Stavvy's World - #74 - Nathan Macintosh

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Nathan Macintosh joins the pod to discuss his new special 'Down With Tech,' the debased way people watch comedy specials now, why Stav shouldn't get props for brushing his teeth, Canadian moose, foreign millionaire celebs who want to try to make it in America, Nathan's favorite Prince Andrew interview, and much more. Nathan and Stav help callers including a guy whose wife cheated on him and says is in love with him and the other guy, and a guy in a relationship wondering if he should get on dating apps to rebuild his charisma. Murder your thirst with Liquid Death! Go to https://liquiddeath.com/stavvy to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer.  Get your mom an Aura Frame for Mother's Day! Visit https://www.auraframes.com/stavvy and use code STAVVY to get $30 off plus free shipping. Watch Nathan Macintosh's special 'Down With Tech' out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gApnofHJLoo Follow Nathan Macintosh on social media: https://www.punchup.live/nathanmacintosh http://www.nathanmacintosh.com/ https://www.facebook.com/nathanmacintoshcomedy/ https://www.youtube.com/@nathanmacintosh http://www.instagram.com/nathanmacintosh http://www.twitter.com/nathanmacintosh Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904 800 Stav. Call in will solve your problems. Very happy to have Nathan McIntosh on the couch in the studio. Thanks for coming bro. Thanks for having me man. This is great. Yeah. New special out on YouTube already.

Go look at it. Watch it. Listen to it. Don't just look at it. Listen to it. Don't press play it don't press play it's called down with tech yeah check it out check it out I want I listen to it on I watched and listened well I was on the I was driving here today Nathan so was that's that's the level of preparation you get from the show is that I'll be

like oh fuck who's on the podcast today Let me do a little I mean I know them, but I should prepare someone's right easy pass I literally this I was the most reckless I've ever been on a drive today because I was because I'm we were talking a little bit off. I'm coming from Baltimore listeners will know I'm in the middle of my my little health sabbatical. And so I'm like, I'm like, damn, I need healthy food in my house. I can't. This is always what gets better about you. But you're a little unhealthy on the road for sure. But then what always gets me worse is the travel day back

because you still have road mentality, but you have access to everything you know at home. So it's like, the order I put in when I get coming from LaGuardia to my house is so much more fucked up than what I eat on the road. And so this, I'm just like, I was trying to be like, I literally packed food, I meal prepped and froze a batch of food, put it in a cooler so that I have food tomorrow.

But I'm like, fuck, I need like some Greek yogurt. And so I'm literally driving, listening to your special. It's on a little picture. I'm on Uber Eats ordering groceries. I'm on speakerphone with Elvis telling him, hey man, hey man some guys gonna be dropping off groceries in and out I was doing maybe five things you're not supposed to you're banging off the animals all over the place literally I feel that a hard-boiled egg and I had a salt sh points where I'm like, all right. I go back on it. I had truly the most fucked up drive I've ever had

in my life coming up here hours ago. Well, I appreciate you adding me to one of those things. I'm not kidding. I could have been cut for the egg and the fucking Greek yogurt or the phone call. No, man. But it's funny, that's just how people, it's so crazy because you make a thing, even this, right?

You do a thing, you do a thing. And then how people watch it, driving while egg eating or violently, I always think that people are watching things violently shitting. For sure. Do you know what I mean? I watch a lot of content shitting. That's such a good point that it's making me thirsty.

Thirsty for liquid death water delicious go to liquid death comm slash Stavi to check out all their healthy infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer Nathan that's liquid death comm slash Stavi liquid death comm slash stavv y and now that my now that I'm not thirsty anymore. I feel like reminiscing for a second before I Continue the podcast and that's with aura frames folks right now aura frames has a great deal for Mother's Day listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com slash Stavi to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best selling frame.

That's AuraFrames.com slash Stavi. Use code STAVIACHECKOUT to save Terms and Conditions apply. What were we talking about Nathan? Without question. And also people don't watch anything. Somebody messaged me last night. They go, hey I'm watching your special. Today they message. They go, just finished it.

Buddy it's 55 minutes. But you gotta take a break. Go to the fridge. Beat off. Talk to your wife. Watch a whole other fucking docuseries. And then come back. I know. It's like when people watch because I put out my special on YouTube my first special on YouTube But it was like when I when people would share

Them watching it on a TV. I almost wanted to be like thank you so much I was one to mail them like a little postcard like thank you for treating this the way I wish you would and and and you know and look unless you're planning on wish you would and and and you know and look unless you're planning on having Nathan on your podcast and are short on time do not watch it on your phone while driving I'm absolved but you watch it on a TV or a big laptop at least do the man the fever of 16 inches yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah 16 inch laptop or higher all right can you do that for us folks? But yeah dude, so I'm just, I'm a little,

I'm a little all over the place just from having to eat vegetables while podcasting perspective. What have you, so were you never a vegetables guy or you've just upped the vegetables? I have never in my life been a vegetables guy and it's like when you, when your mom is so overworked And it's like you have three You're poor you have three annoying

Sons who eat we eat so much just not vegetables And it's like I think we just wore her down and there was a couple things She did a great job all things considered my dad was not a big help. Yeah, he was around But it was more like a fourth son you know she when you guys are done you know leave with left it was literally a if you have a lot of the first one ever left all fucking we never actually never made vegetables and brushing our teeth

was not a big point of emphasis in our household and so i've been i'd i've to unbelievably important thing. So important, I literally started brushing, Liesly important. A girlfriend is the reason I brush my teeth. I used my, a girl I was dating had like an electric toothbrush.

Cause the other thing is, didn't learn how to basically brush my teeth. So I would brush with the fucking regular bullshit thing. And my teeth didn't feel any different. It felt like bullshit. Then a a girl was dating. Well after so long of not brushing. It's just meat that you're brushing over It was like a yeah of prosciutto fat Toothbrush needed four brushings but a girl I was dating

she had like an extra head to the and I used that and I was like first of all, bleeding first time I used electric toothbrush, same deal, yeah but I was like, oh this is definitely doing something and so literally I think I was 29 or 30 when I

started brushing my teeth. And hey, I brush every day now. And it's sick because I am- Once a day. Once a day. While driving, eating an egg, watching a special. You got nine hands. I'm Vishnu out this motherfucker.

So, and it is hilarious because I'm Vishnu out this motherfucker. So it is hilarious because I'm so proud of the fact that I brushed my teeth and no one ever gives me any props on it. Everyone's like, stop bringing it up. You're pathetic. Don't say that. But I just want one person to be like, hey, you know what, man?

Given the circumstances of your life and the kind of guy you are Putting a healthy habit in your life at 30 good for you, buddy It's not the most impressive thing I've ever heard but hey good for you, man There is a guy out there who's gonna congratulate you, but he lives in a shed He sleeps under a John Deere. Great job, dude. Dude, that's awesome. I'm in the same way in a little bit. My dad wasn't around at all.

And we didn't have any money. So it's me and my mom, my brother. I didn't have vegetables for a long, long time. And me and my brother, same deal, wore this lady down. I remember one time, I remember she came home with groceries, right? She's fucked. There's no dad, she's fucked. The last bit of money went to this.

My brother took the fucking carton of milk right out of the bag, she's putting shit away. He opens it, just starts sucking on it. It's two little tiny hands and she just looks at him, she goes, really, that's how you wanna do it? Ripped it out of his hand, started dumping it down the sink and me and my brother are both like, this lady's fucking crazy.

But then you grow up and you spend any money and you're like, no, we just bought it. That's how you want to do it ripped it out of his hands start dumping it down the sink and me and my brother both Like this lady's fucking crazy But then you grow up and you spend any money like no we just broke a woman How old is your brother when he's just chugging it he would have been like Seven oh, that's so annoying Yeah, yeah, yeah It is is like old enough to have the functions of a human body But the brain of a baby still that's the word That's the most annoying thing that even hit the fridge right out of the bag But both hey like if you pour a glass of it, that's a different thing

But you're too tiny little kid good looking a whole thing and his mouth on it. My mom's just like I'm fucking done I'll show you Now it's on now. Now no one gets milk. That'll show you. Now it's all, now it's just, now no one gets milk. That's what the point was, yes. Which is insane, but still. It's insane. Yeah. But it's also, again, you grow up and you go,

no, but I can see, what I guess I can say is I can understand how we got there. Absolutely, absolutely. But as a kid you just go, this lady's a fucking crazy person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How, what's the age difference between you and your brother? Two and a half years.

Two and a half years. Okay, yeah, me and my brothers were two years too. Yeah, pretty much the same Interest so no dad that split immediately might this is insane, but he split came back Oh, man, got her pregnant again He's like babe it's gonna be different this time. Yeah, oh my god care of one Yeah, I got it in me for one left I went on a meditation retreat to prepare myself to raise I was in the mountains one one While I know it's gone, so you're older. Yeah. Yeah, so it's crazy. So you're older?

So he left as soon as you're born and comes back? I don't know if it was right when I was born or like in that time. Okay, sure. And then came back and then me and my brother have the same dad but no dad. We have the same no dad. I mean it's insane. That is truly insane. I'm sure on his way out of the door he took the milk. My dad just started drinking and I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

His family's not going to drink out of the carton forever no carton drinking that's fucking insane no no stepdad nothing like that no my mom dated a couple dudes but nobody that was like no one stuck around who was the longest tenured was there anyone?

yeah one guy who like really sucked he sucked he fucking sucked how old were you when he was around? Like, I was like 10 to 13. And he'd say shit like, I'd just be sitting on the couch and he's like, you really think you're the man, huh? Oh my God.

And I'm like, any of you guys think you're the man around here? I go, not really, dude. I'm trying to watch fucking curling or whatever the fuck is on TV. Curling! What's in your world? What?

What's curling on? Yeah, you know, it's Nova Scotia. Give me a little match blue and let me watch some fucking rock throwing. I don't know what the fuck's on TV over there, man. Nothing, dude, trees. Cananian TV. Trailer Park Boys reruns and curling. It's Trailer Park Boys, which is exactly where I'm from, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Oh, hell yeah. We got Leslie Nielsen on a loop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a camera. A live feed. Live feed the woods. That sounds, honestly dude, you say that, that would be a hugely successful YouTube channel. Is a live feed of the woods. I just, stop. We just have to do it. Yeah Yeah, when you think about it, what's your mom up to? Tell her to fucking point her Android phone at the YouTube Just her in the back like I can't believe you drink out of the fucking cart just hear my mom eating cigarettes behind the camera But yeah, if there's a fireplace channel, why the hell there can easily be a god a forest I would love there's not there's actually gotta Be a forest channel. There's no fucking way. They're already is yeah for sure we were we're late on this what forest Oh, this one do a little producing are you doing it?

