Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 175

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Chapter 175 - Ftanding on ye Fhoulderf of Nerdf. It's 8.05am on the 26th September and tomorrow Richard moves a good 5 miles away from the Stocean, a distance that might mean he can never return here again. Will he clear all the stones today? Well with a little help from the Gods, who knows? Has the six plus years out on the field made any difference to the grand scheme of things? Will stone clearing fans be fuicidal? Did Wolfie do a poo today? These are all questions that you will have to ruminate on. But if this is the final curtain then thanks to the many millions all over the world who have learned from a master. You know, in a way, you have taught me as much as I have taught you.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Alright, welcome to what could be the final chapter of stone clearing, I'm going to be It's 5 to 8am on... Let's look it up. 25th... 26th of September, 2024. Could be an historic day, look at this. Been an amazing thing happened on the... Wolfie, come here! Sit. Been an amazing

thing that's happened on the old Stotion. There was a big rainstorm this week. Oh, careful, you'll be an idiot. I'm sorry, I'll just try to run through a gate that wasn't fully open. And the rain came and... Watch out, no. and watch out for the dogs, I'll be back in a minute. The rain came, it was very strong, it washed away a lot of the field, the stone gods,

proud of what I have done for them. They sent rain, which is weird, because they're stone gods and rain is their enemy. And it's literally washed all the soil off the field. Literally. Duckett's Passage, all the shale and chingot is passing it now. It's just in there. It's on the road. There's mud all over the road, shale all over the road. It's come, it turned into a river and turning into a river now has wolfie wheeze on it as well. That's a metaphor there from the arch from Wolfie.

So Douglas Passage is now shorn of most of its mud and back to base. It's quite hard to walk on it. And then the field itself is all nicely clouded and stuff. And there's, it's washed lots of the mud to the sides, revealing the stones beneath which means if I work hard today I could clear every single last stone off just in time for the move tomorrow. This might be the last chapter. I can be bothered to cycle back up here sometimes. I need the dog, I'll have to drive.

So here we are. It's quite an apocalyptic vision. There's a bit of soil on there, I might have exaggerated by saying every bit of soil. Quite a lot of soil, but you can see loads more stones. So has that made life easier or harder? I don't know but this is the last way around and I hope to clear all the stones. Let's take a photo of this see if it makes it, see if it'll come across in photos. You can sort of see there, if you look at the photo, if I use that one. I've walked in another way. There are rivulets where the, and it's all smooth. So here we go, yeah there's a couple stones here,

let's get rid of those, there's a few more there. I mean if I don't quite finish it this I'll come back out this afternoon and I mean if I don't quite finish it this I'll come back out this afternoon and finish the rest. Oh right, drop the stone there remember, there are no rules to stone clearing, that's rule number one, but if you pick up a stone and drop it you must go back and pick it up, no stone can be left behind. And the only time you're really allowed to drop stones apart from backs is if a stone-starzing member is coming. Look at this! It's like walking on a beach. The soil really looks like sand after the tide's been in. It's really weird and how strange that that happens from the last few days that I live here.

Strange or deliberate that you have to decide. I mean I might have to come back and just pick up a few scraps here. In a way the rain has shown me how impossible my task is, how much work there is to do. But you know we've got to stones I think we wouldn't be able to see. That's what I like about it. That's why I feel it's a gift from the gods rather than a punishment from the gods. There are some nice stones visible here. Those are just small mediums. Well maybe some more large actually to be fair to them. Yeah I think well it may be too much to clear in the next day. But, you know, often I think stone clearers give up hope. They see what seems like an impossible task to any outside observer.

And that can crush the spirit of some stone clearers. But true stone clearers realise... oh that was a good throw just half something a little bit got a nice medium off there. True stone clearers realize that is the whole point it wouldn't be... oh this is a nice medium that can go on my new can oh look at that it's even bigger than I thought still medium The whole point of doing this is to complete an impossible task to show man's superiority over nature and stone's superiority over man. Fruit superiority if you will. It looks like the surface of the moon here I have to say. Very rocky, very little soil. Nice kick, oh there we go, nice medium sized stone bang onto the new

ken. You can get wrapped up in details, you can get worried about oh there's a couple of little stones there that I haven't picked up yet but trying to throw onto the clamp from a distance and just hitting the fence at the moment let's see if I can do one, missed as well but that's at least off Warby's gonna pick that one up, no she's not, so look if this is the last one just want to say thank you for sticking with me. If you did, if you didn't, you're not hearing this, so you don't get the thanks. I presume you've listened to every single episode because that is the rules. There are no rules to stone throwing, but there are many rules to listening to stone

throwing. One of them is you can have to start at the start of the beginning and listen to everyone and if you fall asleep you have to go back and listen again. A couple of nice mediums off. I'm hoping I will come back because you know, Wolfie's just put one of those mediums back onto the field. What a bitch. It's alright, you can say that about her.

