Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 173

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Chapter 173 - Ftone Phalluf. It's 7.20am on 18th September 2024 and Richard is out on what might be his penultimate podcast (surely he will make the five mile trip to carry on in the unlikely event that he doesn't finish the job by the end of next week). Today we look at the problem of soil coloured stones and stone like soil clumps, the irresistible lure of Hafflehoffing when you have a newly tilled field, some amazing chunks of rock, Wolfie returning stones to the field maybe as revenge for being hit in the face by a Fubbuteo kick, not biting off more than you can chew and a symbolic moment where a stone breaks in a mocking/sympathetic manner.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello flag-hags. And um, oh, the gate's open, we've got some business. Right, careful Wolfie, don't run into the road. That's what I've been saying. I know you're excited, but's like you're going to run the road. Welcome to chapter 173 of the tone clearing for Rich Herring and Wolfie the Dog. Get equal credit according to her contract. I think it's about 7 40 a.m. the 18th of September 2024. 40am, 18th September 2024. Will this be the last ever stone clear? Probably not. The move is slated in for the end of next week, so should get at least one in next week, and you know, in the unlikely event I don't clear every single stone off the field in the next two weeks I can come back. It's a short drive away,

drive the dog out, pull the dog, the people of my village won't even know we're gone, so I'll just assume I'm a regular normal guy. assume I'm a regular normal guy. Anyway, here we go. I was up stone clearing last night and there have been some developments. The field has been tilled, I don't know what it's called. I don't know if they've planted seeds, so whatever was here wasn't the crop. There was something growing very much in rows but it was obviously just weeds and now everything's... to soil it's quite hard to walk on actually everything's light soil they've done it right up to the edge but it means a lot of ptomes are exposed.

Let's have a look no one's around wolves looks beautiful let's get a photo of it actually there's a good place to do the photo just a brown stocian as far as you can see for tones for ticking out once we get into the advanced course it will always be keeping many lings of course all the way through so do prepare yourself for that we're still keeping it intermediate um some nice stones immediately just at the opening here onto that alphanomaga scree that's five stones that loads i mean there's just loads of stones here still. Two minutes clear in a week, well that's a defeatist attitude.

There's another three off. You can only take it off one at a time. Sometimes two actually, three or four actually depending on the size of your hands I've got small hands and I'm not surprised the size of the stones is there I'm gonna do a Hasselhoff it's highly illegal but there's a stone calling to me from some distance away oh it's quite a few of them here. Yeah. Oh dear. But nice medium, another even nicer medium and a pasta. Nice little medium here. Let's get these big ones off.

Oh, that's a nice haul. H-A-U-L. This one's sticking up saying I want to get off the two. These ones feel too good just to chuck into the bushes. But sometimes you've just got to chuck them into the bushes. Let's see. Quite difficult to walk along here, it's like sand almost. So we'll put them over here. Like walking on a beach. And I do have a time limit

today, I have to drive the kids to school, well actually one of the kids is ill, so one Look at that, that's a beauty. I was worried it was a clump of soil but it's a beautiful big medium stone. So there's still medium stones out here. Oh, there's some more just crawling to me from out there. Can I dare one more? Haswell. Saw these guys yesterday. There was too many people around. There was loads of stone stars we got yesterday. It's just when the big stones sit up and say, hey, look at me, you have to get them off.

Oh, oh, lovely. I mean, there's too many to carry out here oh look at that one's the biggest yet oh that one's well and the ones there's two here and then I'm gonna dash back before I get caught this is the biggest one I think coming up ah this is the biggest one i think coming up ah this is the biggest one for a while these are going to make a great addition to the latest ken under the tree i mean i've got six whoppers here i've got more stuff in my arms here than i've cleared in a couple of weeks sometimes just in terms of tonnage. Oh yeah that's why we clear stones that's why we do it just to see that the illegality mixed

