Stavvy's World - #42 - Lewis Black

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

The legendary Lewis Black joins the pod to discuss his new special Tragically, I Need You, writing a successful touring play in college, pivoting to standup, being a Maryland boy, learning to harness the power of the nap while on the road, and much more. Lewis and Stav help callers including a guy wondering if he should ruin his baby mama in court for not keeping up on her child support payments, and a guy whose roommate is a scumbag with bad hygiene and a gambling problems. Watch Lewis Black special 'Tragically, I Need You' on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtE_g3cHTZE Visit https://thefreezepipe.com/ and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off you entire order. Say goodbye to harsh smoke forever. Learn to speak a new language with Babbel! Visit https://www.babbel.com/stavvy to get 55% off your subscription. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50 and use code STAVVY50 to get 50% off! Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavisburg. We have the legend, Lewis Blackone on in just a couple moments, but before we get to Lewis I just want to let you know number one the last leg of the fat rascal tour is kicking off Right now right around the corner get your tickets a couple tickets left We're kicking off in Ohio then down the Baltimore I'm going all over the place ending up in New York and to be in St. Louis, Milwaukee, Florida Go to Stavvy.biz, get your tickets right now.

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You're going to love them. And without further ado, let's get the Lewis black. How can you believe it? Play us in, LD. black, huh? Can you believe it? Play us in, LD. Oh, welcome everybody to Stavis World 904 800 stuff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. I'm pumped. I'm so happy to have in the studio in beautiful story of Queen, just you can tell the legend Lewis black Lewis. Thank you so much for coming. It's my pleasure. Yeah, I'm pleasure. And you've done it. You just call it a little

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought he'd be busier, but we got him Yeah, Lewis will be here for the whole next month folks. He's doing every episode. He's the new co-host We're so yeah, thank you so much for coming. We met on the fully loaded tour. That was so much fun. It was. It was. And we've got a fellow son of Maryland, you know? Yeah. And somebody who, you know, I'll suck you off up top. And then we can just do the podcast, but I've been a fan of for years.

I mean, literally, I was a little, I was like a nerd. Like, I was writing the politics and comedy, like nerd zone in like end of high school into like college before I was like, I don't wanna learn. I was done learning, like I know a lot about the first Obama election, and that's when all my political knowledge kind of drops off.

I was like, I'm doing dick jokes for the rest of my life. No, I get it, I'm gonna be, but there was a, just a moment where I was like, I'm doing dick jokes for the rest of my life. No, I get it. I'm gonna be, but there was just a moment where I was just so, that was, I was really in the pocket. I was, you know, hugely, and still, I mean, still a huge fan. So this is so, this is huge for me. Well, thanks for coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My pleasure.

Yeah. It's awesome to have you here. And, yeah, we won't be talking politics because I am dumb now. That's for you. I don't miss, but we don't have to talk about it. Yeah, I don't miss it. And it's also, it's kind of like the joke that I do on stage.

It's, you know, oh, it's so great to be, you know, be a comic, you know, there's so much to talk about. Yeah, but you gotta make it funny. Well, fuck you. It's not funny. Why? It's not funny, you know. Totally.

No, absolutely. You go through the same shit over and over and you come up with, it's the same thing with a dick joke. It's like, how do I make a different dick? Right, right, right. How do I make a different joke about this asshole? Yeah, you make shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's, I mean, it's kind of like,

when are you gonna stop doing comedy? When I can't come up with a better joke about what's the difference between a Democrat and a Republican. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm just, I just feel like I'm stuck because I just have no skills. You know, it's like it's like you, you start doing, you start your 19, you're like, ah, I don't want to get a job.

I want to go to a fish restaurant and do five minutes of stand-up comedy in College Park, Maryland. And there was that. Dude, this was, it was the clarion in attached to, wow. It was attached to the clarion in. It was at the time called EJ's Landing. It was a nautical theme. I believe now it is Indian restaurant. It's been bought out by an Indian family. But that was the first place I did comedy. It was a very shitty seafood restaurant. On Route 1 in college, Mark. I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it went to Maryland for a year. Oh, I'll just, too. We got two terps in the building. Go terps. Yeah. That was a year I was out of there. Yeah.

You were gone. Well, because I was at the school for maybe which was four or five miles from my home. I'm not doing this. I'm not fucking living near. I'm living at home. Oh, bro. So you're just commuting. You grew up in Silver Spring, right?

Yeah. Yeah. We know all about it. It's unbelievable. You say college park. It's so funny because it's everybody, you know, all of anyone who lives in any community you get. They're all the triggers. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that you found, you were living in Baltimore and found a place in college, a fish restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he literally is because I was shamefully hiding from my immigrant family that I was doing comedy. So, yeah, they didn't want anything. When I, I mean, I was like, I'm first born, you know, my family moved over in the 80s.

And, you know, six years after they moved, I was born and they just kind of stuck around. And the idea for staying in America was like all right Well at least my father looked at it was like all right, well these mo these mofers own me their lives So you're I was I always tested well. I read this the kind of show. I read The first part of your book, you know, you know So we're gonna do a lot of questions about your childhood We do some research, but not a lot of it. I can't believe people do research.

I can't believe people do know me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just a little to get us going. When they read, at least we read a paragraph. Yeah. You've been to it, but they just go to the Wikipedia. And they just read, and you know the paragraph. You've read it yourself. You're hearing the exact place the commas are.

You're hearing them pause exactly as it's written. But I was the kind of kid that you were where it was like you learned about, you learned how to get good grades. You just kind of understood the system, and you were like, you knew how to like, so I tested really, I grew up in the age of standardized tests. So I, for whatever reason, was great at those tests, right? And I think it gave my family a false sense of, oh, he's a genius. He's

going to bail me out. My father was like, he's going to bail me out of all the dead I'm in. I was always supposed to be a lawyer or something like that. And so I didn't want them to know I was doing stand up. So our winter break, I went, I lived on Elders' couch in College Park and I looked up all the open mics in the area. The first time I was ever on stage was an open mic where they did a joke contest at the end of the thing, like for the audience. And I was going to go to the open mic next week, but I went to check it out. And I like, this is what a dickhead I was, I like punched up some other guys joke and won a bottle of Cumpari when I was 19. And then me and eldest went and had a, remember we had, we had like chicken cutlet sandwiches,

we had like frozen chicken patty sandwiches, the kind, they serve, we got them from like giant, you know, they come, they come in like 48 packs. And we had chicken cutlets in which is, and Cumpari and sodas to celebrate the first, and it was a $20 cash prize. And I think we also bought like a chocolate cake. And me and eldest had Cumpari and sodas, chicken cutlet with American cheese and white bread, and Cumpari and sodas and chocolate cake to celebrate. And you said, boy, this is what I wanted. And I was like, this is the life baby.

Eating dogs, you know what's so funny? That literally would become our eldest and now my tour manager. Our lives literally are eating dog shit at midnight, getting fucked up and getting no pussy whatsoever, half the time. So that was, I had a taste of the good life. I was like, I made $20, I'm getting illegal booze. And then for the whole month, I went to I stayed in Ellices and I just did a bunch of open

mics and just tried to figure. And then eventually I would quit because of all the immigrant guilt of like my parent, like I quit after a year and I tried really hard to be a, you know, just a good student and I just, you know, I tried for two years and then it was fucking killing me and I was like, I can't do this. You didn't go to college. College? I did go to college. I was at UMBC, actually. And then, and I, I dropped out, I had, I only needed two language credits, and they let me walk across the stage. They were like, you'll get these in the summer, right?

And I was like, yeah, for sure. But all I wanted was my mom to see me with the cap and gown. So I had a three, I graduated magna cum laude, and I had the cap and I do not have a degree because I never went back and got my language credits. Yeah, they never gave me the degree. Even though I also know Greek, by the way.

So I could have tested out of it. And I googled like, hey, what do I do here to get it? And they were like, ah, this looks annoying. I have to come to New York. I didn't live in New York at the time. I have to take a bus. I have to pass a test. I don't need a degree.

This comedy thing is, somehow the hubris of youth turned out correct. So I was like, fuck a degree. I comedy thing is somehow the hubris of youth turned out correct. I was like, fuck a degree. I'm gonna be on SNL in a fucking year. You know what I mean? That's what I thought when I'm 20 years old. But yeah, that was kind of the, you know, I was just, and I just ended up doing this

because it's like, what the fuck else am I gonna do? But, you know, and so you went to college park, you were only there for a year. You didn't spend the beautiful four years. you went to college park, you were only there for a year, you didn't spend the beautiful four years we did over there. Your mom was hovering, what was going on? I was living in my parents. No, it was just living with my parents.

It's like this is, and I'm there with guys I love, three guys I went to high school. And I say, this is not the deal. I was supposed to be, and I'd done really well in school. I mean, stupid well, like to the point where I graduated, you know, very, I mean, I was the top male in a, in a huge class. Love that. And they said, they still broke it down by a gender. Clearly.

Yeah. Love that and they said they still broke it down by gender Tell me I'm meeting the smartest one But because I couldn't and the time female went to secretary school You got to go to college. Yeah, she got free typing lessons He'll they all The two were ahead of me went on to really good schools. I go into meet at guidance. My guidance counselor says you can go here, here, here.

List these places. They're all, you know, the top of the, you know, the top. I was supposed to get into Brown. Brown was going to be no problem to get into Brown. It was going to be no problem to get into Amherst to Williams or these places that in retrospect, you go fuck. But at the time, it was like, you know, it was out. It was get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this guy gave me all wrong, you know, I just got fired. Yeah, he's the dog shit guidance counselor. So I, yeah. I might as well, I could have called you. You were probably three and a half. Yeah.

So I got in the same advice, you fucking unbelievable. So I get, and I kind of got completely, I got, I applied to six schools, I got rejected by five. Oh wow. The only one that accepted me was Georgetown. Oh, okay, still still close still but the only The only And yeah, and it had and I at that point I knew I wanted to do try theater That's why that was that was my direction. I bounced off the theater wall and ended up in in stand-up Okay, but that was where I was headed.

And why theater? Did you do a lot of theater like growing up? I mean, you watched a bunch of theater. You know, was that what was- It affected you so much. It affected you so much. I would go to see these plays. And my parents down at the, there was a Schubert theater.