For fuck's sake you want to do something Feed for us figure it out motherfucker I feed for is figure it out motherfucker That's fucked. So you oh so that I didn't realize the trailer park boys was Nova Scotia Yeah, yeah, they filmed that in Sackville and yeah, you might feel intense pride about that You know, it's funny at the time. Well, first of all, I saw bubbles a few like a bunch of times in the city He had a he had a club in Halifax called Bubbles Mansion Yeah, great name that had shopping carts on the ceiling like strapped. That's awesome Is this the what well first of all these are horrifying wood? Yeah?

Death yeah, that's you know maybe something some greenery man for fuck's that's a fucking the ring. Yeah There you go. That's nice. Yeah a couple of okay, so it really exists. Oh wait. That's what we were looking at Whatever. I don't fucking care. Oh, that's nice. That is nice. Put that on the house with that eldest Yeah, let that run for a little bit. That's yeah greenery toss everyone on your egg. Yeah, go to birder King They're live streaming right now. That's really that's actually great. Yeah, that's you ten years old Watching a fucking a bird Some guy still yep freshly just nutted in your mom comes out Yeah, he's got those old boxes where there's no clasp you can kind of see is the loose

so stiff and weird They're like fucking yeah like plaid comes out of the room takes a sip of beer burps Think of the man around here Goes right to the fridge. He just takes a handful of something bites it puts it back That's that guy that guy that guy kind of sucked. Yeah that makes sense. You can turn this off. I'm gonna watch the birds. It is hard not to look at a bird eating a peanut. This is awesome. Yeah this is fucking sick. It really is. Yeah this is actually very meditative. I'm going to watch this all the time, so yeah, vegetables were not a deal

when I was a kid really. But over the last couple years, it took me a while, but I mean, I like a vegetable. How you feeling about them is really what I was trying to get to here. I don't know. I mean, I'm just eating in a way, I figured out a couple things that I can get behind.

I eat a cabbage salad every day, like a red cabbage. I slice it up thin, I make a nice little dressing out of salsa and Greek yogurt. I get, I can put broccoli with just a little bit of teriyaki sauce on there. You know, just enough. I gotta get, I measure it out. It's one serving. It's 45 calories worth. But I need, I'm not going raw on broccoli. There's no way I'm doing that. So I'm just trying to like, and you know some spinach. I have a couple Those are the three veggies. I'm eating right now, and then I'll grill up an asparagus from time to time

I'll grill up a shishito pepper from time to time and so I'm just trying to like you know you ever baked kale You make it kind of like crispy. Yeah, lemon on it. Yeah, a little salt. It's not bad It's not bad. It's a fucking fiesta. The problem with that is I've done in the past that I just turn it into... There's so much oil on it by the time where it's like...anything you're chipping anything you're turning into chips

big problem. Yeah, I'm not trying to chip it. I just mean I heat it a little bit with a little lemon but anything you chip is hell. I can't do kale man. It fucking tastes like shit. It's fucking rough. It's coarse. I don't want that shit at all.

That's the only thing. If you bake it or something, but I get you. Cauliflower, they started doing cauliflower wings, which seems like it's going to be a good thing. But then it's just deep fried fucking. I can fuck around with cauliflower a little bit as well. Because you can crisp it up and then again if you you got to be very It's it what it what is with veggies for me is like very smart sauce usage

You know what I mean? Just like get a little buffalo sauce Isn't bad on some cauliflower, but you got to air fry it not deep fry Yeah, yeah, you got to crisp it up And it's basically just got it you got to barely taste the veggie in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you gotta crisp it up, and it's basically just gotta, you gotta barely taste the veggie in it. And then you just kinda smather it in some fuckin' buffalo sauce. Sweet potatoes, great for that too.

Air fry sweet potatoes, fuckin' wild. I like that. And you know what else, folks? This is Stav's Nutrition Corner. Potatoes, not that bad for you. They're really not regular ass white potatoes. A russet. I think they get a bad rap.

They're not that fuckin' bad for you. You just can they get a bad rap. They're not that fucking bad for you You just can't eat a whole thing you can't deep-fry them and that's what we do and that's what we do Yeah, it's what we do around this fucking fucked up place. You guys ever hear the potato diet No, eldest What's the potato apparently you can eat like For two weeks like 14 days you eat three potatoes a day like one for each meal okay and that's supposed to like basically reset your taste buds mmm and you do you do lose weight on it but the but the point is just to like you know cleanse your body of like being used to

how salty everything we eat is so you're telling me I'm supposed to eat three potatoes a day with no salt Irish family family. Theoretically, yeah. Yeah, that's ridiculous. I'm not doing that shit. I've read about some people doing it with like a tiny bit of salt just to get it down, but... No. Fuck that. One potato for three meals. One potato each meal. Yep. Potato for breakfast.

Yep. Wow. That's hell. I've never tried it, but people swear by it apparently. Okay. So that's an interesting thing. Who are these people? Yes. Just Reddit threads. I was literally about to ask you if it's people you know or the fucking fucking looked up on reddit

but they see one potato you thought about have you ever thought about the potato diet elders not really you can do it with other ways just by using less salt mainly well thanks man that was a really cool little interjection This thing you read about once on the internet that you have no personal Potatoes can be healthy Potatoes anything else to a potato is the real problem. Anyway, but yeah, that was awesome, I'll just thank you very much. That was great, dude. I loved it.

Yeah, but yeah, so you've, so it sounds like you grew up in a real real Canadian trash Which we don't know much about other than trailer park boys everyone in America, I feel like has this idea that Canada is just like Everything is a little better. Everything is a little yuppier Mm-hmm, and then you go to Canada and like, you know, obviously parts are like I think everyone's thinking of like You know obviously parts are like I think everyone's thinking of like Toronto yuppies yes, I think of Canada whereas like man Is there a bunch of fucking dog shit in Canada of course and this is also what people think of a lot of times When I think of white men all guys who work at Citibank right right true

But yeah, no we we, I mean... And Nova Scotia, is that shit all like fucking, again, this is all purely, most of it is salmon, most of it is cannon. My dad's a salmon, my mom's a salmon. Most of it is like, you know, catching salmon and smoking it.

Is that the industry in Nova Scotia? Yeah, it's a lot of, what do you call that, sifting for gold down the beach. Down in the fucking river. Is that the industry in Nova Scotia? Yeah, it's a lot of what do you call that? Sifting for gold down the fucking river. No, I mean, Halifax is a regular city, but I mean it's basically like Canada's Boston. That's what Halifax is like. We've got cobblestone streets, people have accents,

people are eating cigarettes, there's seagulls all over the place. Am I thinking of Newfoundland? Yeah, Newfoundland's out there. Newfoundland's like way farther east. I think that's what I'm thinking of. And Newfoundland is fucking, you ever been? No, a girl on the internet showed me her breasts since she lived there, so I looked it up on a map once.

And I was like, how far is this? Hilarious, it's two flights at least. No joke, there's no direct flights. You are not getting a direct flight from New York to St. John's. You're literally going to tell this lady, it's going to be nine hours before I can suck those. Well, it's not happening. It was a while ago. Although, now they were nice tits and maybe I do, you know. Newfoundland is one of the best places. If you ever get to go to Newfoundland, Newfoundland is truly...

So the Maritimes of Canada, which is where I'm from, New Brunswick, PEI, Nova Scotia, Cape Breton, the best. Newfoundland also the best. East Coast Canada, to me, best part of the place. If you ever go to Newfoundland, dude, this place, Newfoundland kicks ass. I went there, I've been there a few times, but I went there the first time when I was 16.

A friend of mine's family lived out there, he's like, do you wanna come? Anyways, he started hooking up with this lady in town, and her sister came up to me and she was 16, a friend of mine's family lived out there. He's like, do you wanna come? Anyways, he started hooking up with this lady in town and her sister came up to me and she was like, they call it grassin'. That's like, do you wanna go grassin', which is basically like make out and fuck in the grass. No, wow, really?

I was 16, but anyways, I didn't want anything. I didn't want anything. You didn't want grass. I didn't want a grass. Yeah, that's a shame. I was finishing my potato. Yeah. And I said, so I said to this lady, I didn't want grass. Yeah. No. That's a shame. I was finishing my potato. Yeah.

And I said, so I said to this lady, I go, no, no. And she goes, what'd you come to Newfoundland for? He didn't come to Newfoundland for the pussy? Yes, he was really offended because the Maritimes at Newfoundland specifically, women are, I don't want to say they're men, but they'll come up to you. When I used to go to bars and shit in Halifax, women will come up, grab your dick, talk to you.

Really? Yeah, they're just like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What's going on? That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. So, the book, I'll just book me a ticket. After all, I am going to Newfoundland with this girl or not, I'll be there. Interesting. So, she was like, you're a fucking bitch.

You're not trying to fuck. Yeah, she's like, you don't wanna suck my clit on moss. You're 16, how old is she, do you think? I'd say no older than 18. I think, I don't know. You don't have to protect her. You're right, this was years ago. She looked like she coulda been 18,

or like, well, okay, let's say this. She coulda been 24, or a hard living 18. You know what I mean? Like she fell down a mineshaft. Absolutely, absolutely. Uh, well, okay, let's say this. She could have been 24 or a hard live in 18. You know what I mean? Like she fell down a mine shaft. Absolutely. Absolutely. Both of her parents are cigarettes. Of course.

She's, you know, putting in a couple. She came right off a shift at the salmon tannery, you know, she's been, she put in a double. This is also a small town in Newfoundland, so it's like, it's not easy living. I mean, it's a type of place. They get enough snow where they have to have a hatch on the roof because the whole fucking place will be buried Wow You gotta go up you can't go out Yeah, so she had like you know those those hands sure I hand that like you don't even want on your dick a meaty paw Makes your dick look so small like a claw like a you know it's like rough

Right off absolutely absolutely I have thinking about it, what was I thinking? What's the problem? That is insane. Had you had you had tasted of pussy before? Yeah. You had and you still, I guess maybe that's part of it. You're like, look, I fucked before lady. You lady, I got a line.

Okay. She wasn't that hot? No, no, no. I don't know why, it's so funny. You're like, you don't have to protect this lady. Yeah. You're right. She'll never hear this. That's not true.

Oh really? I have no idea, I have no idea. I'm telling you now, she won't. So no, I'll say this, no. She wasn't hot. No, the woman that my friend was hooking up with was fucking hot. Right.

She was a party. You don't get to, but you understand because she's friends with her, doesn't she? I know. Yeah. I absolutely know. And I had, there was nothing, I mean, I'm basically I basically am the same person I suppose except probably a little bit more confident but pale fucking. Also at this part of, I've never seen this before.

When I went to Newfoundland, this little town in Newfoundland, these people had never seen a red haired person before. Get the fuck out of here. Which is fucking wild to me. Wild. I went into a Walmart and people were just staring at me and I said to my friend, I go, what the fuck? That's crazy. I know. I would have thought they and people were just staring at me and I said to my friend, I go, what the fuck? That's crazy. I know. I would have thought they're all like, they would have seen a bunch.

