. So I think he's got to almost sneak
Starting point is 00:58:13 making you come. He's got, it's got to be like a sneak pussy eating attack, where it could be like, you're about to bust from fingering or fucking or whatever, or a vibrator, get a vibrator in the mix and switch off for some shit like that it could be like You know he could get a vibrator if he really wants to make you come you could almost do it like when You know they have like the special needs manager run a touchdown in yeah, you could get a vibrator to get you to write Where you're about to bust and at the end he switched off and goes? La la la la la right at the very end. Yeah, I like the end he switched off and goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Those are some of the best viral videos out there. Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Yeah. I also think I've been, years ago, I had some depression problems
Starting point is 00:59:08 and I took Paxle, which makes it very hard to come. So I was on the other side, the lady side, where women would be like, you can't, they would cry. They'd be like, I'm sucking you off. I'm sucking you off, you still come. And I'm like, babe, it's not you, babe, it's me. I'm on drugs, so I'm still having a good time and yeah Just get her off other ways and eat her out for fuck for the love of the game exactly
Starting point is 00:59:33 Get your tongue right in there and then and then fuck her. Yeah, vibrate who gives a shit my wife We're all vibrator like I fuck she puts a vibrator on her clip and she comes, I come and we're living happily ever after. We had a son on the way. We can hold the vibrator. The arm comes out. We don't use the vibrator because I can't make her come. I'm not so fucking loser free. Like this fucking pathetic piece of shit. I have, but it's just easier.
Starting point is 01:00:04 A vibrator, why? I don't understand these guys that are like, antize. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's like, the vibrator is efficient. It's not competition, it's part of the team. It's like, you just won't use email.
Starting point is 01:00:16 You're like, I like writing a letter and stamping it. Yeah, okay. Licking the stamp is something there. Yeah, that's something. It's like, okay, great, but just send a fucking email yet. It's you. Exactly, it's like, look, Barry bonds, it was cool how many fucking home runs he hit on steroids.
Starting point is 01:00:32 You know, I mean, you steroid, like a vibrator's a sexual steroid. Feel the maximum power. See someone really bust and get it in the mix. So anyway, that's my advice. Flip, switch it up a little bit, take the element of the pressure off it and you might just find yourself busting, but that's, he's going to have to work on that psychologically.
Starting point is 01:00:54 This is tough because like, there's just no resentment or like pressure in her voice at all. She's like, we have sex is great. I love him. I love sucking him off. It's not like she's like expecting anything back. No, it really needs to just get out of the house. It's all him. Yeah, he's in his own head. Play him this call, it's on the free one. You don't have to be a patron,
Starting point is 01:01:13 subscribe to listen to this. So send him the YouTube clip of this. And we're rooting for you. And kudos to you for continuing your education and sucking guys off, even in a decade and a half into a marriage This woman is a hero in an example more so than you know Nevermind. It's gonna say Rosa Parks She wears
Starting point is 01:01:38 How about then the firefighter? Oh, well within a firefighter no question. I'd rather have me wear these burns I've heard you have your house burns down. I hope your house burns down. There's no way to help you. I live in an apartment. You're sentencing two other people, two other families, to that. I wouldn't expect anything less from a former seer snitch who's ruining lives. life's. Lauren or dog. Lauren and order. Hit us with another one, Big Eldie. I'll be my boy. What's up, brother? All right. So this situation, I used to be a promoter, early 20s, finally getting out, about to be 30.
Starting point is 01:02:18 So top to your pussy for past 10 years. The club pussy is definitely different, brother. Club chick, you know how they are. Well, you know, you get a lot of baggage with it. So, yeah, I just started dating actual regular women and brother, I just don't know how to, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm used to just fuking crazy I don't know what I'm doing. I'm used to just fucking crazy and now I'm starting to date just random normal women I don't know how to feel about this brother is kind of fucking crazy Just need some advice. I know I sound like a fucking dickhead But man like I like to go out and shit, you know, and I've been just dating total squares and Yeah, man Just kind of wanted some advice from you guys.
Starting point is 01:03:07 What do you guys think about me? Um, just a smoker, a wheat smoker and a little bit of a drinker. I'm not a heavy drinker anymore. I'm definitely trying to change my life, but all these women I'm meeting that are not from the club or not at a bar, total fucking squares. And I just don't know how to handle that. So, yeah, peel me out. Very interesting.
Starting point is 01:03:31 Former club promoter, not starting off strong. Club promoter, some of the worst guys in the world. I don't even know how to touch that club. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not a wrong guy. Yeah, I'm a good boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clubs chicks. He's basically like, what's going on?
Starting point is 01:03:45 I can't solve any argument by pulling out a little bag of cocaine anymore. I can't coerce 19 year olds lying about their age to suck me off in a bathroom by promising them ketamine. I have to actually talk about, I don't know, jobs and shit. Dude, this is what growing up is, motherfucker. Who do you wanna be?
Starting point is 01:04:04 Club promoter, again, atrocious gotta be. But in your 20s, it's semi-acceptable. Think about the like 45 year old club guys or the guys that are going out with hair plugs and fucking veneer or those big fake teeth and they got, you know, they're on so many dick pills, they can't even fucking see straight and they're still trying to fuck like 20 year olds.