mixed with the thrill of clearing six big stones. I mean those are stones, I don't even know how to describe their size, they're so big. There's a nice brown, well camouflaged stone, it's a little way out, but when you're as good a stone-carver as me you can you can still spot them and that's what you I guess that's when we're moving on towards away from the intermediate into the the advanced course I'll probably tell you how to how to do that how to spotcoloured stone at 20 metres in amongst soil. It's not something anyone could do if you're doing a poop. On the field though I can get that buried. Good girl Dianne. It's Wolfie's poop if you're interested

in Wolfie's poop. It's nice when it's quite solid but we're far off into the field i think i can just kick some dirt on top of that and it's gone no one would ever know a dog had pooped there just check we're still rolling Ah, once again another stone quality from a little distance out. There won't be much more Hasselhoffing now. I don't know if the crops are down under here, but they're safely underground at the moment. Oh blimey O'Reilly! Oh look at that, just chunks and chunks of massive stone. I'll try and keep this on wolf. Oh watch out wolf!

Wolf goalkeeping there. Oh wolfie! You blew them an idiot. Don't know if you heard that. It was just a little stone smacking into her face. Don't know if you heard that. Didn't seem to mind. She's trying to grab the stone. Oh, there's another beauty here.

Oh, she's grabbed the stone and put it back onto the field. I've long thought she's working for the Stone star Z. She's gonna drop it. Good girl. It's off the field again and I don't think she's gonna get it this old. Maybe it hasn't gone that far actually. Thought I'd throw it and save it into the brambles. She's after it again. It's not a game wolf. This is not a game. Another flick to kick. Come on wolf., she's got it again taking it back onto the field this could go on she's dribbling with excitement and she's taking it further away I'm trying to go out to get it but she's taking it further away. While I'm at it, she might be guiding me towards some unknown treasure. I have to say, getting out into this field a little bit, just a few metres in, I am starting

to seriously wonder if I can finish this job in a week another beautiful chunk there right Wolfie let's get rid of this one it's coming off I haven't thrown it far enough again keep me to throwing the bambles it's just going short it's in the verge but Wolfie oh threw a big stone there that bounced off the brambles but then fell into the brambles and Wolfie's got the stone again. This is a very exciting bit of fun. Will this stone ever be cleared? It's like Phoebe, er, Phoebe, Wolfie, sorry Phoebe, it's like Wolfie doesn't want this stone to get off the field but maybe she doesn't want any of them off. I wonder if it's her going out at night putting

everything back and that's why seemingly... come on, let's put this one in this can, Wolfson, then it's safe forever. There's a nice little can developing a nest here, developing here. Leave that, leave it! Good girl, come on. Oh yeah, that is what you wanted. It's like an egg on a nest, isn't it? That's what it looks like, egg on a neft. What's that? Is that anything? Strange. No, just a bit of soil, but it might be a bit of metal. Well, maybe it was metal. No, it's soil. So don't be fooled by the rocks that I've got. I'm still Richie from the block. Those rocks

have been there to fool you don't be fooled by bits of bits of soil sometimes they try to fool you because it's the absolute opposite of what you're trying to do obviously you're not trying to get the soil off the field the source is on the field where possible sometimes it will come off a little bit with the photon. But a nice throw there onto the pen in the corner of the field. That looks like a bit of human skull. It still has to come off even though it's organic because it's not actually a bit of human skull. Oh look at that nice another nice medium just sitting

sitting there in the corner. Corkscummy! I heard a voice on the other side of the fence. So just actually quiet for a little bit. Alright trudging uphill here and very much difficult journey. I'm meeting quite new trainers and slightly regretting that decision. But again not able to resist just popping out to pick up a few of these lovely medium stones. These are proper medium the other ones are medium large they can go into the base of the trees here, the ends of the honey. Got one more medium in my hand just waiting for the right place to deposit it. Sometimes you've just got to feel these things instinctively.