Okay. Down there. And that was where these plays would come through on their way to New York. And I got, it just fascinated me, because group of people would come on stage and create this reality, which is what we do, in a sense, but create this reality for people. And I've just found it amazing. And so there was something about it that was much more interesting to me than the math. I didn't what the fuck is this for?

Yeah, it was bad. You know, I fucked this. Well, I was, you know, if they had even made a big attempt to say, because for years, I'm going, you're going to teach math and you're not going to teach it in terms of how to do an income tax war. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanna get kids hooked.

That's a way to kind of do that. Absolutely. And that they could help their parents. You know, I mean, it's like, they keep that like, oh, we have math, but we have a secret thing that you could use for the math, but we're not gonna show you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, it was like, and all of the interesting stuff which you read about by the time when you stumble on when you're like in your 30s and somebody you're on an airplane

flight and the guy is a physicist and talks to you about math and goes, holy fuck, you go fuck that? Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. That is secret. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, all of that stuff, I just, like I said, like we were talking earlier, you know,

we knew how to do it. We knew how to game the system. Of course, yeah, yeah. And so this was something that I couldn't, I couldn't game, I was not, I couldn't act. I couldn't, I wasn't writing, I just found it like, but I knew you loved it. I loved it like, but I knew you loved it. I loved it, and I knew I could write about it.

And I thought writing about theater was, since I wasn't, like I played a lot of ball, I played a lot of baseball ball, that stuff, you know. It's like being a sports writer, but you're writing about something, you know, that's intellectual. Right, right. And it's, but in the sense,

it has its own quality being a sport. Sure. And so I thought I could write, you know, I could write about it. And so I kind of got hooked on that. And I also did my last year at school, high school, I had these friends, oh my friends probably like here's a good funny.

Right, right. I had a good, yeah, I had funny. We had a bunch of funny losers, me and Eldis. Me and Eldis are another buddy of ours. We spent a lot of our time smoking the worst weed of possible. We literally would drive to like Philly for cheese steaks from Baltimore.

Like we, you know, again, not a theme that ran through my adolescence, no pussy whatsoever. So it's just you and the boys, Craig having a good time listening to, you know, again, not a theme that ran through my adolescence. No pussy whatsoever. So it was just you and the boys having a good time listening to, you know, the little Wayne mixed tapes and getting stoned and, you know, embarrassing ourselves at parties. I'm getting so fucked up. I'm taking my shirt off, bouncing on trampolines, hoping that'll get me attention from women

and they're all horrified, obviously. But we were, but we were, we could all riff. Yeah, we had that. We all had, there was about seven of us and everyone was, and a bunch of them were funnier, you know, in your aspect, really much funnier than I am. And, but, so we did a, we did a, they do what you do a talent show every year.

We did this thing, you know, and they bring, you know, people do that, and they bring people to there. And it's always the same shitty kind of theme to two old ladies and they added going through stuff with it's hard-firing. And they bring on an act based on a photo, some shit. Yeah.

And they handed it in yet again. And we had two days to fucking, grab that I said, we're not doing this, should we all, we can't do this. It's embarrassing. So the three of us sat down, and I can still, I can't remember, you know, you kind of go memories in your life,

but I can remember clearly where we were, we sat there, we fucking rewrote the shit out of it. I played the atro... I played a nation, and they were trying to get on a TV show. Oh, I'm metacommentary. We're getting it. Metacommentary on the state of show business. What's your high school play?

Yeah, it was. It was exactly what it was. So there was me and we broke parts in for my friends. Yeah. And they were all very funny. Yeah. Everything in between was going what it was. So there was me and we broke parts in for my friends. And they were all very funny. Everything in between was going to be funny. So these people come in and they don't audition. And nine times, the people are going,

well, you know, why would you even do that? Yeah, right. So this was just appalling. That's the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was kind of nice, but who's got time? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The. Yeah, that was kind of nice, but who's got time? You're not getting it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. The one that won was something we made up, which was shitty. Yeah. Somebody, one of our guys doing something awful, and they gave him the prize, but it really, but the hook was way deep in your, as you well know, deep in your brain, which is huge laughs. I was playing in front of a thousand people. That's crazy, yeah.

Which was crazy at that time, but I wasn't playing me, but I was, and that was really part of the, you know, what I was hooked in that sense of also theater. I mean, I'm playing kind of a character like me. I went, oh, okay, this is really good. I'm gonna pursue this. And also I'd like, and I always like getting up, I like getting up in front of our class, which was huge.

And I was in charge of a bunch of things, and they were there's questions, and I'd pair them apart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, feels nice. Why would you even ask that question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you set up the infrastructure where you could shit on people. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where I you set up the infrastructure where you could shit on people

Sure cast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and use my strongest suit right right right right and so that was the that was really the the drive behind theaters Yeah, and then I I transferred out it At a college park too close just too close. Yeah, so 60s. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's it's too you can't have that much of a good time in your childhood bedroom oh no yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean the high point of my of my my life at that point was yeah you know there was was going there was a group of there was five women in playing in some bar and college part, or down near DC,

that called the Great Dames. The Grand Dames literally go and watch them do three sets of them. They were beautiful, and that was my sex life. You were a groupie. Yeah, for a local band. But they were all stunning. Yeah. They ever approached any of the great names

Trying to catch a hard nipple through a shirt that could sustain you for weeks on end If it's a little chilly at the bar that the great names are at so all am I really so to get all am I really stuff yeah you know that I did kind of I when I was starting to do stand up kind of on the side just for fun was all about my sex yeah classic the nipple on the shirt thing I mean it all starts with there's no that's the other thing. It's like, you know, I'm like, I talk about how, oh yeah, you're 19 and you want to, I'm just doing open mics, but if it's, if we really distill it, it's for attention from women.

Like when I'm no one, that's the only time being funny in a social setting was what kind of set me apart. The only time girls had any interest in me. I was too nervous, you too nervous to make anything happen, but I was like, why don't we just distill this and then hopefully, and it worked. I mean, that was the only way I got laid when I was young, was like post, you know, around shows, whatever.

And then eventually I got enough confidence from it, but yeah, absolutely, that's how it starts. I do have the like, the older I get, the more I have just the caveman's view of like, when it comes down to it, everyone is doing whatever it is to get laid on some level. And you know, there's obviously satisfaction from your work and there's some other thing,

but it's really, at least at the beginning, that's how it starts. And then it becomes everybody does something so they can have a nap. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Naps are great.

I am transitioning slowly to the nap zone. Well, I mean, I don't know how you feel, but I mean, you know, you kind of, you do the show, you stay up. Yeah, you're up till three before in the morning, and even if you go, I'm going to go to sleep, you can't go to sleep. He can't go to sleep. And then, so the next day, sleep, you can't go to sleep. You can't go to sleep. You can't go to sleep. And then, so the next day, it's always been a part of me,

even when I was younger, you know, that you do the gig. I have to stay up too late, wake up, go through part of the day, and then have to knock. Gotta have the nap. Yeah, gotta have that. Four o'clock, I'm in there. Yeah snoozing. Eldis can go set up the cameras. I have worked it. I have worked to do. Yeah, I love showing up. I love cutting it closer and closer where it's like, you

know, now I'm like, oh, the feature just got on. All right, I'll be giving me how much time do you have left? You know, it's like I really when I'm when I yeah, I've had some we had some atrocious tours where I was just getting, you know, also I don't know. I was getting way too fucked up and just the hangover's crazy. I physically can't get out of this bed until 6'15. You know, to shower, hit a cold shower,

but we're doing better folks. We're trying to survive. We're trying to live and see a couple more tours and you'll and you'll end up doing it I can being someone who's been through everything. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. You kind of go because part of it says I don't want to do this you know you you still keep the drinking of course you kind of figure out where to put it and you know oh geez I'll drink till two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, improvement. And you know, and and you all and you but you will still come back to the problem. And this is I think universal where you go, you're drinking and you go, fuck,

it's 12. Yeah, yeah, son of a bitch. I'm going to be in bed by 130. Yeah. Well, then it fives. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, two. You have to hit it just right. The first time you check your watch, you have to be a little alarmed. Yeah, you have to be like, fuck on behind schedule. You can't be ahead of schedule

as you're getting fucked up so far. I know all about it. Yeah. And I do know that it's just a, the big thing, you know, always amazed me with stand up when, especially when I got left the theater and really became just did the comedy. I couldn't understand how comics, you know, unless until I really began to understand

that the outpolesum is a problem. Of course. Yeah. If you were doing this for a living, what better place for someone to drink? Oh, it was just because you know, I went so let me figure this out so I could drink till five. I still have 12 hours a sleep. Yeah, you know, I mean you almost have to fucking fuck it up Yeah, and we do plenty of us do that's the thing it's like it's the perfect camouflage for any number of drug sex addiction food addiction Everything and it's like you know, I the only one I don't show with is actually drinking all the other ones

Yeah, yeah, I can I'll have a drink or two, but man, will I, yeah, just staying up to, because it is that thing of like, that's exactly what you get in into comedy for for me. And it's like, I'm trying to grow up and be like, all right, it's done. You had plenty of years where you're getting fucked up. You're, you know, it's like you're not an insecure 16 year old,

you know, watching Comedy Central Half Hour presents anymore. You're the guy at the show. Stop. You have nothing to prove. Stop getting fucked up. Stop trying to get pussy every fucking night. Just go watch Netflix with your pal eldest. Go eat a sack.

Go eat a Greek yogurt. You know, it doesn't have to be a thing of wings and a whole pizza. Don't stop taking dick pills and just chill out, man. That's what I have to, those are my affirmations. They have to say to myself on the road. But I'm fascinated by the fact that you wanted to be a playwright, though. That's so, I can't even imagine, I guess it's a little bit

of not stand up is kind of like out there, but it's not really, I wonder if you would like, obviously you looked up the comics and stuff like that, but I also feel like plays had such a bigger part in the culture at the time that they don't really do anymore, but I just, it's such a different, it's such a different artistic exercise from the immediate feedback of just you on stage that you're fucking sitting somewhere typing out something that you won't even get to say, some other asshole gets to say, you know what I mean? And I can't, and I have to imagine it was,

there was a lot of competition for it, and it's just like such a different skill set to what you ended up excelling at. So what's that, and we're those years where you're just like, I just imagine with you with a scarf and a typewriter. I know. I don't want to.

