Stavvy's World - #59 - Andy Haynes and Mike Recine
Episode Date: January 15, 2024Andy Haynes and Mike Recine return to the pod to discuss the miracle of parenthood, big fat loads, diminished ropes, bar trivia loving losers, working at a moving company, hilarious ex-coworkers, and ...much more. Andy, Mike and Stav help callers including a woman whose agoraphobia is causing her to spend way too much money on DoorDash, and a guy who's fed up with his buddy who keeps showing up at his house. Buy Stavvy merch (2024 calendar! Ronnie t-shirt! and more!) at https://www.stavvy.biz/ Watch Andy Haynes' crowd work special "The Suggested Comedy Special": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IblumR7VOE See Andy Haynes live! Get tix at https://www.imandyhaynes.com/ Follow Andy Haynes on social media: https://twitter.com/imandyhaynes http://instagram.com/imandyhaynes https://www.youtube.com/@AndyHaynes https://www.tiktok.com/@imandyhaynes Check out Mike Recine's podcast Out for Smokes: https://www.mikerecinecomedy.com/podcast See Mike Recine live! Get tix at https://www.mikerecinecomedy.com/ Follow Mike Recine on social media: http://instagram.com/mikerecinecomedyhttps://twitter.com/mikerecine https://www.youtube.com/MichaelRecine Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh, bye! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. We have a great episode. Two of my favorites, Mike
Racine and Andy Haynes. You're gonna love him if you don't know him already. Before we get going,
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Welcome everybody to Stavis World,
904-800-Stop.
Call in, we'll solve your problems.
What a beautiful year 2024 has been so far
Oh boys, I got two so we got two of our favorites in the studio two of the most hard
I once you know, we're trying not to curse in the first two minutes hard
Thingied guys
Are you uncut? I
Wish yeah, you're uncut right of on cut, right? Of course. Yeah,
dude. Of course. I've seen Andy's dick actually. How is it? It's nice. It's
classic. I'm like a good. I'm good. I do. I do. I do. I show you my dick, like
surprise. Yeah. If the boys are hanging out, I'll be like a, watch it looks like a rare bird.
Like a rare bird.
Yeah.
A rare bird.
Looks like a bird of paradise flower,
but that's because I have some circulation issues.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess a little,
gets a little blue.
It's blue.
It's the testicles.
Well, that's how you know.
My head is uncut though, proudly.
Respect.
Good.
I believe you have that conversation before.
Oh, okay.
You know, when you were thinking about it,
because I'm a pro, pro.
Yeah, I think I put you on speaker phone with my family.
I said, tell them.
And I argued my case.
I remember your wife yelling and arguing against me.
Oh yeah.
You being like, no, it's gotta be.
Well, she's like hardcore anti-circumstice.
Oh really, then maybe somebody else was,
maybe somebody else in the background.
I think it's gone.
I think it's on the way out.
Yeah, okay, I just don't think people are doing it.
Well, it's because Israel's killing all those children.
All right, so everybody's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Distancing themselves. Well, Muslims are on circumcised.
Are they?
Yeah, they are.
That broke my heart when I found that out.
I thought we would, I would thought that was like,
we're gonna bring us together.
Yeah.
Freaks and Arabs riding against circumcision, but no.
So who's even uncut then?
Just Greek, just European.
Just everyone but, what about the Chinese?
Yeah.
What about the Ruskys too?
Ruskys uncut.
Yeah.
Ruskys uncut for sure. South America's. Southuskies on cut. Yeah, Ruskies on cut for sure
America's probably on cut South America's on cut. Okay, wait
Cuz that's like that's a huge indicator. Oh, I don't know if it's Catholics are circumcised like this
Oh, they're not because yeah do Chinese circumcised their okay only 2.6 of men are circumcised in China
Okay, so maybe we lost marzans, but we're back.
We're riding with the Chinese.
All right, my Asian brothers, we're gonna get there.
That's a nice force.
I think I'll be riding with the Mongol hordes in my back.
Against the circumcised.
Waving the flag of a foreskin.
That's the circumcised waving the flag of Forskin. Yeah.
Forskin does look like a yurt, you know?
So it's not very appropriate that they was beautiful.
Yeah.
I shot a little short film at a temple a couple weeks ago,
and I told my wife I go, yeah, and downstairs
there was a brisk going on.
And she goes, oh, you mean mutilating a baby's channel?
Oh, wow.
It's good for her.
Yeah, that's awesome, man.
Yeah.
She's come around.
What do you think made her, what do you think just a documentary on Amazon?
Really?
Yeah.
Wait, I'm saying it's about it.
You tell me.
Dude, that's so many things about somebody trying to like unwind after a hard day's work
and be like, what should I, should I watch sign fell the reruns?
Should I check out the game?
No, I'll check out.
I'll check out.
I'll just fucking rip.
It's called like Cliff, there's something.
Yeah.
What's this?
Stolen.
Stolen.
Yeah.
She's eating like a sweet green salad during her.
Yeah.
It's a tough thing to be super passionate about.
Because I think that no one really
wants to think about a little boy's penis too long. Right, right, right. You know, it's like the meter for when that gets
uncomfortable, it's quick. Yeah, yeah. But that's what our enemies want for. They're using
that against us. They don't want us to spend 30 minutes on this podcast. We're talking
about baby little dicks, little baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's the various in the algorithm because of it, but we will charge on yeah
We will continue to talk about it. We'll keep on talking about it. I was talking about the show the buff you count is down
Why did we lose monetization?
I hate when recene gets political
And for sure, if you had a boy, you would have kept him on Clipped. Did you guys know before you even had the conversation that you were going to have a girl?
Did you guys ever discuss it?
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of a last minute thing.
We have six embryos from doing IVF. That's not how we got pregnant, but we did IVF.
They were all girls. Oh, wow. Yeah, the only one that girl
Gis yeah
Girl, we just rose but so
Dominiering that she just was like
Her DNA was in the womb being like we're gonna have a girl
But we had one the both can be true you can have girl Gis and your wife can be a
Dominiering woman The both can be true you can have girl giz and your wife can be a Dommaneering woman
Let's just call it like this
Let me say that I'm gonna say both I'm gonna have my king and eat it like a European modern version of masculinity
No, I spit
The most the most I can give you is like a signed mail at birth transitions.
That's the highest I can go with your giz and the I'm sorry.
That's the most masculine I can give you pal.
It sure might take some hormones to fully make it a girl, but it's a girl.
I can't believe I'm getting roasted in the one place I felt safe.
Sorry, man.
I call them like I see them.
I'm trying to have another kid.
I'm getting yelled at for my sperm not being good enough.
Oh really?
What's wrong with your sperm?
Slow.
I don't know.
Count too low.
I'm like, what about your eggs, bitch?
What about those still eggs?
Yeah, old men can have babies pretty easy.
Right, right.
I'm like, I bet if I had sex with my 19 year old cousin,
you know, see the pregnant.
Look up factors that give you like good sperms.
Let's see who the scene's up against here.
Well, there's a fertility doctor on Instagram that studies like sperm samples, so she you'll see like the cells.
You can you can mail a lady your juice. Yeah. And she'll look at it. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. It's funny.
And what is she saying? I know. I know. For that.
Captain getting on below.
Yeah.
It's just like dripping out of the bottom of the middle of the envelope.
Please put it in a bag. You know, you know, we supply vials
On below
Oh, what happened about her and you she just uh, well, so we so she looks at these like sperm samples and it's crazy
How much they're like some of them remove it around some not so they're alive. Yeah, it makes you feel like a connection.
To the giz.
You're like, maybe it should be illegal to jack off.
Because you're like murdering hell no, you're kind of killing me.
I'll stop those giz.
Yeah.
No problem.
I guess it's different for me, because I'm a parent.
That's true.
I don't know what happened.
I was, I had a child, you know, three months ago, but I started taking, like, hair shit,
like a pill, like, maybe four months ago. And I started taking like hair shit like a pill like maybe four months ago
and I can't shoot ropes anymore. Really? I think it's the pill. You gotta go, you gotta go bold and
have in the ropes dude. But it's like whenever I like whenever I come out. It's coming out but it's
coming out like like like tap inside of a tree like like it's just like open up like a like a old oil well
What if you wait a while? What if you save up? You're not you give it like a month and a half
Give us give us five days no, not so many holes in the walls of my apartment
It is cool when you don't jack off for like a week and then you finally do and there's
a lot of fire one out.
No, you do.
Yeah, you feel great.
You feel awesome.
It is true.
And that is, you know, it's interesting.
What does that say about us wanting big fat loads?
Why is a big load better than a small one?
I think you feel like you did something.
You know, I think you just feel more like that's more.
Viral. Yeah, you feel.
There's more chance that that load could have led to a baby.
Even though I don't want to, you know,
don't want a baby,
it's nice knowing I have the capabilities.
Would you get them a second?
Would I?
Just in theory.
If I, let's say I had kids and I was done,
but you want kids someday.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I'm gonna keep that open,
but if I was,
if I had a kid and I was like, all right, enough of this,
definitely I would just, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's weird how it's just like very easily reversible though.
Yeah.
Of a sector, parents would have heard, yeah.
If it is, then maybe I should do it.
Like to, like to, because I can't get rid of your,
like to do a hysterectomy as a woman,
you have to like basically like give up, you know,
just like a decade of feeling normal.
That's awesome. But for guys, we do like a snip and then we're like, actually I do kind of want my balls back. you have to basically give up just a decade of feeling normal.
For guys, we do a snip and then we're like,
I actually do want my balls back.
Yeah, yeah.
No one asked you to look that up, Eldis.
Don't go rogue, don't go rogue producing.
We're coming back to the other question.
So curious.
Yeah, it's not Eldis' Google time.
This is Stavis World podcast.
We all know what you come when you have a second.
These guys have looked into it.
So let's go into why my giz might be subpar.
Okay, lifestyle choices can lower sperm numbers.
You're smoking?
Smoking, drinking alcohol and taking certain medications can lower sperm.
Other causes include long-term sickness such as kidney failure, childhood infections,
and chromosome or hormone problems such as low T
Well, I'm not low T
The gap between sexual activity infection the process you should have pills to boost sexual performance
So if you don't fuck that much, it's less less chances. I don't know. I do think it's bad for you not to come.
I know that you can get this thing called
Epidetamitis.
Yeah, you gotta let, oh, didn't get that way.
You guess?
I'll just add Epidetamitis.
I had it this year.
Yeah.
I got it, I got a UTI.
We doing nofap?
No, I got a UTI and it, you know, to my nuts and it made my like left my left ball like
You did you get to see it? I didn't see it, but I had to like literally be sitting down for like two weeks
Cuz like my dick just like disappeared into my balls
Yeah, would you say Mike just taking your wife to the doctor. I want you to let's say this.
Yeah.
Come in.
Come in.
This is your fault.
You know that?
It's a medical condition.
It was fucked up.
Yeah.
This man was fucked up off of a UTI for so long.
It was hilarious.
He had like a three month UTI, basically.
Did you have to take antibiotics a little time?
Yeah, it took some antibiotics. We got it under control.
I honestly like I'm back to normal, but I still feel like a little
something in my left now. Like some not pain, not even discomfort,
but just something feels a little uneven. Have you been to the doctor
to check your nuts? I just went for it. Check up a couple weeks ago,
honestly. Did you have to go to urologist? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you say? he said it's normal
But it's fine if you're like not noticing anything crazy and come back in because I guess I have kidney stones in both
Those next year
So maybe I'll you know be unable to work again for another like six weeks next year
That's crazy. You just have them in your kidneys. Yeah, well, you can't really do shit when you have them because I've had one before that
I passed like stuff had a dry bed. I remember they are L
This was in this is in his fucking room. I just I remember here. I'm going like oh
He was moaning like literally a mummy in a movie and he was just he was just heard like oh
All night dude, it was fucked up and then he fucking did what you say you got up
He was like this is this where we were at to at the time where we were just getting fucked up constantly and
We were we were high probably all day and this guy's like I know what will help me weed
So you just like it didn't start dirty ass bong and I was just hitting the bong in like my bad
Right next to this room like all night night. And I was like, I just still heard so much.
