Stavvy's World - #80 - Sam Morril and Gary Vider

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Sam Morril and Gary Vider join the pod to discuss Gary's new special IT COULD BE WORSE, Gary's new limited series podcast #1 DAD, Sam's new upcoming special YOU'VE CHANGED, Gary's dad being a conman, getting robbed by frat bros, sketchy biological dads, getting clowned by cops who discover your joke book, and much more. Sam, Gary, and Stav help callers including a man who thinks he discovered that he has a daughter from a past fling 17 years ago, a woman who's borderline stalking a guy she matched with on Tinder, and hear a beautiful poem that a caller wrote for Stav. Watch Gary Vider's special IT COULD BE WORSE out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOh6pJRD1Fk Check out Gary Vider's limited series podcast #1 DAD about his conman father: https://tr.ee/7WDtjcTFyX Watch Sam Morril's new special SAM MORRIL: YOU'VE CHANGED out on July 9th on Amazon Prime!! Follow Sam Morril on social media: https://www.sammorril.com/ https://www.instagram.com/sammorril/ https://www.youtube.com/user/smorril/ https://twitter.com/sammorril https://www.tiktok.com/@sammorril Follow Gary Vider on social media: https://www.garyvider.com/ https://www.instagram.com/garyvider https://twitter.com/garyvider https://www.youtube.com/@garyvidercomedy https://www.tiktok.com/@garyvider Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stobby's World 904-800. Stobbs, call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have a beautiful panel, a returning champion and two just sexy little animals coming along with him, both Winnie and Gary. An unburdened hairless cat Yeah, fully hairless, what's your body hair situation look like Harry outside of the area senior He's got an outy belly button Wherever we go And that's just unfortunate, I thought please stop.

But yeah. And that's just because the doctor didn't snip enough? What happened to how to get made? I don't know, it was the 80s. Yeah, dude. It was the 80s, what does that mean? I don't know, maybe they did. Every baby in the 80s was born with an outie.

I think maybe it was like his first one that he was doing and then he just messed up. Yeah, yeah. Did you go to a, did your parents go to a discount doctor? What do you mean? It was first one? I think he I think he Chopped did my sister's buttons too, and then No, I'm the only one oh wow it's a tough thing Isn't any though

It started at birth. The whole body thing. This is an Unleash a One Man Show here. Let's go. Let's go, Gary. Fucking go. So I got more body here than I would like. And I have an extra body. My dick is little. That's a tough trio, bro.

I'm gonna get into my childhood. What is your favorite attribute about yourself? Let's get positive here. He's kind of ripped. He's pretty... Let Gary answer Sam. We didn't ask you what's the most... What's the thing you want to fuck Gary the most about?

We asked Gary what he thinks... I think I have nice eyes. Thank you. See I was gonna say nice eyes. You never looked at them. He's looking at my body. Think I have nice eyes nice. I thank you see I was gonna say nice eyes Looking at those cum gutters Dreaming of just throwing a load on those washboard In the tour bus Gig once in Columbus and we got into a fight with a woman at the airport because she was screaming at TSA She was so fucking rude. Yeah, we just started zinging her We're like fuck this lady. She's just so we just start going at her and we're saying you're roasting her like pro bono

Roasting her pro bono and the TSA lady like loved us for it. Yeah, and then the lady turns to Gary She's like go ahead she goes she goes. Oh, yeah. Well, you're short and Gary's responses. You should see me with my shirt off my shirt off. I was like, we had her. We had her on the roof. What the hell? It was 6 in the morning. I was getting ahead of myself. Did you see her with your shirt off? She was a horrible person. And she had kids with her too. Terrible, terrible person. She was calling me like basically a little man and I was like, you know, and then I thought that was a good response. It was definitely not the best response. No, no, no. You had her. You had a bunch of other stuff. So we see her at like six in the morning for this night

We're at TSA and you see this she's just treating this person horribly as soon as you see some by the way I'm sorry to interrupt how much of a piece should you have to be to be on the side of TSA? You guys want to bring in some explosives I really thanks for what you did up there you want to just bring through a big gulp I don't give a fuck but we can't like we're not gonna fight somebody physically but verbally we could take somebody on it's kind of like when a UFC fighter just happens to be at a bodega that gets robbed right they saved the day you're equally as heroic and exactly calling an overworked mother with an anger problem a fat bitch at 6am

it's the same as saving a Muslim family from getting their only piece of property protecting their own property. You know, when we were doing this, El Shabaab walked through security because they were distracted. But you know, it's alright. We did our part. No, she was a terrorist. I mean, you're right. You have to be a bag of shit for us to side with TSA. And she was so out of line. Yeah, just burry clearly had anger problems It was just berating no no yeah, miserable person horrible. Yeah, that's atrocious, and then just on the just in the airport in general It was it gave us such a high though. I didn't need a coffee after a confrontation like that That's beautiful it was nice that is nice man, and you guys have all the time together

You're you know you got you basically open for Sam a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Boys just take a lot of the fight with him over, you know, with Nate Barghazi over who gets that's true. Yeah. Yeah. How is that? What do you what do you have any loyalty? Because I'm Nathan Arena. So the checks must be the checks must be nicer. I have great times with both of these guys.

And here we go. Here we go. Let's put you on the hot seat, Gary. It's good. I have great times with both of these guys I have a gun it's pointed at later He'll be here soon, he'll be here tomorrow actually come back Gary. Well, I will make you answer that question again shows. It's great My show You know Nate for Nate, yeah, you gotta be completely clean for wow interesting Yeah, and you can you know problem. They just is a monster behind stage. Yeah He'll beat you he actually he's actually branded you with a cattle iron Yellow so insane to think about

Comedy in an arena is crazy to begin with yeah, but clean Comedy in an arena is crazy to begin with. Yeah. But clean comedy in an arena, you're literally just a guy up there. Not that cursing makes it any better necessarily, but it's just for two hours people just little humorous, it's not even like a lot of anger, there's not a lot of like emotion, there's not a lot, it's just like humorous observations for two hours in the same place that like, you know, the Celtics play No, it's an it's an insane experience, but yeah, I'm hoping that I'm not I mean I'm not completely clean

But you know when I'm up there I'm like I'm just hoping that it nothing slips out right It's like you don't think about until you're like on like in front of that many people like oh you could just screw up There is no It falls out of my jeans in an arena 12 year old southern children There must be families though right because There must be families though right? Because it's clean families.

Oh yeah, that's awesome. That's the thing, I mean being a clean con, like he's selling to the whole family, they don't have to get a babysitter now. Yeah, I'd be selling four tickets instead of two. Genius. Not us, I'm literally, I sent Stava a cut of my special last night, my opener is about a baby sucking my penis. And the streaming program.

And I'm like, keep it! Don't you fucking cave to the man! Open with the baby sucking your cock joke, man! We're artists! We're the last truth tellers! We stand at the forefront between us and cancel culture! I'm a truth teller and they're like, wait, did that actually happen to you? Is that weird? We're at the edge of the wall

It's fucking Game of Thrones, and we're stepping back the white walkers aka a lib cancel culture If we don't open our million dollar specials with pedophile jokes then all of Western civilization will crumble What the people want. It's a great joke too. Watch and we should yeah let's get some plugs. The special will be coming out in about a month right? It's coming out in July. July 9th on a major streamer. July 9th on a major streamer. We'll just maybe we'll put it in if it's all said and done by the time it comes out. And big Gary over there you got a couple projects coming up buddy. Yeah 28th got the YouTube special coming that's special Sam you see on that I just hung in the back and you know some now you get any lines I do pick up Sam

love it out he's like you fuck this I made him retell the joke about having a small dick stage goes you'd making me do this to shame me. I said maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'm a master EP. I don't know. I kept that in the end credits too. It's funny. Then, June 10th, I got a podcast coming out about my dad who is a con man. Love that. That's awesome. I've listened to the first episode. It's incredible. I mean, that's insane. We've talked about it before. We've been friends for years, obviously. And we're basically going to do a better version of a Pod Don't Lie episode right now. Yeah. Because remember we had you on and we were just talking about it.

And it's insane. Like your father's insane. It's crazy. Yeah, I mean it started back in the 90s where he and I, we went to probably over like 50 games where I would impersonate a Sports Illustrated for Kids reporter. He would impersonate a Sports illustrated for kids reporter He would impersonate a sports illustrated for kids photographer, and we just get into the garden Completely for free so and without it so we wouldn't have tickets Then I go into locker room after the games and interview players, and I met in Jordan. I met mariole mu I was at Ranger Yeah, mariole me my favorite hockey player was that you know the Stanley Cup for

Three of the games it's that glass for game seven Gracie Mansion for the Stanley Cup he went to the fucking party Yeah, my dad did it so my dad after after getting into all this stuff He never stopped it was like he would always just push it to the limits where of course after You know go to the game and having access But we went to the after party after Rangers won the cup and then what they celebrated a Gracie mansion He got past the mayor's security detail no problem So he would just constantly he just loved it. He loved the rush. Yeah Yeah, my dad's just a guy who never cared about consequences, right?

Usually that stops that like, you know, you're certain you're like maybe going into like college or after college like alright I'm gonna settle down to get it together normal person Yeah, my dad was like this is how I'm gonna live my life and everything that he did was you try you know? Try and con people that's why and so this is so you grew up here in Jersey or in New York, Long Island Oh, Long Island. Yeah, so you grew up on Long Island, and this is like we're talking what like the early 90s early 90s So yeah, it's it is like right It does feel like the last time you could talk your way through that Like you could still probably case by case con your way through but the early to mid 90s

Like that seems like the last time 9-eleven probably is the true Bam ever since that was part of that. He was He tried he talked his way off the plane Parachute off here, boys. I'm gonna, just drop me off where they're doing the X Games. I'm gonna parachute down. But that's like, that really is like, it's a beautiful time when still.

I think people believe more what you were saying before 9-11, like people really took you out of your world. Definitely. Now I feel people believe more what you were saying before 9 11. Like people really took you. Definitely. Now I feel people are a little bit more suspicious. Like are is what you're saying the truth. Well, there's you still could get people on shit. You can definitely get people.

But now it's like now we do so much security almost theater. Yeah, where it's like there's things where like taking your shoes off is not going to do shit. You know what I mean? Like there's stuff to make you, all the TSA stuff we do does not make us safer. It just really, it makes people think something's going on but like the lady that you know.

