Stavvy's World - #70 - Brian Simpson

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Starting point is 00:01:13 Now, let's transport you to the studio in a story of queens. Hoppa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAFF. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got my boy Brian Simpson on the couch today. Thanks for coming, dude. No, thanks for having me. Special is out probably right now, right, Eldis? Yes. Special's out right now.

Starting point is 00:01:39 Live from the mothership on Netflix. Go it it's hilarious I love the the stand-ups you did with Netflix it was I mean you just had a lot of interesting interesting stuff so I'm excited to see the special man yeah man I'm glad it's out yeah yeah dude yeah it's always it is always very I don't know it is it is always like nerve-racking when you're waiting. Oh yeah. That shit could drop. It's in the can and you can't talk shit. You can't really talk about it.

Starting point is 00:02:10 And you're not important. That's the other thing. Everyone talks to you like you're important. Of course. But how they treat you is how you know. The second the phone call ends, it's like how hard is it to get them back on the phone call? Right.

Starting point is 00:02:23 Or like what kind of snacks are at the snack table? Right, absolutely. If you see the kind of snacks you can get at like a recreation center, like an after school program, if you see them bagged goldfish, it's not looking good. If there's no fresh squeezed juice, the CEO of Netflix does not know.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Twizzlers? What do they think of me? I need some Priscietta. You just got Capri Suns and Lush Meat. Yeah dude, I know. We didn't even, we did it ourselves and then just sold it to them so I can't wait to maybe the next one we'll see this We'll see what kind of snacks they set up although. I will say we had a nice set up snack wise I feel like that's one place where this organization does not cut corners You're right man. We are on it. Yeah, we so disappointed in yours no, dude. I literally have Everyone laughs at this, but we are rotisserie chicken is on my rider There is always every green room. I walk into there's a hot roto waiting for me We got to do we have temperature I need to start doing that cuz dude sometimes they will

Starting point is 00:03:37 If I get a cold one, bro, or if I get a lukewarm, I need that shit fresh, dude How hard is that man? Sometimes they get it and like leave it in the fridge Oh, that's despicable. What is it? What are you my mom my single mother? Right work like yeah, what like that's literally like Sunday your mom's working a full weekend shift You've picked through it all the dark meats gone You have to make do with the part of the breast that sort of touches the dark meat. That's a little chewier I always feel bad like so I only I only have requirements and places that I've sold a lot of things. The self-esteem is hilarious.

Starting point is 00:04:16 I don't want to complain. I'm with you too. I just started like being like oh, I guess I really should request these things. Before because comedy you're always, you're always like, you're always like begging for stage time. You feel like they're doing you a favor. And you, um, and. I need water. You walking, I'm sorry, is this tap water? Yeah. Ugh.

Starting point is 00:04:35 Well, the funny thing was we put, we made the like, the writer when it was like, we're doing theaters and like, look, comedy clubs, they have a kitchen if you're starving, you have something to eat. But it was like, oh, these theaters don't have like, place to, you know comedy clubs. They have a kitchen if you're starving you have something to eat But it was like oh these theaters don't have like place to you know, they don't have a kitchen So it's like get get a fucking rotisserie get a couple Greek yogurts It was more like if something happens and your plane is fucked up and you have to go straight to the venue

Starting point is 00:04:57 Can you get a little a little something going but then we went back to clubs to like warm up But then we went back to clubs to like warm up love for shit, and I forgot to change the riders So we're the like buffalo helium and the guy is just bringing me a full rotisserie The guy had to go out and we're also ordering we're in a comedy club. We're ordering burgers and wings Dude it was like we're like, oh the rotisserie is here. Um Can I have some buffalo bites also? And we were literally picking apart the rotisserie. When you're a little kid trying to trick your parents

Starting point is 00:05:31 into thinking you ate your vegetables, you just move the shit around. We were just ripping off pieces of rotisserie chicken. And I'll make real fat boy moves. I'll take those buffalo bites, and I'll take the skin. Oh. I'll wrap that buffalo right in the rotisserie's. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho This whole time and I never came up with that Now I've done a nice move and well, you know, we'll quote we credit where credit's due when it comes to getting jokes or fat shit I will I will say whose idea this was this is our old roommate. Me and else's old roommate Ryan shut

Starting point is 00:06:20 He was not a fat man. He was a tall lanky tall lanky guy. He kind of introduced the concept of the Popeye's mashed potato gravy boat in some thigh skin. He ripped it off and that I was like, yeah, that's what I was never a big mashed potatoes guy at Popeye's. But he now thinking of it as a dipping sauce Opened up a whole new world whole new level. Yeah The next level of fat boy like the Emperor that's Darth Vader When you get cuz like I cuz you know, I've always struggled my way back home, but you always fat up here

Starting point is 00:07:01 Yes, and so like there's a little bit of guilt around it. Yeah. Yeah. And what makes me feel guilty is when I really slip into fat boy mode and I and I Uber Eats from two places so I can mix and match. Yes. The thing is from each. Oh, yeah, brother. I want the chicken fingers from Burger King.

Starting point is 00:07:22 I want the sauce. Yeah. Chick-fil-A. Yes, absolutely. You know, like that kind of shit. Oh, absolutely, 100%. That's when I was like, cause the end of the tour, it was getting out of control. Like what I was up to, what I was ordering. Like what you eating tonight?

Starting point is 00:07:37 Oh, chicken tiki masala fritters. Yeah. Yeah, I actually Uber-eats the hot plate and canola oil and I deep-fried in my hotel room. Dude, I had at one point at the end of the tour when it was just, I felt like it was like bacchanal. I was just like, I had three orders going where it was like two dinners and a dessert coming my way. Where it was like I got, I literally wanted sushi, but I was like, but I want wings. Like, you know what, I was basically creating the plate

Starting point is 00:08:11 you would get at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, but I was creating it with Uber Eats, where I was like, I want sushi in Lo Main, but I also want wings and fries. And this particular Asian fusion place didn't have wings, it wasn't that trashy, so I had to get wings outside and then I was like well I need a little ice cream too and it was literally the plate I got I realized later I was like beef lo mein chicken wings a couple sushi rolls and then a not soft serve

Starting point is 00:08:37 ice cream but ice cream that is literally what I get when I go to a Chinese you ever leave in your hotel room and you pass the maid that's got to clean it. Oh You can't even look her in the eye Yeah, absolutely like one time dude, I worked at play Plano I worked on hyenas and it was Valentine's Day weekend and it was like but what you don't realize is like I Was trying to get my room like freshened up because it was like, you know, don't realize is like, I was trying to get my room like freshened up because it was like, you know, I was just like, you know, it was not a great hotel.

Starting point is 00:09:10 And then you realize like we're in suburban Dallas the day after Valentine's Day. The amount of like trashy fucking that was happening in this shitty hotel, like the maids like looked so overwhelmed and still I would rather subject them to that than having to clean up after when I'm just and there's like loose There's smeared chocolate on the bed on the bed sheet like it's like it would be better if I was into like weird Like sec tantric section with lube everywhere. They know how to handle that They don't know how to handle the, you know, five different Uber Reach containers.

Starting point is 00:09:45 They're like, how many different crumbs is this? They don't have, I don't know when this stopped, but there's no bathroom fans in hotel bathrooms anymore. You're right, you're right. And there's, and you can't open any windows either. Yeah, oh, you're right. So like all those smells It's not good it's be it's your be-all plus all the question what you ate the trash of it and the farts it's generated

Starting point is 00:10:20 And here's the other thing that where you're really at the highest level of fat guy stuff where you're levitating is like you used to Think I have to finish everything but then you're like, I'm just gonna get so fat I'm gonna order like 10 things and have like a quarter of everything. So it's like, you're really, you don't even, you have so much leftover like syrupy foods congealing, it's so, so fucked up. Think. I feel bad about it.

Starting point is 00:10:38 I know. I leave, I leave the tip. I leave, I always tip big, I always tip big. So I was like, I know what you're dealing with is huge. And sometimes I'll leave You know some some ice cream in the freezer if there's a freezer I'll leave some I thought I would get it together when I got successful, but I realized oh This is this just made me become more of what I was. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah

Starting point is 00:10:58 It's that's not gonna help at all. No, not even when you're like wait. This doesn't mean anything to me I used to be hemmed in when I was a feature. I had to like walk to a 7-eleven to, you know, like go crazy. Now it's like, yeah, okay. Oh, $140 plus tip and fees for what I just ordered. I don't care. It's coming out of eldest's pay. Well, there goes Elders bonus this week. I can't turn those receipts into my account because it's like I don't want you asking about that. Right. Right. Right. You spent twenty thousand dollars.

Starting point is 00:11:37 Well I was conducting business meetings. Well you know when it's me and you it technically is you know I'm showing appreciation to my tour manager. I simply had to get it and then one time didn't we uber each a vape? Not a vape. One night I was like. Oh a charger to charge the weed vape. I tried to door dash like a USB C charger. Cause it had a weed vape on me but it was'm not a battery bro. Oh my god. Thank you Like it didn't have it in stock. I know it was like to a order Yeah, I know it was like that. I don't know what's more pathetic. It's like that or like just you've been rejected by four women You're like all right the ugly bitch. I was like hell no to five hours ago

Starting point is 00:12:21 What's up, baby girl, you still awake? Wanna come over and give me a head while Eldis listens in the other room of our Airbnb? Oh shit. You good bro? I think I accidentally set off my um, I accidentally set off the emergency. Oh shit, we were about to get swatted Yeah, man, so that's it so okay, so you were you a fat child as well No, I was because you also because like you you know you grew up our listeners I don't know but you were like in foster care a lot you were like in some chaotic environment

Starting point is 00:12:59 So I figure like it must have been hard to stay fat. I was gonna Know I was not a fat child. Okay. But I was never really like ripped. And then the Marine Corps made me real insecure about it. Right, right, right. Because like there you don't gotta be fat to be fat. Right, right, right.

Starting point is 00:13:22 You know what I mean? And it's not the Army, it's the Marines. These motherfuckers are like I cuz I did I did shows in Way back in the day before I even moved to New York I randomly got to do these like Like really low-level USO shows in Korea and Japan and it didn't pay shit, but they're like hey you're broke You're it's a free trip to Japan and Korea and at the time it's like I didn't I was like oh I'll never be able to afford this.

