Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 141

Episode Date: May 20, 2023

Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef. It's just before 5pm on 19th May and it's time for an evening stone clear for a very tired boy. And it's not unlike that poem by Tennyson but more nettles and fewer cannons. There's plenty of tips for dealing with the dry ground and the high crops and a message from one of the many centenarian listeners. What more do you want? More nettles?

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Alright, we'll see you in a little while. We don't talk about Bruno. Alright, Wolfie Harris, let's get going. Doo-Doo-Doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, come on, good girl. Hello there, my fan-friends, and I welcome to Chapter 141, Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. We've got to be a bit quiet, space-wise... Hi there, right?

Camels, right, it's the 15th, no it can't be that, my glasses are done, that can't be right, now it's the 19th of May, it's 1649, we're back in the evening, it's late in the evening, ow just got stuck by a bloody blinking nettle, wolf is in the path in Duckett's Passage, that's usually good luck, I'm heading up to the station, been a tough week, been a long week, been a long week and I get to try back on a diet, try to get as fit as possible, so just putting my watch for a walk to end some calories back, yeah it's all overgrown here in Duckett's Passage, it's a beautiful blossom above me and some quite nice weeds as well as

the stingy terrible nettles that are guarding the pathway, keep away people who don't deserve to come through, I'm still wearing my North Face jacket despite it being a summery day, but it's there's a little chill today, chill in the air and a pill in my hair, there isn't a pill in my hair, don't know why I said that, just it rhymed, picking up some shrap for the old, hey you know, you know what I'm talking about, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you should not be listening to this level of podcast, whoa, done some rowing today, not in a boat just on a rowing machine and trying to keep the old calories down, so if I go down

it's probably just fainted, it's a wheat-based crop, I think we can confirm that now, the ears have wheat all over the field and wheat has ears my friends, so watch out for that, it's not just a saying, I mean it's not even a saying I don't think, but it can listen, it can spread message, if you see the wind rustle through a field that is the whispering grass, telling each other about what's going on and you can't trust wheat as far as you can throw it, it isn't very far due to its slightly flimsy nature, anyway good to be back for another stone clear, three more bits of shrapnel off there, it's a tricky one,

the crops are as high as Wolfie, whilst I'm in her prone four-legged position, but she is most of the time of course, and there's only occasional pockets of stone, like I've just found an amazing one with loads of stones, I'll just drop one, oh there's some poo down there, watch out for that one of the, never you can't be reminded enough to watch out for poo, it isn't a stone, if you touch it, it will make your finger stink, don't do anything that will make your finger stink, if you're a stone clearer, your fingers must at all times be free of smell, so not scare the stones, you know there's lots of shrapnel here and slightly

bigger bits than shrapnel, you would not believe anyone had ever cleared stones here, I have to say, I'll just step out into that gap, oh well, I might have excised too much Wolfie doing another way to the second way of the day, when will she poo, that's the question that many of the more dog excrement fixated listeners are hoping to hear, picking up a nice small and medium to large there, and that's going, there's a lot of nettles today, I wouldn't be surprised if John nettles or one of his families has got in touch, that's how many nettles there are around, well dog poo just a tiny bit on the path, same colour as the previous one

makes me think there's a dog dragging its bottom along this path, pooping everywhere, and so he apparently thinks, I need to clear that up, oh I need my little trusty, you've got to watch out for stone stars, there was a guy that happened to be quiet right there, there was a guy supposedly getting into his car just as I started up, there that's a nice, that's a nice small, maybe small large even, that's going into some, there's nettles everywhere, more nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, if this podcast had a title it would be nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, at the moment, but you know things may change, just check the

title, the thing is you'll be listening, it's after the whole thing's finished, I don't know what's going to happen in the rest of it, but you'll be able to tell what the title is before I know, my guess is it's nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles today, we'll see if I'm right, and I'm not just going to make it that, if something better than nettles, nettles, nettles comes along, we can be using that don't you worry, but that's the beauty of the podcast, you never know what will happen next, a man clearing stones, possibly, can't even be sure of that, I've seen a few already today, and I am feeling a lot better, I've had a week or

so of the chocolate and the biscuits, a week or so of just keeping an eye on the old calorific intake, not too seriously, but making sure I don't go over 2000, too much, and a week of a bit of exercise, and yeah, I could, you know, you probably, if you compare this one, it was the last one, the one where I was, you could hear me breathing as if I was about to die, I don't want to die, I've got a family, more importantly, I have a stotion that needs to be cleared, and I have a family that needs to be raised so that when they're 16, they can start clearing the stotion, so, you know, you may think life is pointless, you may clear stones and