And I'm doing anything for open all.
I'm just still really high now.
He was just high in pain,
exhibiting like piss out of my dick.
We're talking to the doctor.
You're like, I tried smoking bomb all day.
I've tried everything.
I went to check on him.
He had like his legs up to his knees.
He was doing like weird like yoga positions trying to feel better. I did eventually
Man, that sounds so good. Didn't you pass in a urinal? Yeah, I passed it like a few weeks later because the part that hurts is when they pass
This is from like your kidney to your piss can that of your piss your rether
Forever piss can ever piss day like oh bladder
Yeah, and you're bladder so I felt that was the pain I was feeling that night
But then after that I was good. I just like you know a little I was at work at the time and pissing at the
You're a little
Inside
Was fine. It was a little weird, but how the fuck can you get they don't have like a sonic?
Yeah, you can have like a sonic?
Yeah, you can get like a sonic waves to break the ship.
They can, but that's like a stream.
Usually you should be able to like pass it.
We had a friend who's brother like,
he had like a really, it was like small, but super jagged.
So it would pass a little at a time over like months.
Like what I was going through that night he was going
through that for months because it would like a sort of friend who was very very fat
yes like it made me look not that fast it was supposed to live this long yeah yeah it
would like yeah whenever it would dislodge it would like pass a little and then like get
caught further down the tube for like literally months that's brutal. I want a nice smooth little kidney stone.
Because there's no chance I don't have them.
There's no chance that like what causes them?
I think salt intakes.
Hydration or something.
I think a lot of soda.
Meat, soda, all good shit.
Be a fucking awesome.
I think a lot of spinach might actually be part of it.
Oh okay.
What the fuck did you even say that for?
How is that even possible?
Because other shit sounds bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What, you get that shit from spinach?
I don't know.
We have never had enough spinach to end up.
What about spinach, open it?
I don't have that much, but I hope it doesn't.
I hope it doesn't.
Interesting.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know you have two just chillin' in the kidneys right now.
Yeah, I don't even know if it's, I know it's, I have kidney stones in both kidneys. I don't even know how have two just chillin' in the kidneys right now. Yeah, I don't even know if it's...
I know it's... I have kidney stones in both kidneys.
I don't even know how much is in each one.
It's like one, it might be...
You wag it sounds like a gravel driveway.
Yeah.
Yeah, so anyway, yes, if you don't bust enough,
or if you get a woman's disease, you can get...
You can get epiditomyitis. Those are the two ways.
God damn dude, that's so, so wait, oh so you did in vitro but you busted natural.
Yeah, because we were gonna like wait, you know, we were gonna be like okay well this is like
in between jobs, not my jobs in between her jobs and then it just happened and we were kind of like
I was actually very stupidly.
This is like the worst I feel so embarrassed about this but I'll tell it to you guys.
Yeah please.
I was gonna go to Ukraine to do like a thing about I was gonna try to do a thing about
comedy in the Ukraine because they just have done comedy the whole time.
That is a big indie move.
Yeah.
It was dumb.
That's very.
But I was like not I couldn't figure out how to tell Rosebud. So I was like planning it. I had it all lined up. Yeah. Yeah. It was dumb. That's very. But I was like, not, I couldn't figure out how to tell Rosebud.
So I was like, planning it.
I had it all lined up.
I had tickets.
I had shows booked, all the stuff.
Kiev, everything.
But you had and told her.
But I was like, she's just during when the war's popping off.
It was a year, like the year anniversary.
And then, so I was like, trying to figure out how to tell her.
I had like a month before I was about to leave.
And then she like sat me down.
And you know, with my relationship when your wife is like, hey, can you come home when
we need to talk?
It's like, it's one I'm pregnant or I met somebody.
I'm like, ah, maybe I'll even have a teller, but you great.
I'll never have to have that conversation.
You're like on Craigslist
looking up fucking studios what's okay no problem
do I have to be rent this one?
it's a great place to go on your wife's cheating on you
yeah I'm kidding
you're like I have to fight you
fuck you bitches what you did to me
I have to fight you. Fuck you, bitch, this is what you did to me.
I'm just shooting on the side.
Or the desert eagle, no shirt on.
Fuck you, Putin.
That is true.
It is nice knowing there is an active war you could join.
Yeah.
If you wanted to get a little frustration,
yeah, if you got cucked hard enough, you just go. He just got awarded. And then if you survive, that's
God's way of telling you, now you can go hit her. Yeah. You know what? You put yourself
in the trials and tribulations. Yeah. Now you get to kill the guy and slap her. Go home
and have nightmares all the time. Yeah. Yeah, cool guy stuff. Cool chill guy stuff.
Don't think about why it happened.
Go to Warren, if you survive,
you get to be more violent.
Exactly.
But anyways, I got home and she told me
and then I was like, hey, I gotta tell you something.
And she was like, I know you did not just ruin me
telling you I'm gonna have a kid.
You see Andy in an IDF TikTok?
Yeah, Andy. Pretending to drink water. Telling you I'm gonna have a kid you see Andy in an IDF tick-tuck
Pretending to drink water
I'm doing the girl ID
Yeah, I'm kind of in that's not bad. They are that's the one
That's the one group that'll get me to reconsider some of my preconceived notions. If the sexy, if they'd deploy the sexy IDF here, you know, maybe it does all of a sudden become a very complicated situation, you know.
You know, like the other side's covered up.
Yeah.
Um, so wait, she tells you you have a, she, she tells you and then you're like, oh, cool,
since we're talking.
Yeah, I'm going to Ukraine.
No, I was like, I was gonna go.
But now that you said this, I probably shouldn't go and she was like, you're such a fucking idiot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you waited day to be like, oh, and you know what's hilarious.
I was playing on going to the Ukraine.
I was gonna go to the Ukraine.
You guys got stupid, not like.
I guess I'll have to fucking see if Expedia will give me my money back now.
There's a show if you're crazy right now that go.
I guess Andy's not showing up.
I'm pretty sure.
There's 4,000 people in a bunker.
Yeah, a favorite commie boy.
And it's coming.
I guess comedy show cancels.
No, but I did like, I met all of the, you know,
like I like got online, I researched it.
I was like gonna go to like these businesses that like,
maintain also the dopest thing. Like four seasons was like a hundred dollars a night
Yeah, and I was just like I'm not gonna lie
I did want to do that YouTube thing where it's like I'm in a war torn country
Yeah, you know, you weren't a helmet. You're like
But I actually I kept in touch with a couple of those kids they're like they're pretty funny
They're all like you know, they like left Ukraine because they're all just comics and like if they say in Ukraine
They have to go to the war to war so they're all just all over the world now
But I did like one of their podcasts. They're very funny. That's hilarious now. What's up with that? Where can't they like wrap that up?
Yeah, I think it's kind of embarrassing
It's kind of a wrap for them,
because I think we're about to pull out.
Yeah, damn.
I think the US is kind of like redirected our attention
to the Middle East.
And then I think Europe's still paying for it,
but they're also like,
oh yeah, I saw something like Germany's head over there.
Yeah.
There's something, that's interesting.
Yeah, I don't fuck it.
So Putin just gets whatever the fuck he's,
I don't even have, I have no idea what to fight about. It's I don't fuck it. So so Putin just gets whatever the fuck he's I don't even have I have no idea
What's the fun? Tell him?
Even what he wants
He's old you know, yeah
Cancer like years ago. He's had it and he's all puffy because the steroids he just maintains you think that's what he's doing now
I was like I think he probably they probablynap just a person off the street every night
and do just a full Putin blood transfusion.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just an empty boy over here.
Who's like, ah, yes, I feel good.
I feel good for 24 hours.
I must feed the suit.
He's literally basically a vampire.
Damn, yeah, that's fucking hilarious.
But did you ever, you were trying to have kids for a fucking, a pretty long time.
Yeah, we had like two miscarriages, and...
And, well, one was like, kind of like, it was just like, we were pregnant, and then like,
the next day we weren't pregnant.
So, there wasn't like a big procedure or anything, and then the other one was brutal.
And that was... Yeah, they don't really tell you that.
They're hard, the mischievous.
They don't just see,
it was actually the only man that reached out to me.
He was like the only person.
Yeah, like, I mean, my parents is shit.
But people sent like Rosebud, like, you know,
like Spod days and four hours.
And they were like, all right,
you could go back to being a loser.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dickhead.
Like, there you go, Andy, your hook,
she took the hooks out of her.
She's free, she might be gone again.
You better get the nut and pow.
That's what people say to you.
Sorry, you didn't sign yourself up
for 18 more years at least.
Or 10, let's be honest.
10, yeah.
Yeah. Once it's in like, fucking high grade school then, then you can really start thinking.
Yeah. Once you can ride the subway by itself. Yeah.
Mike, why do you all of a sudden want to go to Monday night football, babe?
No, I don't worry. That's 10 years from now. White, blonde woman, I don't worry, that's 10 years from now. White blonde woman, I don't know. You know, that's kind of 50 years from now.
UFC, you know?
Yeah, you have, I don't know.
You're good, man.
You just gotta make it out of these next few years.
Yeah.
There's no.
White blonde moms don't really keep it that tight.
In my experience.
I can't comment on that.
What are we talking about? I can't talk you that. What are we talking about?
I can't talk about any of that stuff.
I went to her dad's for Thanksgiving and it's like in a kind of a community as a country
club and there was a country club night where we did a big game of trivia.
And Jerome Powell was there.
Oh, sick dude. Who's that there. Oh, sick, dude.
Who's that?
The head of the Federal Reserve.
Oh, what the fuck?
Damn, they got let a guy named Jerome be the white Jerome?
Yeah.
Wow, white Jerome, that's really flaunting it.
They're not only instead of white guy, but he does.
My name's Jerome Powell, dude. Wow, dude, that's crazy. Jerome Powell. That's crazy. Jerome Powell.
Jerome Hayden J. Powell.
Was he good at trivia?
I think they did, all right.
Is he able?
I hate bar trivia, though.
I don't know.
You need a master's degree.
You ever stayed in a bar trivia?
I haven't done trivia too much to be honest with you.
It takes a certain type of person. It's like what's that? The tithe, kind of, you know,
like, Newsycap. Love it. I know much. I just didn't you have like a little bit of a trivia
friend that did the trivia. I've done a trivia here and there. There was one girl that I was
seeing for a little bit that like
She would like go to this place on Monday night every single week You just get like super into it. Oh like fuck it get wasted. Oh fucking calls it out as like god damn
That sucks. This fucking sucks. Yeah, somebody that in the trivia is a fucking loser
Yeah, like people who care about their standings in the trivia league. It's like no man
Let me just like maybe I know like a character actor's name.
You could also tell she also just kind of wanted to fuck the guy who hosted it too.
Who was like, oh dude, I'm sorry to cut you off.
It was like exactly what you're describing, just some like beard IPA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For a full type bro.
No, that's so true.
I forgot about that because when you first start doing
open mics, you will see, usually there's a trivia host.
That's also like an open micer.
And that you're like, this guy's the least funny guy
I've ever seen in my life.
He's a fucking dork.
He's wearing a Newsy cap.
He's wearing like a vest and a tie,
but nothing, and jeans and like Chuck Taylor.
Well, we all go through that face.
Really? Really, that's the way it is to have you. but nothing, and jeans and Chuck Taylor. Well, we all go through that face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was like I'm trying to reinvent myself. I'm trying to be, I'm trying to look like I just graduated middle school.