Does it even though I think most people are just angry. Most people taking their stuff off are just like, I don't think anyone feels relieved. Well we travel every fucking weekend. But if you think about it. I don't feel safer at all. Think about, but we were just just we're tired of doing anything To travel through if you think about a guy who travels literally twice gets on a plane two times a year He's probably like I mean, that's how I thought I was like well

This is for our safety like just stupid you know what I mean, but but there now It's like there's so many over-the top checks, security checks that don't mean shit, whereas back then it was like, there really was barely any security. There was really barely, like a vest could probably get you most places. Well, you know, internet, where it's like my dad was able to reach out to the garden

and then say that Sports Illustrated for Kids was coming. They didn't have like a contact over there, direct contact to be like, is this person exactly who he says he is?'s probably what I'm at his word then he brings a kid yeah I can get you into like stuff you can like Gary hit the ball cut the night he's cut nice yeah pretty cute those gleaming gleaming sparkling let's not forget his beautiful eyes Sam you don't even listen to the guy he told you what he wants compliments on and you're talking about Let's not forget his beautiful eyes Sam, you don't even listen to the guy.

He told you what he wants compliments on and you're talking about how sexy he was when he was seven. Tell him his eyes are nice for Christ's sake. The pet and Gary down there like, is that an outie butt? Put him in the Uggle line. Put him in the non-fuckable child line. He was at the Jordan double nickel game. Oh my god.

Yeah, so fifth game back at the garden and yeah, I mean that's crack with celebrities and then that was one where The real sports illustrated for kids guys were actually at the game. Oh what happened? They never had a they didn't have a kid it was they never used a kid reporter That's what's also like part of the genius of my dad It's like he didn't even check to see if like they actually use the kid But it also didn't matter because people just believe we're looking back it's kind of weird to be like that's a guy and a kid yeah yeah yeah he wasn't my father too so it would be like that's weird

photographer that's way weird I would ask him and this is the rest on quite on set the Nickelodeon doc yeah if Gary was a better actor, he's definitely getting molested as a kid His dad is definitely selling him to Nickelodeon good thing. You couldn't read lines could memorize lines This is how sad it was with my dad work It got to the point where we did this at so many games was like can you just please say that you're my father? Just do the mic and that's just like one of the saddest things. Besides, we're both never sitting together at a game. You never sat together? Never.

You'd be taking photos, right? Yeah, he'd be taking photos, so he'd be sitting in his camera through the glass at the games, at the Ranger games, or he'd be on the court. And I'd either be up in the press area or like I'd have like a great seat. So he's just like, all right, all right, bucko, enjoy the game. Oh, yeah. Don't get abducted. No, exactly.

I'm like, I'm between ages of like 9 to 13 when I'm doing this stuff and I'm walking around the garden by myself at the end of it Your team is Andy wasn't cute anymore. Yeah Any child star yeah hit puberty and we're like, yeah, this isn't gonna work. Not as good Damn, dude. So that's so funny that the actual sports illustrated for kids. That is so true that it's like it's a kid's Magazine it's like you go to a pediatrician the doctor's not a child Why would it be a kid report? I mean, I guess they do like the fun little video segments, but that's video It's never you don't want a child to write a note It's so funny to do the interviews though. Yeah, so we actually, yeah, we even went, we went through with it. We kept

up with the appearances, so I would actually interview each player and I would interview Michael Jordan and I had a recorder. Unfortunately, we lost a lot, like the recordings and stuff, but a lot of times I was like, yeah. Your dad pawned it off? Yeah, who knows? I mean, he was like, he was always up to something. When I interviewed Mario Lemieux, we videotaped it. So like, who knows what happened to those tapes. But the podcast, yeah, it talks about the con and then it goes deeper than that because after when I was about like 15, I stopped talking to my dad completely. And so for 24 years, he and I haven't spoken

and the podcast picks up where I just had a kid and I start thinking more about my dad and like this great thing that we did at the garden. You a kid? He's like I got to get back to this How did you get him to listen? How'd you get him in yeah, so so yeah the podcast picks up with me basically I like the search and find out mission why did my dad make these decisions? Yeah, he made because we haven't talked in 24 years I try and go find out where he's at and and yeah, that's interesting. It's 10 episodes

We were telling the story to this production company and Gary's like, you know, I met Bill Murray I met Cindy Crawford and they're like sounds like he was a great dad. We're like well he left Cool shit for yeah also but it was like a lie in a crime and based off of yeah this was like the nicer lie that yeah you know this is where I had to tell people in school yeah I couldn't tell people pictures and he couldn't tell his classmates yeah couldn't tell anybody and then you're the kids like I know Michael Jordan I just asked him what his favorite type of pasta was he said macaroni and cheese we're tired of Gary's pathological you're the one kid

like your dad yeah yeah it's like yeah that kid that was always like oh yeah oh yeah my mom you went to high school with the Blue Ranger actually Like just those dumb lies you actually could have told you were telling the truth No one would have believed yeah, I just wanted to like I was at the Rangers Stanley Cup Game seven and the next day I was in school like after I probably went to bed at four in the morning Great I'm went to bed at four in the morning. And the next day I'm in fifth grade and I'm going to class with the school of my classmates and it's like none of it makes sense. I didn't wanna, I couldn't share that with anybody.

I'm like I was just at their after party. That's wild. The secret element of it is a thing that you don't think about either because that'll fuck a kid up too. Which is like I'm just not allowed to share the only bonding, the only positive experience we ever had. I'm not allowed to tell anyone. well most parents tell their kids to tell the

truth and my dad was like oh that's true if a lie gets you farther you know go with it yeah in your base have you lied was that something you had to like get rid of yeah personally like I feel like I was I mean you know we talked about like you know children being groomed I was groomed at least to be a liar not I was groomed to be a scammer and like I saw that how it worked for my dad and it was like at Point where I was like, you know at end of college I'm like do I want to be the person my dad was or do I want to be me and I chose to be my dad I want to be me and I chose to be my dad So like I sold drugs in in college and like it wasn't like something my dad as far as I know You know, he never sold any drugs, but I was like I figured out how to get away with yeah

You find like the little loop the little loopholes of like Gary's a snitch. Yeah Just just find the minority and say he did it and it actually works so much more than you think it will know by you don't even need proof really I would sell it I would so I sold cocaine in college oh yeah did that ever get you pussy yeah did well there we go I mean it always works a college yeah where college, Buffalo. Buffalo. So there's a kid actually from Queens. That's some hefty whores up there.

That's a lot of lines you gotta take. That's not a New York City line you gotta take down to get pussy. That's a 185 gal. He's got a fat, thick little rail. You're like, ah geez, take it easy. There were, all the people that I would sell to were all in like a fraternity or sorority that I knew so it was like it was probably a group of like that's always the best 400 kids yeah and uh yeah it

was for the most it seemed safe you know looking back on it wasn't smart. Who was your connect who how'd you get? There's a guy from from Queens somebody put me in touch with him and I think he was selling to other colleges but then he would come up to Buffalo and somehow I got his information and he would drive it up from Queens His name is Mike never got his last name Yeah, and he would give me a quarter pound of coke and then I would sell my just bag it up And I'd sell him as as grams or like yeah bags And then you just be you know every basically three weeks you would drive up again beautiful. Yeah, that's a nice little What it whatever real whatever re-up get you how much would you make off a quarter probably?

I think it was something like the whole an ounce would sell for like 2300 and I was wind up getting it for about like $700. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah And then you saw that every three weeks, you know per ounce you're doing pretty good That's not and I'm guessing your your studies you didn't care about your studies too much at the time or what? No, I didn't care. I mean I was making my I felt like I was like loaded. Yeah I was in college. Oh my god my my mom she didn't have any money So like and I was at a state school so there wasn't like much of much of a tuition But like as far as like spending money, I'm like I could go out to bar. I could yeah

much of a tuition but like as far as like spending money I'm like I could go out to a bar I could just spend money. This is so much better than being poor. Oh absolutely. But then you have to decide like do I want to continue to do this after college. I love the idea that you could. It's funny. Do I go pro? I'm like I'm making good money. I'm like how do I become Mike? Yeah yeah yeah well the answer is yeah I mean it's like going up that ladder scary. Yeah. The bottom of the drug ladder, one step above the absolute bottom. You're like, just give somebody up. It's great, exactly.

Well, no, not that. I mean, you're not even close to anything like that. Where it's like, I mean, that is kind of, you're right, Mike, you could have gone, but I just mean, where you are, you're probably not getting caught. You know what I mean? You're selling to college kids. Like, I mean, they get caught, then you're fucked

because they're immediately snitching, but you're selling to within kids like I mean they get caught then you're fucked cuz they're immediately snitching But you're signed to within a circle of people You're not really in any kind of deal. That's scary. It's some guy. You know who's just gonna give you right maybe he rips You off with a close call once didn't you yeah, so my roommate at the time We went up to like Toronto and my roommate at the time He like I guess locked himself out of the apartment like a few days before we left for Toronto and he climbed through our window to get into our apartment and This fraternity lived across the street and they saw him get into our apartment in this way. He like moved the garbage can

And so we came back from Toronto and we had an alarm and it was going off and I go into my my room and it's like my door is knocked off the hinges and this plate I had that I would chop up coke with was just like out and my laptop was missing. They didn't find the coke which was hidden actually in my laptop case. And I had like eight grand that was hidden in my laptop case also and but yeah and then I go to my roommate. And get the fuck out of here. I had like eight grand that was hidden in

And But yeah, and I go to my roommate this friend just robbed you of your laptop Yeah, because they knew that we were like up in Toronto, and then they just took whatever they could I don't know you were coke a coke. Yeah, they know I was a coke dealer That's why so what but they didn't find the cocaine. They didn't find the coke. They're like, all right We'll take the laptop. Yeah, they took the lab our neighbor the guy across the street. Yeah Yeah, so we're the frappers didn't find the coast. They're like, all right, we'll take the laptop Yeah, they took the lab our neighbor the guy across the street. Yeah, so we're the frappers didn't do the right thing They came back and raped you There yeah, yeah in your brain you're like, huh my Brita filter the water looks cloudy Well, I'm really thirsty from coming back from Toronto

Wake up the guys fucking your mouth. So I was the cocaine I just started writing jokes like just started I was like, oh, let me like that let me can't get my laptop back at least I did it But like I never got it back but uh, there's nothing we had this alarm going off and I said to my roommate I'm like not only did this guy show There's nothing funny alarm going off and I said to my roommate I'm like not only did this guy show Them how to break in but I'm like so the alarms going off. Why are like the cops here? Yeah, and he goes I Forgot to pay the the bill for the alarm company And I'm like, but they kind of saved me too because the car came in searched everything

They would have seen a plate full of cocaine someone came in here and left cocaine took a laptop and left cocaine Nothing. Yeah, I would have been the chance of like alright, you know, and it's cops and buffalo Full of cocaine someone came in here and left cocaine took a laptop and left cocaine nothing Yeah, that would have been the chance of like all right. You know and it's cops in Buffalo I think they cops want to like fuck with a college kid yeah, so they would take advantage of well That's what I was gonna say that fucking handcuffed in college by cops, and they had a field day They loved it there's no the because like a college a campus cop is kind of the perfect intersection of mall cop insecurity with real cop power.