Starting point is 01:04:24 Like, that kind of is your future if you stay down this path. And I think it's good for you're clearly trying to get out of this business, out of this lifestyle. And you're in a period of like, you're in a period of change, you're in a period of, you know, transition, this is where I was looking for, where, and it sounds like maybe, like how do you know, transition is where I was looking for. Where, and it sounds like maybe, like how do you know, don't,
Starting point is 01:04:48 you don't wanna be with those crazy club chicks whatever you're saying essentially, but maybe you've gone a little too far. Maybe, I mean, where are you meeting these women? What do you want, you know what I mean? Like, total squares, like, it doesn't sound like you need someone who's completely sober, completely. It sounds like you need somebody who's just going to go off for a couple drinks, regular
Starting point is 01:05:08 people, has a job. You're about to be 30, you said, what do you want from your life? Do you want to keep being this guy that's chasing just getting pussy, or do you want kind of a slightly more boring lifestyle that is more that you can bank on a little more that's a little more supportive emotionally that allows you to grow and find the rest of your life your next chapter because you know I don't know what the fuck your job is but if you're not promoting anymore you probably need a regular job so either stick in this you know maybe people are gonna be a little more boring but they
Starting point is 01:05:42 have other things to offer maybe they don't suck dick as well, but maybe they also have never been in a mental institution for threatening to kill themselves when their last boyfriend broke up with them. You know what I mean? Like, maybe this is, you know, there's a best of both worlds here where you can kind of transition into this.
Starting point is 01:06:01 And are they boring, or are you also, do you also have nothing to talk about? Because also you're saying these dates, if you don't have shit to say, the way you used to relate to people was getting fucked up and doing drugs and then fucking after the club, or you could get them in so they would have sex with you. You get them into a cool club. What are you bringing to this table? Look inward first before you call these women necessarily boring because you might be kind of a vapid, have nothing to say motherfucker too. If you spent 10 years in the clubs and didn't work on any fucking self-reflection, any, any, you know, self, you know, edgy, no, do you have any hobbies, any
Starting point is 01:06:38 interests? Like what are you bringing to these fucking tables? What do you do now? So think about who you really want to be and find your equivalent in women. And maybe these women aren't that boring, but also, or maybe these women are boring, but also that's kind of what dating is. You have to wade through people that aren't that great to find somebody that you like. That happens a lot, you know?
Starting point is 01:06:59 Yeah, I'm assuming he's like just going off apps or something and it's like, you know, he's probably just meeting a girl getting his dick sucked by some club chick like night of and stuff. It's like a different pace you can't accept to be having some freaky sex with some random girl. Like you're going on a date with on Tinder. Yeah, so Brad and Gussinar is not gonna
Starting point is 01:07:19 suck you off immediately. You gotta go through the motions a little. But at the same time, I think like if he just like keeps dating on those, like you do find out how to kind of put out those vibes or like, you got to go through the motions a little but at the same time I think like if you just like keep stating on those like you do find out how to kind of put out those vibes were like you know Hey even even some graphic designers want to get Shoked or have some freaky ass sex or fucking do a little cocaine on Saturday Absolutely a little toots key. Yeah, so you got you got to like you know Kind of like you just kind of learn how to like put out those vibes a little bit and you know, but yeah, you gotta like, you know, kinda like, you just kinda learn how to like, put out those vibes a little bit and, you know,
Starting point is 01:07:47 but yeah, it's like, it's just like a pacing thing. Yeah, and you gotta delay gratification here, right? That's what this is, it's like, you gotta wait and build up something, it's not gonna be as like, having an awesome time getting fucked up and fucking whoever at a club. You were never a club guy. What was your date? Were you, you were just a club guy. What was your dating?
Starting point is 01:08:05 You were just girlfriend, girlfriend guy, or what was it like? No, it was all comedy clubs. Like after the show, I would try to be like, hey, on stage, I'd be like, I'm single, I'm desperate, and I got a dick. You know, that kind of stuff. And then you'd meet girl, I hook up,
Starting point is 01:08:19 random, maybe in a party, or something like that. But I never went to a nightclub. It was, of course, I don't have that. But did you ever do any dating like, like, specific just going out and like, no, because I was before the apps. Yeah. Like I, I was, it was Sarah for 12 years and it wasn't the apps. It was like dating match.com.
Starting point is 01:08:37 Right, right, right. Right, right. So I missed out on all of, yeah, sucking and fucking all that shit. Hey, yeah, and before sir, you before you were just kind of either in relationships or fucking off of clubs. Just like, hooking up after shows, yeah. Fat ugly pigs. Mostly.
Starting point is 01:08:54 Yeah, no offense if you're listening. Yeah. A lot of grossy. But everyone's watching someone hot. Sneaking, they're was exciting. That's nice. You can live off that for a while. But also this guy is like, well, he's about to be was exciting. That's nice, you can live off that for a while. But also this guy's like, well, he's about to be 29,
Starting point is 01:09:07 like it's not like you're old. You get so bad. Go back to the club and fuck a club check. You gotta start getting out of the club. I think he made a decision to get out of the clubs. And also it's not old, but those five years will pass quick. And now, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:09:23 I think it's smarter to take a couple years and kind of dip your toes into the club. And then be like, this is really isn't for me. And spend more time out with regular people. And I think it's smart. I think you smart to kind of get a hold on the next chapter of his life. Because club promoters really are fucking dickheads,
Starting point is 01:09:38 most of the time. Let's be honest, they're fucking weird. It's like, you know, it's the guys that like run, it's like, you know, comedy club owners, but for like, partying. Right, right. But yeah, it sounds like you got your, you got your eye on the prize and I think you're,
Starting point is 01:09:55 you know, you'll figure it out. I'll just, how were you putting out those vibes to let these girls know that you're down to get sucked off? I don't know it. It was like an intuitive thing. I don't even know what it was specifically. I just remember like there was a change in my dark stretches on the apps. I was trying to be like funny or just some novelty to like I remember I one point I had like a bunch of picks with dogs in every picture. Yeah. Yeah. Just like so corny and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah of go out on these dates, make it a one drink, two drink thing for the first couple of days.
Starting point is 01:10:47 Get to know. No Friday, Saturday night, like first dates or anything. Yeah. I know. Just be like, you know, set up these dates so you're not bored. Don't like go to dinner and shit on the first day. Just make it like, okay, I'm going to make this a one, two hours tops kind of thing on Wednesday night.