Yeah. Never. I just think playwright, I see. Really, I'm wondering around with an ass cut. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Fucking fine. No.

A completely different guy. You're slicking your hair back smoking jack Long cigarette You in a cafe. No, I just I Got a kick out of doing it. It was kind of and then you once Once you kind of start doing it You realize I mean you gotta realize was, you're working with these people who are really good at what they do. They can fucking see you kind of go, so it pushes

you in terms of you're writing, oh, I can write about this because that person can do that and done it, and I, and I, and nobody, I was at Chapel Hill. I was, I discovered a long way. I went to the University of North Carolina. One of the reasons I went there was there weren't a lot of places you could really get play writing where you could take it on the college level, the university level. There were places that kind of taught it, but it was not. There was no kind of teacher there that was, you know, who really was doing this. At Chapel Hill, I discovered in the catalog, I was looking through it, that you could

actually get a drama major with it, and it would be an emphasis, will you be in playwriting? Oh, interesting. So it was all, so I could do a lot more writing. So it's a little fucked. This is great. Because now, now I've cut out six credits. Yeah, yeah. Boom. And I can just write. Well, you got that. Then you're, they're nine credits that, you know, and some of those are in theater. And, and you've got a pretty, two years where you can really write away. And nobody else was doing it. Yeah. There was nobody. Interesting. They were graduate students. Oh, but you're the only undergrad, only undergrad by far. And really right away and nobody else was doing it. There was nobody. Interesting. They were graduate students.

Oh, but you were the only undergrad, only undergrad by far and they didn't know. I was going, so here's what I'm gonna do and this is where you can't do that. The book, yeah. That was when I realized being smart did have certain payoffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I opened the book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sent me a fucking idiot. And I read it. And so I did that, and then the big hook was, I wasn't getting, this is, so I tried to write anything, but yeah. Yeah, a couple screen plays, not really, not really, you know, for the anything, but yeah. A couple screen plays, not really, not really, you know, for the stage,

but yeah, screen plays. Yeah, I mean, you had a, you got a fucking brain. Yeah. You know, you skip theater, you might as well be writing, oh good, I'm gonna declare about poverty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna play right, especially when I was doing it. And I didn't really want to write the other stuff.

I had no desire to, I went to a lot of movies and I liked the idea of taking the structures in film and using it. But what's amazing is, I took the courses at Chapel Hill, I took eventually, I went to drama school, you know, I took the courses there and play writing. They never taught anything about plot. Oh wow. They never taught anything about story. Well, you're fucking idiots.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like saying, we're gonna teach you math without numbers. And you're being modest, you went to Yale drama school. Which is the fucking, you know, the best ones in the world. And they didn't teach you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so it was like some of the first thing that I wrote, at Chapel Hill was a play. And I got all of these actors together who were all getting, you know, fucked over. They weren't doing a show at that time. And I had friends who did film. Got us all together and said, I want to write a play.

And I wanted to be by growing up in America. And I said, so we'll do some scenes and stuff, and I'll bring in a scene, and then we'll work on it. So they improv and wrote this, and Dada did, I wrote it, and we would do all this. And I couldn't get the theater department, of course, wouldn't do anything. Meanwhile, I had this fellowship to write there, because I was the only one who would come out of the school with the playwright, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it was the first time I had money really. It was like nice back then.

It was like not a ton, but it was really good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, for being a broke-house, you didn't get a couple of cheese in your bank account. Yeah, it was unbelievable, especially down there at that time when it was still going to school, everything was cheap and in comparison by far. And so we ended up, we worked on it. I went to the student union, I knew the kid there who was in charge. I said, I'm going to do this. I said, I'm not going to borrow a dime until we have a show.

And I said, it's not going to be more than a grand that we're asking for. They would do student shows, you know, the theater for five, ten thousand, I'm going to do it for a thousand. And we need, and then when it doesn't work out, I'm not going to, we won't do it. I'm writing it, we're getting there, and I'm going, we're going to need the money. We'll do this. And it was a massive hit. It was in the show. It was crazy though.

So you're the king of Chapel Hill. I was the king of Chapel Hill. I was the king of North Carolina. He toured. Wow, holy shit. What we did was we got immediately, we got out of the show was the guy who wrote for the paper in Raleigh, ended really what was my career at the school by saying, I'm writing a review of my TV. By the time I got to know you were Jewish? No, no. No. No.

No. Like, this is all well and good, but he's kind of distributing dangerous ideas to the Christian youth here in North Carolina. The first is side. He was the child, that is good. The first girl I went out with there, the Chapel Hill said literally within four minutes,

you know, I've never dated a Jewish man before, and I was like rubbing my hand in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good, I'm yeah. Oh, good. Did she ask you to do that? She had a thing. She was like, do one of the most Jewish gestures possible. Rub your hands together.

Yes, we did. We didn't touch my head, we had to see if I had horns. It was really, but that's exactly, but that is so good. It was, it was, we basically, I didn't forget what I was talking about. The guy ended your career, the reviewers. Oh, yeah, the reviewers. The reviewers said, God, that was too good. Thanks, man. Thanks, man.

So, it was really a chunk of being there was like that. Yeah, I can't imagine to go from like Silver spring which is you know, big Jewish summer Exactly to go to North Carolina at that time. It's like I was literally, you know I was joking, but I was but part of me is also like that must have been fucking wild. It was wild It was good But it and it was and it got really saying quickly because it was the 60s Yeah, we got over a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Christ, we were all on the ass, and we're all the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the guy wrote this review in which he said, this was by far the best production. He'd seen on the campus in 15 years. So he wiped out all of the work that it did. The drawbook department had done. And also they were pissed. So they were pissed.

You do this thing for a thousand bucks, you know what I mean? And they're like, this is better than anything. Yeah, and so, and eventually, I wrote it as part of like, I was going for a Master's. I didn't take many courses, but the courses that I took and play ready. So at this play, but as the course that I took and play ready, so at this play, huge hit, we ended up, we got permission from the school

and from the state, the state ended up saying, we could tour the show, so with that review, we ended up, the State Arts Council gave us money and we toured like seven States. Wow. That's great. It was great. And that's so you're on the road even with that's interesting You have the ability to be on the road and you're Mr. But you're the fucking director or the player and the player and so you're you just get to go you don't have to do shit You wrote it. I wrote it. You just get to enjoy it. Yeah, you just get everybody giving you accolades

We would do a Q&A with the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About what they, and it was one of these things, you know, it's the thing is, is with right place, right time. It's all about, it's, you know, the career. It's all about timing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you've done, you know, if you've done the podcast, you know, six months

from now would make it, you know, you might have been. I think about that all the time. I mean, my parents tried to have kids for years. They couldn't. And I think about if I was born when they wanted to have me, I'd be born in one of the worst time for comedy. My career would have been like, I came right at the right internet. If my parent, if they didn't either go get,

I'm an Envietro baby. And if they had me, if I'm born five years earlier, she does a lot different for me. Like, my whole career is off the internet, the first podcast, to the clips, to everything. It's just, right place, I think about that constantly. If I'm even 40 now, it's a little different for me because I think what I did at first was,

I was a little, it was just like, I just hit right at the right at the right time. So constantly it's all that. I mean so much of this is you got to be talented, but talent is just the floor. It's a lot of... I mean, I know all of these guys. And women that I know that I think, you know,

should have had breaks. Absolutely. And I fell into it because of, you know, the daily show because of 64 people I knew. And so I ended up on there and then all of a sudden within three years, David Tellen and I are the face of the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fresh.

That was awesome. But it was, that was what did it and there's other people I know who, you know, they've got, you know, the guys like all over the place, women all over. They should have gotten. Absolutely. And it really is just if they've been here or here. Yeah. So, I mean, for me, that thing really, and what was really,

and it was really true at the moment in time, we go take the first place we go to, so now we leave the campus, now we're at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. All women's school. Very nice. All women's school. And so we do it there. There's the places it's more, it's like 1200 people

or watching it in ways. Wow. It finishes and they all stand there, get a standing ovation, they go completely bullshit, holy shit. And I turned to my friend who's the producer of it. And I said, it's never gonna be better than that.

Yeah. Yeah. You just, yeah, absolutely. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the moment, it was kind of like when you're in a bad, now I'm in a great relationship. This is like, let's walk away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we have this memory. It's a poster.

Before I fucking out. Yeah. Or like it's that moment when you're in the bad relationship. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, that's a signal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should lead right now moment when you're in the bad relationship. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, that's a signal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should leave right now. And you don't.

And you're like, but this is, I can handle this. I can handle this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very interesting. They'll change. Yeah, I wonder if that has anything to do with our psychology. So we look at things that way. Because I'm right there with you.

You give me some dog shit. I can handle this. But it's something good. It's like, no, I will fuck this up. And it was, and it's something good. It's like, no, I will fuck this up. And it was, and it became different than it was like, because it was everything about it was, it was written about growing up and, and how do you deal with the fact that we're in the middle of a school? You're in the midst of the school thing and there's a war going on. And you're going to, and the kid decides that he can't be a

part of this anymore on any level, both school and he's going to walk away. So the place went, you know, so in terms of fantasy, it was like people went and we were really good at describing what it was like to be born in the suburbs. I mean, I was good at it. We had 20 people involved in feeding me information about their upbringing. So there was always something that was like, oh, that happened, yeah.

Perfect. So it really had something to it. And so that was, that hooked me for a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, I'm gonna make that happen again. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nope, I'm gonna make that happen again. Oh! That was your most testful play, was that it? I had other plays that did well, but not I. But that was it. I've got a one-hack play that I think is kind of remarkable whenever

it's done. Cool. Go a bit apeshit about it, because it's called the deal, it's two guys making a deal. And you never know what the deal is. Yeah, oh wow. And one of them has, I love just talking about this, because it's so safe. So it's two guys making this deal.

And one of them, and they're upping, everyone is everything like the guy is. The office is in, they're uping. Everyone is everything like the guy is the offices in their meeting in his, he's so high there's actually no view. Yeah. And birds, birds suffocate at that height. And the other one has a bunk. It lives in a bunker. Yeah. It will be shot in a space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, press in. So a spaceship. spaceship, all these fucking dickheads are trying to go to space now. Exactly. I wrote it 40 years ago.