And then you give them college kids who no one respects and no one should. It's perfect for a megalomaniac cop. I dodged a similar bullet where we were just, I was a freshman just smoking a blunt in the street in New Orleans with college kids and we're just getting high, we're high. We're you know, yeah, whatever the cops pull up. It's like what do you think's happening outside of fucking New Orleans? You know, yeah, but we're getting pretty baked and they they handcuff all of us. We're in like a back alley

They you know, they're going through all of our shit. I was a aspiring comic. They pull my joke book out I remember this story. Yeah, and I fucking they start reading my bits and they sucked I fucking and then but because of that they didn't shake your ass for the rest of the week they were like after like torture me for a couple minutes all the fucking kids are laughing at how shitty my jokes are they let us go and one of the kids goes I had coke on me Wow so we dodge a bullet by being such a shitty open mic But it is funny like even that even I guarantee you the bits that were lost or like some of the worst bits of all Time that first six months you start comedy. You're like no one can steal I remember being like I remember the time being like Robin Williams is an

Unforgivable piece of shit because I'd heard a rumor They had stolen someone's jokes. I'm like if somebody did that to me my art and I'm like Like my jokes about being too fat to wipe my own ass No one will take those from me. It was just feels like I'm good Whoa, my ass dirty. Oh, I have to clean it Oh my ass dirty. Oh, I have to clean it That was like so precious to me those like whatever was in that laptop Yeah, I was like damn that like I wouldn't even care about like in that moment. I was like I didn't care about the coke That's so funny about that. So that's how wrong arsenal though. Yeah, your intimate thoughts

So yeah, just jokes. We were just like this is like it It's almost like when you see someone looking over at your notes and you get so feel like what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, this is an extension of my mind. Yeah, but yeah That's mark norman You're like a talk weird your whole life That was the one thing it said talk in a way you don't really talk, but now you've done it so long, I think you do actually talk that way now.

You had written that. He's just there like. Yeah. That's crazy that you were that close to going down. Yeah. But I mean, you also would be, the scare, like you are in a safe place, but if any danger happens, you're so fucked at that level of drug dealing

I wrote because old weed in Baltimore City in high school and it was like My friend I bought the weed from my friend's brother who we went to like the magnet school and his brother was clearly The first draft son that his dad it was a brother from a different marriage, his dad had not gotten it right, and this kid was a, like, if I wasn't friends with his brother, I literally like bought weed from this guy in my like school uniform in my mom's Dodge caravan,

and it was like, that guy could have robbed me at any moment, and I would have done absolutely nothing about it, You know what I mean? And then, and there was one time where I was like, should I sell cocaine? I mean, I got this weed thing. And then my friend was like, we were talking about buying cocaine.

And he was like, all right, so I'm just gonna go grab a couple guns and we'll be ready to go. And I was like, you know what, man? I actually decided I'm good on this. I actually, I actually decided as soon as guns come out, like one kid had gotten like a, he had a heart issue and he won a huge settlement and he was like, dude, I'm going to invest my money. I'm going to buy cocaine. He was like, do you want to get

in on this with me? And I was like, and then our other friend who had just been selling cocaine, the three of us will pool our resource together. And I'm like, Hmm, which one of us is getting robbed? If I go into these two, which, which of the three of us is getting his 10 or whatever, 5,000, whatever like money I had pulled up. It's probably even less than that. It's probably $2,000 of like all my week. Who of us is getting robbed out of the three of us, the hardened already cocaine dealer the six eight kid with a heart

Condition that lives in this neighborhood or me or the fat white guy with rosy cheeks Hey fellas, let's get this. Let's fucking let's get let's not fuck up our re-up right guys Just like Gucci man says so I was like once guns were mentioned I was like what the fuck am I doing but it's great because you're so close to like yeah anyone would like I mean you know you're a cute little guy I can't believe you didn't get robbed more that's what I was kind of going with where it's like I would be they wouldn't suspect at me as being the dealer yeah I was like oh that but why didn't coke heads rob you is my question guess you were a nice guy I

think it's like Never like jumped or anything Which is pretty crazy. Yeah, I guess it was just the environment where it's like, you know, Buffalo We didn't have it didn't get around to the the group of kids that would actually of course of course Does that mean that those that group of kids obviously existed? Oh, yeah, they didn't know about it. Yeah I never did coke ever. That's great. We've talked about that It's insane to grow have Not do cocaine you jump out of a 30-story building when we were young so I was like that's enough He didn't have coke that was like all right. I'm out damn. How old was he?

Ninth grade doing coke yeah Yeah, that's crazy. I'm gonna guess I'm gonna get some other something else was going on Yeah, yeah, I guess coke gives you confidence, but The one guy to follow through on his cocaine ideas That's cool, I still I still killed myself tomorrow. Why tomorrow? I was doing it right now. Coke just always scared me though. Of course, it's scary. The story of the Lembias, that story growing up obviously. And also the Coke people, their vibe was not the vibe. No, it's annoying.

No, it's crypto people to me now. I'm like, you're not making me want to do this shit No, no, no, I don't I don't usually vibe with the same thing of my in my school Nobody actually did you either sold cocaine or you sold honestly crack or you or you like? Are you smoking you smoked weed or you were like it really was like a rich there was also like a Class thing to me where I was like it was the annoying rich kids that did cocaine and I was like I don't want to be like these motherfuckers. I'm a weed guy. I'm a fuckin' legalized weed guy. It was also cooler, I mean it wasn't,

but it was like, weed hadn't fully, it was still illegal. It wasn't like not dangerous, it wasn't as lame as it is now. I'm sure it was, I'm still listening like sublime and pretending to like Bob Marley more than I do to like be a cool guy You know what I mean, but it wasn't like so there was still you know Anyway, we're thinking about when you're doing coke is that you think that every if you start doing I remember I was doing it like on Tuesday

It like yeah the nights to go out in school was like Tuesday Friday and Saturday So I do it those three nights I did it for like maybe like three months at like that rate A few nights a week and you think that everybody else is also doing it. Yeah, and then you go out You like talk to somebody and you're like And they're like now it's Tuesday I know it's Buffalo. Yeah, I know I'm like chill your life together. Yeah Yeah, well this is so that's fascinating though. So you you know, whatever you're selling coke and stuff But where I'm interested to and going backwards a little bit about your dad where it's I also like that

We have everyone here has a weird father. Yeah, everyone here has a Fractured relationship with their biological father. Yeah Yeah, yeah, that's crazy eldest is dead by default Mike it's a toss-up between mine and your dad about who's a better dad, but it's It's a bad. That's it's like when Michael Michael Carter Williams won rookie of the year. That's a real deep cut for NBA That's a good joke if you like the NBA but Yeah, that's a tough one bad for bad dad

But but where I didn't even stick around I mean, yeah, but yeah, yeah you're tough one. Bad, four bad dads in the room. But, but we're- Mine didn't even stick around. I mean, yeah, but- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine did, that was the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is a good case study. Yeah.

You know, I got a good stepdad. You got a great stepdad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's your actual dad. But yeah, I mean, the blood, the nature versus nurture thing, yeah, it's a good question. Yeah. What do you want? When you got a shit dad, do you want him to stick around? Right nurture thing, yeah, it's a good question. Yeah. What do you want?

Yeah. When you got a shit dad, do you want him to stick around? Right, right, right. If they leave, right? Probably better if they leave for sure. Yeah. And not that my dad, I'm glad, I guess I'm glad. I still, I don't know my, I still have to investigate my feelings about my father, but

so your parents were like, so you have a, how many kids, how many siblings do you have? Two older sisters. Two older were like so you have a how many kids how many siblings do you have? Two older sisters. Two older sisters so you're the baby. So yeah when my my middle sister left for college I was the only one in my house with them and I was like fuck I'm like I'm not gonna be able to make it they were just arguing so much it was so bad. But they stayed together huh? They stayed together and then by the time I was a sophomore in college high school I was like I need to like get out of here and I played ice hockey So I knew a couple kids that went to a boarding school. So I was like, how do I get over there?

Wow, you sent yourself to a boarding school? I figured out how to get out I filled out the paperwork for it My parents like finally like agreed on something and they they agreed to send me away And then so I only had to see them like you know like four times a year Outside of like really yes, I thought would you go to a shitty one or what is it those expensive? Yeah, well my dad conned his way in said that he always had money But he would always deny how much money right so he would I got in on like financial aid apparently beautiful That is awesome and of course at times. They threatened me to that'd have to toss me out of school because he wasn't paying.

Yeah, it was like a full ride of financial aid. So the little money that he did have to pay was always like a thing. So you're a kid where like, yeah, your dad hasn't paid the bill. So it's like and then you like call home and like, hey, can you like pay? It's like we're in times I didn't want to talk to him, but you need your apparel. So it's also like you have no money. You get evicted. Now, can you not go to school?

It's like, well, this was also where you live. Yeah, it's like they just money you get evicted. Yeah, I can you not go to school. It's like well this world They just send you on the streets what was this feel like they just grew up together like what was the thing about your parents He like together. I mean he met her I guess when he was in his 20s like right out of almost about to be out of college and he he was just running a con himself at the time where he was Stealing exams in college and selling them and you made a ton of money. Yeah, he was able to buy my house Yeah Nice it's crazy and then yeah, he that's a lot of money you're talking about inflation this is the eighties 1979 yeah so yeah and I remember asking

him like how much money did you make off of that and he goes more than the professors in college what is what are his parents like? Do you know your grandparents at all? Were they like? They were, they came from Czechoslovakia and Russia. And then so like, you know, I get, they were nice people, but it's like, they were trying to survive and they didn't have a lot of money. And you know, just like, I mean,

I feel like kids in like the sixties, like you're always going to be sneaking on the subway, things like that, doing these little things, cutting school. but my dad was just the guy who would just go farther than that Yeah I could see that I guess I guess I also knew I feel like you probably also knew like The foreign parents that were so oblivious because of the like culture. Yeah difference that you could really You know you can get away with a lot. Even in like, you know, and you know,

I'm obviously younger than your dad, but like even in the like 90s with foreign parents, I had friends who like got away with crazy shit, whose parents just were not plugged into America at all. So back then, it's like fresh foreigners in the 60s with just a. Yeah, my buddy was from Iran and he, at 15 he was driving

just his car like he was visiting me in boarding school that's fucking awesome any other cons that you're aware of that your dad was pulling um yes yeah go ahead so after you know he's obviously left college and then he went into the furniture business and for years you after, you know, he's obviously left college and then he went into the furniture business and for years you would have, you know, have this furniture business that seemed like it was, you know, on the up and up, but he wasn't sending furniture to certain people.