She doesn't mind. She gets turned on by swearing. Erm, we'll be... That's a hard thing to do. You know, I'm not going to be far away. It might be... my worry is that once I move to the bright lights of a town, it'll hit me and hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me,

it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it'll hit me, it's rich, I won't. You're always in my heart. My heart is made of stone. Many, so many of my girlfriends have said that to me.

It's the biggest compliment in the past. I haven't got girlfriends now. I'm very happily married. In my sham marriage, which is here to cover up my stone clearing. If that's cheating on my wife to marry a subterfuge then I'm the biggest cheater in the world. Oh so yeah look might not quite feel today but I'm getting more stones off and every stone off is a stone that's not on. One stone closer to the nirvana,

not the band. I know a lot of you were very worried about me killing myself if I didn't, talking of Nirvana, if I didn't complete this task. But believe me, you might think, oh, Rich will be desolate. He's walking around his field. It might be his last time and there's billions of stones on here. Almost more than, looks like more than when he started because of the rain.

It just looks like all stones. But no, I feel very positive. I feel like I've already achieved something Amazing that no one else has ever done. I mean just doing something that no one else has ever done is not necessarily good in itself There's a good reason some things haven't been done. A little worm under that one. I've got dirty sticky fingers and that is what every stone clearer dreams of. Brown fingers. That's the ultimate goal

Sticky Yes, I'm saying I've stuck my fingers into the earth anus and pulled out a plum Then put that back on because it's organic, then pull that stone and then throw it out the field. Yeah, a few stones left behind there, but there's three more off, Wolfie, into the bushes where no one will ever see them again, or the undergrowth. If this was the last one ever would I feel that I'd wasted my time out here? Would you? Or would you think Rich you've created an amazing community here of upwards of three people. You haven't brought them together because they're the kind of people who don't really go out.

But we've brought them together spiritually. We've made them think about their pointless existence. Now the corner of the field that is that's a beautiful sight it's as if the stone gods have decided to clear the stones for me a little bit maybe that has to be the picture i've got dirty fingers now then i want to touch my phone but yeah the the water has brought like or made it i've got to take a photo of this. The water has made a basically a huge scree of cairn. Doesn't really read. Let's see.

I might put that one on Twitter if I don't put it on as the actual one. But yeah, the corner of the field, that's the cairn in the corner now, the real cairn in the corner I've got isn't even in the corner, but the corner of the field is just full of stones. They've been washed by the gods to help me in my quest. They're saying, Rich, don't give up. There's a big hole here where everything's been pummelled up. It's very difficult to walk through these conditions. But like I say, you just reach these down and there's, even though I do have some soil on me, there is some soil here. There's just a nest of five stones just all together because everything

else is washed away. You can just pick up a clump of stones. Can together because everything else is washed away. You can just pick up a clump of stones, can you hear that? Chuck them off. Big ones, little ones. My job has been made easier. This is very much like when God sent the flood. He must have been, that must have been the stone god as well. In that story you'd bring your stupid bible, have been the stone god as well. In that story you present your stupid Bible as you know. And so God sent the flood. There were no gathering of animals. That didn't matter to God. If it's organic, no need to panic. But that flood would have pushed all the stones into one place, created Mount Ararat. That's why the...was it Mount Ararat where he crashed? Then, you know, man's wickedness and the interim has caused those stones to scatter again. That's why I am here. Not on an ark, just

in some of my wife's Wellington boots, slightly feminine Wellington boots, but I'm confident enough in my own sexuality and masculinity and my gender fluidity to pull it off and think, oh shit, they're not very good when you kick at them, got steel toe caps, just, that was the downside of of this which just hurt myself kicking a stone that didn't shift as quickly as I thought it would. God's punishing me for my pride, the sin of pride. I mean, sort of got to go all the way around the field today, haven't I? But I can't be asked. Nice little subutio there. We'll just do a short one because we'll be back, probably.

