Stavvy's World - #71 - Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent join the pod to discuss getting sprayed down by the cops, letterman jackets, Bosch, their podcast Chubby Behemoth, coming up in the Denver comedy scene, blacking out, sobering up, being married, and much more. Nathan, Sam, and Stav help callers including an unethical EMT who hit on an ambulance patient, and a woman whose in-laws' marriage is going so poorly that it's making the family uncomfortable. Watch Sam Tallent's comedy special The Toad's Morale: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eIUA1jfEk0 Watch Nathan Lund's comedy special Soup's On: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtPFqKhs7PE Follow Nathan Lund on social media: https://www.instagram.com/nathanlundcomedy/ https://twitter.com/NathanLund Follow Sam Tallent on social media: https://www.samtallent.com/ https://www.instagram.com/samtallent/ http://twitter.com/tallentsam https://www.youtube.com/@samtallent/ Check out Sam Tallent and Nathan Lund's podcast Chubby Behemoth: https://open.spotify.com/show/3teNTDmHnzYXYiU0L2oZTw https://www.youtube.com/@chubbybehemoth3722 https://open.spotify.com/show/3teNTDmHnzYXYiU0L2oZTw Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 904-800-STOV. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got a stacked couch. Many people when we did the R U Garbage episode were saying, boy oh boy, how's that couch going to survive? And this feels, I'm a little worried about, you know when you got a jar and you kind of, the first guys didn't crack it, but then the next time you try it just pops so easily I have a little worried about that because we have probably the most meat we've ever had on this Ikea on this Ikea Loves me right now. You're not getting the deposit back We got a lot of gentlemen in the fucking room right now

The the first of all just named beautifully the chubby behemoth podcast right really proving it in on this couch right now Bro, Sam's in a cord. Yeah It's the it's fat rascal meets times chubby behemoth The car also waiting the collab baby. We Sam Talon. We got Nathan London the mix Thanks for coming boys. Thanks for the drop eldest. Yeah Do we pulled up fresh from the airport just wet? Yeah eldest come out and I was like, I know that's eldest But I want to bother him right now. Yeah, I'm a wet stranger with a backpack Right off the jet. Oh, yeah

No, we have to fly agricultural stand with a backpack and a neck pillow. We both went over. Oh, right off the jet. Oh, yeah. Off the PJ. Off the PJ. Yeah, yeah. No, we have to fly agricultural stamps. You're flying bovine air. But yeah, we ran into, I'm over at the grocery store. He was like, hey, I was like, I know who you are. I was going to give you 40 minutes to be a human being.

No, no, we don't get that around here. No, I'm glad you guys did. We broke bread. We ate some. I was, see, this is actually perfect because I bought, I was going to have some friends over to, we were going to grill up some thighs and then it's been raining all fucking week. But I already purchased a large quantity of chicken thighs worse So I was like I don't want this to go to waste. We're leaving. I'm going back to Baltimore tomorrow, so I just threw Six chicken thighs in the airfryer hit the shower Thinking all right well I come back

Maybe I'll when the boys come over all offer them a thigh pre pod come out my underwear I see the you three gentlemen just sitting on the couch I'm like alright perfect. We get the fucking have a true a real dinner here. It was nice It was it felt like eldest had gone out made a couple friends. Yeah Yeah, I brought back some drifters. So you and your undies out of the shower like looking in a mirror my man Yeah, yes, it is I don't got the wingspan though, know I'm more I'm the compact version. Yeah yeah yeah he's so thick and wide. I love it.

He doesn't end. We got to watch Eldis eat four to six eggs. He was eating four eggs. Eldis has a new diet and spiritual journey every three weeks. Currently he's on hard boiled eggs and meditation. Is that correct Elders? Yeah, I've been doing a little meditating. When did this meditation start? We never actually, this is good, we never actually got into this. Basically just like, I don't know, a week or two ago.

I haven't been keeping up with it for days. It's been a busy few days here. Of course. And that's when you should ignore it the most, people say. Busy days is when you should ignore it the most people say when you shouldn't meditate at all yeah but I don't know I've been doing it it's pretty cool are you been going have you been crossing your legs and like doing this kind of shit no I've been sitting on the floor I have been lighting like rosemary out of my fridge the living room like, you know, raw fresh rosemary burning that shit.

Wow, dude. It did smell like an Albanian rite of passage in here. Someone became a woman. That was the cumin from the chicken thighs. That's what you were smelling. Yeah. Interesting. All right. I love that. I've been trying it out. Okay, man. No judge. I, you know, it It is it's just funny that you you cycle through some stuff But I am I'm interested in meditation a little bit

I think I've been doing sort of a similar thing where I watch I Got a sauna an infrared sauna in Baltimore and I watch an episode of Bosch legacy every night in the sauna Yeah on an iPad you gotta get your mind right and to me that's meditation yeah I cuz I'm not that comes in that comes out I don't know if you guys familiar with Bosch I know Chris Bosch no you guys got to get in there this is our buddy Zack Peterson said it's his favorite. He was acquitted Any man who likes Bosch I take his side no matter what One so legacy is so yeah, yeah best legacy now Universe give you a little little

Hieronymus Bosch His name is Hieronymus Harry for short. He's Harry Bosch He's a decorated LAPD Detective in the homicide department Yeah, the thing is, man, sometimes for Bosch, all he cares about is the truth and justice, and sometimes the LAPD's laws get in the way of that.

So Bosch is not gonna let some pencil pushers stop him from getting justice from victims. And that sometimes causes problems with the brass, right? So after six seasons... The pestly brass. By the way the the first episode of Bosch starts with Bosch killing a man during an arrest he's had multiple kills in the line of duty but he's been right every time door frame and by the way he not racist. I know you guys are thinking Bosch is he loves jazz He loves old-fashioned jazz with a racist guy like, you know, felonious monk and that type of you know

Harry Bosch says it for sure He was an orphan his mother was a sex worker who was murdered and thus that began his Desire to get justice for the for those the society has forgotten no matter what the fucking the mayor and the DA And they're fucking fancy suits might want no bureaucracy is gonna stop the whore Avenger boss No, no, certainly not and so Nathan to your point after six seasons of solving murders in his you know Nathan, to your point, after six seasons of solving murders in his, you know, take-no-guff style, Bosch decided the LAPD was a little too much for him. He went private. He's a private detective now.

And now he's working on his own. But his daughter, who's in season three, spoiler alert, I'm sorry, actually, I'll just bleep that out. I don't want to ruin anyone's Bosch, anyone anyone's boss experience. You're catching up on Bosch It's on Amazon for free and we don't usually do plugs not paid for on this podcast But when it comes to Harry Bosch, yeah, I got so anyway, I've been watching an episode of that Yeah, every night and that's what's beautiful about it. It's like you don't have to think when you watch Bosh.

It is the closest I get to, I'm not, I was, people might think I'm joking. That literally feels like meditation to me. It's watching like divorced Republican dad media that just goes in and out of my fucking brain. Like while I'm also getting a nice sweat going. That's me watching the Harlem Globetrotters. That's good stuff. I's good there and I attain peace

We had a good sauna not too long it where were we Madison Madison man, it's only club on state sauna He shit on it. He was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna sweat a bunch and it's gonna feel good And I was like we're gonna hang out there. It's gonna be great. Yeah next thing You know, he's singing it from the rooftop. So now big sauna guy anybody heard about yeah, it's like he fucking Now we're where we're not drinking I haven't drank for almost eight years He was like what we used to have fun We used to party you and then he doesn't drink for a couple months and he's like man. This is cool And I'm like no shit. I've been telling you you've been calling me a pussy

Once you black out and hit somebody? It's like, no, it's better this way. This is awesome. Now he acts like, yeah, he's telling me. So this guy's swagger jacking your whole shit. Were you pissed when he also got fat? Did that happen to you? No, we were both fat.

You were both fat from the jump. We weren't French right away. That was initially what we met in the middle of. Our bellies, yeah. We didn't start hanging out right away because I think we were there's two similar of course We kind of there can only be one there can only be one successful fat open mic or in a scene I know it really I'm not even kidding there were and that wasn't us dude. That was Jordan's Your stature yeah trying to look like Fred Durst. That's awesome. That was Zuckerman.

And his arms, I don't think he could wipe. Wow. He would be like right here. Rode T-Rex situation? Yeah. Uh-huh. Let's pull him up. Oh, I don't know.

You're not going to find him. He's scrubbed, man. He got out. He was like Bosch. He got out. He's doing his own thing. Well, that's kind of a misnomer. Bosch can't really help himself.

Even though he's technically out, he's still seeking justice. He's addicted to truth well, you know, that's kind of a misnomer boss can't really help himself Technically out he's still seeking justice addicted to truth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he really is Yeah, and you think Jordan quitting had anything to do with come on. Don't say Allegedly I might have banged his wife. But they were on a break. They weren't married yet. They weren't married yet. And they were not together. And it was their birthday. So what am I supposed to do?

And she had a type. Type you. You come up with a size 8 and a half lids red Yankees Holy shit this bitch is hilarious He loves when I bring it up too He loves it, he loves it That was the tea goss That's good goss brother That's great, who are you kidding? You have to embrace how good a goss it is first of all

Maybe I'm good luck Chuck cause they got married after that Maybe Is that good luck Chuck? I think so Did anything notable happen during? Oh yeah Uh oh, sounds like maybe it did We smoked a bunch of weed Good luck, Chuck. I think so. Did anything notable happen during? Oh, yeah. No. Uh-oh, sounds like maybe it did. We smoked a bunch of weed. She put some towels down.

Did lay down the tarp. They got the boat cover off. God damn it. That's awesome. Welcome to New York podcast, thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for having me. Thanks for getting me on here.

Slay your soul wide open. So you fucked this mother fat guy Guys girlfriend and she was on her period it sounds like no switch flesh. She was taking a ball A squirter or a pisser because this guy does one's both right huh? Yeah, it's a good job. This was long No, no, no, it sucks. I didn't say it was good. I said it's a bigger not it's not big No, no, no, it sucks. I didn't say it was good. I said it's a bigger not it's not big It's the most mediocre nothing of a deleterious clipped unclipped clipped And first strike of the podcast we were really vibing

Also clipped. Yeah, of course. Don't say of course what this propaganda these clipped guys I'm we didn't believe in chicken to offer the doctor This propaganda these clipped guys. I believe you can offer the doctor No, he would spit it in their face Any doctor in Greece that circumcised a baby he was put to death actually yeah He's put to death because for collusion with the Hebrew Overlords, that's what it says. That's that's the one thing Albanians and Greek Greeks Share well, what do you call a an anti-semitic distrust of the circumcised rightfully so yeah One of our first episodes of the show me behemoth we talked about how it's just such a weird thing once you yeah One like you said like he said it

He acts like it was it's normal because that's all we knew or whatever But then you meet a bunch of people who didn't do it most the world isn't clipped Well, it doesn't make it didn't even start in America until relatively recently my wife won't do him. She's a doctor good for her Yeah, it's elective surgery, and she prefers not to do them your wife's a doctor It all worked out yeah, yeah, and in the research I've done she also has huge tits And in the research I've done she also has huge tits Now you do the joke We've been awesome. Yeah, she's good man.

And we'll get back to that, but so, this lady you fucked 10 years ago. No, no. Back when my dick worked. It was crazy. We were sex guys for a while. Both were. Well yeah, when you're younger I guess. And it's still like, exciting.

Sure. Just to have, know because we were so gross. Yeah. Yeah, and we would Beautiful women just be like about it. Yeah, it was so yeah truly the best year of my life was the year I was in Baltimore kind of like King open mic er right right before I moved to New York I lived with my friends. I was fat I worked at a paint store, but it was the first time I believed in myself Yeah, didn't you just stand there and they poured the paint over your head? Yeah, I was part I was the Sherwin Williams logo There's different swatches on different part my tits are purple my fucking

Under boob is still blank. Yeah, that's the worst part when you go to put the sunscreen on Yeah, and then somehow you lay back and then you just have this fucking half moon of burn. Yeah, that's that is demoralizing Yeah, what's tough? You know it's tough We're figuring it out as we go yeah Yeah, but yeah that year that you have is like the best open mic are in town And then all of a sudden just these big like I would walk up to girls and be like hey I'm courting you and I would wink nice, and then you would just hear the fucking splash Like okay, I'm in I mean, but we shared a bed for a minute

We were roommates he didn't have shit and so I had a bed and a TV and we Yeah, we split a room. Ooh la la. I was flushed. I had a box fan. Yeah. It was a web TV. I brought a lot to the relationship. Yeah, but yeah, we split a room for a summer before we...