So over time, it's not the greatest con. Yeah. How about this? I keep the money and don't give them anything. But how do you get away with that? How do you? away with that? He got away with it for a long time until it's like enough people complain where but it's like you could it's they didn't have Yelp back then.

No, they really didn't. Better Business Bureau. So it's like that's who would feel the complaints. So you could really just be like a couple got your couch. You can argue it. It's like what are these people going to do? So he would just keep keep doing that over and over again, but only to like certain people. Eventually that like got the attention

of the Better Business Bureau and then the Attorney General got involved. Apparently this was over like $100,000. The Attorney General. Back then in the 80s that he like stole. And there was a big like news article for it. There's other things like I heard about that he he stole like he worked for like an a not like an accounting firm and he was the power of attorney for somebody.

Oh my god over $400,000 and he got arrested in the office. Yeah, and this is this is stuff. This is stuff like there's certain things where it's like, I couldn't prove, because this is so far back, but these are things that like, would come up when I'd be like interviewing different people and be like, how do you not get the shit kicked out of you? How do you not get like, you know? Well, those are things like, he was asked,

like I had somebody that I interviewed, he goes, you know, like, let me start with this, is that one time we would go to Hershey Park, and we went to Hershey Park and My dad was on the ride at Hershey Park and there's like the Velcro strap That was part of the ride just like broke off and he got off the ride He starts complaining about his ribs goes to the hospital and everything winds up suing Hershey Park and made $50,000 off of this so after that we're like, this is what I believe my entire life happened. After that I'm like I'm interviewing a cousin recently for the

podcast and he goes remember that thing that happened your dad at Hershey Park? Well oddly enough I was talking to him maybe you know a few years back and I asked him I'm like did you ever get roughed up and he goes yeah one time back in the 90s I got punched so hard I broke one of my ribs and my cousin was the one he's like well That's not the same exact time as like the Hershey Wow So he went so in my cousin's mind he went to Hershey Park with these broken ribs Yeah, and then made this whole thing up so he could get a payout or fully I believe that yeah I scammer scammer sees a silver lining. It's like wow a guy finds out you've been stealing his pension

And he kicks the shadow you Hershey Parks pay Like your childhood memories to an amusement park Crazy did you were you ever part of any other cons? I mean the big con obviously is the sports illustrated But did he ever use you in any only other things would be like we would go if we Remember we were in a car once you got hit from behind, you know And it's like he's like my neck hurts your neck hurts too, right? Yeah, you go in and insane so you can file a claim with Geico

You know every time we would go to the movie theater Never I mean it's little but it's like you're always sneaking in you're never not going to pay for a ticket and it's like Can we pay for it the same thing is like can you be my dad of course pay for a ticket? I'm like he's like no Gary's like you got to sneak under the ropes and I'd sneak under the ropes and I'd be like Down like the hallway and then he'd go up to the usher and he'd be like my kids over there Look, he's the one who has our tickets and then my dad would get in too for food And it's like I mean we did this we I mean we And we of course we see all his movies. I saw a child's play at five years old

Child's play Tremors Rambo, I mean these are the movies that he's thinking about what else you had some others What the fuck Beverly Hills cop it's like everything it's like did he ever use your sisters in a con Do you know as far as I know it's like it would just be little stuff. It's like I'm my sister She talks about this, but she she got hit with a lacrosse stick She was running track and she was on on the road They were doing like cross like a cross-country training thing and these these kids came by in high school and just like whacked her with Like a little kid's like fucking with her. And my father.

That's kind of wild for fucking someone. You know, here's that this happened to his daughter and also probably because he wants a payout and he used to drive a Chevy Caprice, which is a, which could be looked, it looks as an unmarked cop car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my father found out which was the kid that that did this

and he drives to this guy's house finds exactly where he lives waits for this kid to leave and then pulls him over in his Chevy Caprice and did he have a fake little interrogates this kid do you have the fake he had a light on the side but that came with the car oh really have you like a fake light or anything but he would pass himself off as a cop. Yeah pull this kid over I guess basically like threatened him saying that he knows what he did Yeah He also found out where this family lives and then my sister got to pay out in the lawsuit because he wanted to make sure

That this this family had money too so Gangster yeah, it's like good fellows. We're instead of offing people up. He's like I'll find a way Yeah, I'll find a way to get a good would you are let's see if this law if this litigation is worth it. Yeah In court, yeah, he would do anything really did the judges start to know him I mean as far as I know no one's ever said that but I mean I assume that it's like You just I guess they can't look up somebody's history. It's like one lawsuit is completely different than the next Yeah, I mean this this really is a guy that survives off of he like this type guys not

It's not possible to be this guy right now anymore You can't be a scammer like this anywhere because so much of it he existed in the cracks Where there was no connection between stuff like even the that furniture scam? He could just call him be like they call him. They're like well it says here You're gonna have to take it up with The UPS you're calling everyone. There's no websites to check There's no yes, it's a pain in the ass And he's taking advantage of how annoying everything is and there's no way to check

Like if anyone just took the time to check what your dad did I bet he could also tell Who would be the kind of person to do that right so? Fascinating damn, and you know obviously don't spoil it, but I do wonder I do wonder what a guy like that is up to these days Yeah, and that's the whole thing yeah trying to figure out like why did he make those decisions? And then it's like will he be willing enough to like talk on the podcast yeah, and well no spoilers. I haven't listened to it no No, he's living off some dumb bitch right now this whole is scams have dried up that's my that's what I'm picking I just like to put now look I might be wrong folks that's just listen to the

podcast and see what stop right what's the the weird thing about the bike is like I'm not like an investigative reporter by any means. So I have to use my like dumbness to like try and figure things out. That is really funny. Like everybody else. Well it's funny that you kind of are now though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got you in as being a reporter and now you're a fucking reporter. When he left, did your mom ever get remarry or anything like that? Yeah, she remarried and then she, this is like such a tough thing for her for me to like be doing because she just doesn't like Mary at all Yeah, she wants to bury it all yeah, you know so that's kind of that's whatever Honestly to that too. My mom was not thrilled when I met my biological father, but there's not much you can guess what?

Yeah, hey don't let them not inside you ladies I mean it's crass but truly that's a form of selfishness on the mob cuz like I struggle with this They don't need him. She just was like I could tell her and upset her I don't think it was her trying to be selfish. I'm not saying you're a mom. I'm just saying I struggle with that too of like, when one parent is clearly worse, the other parent did let them get away with that and put you in that position. So whatever you have to do to get over that,

they just gotta live with. Like I'm just saying that because I struggle with giving my mom maybe too much of a pass. Because with my parents it was like my dad clearly was the worst one, but it's like, my mom enabled all that behavior, and he was in the house. I agree, blame women.

So the point is, stand up, don't let them nut inside you, and stand up to them, or shut the fuck up. All right, well, hey, look, that's as good a point as any to get into our advice That's so fascinating. Yeah, I am incredible. I can't wait to listen to the party I was just talking to you about it So because like people come on here and it'll be like shit. I don't get it's like my friends are back Yeah, no, I'll watch your fucking special. I will actually well watch both your specials, but, but I'm so interested to listen to that. Just as anyone out, like even if it wasn't my friend,

it's like that's fascinating, like the con man, just like a small time con man. Small time con man, yeah, like unless you pass him off, he's like, he's not Bernie Madoff, but he also has made golf. Yeah, exactly, but as far as I know, he didn't get, you know, caught ever. So it's like, wow.

What is it better to be the guy who, like, went all out, went so, so far ahead to get caught, now you're in jail at the end of your life, or is it better to be the guy who just was, who never learned a lesson? Yeah. We never had to. Yeah. And then what happens to those guys? Because, yes, they don't learn their lesson, right? But eventually your life, I mean, look, the clock's ticking on your life. Well, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't talk to my sisters,

so it's like, what's better? Like, you know, is it good to live that way? Totally, totally, it's fascinating of like, let's say you don't get caught, but what are the consequences of it? And oftentimes I do think, look, the main guys, yes those are interesting stories, the big, the made-offs, whatever,

but it's like, they're also pretty cut and dry. But the smaller guys are more interesting because it's like they have more eccentricities. Big time crooks, they're just the same as billionaires where it's like, they just have that pathology, pathological need to make more and more and more and take and take and take, whereas these guys are like, you don't know what makes them tick.

What the fuck, it's a weird way to behave. I think he got off online for sure. I think how you write about a guy like Madoff or some of these big Ponzi scheme guys, this is like a small time thing. So he's hands on, he's literally lying. He's not lying on a phone call, he's lying to your fucking face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And the psychology of that, but that's what I mean, it's much, to me it's fascinating to like, for all aspects of it. I mean, the way Goodfell but that's what I mean. It's much to me It's fascinating to like for all aspects of I mean the way good fellows if you think about it Good fellows is about a small Henry Hill is not even made. Yeah, he's an associate like it's a much more That's a much more fascinating character than you know the bosses what all all bosses all whatever figureheads They're the same if we're really boiling down to it.

They have different eccentricities and whatever, but it's about blind ambition. With the guys in the middle and bottom, it's like damn, being a fucking, a small fish in this ruthless type of life is fascinating. So I'm excited. Yeah, if you look at it like, I think he had a front of the line mentality.

He just was like, how do I, I don want to wait in the back at the movie theater I would you know like I want to get I want to get ahead of line what you know on opening night I want to figure out how do I how do I get myself up there yeah and I think like that's how he approached everything if I if I go to the pizza place I want the owner to know who I am right I guess free slices for me my kid you know the other thing you would always do so he had a payphone business, and part of the payphone business was- Like just all these things that don't exist. Yeah, exactly.