There's a lot of, yes. But this small little town, this woman literally said to me, she goes, I didn't know red-haired people were real. That's crazy. She goes, I thought it was just like a TV thing. She thought they were just making us for fucking like family ties or whatever.

This is like what, the early 2000s? What are we dealing with time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2000, 2001. That's too late for any place in Canada to be like, are redheads real? That's so fucked up. Are they real? Yeah. First, as soon as the internet hits that place, they go to fucking Ask Jeeves. Yeah. Are redheads real? Wait four days for a response. But yeah, it was very weird. It was weird. But if you ever get to go to Newfoundland either way go to Newfoundland.

Yeah. I like, I do like, I mean I've only, I've been to Toronto, I've been to Vancouver. I guess we did, we did come down shows in, oh this was horrible. We went to like Ottawa which sucked so much dick. We went to- The show or so much dick We went to the show or the city both the city's kind of cities dog shit We went to that's where our Parliament is that's where Trudeau hangs out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Calgary also kind of sucked But we were barely there. Vancouver's amazing Vancouver's you never went to Montreal. Oh, yeah, Montreal. Yeah, Montreal's amazing I'm sure was awesome. Awesome. I like Awesome. I like Canada because it feels like America cut by like 25% with Europe and then Montreal really does feel 50-50. It really feels like half European and I just like that vibe. But I've never been, I do

want to like you know, it does sound fun just to go see some nature shit that we're talking about, some woods type shit. Not you know, see some woodpeckers and shit, I don't know. Well me, I guess yeah, me and my grandfather used to go fishing in New Brunswick and we'd go like out in the middle of fucking nowhere and we got a moose ran at us one time. Whoa, those fuckers are huge too, right? Huge, yeah. A moose is like taller than like a SUV. Yeah, if you have an H3, yeah. A moose is taller than a SUV. Yeah, if you have an H3, yeah, it's definitely bigger.

You'd rather get, you're gonna fit an American person and it just makes it sound like Yeah, most Canadian of course a moose ran over me and my me and my grandfather It was so mean him or fishing were fucking out in the middle of nowhere And he goes there's a moose looking at us and he's like he goes it's it's mating season So this moose is gonna be pissed that we're in its territory. Whatever. This is pussy getting done. Yeah He's looking at two people at a boat. They're like they're gonna. He's we're in its territory, whatever. This is pussy getting den. Yeah. You're fucking his shit up. He's looking at two people at a boat. They're like, they're gonna take my moose pussy.

These guys come up here. Or you've must up his pussy getting lake. It's all part of his thing. Just like coming through a guy's house, kicking the candles over. Exactly. Exactly. He's setting the mood with that lake. Taking the snacks out of the fridge.

Yeah, you're taking all the fish out of there dude. He was gonna. He's gonna eat that He's gonna power himself up get a nice hard moose cock But you're taking all the fucking salmon out of the lake. I'd be pissed too honestly So he's he started to fucking come at us my grandfather took the boat Motor and start banging on the water and then the moose ran the other way but for a second I really was like I was like me my grandfather gonna get killed by a moose Yeah, same wait I think I definitely always thought a moose was the size of like a deer no and they are so

Hysterically giant yeah fucked up. There's it happens a lot that people will hit a moose and because the moose is so tall They just take its legs out from under it the moose comes through the fucking windshield kills the person Oh my god, the moose is so tall, they just take its legs out from under it, the moose comes through the fucking windshield, kills the person. Oh my god. The moose dusts itself off, walks away. Isn't that crazy? It's insane. That's fucking wild. It's just like a bad day for the moose, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why Canada, you cannot, and rural Canada, do not be driving around, salting an egg, watching a special, talking to a guy. Pull over if your egg is not salty enough. This is not the fucking Jersey Turnpike we're dealing with, folks, okay? People's lives, I don't give a fuck what these moose are gonna look out for. So is rural as fuck, like where you grew up, was it? No, Halifax is a city, but...

Okay, that's my true ignorance of like... I think the word sounds rural to me. Halifax is a city but uh... Okay, that's my true ignorance of like, I think the the I think the word sounds rural to me. Halifax. Maybe the fax suffix to me sounds like it's up there. I don't know why. I think, and I only know this because of Petey Pablo, I'm pretty sure there's a Halifax in Virginia. Okay. Because at some point in time in the, you know, North Carolina, he says Halifax. By the way, when that, when I first heard that song, first of all, I liked it.

When they said Halifax, yo, they used to play it at dances, buddy. That must've gone off, dude. Yo! That must've gone off. Cause we were all like, we didn't know, I think there's a Halifax in Virginia. And we were like, how the fuck,

how do you go from talking about North Carolina to Nova Scotia? We were like, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Petey Pau doesn't strike me as a guy who's spending too much time in Halifax, Nova Scotia we were like well that doesn't make any fucking sense yeah yeah yeah yeah Petey Pablo doesn't strike me as a guy spending too much time in Halifax Nova Scotia I'd assume that Petey Pablo has no idea that it exists no probably when the internet finally took off people like me probably messed you were like yo dude did you ever go to the old triangle so I did a small sitcom in Nova Scotia, 2001, 2002, or 2002, 2003.

Anyways. It was called The U.S. Got What Was Coming to It. And there was a bunch of Canadians being like, yeah! And fucking funneling money to Al-Qaeda. There was a bunch of Canadians trying to do their own uh, recruitment videos on monkey bars and shit like that. Yeah. Fully frozen. Snow pants.

Shoes. The fucking parkas. It's so funny that Canadians went to Iraq. That like Canadians and British guys died in Iraq. That's hilarious. People joining ISIS or whatever at the time? Is that what you're talking about? No, no, I mean like fought. Like America got its allies to go there.

Like it's stupid. I thought you meant that... Because remember there was that small bit of time when people were like I'm joining ISIS. There was a run on white people joining ISIS. Yes! That's what I thought you were talking about. No, no, but I just mean it's... I'm watching Luther right now, you know the

BBC show with She turns out. Oh, you just held, but yeah, yeah, which by the way is batshit It's I thought it was gonna be like an understated detective thing, and it's Insane it's honestly black Bosch. It's honestly like it's that level of because America has all this like TV for Republican Divorced dads you know where it's like cops kill people, but they're good guys Where's in Britain? It's like the cops aren't as like it's so crazy because the whole the inciting Incident of season one is is and it this happens immediately so I'm not spoiling anything is Luther

lets a pedophile, he doesn't push him, he just doesn't help a pedophile up and he falls, and Luther is so haunted by whether he did the right thing or not, he has to go to like a fucking mental hospital. The guy survives, by the way, he's a pedophile that killed like eight kids, and like that's how different British cop shows are, whereas here it's like,

you know, the cops like, and there's the, and he was right to kill those black teenagers who were going, who were studying. Cause they looked sort of like the guy who allegedly did the thing. And it's like, now he deserves an medal of honor. But did you have to use the shotgun? We had to use the shotgun.

We had to use the shotgun. He was reaching for his, what we now know was a TI-83 calculator, but at the time could have been an assault rifle but because because British people don't have that weird like You know cops are heroes no matter what they should be allowed to extra judicially murder thing the way they make their show insane is like the villains are like Satanic and yeah fantastical and it's like it also happens really quick where he's working on a mystery for like nine

minutes and he's like wait a second it was the you know he just immediately solves it anyway not understated all great show yeah his wife in it incredible piece ass so hot I don't know what she is But anyway, that's a great show I've been enjoying. Yeah. Oh my god. My own on me. Anyway, take her off I'm gonna get too hard looking at this Elvis get a live feed of her We went to so many digressions uh, fuck, we went through so many digressions. What the fuck? All I was gonna say is-

What the fuck were we talking about? This doesn't even mean- well first of all there's like, uh, there's uh, did you, you wouldn't know this, I would assume. What the fuck? I was making a point. All I was gonna say, there wasn't even a point, I was just saying a positive note about Trailer Park Boys is that I got to, uh, Jonathan Torrance directed, uh, and was in the was that I did and he's the best. Yeah, that's it That was the whole shout out to j-rock. That was it. The guy's the best. He looks so I mean

I've seen I've seen clips of him doing pod and stuff He seems so funny and that shows the best but I feel like I was making a fucking point. Let's go back Do you know was watching bar? I'm watching you watching About I'm watching Luther Idris Elba. Why the fuck did I bring it up? cops Elvis what we're talking about man. Come on do again 11 Yeah, I'm watching Luther and one of the yes one thing you we did it fellas one of the Yes, what a thing you we did it fellas one of the

Yeah, barely merits bringing back up, but hey, that's podcasting baby We're eating up clock here folks You're going to work. You're raking the fucking leaves whatever the fuck you're doing so funny The so Luther one of the episodes is a disgruntled Iraq war veteran But he's British and I was like, oh right We conned these stupid motherfuckers into going to Iraq Imagine being some like oh, I like watching Manchester United and then that fucking fucking meathead has to go die You know in a fucking desert

for an already unjust American war. But at least some guy, some guy vaguely in that part of the world knocked down a fucking building here. They didn't do shit to you at all. So many British, the fucking British guys that died in Iraq must have felt so stupid Damn it Oi, I guess that's all shown but Australians died too. Yeah America I guess called us all up and was like look guys if we go down who's gonna entertain you?

If we go down, who's gonna entertain you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think about it. If we go down, there's no more wrestling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cops is done. Right. What are you gonna watch? We were like, fuck, what are we gonna watch? Where are the like 1% of the most talented people in your country's gonna go to try and have careers?

Yes. You know, that's the funniest thing, because every time I meet someone from Canada or Australia or something like that, it's like, you just be like, yeah, I was in a small sitcom. And it's like, we went to Australia to do a come-down's like you just been like, yeah I was in a small sitcom. It's like we went to Australia to do a come down show and it was like we're doing some show and these comics, some of them were funny, some of them were dog shit.

And then all of them are like famous in Australia. Dude everybody. And half of them are open mic level comedians. And I'm like, oh yeah that guy fucking, oh that guy just hosted the Australian Grammys to 2.6 billion viewers Australasia he's one of the most famous men in the Philippines somehow dude everybody So there's a lot of famous American comedians or comedians at least from America or living here that are famous Yeah, no famous Canadians other than like a couple in Canada. You mean in

Canada? Yeah. Like everyone just comes here. Basically. There's like Jerry D. Russell Peters doesn't live in Canada. I mean that's it. Dude. Jerry D. Never even heard of Jerry D. Jerry D. is awesome. Jerry D. had it off sitcom for fucking nine years and now he's like the guy. He hosts fucking Family Feud. He's R. Steve Harvey. Can I say, by the way, on the record? That's what I want. That's the job I want. Feud? I want to host Family Feud.

Specifically Feud, not just a game show. No, no, no. Family Feud. I'm putting that into the universe. There he is. Jerry D., shout out to him. Jerry D.'s great. I just want to fucking,

I want to host Family Feud so bad. That's what I want when I'm 50, 60 years old. He's 55. Beautiful. Right in there. Jerry's got the life I want to host Family Feud so bad. That's what I want when I'm 50, 60 years old. He's 55. Beautiful. Right in there. Jerry's got the life I want. You move up to Canada, try to take his job. I'm coming for you, Jerry.