I'm attending my little cousin's confirmation as a 13 year old.
I'm like, I'm doing now.
You think you're like trying to better yourself?
Yeah, yeah.
You look like a Latino baby. Yeah. Yeah. For real.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. trivia and you see that same guy the biggest fucking loser in the world and he's the king of that
true yeah yeah and all his corny bullshit the bombs that a real show fucking losers like the girl
eldest was fucking like yeah the fucking man mark you know what I mean it's so funny dude and he
has like a good the prize like a goonies shirt you know what I mean it's like oh god and they do that
every week too yeah you know and some of you It's like, oh, God. And then do that every week too. Yeah. You know, and something like that's made mine.
I'm here with my piece of shit boyfriend,
but you host trivia.
Yeah.
To want to fuck the trivia host is one of the most pathetic type
of groupies I can even imagine, dude.
That sucks, dude.
Yeah, but the bar is like so low for guys that if you're like
a little bit funny or if you've
a little bit of status, you know, you'll get more pussy than you deserve.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I wonder, I do wonder, we should find a guy who hosted trivia and see how much pussy you
got.
We should have a former trivia host.
How much pussy did you get?
Well, there's one that, that guy, Dan Davies, who like does the lobby comedy.
I know he runs it, but he's like, he's not the right,
because he's like in Williamsburg and hanging out at bars
that have like Miami theme.
You know, like, that's not, like,
we're looking for like a little different.
We gotta go suburbs.
That's not true, because any trivia is fucking gay.
So even the coolest trivia is loser bullshit.
Yeah. I would agree. Yeah. So even that guy is like,
is a loser king in his kingdom. You know what I mean? No disrespect. I mean, some disrespect to him,
but you know, he's fucking maybe better quality. There's there's bet. You know, they're different
kinds of like, you know what I mean? Maybe they're a little richer. Maybe they're a little more. Well,
I think that's who it's for. It's for like finance, you know.
Yeah.
Kind of like marketing finance.
Right, right, right.
Right, right.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Definitely not like us.
Bohemian.
Not cool.
Not cool guys like us.
Yeah, yeah.
Not a fucking awesome guy.
Guys like sports and politics.
Wow.
Pretty cool.
Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. You didn't need to get the doctor involved to have a child or did you me not not the first time
Yeah, who knows who knows? Yeah, that's true. I mean, I'm a fuck I've said it. I'm proudly. I'm a test to baby
Yeah, you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my brothers both. Yeah. Yeah every time because every comedian
Typically has to go to a fertility doctor because all of us have old by the time
We don't have enough money to have a child. Yeah, to have children
It's like everyone's old to shit and their gizzis fucked up and their pushies are all broken and shit
And so everyone I all my all of our friends that have had kids
Well, my wife's pussy's not broke
No hold on one guy, damn it. So we don't know, it might be your gizz and it might be your pussy.
It might be my gizz, I don't know.
We're assuming it's your gizz because you seem less healthy than her.
Yeah.
You know, but you know, who's to say?
Yeah.
I also think it can be like, I don't know.
Do you think it could be the combination of like people like based on like chemistry,
like alchemy?
Like just in the sense that like maybe your proteins match well with, you know, like alchemy, like just in the sense that maybe your proteins match well
with that kind of thing.
Cause me and Rosbeard have been pregnant
like four or five times, you know?
Like without trying, accidentally pregnant.
So I think we have a good combo of whatever's going on.
Right, right, right.
White blonde people.
Right, right, right, right.
Hitler smiling.
Hitler's using his powers from hell
Very good
This will do nicely
But you know he's got their wings and heaven
I sleep. I sleep.
I sleep.
Watch your knots, he's got their wings in heaven.
You guys may got pregnant.
I get there a little bad.
Every time I nut my wife.
Yeah, that's probably what it is.
Yeah, that's hilarious.
I don't know.
I've never, I'm so far away from him.
What was up with Hitler though, he was like blonde hair blue eyes, but he had dark hair
Why wasn't he very interesting? Yeah, yeah, it's almost like we hate ourselves
Damn, yeah, what was up with that guy Hitler?
That was not a chill bloke as far as I'm concerned we are
No chill fuck whatsoever fuck Hitler. I do not fuck with that guy. He was a weird out
Yeah, he's a boy. He was a really weird guy
You know what I do like is that he was just like addied out
Yep, he was on a bunch of shit. He was just on speed constant
I would like to he also was on this googling what drugs did every good. I was to Hitler door
Cocaine and opus that sounds awesome
Math steroids fuck you dude high Hitler the Guardian very nice
I'm not you juggerb you steer this with the lit. Do you miss that? Oh, that's good. What do you call that?
The iteration a poem. I don't know I guess a
What do you call that?
A literary? A poem?
I don't know, I guess.
A literary is when you...
That's the word.
That's one of the first letters this time or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what it is.
Oh, this don't...
Don't or something.
Have some fuck it.
Believe in yourself, man.
You're the only English degree in this fucking...
In this room right now.
I know, but you know, it's been a while since I've even thought about it.
I had to remind myself.
Anyway, what did you guys go to college? Yeah.
You did, what'd you do?
I majored in, like, I majored in like sectarian violence.
Like, I studied like, like, is Rapal's time.
Mike, what about you?
Would you, would you go to college?
I went for a BFA acting for two years.
Really?
Yeah.
But I, Monkler State, I'm Jersey,
it's like a Jersey State school,
but it's a good arts program.
Yeah.
But I got a job selling window and
siding estimates door to door,
and I was so into that,
and I was like making decent money.
I was like an appointment center.
Both of you, it's exactly what you should have thought.
Yeah, yeah.
Like if you had guessed, it's like, you know,
Andy was nothing but white people going over, like,
sectarian violence and you fucking dropping out
of Guitau acting school to self-fucking windows.
I think this is my calling.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like going reverse.
Yeah, really, like, I kind of loved it though,
just knocking on doors at 6 p.m.
bothering people through the dinner, you know.
Hey, were you good at it?
Yeah, because I would just make appointments
for the sales guys, and I would get paid per pitch.
I met him when he was still doing it.
Oh really?
When I met you, you were doing some kind of sales.
You were wearing a, like a teal.
That was a different job.
But you were wearing like a teal shirt
that would need to suit.
Yeah.
And he had long, he had like shoulder length,
beautiful, like, patch of swaysie hair.
Yeah.
Why?
I would play it a ponytail sometimes.
I thought I would be like George Carlin.
Yeah.
I thought I would put my hair a ponytail.
That's what it is amazing.
That's beautiful, man.
This guy, I don't know if the website's still operational,
but it was called this Guido from Staten Island had a website
called restthorontreservations.com.
And I sold listings on, but I didn't sell a single thing.
But I was just like, it was very depressing.
I would like walk around during the day,
just go in a restaurant and be like,
hey, can I talk to the manager?
I got a little opportunity for you.
And I never sold anything, but yeah,
I'm glad I don't do that anymore.
Restaurantreservations.com.
That's awesome, dude. Yeah. Oddly, I'm glad I don't do that anymore. Restaurantreservation.com. Yeah.
That's awesome, dude.
Yeah.
Oddly, I was cold calling.
So even like a couple of years into comedy,
I was still thinking I was gonna go to grad school
for what I'd study, which I was gonna go
to the American University in Beirut.
Oh, shit.
I remember he got into a discussion
with Vinny Brand one night at the stress factory.
That is not what happened.
Now that's a genius. That is not what happened. That is not what happened.
What happened was I was opening up for Stan Hope
and he came back to the green room
and this is like kind of close to 9-11,
and this is like 2010.
2009 and so people are still kind of like throwing around.
Especially in Jert especially if the stress factory.
So he's talking about like Afghan people
and he keeps on calling them the sand inward. No,
this is what it was.
I don't know why I took it on my
manager. I mean, that's kind of a tough one. No, you're the sand. No, I was there. I was there. Yeah. Well,
anyways, I was in the green room. I was probably a little drunk and I said, I mean,
do you know what I'm saying Andy? No, no, it was in the greener. I don't know, but you don't want to engage with a
fucking one like a fucking retard Republican. No, I have a one two, but you don't want to drop in
and you also don't want to slander my clothes for anybody. But you also don't if he's dropping
multiple slurs, that's kind of like that must be what you can the thing. This is all I said, I said,
could you just relax with the like inward,
also like Afghan people have kind of had it rough.
You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, whatever, I just did something along those lines.
She's like, in my club, you will not tell me how to speak.
How dare you freedom of speech.
I got fired from the weekend.
That's incredible dude.
For telling a guy not to call Afghans the sand and words.
Yeah.
Well that's all you can do about Vinny Brandtful
and that matches my experience.
Please support the stress factor.
Yeah, that's gonna be there.
Vinny, you heard me defending you.
Yeah.
You know, I would love to do a little Thursday, Wednesday night,
and day night.
Dude, that guy's awesome because he owned the club,
and it was-
I live any opinion about what you say.
That club said when he,
because they would play bloopers for like an hour
for the show.
They would play babies throwing up,
but they would play like home videos of like shit,
like literally-
They were about to say he owned,
so he owns the club and they played bloopers for an hour,
which is like, you know, people are kind of,
you don't wanna laugh people out too much,
but it's like, they're watching something that is funny,
that if we're being honest,
it's funnier than standup.
Like, you guys getting hit in the balls
is funnier than standup, yeah.
So they play for an hour and then half the time,
he would be like, he owns the club and you'd be like,
I think I'm gonna go up, do a guest spot
and he would do like 45 minutes. And it would be insane before owns the club and you'd be like, I think I'm gonna go up do a guest spot. And he would do like 45 minutes.
Listen, it would be insane before the show even starts.
They've watched bloopers of people getting hit
in the nuts for an hour.
And then the owner goes up and does,
he's not trying new stuff.
He's doing like his ass.
But one thing that you're omitting
is that he had a pay phone on the stage
which he would do prank calls.
That's right.
So the night in question that I'm talking about,
he had somehow through his like Fox News or OP,
like those kind of people had gotten him
Al Sharpton's phone number.
What the hell?
What the hell?
So not only was he dropping the in-bomb in the bathroom,
he had prank called called Reverend L. Sharpton.
That's awesome.
But it was just his off,
is that I don't think he picked up.
No, yeah, I don't.
That's still awesome, though, to hear.
Dude, the guys in that crowd, their eyes probably lit up,
just hearing the words L. Sharpton.
I called my dad.
Yeah, my dad didn't gonna wanna listen to this.
Yeah, I think it's back to the future.
I got something for you, dad.
You're gonna wanna hear it.
It's a guy harassing a black guy.
We're back.
It's an Italian harassing a famous black guy.
Yeah, you say my art form is bullshit, hop hop?
Well, listen to this.
Bebe, Mr. Sharpe, the reference office,
it's not accepting phone calls right now.
That was still the best standup show I've ever seen.
Really?
Standup do, stand up do in like an hour at the stress factory.
I believe that.
I mean, the stress factory, despite Vinnie's best efforts,
is a good club.
Like, it's the fun. Also, I asked him one time,
I go, why is this place called the Stress Factory?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you say?
He goes, well, I just opened the club,
I just got divorced, I had four kids,
I had a bunch of people calling me,
I go, I go, this place is in a comedy club,
this is a Stress Factory.
And so that's what he named the club.
That's awesome.
Just something that means something only to him.
And also that kind of makes sense.
If you don't think about it at all.
You're like, oh, you don't, you de-stress it.
It's comedy.
It's comedy.
Wait, it's the stress, so they create stress.
They create stress.
Wait, like if you think about it, it holds no water.