And then like, it's like, and they don't exist because of guys like this. Yeah. Anything that your dad was doing shouldn't exist anymore. But he knew phones existed. He had a Beanie Babies car. Yeah. He would take, go to Blockbuster

and just put frozen disks of human shit in How to Lose a Guy in 10, every fourth How to Lose a Guy in 10 DVDs was one of Gary's dad's frozen shit. He would take you to the whiz and just reach and now. But yeah, he you know, he would find a way where any type of thing that he would do Yeah, like this small-time crook where it's like a Bernie Madoff. It's money. It's hedge funds Like yes, my dad was seemed like he was after money But he's also just after the rush of a free set how to pull one over which is interesting It's in every conversation that he's had how can he scam somebody right now? Yeah, it is honestly I've heard the first step. It's produced like a funny 30 for 30. Yeah It's like so highly produced and so well done and there's cool music It's incredible. Yeah, I'm pumped. I think it's gonna turn into a show or a movie at some point. It's awesome

Hey, you need someone to play your fat piece of shit father Pretty good, I would love to and I'll play the lieutenant trying to catch We have a love triangle with young Gary. We're rewriting everything. Great point my friend Who's on this podcast right now? I just want to take a break from our riveting conversation To highlight the listeners of this show because we've told them over and over again Hey, give us a five-star review and some of them will do it through the kindness of their hearts

But others they need attention and we're here to give it to them So we're what we're gonna do here occasionally on this program when we don't have another when we don't have a mid-roll advertisement We will highlight some of our favorite five-star reviews You'll get on here if you're witty you you keep it quick, and you don't and it's five stars. Take the four stars and shove them. I don't want to hear this is North Korea media as far as I'm concerned. And listen, you can trash us. You can trash me and Elvis, but give us five stars. Trash us personally, say something nice about the show and give us five stars. You can be on it. We prefer if you didn't. didn't here for example here our friend Joel Ocasio

says maybe some connection to Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez who knows best show he's ever heard stoppy baby could bang my girlfriend if I had one this is the only show that I am checking my phone every 10 minutes the day of an episode is to come out sounds like eldest needs to be doing a little better with the uploads Love it. Keep doing it. And if you ever make a movie, please use an all Albanian indentured servant crew for the set Yeah, right and the fucking cameras go missing overnight nice thinking But thank you for that five-star review. Here's one from scolnia the best comedian podcast right now Wow, that makes us feel good. Listen to the show is a balding man has given me the confidence to grow my hair out That's what I like to hear. No one has a better time with guests and gives incredible life advice while being funny

I even love eldest in his incompetence. Hey is shocking how good all this is This show the fact that this show comes out at all is incredible. He really pulls it off. Here's one from hand Jason. I peed one of the best podcasts Are you garbage episodes insanely funny love those boys. My co workers now think I have a disability or I'm on lots of drugs from laughing so hard. Well that's what we can hope for is that your co workers think you're fucked up on the job. Thanks to this podcast Thank you for those five star views. Do we have any more that's it for the for this for this app one more Sure, just too drunk without question the best podcast out there

Stop is witty funny and incredibly easy to binge geez just thank you best patron out there as well only $5 a month you get exclusive episodes At ad free that's correct one of the only comedians I can not recognize the first name of and decide to listen to anyways Stavi introduced me to so many incredible comedians and puts them on I do like doing that a real comedians comedian if I can go Back in time it would be to when I found Stav's world Eldest you rule Now that's beautiful. Eldest does rule.

And thank you for putting an organic plug to the Patreon in there too. We're just doing this to get five star reviews. But hey, if you want to sign up for the Patreon, Just Too Drunk, They are right about that. We also have a great Patreon and we don't miss, we've never in almost, Is it over two years? How long have you been doing doing this a year and a half

Think it'll be two years this fall or winter so year. Yeah, that's right two years in December in a year and a half We haven't missed an upload ever. We've been late like only a handful of times. Yeah sure There's been a handful of 10 p.m. Up right eldest is on the day it comes out It's come out at 11 p.m. Which are you even doing it that day? Not really, but hey, he was probably on vacation and assured me it wouldn't affect his work quality He could definitely find Wi-Fi in Hawaii But either way we've never taken a day off and we won't we record in batches So the people have a steady stream of podcasts, but thank you for five star reviews keep them coming we love you and uh now what were we talking about buddy

all right let's get to some questions here eldest what do you got going for us all right motherfucker i didn't know that beep was gonna happen right away it's nice to be home when you fuck up the first call i sound like. I sound like a dumbass. Started again. I didn't know that beep was gonna happen right away. I couldn't even get my thoughts for the last call. I sound like a dumbass. I'm not gonna sound like a dumbass brother. Listen, real quick, fire this up.

Yo, I need your advice for this. What up, what up, Savvy? What up, Elvis? What up, Guest? How many times are you gonna start? I don't know. Love you, Savvy, love you all this. Great pod, congrats on success.

All that bullshit. Anyway. hate him already I'm a straight man. My girlfriend's a straight woman. That's for context I posted a UFC fighter who's really jacked on my Instagram story said that he had the best physique in the UFC My girlfriend said that that I should it made her basically made her uncomfortable that I posted that instead It would have been like if she posted a dude on her story that she thought was hot Hmm, I said that wasn't the same thing because like I said earlier We're up straight so I thought it would have been like it's like

Some celebrity girl was looking hot and she posted on her story was like whoa Sleigh or something like that like I think that's what I would equate it to so I didn't think like she had a reason to be uncomfortable I still apologize obviously like I can't choose I can't like say how she feels if she felt uncomfortable I'm not gonna be a dickhead so I apologize and like like it's all in the past But I just want to know for myself was that a shitty thing to do or was it not a shitty thing to do Regardless I'm not gonna like if you say that I'm right. I'm not gonna throw this back in her face I really don't care. No, whatever if I'm in here uncomfortable I can't decide that, but I just wanna know

if it's a big deal or not, what do you think? Anyway, love the pod, use this one instead of the last one, I sound like a good time to go ahead and just rip the head in the last one. Let's file this under juice not worth the squeeze. It's an interesting, it's 12 seconds of a good question with a minute and 45 seconds of hemming and hawing. That was a lot. Basically the question is, I mean he posts a picture of a UFC fighter who says he's got

the best physique and his girlfriend gets mad, gets jealous. It's a weird thing to talk about. Number one, your girlfriend is cheating on you. I mean if this, if her trigger is this light on jealousy it's like is she because that can happen people that are hiding something can be ultra like touchy yeah but this is great I agree with you first of all it is hilarious there is a type of like bodybuilding guy that is basically gayer than gay guys where they just fucking salivate over like a guy's delts or traps or something and like even like you think your girlfriend's wrong

But it is weird for you to be like oh Look at this fucking Adonis. You know what I mean? Like unless it's weird to say it's weirder to post it Oh, yeah, you know what thinking best physique in the UFC. Listen,'t help your thoughts You can't help you see these guys. He's ripped you like damn. That's a fucking. What are you? What are you trying to accomplish by posting damn this guy's fucking hot? And like that's crazy Sports I get it you're watching a game occasionally like you know say Kwan was our running back for the Giants I'd be like man look at his legs. You know Sweet dick

It's weird to post this the posting is really weird I mean look is your girlfriend are you technically right in terms of the equivalency now if What you're saying at the beginning that you are both straight people is true, then yes you are. But some of the- You're both hiding secrets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's getting railed. You wish you were getting railed. Yeah, I can't believe that she's bugs out on that. That's weird. That's weird.

It's like, I mean, maybe it embarrasses her in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's not the sexual thing. Maybe she's just embarrassed. She's like, this is corny posting. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, dude. So anyway, you're right in that regard and I would but I would say Even if you're right, what is it the root of her? Behaving this way something's off here. Yeah, that's weird behavior to be like hey How dare that makes me uncomfortable that you said he had a great physique, like what?

You're probably gay, and she's probably cheating on you. I think that's probably the most. If I had the bet money, I would say you're gay and she's cheating on you, yes, Sam, you're absolutely right. I love when we help people. Yep, that's it. Next question.

Yeah. Hi, Stavi. Hi, Elvis. Hello, if there are the guests right now. I'm just calling to get some male perspective advice because I don't really have any male friends besides like my friend's husband who Like they're gonna see things differently because they're husbands and they've been with their wives since we were literal teenagers. Oh, well, also I'm 25 Okay, so I have matched with a 33 year old man on

Tinder and he told me I'm the only girl that he's talking to but then when I go on his Tinder to like I only go on Tinder to look At his fucking Tinder and then I see that he has added a new picture and then I went on again And it's he rearranged the picture and then I have my friend's sister-in-law go on Tinder and set her age range to his age range There's a this is a no one is right situation like this is anyway That's great like and then I I actually installed a tracker on it GPS tracker, and he's actually going to a different woman's house sometime And I asked him if he was at work He said yes, I am at work, but he was at the gym

And it's like that's not I guess that's a white lie, but like maybe he's having sex with a woman in there. Anyway, this, you're out of control, but keep going, sorry. And then I had my friend's sister-in-law go on Tinder and set her age range to his age range. And it says that he's active now, but he told me, I'm the only girl he's talking to. Am I just being dumb if I believe that? Like that's absolutely not true,

even though he totally made me feel like I'm special. Totally made me feel like we're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend also. We've only been really- You're not as awesome. Go back. Ah, fuck. Totally made me feel like we're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend also. We've only been really dating for like a a week and a half a week and a half

Tell me that if that's not true Please give me advice because yeah, I've only really dated men in their 20s And this is my first like man who's like, you know in his 30 so like a little bit older than me I don't know how older men operate Agism So like a little bit older than me. I don't know how older men operate ages Third in his mid-thirties is still being 20 year olds. He's not he's not matured. Yeah, I think we can all the Yeah, we all know we all are him Fucking way older dating the way younger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a fucking we know what he's doing yeah yeah I mean it's a slimy move but this is I mean clearly he's are you how are

you as you're saying this you're not like I'm fucking dumb I mean here's it like I was saying before it's like this is one of those words like look I feel for her right she's our friend she called into our show we're on her side he is clearly he's so yes this is kind of scummy this is scummy move on his part to be like you're the only girl I'm talking to which by the way a week and a half yeah yeah but we've only been dating a week and a half what does that mean you've been on two dates you've like kissed like you know I mean maybe you fuck maybe you're cool and you fucked immediately but who cares you know what I mean like you're this is clearly in the very early stages of something He's weird. He's being a weirdo by lying to you about just that you're the only

Girl that he's that he's with You're being out of control with all the checking like you're looking at his pictures on he already doesn't trust him that's the issue also but he's right to not she's right to not trust I think what she's doing is obsessing which is her I think that's your problem my friend is that you she's getting in there a little too she's going she's throwing herself and I wouldn't even say this is an age thing this is more of like how do you relate in dating she would probably behave this way whether the guys her exact age younger older whatever if you really like them She's going and checking and just looking at his pictures

And it's by the way it's only been a week and a half and he's changed his tinder three times He's fucking updated his pics and rearrange shit. That's insane. I also feel like it's a small town cuz she's on tinder Yeah, I feel like if you're in a bigger city you're going like hinge or bumble or something. Yeah, I don't know I have no idea. I actually don't really use the apps that much anymore I do feel like hinges having is the is the main one now. Yeah But who knows who's to say I used to say but anyway, I think she's her problem is that she's obsessing here Yeah, right where it's like way too quick to be gazing at this guy's pictures, whatever where it's like way too quick to be gazing at this guy's pictures, whatever.