It's crazy. And everything I wrote kind of happened. And it was before food was a big thing. It was just starting. And so the whole deal basically breaks down to the fact that they're cutting the deal over. They both love the chef and if they can get this chef, they'll make, they'll fly to see the chef and that's where they'll iron out the rest of the deal. Yeah, yeah.

And one of the guys, the final topper before we get to that was, one of the guys actually has a gold scrotum. Which was another one of my favorites. Gold member, wow. Mike Myers ripped you off too. Elias, I can, Elon, Bezos and Mike Myers just stealing space and gold balls. At least when it was done, somebody had figured out, this is when you know you deal, this is the difference in theater and what gold ball. At once, when it was done, somebody had figured out,

this is when you know you deal, this is the difference in theater and what we do. Somebody figured out how to, so the guy's hips is flying out of show, and the guy's looking down at it, and he did it so that it looks, his face is reflected in gold. Yeah.

And the other, That must feel great to write the phrase gold scrotum and then have some, figure it out, I need gold nuts and it's not my fucking problem how it happens. So all of a sudden, there's this gold, and the next line is, he's looking at it, he says, hmm, makes my mouth water. So it's really, it's just a pretty,

and it ends with the two of them, and it's only 25 minutes long, but it's one thing after another, and they're squeezing each other's nuts, screaming, screaming, it's a deal, it's a deal. I love that. Yeah, that's a beautiful, did that come to you into an acid vision as well? That's what I was that. Yeah, that's a beautiful, did that come to you into an acid vision as well?

It was very weird. I mean, it's one of the things I wish you'd had. It was like, it was, it was one of these things as soon as they wanted me to write about money. And it was, and I came up with these, Bener and Boulard with the names of the characters. I mean, I have no idea where any of the kids. It's one of those things where people go, I just wrote it, that's what I did. I mean, it was just kind of like, holy fuck, because once you kind of nail the conflict,

once you nail the plot, I mean, it was a pretty simple plot, they're cutting the deal. Yeah. And it can come close for a chunk to write itself. Yeah. No, that's awesome. And then when I was doing, like I said, my minimal research, you basically just started doing stand-up by opening for place, right? You were just kind of the MC for the shit you wrote.

And then by the way, the other thing I found was one of the buildings, one of the places you were performing, which is now the beer bar in Tavern. I don't remember what it was called, but they would do open mics there too, one of the places you were before was, which is now the beer baron tavern. It was, I don't remember what it was called, but they would do open mics there too, to this day. Now it's called the DC comedy loft. Oh yeah. And it's like from then to like,

I was doing open mics there. The same place that you, at least on Wikipedia, it's the thing you were, so that's pretty fun and cool that there's been a one uninterrupted place where they've been doing, you know, that's comedy. I didn't know they've still. Oh yeah, yeah, it was, it's on, you know, it's off. It's kind of like DuPont Circle area. Yeah, it was

the brick scalar. The brick scalar. Now it's the beer bear, it was called, it's the beer bear in Tavern and it's now the, now it's the DC comedy law. And comedy long. And give you an idea. I wasn't even doing, this is how fucking insane I was. Yeah. I was, nobody was doing stand up down there. Stand up and started a bit. It started to kick off in New York and there's improv and there was an angelist and it started to move. It was 70, 80 actually.

Oh no, it wasn't even that. It was 70, I was doing this. I got into college of 71, 72. I finished this play. I'd come home now, I'm living there and have a job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the federal government. And there's an audition for the brick scholar.

They need a comic. A comic is gonna appear before the music acts, which were basically, this is how old it was, folk singers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I, uh, in the great games, were they still around? No. I didn't, I didn't try to folk. No, really, they, they'll do folk.

Yeah. I'll buy them some dulcimer. No, really, they tell you folk. I'm some doulsellers. So we ended up going down to this audition. And I had done some stand-up at Chapel Hill. But I really had just kind of gone on stage and I told the stories that I told. So I mean, if you took what I had, which was not refined, I had 20, 25 minutes about sex.

Right, right, right. And they wanted me to do three sets of night, 20 minutes. Oh, wow. And so I went in and I did my strong set. Yeah. Which was my shitty set. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You already know that I had shitty ones. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, he's just warming up.

He'll be fine. And another guy named Ron Moranian got it. And we both got it. And we worked every other week. Cool. And I would just take stuff from the news. But I mean, I was working around Washington, and I do stuff from that. And I had no clue about any. Of course. And there

was nobody around. There was no open mic. Eventually, when I came out of, when I was at drama school, when I would go into DC to work in another place where it was kind of an open mic night. And we're a variety of people, you know, from the area worked and it was great. And, but this was, I was really just going to make. And just fucking around. Just fucking, yeah.

And that they let me. And you had a job at the time you were at the work for the government. And your weekends, you're just, yeah, and I was making, and then I was just shoving the money. Because it was like, was I making like a hundred bucks a night or something, doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like phenomenal. Would they still pay, by the way? Yeah. That's how fucking, that's how much comedy respects, unless they're gonna have so much to respect comedians. Pay scale hasn't changed. You can fuck him 50 years. I know.

I can cock soccer. No, at that time, at that time, the hundred was real money. Yeah, it's really that bitch. It worked there. It's really true. Yeah. But I made, you know, so all of a sudden,

I could bank, you know, plus living at home. So, yeah, it's nice and it was all but basically I'm I'm trying to raise as much money so I can continue To deal with my real addiction, which is theater Where is the stand-up comedy was what it helped you put away for for what your actual dream? Yeah, that's how fucked up is it? No, if you were maybe the one kid where who did have talent, whose parents were like, come on man, you gotta cut some of this shit out. Like if I'm your fucking dad,

I'm like, you're doing stand up to pay for writing plays. Pick one thing that's not gonna work. No one do what you can do, You know, but good for you, man. That's, you know, you were getting after it. I, we could talk all day. I have so many questions I want to ask, but we do, we got to use some of your wisdom here for our callers. Oh, yeah, you've learned about my words. We've learned so much about your wisdom. Oh, yeah. We, you know, I have so many more questions, but you know, we gotta have you back, we'll get to it, but I think we gotta, we need your perspective

for some of our friends here. They're struggling. So why don't you hit us with our first question, buddy? And by the way, before we do that, I should say, let's plug some of your stuff. Special on YouTube right now, it's got a million views. Very funny, go watch it, free special, from Lewis, a podcast, anything you want to try. Go watch it. Free special from Lewis. A podcast. Anything

you want to tragically, I need tragically, I need you is on is and it's free free, great special. And then I'll be back on tour in the States starting September 21st. I love it. Lewis black.com and in the I'll be in you know, being Spokane, Washington on the, like, the 23rd and then on the catcher might owe and all that. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do Rapid City. I have many of you have pined to see South Dakota. Yeah, if you wanna, take a break from prospecting

and go, go, go, go, see what it was. If the mines are hidden. And so I'll be doing that and I'm gonna be, break from prospecting and going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going And I probably do just as well selling tickets with Dublin, Ohio. Yeah. And at their fish market. Yeah. The freshest stuff. Yes.

Right from the river, the coyoga. Yeah. So I'm playing in Dublin and I played there like five. I played the Kill County as a comedy festival. I played there five times. I played Dublin twice County as a comedy festival. I played there five times. I played Dublin twice. Can't sell it to can't see me. You hear that go buy a ticket.

You make bastards don't embarrass us here. All right. If this if that turns into ticket sales, I will I'll be back next week. You heard it, motherfuckers, buy some fucking tickets. Well, Lewis, I bet you wish you had one of these when you were going to drama school at North Carolina. That's right. A freeze pipe, Lewis. Quiet. Let me tell the people about it. Freeze pipe folks, you've probably seen us already. We've used the product on this show. Remember how you used to put ice cubes in your bongs,

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alright great so good to lose black dot com check out special check out the podcast uh... one of the best and why don't we let's get it let's get some fucking questions here all this place our first question what's up what's up elis what's up guess love the podcast but keep a short and sweet got a roommate uh... we've got a roommate who's got a slight gambling addiction and I want to know if you guys have any advice on dealing with

somebody who you're kind of worried if they can pay their rent every month. Not that great a guy all around. You know, this is in the sink, admittedly, and other just relatively douchebag things, kind of a dirty dude in general. But yeah, as far as the gambling and potentially not having the rent, how would you guys go about living with somebody like that? And if you have any tips for me or for him, thanks a lot, guys, love the content. Peace. Gambling addict, piece of shit roommate, who pisses in the first of all, pisses in the sink, who amongst us? Okay, lead he who is not pissed in the sink, cast the first stone.

All right, so don't get off your high horse pal. We've all got, didn't want to wait for the bathroom, especially if you're in one of these early 20s guy, where there's only one bathroom probably, you're pissing in this, but we'll strike that from the record. It sounds like he just hates his roommate. It sounds like gambling isn't really, it hasn't been a problem yet, right?

No, the gambling is really a bread herring. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just a piece of shit. And the thing that you do, which is really simple, move. There's nothing difficult about this Jesus shit. He's a piece of shit. He's a piece of shit What do I do to continue to live with him? It's it's not a you're this he's in a marriage Yeah, he's not even a guy that blows you every once in a while It's just a fucking guy you don't like, that gambles too much.

And by the way, gambling has gotten out of control recently. It's so easy to, it's like every app, it's like every sports thing. It's like, it was a more honorable thing when the mafia ran it. Like I don't like now that it's like banks, get all the money, it's like, you used to real gambling, there was an actual undercurrent

where you might actually get hurt if you fuck up too much. And I respected that a lot more than this guy who's just like, you might just fuck over your timid roommate who can't tell you to stop pissing in the sink. Who's like, hey, can you clean up your bottles of gatorade piss? What I love about when they brought in gambling too, which just shows how sick we are as a nation

So we're in the middle of a pandemic. Yeah people are locked up You didn't five months into it. There's nothing you can fucking do unless you're one of those idiots who says oh It's it's not gonna. I'm not gonna die from it. Yeah, you know who wanders around And uh and so they they immediately started with that's when it started, Vanduul and this. In the football game and you can get a bet down. What the fuck, it's like, oh yeah, God damn it. That you're unemployment money on Korean soccer because they're the only ones who lock down.