But for a second, you almost named it
that my daughter's fucking a black
Fuck dude my daughter brought home a Muslim boyfriend
Fuck what was I guess oh I'll show remember how fucking skit I'll sharpen you got skinny
It's like a before o's epic. Yeah, he got me again. I think it was like he would dude. He was I mean
Like a child
He tried out that band but like truly he looked like a child
There's that one selfie where he had like you his cash
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, look up the Al Sharpton selfie. There's some
But if he's sharp in his kind of it's like iconic. Yeah, I was a fried
chicken junkie he jokes. No, I mean, that's that that's right up not a mother.
That's right up. I said it. Yeah, I used to eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner,
but after about three or four weeks, I didn't have a longing for that either. I had
an exercise to routine working on the treadmill for 20 or 30 minutes, five days a week,
20 or 30 minutes. Five days a week.
20 or 30 minutes.
That ain't shit.
He lost 175 pounds.
No, that's crazy.
But yeah, you're right Mike, I'm sorry.
In the 80s, he looked awesome.
He looked awesome.
Fatty shit, hair, purple sweatsuits.
Purple, yeah, just like truly kind of what I'm going for.
Yeah.
He had better hair than me.
He had a perm, dude.
He had like, fucking, he had like old black woman hair.
He had like church black lady hair,
and he's fat as shit, with like awesome suits,
just lying on the cops.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beautiful veneers, he's awesome.
Yeah, I guess he's still alive,
but who knows, but weird shit,
he's up to skinny as fuck.
Anyone who gets that skinny,
if they've been fat their whole life,
it's like, there's something I really don't appreciate
about that.
It's one thing you'll lose enough weight to be healthy.
Yeah.
I get it, right?
You get to a certain age, you're like,
I'd rather not die, so maybe let me take off a hundred.
It almost feels like a little bit of a betrayal.
Definitely a betrayal.
You can't be that skit.
That's like a, you get that skit.
That's crazy.
That's like a woman, what a woman should look like.
You don't have it.
No, I mean, not shun. I what a woman should look like. You don't know me.
No, I mean, not should.
I love a nice, hefty girl.
But I mean, only with, my, guess my point is,
only woman should get that skinny, right?
You know what I mean?
That's selfie, he does look like a nine-year-old.
Look at that.
Oh my God.
It looks like a little kid.
It looks like a little kid.
It's fucking weird, dude.
It's fucking weird.
Yeah.
Anyway, look at that one. Jordan, there's this little kid. And you also know, here's my weird dude. It's fucking weird. Yeah. Anyway. Look at that one, Jordan and his little kid.
And you also know, here's my other thing.
You also know there's some weird sex shit going on here.
Like fat people that don't really believe in them.
Like, oh, fat people look at that skinny.
It's like, there is like a,
this is gonna sound like people are gonna accuse me
of like fat propaganda here.
But I do think there's some self-hatred there.
We're like, I have to get as thin as possible.
And then I think it unlocks.
They're never really comfortable themselves and they get that skinny.
And I feel like it probably unlocks some weird section.
Just a hunch.
If you don't fucking at your fattest,
then once the governor is off you,
then you're like, who knows what kind of weird shit
that guy's up to?
I would guess he's been up to some weird section, personally.
That's just me though.
I'm kind of like team outsharp, then though.
Right now, just in general, like this.
Didn't you like march with MLK and shit?
Yeah, like he's got some good, good resume.
He's cool, he's not the best,
he's not the best little rights leader.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But once you got this skinny's way lost me. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. He betrayed my community. Right. Right. Yeah. Listen, captain at 140. Yeah. You had to get to 176. lose that much weight in like a natural way, which you know, this is before a Zappic, let's assume he wasn't fucking around
with like crazy shit.
Don't you think it's like almost inevitable to just lose,
lose that much without aid?
And it's like, you know, if you're just changing your
overhauling your lifestyle or something.
Oh, this is worried, because in his mind,
he's gonna lose 150 pounds.
Oh, this is just having this conversation for future eldest.
eldest in his head weighs like 120.
And he's like a model.
I'm not gonna get there.
He's been eating vegan for three weeks.
He's turning out.
He's heading out because he has to go to the gym.
No, no, no, definitely not that.
What do you call like an uncle Tom for fat people?
Oh, I don't know.
Uncle Tom.
What's the food that starts?
I don't know.
It's hard. We've got a workshop a workshop comedy's hard. That's really
Guys think it's all fun and game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I don't know I'm gonna have to give that I'm gonna. I'm called tomato
Okay, we got some for sure rhymes with Tom
Okay, we got some bone for sure. You know what rhymes with Tom?
Bob, Uncle Bob, sorry.
No, no, Uncle Yum.
Is it Uncle Yum?
Yum.
I'll get out of here.
We'll figure it out, we'll get to it.
We'll get to the bottom of this folks.
We'll cut it in at the end.
Yeah, we'll, somebody screaming into their,
at their car right now.
No, it's not good, I'm guaranteed they got
Yeah, yeah, right saying sand and we're,
they've been saying sand and we're since the,
since the Vinnie branch,
they're waking up how to get tickets to the stress factor.
They're like, this is a business I would like to support.
I'm flying in from across the country.
I love the idea of you.
How was it the stress factor? I love the idea of you. To all of the distresses of today.
I love the idea of long hair, Mike,
selling restaurant.
That's when you guys met.
Where'd you guys met?
I was like so long on the J-Train.
On the J-Train, you met.
If Andy didn't give me some moving work,
I'd be probably dead by the way.
Really?
You know what I mean?
You were a crew, right there,
when you saw him and I was like,
everybody threw that moving cut.
Oh, you were the original one.
He was the original one.
Oh wow. I work as a messenger, that moving cup. Oh, you were the original one. He was the original one.
Oh, wow.
I work as a messenger, and I would make like $20 a day.
Yeah.
You know what's so fucking annoying was that like I like brought in
like a couple people I brought in who like went on
to be very successful.
Well, you also got me fired though.
Did you know I didn't get you fired?
I said that I fired it in people's house.
No, that wasn't me.
And also you can't get fired from that cup of tea.
You know that?
Yeah, but they stopped using me for a little bit.
I had the work out of their place.
They put you on the shelf, they farted too much.
What I apologize for that if I did that.
That's a fact.
I liked it on my feet.
There was a couple of people that went on to be like,
you, we worked with them.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, went on to like, be like TV writers.
And even one guy like, went on and wrote a show about like,
moving.
No.
And I was like, you don't call me for the movie show?
They hired Emmy Blotnik.
Yeah, they hired a show and a conner and Emmy Blotnik.
Yeah, Emmy Blotnik's friend of the show.
The show's respect.
Been on this couch before.
Yeah, but he gets a lot of jobs.
He's moved and ottoman in her life.
If you can say that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you're writing a show about moving maybe higher,
you know, your buddy that got you the moving job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got, how long we guys moving together?
Were you in the van together ever?
Were you in the truck together?
We've been in there, like,
I think we've moved every iteration of my New York life.
Oh, wow.
Like even probably like two years ago,
we like did a moving job that was like contract or something.
Hell yeah.
Cause it's like, it's always like, if you aren't, you know, like having a super busy schedule,
you can always throw together a Saturday and make rent, you know?
So it's like who gives a shit.
What's the funniest motherfucker?
You must have had some weird other weird neighbors.
Tramain?
Tramain?
Yeah, Tramain, who?
Yeah, he's this guy from East New York who's like the funniest person.
Yeah, he goes, he goes, if you don't cheat on your wife once a month
You're gay
Wait, is this the guy that you're joking about Mike? Which one to like no that's that's the junk luggers
Okay, well we were we were doing jobs one time and we had a bunch of time to kill between jobs
Uh-huh, so he's like yeah, let's go to McDonald's and I was like yeah, actually we got so much time to kill
There's a denny's right there. We can go to Denny's
together because I go in a days with you son as gay.
It's a gay for two men to go to Denny's together.
So as long as it's not, as long as a waiter is involved, it's not gay.
Yeah, you can have take out with the man. Yeah. But I'm just like the naturally funny
is dude. The we're like, we're moving a guy and because he was, it was during the men. Yeah. But he just like the naturally funniest dude in the world. Like we were moving a guy and because he was like,
it was during the pandemic so his wife was having another kid.
So he was going on to Florida.
We were loading his U-Haul to take to Florida and Trimane goes,
oh you have another kid.
He's like, damn you was hitting it raw.
Oh.
He's like, damn you like the fuck.
Sorry.
Just the guy that the company hired. he doesn't know him at all.
It was my job.
Oh, it was your job, oh.
I thought he was talking to just a different guy.
No, it was our client.
Oh, yeah.
Who was the client?
Yeah, so yes, he talked to the guy that they hired like that.
Just the guy he didn't know.
Yeah.
It did, so he was hitting the road.
That's what I'm talking about.
But Guy, he has enough money to move to Florida
during the pandemic.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
No, obviously about the joke about your coworker
who didn't realize he was molested.
Oh, yeah.
That wasn't his, uh, Quinn.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That guy's a character.
That guy is terrifying.
Yeah, but I had to like explain Bill Cosby to him once,
but also he couldn't do stairs
because he got shot in the leg.
So he's a mover again.
He got shot.
He got shot because he was an enforcer for a big family.
And I saw his leg one time and it was like,
he'd been hit with a machine gun.
It was like, holy shit.
And then he was like, show it to you.
Damn.
But he's all because I decided to do open mics.
Yeah.
Me and this guy, I have to be in a truck with this man.
Yeah, but he's a good guy.
I should be in an open plan office right now.
Yeah.
But I had to be funny.
I have to like explain Bill Cosby to him once
because he's like, you know what, I don't understand.
And he's like, and he's and he's Puerto Rican and Irish.
So he's got these bright, like piercing blue eyes.
He's like a Puerto Rican, like a terrifying blue eyes.
With Irish eyes.
Yeah, interesting.
Yeah, and he's like, he's like,
how come all these women are coming out now,
like 20 years later?
I'm like, well, you know, it's like,
he was very powerful in the business and everything.
And he's like, yeah, that's true.
He's like, yeah, there's a lot of pussy out here.
You're gonna be rapin' nobody.
Yeah.
Wow, that's good, man.
He came to the right conclusion in his own way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is a really good point.
I love that joke, though, where it was like,
he's just telling you a story about,
he said his babysitter sucked his dick when he was five
And he's like bragging about it
He's like, yeah, man, I got my dick so I was five
You didn't seduce this woman
Yeah, yeah, you're not the James Bond of Five Girls.
Yeah.
That's a bit, I mean, it's a good bit,
but it's like doing that on stage always
felt a little like weird sometimes.
Yeah, I get that.
I was always scared to tell jokes about those guys.
Because occasionally they really take
interest in your standup.
And they're like, I'm coming to the show tonight.
You're like, fuck, you're freaking out of my friends.
Yeah, that's hilarious.
No, I think they would be honored,
especially the joke about getting molested.
When I worked at Godjunk, we would call the KKK,
because I worked with this guy Joe,
as other guy from East New York,
very, very funny guy,
and we would just listen to their like voicemail message.
And the guy would be like, well, greetings. Thank you for calling the loyal white night to the
Ku Klux Klan. And it was right around the Trevon Martin verdict. And I remember the guy being like,
George Zimmerman ain't got to drop a white blood in him. He said, you and a Mexican.
They were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, a Mexican. They were, they were anti-jewelists. Because he wasn't white.
Yeah.
And like not even Anthony Cumia had that take.
No.
I got to drop a lot blood in him.
He chewed Mexican.
That's incredible.
Yeah.
So that was on the recording.
They were like, hey, this is coming up so much.
Yeah.
We're gonna put it on the recording.
Because every week that I to have a different message.
So he start going off.
And then so one time Joe leaves, he's like,
this is Randy Johnson.
I'm very interested in joining.