Like I said, I like Toronto. I could live in Vancouver. I mean, I don't know where, I guess Toronto. He's in Toronto. But this is what I was gonna say to you. But outside of that, this is what it seems like anyway, all England Africa Yeah, business South Africa met you meet some people. They're like every book every comedian

That's not in America or Canada is famous. That's what it feels like yeah You meet these guys from Chile fucking Argentina, and you're like how are you they're like hey, and anytime somebody goes Oh, I'm from here. I go you're famous aren't you I'm an Indian dude the other day Yeah, somebody was like oh, he also from here, I go, you're famous, aren't you? I met an Indian dude the other day. Somebody was like, oh, he also does comedy. And I go, famous? And he goes, 7.5 million fucking. And then what's crazy is I came here. But then you watch their act.

Yeah, but at this point in time, knock, knock. Dude, at this point in time, I don't give a fuck. Like, I came here with zero to try to get things, but now there's people with all the things Yeah, like I gotta make it in America because this place is fucking gravitational bullshit Pull is still so fucking strong that somebody who's getting their balls sucked in a mansion But okay, I will fight you on that not the thing is something can be famous But you I also found anyway at least with a couple guys

I talked to say you can attain a level of fame in those in some of those places but you're not rich and that's what they don't fuck with they're like it's kind of the worst of both worlds there's no way the guy I met wasn't rich you're not you're not wrong I'm just saying but yeah and then there's a guy met in South Africa remember his name Joey something man anyways he was on a show with me because everybody's doing like 20 minutes in some of these places and people just kept coming up to him coming up to him I go who are you what do you and he goes well you know I'm on the Daily Show here and he goes but I gotta get to America I go really why and he

goes I don't know man you gotta make it in America and I go are you doing pretty well here he goes I got a tennis court I got a tennis court You're right you're right for sure and he had a lacoste sponsorship. Yeah, I gave me to look on shirt That sounds kind of nice just be a fucking but he wanted to do he wants to slum it Yeah, he wants to come here and fucking put his name in a bucket. I love that though. Please come, please. I love when these guys come and they are bombing their nuts off.

That feels awesome, dude. That's one of the few, like, you know, there are people that are so insanely famous that come here and they just eat their nuts. And that feels good. And it's like, yeah, they go back to their mansion, but at least they failed. At least they failed in America.

And they're like, bring in the models. Yeah, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. That would feel good. And I don't even know why anymore. I'm just still, this is residual hate from when I hadn't started doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember the feeling this way when I'm not getting booked and some guy from like, you know, whatever, France comes over and it's like, this is the most fucking, this guy's friends with the prime minister of France. And then he's just like doing stuff about how Muslims are weird or whatever. Because that's what's the funniest thing you can do in France. Pulls up and leaves in a Ferrari. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bombs the whole time. Bombs the whole time. Bombs getting sucked off. I guess it makes sense though because like we, on this side, and I'm sure in other places it's this way too, but I don't know if it'd be as much as New York or Baltimore something like that, but definitely New York. It's Ooze at the beginning ooze. Yeah, the fact that anybody in New York can write anything down and even make a dollar one day It's insane. It's hell. Yeah, it is. But anyway, that's what I love about it. Me too I love that it's I mean cuz I've been in Baltimore for a few months and at first I was like

Because it's so much more pleasant. I was and honestly I have the equivalent I don't have a tennis court, but I have a place with a backyard and I'm like I'm living like a human being What the fuck am I doing but that lasted a month? Yeah, and then I was like this sucks Yeah, yeah, you gotta get back to I gotta be a accosted. Because the other thing is, I like, I like that even, the richest guy here has to have bullshit. The richest guy here, the elevator's just broken in this building.

It's a fucking, he has a eight million dollar apartment, he's taking the stairs. The richest guy in New York is getting his shoes pissed on sometimes. That's the best part about this city, where you get the, it's just, you feel like a human being still, you know? That last Coke brother comes downstairs sometimes,

and a doorman has to shovel a homeless guy out of the fucking way. And the guy's still smelling him. Physically he's out of the atrium, but the fumes are not. The fumes are gonna be there a while He's gonna deal with traffic I like that I do to yeah, New York fucking rules, but

But sometimes it is nice sometimes But yeah, I didn't so was so you when did you leave were you just like you were in Halifax? Did you ever have to go to a different Canadian city Toronto? I went to Toronto three years. Yeah Yeah, I'm in Toronto for years, yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, I went to Toronto for like six years. Toronto, Toronto's a lot like here, but again, much smaller. And the scene in Toronto at the time was fucking hard, but not as hard. Like people are paying to get on stage here.

That doesn't exist at all in Canada. I remember, I came here to visit years and years ago and I went to HAW. I paid five bucks to talk to Murderers, I don't know who's like the big you know I mean yeah monsters I paid I remember one time some guy got me really good It might have been I don't remember the fucking guy's name, but I had a paid mic I bombed of course at a taco shop some taco place where they made you buy tacos and so I'm like eating dog shit tacos in the East Village Yep

And bombing and then I did a mic at the creek and some guy was like hey And I bomb of course I'm going there with my best stuff I'm like because you don't understand that these are people that want to kill themselves Yeah, and that if they see anybody with light in their eyes, they automatically hate you. Trying was the absolute worst. Oh, you don't want to try. I didn't realize that in two years I would be this guy. They're like, if I saw some fat kid from Baltimore come up and do his like, A, I'm opening up Megubi's Joke House

material in front of a room full of suicidal comics. And the guy after me was like, hey, thanks to that guy for taking a break from his job Getting cannonball shot at his stomach And I was completely bald at the time I just look like a 1920s fat strong man and I and everyone's like Don't none of them know me they're literally just bullying a guy who took a megabus Yeah to bomb in front of them. Yeah. It was all, I mean, but I still think about that and laugh. I wanted to kill myself that day.

I was there one time and I did some joke. I don't remember what it was and there's no, nobody does anything. And then just audibly somebody goes, it makes too much sense. That's awesome. I love it man. Me too. New York's great. What a beautiful, what a beautiful, I mean Mike, the how horrible open mics in New York

are is really crazy. The things people subject themselves to. But hey, keep at it. Don't do comedy by the way if you're thinking about it. Not a smart choice. I say the same. In all seriousness, today, today? Stand up at least? Come on man, get two phones and just talk to yourself.

Yeah. I'm serious, there's no reason to ever write anything down on a thing and go say it to live people. Don't do it to yourself, start a YouTube channel and just become super famous. Keep a job. You can just keep your job and don't be like know, don't be like, I'm an artist. Yeah.

God damn, what a stupid life. It's fucking hilarious. Thank God it worked out, but God damn shit would have been bleak. This is the only scenario where my life isn't the saddest thing in the world. I'm literally, like, you know, if there's multi-verses, every other variant,

every other variant of me. It's hilarious. Half have hung himself. A quarter couldn't find a strong enough rope because I'm even fatter in those worlds. It's brute, every other outcome is so brutal. You're the same man, but no cameras and a different job. Yeah, yeah, it's just me.

UPS driver. Not funny looking like this. Oh my God. Walking into an office and being like, I brushed my teeth today. Yeah. People go, what the fuck? Shut up, shut the fuck up.

Stop looking at the, stop posting up in the women's bathroom. We know you're not drinking water from the water fountain. We know you're trying to talk to all the women pissing. Nuh-uh, not really. How many times have you been to Toronto? Have you been around it? Do you like it? Not a couple times.

I spent a lot of time there. I went once. We did the one Come Down to Canada tour when I was like, Canada is sick. And then I went back for one quick gig, I think. And then I went back for a long time

I spent like a week there after some gigs and I really liked it, but I bet you know I didn't have enough time. I had only one real Like real visit, but I don't know I want to go back for sure it's these fucking I'm also trying to minimize travel a little bit and like And make as much when I do travel make as much money as I can and these fucking I got to pay the fucking Queen Her her fucking she takes a little piece Prince Andrew now Prince Andrew got Canada when she died they divided up the land. Yes I go be a pedophile over there go be a pedophile in the woods. Yeah, right over there, man. By the trailer parks.

You can fuck Canadian trailer trash. Have you ever seen, I mean, they just put out a show about the interview. I don't know what it's called, but do you ever see the interview with him? And fuck, I forget the woman's name, but it's incredible. And she's incredible. I wish I remembered her name right now.

But, you ever see that interview, him on BBC? 45 minutes? I haven't seen the whole thing, I should, yeah. Okay, I have been running around for years now saying this exact sentence to people just like you. You saw the highlights, didn't you? Yeah, I did. I'm telling every cocksucker with an internet connection.

I'm not kidding. Do not just watch the highlights of this interview. Watch the start to finish 45 minutes of Prince Andrew talking to this woman. It is, fuck it, I'm not kidding you, it might be my favorite thing ever recorded. Dude, dude, it beats Terminator. It beats fucking, it beats eight year old,

it crushes, and I love Terminator, it beats eight year old me's viewing of Jurassic Park. Dude, all right. Dude, it's, yeah, his, cause his answers, when you saw, when you see the, one of the highlights, his answers are insane. But when you see all, all of his eye movements, all of the buildup to all the fucking,

it is like, the guy's a monster, but man, that interview, unreasonably amazing. Well, it's also like, guy's a monster, but man that interview Unreasonably amazing well, it's also like I can't imagine like what happened where he said he agreed to that He was getting he was getting a bombarded hard in the press and he he from what I understand anyway He tried to get ahead of it. He thought he really this and this is why it's so great, too He really thought he was gonna fucking just Prince his way ahead of it. He thought he really, and this is why it's so great too. He really thought he was gonna fucking just prince his way out of it. Royals, it is so funny, because it's like, how much not respect,

I mean, rich people, people that were born rich and are fucking, think they're better than people or are so annoying, royalty is the next level. Like, so you're right, that's so awesome. That level of fuckin' arrogance, you think you'd get away with that? Where you're like a weird, socially awkward pedophile versus a trained newswoman?

Like you're so fucked, a trained journalist? And the world. But basically, I guess he would be like, well, years ago in my family, if you questioned us, we'd behead you. We'd kill you, yeah. So I'll just, whatever I say to her, she's gonna have to eat it up

because she's a dumb peasant plebe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the gruel we throw down from the tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the answers, I mean, she says at some point in time, you know, like, that woman says she danced with you and you were sweating and he goes, oh, come on. He goes, that can't be true

because at the time I didn't sweat. He says it was a straight fave. I mean, you just go, come on. He goes, that can't be true because at the time, I didn't sweat. He says it was a straight face. I mean, you just go, I'm not kidding you, stop. That came out in like 2019. I can't even, I think I've seen the entire video start to finish five times. Oh, sick. That's your Marlon Wayans specials.