The stone will help you, the stone will help you if you want to go there, into the base of a tree. Well, however many stones are still out here, there are fewer stones than six or so years ago, wherever it was that I began this quest. And I can be proud of that. What have you done with the last six years? What have you done with the last six years? Answer the question. Don't just sit there listening. Come waiting. Not all of you have answered. I want to answer out loud. What have you done with the last six years? Are you proud of what you've done? No you're

not. Oh, good kick there. Oh, that's gone right through. Danger of hitting someone on the other side. What I've done the last six years is I've cleared quite a few stones off the field. I had two child as well. I've got seven now. That's not in the last six years, but I know I've raised two children But that is not the same Anyone can do that Oh I know it's right Perfectly clean stone sitting amongst all this dirt here. How's that happened?

into the base again look I found another Very nice large stone again just sitting atop. That's the size of the glen and look I've found another very nice large stone again just sitting atop that's the size of a squash brick house brick it's not a house brick it's a stone and that's going into the the roots of these trees oh it rolled past no it stayed there that's good I actually should have saved that for the can opposite the main can that would have been a nice addition but hopefully there'll be something nearer. We're nearly there. As I say got a whisk round. Today Wolfie's done a poo so that's the main thing as far as my family are concerned.

You do not want a dog pooing in on your kitchen floor, believe me, I've been there, I've seen it, I've cleared it up. I've cleared up the poo of a lot of people, that's what happens when you have a family, mainly about dealing with their poop. Stay single, you have to deal with your own poop unless you're very rich or a child. If you're a child you should not be listening to this. It's way too advanced for you. That stone looks almost like a willow pattern plate. It's definitely a stone. And up the hill we head towards the main cairn it'll be interesting to

see what wonders await us on this journey let's see if I can get this you know that it's clear a little stone and get that into the bushes from here beautiful throw perfectly judged lob oh the car through, good job I didn't hit that. Probably the farmer, good job he didn't catch me Hasselhoffing. I mean I'm essentially Hasselhoffing now but illegally because we're going across the path but the path has not yet been trod enough. When I came out last night I was basically the second person to walk through this and I didn't even come this way. It's a hard day when you walk across here you can just see the beginnings of a path of solid soil developing. And a few stones here, is that soil that's... oh nearly fooled by some soil, lump of soil

looks so like a stone. This is where you have to be careful folks. The soil will try to trick you. So do not let it trick you. There's not a lot of stones out here actually so this is good news. There's one. Let's take these two. I'm looking for bigger ones to carry across to the main ken. Yeah I don't know if you can keep me away from this field. This field of my dreams, they said clear it and they will come. I've got three stones in my little hand. Is this a great light there? I'm not going to take it off. That's not my problem. And just nothing massive here yet. A couple of nice mediums there.

Another quite nice medium, but not the big mediums. Or large. Oh yes, definitely picking up in this particular area. there another quite nice medium but not the big mediums or large oh yes definitely picking up in this particular area shortly I'll have too many stones to carry I'll have to leave you guys at the moment might be to get one more still some work to be done well Oh, that's the one. Looks like cock and balls. Crudely drawn cock and balls.

But it's a beautiful size. It's almost as heavy as five or six stones I've got in here. And believe me, those are not white stones. Yeah, a little bit of work to do here. But remember, don't don't take too many. If you try and lift too many stones you could die. Oh that's a good one there. Or just collapse and then none of the stones are cleared so you have to take what you can take. Take what you can take. Take what you can take. There's another beautifully disguised medium

so I'm gonna try and kick this one because we're close enough all these interested. It's the size of a cat skull but all solid. Hope you're enjoying this. Take what you can take. Make what you can make. Don't fake what you can't take. Because you must make. Oh that one split, the big one split. The cock and balls broke. The ball broke off.

I think it was actually the cock that broke off. So it isn't a metaphorical thing. Urgh! so it isn't a metaphorical thing. And there goes the one we picked, the rat skull, the cat skull. Down the hill we go. Let's see what delights wait us down here. It's been a lot more feckoned down here hasn't it, Wolfson? It had been in the past. Oh, that was a brilliant parabola! That one went unbelievably high off and into the bushes. Wish you could have seen it.

