Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 137

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Brown Fingerf. It's nearly 6pm on 12th April 2023 and the daily 2023 podcasts continue with a classic, with some inter-species bodily fluid swapping, the importance of finding a window in the weather, an alliterative Morlock and how to spot a fake stone clearer. Also there are some stones cleared.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello my fine friends, I thought I was recording earlier and I wasn't. It's 1756 on the 12th of April 2023. This is Stone Clearing Chapter 137. It's a big day. Crucial. Stone Clearing Chapter 137. 136 other ones in this process and other times.

Unbelievable. So it's been pretty nasty weather today. But it seems to have calmed down for now. That's not to say it won't pick up again. But there's been hail. There's been winds. There's been a dog barking. And it may have uncovered some new stones of wind.

She doth blow over the field, over snow and blow away foil. So we may be what life underneath. Not my words. The words of 13th century stone clearer. Fancy sea pylon. Fancy pylon. And the crop now inches high. Can't see any soil that I'm going to look at.

The Stocean is a bright grass green. What are you doing? What are you looking at? Let's see if I can even find any for tones. Whoops. I've had to add to the Alpha and Omega can. Let's just check we haven't stopped to get in our pocket. Seems to still be running.

That's good news. There's still stones here. Lying to a twist. A grassy crop. What I think you would call pebbles. Of course, that's not what we stone corers call them. We call them small swalls. Not small swalls, small swalls.

That's very small. So again, been a little while since we've been out here. But I have been away in Cyprus. Clearing stones in there. Of course, foreign stones. Is that a bit of stone or is that a bit of pot? I think it's a bit of stone. We'll just check that onto the compost heap area.

The ground is wet. My finger's already soily. Look like a man who's wiped his bottom with inefficient toilet paper. But I'm not that man. I have wiped my bottom. The main brunt. Of course, if you are one of those people, then stone corers are perfect hobby for you.

If you say, what's that? Brown stuff on your hands. You mustn't do that. It's the other way around. If anyone sees the brown stuff on your fingers, you have to say, oh, sorry, I use inefficient toilet paper. Because, of course, being a stone clearer. It's a deadly fecret.

Now, unbelievably, I'm still fucking ill. I mean, I'm not suffering the way I was. But I've still got a cough. So I apologize for that. Still hooking up. The odd flamble. There's one. Wolfie's out of a sniff.

Oh, she's eating it. I did not expect that. I mean, that could not be healthy, Wolfie. How was it? Salty? You might listen to a lot of podcasts this week. I bet you won't listen to another podcast where a dog eats some human phlegm.

That's the stone clearing guarantee. Some nice stones. I was right about the weather, having cleared off some watch out. I'm only clearing some smallish ones, but those have gone nicely onto a mini can, growing nicely there. I took Wolfie out for a walk earlier and did a bit of brick work there as well.

We got very wet. So my North Face jacket, North Face. It's the exceptional face of the January 6th insurrection. It's still damp. Hailed on. Weight rain spitting in my face. Should have really broadcast that one. But here we are.

There's a lovely witch's finger or witch's dick there. Nice long one. Might be too big. It looks nice in the ground, but it's a bit too fat. It's just a stone. So onwards we plunge. Ever onwards. Really brown.

Brown, brown fingers now. Now brown fingers. Wolfie has picked up one of their stones that I've thrown off. Wow, that's cold. She's carried it back onto the field and just done a wee. She's crouched down weeds. Now she's eating some of the crops. She's gone insane.

She's eating spit. She's eating grass. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to clear some blinking stones out here. Get these stones cleared. I'll probably take a picture of my brown fingers for the podcast picture. But remember, it's better for people to think

you don't know how to wipe your ass properly than it is for them to know that you clear stones. Even if it wasn't a secret thing, I think that would still be true. Keep the feet corrupt, my friends, keep the feet corrupt. Please do not tell anyone about this podcast, oh yeah. Sun trying to peek through the dark clouds. Not exactly sure which way the weather might turn.

We had thunder and lightning earlier. Might that happen. I don't think it was on a recorded one, was it? But I do mention it every now and again, the time when I was walking across the field and could see the lightning progressing towards me. I thought I was going to die. I thought I'm not even recording this.