I've seen the last two Marlon Wayans specials twice. Oh yeah? They're awesome. The last one, he talked about the Chris Rock slap, right, am I crazy? That was awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like, what is going on?

That was almost performance art. To do an hour about a thing that, to pigeonhole your way, to shoehorn your way into something that, look, I'm not saying it didn't affect the guy, he has a relationship, he knows these people. but to make an hour special to me that was an hour about that no come on Don't watch it, bro. Are you kidding me? I'm it was awesome, and then the other one was just as good the other one had some Incredible bits about like how he relates to his kid. I mean he did an hour about the slap my friends

You gotta watch it. Here's the thing. It's incredible. The thing I made, Down with Tech, check it out. Yeah, Down with Tech, which we did talk about in the beginning. It's about tech, but there's so many facets of tech. I'm now so intrigued by one hour about one slap. I know there's like, there's the relationships

and all that sort of shit, but I gotta see it. Anyways, I gotta see it. It's awesome, it's awesome. You all watch that, you watch Prince sort of shit, but I gotta see it. I'm anyways. I gotta say it's awesome It's buddy. Oh you I'll watch that you watch Prince Andrew back a book club Absolutely this is about time we did some questions. I feel like we could talk forever here with our friend Nathan. Yeah, let's do it Let's do some some advice from oh nice and an update let's do let's do some uh... some advice from uh... well nice and and that they

you go to another time please elvis before you fucking make the computer restart in the middle of the podcast and i would have been awesome this is lost uh... for staff is over so we get a different color like windows button uh... yet go watch down with tech anything in the here in the

middle you'd like to plug before you know we start doing some questions here down with tech on YouTube and then all my everything is just at Nathan McIntosh M A C I N T O S H love it love it. Hi Nathan I fully agree with you tech tech big tech is bad but what what's good? Liquid death. Mmm. I freaking love liquid death, folks. You know we are big supporters of the liquid death brand here at StavisWorld. They got metal cans.

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I mean, you know, everybody out here is trying to get some bullshit for their mom. You're panicking. it's coming up in a week you can't get flowers okay you can't get any of this fucking bullshit so what are you gonna do get a fucking aura frame babe all right it's enough she's gotten flowers you've made her breakfast she wants to she wants to cherish her memories like me on my personal or a. I have my mentors here Al Pacino and Robert De Niro from heat I also have a

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Right now, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com slash Stavi to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. That's AuraFrames.com slash Stavi. Use code STAVI at checkout to save terms and conditions do apply. This is a good tech company, Nathan. Play us some good questions here, LD. Hey, Stav. I have a problem with a neighbor. He's not working. For half a second I was like has stopped been wearing headphones Like I hear nothing I

Thought I did a little trick that would have gotten no you didn't It are we just is it this though? Yeah. Yeah, this we're reading there. They'll play it. I'm trying not get ahead Okay, people can see you react like that happens Sometimes people you know be like hey stop and the guests like oh my god because they've read ahead so just My true reaction my trick is to just kind of it's hard But I just I go with the line as they say them. Okay, go ahead eldest Hey stop I have a problem with a neighbor. He's kind of the neighborhood bully. Everyone appeases him and enables him and caves in and they're all nice to him even though he treats everyone

like shit. I'm having an issue where he's been calling the county on some projects I'm doing. What a loser they were all above board But he's taught me on a technicality so now I have to pay like 10 grand Oh on a change to one of my buildings and I've tried being nice to this guy giving him some gifts and yes But then behind my back, you'll call the counties called him like ten times back you'll call the counties call them like ten times sheriff knows them to be a pain in the ass he trespassed on my property around trying to find infractions that's it's just cuz I'm from out of state during the pandemic we moved to this rural town he's lived there for 40 years he doesn't like me

and he just thinks he's the king of the Stupid neighborhood. I need some advice stuff. I mean do I Try to kill him with kindness or we're just kill him the joke But yes, I need some advice here. Thank you Interesting. I mean the moment someone's cost me $10,000 There's no being nice to them the second Like it's like I could even potentially get around him snitching if it didn't affect me But the second I mean he says he has to pay ten. That's a fucking that's crazy

Unless this guy's writ like ten thousand dollars or even thinking you think about buying this guy a fucking juicer. What the fuck kind of gifts. Are you getting this guy? I'll also say not that he would do it But anywhere where there's a sheriff that you can talk to and get a hold of they should still have duels Come down to ten paces swing around yeah a sheriff. I just love that. He called the county I just yeah, that's insane. I love that smooth trespassing and snooping around. That's fucking crazy. How old is the guy? Four years. Yeah, he's probably like seven. Here's the problem is that like The problem is my knee-jerk reaction is to say Fuck this guy. You gotta fucking beat him at his own game.

The problem is this guy has nothing else. The guy you're up against, he will dedicate his entire life to you getting tickets for like, your hedges being overgrown or whatever the fuck it is. If you have any sort of type of full life outside of, now unless you're like, you said you moved out to this rural place, you seem to be handy.

I mean it sounds like he's doing construction on his own property, right? Like, unless you're busy in your home and you use it and you have the time, my knee-jerk reaction is go to war, but it's also like, is it worth it? You know what I mean? But there's no killing him with kindness. This guy is in my opinion he There's no There's nothing you can do that's gonna make this guy not be a dickhead Short, I mean the nice you are yeah, even if you even if you follow all the rules the rules the county's rules Yeah, he's gonna find some other rules. Yeah, this guy's just he's doing this for life. Yeah, exactly. So I I

Think you gotta just you gotta go to the sheriff man. You gotta go to the okay corral and you Yeah, look dude, I mean I got a real fucking problem with this this guy over here Yep, and somebody's gonna have to deal with him I mean, I don't know if the sheriff can shoot him or if you yeah legally something's gotta be The sheriff knows he's a pain in the ass Sheriff can shoot him or if you, yeah legally, something's gotta be, if the Sheriff knows he's a pain in the ass, maybe you just go to the Sheriff and you go, look dude, you and I both know this guy's fucked and nothing's ever gonna change, so work with me here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not talking about killing him, I'm literally saying if he's the buffer and this guy knows that he's a dick, just go to him and go, look, I'm cutting this guy out, but what do you want me to do here? He's gonna keep complaining. Can I talk to you?

Get a better relationship with the sheriff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also the rest of your, it sounds like the other thing is like, he's the neighborhood bully, right? Nobody fucks with this guy. Clearly no one in your neighborhood fucks with him. Can you foment revolution within your community?

Can you become the cool revolution within your community? Can you become the cool guy in the like, the thing is this is a numbers game. Can you have a barbecue that everyone but him is invited to? And I think like the thing is, like, there's no kindness bro. He cost you 10 grand. He's trespassing on your property. I think you in fact you have to just be very clear because the thing is this isn't a clear you tried being nice right? You tried it you fucking bought him get again the gifts thing is hilarious

But you tried being nice. I want to know the gifts. He's clearly some fucking hillbilly Who's mad that you fucking came to his town? He's not gonna be nice to you, right? He cost you ten grand He's trespassing on your property snitch. Did once somebody snitches on you a couple times, fuck them, right? You can say that directly to him, like look, I don't appreciate you coming onto my property, I'm doing everything above board. If there is a mistake, it's an honest mistake

and I'm happy to fix it, but the way you're behaving, I just think is unneighborly, I don't want anything to do with you, please stay off my property. I think you were right a second ago where you gotta make friends with everybody around him. Yeah. You gotta be fuckin' Van Wilder in the neighborhood. 100%.

Walk out of your house every day, rip your shirt off, crush a beer, hand people chips. 100%. I mean, not that, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, all your energy into being nice to this guy goes to everyone else. Host a nice barbecue, get everybody on board, complain about him, but don't overly complain. And bribe the sheriff, go this far. Fully.

Hand the sheriff a hundred bucks every time you see him, you know? Great badge, man. Yeah. Love that ten gallon hat, man. That is a fucking sick hat. And if he trespass, by the way, maybe put up a fucking security system where this cocksucker trespasses, now you get to call the cops on him I mean trespassings in a place like that seems crazy I was gonna say in America I wouldn't hop over I wouldn't hop over

any fuckers fence so that's that's I mean also though the but the for that same by that same token is this the kind of guy who's got a fuck who's got the blicky on him at all is this neighbor the kind of guy who's got a fuck who's got the blicky on him at all is this neighbor? The kind of guy all the neighbors got guns. You know what I mean? Like absolutely and so that's the thing of like are we escalating it? But I think he's it's clear being nice is not gonna solve anything and it but here's what I say Don't go out of your way to fuck with him But the second he starts fucking with you you have to he's basically made it clear what the terms are here

You have to pretty much stand up for yourself if he's especially if he's in your fucking yard dude you gotta snooping around on your shit you have to be as you have to fight fire with fire don't appeal don't antagonize him right but and also try and make friends with everybody else if everybody doesn't fuck with them there might be something you guys can do but no dude you can't what do you you know what are you gonna do it's either make friends with everybody or undercard Tyson Paul yeah I would love it would be fun to fight him for sure can you like can you let loose how far are you guys properties can you get some kind of like burrowing rodent to destroy his lawn?

You know what I mean? What are things he loves that you could destroy? You know that's the funny part is he's already doing that this guy loves the neighborhood You probably have black friends that come over sometimes This guy's really not happy about that You got to make friends with the sheriff and everybody in the fucking neighborhood, man. Yeah, but this guy can go suck an egg as far as I'm concerned. Salt it. Salt that egg. No, he doesn't even deserve salt.

This guy deserves a fucking completely bland egg. He's done. Oh, that's fine. We love the podcast hey eldest you're the man hello esteemed guest My question for you today is about my girlfriend I'm 28 She's 30. We live in Los Angeles. We don't live together You know, we've only been dating for like maybe five months now So my issue is so I make pretty good money

I make you know around like a hundred twenty K, which is good money, but you know in Los Angeles I'm not like super rich or anything. I make significantly more than her I wouldn't say double but you know significantly more than her. I wouldn't say double but you know significantly more than her The entire time we've been dating, you know, I've paid for literally everything Okay, not literally but you know, she buys like She bought me a box of chocolates one time and like maybe dinner one time, but you know, I pay for our food We love going out to eat and stuff, pay for our drinks,

whatever shows we're going to, like, et cetera, everything. And you know, like I, I'm fine with paying for it, but I'm not made of money, you know? And I'd like at this point, you know, she doesn't even like pull out, fake pull out her wallet anymore either. She always says thank you, but it's like, she doesn't even fake call the wallet. So it feels like I even less of a choice in paying for it. So my question is, how do I politely ask her to sometimes, or should I even do that? Am I just fucked? Am I just totally bankrolling this relationship now?