Now, age does not have anything to do with if you're a dickhead to women or not, right? In fact, like I said, if you're... I think that the percentages might actually get higher the older you go, because the people that aren't married are either like... They're like, I don't... I just want to fuck as much as possible, or I think it kind of it becomes extremes where it's like Someone who's really looking for relationship versus someone who's like I am decidedly not looking for relationship Where's in your 20s? It's more of like a mixed bag. I feel like so Yeah, I don't know dude. I just feel like she's and also it's like she's made her he's made her feel special

He's made her feel like they're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend. It's like. That's his game, I mean, you know, clearly a trick there. And here's the other thing though. Yes, we have the evidence that he said, oh yeah, you're the only girl I'm talking to, but it's like, other than that, what has he been doing? And is our friend here easy to make feel special special is my question like is he doing that much? What the fuck did he really do to make you feel your exclusive relationship? Which like are you after a week and a half yeah until you're an exclusive relationship?

He's got the right to be on there. Just don't fucking lie about it. Yeah, just say I'm you know I'm not looking for something yet or something like that. And if he hadn't said that She is the one who's off base right? Yeah, but now it's almost like a push now It's like well. He's been a dick to you, and you've been a little too Already clingy I guess is the word or just too into this so But yeah, I would I think the thing is Yeah, I would you need to put your guard up a little more, is really what I would tell him.

Maybe don't respond to him for like, you know, a little bit. Ice him out for just a little bit, you know, wait to respond back. You'll see where you stand quickly. You'll see how big the roster is. If you ice him out and he's like, all right, whatever, then you're not, whatever. But if he actually... Next woman up. Yeah, yeah, next woman up. We'll go to the bench. That's all right, whatever then you're not me or whatever, but if he actually woman up We'll go to the bench. That's all right

If you know if he's out with this many women or whatever Well, we also don't know here's the other thing that's even actually maybe even sadder Is that like he might be doing all this shit and not getting any other bites He might just be looking for other girls while he's kind of string this girl long And he's just keeping his options open and again if he had said nothing about Her being the old like in fact he might technically be right He's not talking to other women because he's a loser not because I'm trying to He might not know other women are interested in him, but he's he never said I'm not trying to talk this motherfucker might be pulling a little Gary's dad move here. Yeah, and technically dad is a you This is true con man shit words like you're not lying, but you're not telling the truth either

You gotta go back to the week and a half is like you're basically asking him to settle down Yeah, we can have crazy. Yeah, this is so I would say is it possible that he's technically not Either way he's trying to talk to other women It seems like you also need to settle down a little bit You need to put your guard up a little bit and stay, you know It's sad that we have to say that but that is the truth here And just kind of like, you know, don't get too,

you said a week and a half, it's a little quick to be, you know, doodling his name in your trapper keeper. So just chill out a little bit. Yes, he is probably, I would just be a little more suspicious and, you know, just go into it. But still, it seems like you like him. None of this is like, stop seeing this guy. It's just, you know.

Feel it out. Feel it out. I won't confront him either, because then you're gonna sound nutty. Don't confront him and just see how things go. If you feel like you're at the point where you wanna be in an exclusive relationship, you can bring that up,

and if he gives you some kind of run around, he is just stringing you along. That's the thing. It's like. You also have to keep your guard up because this dude might not be an honest guy. Yeah, totally, totally. Absolutely.

I would say just feel it out. Keep your bound. Don't fall for any tricks because he's clearly been a little dishonest, but also from your perspective, I think you need to pull back on the obsession over one good date. Yeah.

You know? Do not confront him. That was a good advice to end date. Yeah. You know? Do not confront him. That was a good advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell? My friend's stepsister got on Tinder and you were on there. That's, you're not, you've lost all your credibility if you hit him with that. And the private investigator had tailed you and also gave me a very troubling report.

So I don't know. Who's this? She's got long lens photos of him like hugging his cousin at a farmers market Who the fuck is this all right next question bigeldo Bobby love me buddy. Oh this good job, but I only like you as a friend. Yeah You can't hear it can't wait to hear what you have to say as a friend. Yes. You hear that? What's up? Can't hear it. Can't wait to hear what you have to say. All right. So I got relationship problems with my parents and I talked to my mom every day and she's sweet as all be and we get together for dinners once every two

weeks or so when we can. She's super, super involved. And she's not married to my father anymore, but my father's like the complete opposite. Like, I won't hear from him for three months at a time, and we live in the same town, and you know, I have to beg him three weeks in advance to do something for his birthday. And like, recently I tried to get him on Snapchat so I could send him little snippets of my life and say Oh man, this poor guy Yeah, here's what I'm doing And the first thing he says is Don't blow me up or else I'm getting off the app

Hahaha And so normally Holy fuck, your dad got your ass so good That's fucking crazy An app he only downloaded because you told him about it Yeah Hey man, I figured out you could get off this app. So stop fucking my notifications up I'll let him do his thing. You know, I'm happy. I have a full life

But recently he's been in the hospital a lot in the last Four months and there's been a couple times I talked to my sisters and said like we're we're looking at a potential death of this man and like I know it will be sad, but it was just weird for me to imagine Hit him dying and me being like not affected at all because I don't hear from all the time I my day-to-day life would not change at all And now he's always been super loving

financially And so I just wondering at all. And now he's always been super loving financially. And so I just wonder, and should I try to continue to forge a relationship with a man who's pretty resistant socially to that or should I just let it be and, you know, for stranger, someone who's a stranger dies and they die. Gary, you want to take this one? Stranger someone is a stranger that I've done He sounds like a great son yeah the financial thing that was a nice thing is what blew through me off because everything before that I was like fuck this guy Yeah, does he maybe have like another family that like that seems like what it is interesting and he just wants to live that life That's what I would kind of say then just wants to throw away

This kid is just too loving. Yeah Well until the financial thing for me, I was just like well fuck this guy who cares But if this guy it sounds like yeah either second family where it's like look I You know, I have an obligation so I'll pay for shit for you, but it's like, look, if this guy is just a distant, rich, I think the financial thing is what's even tripping our friend up here, because I feel like he feels a little guilty because his dad has provided for him in certain ways, and the ways that our caller thinks you should connect

with someone or thank someone for that, his dad is completely resistant to. So I think this guy just, our caller has no idea how to really connect and you know, you want to connect in these ways and it's clear he doesn't, he's not interested in that. You know what I mean? So it's like, but you also don't have to go from, he's my best friend that I see every day, and I Snapchat him every fucking half hour or two, well he's a stranger who's dead in a ditch,

I don't give a fuck. Like that's the thing, there's some middle ground here where it's like, no man, you would be sad, it's your dad, we get that. Like Snapchat threw me, cause I'm like, this guy's already socially inept when it comes to having a relationship Yeah, now you're making him download an app for like 20 year old

Yeah, no dude that's so I don't know I think that's what it is where look if your dad is somewhat in your life And he's not interested in these connections That's it, but if you make a podcast about it. Yeah That's it. But if you make a podcast about it, yeah Yeah, dude But if like if he's ever looking for something make yourself open to it He clearly doesn't have he's not the same guy as your mom, bro, clearly Well, he could have these conversations with his mom But can you maybe you know, this is I mean for the last person we said not to confront this

But this is maybe something we'd be like, you know I love to you know sit with you if this guy could even have lunch now This is maybe something we would be like, you know, I love this, you know, sit with you if this guy could even have lunch now You know if his father could nod or whatever or whatever he could do right now if he could You know just have it and just say, you know, I would love to be a part of your life Maybe go,, you know, confront it straight on. And like, instead of just being like, all right, he dies and then I never got to say my feelings. Like let him say his feelings, because it sounds like he has

to get some things off his chest. Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. Dad, you changed your Snapchat photo. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, what happened to our Snapstreak? You downloaded it for me. Yeah, this is, that stuff's tricky especially when the when the health starts to go I mean yeah it's very tricky man I don't

know but yeah I would maybe do your best to just be loving at this point because and also but here's the other thing temper your expectations yeah this is not a guy that you're gonna have this like heart to heart, it changes everything. I'm in a position now where I'm trying to reconnect my relation with my father, right? It's never, he's never gonna be, and me and Elds have talked about this too, I know you've had a similar experience,

where you're just like, you know what, we're never gonna have the traditional father son fucking play catch whatever. But. You still wanna play catch with your dad? Huh? I fucking play catch whatever but I want to play catch with my dad I have a bad shoulder we've both had shoulder both torn ligaments in our arms like the most pathetic two grown men with the worst form you ever seen in your life. Like, you know, that's never going to happen. But can you find some other thing? You'll relate to him in a different way.