Starting point is 01:11:01 I like that. Be like, you know, selfish with your time. We'll do that. We'll expect anything from it. And then, you know, worst case scenario, you're like out, like a couple hours and out like 50 bucks on a couple of years. That's not like dropping a stupid amount in like a dinner with some bitches like bored as fuck.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's already thinking about who she's going to text after this. Who she's going to, who's going to suck off with the Crem Brulee, you bought still on her lips. Yeah. Okay, interesting advice. All right, let's get another one going, big dog. Stavvy, bro, I need some fucking help, dude.
Starting point is 01:11:39 I got a rope rate. Like no other late time. Oh, yeah. It was safer when I was drinking and driving. Oh, there it is a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it was Dude, you caught me off now and just picture every fucking redneck white guy from Florida on Facebook's redding to shoot someone in the face and traffic. Dude, that's me. What? I don't know how the fuck to get over it, but like I just want to drive fast.
Starting point is 01:12:17 Love you, Sierra. I'm tober and fucking Detroit if I'm still alive. You're not fucking the only guy. Wow. This guy rules Annie's Adam's mind. Yeah. October and fucking Detroit if I'm still alive Wow, this guy rules and he's out of his mind. Yeah, I do love this guy, but man I think it'd be a great fit it. Sears lost Get him in there Get him in there. Nice teenage kids, you know, the parriaries for his girl. What the fuck? This motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:12:49 Oh, fuck, dude. I mean, if I may just really quick, my advice, just from reading the transcript and listening to this, I'm just gonna go ahead and say, and I'm gonna be this guy, get yourself to an AA meeting. You're not, well, I mean, it sounds like you're newly sober. You obviously have some serious problems. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:13:07 Go for your drinking, stay for your thinking as we say. Because you got some mental problem. This is what I want to, what did he say? I'm threatening to shoot someone in the face in traffic. Which by the way, that's a date, I don't know if you have a gun in your car, but many people do. Yeah. You start threatening to shoot somebody in traffic.
Starting point is 01:13:24 They're gonna shoot you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is ridiculous. And that's a great point. It's like, you are sober now, but you have let, but maybe the toll that's taking is the rest of your, like, vices are let, you know, because all your energy is to not drink,
Starting point is 01:13:41 your anger is now out of control, which sounds like you have a serious anger problem. And you know, there's no way to get around this without therapy or AA or both, maybe. But yeah, that's really what it is, bro, you got. There is no way to like, you know, we could tell you to fucking meditate and maybe get some of that energy out,
Starting point is 01:14:01 fucking go box or something like that, so you're tuckered out, and you're kind of doing something violent also. But this is a psychological thing at its root. And especially with the new sobriety, that's a very tough time in somebody's life. So go somewhere, talk to someone, A.A. therapy, both, maybe train and fighting to get it out in a like better way.
Starting point is 01:14:24 Well, and as you control yourself, you're kind of doing something physical to get it out there But yeah, dude, I think that's really it. You got to work on yourself and you did you should you know Even though you were forced into stopping the drink because you got a fucking D. Y It still is impressive to be that isn't accomplishment no matter how it got kicked off It still is impressive to be that isn't accomplishment no matter how it got kicked off So take some pride in that but also you gotta stop doing shit like that you cannot you cannot Joe is right that shit is literally dangerous to you and to other people and Yeah, you just got a you know, you just got a fucking take care of it brother So let go and let God like and let God go to AA go to fucking therapy.
Starting point is 01:15:05 But you know I'll see you in October. May you got at least make it to October. So you come to the show after that. You know do whatever you want. Hey I'm also in Detroit in October. Oh, hopefully it's only the most 21st or something like that. Pull it up. Stabby dot bitch. I'll just let's see. Now I want to know if me and my buddy Joe are going to be on there there October something right before the baby I'm scared Right before the baby I'm in Detroit 1020 oh
Starting point is 01:15:35 That's big the film more. Yeah, I'm there. Oh my god. We can hang. Oh, this is fucking awesome. This is big I'm there October 19, 2021. Oh This is fucking awesome. This is big. I'm there October 19, 2021. Oh Let's gig before the baby. Good. Good. Perfect. Yeah, that's great. You'll take away from me hitting my bones Only one show in Detroit the ghosty Joe ghosty is both guys really, yeah. I might, I might just see you. Yeah. Beautiful, go buy tickets to Joe list on the 19th and the, or the 21st. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:11 And then come, you know, come 20th even. You might want to see him. You know what, or the 20th, he's having a kid. Go, go, go there. Fuck, fuck me, go buy tickets to see Joe. He's got his Patreon that I'm on. Ha we're ever grateful for you. Hit us with another one, Eldis. Let's solve these motherfuckers problems, buddy.
Starting point is 01:16:33 Oh, fuck. The transcript is funny. Hey. One time listener here in Minnesota, I've got a little bit of an issue, a little concerned about the wife and a son, our neighbors moved in and their lesbians, which I don't have a problem with. Not worried about it it at all. Steve would say that. The problem is I travel a lot for work and you know I'm gone two nights,
Starting point is 01:17:13 three nights a week sometimes and seemed like over the past two months whenever I've been gone. whenever I've been gone, the neighbor bakes something for my wife. Some sort of banana bread, whatever, blah, blah, thing like that. But never when I'm here, the only one I'm gone. We talked to our neighbors and stuff like that. And then that wasn't a big deal. But then I found out that the girlfriend of this lesbian used to be straight. She was converted. And now my wife's hottest butt. I am, you know, I just wonder now if I want her to have to fight this bitch. Like, listen, I know him that my wife's straight.
