Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 172

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Chapter 172 - Fticky Fingerf. It's 5.36pm on 10th September 2024 - don't worry, you haven't missed 9/11 - It's a grey and rainy autumn day, but we know all about feafons after so many years of trudging these ftone encrufted paths. There's a deadline to clear the Stocean now - the last Friday of the month, but Rich seems to think he can finish the job in time, when he isn't being distracted by his priapic prey. God knows what he'll do if he doesn't finish or more worryingly what he might do if he does. Stick with him and join his fubftack https://richardherring.substack.com/subscribe for possibly extra stone based content.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my fine friends, welcome to stone clearing chapter 1, 17th. It's the 10th of September. Is that right? And did I miss the 9? Did I miss 9, 11? No, no, 11, 9, tomorrow. It's 5.36pm and heading out to the Stotion. Didn't think I'd still be living in the village at this point, but we're here at the end of the month so should at least a couple more stone clears and you know if I don't quite finish the field this week next week this month I can drive over and just pick up the last couple of stones that's my plan but

hopefully when it comes to that we'll finish the field and we'll start a new new field in Hitchin if they have any fields or stones in them. So it's a bit of a rainy evening, it's a bit of moisture in the air at least. Just precipitation, not all the wind. It is spotting a little bit with rain. See what happens. Had some thunder and lightning, very very frightening. Oh and look at this ocean. It's gone from brown to green. Oh but some of it's still brown last swathe of green here lots of brown over there and so I presume the crop is been sown. All right Wolfs what you do? You can come off, put your

Desperate to come out today. I this actually is just gonna run off and do a poop for those of you who are interested in that aspect of the podcast I'll just grab a couple of photons for the alphanomagic end which is coming on nice it's a scree whether it's a beautiful scree or a scree there's two stones gone towards it stone's gone towards it. It's damp condition so the stones are coming up nice and easy. Fingers getting a little bit dirty but you can't have fun until your fingers are dirty. Am I right my friends? That's how you know you've had a good day. Sticky dirty fingers. Rain coming down a little bit harder now. Quite a lot of stones here in this particular bit of the field just at the start. The bit I've cleared the most.

By the way that balloon that I had failed to clear, I did meant to tell you, you should have made the picture, it did find its own way. This was a few weeks ago. It did find its own way off the field and now it's disappeared. That was caught up against a fence. I did have a photo of it for you. Didn't show it to you. So yeah maybe more than a couple of weeks here just looking at just the very edge of the field.

Oh and a big hole dug there, I wonder what creature We've had some moles in our back garden. So some creatures dug a little hole there, maybe searching for stones. Not only humans that like moving stones around, you know lots of creatures do it, it's an innate part of life. Oh that's a good sized stone I've got off there. Approaching my new cairn, I might take a photo of this cairn for you because this is one that I think has only really developed since the harvest. It's nice to see a new cairn start to spring up, become popular. Not with the other cairns of course, they're jealous. They can see. Oh a little bit of drizzle flying in my face there. Wolves don't like it. I've kicked one stone towards. Wolfies say, wolfies act

like a goalkeeper. There you can hear those stones hitting the cairn. Wolfie's still not pooped. It's a bit of a keenness to get out here. Yes, look at that. That's a fine cairn. Unless something amazing happens on this journey, that will be the picture for the podcast. Wolfie's been a while for staying with her grandparents for a few days so it's nice to have her back. Oh, got hit by a stone there. I was trying to throw it towards the new ken. Nice little bit of a sabutia there, not a parabola. I did some good parabolas when you weren't listening can't do them when you're listening that's the thing I get performance anxiety we can all do a great parabola one

more on our own can't we and then other men come into the bathroom it gets harder. Well autumn's here wolves I think we can we can agree on that it's an unpleasant day out here but stone But stone clearers have no time to sit indoors just because there's a bit of rain. I'm going to do a very illegal hassle here. There's some nice stones you can see just in the distance and I want them. They're calling to me. And soon it'll be very hard to get out to these ones. That one didn't even clear it at all. Look at that lovely mediums here. This one's big. I don't think it's really large. It might even just be about be large. There wasn't even one of the ones I could see from a distance.

Making out like a bandit here. There's enough for a brand new can just from these fellows right well let's not get greedy let's not get greedy wolfs where did the one I threw land wolfs because it didn't get to the edge of it I feel I should get it all the way if possible these are just going in behind the blackberry bushes where the stones oh there he was a biggie that last one can we see that one I threw the way they end up I can't remember it just gets stone blindness sometimes and stone bounces I'll clear this one I don't think that was it though maybe it bounced off. Yeah, I mean just looking at the number of stones here I am starting to wonder

whether two weeks is going to be enough. Was it this one? This one's on the path, it's a nice one. It was a rounder one wasn't it? Well it'll call to me when it's time comes. So that was a good clearance of a good weight of hefty stone there, illegally procured from a field. But it's for the greater good. This guy's talking to call him to me here. Hey can you hold up his hand? Saying please clear me. So I'll do him as well and his mate. They can both come off. And I'll get these two as well while I'm here.