Starting point is 00:13:45 And you're doing something for the heroes. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. Right, that was my stance. I was like. I was like. And I was shocked, because like, you would see, you go to the army base, then you go to the marine base, and the marine,

Starting point is 00:13:59 there was like a group of marines that were like the most jacked guys you've ever seen in your fucking life. Although I will say, I was also shocked, where it was like, there's like a group of Marines that were like the most jacked guys you've ever seen in your fucking life Well, I will say I was also shocked or was like there's this elite group where you're like I could see them giving you body Dysmorphia, but then there was a lot of just regular motherfuckers I was shocked to see how many just regular and then I changed a little fat motherfucker. We like how are you? You don't look dangerous that give that I respect even more to be able to stay fat in the Marines I tip my cap to anyone who does that really gotta you really gotta knock it cuz you're gonna put up with Like verbal, I mean it's probably different now where you probably can't say nothing, but people are just all the time fat ass. I'm

Starting point is 00:14:40 Positive that a woke culture hasn't really trickled down to the Marines yet. Well, well, no, but not to the extent that it is in the city world, but I'm sure relative to what I'm sure they're not happy about. Like you can't waterboard a fat Marine with like melted cinnamon roll icing anymore. It's like if your lieutenant is trans, you've got to use her proper. You know what I mean? Yeah, here's how the army is adjusting to the times. They're also raping trans women now. They're like, hey, look, women are women. We have to sexually assault them just the way we do the rest of them.

Starting point is 00:15:22 They're like, you identify as what? A minute, oh, we don't believe you. Yeah. We don't believe you. Fuck, yeah, so that kind of got you to like, so you were just kind of chubby and then you're like, damn, I'm in the Marines. I gotta get it a little, so where, did you get like jacked while you were there or no?

Starting point is 00:15:40 Oh, I was jacked, I was huge. Really? But I was never like ripped. But I was fucking strong as hell. But strong as I was never like ripped. But I was fucking strong. But strong as hell, yeah. Yeah, but it was never, but then when you do that, when they do those little tests at the end of the year, you know, when they do your body fat, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:15:53 You're fat. I'm like, no, but I'm jacked. They're like, you're fat. Yeah, the Marines treat men the way like sororities in the seventies treated women. They're like circling the fat. Like the way a modeling agency... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gay, man.

Starting point is 00:16:06 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically RuPaul's drag race. Your sergeant is basically that bitch on Ozempic. What's her name? RuPaul's white friend. Do you remember her?

Starting point is 00:16:18 Yeah, like, man, you're goddamn good at your job. You could probably keep a lot of people alive and help us accomplish plenty of missions. Too bad. You're a fat piece of shit. That's, yeah, that is so, yeah, that's fucking wild. And how long were, did you go straight to the Marines when you enlisted or would you go, I don't know how that even works.

Starting point is 00:16:36 You just like, you chose Marines? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you basically, like, I'm assuming. Well, that wasn't my first choice. Okay. But the Air Force wouldn't take me. Oh wow, really? Yeah, that's the cushy life. Okay. But the Air Force wouldn't take me. Oh, wow, really? Yeah, that's the cushy life.

Starting point is 00:16:47 The Air Force is what you want? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I know they're not going to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how many, what's the last time you heard of an Air Force person dying? I put it to you like this. You're right.

Starting point is 00:16:59 So, you know, fast forward to the future. Years later, I'm doing comedy, I moved to LA, I'm homeless. Wow, okay. I'm living in a homeless shelter for veterans And I had that and that was that was my third shelter So I've been to a few but I I made my way into like the nicest shelter. Yeah. Yeah And in none of those about who you know, you know, it's politics just like anything else None of those. It's about who you know, you know, it's politics just like anything else. It really is. It really is.

Starting point is 00:17:25 But in all... He's a nepo homeless guy. His dad was homeless at this nice shelter. Because if you homeless, because you're crazy, you got no home. Right, that's the lowest for sure. Veterans, but you got to have your paperwork. You want to go to the nice one, you got a fax. Yeah. Yeah Homeless but still like I have an email account

Starting point is 00:17:53 And like pictures of you in uniform didn't see a single Air Force person Yeah, I'm not sending that out there. Yeah They're in Hawaii, dude, you know, they're chillin Are they as Air Force the ones that do drones now or who does? Everyone gets their own drones Yeah, cuz Navy Top Gun is technically the Navy isn't they got their own pilots I know that's not real life, but no, I think it used to be okay Yeah

Starting point is 00:18:20 So the way I was they I was stationed in Miramar which used to be a Navy base which used to be with top Oh, I'm not sure if top guns still exists or if it's something different now. That's fucking awesome. Where's Miramar? San Diego gotcha gotcha had the cushy life. Yeah, oh San Diego So I'm assuming you did you did you enlist like as soon as you were 18 because you were in foster care Like was it like let's get the fuck out of this Type of thing so because the army from what I understand the armed forces. It's like oh, are you are most vulnerable Come on through You're like let me escape the foster care system or if your ports like that. Yeah, I want to make my own choices. Yeah So what was it cuz like we like we had Monroe on here,

Starting point is 00:19:07 who he was also a foster kid, and it was like, but was it, I think he, did you have any like, connect, like, were you like staying with different families? Were you like, with your family at all? Was it like your family getting assistance? It was back and forth, back and forth. Okay. So I probably moved like 14 times or something.

Starting point is 00:19:26 Damn. Yeah, so I went from like. Starting at like age what? Starting at six. Okay, damn. And then it was like, then it was foster care, family. I mean it was foster care that was family. Then out of that with family, then back in the foster care then just random who had them foster home foster home

Starting point is 00:19:47 Foster home foster home family foster home foster home group home Foster home family Marine Corps Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's insane that the army gave you like You're like, I just need a nice some some stability Yeah, let me just something where I don't have to work like it's it's crazy that it's like I can but I get it. I totally understand. Because stability is definitely what you were craving. If nothing else, you would assume that the army could at least give you like,

Starting point is 00:20:13 all right, you know, we're going to live for at least a little while. Yeah, it's the first time I ever lived somewhere for like that long. Wow. But it was definitely not for me. The army, the military. I'm sorry. And I definitely wouldn't send my kids. Yeah, yeah definitely not for me. The army. The movies. I'm sorry, the movies. And I definitely wouldn't send my kids. Yeah, yeah, of course not. No, no, it's if you have no other choice. Right.

Starting point is 00:20:32 Like it's like you- That would be my advice. Like if you ain't got no other shit going on, you should do that. Yeah, totally. If you 18 and you lost, like basically if you 18, you don't know what your future gonna be. You didn't get into college, and your parents don't have something to pass on to you. Like you know there's no inheritance.

Starting point is 00:20:51 There's no, yeah, even a shitty business, not even like a 99 cent store that you can inherit. Like they don't even got plans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you should do that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but if you got, but you know, we're always tripping, I was every now and then,

Starting point is 00:21:04 you meet like a rich kid Mmm, that would join almost like a to like in defiance of the right, right, right, right? I'll show you dad. I don't need your fucking right, right, right. Are you dumb shit? Yeah elders for a while For the discipline I think I can use the life discipline. No, I'm a little routine. So fucking crazy. But I'm like joining the nation is not what he is.

Starting point is 00:21:35 Albanian, Albanian, white Muslim, some of the finest white Muslims there are. One does. Dude, I see the video of an old white lady that was like a Muslim. That's awesome. She was arguing with a dude in the supermarket. That's crazy. She was like, yeah, I was like, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:50 You could get in there, Elvis. They'll take you. Yeah, become religious, dude. That's better than this. Maybe. Yeah, I could totally see you having a weird turn. I'm open to anything. I think I'm past the age of the army officially, but I think in case you know.

Starting point is 00:22:03 How old are you? 35. But I think there's age waivers Well anytime we get this specimen this flat-footed man shaped like a giant like a WMBA power forward I'm pretty sure the wave was cut off at 35 But also you'd have to be in a tremendous shape Well, I turned 36 next February All right, man, you gotta get you gotta get in shape fast do to get the paperwork rolling. Oh, that's fucking hilarious You're so dumb elders

Starting point is 00:22:37 Damn, so that so then immediately is it like kind of nice like what it what did it feel like when you? When you're like, oh this. Cause also the hilarious detail is that the date you enlisted is so funny, right? Oh, right, yeah, yeah. I'll just do this motherfucker. Why don't you tell our listeners. I enlisted in March of 2001. So, so six months ago.

Starting point is 00:23:01 Bum bum bum bum. Yes. I mean, that's brutal. So brutal. Six months of the good old Clinton years, just the biggest problem we had was that he put a cigar in some fucking lady in a girl's pussy. And then again, some Slavs were getting bombed, who cares?

Starting point is 00:23:22 But yeah, oh my God, dude. Yeah, and I remember losing yeah, oh my God, dude. And I remember losing a bet too about like, cause I still thought it wasn't gonna happen. What? Like I remember, cause I was in- Oh, you mean when the army gave everyone a heads up that Bush was doing 9-11. You were like that when they sent out the memo,

Starting point is 00:23:40 like, all right guys, just mind your P's and Q's. It's going down September 11th. Like after 9-11, I think we was already- Oh, you mean the invasion. the memo like all right guys just mind your P's and Q's it's going down September 11th after 9-eleven i think we was already oh you mean the invasion yeah we were already in Afghanistan yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm sitting in kuwait waiting like we're all waiting of course like are we gonna go are we not gonna go you know and i'm and i and i bet a lot of people i lost like 300 wow dude i didn't pay everybody though i still owe somebody like 50 bucks And I bet a lot of people I lost like $300. Wow, dude. I didn't pay everybody though. I still owe somebody like 50 bucks.

Starting point is 00:24:08 But I was like, come on, ain't no motherfucking way. Yeah. Nobody's fucking with a burger. They gonna surrender. They gonna give into our demands. I was so fucking wrong. Yeah, dude. You have to go, so you were in Iraq, right?

Starting point is 00:24:23 Yeah, yeah. Damn, so when they're like, all right, we're going to war you and your boys were in there. Yep Damn, it fucking sucks. Yeah, you would have like glorified It sucks even even at the height cuz like when we when I went it was like the beginning so it was like that's when You know we shock and all no But I just mean we we know cuz I wasn't on the front line. Right, right. But we digging holes to shit in, and we still eating the MREs.