think what's the point of going on, I can't possibly ever finish this, my life is going to pass by unnoticed, but your life must go on, and if you do a good job out here on the stotion, on your own stotion, I'm not talking about my stotion, keep away from my stotion, I don't know, we've lost a stone clean, that's all number one or two, keep to your own stotion, motherfucker, that of course means mother sucker in our modern day, a lot of people have sucked on mothers in those days, it was just the done thing, you want a little drink of milk, you knew where to get it, or I thought this was gonna be an easy job, this is a bigger

stone than I thought, about the size of a potato, you know, this, a potato of this size, like it would just be an easy, you know, pivot system up, now I can't see again the net all the time, I don't even know where my main can is here, the can in the corner of the field, many of you will know it has, there used to be some stick sticking out of it, but is that it, oh there it is, I could just see it, that's got some good stones on there, some I remember, I mean I remember all the stones of course, but some I really remember, can't take too long, my wife's going out tonight, with the girls, she says, getting dolled up, probably just

to try and compete with the other girls, that's probably what's going on there, so yeah, where's Wolfie, can't really see, this is, it's not only difficult to see the stones, it's difficult to see, another little small arena of shrapnel, that's what I can really get out of the moment, it goes into the holly, maybe we should have eaten some before I came out today, muscles aching from the exercise, lack of food, you have to watch out for the stone stars again, it's hard to see them, because one could just be crouching here amongst the wheat, like an evil Theresa May, if you can imagine Theresa May but evil, but equally one could just be walking along the path at the centre with their dog, you couldn't see it, the dogs could be at

each other, I still don't know if I trust Wolfie, as being a stone clearing hound, so desperate I'm just taking a stone up from the from the pathway there, there's just nothing around, good one there, going into the trees, more nettles here, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, maybe I should call it eight times nettles, see you never know what I'm going to call it, maybe it's just the title should be nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, and what I write, do you ever read the things I write, because it takes quite a lot of time over those, nettles, nettles, I should take a picture of some nettles, I'm pretty sure that would be a good

picture for the podcast, let's just check we're not, well I've got that idea, I might take the photo here, we're still going, we're still operating with no, no, definitely, we can't definitely say the volume's correct, as I predicted to myself you won't have heard, actually it turned on the video there, so taking a photo and I think that truncated my performance, I mean my you know my monologue, I was just saying I was taking a photo in case you don't know what nettles look like, there's some nettles there, but I accidentally got a video, maybe I should put a video up so you know what they look like when they're softly sway, get in the path on the way

across the field now, can't stay up too long, oh trying to get another much bigger stone than it looked, and that's going to throw that wolfie or chase it, will she catch it, we'll see, she'll come back with it in her mouth, that's my guess it's off the field for now, wolfie might bring it back on, there's a nice caramel stone, I knew that one would come up easy, you could see that looking at it, wolfies brought it back, she's brought one back, I don't think it's the same one I threw, and I think that one's far enough in the bushes that she'll never find it, hello, yeah we've got some stuff going on, so you know it can be tough out here, even someone as

fit as me, and tough to find stones to reduce, picking pebbles out of the pathway, let's do it again, this one's going down the pathway, I won't get this to the edge, wolfies in the way, wouldn't matter if it hits it, it was only tiny, didn't hit her and it went into the crops, the chances of that one ever finally it's where I have to field, and now a million to one, it's gonna plow, she shall come and churn the earth, that little bug is going to be buried, I'm not going to go scrabbling around, I wouldn't even be able to find it, it was literally the size of a fingernail, so it could maybe try a bit hot in this

north face jacket, north face, good when you're on the north face, but when you're on the path in Hertfordshire in the summer, bit hot, that should be their advertising campaign, better than all the fascist ones they've done, they should be ashamed of themselves, another stone crying out to me again from the path, again looks like it would be an easy pickup, but it's proving harder than it seemed, oh that's a nice size, that's definitely straying into medium-small, the ground is hard, it makes it harder to get stuff out, it is dry, at least on the surface, and as I say just tough arid conditions for the stone clearer, tough to

spot stuff, tough to get stuff, tough to clear stuff, stuffed off, I'm just tracking right, there's another nice one in the pathway, oh that's cracked up nicely, and that's even bigger than the other one, I mean that's definitely medium-small, bigger than the other medium-small, so medium-small-small, probably for that one medium-small medium I'd say, maybe the medium-small large for the second, both out the path, you'd think the pathway would be clear stones, but no here's another, yeah it's a bigger, it's a big one still, is it, yeah it's slightly bigger, medium-small-small I'd say, three good, you know I didn't think

crossing this field I'd get three quite such good stones, but they've turned out okay, and that's all you can ask for, as a stone clearer, and it should be intermediate this one, this is very much an intermediate lesson but this is this is where stone clearing, it doesn't get tougher than this unless you're, it's really snowy or something, and the ice, that's where the ice is, it's in the ground hard with ice that's worse, and the stones are cold and remind you of death, these stones have a little warmth to them, even the main can covered not in nettles, but in grass like substances, I can't be asked to do this, I'm not going to