And, you know, I'm struggling with it personally, but I'm making the effort. I know I think Elders, you've talked about it before where it's like, you know, I think I think it's like Gary just said, like once when your parent is dying, like now's the time to just say whatever you want to say to them. A. But also, yeah, like you do have to temper your expectations and like you know your dad's Oldest fuck he's starting to die like he's not gonna change a lot He'll probably just like grow more and more distant, so it's like yeah You know it's like come to terms with that and you know decide if like that makes you feel bad and if you want to cut him out of your life or just like manage your expectations so

that he's basically like a funny old guy friend that you have in your life right you don't expect much from yeah it's like kind of cute when he eats applesauce and watches TV with you so I think like you know there's still something to that Absolutely, just like just like being there for your parent, and I don't know it's all it's all like complicated I kind of went through this shit with like my dad, and it's like yeah There's no there is no like you know Perfect or ideal like parent relationship or something and you just got to work with what you got exactly if you care enough to

That's a great point. It's like yes, would you like to you'd like to work with what you got exactly if you care enough to that's a great point It's like yes, would you like to you'd like to cook a it's Christmas And you'd like to cook a nice roast you know a nice rib eye roast with some potatoes But you open up the cupboards all you have is cheese whiz a fucking stale tortilla and some and some ham and you're like alright Well, I'm gonna fucking microwave this shitty tortilla ham and cheese do kind of go together You know I'm gonna scrape the mold the mold layer on top off get the underneath It's still good, and I'll make a little wrap you know what I mean That's you didn't get a fucking steak dinner dad you got a fucking shitty

Cheese whiz ham and cheese dad and that's fine I think the way the rom-com is kind of set up these unrealistic expectations for women Movies have done that too with guys in their day. I'm really jealous of that. I'm instantly jealous of that Yeah, yeah fucking made it work Star Wars Darth Vader's chopping Luke's head off. Are you kidding me? You're expecting this powerful moment of just like, you know, I love you son Yeah, I love you dad. That's not life But it's not gonna be clean man, yeah Yeah, I think you just gotta lower you're right lower your expectations and hope for the best and hopefully, you know

Somebody before people die. They do have like this moment, but even that's fucking corn. It's like yeah Yeah, oh now No, no, you're coming around. Oh you have to be a good dad for 45 more seconds, and that's what you're gonna fucking do Anyway yeah, so good luck buddy, but yeah, I think definitely it lies somewhere between he's your best friend and he's a stranger That's what I would say What else we got a little LD? I'm gonna do our first ever two-parter call. Okay, that takes up two voicemails Okay, you're on thin ice. I hope this pays off That means that that means we're guaranteed at least four minutes of a call is that correct? That's right three minutes

That's part one so eldest let's give it listen Give him give him the rope to hang himself fucking Lord of the Rings a call It's better be good Hey, stop you long time first time here, so I got a very sticky situation on my hand and area and one night hooked up with a chick didn't use any protection well fully busted inside i was a young stupid man um come and find out a couple months later she's pregnant oh pause it dude the full bust inside a stranger that's like's like a girl I've been dating who's like showed me her birth control. I'm nervous to bust inside. You bust inside some lady on, you're fresh off the barracks dude.

You couldn't have thrown it on her back brother? Jesus Christ. That's insane to treat yourself to a full green pie with a stranger. Was it your birthday? All right. I mean, I just don't. I met a guy. I had a friend. I had a, yeah, this friend of mine.

So like it's a crazy situation. He was supposed to listen to this. He was supposed to sublet a room for one month. That month was March, 2020. So instead of subletting for one month, I just lived with a pretty much stranger during the pandemic for two years. But anyway, got to know him as a good guy.

He would just not inside every woman he fucked. And I was like, what are you talking about? I like, it drove me crazy, dude. He was like, yeah, I just do, I was like, what? And- Those are my favorite ones. The ones that just say it casually. Yeah.

The ones that are like, oh yeah, I just, I come in everything. I'm like you're not supposed to do What do you mean you come inside every woman you fuck Anyway, that's I can't but people like that it's just so anyway go ahead. Let's get to the She didn't want to go through the process to get, find out who the father was because she fucked around with like five dudes in the barracks. And-

She's been bad for morale. She didn't want to waste all the money of babies. The US turns on each other. And getting our, you know, parental, parental tests done. So years went by and I kind of always chapped up with her just in case, you know, it was my kid. That's crazy. This is insane only I you know through just stalking her Facebook

over the past couple months found out she's dying of lung cancer oh so here's the issue shit she's dying of lung cancer and from what I can see this kid really doesn't have anybody. Oh my god. And I'm fairly certain it's mine. What? Because there's one distinct feature the kid- I was the only white guy she fucked. Anyway, sorry. Sorry Future the kid has when I was a child I had

Flaming red hair So does this kid is like science like for claiming just like mine is a kid and I When I look at the moon my eyes glimmer in the same way his eyes glimmer Anyway, so I should stop you were right keep right you go aiming just like mine is a kid and I looked up the four other dudes from the army one of them black two of them are Latino and the other white guys diverse this girl's not racist

so my question is do I message this girl? Do I get involved? I'm in a very good spot right now. I've been stalking one woman I nutted inside for the last 11 years. I haven't really tried to work on a relationship with anybody else Anyway, this is insane keep going But I'm also getting married in Nothing about this I feel like dropping all this on her would be fucking huge.

Do it at the wedding, dude. Do I message her? Do I get involved? Do I just? Oh my God. Okay, Elvis, I gotta give you credit where credit's due. Yeah, this one's good. You pulled a banger over two, I mean,

I'm hooked by the end. Let's see how the next minute goes. I also love the idea of doing it at the wedding. It's like, hey, you know how you said, in sickness and in health, no matter what, guess what, honey, just fucking, some fucking redheaded bastard pops out of a cage. He's the right man.

Yeah. Yeah. Da da da da. Da da da da. Who the fuck is that? No. Sorry. Alright.

Damn. This is 17 years ago. I don't know, I don't know. Let's see. Hey, Scott. I was just the guy who called. I got caught off by, you know, this chick's dying along the cash register. The episode recap.

Previously on this voicemail. Ha ha ha ha. Sure, it's mine. My fiance knows nothing about this. We've talked. We never want kids. Oh my god. You know, we have dogs and cats. What do I do? Do I get involved? Do I just let the situation go?

I mean this was 17, 18 years ago. Whoa. I just don't know do I Messengers say hey, maybe I'm your kid's dad, but you know she has terminal lung cancer I don't really know the time frame. You know just stalking her Facebook. I'm not friends with her So I only get limited information from this What do you think stop do I do it? what do you think stop? Do I do it? I mean you've met it inside. I think it's time to send a friend request

Holy fuck life is different now. I'm not getting involved in this but I mean Pretty sure this redheaded stepchild is mine So do I step up do I take care of him? Do I even message anybody? I don't know what to do. This is insane that you call Have a good one man, I mean talk to a therapist to fuck sake. This is incredible I mean, I said this my friend you gotta fucking do something you gotta reach I would reach out to the mother Shout to him though. I know I know but he is the father I don't know that now you're yeah now you're engaging in like she banked five guys that he said he knows

Oh, yeah, exactly. Who's to say there wasn't a fucking traveling Irish step dance Coming through Fort Collins down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down I mean she really did a United Nations thing with I mean she really did a United Nations thing with her Information to she could have a guy like she could have remarried in that time too and that like a Stepfather but the timing lines up. I guess the timing lines up trying to find him that that is true I kind of I wrote this up until now like it's not like it's not like this lady reached out to him and was like until now. It's not like this lady reached out to him and was like, you know, I think you're this kid's dad. Or even this kid reached out to him. He only knows about it because he's looking at it. It is hilarious if he's not the dad. And he's just like, I'm just

the guy who came in your mom 17 years ago. He takes a DNA test. This kid gets his hopes up in the middle of the most traumatic thing. And he's like, oh, not me. Well, I have to go get married. Or he tells his wife and it's like. And it ruins everything. That's the thing. Him and his fiance have planned a life where they don't want to. Imagine this guy's fiance and the fucking two months before your wedding. This guy who by the way hasn't told you anything about this

Yeah, and is having like a sense of and you're right. We don't know what's personally reaching out nobody else reached out He would be like eating them up inside You don't get a four-minute voicemail without It I say just forget it because it's like if she's not a kid though Yeah, but why it's 18 years later. It's like he hasn't been apart. Nobody's reached out to him He hasn't even it's also a little different that it is 18 and not like a four-year-old Yeah, like when it was a not that it's good either way, right? But it's like this motherfuckers about to go to college like does he want some guy in his life?

And then it's like I mean unless what you're doing is I don't know Giving him a couple giving him some money for college like maybe something like that But if these people haven't reached out to you at all you also don't know what his support system is right Yeah, like yeah his mom's unfortunately dying and that is tragic But does she have siblings other family did what does she have a stepdad does he have people that he's close to I'm not saying This is good, but also this idea that this guy is uninvited going to barge into these people's lives during an incredibly difficult, true, traumatic time where it's like, does she want, and who knows maybe this one's fucking gotten religious,

do you think she wants to know about the, she wants to be reminded of the time she was just fucking letting it loose on the barracks Yeah, you know I don't know it's just He's also it's weird for him to have kept tabs, but not reached out and like yeah if he says it's 18 years ago So it's like what you've sort of watched this kid his behavior is strange. Yeah, it's so funny that I'm now realizing I'm reading into this the way I wish my biological father be yeah You should have reached out. Yeah, you should say something. Yeah, maybe apologize right right right true true No, but yeah, I know it's um I but your situation is different. It's different, and I also think this yeah

I hope it's different. Oh my mom didn't fuck a whole barracks So I do think though Why not just take a paternity test reach out and say I don't know I I would like to know if I am the father I I you know I don't know I get it I mean no you're not wrong there is no right or wrong I bet I think he's doing this because he does want to though I think that's why he's leaving this there is a little bit of that too that that is what what I am picking up on is that he does want to have some kind of relationship with this kid and look this that's we've we've had this this conversation has sort of come up multiple times where it's like and we

also kind of talked about the nature versus nurture thing is like Is this his kid? I? Don't think it really you know what I mean like in terms of he wasn't there for this kid and like now It took like a tragedy for him to like like if this woman doesn't get cancer, right? Yeah, does he ever give a fuck you know what what I mean? Like that's fair and and so and again, I'm not saying that this these are bad but I also would just say like It's it's a crazy thing to drop this on

He's really potentially fucking up a lot of people's lives because of his guilt He's potentially fucking up his fiance's life who? She is well within her rights to be like what the fuck do we specifically said we don't have one kids and now I have to Have a relationship with this person this guy this kid who maybe she doesn't feel positive about but she doesn't feel she doesn't feel negative About but she doesn't feel necessarily positive about and then it's like yeah, I just don't know I guess we don't have enough information, right? Because if it's a situation where this kid is about to get evicted and whatever,

and he just feels some kind of need to just help him float, that's one thing. But I don't know, he's kind of barging in on this. It's an interesting, it's hard, man. It's tough, because it clearly is like, you know, something that he does, like, feel guilty about and has thought about because it clearly is like, you know, something that he does like feel guilty about and has thought about for years. And like, yeah, you know, just low key like cyber stock kept tabs on this woman. I think like that alone is why I would say like, you know,

maybe he should just reach out because he like, you know, yeah, maybe do a paternity test. Like clearly he wants to know. And like he wants to like know conclusively like what's going on and stuff But at the same time yeah, it's like you know you're making a cancer diagnosis someone else's cancer diagnosis about you That's true if you're like you know just Bringing this up and opening this whole can of worms while they're just trying to like Who knows what the health situation is and yeah the fact that no one's reached out to him it's like you don't know the support system maybe they're maybe they're fine and they're just like focusing on the health stuff and focusing on the last few months of this woman's life yeah you think she necessarily wants to spend it embroiled in a paternity case this is something she's wanted to avoid her whole life now she wants to spend the last three months of her life and clearly she doesn't care who the father is yeah or she would have my dad

the son might care I mean you're getting to that age where you do want to know where you came and listen if that's the kid then maybe the thing here is like unless someone reaches out to you in this terminal you should message the woman though maybe like you just messages the dying dying woman be like if you're dying yeah and somebody from your past that you have on purpose kept out of your life Yeah reaches out to you Is that how is that who you want to spend the rest of your like is that who you want to? That's gonna take a lot of her energy

I almost for her sake feel like I guess what I guess talking it through with you guys what it feels like is If someone reaches out to him Obviously you have carte blanche to do whatever, right? But if you really care about the, if you do care about the kid, whatever, then maybe the time is after, you know, I hate to be morbid about it, but it's like after the woman's passed,

after they've dealt with their own stuff as a family, because it is, you're right, Elders, when you're saying it, like making somebody else's? Diagnosis about you. That's what he's doing. Yeah, and I would say I don't know I just know from my putting myself in this woman's shoes if oh if a if a girl from my past I mean, it's hard to you know, obviously you can't have a kid with five I can't have fucked five women and then like I have a child, but whatever.