Yeah, I just don't know if and how to do it appropriately, I guess. Yeah, I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Thank you so much. Bye. Interesting. Yeah, I mean this is this is tough because I think ultimately it's more of a I think it ultimately comes down to more of a It'd be nice if you even it's like a gesture thing. Yeah, like once every eight She can't pick up the cheapest dinner. We go on every eighth time. Yeah, Arby's Yeah, you can't pick up a little you can't like she can't surprise you with a pizza or like Come over with some shit. I get that that is fucking annoying. Yeah The problem is, you know, you got a control yo bitch from the beginning

You've it's like a dog that you've missed that's pissing indoors And now all of a sudden you want to potty train it? and now all of a sudden you want to potty train it No, but truly there is a precedent that has been said I do love that even when it's not a man's fault. It's a man's fault Look women they they say they a straw they need a strong alpha to take their cues in a sheriff. I think he's a strong sheriff, but yeah, this is you know Yeah, I don't think this is totally you cannot this is on her. There's not gonna be any polite asking I feel and I don't know this lady. I don't know anything about these people obviously But but I feel if you politely asked you'd be like what really you're gonna say I'm just making this up

Yeah, you're in a bigger fucking problem. So Yeah, man, either just keep paying for things or uh Break up with it and start over and be like the next one be like hey, could you pick this one up? I'm not made of money, you know, I do pretty good money. Yeah, but in Los Angeles 120k yeah, fuck you want from me. I can't buy all these drinks every time I do and I think for me personally the perfect setup is is like I'm fine pay. I don't know. Maybe this is the villager brain the first-generation immigrant shit. I Pay for everything right? I also am making money now, but like even when I wasn't even when I was broke I pretty much paid for everything, right? I also am making money now, but like, even when I wasn't, even when I was broke,

I pretty much paid for everything, but I really appreciated it when... He wants her to, yeah. He wants her to pick up one dinner, and that's interesting, how to ask her is interesting. And I think, I don't even know if he wants her to pick it up, he wants her to want to pick it up. And that's a nuanced argument to have, like... Yeah, can you pretend to give a fuck? Can wants her to want to pick it up. And that's a nuanced argument to have.

Can you pretend to give a fuck? Can you pretend to give a fuck? Can you please just make it seem like you know that I'm not made of money? And then she's like, oh, I didn't realize you were a broke piece of shit. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, now you're sucking your own dick under the bridge. It's tough. This is a tough situation here. Have you ever been in any of that situation? Have you ever been taken for a ride?

Yes. No, I don't know. I mean taken for a ride. No, I guess not. No, no. I mean, but I don't know. Again, it doesn't seem like anything's going to happen good here. This conversation is not going to go the way that in his head he might want it to go. Yeah. Hey, do you mind caring sometimes? She's gonna go, Ah, I didn't even realize. You're right, here's another box of chocolates.

Right. It's tough. I think he does want her to pay. I don't think he even cares about the gesture. I think he's just tired of- You think it's fully just- Think he's tired of getting fucking... Bleeding out over brunches like every fucking weekend and shit like that.

Yeah. And I guess it's five months Which sounds like a long time? But if in the first month you go on two dates and then the second month like they've this is really the last couple months Which probably really become a regular thing in their lives, so it is early enough to be like hey Can we figure out something where you know you pick something up every once in a while? It's tough It's tough because you kind of look like a bitch if you like wine about the money to you

You know and I think he can he also does make double her fucking salary like if she made The sale almost double something like that whatever he's made. You know like she's you know, I'm making 70k or something Fucking you can buy a mocktail you can buy a mocktail no you're right you're right she definitely should be chipping and more so pretty pretty be like whatever like pretend care like know that it's can you grab this one but but that is I feel like his avenue is like you can't be like can you pick up the money I think he has to be like hey I need to reel it in on spending. I'm paying attention to my budget.

So not make it about her. So going out less. Yes. And then the balls in her court, if she wants to be like, I'll pick this one up. Yeah. But framing it as like a personal budget concern and not letting your animosity for her like,

sign through. You cheap whore. You're a bitch. You're a, yeah. You cheap whore. We're gonna tell you some bitch. Like, swear to fucking God. Come across the table. You think it's fucking easy? You think it's easy getting child stars to sign NDAs all day for producers? It's not! It wears on you!

It wears on you, man. I'm fucking their eyes! You know the government takes 40 of this, right? You know that, right? We're at the fucking top, so it's down to 80. Then there's rent. Then there's gas. I think that's a great, that's a very smart move because the thing I was gonna say before that was

at a certain point it's a little bit of a compatibility stuff where I've know, you know, I've dated people who they, she's like like will insist on splitting and it's like all right That's what you want to you want to do or like you know Some time I've dated people who don't even consider You know if a girl is like that part some girls just like and that there's sometimes is a compatibility thing like some women Feel weird doing that being like I you're paying for everything and so it's like Unless you do some of this some of eldest is is little you know eldest is little trickier bitch jiu-jitsu and say I got a fully I right yeah nine steps ahead that's awesome I

like that move though it's a good time then you put because especially if especially if his main concern just is budget because then he's not even fucking lying to it right now. He's like look I like hanging out, but I got a reel in a little bit. Maybe we can stay in yeah, whatever And then if she offers all take us out whatever but she comes to his house signs up for every subscription Don't worry just cancel in seven days damn bitch. How many fucking movies are you gonna? Yeah, watch this five minutes of a movie hate it rents another one About the budget thing too is like they're five months in that also just is a little like that's a lot to like for that

You don't want to throw that that's a year in you start talking about your personal finance You're gonna bankroll it for another seven months Before you can... No, no, no, no, but it's like, it's, I guess, I guess the point is it's too intimate. It's almost like too, like, you know, that shit you're... You don't want to be buried.

Yeah, exactly. You don't talk to your, yeah, you're like, oh, my cholesterol's up. A girl you're dating for four months doesn't want to hear about your charts. She doesn't want to hear about your fucking budget either. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, doesn't want to hear about your fucking budget either Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah budgets budgets a fucking mood killer. It really is it really is Take that gold digging whore to the curb Get your finances in order Get on her get your money's worth

You can cheat, dude. I mean, get put on her, get your money's worth. Yeah, you're paying all this, yeah. Alright, we really nailed that one. Next question, Elvis. Ah, fuck. Hey, Sal. Big fan. Guest. LD. I just got to call but I There's all the children kind of fresh to me. So I did leave out the key points. I'm gonna try one more time Make this quick Found out that my wife is having an affair with a co-worker. Oh, of course. There's a guy that lives out of state And she's only known for months, but she recently, you know connected with him when she was on a work trip in that city fuck I

Knew something was up when she got back. She was being really weird and distant. So I confronted her about it. She admitted it. She admitted that she had had a one night stand. And that she was fucking really sorry. And so, you know, I decided this is a girl that I married. We're going to try to fucking work through it.

And I was thinking everything would be okay. But I still have a weird feeling about it. So I went through her phone and it turns out it's a lot fucking worse than she admitted to. You know, they have only known each other for a month. But she, it was premeditated, this one night stand.

They were telling each other when their flights were going to land. You know, where to meet up, you know, getting some food together. And they've still been texting ever since. Where and when their flights were gonna land you know where to meet up you know getting some food together And they still been texting ever since Basically Super lovey fucking Since I confronted her about it she yeah, she basically said that wow she really liked this guy She basically all that he said that she loves us both.

What? And doesn't really wanna pick between us. This bitch is out of her mind. No, dude, no. Dude, this is fucking crazy. Get the sheriff. Get the sheriff, bro. Get the sheriff.

Get this guy to trespass on your property and stand your ground. This fucking makes fucking sense. Oh, play the rest of it. Before we even continue, get out of this. property and stained your ground. This fucking next fucking sentence! I feel for this fucking man before we even continue, get out of this! Play the rest of it. I mean yeah this guy is so toast it's insane. The fact that your wife was like I had a one night stand and you were like I'm married I made an oath. Immediately it's crazy. There's a small part of that though in all seriousness because the other way I can see that too right you

cheat on your wife and she's like okay but. But if it's one, one, look, everybody can have the fucking thing, you're out there. You know what I mean? You're at Arby's. I get that. I get that. But like, it's one thing you feel bad about it, you feel bad about it and it is what it is, you know?

This is not that. No, no, this is crazy. This is full tilt cheating and now the lady's just going, yes, and I love you both. I love you both, bitch, this is crazy. This is full-tilt cheating and now the lady's just going, Yes, and I love you both! I love you both, bitch, you've known him a month! How do you- that's so insulting to your husband! Dude, dude, you gotta get out of this, you gotta get out of this! We're gonna finish this, but before that, you gotta get out of this!

You gotta get out, this is fucking crazy. Basically, all of us said that she loves us both, and doesn't really want to pick between us WHAT THE FUCK YOU MARRIED YOU DUDE Pause this Get a divorce lawyer We paused in the same sentence Get a divorce lawyer

Get a divorce lawyer Here's what you do Let's finish this Get a divorce lawyer but go ahead eldest Fuck we're gonna have to put this out tomorrow Call this guy back this can't wait to get edited get him on the horn dude

get him on the horn I cook all her meals, you know, she's basically like my best friend. And I just kind of don't know what to do. Oh, like with my life anymore since I've built it around this relationship. It's over, bro. I feel awful for this guy. And not, you know, I'm decently attractive. Don't go down that road. Your side, you know, I do play music and I have a good time. You know, I know how to get a good time.

And so I just basically want some words of encouragement if you have any advice if you've been through something like this yeah anything that can kind of happen to you know bro help me through it help me get a little bit of fucking self-respect yes you know what to do with if she knows she decides that this was a huge fucking mistake but no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, noJ's. This, yeah, may he rest in peace. This one. Oh, I really feel for this guy, man. This sucks. This sucks, man.

This is, okay. But this is the, yeah. Here's, and we are, we pride ourselves on being, you know, open minded, whatever, whatever. You need to watch Andrew Tate content for two weeks. You need to be a misogynist for two weeks. You're too nice literally right now. And look, this is like how chemotherapy is poison,

but it kills cancer. Andrew Tate is poison, but it kills how much of a pussy you're being right now, okay? Can we not? This guy, I hear hear you you're not Call this guy a fucking place I know I know but that but it's completely Understandable like we've all been there when a girl you thought was gonna be there forever

Either cheated on you or disappointed you or did something and what I mean by that is like the inner like well Maybe in some life will come back to no Dude burn it down. It's over dude, dude So this is this is a thing that women will not outright say you have to you have to live through a thing not Maybe as harsh as this but you have to see it firsthand Yeah, cuz all of us not all of us most men though start off pretty nice Yeah, and then we just we can't you can't be you can't be, you can't be, and I'm not talking about like, you're gonna walk in a room and fucking yell at somebody.

