Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 180

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

Chapter 180: Forry, Not Forry, Luton, you Fcum. It's 8.06am on 10th January 2025 and the new year brings a welcome return of and to the podcast. Look who is here. It's ice cold out there on the frozen vulva of the Ftocean, but ftones must still be cleared. The FF have returned in force and it looks like this might be the end for our hero (presuming you're on Richard's side), but can he escape their clutches? There's no Morlocks or logdogs, but there are pink planes and fairies being consumed by canines and a surprising amount of stones cleared given the frost and opposition.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. We're going Wolfie, don't worry. Can you believe you're back? You're stone clearing then, why are you sad? Should be happy. All right. Hello my finest friends. Welcome to another chapter of stone clearing. It's something like the 10th of January 2025, it's 8.06am. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And yes we're going to a walk and Wolfie's very excited. She nearly got run over a second ago, car backed into me. About to see me on the pavement. Whoa! Wolfie's very excited. Alright. Good girl, come on. Come on! Barking at strangers...

The central heating's conked out in the house again. That's bad news, we anyway it's good. Right here we go it's I don't know what even know what chapter is we'll find that out as we progress. Wolfie, it's good to be back with Wolfie anyway, it doesn't matter what chapter it is, it's about 179 or 179 something like that isn't it. The important thing is with the first chapter 2025 we're heading up Duckett's Passage. I need personal training but you know what? I'm doing personal training after the stone cliff so I'm not knackered. It's full of energy. This is my little warm-up. It's a warm-up but it's cold. I don't think we'll be clearing many stones today that's my prediction the Phtotian Ift

Frothan Wolfie's gonna struggle to find somewhere to wee come on Wolfie good girl look where we are do you remember this Wolfie's so excited do Do you remember it here? It's our wonderful world of stones, of photons. Right let's see if I can... ah that's come off the ground quite easily, snapped off. It becomes like oh snapping toffee. Oh you can get the stones off the top but most of the stones are gripped. There's not a tool known to man that can get a stone out of... In a way that's warmed up that bit of ground. I'm not going to go and see if I can get a stone out there then. There's not a tool known to man that could clear the stones that are gripped within the

vulva of the earth. The frigid vulva, you've experienced them one way or another. Look at this lovely clump of... Oh! There's a clump of stones that have drifted down there. Even a kit can't get this bugger off. Pumper stones from the flood, nicely gathered, still not quite off the field. There's one that can kick off, that one was lying atop the ground.

But it's going to be a tricky sown play today and this is where the field reminds you of how long you will be dead and cold, how long you were dead and cold before you came to exist and for how you will be frozen. Post death! Post your inevitable death! So just trying to grab a... there's a couple of littleies come up just to add some of the new ken. We're on a hiding to nothing but every stone cleared is a stone cleared. That is what I say. Every stone cleared, if a stone cleared, that's what a wife man fed. For if a stone is cleared from the field you see, it's no longer on the field field like I said, fed and there's a stone cleared, if a stone cleared, two stones cleared, if two stones cleared, if you can get a, then that's better for me. But one stone cleared will be... That's turned into a sort of a very popular song now, hasn't it?

But they had those in the medieval time. Four stones cleared is four stones cleared. Five is very much five. And six clones fear cleared. Tell me can you hear? Six clones That's from the 1960s Mary Poppins goes stone clearing. It wasn't as popular as many of the films, mainly because it was just Mary Poppins clearing stones for four hours. Do check it out on YouTube. I've stone cleared, helps the medicine go down. That was just, that was a bit of a rip

off of the previous song. One stone cleared, helped the medicine go down. Why am I thinking in medieval? I'm from the 19th, well Victorian era probably, I don't know. I have to look it up. I mean really this is why it didn't do well. It was like the songwriter was literally just writing his first thought, not bothering to go back and check it out, I have to look it up, he says. And then he couldn't be bothered. Or she! I think it was based on some medieval song.