It was crazy what people were betting on because there was like rugby, it was going on. There was New Zealand, you can bet on New Zealand rugby games You could bet on like Japanese baseball because they would have locked out so early in Korean baseball Yeah, Japanese and Korean baseball and so you could do you bet on that people were betting on fucking the wildest shit Yeah, it was just during and then and then and then once we opened up it began and then then, oh, here's a good idea. Why doesn't the National Football League get own part of the game?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna really work out. That is gonna end badly. They keep suspending, but players keep gambling. They keep getting suspended, and I feel bad for these guys, because it's like, well, I know you should gamble if you play the sport, because it's a big slippery sloping. But probably, you shouldn't gamble if you play the sport

because it's a big slippery sloping. But these are guys who are not, they're not betting on their teams, they're not betting on the outcomes. And it's like, you've created this culture of everyone gambles and now these guys are just getting fucked, but what else is new? That's, but for you, are you, for you, my friend, yes.

Just, why do you have to fucking, are we missing something? Why do you have to fucking be there? Move. This guy sucks dick. Try again, don't live with a compulsive gambler. And you're good, and maybe somebody who cleans up after himself a little bit. But this is, this is like early 20s, not understanding

that a better life is possible. We've all been there when it's like, you kind of, you still look around, you're like, wait, why the fuck am I even here? And we got news for you, buddy, you don't have to be here. So, yeah. And if we're missing something, don't write us. Yeah.

I don't want to know anymore. Get another one going, Elvis. Yeah, fuck you, pal. All right. Oh, good. Here's another one. I got these people today. Child support question. I hope that helps you file it. Here's another one. Why are these people today? Child support question.

I hope that helps you file it. Here we go. No, no, this is, I'm going to start crying. Stop me. Thank you for taking my call. Uh-huh. Love you guests. I have a child support question to ask. I am a single father in a very red state, meaning it's very rare.

And my baby mama was court ordered to pay child support. Here's the fun fact. Her and I get along really well. We're very good co-parent years later after the divorce. Our son is healthy, happy. You know, has a good has a good relationship with both of us. She has not paid child support in almost five years. Oh, what the fuck? And we're starting to get close to that $10,000 mark where they start plucking motherfuckers in jail.

What do I do, dude? The whole entire point of putting her on child support was to get her to help out with the kids. She really hasn't. I pay for with the kid. She really hasn't. I pay for most of it. However, she's good mom once a month when it comes time. And then, you know, during the summer when it's critical when he needs his mom. She's always there.

She answers my phone calls. Does FaceTime with Kid? We're friends. That over these pregnant pauses. At this point. However, there is that aching question in the back of my head. What would she do if this was reversed? I don't know if that's the quiz or the tough one. it's not it's not reversed what is happening to you You're getting finessed by this woman the thing is she's done it for five years now you're fucking now you give a fuck What why did you start caring when you're like oh it's getting close to when I can send her to jail

This is bizarre you never brought this up and close to when I can send her to jail. I'm like, this is bizarre. You never brought this up. You're like, hey, can I have some, have you ever asked her for child support once? What did she said? She just not paid you and you haven't done shit. Then you're kind of a dickhead.

You're allowing yourself to get, you know, was there ever a conversation? Was there ever like, hey, I'm having a tough time this month, like can we wait? But I don't get it. If you've never asked and you have a good relationship, I'm having a tough time this month, like can we wait? But I don't get it. If you've never asked and you have a good relationship, you're kind of complicit here, I hate to say it.

I don't know, this is bizarre. This is really bizarre, and then I'm just wondering. So now, you know, the backstory I'd like to know. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. With the kid, how good a mom is she if you have custody every time for once a month? And I think she can't come up with, you know, a thousand bucks a month.

And it's five years, so it's $2,000 a year. That's not that much money, man. No, it's less what you would pay to keep one of those dogs alive. Yeah, that's true. Two, you're right, let's do the math. Ten, two thousand a year, that's what, two hundred dollars a month, bro. That's like every streaming service. Is this bitch have Paramount Plus?

If she has the little bootleg ones too. That's crazy, dude. Okay, this is insane, but also you're kind of weird for waiting until it's the jail mark. It's kind of another read on this situation is you let this slide because by the way, it's not that much money And you let this slide until you have jail hanging over your ex-wife's head Now if you're evil, that's kind of genius because now you got her by the balls now anytime she does something You don't like you're like oh, that's interesting. Maybe I should call the sheriff. Let him know, let him know what the fuck's going on.

But it's also strange to be like, what if the situation was reversed? I don't know. It sounds like she probably would have asked you for the money because she's, are you afraid of confrontation? Like, what the fuck is going on here? You're kind of, you're kind of,

now you said he's in a red state. So he could live somewhere where that is weirdly a lot of money, if it's a month I could live in Mississippi or some shit, and $10,000, you know, that gets you, you could live on an ex-plant. And that's another. I'm just gonna, it was a friend of Stavros is gonna point out,

when you send in these fucking things, explain some of this shit. Okay. She was really being part of the story. This is two, yeah, else now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the two questions sent in, and both of them leaving out chunks,

I'm a single father. I have a chance for a question to ask. I'm a single father in a very red state meaning. It's rare. He just wants to pat himself on the back a little bit for being a single dad. Which, you know, what did the baby mama do that he ended up with the baby?

I know, we would like to know more about that. And she can't come up with 180 for you, dude. Not for you, for your kid. Well, yeah, I don't know. At this point, you have too much empathy. That much I'll tell you. But it's also too late in the game. It's kind of strange to be like five years later,

be like, hey, where the fuck's my $10,000? Yeah. I'm just like, what? I mean, you're getting, here's the thing. You are getting got by this woman. I'm, my guess is this was what your relationship was like. This is a vestigial thing. Now it's not as bad as, you know,

sucking some guy off in your shared Nissan Rogue while you're away, you know what I mean? She's not that bad. But, but she is. She is getting one over on you. And my guess is that's what your relationship was like. She was kind of, my guess is she was, you know, I'm just gonna, here's me with the limited information

I have, it's really good at giving top, you know what I mean? Like, when she's kind of insane, she's crazy or else she'd have her child, right? Means the pussy was probably pretty good. And you're still kind of scared, even though you don't get the fuck ready, or maybe she throws you a little pussy every once in a blue moon to get you off her back.

And now it's been eight weeks since you've busted and all of a sudden you got the abacus out and you're counting how much fucking child support she owes you. I gotta feel in something like that is happening here. Oh my God. Oh my God. So, Wow, your answer is impressive. You have a whole other life going on. You can drop this in.

Thank you, Lucie. That's me in boxing. Yeah, much more. You're just advice, just to the somebody they love listening. Yeah. They love listening advice. And I feel like I have a handle to the somebody they love listening. They love listening to advice. And I feel like I have a handle on the situation. You do.

Just from his voice, his little timid. And anyone who I hate to this is kind of, now we're getting a little too caveman brain, but it's like, single father. You know what I mean? It's like anyone who gets stuck with the kid for every time but a month. She kind of got one. You have flipped here where she is basically the deadbeat dad and you're the like wife with too much empathy

for her piece of shit like husband, ex-husband. That's all there is to it. And she's finessed you, she's gotten one over on you and you can come up. If you must, if it's now you've decided it's time to take a stand. Don't put your fucking kids mom and jail. That's only going to fuck shit up more. You're going to seem vindictive. And if you must do anything here, have a conversation with her and be like, hey, I could you kill like you, this is how much you owe. I don't want to make this

something crazy. But can you start shipping in for something, right? Because, but you're also a little complicit here. So, you gotta start slow and you don't wanna be a hardass all of a sudden because, A, she'll flip it on you. You don't have the guts to go. You don't have the guts to play hardball, I can tell. She will do something and you will end up looking like a fucking asshole. I promise you that, I promise you that.

So just see if she'll kick in for a fucking juice box every once in a while, whatever, see if you can kind of get her ledger lower over time. But you're a little complicit here. And if I'm wrong, feel free to update us. But I think I nailed you personally. Wow. So you're really good. I think you're right.

And also, you know, that's if you just need somebody to call in once in a while and talk to the kid. And we don't need to pay you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, call in. Yeah. On the live show, let me help your kid with his algebra homework. All right, I'll just place another one, buddy. Hey, stuff.

I get an interesting one for you. I'm also the older brother of two younger brothers of the twins. I'm 28. They're both 25. I don't know if your brothers want to do this, but they're still in this awkward twin stays and the fact that they were so close together with each other that they never really learned how to branch out and make friends even through high school. Unfortunately, when they were in college, they ended up going to this in college together,

which was good. They lined up their anxiety, but they didn't let them become their own person, I would say. And then with that COVID hit, so in terms of socializing, that kind of diminished pretty quickly. I would go over to the house and try to get them like social homework, because they were always good when it comes to endocardemics. I'm just looking for some help. there was always a good one comes in academics. I'm just looking for some help. I don't know if your brothers run through this

or they were just as sociable as you right away. I'd really appreciate your help, thanks. Bye. Yeah, I mean, my brothers, so I have twin brothers, my younger brothers are two years younger than me and their twins, but they're fraternal twins. So they're not,

I don't know, this sounds maybe they're identical. This happens, identical twins, it they're fraternal twins. So they're not, I don't know, this sounds maybe they're identical. This happens, identical twins, it's almost like, sometimes identical twins can come off as homeschooled, even if they went to public school. You know what I mean? They just feel omnis, even though, no matter who the fuck they are,

you know, where they have this weird inner language and they don't really break out, that can happen sometimes, especially if these guys are kind of getting, my brothers were not like that. They were fraternal, so they basically were just happened to be born at the same time. They don't have any of that twin shit going on.

And me and my brothers all just kind of, we took turns, two of us would be friends and we'd gang up on the other one. It was just continuously changing like power dynamics in the house. And then when they were younger, they're younger. One of my brothers went to college,

and then my other brother stayed in Greek town and kind of just fucking. In fact, we're gonna have him on. I think we're gonna go deep into the Greek town chronicles, but my one brother went to college, was playing sports, he went to just he went to like a party school Wasn't a big part of your but was always he had his own thing he was very sociable My other brother just was getting fucked up in Greek town for a couple years

That was as he went to the University of Eastern having you Just do it just drinking forties and shit and drinking sprayed sprayed with raid weed So they had their own their own very rich interior worlds. But this can be a problem when, if you have siblings that are way too close, it can be tough, I don't know, and they're 25 now. You might just have to say they're who they are a little bit. And they sound like they are a little bit. And they sound like they might be nerds anyway, right? Like they just care about academics.