Not that, but you can't be cooking all of a woman's meals. You can't be fucking holding all the goddamn doors because these women don't want it. Elders is smiling. This is usually Elders' part of the podcast. Biologically, they might even say like, biologically they're fucking repulsed by it they want to be thrown through a play class window to her that is equal to a life of love a loving six

years of relationship yes getting pounded out by some guy she doesn't fucking love. She loves you both. Fuck this bitch! You should be pissed off! Of course she loves you, dude! You make her fucking meals! Fuck her, dude! So when I was a child, a small bully, growing up in the wilderness of Halifax, Nova Scotia, it was very nice. My first girlfriend, and look, nothing against this lady now. Obviously it's been a long fucking time,

but I wrote her a poem when I was a child. This lady cheated on me with a guy who worked at the garden center of Walmart, but not only that, not only that, she called my phone to break up with me with him on the other line. Yes, yes, yes. That's crazy.

So she's like, it's not gonna work. And I'm weeping, because I was in the same boat. I was younger than this dude, we weren't married or anything, but I really was like, this is it, man. I'm a fucking dented headed cocksucker who can't do anything. And I thought it was over, but this guy was on the other line getting off on the fact

that I was fucking upset, dude. And from that fucking, Stavros, ask me if I've ever written a fucking lady of Pomegranates. You've ever written a lady of Pomegranates? No! Never, ever again! Because you can't, so this too, you can make maybe two meals a fucking week,

and that's for you and her. It's to benefit her too. Women don't fucking want it, man. But you have to live through something like this to understand that. Biologically, they don't fucking want it, man. But you have to live through something like this to understand that biologically they don't fucking want it. But this guy, feel for him, get the fuck out of there. You're not a horrible fucking person. This thing when he's like.

She's a horrible person. Yes, when he's going through, I'm a decently attractive guy. I completely understand why you're thinking that way. But don't try, well I don't, it's very easy to say, but try not to fucking trash yourself in this deal. You have to do what you said, which is encourage yourself, fucking, you need some goddamn self-respect.

But forget, get out. Get your fucking, get the air fryer, take your one fork and get the fuck out of this place. Get out, and honestly, I'm not kidding. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Like, just be like, I need some time to think about it. And in the meantime, get a divorce lawyer. Make sure you're not, you know, make sure you,

I mean, you guys don't have kids, you've only been married a year. It should probably be the kind of thing where there's not a lot of assets, whatever. Like, you know, you're both young. She's entitled to him making her meals every day for the rest of her life. I gotta turn out to my aunt's lifestyle to make her anomalous.

By the way, he also, I listened to the first voicemail he sent, he also mentioned she can't cook at all. Which is inferred, but just another little detail. This is crazy, and Eldis is trying to get, Eldis is like, you're flaring up Albanian-wise right now. You're like, alright, let's get a little more misogynistic. Let's also, she can't even fucking cook this fucking cock sucking slob doesn't even know a way around a frying pan by the way Go ahead boys. What got did a girl ever not cook for you Nathan you have a something you want to tell us about Okay to our friend here here, yes You got to get out

It's gonna hurt you she is fucked and the fact that this fucking bitch half lied to you and then Admitted it doesn't even respect you enough to just stop being with you She's like oh, I she thinks she can fucking have her cake and eat it too, brother And he's gonna make it do not make the cake do not make He wants this man to cuck himself for life It's crazy to sit in the house make fucking food what that she's gonna eat after a long night Insane being pounded in the ass You lose a lot of electrolytes getting your pussy worked over that that intense sorry to paint that picture

I know you're really going through it so over that that intense story to paint that picture I know you're really going through it so absolutely trying to entertain the other people that are not necessarily so the words of encouragement are get out listen whatever you are like out you literally get a fucking divorce lawyer get all your ducks in a row get a place to live just get one and don't even you don't know her shit brother get it one day you're gone you're gone you're you're a ghost bro get a pack of cigarettes a fucking truck turn on the country music yeah and just and here's the thing now you get to enter into a little bit of like

rebuilding yourself a little bit of that zone where it's like look you built you put all this energy into this woman she and it sucks of course you would prefer to just have a nice marriage that wasn't in the cards, put some energy into yourself, you know, get your confidence back, working out is never, Eldest not to update for Christ's sake, get your confidence back, do whatever it takes, play some show, you know what I mean? It's easy to get pussy even in a local shitty band, you know, so play a little mute, play some show, you know what I mean? It's easy to get pussy even in a local shitty band. You know, so play a little mute, play that saxophone.

Well he didn't tell you the name of the band, it's the Pussy Getters. The Pussy Getters, dude. Get a fresh read for your sousaphone. I would also assume too, I don't know anything about this, but I mean it seems as if this wasn't ever great. Who knows? Yeah.

He might not know, she might have been like behind his back or, it also is relatively early, right? Like been together five years married one, but I mean, I don't I don't know anything man, and whatever I don't want to add more to it But like yeah, you got it. You got it. You got a you get out gotta get out rebuild You know, there's some women this this is what's really scary. Let's go. There's some women listening right now to being like what's the problem? Seriously, no way the problem? Seriously. There's some people being like,

I guarantee you. Now you're strong-manning. Now you're going a little too far. We're on a podcast. We're on a podcast. All right, all right, I'm back in. I'm back in, I'm back in. Fuck them.

Manscapes. I'm back in. Brooklyn and, but the, but the, I guarantee there's a woman out there somewhere that's like, what's the, I mean, no, you can't even ever love two people. And if her her husband married her he should be able to stand by her Yeah, he should be able to stand in the kitchen while she walks in covered and come what's wrong with that? And look the way and here's and here and here's where I will actually

They're wrong, but here's where I will go that look there might be guys Yes, if you want this weird poly or bullshit of course that is bullshit. That is not this. This is someone who, and you know what actually, we actually usually see the opposite of this a lot. I talk about this with guys where, and I felt this way in relationships, where a woman enters your life, improves you, makes you believe in yourself, you're eating vegetables,

you're working out, she's buying you shirts, and all of a sudden, you can get get hotter women and so this happens a lot the Opposite way where a woman makes a man a better version of himself to the point where he's like I should get some pussy now Yes This is the rare female dirtbag that has the the man cooking all her meals Telling her how much he loves her how much he wants to be how much he wants to build a life together He did that he built her up to get some fucking to build a life together. He did that. He built her up to get some fucking dick and this guy doesn't give a fuck about it.

That's the funny thing is, here's the beauty of it. You're gonna be gone. You're gonna be cooking delicious fucking meals for yourself. This fucking guy is gonna be done with your dumb bitch wife in three weeks, she's gonna be alone. And you, and she will figure out, she will figure out the absence. Once you're gone, it will hit her like a ton of fucking bricks, and that is the hardest part.

Well, once she gets hungry, and then she's like, what am I gonna do? Once the instant oatmeal is over. So that's another thing, it's like, she is taking you for granted, now you have to. Once the instant oatmeal is over. So that's another thing. She is taking you for granted. Now you have to. And a ride.

Yeah, absolutely. She's taking another guy for a ride. I landed too. Unbelievable, man. So you got to get out. And here's the thing. She will reach back out when it hits her. What a fucking idiot

she's gonna cut the cord and you cannot you cannot go back so you're gonna be in the gym you're doing pull-ups you gotta get ripped that's this is the time to do it this is the most look you guys know for all regular listeners there are times to be this is this is when we're like yep we got to go a little full misogyny right now it's the only way around it right now the situation like this that's what this guy needs to fuel. Listen to Future. Listen to Future. Get Jack, dude.

We don't trust you? Yeah, that's a good one. Some classics. That new album, the whole album straight through. The one where him and Sierra broke up, that mixtape, what was it called? Monster? Monster.

Monster's great for that. I've definitely spun some. That's a great one. Anyway. Good luck pal. When did he send this, Elders? Scroll up. Okay. Well, not super recent, but hopefully he's not fucking. Hopefully he hasn't offed himself yet. He's like, oh good news! We're moving again! He moved in, yeah! And I've learned how to blow a guy this is pretty good you know a guy come doesn't taste that bad I'll tell you making two meals for people sucks but everything else is pretty good you know

I found out buying in bulk actually helps us save a lot of money yeah he's in a fucking apron making this guy fucking steak. He's bringing the chicken satay on the platter. How was fucking her today man? It sounded pretty crazy. It sounded cool in there man. It sounded cool. It sounded pretty fucking cool. That's all you gotta get out of this. Jesus Christ. Alright next one Eldis. I'm fucking hungry speaking of starving to Big fan of all your work Listen daddy. I got a dilemma It's my wife's 30th birthday and we're going all out and I want to invite my brother

But he has a controlling girlfriend I'm not just talking, you know, going through your phone, making fights in the middle of nowhere. I'm talking location, air tag in the part two, making sure they know where they're at. And if all the attention is going on her, then she's gonna make it about her negative or positive. her then she's gonna make it about her negative or a positive my question my advice I'm looking for is how do I get him to go to this party without her and

what lie should he tell her so he can make it any advice any guidance would be appreciated love the pod love the special love you daddy okay well look if you just want to live, we're gonna stay toxic here. Yeah, totally. Say that you had a leukemia scare. Scare's perfect because you get a bad test, you say you got a bad test, right?

Me and my brother, I gotta meet my brother and his wife, he had a bad, things are bad, like whatever. You say that you're with your brother. Wait, with a gift I have to yeah he could meet yeah he just wanted to that new bowling and Dave and Busters he just wants to laugh and play skee ball yeah to keep his mind off it. It's a nightclub, it's 11pm, and that's the only time my brother can relax, you know this. He's a god damn, he's a Croatian drug dealer, so the only time he can hang out is, you know, honey I'm sorry I gotta go. Under black lights.

Oh man. So you can't, yeah what the fuck you can't you can't you can't this lady's a fucking psychopath You gotta everybody's gotta get away from this fucking lady Well, I also here's a little bit of like is our caller an unreliable narrator sure, you know It's like I'm sure this lady I mean tracking to that degree is crazy, but we don't have the full picture either. And the fact that he didn't even consider inviting her, it's like she really can't come

bro. That's insane. How serious is this girlfriend? Is it a new thing or is it she's his like there between, because there's girlfriend, there's someone you're dating and then there's like pre fiance girlfriend Who's like for all intents and purposes a part of the family like she's at all the events and stuff Is she that what level girlfriend are we talking because if it's early enough you should be like it's a family event Yeah, that's all you have to say it seems farther than that though

And it's well from this it seems like she's unbelievably controlling every time he leaves the house she thinks he's cheating but again you're right we don't know if he has we don't know the fuck has he cheated here but but it seems like it seems bad and it seems like you can't invite your brother without inviting her that's what it reads like so your brother can't fucking go also is it but it is but it is rude to not invite. Here's the thing, it's like, if this is a serious relationship, you kinda have to recognize that's an extension of your brother. You also don't wanna be the family

that tries to break up a couple. It's more of like, unless it's like, oh, he just started dating this girl. She's constantly tracking him She wants to come to our family party No, I don't want her there. You don't I don't know her my wife. It's your wife's birthday Your wife doesn't know this fucking bitch, right? But if it's a girl he's dated for a while then

To accept your brothers to accept who he's with We've all had friends or siblings or other loved ones that have a dumb, like a fucking, a significant other you don't really like that much, right? That's happened to everyone. Yeah, my- You know what I mean, go ahead. My wife met a coworker and she started flying to meet him. And then I didn't like him and his wife is a

fuck is so yeah but then eventually I was like why he can come to the party that guy has to leave I apologize but yeah this is this this seems like it's gonna be a mess it seems like if you don't want her around you can't have your brother around because your brother's also put himself in a pretty precarious situation if he's like lying to this psycho who already thinks he's lying all the time about anything. You can't lie. What are you going to lie about on a Saturday at 9, dude? You can't lie.