That's why there was some medieval... It's confusing isn't it? It's confusing is all I'm saying. It is definitely true. Don't check it. Don't look it up because it's not that good of a film. It'll spoil all your memories. Burt is stoned to death for crimes against stones. It's quite dark. to death for crimes against stones. It's quite dark. Yeah we're still going, we're still rolling, this is all luckily woofie. Everything we've said has been recorded, nothing is lost. So yes, good to be back, it's sort of good to be back. Oh, there's a stone stazzy coming this way with a black labrador. Going to have to be quiet for a little while.

Hope the dogs are friendly. Going to have to knock clear stones, which will be easy. It's hard to clear stones, you know. We're in the corner of the field. The cairns there. There's a pink plain in the distance. the sunlight's hitting it in such a way Sun only just coming up of course and then turn the plane pink it's a beautiful thing to see. Come on girl. I have some questions about why I'm here. Morning. You OK? Yeah just coming back for another one. Managed to kick a stone off there, that was quite clever the black labrador kicked another stone off there, that was quite clever black labrador giving wolfie a wide berth

and rightly so because wolfie will take this fucker down what's that, There's another dog. Oh is this this one? What's this? A little red dog, a little dog wearing a red jacket all alone. Oh seeing Wolfie and his bolter across the field. We'll go the long way round today, I think we've got time. I'm seeing a young dog owner wearing a blue amarak. I can't tell if they're male or female. Female.

Female, young, stone stars, and that's the terrifying thing. female, young, stone stars and that's the terrifying thing when the stone stars and star recruiting the young you know that this is going to go on for another generation at least this war. I've got the stone here I think to put it on now it's a couple here I think will go onto the can opposite the main can. I've got three on at the main cam. Got three on. I mean I like to see a young stone starzy for some reasons but they're easier on the eye. No offence to any old people who are listening but young people like me and that young lady you know I just it's that we're just sexy and you can argue all you like about it but that is biology while we're fertile God and the stone gods keep us looking good the

minute that fertility goes bang and you can tell how fertile I am just by looking at me hello Wolfie oh I don't know is that a poo? I thought it was like a magic poo but it was just a tiny wee there was a leaf I saw just thought she'd gone boom and then her poop would just magically appear but it was just crouching over a leaf I'll let you off in a sec Wolfs it's bitterly cold minus five degrees according to my car. Wolfy now going for the full poo and out on the boundary where it duff not matter what poo duff fall. Wow, good work, Wolfs. We've been holding that in for a while because we've had to come in the car. Good girl. That can fester on its own. No one's walking down there, Wolfs. If they are, good luck to them. Right, I was going to let you off the lead there, you could have pooped without the lead

on. I know you prefer that. That will be going in the sister podcast we have of course, the Dog Poop podcast. Leave it in this one just as an advert for the Dog Poop podcast. I think we might know everything possible about dog poop, when dogs poop, what it looks like. It looks like looks like poop. Got another stone off, it's going into the holly, wolfie chasing it to no avail

wolfie's not stupid enough to run into a bush of holly, she's not stupid at all, she's a very dumb dog, can I get this baby up? Oh no, in the jaws, in nature's jaws. Beautiful stone, I'll come back for it another day. That one I've managed to kick off, this one can go into the Rissini Ringing Tree. The Finging Ringing Tree. Wolfie's looking for it. Wolfie's very excited, she's missed the stones. She's chasing it. Don't chase into the fair! Oh Wolfie, that's going to scare... The fairy folk may have come. Wolfie, come on!

Wolfie, come here! Get away from there! She's eating the fairy folk. Wolfie! Wolfie! That's not going to be hard. Give them another stone to make up for that. Oh, Wolfie's chased that one as well. That's a never-ending cycle of fairy death. So I hope I don't tie myself out for the person training session that's to come. You can see you're getting all the good stuff as a result of me being fresh to the daisy right now. Fresh as a daisy that's... oh that's... a stone I've kicked off.

Orphi remembering all about chasing stones. I kicked another stone off. There's some good ones coming off here. More than I expected. coming off here more than I expected. You're getting all the good stuff that's what I'm saying. Imagine how this would have sounded if I was trying to... Oh another one off, beautiful. Oh can this one come off? This is almost medium in size. Ow! Ow. Let's try it with my thumb. My thumb hit my toe! What's going on? I've forgotten the word for things, Wolfie. Let's just check we're still recording. Well, we haven't lost any of this gold.