Starting point is 00:24:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now they, by the time you leave, there's a mall, and there's KFC, and there's an internet cafe. Right, right, right. And even that, even under them, so on my second deployment, it was way nicer than the first time, but it still. Yeah, and some of these people they want glory so bad

Starting point is 00:25:08 They violent because they come and ask them fast for volunteers like I'm out here for Try telling young put your motherfucker hand down dude that must have been hilarious though because you enlist in March 20 You know of 2001 and so it must have been a lot of people that were just like in maybe similar to your situation or just like hey I mean we had been it was up until then we had a stretch of the most like piece That had been for so you must have like in six months the people that you Enlisted with and the people that you knew for that sick from March to fucking you know August 2001 September 11th that means you must have gotten a wave of like all these like I'm doing it for the country type motherfuckers right it's a lot of them I mean I cuz not 11 happen while I was in school like in the

Starting point is 00:25:54 military in the a school for my job And I was in the tech school so it's like all the not all but like a lot of the tech jobs are in 29 palms go to school for whatever they're there whatever And all of us were like, you know know we're gonna get into my little four years have some experience and then slowly but surely you get all these gung-ho motherfuckers like let's kill you know yeah yeah yeah what the fuck what was the racist name for the enemy you ever notice that all slurs come from people we was that we was that war right right right it starts that way Yeah, they all come from that like we because you have to dehumanize them of course so it's fun to kill them

Starting point is 00:26:33 I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, so anytime we go to war people we make up a name for them Yeah, no there. I mean, I'm sure there are lots of primo slurs flying around for sure I mean they were like it's crazy how, it's funny. It is kind of interesting to have lived through history because you don't experience, we didn't understand it, I think, until kind of recently, because now it's like, there's really a true first generation of people that were born after 9-11

Starting point is 00:26:59 that are like true adults, right? We're talking like 20 year olds, 20, like what is it? And 9-11 is history to them. To them it's history, and it's like, it is so interesting to live through it True adults right we're talking like 20 year olds 20 like 11 is history to them is history and it's like it is so interesting to live through it because it's like describing shit like that to them where you're like Dude this you want to talk about? jingoism and like patriotism and nationalism like my father is a Greek immigrant who

Starting point is 00:27:20 Refused to become an American citizen, like does not speak English very well, always talks about what a mistake it was to come to America. This motherfucker had an American flag. Like after 9-11, it was like everyone was like, fuck yeah, we love America. It was like the weirdest, most like, I think it was the last gasp of like whatever people were, like that World War II shit where it was like cuz the very beginning you you are so scared

Starting point is 00:27:47 They do such a good job of propaganda of like this is gonna happen everywhere. These people are fucking evil They hate you know, whatever and I'm like I was I was like what? We were in seventh grade when 9-eleven happened So it's like you're a dumbass little kid and it's like slowly Like when it when they're starting to talk about going into Iraq and I'm like probably an eighth or Ninth grade I'm like wait wait a second. This is kind of bullshit I think that's creeping in but it doesn't fully take over and like I can't imagine What the fucking armed forces were like in that like cuz you oh we bought into it all. Yeah, of course

Starting point is 00:28:21 Oh, yeah, we're gonna deliver some freedom. I mean Look the smarter people figured it out sooner. Of course. You know, I mean, what was the what were the vibes like? Because I remember being like it was really weird in seventh grade French class. I can't imagine what it felt like in tech army

Starting point is 00:28:41 class. Well, no, because I remember. So the first time I went went we were just doing our jobs Yeah, the second my second one. No, I mean like the day of 9-eleven in school. What did that feel like? We're like, oh fuck. Well, yeah, my life's different at first was like, oh, this is World War 3 Oh, right, right, because we didn't know nobody had claimed responsibility, you know, so it was like oh Yeah, it could be anybody is that Russia yeah right right right it's like cuz this one of them that's World War Three yeah yeah we fucked over Brown I didn't know anything yeah yeah yeah I'm high school dropout so it was easy to believe but I just thought

Starting point is 00:29:27 so logically. But at first, like I said, I bought it all. I was like, oh yeah, but they attacked out freedom? Yeah. Time to go. For whatever reason, that made perfect sense to a lot of people. Of course. It's easy. It's simple. They hate you because you free. Yeah Yeah, you the guy who barely has any money and had to go to the army To survive or stay in the foster care system where if you you know Everyone is pretty much guaranteed to get molested and barely and barely get an education Every member of this society has freedom It's so fucking it's so funny to think that shit and we all you know everyone sort of did at first No, why aren't they attacking the people that's making them not free

Starting point is 00:30:22 Yeah We can trip it in some house of the local free, yeah You know, but I didn't think that deep of course like why was of course, you know That was that was the last time that was the last we were the last generation to go. Why would the government lie? Why would the president lie yeah, the president's trying to keep us safe. About blow jobs sure, but that's his personal thing. That's him, dude. He's trying to blow off steam. Why would he tell lies that cost lives? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:51 Yeah. Dude, now that's so laughable. Now you're right, this is whole young generation that like, now you can't lie. Like you can, like now the truth, like people don't trust anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was the death of truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we don't know what truth, motherfuckers don't trust anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was the death of truth

Starting point is 00:31:05 Yeah, yeah, now we don't know what you motherfuckers don't trust scientists. Yeah, that's a wrap. You don't trust scientists preachers No, it does you're right that is at first I was like, oh that sounds cool But it's like it's almost scary to be completely post truth and completely post cuz it's like all right We'll just make up whatever the fuck I don't know what I don't know what's true yeah yeah I don't I mean I you're right it is the generation that lived through all this shit so it's like oh to go from like 9-eleven to like you know from 9-eleven we're like young to like because everybody you supposed to trust live they're like oh Bill Clinton lied he got his dick sucked and then you know they're like well oh, Bill Clinton lied. He got his dick sucked. And then, you know, they're like, well, you know, Fauci lied.

Starting point is 00:31:48 Was Al Gore lying about global warming? Maybe. I don't know. Or the oil company lied. Everything's on the table. Yeah, that one senator from Alaska, he lied. He was doing gay shit in the airport bathroom. That's one of the most classic senator lies there is, though. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:05 Republican senators love to lie about being gay. And then it turns out like, okay, everybody partying with Puff Daddy. Yeah. Oh, that is interesting. The Diddy stuff is like really, he really seems to be a gay super villain. You know, the most crazy part about all of that is that there is this very specific brand of homophobia that's deeply embedded in hip hop and Puffy is such an integral part of hip hop. So to be like, because at that point it's not even a matter of like is he gay gay it's just like he's just rich and powerful

Starting point is 00:32:53 Evil and making making the most homophobic guys black cool rappers do gay shit is the most powerful thing You can do like Caligula. Yeah You've stripped me like the toughest dudes of their humanity It's like he's basically he's the black Hillary Clinton, if you think about it. You wanna hit? You wanna hit? Yeah. Fuck him. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:09 You know, can you imagine being that guy and you looking around like, did y'all do this? Yeah. Oh yeah, dude, if some comes out, like that would be, I would be shocked if some, like Diddy also seems kind of Machiavellian, where it's like, you can kind of trace back it's like everyone around him just kind of dies or disappears or like

Starting point is 00:33:32 What movie did did he play a villain in was it Carlitos? No, it was no not Carlito's fool No, what I don't remember monsters ball not a villain. He wasn't a villain in that no, but he'll pull up his IMDB Yeah, he played a villain in a movie and he get him to the Greek I don't remember Yeah, I feel like I don't remember the him and I really don't remember his acting career Except bad boys to get him. I literally remember getting to know the break this is a black movie this is a gangster movie so he must have like you go to the list of movies what are you doing it not producing just a yep click up yeah just actor

Starting point is 00:34:23 Wait before that. Girls Trip. No, it's before that, before Black-ish. I didn't realize he acted this much. Yeah, he's in a lot of shit. WrestleMania is one of them. He was in It's Always Sunny. Hawaii Five-O. He's in a lot of shit. Dirty Money.

Starting point is 00:34:40 Everything is called Diddy something. Okay, I'm still here. It definitely was not a movie that had Diddy in the title yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of these are just music videos oh what the fuck why is this in his act oh no it was his way Oh rise to power yeah Carlitos way I never saw rise to power I saw obviously the original that's a fucking banger yes he was in the original too but no no no no he wasn't I mean I don't yeah, maybe whatever

Starting point is 00:35:06 Okay, but the point is he played this villain so perfectly that is like. Oh, yeah. He really is like he's Thanos, bro Yeah, and it I mean it would be it is interesting anytime some shit about evil powerful people comes out It just is fascinating No one no one is surprised the thing is I do feel like it will stay secret because no one wants to admit They sucked P. Diddy's dick. You know what I mean? Like fucking meek mill doesn't want I mean meek mill being like dude How could I be gay? I love pussy It's one of them that is actually Republican senator coded right there It's like yeah, dude, no way Yeah, but it's almost like you don't have to prove

Starting point is 00:35:49 You have to prove stuff. I mean your lyrics sound different to everybody. Well, he he he didn't write I mean everything was ghost written for him. I'm pretty sure who for mcmill. Oh, no, I'm sorry Oh, yeah. Well, of course. Yeah Um, anyway, fuck p didi who gives a fuck. He don't write rhymes. He writes checks Yeah, well of course. Yeah. Anyway, fuck P. Diddy, who gives a fuck? He don't write rhymes, he writes checks. So you have, how long did you have to serve for though, dude? I did five years.

Starting point is 00:36:12 Five years. How many tours is that? Two. Two, yeah. Okay, damn. But, I was, when I wasn't deployed, I was in San Diego the whole time. Mmm, that's pretty nice. That's why I got the fuck out. I was like, it's not gonna get better than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're fucking stuck in Japan or fucking... Mmm, that's pretty nice. That's why I got the fuck out. It's not only better than that. Yeah. Yeah It's stuck in Japan or fucking totally, North Carolina. Yeah

Starting point is 00:36:34 San Diego is a nice draw and it's like a it's like a military town too So people like people kind of like it's part of the culture there military town, but also hippie town It's also I think it's the most expensive city in America interesting Yeah, I mean the vibes are really fucking weird when I was there because I was like, oh, yeah, this is like this is like hippie but like conservative. Well, it's it's like hippies that would ease 100 percent exterminate the homeless. It's a bunch of rich conservatives, but all their kids are liberals. Yeah. It's like it's all the politicians are conservative, but all the inhabitants. Those kids don't stay liberal for long.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Rich people's kids do not stay liberal. When push comes to shove, they're like, ugh. Once they buy a house and they're like, these fucking poor people are on my stoop. They fucking, they switch up very quickly. Once they make it out of the crust punk phase. Yeah, yeah, the one shower and now all of a sudden they're moderate Republicans.

Starting point is 00:37:26 But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess the weather's nice, but I did not enjoy the vibes of San Diego. It was the first place I'd ever been where complete strangers would share their drugs with you. And I mean, I guess, and now I realize that that's kind of more of a California thing. Yeah, sure. But San Diego's my first place in California. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Look people just like hey So did you have that's great to me? It's like that's you must have such whiplash of like you go from like, you know Cuz you grew up it was in Maryland that you were in and you grew up in Peach County whatever and so you're in like the Maryland like

Starting point is 00:38:02 You know system the well, I started out in the DC system. Okay, DC, yeah, even crazier. And then went into the Maryland. Gotcha, but either way, it's like you're from there and then you're in like, you enlist and you go to San Diego and it's like life is kind of nice for a while. Life is real nice. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:17 I mean, when I moved to San Diego, I knew that I would never live in the DMV again. Yeah, yeah. I was like, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my family, when you coming home? Uh, I'm home already. Yeah, yeah, so then you go to San Diego

Starting point is 00:38:33 and then you fucking, and then it's Iraq? Like, does it go from like San Diego to Iraq? No, so it went, no it went, so it went Maryland and then 29 Palms. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Which is a, which is a shit hole. Okay, okay, okay. For school for shithole. Okay, okay, okay. For school for like 11 months.

Starting point is 00:38:46 Okay, okay. Then San Diego, so yeah, it went Maryland, the desert, San Diego, then Iraq. Damn. Then back to San Diego, then back to Virginia. I worked at the Pentagon for a little bit. Oh really? And then back to San Diego.