go walk all the way there, we'll just leave the cunts and edit that, let me edit that bit out, three nice stones on the main can, the Cancurt Javal, and we head down the hill to the Brexit Ditch, which is going to be hard to find anything for the Brexit Ditch here, I can tell you that right now, Wolfie's still up hoos for those of you interested, and there's blue sky, but oh Wolfie's heading out into the field, this could be, this could be something, it's going to be organic, so no need to panic, and yeah she's taking on the face of a dog that's shitting, can't really see her body, but the body's shape I can see suggests a

poo amongst the wheat, if you have any wheat abicks in the next five years, there's a little bit of Wolfie's poo in there you eating, well done Wolfie good girl, that's my prediction, I'm not going out there to try and find it, that's just not the kind of guy I am, so yes there's going to be a quick one, just a quickie, well we've got some good stones there I think you can agree, and certainly I think a lot of you are thinking what's the change doing, last thing on a Friday heading out hoping to get some stones in this weather, he must be having a laugh, I'm sure a few of you said that when you saw this one pop up, saw the time, saw all this stuff

about nettles, I think it's probably going to end up being nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, maybe nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, but I think nettles are going to probably feature because nothing really has happened, there's been no people, got one bit of ammo for the ditch that stopped Brexit, more nettles here, nettles to the front of me, nettles to the side of me, mainly to the side of me actually, into the valley of nettles, rode the one man, walked the one man, nettles to the left of him, sometimes to the right of him when he was coming up the path, mainly to the left of him because

they're all in there, edge of the field, sorry, just tripped there, it's alright, don't worry, I'm fine. Another thing, you need to work on your core as a stone clearer, so that if you trip you can just find your feet, so feeding and your footings would used to be called feeding very quickly, and again just one more useful gap where I'm going to pick up a few more bits for the Brexit ditch, but also for the Alfred, oh what's this one, what's not coming up, oh that's another super lot of iceberg today, surprising me, that's a good amount to the stone, to the Brexit ditch, we shouldn't be bothered by Brexit this week, and I've got four more, four bits of what I would call

shrapnel for the Afronomica can, again it's impossible to see where the Afronomica can is, I'm just playing, I have to use my sonar, which is throwing stones in and hoping one of them clicks to find it, we're back in Duckett's Passage, we're back, and this is where I'm going, I'm wearing a North Face jacket to protect most of my arms, I've been stuck on my hand, and there you go, they actually didn't know, the sonar didn't work, they were just hitting grass, I think they're about the right area, so we're heading down Duckett's Passage, past the building work being done, and this house, I'm not sure if it's a garage or another house, I think

definitely there's some rooms at the top, so maybe it's a garage with, actually a little garage wouldn't have doors at this end, wouldn't it, I think it's a granny Let's have a quick look through your emails, we've got granny nettles, granny nettles, as I've got in touch, that's Johnnell's granny, which is hard to believe, that one would still be live, Johnnell's what, 75, even if his mum was like 16 when she had him, 91, and her mum was 16, I mean she's got to be 107, 110, something in that arena, and I love it when listeners of that age get into, we have a lot of listeners, you know, we actually have more listeners who are 118 years old than we

have 18 year olds, and you know how many 18 year olds women listen to this, and stop please, once again, I just, please, stop sending, so yeah, topless photos, leave the tops on the photos so I can see what's there, it's a little joke, that was just a little joke, don't stop sending nudes to me, I'm an old married man, so granny nettles says, nettles by name, nettles by nature, obviously as the nettles, I'm very interested in nettles, are you being played by nettles at the moment, it's nettle season rich, and how, if so, what's your solution to being stung by a nettle? Well-grained nettles, that is a very good coherent question from a woman of

age range between 108 and 118, give my love to John Nettles, I love that he's been on this podcast I hope you listen together, the image I have, I just get stung and I'm a man I'm a manly man, I may not have the right number of balls, but I've got the right balls in my heart, I've got balls in my heart, and not literally, and if I get stung, I just go ow, I just walk it off, my kids, if they get stung they'll cry and everything, I'll hardly even cry, that's what I'm going to say about them, right, I can't be joined, back at home, my wife could be there any second, so, to go, definitely go, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, maybe nettles, nettles, nettles, nettles, you'll see, you'll already have seen, no surprise to you, I'm the only one who's been held in suspense here, and I can't wait to find out To the stone, live them to the stone, and they in turn, I'll live them to ye, my friend, my pined friend

Stone clearing with Richard Herring, start me Richard Herring and walking the dog, plus the man I had to avoid in the beginning, thanks to granny nettles for her email, music is by Mike Coffgrave, the voice of the Potos is Michael Faheen To the stone, live them to the stone, and they in turn, I'll live them to ye, my friend, my pined friend To the stone, live them to the stone, and they in turn, I'll live them to ye, my friend, my pined friend