Shall we take a little photo? Of the winter wonderland? Don't you usually come from this angle? I'm hoping that... Oh, that's beautiful. We didn't get the pink plain. But you can see see, oh there's another pink plane in the distance, yeah you're not going to be able to see that. There's one in this picture but I think the other picture's nicer. Pink plane taken off from Luton, infuriating the homophobic people there. Horrible people in Luton. There's nothing that can be done about them. Hopefully one day the town will be just wiped off the map and all the awful people

who live there will die. No offence if you live in Luton. No offence intended. But I do daily wish for your deaths. Why did you chase the players off the pitch when York City were playing there? Because you're a bit bad people, homophobic racists, and not really people at all, is the way I'd like you to view the people of Newton. It's interesting that they have an airport there. Why would they need it just so people

wouldn't get away from you? It's not a major place. this one looks nice this is possible gonna oh look it's not even clamped into the ground wolf is a beauty looks like a amethyst without its interesting bits in it another stone stars the far corner of the field I won't be going that way oh and another one hidden in the hedges I'm going to get you on the lead wolfs. They nearly got us. Oh they nearly got us but they didn't get us. Hopefully not coming this way that guy. Two dogs in the far corner, at least one in the near corner. at least one in the near corner. That man's running balaclava. His whole head is... yeah it's a balaclava. It's gonna say my whole head was just black as night. like my natural color and look like a sort of satanic demon which you know

maybe it's like in that film where you put the sunglasses on you see the aliens they are satanic these guys they're doing Satan's work, and that is for sure. Plane going towards Luton, empty, people of course just landing there, pick up some of the people trying to escape Luton, take off straight away. Mercy mission. No offence to the people of Luton who attended in this of course. in this of course. We have many fans in Luton, they don't know how near they are to Shangri-La, they could be living on this field rather than in Luton. Oh god, right, here we are we've reached the corner, there are no stone stasi. In fact the other stone stasi from the park has gone into the other field as well, and very much miscalculated my route. I'm not even going to bother trying to jump over the hedge and steal some stones from the wrong field. It's too cold. Right, Wals, I think we can,

can we let you off? I think we can let you off in this bit, come on. Have a little run round. What's it like being back here? Wolfie, come here! Wolfie! Come here. She's sort of a crow. Come on. Ah, jeez Louise. There's a nice stone here. looks like a carrot, carrot coloured stone in the sunlight, dappling in the sunlight. Oh! And it has come up. It needs to be peeled off. It's thrown, it's basically at the edge, not as much into the edge as I'd hoped. Wolfie Mae has retrieved

it. She thinks it's a game. Willie, drop it! Good girl! Let's see if I can get that off properly. Maybe it's a criticism of my technique. That one went off, hopefully she'll leave. Wolfie, come on! Wolfie, come here! She's brought it back again. There's a stonestazzy coming up.

Right, Wolfie! Come here. right Wolfie, come here, stone starzy coming up the other side of the hedgehogs oh fuck I'm being killed, I've got the clip on, I've got my glove caught in the clip, come on stone starzy is right behind me behind us, doing the bishop move Picked up a stone, it's hidden in my sleeve It's coming right behind us It could go on the canop in the middle of the field It's all clever I'm going to speed up a bit

Because I'm not going to be able to clear anything else We've got a bogey right above Derriere And you never want a bogey up there, I can tell you that he thinks that we're playing with this stone, we're not playing now Wolfie this is deadly serious, this is a moment of life or death oh god, I've got to find something to make for the stone pole, this is going to be a nightmare I'm passing loads but I can't stop to pick them up. It's a bit early for the sandpaw. Go, horse! Good girl. Exciting, I'm being chased.

exciting, I'm being chased. I'm not in the medieval sense of not retaining my virginity, though I am doing that as well. Come on! Come on! Ah, look at this, this is a beauty. It's stuck to the ground, I tried to kick it, it was stuck. It's stuck to the ground, I tried to kick it, it was stuck. Do not be tempted to bring boiling water with you. Horse, come on, there's two behind me now, fuck me. To throw over, it will crack the stones. So do not, that's a stone-pitch. You might be tempted to just bring a bucket, one bucket of boiling water up here with you. Do not do it.