He's like, I'm up in New York.
See, there's a lot of up here.
So that was like, fun.
Did he ever call back or no?
No, I don't think so.
But then one time we called and the KKK guys started like, ranting about Israel and it
went on this long rant about how like, Israel owns all of our politicians, all our money
goes to, you know, like, destroy stuff and they're like, thank you for calling us leave
a message, we will get back to you.
And then me and Joe just look at each other like, yeah, okay, that one was kind of, that
one was.
You guys looked at each other, you're like, listen, a, that one was kind of, that one was, you guys looked at each other,
you're like, listen, a broken clock is right.
A broken clock is real.
Twice a day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a tough one, whatever the context would be like,
it's funny, I don't know.
Me, a black guy, with the pink hair.
That's like the whole thing.
That's a good page.
Yeah, that's the hand shake.
That is real.
The hand shake.
Yeah, yeah.
Just holding me three fists, though.
One's tan with, yeah.
For calling the KKK is a hilarious move,
but I guess they probably, it's interesting to hear.
And there are just.
But Andy's such a funny mover
because he acts like he's a little bit better.
He actually, he doesn't belong.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I was like angling.
Right.
Like I always thought somebody was gonna see me moving
and be like, this guy should be in my creative agency.
Or whatever, you know, like the job I should have.
Right, right, right.
So I'd be very like,
purious sneakers and, you know, nice clothes.
Hello, ma'am.
Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, I loved this story in this New Yorker.
Right, right, right.
And they're like, don't look at me.
Yeah.
With his ice coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he like, don't look at me. Yeah. With his eyes coffee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, and then he would say to his wife,
I prefer when they're Puerto Rican,
they don't think they can talk to us.
I think they actually probably do.
To some extent.
So fully.
Because I would do some jobs sometimes where it'd be like,
you know, upper west side, like on the park.
Yeah.
And then you would try to talk to them,
like you were also a human. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Anybody's moving shit or like junk or whatever? Like I've had a couple guys like, I moved into Baltimore, I had a bunch of shit.
And it's like, you know, I have a pleasant,
yeah, 10 minute max long combo.
Like you also, like from my perspective,
I don't wanna fuck their shit up,
cause they're working, they got their own thing.
If I was working, I wouldn't wanna be making small talk.
I'd wanna just do the job and get the fuck out of there.
But you also wanna be like, hey man,
I'd like to register.
There's boundaries obviously.
Yeah, you know, you're in their house, they trust you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, to be like, hey man, I'd like to register. There's boundaries obviously. You know, you're in their house, they trust you.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, there's definitely,
there was people where you could like see immediately,
like this one time for not the company
that we work for, another company that I work for,
they would just throw you a helper,
like you were tasked with finding your assistant for the day,
or if you couldn't find one,
they would just send somebody.
Yeah, that's what Andy would start code switching.
What's up, my man?
1981.
My brother.
These pigs, I didn't get a brand.
But they sent like a heroin addict, like just fully like a,
because Williamsburg used to be rife with junkies.
And this is when you guys start, like,
is like, 2009, yeah.
Oh, well, okay.
And, but like, you can tell when they're like trying to buddy
up the client to finesse a better tip.
That's always a bleak place to be,
where you have to be like, calm down a little bit.
They're actually gonna not tip as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause they're gonna not tip as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause they're gonna smell this on you.
Right, right, right, yeah.
Don't be so desperate.
But I mean, so many people like,
I wanna say probably 40 comics, you know,
maybe have worked for the moving company.
Something like that.
Yeah.
A cheap source of male labor.
Just open my comedy.
Well, some of them were like great comics. It's just like to make a
New York living sometimes. Yeah, yeah, you have to be hey, man relax. I didn't mean anything by it
We're also available
Furniture assembly junk removal look man TV mounted. I didn't expect come down to get successful either
I would have been right there with you
Nadebate we're trying suck your dick on the job. No, never and it happens to some guys
Not never me never me. I mean obviously never me. Yeah, that's crazy
You know you know you're meet Steve O'Brien
I mean obviously never me. Yeah, that's crazy. But you know you know you're meet Steve O'Brien
No, he's he's a team submarine was sketchbook a comedy duo But like nice like very mile-manored guy, but yeah, he would get it happen to him instantly just a mile-manored guy
Huh, yeah, I don't think he ever took it cuz he had like a good girlfriend good dude. Yeah, I would assume it would be that guy
Or just like some just strong
Just there was some sexy
There's some like good-looking black guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
There's this one guy Rob would get a lot of yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's another dude named dukes who's like he's probably 50 now
He's probably 50 and he is an adonis and he is it's crazy because he would work like a whole day moving like
Hort like I would be dead
Yeah, and then he would get on his bike and go to the gym.
But he was like a psycho.
Yeah, yeah, he's one of those guys that's just like
built like that.
Yeah, he was insane.
And very short fuse.
Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome.
And he fucked off the job.
Did he, I don't know.
I think he had a wife.
I think he had like a finished wife for some of those.
I never seen him laugh.
I made him laugh like one time.
I've had some good rapport with him.
But I knew him like, you know, I was original crew.
Yeah, this is a great, you should write a show about this.
This sounds awesome.
I actually made a pilot about it, but it's a-
I said it, I-
I really don't know.
Did you make a pilot?
I recently, yeah, I wrote something, yeah.
I actually made it.
Like I filmed it.
And, but it turns out that if you're not successful already, Recently, yeah, I wrote something. Yeah, I actually made it like I filmed it and
But it turns out that if you're not successful already, they don't want to watch your pilot
Turns out if nobody found us, you know, we should do we should do like a moving
I Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the news we picked up the pilot we need crew
Like $40 an hour
Guys come on this is gonna be a union job. Yeah, we're just trying to make art here man
We're here at Stavvy Bay Bear price. We're a family. We don't need shit like unions.
I love it, dude.
Damn, we gotta talk more about the moving shit.
That shit is fascinating, but we need also
the fucking perspectives of two young fathers,
two ex-movers or current movers,
depending on how it goes.
Just wants like a few times more. A few times more. A couple times more deal. I'm a kept man right now. Yeah, I don't have to do anything. That's awesome. Yeah, my wife just wants me out of the house
Hit us with some fucking questions big LD
Hey, hey, Skaz, love you. Love the pride. We can't share that.
Sorry, I'm sick.
Skaz, love you. Love the pride.
Sorry for my question.
We're decent.
I've been working for an artist for almost a year.
It's just the two of us running a small business out of our basement.
Sometimes, like, my boss's parents will visit from across the country to help with the kids though.
There's a weird dynamic between my boss and her mom, and she essentially spends money
on the kids without permission from my boss.
The mom will go directly against my boss, which is, if they're teaching the kids a lesson
and they say, no, don't replace this for them, they broke it.
And they have to learn their lesson.
Like, she'll buy it for them anyways and they'll just show up in the mail.
Well, today the mom gave me a bonus and told me explicitly, told me not to cut my boss
because she gets mad about this.
She has given me money in the past for Christmas and my birthday and I told my boss for those situations.
Do I tell her for this?
Is that proving my loyalty?
It kind of feels like it would be.
But also not at the same time.
Or do I not tell her and kind of keep the piece?
My dad says I should keep the piece.
But by the way, it was only $300, which is kind of a big deal for me.
Big deal for anybody.
So this is what we're.
Yeah. Well, it's annoying when like you're trying to teach your kid a lesson.
You smash his Nintendo switch with
Yeah, you're like then you did this. Yeah, it's you that did it wasn't me
Doing this and then grandma buys a manu one. Yeah, yeah, and then he watches you hit grandma. Yeah, fuck them bullshit, dude
Yeah, um
So this is this sounds like a young a very young young person, right? Is that what this is?
She said, or it's been two years,
they're running a small business, right?
I'll just, what is it?
Yeah, she's been working with this artist
for about a year, she said.
They're running a business out of her basement,
and the parents are like around.
So this is, I mean, what do you really,
like is this really a good boss?
Does it sound like it? The boss gets mad when somebody gives you a bonus.
The fuck is that? The boss didn't necessarily get mad.
It's just that the boss's mom is like, don't tell her.
She's already like doing the behind the scenes stuff.
It's like a weird pond and the one I mean, like, artist and mom. Yes. Yes. And so you exactly. But didn't she say she did get mad
in the past? I just did I write this register that right? She said the mom has given her
money before. Yes. And she told her I don't think she said what the boss's reaction was
or something. Yeah. So look, if it here's what I would say, if it comes up, you can,
you can don't lie about it, right? But I, you don't have to also declare $300. Now,
this is a, you're both sovereign beings. This lady gave you $300. This is a weird part-time job.
My overall advice is get out of here. Yeah, that's it. Unless. This is some kind of like,
all advice is get out of here. Yeah, that's it.
Unlust, this is some kind of like mentorship thing,
like this artist somebody you want to work for.
And it's like, so then you have to weigh
is being on the boss's side no matter what,
more important to you than $300 basically.
Cause the mom is not someone that matters to you now.
In my mind, from my read of this is like,
fuck both of these people,
one's kind of a weird boss.
They think the mom is gonna be like in on it though? No. Like they're doing like a, I don't think the mom it's like, fuck both of these people, one's kind of a weird boss. The mom's gonna be like, in on it though?
No.
Like they're doing like a...
I don't think the mom, I don't think they're trying to...
But it also was like, this woman's never heard
that like, grandparents spoil kids.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That seems pretty normal to me.
It's one of the most classic grandparents' behaviors.
Possible.
You also sound like a nerd for work.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Totally.
And so, do I tell her this?
I don't think you need to, yeah,
I don't think you need to say anything.
Yeah, I mean, if she asks you,
but like, why would you need to tell her?
I think it's, I do think that this,
this dynamic sounds toxic enough where like,
if she found out that like the mom had given her $300,
she probably would be tight about it, right?
But what, but that's the thing.
It's like all you can do is behave
the way a normal human being can.
Right.
And if somebody else wants to be weird,
then you get to be like, I don't understand.
What is the issue here?
She gave me this bonus for the holidays.
I appreciated it.
I'm not expecting anything from you.
I just, I wasn't supposed to do turn it down.
Like, I'm just, it was just a gift from your mother
who I have some kind of weird relationship with.
Yeah, it's kind of weird for it to be like,
you're not a, cause you're not her kids.
She could be mad if the mom gives her kids presents.
You're a fucking, you're your own person.
So I think you're, here's my read-in situation.
Our friend is pretty young.
This might be your first job.
And a lot of times
you don't recognize like you fall into a weird dynamic that a workplace has when you're young
because you don't realize what's acceptable and what's not. Especially a small work place.
Totally. Yeah. This is completely unacceptable. This is fucking weird and crazy. For you to even
be aware of her interpersonal politics where their mom is fucked up,
that's not your job unless you're the nanny,
which it doesn't sound like,
where she runs the business, right?
She's like, she helps run a small business
out of the ladies' place.
I mean, I'd have to knock on a lot of restaurant doors
to make $300.
Yeah, exactly.
No, it's a nice job to work.
Yeah, that's a good money.
Like, you shouldn't have to turn it down
or declare it to your fucking boss.
And again, the one caveat I'll give is if this boss
is like someone you really admire,
it's an artist you want to work for,
it's somebody that holds a lot of like door,
like can open a lot of doors for you
and you otherwise have a very good relationship
and they're not manipulative with you.
Then I would say you have to weigh whether you feel like you need to tell them
because they would appreciate it.
Because if you're very close to, like,
let's say I'm very close to, like,
when I was opening for Bobby, right?
And he had a weird relationship with his fucking mom
or something, just, let's just put it
in some of the exact same situation.