Starting point is 00:39:01 Gotcha, gotcha. When you were out, you worked at the Pentagon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. And that was out, you worked at the Pentagon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. And that was, that- And you were thinking this might be my career? Yeah, actually I skipped some. But before that I was in Oregon.

Starting point is 00:39:13 I worked at Intel for a little while. Gotcha, interesting. And they, but those two jobs, back to back to Intel and the Pentagon. Were you doing computer shit in the Army? Yeah, and those were the best jobs I'd ever had. Hmm. And that's how I knew that like I couldn't do a corporate job. Interesting. Because I was making good, I'm making great money, I was single, I had

Starting point is 00:39:36 great hours, great work days, but I was fucking miserable. Really? I fucking hated every single day. Of just the job? Yeah, like I never walked into the job and was like, oh this is so great. I fucking hated it. That's so interesting because you think somebody who had your whole life until then was chaotic. Pure chaos. So you would think, the assumption I would have is that you get a good job and yeah, jobs suck dick. Every job sucks. But it's like, you got a good paycheck. You probably probably have your own place you probably get to buy shit for the first time in your life But you know what it was you know what I figured out now after after all this time of like thinking about it I Think the foster care thing made me develop

Starting point is 00:40:21 Like I have this strong rebellion against being controlled And because I have this deep-seated fear of somebody being in charge of me that I don't respect Right, right, right That I don't trust You know it's almost like getting sent to a foster home that has fucked up parents Right, right, right And you're like, well I don't trust

Starting point is 00:40:43 And once you give in to that, when you're like, alright like alright I I'm part of I'm sort of like giving into this I'm trusting you and then they can pull the fucking rug out from under you at any time I'm not my boss at one spot was a racist my boss at the other spot was an alcoholic like severe alcohol Yeah, and both at the Pentagon Checks out. Either of those, I wouldn't be surprised if that was like the guy running the military was in. No, but it's like, I was just over that shit.

Starting point is 00:41:13 I have to be in charge. It's the same thing with everything. I get that. I've tried to do, I try to do, you know, right now I'm on my, I'm on my third podcast, but this is the first one where it's just mine. Got you, got you. BS with Brian Simpson available on all platforms. Check it out, folks.

Starting point is 00:41:31 Yeah, but it, but before that, I try to do them with people. Right. And it's like, I can't do that. I get that. Because I don't even, and not only don't I want you, anyone in charge of me, but I want control. Dude, I fully understand that.

Starting point is 00:41:44 I don't want to run them by you Tip is like even something as easy as scheduling you want to do whenever the fuck you feel I'm not trying to debate with you about what's a good idea I'm the ideas guy Right and also and ultimately there is some like comfort because I feel I definitely relate to that I mean like, you know come town was we were making I walked away from like 25 grand a month because I was just like I had that same thing of like this is you know there was some create like I think artistically we were all kind of feeling

Starting point is 00:42:16 a little it was getting a little stale for all of us but still I was just like at the end there I was like you know I'd like to do whatever just be my thing or I control the schedule I control whatever it's like look if it fails great But I at least know that I gave it a shit like I there's a comfort in it going as far as you can take you Like I don't really want to hitch on to anything I want to like let me do my own shit and just be in control of it and then like and there's like almost like I can sleep Better at night knowing it was like it was my thing. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:42:45 There's like a weird, I am with you. Because it's illogical, right? Both of us were probably wrong at times in our lives when we made those decisions. It's just because that's how our fucking psychology works where it's like, I just kind of need control. Yeah, but you know what? Like you don't know if you're going to be right or wrong. But growing up and having people that are not your parents make Long-term choices for you. Yeah, will you they not gonna be around? Yeah They don't know if it's right either they know what they think is best But if they wrong they don't got to deal with it, right?

Starting point is 00:43:19 I'd rather do what the fuck I want and if I'm wrong and fine, right? Totally fuck doing what you want. Fuck doing what you think is best. And then that thinking took you from Intel to, it sounds like a couple homeless shelters. Right, right. And then hindsight, in hindsight I was like, what a stupid idea. Because I thought, I started comedy in San Diego. And I thought, yo, so my plan is, I'm just gonna go to LA, you know, and I'm just gonna kinda meander from couch to couch.

Starting point is 00:43:56 Until I, you know, and it's only a matter of time before somebody with power sees how fucked much of a piece I am. You know, but I had two things working against me. The job I thought I was eschewing to get, I did not get. So I had been, when I, in San Diego, I had been a security guy at the comedy club for four years. And there was just a shooting at the comedy store in LA.

Starting point is 00:44:22 Gotcha. And I was like, and they was starting to hire security. And I was like, well, there's definitely no one else. I mean, that is crazy that you wouldn't get that job. Comedy Club security. No, but it was the fact that I was a comic. They didn't want to hire me as security.

Starting point is 00:44:32 They didn't want to hire any comics. Because you always gone. You always on the road. I see. So. You're a fucking Marine who worked, who works Comedy Club security. It's so crazy. Also, don't they now hire everyone to be comic every single everyone

Starting point is 00:44:46 Their door guys so the door guys have always been there but Security was a new thing. I said so that fell through and I had severely Severe undiagnosed untreated sleep apnea. Oh, dude, and I'm talking about to the point We're like you would not off in the middle of the day and shit. I'm like I'm sure my friends would no one would say it to me, but I'm sure they talked about it when I wasn't. Yeah, yeah, Eldest has that. I remember whenever we slept in the same room it's like And one day my boy Billy, I don't know if you know Billy Bonnell, but uh also veteran, Navy guy. But he but I was crashing on their couch

Starting point is 00:45:25 and he was like, hey man, has anyone ever told you you snore? And I was like, yeah, every now and then, but not really, he was like, oh, okay, yeah. But yeah, it was like, maybe my ex used to say it, like he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like, you know, he's sipping his coffee, and he was like, has anyone ever told you

Starting point is 00:45:42 that you snore so obnoxiously loud that they've thought about bashing you in the fucking spa? It's so serious. It's awesome to be a couch surfer who's the most annoying sleeper of all time. Oh man. You're just ruining everyone's fucking rest. Because you can't help it. That's why, like same thing on plane. Like now I got the little machine and the little mini, the little travel joint.

Starting point is 00:46:01 You put them on the plane? Because I got sleep apnea as well. It's like having a shitty time machine. Like you just wake up and people are mad at you. little mini little travel joint. You put them on the plane? Because I got sleep apnea as well. It's like having a shitty time machine. Like you just wake up and people are mad at you. Yeah, you're groggy if you're like shit. It was like it was one o'clock, now it's five o'clock and everyone's pissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:15 Totally, totally, totally. I fucking hate it. Yeah, damn dude. But that got me where I had like, this ain't gonna last. Me just going couch to couch. Right, cause it's happening. Yeah, so I went to the VA and let me tell you this too.

Starting point is 00:46:30 So I was only literally like on the street for a couple of days, but the hardest part, oh, let me not say that, but the part that people don't think about being homeless like a difficulty is carrying all your stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't leave it nowhere. Those shopping carts don't seem so ridiculous now.

Starting point is 00:46:58 Yeah, bro, I get total forgiveness of carts. Take your cart, man. Because you can't, Because you always in situations where you can't bring your shit inside and you can't leave it outside. Right, right, right, right, right. So you know, and you definitely can't leave it like right here and go uptown to run errands and come back.

Starting point is 00:47:18 You know, you gotta take all your stuff everywhere. Look, imagine that. If you just had to break your life down to the essentials, like only the shit you needed, but you had to carry it everywhere. Constantly, yeah, that if you if you just had to break your life down to the essentials But only the shit you need it, but you had to carry it everywhere constantly Yeah, that'd be brilliant. I just I mean one or two days of that and I was like And now cuz I was walking to the VA. I finally made it to that motherfucker Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was a whole thing and that shit's all a scam anyway interesting all these homeless shelters This is all a scam. Yeah. Yeah, it's all a scam anyway. Interesting. All these homeless shelters and shit, that shit's all a scam.

Starting point is 00:47:45 Yeah, yeah. It's all a non-profit scam. I know it's so ridiculous that it's like, all this, people put money into this problem that gets filtered through all these organizations, it's like literally buy houses and put people in them. Or just give people money. Yeah. Like, the, I forget what the, I a video about what about the thing in Los Angeles about how like

Starting point is 00:48:06 The money that they put into the homeless initiative how it went up to like a billion and a half dollars Down from half a billion dollars. Yeah, and then in homeless homelessness double You know, yeah And then and it's like it would it would cost them Less than the half a billion dollars just to give all the homeless people money I know but God forbid somebody gets it's like everyone in America is like no my life sucks dick and their life has something to Find that money give me the money. Okay, you can have some too. You know we have it

Starting point is 00:48:44 Cuz I'm always I'm always doing these Austin crowds and mostly white people. Yeah. And but a lot of and this goes liberal and conservative both think like this like I don't want to fucking give nobody a free ride but if you if you and you know it's just ideological because if you word it differently so what I what I'll do on stage sometimes is I go I go live cuz cuz you know, you've been a mothership Yes on 6th Street and 6th Street since in Austin is where the homeless homeless as hell with but it's where the shelter is It's like where they come every day to get you know, whatever Bread or whatever the fuck right? So all the homelessness is concentrated around that street So if you come to 6th Street the party you deal with it all the time

Starting point is 00:49:23 Yeah, so everyone is like so you could bring it you could be like so the homeless people are here right? And I go yo if I told you that if I got a dollar from everybody in this room you would never see another homeless person on 6th Street would you take it? Everybody's like fuck yeah, fuck yeah. I was like well actually it's five cent and it's taxes. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, well I don't fucking know about my taxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:50 It's like the cognitive distance. I know. Like some people are just so dedicated to their ideology that they will even say they don't want what they just said they want. Of course. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, for a nickel.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Yeah. For a nickel of your money. Yeah. You would never you would never But what they would have Ikea furniture though What the hell I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I just feel like and I don't know what Political leaning this makes me but I just feel like if we have a problem that can legit be solved by money as The richest democratic nation. Yeah, we shouldn't have that problem It's of course. I mean, it's it's so shameful that we have

Starting point is 00:50:31 We have our empire is gonna gonna dissolve just based on apathy. I know and well, it's like yeah, I mean the it's it's just classic political stuff of like It is like just distract people with They let me the trans issues a big thing now where people are villainizing these people who are barely any percentage of who we are So few people in the grand scheme of things, but it's like an old conservative playbook of like before It was like, you know before it was like interracial man, you know now it's trans people It used to be gay marriage. It used to be interracial marriage. It used to just be fucking segregation. It's like so clearly the like, just hate on the people that have,

Starting point is 00:51:14 you know, it's just like distract people, get them to the get them to vote on these ideological things so that they don't vote economically. It's like just such a classic part of the playbook. And I do think homelessness fits under that where it's like you feel sort of superior to, some of these people feel superior to them. And it's like no one wants to give, and there's the idea of a handout being this negative thing

Starting point is 00:51:38 where it's like, what a government basically is. It's like pooling your resources and making sure we have all our shit covered But the second it becomes like someone you think is not worthy of it With somebody you think is like less than like, you know a homeless person or whatever You can never for people can't fathom themselves getting that what the truth is Because because this this is the this is the same Bit if this is the same thought process behind Jim Crow and the systemic racism initiative,

Starting point is 00:52:12 was that the whole point of the Jim Crow era was in order to, because it was around the same time as industrialization. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like To convince to be able to keep taking advantage of poor whites You had to give them someone that they knew for sure. They were better So that was the whole yeah, that was the whole yeah, like these rich motherfuckers. I don't even think they really racist they They but they stoked the racism because they get to keep taking advantage of poor whites. Yes, that's the majority, right? So as long as you better than niggas then you you don't care that I'm paying you don't care that I'm paying you You know two dollars an hour because the black man gets 25 cent, right?