Starting point is 01:18:09 I'm a big sat hairy dude. I've got fucking stovied out, okay? My wife's been with me for 10 years. There's both balls of the mouth. All right, she likes this. But I'm wondering if this lady's trying to like Bramp on while I'm gone here Never comes over or anything like that what I'm here, but then she's hanging out with life
Starting point is 01:18:31 I need some advice. I'm sorry. This is long-winded But I'm just wondering if I'm gonna have to like fight this I'm gonna fight this bitch I have some thoughts on this Please Joe, please I have some thoughts on this. Yeah, please, Joe. Please. Um, perhaps the lady's not coming over because she's picking up on your clear homophobic.
Starting point is 01:18:49 That's impossible. That she's getting the vibe. Yeah, he did. That you don't trust lesbians and vays in general. So she's like, let me avoid this. Let me avoid this guy. His wife seems pleasant, she's lonely, he was gone all the time, I'll go be a good neighbor.
Starting point is 01:19:09 Yeah, but I'll just avoid him. Yeah, his wife used to be straight till she got converted to fucking thing happen. She fucking shot her with a, with a dicray and just turned her or maybe you think sexuality is fluid and they you know she found somebody she wanted to be with the rest of her life. Yeah, I mean yeah you're fucking how about yes try try and be a little more accepting from the very beginning I don't have a problem with that no one who says that no one who's
Starting point is 01:19:42 ever said a marginalized community and then followed up with not that that's a big deal to me has that it's always a some kind of deal to them. So yeah dude, why don't you try being a better neighbor and not putting up these weird, whoa this bitch is trying to fuck my, like if this lady, right, if they were a straight couple and the lady was like coming over and baking and making friends with your wife, you wouldn't be worried, right? Let's say it were a straight couple and the lady was like coming over and baking and making friends with your wife
Starting point is 01:20:06 you wouldn't be worried right let's say it was a straight couple with the lady was by or something probably probably wouldn't be as worried i think it's the fact that they're lesbians and you've already done this research how do you even come up with this research that she used to be straight what how does it even come up to you know how did you even find that out also what is used to be straight maybe she was by her whole life?
Starting point is 01:20:26 Maybe she was a fucking closet, a lesbian, and a bunch of bad relationships. I've had people in my life who dated men and were like look back on her like, I was gay the whole time, it was a fucking huge mistake. So your perspectives all fucked up here. And I think what you should do is just try and be a better neighbor. You're, you know, say, hey, I really, that was really thoughtful.
Starting point is 01:20:48 Thanks for baking my wife something where while I'm out at work for weeks at a time, which by the way, that can put a strain on a relationship and someone can't get lonely. So you could just be like, hey, that was really nice. Let me do something for you or invite them over. Have a little barbecue. Do something neighborly and actually get to know these people and those, these women will stop being like these gay caricatures in your mind that are trying to steal your girl and they'll start becoming full real people. And you might become friends
Starting point is 01:21:18 with them or you might actually pick up on a vibe. Maybe, you know what, there's a one and ten chance this guy's right. You know what I mean, I mean, that is, I guess, maybe a little lower than one in 10, but there's some chance, and look, here's the other thing, maybe it's just their adults that are friends, and yeah, maybe she finds your wife attractive, but she's in a fucking committed relationship. Do you know that these people are like a swing,
Starting point is 01:21:42 where these aren't gay men we're talking about? These are lesbian. Yeah, where these aren't gay men we're talking about. These are lesbian. Yeah, these are lesbians. They barely fucks, you know, famously. So are they in a committed relationship? Are they sw... If they're swingers, then maybe you have some, but it's like, they might just be people
Starting point is 01:21:56 that like like each other and maybe yes, in a different life. You maybe they would have tried to fuck your wife, but these are, you know, they're married. And here's the other thing, if you're worried about this, let's take a look inward. I always like to do this with these calls, right? You're gone all the time.
Starting point is 01:22:11 You're a big fat hairy piece of shit. Your wife is hot as shit. It's maybe the, are you really worried about this? Let's be stealing your girl, are you really, are you realizing, hey, maybe I'm taking her a little for granted and I've put myself in a position where maybe my wife is There she could be seduced she feels lonely because I'm always gone. She's hot I've gotten fatter my whole life, right?
Starting point is 01:22:35 like Maybe there's a little bit of an opportunity to look inward and strengthen your relationship here and that this this worry is mostly here and that this this worry is mostly insecurity on your part for maybe not being as good a husband as you should be and homophobia like you said at the very beginning. So that's mostly what's going on here. And I think the way you combat it is be honest with yourself about how secure you feel in your relationship and maybe take steps to improve yourself and your relationship and get to know these people as human beings and your neighbors because right now it sounds like they're being nice to your wife from our perspective.
Starting point is 01:23:11 It sounds like they're being good neighbors and that you're coloring things and I don't trust you, I don't trust your series of events. I don't know that this is how it went down, you know what I mean? So anyway buddy, I'm always rooting for a fat guy with a hot wife. That's my community. I love that kind of, I love seeing myself represented what I want represented, but you got a little work to do here, pal. I'll tell you by the way, where's your wife's accountability? She's a straight person.
Starting point is 01:23:41 She's married to you. Right, right. I'm a little trusted, your wife's not gonna fuck the neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And be grateful that it's not a hot dude. Right. A hot straight dude, that's a good point. Who bakes and has time off, you know what I mean? Like, your wife's not into the ladies.
Starting point is 01:23:55 So what difference does it make? That's a even better point. Yeah, it's another great point. All of this is I think because he's realizing he's a piece of shit and has made himself vulnerable to having his wife stolen. Yeah, just keep your enemies close, invite them over, put on a friendly smile to get their guard down, be friendly and use that as a tactic to get more research on them and really
Starting point is 01:24:16 see if they are trying to steal your wife. Yeah, I think you'll be okay. Yeah, either what we mean, Joe, just spent eight minutes painstakingly explaining to you or what Elder said. Yeah. Take your pick. Either way, or fight the bitch. I don't get it.