Keep my keep in head and I'm hoping our unexpected unexpected right turn here will confuse the Bishop of the Stone Ftavid Jeff squad behind me. He'll carry on, be unable to turn in time. I'm not indicating it should give by me some time. I throw this sort of in front of me. It's kind of in the middle of the field looking bedraggled, I'd say it's been kicked around a bit. That hasn't really helped, but here we go, unexpected right turn. Has it bamboo-fold? The tone for tarffy. Charles! He's still quite a long way behind, so he has time to readjust if he wishes. I've found one stone. I'll pretend I'm tying up my shoelace. I've dropped my glasses, that's a good excuse actually. Got two. Oh no.

Is he coming this way? We're in huge trouble. He saw the right turn, his cat turned right. And I don't think we can do a stone part if he's right behind us. Never before has Stone Staszy spotted that erm, all I can do is take him right at the end, hope that er, he doesn't spot it coming, hope he gets past the turn left. Come on! coming hope he gets past the turn left. Come on! I think this might be it for the fellas and ladies. Fellas are some fellows, I mean guys you know, everyone's a fella. This is my last will and testament I leave my stones to my children when they are

old enough. There are no rules to stone clearing that's rule rule one rule two, you must be over 16 to clear stones. Let this be my message to them clear stones to my children that is what you will put on earth here to do. One at a time though you can't both come on the field, maybe you could get the field first when you die pass on to any of your own children. I'm going to get your life to this right I'm going to turn right oh no I'm absolutely fucked they've got me. If I turn right there's someone coming that way the sun is right in my eyes I've come and seen them. Come on. I've got two t-soles in my pocket. Wolfie, come here. Come here. All right. Absolutely following me. I've actually managed to pretend I'm doing something with my own feet, turned around by the tree. It was 100% going the same way as me.

I really thought you would turn the other way, and turn the other cheek. But the good news is there's loads of things under this tree. There's water get some food. I'm going to get some food. Let this guy go past. Find another person. My goodness. Look at how dark it's absolutely. I've been absolutely I'm going to have to find another person, my goodness. Look at how a dog is absolutely, I've been absolutely fucked here. It's the guy with the bell-calf-run.

Very clever. He's behind the tree, just picked up a little stone. Good girl. Army combat trouser run. Absolutely deadly, so he's going to be a little bit higher thickness, I think, because he's really fast. So let us know who he is. I think everyone's going to going away from the stone pole. I might get away with it. It's hard to see, the sun is directly shining. Hard to see one way but combat trousers have gone the other way. I'll try and do what I can. I'm also excited about the stone pole. He looked around and he saw me. One out of one. Ah, missed. Missed by a long way on the second one. Ah, missed. Get the wrong pole. One out of three. Started so well.

Ah, missed. One out of four. Might have six here. Ooh, they're cold. Taking my glove off. Ah, missed. One out of five. Started so well, didn't it? I'm just hurrying too much and we'll keep getting away with two out of six. I mean, you know, the sixth one doesn't really count. Gives us a little bit of respectability to end on. Right, well, it's back to the old days isn't it? We haven't had the stone sardine out for a while. Haven't seen a moorlock for years now finally i saw a stone clear in this true satanic

elf black costume not costume skin um i saw a pink plane. Sorry I didn't help. I let go a little bit of my thoughts about Luton. I would like to apologise to a few good people living in Luton. If you're listening to this, you know you're one of those. Let me know if you're definitely not on the same top of straight as you should have been in Newton but let me know if you live in Newton and listening to this and I'll send you a personal apology unless you

are you know racist and homophobic and horrible like everyone in Newton is so you will be. Please do get in touch. Herring1967 at gmail.com Do not send photos and pornographic videos there please. Just going to the spam anyway. So um, they're getting loads they're all getting the spam. They're not doing, they don't say they're directly from me but there's loads right here we come down the hill don't look at them there in the spam and down the hill we go I don't know how I know they're there because I don't look at them but I don't oh we