They're in college, they end up going to the same college and then COVID so they don't get to socialize and now they're just kind of stuck on academics. Hey look man, not everybody's gonna be a cool guy that gets fucked up and you know, fingers girls, you know, so some guys have to- We need actuaries. We need guys working insurance.

A cool guy with fingers. I've never heard that said. But this can happen where it's like, you know, one, if you're, you know, you just, your siblings don't go the way you want them to go. And it can be, like this, here's the thing, let's put this in context. Some people's younger brothers are addicted to opiates. You know what I mean?

Some people, some, you know what I mean? Like some people are doing bad shit. Your brothers are just nerds. And that might just be who they are. And I think instead of trying to mold them in his image, maybe you can make them cooler nerds. You know what I mean? Like, what am I looking for?

Your expectations, moderate, what am I looking for? Your expectations, what's the phrase I can't come up with because I'm fucking stupid. Anyway, looking for your expectations what's the phrase I can't come up with because I'm fucking stupid anyway just lower your expectations I was thinking of the word yeah yeah yeah who gives a fuck there's one word that's gonna hit me and it's not even that impressive that's the most annoying thing when this happens to me it's always like a word everyone should know it's's never, it never makes any sense. Anyway, so look, maybe these guys are not gonna be, these guys are gonna be, you know, cool like you,

but see if you're trying to give them social homework, he says, I'd love to see what that, yeah, what is that? Yeah, what is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna dial make eye contact with a woman for four seconds at a time They're doing like yeah, they're doing like Wreps and people are coming up Open the door. Thank you Thanks for coming a couple couple reps of eye contact with with the six you work your way up to being able to look a Nine in the eyes get a bunch of dumpy bitches and make your brothers talk to them first. That worked the way up. But you know what? I say that as a joke, but not a bad idea.

Because I don't know if this was your, well, you were a theater kid a little bit, but it wasn't. I think it was before the whole theater kid phenomenon happened. Oh, yeah. Where it kind of became its own thing where there was a lot of theater kids who were not popular, but in their own worlds, they were all fucking and having parties within their own ecosystem. But not mine. No, no, no, no. Even I wasn't even in the world, and I knew that even entering the world would change.

None of that was. It's not so different than my own world? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the best you can hope for, I think, is your twin brothers becoming cool within their little nerd world. Like, get them, what are their interests? Stop trying to kind of push them into,

you know, getting them out and getting fucked up and doing all this stuff. And, you know, maybe these guys are, maybe they're gonna get pussy at like a board game convention or some shit like that. Maybe it's gonna be settlers of Catan. That's gonna, that's gonna be how they find girlfriends. You know what I mean? It's not gonna be at a bar.

So just see who these guys are and kind of be, you know, understand what you're working with. That would be my advice to you as the older brother. You can't push your brother, and I kind of went up against this sometimes with my brothers. Now, we have a good relationship, we've worked on a lot of stuff, but meet them for who they are. You know, it doesn't sound like you guys are the same type of guy. See if you can help them along in their world as opposed to trying to bring them into your world and trying to bring them into your expectations.

So, you know, that's all I can tell you, my friend. to bring them into your world and trying to bring them into your expectations. So that's all I can tell you, my friend. I've got a better advice. Okay, here we go. No, I mean, but it's totally off of what you may have said. But it would be stop pushing to socialize them. And if they're good academically, push them to find some sort of work that makes a lot of money. Yeah absolutely.

Yeah absolutely. Get them focused. That's true. If they're not going to focus on socializing, get them to focus the fucking job that's in front of them that they can get really good at. Yep. Get them a master's seat and you're willing to get a doctorate. Right.

You know, fucking pharmaceutical companies are always looking Exactly for a new drug get them on track and take 10% Come there agent there agent Forget the rest of it. I love that. Yeah, these are guys that are gonna peak with their second wife not their first That's how you gotta look at your brothers. This is true. Yeah. Get them someone to hold them down through the doctor,

you know, through their doctorate. And then you know what I mean? Right around 52, 53, a nice hostess, they meet, you know, whatever you're good to go. Like the owner of the Golden State Warriors is now married to a woman who was like, you know At a work to the golf course during he met it like a celebrity golf game And you're not gonna guess this. She is a lot hotter than his first wife And much younger than him. So that's the path your brothers are on and don't fight it

You're gonna peak now. they're gonna peak at 55. But that was good. Yeah, I think we really got it by the end of that. I think you got it. That's really, I mean, it's impressive. I'll say you're I'm blushing over here. It is. You would have had to pay a lot more fucking money for that. You did put with what he just told you. Oh, we ask is that you watch Lewis's special on YouTube, folks. And you know, maybe subscribe to the Patreon of Stavisville, if you're feeling generous. All right, hit us with one big LD. Hey, stoppies, baby.

Big fan. Thank you for all you do. And thank you to the guests, whoever's answering this question. I know you're phenomenal. She's right about that. However, right now, I'm dealing with an issue. I've been in a relationship for six years. This is good.

He doesn't want to fuck me. He doesn't want to talk to me. But I guess we're supposed to get married and have kids. But he refuses to talk to me about anything or in relationship counseling. While in counseling, he acts like he to me about anything. We're in relationship counseling. While in counseling, he acts like he's open to things. And then once it ends, it's just all out the window and completely meaningless.

I'm not really sure what to do. I guess, I don't know. Six years, is he interested in me or not? Should I just leave? I don't know, St years, is he interested in me or not? Should I just leave? I don't know, Stubby. What do I do? Blond hair, medium tits. Not huge, like you like, but you know. I'm open and altered as well. Anyways, thanks for listening to my call. What do I do when my boyfriend doesn't want to be around me?

Thank you. Don't stand, shoot you around fucking plants. Good. Wow. I know, this one's like, come on, respect yourself, baby girl. He doesn't want to fuck you or talk to you, but you're going to get married to this fucking guy. Six years.

And look, that's the tough thing, but it's sunk cost, right? It's like, that shit's over. You can, everyone thinks like, well, it's been six years, I don't wanna waste those. Those six years are gone, whether you're single now or you're in a loveless marriage. You're not getting those six years back. It's about the next five, 10, whatever,

rest of your life. And before we finish giving this woman advice, I wanna go on the record here. Yes, of course, I love huge titties, right? But let's go on the record. This is a con. This is something more occurring here. Yeah, you can go.

It's important I said the record straight. Of course I love huge titties, but if you're a Titty connoisseur, you appreciate titties of all shapes and sizes. So if you've been thinking about sending me pictures of your breasts And you're not doing it because your titties aren't big enough You couldn't be more wrong and I just want and that's not to our color This is just a general statement. I'd like out there in the universe. I appreciate all titties

There's I'm just a big fan of tits. What can I say now? Thank you, Elvis give it let that ride a little longer I'm a hero and I'll look at and put your titties in my mouth. Pretty positive. You've got a pretty good rate of success. Some of my finest relationships have started with a completely unasked for pictures of breasts in my inbox. Just some to keep in mind. Now, back to our friend here. And I don't know if you want to go and record your dance on tits. They're all. They're all. They're all. One. There isn't one woman who doesn't have a perfect. There's that's it. Well, you heard it here first. They're like pistachios. That's right. I know. I will tell you that this is really kind of true.

It was the major discovery of my life was that it's easier for people. People would rather be, the last thing people want to be is single. They'd rather they'd won a good relationship, if they don't have a good relationship, they want a bad relationship, and finally they want to be single. Okay. And so the reason you don't want to leave the relationship is because it's comfortable with the fact that, oh, I don't have to, you know, I've got all this stuff going, what am I going to do? How am I going to film my time? Yes. Yes. If I have to think about the fact that he's not fucking me and talking to me.

Right, right. What else am I going to do? Right. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you something to fixate on, even if it's bad. Yeah. And being single is way better than being in a bad relationship. And I'm just going to tell you, here's a tip.

You're in a fucking awful relationship. Yeah, we're truly. There's not one. I mean, her tone alone. I've never heard anyone so, this is one of the most depressed voicemails we've ever gotten. And we've had a lot of people about to kill themselves

going to this podcast. I mean, I think you're just in a tough space. You're in a horrible relationship. And not wanting to fucking, not wanting to talk, it's gotta be one or the other. Sometimes a bad relationship is like, oh, we've grown, we've completely lost the spark, but we're best friends, and that's a weird thing

that you have to manage. And then or it's, you know, we hate each other, but boy oh boy, does he knock my pussy out of the park, right? But you got neither. You're batting 0 for 2 This guy fucking sucks you don't want to be and he might be a Cazio the thing he might just be a coward who doesn't want to be in this relationship either Right like how many people like I know I've plenty of friends and I've been this guy in the past Where I don't want to just be like to be the one breaking up up. So I'll just, you know, I'll just fucking be

the shitty boyfriend or whatever. Or, and that's a mark of like, you of young male cowardice. Where it's like, instead of saying my feelings, it's like, why don't I act like a dickhead and hopefully she'll do the hard emotional work, you know? And that might be a little bit of what's going on here. It's also strange that he will be performative in relationship counseling. That's weird. That to me is like a bit of a weird people pleaser like

Teachers pet nerd kind of fucking vibe where he wants another person to think he's a good boyfriend But doesn't give a fuck how you actually feel Red flags all around go get those medium blonde titties sucked by somebody who's happy to have them and who will have a nice conversation with you Don't worry about those six years If you can't if if think about how you feel right now is this what you want the resty Do you want and by the way? It's not gonna be as good as this. It's gonna get worse over time Is it do you want so this or slightly worse for the rest of your life? I don't think so so I think you know exactly what the fuck to do here. Yeah, and I also think

There is nothing in there if you would said at the end By the way, my boyfriend makes 10 million Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Right, right, right, right, right. If you're calling in from a rubah, from a speech from property, fine. And then we'll have a conversation about what you're willing to sacrifice and what you're not. But my guess is you guys live in a fucking two bedroom max. And he's got a lot of funco pops decorating that extra bedroom.