Starting point is 01:24:30 Yeah, that's the other thing. Fucker. We haven't even talked about the twice. He's alluded to the fact that he was like, am I gonna have to fight a woman? Oh, no. I'd hate to do that. The fact that you're the only thing you thought about was violence against a woman, because
Starting point is 01:24:49 you travel all the time and someone is being nice to your wife, is there's some issues there, Bucco. All right, let's get another one going, little LD. Got some good questions this episode, I'm feeling really good for the lives we're changing. Hi, Stovey. This is Jasmine. Love the pod. Love the comedy.
Starting point is 01:25:14 Great name. I just wanted to get some advice from you on my husband. I love him very much. He treats me like a queen and I'm not going anywhere, but he struggles with some serious PTSD. And it affects his quality of life, my quality of life and our relationship. And I really want him to go do some therapy, but he's kind of old school and says, got men, you know, shouldn't sit there and talk about their problems to strangers. So, stopping my question to you is, what can I do and how do I get my husband to go to therapy?
Starting point is 01:26:01 Love you. I would say what I would do is I would get a lot of fireworks, and I would get a lot of YouTube, a lot of Islamic chanting. And I would write when he's settling into watching episode of Yellowstone. I would throw a bunch of poppers on the ground, and I would start playing on a lecture that's like, ah, yellow, ho de, ah, de, ho de, ho de, ho de, hate playing on a lecture that's saying ah y'all are good
Starting point is 01:26:25 ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha de ha Let off a Roman candle. Hey, all the way with the... ...a jihad al-Halam and the Ha... But... In all seriousness... Muslims are dangerous.
Starting point is 01:27:05 No. Cut that part out. Muslims are dangerous. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. No. Cut that part out. There's the mother fuck wants to be on the free one, let him be on the free one. That's right. First of all, Jasmine sounds hot. I love Jasmine.
Starting point is 01:27:18 So it's great. Wow. Great voice. Great voice. It's always shocking to me because I've been talking very openly about going to therapy for years and years and people would write to me and be like, it's great that you talk about it.
Starting point is 01:27:30 And I was just, I was weird, I'm like, I don't understand why, what? It's therapy, who gets shit. Yeah. But there's a huge thing. There's a huge thing right there. I mean, that's a little bit of our New York City bubble too. I guess I'm gonna show this bubble
Starting point is 01:27:41 because yeah, I do think there's a huge stigma still and I think it's stupid. You got me one of these? Get us a, get a fresh liquid death for our boy. Fresh out there. Yeah, just a regular water. Regular water for our guy. There is definitely a still stigma, but I also think my thought process, there's got to
Starting point is 01:27:58 be like groups for vets, right? Or maybe he doesn't, maybe he's not a vetter. I just saw PTSD and I thought he could also just be from. But I guess it's possibilities from just like a abuse of home, like a lot of people have PTSD from other shit. But I think this is tough, right? Because I have really preached therapy to my family and it's actually helped us out a lot.
Starting point is 01:28:23 And the only one who won't go, obviously, is my father who's the one who needs it the most. But I've gotten my brothers to go to it. I think, and it's tough, because he says men shouldn't go, because I was gonna say, maybe you go and show how it's helped, because that's what helped me convince people
Starting point is 01:28:39 in my life to go is that there were tangible improvements. They knew that I was doing better, and I can show that to them. I could be like, Hey, this has helped me in X ways. You should go to how it could possibly help you in these ways. But he's a bit of a tough not to crack here. I would research if anything, if he is a vet, I think there's specific outreach groups for vets where they have like, it's not one on one, it's like group therapy sessions. A little bit like AA, what AA is like, I would assume.
Starting point is 01:29:11 Support groups, I guess, is kind of the way to put it, but even that, a guy like this would probably call gay. But, and that's, to convince him to go into that, it's just like, I think the other thing that's a reasonable thing here is that he clearly loves you, you guys have a good relationship, and I think all you can do is kind of hammer home how this is important to you, right? That he is doing this not for himself, but for you because it affects your relationship, it would help you out your stressed out in a number of ways and that you would really appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:29:48 And you know, if he really does treat you like a queen like you're saying and you're very committed to him, I think you could say this would really help me feel better. And you could, you know, there could be other reasons for it. Maybe you grew up with people that had certain behavior this way. Maybe that triggers you in certain ways. So I think, you know, or getting friends involved, I don't know if he has more open minded friends or if his friends are all kind of the same way.
Starting point is 01:30:12 But that's kind of the things I would look for. It's kind of look at things that are maybe a more acceptable entry point, like just talk, you know, groups of guys with like-minded experiences. And then just be honest about how it would make you feel so much better and that maybe if you treat you like a queen, you're like, this would mean so much more to me than like giving me money to get my nails done or getting flowers.
Starting point is 01:30:36 It's like, please skip one of those or whatever pampering and please go to therapy would mean so much to me. I think that, that, you know, you might be able to do something there, but it's very tough, you know, I understand that. Some people just have an aversion to it, but, you know. The support group group therapy thing is a good idea, just because like, you know, that is people who did live through like the same experience
Starting point is 01:30:59 and are dealing with the same kind of shit. Have you guys seen that show on Showtime called Couples Therapy? It's pretty cool. It's like just a therapist in New York and there's like three seasons of it out so far, I think, but it really is just like a bunch of different couples going to these couples therapy sessions. And it's like a pretty good representation in media of like, you know, what therapy is actually like and should be like and you know, it's not like overly dramatized or anything.