Starting point is 00:52:59 If there was an equalization of homeless people like everyone got some kind of baseline an equalization of homeless people, if everyone got some kind of baseline, then the poorest people in society would be like, oh well, I'm equal to homeless people now? Exactly. You know what I mean? Somebody just did a survey where they asked a bunch of people, would you rather have a job where you make $100,000 a year, but everyone else at your job makes 120? Or would you rather have a job where you make 70, but everybody else makes 60?

Starting point is 00:53:40 And the majority of people took the 70. That's so crazy. But that's how we, that's how. It's about hierarchy and it's about like, it's not really about the actual material resources. Well because that's what being rich is, right? Being rich. Right, right, right, right, you're right.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Being rich. It's relative. Yeah, it's what can I do that you can't? Yeah, yeah. Right? And it's like, and I found myself, and I'm not even really rich, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm doing better than before, but when I waste money on rich people things,

Starting point is 00:54:11 I get more bent out of shape when it's not better than everybody else. Yeah, right, right, right. I'm in a nice hotel now, it's gotta be good. Whereas like in the past, like whatever. Or like if I spend the extra $500 on a first class seat, and then the goddamn tray table don't come out, but I'm like, hey bitch, excuse me.

Starting point is 00:54:29 Yeah. I need you to make a note of this in my file so I can do mine because this not. I need more points for this. Well this not better than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want the people in Comfort Plus looking at me with jealousy.

Starting point is 00:54:43 It's not, yeah, yeah. I need them to suffer. I need to know. Yeah, exactly. Where it's like, this guy's got a lot of leg room. Yeah. Can we move my chair back? Can you actually put my luggage in her leg room, actually? Yeah. So it's like, that's what it is, man. It's taking advantage of that psychological thing where you need to be feel superior to other people.

Starting point is 00:55:03 Yeah. Yeah. Because, because and now now and because they even did it with slaves where it was like it was the house slaves and the field slaves. And it's like, oh, you were in the house. Right. Right. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The divide and conquer at every level. Yeah. It's crazy. You use superiority against people. Yeah. Well, we're're not gonna solve homelessness today

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Starting point is 01:00:45 expr ESS VPN dot com slash Davi to get three extra months completely free and watch whatever you want from all over the world That'll do it folks Brian You want more liquid death buddy? No, no, perhaps we can solve some of our friends problems here My favorite shit. I is my favorite show. I'm the advice champ. I can't wait. I can't wait.

Starting point is 01:01:08 So go watch the special. Let's plug again here in the middle. Watch the special on Netflix right now, live from the mothership. Live from the mothership. Brian Simpson. Then the BS podcast on all platforms. Do your fans have a nickname? Not really, no.

Starting point is 01:01:23 No? Okay. We don't have. We should work on that. Yeah. But I Not really. No, okay. We don't have we should we should work on that But I got nothing right now. Honestly, I can't even brainstorm subs. This is hey, so they they This is a Google trends Transcription so it's always rude. They pray we're trying to say stav. It's garbage. I'm like Google How many people do you have to spy on before you get the translation? Yeah, it's stav's world, Google. I know you're fucking, you know they're saying Stav.

Starting point is 01:01:48 You know they're saying L-Diss, not Elvis. Oh yeah, that's true. Actually you know what's funny though? This makes me nostalgic for when they don't know everything. It's like, it's kind of nice to see really shitty AI. I have the AI thing, the Gemini shit, and it still gets you wrong. When I say black, it spells it with a Q. It's not even a word.

Starting point is 01:02:12 And I asked it, I was like, why do you keep spelling black with a Q instead of with a K? And it was like, well, that is a variation. I was like, so now you arguing me. That's like me. Hit us with his big L's. Hey, Sal, love the pod. Hey, sob, love the pod.

Starting point is 01:02:32 Hey, sob, love the pod. I've called before. This is a different issue. So I, my boyfriend went on a trip back to his home country He moved to the US and he was like 14 goes back. It's having a good time is Hanging out late super drunk almost blackout and smooches a girl and then feels bad about it He's telling me, you know He's feeling really bad. It's kind of like fucking me up,

Starting point is 01:03:06 even though I know it's just a kiss. But yeah, am I, yeah, should I be worried about this? Should I be, nothing like this has really happened before. Yeah, have you made a mistake like this before? Would love to know. Love you. Thanks, bye. Interesting. So a little kiss.

Starting point is 01:03:28 Go ahead. What a fucking idiot. Has nobody, has none of these people seen Anastella? Remember the dude, they got the robot. I was way too high when I saw Anastella. I actually don't remember any plot points. No, it's not about the plot. Okay.

Starting point is 01:03:44 He got a robot companion. And the robot is being too honest. And he goes, and the robot goes, my default programming is for 95% honesty because the average human can't handle blah blah blah. So he is supposed to be setting like 85 because nobody wants you to you why you telling her that The only thing that came out of you telling her that you got fucked up and make that with a girl in another country

Starting point is 01:04:09 Is now she down everything? For you to alleviate your conscience But now it's now you just put all that weight on her you shouldn't have said nothing So is there a level of cheating you should tell or you should just not bring it up ever? Look, I feel like it's about your... Because the kiss, I sort of see what you're saying. If you're drunk as hell and you're like, oh my God, and you do legitimately feel bad about it and you're like, fuck, it was just a kiss, whatever, then I kind of see where you're coming from.

Starting point is 01:04:38 Like, whatever, I'm never doing this again, I'm not telling her about it. Yeah, because you didn't... But what if he got head? No, but I'm saying because you was basically sexually assaulted. I don't know that that's the case No, let me ask you he smooches a girl. He says no, but no, he says he was damn near blacked out, right? Right. Well, that's also what he's saying That's like that is true though because this opens up so many things I hear this and I'm like if He's telling her he kissed a girl

Starting point is 01:05:09 Did he actually get head and he's trying to like gauge her reaction of like, you know, what do you know? I'm saying I don't know and that if but but if that that would be an even crazier super villain move of like Yeah, then he's doing what you're saying making her feel bad, but he's not even really coming clean Yeah, this is dumb this this whole come clean shit you do that when You do that when it's irreparable like like Like you really did some some evil village it you don't you don't have to share every single thing You don't you don't have to share every single thing with your partner every single what if he was afraid that there's some way Gets back to her or like like maybe there's like he to play devil's advocate here

Starting point is 01:05:51 And he does want to make this relationship work He does feel bad and he's just like wants to make sure nobody snitches on him or something Well, also look man, you know the Buddha says suffering come from expectations You know, and here's the God honest truth. I'm in this and I know a lot of people don't think like me, but if my significant other is going to visit they home country without me,

Starting point is 01:06:19 I'm just assuming they gonna fuck somebody. You know what I mean? Because if your ex is going back home, or anytime anybody, anybody I know, when they going back home to where they grew up, to where they escaped from, it's people that they fuck. They're taking a victory lap.

Starting point is 01:06:37 It's first loves, you know what I mean? It's baby mothers, it's old flames, it's people that didn't see you, they knew you when you was broke, but now you got a little money so now you're fuckable to them Yeah, so it's all all your temptations are back there that you beat that game. I also wonder how old these people are Sorry fucking y'all like like if if they're like in their early 20s Definitely early 20s or no, I'm gonna say I'm gonna say late 20 27 20 Interesting like that, but you're right because if they're early 20s and you're cut then I see your point about

Starting point is 01:07:12 visiting the home country without Her like if it was like a little you'd think if it's a little more serious She's going with or at least he's inviting her Yeah, and also this girl's called in for multiple problems so she don't have a good friend circle. You know? I thought calling the podcast for advice was like a novelty. But she's like, nah, this is how I solve everything. It's her support system and we love her for that. Oh, you know what's crazy?

Starting point is 01:07:38 What? The last call she did was on the telemarketers episode. She's the high school teacher wondering how to deal with the students like Andrew Tate obsessed like massage Yeah Interesting. So now she's she's maybe got gotten herself too high value of a male here Yes, yes, I don't know if it does a kiss bother you stop I wouldn't be pumped but it would be like alright well, it would be like it's like the level of like, you know, like, I don't know what else somebody,

Starting point is 01:08:11 like standing me up three times or something, you know what I mean? I'd be like, what the fuck, bitch? Oh, right. It would be like that. It's not something we can't get over, but yes, I'm gonna be annoyed. But it's something that, well, that's what I mean is,

Starting point is 01:08:22 it's something that we couldn't get over, but it's it's something that we couldn't get over But it's also but it's also something that I would I would rather not know Is that okay? You went back home? You got real fucked up. You made out what you made out with yes I agree. I don't tell me I actually agree with you if it's and but here's the key if the person Actually really feels like it's a mistake and does one of them just like just don't tell me and be a little nicer to me for a Couple weeks, you know what I mean? Yeah, but don't do it right after the vacation because they'll get suspicious I think it's for him too though cuz it's like That could be a slippery slope if you like keep the if you like don't come clean that it was like this is like well Got away with the clue of the kids overall no big deal. I mean, it's like, well, I got my cock over my jeans.

Starting point is 01:09:06 I grabbed it. I put a tit in my mouth, but my cock didn't come out. And then I was like, well, she rubbed that. I didn't come. This is nothing. It's people literally debating about whether giving usher a lap dance is a violation of your relationship. So it's like, I mean, where do you stand on that?

Starting point is 01:09:25 No, no, this is the oh yeah, that's a violation. Yeah, this is nothing. This is nothing. I sort of agree and I think like it's okay. But the thing to be for her is like you're right. I'll just that I think it actually is a good sign because it's like if you really believe him and he is the kind of guy who wouldn't lie and he does you can tell he feels bad.

Starting point is 01:09:50 Then this is good that he kind of he's just like he wants to come clean he wants there to be like honesty in your relationship and this is something you can get over it's you can be upset about it for a while right and that's okay you know business and you also don't want to pretend that you're not upset and you also, but like just like any kind of violation of trust, the only way to get over it is for him to earn your trust back again. So it's like he just kind of has to prove that he's, you know, do honestly, I joke about it, but yeah, do some nice shit, pay a little more attention to you. The same way you earn trust the first way is the way you re-earn it.