Wow. So, do you guys think it's like worth at least addressing it in, um, decorating that extra bedroom. Wow. So do you guys think it's like worth at least addressing it and they're counseling one more time because it sounds like he does kind of just like go with the flow, blow with the wind like in a cowardly way where and I've never done relationship counseling but even in therapy like sometimes you just like go with the rhythms of what you feel like you're supposed to say or how you're supposed to like process your experience. And maybe he's doing some of that.

So I would say to her too, like, it's also worth, well, hey, does she want to be in the relationship? And whether she does or not, like just in the, in a session, be like, you know, don't give him a chance to be in now. Just be like very direct with him in the therapist and be like, I want to end this relationship. Do you care about trying to fix this? And don't try to do the little tap dance of therapy. Let's work through this. Just be straight up like, this isn't worth it

if you don't care, but at least give it a go like that in a session. I suppose. I suppose Right, I see what you're saying And I guess it depends like has this did something change? It's like or has this bit is this what it's been like for five years. This is over. Yeah, yeah This is really over but very nice I think this is a wipe.

I also think if you've said to the, if you've been at any point said what you just said to us to the counselor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And nothing turned around and then fuck it. Right. Then it's an absolute fuck it. And at a certain point you just kind of know. I know you're saying all this, and it's interesting

because having not enough backstory is both, I think at the end of the day, you know everything you need to from certain situations. It's like, we know these couples, we've seen these couples, and these couples, it's never gonna fucking work. You know, so yeah, you gotta get it. I mean, I've known couples that, like I said,

they do fuck and they hate each other, said, they do fucking they hate each other, they don't fucking they like each other. And both of those are doomed. You're completely doomed. Get the fuck outta here. Yeah, literally unless he was, and he might legitimately, that actually might be the only thing

is that he comes from a generational wealth. Because that makes a lot of sense. Because that's what love is for these people is No fucking no actual fiction. It's just like well I have a hot woman who is my companion and people judge me better for it and And they actually want to fuck their moms They actually want to like literally physically fuck their moms who are getting both You know what I mean who are like getting a teenager skin grafted on the face really

Wow, this is the the thing is just how she, I just, this is kind of like beyond, I can't imagine how she's, that there's been no suspicion of an affair. Right, right, right. That he's around all the time. Interesting, interesting. Yeah, yeah, that's not a problem.

Then you are dealing with, I don't even know what that is. Unless, maybe you're living with a cadaver. Yeah, I know, I can't quite get a sense of this fucking guy. There's something very awful about him. But yeah, if this is what he settled into get out of there. Fuck all this. He's a fucking dance I'll just the only one in a good relationship of the of us in this room I wonder if that's anything to have for us to interrogate All right baby boy hit us with another how long we've been going? I don't want to keep Lewis forever like we're at 123 right now

Okay, we'll do a couple more get out of that sound my friend. I got I get to go do SpongeBob Yeah And the voice of Santa. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome. And finally enough, one of the few things that this sag strike is not. Oh really?

They are literally in a different contract completely, having been for years. Oh great, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Voice overwork, there you go. Yeah, all right. But that animation, or at least whatever their deal is, you know, there's some television animation that's not involved. Yeah, there is certain things. I mean, even the like, I have a special,

well, I won't say, but I have a special coming out. I can't announce it yet, but that's a different, it's not SAG technically, it's under a different thing. So there's a standard is one of the few things that gets kind of bailed out So we're kind of lucky we get the working union. Yeah Yeah, because everyone is such a piece of shit that's out for themselves This actually is the one time it helps us But yeah, so you're just warming up for sin. All right. I got. So imagine this next call is sitting on your lap asking you this question.

You know, Stavis is going to be working tight. Fuck eldest. What a crazy thing. I can say you can't say. I have a friend, a good friend, hometown friend that I've known for most of my life. And our group of friends, we all have girlfriends, people are starting to get married. So the thing is, he dressed her pose to his longtime girlfriend

and she's fucking, she's crazy. And where she does, her thing is she goes out and does girls trips or whatever, whatever she does, not to do shows or all the time, but whenever she does does, she gets drunk like without him, she does like crazy shit like fucking make out with Raymond Dew, the flash people, and should of that nature. And he just proposed for two weeks ago. Right. What I'm trying to do is I'm trying, I need help, like trying to convince the rest of my

like the rest of my friends to kind of like do like an intervention with me. But the thing is like they like they've been together so long that like they're kind of of the my, they're a little bit of the mindset of like they don't know if they want to do it because like they they don't know how he hasn't he doesn't know already. And the biggest obstacle is we don't have solid undeniable evidence. We have a couple first hand account. And I'm saying this is like, there's been stories of this for the last 10, 9, 8 years. So I'm just trying to ask for advice on how do I organize this intervention to talk

and tell one of my best friends is girlfriend, like a piece of shit, so he actually believes me. Because I can't just do this on myself, I don't have enough first hand evidence, I don't have enough part evidence I need. This is so sad. Like help from them and their girlfriends and fiancees that I need. This is so sad. Help from them and their girlfriend's and fiance's that I've actually first hand witnessed this. Oh, they've witnessed.

Oh yeah, brother fucking go raven. Go raven, that's what we're at. Finally we can agree on this thing. Yeah, really. This is fucking brutal. This guy is fucked. I mean look, there's a couple, we got some variation of this question quite often.

It happens where, and I'm sure you've got this those words like, a friend of yours just ends up with someone you don't like that much. Yeah, usually the first marriage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing, you can't do shit about it. You just kind, I mean, it's their fucking decision.

There's nothing you can fucking do that will change this person's mind. You are there to support them through whatever. You know, and here's what, if you really wanted to get crazy, you could hire a private investigator, I suppose, like a jilted wife in a fucking noir movie. You could go into somebody's office and be like, I think my, hey, same, my best friend's

name is sucking off a couple dudes. Couple fellows down by the, she's jerk and the soda jerk. You could try that, but yeah, he's fucked. And here's the other thing. There's something interesting. What if he's a true cuckold? What if this guy is getting off with his girlfriend? What if he's what they're calling now hot wiping, which is just you're getting cucked,

but they have a cute name for it, whereas like your wife goes out. Your wife goes out and gets fucked. You're not even watching. You just hear about it. Some guys, you know, they wife goes out and gets fucked. You're not even watching, you just hear about it. Some guys, they get off on that certain thing. That's the thing, hot wife in which is just getting cuckolded.

Kind of sit out. Yeah. The whole world goes out. And you might not get down like that, but who knows, man? Maybe your friend is like, maybe this girl is like, I really don't want a suck cock, but my boyfriend loves it when I blow guys on girls trips. There's a whole, even your best friends,

you don't know what shit makes them take now. Am I gonna bet money on that being the case? No, probably not. But you want to have a fucking intervention and be like, your girlfriend sucks. What do you think happens after that? How do you really think that turns out? It's not, I mean, 10% chance, he's like, wow, you guys are so right. 90% change is like, fuck all you guys up. I love my girlfriend. I've never, you know, I'll, you guys, and now, and now you're not invited to the wedding or whatever.

But it's, you know, it's just gonna happen. You're fucked, your friends probably fucked. And if it's the first relationship, it's really, I mean, if this is the first committed relationship, it's tough then, I mean, cause I was in a psychotic one. And my friends didn't tell me. And I was like, you fucking assholes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you never got anyone making the attempt? No. Never. Wow. And they should have. And I've made the attempt and it's blowing up in my face. So I had to be more like, but this was like, I mean,

you know, they've already watched me go through a number of relations. Right, right, right. So this was, you know, this at this point, I'm more time with them. I'm not going to fuck you know. And I mean, and it was, and it was a shitty relation. I mean, if he doesn't, where it's for problems, if he doesn't think it's shitty, then you then shh, because you're fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's any inkling heat, you get a sense from him. This is weird.

Right. Then you can step in and you don't do an intervention. That's what you do when someone is eating too much pot. Yeah. Don't get any ideas, eldest. I don't want to fucking intervention. All right. Yeah.

Now, do you think there was anything one of your friends could have done though while you're in the midst of that weird fucked up relationship to get you out or do you think you're just just they needed to just say you need to get the fuck out of this. But all but yes, say that and then still support you in any way. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't and because it wouldn't bother me, because I had already had said things to them about, you know, why she was a pain in the ass. Right.

And it was, you know, obvious that I thought at times she was a pain in the ass. So, and it wasn't, you know, and it, because it affected, because we're in theater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was an actress. Oh, you don't say, an actress. She was kind of a pain in in theater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was an actress. Oh, you don't say. An actress was kind of a pain in the ass.

Yeah. Well, you know, one out of 50 is not. Yeah, I always found that. The great thing about actresses, though, is those like, you know, if you don't like this personality and other ones coming. Yeah. Give them the cold shoulder until they come up with a new another one's coming up. Yeah. Yeah. Give them the cold shoulder until they come up with a new type of girl to be.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, buddy. Sorry, man. I mean, you don't want to have an intervention. That's fucking crazy. And if, I mean, if you read, like, do you think,

you've never brought this up? Like, that's kind of also what's crazy. That's what's crazy. This is kind of like, if I had any inkling that my friend was getting cheated on, I'd be like, yo, did you hear what the fuck happened? And then you got to bring it up to them. I mean, what the fuck? And by the way, you're not going, you know, this isn't a trial.

You don't need, you can circumcise your evidence if you trust the people who say it. You don't need a picture of her with her, with a cock in her mouth. You can say, if somebody's girlfriend was on a girl's trip, saw her flash her tits at a guy, make out with him at a bar, they disappear for seven minutes, come back in her hairs all fucked up.

You can do the math about what happened in between. So if you haven't said anything, that's another fucked up thing, which it's kind of like the child support guy, you're a little complicit of how long this is going on. You've never said shit about her? Now if you have, and he's blowing you off, you already have your answer, buddy.