Starting point is 01:31:26 It just shows like people searching through it, maybe showing him something like that just to see like, you know, help dispel what he thinks therapy is in his mind and yeah, seeing like, you know, different men in our relationship or something like being vulnerable and actually like using therapy and they're all like different Yeah, I don't know it's tough show them the sopranos. Yeah, you know Joe This is we can't this is worse than the cop thing Joe's opinion on the sopranos. We can't even get I won't even look at him right now I love cops and I hate the I mean oh my god We can't really kill any places. He's just that is those back to back are two of the worst opinions I've ever heard in my life. You had to pick two opinions.
Starting point is 01:32:09 Cops are good, the Brown is bad. I forget it. Why is that so crazy? What's underrated? What's overrated? Cops are underrated. Cops are underrated. Awesome, awesome take.
Starting point is 01:32:22 Your point about this is great. I just want to reiterate, it does not work to help people to say, do this for you, because they are in there, and they go, I don't need it. You have to say do it for me, for us. You're going to lose me if you don't do it. That gets certain people more.
Starting point is 01:32:39 Absolutely. They don't understand the idea of like, you'll feel better. They're like, I don't want to feel better. I like how I feel. You could say, yeah, exactly. You could of like you'll feel better. They're like I don't want to feel bad. I like how I say yeah Exactly, you say I will feel better. Let's do this for us. Yeah, so good luck jazz. We're rooting for you rooting for your guy This one has suspected spam on it. I can't wait. I can't wait Is there a child screaming the other room?
Starting point is 01:33:04 I said name a girl, we've been good. Five years or so. You've got my password. I don't have hers. I've never asked for them. Anyway, I took her phone from her. Whilst she was on it, acting all stuff. And once you started going through it,
Starting point is 01:33:24 you've been a bunch of deleted messages that someone, somebody told me I had to worry about. And then, you know, I kind of flipped out human nature. But, as I let the phone go, you know, blank, I couldn't get back in. But, you know, I've seen what I need to see. There's nothing crazy, but the fact that she's deleting these messages all
Starting point is 01:33:49 there. And now she's kind of against me like I'm the bad guy. Has spoken me in three weeks. No talk, no text, I'm blocked. What do I do? Do I do I I give up and I love this broad but I can't get any communication like I said she made me feel like the asshole here once she's hiding shit what do I do baby let me know hmm this is a tough one yeah it doesn't feel good brother it doesn't feel like like it doesn't feel like there's any good solution here
Starting point is 01:34:27 But doesn't it feel like if you really love her you got to respect her Desire did not hear from you. Yes for sure But let's let's go let's just go through the facts a little bit because this guy you know a little mumbling couldn't really hear it race it for five years Five years or so things were going well She has his passwords, she can get into his shit. Right. And then he took her, well, taking her phone from her
Starting point is 01:34:53 and looking at stuff, that's a weird move. I mean, you just, like, I get it if you're feeling self-conscious, whatever, but looking through a phone is fucking, that's a weird move, I'm sorry. And I get it, you saw something suspect. The thing is, nothing good is coming of this, right? You did overstep what you should have done, and maybe it's kind of like how,
Starting point is 01:35:19 an illegal search is inadmissible in court. You know what I mean? It's like- Which is bullshit. Hahaha. Hahaha. You gotta change that line. Hahaha. Keep going.
Starting point is 01:35:31 I'll just thanks for leaving and only coming back to cough for 15 straight seconds. Um. Hahaha. Uh, so yeah, basically if she did something wrong, which it sounds like she's got some deleted messages, like to me, it sounds like shit is fucking weird here, because if you just looked at her stuff and nothing bad was happening
Starting point is 01:35:56 and she wasn't really hiding, or she was hiding something a little bit, whatever, this would be an argument and you guys would probably get over it in like a week and you'd have to apologize for going through her phone and you could be like, Hey, don't you think it's kind of weird? You have my passwords. I don't have yours and maybe you guys could figure that out.
Starting point is 01:36:12 But the fact that she's taking it this hard or she is, she either is so annoyed at you looking through her phone that it's a deal breaker or she was doing something fucked up and she's taking this as an opportunity to kind of flip the tables on you and be like you look through all my shit I never want to see you again whereas she's been cheating on you or was preparing to cheat on you and this is kind of like her way out Either way unless you're like unless you're ready for some bad news about why she's not talking to you for this long Unless you're ready for some bad news about why she's not talking to you for this long. Shit seems kind of bad, dude. I mean, it's not, if you saw something suspect, but you said it was nothing crazy, but she's behaving this way.
Starting point is 01:36:52 It's weird. I mean, five years is such a long time that I think it does merit another conversation. Like, I think it would be bizarre for a relationship of five years to end this way. But I don't know, it's kind of strange. If she won't make any contact with you and you've tried, it's a dick move on her part to possibly be cheating on you and then also just cut you off like this. But I also wanna know what is,
Starting point is 01:37:21 and then I kind of flipped out mean. Did you get violent? Did you break shit? Like maybe we don't even have the full story here. And it's not about somebody going through a phone. It's about a minor misunderstanding that turned into a fucking huge anger issue where you broke shit. You called her a cunt.
Starting point is 01:37:36 You know what I mean? Yeah. Accused her shit that didn't happen. So you said human nature. But what is human nature to you and what is human nature to some people? That's another possibility. Did you get abusive? Did you get over the top? Because then you might have just fucked up the relationship and she might, you know, she's well within her rights to be like, I didn't like the way you behaved, even if she did nothing wrong. But those are really your two
Starting point is 01:37:58 options. It's either you fucked up so bad and accused her of nothing and reacted in a way that was so detrimental that she needs a long break from you and maybe once in the relationship or she is taking this as an opportunity to just be like, well, I was cheating on him anyway. So fuck this guy. Yeah. And either one of those is bad. But if it is you fucking up, there is a possibility for you to come back from that.