But if like a girl from my past that I didn't want, that I didn't want anything to do with reaches out to me over something similar to this, it's like, hey, I'm trying to be with my family. Like I don't want to spend the time at lawyer's offices and drawing up shit like that. And if I did want that, I would be the one, I feel like at that point,

you decide how you want to spend your time, right? And if it's something where this woman it's eating her up, and she's like fuck I really want to just make sure my son is provided for I'll go through this thing I wanted to avoid for his sake, but that's not what she's doing So I don't know it just feels like a little bit like right now. You should stay out of it unless somebody you know reaches out to you. And then if the kid ever reaches out to you, or if you want to later on do that, but you also don't know how this kid would react.

We clearly, because we talked about this on a different episode, there is a split philosophy here of how much being a biological parent means to someone. Me and Ian finds that a big argument, and half the people are like staves Which by the way is kind of my fault to to to to wade into waters where Ian was my intellectual equal that's on me But it was the thing that's very emotional right where it's like some people think Like it was a bit the question was about like a sperm donor right and a sperm donor who had

You know he hadn't The question was about like a sperm donor, right? And a sperm donor who had, you know, he hadn't, the mistake they had made was they hadn't made very clear cut, a clear cut decision on like, you know, how much the donor was gonna be a part of the life. He's like friends with the people he, he's around them and now that the kid's growing up, he feels some type of way of like,

well this is my kid, I should have extra whatever. Whereas like, they were lesbians, they're like no, it's our kid, like that's part of the whole thing, right? And my view was always like, well yeah, you're a donor. That's not your kid, that's their kid. And I guess this is different, right? But there's, a lot of people feel very strongly that just the biology gives you a really strong

like claim on someone right and We don't know how this kid feels on that philosophical issue because this kid might be like who the fuck are you? Coming like there's just too many variables Here's what I'm I guess what I'm trying to get at is the kid might be the kind of person who thinks I really want To know who my biological father said I want a relationship with him. That's a coin flip. The kid might be a kid who's resentful of this guy and says, get the fuck out of my face, I want nothing to do with you.

So, it just feels like between the last few years of this woman's life thing and the being uncertain as to how wanted he even is in this situation from the mom or the kid. And we haven't even gotten into how it might fuck his life up with his fiance and how like, kind of selfish it is to, you know, promise her this wedding and this whole life without kids and then be like, I feel bad. You know, so I don't know. To me it's something you gotta stay out of for now.

Yeah, there's not a good time to tell her any insight. You don't wanna do it leading up to the wedding. You sure as fuck don't wanna break it down in the honeymoon. Right, right. You're in Cabo, honey. It does, it's kind of. I think honestly he should just crack this open. He should reach out to the woman through Facebook.

That's what my gut says. Start with that because he just knows too much to ignore it and be like It's like you know on the one hand on the one hand He's like not this kid's father because he hasn't been like part of their life So it's not he shouldn't do it out of like some sense of like you know Obligation I have to take care of you know this kid is 18. They're an adult now, so They've got their shit like figured out, but he just knows too much man It sounds like there's a good chance the kid might be his

One in six he knows the mom's dying or whatever and like you know they're just There just is like no good time to say it, but it will like eat at him if he doesn't Yeah, I think is a kid you want to know at a certain point, even if it's for bad and you can make that decision that you don't want him to be a part of your life, but I think you want the option. Yeah. I also think from his fiance's perspective,

it's crazy he thinks about this this much and hasn't told her. I know, that's insane. That's almost like- I think that's what's gonna get him and that's gonna get him in a lot of trouble. Like that's the thing where it's like- That's gonna be bad.

Guy who's also lied to his wife? No, that's yeah, I mean I see where you're sorry to cut you off you more Gary I was just gonna say that I also have a redhead so I'm like this guy might be the father Well, this guy fuck your wife, Gary? Yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, I see you, I definitely, I get what you're both saying

and you obviously have it, having the perspective of not growing up with your biological father, Sam, is, you know, interesting for sure. I think the crazy thing is like, there's just a lot of the not tell, I almost feel like the person he definitely sort of has to tell is his soon to be why you got it cuz it's like This is not gonna. It's not gonna be taken well. I don't think yeah I mean, I don't think so either but but the one thing is going for him at least is that it's

He if he's completely honest the way it was with us and it happened long before they met happened so but salt yeah and he could say I'm not sure about this but this is eating at me I think if you make it yeah I presented in that yes years ago I had sex with this woman yeah it was awesome They were a condom or nothing. They just blew a fat load right inside her. They talk about the load a lot in great detail. I think yeah, I mean, just let it, I guess tell her. We're literally split down the middle of these two say reach out and we're like, I don't know. So you know what, you're the tiebreaker, so we didn't really help. We didn't help at all, but we batted around quite a bit.

I do think there is something a little dishonest to getting into a marriage. It'd be one thing if this wasn't something he gave a fuck about, right? Like if this was something that he found out by accident, but this guy keeps tabs and it's like, I don't know, man, if you kind of have to tell someone you're about to marry this thing,

this huge thing that's kind of lurking in your life. This guy's just been kind of in no man's land with this issue, this whole, that's the weirdest, most fucked up thing is that, forget it, I would totally, I would know where he's coming from if it was like, look, this lady didn't want me in the kid's Life, and I'm just never gonna think about this again. I would respect that or I would respect

You know what you didn't want to get paternity tested, but this might be my kid I have to know I would respect that what he's done. I actually really don't respect I hate to say it because I know he's in a in a tough thing, but it's like if you're out Why are you keeping tabs like this and now that you know this thing it's just he's kind of handled it the worst way to be honest but it is it you can't live on this situation like borrowed time anymore because I feel like he just needs to like really do the scary thing and tell his fiance I think it starts with your fiance starts with a fiance and it ends with one more load in the

Kemos fried her pussy up. I'm not supposed to the inside Watch your son be a fan of Star Wars here. Oh no! Daddy! Oh fuck I didn't even think about that. Please god let... I've done this show a few times. This is the most interesting one we've gotten.

Yeah. Without question. Holy fuck. It's way above our pay grade. You pulled a fucking diamond out of here yeah that's well done thanks there you go brother all right well hey man we didn't really help you but it sounds like we at least can all agree with you have to tell your fiance yeah here's the thing she's also supposed you know kind of gauge how she reacts to be honest with you yeah because that's a

that's another important domino. This really was a crazily layered question. The amount of different angles is insane. Yeah. If you were in this situation, like from the jump, would you guys want to know if it's your kid? How do you think you would even respond? From the jump, as in when it happened?

Yeah. I mean, yeah, because then you probably should do something about it, right? So I think I would have. Say he's 18 at the time, you're thinking a little different. You're like, fuck it. I'm saying, yeah, if I was 18, I just wouldn't have kept tabs.

I would have just been like, I would have Don Draper'd it. It's my past, brother. I'm a different guy. Truly, I just know I would have, which, you know, maybe I'm a bad guy, but that is how I would. Yeah, dude.

If this lady didn't want me it's like well Thank you for the get out of jail free card, and then I'm just living my life, but I'm stoppy baby dick Whitman Yeah, it's tough man if this is actually you right now, it's tough, but good thing. It's not me Yeah, all right well you got some fun to end on Hey, Stavi, what's up? My name is Brandon. I am a solo Baltimorean my man Camden Lolan Avenue Falls, very great. Anyway, I know people call in a lot for advice dating and you know life lifestyle otherwise

Not many people call in to read you poetry that they have written for you Oh, wow, I heard a poem. I hope you like it Oh, you from a piece of Baltimore really stand but first I have to say I desperately love vagina and I swear I am NOT gay, but if I did switch sides to do the gay man strut I think it's pretty clear. I put feta in your butt Boy, do I love tutors? They really are the best but if you had the number two you could do it on my chest Naked women roll. I have pictures on my wall But I would not that an eye if you spit me soccer on my balls

Kitty's huh? Aren't they great? I really love girl crotches. Let's drink some wine then 69 while my grandpa watch You are so very talented. I wish you continued luck. I think it's clear I am that gay unless you want to fuck if you like it big fan continue success Wow man, that was beautiful. Yeah. There's some other shit going on in my life too, but it's boring. Here's this gay poem I wrote you. Wow man, that's beautiful. I like that we're all trying to mine the perfect jokes for these hours.

Then we hear this, which just kills us. It's fucking good. Now that's good stuff. Thank you brother, that's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful poem and I think that's gonna do it for us folks. Great episode, some thought provoking stuff here. Watch both specials, listen to the podcast. July 9th Amazon, who gives a shit.

Yeah, there it is. Who cares. And I'm on the road, Miami improv, Atlantic City with Chris DiStefano, and this guy's gonna be with me for both of those. And Rochester, New York, Carmen Day at the Carlson. So, dipping back in right in a new hour, so.

Love it. And Big Gary, let's not forget, what's the podcast called? Podcast called Number One Dad. Number One Dad. Coming out June 10th. Coming out June 10th, and the special's out on the tube YouTube May 28th 28th So killed it. This is a proud is already out guys the specials out. It's already gotten 5 million views

It's actually the most viral YouTube special Listen go, but I can't wait for the podcast and guys Thanks so much for coming by and of course we have Winnie here Winnie is not moved I know the eldest like is she gonna bark. I'm like no Alright guys, thank you so much. We'll see you next time bye bye