Again, I've spotted another stone disguised as a clod of earth. I'm sure this time, yes, and I'm sure this time yes and I'm right. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on me. Basically if you fool me I'm the one who's ashamed. Down the hill we go towards the ditch that stopped the Rwanda scream. No ditch that replaced the Conservatives with basically the same thing, come on. Just slightly nicer, slightly nicer version. All right I'm gonna try and do another parabola. Watch out wolves! That was too high it went off though. Not well executed, Wolfie was in the way and it threw me off my game a little bit she's been hitting the face once today

lightly by a kick stone that's one of the perils of being a stone dog she knows what she signed up for signed up for. We'll just pick up a bit of this scree here. There's never-ending, is it? Sometimes it makes me wonder what this is all about. I don't think how much I've done and I'm not gonna say how little I've achieved, I've achieved a huge amount out here but sometimes you look at it and you think has anything changed? and then you think yes it has stopped being stupid. Right is that soil or is that a stone wall? What do you think? It's a stone, I thought it was soil, I stepped on it, confident it would fall apart. What the fuck's fall apart right that's going in the ditch that stopped Brexit and that's a big that's a medium stone they don't usually go in there and the ditch even

though it must be full of stones I I've put five more in there, you can hear them click clacka licka lack. They're still vegetation, you can't see any stones if you look in there, you wouldn't know what was going on. Like the Great Escape. Depositing without anyone noticing. Right, is that stone? Yeah, that's a stone.

Obviously it's a much harder spot, the stones and the clodsods at this point where the ground has just been churned up what's that that is amazing it was just hidden almost just under a thin layer of soil beautiful medium it's a beautiful gift for the alphanomic end doesn't usually get stuff like this. It's not usually big stones like this down here. We've cleared some tonnage today. I think this might be one of the most successful clears of recent years. Obviously at the start there were so many stones out here. Right wolves, I think we're done. Let's get home, do a poo, take kids to school.

What do you think? And that's me doing a poo, you've done your poo. I have to poo too, but I don't need a human being to come and pick it up and bury it. Ah, I suppose I do, the sewage workers. Anyway, let's have a quick look at your emails. The dog barking. Confident when those wolfies come together. Let's have a look at these emails as we go around Duckett's Passage for possibly the last or second last time. Got an email here from Yellow Flower. Nice yellow flower there, I'm not going to me yellow flower what those things called like to come off a bush like almost like sort of penis shaped fronds it's a yellow fly front hello right wolfie come on. Come on Wolfie. We've got three yellow phalaephrons.

Hi Rich, my name is yellow phalaephron. I live in Hitchin where you're moving to. I'm worried you're going to move in on one of our fields, but that we're clearing here. How do you stand on the rule of stone clearing that says you cannot clear the field of another stone clearer. I'm yellow point out and assuring that's some kind of pseudonym to protect your identity. I will make sure if I do move to another field I am the only one clearing it. There are no rules to stone clearing, that's the first rule. The second rule, you must respect That's the first rule, the second rule. You must respect the stones of another man. That's the rule.

That's just written at sexist time. I'm assuming yellow flower. Pienus from you are a woman. I hope that's not, you know, I don't like to, it's not a time where you really want to try and guess anyone's gender really, but anyway Everyone's welcome now in the more forward looking, home-crowding world If you're non-binary you're welcome to do it. Probably better if you're non-binary

Trans people are also welcome here. No judgment. The cat sitting up there looking at me and my wife's in the kitchen again We're gonna have to whack this up quick. Okay, thanks for listening. See you on the other side of the finance room. And they for halfing year merry dance Don't lifn to the bird fan tree Don't lifn to your under pan Lifn to the stone Lifn to the stone, and they in turn Hallif'en to ye, my friend, my fine friend. Fftone clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog.

That'd be Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog with, um, was it Brilliant One Around, was there? Apart from that, there was some dog poo. The music's by Mike Coughgrade, the voice of the Fftones is Michael Fahey. Listen to the Fftones, my friend, And they fount in ye a merry dance. Don't listen to the birth and grief, Don't listen to your under-hands. Lift unto the stones, lift unto the stones, And they in turn fall lift unto ye, my friend, my fine friend. Bye-bye, friend!