Starting point is 01:10:21 So it's like, and you just have to be honest about how you feel. I've made this mistake in the past before where I've pretended I'm cool with shit. And then two weeks later, I'm like, you're a fucking, you know, I make up some argument that doesn't even matter. I'm like, how fucking dare you? That's what I was about to say.

Starting point is 01:10:38 So you have to actually be cool with it. If you don't think you can get over it, just break out with them. Yeah. But if you can actually get over it, then you have to literally do that. You can't keep throwing it in his face. Right. For years and years and years.

Starting point is 01:10:51 And ultimately, it is just a kiss. So it's like, we vote. Our vote here, I think, is take some time, but get over it. Don't let this ruin your relationship. It is an honest, I'm not an an honest mistake but it's a mistake that happens he got swept up in the fact that he told you and if he especially feels bad about it is a good sign and just like you know roll with the punch

Starting point is 01:11:14 unless it is something you think you can't get over that's not how I don't feel that way but ultimately all this shit is personal rights like you know if you really can't get over you're right and also one of your top g high school Somehow riz you up That'll show he has to agree that when you go to prison he's gonna sweet Yeah, that'll show your fucking boyfriend All right students. For real. He just has so much swag. Alright.

Starting point is 01:11:48 What's up Starbuck's Elders, prestigious guest, slash guest. Pause this Elders. One thing we should do, one thing that would be funny to post on the Instagram is like all the ways the transcription gets this wrong. It says what's up Starbucks. Starbucks Elders. What's up Starbuck's Elders. What's up Starbucks Starbucks elders? What's up starving eldest god translates a star? What's up Starbucks elders?

Starting point is 01:12:12 Yeah But anyway In advance, but I'm gonna try to keep the info pretty concise. Thanks, dude I am a homosexual man who probably is actually bisexual but the opposite of my mom is he said probably yeah okay I didn't have any traction to women she was super conservative Christian I just want to spite her a little bit I've never like been with a woman at all and you know I've dated in high school like a little bit but obviously nothing ever really came of that. Basically, my dilemma is I am currently in a relationship with a man.

Starting point is 01:12:51 We've been together for like three and a half years. We've lived together for almost two years. Nice. Going really well. I really love him a lot. But... Um, but we've been talking about like settling down and getting married and buying a house and everything like that. And I'm really young. I'm 24. Yeah. It's part of me that just feels like I'm not quite ready for that yet. Sure. You know, there's like a lot that I haven't done.

Starting point is 01:13:23 Like I've never fucked a girl before before That'd be pretty cool. Yeah, but I don't know how to say to my like gay boyfriend You know seem to be fiance or whatever like hey actually want to have sex with a woman. I Don't know. I just feel like it's a little late in the game to be like hey, let's actually just keep things casual It's been like three and a half years. I Don't know man, I just think I'm afraid of you know in ten years being like 35 and like in some fucking love with marriage So worse, I mean he's a really advice would be greatly appreciated I don't really want to break up with him

Starting point is 01:14:06 I'm not gonna do it. I don't really want to break up with him. I don't know. Gotta do what you gotta do, I guess. I don't know. I respect. I love you. Goodbye. Wow. I love, I mean, this is a, I love this guy. This guy is, he's just really bearing his soul. I love that he's spited, like he's, he even knew when he came out, he was probably probably bi but he's just to make his mom mad. He was like, I'm gay That's such an awesome move despite on just the He's like he's like I'm gay enough where she won't figure out I'm lying for a while And I feel like if you think because here's the thing too. If you think you might like vagina, let me just say something I feel like if you think, because here's the thing too, if you think you might like vagina, let me just say something.

Starting point is 01:14:46 You gotta find that out because, because that first go round might be a doozy. You might be like, actually I think I'm more straight. That would be so awesome if his mom was such a cunt that he just sucked cock for 10 years. And then the first time he gets pussy's like, oh fuck, I'm straight I've been striving getting my ass fucked for nothing this whole time

Starting point is 01:15:14 yeah that's wild yeah because I got because I've seen I have friends in this situation was like you had a conservative parent yeah and it's like everything bad that happens to you, it's because you're a queer. You know? Yeah, right, right, right, right. Like, oh, you got COVID? Well, stop taking it in the ass, son. Yeah, so I think a couple things here.

Starting point is 01:15:36 I mean, first of all, the feelings of like, not wanting to settle down because you're 24 are valid no matter what orientation you have like that's just a human like across all experiences if you're relatively young and you're worried and by the way even if this turns out to be the person you Settle down with I think these are valid concerns, right everybody before they like Regardless of age, but especially if you're younger this is a very natural thought right uh... now not to be for a homophobic here but i do feel like almost every day he got a

Starting point is 01:16:11 couple i know opens it up a little bit and maybe i'm being literally homophobic here and if that's the case forget i haven't said anything but i feel like you know that's the what one of the nice uh... bonuses seems to be, you know, that's the one of the nice bonuses seems to be that, you know, even like the most prude gay couples I know, like, they'll go to a spa together and maybe jerk a guy off together.

Starting point is 01:16:33 Like, you know what I mean? Like that's and that's like a conservative, you know what I mean? Like other people are just hosting hosting like cream pie parties in their apartment. So I also think not again to be like, not to over generalize like saying, well all queer people are also open-minded because that might not be the case. That's definitely not the case. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:16:55 Like I'm not saying just because your boyfriend's gay that he will understand that you have a more complicated sexuality that it's like you're probably most, you know, you're bi or you have some, I don't know, you're probably on the Kinsey scale where you're like mostly gay but a little, you might want to try a little pussy. And like I'm not going to assume that your partner understands that necessarily, but I do think you're probably, you have a better argument, your odds of making that argument to your in a gay relationship to be like hey I might want to try hooking up with a woman are a lot easier than if you

Starting point is 01:17:31 were a man in a straight relationship with a woman and saying hey I might want to try and suck a little dick right like at least the in the ideas of masculinity and stuff like that aren't as like hard and fast where it's like you might have a better opportunity to at least bring this up to this person also also you One doesn't simply try vagina It's different levels and like you might need to try a few But on a more serious note I you know, I have not had many successful relationships.

Starting point is 01:18:10 But I do know for a fact that the thing that brings down every relationship is silent resentment. Is all the unspoken shit. So if you going into this and you got this desire that you feel like you can't express, it's gonna turn into a resentment and that's gonna eat away at your relationship. So if you can't be open and honest about what you want, and it doesn't mean you won't get what you want, but it's fair.

Starting point is 01:18:43 And there's another thing, like, when people really feel in you, you'll be surprised what they down the greet to. Right, right. Yeah, we just don't lie to them. Yeah. Yeah, women will begrudgingly let you fuck other people. Okay, well, fine.

Starting point is 01:18:59 Yeah, because if you're like, hey listen, this is what it is. Right, right, right. You know, but you got it Especially don't get married if it's 24 is tough if it's things like this that you can't express Yes, that's 24 stuff especially for a young gay. I mean you got so much wow She's the funnest type of guy to be You're kind of putting yourself in a box for no reason like lock it down. I mean yeah, it's probably dicks You need to try.

Starting point is 01:19:25 Yeah, absolutely, a hundred percent. Yeah, so. And so I think, I guess like to kind of summarize everything, it's like, I think especially since you're younger, you can act and you're talking about, and you even said it, you can tell, we can tell you care about this guy, right? Clearly he's not looking for a way to break up.

Starting point is 01:19:44 He wants to make this work. So I think the summary of all of this is like, hey, you go up to him and be like, hey, I love you, this relationship is really important to me. Part of me, like, there's a part of me that like wants to settle down and I wanna do this thing, but there's another part of me that thinks,

Starting point is 01:20:00 I'm pretty young, I feel like I haven't had these many experiences. Is there a way we can do this within our relationship? Like can we have I know I think I slightly disagree here Okay, because right at the end Cuz I do you got to do That was saying Like maybe but see that's why I that's why I'm saying is like, pitch the perfect scenario for you.

Starting point is 01:20:28 You know what I mean? Pitch like, hey, what I'd love is if we can, and I'm also worried about being in this, I'm worried about down the line, like this being okay now, but me having these silent resentments that you're talking about. So is this okay?

Starting point is 01:20:44 How do you feel? And again, maybe we're generalizing because gay people, most of my gay friends have, and we're also, you know, most of my gay friends are big city fucking New York or LA gays, but still, pitch, I would say pitch the relationship you want and say, hey, I wanna stay with you,

Starting point is 01:21:01 I wanna think about the future together, but there are experiences I have to stay with you. I want to think about the future together, but I have there are experiences I have to have to feel and get him a kindle make sure a copy of the ethical slug And so pitch that and say can we do this is this is this how do you feel about this? and See his reaction and look there's a chance he might be understanding right and there's a chance and if he's really really not understanding then you kind of have your answer one way or the other and maybe you should have maybe if you and then you have

Starting point is 01:21:35 to really make the decision of what's more important this relationship or these experiences. I tend to think completely blindly if you told me any 24 year old is considering getting married but is having reservations about not having had enough experiences, I would almost 100% of the time say you're not ready to get married, personally, right? Maybe that's not true in all cases, but so I say pitch it, have these discussions, don't let these quiet resentments fester, what do you have to lose that? You break up well, okay You would break up anyway if you just let those take hold of the relationship

Starting point is 01:22:10 So try and see if you can have if you can if you can have your cake and eat it too if you can Suck your cock and fuck pussy too. See if you can do it all brother, but also on a larger note Getting married is dumb. But people aren't doing that anymore. You don't get anything out of it. So. What else we got, Big Eld? You know, how many tabs can you? Yeah, we have an insane amount of tabs open.

Starting point is 01:22:41 Hey, Scott, hey, Aldi, and the guest. So, in my situation right now, my mom and dad are divorced. And my dad's been married three times now, or four. And I have an older half-sister and a younger half-sister. And in this current marriage, he's cheating on his wife, my step-mom. And that was the reason why my parents got the board so

Starting point is 01:23:08 He's a cool guy I love like a nice guy fucking winter for the world. He just likes to cheat up. Yeah, so My question is shy talk to about it because he's getting older. He's like almost 60 and It's pretty my stepmom's like almost 60 and it's my mom's like 32 Wow So should I talk to him and start telling him like yo Stop cheating Or like what I do mind your fucking business He sounds cool He's got a wife have his age and he's still getting side pussy

Starting point is 01:23:46 I killed to be that vital at his age Right, that vira I can't imagine being in a relationship and cheat and like having a side bitch at my age that seems fucking tiring But also what you're saying is completely out of line. You have absolutely no station to approach your father about cheating on your stepmother. She didn't raise you. That's his third woman that she ain't got nothing to do with you.