We started dating our wives the same summer. We had to. Oh, cute. So we went from sharing the bed to kind of staying at their place. But it was like, hey, I don't want to go home and go fucking head to toe with Lund. Right. We had head to toe with Lund Settle on me for the night We tried head to toe but your fucking genitals are still the same place still yeah I said feet in your and in fact you could argue your dick and balls kind of easier fitted fit together easier backwards

I've done the math bro. All the equations. Yeah. It was gnarly. I mean look, I'm not used to saying, me and Elvis have definitely shared a few beds, but it was never like a, there was never a time where we could even make that the plan for a full week in a row.

It was like a couple days sure. And this motherfuck, we both had undiagnosed sleep apnea. He had it, he still has it to work. I mean I don't know, I actually havenosed sleep apnea. He had it, he still has it to work. I mean, I don't know, I actually haven't slept. I'm gonna bet it's still pretty bad, but in the back in the day, when we were getting really fucked up,

this man would sound like he was dying every moment that he was sleeping. And then when you're laying next to him, you're like, okay, I hope he quits breathing. And then he does, and you're like, ah. And then you're like, oh fuck, is he dead? Start snoring again. Yeah, and then he's like,

ugh, ugh. It's like you're coughing up an owl pellet. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucked, man. No sleep apnea for you two? No, I don't snore. It's crazy. I snore a little. I can snore. He has like a little like purr though.

He likes it. Yeah. He's into it. Yeah. It's like a white noise machine. Yeah. Beautiful. Just enough. Our buddy Pat is real bad. He's into it. It's like a white noise machine. Beautiful. Just enough.

Our buddy Pat is real bad. Don't bring it up. Oh man. Oh yeah. He fucked his wife too? No. He'll never find love. He's like scared about it now because he didn't really know how bad the snoring was.

Interesting, interesting. And then we were like, oh yeah, it's like the worst ever. Yeah. So he should get a fucking CPAP the fuck Yeah, he probably really needs to oh brother clocks taking for real if he's as fat as you guys and he's not Pretty cool hip happen in fat guy He's getting on the day them's a lot I think oh, yeah, that's a cool route to plow if you are a fat guy 100% I mean I do remember I do feel like when I was in Baltimore another thing that would happen was I dated a Lot of bi girls who either fucked me or fucked like Rosie O'Donnell's for sure you know what I mean

And so there is like yeah So you do as a fat guy? There's a lot of like you know couple they them's couple couple by girls with maybe like a little little bit of a mustache Yeah, nothing wrong with that It was like the girls with the shaved so that's the wrong with that. Oh, and that's I always find it weird when people are like Like a girl who dresses androgynous. they're not attracted to them, because it's like, dude, it's actually cooler, because then she's dressed like a fucking guy all day, and then guess what? She still pops her titties out at the end.

She takes that sports bra off. Yeah, that's awesome. It's like a little surprise at the end of the day. It's kind of, I guess, what Islam's going for. 100%. I'm glad you brought this up. It's kind of like woke Islam, Is loms going for a hundred percent? So it's like woke Islam is like it's a non-binary or like or like butch girls that still they still got titties and pushes Under there. Oh, they're in there. Yeah

Yeah, baby, you got that million dollar, baby All of a sudden. Oh amen brother friends.. Friends, oh god. A girl in an oversized, like, pullover, a fuckin' hat and some khakis. Oh yeah. Still got her pussy up under there. Yeah, she works at fuckin' BC Surf and Sport by day, and then comes home and just busts it wide open. Yeah, yeah.

That's what you want, man. Seems pretty cool to me. Oh god. As far as I'm concerned, wow. So we got three happily married men, except for me, obviously, Eldis, and I'm the only solo dolo The only fat man who still hasn't found love in this room. I feel bad now find love one day

Don't I don't think so man you guys fucking you guys did it right you yeah, I bought in early She was my GameStop. Yeah, you know like I oh no absolutely yeah, yeah, it's been almost 14 years Wow, he was vulnerable when we met yeah, yeah, and I was like you regret med school. No, she was a college dropout at the time. Wow Freak. Yeah. Yeah You would only bring us closer together. We've done everything else. We've shared everything. Have you fucked a girl at the same time together? No. We tried. She didn't survive. It would have to be a girl doing aerial trapeze to be able to like figure out she would have to have like that fucking big-ass scarf or whatever there's gonna be three simple machines

yeah absolutely no do we can never do that to it living human beings what about Zuckerberg's wife I don't want to meet the woman who's like oh you too yeah I know my stretches come in and maybe we could have but we never wanted to know when it was an option was all I were looking for. Sure, sure. It didn't happen. Just knowing it was an option was all I needed. Yes, yes, yes. No, I mean, to be clear, I have no interest in, I don't get the fucking a girl with your boy thing. I don't need a guy in the room, man.

And that's my friend. Like, the most I could go is maybe like, maybe I'm in a massage chair next to Elvis and they're playing John Wick you know 2 and maybe someone we're getting pedicures and then they put the thing they put like a divider and then the girl starts sucking both our cocks. Now you're getting a head of cures. Yeah yeah yeah and like just like we're hanging out and it's like

oh this is awesome dude and a girl is sucking our cocks Right like or maybe it is going back and forth has to be one and you're and you're looking at each other like we're looking at No, no, they're holding hands through a divider. We might be holding hands. It's like dining during COVID Looking straight ahead but talking to each other. Yeah, we're just having a good time watching the movie growing out. You know what I mean? We're watching John Wick too. I just said what we're doing you know or something else predator commando If you're nasty yeah, maybe for go ahead maybe for early I did want to kind of fuck that they're off-brand Tinkerbell

Oh, are you crazy? Yeah, dude that was part of the whole schema that I have for gullies for gully Tinkerbell Yeah, dude, she was alright. Yeah, bingo. Oh yeah, she kind of looked like Demi Moore. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's a nice piece of fairy pussy right there. Uh huh. And she's ready for the beach.

Yeah, absolutely. Oh yeah, look at those ears. Oh, and I forgot about that weird little bat too. Anyway, yeah, salute to her. That's kind of I take her over Tinkerbell Honestly Tinkerbell was kind of a dumb bitch if you ask me, I know she's gettable. That's what I like. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah strict by a boy who lived forever as a boy She also pouted too much. Yeah, she did a lot of like Yeah, being you just said I know you know Tinkerbell don't suck good dick She just won't apply herself no I could see it I could definitely see it

But a man imagine how fucking big your rod would look whatever wrapped around it big your rod would look with her wrapped around it. Oh, just shagging it over their whole body and slurping on it. Yeah. That's not bad actually. I'm back in. Your urethra? Yeah. For the audio listener, I pantomime Tinkerbell fingering my dick hole.

Fairy dust the fairy bus Talke is there it is brother. Yeah, man. Oh, that's awesome Oh, so for so you guys both started dating your wives the same summer and this was 14 years ago 2012 so 12 years ago Jesus Christ that was 12 years ago Yeah, he put it he put a stick in a fence at a house party and it grew and he was Like all right, she's the one You met your wife in a glory hole No, I was so excited you had to meet this young woman that I turned a fence into a glory hole

This backyard at a house party night and I put my cock through a hole, because that's fun to do. Of course. And then there was like a retraction issue. So I texted my buddy Chris Sharpentier, hey buddy, dick caught in the fence. That's awesome. And he didn't respond, and then I get it out,

and I come back, and I'm like, hey, what's going on everyone? Chris, don't read that text I sent you. Dude. And then immediately he reads it aloud to my, you know, soon to be wife. Eventually wife. Eventual wife. Yeah. She needed someone to buy her booze.

She was 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. That was a fucking beleaguered 23. Oh, yeah. Worked out, man. Worked. That's beautiful. And how about how about your your wife? Did you meet her at that party or what's going on?

No, Sam and I and Chris and another comic, comic Bobby did a weekly show for a long time and we ended up in this space above a restaurant bar and my wife was the bar manager. Oh I saw her every Wednesday for six months or something and then yeah one night we did you know Brian Cook used to do a competitive erotic fanfic. Yeah, he did that show DC I did it actually once I think what you write about Fuck what did I write about? I think I did the cast of friends one time. That's good. I don't remember I do remember I bombed. Oh, it wasn't easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's just new ways to talk about six fucking fictional characters What did it was at the Wonderland ball? I remember where it was

Fucking fiction characters. What did it was at the Wonderland bar? I remember where it was Anyway, whatever well, I know you're talking about yeah We had Brian came through Denver and did that show for our weekly show and I wrote about Arrested Development and my wife was a big fan Charlize Theron's mentally disabled character. Yeah, she was nonverbal in my name She was just rocking and stimming. She kept signing help. Yeah but yeah my wife was a big fan of the show and was up there hanging out and saw that and that was it. Afterward she was like what are you doing after this and I was like whatever you want. That's awesome. Hanging out with you yeah and we were. You're telling me rock like fan fiction of rank of fucking George Michael getting pegged by Anne Yeah, is that what did it? Yeah? Yeah, it was I was a big fan of the show and I had the you know

I picked ahead of time so I really gave a shit about it. You know probably too much Lost to our buddy Jim Hickox who had written about our comedy scene It was very funny only he knew how true to life he was saying up there That's fascinating that that's what and was there any vibes before that yes, okay. Yeah cuz she was those eyes, bro How much Was there any vibes before that? Yes. Yeah, because she was. Look at those eyes, bro. She was. He was not the. I was thinner. How much? 130 pounds?

No, no, no. I was 225 pounds instead of 300 and. Whoa. So it was, yeah, it was different. That's cute. And like you were saying, when you're in that, you know, you're feeling like you're killing it We always said like the reason even though we were gross and and crazy

We were so passionate about stand-up and talented and friendly yeah We had our own crew so I think that was more attractive than anything It's just when you find someone on a swing to oh, yeah It feels like someone like that energy is so contagious like yeah We're on the up and up and even if it was fake Right, even if she was gonna crater in that moment. Oh, yeah, you're best thing in the world is potential Oh for sure. You never have to cash in on it No, no, no that moment where you're like I have potential feels awesome. My 20 minutes is pretty good. Yeah

We weren't we weren't too we I think we were able to enjoy it as opposed to just wanting more sure I think we were that's all I wanted I wanted free beers every Monday at Lion's Lair and maybe one lady with like Massive breasts to take me home and make me take a shower before I bed Overalls all the time. Yeah, she makes you fuck her off the bed and then leave cuz she doesn't want you in there Take the sheets with you by the way These are the animal hospital Fuck her off the bed and then leave because she doesn't want you in there The animal hospital I wreaked so bad dude

Was like it was I had like secondhand shoes no socks. He didn't believe in socks He thought that it was like the fake you know a Psyop Scam I was grew up socks? I didn't have shoes until kindergarten. I grew up in the country. So we were just like shoeless all the time. Wow, real hillbilly shit. Pretty much, yeah, yeah. High plains, great trash. White trash?

I'm a quarter Mexican. But yeah, I used to, my trick at like parties and stuff is I would like take my shoes off and put cigarettes out on my bare foot while like staring a woman in the eye. Bro, it worked These guys really I can't get laid. It's like you are over valuing the intelligence of 19 year olds Putting the fucking sick out on your foot. Oh, yeah, so we're talking country. We're talking farm. Are we just talking like

Talking crystal meth and copper wire theft nice. Yeah Not really in the agricultural community, but there was a slaughterhouse in town Oh nice a lot of people worked there until the damn pesky Latinos came Worked at Sonic Drive-Thru Yes, it was a shithole man shout out to Elizabeth, Colorado Elizabeth go Cardinals nice high school Yeah, nice high school Cardinal the car. Yeah, I my letter jacket. My dad found my letter jacket the other day. Nice. He always wanted to make new letter jackets. Oh yeah, like for the comedy scene?

Oh my god! That fucking sucks! He wanted to bully Cressman. Yeah, dude. Oh man! Yeah, we're like a team, guys. And this is a community. I love you guys. These people I do open mics with, this is my fucking squad. Congratulations, you're a joker.

And I had to- Oh, no, the jokers. No. I don't remember that, but- Denver jokers. Dude, I made a bunch of fake letter jackets on an old laptop And when I turned it on the fucking tabs were still open and it was like six different badass letter jackets that I just So funny, and then we got to decide who got to join the jokers. You know maybe there was a jump in and an open mic That's so funny. It was it was a you you would regress to like 1940s gangs yeah like Street Like street Brooklyn street gangs.

Like the jokers. Well, also the hacks with an X. Oh yeah. I thought that'd be pretty tough. That'd be fun. And it was always black, green, and orange were the colors. Black, green, and orange. Yeah.

It was bad. Kind of like the Joker in Batman Beyond. For sure. Like cyberpunk Joker. Right, yeah. Yeah. I kept telling him, no. We're not. let's not.