What a waste. What a waste of my valuable time. So there's only going to be a short one today. We're just out taking advantage of a lull in the weather to get some stamp clearing done, which is, you know, that's really the advice of this chapter, is to time your stone clears carefully. You can't clear stones 24 hours a day, I wish you could.

I like to calculate pi 22.7. But you can't do that with stone clearing. Also, that's just a joke. It's just a little, sorry, I know that I shouldn't put jokes into this very serious podcast, but I've come up with a new joke. I'm not the only person who's ever done it, but I'm still proud of myself.

I don't write many jokes. And, you know, I don't really have an opportunity to do the jokes on stage anymore. So it's nice to try them out here. But there's nothing funny about stone clearing. I think we can all agree. Just, oh, that was a nice one. I kicked that was really deep and embedded in the soft mud.

Barely see the stone, but I kicked it out with my boot. Not when it sucks today, by the way. Going foot to command though. That's one way of doing it. You might choose a different route. Stop eating the grass. And don't eat that spit. Onwards we troll.

Hoping it's hope that this is still recording perfectly well. I wouldn't want to lose any of this gold. Imagine if people didn't know that my dog had eaten some of my spit. Imagine how colourless the world will be without that snippet. Try another kick or slightly buried it, but I've got it out this time. And it's going into the roots of the tree there. Nicely in. Nicely in.

No stone stars again. So far this way. And half the sky is white clouds and blue sky. And half the clouds sky is much darker clouds. Completely covered. It's like we're living in two different worlds. Split in twain. Another stone there cleared from the periphery of the field.

Into the further periphery. I keep one into the roots of the tree and that was a beauty. Fully through the sky. With the greatest of ease. Landed just in the edge, not with the other stones, but it found its own place. That's one step closer to knocking these trees down. Another one.

Wobby! Wobby! Come here. You've seen some things just gambling around. Like a tiny lamb. So I'll put it back on the lead. Just for safety's sake. Can't have anyone having fun out here. That's not what this is about. What do you want to put that hair full of?

Come here. Let me get that. There we go. Molting a bit this dog. Not as much as she was. Kind of fun putting chunks of fur off her. That's not what we're here to do. A lot of people were emailing in asking am I only allowed to clear stones off the field?

Can I clear other items? I'll remind you. I don't know if you listen properly. If it's organic, no need to panic. Don't clear it. That means if it's not chuck the tot. So yeah, if it's metal, I like to take the metal off. I prefer to take the metal off first.

It'll perish quicker. So it's nice to get it to safety. Just as a change of pace. A bit of metal clearing. Doing a bit of a plow earlier today. Very satisfactory. I like to get bricks off. They're not stones in the real sense.

They're man-made stones. I don't know what they make them of, but it's not stone. They will not endure like stone. And I can see the footprints across the field if someone has gone before me in the mud. Not very similar size speak to Mike,

just me and me from earlier. This means you're wearing well instance. Or there could be. That's something you've got to watch out for. Signs of the stone starsy. They can leave clues. This one had a dog with them. I don't know.

Stride is a bit walking in their footsteps. There's also a good way to cover your own steps. In case they start looking for you. Stride is a bit more purposeful than I would usually go for myself. I could follow these and find out where this stone starsy person lives.

Or get them before they can get me. It's self-defence. Attack is the best form of defence. We all know that. Looking around. Another soul to be seen, my friends. Not really many stones either. We are now approaching

the irritating point of the year where the field is covered. Oh, I can see someone at this distance. White to white hair, more lock in the distance. Too far away to bother us. They've miscalculated their run or maybe they're after a different stone too.

As I was saying, this is the time of year. I mean, this is our fourth time around in the years. I can't remember how long I've been doing this. It feels like forever. Maybe we'll do a little assessment of how the various kens are getting on

for the next Stone clear, but for now we're just clearing stones. Not many just at the moment and I can't. That's what I'm saying. It's hard to see them. Here's one, but is that worth me bending down a pick up to carry all the way across here? I don't know what it is.