Starting point is 01:24:13 And listen, I understand that it's morally wrong, but it doesn't affect your life. It's not affecting your mama. So mind your fucking business. You don't have to tell your father what to do with his penis. Okay, this is interesting because I I I See where he's coming from in that because it could affect his life. Here's how here's what I'm seeing

Starting point is 01:24:33 Yes, he's 60 right? He's still like we're making you were saying he's older whatever But like he's still a relatively young guy right say 60 year olds are like guy They're you know, they're run especially if you're in good shape you can spend your your 60s, whatever. But this guy will get old, right? And if he's cheated his way out of a woman that would have taken care of him in his old age, it's suddenly, now our caller is at least in play as one of the people that's gonna have to take care of his elderly ass cheating ass father. Or maybe he's perfected his formula.

Starting point is 01:25:03 Look, it's possible. Guys like this seem to be able to survive, but I do think there is part of this that is pragmatic in that, yeah, this guy, what if he burns every bridge with like, I mean, this woman, she's 32, married to a 60 year old, clearly something's off in her head, right? She might be the kind of woman that would take care of,

Starting point is 01:25:22 would change this guy's diapers. Or she waiting for him to die so she can get that bread. It's possible, we don't know how much money he has. But my point is, okay, so now picture it, walk it through logically to the logical conclusion. Okay, you go to your father and go, dad, I need you to stop, I need you to let your side bitch go.

Starting point is 01:25:40 What you think his response is gonna be? I don't know. Because it's not gonna work. Yeah. All you're gonna do is piss off your father and now you off the wheel. Right, well we don't know if there's, some of these guys don't tend to have money either.

Starting point is 01:25:53 I don't know. Like I don't know what kind of pussy getter he is. Cause there are those guys who you're like, how does he keep doing it? And this could be one of those, but you're right, it could go either way. We don't have enough information. But also what about the idea of like...

Starting point is 01:26:07 Imagine having that conversation with your father. My father wouldn't even entertain this conversation. Yeah, well your father wasn't around. Your father was like, your father didn't entertain you as a child. Your father was like... There's these facts. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:21 But if I had this conversation with my dad, I've tried to have conversations with my dad about the the way he's fucking like shit He's done wrong, and he doesn't get it. It's like talking to a fucking brick wall But I get but if but I like I almost sometimes I really am jealous of the people of relationships They can have discussions moral and philosophical discussions with their father I'll never be able to do that my dad's a fucking my dad's just not gonna never he sees things the way they are I'll just you were gonna say something. I'm sorry I was gonna say like this guy he says like my dad cheated on my mom feel like he still has a little bit of that Yeah, he can we're not gonna fix that yeah resentment anger, and that's over your parents are divorced like so it's not you don't have

Starting point is 01:27:07 Technically a right to be like annoyed with your dad cheating anymore. This is like a little different It's your mom that being said I mean the best you can do is a total non-committal expect no Progress type of conversation where it's like you know imagine you're talking to your buddy who's like you don't really care about their girlfriend or somebody like hey man you should probably cool it with a cheating like he can maybe bro though. That's the thing. His dad's a pussy getter. He's not a good father You don't have to respect bad father It's like you can talk to them like they're bro. No, no I'm not saying that the kid isn't taking the right moral stance, right?

Starting point is 01:27:57 But what is what difference the cheating is wrong, but what but why is it your place to correct it, right? No, I think and I think eldest you picked up on that words like yeah, dude if part of this of your motivation is You're thinking you're gonna sort of by confronting your father now You're behaving in a way that you wish you would have when he cheated on your mom That's out that you're never gonna do you have an easier time getting your father to respect people's pronouns That's true. It does feel like a way of life for this man

Starting point is 01:28:34 It's too late, bro. He ruined so many families. He's not gonna stop now And really think about what you're trying to get done from this. Oh, my dad doesn't chew with his mouth closed 60. Oh, yeah, should I confront him? No, just don't eat around him. But at the same time, like the thing about like you don't get to be annoyed by your dad cheating is like, I don't know that that's true necessarily. He's allowed to be annoyed. He's allowed to confront his dad and just be like, you're being a piece of shit. Like, you know, like what kind of example like he can get some shit out that he's wanting to get out, but just don't expect anything to happen is really all I would say.

Starting point is 01:29:07 Or threaten him. Like if you don't man up, I'm gonna fuck your wife. Yeah, start fucking his wife. This guy's dad probably fucks better than him, unfortunately. This guy, all this guy's dad has is fucking, you can tell. He's got none, and his children don't really respect him. He's got half kids all over the place. He says, I love him, he's a nice guy he's probably like a you know what he is he's

Starting point is 01:29:27 probably one of those charismatic charming mom yeah yeah did she did she don't your 30 year old wife when you're 60 you got to have swag dude you have to be salt dripping sauce so but yeah dude not like if you feel like you want to get it out because because the other thing is when someone's charming and cool like this It's like this guy might not have worked through his feelings because he's clearly on some level angry at his father for cheating on his mom Right, and if he's still saying like he's a cool guy. I love him He might just have never worked through that he is part of him is pissed at his dad And so that could be what he's but I would just say really look at your feelings really think about what you're trying to accomplish

Starting point is 01:30:07 With this conversation is really trying to do is he's trying to please his mom like it's possible Yeah, for sure trying to like he's heard his mom complain about the father. Yeah, he's trying to like be who be the man She wants him to be by but you should confront him. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Like, no, that's a wrap. He don't want his wife number four? Why he keep getting married? Yeah, that's crazy.

Starting point is 01:30:31 I mean, his dad's not a fucking, his dad, there's something off with his dad. Yeah, you know what you need to do? If you really need to know this, gas up one of the half-sisters to go do it for you. Oh, but yeah, his half- is after just probably like nine years old Older half sister so his the mom was probably the second wife. That's true Is the mom was the mom did your mom start as a side bitch? Your mom was the original side?

Starting point is 01:31:00 Yeah, the son of the side piece get to talk to me about my But there is a lot to think about here. You're not my first son. No, you're my side son. My first married son. You're my side son. My eldest first married son has a right to check me. Like if this was a kingdom, you not next up.

Starting point is 01:31:24 No, no. You not the crown prince. That's your older half sister. Oh man, that's so funny. So yeah, it's like, so basically, just to again, wrap everything up here, he's asking, should I talk to him about it? Because he's getting older. It's like, what does that have to do with it? Like, what are you trying, why are you trying to do that and I ultimately first? I think you really need to think about what your motivations truly are to have this conversation and either way I think you can have the conversation, but just think is this something that will get will it make you feel better? Like what do you really understand?

Starting point is 01:32:00 What are you trying to accomplish if it's just a purely like if you're cool with it if we were over reading all this You don't really give a fuck and you truly Just are worried that your dad is gonna burn his bridges with every woman and you want to have that conversation You can have that too But I would just say don't expect a lot out of your dad your dad's who he fucking is right like he's you're one of many Children whose lives he doesn't give. He's cared about pussy more than you, your half sister and your other half sister already.

Starting point is 01:32:30 Sorry, he didn't sound very confident. Right. And so I'm afraid you didn't get that sauce. I'm afraid you're not gonna know how to have this conversation. Yeah. Because the way you gotta talk to a man like this, it has to be phrased in a way where you almost empathize with him.

Starting point is 01:32:48 Where you're almost like, that's the man I'm out here. I'm trying to fuck these hoes like you. And then I'm just tired of it, and I feel like it's gonna get to a point where I need to stop. You ever feel like you need to stop? You gotta, it's gotta be like that. You can't just come at him like,

Starting point is 01:33:01 what you're doing is wrong. Cause I'm telling you, cause at the very least he's just gonna turn on that charm and have you walking away feeling confused. Yeah, yeah. That's certainly possible. So look man, good luck out there. Decide why you really wanna do this. And then, hey, if you still want to, fuck it, who cares.

Starting point is 01:33:21 But your dad's who the fuck he is. Yeah, we love you. We do No, we're good, yeah, there's a couple more sorry, I just got a text Hey you stop and Elvis hope you guys are well of the show I'm calling and my wife and I got married a little bit for the holiday We chose to not have a wedding We just took a day for ourselves up in the mountains and we didn't think a little bit older and

Starting point is 01:33:50 Everybody was sorry with the decision. That's another imagine how Low imagine what his dad's fourth marriage looked like they're on someone's front lawn in white polo He's wearing his wife's wearing like a white polo He's like like I mean, it's gotta be the most bullshit fucking wedding you've ever had They're like they're just at a public beach and even bothered like reserve it There's people playing beach with the people being fucking like volleyball behind them shit Anyway, sorry, I forgot that riff cuz I got a text. So this guy this guy in his older marriage reminded me. Go ahead, Elton.

Starting point is 01:34:28 And I thought that everybody would be cool with the decision. When we were at my wife's parents house for the holiday, her mom kind of made a weird comment about why we didn't have a wedding and kind of alluded to maybe we didn't do it because I didn't have the money to pay for the wedding That's not the case. We just We're pretty low-key and we don't like being the center of attention and you know, we've been together for five years, so Didn't seem like like something we wanted to do

Starting point is 01:35:03 my wife's parents are immigrants from Vietnam. They came over during the war years and come to find out that my wife's mom was always a little disappointed that she didn't get the big wedding after they moved to the States. So even though my wife was against it, my question is, you know, should we should I push my wife to consider?

Starting point is 01:35:30 Having some kind of a party or wedding not for us But for the mom, you know, and I I should say, you know, I love my in-laws my parents have passed away So I know that you get to a point where you always look back and wish you could have spoiled your parents a little bit more. I'm just wondering if this is one of those cases. If we should just kind of stick to our guns and we made the decision you know because that's what we wanted to do. So curious to get your take on it. Thanks. Take care. and like and especially that my immigrants love the money comment of like Well if Mike if mice if my kid isn't gonna marry within our community it better be a richer per you know I mean, it's always that kind of vibe

Starting point is 01:36:31 But that doesn't necessarily sound like what's going on here, and so it's kind of cute that he's like worried about his mother-in-law But at the same time you can't worry about her more than your wife Bro, like that's really what it comes down to like what does she want to do? but at the same time, you can't worry about her more than your wife. Bro. Like, that's really what it comes down to. Like, what does she want to do? I have a tough time with these kind of questions because, like, always with this kind of advice, because I'm great at giving advice, but when it comes to this kind of thing, like parental pressure, I just don't have that because I didn't have...