Starting point is 01:38:22 You just have to be very honest with yourself and Realize that that's what you did and not dismiss it flippantly saying it's human nature But it's not a good situation brother. I'm sorry to say at least from the information we have Yeah, I agree it doesn't sound good about people if If someone just has blocked you on everything they're either crazy or you fucked up really bad. But the fact that you were together for five years makes me think she's not crazy. And I am very suspicious. It seems like somebody's manipulating somebody.
Starting point is 01:38:53 But that, it's very, I went, I kind of flipped out. And then he says, human nature. You know, human nature, you flip out, and now she's blocked me on a whole thing. I'm like, that seems like maybe you smashed some some shit and she's like, this guy's crazy. Exactly. Especially if she didn't do anything wrong, right? If you just saw a weird, whatever.
Starting point is 01:39:15 Anyway, it's tough. I don't know. We don't have enough information here about what was in those messages, who they were deleted messages to, what the other context context was and what you flipping out meant. But that's the way I read it with what the information we're given. We're rooting for you, hopefully, you know, maybe she's calm down. Maybe she's like, you know, let some time pass and she can talk to you or maybe maybe the relationship is done. It would feel a little strange for five years to end that way, but
Starting point is 01:39:43 either way you did was real bad or either she was acting actually sus. So it's not good either way. All right, what about one that send us off with a fun one eldest? You got anything? Sure. Got anything nice for us? Sorry, I did actually leave to close the window
Starting point is 01:40:01 because I was picking up noise, but I shoved a few fries in my mouth. That's what the show is. Oh yeah, that's That's what the trial yeah. But I left for a real reason. I have no fries out there. So fries out baby. All right let's get one to play us off. Hey, Stabby, I need some advice. I'm a 28 year old woman, relatively attractive, married, I have the husband, the house, the sports car, season job, no kids, but I have no girlfriends. All my friends are my husband's friends.
Starting point is 01:40:33 We all get along great. We all meet up all the time. But when they bring their girlfriends around, they usually don't like me. When I ask the guys, they usually say it's not me, it's them, not to worry about it, but I have to be the problem, right? How can I be a better person and how can I be more likable? Am I just a bitch? Am I intimidating? Am I doomed to be a friendless? Thanks, Tavi. Love the show. Wow, okay, interesting. Well, this is nature. Most women have very few women friends. Women are bad people.
Starting point is 01:41:06 They hate each other. I mean, one of the best women's favorite, one of my favorite jokes of all time. Unfamily guy, when they did one of the Star Wars ones, and they say, this is whoever. She's the only woman in the whole galaxy, and she goes, I don't like her. It's like a great job.
Starting point is 01:41:22 I mean, there's so many women that don't have friends. Elaine Bennis, you're a man's woman. Sure. You hate other women and they hate you. Right, right, right. It's very natural. Sarah, I feel like, has more guy friends than girl friend. Most women I know have more guy friends.
Starting point is 01:41:39 Men are better. It's not you. Who says you need female friends? are better. It's not you. Who says you need female friends? Suck off your fucking boyfriend, your husband's friends. The way I like Sarah to do. And just be cool.
Starting point is 01:41:55 Why do you need a female friend? The sopranos and women are bad. Joe List. No, I love women. I have many female friends. Sarah's upset about it. I have several female friends and I are bad. Joe List. No. I love women. I have many female friends. Sarah's upset about it. I have several female friends and I love women. But many women don't get along great with women.
Starting point is 01:42:11 Well, that's a standard. I think there is a lot going on here, right? Because she's young. She's got a great setup, right? And she clearly doesn't have, I will say that this is, there's two full things there's what you're talking about which happens to a some subset of women but there's I know you know my like we keep mentioning her but the person
Starting point is 01:42:33 used to live in this room our pal Christina she's had girlfriends her whole life she's had she's the rare both guys gal and she's a ton of girlfriend she's just a very friendly person though that's actually what's going on there she's a ton of girlfriend. She's just a very friendly person though. That's actually what's going on there. She's the best. But also it's hard, it's like a, it's also an age thing. When it's like, I feel like at 28, when you're kind of entrenched, you have a nice house,
Starting point is 01:42:57 you guys are married, you're maybe not as social as you used to be. It's hard to make friends as an adult. Like that's just a hard thing in general. Like we have a very social job where a lot of downtime is just hanging out. So we do pick up more friends than I think the average person.
Starting point is 01:43:13 Because like we're just in a bar or a restaurant hanging out before doing spots. And it's like, oh yeah, and if you hit it off with someone on a lineup, we'll be friends, we'll hang out. We have the same schedule. But if you just have a regular job, it's kind of tough. Now, not being integrated into the girlfriend's group,
Starting point is 01:43:30 that is what gives me a little pause about, you know, she's, and she has some self-awareness here. Where she's like, am I the problem? Because it's possible she is, I don't know, you know what I mean? Like, are you kind of kind are you? Now intimidating that's the That's the Highlighted word for me. That's the first time where you know, it's like Are you intimidating and intimidating a euphemism for bitch?
Starting point is 01:43:56 Because that happens a lot a lot of people that say I'm just intimidating or either an asshole or a bitch Or some combination of both But you don't you sound like that's not you. Yes, she sounds nice and self-aware. And she's in the other group. All my friends are my husband's friends. We all get along great. We all meet up all the time.
Starting point is 01:44:16 When they bring their girlfriends, they don't usually like me. So the girlfriends are the outsiders. They hate her, because she's in with the dude. She's hanging with the dude. She's hanging with the dude. She penetrated the dude group. They don't like her because all the husbands come home and they say they're wives. Oh, Pete? Why? She's like one of us. Yeah, she likes football and they go that
Starting point is 01:44:36 fucking cut. She doesn't like football. She's pretending to like football. She wants to fuck my man. Whatever bullshit. That's why. She's in the guy group. That's possible, but she says, how can I be a better person, and how can it be more, how can I be more likable? Am I just a bitch in my intimidating,
Starting point is 01:44:55 and am I doomed to be friendless? She does seem like friendly and self-aware enough. I do get like a little something in her voice or a little like an alpha female girl boss. Maybe she's just a little too frank or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, friendly conversation. But again, she's hanging out with a dude.