Nice caramel stones. The nice thing is it's still It's a nice time for a stone-clearer. Not one who wants to finish in three weeks, but there is a plethora of stones to be had here still everywhere you look a stone decent sized stones that lovely big one I picked up out there oh it's a thrill when you get back your hands are a really big meaty

one in it feel the weight the hardness the girth of it you just want to You just want to get down your throat sometimes, don't you? When you see one like that, you think, well, I don't know, it's much too big. What if I swallow it and become a stone? What if I become impregnated with its stone sperm? Give birth to a stone baby. Just more temptations. Look, a nice redstone here.

The kind of colour of a crab. I thought it might even be a crab shell. But it's a beautiful red. Stone is off. Just into the weeds. No rhyme, no reason. There is no rhyme for crab. So that's why. Onwards we push, one feather and two. Just 28 short podcasts away from moving on to the advanced course so hopefully this podcast will continue. Future hangs in the balance so make the most of it while you can do remember to subscribe on sub stack fub stack and there might be some extra stone-based content on there as well for paid subscribers but it is free to

subscribe to most of it lovely way to actually pay me for once I will get most of the money from that some of it goes to Substack and some of it goes to the money men but I get a decent whack of it once doesn't get a making podcast goes into my pocket to help pay my two mortgages that I've got at the moment and for this very expensive move. Absolute foolishness. Oh it looks like the crops are spelling out a word there. Maybe the stones are trying to talk to me. Don't leave, is that what it says? This is sort of where I think there might have been some kind of building at some point you sometimes see little rooms marked out in the soil perhaps that's what I'm seeing now perhaps the stones

are talking to me you decide what's most likely there's a stone, nice stone, little one, but it can go into the holly. And his friend, come on keep moving horse, you should be pooping. That's what we're out here for, that's the pretense. If you come back full of poop, people are going to think something's up. Oh another nice one that's a bit more underground than you thought, still only a medium. Now I'll go nice into the base of one of these trees I think. In here I'm unfit, I've been very well over the last few weeks, been to the doctors. the last few weeks been to the doctors. Hopefully it's going to be okay. But you must carry on my work once I'm gone. I can't live forever or probably for ten years. So once I'm gone do this in honor of me.

Clear stones however dangerous it may be. We all know the risks. We all know the rewards. The rich rewards of a stone properly cleared. That's a reward enough for me and there's three more rewards into the base of the trees. If those trees could fall down before I leave this village that would be a great portent. Oh the next field looks nicely cloud now. I bet there's loads of... we've never been into that one because it's across the pathway. Oh, I bet there's some heard side.

That was a bird. Thought it was a big stone. It was a pigeon. That can be a mistake many rookies make. Also, many rookies also think rooks are stones. That's why they're called rookies. They got that name originally. Look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me. Right nice medium for the cairn opposite the main cairn. Lone Stone Starzy again,

disappointing from them isn't it? We haven't seen much of them recently. Mended up taking down by Covid of course, we know that. But still. And I think we're going to do a shortish walk here today. I'm going to presume the dog's been well walked by my parents-in-law. My parents are here. Not much in the way of stones here to throw walls. Let's try this one. Whoa! That's not far. That was only a little one. You can probably hear the rain pattering down a little bit quicker now against my old ear holes.

We're just lobbing stones for Wolfie. They're not getting any bounce because the ground is too soggy. It just hits the ground and buries itself. This is a bit of a muddier patch we're going through now. The edges of the field seem to be imbued with growing crops but it's a little sparse across here in the middle giving us a bit of this window of opportunity before once again the ground should become covered in green. We've been here enough seasons, enough years to see how that works.

Shifting seasons. Spring follows winter, winter follows autumn, autumn follows summer. I think we're in the autumn phase now. Perhaps in my life. Maybe it's the winter. Every day we trudge around. It's a day less of our lives, isn't it? We don't know that. We don't know how long we're here, but we know every day that passes is one day less that we're here. And you can get to the end of the day and say, whoa, I cleared 35 stones today. At least you can feel you did some with that time you sitting there in your office, lying in your bed.

Masturbating to this a few of you, I know. That's not clearing any stones, is it? It's clearing some tubes. Try to make this as sexless as possible but I guess sometimes the stones do seem euphemistic for the genitalia of some kind of earth. It's like a vagina there. Look at this stone wolf! That's the biggest, hardest, most solid, throbbing stone I've ever seen. You'd have to be sick to think of that as an homosexual. Nice stone, as the inside I can see near the whole field.