All you can do now is be a good friend, be there when he gets devastatingly cheated on with a child. Like now, off from a place to, get a place for the guest bedroom. Because in 12 years, he will have to stay there. Okay, and hopefully, if he has more money, make sure he signs a prenup and nothing,

there's nothing else you can do. That's literally, that's all I can tell you. You just gotta be along for the ride. After a certain point, your friends fucked. I kinda think he can and should say something because usually when we get a question like this, it's just like, you can just tell the girl they're talking about is a dumb bitch, but it's not like,

she's actually cheating, making out whatever, that's what people are saying, but that's a little different you know, she's actually cheating, making out whatever. That's what people are saying, but that's, that's a little different from just being, I don't get along with her. Yeah, which is mostly what people say. You're right. You're only controlling whatever it is. So I don't think he needs to make it like an intervention

and have this guy walk into a room of like 17 and their friends. To be like, we saw your girl make out. A PowerPoint. Times Vanessa was a cunt. And he's just like, a bunch of slides. You know, I think he could try to like maybe talk to some of these girlfriends or fiance's or whatever and be like, look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk to him about this. Will you back me up? I'm getting this information from you. Will you tell him like you saw this

if he asked or something? Okay. But you don't even like need like a firsthand reporter or something. Like, hey, I heard from blah, blah, blah. Your girls like been making out with people getting blacked out. Fuck them. Yeah. So I think I think he does have some some space here to it's it's not as cut and dry as like you just got to let your friend find their like find out on for their own.

That's a good point. And I will say that with the caveat of if this is still going on, that your friend find their, like, find out for their own. That's a good point. And I will say that with the caveat of, if this is still going on, if there was, if he's replying, if this guy's whole thing is, there was an incident three or four years ago, and maybe she did cheat, and guess what? That happens and people get over it, right? If you're basing all this on one girl's trip where she kind of acted

crazy and she maybe even cheated and you don't know what else was going on in their relationship at the time, then you kind of have to eat it. But if this is on ongoing pattern of behavior, then I agree with you. You at least, you at least owe it to your friend to go on the record and be like, I don't think this is a good idea. I will support you in any way you need. I'm just letting you know this is what, you know, whoever has seen and I don't feel comfortable letting you just being fully enthusiastic. Now, if you tell me it's all figured out,

whatever I'm here, I'm your boy, I'll do whatever you want. But if it's one thing, you kind of have to let it go. But I think you're right. If it's like an ongoing pattern of cheating every fucking weekend, yes, you kind of have to let it go, but I think you're right. If it's like an ongoing pattern of cheating every fucking weekend, yes, you're probably right, all this. And next time you write this email in,

or whatever you talk, I'm looking at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not psychotic. It's a transcribed voicemail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not psychotic. Yeah. Then I would say that, say that she was making out with the girls.

It would be a little bit... It would have been a better story than you two, story. It would have been a lot less tough for us to continue. We'd go, wow, what's the problem? We wouldn't feel sad. Yeah, we'd feel happy for your friend. And we'd call you a fucking loser. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Take us home with one final question, Big LD. Hey, Tom, Eldis. Recently, my girlfriend has been talking about us going on vacation and she wants to plan a destination. I never listen to the podcast with her. I'm her. She doesn't know who either of you all are. And she has her heart dead set on, you guessed it, Albanian.

Get the fuck out of here. Pause this. Let's give Lewis some context. Eldis is an albanian i'm greek we've been friends are whole life and there is uh... i don't know if you know the geopolitical context here but albanians are sort of second to third-class citizens in greece

there's a there's a fair amount of ironic racism that kind of really holds our relationship together since we were kids we love trashing albanian on this podcast and uh... elders of course what i tell them will take us home of course yes to end the podcast with a voicemail glorifying his piece of shit home country go ahead out this finish the the whole but i said you know albania is like

very or right like i'm not super sure there's a lot to do there. And she has no background in tow on it whatsoever. It doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to change her mind, however, so if you guys have any recommendations for things to do in Albania, it sounds like I'm going to be there in the next uh... eight or nine months

thanks yeah i got an idea go look at the biggest pile of goat shit in southeastern europe wow it's right it's it's actually it's also doubles as the capital they've been that's where the president of albania hold his meetings they've all they've followed out the world's largest pile of goat shit

and they have Albanian parliament in there. Wow. Here you go. Here's a fun thing you can do. Go get well water in the morning before it runs out by noon at the village or stank because they don't have fucking running water in half the country. That's a fun little activity you can do. Eldus, I would say first of all forget all the propaganda you've heard about Albania.

He says very poor, we're not the richest country. There's a beautiful country. It's got mountains set right next to the fucking Adriatic. Shut the fuck up. Look, Albania's Albania will be a really cheap vacation. That's true. And if you drive along the coast. Yeah, if you have dinner at 7-11, you're probably going to save a couple bucks.

Wow. You're right. One more. By the way, thanks, others. I'm like, take us home. We have a fucking comedy legend on what's the last question? Something about fucking Albania country doesn't even give a fuck about whatsoever. Let yourself talk and end the episode Yeah, you fucking piece of shit great producing. Yeah

Let's tee up Lewis. Oh, what do we got a question about fucking Albania? God damn it. I was gonna go there till now about fucking Albania. God damn it. I'm just gonna go there till now. This is a heartbreak. But this is the first fucking, the only thing in his depends, is it's the first fucking questions, is direct. Yes, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm supposed to, I got this thing in my bag to look at it. I have two friends to think it's a mole, like, I have another friend. I've got a guy who thinks he's a doctor. Wow. And then you've got these answers. That's amazing. What's the capital about, baby?

Tarrana. No, it's not. Yeah. No, you're buff lying. Tarrana, right? Is it really? Yeah. Yeah.

I thought it was a different. Wow. What's the other big city? Is that the only one? Dudes is like a big beach town, but it's kind of like a shitty dirty beach. Yeah, of course. Yeah That's the second city come up We asked them with the second biggest city in Albania and is like oh, you know the shitty dirty beach town That's number two after our capital Oh, you know the shitty dirty beach town. That's number two after our capital Yeah, don't take your fucking girlfriend degrees, you know what man whatever what you've been burning

Yes, it's true. It every year though burns go doc. Let's go September, October It's cooled down a little bit, not as good as tourists, but the beaches are very nice. I mean, the major thing with our main ears is that it's cheap as hell. It's a cheap vacation. You'll be able to do that vacation and then go to Greece. Yeah, that's true. And also, if you, you know, we're not a travel agency. That's true.

Okay, I know these guys have an argument about this. You know, I've brought on this show for my lucidity. And we're not, we don't do travel. This is something you should do on your own. You think I got pamphlets here? You think this is just because this is back here and it's quite nice. This doesn't mean, ooh, you want to travel here?

No, it's on a wall. So I would say, you'd look it up. Yeah, actually, I've been pushing it, to be honest, they've been pushing Albania. And I don't know if it's the coastline, but I certainly didn't remember the capital, but I've been reading stuff as like, go to Albania. And I was like, I'm not sure.

But look at the fuck up. These guys have tough shit to do on a daily basis. True. And they never thought, oh good, if they wanted to be in travel, you know how good they'd be at it. But I'm going gonna be the best. That's our backup, that's what we do half the time.

Podcasts and travel agents. Yeah, if you wanna know about places in the United States, we're willing to talk about it. Albania is a guest. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're going this, Elders is going in a couple of weeks actually. Yeah, basically the short story for this guy is

flying to Tirana. He drives down. The only place you possibly could fly in by the night. There is no other airport, but go ahead. There might be another airport. Basically flying there, get a rental car, drive down as close to the coast as you can, hit some small beach towns like Himar, there me, go around, then on your way, on your drive back to Tirana, you can go to Girokaster, but add some little provincial towns or whatever with old castles and shit. And you know, like Lewis said, use that as a guide and just look this

shit up. Yeah. And some travel blocks. There is a ton of shit on Albania right now. Yeah. Seeing it on Instagram all the time. It is. Yeah. No, there's something on the coast that's supposed to be really, you know, it's like cheap to rub Nick. And after, and remember, after the city's he just gave you, try to spell those out. Just take your girl degrees, tell her it's Albania. You'll everyone have a better time

uh... alright well really great again out this absolute great job team up lose for a big finale about it the country you were born in you fucking idiot uh... but thank you very much for coming on so far come back anytime anytime you want yet here for you let me know that's And then aboard, this was just great. And especially dealing with this,

because I just read what people are complaining about and coming on at this aspect. Yeah, no, come back. We'll do even more questions. Yeah, no, because this makes me feel better about my own life. Yeah. Absolutely.

I get it. It's just good. Absolutely. Go watch the special. Go listen to the podcast tragically. I need you right now free on YouTube. And he's on tour. Go see Lewis. Come see me. I'll be the last leg of the fat rascal tour kicks off in Ohio this October that I'm in Baltimore. I'm in Philly, Florida. St. Louis, Milwaukee, Kansas City, we're all over the place. Yeah. And he's, and heilly, Florida, St. Louis, Milwaukee, Kansas City,

we're all over the place. Yeah, and he's, and he does a great job. I got to see him finally in the, yeah. Thank you. Those are great shows. Those were in front of us. Those were really fun. That was insane being in front of all those people, huh? Yeah, these are really nice shows.

Yeah, these are crazy. Yeah, you start to feel like, oh, Jesus, maybe I'm Hitler. I know. No, I would, and when I'm doing, I mean, I got to, I'm starting to get to play theaters, which is incredible, but you're like, oh, I understand why certain comedians think

they're the smartest guy in the world. I understand why you think you are literally a dictator, because you have, if you have 10,000 people, you're fucking cheering your name. It's like, yeah, I'm smart as fuck. These people should be listening to me. But that's good. Come see us.

Come see us do our political, start our own little dictatorships on the road, me and Lewis. And we appreciate it. And we'll talk to you next time, guys. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. guys, bye bye. Bye bye. Hi, Eldis, you know I was thinking the other day. I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious.

And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this actually,

one time after a day, I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth. And then after a day, I was like, wanna come back for some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth, and then some girl after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an aphrodisiac.

Well, here's the thing, thank you for bringing me back on point, because I was eating the mango and I've oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. And I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? Now that would be something else. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest. You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services. Mango RX now has a new ED pill that is game changing, okay?

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zing! Yeah. That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal. After I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam.

One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science in here. They're making them taste delicious.

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Then, you know, let's get, can we get fucking idiot? There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on what, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, eldest. I think this is such a good product, eldest,

I think you might have to change your longstanding opinion on ED medication in general, because look, here's the thing about mango orics. You might not need it, but you're gonna want it, pal. Yeah. All right? I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one.

Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed. You've seen you see me take getables. That's sure just because you wanted a little dummy. I've seen you take weed adibles. I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary a momentary snack. I've seen you take thumbs on an empty stomach just because you wanted

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I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place.

It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the

most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.