That is one of the truly, and I'm like, in this, I'm just gonna treat myself to using this word this way, gayest things I've ever heard in my life. I'm just, that was just, I just, one for old time's sake, that is so fucking gay. You wanna make letterman jackets for your open mic buddies? You wanna go back to a time when you called everything gay? Yeah, yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

I'm hearing you guys talk about it. I'm like, oh yeah, that was a bad look. I defended it to a lot of people. I was like sending designs to my friends who did graphic design and be like, what do you think about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just wouldn't respond to the message. That's so funny. I mean that is cute that you guys really I mean it I'm making fun of it obviously because it deserves to but it's also like it's cute that you actually did feel that

You guys actually had friends that you had a good crew. We were tight. There wasn't a ton of shitty, it was like good competitive. There was 12 of us. Yeah, we had a bunch of crushers too. And what were the nicknames you would have embroidered on the back of the jackets for all 12? Ees. Big pun. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. The lady jokers, were there lady jokers? Of course not. Yeah. No. Well they get shittier quality jackets. The lady jokers were their lady jokers Well they get they get shittier quality jackets they get pink there's three of them like the satin ones Yeah, like the chicks in Greece guy. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember one was gonna you would get an award

That would be lifelong feature. Yeah You would put on there If you won the Squire open mic like best bar tab you got a patch for that like But it is cute it's literally like you guys had like commute you actually had community Yeah, whereas like yeah, that is fine. I mean, I don't feel like we had that at all in both It was like I truly was like I gotta get the fuck out of here Yeah, I never like, you know, I didn't really have any friends. I mean, in DC a little bit more, but then some people,

and then you fucking move, and then it's like, I mean, Jamel Johnson, I'm still boys with him. He's the man. Wardell, I go, we've been friends forever. But then a lot of people just kinda like, who were funny, just kinda fell, everyone's so mentally ill ill that it's that it's fun when you're 24, right? And then it's like oh, man. You got to stop Fucked your wife

And then you kill yourself and quit comedy and your relative scrub your presence from the internet because the London fucked your wife. I mean that's a tough conversation. I know we were on that break for like 3 months. Hey think about the one guy you really didn't want me to fuck. Opsie. I had to have him. I hope I wasn't the one guy. There's a lot of guys that I think would have been the one guy. You two were fatly nipping at his heels for pole position.

Oh for sure. Well he was like the cool fat guy. Right. And then I came from improvs. No one trusted me. That explains the jackets. Come on man! It's all making sense! Oh Steve! Mission improbable!

Yeah! There was a team in Denver called All Kurds No Way and it was three Kurdish guys Oh that's pretty, you know what? I'll give that one to them No one knew what they were talking about! Yeah, it was, oh fuck, improv baby That's fucking awesome

Oh okay, that makes sense though. Just trying to, you know, I mean look, you didn't know anything, you're shoeless, you know, blown into a jug for entertainment. So it's like when you saw improv, you're like, alright, this is something. I had to scare the frogs or what? Yeah.

Yeah dude, I did. I came from like a town of a thousand to Denver and was like, what am I gonna do? Improv. And my mom got me improv classes for my 18th birthday. Oh, that's cute. It was great, I liked Improv but then I would fucking go do open mics and see these guys just living this fucking pirate lifestyle. He gotta stop talking about this in like these glowing terms. It was a bunch of fat losers

doing rape jokes for drink tickets. That's what it was. You mean the greatest minds of a generation? The truth tellers? No, it is very fucking lame to be romanticizing a thing while you're in it. It's not going to get any better than this. I share a bed with Lund. Yeah, that is so funny. So you moved for college or what? just moved to the I moved to Denver for college Oh nice. Yeah, what do you got a which what schools over there Metro State University of Denver?

Metropolitan State State sounds so fake. Well, I was gonna go to see you and play football, but I hurt my knee So it was like a metro state university. They'll have me that sucks. They gave me scholarships because I could read Yeah, yeah, yeah Like, Metro State University, they'll have me. That sucks. And they gave me scholarships because I could read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Metro is one of those places where it's like, hey, are you a 37-year-old recently divorced woman who wants to be a vet tech?

Metro's the home for you. Come on down. That's awesome. And it only took me... Welcome to act two of the rest of your life. Yeah. It took me 18 years to graduate, but I did it. After my mom died, I went back and got my 12 credits.

Just a spider. You never saw it bitch. But now I got a degree. Look up at your baby boy now mommy. Yeah. I do a lot of embarrassing things it turns out. Oh it's great dude. I mean look, yes the jacket but that is,

that's cute getting your degree for your mom at a shitty school Damn, what did you play? What did you play? You were like a tackle? I'm guessing I was a right tackle for a left-handed quarterback. Oh shit. Were you a D lineman? I was I was a nose tackle. Yeah, you were zero tech. No. Yeah, just right in there No, fuck people up don't have to learn any plays. No, and they were you guys were so stupid You'd write like left and right on your blog it was awesome because like I had good grades but I was football dumb it's not like that intelligence doesn't like translate over and they were like kids in my on my team who couldn't

fucking read who were like football savants right yeah and it was just so funny they all expected me to know the place it's like guys I'm just cuz I know how to cheat an AP US history Yeah, doesn't mean I know the scheme and shit. So all I did was just fuck people up. It was awesome, right? I still have a shoulder injury that's plaguing me to this day But hey, you know, it was it was a fun little David Borey on here He was a hell of a fucking nose tackle really went to high school together. Holy shit. Yeah, they never even came up That's hilarious. Dude. It was brutal Yeah, they never even came up. That's hilarious dude. It was brutal He didn't bring me up. No

the best man of my wedding I Didn't know that your job as a D tackle was to just grab on to dudes Yeah, and take up two for one yeah But if I would have known that I wouldn't have had to be one of the geniuses of the offensive line That's right, because you guys were fucking dumb as hell We'd always knew it is a stupid as I was the best easiest thing to do It was yeah, it was so fun to cuz towel off it offensive line so like I was like no I'm not doing this I'm gonna be a fucking defensive tackle

Yeah, and the only reason I even played football was because I was playing soccer And our coach gave our JV soccer coach, gave one of the kids on my team pornography. And so they dissolved the team immediately. And they were like, hey, sorry that this, and you know what's the funniest part? He wasn't even, it's even, I don't know if it's worse, but it's more pathetic in some ways.

That he wasn't even trying to fuck him. He just wanted him to think he was a cool guy. He was trying to get a 14-year-old's approval as a 30-year-old man. And so... We're gonna get our own letter jackets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the two of us.

Here's a Gianna Michaels DVD. Yeah, yeah, oh man. Ooh, I would've loved that. Shout out to Gianna. Dude, one of our first episodes, for some reason we were talking porn and he goes, don't think about it on three, say your favorite porn star. And we both said Gianna.

I would have said the exact same thing. What? I was a big Gianna guy. Three years ago? Yeah, I was a big Gianna guy. I even like... She had those like dead eyes. Yeah.

I was going to say the opposite. It was the opposite. The cans. Any of any of the porn stars that looked like they were having a good time was huge to me because if they look dead eyed and you know, cashing a check, it just wasn't the same. You hope their heart was in it? Yeah. You don't want to be abusing yourself. Not 17, but I mean, over time, it's like, I don't know, it't know it's just better I think you know better for the scene

If you don't you know if you're not thinking about it being a job right right right she was in the moment Enjoying herself just riff from me was it surely she had incredibly fat tits, correct? And that was pretty much it honestly brother I'm a didn't really get more than that and she was like she was prettier than a lot of you know your Sarah J's who you know but Sarah J infinitely gettable there's like Sarah J is a fucking waitress at an IHOP that's not what I'm beating off that's not why I'm beating off no I was not like a tain ability no not for me what about Lisa Sparks probably dabbled in those waters. I don't remember Lisa Sparks. Brandi Taylor?

Brandi Taylor I do know. Yep. She hated sucking dick. Yep, yep. Whoa, there she is! Look at Lisa! I actually don't remember Lisa Sparks. You know who was pretty cool was Carmella Bing Bing. Carmella Bing who then got fat and looked great.

Yeah, I know. Back all of that up and dump it all in. Oh, look at this mug shot. What did she do? Oh, no. She got small. She got bent. Oh, man, she was messed up.

But yeah, Carmella Bing, yeah, she had an era where she came back fat. And it was like when, you know, it's like when Michael Jordan moved over to small forward. Right. It was like when you gain a little weight, you have to play upper position. Yeah.

She was in the BBW. She went from busty to BBW and she did great. Some people really size up in a great way Oh, yeah, when they start wearing that like belly concealing device That's what I hit like I wanted to I wanted to I wanted it to flop. Yeah go down a little bit elders You see how she's kind of fattened that one on the gray Anyway, yeah, nothing wrong with that. I jack off to this later, and then there was Can you pause yeah?

Then there was some who was the fucking Eva Angelina, maybe that was another one. I'm unfamiliar Yeah, no, she had glasses a lot of the time. Yeah, yeah, she's had like a heart tattoo on one of her tits She was a the time. Yeah, yeah, she's had like a heart tattoo on one of her tits. She was a big deal. Yeah Yeah, I remember good stuff right there Nice to put a name to a face How does you want to weigh in here buddy? Do you guys remember? I always loved the I think I like a saw her tape She's like this redhead. I'm not even sure if she spoke English very good I think I tracked her down as like Ashley Robbins of course remember you were mad at me because I found one where she was actually sucking dick

You were mad at me for finding it Because she only did softcore stuff. Yeah, that's her She was really hard to find that I found one where she was sucking dick and now this was literally like what? What? He was literally like, What the fuck did you- He was like mad at me. He cleared his desk of papers. I'm not even-

I know it sounds like I'm doing a bit. It was literally the maddest I've ever seen Eldest at me. He was like genuinely pissed off and jealous in an animalistic way. That I was like- I just like found the- I don't even know how you saw me do it. But anyway, yeah.

Yeah. She was awesome. I still am not even sure what her deal was. She doesn't have like a ton of videos I mean my guess is yeah, my guess is she was a hard-up-for-money Eastern European woman Yeah, who showed her tits a couple times and barely resisted the temptation to fuck on camera Yeah, and probably fucked off camera and didn't really have a good time if I just am guessing right now She never got her passport back. Yeah.

She's in a container somewhere. She's still in Bahrain right now. Do you know what the ganky ganky girls who take squids and penetrate themselves with them? No, no. That's a new thing. Interesting. And it's not my thing, but I met a lady

who makes a bunch of money doing that. Putting them in her pussy Yes, cephalopods in general and like Japanese people will fly her to Japan to do like private shows I've looked at some shit like that before yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, what they can't be good for your pH balance A couple more eggs Yeah, Yikes. Who's beating off to that shit? No, no thanks. So that's the fun You know it's always nice to go down the beat off

the beat off court. I literally don't remember. I'm usually really good at getting back into segwaying back but I have no idea what we were talking about because I'm just thinking about all these women's breasts. Phoenix Marine. That's another good one. It's got a little gap. Yeah, rub the gap.

Yeah, rub the gap. Here she can whistle while she sucks. Alright, one more, we'll just look at Phoenix Marie and then we'll move on. Yeah, good stuff. Pretty nice stuff right there. Oh, that's her with Chris Rock. Nice. I wonder what happened there. Oh, interesting.

That's what his movie was about. Click on that. I don't know. Great bit about Chris Rock. I love the special where you're talking about getting tambourine, I believe. Where he's like, I cheated on my wife, I think it was like two or three times.

Maybe he even said once. And he was like, now the women in here are like, wow, what a piece of shit. every man here's like hey two times pretty good guy Like all the opportunities he had to get pussy and he only cheated twice. Yeah, which is true Yeah, we call that a we call that a keeper I believe didn't he fuck some insanely hot woman on the show on the movie He did about cheating on a wife. I mean what which you gotta, sometimes if you're that fat, you just, I don't know.

You should get a gimme. Woo, I think I love my wife? I think so. The main chick? Was it Megan Good? Did he fuck Megan Good? Just saying you searched Chris Ross, anyway, whatever, he's talked about it,

or somebody's talked. Yeah, get his GED. That's what the people wanna know. Mm, anyway. It doesn't matter. That's what the people want to know mmm anyway Huh, it doesn't matter. He's not somebody fucks some some incredible hot woman, but anyway, hey, we've all been would you guys ever cheat? No, dude, I love my wife so much and also like Yeah, I'm not doing any better a big titty doctor you can't you know wife yeah beyond just just from realpolitik thank you can't do it but yes I suppose

young Turks yeah yeah man no I would never good for you man that's what she could also she could do so much better than me totally if I give her one window you can't give her the opportunity you got it right now yeah a young stud doctor yeah oh and I think it once you get older you realize like I don't know like the excitement of of cheating or you know it's not worth it cuz yeah I feel like a piece of shit 24 hours a day yeah and eventually either that's 45 seconds I don't 45 seconds. Right, yeah, it's not worth it. I don't know.