Starting point is 01:45:10 She's probably like, shut up bitch. Right, they're like, they're all bastards. Yeah, she's like, you got fat tits, you fucking cut. And then, what the hell? And maybe those girls are dumb bitches too. It's possible. I would say to her, like, if she even,
Starting point is 01:45:23 well, first ask yourself, like, do you even care about being friends with them? With these women, right? Yeah. Because just because you don't fit into this group doesn't mean you're doomed to be friendless, right? Or there, what is your track record, though, right? Let's not base it off these women.
Starting point is 01:45:38 Let's see. Do you have, you know, we've mentioned it a couple times. We've been friends since we were fucking in preschool in kindergarten, right? I have friends that I've known 25 plus years. I have friends from pretty much every stage of my life, really, where it's like someone stuck around from elementary school, high school, college, early comedy, moving to New York.
Starting point is 01:45:59 It's like, there's people I can say from every aspect of my life that I've built this friend group. Do you have those friends? When did this start becoming an issue? Do you have friends from childhood, from adolescence, from college, from starting your job? Have you never had any girlfriends in that situation? Because if that's the case,
Starting point is 01:46:20 then there is something about you, right? There is something to see. But if you have girlfriends who maybe just live back home, you don't get to see them as much, or life gets, they have, they have, they're just in different places, schedules don't match up, and you have friends that you like to see,
Starting point is 01:46:38 but you just can't, and you're just looking for a group of friends in your hometown, now settling in and doing a new married life, all that stuff. Like making a friend's an adult problem, or is it something that has plagued you your whole life? And if it's your whole life, then yeah, you have to do a little more introspection and think about that.
Starting point is 01:46:56 We don't know enough about you to say what that is. Eldest positive to guess, maybe you're a little too frank, maybe you don't try and be nice, maybe you're just ball busty like one of the guys, that's possible, but just to guess, what we're just a shot in the dark, do you wanna make, if these aren't the girls you wanna make friends with,
Starting point is 01:47:12 who do you wanna make friends with, right? Someone talked about, we answered the question about dating and how that club promoter had to like, has to wait through a bunch of boring stuff. Making friends as an adult is kind of like dating where you might have to like go to, you know, have a lunch with a coworker just to see if you hit it off or go to an event where,
Starting point is 01:47:33 like what are you into? Are you into certain kind of film cinema? Like if you want to be a film nerd, go to a re-screening of a classic movie at a cool movie theater. Are you an art person? Go to a, you know, some kind of event at a museum. Just, you're gonna have to like kind of try and make friends where, you know, where the
Starting point is 01:47:49 kind of people you want to be friends with are. And just be more open-minded and friendly, or maybe just chat people up as a nice cute woman. You have the ability to have friendly conversations in a way that a fat balding man, it might be harder to have just an innocent conversation. So those, you know, that's kind of it. It's good that you're asking these questions. I would say, think about them historically, and if you've never had a girlfriend, your
Starting point is 01:48:16 whole life, anything, then maybe there is something to you. If you have, then maybe it's just this group. But I'd also say if she cares about this group, like just start a group thread with the girls and like propose a fucking girls hanger or not. And that's how you really know, like, even if they don't like you, there's still that social pressure to say yes
Starting point is 01:48:37 for the good of the greater community. Right. And you know, you can just feel them out that way. Sure. And even if they say no like the first time, try a couple times, if they just feel them out that way. Sure. And even if they say no like the first time, try it a couple times, and if they just constantly come up with bullshit, like maybe they don't like your ass.
Starting point is 01:48:50 Yeah, but like make the effort to like, you know, actually hang out with them and feel them out, hear them complain about their boyfriends, whatever girls do when they get together. Whatever bullshit. Whatever game bullshit is not taking mushrooms and watching Tenant. I'll tell you that much, which is what me and the fellas did on Christmas Eve last year or two years ago.
Starting point is 01:49:15 I'm just saying I just want to make sure you don't beat yourself up because this is a very natural problem. Every woman I know is like, I don't have enough lady friends. So this is, I just don't want someone beating themselves up because it's like when I go to the therapy I'm like I hate the dentist I'm freaking out. I don't want to go and he's like everybody hates the dentist Right, right, what are you talking about they all hit that so whatever this is a common I don't say I'm joking a little bit This is very common for women. I just don't want you to sit there going am I a bitch? Well, but but she does want it sounds like she wants friends, though.
Starting point is 01:49:45 So you don't want to beat yourself up, but you also want to figure out how to make friends, I think. Yeah, don't be such a cut, but I'm saying. A lot of people have this problem. Yes, it is definitely a common problem, I think, with age, it's harder to definitely make friends that you click with. But you sound great to us, but then again, you're a guy's gal. So, that's not what you're looking for.
Starting point is 01:50:05 You need you want girls to like you. But I think you're gonna figure it out. Thank you to everybody who listened 904 800, Stav, Colin, thank you to Liquid Death, our first sponsors here at Stavis World. And of course, thank you to Joe List, one of the best of the best. hilarious go watch a special subscribe to his YouTube,
Starting point is 01:50:24 go see him in Detroit and you might catch me and see me and him having breakfast at a diner and please be brief when you say hello. Don't milk it. We're happy to see you too, but we're just two friends having a nice time. I just remember last time we were together in public a guy came up and was like, do you work for Stavros? Yeah, that was brutal. and public a guy came up and was like, do you work for Stavros? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.
Starting point is 01:51:21 Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my
Starting point is 01:51:55 mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family. Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.