And somebody gave, somebody, like,
one of his relatives gave me 300 bucks. It would be weird enough where I'd be like, you're of his relatives gave me 300 bucks. Yeah, it would be weird enough where I'd be like
You're fucking Uncle Larry gave me 300
Like I would say it
You know what I mean?
Because he was my guy and I was just whatever
But if it was just some if it's just my my shitty boss at like the last day job I had before comedy like if my shitty boss
It like fucking my the paralegal
Somebody gave me like I wouldn't,
I would never give a fuck about it.
So you have to decide if this person matters enough
to you to clear it by them.
And if not, you're totally fine.
But even if the boss finds out,
I don't see them getting mad at her.
Totally, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
And if the boss does get mad at you,
then my mom being a weirdo.
Exactly.
And if they get mad at you, they're a fucking asshole.
Yeah.
You know? Yeah. Um, okay. Well, good luck. And go work at a regular job or something.
Don't let anyone come between you and your $300. Yeah. Absolutely not.
Hey, Stavvy, a longtime listener, first time caller. Um, so it was my birthday the other month and I was
getting some sloppy top from my girlfriend. Great present. What's that like?
But then I'm out to finish and pull up and there's blood everywhere. What?
It's really bad. It was really bad. That was almost a month ago.
So I took it easy for a while.
It was really careful.
It was really slow because I was fellow un-served brother.
I can't pull that dick skin back very far.
It doesn't go all the way down.
It's every nose I know.
So apparently that little banjo string, the frenulum, that tour, and it keeps, I keep
waiting like a week and I can't help myself and I carried again.
And it bleeds.
And this is like the third or fourth time that happened.
If you have an experience with this, let me know what I should do.
I'd probably go to a doctor, but I really don't want you
because that surgery is going to stop every time.
And I die.
You keep on working off.
Thanks, Tommy.
Dude, are you a girlfriend?
Do you mean your dog?
What?
She's slutty.
What was she doing?
That was the most violent? That was crazy.
I'm confused if he's like saying sloppy.
Does he mean like, sloppy top?
That's what sloppy top means, brother.
If he's just like, using a stupid ass way to like talk about getting pussy.
No, no.
Because when you like taste blood in your mouth pretty fast like, if you're sucking
the guy off and like, yeah, the way he's talking to makes it seem like he might be lying.
He does like, he's doing the, um, scientists from the simpsons.
That's what I was going to say. Sounds like he's disguising his voice.
I don't know that I really believe this. So I don't know though,
because to get that specific about tearing your, to tear your freme
on them, to like look that up, that gives me kind of like
that did happen.
Or he's doing a very detailed lie
and he looked it up, because we look up
Frenulumeldus, I guess it's the part
that connects your cock to your foreskin.
I got under side of it.
Yeah, it's like a little piece of it.
But also something doesn't add up here
because I do have a tight foreskin in real life.
And the frenulum doesn't get exposed
if you have a tight foreskin.
The foreskin hides it.
You have to pull your shit back all the way.
I think we're dealing with a liar personally.
Send picks.
Because I have to send your point,
your point of like wouldn't somebody taste blood. Yeah
Like it's like he can next question. I thought he knotted blood, right?
I thought that's right. I thought it was you but if there's unless his fucking girlfriend is a fucking lunatic
So look some about this feels off if this really happened
Absolutely go to the doctor. What are you talking about? That's another reason I don't believe this because even the biggest moron on earth
Hey stop. I have a large lump on my head
I can't see colors anymore and all everything I eat tastes like smoke
What should I do you have any experience with this stop? I keep losing weight
I'm sick all the time. Oh, stop.
I hooked up with a girl in Porta Prince Hayden.
I haven't seen my teeth have been falling out.
So yeah, this doesn't, because even when I had no money, I never went to a doctor.
If my cock was in jeopardy, that's like all men.
That's the dirt bag thing, dude.
I don't believe this.
I think you're wrong.
I killed three of my grandparents
by coughing on it.
Anyway, yeah, if this is real, go to the doctor.
Go to the doctor.
Done and done.
It was like a spot on for this.
His mom is like, so what did Stavros say?
Yeah.
He called me a word.
He called me the doctor.
Hi, my name is Katie.
So I guess I would call myself a bit of an agoraphobic. I struggle to do things like go to the store.
That's a big one for me.
I'm currently unemployed.
And just basic things I need to do, even things that are supposed to be fun, like getting my nails done.
Wow.
Was it something I like?
Well, we found the one bitch that doesn't like to go shopping. Alright, sorry I couldn't help myself.
We found a dream girl. Good out myself, sorry Katie, I'm listening to your problems seriously. Go ahead, seriously go ahead eldest you but the problem is
i can't get myself out of the house but the main thing is is going to the
store
i think of phobia
the point to the store
and i have become
very reliant
on
uh... delivery app you uh... very reliant on delivery apps to relieve my anxiety of getting in the car driving to the
store and being around people and having to navigate that environment.
And this is a relatively new issue that I've developed over the past couple of years.
And I'm spending way too much money, and I feel really embarrassed about it.
I just don't understand why something so simple, that's a part of daily life is so difficult for me.
And I am in therapy and everything, but my main thing is just I can't stop
it's ordering things, whether it's groceries, toilet paper, wine, you name it, I'm just gonna open an
app and get it delivered. So my question is how can I alleviate this anxiety of being out in the world and how can
I stop blowing all my money on these apps?
I know I could simply delete them, but I just can't bring myself to do that.
So any advice on this would be
greatly appreciated. Love the show, relatively new fan, great stuff. Thanks.
Thanks for calling in. Yeah. Well, Katie, you can't shop lift unless you go to the store.
That is true. So, yeah. To yourself to little extra free stuff. Yeah, if you want free-hole chickens, you've got to go to the store to put them in your pants.
I would say, serious answer is you just got to be, you got to start by being willing,
you know what I mean?
Like, and then, you know, just baby steps.
Totally.
Go walk, rock, and buy the store.
I can buy the lentilie, yeah.
Totally, yeah.
Take the, go out the door, you know, little things.
That's how I stopped smelling women's hair on a subway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It gets fucked up, even from the pandemic. This feels like a little pandemic hangover. I have people in my life that have struggled with this stuff.
I have a friend who like, she would freak out
when we went to the grocery store.
And I would fuck with her and I would just like,
take longer than we needed to.
And at first I thought it was fun.
And then I'm like, this bitch was having like a panic attack.
And I started feeling bad.
But like this happens to people.
And people develop different things throughout life and it not being embarrassed to step
Why you shouldn't be embarrassed just something you got to figure out right like a service dog? Huh?
She had a service maybe yeah, that helps
But that's the thing about like mental shit that I always the analogy I try and tell people is like you wouldn't be embarrassed if you broke your fucking leg
Yeah, right and it was hard for you to get around for like six months,
and then you had to do PT, and it was like,
it takes a long time, right?
And it's like, just because you fuck something in your head up,
which you did, something happened,
and now you're scared to, you know, pick up fucking toilet paper,
be realistic with yourself and know that it's like any other thing
that you're trying to get over, it's gonna take some time,
it's gonna be kind of fucking annoying,
there'll be good days, there'll be setbacks, but you just have to be kind
of like, what Andy is saying, it's like slowly like get your, you know, get your will up
there.
Yeah, the world's a meat grinder.
You're not supposed to do any of this shit as an animal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everything's disconnected, your community, your worth, the things that you align.
Sucks dick.
You know, so don't feel bad.
And like, I don't have a Gorgophobia shit at all, but like,
I find myself falling in this.
Once I figured out Uber Eats had like fucking gross
a reason she.
And I had never been a deliver groceries guy.
And then I was doing, I was working on something and I was
splitting a house with the guy I was working on it with.
And he started, he got his groceries delivered and he was splitting a house with the guy I was working on it with and he started
he got his groceries delivered and he was like oh yeah we're doing the movie he was
fucking like he was just like oh we don't have time to go to the grocery I guess I'm going
to order some groceries and I was like hmm I heard of the grocery as people were talking
even during the pandemic we were masking up and going to see foods around here you know
yeah and then I saw someone do it and dude I've been like literally I got home from yesterday Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, I don't even know. I think it was like a nameless,
oh yeah, it was just like a completely bullshit.
It was Saban, the guy who made,
the Israeli guy who made his power rangers.
He's still doing action movies, and it was so bad.
But it was like a bodybuilder that couldn't speak English.
I love this.
It was immune to a pain.
It was like clearly post pandemic,
because it was like the virus is killing people
But you couldn't tell if he was pro if it was like shitting on can't like fouchy or if it was pro like it had no
It had no
Anyway, whatever I'm watching some horrible fucking action movie and I literally
action movie and I literally- I'm COVID.
I'm a pink dress.
Oh my God, dude.
I know, dude, the people that think that's the,
it's like, even if you're, at this point,
it's like, I don't even care for transphobic,
stop being a hack.
Just to one original joke.
While I love when somebody who gets a little shine
by something that they have no feelings about,
so then they like absorb that pathology.
They're like, oh yeah.
They're trying to take away our drinking fountains, really.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're in like open mics at UCB a while ago.
I know, dude, it's really sad.
I remember just watching that should happen
where it's like, oh, Fox News retweeted you.
And now all of a sudden you think like,
now he's in a movie with Ted Cruz and
So this workout for everyone
Anyway, do is say it's hard to be white
I'm gonna do a sue CIA
But yeah, I literally I ordered a
Reces take five a blue gay rate and like a pint of vanilla ice cream. I mean, I think that that is like, it's,
and I get it, it's fucking, it's nice to see.
It's the state of four seasons, it's nice to do like,
private jet, rich guy shit,
but there's something so pure about a fucking
bad action movie and getting your fucking junk food delivered.
That's better than King's, dude.
Like if I could live my life with this
or be fucking Henry the Aether
or whatever the fuck, I'm picking this for sure.
You tell me you give up on Kill on me, wife.
Yeah, I'm sure that sounds like a luxury.
That's pretty cool to you guys.
I'm gonna kill my wife if I meet a cooler one.
But so yeah, I just think like this is very difficult for everyone, even if they don't have like
some kind of issue that just developed,
you know, later in life and just...
Can you go what, like when the store is closing
or maybe early in the morning?
Yeah, yeah.
That's when I go to trade or jose.
Yeah.
You know, everybody's at work.
Totally.
I mean, just give yourself small goals.
That's the way to do it.
Like, I'm sober, just do a day to time type of thing.
I'm supposed to do it for the rest of my life.
So give yourself those little milestones that you can hit,
and then eventually you'll just find yourself there.
Yeah, absolutely.
Go buy, go get a little toilet paper today, you know what I mean?
And then order wine, but like, in terms of like getting off the app,
I mean, look, you just got it.
This is how it works.
There's no way we live in.
There's no like, there's no advice I can give you,
especially when you're like, I know I could delete them,
but I don't want to do that.
So it's like, what are we gonna tell you
until you don't, you know what I mean?
Like just small goals, get some of your stuff,
you know, in person and kind of work your way up to it.
It's like, the way like marathon runners kind of like,
fucking do like a mile, then like four miles's like the way like marathon runners kind of like fucking do like a mile then like four miles whatever the fuck like she gets to the grocery store and
it's just
well today's finally the day I'm gonna go I'm gonna go do Christmas shopping at
the mall I'm gonna buy a go Christmas goose. She's good, she's everywhere. And then it's like, guy who bought the all-inclusive
Skanks Fest pass.
Oh, shit.
Big J wouldn't say hi to me. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f back off. Broom. Broom. Broom. Is there hogging all the trends pussy?
Broom.
Broom.
Broom.
Broom.
Broom.
Oh, that's good.
I saw Andy get that one while we were still talking.
And I was like, what's he got?
Yeah, yeah, that's a banger, Andy.
Broom.
I appreciate that.