No, I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah, you don't want to. It's crazy to, yeah. It's nice to be able to get past that, the immediate or the feeling naughty bullshit. Right, right, right. And embracing, enjoying the, you know, just not having that in the back of your head is stressful.

Totally. To be like, am I going to get found out? gonna get found out yeah oh absolutely cuz I've cheated I've been cheated on and yeah it just feels like high school shit yeah what'd you do what 'd you cheat how'd you cheat man just a couple times it's like drunken shit you know like mistake class like didn't even want to like had no intention of yeah, okay. I'm not the girl Like like a hot one night Like a cool way right it was always like wake up the next morning be like god damn it I fuck what have I really done truly what have I done compounded? I would have thought this anyway, but now I've like hurt someone I actually like yeah, what have I really done truly? What have I done compounded? I would have thought this anyway But now I've like hurt someone I actually like yeah

What do I do now this is you know killer didn't you get sucked off? I'm like the side of the road after some gig with Woolsey. Oh, yeah This woman was too small and I barely remember her. The venue was like, she remembers you for sure dude. The bar, the venue had like dollar beers or something and we showed up early. So we drank a bunch and then the crowd was rowdy. So we were both drinking on stage and then afterwards, yeah, this, this woman was just like, hi, and I was like, let's go out here.

And it was all windy and she was like trying to blow me. She didn't have a car or something. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Your fucking hat. You're trying to hold onto your hat like Charlie Chaplin. You're getting your big size.

Oh my God. It was so, and then. When he came, a bunch of crows flew out of the court. I did not come. It was so... When he came a bunch of crows flew out of a corn patch. It was so windy and cold and weird. I couldn't do anything cool. And then she was like, oh, you know, some friends are going back to an apartment, so we went there. And then there was a very beautiful woman there who had a boyfriend, but I was all drunk

So I was like trying to chat her up of course and the boyfriend and his buddies are like looking at our friend Elliot Like get him the fuck out of here We got out of there This other woman's saliva was right on already on your dick And you're trying to chat to the hot woman whose boyfriend is there is looking at me that's awesome dude I actually really respect that getting written oh he was he has no fear when he was drinking in horny man yeah it was fucking feeding day at the zoo I was always a single for brief moments like I had several long relationships so when I was single it was like good, you know

And like I said, you know, we were feeling ourselves and of course people were you know, they liked our show, you know And so there were a lot of Yeah, just little moments of being single and also if you're in Green River, Wyoming doing a show for $200 The only thing that really pays is getting a little bit of top. You gotta get a little top. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, to just kind of balance out the fucking, whatever, ledger, who gives a fuck. I forget what I was going to say. You didn't grow up on a farm, right?

Where'd you grow up? No, I grew up outside of Chicago and then when I was 12 we moved to Henderson, Nevada Las Vegas and Henderson kind of grew into one big yeah after we moved there it blew up for Shit, so you were like you were in Vegas is like a fucking 17 year old yeah junior high high school went to college in Reno and then moved back to Henderson, Vegas Started comedy you were in you were in you were in Vegas you were like, I need to change the scenery. College in Reno. It was a better college. Wolfpack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nevada was a cooler campus, nicer, because it was built in 1874. Oh, I didn't even realize the Wolf, oh that's where the Wolfpack is. Yeah, Colin Kaepernick went there. I didn't know that. I just, in my head I just think of Reno is like the shittier casino town yeah for sure oh I recently know there's a beautiful and Ivy League s campus there yeah yeah it's based on that is they have good athletics and shit it's cool well yeah they didn't

until well Nate Burleson was there when I was there no they were good they had good teams the women's volleyball they were, but I just remember I got to see the Danny and Tomlinson TCU played in Reno. That's cool. And god damn he probably put up to 75 for touchdowns Yeah, and you you had to you were like I weigh 275 Two more coming yeah, no it was crazy to watch him yeah in college just Yeah, I can't even be a Kaepernick was a few years after me and and The last I think last year I was there 2004 was when the basketball team got good Oh, yeah, they had a couple guys that did from Kansas that transfer white dude was good

That dude from Kansas that transferred white dude was good. I don't know man. Sorry You want to talk fat titted porn stars? Yeah, I got you. Yeah I'm not gonna think maybe deli offerings. We can talk that yeah different types of flavors that of boars head Yeah, but we can go west white basketball players. Yeah, I can't do it. I got a gap there Oh interesting. So you went so then you were and then you went back to Vegas and then went to graduated. Decided to do stand up when I was almost done with college.

Gotcha. And I figured I don't know what there was going on in Reno, but I figured Vegas would be easier to start. So I started writing for my last semester. Was it in Reno or Vegas where you got sprayed down?

Reno. Sprayed down with the cops sheriff's station. Were you joining Colin Kaepernick and disrespecting our troops? Is that why they sprayed you down? Yeah, treason. Yeah.

Were they making a citizen's arrest? No, man. I was just fucked up. My buddy ditched me downtown and I was just like stumbling around and I must have shit my pants at some point. I forgot you were in your pants. That's why they sprayed me down.

It wasn't because I was a civil rights protester. The dogs didn't work. The dogs are licking him because he's sweating hot dog. And I was such a fucking bad night. You came out of a blackout being hosed out. That's crazy. It was one of those like, I always, when I would black out it was just a moment in the night and then I wouldn't remember shit. But a couple times including that night, I came in and out so I remember a few things and yeah the

highlight was definitely me crying and the cops laughing as they're hosing me down. I can't say that sounds so fun. Like fat kid, college kid who shit his pants. That sounds like if you gave us a us a fucking hose You when you were 19 with piss shit in his pants. We'd all have one of the best times for our lives Colonial Williamsburg. Yeah When I woke up In the junk tank and I'm like, oh for you. What are you literally like? No, I must have gotten a towel or something I was in the sack, you know potato sack Yeah, I was like, oh shit, I wonder if I got charged with something, you know

And then when they first like breathalyze me, I was like, what did I do? Like, am I in trouble? And they were like, nah, you're fine. We just picked you up and fucking brought you here. Yeah, we'll let you out. And then I walked like two miles home in the shitty shoes. They washed my clothes, but the shoes were still kind of caked a little bit. There was some shit on there.

And I got home and like cleaned them and kept them he actually hasn't been cased in amber now yeah I still have them that's fair dude they hang from my car my winch my rearview mirror little shitty booties so was it forgot about was it like cuz my closer for a while well that's a good story Not a bad story to close on a vice prince I worked at a middle school and the vice principal was retiring So he was like 80 and I was being a prick and he wanted to fight me and I was like, let's fucking go outside Everybody's excited for him and then I fucking almost ruined didn't you face smush him? I know I there was a young lady teacher And I think we were flirting but I was I was so fucked up and I think I was like get out of here and I like

Pushed her face and that's when it was like everybody turned and was like get him you muster. That's our hanging out with teachers You know how they party And this dude is 78 or whatever, retiring. He was having a good time. Yeah, they were drinking. So is that why, because you said you quit drinking before this motherfucker. Did you just have, what was the one, did you have one? Where you're like, alright, I can't be doing this shit anymore. No, it was, no.

It was all of it. An accumulation of stories like that? Yes. Well, because he didn't get it at first cuz he was like we had so much fun And I was like, yeah most of the time most of the time it was great But I didn't like black and out especially when it was like, oh, yeah We had such a you know, we were here and then here and I don't remember any of it Yeah, like I would have been would have been more fun if I wouldn't have been that fucked up Yeah, so that was part of it. I think you rocked iron

Personally is when you hooked up with that super hot chick and you didn't remember it in the Next day you were like did I see your boobs? She was like yeah That's Legendary Denver bar babe. Oh, how did it and I was like what was it like and he's like I don't know that sucks I wasn't there there was a that's one of the worst things of all that actually makes me legitimately sad Yeah, everything else is funny, but man that's brutal. That's tough. I live next to a she got sober after two Oh my god, they went to the spike for a minute and then But now we

We had a few comics lit together next to a guy who was like, had done like 15 years for cocaine possession something. And so when he moved in with his wife and daughter, he's like, hey, you know, you guys are young. I'm sure you're having a good time over there. I'm just letting you know now I can't do any of that. You know, I'm trying to be good.

And our houses are, you know, a foot apart. Yeah. And I'm just like cranking tunes and shit and I think Chevelle a lot of He was the worst neighbor He was over She said the cops came keep him he must have called the cops you know so they showed up and she said I was able To turn it on for them. Oh, hey officers I'm sorry. I'm sure hey back the blue good to see you boys But I learned my lesson in college Cabernet can go blow as far as I'm concerned

I've been hosed. I'm on your side That would have been on your letter jacket. You would have had a hose patch. Just the one. That's awesome. You not remembering. She's like, I gave a guy pussy and he didn't even remember. I got to get sober.

You had no business engaging in any kind of carnal acts with her. Whatever. I was a cool guy. Do you think your dick got hard? You had no business engaging in any kind of carnal acts with her whatever Was a cool guy you think your dick got hard I don't know I don't know how far we got Lost in translation Yeah, you whispered, did my dick get hard? Yeah. And we don't hear her answer. Did I come right away? Did I cut soft?

You know, when we started getting away from the open mic, this is what comes next, getting in at ComedyWorks, it was like, fuck, I can't keep drinking like this, because I was getting busier. So then it was like fuck. I can't keep drinking like this cuz I was so getting busier Yeah, so then it was like drinking every night and I remember the hangovers from 29 to 34 were so much That's a tough hangover. Yeah, so every every morning. It's like yeah, I'm ruined all day. I'm gonna feel okay You know tonight at 9. Well, you were such a go-getter to you know FIFA and scraping resin. That's what we were doing. Oh God, when you're so hungover

and then you're like, oh smoking weed will help. Oh, I remember that. But it does like half the time. Yeah. Sometimes you're so fucked. And it dries you out even more. So you gotta chug. But the first time that happened,

like the first time in college, like an older friend of mine was like, I have the remedy for you, my friend. And he just came over like Gatorade and weed and I was like oh I was like levitating and I was like oh that feels good, and then you get old as fuck You're like doesn't help no you feel horrible now. You just you're scared you're paranoid and you're fucking Brutal stuff my wife quit before me and I was like, alright, I'm gonna quit too But his wedding after my way was two months after she got sober and I was like I don't know if I want to deal with that

Yeah I also knew I didn't want to push anybody's face or like chuck somebody into the lake, you know I didn't want to be that guy. Of course, I didn't do that. It was good You know, we had a real good time and I didn't fuck anything up had a couple pops couple of crazy But yeah, I was able to couple yeah, I really did Could have drink like that all the time, but it was really hard Yeah, stop after three or whatever there was also a period where he went like crazy like straight up like pulling a knife on the crowd crazy

the crowd crazy. Like, man, like, my loose shes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the loose shes on the street. And like, his sister was calling me, like, what do we do? And I was like, I don't know, I think he's really figuring some stuff out up there. I think he found his voice. That's so funny. That's awesome. That was a crazy little panic episode. Yeah. About a month and a half long. Luckily, did not end up in the hospital or getting hosed down in jail. It was just like a... Get the hose, pig! One day it felt like our buddy Chris was like, dude, what the fuck? And for some reason hearing that, his like concern,

it was like the air got let out of the balloon and I got to feel come back down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, holy shit, like finally it's like, holy shit, what was that? That was crazy. That was crazy. And you were drinking, you were it's like, holy shit. What was that? Yeah, that was crazy and Drinking you were taking your shirt off in bars. I was dancing with those little titties

jungle swing Well, I worked at a movie theater until yeah And then I made me quit job. Well, that's why I moved in with him aged out of the movie theater Hey, man, this you can't be doing this Seven god. No, it was 33 Cotton tickets doing this I was a manager. So I was that's I don't know if that's better or worse I was telling me like getting it smoking weed Working at a movie theater long enough to get promoted Working at a movie theater long enough to get promoted. I worked there for a year.