If it's the middle of the day, different thing, but you're going out in a dress shirt? It's also like you can't give an already suspicious person, you're basically talking about he has to behave as if he's cheating. This behavior is completely if he's cheating. Yes, this relation this behavior is Completely the same as cheating lying to go to something it happens to be you're going to a party instead like in fact Yeah, if this bitch catches him. Yes outside crazy. He's like, oh I was at my Sister-in-law's 30th birthday party. Yeah, I wasn't getting pussy That's see what you would do. She would be right to think he's cheating, you know Can't have your brother man

If your brother's with this lady, you don't want this lady your brother can't go to the party man The real thing is you have to suck it up and she's coming to like that's the other thing Why is that not an issue? I guess cuz she's making it fuck, you know, whatever making fights. Yeah, it's all about her so basically his wife has said I just don't want her there probably or he's at least saying it yeah so the other thing is and I'm not saying use your wife's 30th birthday as the sacrificial lamb but sometimes now these people who behave this way are very annoying but unless you confront them and set a boundary you're just letting them behave this way So if she's fucked up a family barbecue, and no one's been like why the fuck are you acting like that?

She just invited her to the next thing. It's you shouldn't have to deal with it, but until you say hey Stop doing this She almost has to like disqualify herself from future invites Mm-hmm, and then you put it on your you put you kind of like right now the ball It's the balls in your court, but you kind of hit it back to your brother when you're like she Fucking got drunk. She got drunk at the grandma's 90th birthday She fucking you know pissed in the in the ice louche or whatever the fuck like That's the thing you kind of have to

You have to she has to have actually done something more than she's generally kind of annoying and maybe she's done stuff like that I don't know. We he doesn't really given us that much stuff. He's just kind of vaguely said, you know Making fights in the middle of nowhere making herself the center of attention You kind of have to like call her out on it and then it's on it's up to your brother on how he behaves but I Don't know man. It's like if she if we already passed that point and she's ruined other stuff Then yeah, you have to tell your brother She's not invited and you have to decide whether you want to come or not because it's my wife's birthday.

Or I'm not having her ruin it. Or cancel your wife's birthday. Yeah, cancel, yeah. And then everybody's happy. There is no birthday. You don't have to do anything, you stay home. You stay home, the brother has to go. People don't want to go, dude.

Nobody wants to go there. Nobody wants to go to their own birthdays, seriously. Come on, 30th, you're adults. That's hilarious. No, good for your wife, whatever, but yeah. Their own birthday come on 30th your adults No good for you know good for your wife whatever, but yeah If if you haven't stood up to this lady and just kind of like quietly been passive aggressive about it It's a little on you guys, too So you have to you have to nip that behavior in the bud

But fuck her I mean I'll fuck her, don't get me wrong, I'm on your side. But you just have to do the right thing. Here's a very diplomatic couple of paragraphs, but then you fuck her. Oh fuck, Eldis, play a good one for us. I got leftover flank steak I gotta eat, man. I'm hungies. We're doing this one, then we're out?

I think so, brother. Let's do it. Hey, Sami, love the show. Really appreciate. We're doing this one. Then we're out. I think so brother. Let's do it Hey, Tommy love the show really appreciate everything you're doing for the American people Thank you Listen a buddy of mine just got out of a long-term relationship and I've been helping him get on the dating apps and get back out there but in doing so I Realized that my charisma has just gone to absolute dogshit as a result of my own

long-term relationship And to be clear I love my you know a lot my girlfriend very much that would never chew on her anything like that But I just had this idea that it might actually benefit my relationship to get on dating apps myself What am I a fucking baby? This is awesome dude. Are you kidding? I might have my own relationship if I fuck another woman because I'll know how to please my lady. Exactly. Well it starts with charisma and then it's like you know getting... This is great. Dude you're out of control. That's so crazy. Yeah. Slow down Mel. I would love to hear this guys's, the rest of this guy's thinking. I'm dating apps myself. And you know, practice my flirting and sort of recapture some of that charisma that I used to have.

Awesome, buddy. And a little bit of added context. Oh, wow. Give me some context. Networking. And and a little bit of added contact. Oh my god, give me some co-lead network I when I play with other women while she's there in person But you know, I never do it cuz it's my girlfriend and she's there so I'm Not entirely convinced that if she found out I was doing this without her knowledge that it would it would end well

You don't say so Anyway, what do you think I should do? Oh, you're only partially knowledge that it would end well. You don't say. So anyway, what do you think I should do, Sally? Oh, you're only partially convinced that it wouldn't end well. You don't need help. You're a fucking idiot. You don't need help. What the fuck are you talking about? It makes it yourself that you want to cheat, dude. And that's fine.

I've said to my girlfriend a million times that I want to sleep with other women. And it's not even that I would do it, but it is like, who wouldn't? I mean, if you have you, have you walked the earth? There's a lot of hot people out there. Same with her, there's no way she always wants to fucking blow me. It's impossible.

But, buddy, this whole rigamarole, I just figured I'd get my mojo back. And by the way, it's like, well, my girlfriend doesn't mind when I do it in front of her, but I figured I'd go behind her back anyway, and then she in front of her I'm too much of a coward to do it But I figure behind her back through a computer or a phone screen if I I might have some my name on Bumble or something I don't know what the problem is If I call myself big dick Willie Jones, and I have a different profile picture. No this this guy Here's the thing here's the thing dude, we all want to cheat. That's the fucking best part of life dude.

We all want to cheat because how could you not? Every cocksucking day of my life pal, I walk outside those fucking doors, I at the fucking street and there's the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life Yeah, I love to put her fucking feet my mouth You've built the life you can't yes, that's it, but this guy I love it the charisma angle look pal Points for for being fucking you know, create. Yeah. Yeah. Let's grow up Understand of course you wanna bury your face in another woman's ass. That's, of course you do.

Wouldn't it be fucking awesome to go on Bumble, get your charisma back and just get sucked at a red roof in, off a fucking turnpike by a lady barely nobody, of course it would be. That would be cool. But this is what the shower's for. You stand in there and you think about your life and you go, is it worth it?

And then you beat off into the wall and you go, no, my girlfriend's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you like, it is worth it. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about her actually. But the charisma part? I'm 24, who cares? I'm not marrying her, yeah, I'll cheat.

But the charisma part, I wanna be the, whatever, the world's most interesting man again. You go, that guy, he doesn't exist. In a relationship. This actually happened to me recently. I was with, you know Mike Brown? Yes. We were both in South by Southwest together. We went to a fucking concert there.

And a woman started talking to him. So I ended up having to talk to this other lady. And at first I was like, I don't want to do this. I was kind of high. But I go, I have to for Mike. Sure. So I started talking to this lady and instantly. Mike high, but I go, I have to for Mike. Sure. So I started talking to this lady and instantly I was. Mike's a suave guy, he coulda handled it.

Sure, but I was just alone with this lady. Yeah. So I started talking to her and instantly I was like, oh, I don't know how to do this at all. I'm done, yeah. I was like, so what, you're 401K. What the heck? I mean, it was bad, man.

I know, that is the magic of being in a relationship where you're like, no woman has any power over me. Don't care. That feels so awesome. But you also can't talk to them in the way that like, you know, well, you can. You can. Whatever, I was, whatever.

But either way, buddy. But you were in a very specific circumstance where you're in a, my friend is trying to fuck someone, you're playing interference, you're in a fuck scenario You know and it's like in that context you're like, I don't want to do you know what I should have done made them all a meal Yeah I should have started flambéing right there. You should have grabbed your tits that was buddy. I would have been awesome admit to yourself Again, I'll say this one more time. I apologize everybody wants to cheat

She wants to see your girlfriend wants to get out there You know that you know the type of dicks that are out there. There's some awesome better than yours exactly They're not crooked. They're a little bit tan balls perfectly symmetrical. She doesn't want that all over her face of course She does we know what kind of dick What he covets in a man? Are there any 6'2 Italian men out there? That's hilarious. But you know what I'm saying?

She's fucking sitting there doing her hair or whatever and every once in a while thinks about a guy fucking pounding her in the ass. Who doesn't? But I mean this is what happens. People think about cheating. So look bro, you're out of your mind with this dating app shit. And I'll say this. I'll say this, if you actually,

if you said your girlfriend doesn't mind if you flirt, while she's there, how about that? Just do that. Do that within the confines of the relationship. And you know, that might be your girlfriend, here's the other thing. That might be your girlfriend's like, your girlfriend might be an undercover freak, dude.

That might, I was gonna say, that might lead into. Yeah, she might like that shit, dude. There are girls, and he sounds pretty young. He sounds like, you know, he talks, he sounds like a young kid. The contacts part is awesome, too. You know, I could network. Little contacts, yeah.

You up to talk stocks? Yeah. Yeah. So you never know what you might be you know you might be in store but you got to do it within your relationship but this dating apps idea is fucked. Don't this this thing

we say all the time when people call in it's like you have to treat it we're your defense attorneys. You can't lie to us. That you have to tell us the truth and then we'll craft the lie. Don't come at us with I'm on the dating apps to be better at flirting with you, honey It's like come on, bro. Yeah, I've paid tax for a lot of years man. This is insanity That's crazy. This is like Tim Taylor home improvement level thinking. Yeah

Binford 8100 dating app Crazy dude, that's awesome. If you really believe you're going to go on dating apps to improve your charisma, kudos to you for being able to convince yourself something that stupid. Respect. Alright, well good for this guy. Go watch Nathan's special on YouTube right now down with tech follow him on everything Nathan McIntosh we were you know we're not really doing shit around here follow the show like it on YouTube I don't fucking know give us a nice review we're you know we're going

to start doing we start reading five star reviews yeah I'll pull some up for the pull some up yeah well we'll start reading five-star reviews. Yeah, I'll pull some up for the full some up. Yeah Well, we'll start rewarding people because we never really tried to Apparently that matters. I don't fucking know. But anyway, there's some pretty good two-star reviews. I saw People pretty mad I left come town those I have seen Fat retard only good thing you'll ever do. Sorry man, you gotta leave... Eldis has to get paid off this too guys, alright?

You're not just hurting me. Anyway, leave us a nice five star. Like us on YouTube, whatever, all the good shit. But watch the special and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. shit and but watch the special and we'll talk to you guys next time bye bye