Anyway, there probably won't be a match shooting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah't be a match. Shoot it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're good.
The thoughts are very low.
The thoughts are very low.
Just work on yourself.
Mm.
Fuck.
And we believe in you.
And Klaylis, and call us back in a couple of months.
We'd love to keep tabs.
Yeah.
And make sure you're doing your shit.
Oh, big LD.
Play another wonderful play.
Quick question for you.
My body and I just got into it yesterday.
I kind of called on my own.
I was just like, you know,
because whenever he comes over,
it's like he just wants to just show up on a note.
And it's like,
you need to give me a heads up
I've asked you I told you so many times you need to tell me when you're 10 minutes away
So I fucking know and every fucking time it's
Not you know, he just he just fucking shows up and I lost it on him yesterday
And I you know, I was just like it's a you don't fucking respect me and then he came back at me and said that um he doesn't ask for people to change
that because he said that I because I told him I wouldn't do shit that pisses you off
so why the fuck do you do shit that pisses me off so mad and um and then he's just like
no you do shit that pisses me off.
I just don't tell you because I don't expect you to,
or I don't want you, something like that.
And in my gut, I'm just like, I know that that's
some fucking manipulative shit.
Like, you know, like he's just trying to manipulate me.
Because his whole thing is, he just wants to be around
because I can, you you know i fucking read but
ever for bish he support himself
what is going on
so like
i'm just
i'm just wondering who's in the wrong here like in my
even if it's crazy me to
expect someone who I spend every almost every day with you know
I talk to almost every day is it crazy to for them to continue to disrespect you like
you know the stuff that hurts me why do you do it and then they're going to hit me with
the well I don't expect I don't I don't say anything because I don't
want you to error. You know, I don't know. I feel like I, sure, you're face out of woman.
Definitely. But I just, I don't know. Curious, familiar, premium. All right. Thank you.
This is like Instagram, like self, like self wellnessness kind of like talk has made it over to like
Gen Z dudes. Yeah guys that should be fist fighting off monster energy
tracks. Or like yeah or like you're fucking gaslighting me. But it does sound like
it's right. So if I'm understand because this guy this is a raw call right right right this is he's still so mad
But if I'm understanding it essentially the whole argument here is his friend who he sees pretty much every day
Sounds kind of like our relationship, right where his friend who she come he comes over every day
He's asked hey man. Can you give me a ten minute warning?
Yeah before you come to my house? And the guy won't do it. That's the
whole. And then when he brought that up, when you try and draw your
boundary, you're going to get this mad when someone's fucking
with you. Yeah, yeah. Well, the thing is exactly if he's this
mad, it's not, it's just like this guy's probably a daycare,
this other guy's probably a daycare, our friend who called in probably hasn't worked through the feelings of the fact that he doesn't like this guy
And this guy is a piece of shit and he's probably a leech on his fucking life and look
Like if you set a boundary and the guy's like well, I don't like that boundary
I don't behave that way then you're like that doesn't matter
Yeah, either you fucking agree to behave the way I like
or leave me the fuck alone.
And it's fucking stupid to be like,
I understand that on some level, you're like,
well, should I ruin my friendship
because the guy doesn't give me a 10 minute warning.
It's like, yeah, if it bothers you,
if every day you see him, you're a little pissed off,
he didn't hit you up beforehand,
like whatever his thing, whatever his excuses sounds,
I mean, you don't even understand what he's saying.
He hasn't even been able to explain to it,
but I'm gathering that he's just like,
I don't expect people to change,
so I don't change for anyone.
Is essentially what it seems like it's friends saying,
or at least what he's trying to say is friends saying,
that's crazy, that's fucking stupid, that doesn't matter.
And look, maybe he can find people that behave the same way,
but if you're the kind of guy who wants people
to respect their fucking boundaries, then, you know,
fuck it.
This is such funny, such a funny call
because it's like, this is the kind of fight
that only like dudes get into,
but it's like kind of unexplainable.
And you're just annoyed with your best friends.
It's so much about a hundred on the can articulate.
You can articulate.
They've picked the one thing that they can be like,
dude, I told you to fucking do it to me.
Like tell me when you're coming.
Yeah.
I mean, I'll just at this point,
I don't give a flake and come and go to my house
as it pleases.
I'll literally be like, hey man,
today don't like just don't come.
I'd like to live in an apartment and not in an office, so please don't waltz in whenever
I might be getting my dick sucked.
But that's one out of every 40 days.
So yeah, I don't know, this guy, this guy, it sounds like, and he also sounds pretty young.
And it's like, look man, this is the age when it's like, you start realizing some of your
friends are dickheads.
Like in your 20s, you shed a lot of people
that you were friends with,
because you were just drunk at the same playground.
You know what I mean?
Or you were roommates in college,
or what a random computer assigned you this guy as a roommate.
And there was never an issue.
And then, well, one has happened and you're like,
hey wait, do I even like this guy?
Yeah.
Because most male friendship is just like,
has there been a problem yet?
No, great, this is my friend.
And then you're like, wait, why is there a problem?
This is gay.
I hate when somebody causes me problems.
So yeah, dude, I think you've just outgrown this guy
or you're just not compatible and that's fine.
I don't want people showing up at my house.
Definitely without a fucking warning.
Yeah, do you even, we haven't even gotten into,
do you wanna hang out with him as well?
It doesn't sound like it.
Cause I'll tell you this, like I said,
me and I'll just have that relationship where it's like,
he shows up and sometimes I'm annoyed,
but I'll be like, hey, dickhead,
you couldn't have fucking called me.
I didn't, we didn't have anything going on today.
Why are you here?
I'll just say it to him.
You know what I mean?
Or like, he'll just, what do you got to piss?
Yeah.
It's bad.
Great, well, we were wrapping up this call.
God forbid you could have given me a warning
and played the fucking next one.
Now we just have to look at it, you fucking dumb ass.
Should I go peeing then if he's peeing?
Yeah, you can piss in that one.
You want me to go over and hit the space bar?
And no, we'll probably fuck it up.
Okay.
Alright, we'll take a second.
Yeah.
You're like, you edit these things, right?
Uh, usually no, but whatever.
Let's do this last one here and wrap up, boys.
Go ahead, L. Dunns.
I like this one.
Hey, it's Bobby, just got me to go on me.
Just a side note.
I love hearing all you guys shit.
And a little tidbit for the Balkan culture.
I lived in Athens for a while.
Like 15 years ago, spending a month in Albania.
Oh, wow.
And I'm still that annoying.
Fucking asshole.
It doesn't shut up about these countries that I would have been.
I've been in Albania 10 years ago. But I love it that annoying fucking asshole. It doesn't shut up about these countries that I would have been doing that.
I've been here 10 years ago.
15 years ago.
15 years ago.
Anyway, all right, my question is about therapy.
What warlord took you across the UI?
You talk about being a pro therapy podcast.
And so, if you have any advice on how to start doing it,
I do have some stuff like anxiety,
and depression that I've dealt us for a long time.
CST.
But right now, I'm pretty good at spot.
And I'm mostly interested in, I guess, personal growth.
I don't have to be a better partner, that kind of thing.
I just don't know how to overcome feeling like I'm just being super self-indulgent.
Going to a professional and saying like, oh yeah, no, I don't have a medical diagnosis.
I just want to chitchat.
Nothing wrong with me over here.
I probably is.
Yeah, I don't know.
If you have any advice on that, get a back door thing going where I tell them that I'm
really fucked up and then I say I just want to talk about the only one in improving myself or how you go about that.
Anyway, thanks for doing the podcast.
You guys are great.
Yeah, dude.
You can go.
You go ahead, Mike.
Well, this is tough because it's like, you know, the few times I went to Dr. Allen, I remember stuff from
those sessions that I'll remember for the rest of my life.
He's such a good therapist.
But choosing somebody out of the blue seems like it's really hard because you're just
looking at it.
Yeah, that is hard.
It's really hard.
Yeah.
So getting a therapist is hard for sure.
That's one thing I will say is, I just got, I went through a couple therapists in Maryland,
and then here I would go to Allen
because I just could have,
so a friend vouched for me
and he worked on a sliding scale
and I had no money.
And now it feels like it's too long.
I've been going to him,
he knows my shit too much,
so I feel like I can't change anybody,
but it'd be crazy to start over.
But like, it is,
so the one thing to keep in mind is it is a process like finding the right therapist.
Yeah.
And it's like, but it's just like any other kind of doctor
or whatever, it's like, you know,
hopefully they can figure it out.
Just because I've heard someone you know.
Yeah, it's gonna go to therapy.
You don't have to like tell a graph or whatever that,
like project that you're looking to therapy,
just say like, oh, do you know anybody?
Like you can even do the bullshit where you're like, I know somebody who's looking, you know,
my cousin's fucking the other thing.
Yeah, but and so that's a whole other discussion.
I think he's just talking about mentally,
like preparing himself to go to therapy.
Basically, like, how he's got a block about like,
oh, do I deserve to go to therapy?
Oh, it's bull, like, I don't have anything wrong with me.
It's like, I always say like, you should go to therapy? Oh, it's bull, like, I don't have anything wrong with me. It's like, I always say like you should go to therapy
with like some specific goals here.
And I think you're just talking about wanting to be
a better partner and dealing with women.
So it's like, you're talking generally,
but it sounds like you probably have some specific problems.
Like, what is it about dealing with?
I think we're out what they are.
What is it?
Yeah.
What is it about being a specific partner
that you think you're not doing well?
You probably know.
And I think that's totally fine, dude.
Like it's totally, like again,
to use the like broken leg analogy,
it's like you go to a doctor,
if you're fucking legs broken,
you go if you're fucking spraying,
if you have a bad ankle sprained too,
you know what I mean?
Like if a fucking little cut gets infected,
you still go see attention.
Like you don't have to have like
the mental health
equivalent of a fucking of like cancer to go to a doctor.
Yeah.
Just go get your shit figured out.
And you, it also like, the other thing is relationships
are so fundamental to like who you are and like how you,
you know, it's all kind of connected that you might dig
some shit up and maybe you don't want to dig that deep.
Maybe you just want to help your dealings with your partner
and just general improving of yourself.
Like, what is improving of yourself mean?
You know, for me, I remember going to a fucking therapist
and being like, I just want to like, you know,
when I was in my 20s, a big part,
a big reason I wanted to go to therapy is like,
I want to be able to just stand up for myself
with my parents and not do the bullshit life.
Like, I literally quit comedy when I was like 20 for a year
because I was too guilty about doing it.
And I was like, one of the first reasons I went to therapy
was like, I think I wanna do this, like,
but show them, huh?
I did, I really did.
I really did.
Nobody remembers how against that they were.
They're just, yeah, of course.
Of course. Of course. Now they're just happy to have the help.
Anyway, let's stop sitting at the head of a table with his parents.
That's so funny that you guys told me I shouldn't do this.
You guys want to buy dinner?
You parents are chained to a big metal ball.
So yeah, dude, I mean, I just think you maybe think a little bit more about what exactly
it is you want out of, you know, what do you want to improve, whatever, but it sounds
like you have enough.
I don't think, you know, no, you don't have to have, it's not only people that are like,
you know, sure, you have like, I don't know, bipolar or whatever, you have to go to therapy
or it's like, you can definitely be like, I wanna improve my,
like that was my first goal,
like I wanna be able to stand up for myself
and then it went from my parents to just in general,
like I don't, I want people out of my life
that are like, you know, like,
they're falling to that same pattern as your parents,
then it works and then slowly it became a little more general
and then I stopped until I felt like I needed to go back for other when other shit started coming up.
So I think you're in a good therapy neighborhood your therapist make sure he's in like a good neighborhood for therapy.
Upper west side good therapy. Bushwick you know not so much.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah your therapist has a fucking like a like a little bangs.