Come on. I had, I was lucky that I got that pay bump. Yeah. Dude, this woman that would come in and see movies was so hot and I finally, like I thought we had a little back and forth. Sure. So I finally like asked her friends like, hey, what's, what's her deal is she single whatever and I'm wearing like all black covered in like streak of popcorn and butter and I after the fact I was like what are you

doing? Yeah. It's gotta be somewhere else where you're cool it's gotta be at a show invite her to a show and then you talk chatter up after you crush. Yeah. But yeah I was just like hey free movies. What's free movies You want to see the passion of the Christ? Hey, I'm gonna watch the wrestler for the eighth time Lines allowed it's a couple years. Yeah, that's pretty fun. Yeah, it was good. good but yeah I quit moved in with him and then uh god yeah I had rest his history yeah a little manic episode wasn't little there were people calling in from all over the country people were scared yeah it was oh it was a wild ride it's you ever have to use your knife in any kind of self-defense scenario? No. You had killed God. No, luckily God, I did pull

a knife on a crowd of, hey come on. Yeah, that's fun though. I could be fun. A gun would be awesome. Oh yeah. I would love to pull a gun on the crowd, but you just can't do that. It's not gonna be me. It's not going this way. We never had one of these yet. A lot of audience members. And then firing it off so they know it's real. And they're up there like, oh, ow. The smell of that was good.

That would be good stuff. Well, that's great, man. It sounds like you guys are real experts. It sounds like these guys are the type of guys to help our listeners. Don't you think eldest? Oh, yeah. So what do we got? What do we got here? Big Eld, play us a nice little call. call By before we do let's plug stuff the podcast chubby behemoth Yep, Sam's got a special out on YouTube you can watch it right the fuck now on the Matt and Shane secret podcast YouTube channel Toad's morale I got a travel show called wide world We're in Japan right now. Oh nice. Yeah, it's good. Fuck. Yeah soup song soup song

YouTube good fuck it soup song soup song and i said so you too public and i think i have a hell yeah eight thousand views so i'm not so i'm good let's get this guy in ninety five hundred is that let's get this motherfucker ninety five hundred uh... all right let's play it let's play a little fucking call here, Elders. Hey, Starr, how's it going? So, a couple months ago I made a decision that I knew was really

bad when I made it, but I did it anyway. So, a little bit of background, I'm an EMT in a pretty busy area. We do like the emergency calls calls but we also do inter-facility transport, so taking people between hospitals, psych wards, things like that. And we have a pretty long transport with a woman who went into the hospital overdosing, made some comments on killing herself, so she was getting an hour away to like a psych ward and she was pretty hot oh my god we kind of hit it off calling in what you're thinking I had no intentions of dating this woman, but like that we were Biden so I Took her snapchat at the end of the

the end of the ride and Like she was posting me on her snapchat like the whole time too. It was kind of funny I know it's pretty unethical right I'm not supposed to be hitting on our patients. Um, but you know, I did. And so she spent between like rehab and being in a psych ward. Pause this, I'm sorry. She's at her lowest point. I know, man. I know I'm not supposed to. I know it's the worst thing you can do. She's at her most vulnerable. Yeah, she's losing her mind.

I've got access to drugs. I could send her to jail off my word alone. But I did it anyway. But hey, she was fine. Alright, let's see how this ends. I spent like a month or so. She hit me up when she got out. And she lived like 30

minutes from me so I spent like the weekend at her apartment hooked up all that serious though nothing serious like dating or anything like that we just we're kind of vibing this is insane after that that's good you know we would text back and forth a little bit here and there, but not really talking that much. At some point she started using drugs again, and I got a phone call. Oh, it's her fault. Well, at some point this drug addict let me down. Anyway, you're a fucking piece of shit, but let's finish this. And I got a phone call about like 2 a.m. One day she was like geeked out of her mind and told me that like her

friend overdosed because Some drug dealers over some bad age And she asked me to help her kill this guy Some boundaries right there like I had to set some boundaries right there. Like, yeah, I, uh... Set some boundaries? What are you... You're way past therapy speak, dickhead! You fucked an insane woman! You fucked an insane woman you met in the back of your ambulance! Fresh out of rehab.

She had nowhere else to go. She was wearing Velcro shoes. And you know, I just wanted to set some realistic expectations with her as she was down a k-hole I mean this is insane. Keep going. Jonah Hill. What's that? Jonah Hill.

Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah set some boundaries. You need to stop taking pictures with guys because it's messing with my goals. What dude? What? 100, I mean this is insane. Keep going Elders. I kinda said some poundy right there. Like yeah, I'm not a killer. Like I don't think I should be talking to you anymore. Now that he busted a couple of nuts, he shouldn't talk to her.

I have been ignoring all her texts and Snapchat's. And she's clearly on a bender Yeah, like when you met and just yeah Now she is party. So let me just so the amount of time you've known this woman She has been you met her when she was so suicidal. They took her from a regular hospital to a psych ward Yeah, then she was in rehab for three months then one weekend She you fucked her and then the next week she went crazy So there was a total of two days in which she didn't seem crazy and they happened to just

Coincidentally be the days you could fuck her Interesting how convenient that was if he's not willing to kill for I know There's blood on my hands anyway a pay, I'm a payphone stop. What are the non-extradition countries? All right, keep going all this is really on a bender And just we passed couple days been blowing up my phone And now I'm kind of concerned about And just, past couple days been blowing up my phone. And now I'm kinda concerned about blowing up my spot at work. This wasn't illegal, but it's definitely highly frowned upon. Oh my god.

I can't get ahead of this before it starts affecting my career. Thank you very much. Have a good day, son. God. You deserve whatever happens to you. What are you out of your fucking mind? How do you get ahead of it? Hey, boss, just so you know. Remember that chick with the rockin' cans who came in?

Remember the 5150? We won 69 50. Her brain's broken in half and now she wants me to kill a guy. So she's lying. She says she's got this fantasy about having sex with me. And I think she needs to go to the mental hospital forever. Yeah. So she's been making a lot of stuff up.

I think we should probably just lobotomize her before she does anymore You can't trust these women you know how it is boss Shock collars left over from the dog thing This guy literally I mean this guy if this were the 50s would literally have this woman lobotomized So that he could get a promotion. Yeah, they probably fucked the whole. You're a piece of shit. You're a moron. You complete. I mean, this is crazy. What you did was insane. Not expecting there to be this kind of blowback is naive. You know, it was unethical. I just like, dude, it's

one thing to fuck a woman who's insane and on a bender who you know who hasn't done that Right, but to do that when you're the paramedic that's taking her to the fucking mental hospital And and what you're worried about is not is she gonna commit murder Is she gonna kill herself as a friend did I can lose my benefits? I'm on a pretty stellar track At St. Agnes and I can't really lose that right now Yeah, dude They were letting me drive the truck. I have literally no advice for you. I wiped my hands of this

You were a piece of shit And I bet the pussy was pretty good. And was it worth it? Well, you know, like, yeah. That girl interrupted pussy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, this one.

The wound and sweats? I want nothing to do with this. Next question, Elders. What's up, Stavi, an esteemed guest calling in from New Orleans. You got to come visit us some time soon. But I'll try to make this quick I have recently downloaded hinge about two months ago and pretty quickly met this guy on there he's the only guy I've met with up with since downloading hinge and I mean our first date was incredible

super fancy restaurant like a $500 bill. He's treated me with nothing but a lot of respect. He's a catch tall. It's been his last year of med school to be an actual neurosurgeon, like a fucking brain doctor, which is insane. It's a god complex. But the thing is, recently, he was in Mardi Gras

here in New Orleans. And I met up with some of his friends for the parade. And one of his friends was kind of looking at me weird and I didn't think of anything of it until the next day. I just got bored, checked my hinge and this kid's friend had sent me a like. And I mean his friends and the same residency program smart kid even more attractive in my opinion and

My question is I don't know if I should fuck up my first situation by Liking this guy back on hinge and trying to see if it goes anywhere. I mean the first time brain surgeon I mean, he's great, but it has its faults we all do This is awesome in a different tax bracket Than me for sure he thinks a lot of things that I do is are kind of ratchet Towards him for that Trying not to be trying to obviously have a good time and just go with the flow

But yeah, I don't know if I should fuck things up by Matching with his friend on hinge and even if I did if this could be even talk to me I don't know if that would even be a guy that maybe I want to talk to that would you know screw his friend out of Yeah, the situation So yeah, let me know if you think I should do a pressure roll with guys on this one or just play it safe. Love you so much. Love the podcast.

Thank you. Bye. Okay. This is interesting. I mean, this is hilarious. I also love how nonchalant she is because she is like, I the guy's friend is a piece of shit that's kind of weird to like like your friends to like your friends like the girl he's dating it seems like it's pretty casual right but I also think like and I'm with you Sam where you said like neurosurgeons have a god complex

like you're the worst ones these guys to me don't feel like they're trying to none of these guys to me especially if they say you're ratchet and shit like that They're probably trying to get a nut off here. Oh, you're a notch in a bed Yeah, and so and so what would happen in a song what would happen if what would happen if you if you? Swipe right on this guy best case scenario probably is that like a double team? case scenario probably is that like a double team I would be worried about like this being like some kind of weird rich med med school thing kid thing of like hey man you gotta try some of this pussy over here like literally like you're not you would be the slam piece for the med program that's not like

yeah that's my thoughts anyway maybe I'm wrong maybe whatever, but also it's like and by the way There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want to do if like if there were a group of two hot girls and they didn't want to do anything like Serious me in there and they I would fuck two friends that I don't know. Yeah, how close are the two guys? They just like sort of whatever that's cool, but maybe they're not close. Yeah, it's up to you. I mean Personally, I think like unless you just want to get an unless you do want to fuck this guy like I don't I Don't know it's like Are either of these guys guys you want to date seriously?

Well also dude she's fucking delusional. Yeah, these guys are in med school Yeah, and they're going to Mardi Gras right this is the three days of their semester they get a blow off steam right they're not here for a long time right they're here for a good time yeah and I think you're a pussy to these guys yeah whoa there was this fucking unwashed mass yeah yeah yeah pastor around yeah, yeah, that's very fun It's very possible, and I also think like don't let the Buying you fancy like getting your fancy dinner like don't let that Sway you because if this guy's rich It's like that doesn't really mean shit to him, and it's a way to like make it seem like it matters

But it doesn't could be us could be a bit of a love bomb here, so I Personally yeah, I would err on the side of nothing serious is gonna happen with either of these two. Especially if the first guy has his faults. I would say like, look, if you wanna try and give it a whirl with the other guy, great. But like, you know, it seems like you're not super... The fact that you're even considering this and the fact that you're even like checking hinge means you don't really give a fuck about the first guy. No, you weren't just bored and checking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly It's like if you like someone you're dating it's like you put you at least put those on ice for a while

Yeah, even if it's kind of casual quit being greedy lady It's just almost weird to think like, used to be you dated whoever, and the guy's kinda new, all right, we're competing, so if we want to try to get, to be serious, then you stick around and whatever, you know, care. But if you don't, then it's casual, and then that got lost, and now,

I can't imagine dating and Hinge, because everybody's trying to be real cool and chill and go along with whatever. A little aloof, yeah. You don't say what you want and then you ghost or you get ghosted. No, that's a good point too because she's saying like, you know, I'm just trying to go with the flow, but why?

You said you're already a little resentful towards him. Honestly, I think like it doesn't seem like you're in it that much for the first guy. It might have been a fun little fling, you got a nice couple dinners out of it Whatever doesn't seem like you really give that much of a fuck about him and I would even say like Or if you do like the first guy and you actually like want to give it a whirl Don't go with the flow say how you feel say what you want

And if you don't think he's worth that then you basically I say just forget about him And then and then it becomes like well if he's in the if he's in the rearview Then decide the same thing with this other guy then he just becomes a new guy that you might date or you might match whatever So if you want to go for it go for it's like you owe the other guy anything really right? And if you want someone in the medical field we know an EMT who has very low I was gonna say maybe if she if she feels like she's ratchet or less than with neurosurgeons maybe she should be with a skateboarder a guy who still works at a video store maybe arcade technician he's always got a bunch of

quarters on him. Yeah. But it is important that you actually think about, that's a good point Nathan about like people try and be too aloof and it's like don't just go with the flow, think about what you want and then be honest with yourself and then you can process like is the guy, is the dickish thing this guy doing a deal breaker or is it something we can talk about and then you have to go from there but I think the most fundamental thing for you is like be honest with yourself about what you want and also I was I was with a doctor through med school there's no time for anything new

right so like if you think that they're gonna make room for you in their fucking overwhelming life where they're learning this incredibly hard technical skill that's not gonna happen he's not gonna make space in his heart for you. I mean, God bless you. You sound like a fun girl, but dating a doctor sucks, especially neurosurgeons. Right. Because they like knowing, they like knowing that they could, you know, accidentally end a person's life. Yeah. They're monsters.

They're the Jason Bateman. Yeah. Patrick Bateman. Patrick. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason Bateman. America's sweetheart. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Jason. America's sweetheart. Yeah, they're gonna start a weird shitty podcast with their famous friends.