Starting point is 01:37:01 Like, my parents were around, but they didn't raise me yeah you know so yeah my I've never felt that you don't have the traditional relationship to that no like mom neither both of my parents know don't fucking try to tell me what to do yeah I mean you got it you got a pretty strong case I damn sure am NOT gonna look give a fuck with my wife's money, especially if my wife don't care what she won't right right right? No, you know we're gonna do you know you know what I'm gonna do I'm a but I'm gonna go put them to take this wedding money I won't put a down payment on a nice crib and then when she come over and go wow this is a nice Cripple. Yeah, instead of having a wedding. This is what we did. Yeah

Starting point is 01:37:41 Something smart with our money Getting married was already the dumb thing Yeah, we're getting a lot of your personal like issues right now with like anti wedding Like the parents shit. Yeah, I mean I just I feel like if you're gonna make if you're gonna get married Which is I don't see the point, but if you're gonna do that, but why also start off? Thirty forty thousand dollars in debt. Yeah. No, I mean, I totally get that, but. For a party, for one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:38:10 I feel you on that philosophically, and it seems like this caller does as well, right? Like, they didn't wanna do it, and so I guess my question to you is, like, to the caller is, like, you know, it's sweet of you to want to do that for your mother-in-law, right? But, like, I would say don't push your wife to do it if she doesn't want to do it. Like, now, if you can have, now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a conversation with her. You

Starting point is 01:38:40 could just broach the subject and be like, hey, your mom seemed pretty, whatever. And it's like, and by the way, you still have to have a crazy party. But like, I think the perfect middle ground for a wedding is like, I like when people do something, maybe something small, private and meaningful, and then kind of a bigger general party vibe. Like I like when we will do that when people basically have like a essentially a cookout here or something or like, but I have the feeling that the wife Is over the mom. Yeah, I think that's a very real possibility for her to know her mom wants the big wedding and for her to

Starting point is 01:39:15 Insist that they sneak off and like he basically elope right it that is that's her and that's not a mistake Yeah, yeah, it's fuck you mom. I'm tired of you with your demands and your bullshit. Trying to live vicariously through me. Yeah, you fled Ho Chi Minh and didn't get a fucking wedding. Doesn't mean I gotta have a big ass wedding to make up for it, you know? Or just to be spiked.

Starting point is 01:39:37 Well, he says he likes them, so whatever. Yeah, he does, yeah. Because if she said some shit like, oh, you probably did it because you didn't have money. That would have pissed me off. Oh, yeah, yeah, because then I't have money that would have pissed me off So yeah, dude, I guess yeah, it just comes down to Look if you want to have the conversation with your wife have the conversation But if she's really against it or like just dismisses it outright, you know forget it and then it's like there's other way

Starting point is 01:40:03 There's other shit you could probably make up you know this shit you can do but if you don't if you both felt like that was what you wanted to do for your wedding you know and also don't let your feelings of how you with things you wish you could have done for your parents get in the way of your wife's relationship with her with her parents you know like don't project it sounds like you're kind of in danger maybe projecting you talk about wishing you had spoiled your parents a little more like you know that's not gonna that's not really gonna you know if your wife is against it you're not accomplishing anything it's like it might be even a little selfish and could create some

Starting point is 01:40:42 problems between you and your wife but if you want to broach the subject because you're a sweet guy and you like your in-laws you can casually mention it But if your wife shuts it down immediately Take her just be like alright fuck it. You can give it you take a flyer on it But don't make it a huge point of discussion is my opinion You want the mother to like you too much you fucking pussy That's part of it that's my that's my take buddy. So anyway, good luck out there. Let's do one more eldest So long time first time I got a bit of a dilemma here. So I'm a junior in college transferred after my freshman year and

Starting point is 01:41:31 During that freshman year I worked at a bar I was getting Top-notch ass. I mean I was sleeping with a different unfathomably gorgeous woman Like every two three we could probably fathom But I transferred schools so, you to go to school a little more. That was after freshman year. And basically since then, it's been a year and a half, I haven't seen a crumb of ass. The dry spell has been incomprehensible.

Starting point is 01:42:02 Probably to blame for some of it. but for some of it, you know Here's my question. So I got this girl who's been pretty clearly into me for Call it a half year now But she is ugly I mean small town three So do I is ugly. I mean, small town three. Wow. That's tough. So do I? Can we pause? I mean, do I?

Starting point is 01:42:30 I admit, like, I've never heard someone sincerely described as a three. Like, do you even? Three's tough. Do you even? Small town three, too. With the modifier. What does that even mean?

Starting point is 01:42:44 I think our caller here suffers from a little hyperbole a hyperbole problem I bet the pussy was getting was not unfathomable. I bet this girl isn't like what is she like, you know like a puddle Like how like like a melted looking bitch like there's no way a small. She's not a small town three She's probably a four and a half five So what do we how bad could she anyway whatever okay? Yes, let's I'm oh yeah, let's see what this good But you're right that is that's a tough one keep going elders this girl just to get the ball rolling again Get some of my mojo back I'm a little worried because a bit of a people pleaser.

Starting point is 01:43:25 Oh yeah, that sounds across. So I feel like if I start any relationship with her, I'm going to get attached. Is she your people pleaser? I know I can do better than her. Can you? I mean, you know, they... So do better than her. You know, people call girls clapped. This girl is a standing ovation

Starting point is 01:43:45 I don't know what but I'm just trying to get my decks up and use your help your stuff Okay, a couple things and people call them claps. This is what this is This is a symptom of like of white kids stealing black slang too fast because of tip-top because it used to take a while before Now it's instant it is instant is crazy the slang is being misused and what is it? What is he getting? I'm not even I think he's calling a claps. Some people will say slam pig, but just a girl Clap like right right for a slam pig a clap is a slam pig. No, no, no slam pig is just Oh, slam pig, a clap is a slam pig. No, no, no, a slam pig is just a ugly girl. Yeah, I know what a slam pig is.

Starting point is 01:44:26 I think a clap is just a girl that's just ugly, like somebody clapped her in the face, like somebody shot her. Oh, I see, I see. I've never heard that one. Look at that. Yeah, well, this is, me neither. Not in that context, but this girl, this guy... Yeah, I mean, this kid's vibe, your vibes are fucked, bro.

Starting point is 01:44:45 You sound horrible. You sound so annoying. And like, you have the vibes of somebody who, like, you feel like you're trying to be like a fucking cool pussy-getter, but you yourself have said you haven't gotten ahead in a year and a half. You say it's incomprehensible.

Starting point is 01:45:02 I'm comprehending it. I'm comprehending it off of your personality through this voicemail. You worked at the bar when you were getting so much ass, which means you were dealing with drunk girls, and you were the source of alcohol. So you attributed all the ass you were getting to just yourself. Right place, right time, brother. Now you're working that Panera bread. Yeah, did he transfer, he said, Elvis? Yeah transfer he said eldest you transfer to a different school. Yeah, so you yeah you were yeah exactly

Starting point is 01:45:30 This should tell you this actually is this is a scientific experiment of how? Much how good you are getting pussy, and it's clear you're bad at it You're saying you're she's a three and that you could do better then do better Then don't fuck her and go fuck somebody else But until then understand that this is who's attracted to you. This is who you can fuck That's the league you're in brother and for you to say you're a people pleaser This also sounds like a guy who kind of might like an ugly woman like he might like he's he's like Oh, I'm afraid I might get attached. What do you mean? Like what? Right. That's who are you?

Starting point is 01:46:05 Who you're trying to present as this fucking pussy getter, like macho fucking like, you know, almost like a, you know, like a like a kind of like a fucking you try to be like a bro, like fratty, like, you know, this kind of honestly like a little bit of the what we're talking about, like the Andrew Tate disciple type, but you sound Like a very insecure man who might potentially like a ugly woman Who's afraid he might be in a relationship with someone who's who there's no way this girl's that like how ugly is this woman? The way he's describing her is like she's kept in a cage and like fed raw sardines Well, so you want to fuck her? Look, look, look, just don't, don't play with her heart though. Like it don't if you if you just trying to clap cheeks, don't.

Starting point is 01:46:51 And don't be rude to her either. Right. Let her have a good time. Be honest, be open with it. Be like, look, you can you can be like, I'm not looking for anything serious. But if you want to like, you know, grab a drink and hook up, let's do it and just be upfront. But you also have to like don't think you're above her, bro. That's what this that's what's really bothering me. You wanna like, you know, grab a drink and hook up, let's do it, and just be up front, but you also have to like, don't think you're above her, bro.

Starting point is 01:47:08 That's what's really bothering me, I think here, is that like, you have like, you're putting yourself on a pedestal above this woman, and you're kinda like, this feels a little like you wanna fuck her, but you're afraid what other people will think, right? This is little boy ass thinking. This is like some, like, you have to free yourself of this

Starting point is 01:47:26 You look you fuck some hot women when you worked at the bar Congratulations, right? That's clearly not who you are and if it's very important to you to be a guy who fucks a lot Of hot women then like alright. I think that's weird, but like if that's what you want to be like your main Like calling card in life. I mean I get it you're young you're a dumbass like you think that's the most important thing It's not but whatever then just like do it Leave this girl alone or be open be upfront with her treat her nicely Don't feel like you're giving her you're not doing her a favor. She you could argue. She's doing you the favor Yeah, you're the one who I bet you this girl go get dicked down you know. Yeah because I really like what do you need

Starting point is 01:48:09 a picture of this woman. No stop you on to something and I'm gonna tell you why I cracked the case. Hell yeah. Sir you're not being honest with yourself about a lot of things. Yes. You're a fraud. He's a 20 year old right everyone is like that in the face you nip this personality flaw in the bud the better off you'll be yeah I know you not this pussy getting my fucking trying to present yourself as because every pussy getting motherfucker I know every dude I know yeah that that can that fucks a lot of chicks yes they also fuck. Yes. I was yes. You're so right. No problem. You're so right Should have already been a no So true, I feel like this feels like the end of a Colombo episode

Starting point is 01:49:00 Yeah, if you really like getting busy you would have fucked her brother a long time ago Oh, there's some tough ones. Oh, yeah, there are some tough ones on the resume Cuz you got to keep the mojo going. Yeah, absolutely cuz women can smell it on you They can tell when you get in late, right? Right and they just it's true So it sounds like yes, that's so true and it sounds like you want you do want to sleep with her and it sounds like You're letting the what other people might think of you get in the way of that so start freeing yourself of that if you want to do this do this but like i said treat this woman nicely be kind to her be open and just be like yeah we're just you can you can pitch just hooking up and and then here's the

Starting point is 01:49:39 thing he says he's a people pleaser he's's afraid he might get attached. What, so you got attached? Like that's, those are feelings. Like if that's what you happen, then date her for a little bit. But like, you just are a little insecure. And look, this is the age to be insecure, right? Like early 20s, out of college, you really care about what other people think of you.

Starting point is 01:50:00 And this ugly girl is gonna fuck you so much better than those hot girls. That's a good point. Freshman hot girls, no, they're not, this ugly girl gonna put fuck you so much better than those. That's a good point freshman hot girls No, they're not this ugly girl gonna put it on you boy. Yeah, I've been in them that she been at them damn band camps Yeah, the experiment. Yeah, go lick your bum. Oh my god cook you some meals. He was tossing salads at anime club in high school She was licking a man's nipples while he had a fucking a full goku orange Gion exactly So there you go, I think we gave him some excellent advice

Starting point is 01:50:35 That's gonna do it for us this week guys. Thanks Brian. Thanks for being here brother watch Brian special Subscribe leave us a nice five star review on iTunes. We're taking a little break from the road, but we got the podcast going, we got the YouTube channel, and we'll talk to you guys next week. Bye bye.

Stavvy's World - #70 - Brian Simpson

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