It's very much a small lodge. There's a sort of sharp one there. I might take those off just because they feel dangerous. Not big though. It's more than a small lodge. It's the person with all the Labradors. At least four dogs. They're two sandy colored, two black colored labs.

That guy. I didn't know there's a mollock as well. Probably a Mormon. Imagine being a Mormon mollock. You'd have the best life, I think, forever any mollock if that was the case. I'm not advocating the Mormon religion, per se, but I just think if you're a mollock

that would be the way I'd go. If just for the fun of saying you're a Mormon mollock from Morden, I believe in Morden, and I'd marry a girl called Maureen, or I'd marry

a lot of girls called Maureen. And I would if people asked if I had had enough but you know I'd say no, I want more. And

I'd also live in Morpeth I'd have another house in Morpeth and I'd have locks on all my doors. I'd have more locks than anyone in the history of the world. You get the idea. You can make up your own from now on.

I've set up the pattern just any way more more I'd work in a mortuary I would do a moratorium I would my favourite community would be Martin Moore I would

my favourite band would be the More Tops would be More Martin Harkett, that's my favourite band my favourite comedy show would be

my favourite film would be Mauritius Mauritius my favourite holiday destination would be Mauritius my favourite film would be more guts

more glory, probably one called that my favourite my favourite flower would be Marigold you get the idea I don't need to do loads of them my favourite

food would be morsels anything things like morsels you get the idea you don't have to be a genius to come up with this stuff

just think of stuff with more and that's taken us nearly all the way down to this is soft Brexit that little game and I'm going to pick up a few bits of shrapnel that's what we call pebbles in the business that's how you can tell a real stone clearer from

someone faking it or just from someone trying to think they're cool shrapnel is what we call pebbly stuff and that goes in you hear that lovely click of a ditch full of stones probably the most successful thing in here and it's underground

really you can't see it and also it's always overgrown with stuff so you can hardly see there's any stones there my fingers are a nightmare here occupational hazard so back to the Alpha and Omega Ken

just praying this is all recorded okay praying to God but this has not been lost that's the old man Ben there's I'll pick up just a couple more stones for the Alpha and Omega and Ken bit of shrapnel that's all it is

bit of shrapnel and bounced off that one stayed on so everyone's happy so coming down Duck's Passage back to the real world just trying to check building some kind of new structure in the garden maybe a garage

coming up nicely we've had an email in from compost heap Shred again probably from a different country where those things have different meanings and compost heap would have been quite a good name on it's own

like Imogen Heap I bet she got called Compost Heap Hi Richard me, Compost Heap Shred in Hyphenated I used to be called Imogen Heap at school even though I live in a country where she is not a celebrity

someone that saw her name on the internet or something or in a newspaper too old to have been at school when the internet was on anyway how can we spot what I was wondering after this week's episode

what you've listened to this week's episode already is how can we spot people who are just pretending to be stone clearers and aren't real stone clearers like you said the thing about shrapnel which you had you know this made this one going out of life and this is a really good current email

new email well there are you can tell you can look at them if they've got brown fingers they will not they'll claim it's because they've been stone clearing no stone clearers would do that

they would say I've got cheap toilet paper they'll call pebbles pebbles rather than shrapnel you know when you just you've just never looked at them and go they don't really know what they're doing they just look like they've just

someone said you've got clear stones and they're trying to work out how you do that themselves rather than having taken an extensive proper course in that with over 130 chapters potentially you know 500 or so chapters it's those little things

compasses would give them the way but sort of weird names like weird names you think might just been made up on the spur of the moment just if they go what's your name they can't, they don't want to give their real name so they just look around and they see something

and then they say oh that's my name that's the thing with them but you can just tell really they're just strange people, right the cats are in the kitchen as is my wife I'm going to have to go that's the cats realise what I'm up to

hopefully this is all recorded and thanks for listening see you next time on stone clearing, we're showing you the dog enjoy your stone clearing Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave

Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave

Don't leave Don't leave Don't be a wimp Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave

Don't leave Don't leave Don't leave The dog just avant니다 because he's already late And they foul thing ye a merry does Don't listen to the birth and truth Don't listen to your underhand

Listen to the throats Listen to the throats And they in turn foul live her To hear my friend My fine friend