Stay off my fucking corner! You're already millionaires! This is all I have, you smartless cocksuckers! Alright, next question. Good luck to our friend here. Next question, Elders. Alright next question, good luck to our friend here. Next question Elders. Avi, baby, listen, I really, really need some help here. I'll get right to the point, right?

Please do. So, I'm fully in love with my girlfriend. We've been dating for over four years. We live together. She respects me, I respect her. We have a really good thing going. Like our relationship is basically perfect except for one thing. We don't fuck anymore. We have almost no sex anymore. And it's been going on for that for like that to almost like a full year and here's the reason why. About a year ago she started having some real, let's just say, pussy problems.

Okay? Oh, thank you for putting it in there. She's been having some issues down there where basically she's just bleeding all the say, pussy problems. Okay? She's been having some issues down there where basically she's just bleeding all the time It's just like this like brown cakey Detail here, but

Normal nothing comfortable nothing good And it's really impacted our sex life. You know, it's very understandably self-conscious about it. And it's gotten to the point where even if she's not bleeding like that, I think she's just so upset and embarrassed that it makes her really anxious and she tenses up and the sex can be painful for her at times too. So it's like, it's just this whole big mess. We really don't have sex much at all.

There's very little like sexuality even. We barely even like make out or kiss because I feel like it's just really impacted her drive to do something like that. She's working on getting it fixed, going to the doctor and everything, but I mean, I guess something like this might take some time. There's no real clear end in sight, but basically, basically, my question to you that I really need advice on here is I love this girl so much. Like, I really love her. I could always picture like a full life with her,

but like I'm 26, man. And like, I gotta be catching, like there's a whole slew of hoes out there that, you know, I could be having fun with. And like, sometimes I'm just trying to be doing it in my life. And like, I love this girl, but like, I'm tired of, you know, sneaking out late at night

to just like jerk one real quick because I'm horny as shit, and I'm not gonna get it from her You know like this guy's I'm tired of that What do I do I want to have sex? but and No, no option for an open relationship that would absolutely never fly so I love her so much So please stop you help me grow doesn't sound like you love her so much, so please stop me. Help me. It doesn't sound like you love her that much It really doesn't and by the way, it's like she has a medical issue, right? Like if she had leukemia Would you be like oh this bitch won't let me fuck and it's gonna take a while to get this figured out

Like yeah, she's got a fucking health problem, dude It happens to be with her pussy, but it's like she's got to get it fixed She's got a fucking health problem dude it happens to be with her pussy, but it's like she's got to get it fixed You don't love her that much like this is that like she's going through something You should be supportive and like you know with this clear when this clears up because it's a health problem Just like anything else it'll clear up sure maybe you have to beat off a little bit for a year But it's like if you really loved her the way you did you say you do anyway? I'm not saying it wouldn't be a did, you say you'd do anyway, I'm not saying it wouldn't be a sacrifice,

but that, you know, shit happens, bro. People deal with stuff. This is her thing. I mean, yeah, at first I was gonna defer to you guys, because I thought it was just a general, long-term relationship, we're not having sex so much question. But this to me seems even more clear-cut of like,

she has a medical issue, she has a health problem. Also- And he gave her. Yeah. I would resent you too if you wrecked my pussy forever. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't. I'm curious about the. Yes, you are.

Shut up. What do you say? How big is the sneak out late at night to jerk one? Why is he going on the porch? She doesn't want him to jack even though she's dealing with like that. It makes me wonder what I think it's just a little. Here's another thing that I think is that I think it's like it's become like an anxiety, anxious topic in the household.

Right. Like she first of all, imagine this is how he's talking openly to us about it. Imagine his vibes. Imagine where he's like, they're watching a movie where two people are fucking, and he's just probably like, ah, must be nice. I remember those days. He's like, I can only imagine. Yeah, he's like, I guarantee you,

he's not being subtle or coy about any of these, about how not happy She's like crying in the shower he's like are you done yeah, I gotta get to Arby's I'm working a job. Yeah So like dude Here's the real fix if you actually love this girl the way you think you're saying you claim you do you want a life? With her you've been together four years that didn't he say four years Yeah, that's not a short amount of time. I mean also especially 22 to 20 years what the the one thing I would say that is a little bit of a like Gets my antenna up is like

22 to 26 This guy also might be using this as an excuse to get out of a relationship He started when he was a child basically yeah, And doesn't wanna be in, you know? How much did he date before they got together? Was he able to go through this slew of hoes? Right, right, which probably not, right? Like he probably, that he, in prime, I feel like 22 to 26 is kind of prime,

like go crazy years. Where you kinda, and then you kinda settle down, whatever. And so, look, you have to be honest here Stop talking about how much you love her You don't that much right like you also know what love is your 26 right right your brain is kind of developed So if you really want to make this work for real Then you also have to start being completely open and honest about this it feels like there's a lot of like Nebulous anxiety around this topic, and I think you just have to sit her down and and honest about this. It feels like there's a lot of nebulous anxiety

around this topic, and I think you just have to sit her down and be honest and be like, hey, be honest about yourself, where you're like, obviously I'm really attracted to you, I miss having sex with you, I miss, our love life's taking a hit, but this is a medical issue, I'm here for you, you don't have to be weird or anxious around me.

If I try and initiate sex you turn me down I'm not gonna take it personally like don't like you gotta have to make her feel comfortable Yeah, feel loved to feel loved because it's like here's the other thing is like It's not like you guys couldn't fool around a little like you're saying like the red flag to me is like there's not a lot of like Sexuality they're not kissing they're not doing anything There's no like physical intimacy like for a little while you can figure it out like for a year You're just getting a little you're getting jerked off a little bit. You know what I mean your car Are you initiating sex totally like?

100% and so and so I just think like that is the issue here is like your vibes are as poisonous as her pussy And you can fix those really fast You a doctor doesn't need to fucking figure out what antibiotics to give your vibes So you got to fix your vibes if you're really in this and if you're not and you're using this, like your whole preamble, I didn't believe anything he was saying until he talked about how much you wanted pussy from other girls. Correct.

And by the way, if you actually love your girl and you're like, it's not, other hoes wouldn't come up. You would just say, I miss fucking and it's driving me crazy. But I wanna be with her so bad. Exactly, you said you wanna fuck other women. I don't think you wanna be in this personally.

And you have to be honest with yourself. Are you willing to make, you know, in a real, when relationships get serious, do you make sacrifices for your partner? They deal with fucking, they deal with health problems. They also might deal with stress. I bet in med school you were getting pussy because she was just fucking really studying or or they have like you know Family issues or just shit fucks people up where they're not your love life will take a hit for long stretches in a long-term

relationship if the second that happens for whatever reason you're all Automatically trying to fuck other women you don't really you're not really ready for this kind of Commitment so I think you got to be honest with yourself in a lot of relationships. You don't even need to have sex right yeah Yeah, yeah, just make some soup just make soup watch love is blind your parents finally are off your back about being gay yeah I can't fuck girls their pussies are all rotten Reckon their holes But anyway, yeah, that's that's that's my real situation. That's my advice to you buddy Also, if you have pussy wrecking pipe, you're gonna be fine out there

I think it's a bacteria he wants to share his dick with the world Yeah, yeah, yeah Greek yogurt's the solution to this we could I don't know a lot is the solution to this one. We could. I don't know. A lot of healthy stuff in your gut biome. Why not your pussy biome too? Throw a couple spoonfuls of fye in your pussy. That's foreplay. Hi, Stavi, Eldis, and esteemed guest. Stavi, I first discovered you as a guest on your mom's house. Oh, I love those guys.

And now I'm a really big fan of not only your comedy but your advice and how you're both hilarious but still empathetic at the same time. Stop it, stop blushing. Okay, so what I need your help with is I'm happily in a relationship of three years with my boyfriend. I'm currently making, I I guess like roughly twice his salary but I'm only paying for 50% of the expenses. We don't live together but what I mean by expenses is like eating out, dates, etc. I feel like if the roles were reversed the man

would be paying more since he's earning more. So I feel like in this case I should be paying more but I don't want to make him feel emasculated or hurt his confidence or anything like that we're both not crazy spenders so maybe I'm overthinking it but how can I bring this up to him or should I just leave it alone and trust that he'll bring it up with me thank you what I mean this is all this now this is the relationship I'd like to be in yeah this goes proactively thinking of these needs she a, I mean this is all, now this is the relationship I'd like to be in. This girl's proactively thinking of these needs. She's like, I mean she really is like, fast forward to our last two calls about what kind of partner these people are and it's like, I mean it's night and day.

She's considerate, she's worried about hurting his feelings but also being very practical about it. Your heart's in the right place. You know, I mean, look, I wouldn't give a fuck, but I'm not, but, I mean, I think the fact he's already going 50-50 is kinda not, like, a lot of times I feel like it is like the guy, men definitely pay a little more, even if there's like a money imbalance.

Oh, 100%. You guys are already going 50-50. He hasn't brought it up. He's not a complete idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's nailing it. Hey, cool. Don't blow this.

I think that a good solution to this is if you guys go out to an expensive restaurant, you pay. But the next time you guys go out for kebabs or whatever. Yeah, be like, hey, I got dinner last night Why don't you get this so you still run the risk of? Patronizing him that way though, you know what it knows. He knows the fuck you think he knows Like that to me would be more I would be a little more like Like don't trick me like I know what's going on here Don't try it don't condescend don't condescend to me a little bit you know where it's like I

personally think you I would either not say anything because it seems like things are fine or you could be like hey just so you know I'm happy to continue going 50-50 but I'd let you know if you I'd let you know I can pick up some more stuff you know whatever you want to do I don't know I'm like especially if you've been been in this relationship for three years you know it's your past to like honeymoon hiding shit face from each other honestly you can you can you can you know hopefully right so it's like you got maybe you still haven't gotten there Nathan you're still you still were Nathan you still Had a bunch of shit

She is not allowed to listen to this podcast Silver I have a Disney plus subscription Hello Simpson 50% though could be she could be like managing a Petco and he could be like picking up shifts bar backing Right like it might not be a million dollars versus five hundred dollars Probably 60 versus 30 right you know so like that that difference is huge in that moment But that money goes a lot further for him than it does for you So if you love him, I think you kind of got to just let it

I think you let it lie until maybe the next phase of Seriousness and your relationship. Well, that's the answer bro You say if you love him and you want to move in then you get to have the Frank conversation about who's paying Yeah, and how and you know bring it up with nuance and tact would be like cuz you know in the past I've been I fucking paid for our trip to Cabo. Yeah. Yeah. so like yeah, why don't you pick up internet and electricity? Yeah, you know like that kind of thing. Yeah, I think right now where you're at going 5050 is already pretty like Egalitarian sure it's pretty much like it's pretty modern of you You know what I mean? So like I think if when if and when you know

There's a next step in the seriousness, and you have actual you're budgeting more than just meals Then you can maybe be like maybe I can chip in a little more or like it's just or it just kind of Fluctuates according to how much you guys are making right? That's I don't know when your grocery shopping for one home That's a great time to have the conversation It's all these little things that he probably doesn't think about because he's so just lost in the fucking beauty of your eyes. Yeah He's not like, you know, he's probably just like blissfully unaware totally, you know one I was gonna say if or because they still have their own places He's doing okay. So it's not like he's right struggling, right?