Can't see around the corner, that's always a worry. This is almost as big as the previous stone I've found here So there's still big stones to be found in big stone area Cut across and see if I can see if the way is clear on the way picked up another medium Trousers falling down a little bit I'm wearing my leisure trousers not really great for outdoor use or for moving in because they just fall down

it's a lucky it's an audio podcast oh what's this? is this one stone or is it two? oh it's two and they're both quite big and they're both I think related. Oh yeah, oh together a whopper separately two halves of an enlarged heart of an unhealthy middle-aged man. I can't pull my trousers up because my hands are full of stones. It's very important to either go naked or wear a lump of trousers. Oh this is looking beautiful here.

The main can stretching back. I think like I wondered why it's getting smaller but actually it's just getting wider as gravity pulls it down. If you look behind a lot of stones and it does spread around both corners here rather beautifully. Come on wolves this is your opportunity you only get one shot opportunity you only get one shot. Head into the wall there around the corner and yes now this part that's usually quite stone free we found a few since the stone Christmas but the crops whatever they may be we we'll find out. Oh, it probably won't, unless I keep coming back.

That's worth coming back for. The crops are obscuring. The stones already. This is, the dents here are thick. Why is it some places the crop is thick, some places just brown with a smattering of green? I cannot question the ways of our gods how they choose their wonders to perform. Let's do a little parabola. No, can't do it when you're watching. Right Wolfie, get ready. These are my new shoes, they're getting a bit dirty out here, shouldn't have worn my

new shoes. Can't put them in the washing machine apparently though, so I might give that a go. Another clear. Another clear. clear as you like and we're gonna cross at my secret field looks all plowed actually yeah I can't see my monument at the top have they they ploughed the whole thing so that that's been destroyed? Is it just the cloudage? I can't see it. We'll have to pop up there before the month is over. The kind of thing I might do on Substack of course, you never know.

Right, oh! Oh, a couple of nice stones for the Ditch that Stopped Brexit. Yep, that's where we're there already. Are you going to poop, Wolfs? Because we're nearly out. What's your plan? What's your frickin' plan? Oh the ditch this time Brexit. Two good small to mediums there. Good chunk on them. Not pebbles. Let's give another one just for... well you know I'm not counting you're

probably counting but like one day closer to death but also maybe 30 40 stones closer to clearing every stone off this field so you know my life's not been wasted like you wank into this stop wanking do it I know you get turned on by people telling you to stop wanking stop it it's not appropriate and you do not have my permission or consent. Right here we are back to the alphanumeric here. Scree. Wolfie I'm concerned you haven't done much toilet business. Do you need to do anything? Want to go around one more time? Did I miss it? Okay on your your and my kitchen floor be it. Right, heading down Duckets Passage, time to get my phone out with dirty fingers. Look at my phone. Look at the emails we've been sending through.

We've got... I'm just looking for a name here. It's hard to see the name on this email. It's more of chosen random. Drizzle extractor fan. Drizzle extractor fan's been in touch uh don't know if they're a fan of extractors or that's a hyphenated surname hi rich drizzle extractor fan here i'm not a fan of extractor fans if that's what you're thinking about or extractions of stones of course haha yeah good joke drizzle rich as your

odyssey seems to be come to an end and you're so close to clearing every stone off the field what does a stone to do how does he celebrate once less than a field is clear as well it is is a rare event, it doesn't happen very often in the life of a stone purer. So it does deserve a big celebration the way I'm going to celebrate when I finish that field. I'll start on a new field straight away. That's my celebration because every day is a celebration for me Drizzle. Every single day. Unbeatable.

Right, across the road my friend I'm walking around the town, I've been upside down and not here because it's fully packed and wet. I think that's enough food for the people I'll leave out. So let's see. Here comes the other bin. That's a giveaway that someone's been stoned during. Looks like

a... painter's radio if the painter's into shitting diarrhea over his radio. Okay. Hello. Go on, Wills. Okay, hello. Come on, Wuss.

Right, well I better go, Katie. I better leave you. I'll see you again soon. Oh, I mean I'm back home. I'll see you again soon. Oh, I mean, I'm back home. I'll see you. Thanks for listening to me, T, and goodbye. Listen to the f-don'ts, my friend, And they've a-havinging year merry dance Don't liften to the bird fan tree Don't liften to your underpants Liften to the stone Liften to the stone and they in turn

I'll listen to ye, my friend, my fine friend Oh, Stonecone with Richard Herringside, me Richard Herring and Warfie the dog. Nobody else there, was there? It was very quiet and lonely out there, just the stones and the rain. The voice of the Vatones is Michael Verheen and the music is by Matt Coughgrave. Why not switch the order around every now and again. Listen to the stones, my friend, And they fount in ye merry dance. Don't listen to the birth and treath, Liffern to the stones, And they in turn vowed Liffern to ye, My friend, my fine friend!