How will you live without it? I know a lot of it's just a bit like when the Beatles split up and fans were yeah almost suicidal I'm sure I'm sure you're furifidal but please don't kill yourself because a dead man dead woman and dead 18 year old girl can clear no stones be alive be alive however bad things are there's always a stone to clear. This task will never be fully completed if we get all the stones on earth to the edge. There are stones on the moon, there are stones on Mars, there are stones in the infinite universe the whole thing's made out of stones So never give up never surrender No stone stars here and maybe out of respect for what I've achieved out here a grudging respect

but nonetheless They we have a sort of reciprocal agreement without me. Their lives are meaningless as well. Oh, that was a lovely fly. That went right into the border just bang, no bounce. Nice medium sized stone thrown from some distance. I've trudged around this field how many times, countless times, no calculator could calculate it, even approximately. And little tears come into my eye that this might be the last time. Wolfie's going to be taken away this evening so that she's not scared by the blue, so she's going to stay with my in-laws.

Not sure I'll be doing another dog walk here. And you do really need that dog to justify what you're doing. It's a grey day. There's a little bit of moisture in the air, it's not really raining but it might do any seconds. And Alexander wept because there were a billion more stones to clear that he'd failed to clear and he died young of course as well so I at least have age on my side and you look at people look at the greats in the world the greats I know someone got angry for me for clearing metal the other day

there's another bit... oh I'm gonna take it even though we're quite a long way from the shore this is really gonna stop me clearing quite a lot of stones because it's so heavy... oh look at this one but it's not organic is it metal it will disintegrate fairly quickly you don't need to take it off but metal was once a rock this is my understanding and i've got a nice armful kind of emu's body of rock and metal here used body of rock and metal here. A very fecund part of the field of course. Move out a little bit just to check there's no one coming. As well as to gather quite a nice small medium, medium small sorry. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. I think I have to accept that there's more work to be done out here either by me or my ancestors. Oh no, the other way around. Or my ancestors

might come. Or descendants, that's the word I'm looking for. Oh, there's a beauty just just a bit off the beaten path and this one's called into me one of my favorite types there just the chocolate brown so usually I like them circular this one isn't that circular but there's just something about it oh no there you go just what we were talking about earlier dropped a couple of the stones at the crick of my arm must pick them up cool it's not fair to the stones. The bit of metal actually actually has quite a nice shelf to keep the stones on so take that people who don't think I should be clearing metal. Yeah well I leave this field if I do leave it today looking more stony than it has ever looked in all the seven years I've been

walking around this field. This one's sticking up like a stonehenge. I'm gonna kick that one. I think the farm's actually been back and re-tilled the field because it is looking better than it did yesterday or the day before when I first came around here after the rain. All on the main can including the metal, watch out, including the one I kicked, I'm gonna pick that up and I'll put that just to the side. Well adios Michaels can, this is goodbye, I'll be back. I've got to come back right? I can't leave this. Looking over at the other field can I see? I think I don't think I'm

going back on that field, that's my proper field and there's a cairn at the top of that field. Can't see it today. It. It's sort of lost a bit of its whiteness. I went up the other day and had quite a few more big chunks of stone to it. Someone may have been and smashed it to pieces in the interim. If that's the case so must it be shall. There was a river coming down that hill along the pathway. It was a terrifying time. So down to the ditch to stop Brexit and you know that's one reason I will have to come back daily. I don't want Brexit to return. Don't want Boris Johnson back as Prime Minister. Don't want old Keir starmer getting free clothes so I have to come back every day and

add at least one stone. Maybe just secretly, maybe not recorded, maybe just a humble man, old man walking up putting a stone in there. The children say who is that old man? They'll say no one knows. And someone says isn't it Richard Herring, he used to live in the village. Oh yeah. I go oh yeah it it's him why is he doing it no one knows isn't he trying to clear all the stones off the field yeah that's it probably the reason why is he done so badly

well has he done badly or has he done well what's the way I would put it has he done incredibly well well there's a lot of stones there. Yeah, but how there is many as there once were, mean proportionately, I mean, I would say, yeah, if you counted up every single stone on there and the number that he's taken off, I would say the difference is negligible and the percentage of stones off the field probably less than a thousandth of a

percent. I mean it's that but was it all a waste of time? Yes. You're not very helpful, you're not a very helpful character in this scenario. You created me. Yeah, well I thought you'd be nicer. Well, why do you think that? Just thought because I created you, you would be on board with what I'm doing here. Into the Ditch and Stop Brexit! One medium, two littles, another medium and there's some good stones here revealed by the river.