Yeah little bangs and like a mullet like you you don't want that. And two roommates to do a podcast.
Yeah.
So yeah, I think you're good to go, dude.
And then it's like, yeah, just be patient
about finding a good therapist.
And you know, just it, just, you have these issues.
You know, you want to work on.
And it's great.
I think that's great.
And that's enough.
You don't have to have, you don't, you don't,
you don't want to like completely overhaul
your mental health to have to go to a therapist.
Do you have anything fun to take us out, Elders?
You know, I'm glad our boys getting in therapy,
but what has he got, folks?
He was a Seattle boy.
You know, Seattle member.
Is that their real number?
Yeah, those, you know, we don't like that.
I'm not saying he's nothing, you know, but Seattle's definitely Seattle's definitely a place. I'm a Seattle guy. I'm telling you
You're it's fucking dark
Plenty of therapy. Yeah
They definitely got some nice ones over there
All right, let's see what elders has here
Hey, stop and eldest I'm calling again because I called just a minute ago and I thought that
Eldus was named immediately and I got embarrassed.
So, anyway.
So I recently got into the video.
You never have to say that, guys.
You never have to let us know you're calling again.
Just take another crack at it.
I bought a cheap charcoal grill around $80.
Not very good, but it gets the job done around April.
And I feel like I've advanced enough that it merits buying a better grill when I was
just wondering if you're at it.
I've never seen here.
Perfect.
Any particular brands you like, kind of grill, anything kind of affordable, you can recommend,
tips and tricks, that kind of thing.
I'm thinking I might get propane grill, just because it's a little easier.
And I don't have to keep buying charcoal, white, every three or four or whatever grills.
And he needs, yeah, just grilling advice when I'm looking for.
Thanks, guys. Love the podcast. I've listened to every single episode. Huge fan
of Eldith also. I love whenever he gets in on any question. So, hoping to hear some
of that. And I'll hopefully put this on the free show. You got lucky. It is on the free
show, but I will not negotiate with your mother fuckers. That's someone very, that's
like such a perfect Mike question. You got to have a call about being a closeted straight man. You got one of those next.
My go go go.
Yeah, yeah, I think that pound for pound the Weber kettle is the best grill.
Okay, here we go.
It's like Weber kettle.
I think it's like 129 is the basic model.
Yeah, you can get the Weber kettle.
I want to look at it.
Now, okay, you get chips or yeah, it's charcoal. It's charcoal
But the thing is like you can just do so much on it. You can get you can get the the vortex the accessory
So that yes, so 139 that's the original one the premium 219 is gonna have a thermometer on it and the ash the ash
But that's what that's kind of the upper but you can always buy a thermometer after and just drill a hole in the top of the grill
and put it in there.
I can't believe I'm getting this question.
This is amazing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, yeah, there's just so much you can do on it.
You can sear.
You can, well, let's Google the Weber vortex.
You can show you, you can slow cook.
You can smoke pork shoulder. You can do like you can slow cook. You can smoke pork shoulder.
You can do charcoal briquettes and make a snake.
That'll just burn for 10 or 12 hours.
The vortex right there, so you put that in the middle of the grill.
You dump the coals in, it concentrates the heat.
You can cook wings.
You can put wings around it and slow cook those.
Or you can sear a steak or whatever.
I really think it's one of the best things you can do.
So it's hot, if your life, the vortex gets the
the center will be really hot, but the outside will be cooler.
So you can cook like your chicken thighs or your wings
or whatever, like it's a little, little oven.
So you're a good, you're totally against the propane.
I'm not against the, I mean, propane is easy,
but there's not as much you can do on it.
And it just, I don't know, it's just,
I think the price point goes up for it to be,
the price point goes up.
And I don't know, you can get a charcoal chimney too
for like 30 bucks.
And that just, you just pour your charcoal in light
the bottom and your grill's ready to go
in like, you know, 15, 20 minutes.
Interesting, interesting.
So, cause I do, I am, I love charcoal, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you like your gas grill.
I like a gas grill because it's like,
there's not, I'm grilling within five minutes.
Yeah.
There's no setup, you turn a fucking knob,
and it's just ready to go.
But that extra 10 minutes, if you Google that,
the charcoal chimney, I don't know, it's just, it's just ready to go. But that extra 10 minutes, if you Google the charcoal chimney, I don't know, it's just so easy.
Well, that one comes in a package.
You get the vortex and you get the chimney
and the whole thing.
That one, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One over three 41.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting.
And then you get the charcoal baskets too.
What about a smoker or anything like that?
You want to do that stuff?
It's cool.
What are we so much exactly? I had a pelvic roll for It's cool. It's cool. What about a smoker?
I had a pellet girl for a little bit.
It's so hard to fucking cook with.
Yeah.
It doesn't impart as much smoke flavor.
And it just feels like you're using a microwave outside.
You pour the pellets in, you push a button and it goes,
YEEES!
Like, it's not like...
You don't get the tag?
Yeah.
You enjoy it.
Well with this, it's like you're adjusting the vents,
you're figuring out the temperature and everything.
It's like, I don't know.
It's great.
I do like that, I like that for almost a special occasion though.
Because if you're gonna be a day and day out,
griller, I don't wanna feel like I'm really like,
like I'm really having to adjust shit, you know?
I think I did it though.
My dad is three grills.
He's got a gas grill for the big high volume charcoal,
this Weber master, just for like, you know,
chill, dinner, steaks, things like that.
And then he has the smoker for shit.
Yeah.
I really am interested in a smoker honestly.
But you can smoke on the Weber kettle.
Yeah.
You can do the, you can arrange the briquettes
in like a snake formation.
You like the middle of it.
And that'll burn for like,
250, 275, for like, yeah, for like, almost like 10 hours.
Yeah.
So you can do pork shoulder on that.
I mean, it's just very satisfying to, yeah,
use, like to cook with actual fire, in my opinion.
But the Gats Grill is also, you know, like,
it definitely is.
It's really the matter.
Have you guys seen the episode of King of the Hill
where Bobby has a charcoal burger for the first time?
And he's like, oh my God, it's like so much.
And then Peggy has, and him and Peggy are like,
they buy a little charcoal grill,
and they go to parking lots away from the house.
They start eating charcoal.
And then eventually they're like,
we can never, and then Hank finds out,
and it's so fucking funny.
And then they just have one final charcoal burger
and then they burn the grill, I believe they burn,
they actually set fire to the grill.
Yeah.
But yeah, it depends on what your budget is and like,
you know, but I think the Weber kettle pound
for pound is the best.
Love it.
Yeah, that's great advice.
And then I did, I forget what mine is called.
I'll just look at Weber propane grill.
I believe mine's a Weber spirit.
The Weber spirit.
Yeah, I like the spirit.
Yeah.
And if you're doing really great for like the big green egg.
The big green egg is, yeah, it's like it has anything.
I mean, it's like two grand, but it's beautiful.
It's ceramic.
You can smoke in it.
You can cook.
Yeah, that's nice. But that's like a, I mean, that's like, there You can smoke in it. You can cook. Yeah, that's nice
But that's like a I mean, that's like there's like no way that's a big purchase. That's not a quick grill
That's like a but I'm gonna yeah, but those things get up to like 700 degrees
Yeah, but that's you're like an hour and a half. No, I don't think so but but I would imagine my guess would be like 20 30 minutes
I'm not sure I'm not big green egg is a charcoal grill.
It's on sale.
Yeah, it's kind of the most,
I would say it's the highest.
You put lump charcoal in the bottom.
Highest reviewed, like kind of like American made.
It's ceramic is the big deal.
Yeah, ceramic is better, huh?
Damn, this is making my dick hard.
Well, it just, yeah, just retains heat.
It just retains heat very well.
Let me look at it.
And it's like, you don't really have to mess with it that much.
Like it's, you said it. I love it. I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it. I love it. I love it. I love apartment building would have it. There's some fucking volleyball courts.
When I see Hispanic people like grilling
and playing soccer in the park.
It's awesome.
Yeah, I'm like, we don't do this.
Yeah.
We're like just killing our mother in laws and we don't get.
We don't get together.
So there you have it, buddy.
Look, we're both, it sounds like we're both
Weber guys, whether you wanna go spirit or you want to go
What was it if you're grilling a lot. Yeah, maybe go with the gas
The Weber kettle is the one the kettle like so look we were we're big grill guys around here
We respect it to that green egg is it's nice. I'm gonna have to get it for Baltimore
Yeah, that's it. You see if you got a little backyard area, I don't know why you wouldn't.
Yeah.
Well, my friend as a housewoman gift got me a spirit
because he knew I had it here, but...
Wait, you don't have an alley to you.
Yeah, but you have that for your special occasions, you know.
It's true.
Because you gotta be careful, because people will steal the green eggs.
Really?
Yeah.
They're a thousand dollar grew.
Yeah.
Yeah, but how did they lift it? They just come with a U-hole? Yeah. They're a thousand dollar grow. Yeah.
Yeah, but how do they lift it?
They just come with a U-hole.
Yeah.
They hire us.
Yeah.
Whatever.
We'll talk about it all in my God.
Yeah.
There you go, buddy.
Good for you.
Good on you becoming a grill champion.
Yeah.
I'm about to reconnect with my grilling.
Yeah.
Winter grilling sounds nice.
I love winter grilling, dude.
Put a little coat on.
It doesn't get as hot, which is annoying.
If you really want to see or something,
but if you want to slow cook something,
it's actually easier.
Yeah.
But that is tough, so I do really like
to fuck my shit up a lot.
Just having ribs on your charcoal grill
that's at like 225, and you could get
to crack open a beer and just smell the barbecue.
It kind of kind of, I think there's nothing there's nothing to do in a pork shoulder for Christmas
Yeah, and doing that on charcoal sounds awesome. It's awesome a nice slow roasted pork shoulder. You do your little
Snake your charcoal snake
Fuck you put some wood chunk you put some cherry and some
Tickery wood chunks on the on the brachets
Maybe I get I have a spirit maybe I maybe I get, I have a spirit,
maybe I get both.
Yeah.
Get a charcoal, get a, I don't even the green egg,
let's be honest, it'd be nice.
But get a kettle on the charcoal.
Get a kettle.
Yeah.
You ever do salmon on a cedar plank?
Salmon is just like so good on the grill
that I haven't felt like I've seen it.
The cedar plank is amazing.
Okay.
I'm, I'm, in fact, once this goes off, once this goes off, I like to broil my salmon.
Yeah.
I have a broil recipe.
Okay.
I'm about to do that literally in three minutes.
Salmon's amazing with some apple wood chunks or some pea can.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
It's smoked salmon does sound like a smoked grilled salmon sounds good, but it's one
of the easier, just, we've just stopped being entertaining.
Where's this? You can't that we've just stopped being entertaining.
You gave the wickie out into his glory.
Turn the fucking show off.
I can't be a person.
Anyway, I'm actually hungry.
I do want to make salmon.
Boys, we'll also plug what you want to plug. We'll also we can drop it
earlier. We'll put it in the body of this stuff. See these, but follow these
fellas. See them live. What do we, what do we got boys?
I'll be at the Chicago Lafactory February 18th.
I love it. One night only come out trying to sell them.
Motherfucker out. Go see Andy. Very funny.
If you live in Minneapolis, I'll be at the Cisivist Brewing Company, and I'd only come out trying to sell them other fucker out. Go see Andy very funny.
If you live in Minneapolis,
I'll be at the Cicivist Brewing Company,
January 26th and 27th, you can go to
microcinecomedy.com for tickets, great club.
I would love to see you there.
Go see the fellas.
And check out my podcast, Afro Smokes.
Hell yeah.
Go check that shit out, see the boys live, they're very funny.
And yeah, thanks guys, and we will see you next time.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
you