And so she probably doesn't have to worry about it. She said they're not big spenders It's not like, you know, they're racking up crazy amounts of shit 500 bucks like ratchet Marty grow Get her. Yeah, I think I think he would probably or I was gonna say if you said something earlier like if she Suggested something like a big either a trip or something that cost much money She could see how he reacts to that right if he's like can't afford it right I took a bath on fucking aetherium Come on man, shut the fuck up about that Yeah, fuck you dude

No Certain things we don't. There's a sanctity. Yeah, in the room. We don't joke about the Ravens. We can talk about Zuckstein, the guy who's being cucked. But we can't talk about fucking Lamar coming up short. We can't talk about Todd Munkins weird game plan. Why didn't we run the ball? Anyway, but yeah, I don't know. I feel like this is pretty you know I'll be able to shoot you guys

I feel like even when you were dating you were pretty once you got kind of serious you guys were in like a 50-50 zone Yeah, right we made we made like pretty similar money But I mean yeah if he's not if he doesn't seem like you know super hard-pressed for money and He's just fine and comfortable with it. You know they are three years in but it's just like I don't know part of courtship I agree if it was me and like I was dating a girl who would make more It'd make me feel pretty bad if she was like hey want me to get this dinner like every time we got dinner Right right right. I don't know I gotta I gotta like yeah realistically she can bump it up to 60 40

Oh, yeah, but you don't want to be like you you know what I mean, you can't do any more than 50-50 is fine, you know, whatever. Wait till the next round of seriousness. If it comes down to like rent and stuff, then it's like, okay, well let's think about like our finances a little. Yeah, you can chip in a little more. Does like an even rent split make sense? Should I chip in a little more? Yeah, even rent split, maybe you get a couple more bills, whatever, we got it. She's got it. Good luck Congratulations, that's the kind of partner you want to be with is a woman who's willing to have those kind of conversations Yeah for sure. Yeah, she's thinking about it when I first got with my wife just doing stand-up She was in school and I would spend every dollar I had on making her feel, you know, like a little princess

Yeah, yeah, and she liked that about me, right? But then there was also the Fridays where I was like hey we have to eat beans money at Casa Bonita right yeah I was thinking after three years I don't know my wife and I pretty quickly shared everything like money I moved in yeah and like no go you were splitting a twin bed with Sam I was trying to steal him socks. Yeah, he was like no. I don't want him. I'm not a sock guy But no, I maybe that's something where it's like you don't keep the separate bank accounts I know three years, you know, you that's a little early Depends on you know how hard they felt each other, you know, she's not getting hosed shit hosed out of her dungarees Yeah, she's not you know, I mean like other you know she's not getting hosed shit hosed out of her dungarees Yeah, she's not you know I mean like you needed that

Woman to look after you I think most people most people want a little more space you know You know that's just my guess All right, see what else we got LD Hey stars eldest and guest Conveyed because I'm the national what to do about this woman i've been talking to we've been talking on a larger pair of calling you know what he is a text about meeting up

we met up one time the big good measure what to do about this woman i've been talking to we've been talking on offer like years at this point. She's been super avoidant about meeting up. For years. We met up one time. Total babe, not a catfish, etc. And you know everything flowed pretty nicely but we're both pretty shy people so it was just dinner and then we parted ways. It was back in July.

And we'd still been talking, video chatting, sending some pics back and forth. And it's been good, but she's just super avoidant about meeting again. And we're both into each other. You're into her. She's a smoke show. And you know, we're both into each other. You're into her. She's a smoke show.

Ten out of ten. Pretty thin. Big cans. Nice. Me? I'm fat as shit. But the thing is, she's into that. She's into that.

She's dated some guys that are pretty big. But you know, not as big as I am, but she tells me that she's very very into this very into me Oh, man, pause this The fact she's telling me that is like come on. You'd really fuck a guy like me, and she's like yeah I'm into I like fat guys like the fact she had to tell him is not a good sign no no no Protest too much, but keep going keep going. I am this going, keep going. I'm still out of sorts with this call. What I need to know is what can I do? Like, how do I reel it in? I want to, you know, I don't know about wife, but like, want to see her in.

Fat slobs. How can I get my dick sucked I've been putting I've been putting up with on-again off-again video chatting for three years Now I don't know if I'm ready to commit How do I get a little pussy pie? So that this wasn't a waste of my fucking time. I Love it, man. I mean salute. I'm with I mean mean I'm I'm talking I'm yelling at him because I hear myself yeah that's really what it is you know I'm mad at myself yeah but not to finish finish finish the call 511 about 400 pounds Respect Fat as shit

But she's into that Love that Or so she claims Stop I need your help man I know you've pulled some excellent women We do have a nice group of What can I do Well here Please help me

3 fat men that have fucked hot women Yeah The producers chairs a little spotty on his resume Maybe a little more of the getting blown outdoors a Little more that style a lady in the wind No, I'll just I'll just has a bed at some beautiful women, but there's been a couple other ones in the process There's a tough first year He was just trying to get his footing in New York City, man.

Your rogues gallery. There's a couple penguins, some play faces. Oh yeah. Heavy on the penguins. Let's just say if you were facing eldest's roster the first year, he was in Brooklyn, if you had to go against them. They'd be a pretty formidable defensive line Lot of run stuffers a lot of Vince Will Forks in the mix anyway okay this go ahead I just I wondered how big he was yeah yeah and so you later that for him that's fucking fat I mean I'm a bad as shit yeah we haven't sniffed 400 yeah

yeah maybe she found her like fat threshold. She's like I like guys in the 250 What is this guy away? Yeah, 250. What are we doing? Timothy Chalamet? The guys getting a hot tub and measure the amount of water that came Okay, so there's a lot of Weird shit going on here They've been on again. They've been talking for a while on again off again. He says right right they met up one time He said for years at this point. Yeah, they're video chatting there whatever And let's say she's into fat guys,

whatever. God bless her. And respect, absolutely. I mean, she is, huh? Maybe I ought to talk to her for you. Maybe you send me your info, maybe I can put in a good word for you, chief. Video chat, one on one. Yeah. You and her, and then you report private server. Yeah, it'll be like Mad Men where after therapy they called the husbands to tell them

how the, what the wives said. But it'll be me just kind of warming her pussy up for you. Prime in the pump. Yeah, let's work our way up to 400. Let's get her a nice 320. Okay, so. I think I know what it is man go ahead what do you think that he is constantly available to her whenever she texts he answers right away whenever she calls he's right there for her she's probably

out living this big wildlife getting it in but then she's slammed by defensive tackle oh yeah for sure tackle uh-huh I think that when she needs to be to feel pretty or Like she matters she calls him up right there. Yeah, and for you you keep saying like we're both into each other We don't from where I'm standing. I don't know that about her No, I know that you are right and I also there's a hint of and look we've all this this whole panel Has been where you are about being a little insecure By being too fat for the hot girl Tale as old as time. We've you know, I we've gotten through it

We've persevered but it's affected all of our lives in the past And so I really think I think Sam we've got similar reads on the situation I don't know how available you are buddy But like I think you need to kind of set a very clear line in the sand here and be like you need to ask Her out you need to be like let's meet up Then you know I'd love to take you out again. I had a great This is fun video chatting is fun But I'm looking I'd like to take you out on a couple more dates and see if there's something real

You know in person here, and if she says no you have to accept that yeah And you cannot go back and you have and look there's a chance if you stay in your ground she comes back, right? There's a chance. She you showing a little backbone Finally works for you, and that's happened to me a couple times Yep, a couple times were girl were a girl was like oh, I don't know Maybe we should just be friends, and was just like, we're not gonna, I don't want to be friends. Like I want something else. If you don't want that, no problem. And I meant it. And I really did and it was tough, but you know, it's tough for like a week or whatever, but it's like

I ended up dating one of those girls and I ended up, you know, that happened a couple times. And listen, a couple more times it did not go my way and that hurts, right? But you gotta fuck you got it. You win some you lose some brother That's the that's fat guy fucking a hot girl roulette if you're bad in 40% That's nice. You're Ted Williams, bro. You're in the Hall of Fame So but you have to be prepared to let this go you You have kind of desperately kept contact just enough, because I think you're right. The more we're talking it through, the more I think you're right, dude. It's not that he's available,

but it's like she won't meet up with him, but he's like, okay, how about we FaceTime? You know what I mean? Like he's kind of keeping it alive, and you can't do that to you have to see what you actually have here and see if she really is into you And I think you're scared as many fat guys talking to hot women are of losing her completely But I got bad news you don't got her right now what you have now is more torturous Yeah, then a firm no and moving forward you can't reel her in because she's not on the hook Yeah, you're standing by the pond Totally, but that's all you got sometimes her tail flaps out of the pond. You see it for a second Yeah, and then she goes back into the fucking water sometimes when you facetime her by the pond one of her boobs slips out of her

tank top Yeah, keeps you from family annihilation and you keep thinking about putting your cock in her fish pussy or whatever, you know We're sort of losing the metaphor Your Sebastian Ariel your fuck So yeah, dude, but you just have to ask her out firm whatever and be firm about it to be like hey What are we doing here? I'd love to take you out in person We probably can't really keep doing this kind of on again off again thing I want to see if there's something here right help that you ate the tablecloth when

you guys want to stop doing that yeah it's share broken hair I'm curious if they're in the same city and cuz they if she's not meeting up and they're in the same city no you're right there's not we can give her she's not meeting up and they're in the same city, then there's not, she's not looking for much. That's a great point. I sort of assume they're maybe in the same metro area and it might be a little annoying to meet up. That's my assumption. She's in Denton, he's in Dallas type of thing.

Right, right, right. But if you're in the same city, you're FaceTiming and you're not meeting up, that's already a sign. So you just have to get your nuts as fat as your gut and fucking plump them up and just fucking actually stand up for yourself, brother. You've got nothing to lose, bro. You're a stranger in a strange land. Leave it all on the field, dude. Yes, leave it all on the field. And we believe in you.

And if it's not her, there'll be another one my brother We're rooting for you. Do you already five eleven four hundred not five four four? Yeah, there's not the letter the literally the penguin from yeah from the second bad man get around town by rolling He's not a little critter he's not a critter All right, good luck, brother. Honestly, update us. Hey, it's Sabi and Eldis and Guest. I am a Baltimore County sellout like Eldis and actually also a Carver Center alumni. They're all Guests. of harbor center alumni all yes um and i'm just calling because i need some

advice on getting over a hot sexy big fat greek man like yourself stuff not gonna happen sweetheart you're ruined for life kind of a fuck the story water has been poisoned but you know that we're all fucked and i think everyone calling the podcast probably has something going on but I was best friends with this girl and she was dating this guy big hot greek man and They approached me for a free from and then the started getting really serious and

The guy and me ended up having sex before we even had a free from. Is he your friend's boyfriend? I got feelings for the guy and they ended up breaking up and it's just like a big shit show but basically I am not over this man and he's horrible. I mean he manipulated me, he manipulated her, and clearly he's lying here. And I also feel pretty bad because the girl fucking hates me. She called me a cunt and like, wants nothing to do with me. This guy's the victim. Pause. These American whores are parading their pussies around this guy. And it's his fault he fucked them both? What do you want man? You put fucking meat in front of a tiger it's gonna fucking chomp

at you. Yeah he's gonna shoot you the cage. You can't wag your stinky pussy around a big fat Greek guy and not expect him to fuck, yeah, not expect him to fucking suck on your clit like it's a doh ma Alright, sorry So go back a little bit. Let's give her let's give her a little Clearly he's lying here And I also feel pretty bad because the girl fucking hates me. She called me a client and like What's nothing to do with me fair? Yeah, I don't know. I just kind of felt like he was perfect for me and he treated me like shit though like he mashed my best friend on tinder right after him and his girlfriend broke

up so like i don't know i just need you to promise man for me or like help me with some advice on how to get over that cuz it's been bad Okay, love you guys, and I hope that this gets answered All right. I I mean how low is your self-esteem baby girl like this guy's a piece I mean, you know it though. That's the thing is she's told us everything and she's she's been pretty clear about what happened Yeah, this guy clearly I mean sex. Let's just say for a second finesse Lord It's like it is like a little bit of like yes, he's the villain in her story But in he's in his story, He's like the hero that saves the village You know in that village. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There is a little bit of that where it's like, you know

Anyway, but like he definitely you're right. He manipulated both of you the like approach you for a threesome Also, I'm kind of it's kind of crazy. He didn't just have the threesome Yeah, he that's my his biggest tactical error Yeah, it was not just having the threesome and then of course it was gonna fall apart from there But he clearly talked his girl at the time into that she didn't want to do it But then you did fuck like let's also be honest you did fuck you fucked him Not in a three-way outside the rules outside the rules and it was a friend of yours right like maybe not no No, I think that's a different best friend

There's just a friend and then he matched with her other friend on tinder work colleague um what do you say friends yeah best friends with this girl okay so a different best i mean sounds like she's a little fast and loose with the term best friend if there's two best friends just in this story that one that this fat guy's trying to fuck but But anyway, whatever. Like you obviously have some some you know, you were at fault partially here, the friend who's called you a cunt. Let's again, let's look at her perspective. Like this is basically three different movies. And like you know you like in her story you are also a villain and The idea of like getting over this guy though is like what do you mean?