You can see the river marks. It's absolutely insane what's happened here. So we're gonna get a few more off these are sort of... this is a part of the field that I thought had no more big stones in it but now it's all just nice stones, big stones, little stones, just stones. Stones. That's what this podcast is really been about stones some of you might not picked up on that been quite subtle some people say with the stones a metaphor for something and I said yeah so there were metaphors for other stones and more stones gotta get some alpha and omega action on and luckily it's extremely easy

no crops all the stones exposed by the gods this is just this is like a pile of stones again in the corner here this is just like a tan I could just pretend I corner here, this is just like a can. I could just pretend I'd done that. Not quite far, and it's just slightly to the right of the path annoyingly. But definitely the gods have helped me out here. Are you going to poop, wolves? Is that a tooth? Looks like some kind of tooth that I think is a stone. It's the tooth, the whole tooth but nothing but the tooth. Is that a poop? I didn't see ya. Doesn't mean you didn't do it.

I know you in your ways. Right doesn't seem fair to pick just one email does it from the thousands that have come in. It's just like a big load of shit here. It looks like an elephant's shaft all along the side here but it's literally all the soil that's come off the field. It's like a big sort of chocolate angel delight's been made. Elephant poop by the way smells of microwavable weight watchers shepherd's pie. So I thought you'd like there's some facts I picked up along my way out, that was when I cleared some food. That was before I realized stones were the way to go. Anyway, let's have a look. A lot of messages coming in just saying this one's from Leafy Hollyleaf. Leafy Hollyleaf. Probably Leafy's a nickname because that surname's Leaf. Can't believe that Stone Claring might

be over. Thanks for all the years of hard work, which debt has definitely been worth it. Whatever any imaginary character in your podcast might say, I'm not imaginary and so therefore my views are more important than someone who is imaginary. Well, thank you Leafy Holly Leaf. It does make for a lot better. That person was mean, wasn't he? It was a mean thing to say. You know, it's celebratory time. Sometimes, you know, a child does something and it's not very good, but you want to encourage them. So you go, oh well done. Don't start criticizing them. People don't have blue heads What you've done in this drawing that's rubbish, you know, it's really good like the way you use your imagination

So yes, thank you Holly leafy Holly leaf coming down There's a stone star at the last minute just give me a salute, give me a little look. I think I should say, well done Rich. You're a worthy adversary, you did it. You did it. Let's have one more female, blue car. Red car. Blue car from red car, blue. Like bluey, I guess, car from red car, it's a car with

a double R not like a car. Congratulations Rich, is this your 175th chapter? Come on you've got to do 25 more, I want to see what the advanced course is like. So I've found the intermediate course quite easy and actually not that discernable from the easy stuff you do with a winning. Well you're not really paying attention. Red car, blue car from red car. Anyway we're home, gotta get the kids to school, I've got to get the kids to school, I've got to get the dog fed. Maybe this is my life now. Maybe it's a life with no stones, a sad life, an empty life,

a life just looking after children. I hope not, but if this is the last time we speak and the last time you hear my voice on the podcast, I just want to say thank you for being with me. I was carried on your shoulders and that made carrying the stone, it'd been better if you'd carried some of the stones but it sort of made it lighter to carry the stones because you, without you there I could literally still have done this and it would have been better if no one had listened. I love you all goodbye enjoy your stones see your flag

hag from me and all the me's on everyone. And they for halfing year merry dance Don't lifn to the bird fan tree Don't lifn to your underpants Lifn to the stone Lifn to the stone, and they in turn I'll liffen to ye, my friend, my fine friend. For tone clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog, start me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog, and's me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog and one Stone Stars E member

tipping me the wink just as we finished. The music is by Mike Cofgrave, the voice of the Fftones is Michael Fahean but the real Ftare of the Ftoteaux is you. Oh no, it's me. Listen to the stones, my friend, my fine friend