haven't put anything on the main can because we're talking about pornography. Which we're not interested in unless you're made of stone. I'm not interested in seeing flesh only stone. Anyway there's something for the main can. Down the hill we go. If I had a sled I would sled it. Oh blind, I'm going to have to... oh no it's half past that time i thought it was uh i thought it was 22 i thought i was going to be late for my personal training it won't do. A couple of nice stones here they can join the wall i'm quite a long way up the wall

pretty much on their own. The bit uh the sun's caught this area a little bit which i think has helped The sun's caught this area a little bit which I think has helped melt away some of the sticky, the claggy attachment to the ground. Can I see my other cairn? I mean opposite if I see some geese or something flying, formation maybe not geese but some kind of bird. All the same aren't they? Because my other cairn is white so it slightly disappears into the frost on the other field and coming up to the ditch to stop Brexit you'll have to find something for those guys unless you want Brexit to return there's a nice one

it to return. There's a nice one. You can hear them honking, they were geese I think. One of those stones sticking up like an ant version of Stonehenge. Sitting on its end. I've been in there for a thousand generations but I picked it up, it's going in the ditch. Oh the ditch looking quite sparse of vegetation, can't see any stones in there really though. Oh there's one, hear that click, clickety clack, that's what I like to hear. Another poop there. That's what I like to hear. Another poop there. Honestly these dog owners don't pick up their poop. Look, Wolfie's poop was off the beaten track. It's fine. Oh god. Just trying to get that stone off of the Alton Humpkin.

There's a nice couple. All right, we're done it, wolves. We're done it, wolves. We got round in satisfactory manner. We did well. I think you brought one of them back onto the field, but we got it into the central cairn, which is a nice place to go for any stone. On the going to leave you in the old house, I hope you'll be alright in there. The water's a bit cold, the central heating's not working again. Let's have a look at the old e-m new year rich, they're all saying that, happy sun clearing, loads of different ones they can't, sorry we can't read all the emails out, so many, just can read out a few, bark, car, got in touch, Bark Car. That might be Karen Bark, Car with a K.

Bark dot car. Karen Bark, let's say it's Karen Bark. Hello Richard, it's me, Karen Bark. I was like, like, um, Johann Sebastian Bark, but Karen. Just like I said, I hope StoneClearing continues in 2025. You've got your wish. My New Year's resolution is to clear stones. Well, that should be the end, that shouldn't be a new year's resolution. That shouldn't be happening automatically.

What's your new year's resolution? My new year's resolution is to clear stones, Karen. As it is every year. Shouldn't be a New Year's resolution, but you know, it's a resolution that I've kept almost without pause. Even though I live in this field, I come back to the field, and that's the level of dedication you need these days. I'm just going to put this guy in. Might be in bad shape, might be. That was a good one.

Okay, we're across. Not run over the second time today. That's the kind of thing that's only going to happen to me once a day. From now on, that's my New Year's resolution. Right, we're back in the old house. Wolfie, where you going? Have we got a key to this old house? I hope we've pretty much left it inside. Fucking disaster. We've left it inside. I think we've left it inside. inside I think we've left it inside I dropped it. I haven't got the key to the other house. Hopefully I haven't dropped that. Right, that's where I leave. I love you and leaving. Oh, it feels a bit warmer in here now. I wonder if the heating's coming on. No, it's just cold outside. Right, well you

don't want to hear all this do you? Let's get Wolfie some water. Chicken central heating. Alright Wolfie, let's turn this thing off. Don't Liffen to the stone, my friend, And they've a halfing year merry dance. Don't Liffen to the bird fan tree, Don't Liffen to the Fdomf, Liffen to the Fdomf, And they in turn, I'll Liffen to ye, My friend, my fine friend. My friend Fftone clearing with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog is back, hurray! And there was also some Fftone for Tarfie and that's the band who Wolfie scared at the beginning near the van

The music's by Mike Cofgrade, the voice of the betones is Michael Fahene Listen to the thrones, my friend, and they fowl sing, ye merry darts Don't listen to the birth and treath, don't listen to your underhand, Liften to the stones, Liften to the stones, And they in turn, Foul liften to ye, My friend, my fine friend.