It's like easy if you're having trouble getting over him you have deep rooted shit You need to take care of you need to like this is you know we're a pro therapy show here And I always think it's very it's important to go into therapy not generally but to work on specific things that you want to figure out. Whether it's family stuff, whether it's people pleasing whatever and for you it's like it is relationships. I mean you could go in with this guy and talk about what is it about a person like this who manipulated me, who turned me against against my friend who probably on some level that was part of the

Attraction you know like you probably there was there was something hot and weird and Psychosexual about it that you maybe are ashamed of but you still can't get over Because you have a pretty cogent Read on the situation she knows what she's talking aware of what's happening But yet you're still letting yourself get hurt right and if that's the case and this is like way deeper and psychological here And it's something you're gonna have to examine at length And it's not something we can tell you you know how to solve over the phone look I know he can pit an olive with his tongue

That seems like the way she describes like knowing it's fucked up makes me think of like a lot of shows movies where if the characters are meant to be together they go through some shit. So she's excusing a lot of stuff because she might think that they're supposed to be together. There's some narrative thing. Right right yeah bigger picture or you have to go through some shit and then you end up stronger together you know and that's not real no it's like not really how shit goes no that's this is the start of what would continue to be him being shitty truly this for sure so yeah she's got to wake up and realize yeah this is not cute this is not act one and then act two he comes to her in the rain

Yeah, no, he's a dickhead. No, no, no, it's a great piece of shit again Quiet they all are the man can't help himself He's a natural pussy getter But yeah, like I get truly it's three It's three different movies again where it's like the girl the friend is like a story of ultimate betrayal right for her It's like this this weird romance and for this guy This is a part of a montage of girls He's fucked and the movies about him getting jib becoming a good boxer something like it's not even thinking about these

It's about a story about a man that yeah is running a successful diner And there was like a three-minute montage of all the pussy he got Yeah, well, I'm a hill song and then he's like lifting weights for double that and then he's like finding a way to get He found a loophole in gyro meat costs that like made his family millionaires Like they're not he's not even thinking about you at all I promise you if we feel that you stop thinking about it, but it's not pork at all So yeah, you gotta go to therapy about this if I had to guess you got some fucked up family Dad stuff. I mean, this is super, you know armchair quarterback

I mean this is super, you know, armchair quarterback psychotherapy right now and it's kind of hack But it is I do find a lot of this stuff is kind of 85% of the way there But I don't know that go talk to somebody to figure out your stuff because this is clearly an issue in how you relate in your You know romantic relationships. We've all been swindled by a Greek It's not the whole thing it ain't the first time it ain't the last time yeah you're a note in a long song fat Greeks have been fucking hot women they have no business since the you know since they were taking a break from fucking other men at the Olympics

they've been fucking women I don do envy that you're an ethnic fat. That's a lot better. Thanks man. Yeah. Yeah, it is much better for sure. A little tan olive oil fat. Oh yeah. What do we got, Alex? Do you think it's time to do a nice fun one?

Or should we do a couple more? Yeah, do we have like raped at a nursing home or anything? Yeah. We have at least two more. Yeah do we have like raped at a nursing home or anything? Yeah. We have we have at least two more. There aren't two. Okay. Kind of fun not too crazy. Let's do it. Hi Stavi, uh love the pod. I am a mother of one and a half year old living here in Maine and I was one and a half year old living here in Maine and really the problem that I am having is with my in-laws. They're super super kind people.

The mother-in-law is a nurse and my father-in-law is a retired state trooper and they are the kindest people in the world. Love them to death more honestly sometimes more than my own parents. But the issue that we're having is that they are having some like serious marriage problems right now. Like it's becoming almost painstakingly like obvious like when we have family gatherings. Like my mother-in-law will make like a passive aggressive comment or my father-in-law will say something and like she'll have an issue with it and it's getting super obvious and they're Christians so they're kind of like

that old school ones that don't really believe in therapy but kind of do. Okay. Um, I have good relationships with them individually. I just don't know, like, if I should say anything to them or like how I would even begin to say something just because at this point it's starting to affect other people. Mm-hmm. Like I said, like like it's becoming super awkward Or if I just shut the hell up cuz really none of my business Anyways, uh, thanks so much

Elvis and the cast and everything appreciate it. All right Interesting. This is I mean you guys have in-laws I I kind of have to defer to you guys if you were in this position where your in-laws were having marital problems, how would you react? Like, what do you think is appropriate? Time in the shed. A lot of prep work in the kitchen. The onion dice could be smaller. This is none of your business. God bless you for thinking that it is and that you want to help.

You've got to be there for your partner in this situation talk with them, right? There's no way that you bring this up to these proud Christians who don't believe in therapy. Yeah, that's not that's not your your fucking dog to fight I Kind of agree about if there's anything you can do it's through the lens of your partner. It's like Like it's that if anything, they're the one who should, they're the person that should deal with it, and you can support your husband or wife or whatever the fuck, I don't know if she said,

and support them and like, you know, that's all you can do. But you shouldn't spearhead this. No chance you should spearhead this. That was my hunch and I feel like you guys sort of, you know, I think that's the consensus around the room with the married people. I think so. I think there is something to like, just because she's a woman, I could see like maybe not even her going to the mother and asking her, but like, you know, let's say there is just

them in a room right after a little family gathering or something, and the mom starts opening up. Sure. But even then, you know. Well, if someone opens up to her, I think it's different. They can fight in you. Then you're in the game.

Then they've put you in the game. But you don't spearhead the opening up. You don't ask her, what's going on with fucking Jim, Martha? You know what I mean? I noticed you guys were being real dickheads to Yeah, yeah now because if if you bring it up and she says what are you talking about? We've never been more in love right? What do you mean? Did he say something right? You know like they're just cold Midwesterners who don't show each other affection

And that's been their established paradigm forever, then you can only do damage. I wondered about that too until she said, I think that it's gotten worse. So maybe it's not, because I remember when I was a kid, I asked my mom, I was like, are grandma and grandpa okay? Because they would snap at each other and it was like, do they hate each other? And she was like, no, no. And I don't think they did hate each other It's just you're together for 50 years or whatever you feel you might have a little my great-grandparents legitimately did hate each other

My dad's parents really did and it was yeah fucked up going to Greece and they were like Screaming at each other and I was like what the fuck is going like as a little kid I was like what the fuck is going on? And so sometimes these old couples do get to the point where it's like, like I see where she's coming from because it's like, it could affect her kids, you know what I mean? Like no joke, it affected me. Like it was a fucked up thing to see, like how much they hated each other. And I was like, what? Like, and it kind of, so I don't, but at the same time, I do find it a little curious that she didn't mention

her husband or wife at all, right? Like, these are your in-laws, so it's like, is it possible that the caller here is picking up on it in a way that no one else is? I mean, because again, to me, it does feel like it should be the kid of these people that's dealing with this. And you need to be their backup.

But not like, you know, and so it's like, is her, is her partner like, just not this kind of person? Like, are they oblivious even? Like, so to me it's like, I would start there and then if anything happens it's because they want to deal with the situation but yeah ultimately it does feel like the kind of thing you can't read you don't want to be too pushy about but I don't know then again each my in-laws and I would never ever dare broach this time this is this is red wire blue wire I don't think that you want to step into that

Yeah, I mean sometimes it is like I agree and I guess that's that's the thing it would take an exceptional relationship with these people Yeah for you to be the person to deal with this if he spits in her face Maybe you can be like in the right home like that was kind of weird. Yeah Spit on your mom Cigarette out on her. Yeah You know the book of fellatians Hey, it's the book about sucking dick I think I mixed a couple of you. I think there's there's Galatians Galatians

I mixed a couple of you. I think there's there's Galatians Galatians But fellation sounds like the fellatio like a village that sucks each other off. There was a John Michaels film. Yeah Ephesians Galatians think yeah, but whatever fuck the Bible. Yeah, fuck it Yeah, they're not gonna they're probably not gonna get divorced and they're not gonna go to therapy So it's not on you, but she also they kind of like there's a lot of gray area here And I would just love to know what your husband or wife is thinking here They didn't come up at all in this call unless I missed it. Did she talk about it early? No, so yeah Anyway, that's our advice. Good luck out there You got something nice for us, Eldo?

Hey staffs, Eldo's guest. I think this is a pretty quick one, but I recently got an email from an ex who was like, hey, I know things ended roughly and I hope you're doing well. And this is like weird because I started dating somebody like six months ago and like the shit was really manipulative. I had a blocker like I think that's why they sent me an email as opposed to like a text or whatever. But there's a part of me that wants to be really petty and be like, yeah, I'm fucking doing well. And then there's another part of me that's like, just leave it alone.

Don't let lying dogs sleep. But I don't know if I just fire back at this chick. She doesn't live near me. I'm in Chicago. She lives in the area. So maybe she would fire me. I don't really know. But I appreciate any help. Take care, folks. I mean, this is such a no-bra-

You don't respond to this. Fuck no. You're already in no brainer. You don't respond to this. Fuck no. You're already in a better place. I don't like the football. You've been dated. It's like, and it's just like... If you send something sassy you're gonna look like a bitch. Yeah. And it's gonna be like corny as fuck.

Totally. She'll be like, oh god, why'd I even reach out to this loser? Yeah. But either way, I mean, just you don't want to open up the communication. Especially if she's like the kind of dumb bitch you had to block on everything for sure like you were taking her bait You what she wants is one way or another a response. You're doing the you are doing the best thing It's clearly eating this bitch alive if she went through her gmail to get to you Yeah, you know what I mean like she's tried. She's tried, but you're blocked you're like you have to maintain your

you know self-control here and also like What could you really say that would be satisfying? It's it is email. There's no good way to sound badass in email Just fucking you you're you're doing it, bro. You you're dating somebody else your pastor You've blocked her on everything do not take the bait. That would be fucking stupid. He could attach a picture to the email of him like thumbs up at a luau or something. At a luau? That's like the coolest thing.

Lake Michigan, you know he's in Chicago, he's at the lake. That would be a funny thing to do is just like a really long update like yeah shit's fucking awesome here's a couple places I've been. My life actually so awesome without you my blood pressure is better blood pressure is better one thing that jumped out to me is If she's blocked on everything, but she's hitting him up She had somebody look at his stuff. It's so easy You know true to have a friend true he's doing alright, right and she's in a bad place So she reaches out to try to fuck with it or whatever the doubt. Yes

Should I go back to her cuz she's cares enough to reach out whatever there's a bit of that in this Yeah, there's a bit of well if I respond maybe the door is still open. Absolutely, you know, you know what it was man It was hell. Where are you gonna walk back through the gates and burn some email from an ex? Never good. It's either the most pathetic. You're like so desperately like just one more thing. I just no subject. Ari, you know, Ari, Ari, Ari, no subject.

And now I'm done and like whatever, but like we could have been something special and I'm not saying I want that But do you want but numb not even if you wanted I almost certainly wouldn't want you know what I mean It's like if you wanted it really it's pathetic Yeah, it's either pathetic and it's like it's just you're it's like this is like inviting a vampire back in like inviting a vampire Into your home. Oh for sure the eat responding is like Now the rules are she can fuck your shit up Big huge big dickery is actually blocking her on email as well because you can't do that and that would be awesome Or and that would be petty. Yeah, if you want to something buddy, that's the most petty

I'm allowing you to go is block her on email but the best move is don't respond a I'm allowing you to go is block her on email, but the best move is don't respond a Funny move would be sending her like a really religious reply like as if you found God May God bless you and I'm so blessed these days and may your family have a bountiful You know, I'm so happy that I have found true happiness and I hope that you can join me in the kingdom of heaven one day like some weird shit That could be fun. I'll be keeping a pew warm for you. Yeah. Yeah, that could be fun and then like sending her a link to like

you know a Volunteer work that you're claiming you do and that could be funny because if she's really insane She might show up at a soup kitchen that you're just playing you know Madden. You know, obviously you're not there You know what I mean? But you could do that. But no, I say I say just let let sleeping dogs lies exactly correct. Let lying dogs sleep, as he said. Is that what you said? Yeah. I like the end of it because it does. He's like, you know, she doesn't live near me.

I'm in Chicago. She's in the area. But maybe she would find out she would drive by and see me and my new girl you know lady in the tramping spaghet he wants he wants her to know that he's doing there is a little you just he is he's also like you know he's also titillated by the thought of just being like fuck you my life's awesome right right which is not it's never ends up as cool as you think it's gonna be yeah yeah if you respond with like a video of you on a jet ski wearing a chain while shooting a gun in the air That's another cool way. Yeah, getting this one was sex that would be funny. You're getting your dicks off He's holding the middle finger up like this

Yeah, dude don't do it you fuck you little dummy. Yeah, you're doing better She'll find out that you're doing good. Yeah when you're on the news When you're on the news for getting your dick sucked at a fucking bass Pro Shop Jet-ski that they had on display hot dog eating competition All right, well is that gonna do it? Is that the one we go out on? I think so. I love it.

Well, guys, thank you. This is so fun. It was a pleasure, man. Truly, truly fun. Go guys, watch both specials. We've got Mr. 9500 right here. Let's get soups on up to 9500. Oh, hell yeah.

And the Toad's Morale, and we also, also of course Chubby Behemoth, a name I am legitimately jealous of, an incredible, incredible name. Listen to it all and yeah, leave us a nice review here on Stobbies World. Subscribe to the YouTube if you haven't, subscribe to the audio on iTunes or Spotify if you haven't and give us a nice five stars and we will see you guys next week. Bye bye.